#i am not going to be able to be around them anymore. ill lose it

[anotherpapercut]

I know this married couple who are already super fucking goddamn annoying and terrible but recently the wife became a fucking ABA therapist and the husband has enrolled in business school lmfao. they are about to be the most annoying couple in America

[cuubism]

HURT/COMFORT PROMPTS YOU SAY *pulls out giant scroll* okay what about (probably human) trans chronically ill dream dealing with a health crisis and hob is trying to support him through it? bonus points: maybe dream's parents are being shitheads so dream and hob have to get _married_ to make sure dream's wishes in hospital or wherever are respected?

(from meadow. i am not having feelings about anything in particular, Why would you Ask.)

@meadowziplines this was supposed to be angsty but it just ended up kind of wholesome tbh. that's the opposite of what usually happens to me

you've seen married for tax purposes before, now see married for next of kin legal rights

--

Hob knew he wanted to marry Dream within two weeks of their first date, but he tried to be reasonable about it. Dream was shy and guarded his hard-won independence closely, and Hob felt that just declaring his eternal love too quickly was a sure way to scare him off. So he didn't.

Now he's regretting it, because hell, it would have made this so much easier. That's not how he wants to think about marrying Dream, about it making being in a hospital easier, but here they are. And he is.

And it's why he's hiding around a corner as Dream's parents are "visiting"--more like being complete assholes--his hospital room. God, Hob hates them. This whole situation is the only reason he's even met them--Dream doesn't talk to them anymore, and for good reason, but the moment they caught wind of vulnerability they pounced on the chance to regain control.

Dream is an adult and can make his own decisions, but Mr. and Mrs. Cunt have proven very slippery and manipulative and have played the 'Hob's not family, we're family' card at every possible turn to get him kicked out of the room. Hob's gotten a couple of the nurses on his side on account of not being a complete asshole but he still doesn't like his chances duking it out in front of hospital administration over who gets to make Dream's medical decisions if he's incapacitated.

Dream's fought so hard to have control over his own life. Hob won't let him lose it.

Which is why he's currently hiding behind the vending machines until they leave, rather than going in there and telling them where to shove it.

He waits with bated breath until they're gone, then scrambles out, rushing down the hall with his paperwork and slipping into Dream's room. He feels like a criminal. Which is exactly why he's doing all this.

"Hob," Dream breathes, as Hob closes the door behind him. He looks exhausted. Terrible parents who insist on disrespecting you are not good for fragile health. "I thought you left."

Hob flashes him a grin, but feels how it wobbles. "Never. Just had to go get something."

He's so nervous about how Dream will react to this. It feels so likely to go wrong.

He sits in the chair by the bed so he's on Dream's level, takes his hand. "Listen, baby. This-- this really isn't how I wanted to do this. But I just-- I really don't want things to go wrong, you know? And if they do go wrong, I want us to be able to do something about it. I want to be in your corner."

His anxious rambling makes Dream's face start to fall. "Hob..."

Hob thrusts the paperwork at him. "Will you marry me?"

He had something so much more romantic in his head for the moment he finally asked Dream to marry him. He would have swept him off his feet and made him feel special. If only it could have been different.

Dream picks up the papers, seemingly in shock. "This is..."

"I did all the paperwork already, it just needs signatures," Hob tells him. "And I bribed one of the nurses to let us out for an hour to go to the registrar's office. If. If you want."

Dream keeps staring at the papers in silence. Hob doesn't want him to think this was just some act of desperation, even if it kind of was, at least timing-wise. God, this isn't what he wanted at all.

"I wanted to marry you anyway," he says, shifting nervously in his chair. "But now it's just-- I don't want you to be scared that something will go wrong with the surgery but I want you to know that someone will have your back and do what you want. Not--"

"--my terrible, terrible parents?" Dream finishes, lips finally quirking up in a half-smile.

"...Yeah." He swallows hard to calm himself. It's a lot, what he's asking, in a sense. All the legal rights it creates. But. "If you can trust me with this, then I'll protect you. I promise."

"You have already," Dream says. "As you did with the hospital admin. I think they hate you now." He seems quietly delighted about it.

Hob's always known he can be a bit annoying at times but this experience has taught him how truly annoying it is possible to be. When they got there, none of Dream's chart info was under the right name or gender, and nobody seemed particularly inclined to update it. At least not until Hob pestered them, and pestered them, and pestered them.

So yeah, they kind of hate him, but he got to be Dream's hero so it was all worth it in the end.

It's another reason he needs to get this legal shield in place now. Between Dream's slick parents and their money, and Hob who's being a continual nuisance, he thinks he knows who'll come out on top with the administration.

"...So?" he says. "Will you marry me?"

Dream starts tearing up, and Hob thinks, oh god, oh god, I've ruined it-- then Dream pulls him close and throws his arms around him. "Yes," he breathes. "I will. I-- I wanted to for so long."

That makes idiots of the both of them, then.

But Hob doesn't dwell on it for long. He hugs Dream back, then kisses him, pressing his face between his hands. Now that the stress of asking is over, the real feeling bubbles up inside him. Joy. Elation. He's marrying Dream.

"I love you," he says, and Dream smiles. "Now let's get out of here."

--

Their makeshift ceremony at the registrar's office is very emotional despite being completely spontaneous. It's just them, plus Death who Hob got to come along as their witness, and they don't yet have rings to exchange--but at the end of it, Dream is his husband.

Truthfully, Dream deserves better, he deserves a lavish romantic ceremony with flowers and fine clothes and desserts and anything he could possibly want. But... Hob is his husband now. He can give him better, later. And what a joy is that.

Dream is exhausted by the time Hob gets him back to his room, but seems happy nevertheless. He takes a nap while Hob goes to show a copy of the marriage license to hospital admin and gets them to update their records. The next time someone tries to kick him out of Dream's room it's fucking on.

And he doesn't have to wait long. He gets one peaceful day of being able to sit in Dream's room unimpeded, reading to him and just generally being able to enjoy his company without hiding behind the vending machines, before Dream's parents come back.

Dream tenses at the knock on the door, and Hob's never felt more powerful than when he stands up and says, "Don't worry, I'll tell them to leave."

"You needn't--" Dream starts, but Hob shakes his head.

"Oh, no, I'm looking forward to this."

He opens the door with a grin to find Dream's mother on the other side, and stands conveniently in the doorway, blocking her view of Dream. "Hey."

Hob can practically see her blood pressure rise at the sight of him. "You. I thought we had dealt with you."

"I'm hard to deal with," Hob says. "Sorry." He's not sorry.

She tries to push forward. "Out of my way."

Hob blocks her, and can't help a rather vicious smile. "Dream wants you to leave."

"You have no right to even be in here, never mind to tell me to leave," snaps Dream's mother.

Hob hands her a copy of the marriage certificate. He's got several. "On the contrary."

She stares at it, and is, for a moment, completely speechless.

"As Dream's husband," he says, and oh the words are delicious, "I'm telling you to leave. And I think you should do it before I call security on you." An echo of what she and Dream's father had said to him in the past.

Her jaw clenches and she shoves the paper back at him. "That they even let people like you marry in this country is an abomination. You are perverting the sanctity of marriage."

"That's my absolute favorite thing to do," Hob says, and shuts the door in her face.

"I think you enjoyed that far too much, Hob," Dream says as Hob turns back to him. Then he starts giggling. "Did you notice?"

"What?"

"Mother finally agreed that I am a man so she could be homophobic about it," Dream says, and dissolves into giggles once again. "She always said I needed to find a husband; I can't imagine why she isn't happy that I have."

"'Apologies, Mother,'" Hob says, doing his best imitation of Dream's posh accent as he sits down beside him again, "'I know you would have preferred that I marry a respectable young heir from the polo club but I'm afraid I'm shacking up with the guy running the local tavern. In lieu of a gift please just don't attend the wedding.'"

Dream laughs again, then says, "Will there be a proper wedding?"

"You want there to be?"

Hesitantly, Dream nods.

"Then there will be."

Dream smiles, and Hob takes his hand, squeezes it. "And think on what sort of ring you want," Hob says. "By the time you get out of surgery next week, I'll have it for you."

"I do love you," Dream sighs.

"Not regretting not marrying Lord Whoever from polo club?"

"There was no polo club," Dream says. "There was croquet, however--"

"Oh my God--"

"--however, you are the one I want to be married to."

Hob smiles. "Good." He kisses Dream's hand. "And you know, right? You know I wanted to marry you anyway? This was just a-- a timing thing."

"I know. But, I admit, I've found this all far more entertaining than I'd have thought." He smiles up at Hob. There's nothing better in the world than that clever smile. "You are a gallant husband."

If Hob can get Dream to keep looking at him like that, he thinks he'll be happy for the rest of his life.

"Promised to protect you, didn't I?" he says. "And so I will."

[red-revival]

Pristine cut Fury is hitting everything I love about body horror and it's hitting hard... I'm gonna go on a long ramble below the cut. Not only did this update give us so much more wonderful gore, it also goes into the more psychological and emotional side of body horror that I love so much.

I'm so happy this exists, and that I get to see the same feelings I have about body horror in someone elses work. This is beautiful.

I got obsessed with body horror after developing several chronic illnesses one after the other. It was therapeutic. This new side to the Fury is perfectly reflecting everything I love about body horror.

Like yeah there's the gore and blood. But there's also the fear of losing the people you love because you can't recognize them or they cant recognize you anymore. There's the loss of autonomy and having your own will, living a life you can't escape because you weren't given a choice. There's the identity crisis, not knowing who you are without some kind of pain or complication. There's the ways that warps you and how you see yourself, how abuse and being trapped and hurt not only changes your mind but the constant living in survival mode physically warps your body.

Chronic fatigue and pain can develop because of trauma. It turns out spending years in survival mode with almost no chances to properly rest causes damage to your body, sometimes to your individual cells. Sometimes you don't ever recover from that damage.

And then there's the choosing to accept it. Coming to terms with being different, with having to live a different life that's not the one you were looking forward to. Accepting that you've changed, and the people around you have changed, and that the change is part of living. Accepting that you can't do what you used to be able to anymore. Accepting that you're nothing like the you that you recognize, and that maybe thats ok.

Moving on from the life you wanted and learning to live with what you are now.

Seeing all of these reflected in both the princess and the long quiet felt like being told I wasn't alone anymore. Like being really seen and understood for the first time since my health spiralled.

There are people like me, just as lost and trapped in their bodies as I am, just as traumatized by their health. Enough people like me, like us, that these thoughts and emotions are reflected back sometimes.

And the chapter ends like it always does. When everything is quiet again, you go to wipe the mirror clean. This time, it doesn't disappear.

This time, you can finally see your reflection staring back at you. You've grown.

[especiallythewomenandthechildren]

As If Destiny (part three)🌹

Part Two 🌹🌹

Summary: You've always been kind hearted yet admirably defiant. Or that is at least one of the ways Coriolanus Snow would describe you. Ever since grade school, you have always been on the same level as him in academics and one of his few competitors for the Plinth Prize. But as tragedy struck your family, Coriolanus thought you would fall away from his life, but instead, you got even more intertwined (not to mention the complicated past knots tying your families together).

Warnings: Terminal illness, parent death, death and brutality (it is the hunger games after all) characters may be ooc. I read the book a while ago but don't really remember much of Snows way of thinking (I mean I know its toxic and insane but yk the other things) so I will mostly be basing off the film and my own thoughts. Also I can't spell for the life of me so be prepared for bad spelling and grammar. Enjoy loves!

