#i am my best and only comfort
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shits been hard
#i dont know yet if these are just parts of me in my brain or if i have a dissociative disorder#i be traumatized#i am my best and only comfort#sona#oc#original character#daylily#daylily søuth#daylily south#nørth and daylily#aurora#aurora borealis
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day 1 of drawing one of the cod characters until I’m comfortable with trying to find my style
#I am trying my best to find a ‘style’ that I’m comfortable with#Especially since I’m stuck drawing on a teeny tiny phone screen with just my finger#My digital art is the number one thing I am self conscious about#Because I know my actual potential can’t be seen with these limitations#I’m just trying my best y’all#IbisPaintx isn’t the most mobile-friendly app but I don’t have money and I don’t have the ability to get any better programmes#My parents don’t know that I am on tumblr or involved in any fandoms#So my abilities to do anything is extremely limited#I really do try my best and I can only hope that people can at least recognise that 🥺#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#pet’s art#captain john price#cod price#cod fanart#John price#captain price#price cod#price fanart
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Based on somewhat real events
I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
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God, if you told me a month ago I would be knee-deep in a Grantaire and subsequently Grantaire/Enjolras and subsequently Enjolras obsession.....
#this is the fault of mr. grantaire in the production i saw#kyle adams#he was so good#like grantaire and gavroche killed me#drink with me 'could it be your death means nothing at all? is your life just one more life?' killed me#god the way grantaire like helplessly went from person to person after gavroche's death. until he ended up at enjolras's side#god the way enjolras cupped his cheek in a moment of comfort. of tenderness. of dare i say love#only for enjolras to turn to the barricade#for his first love will always be the cause#but after all wasn't enjolras's devotion to the cause why grantiare fell in love with him to begin with?#god but the way grantaire reached after him for a moment after enjolras turned towards the barricade?#ugggghh#anyway#between this and my rekindled obsession with phantom i am truly going back to my roots#shoutout ramin karimloo gina beck and simon bailey you will always be famous#shoutout mr. grantaire kyle adams#and shoutout mx. riotstar on ao3 for beautiful & good aka the best enjolras/grantaire fic of all time#if anyone has any grantaire/enjolras fic recs PLEASE#rip jordan donica javert though#so eternally jealous of people that got to see that live#get👏him👏in👏a tour👏so i can see him#les mis#musicals
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hi im here to scream abt brad and jo because i love them and i need to yell
theres no way u can convince me that brad thinks that catching a rat is a “delicate mission” that he and jo are the best suited for like i just dont believe that!! like idk i just think its a lil silly how the second jo voices her displeasure with her task he immediately starts to make it into a bigger deal than it is and starts acting like it’s a task that only the both of them could do!! also david only asked jo to take care of it, nowhere in the conversation did he even imply that brad needed to help and yet brad includes himself in it anyway! and jo is immediately happier about the entire situation when brad does that! literally two seconds ago she was calling it a degrading task but once brad makes it seem special n like they r the best ppl for the job she’s so hyped abt it!! anyway i just think they like doing stuff together they r bffs guys
#like i am wholeheartedly convinced that brad only said that because 1. he wants something to do that doesn’t involve being rachels assistant#and 2. because he wanted to make jo feel better about it and spend some time with her#they are literally best friends guys#AND ALSO!! at the start of the whole scene (like right after the intro) jo tries to comfort brad after he vents abt how degrading the job is#it’s so very cute she immediately jumps to trying to make him feel better abt it#n i just feel like maybe possibly thats what brads doing with the whole rat thing#i just cannot believe that brad genuinely thinks that its an important task he just wants to help her out with her stuff#also im so obsessed with how dramatic the two of them are#this and the s3 christmas episode conversation are just like my favourite parts of s3 actually#i like when they comfort each other in their own weird little ways#like awww they care abt each other <333#genuinely believe that jo n brad are closer to each other than they are to anyone else at MQ they just never really acknowledge it#brad bakshi#jo mythic quest#mythic quest#morty talks woah
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Another thing I adore about saxteen bubble universe, and am happy to report I included in my own series but also found in a brilliant makeout fic, is Fourteen being sooo enamoured by the little padding on the waist Saxon got along with the beard. He finally has something to grab and squeeze. He's constantly nuzzling either at the beard or the tummy, while the Master acts appalled and Donna just has to put up with the purring noises.
Like, s10 would have ended differently if Twelve took a moment to compliment on the Master improving his diet.
#he's not just a cat and a raccoon and a squirrel he's also a hamster#am i going to be called out for fetishising? look i just find that dilf attractive and there being a bit more of him#pleases me deeply#those two dilfs have become my go to source of comfort when i get too sick to cuddle the bun#and not only then#doctor who#saxteen#thoschei#fourteenth doctor#simm!master#indirect fic rec bc it's. so hot.#doctor x master#best enemies#tensimm#old men tensimm
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Do you think that Ahkmenrah blames himself for the 54 years he spent locked up at the Natural History Museum?
Does he think that he must have done something to anger the gods in order for them to punish him like this. He didn't honor them well enough, maybe. Or maybe they were angry that he had told Egyptologists at Cambridge about them, was it hearsay to tell stories of the gods to people who believed them only to be fiction. Did he say something incorrect, perhaps, misleading in a way that left him needing punishment.
He had to have done something. He's just not sure what.
But Ahkmenrah knows he has to figure it out quickly. The gods may have sent Larry to free him as a second chance, but something like that must come with a time limit.
And if Ahk found himself locked up again, he isn't quite sure he would be able to make it out the other side whole.
#ravenpuff rambles#ahkmenrah#night at the museum#very vaguely#the sun the moon and the stars#In that I had this idea thinking about that au and Ahk talking to Ammon for the first time under the moon in 54 years#And how Ammon was always so much at understanding the gods and what they wanted and Ahk wishes so much he was here#Anyways I just am into the idea that Ahk doesn't blame the old night guards or other exhibits so much for him being locked up#But he rather blames himself and has spent 54 years trying to figure out why and his best conclusion is it must be the gods#He just doesn't know what he did#also hi natm fandom been a minute but I'm semi