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what is happening. why am i doing this. why am i doing this. Coriolanus couldn't stop the parade of panicked thoughts going through his head. Each step he took was possibly another step closer to the ruin of his name and family for good. But you wouldn't tell anyone. No you wouldn't. You wouldn't right?

You weren't really in the best of states before they made it to your home, but now you seemed far to awake for his preference. If you were still in your slightly delusional state, you may not notice the cracks in his walls, the mold seeping through the ceilings, and the ever permanent stench of poverty.

You and Coriolanus have long let go hands as he let go once the realization that he was taking you to his rugged home. His hand began profusely sweating and he began walking at an increased pace due to his nerves. You were lagging behind, having to run every few meters to catch up to his long strides.

You could tell he was immensely bothered and uncomfortable with the current situation and you simply couldn't take it anymore. "It's okay Coryo, I will be fine. I really appreciate your invitation but there is no need." You say to him in the slightly chilly night air. He turns around at your words and noticed you stopped and are a bit of a ways behind him. He quickly shakes his head in disagreement and sticks his hand you toward you.

You give him a gentle smile paired with a gentle shake of your head and begin to turn around and walk home. Seeing your movement, Snow quickly rushes to your side and puts his hands on your forearms to stop you. "Really it's not that bad, I'm sure that's the worst of it and -" "I said you are coming home with me and I meant it y/n. You need one night of proper sleep." His hands still on your forearms as he turned you around in the direction of the streets leading to the Snow home.

"Will you be able to sleep?" You say quietly, barely audible. He turns to you, his handsome face confused. You take his expression as an invitation to elaborate. "This entire time you haven't said a word and seem paranoid and worried. You are fidgeting and seem to be in a battle with yourself in that head of yours. I don't wish to be a burden to you Coryo or your family. Whatever the reason may be that is worrying you, you don't need to tell me or show me. I'm going home, your gestures of kindness have been enough. You've taken care of me enough for tonight."

He stared at you for a few moments, seeming to gather his thoughts and convert them into words. No, he hasn't taken care of you enough. If he had, you wouldn't be out in the cold at who knows what hour at this point, with deep bags and a hollowed face. He wished to take care of you more now than he wished to keep his wealth (or lack there of) a secret. But then again, Coriolanus Snow couldn't just risk everything for you. He had his family and future to take care of.

But as you were waiting for him to respond, your waves of sleep deprivation hit you as you began swaying, nearly losing your balance. The boy was quick to notice and held you to steady yourself for what felt like the millionth time that night. But he wasn't complaining. He liked the feeling that he was stabilizing you. Protecting you. Saving you. And in that moment, he decided that you were worth the risk.

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The streets were empty as you and the curly blonde haired boy walked in comfortable silence. He had his arm around your waist, in fear of you falling, of course. Or that is what he would say if you objected, which you didn't. You once again were lost in your head but thinking about the moment you were in with Coriolanus made you break the silence.

"It was rebels." If Coryo was willing to trust you with whatever was waiting ahead in his home, you were willing to trust him with the truth about your mother. You felt his eyes on you but you kept your forward as you continued. "My mother's condition. The war destroyed our home so we moved with little money left. It wasn't a very big or lavish apartment but it was enough for me qnd my mom and the few staff we had left. My father was out in the districts, rebuilding his empire and wealth so we didn't see him very much. One day, my mother was moving a few objects around and the floor broke by "accidnet".

The scoff and hollowness of your voice was harshly apparent. "The floor exposed a water well, something we needed as you remember how hard it was to find clean water even years after the dark days. Everyone in the house claimed a miracle. A second one in those days." You stopped your story to gulp back emotion. Coriolanus took note as your eyes became glossy but you pushed the tears back. He wanted to stop your story if it made you uncomfortable but then again, he was trusting you with factors that made him uncomfortable, why shouldn't you do the same?

You continued "She was pregnant. I dont know if it was going to be a boy or girl, it was too early. But because of her state, we all agreed that she would have the water exclusively from the well. How they knew of her pregnancy and infiltratied our home I don't know. But about three weeks of drinking the water, she woke up in pools of blood. One from her mouth as she choked blood up but she didn't care once she saw the blood between her legs. The scream she had that day is what I hear every time she opens her mouth now in pain. That's why I threw myself into that project. I don't care about the Plinth Prize if that's what you were thinking. We all know you deserve it the most."

You wrapped up your story at the same time you both reached his home. He let go of your waist and stepped right infront of you. Both pairs of eyes looked deep into one another's. "I'm so sorry y/n. For everything and for not helping earlier. But maybe it will give you some relief that not all of us are without scars and suffering." He looked up at his once magnificent family home in shame. You followed his eyes and for the first time, took in his home. The place he ate, slept, and lived.

You noticed the deep cracks in the walls, the broken windows, and flickering lights. But even with all that, it brought a small genuine smile to your face. He trusted you. You were going to be in his home. He trusted you to be in his home. You turned your head and met his eyes with a look that made your smile vanish. He seemed upset and slightly harsh, translating to his next words.

"Why are you smiling" oh. He must think that you smiling because you were going to expose him. Once the realization hit you, you were rushing to explain. Mumbling and cutting yourself off, you explained to him that his trust brought the smile to your face. "I would never betray you Coryo. It just feels nice knowing that you trust me, I know there aren't many people on that list." You were right. The only people he truly trusted were in the shambled and barely hanging on apartment above. And you clearly trusted him with explaining the story of your mother.

He began moving towards the door, opening it up for you but you stopped infront of it and turned to him. "I know my words won't mean much and won't replace your situation, but for what it's worth, you have something most of our peers don't. Most of us had to move or renovated our apartments so much they look like a completely different one. You however, have your ancestral home. All the Snow generations have lived in the very place you do and you get to keep the tradition going. I think that's a wealth none of us can reach." You give him a shy smile with the notorious duck of your head and walked in.

He stood there for a little while, stunned. He had never thought of his breaking apartment like that before and your sincerity made his shame dissipate a slight bit. With a satisfied smile, he lead you up to his house.

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A/N: hey guys! Hope you all liked this new part!! I meant to extend into scenes into the apartment but I think I will leave it for part 4 and get this out there sooner. I hope was close enough to Croyos thought process. I know he isn't a great guy but I think in the beginning he wasn't really evil, just morally gray. So I tried to do some sort of balance idk. Anyways I'm just ranting at this point, have a great day loves❤️

@fantasylovestoryme 🌹@nekee-lilac02 🌹 @notyourwildestdream 🌹@darktrashsoulbear 🌹

[elon-btch]

Hello, my name is Mohammed Nihad Ghazal from North Gaza. I have ambitions, dreams and a love for life like any young man in the world. I am supporting my family of 15 after my father was martyred in the cursed war that destroyed everything, but it seems that I will not be able to achieve my dream because of the brutal war on the Gaza Strip, which completely destroyed our home, and despite the harsh war, we did not leave North Gaza under inhumane conditions. We have suffered from illness, cold, hunger and drinking polluted water for more than 11 months, which we have suffered greatly from the loss of friends and relatives who were killed in the war for 330 days. I am appealing to you, the global community, for help. I have started a GoFundMe campaign with the goal of raising $20,000 to enable me and my family to find safety in Egypt. Evacuation fees change from time to time; we currently expect a cost of between $4,000 and $5,000 per person. Any additional funds generated will go to support my immediate needs and those of my family. There are many obstacles that we will face on the other side, and I hope that we can make things a little easier for us. I would like to share with you the situation now that the war has intensified. We are fine and safe, but life has become very difficult now around us, and people are suffering more and losing their loved ones every day. As a family, we have literally lost everything we own, our homes, ourhttps://gofund.me/f3e7e3c2 Hey there! I’m reaching out because my family and I are in a really tough spot, and any contribution you can make towards our evacuation from Gaza would mean the world to us—each donation brings us closer to safety and a fresh start. If you could click the link below to help or share it with others who might want to support us, it would make such a difference in our lives. Thank you for being so compassionate during this challenging time!

businesses, and we lost the dearest thing to us, my father, but we are trying to stay optimistic by thinking about evacuating and we heard good news today that the borders may open soon. We pray that this is true. Once we are evacuated, we will try hard to rebuild a small part of what we lost in Gaza. If we can achieve our ultimate goal, we will have the money to start a business to support our entire family. We want to be able to start over and not suffer anymore in Egypt. If everyone can help us with a small donation to achieve our ultimate goal, we will be able to rebuild our lives after everything was destroyed. All the positive words cannot express how generous you are in sharing my posts to inform other donors about the people of Gaza who are still suffering from the terrible conditions caused by the unjust war on Gaza. Please continue to support the just cause in the world either by donating directly or by sharing the link to other media. Do not hesitate to help people in difficult and miserable times until the dark days are over.

https://gofund.me/f3e7e3c2 Hey there! I’m reaching out because my family and I are in a really tough spot, and any contribution you can make towards our evacuation from Gaza would mean the world to us—each donation brings us closer to safety and a fresh start. If you could click the link below to help or share it with others who might want to support us, it would make such a difference in our lives. Thank you for being so compassionate during this challenging time!

Guys, please donate to help them! If you can't, share it with as many people as possible‼️‼️‼️

https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-mohammed-nihad-ghazals-family-evacuate-gaza

[tea-and-secrets]

would it be ok to ask that this one is posted soon? i could use reassurance about it if thats alright? things are just... really hard.

im trying to come to terms with the fact that im going to be disabled for the rest of my life. i accept that im disabled *now,* but i have a degenerative disease, its not going to just stop being there. its going to keep getting worse slowly over time.

its especially hard because... even now i cant do my favorite hobby, rockhounding, because i cant bend without risking falling, i cant get on the ground to pick things up and/or dig because i wouldnt be able to get up on my own, and i cant navigate most off-road areas where the rocks im interested in are most often found.

i also desperately want to be a geologist. but i wanted more than anything to be doing fieldwork, like going out and taking samples from various areas, making maps of what could be found where based on my samples... that sort of thing. but ill never be able to do it and i have to come to terms with that.

it will get bad enough that i will need a wheelchair at some point in my life too. like, at some point within the next five to ten years.

ill also never be able to pick people up again. my whole life ive prided myself in picking people i love up during hugs, spinning them around, that sort of thing. i especially loved picking up my best friend.

they understand that i cant do that anymore and theyve never expressed sadness over it, but i cant help but think about how delighted theyve always been about me picking them up and spinning or wiggling them during hugs, and how they used to ask multiple times each hangout to be picked up and hugged.

and even if they arent upset about it, *i* am. i want to be able to do what i used to be able to. but i cant. and i never will again.

its just hard, knowing ill never be able to reach my dream career, continue my favorite outdoor hobby, continue giving love to my friends in the ways i like to... theres so much i can no longer do, and so much ill never be able to do again.

its just really hard. i dont want to be this way. but i am and i always will be, and it will get worse even if i do things like meds and physical therapy. those would just delay the collapse of my disease.

im just sad. i dont want to have to come to terms with it. but i have to or else im setting myself up for even more grief.

and its all because my mom wouldnt get me treated when i was injured in my teenage years. that injury going untreated for so long is what caused my degenerative disease to start so early. my mom has it too but she didnt start developing it until her fourties.

and then for years after my injury when talking about my back pain she just kept saying it was because im fat and that it would stop hurting if i lost weight.

which of course sparked the eating disorder i had previously recovered from.

which ive been struggling with now again for years because of that. but i was getting better again.

until now. because my body hurts too bad to get out of bed often enough to eat a healthy amount so im rapidly losing weight and my brain is saying i have to keep going and going.

and, the wheelchair thing... all my friends live and are going to live places with a lot of stairs. and *i* live somewhere with a lot of stairs too. and the doorframes in all these places arent wide enough for a wheelchair, nor are the bathrooms large enough.

its just all so hard to think about. i hate it. i want to get better and heal like a normal person would, not be in pain constantly and get worse like my body is going to.

thank you for listening. sorry for how long this is.

if i could get reassurance in tags or replies that would be really nice. this is all just so hard and i only have a few people i can confide in about it.

<3

[mymoodwriting]

Disconnected

Omega!Reader x Werewolf!NCT

Genre: A/B/O

Warning: Kidnapping, Imprisonment, Manipulation, Medication, Physical Violence, Yelling, Minor-Self Harm, Blood, Magic

Words: 3.8K

Chapter Six

(Prev//Next) (@peanutpinet @starillusion13)

Prompt: By removing the weakest link, werewolves were able to grow far more powerful than anyone could ever imagine. They lived in peace knowing they were top of the food chain. That is until a certain pack made an unbelievable discovery, causing them to question their past, present, and future. Omegas aren’t supposed to exist anymore, but they couldn’t deny the fact they had found one.

“Hm… where am I…?”

As you regained consciousness your senses started coming back to you. The room you were in was unfamiliar, but then your eyes landed on the body at your side. You screamed and fell off the bed. Memories started coming back to you and you reached up to your shoulder, feeling the bite mark that lingered. 

“… you’re awake…” Yuta peeked his sleepy head over the side of the bed. “Are you okay?”

For a moment you were still in shock, but as everything began to settle in you grew upset. You started screaming at Yuta, which certainly woke him up.

“What is wrong with you!? How could you just bite me!”

You managed to get on your feet and Yuta also sat up. He was clearly still out of it, but trying to figure out how to respond.

“I… I’m sorry… I just didn’t… didn’t want to lose you and…”

“That wasn’t something you get to decide! You fucken bit me! It hurts!!!”

All the screaming had drawn attention, and next thing you knew the door opened and some of the others came in, asking what was going on. You weren’t gonna stick around to provide answers. You saw an opening and you were in good condition, so you decided to run. You quickly shifted and slipped past everyone out the door. There was no time to second guess so you kept moving until you found an exit. You found yourself surrounded by trees, which could provide you with good cover. Although you suddenly came to a stop as you hit something and tumbled back.

You swiftly rolled and got back on your feet, looking around to see what happened but there was nothing in your way. You tried to run again only to hit a wall, literally. You moved cautiously and soon realized there was an invisible wall before you. Just as you were about to try and find some sort of work around you heard the others step outside. They were slowly surrounding you, forcing your back against the wall. You stood your ground and growled back at them, wanting a reason to fight. They obviously didn’t want that, and had to be careful in their movements. The last thing they wanted to do was hurt you.

“Listen, Taeyong put up a barrier around the house.” Kun explained. “You can’t leave, and the witches can’t track you either, or any of us for that matter.”

You knew that was true, you’d seen barriers get put up before, and understood the magic behind it. The only person who could remove them would be the spell caster, or someone with powerful magic. You shifted back to your human form, but remained ready to attack.

“Where’s Taeyong?”

“He’s resting. I’m sure you know casting such a spell can be very draining on someone who’s not a witch.”

“Take me to him.”

“Y/n, he-”

“Now!”

You weren’t asking, you were demanding, and that was clear to all of them. Kun agreed, so he along with Yuta and Doyoung escorted you back into the house. They took you to one of the rooms upstairs, knocking at the door and being allowed in when Johnny permitted them entry. When you walked in you were a bit taken aback. Taeyong was lying in bed, and he looked quite ill. He was missing a bit of color, and his breathing seemed labored as well. For a moment you felt bad, but then you remembered your own situation. Taeyong appeared to be sleeping but that wasn’t going to stop you. While everyone was distracted you went over and slammed your fist down on Taeyong’s chest, jolting him awake. The others quickly acted and pulled you back. You fought them off as you yelled out your grievances.

“You’re no better than your ancestors! This stupid obsession with omegas turns to hatred, and then senseless slaughter! Why don’t you just kill me now and be done with it! You’re no different than the monsters who murdered their own kind!!!”

You got yourself free and stormed out of the room, not giving Taeyong a chance to speak. You made your way back outside and shifted to your wolf form, walking along the barrier’s edge. There was no way out, and you already knew that. You weren’t going to give them any sort of attention, so you found a spot outside and curled up. Since you were their prisoner you’d act like one and just keep quiet and away from them. Maybe you could think of something and get out of here sooner rather than later.

♥♥♥♥♥

Taeyong was certainly startled by the way he was woken up. His whole body ached, but he still cared more for you. He could tell you were upset by the way your voice cracked, and the tears that stung your eyes. He was fortunate you had stormed out after yelling since he had no way of responding to you. Kun looked him over once more, making sure he was still healing. The others apologized for bringing you over as they didn’t know you’d do that. In the end he was fine, so he didn’t care. If anything he was glad to know you were awake and on your feet.

“What do we do next?” Doyoung asked. “We’re all here but…”

“How is she, Yuta?” Taeyong asked. “Since you’re bonded.”

“She’s hurting, and scared, and depressed. We took her from her home, her actual home, so she’s certainly not happy with any of us.”

“I know… but she’s still a member of our pack, and we’ll treat her as such. So no one better mention her attacking me, I already forgave her for it.”

“She’s sulking outside right now.” Johnny added. “Are we just going to leave her there?”

“She’ll come around, just give her time.”

That message was relayed to everyone, so all they could do was look after you. They watched you from inside the house, making sure you were still there, although you couldn’t really leave. Someone would go out and leave you food and water, but you barely touched anything. You remained as a wolf curled up out there all day and all night. Yuta was the one constantly staring out the window. He could feel your pain, and wanted nothing more than to soothe it, but he knew he was the last person you wanted around. The best he could do was watch over you from a distance and make sure nothing happened to you.

The thing was that you could feel Yuta’s stare, and his heart. On occasion you’d see him watching you, but you ignored it and kept your gaze out into the forest you couldn’t reach. Still, you knew he was hurting for you. He wanted to take care of you and make everything okay and those emotions of his were a bit overwhelming. A few times you felt the tears, but you forced them away. He forced this bond on you, and you weren’t just going to give into it, to him, to all of them, cause he felt bad.

The guys also had to keep an eye on Yuta since he wasn’t eating much either. He was like your guardian angel, and through the bond they knew he was more or less on the same level with you. For the most part things were fine during the day, but at night was when they got worried. The weather outside was decent, but once the sun went down it did tend to get cold. Since you remained a wolf you had your fur to keep you warm, but it wasn’t enough for Yuta. This particular night seemed cold, and he could tell you were shivering out there. He didn’t tell anyone what he was doing and merely went outside, shifting into a wolf himself. He knew getting you inside was highly unlikely, so he could do the next best thing. You were already asleep, so he just curled up close to you, hoping to keep you warm through the night.

♥♥♥♥♥

You whined as you began to wake up, feeling warm. It wasn’t entirely new to you to be sleeping outside. You did so back with the coven, but that was usually for naps in the sun. It was cold at night, but it wasn’t too bad. You had gotten used to it, but this time around you slept rather well. As you got up you realized you weren’t alone. You jumped up and moved away, growling at the wolf at your side. They quickly shifted, and you should have known who it was right away.

“I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you alone out here, especially at night.”

You could tell Yuta meant what he said, but you didn’t want to focus on that. You shifted as well and met his gaze, staring him down.

“The bite mark doesn’t mean anything!”

“That’s a lie!”

Two wolves sleeping outside would have been noticed in the morning, and seeing a fight break out prompted others to interfere. Xiaojun was the first one out, and he had overheard your conversation.

“When we first brought you here you were sick with a fever for days. You didn’t get any better at all until Yuta stayed by your side. The bite took, you’re bonded, and even if you want to fight it and deny it, it’s real, and you’re part of our pack because of it too.”

“You’re just talking nonsense.”

“Believe what you want, but it’s about time you come inside. You’re gonna wind up seriously sick if you keep staying out here and skipping meals.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re not.” Yuta stated. “I can tell you basically have a cold, and I’ve had enough of you pouting. You’re coming inside.”

You didn’t really get to protest as Yuta grabbed your arm and dragged you inside the house. You probably could have fought him off and held your ground, but you were already feeling a bit sick, so you let him take you inside. He took you to the kitchen and had you sit at the table while he got you some meds. You didn’t object and took them with water.

“Good girl.” Yuta pet your head. “How about you rest in an actual bed this time.”

“Whatever.”

“Come on then.”

Yuta took your hand and led you to one of the rooms upstairs. It wasn’t the one you had woken up in before, but it was clean with fresh sheets. You didn’t say anything but Yuta left you alone to rest. You thought about getting into the bed, but you had been sleeping on the cold floor for a few days, so a soft mattress wasn’t going to be comfortable. Instead you grabbed the blanket off the bed and laid it on the floor. You shifted and curled up, glad to sleep on something comfortable. Without realizing it you had fallen asleep, only to wake when you heard a knock at the door. Yuta poked his head in, smiling when he saw you curled up on the ground.

“You need to eat.”

You had barely lifted your head when Yuta came inside. He sat down next to you and set down a tray with food. He grabbed the utensils and held them out to you, wanting to feed you, but that was a step too far. You shifted back and moved away.

“I’m not some child, and just cause I’m in the house it doesn’t mean we’re on good terms.”

You felt the sting your words caused Yuta, feeling a bit bad for being so cruel, but you weren’t exactly in a state to apologize. Yuta’s smile dropped and he put down the utensils.

“Uh, the guys made dinner, and I figured you’d be hungry… also best not to have meds on an empty stomach.”

“Right… thanks…”

You pulled the tray closer to you and ate. You weren’t that hungry, but you ate a good amount so Yuta wouldn’t be disappointed. He did his best to hide his smile from you, but you could feel it.

“I’m gonna wash up then come back to bed.”

“Come back? Is this your room?”

“Yes.”

“Oh… why-”

“I didn’t want you to sleep alone anymore. I’m also not gonna let you sneak off outside again.”

“Okay…”

“I’ll be quiet when I get back, so you can sleep.”

Yuta retreated with the food tray, leaving you alone once more. His scent lingered, and you realized you picked up on it rather easily. You could feel his happiness, but you didn’t want to let it consume you. It was easy to fall back asleep on a full stomach with a warm bed, and you didn’t know when Yuta had returned at all. When you did wake up the sunlight was peeking in through the blinds. It was nice to wake up in comfort, and you quickly realized why. Yuta was curled up next to you in his wolf form, fast asleep. You didn’t freak out this time, instead feeling a bit of joy, and finding him rather cute. You gently leaned over and nuzzled his side.

Seeing Yuta like this made you happy, but then you realized why. In this moment he reminded you of your friends, of Jun and Seokmin, and the countless times you have laid down to rest together. Tears began to blur your vision, and you began to cry softly. That’s what wound up waking Yuta, and he quickly shifted back. He knew you were hurting, but he wasn’t sure why at the moment. So for now he pulled you close and pet you softly, telling you everything was going to be okay. You don’t know for how long you cried, but eventually the tears dried up.

“Are you up for breakfast?”

You didn’t answer, but Yuta knew what your response was anyway. He had no problem carrying you down to the breakfast table. You didn’t have to shift, but you didn’t want to stay as a wolf on the floor. You took a seat next to Yuta and let him serve you. The others were happy to see you at the table, but you weren’t up for conversation. You quietly ate and let them talk among themselves when you suddenly felt a hand on your head. You looked back to see Taeyong smiling down at you.

“I’m glad to see you here with us.”

“… you’re looking better…”

“I feel better, but I’m not back to my old self just yet. What about you? I heard you were on the brink of catching a cold.”

“I’m fine…”

“That’s good to hear.”

Now that you were back in the house, you couldn’t just storm off again and pout. You hadn’t really come up with anything while you were out there either. Taeyong had done the spell, and you weren’t sure if he’d take it down, even if you behaved. Even if you were to try some sort of counterspell, you didn’t have the power for that. Seungcheol hadn’t really taught you magic, so you were on your own. Even if everyone in the house was nice, you still missed home. They were surely looking for you, and you had no idea how they’d take the news of your kidnapping. The whole situation was ridiculous, and you didn’t want anyone getting hurt because of it.

Things in the house began to feel like deja vu. You’d play games with the other boys, or lounge around and watch TV. It felt like before, when you thought you had no home to return to. This place was like home, and you felt that truth from Yuta. His joy was so contagious it was hard not to smile and go along with everyone. You did things with them you hadn’t done before with your friends, and many of the time the boys told you it was normal for packs to do that. Even though you didn’t talk much with them, that didn’t deter them from engaging with you. The only downside was that you couldn’t run around freely, none of you could.

“And… start!”

Some of the funner things to do was mess around with each other, so a game of tug of war was in order. You were on a team with Ten, Xiaojun, Hendery and YangYang, while you were competing against Jeno, Mark, Renjun, Chenle, and Jisung. Your team won by a hair and you collapsed on top of Hendery.

“Good job.”

“Oh please, you guys did all the work.”

“You’re strong too, don’t forget that.”

“I want a rematch!” Jisung pounced on top of you. “And you’re gonna be on my team this time.”

“No, we already called dibs.” YangYang countered. “You can get some of the other hyungs to play, but y/n stays with us.”

There was laughter and smiles all around. Everyone just seemed so close to each other, and you did want to be close to them. Yuta had been inside working on lunch, but you could tell he had been peeking over. Your joy would be felt by him, and he’d feel happy because of it, and you’d feel that too, so it all just looped around. You liked things this way, but you missed home as well. More than anything now you wanted to figure out a way to make all of this work, to keep both sides with you, but you weren’t sure that was possible. You didn’t think about it often, but fear lingered in the back of your mind. 

Magic wasn’t protecting you, which meant you could go into heat. You’d be vulnerable to all of them, and when it got down to instincts you feared getting hurt. Growing up you had been told about werewolf history, what they did and why, so even if you were seeing the best of them with your own eyes, it didn’t change what you had been taught. If things could stay this way perhaps you’d want them to, but you couldn’t stay in this delusion for so long. You needed to talk to Taeyong and the others, properly talk about everything. Just pretending wasn’t good for you, or for anyone.

“What exactly was your plan with bringing me here?”

Taeyong had agreed to your request to talk, and he understood the subject matter you wanted to talk about. This wasn’t to be a private discussion since some of the others didn’t have answers either.

“We needed more time.” Ten began. “The witches were going to send us home and wipe our memories, your memories too, so things could go back to the way they were.”

“They were gonna make me forget you?”

“We were gonna forget everything about each other. That seemed extreme, and Suho was considering it. That’s why we had to run somewhere else, and to bring you along.”

“It’s been days now, you know they’re looking for me, and I doubt they’re gonna be happy.”

“We know.” Jaehyun added. “Although we’re not so sure what our options are. Your coven is after us, and I’m certain our pack is as well. So hiding is our best bet.”

“You can’t hide forever.”

“Are you gonna leave us?” Sungchan asked.

“I… I don’t want to, but I do miss my home too.”

“You still have a choice here.” Taeyong stated.

“Well, you kinda messed with that.” Your hand instinctively reached up to your bite mark, eyes looking at Yuta. “I don’t know if I could do anything to help.”

“Can’t we just stay like this?” Haechan wondered. “We have everything we need here, and each other.”

“The magic I used isn’t that strong.” Taeyong reminded. “I’m honestly surprised we’ve lasted this long. I am still sorry about what happened, y/n. Despite your wishes we all feel this need to keep you close and protect you. Although I’m scared things could go bad at any moment.”

“I know what you mean… I can feel how much you care, all of you, through Yuta, but the peace within a pack like this didn’t last the test of time.”

“Perhaps we should speak with the elders again.” Sicheng suggested. “With y/n present this time. If she’s meant to be an equal in our pack, she should be able to speak for herself and her choices.”

“The problem is will the elders listen to us again.” Kun said. “You guys didn’t do so well the first time.”

“Why not ask for help?” Jaemin mentioned. “There’s gotta be someone powerful who’d be willing to help us.”

“Help us with what?” Jungwoo wondered. “To hide us?”

“It was magic that took omegas away from us, can’t magic fix it?”

“It would require powerful magic.” Jeno admitted. “The witches also said it wouldn’t just work for us. Omegas in general would return to packs, and not everyone might be on board with that.”

“We don’t know that.” Renjun added. “What if we just told everyone about this…”

“You’re suggesting a possible war.” Doyoung countered. “We’ve had peace with witches for generations, to reveal the existence of omegas… how do we know the majority won’t just slaughter them all for good this time?”

“Cause we don’t want her dead, we want her here with us, surely others do too.”

“What you’re suggesting is risky. Not to mention all the other omegas don’t even know what they really are.”

“We do need to start considering some actual options.” Johnny stated. “The witches are bound to find us soon.”

“Maybe they’re not looking for us.” Shotaro mentioned. “They know we’re serious about keeping y/n in our pack.”

“You forget who my master is.” You added. “And the coven probably isn’t happy with what we did either…”

“Let’s take a moment and regroup tomorrow.” Taeyong suggested. “We all need some time to think.”

No one argued with that. The situation affected everyone, so it was best to think things through before making any kind of decision as a pack. Yuta was certainly worried about losing you, but it was your turn to assure him things would work out. It was a little difficult to sleep, but Yuta managed, for a while at least. He jolted awake in the middle of the night, figuring it was nerves and stress, but he quickly noticed you weren’t with him. He thought you might have gotten up to get some water, but something felt off. He quietly stepped out into the hall, calling your name, but he got no response. Yuta went down to the kitchen, but he didn’t find you there either. Although he did pick up on your scent. He wound up following that out the door, and then he caught a whiff of something else, blood.

“Y/N!”

Yuta frantically looked around for you, and when he saw you sitting down on the floor he rushed over. He grabbed your shoulders, wondering what was wrong, but he didn’t need to ask. Your claws were out and there was blood everywhere. Strange symbols were drawn on the ground with your blood, and your eyes were completely black.

“… y/n…”

“You’re so dead for this.”

[the-bonfires-ember]

ok so this has a lot of facets so bear with me. standard disclaimer that this is all based on my personal experiences as a narcissistic sociopath; im not a professional and i dont speak for everyone.

anyway.

firstly, yes we do. i think prosocials/egotypicals do it too to an extent but for different reasons and in different ways.

from an aspd perspective, i get annoyed at people and it is no longer to my benefit to stick around them, ill just disappear in a classic ghosting style. frankly i never get to this point anymore because ive managed to surround myself with people i very rarely if ever find annoying. in the past, when ive befriended people and then theyve frustrated me or ive just generally found them annoying for some reason, ive either slowly extricated myself if i could keep getting stuff out of the person or just totally destroyed the relationship so that they stopped reaching out and i could stop expending energy into dodging them. in my head if someone has pissed me off, it means that its going to keep happening and theyve just finally shown me their true colours so i might as well get out now or detach myself so im not going to emotionally invested enough to get annoyed again in the future. essentially this means i stop caring about them at all. as for how fear factors in; it goes a pretty long way back into people being fundamentally untrustworthy and only beneficial in as much as i can get from them. if im putting up with more than im getting out of it, id just walk away because everyone is out for themselves and of course that applies to me too. thats the way ive been taught the world works, and if im not getting any emotional backlash for doing that, why wouldnt i? it just makes sense. im fundamentally out for myself because no one else has been there to help when i needed them in the past.

from an npd perspective, if someones annoying me its likely because i am thinking of myself as being vastly superior to them and find the annoying quirks of them to be proof of their inferiority. the fact that theyve disagreed with me or fought me on something means they dont have the degree of respect and admiration for me that they should. this usually leads to me discarding them out of frustration and ill push them away by just showing less and less interest in them, or the ways i would that i mentioned above. the fear here, as you may be able to guess, is being wrong and being weaker/worse/unworthy. for me, being right and being more esteemed than my peers was a matter of survival in my childhood, and now if someone is starting to chip into the veneer or perfection ive built and maintained they have become a threat and i have to separate before they see too much and i lose everything.

now i dont know why you - orginal messager - asked this question, or why anyone else might be looking for this informatio. i can come up with a few guesses though, so im gonna add a couple things that applies to prosocials and other things that apply to antisocials and narcissists. but ill tuck that away so you can ignore my advice if you want to and just take the analysis.

prosocials - if you have a friend with either of these personality disorders and they are beginning to withdraw theres a choice before you. firstly, you can let them. you can recognise that this person doesnt want to associate with you anymore for whatever reason and allow yourself to be at peace with that. im sure it hurts, especially after what ive said about my reasons for doing this, but if you think you are better off just letting this one go, i support that and encourage you to just slip away with a clean break.

the other option you have, if you want to try your best to keep that person with you, is to address it plain as day. its uncomfortable, yes, but try not to be confrontational. a simple 'hey, ive noticed you distancing yourself and withdrawing and i wanted to check in and find out why and whether or not we can resolve this'. perhaps its cold of me to ask this of you, im not entirely certain one way or the other. but you deserve to try and make it work if thats what you want, and the only way that happens is by addressing the problems and really, truly understanding that the behaviours we exhibit come from a place of fear and the memory of pain. they are trauma disorders. and while trauma does not excuse harmful behaviours it does no one any favours to ignore that its the root of the problem. maybe your friend will brush you off, thats true. they might not be ready to look deeper and thats their right. at which point youve done all you can and now you need to prioritise yourself. but maybe youll make your friend reevaluate, maybe they want to heal. and you can be such a huge part of that by just asking the questions and really listening to the response. its hard work, i know, but i will always be so grateful for the people who made me stop and look at myself and really see.

the third choice is you pretend its not happening and just wait to see if they get past it and come back. they might, its not implausible, but to me this feels like inviting yourself to be treated poorly again later when symptoms flare again and those fears react to something you dont understand or know about.

pwASPD and/or NPD - im not going to try and tell you that you owe it to the people around you to recover. im never saying that. recovery is your decision and it should only be for you. i chose recovery because i wanted to see what i wasnt able to before, and it has been so fucking hard. but id do it again in a heartbeat. its important to note though that i got lucky. really really fucking lucky, and id be doing you a disservice if i pretended otherwise. on that note, here is my advice for those who want to get better and those who dont:

if you dont, if you dont want to see the fear that is reacting to the perceived threat, if its still too painful to look at, just dont. let yourself be blind to it and find comfort in the ways you can. its not cowardly, and its not pathetic. sometimes forcing yourself to stare into a fire is more damaging than its worth, and you are the only one who can decide if it is or not. only you know how close to that fire you are. perhaps its better to distance yourself from this person even if its just for now, or perhaps its better to leave entirely. it depends on how uncomfortable you feel. but i suggest figuring it out quickly and saving yourself the trouble that will come if you string someone along for too long. its always blown up in my face eventually, for what my experience is worth, so deciding on your next move sooner than later saves you a lot of trouble. but perhaps the perks are better than the blow up later on. who am i to say.

if you do want to recover though, firstly, give yourself some credit. the way you are reacting is because this has kept you alive and safe this long, dont let yourself forget that. you arent ridiculous or pathetic or cowardly or whatever else your brain might be saying you are. you are alive, and you are deciding to grow past your trauma and the responses youve learnt to cope with it and thats fucking huge. dont forget it. now the first thing you want to do is really look at what is making you uncomfortable. something is, but itll take some digging. these survival methods run deep, and tracing back to the root of the issue will take time and a lot of work and so much fucking courage. its not easy, im not going to lie, but you can do it. you are worth the time and the work it takes to get the things you want for yourself. find out whats messing with you and see how you can resolve it, either by discussing it with your friend and letting them support you or just rationalising it with yourself. understand that you are able to keep yourself safe, you just have to figure out what you are afraid of being vulnerable to. youre going to be ok, and for the record, im really proud of you.

obviously to everyone: do whatever the fuck you want to forever. im not here to tell you to change your entire life just because i say you should, even im not that egotistical. im just offering my experiences and observations, its up to you what you do with them.

[oonajaeadira]

here's what i think

An anniversary is a really good time to reassess.

I really hate the lead up to my yearly job assessment, but every year I leave my boss' desk knowing that I'm valued and I'm actually contributing and innovating more than I can see from my perspective. It's an amazing motivator and helps me to appreciate my work. I hate doing it, but so glad when it's done.

I very much believe that we should have to retake our drivers test every year. It reminds people how to navigate a four-way stop and weeds out people who are not fit to drive for whatever reason. Cars are murder machines and a yearly test ensures most people will think about the choices they make and remember the rules more readily.

On our anniversary, the SO and I take the time to appreciate our relationship and put on the table things we'd like to work on or change, things we'd like to do in the next year together. It helps to get it out at once, shine up the nice bits, sift through the things we don't need anymore. Clears the air, confirms we're on the same page.

Birfdays should be the same. I like to walk through my day as normally as possible--well, maybe with a few treats--and just appreciate what I have, listen and look at the world around me and realize what life is and what's in it--that I"M in it. Try to clear my head of the mundane and see creation for what it is--one big damned miracle.

In a perfect world, I think we should be able to go to a life expert once a year on our birfday and just tell them what we think about anything and everything. Maybe just recount our blessings, talk about what we've learned in the past year, how we've grown spiritually or bodily. Maybe even just be quiet or say, "Yeah, it's good, I'm pretty content." However long or short it takes. Then they say, "Great. Today you are one year older. Would you like to try for another?" And most of the time people will say, "Yes. I will keep having this adventure" or "Yes, I would like to try a different tactic this year" or "It's hard, but I don't think I'm done yet" and they are sent on their way. The point being that they have to say out loud to another human "I am alive and here's how I feel about it and I'm going to live at least one more year if I can." But on the flip side, say you've been suffering illness or you're old and hurting, I think you should be able to say on that day "I've seen some pretty neat stuff and laughed a lot, but I'm not going to get better and every day will hurt a little more. I can't see myself going through another year of this. I think I'm ready to just call it in." And then you would have a medical team to help you shut it all down with ease and dignity and mercy. There's some nuance to every situation, of course. In a perfect world, I'm saying. A world that doesn't and can't exist.

A year is a very short time. It's long enough to forget rules or that things exist outside of routine. I always pop my parking brake when I stop for gas because if you don't use it--if you don't shake it up now and then--it can rust in place and get stuck. It can lose its function and reason for being.

I like to use anniversaries to "pop my parking brake" and "look through the owner's manual." Just to refresh. Just to make sure the system is functioning. And maybe remind myself on a tip or two of how to drive this thing.

Yes, life is very nice. I am enjoying it a lot. It was a good year full of friends and stories and dogs and seeing the world. Yes, I think I shall do another.

[whats-k-popping]

sick han with prompts 1, 31, 81 and caretaker chan?

Remember back in July when I opened requests for this prompt list?? I'm so so sorry it's taken me this long to finish! But I hope this anon is still around! Thanks for requesting it. Despite the long time it took me to finish, I really did enjoy writing for Stray Kids. While I really enjoy them, it's the first time writing them. I hope the characterization is decent.

Pairing: Chan x Han - platonic intentions but read as you want.

Prompts: "You're burning up" || "Hey, are you still with me?" || Holding your hair as you're vomiting into the toilet. You keep apologizing, but seriously I don't mind.

Words: 2197

Warnings: Fever || Emeto || Graphic Descriptions of illness || Slight Angst

Jisung's been staring at the same piece of paper for hours now. He holds his head in his hands as he watches the words blur together, swimming around whatever percentage of his vision hasn't been plagued with floating black spots.

He promised Chan he would finish these lyrics, but he hasn't been struck with a single ounce of inspiration. And he's been re-reading the draft for so long that the words he's already written hardly make sense anymore. As much as it pains him to admit, he's not going to be able to finish it. 

Chan is sitting at his desk, while Jisung's sitting cross-legged on the floor. It's amazing, Jisung thinks, just how focused and dedicated his leader is. It's nearly 2 AM, and they've been holed up in this studio trying to finish this song since 6 PM. Chan hasn't complained once. He hasn't so much as stopped for a bathroom break, still clicking away on his laptop. Meanwhile, Jisung is putting all his energy into making the words on the paper stay still. It's just not fair. 

Eventually, the swirling syllables make his head pound and his stomach roll. He suddenly feels like he's on a boat in the middle of the ocean during a tropical storm. If he so much as glances back at that paper, he's going to lose his dinner. So he pushes the pages aside. 

The rapid fluttering of the paper startles Chan, who turns and looks at the youngest producer for the first time in hours. He looks confused, "You good?" 

Jisung nods, one up and down motion because anymore may make him dizzier than he already is. "I just need a little break. Been staring at the same thing for too long. It's starting to look like gibberish." 

Chan smirks, knowing he's been there before. He glances at the time and is shocked at just how much time has passed. Working until the early hours of the morning is nothing new for him, but usually Jisung calls a quits around midnight. Especially if they have early schedules the next day. 

The leader walks over to the younger member and drapes a blanket over his shoulders, "Take a rest. It might help refresh your mind." 

Jisung only protests for a moment before he rests his head against his folded arms. The blanket brings him a warmth he didn't realize that he was missing,  "Wake me in 30 minutes." He requests before quickly succumbing to the exhaustion. 

30 minutes passes like seconds to Chan, never an expert at keeping time when in the production zone. He falls so deep into the track he's working on that he forgets Jisung is even in the room with him. He's reminded when the young rapper lets out a whine loud enough to break through the leader's headphones.

Chan turns his chair to look at Jisung, who is still curled over the table asleep. Despite the whine that alerted him, he seems rather peaceful. So the leader assumes that it was just Jisung talking in his sleep. He's no stranger to the younger mumbling weird and random things in his sleep. 

He spares a glance at the clock and finds that two hours passed in the blink of an eye. It's after 4 now and Chan thinks maybe it's time the two of them head back to the dorm. Before Jisung wakes up with an awful cramp in his neck and an ache in his lower back. They have dance practice in the afternoon, and Chan knows Minho will not shy away from scolding him if Jisung's not in his best condition. 

Making sure he's triple saved his work, he shuts down his station and slides himself beside the sleeping rapper. As he scoots a little closer, he notices that Jisung's face is glistening with sweat. And his skin is noticeably pale even under the dimmed studio lighting. Weird, he thinks, Jisung seemed fine when they were working earlier. He presses one hand against Jisung's forehead and the other against his own. Jisung's skin is blazing compared to his. 

When Chan pulls his hand away, Jisung subconsciously follows. And when he can't find the cool hand anymore, he blinks himself awake with a quivering pout. His eyes eventually settle on Chan's figure beside him and he whines. "Hyung, where'd the cold go?" He slurs the words together, it's nearly indecipherable. 

Chan quickly realizes what Jisung wants and holds his hand back out for the rapper. Jisung takes the hands and holds it close to his face like a stuffed animal, nuzzling his cheek into the leader's palm. "Feels nice." He mumbles, nearly falling asleep again. "I feel funny," he admits.

"I'd bet you do," Chan uses his other hand to play with the rapper's sweaty strands of hair, "You're burning up." 

Jisung shakes his head, and Chan feels it in both of his hands more than he sees it happening. "No, not that. My tummy." He whines, "my tummy feels funny." 

At that, Chan moves the hand from Jisung's hair and presses it over his stomach area. He finds the rapper's middle swollen. And he can feel the organ gurgling angrily through the fabric of Jisung's shirt. "Oh, Hannie." Chan comforts. "You must've caught some kind of bug. Poor thing." He rubs the younger’s stomach, trying to relieve some of the pressure. 

Jisung leans into the touch longingly, inching himself closer to Chan. "Hyung, ‘m sorry," he whines, "I don't think I can finish the lyrics tonight." The words fall out of Jisung's mouth like an afterthought, a similar slur to his sleep talking voice. 

Chan clicks his tongue. In all honestly, Chan had even forgotten about the lyrics and deadlines and group responsibilities. His sole priority right now is Jisung's health. “Don’t worry about that right now, Sungie.” he reminds in a soft voice as he strokes through Jisung’s sweaty hair. “Let’s just get you back to the dorm.”

What’s usually a simple task seems impossible. Jisung is so out of it, he can’t even force himself to stand on his own. Chan has to pull him up by the armpits. And even once he’s on his feet, Jisung sways a little before his head falls against Chan’s shoulder. “Hey,” he nudges the younger, “Are you still with me?” he panics, thinking Jisung had passed out on him. At this point, he’s thinking of skipping the dorm altogether and going right to the hospital. Jisung’s gotten too sick too quickly. 

When he feels Jisung nod his head against his chest, he relaxes a bit, just relieved that his dongsaeng is still conscious. He does his best to keep Jisung engaged while he thinks up a plan to get them back to the dorm. Walking doesn’t seem like a reliable option. 

While Chan comes to terms with the fact that he’s going to have to carry his sick member home, Jisung pushes Chan away with a force the leader didn’t know he still had. Jisung’s eyes widen and he lets out a wet hiccup. Clamping a hand over his mouth, Jisung runs out of the studio. Chan doesn’t have time to question the newfound burst of energy as he bolts after him. He follows him into the bathroom and into the largest stall at the far end. Jisung doesn’t even try to waste time locking the door. There are no obstacles in Chan’s way, which he greatly appreciates. 

Jisung bends at the waist over the clean bowl, stomach contents immediately slip between his finger tips, staining the seat and the walls. Some droplets splatter on the floor in front of him. He removes his now vomit soaked hand and uses it to grip the side of the bowl, mirroring his other hand. For a second, they are the only thing keeping him from smacking his head against the porcelain. But two hands support him quickly, one on his waist and the other on his shoulder. Jisung doesn’t have the mental bandwidth to resist as they guide him into a kneeling position. It’s probably for the best. His legs have nothing left after his sprint from the studio.

“Okay, okay,” Chan soothes. “I’ve got you.” 

Jisung just shakes his head, tears streaming down his cheeks as he continues to heave into the toilet. He has so many things he wants to say, but he can’t get a syllable out between gags. It’s warm and it burns his throat. The taste left behind just makes him more nauseous. When he sniffles, the sting of vomit burns the back of his nose. It’s a miserable experience. 

Strands of Jisung’s longer hair dangle in front of his face, frequently getting caught up in the sick pouring from his mouth. Chan does his best to pull them back, but every time he thinks he has them all one strand falls loose and dangles around the younger's mouth. It's a never ending cycle of carding and tugging at Jisung's hair. Chan even gets remnants of vomit on his hands in the process. But he manages to hold back the grimaces of disgust to spare Jisung's feelings. 

Jisung momentarily loses his sense of awareness to his surroundings. The only thing he can think about is the eruption of mostly digested food, stomach acid and bile pouring out of him. Every time he thinks it's over, he's starting again before he can even get in a decent breath. After 10 agonizing minutes, Jisung finally catches a break. He's able to take a deep breath that doesn't trigger a wave of nausea and assumes his whole body is empty. There's a hollow feeling in his abdomen and he briefly wonders if he's actually thrown up all of his organs in the midst of it all. 

He's shocked into reality when present company tugs at his hair, jostling his whole head. He's got a headache now, and that didn't help. He looks at the offending individual with as much malice as he can muster. It's a mere 2% intimidating. 

"Do you feel a bit better now that you've gotten it all out?" Chan asks, so gentle and kind and hand still clamped to the back of Jisung's head. He doesn't look mad. 

Jisung can't understand why he isn't. He sniffles, trying to ward off a new wave of tears. He's not sure why he's crying now. Maybe it's shame, or guilt. It could be the headache. It's probably the fever. But there's a lot going on. Jisung is overstimulated by his own emotions. It pours out of him like a fountain. "I'm sorry, hyung!" He whimpers. 

"I'm sorry for being so gross. I didn't mean to. And you had to stay with me." 

"Hannie-" 

"And I missed the toilet a bit. I made a mess here. And some of it got on you. I'm so sorry," 

"Han, it's-" 

"What if you get sick now? How will we get work done?" Jisung's eyes widen, "and I didn't finish the lyrics like I promised. I'm sorry, hyung! I tried. And you couldn't finish your work either. You stopped to take care of me." 

"Han Jisung!" Chan tried a third time in a more demanding tone. It startled the younger rapper, which Chan feels bad about. His dongsaeng needs comfort. Not scoldings. But it did finally got him to stop rambling. He softens his tone quickly. "You don't need to apologize for anything, alright?" He assures. 

Jisung just continues looking at him, still too stunned by his hyung's authoritative tone to react. 

"Everybody gets sick sometimes. It's out of our control. It's my job, as your leader and your hyung to take care of you when you need it. So I need you to let you me. And don't worry about work or the deadlines. I know you're doing your best with the lyrics. And they will still be there when you're feeling ready to finish them. But for now you need to focus on your health and getting better. Do you understand?" Jisung nods. "Good, now. How are you feeling? Any better than earlier?" 

Jisung shakes his head this time. "My tummy feels empty now. But I have a headache, and I'm really really cold." He admits, "Hyung, I just wanna go home." 

"That's my Hannie," Chan smiles, petting the younger man's hair. "Let's get you home. I'll get you two days off schedules so you can rest up. How does that sound?" 

Jisung smiles a bit. Chan thinks it's the smallest smile he's ever seen in his life. "Thank you, hyung" 

"You're welcome Sungie." He helps the younger to stand up and guides him out of the bathroom. He asks Jisung to wait on a hallway bench while he calls Changbin. It's nearly 5 AM now, and the third 3racha member is probably waking up to get ready for his morning workout. Probably the only member ever willingly awake this early, besides the ones who don't sleep.

While they wait for their fellow producer, Jisung bobs in and out of sleep leaning against the bathroom wall. Chan's taken to cleaning the mess that became of the stall without complaint. Because that's just what hyungs do.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: The ending feels a little rushed to me. I always feel like I want to keep writing until the sickie feels better, but that would be a super long fic. So I apologize for the abrupt ending.

As always, thanks for reading to the end! I really appreciate each and every one of you who make it this far! Feedback is always appreciated. And please let me know if I missed any tags or TWs. Please call me out for any errors you notice!

[artiststarme]

Dying? Let's Ignore It

Prompt by @zerokrox-blog with a little sprinkle from @doubleb11. Thanks for the ideas, I appreciate it! I hope you guys like it and please share your thoughts in the comments.

~*~*~*~

Steve wakes up one day feeling awful. His head aches like it does when a migraine is coming on and his throat burns like he swallowed charcoal. Nevertheless, he had to get to work. He had three days of doubles scheduled due to Robin visiting her sick grandmother out of town and Keith being on vacation down in Florida. No one could work but him so he couldn’t call off. Plus, he’d been looking forward to the overtime pay. 

He was on the knife’s edge of being kicked out by his parents and he needed to have enough cash to secure an apartment as soon as possible. They were scheduled to be home in a few weeks and Steve wanted to be gone by the time they were. Did he tell any of the Party this? Of course not, he was an adult who could take care of himself. No one had looked after him before and they weren’t going to start now. 

So, he dragged himself out of bed and made sure to grab a pair of his infamous sunglasses on his way out the door. Steve knew they made him look douchey, the kids had said so enough times for him to get the point, but every light was too bright for his pounding headache to handle. 

Even with the sunglasses and cough medicine, he didn’t feel any better throughout the day as he dealt with nagging customers and annoying kids. Steve was over the customer service and truly wanted to quit around the halfway mark of his shift. Mike and Lucas came in at one point to heckle Steve into renting them a rated-R movie and after that exchange, he was ever closer to quitting his job. Only a couple of days left though, he could make it. 

When he got home, he chugged two bottles of water in an effort to “drown the sickness” and settled into bed for what he expected was going to be a restless night. He tossed and turned all night blowing his nose, hacking up his lungs, and feeling crummy in general. Around 2 AM, he felt like he was going to die but he still had two doubles to go and he was going to get that overtime check if it was the last thing he did. 

He must’ve only gotten a few hours of sleep because the next day of work felt like torture and he would know. Even the Russians were more merciful than whatever illness he had. His head was still pounding, his muscles ached, and it hurt to expand his chest to breathe. He only made it through the work day because customers weren’t coming in and he was able to take a nap. Unfortunately for him, his nap became a sleepover at Family Video because he woke up at 4:30 AM and decided to stay there for his shift instead of potentially crashing on the way home. He would just be early to his next shift. 

He didn’t take a shower or anything the next morning, just flipped the open sign and turned on the too bright lights. Several customers that day asked him if he was okay and if he needed a ride to the hospital. Steve declined every offer and pasted on a shaky smile. He didn’t have time to go to the hospital just to be admitted and lose the overtime money. He briefly considered calling Eddie for a ride to the hospital after close but it was kind of late and he was pretty sure he was Eddie’s least favorite member of the group. And like hell was he going to call Nancy for a ride. He would rather die than beg his ex-girlfriend to drive him to the hospital. 

With a deep stuttering breath, he climbed into the car and took off for the hospital. On his way there, his hands trembled where he gripped the steering wheel of the Beemer and sweat formed droplets on his forehead. For the last several days, he’s tried to ignore his symptoms beyond chugging cough syrup by the bottle in order to complete his shifts. His body was ensuring that he couldn’t ignore it anymore with the way his chest flamed and his head threatened to explode. 

The nurses quickly swarmed him the moment he stepped through the ER doors, a true testament to how shitty he was sure he looked. They didn’t even ask him any questions, just pushed him onto a gurney and pressed an oxygen mask to his face. The feeling of safety allowed him to close his eyes and rest even despite everyone yelling at him to wake up. They could wait just a minute while he rested his eyes… 

When he opened his eyes, he was lying in a hospital bed. He was alone as always, without family to come visit him and not important enough to his friends for them to care. Steve let out a sigh as he laid back against the pillows. He doesn’t know why he expected any different because the situation was always the same. 

Steve was well within his own self-loathing when the door to his hospital room burst open to reveal a frantic Eddie and a panting Wayne. Their faces were an eerie mixture of too pale and flushed red from exertion. Immediately upon seeing Steve awake, both men sagged in relief.

“What the fuck, Steve? Dude, the nurses made it seem like you were dying. They said that you’d been having symptoms for the past few days and ignored them which made them get a lot worse. You have pneumonia, man. There’s fluid in both of your lungs and if you waited any longer, your lung would’ve collapsed. Why didn’t you tell anyone?” Eddie asked him, his hands were still shaking slightly even as he pulled them through the knots in his unruly hair. 

Steve couldn’t even wrap his head around them being here, much less come up with an answer to his question. “Why are you here?”

Eddie looked vaguely offended at his question and opened his mouth but was interrupted by Wayne. “You put me down as yer emergency contact, kid. We were real worried when we got the call.”

“Yeah, we were worried but I’m also furious. Where have you been the past few days? You could’ve called me and I would’ve come over to take care of you or give you a ride to the doctor. What the fuck were you thinking, Steven?” Eddie asked him belligerently while waving his hands around as if to spread his anger. 

“I’m always alone when I’m sick and it's not like anyone would have cared,” Steve murmured,  too tired to give the argument his all. 

“You fucking dumbass,” Eddie called him before being cuffed in the back of the head with a slap from Wayne. “Ow shit, I’m sorry. Of course we care, you fucker! You know how scared I was when we got the call from the hospital? We must’ve broken every speed limit around so we could be here with you a little sooner.”

Wayne sighed but supported his nephew’s explanation, albeit more gently. “Harrington, people care about you and hiding out when you’re sick ain’t helping no one.”

“Okay to be fair, I wasn’t hiding. I’ve been working 14 hour shifts for the past three days trying to make some money. I was just ignoring the symptoms until I could come here without missing work, which I did.” Steve defended. 

They both gave him equally blank looks. 

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard!” Dustin screamed from his position where he was eavesdropping in the doorway.

“Dustin-”

“No, Steve! We love you and if we had known you were sick, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten so bad! You should’ve told us that you were sick and you shouldn’t have ignored the symptoms just to go to work!” He yelled heatedly. 

Steve went to talk but before he could say anything, Eddie sent him a close-lipped smile and pulled Dustin out of the room. Steve was left alone with Uncle Wayne. “I’m sorry, Wayne. I didn’t-”

The older man smacked him in the arm with his hat and settled into the uncomfortable seat beside his bed. “Stop apologizing, boy. This is on us. You may be bad at realizing how loved ya are but it’s on us to make it clear to ya. Next time we’ll have to keep a closer eye on ya to make sure you’re okay. We uh, we all love ya, kid.”

To this day, Steve will say the tears that formed in his eyes were due to the oxygen cannula tickling his nose. But that night when he fell asleep, he felt a little less sick and a lot more loved.

@doubleb11 @nburkhardt @zerokrox-blog @newtstabber @i-less-than-three-you @carlyv @pyrohonk @trippypancakes @straight4joekeery

(I'm writing your prompt now @nburkhardt !)

[lostconductor]

really longwinded fuckass trans oc essay

despite being trans myself i don't really think any of my trans characters actually satisfyingly explore the trans experience to me, which is fine because a trans character can just Exist, but also i do wish i had more characters who's lives and identities are affected by being trans. because my experience so far is that being transgender has affected me in a way where i feel proud to wear the label on my lapel because i've come this far. but i find that in most of my trans ocs' stories, being transgender is either a: destigmatized and/or b: not a problem (hormones and medical transition readily available, taken care of). there's that line between "do i really want to write transphobia into a world where everyone can just be happy?" and "i want a character that's had one of the genuine modern trans experiences" (i say one of and not "the" because there is no The Trans Experience).

then theres project moon world. where gender is and isn't important because gendered bodies and traits do exist, it's literally just the names that are subverted. but (at least as far as i personally know, i dont know anything beyond lobcorp, half of ruina, and everything up to like the lab half of yi sang's canto) we don't actually see or hear any discussion of gender or gender issues, or anything implying that a gender inequality or trans people even exist. which is fine i guess. not the main focus when people are turning into giant monsters and killing each other with giant swords. but it makes it hard to picture any sort of modern experience and relationship with gender in that world that'd match up with anything we relate to. body modification is a commodity and normalized there. you can get surgery to transfer your body into a robot body as long as your brain is intact. you can replace your head now. top and bottom surgery is ancient news, that's just normal. you can replace your head with a triangle now. do people still come out of the closet? does gender even come into play with sexuality anymore? does anyone give a fuck when people are turning into monsters and shit? it sounds like a nice world, where you don't have to constantly be on defense because someone might kill you for being a little too queer, but it also makes it really hard to visualize anything you can relate to without it seeming a little old-fashioned or silly for it to even exist

in my salem world buggy / skuggy being trans was me slapping it on them because i was trans and i wanted to connect with my ocs. i honestly havent revisited them in a while so i forgot a lot but i tried to work it into their stories but mostly ended up thinking longer on it for skuggy as kind of just him crawling out of a bad home situation and him being able to transition finally being his foot down on earth away from that old life. like shedding a shell into a new one. yeah things still suck and i'm heading for a town that's going to kill me, but i finally am on t and i can start saving up for top surgery. but after that point in his life it fades to the background and it's just normal. i think my salem folks are the closest ill get to being able to explore a genuine transgender experience

farrow is weird because the entirety of his life he's been kind of accustomed to playing this certain role and sticking with it, and losing himself in the tough guy facade of uncaring manipulative loner that he just becomes it and doesn't see another way until he's literally killed for being a prick and reduced to a speck that can't hold that facade anymore after being put into his place. as a child he was androgynous and didn't care about it but was still a boy. but the moment he's forced to stop revolving his life around the sole purpose of survival (in fact probably now the opposite) and has to be forced to face what actually lies beneath that facade he's implanted into himself , that nonbinary elephant in the room suddenly gets very very big and loud and he's forced to stare it straight down. i explored his very disorienting confused tiptoes into gender expression and identity mostly in private because i got shy being anything less than funniejokes about my ocs, but it was really just "i think i might be nonbinary but i have a job so i cant think abt that rn" "oh shit im unemployed im fighting these fucking demons" "why did being called this term awaken something in me" "oh god help me". i think i explored and pushed it the absolute most in band au where it's the most similar to modern day reality and just got to make him a little thing. but it's kind of the same thing where while i did get to explore his gender presentation and his thoughts on it and how other people close to him reacted to it or affirm it it i don't ttthink it has a lot of bearing on his character. which is fine i guess. i dont know how i feel about characters who's entire basis is being trans. but i guess that is literally just how it is irl being a stigmatized group you are just Defined by it bc it affects Everything In Your Gd Life. idk where im going with this

idk the thing that prompted this is just thinking about my lobcorp ocs because it is so. HARD. to relate to any of their trans experiences or write anything resembling a modern trans experience with them. they live in a hyperdeveloped future, why Wouldn't they have access to hrt and gender affirming surgeries. why Would it have any bearing on them what gender they are, they have to go die in a Nest or smtng tomorrow. i think a lot about eva and griffin and even like myukeu or roger/mags. i'm trying to go back and think about how it might've been for eva growing up but the most i can think is that he probably just stayed in the closet until he built up the courage and his parents were just "oh okay cool i guess. maybe you wont be limited by the glass ceiling now. finish your damn homework" like just such a anticlimatic end. (but even that response implies any sort of gender imbalance or acknowledgement of gender in this world and honestly, with all the women taking leadership and even mastermind roles in this world there is no way that's anything close to canon. also i dont want to write in fuckin misogyny. but thats the thing in a modern au His Parents Would Fucking THink Like That his identity gender and all takes a backseat to his Purpose. but its hard to write that when Everyone Is Just Like That with gender). like yeah i can write this character juggling work and arranging pharmacy prescriptions and fitting in a daily t shot into his routine and having to recover after top surgery but once he's socially transitioned even if he doesn't pass it doesn't have a bearing or effect on him because It Doesn't Matter Here You're An Employee All The Same. his identity is an afterthought in the corporation. the only time it comes up is when he befriends other trans people and has that "oh hey" feeling of solidarity or when years down the line he's getting freaky with julian and has to explain no an abnormality did not scar me those are surgery scars. im trans. and then it's fine

idk this is a very looseform ramble because in the end i don't know what my actual thoughts are. i guess i yearn for just a mundane trans experience. which is why i'm so drawn to band au / modern aus of any kind because it lets me write these people being Very Mundane Normal People. sure writing them in doomed time loops and turning into giant monsters and harnessing powers beyond comprehension is fun but also i really like writing mundane shit even if its boring to read. why do you think i spamdraw post-lobcorp so much. theyre normal. anyways time to brainrot more over band au than the actual canon

also if there have been any mentions/discussions of gender in projmoon games i would 100% be down to read an analysis or whatever. this isnt a projmoon haterpost believe it or not it's just me thrashing within the nonexistent box i've put myself in.

i like mundane modern trans characters. i like trans characters that look like people i would meet irl and just Exist the way we do irl. i dont care if there is no transphobia in the world i just need to see them being mildly inconvenienced by having to do advanced aerobics to take off their binder or experience gender euphoria after wearing a tank top and jeans. i wanna see them having a sleepover and getting their nails painted for the first time and just going "oh my god i can actually be pretty thats just something i can do". idk. i think i just want to write more trans joy into my stories it's just hard when there's a more prevalent ongoing plot going on (hell timeloop and melting away of identity)

[sualne]

.

today should be a good because im finally seeing my endocrinologist after a over a year and i should get my first hrt prescription and soon first tshot but i feel kind of doomed because my dad said if melanchon win the election he'll move out without me leaving me homeless and im worried about my siblings, one got a good job she loves and pays well and a hotel situation, she's much smarter and competent than i am so i think she should be able to handle it, other sibling just got her own place and will start moving soon, it's only for school so i don't what happens once that's done, i'm not even sure he plans on throwing them out actually, i think he loves them but the possibility worries me. i don't know what he'll do with their stuff since one will be away and all that, he's always threatening to throw away mine but i don't know how it'll work them, maybe they'll be completely fine actually.

this isn't out of nowhere either, he's been threatening to throw us out for years and to send me to an asylum/mental hospital since i was 15 so i know he's a bit strange like that. even if i went full time my job still wouldn't pay enough for me to get my own place so i've been looking for collocation around and maybe i could manage smth if i get some more hours of works, otherwise i'd have to live on less than 100-200€ a month with everything paid (no counting food). it took me 3 years to get this job so i really don't think it'll be possible for me to ever get another one, i don't have enough years to send resumes constantly that i even do it in my dreams, plus i've looked into it and all the job offers pay about as much anyway so it wouldn't change a thing. i can't move all the way to live at some family member's place because my gender clinic is here and i don't know often i'll have to go there, the back and forth could cost a bit on the long term and i know i can't restart the process from the beginning where they live because last i heard they closed the queues there because they were too many ppl and won't accept anymore. and again, im sure i could ever get another job.

i actually did have a job in the three years it took me before getting this one, i was a comic colorist and it paid nicely for 7h to 12h of work per week but nobody considered it a real job since it was art and done on a laptop/at home (plus it turned out it wasn't exactly legal, no fault of my boss, she was an independent student employing someone for the first time) so i was so happy when i finally found this one, it's a real job, nothing to do with art and you go outside but my family was already yelling at me about it before i'd even gotten it, my dad said "you have no self respect" and when i told my grandma she said "you can't do this your whole life" but i'd just signed my contract, i hadn't even started working yet, everyone was and is still acting like that's not a real job, that i need a real one and refuse to believe me when i tried to explain i genuinely love it because i help ppl, a lot of them are chronically ill or disabled so it make me happy to help them, they're my ppl and i feel like i'm actually useful but no one is happy for me, i don't understand. i don't think my body will be alright on the long term if i go full time and like i said im in the process of getting some long overdue diagnosis and hopefully help/treatments for a few health issues.

that's one thing too they act weird about, no one irl believe me when i say i'm losing my sight, i tried to explain it's been going on since i was at least 18 and now i can't see on the sides but they keep telling me it's nothing and not happening but also my fault? and everyone, not just my family keep saying things like "then you really need to learn how to drive while you still can" but i'm going blind so i can't drive and they won't understand that, it's so weird??

back to moving out, if i do somehow end up finding a place to live i don't have friends or anyone so i can't ask for help to move all my stuff (ive got a Lot of books), i don't want to abandon my things, i've bought most of them and they're actually mine so i don't want to have to loose them. i've no idea what to do and i'm kind of at lost, had a horrible night thinking about it when i'd been looking forward to today for months. it's so weird i might just loose everything now that im happy, if my siblings are safe then at least that's that, im reassured but i wanted to be happy for longer than just that, i actually want to live and all now and i've got projects i've been working on since october and they're nowhere near to be finished and i feel really bad that i might not be able to finish them because i know a few ppl where genuinely looking forward to it and i don't want to disappoint anyone.

it's weird also because dad's been buying new furniture so if he plans to move out that seems like a pointless thing to do because that'll be more stuff and trouble to transport and he's the one who's been pushing me to decorate my bedroom but then he keeps turning around and say he'll throw away my thing and me too, that i need to some activity like join a club but then say i don't own enough money to waste on useless things and should work more but get a real job first, he contradicts himself a lot so i've no idea what to do.

[kat651]

diary (Sherlock x reader)

He knew it was wrong. He truly did, but curiosity had gotten the best of him, and it was just sitting there. Sherlock had found himself liking you more than he should for someone that worked for him, but he wanted to know what interested you. Sherlock scanned the contents of your diary with interest.

You liked chocolate, certain flowers, he found your favorite color, what books you liked, your hobbies. He paused at the last entry. 

I know it's wrong, especially considering the fact that he hates sentiment, but I can't help but make a special place in my heart for him. He may be hard to read but thats what makes him so special, if Sherlock Holmes was just a regular person with regular hobbies and interests i probably wouldn't have even noticed him, save for those eyes, but because he's so different and so unique i can't help but want what i can't have. Maybe I need to move out, being flatmates with him and John makes it even harder for me to think straight. 

I know for a fact that John knows exactly how I feel. If Sherlock was anyone else besides my boss, I'd tell him the truth. But I can't lose this job because my heart wants something it can't have. Our friendship may be nothing more than work related but I cherish it. A lot.  

Update: I found an apartment for sale a few blocks away. If I save up, I should be able to pay the rent by the end of the month. How on earth am I supposed to tell them I'm moving out? John will understand but he won't be happy about it. But sherlock? How will he react? 

Sherlock closed the diary and ran to your room,tossing it on your bed, his heart was racing. You were leaving? You loved him? He stood and began to pace, mind going a mile a minute. He felt a pit in his stomach and realized he felt the same way you did. 

Sherlock threw on his coat and ran to the store, picking up some chocolate and a few other things he now knew you liked. He knew that John knew you liked him so John would immediately pick up on Sherlock's feelings. He brushed it off and bought everything anyway. 

You walked into the flat and slipped your shoes off before going into the living room. “Hey john… where's sherlock?”

“He left about a half hour ago, probably something about the case…” 

You nodded and sat down. “Well since hes gone now is probably the best time to tell you. Im leaving.”

“What?”

“I can't do this anymore… it's too hard seeing him every time i step through the door. I'm not quitting i'm just moving down the street… maybe ill come back if i can get everything inside under control but for now i need to leave…”

You hadn’t heard sherlock come back. “Your leaving?”

You turned around to see sherlock standing in the entrance to the livingroom with a bag in his hand. 

“I… yeah, at the end of next week, im just heading down the street. I need time to myself… i might come back after a few months i just i cant…” you hung your head. 

“Ill leave you two to talk,” john said, heading to his room.

Sherlock slowly walked to you until he was standing directly infront of you. “Is there anything i can say or do to change your mind?”

‘There is one thing,’ you thought. ‘If you loved me. It wouldnt hurt if you did…’ you sighed. “I dont think so…”

Shurlock gently grabbed your hands. “Is it me?” he asked, pretending not to know. 

John was standing with his ear against his door, listening.

“No. i mean yes, i mean… its complicated…”

“Please tell me, if ive done something to cause you to feel that you have to leave just tell me, i- please stay…” sherlock pleaded, squeezing your hands and looking at you with puppy eyes. 

“Sherlock i cant-”

He grabbed your face in his hands, looking into your eyes with his now sad ones. “Please stay…”

“No ive made up my mind, im going…”

“No…”

“Oh come on Sherlock its not like im- what are you so afraid of?!”

“You want to know what i'm afraid of?!” he asked, tears welling in his eyes. 

“Yes i do!” you shouted. 

“Everything!” he screamed.

You looked at him confused.

“Everything that involves you scares me! Im afraid to move to think im…” he reached out to touch your face but recoiled. “Im scared to touch you! I-im afraid you step out that door, every time i let you help me with a case! I let you in, i let myself love you and now your leaving! I cant loose you! I-i wont survive…” at some point he had fallen to his knees and now he was crying at your feet. “Please stay…”

You knelt in front of him. “You love me?”

Sherlock nodded, looking up at you. “More than anything…”

You chuckled and threw your arms around him, placing your lips on his. “I love you too…”

Sherlock kissed you repeatedly “y/n… please… don't go…”

You hugged him tighter. “I'm not going anywhere, i'm staying right here… with you.”

[littlegreenwyvy]

Wear a fucking covid mask

Wear a mask Wear a facemask, when you're indoors

Wear a N95 face mask if you're gonna be in public

wear a face mask

Wear a mask if you're going out

I don't know how to explain to people -- my friends and coworkers and family and strangers and people who make important decisions and people just living their lives -- that you are the reason over a thousand people die every week.

You are the reason I cannot leave my house without risk

You are the reason I can't go to the movies or a bar or to get a haircut or a restaurant or the doctor or the dentist or the library or go to fucking WORK OR SCHOOL without coming to terms with there being a non-zero chance I will be dead within the month.

Just because somebody had a friend over who had a ''''cold'''' last week and I happened to sit next to them on the bus.

“Oh it's not that likely” “Oh it'll be mild” “Oh HEALTHY people don't get severe illnesses”

First of all: Wrong

Second of all:

I"M NOT HEALTHY PEOPLE; I'M DISABLED FROM FUCKING COVID

"Oh it's okay because only YOU will die, not us good and healthy people : )"

My favourite is all the excuses

“Oh things aren't that bad yet so I won't take the preventative measures”

"Well I already had it and it wasn't a big deal, so I'm not gonna bother"

"I'm not gonna live my life in fear"

“Well I don't have to anymore so I'm not going to”

You SHOULD HAVE TO

I know it's an unpopular opinion, but I genuinely think that you SHOULD have to wear a face mask and stay a meter apart and take a test before going somewhere. At least in a fucking HOSPITAL or something.

I shouldn't have to BRING MY OWN EXTRA FACE MASKS because my doctor DOESN'T FUCKING HAVE ANY IN THE FUCKING OFFICE

And then they give me the fucking look

That look they get in their eyes

From my fucking DOCTOR, who I go to for my CHRONIC ILLNESS, which I got FROM HAVING COVID.

I should be able to go to work or the library or just out in public without risking catching the fucking plague.

So to all people who choose not to wear a mask: I hate every single one of you. All of you who don't wear face masks indoors:

YOU are the reason for this.

Yes even my friends; I'm sorry but I am blaming you and guilting you about it. If we lived nearby I would not be able to hang out with you because you are unsafe for me to be around. And that is fucking HEARTBREAKING. My FRIENDS, who I LOVE DEARLY, and WANT to be around, and I fucking can't, because of decisions that YOU make. All those times we talk about 'oh if we met up' 'oh if you travelled here' I can't fucking TRAVEL are you NUTS?

Do you know how long you're supposed to isolate if you suspect you've been 'in contact' with someone who had covid? CDC says 10 days from when symptoms start. If you still have symptoms on day 11? Start another 10 days.

Do you know what 'in contact' means? Maybe you do maybe you don't; I had to look it up myself, but maybe it was communicated better in your area. If you've been in the same ROOM as someone for 15 minutes; up to 2 days before their symptoms STARTED (and of course while they are showing symptoms) and up to 10 days AFTER their symptoms began. That means if you know someone had covid last week? They're still potentially transmissible. A stranger in the waiting room at the doctor's office has a cough? Possibly covid. And you know the BEST PART? We have NO IDEA how many cases are asymptomatic. That means that ANYBODY in public could potentially transmit it to you. Lower estimates suggest in the single-digits to 10s of percent of covid cases are asymptomatic, while higher estimates say up to 50%. We just don't know! There's no way to because it's not monitored fucking AT ALL anymore!

Do you know what this means?

It means there is NO WAY of knowing what the risk is. It's a gamble, full-on. Even more so than ever before. And do you wanna know what? I wanna fucking live. The potential to lose my entire fucking life isn't worth it for just about anything, if I'm being honest. I've already been through that once. I had a career in music lined up. I was just about to finish my degree as a clarinetist. I was performing in orchestras as a soloist. And you know what happened? I got covid. Suddenly my lungs and my diaphragm don't work so well anymore. For two whole years I couldn't stand or sit upright for more than an hour at a time, or else I would pass out. Nowadays it's improved; it's not more than 4 hours at a time, and I only feel faint for a while before passing out.

But do you know what that means? It means I can't play clarinet anymore. Over a decade of schooling and practicing and mastering my craft: Gone in an instant. I'll never play again. I lost my entire future and my entire career, because I got covid in 2021, from people who had stopped wearing masks because 'covid was over'. They got it. I got it from them. They survived and are fine. I barely survived and I very much am NOT fine.

This is why I'm so reluctant to take any more risk. Even if I survive, what else will I lose?

My ability to taste or smell? My muscle control? Will my heart condition get worse? Will I never be able to think clearly again? I already can't. How much worse can it get?

Sources seem to say: Much worse

I can't stress this enough that I am LUCKY to be where I am now. I can't function if I don't get more than 10 hours of sleep. I have to take medications every day to SURVIVE. At the end of my work day I pass right out, and wake up just in time to get ready for the next day at work. I do not have a life anymore. And I'm LUCKY, because I RECOVERED. THIS is what 'recovery' looks like, from long covid. It may get better over the next few years. It also might not. It DEFINITELY won't if I get covid again.

If YOU don't care about that, or about how that could happen to you, then I will never willingly be around you. Again, this even goes to my dear friends.

Wear a face mask and STOP being the problem

[jimiminily]

Hobi is officially discharged from the military! 🥳🎊

It has been 548 days/18 months/1.5 years

(Enlisted: april 18 2023

Discharged: october 17 2024, today!)

I'm HAPPYY that hobi is back seriously 😭😭 waiting till 3AM is always worth it to see them discharge from the military

He worked so hard and amazing im proud of him🥹🥹💜 im happy that nothing can separate him away anymore 🥹💜 I love you so much hobi, welcome back loml 🌸

Jin has planned on a special event for hobi and he'll actually be going to meet him and take him to the filming spot as soon as he's out!

JIN is going out to greet J-Hope who is being discharged around 10 AM KST!

However, the rest of the members except for Jin are all serving in the military, so they will likely not be seen at the site that day.

Remaining members left to discharge:

● Namjoon and Taehyung: 236 days left (june 10, 2025)

● Jungkook and Jimin: 237 days left (june 11, 2025)

● Yoongi: 247 days left (june 21, 2025)

And these are the links to the weverse posts and live from Hobi ♡ (added translations), also a link to BTS picture on twitter (Only jhope is on it)

@BTS_twt today's tweet on twitter/X

_______

[241017 J-hope Weverse Live: j-day]

🐿 everyone~ jhope is back!

🐿 ive discharged from military. wow i cant believe that this day came

🐿 wow 1 year 6 months.. is such a long time.. and during that time, to fulfill duties as a korean citizen, i was able to live as jung hoseok for these 1 year 6 months, and now i am back as jhope. it feels a bit new

🐿️ I keep saying this but thanks to you, I was able to come back safely.

🐿 i keep saying this, but due to your cheers and wishes, i was able to do well. lets now walk on a flower road. thank you so much. i havent been able to eat yet. i had so many things to do starting when i woke up

🐿 it was such a hectic day and morning aha. and it feels so new. even a week ago, i was like.. im discharging? but i was like oh im getting discharged now. i started thinking of my schedules, and how theres a lot to do

🐿️ Ah English! I'm ready.

🐿️ But realistically everyone, in the military, you can do many things, but you don't have the leisure.

🐿️ I was so physically tired. I would want to study but after working with the soldiers, but as an assistant drill instructor, I had more time I had to work. And to study afterwards? It was hard

🐿 hobi is talking about his experience as an assistant drill instructor and how he would have to wake the other soldiers up in the morning and woke up early and just telling us about how he worked hard while in the military!

🐿 i'm looking at myself in the video right now and you guys might not be able to tell but i gained some weight. i need to work out and lose weight.. (HUUH?!!!! pls he looks goodㅜㅜㅜㅜ what!@?E$~!@)

🐿️ Wow it's been a really long time since I saw "Purple You"!

🐿️ Will this fit? They all wrote me a message one by one.

🐿️ My memories are here. They have pictures too.

🐿️ Whenever we had a march, we would eat together. In the winter it's quite cold and we would eat oden. You can see here. This is how I lived. I might shed tears

🐿️ I'll tell you one more thing. They say that after coming back from the military, that's the only thing you can talk about.

🐿️ It was fun because of these guys. Our age difference was like 10yrs. They were young kids. They were cute and good guys.

🐿 and txt also sent me this! *shows flower bouquet and letter* thank you so much!

🐿️ I received this today, but our TXT kids gave me this. There's a reason they're doing well.

🐿 "hobi hyung thank you so much thank you for protecting our country" aha who is this? oh i think its kai

🐿 ah i cant believe it. im doing this live so that you can look at me. but ill be preparing for my activities and such. ill take off this hat and ill prepare to show you an awesome jhope. thank you so much and i love you

🐿 challenge. thats right in a way this was a challenge. i entered military and trained, and was assigned my role and bunk.. ah i cant forget it.. but did you know? i wrote a diary during the time in the military. i wrote about one thing i regretted. i didnt bring a water bottle

🐿 i heard seokjin hyung wanted to do something once im discharged? oh do it, do anything~

🐿️ "Let's make a time for just us."

🐿️ Absolutely. What we have left for us is time.

🐿️ "Can we hear your signature greeting?"

🐿️ Yes, let's finish with this.

🐿️ I'm your hope. You're my hope. I'm J...!

🐿️ I'll show you many cool and great activities. Thank you for your love and support and attention. Heart! Here is my last heart as a soldier. Bye!

- end -

[uarmyhope instagram post]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by jhope (@uarmyhope)

Once again, welcome back 🥹💜 im happy that he's back healthy and happy🥰💕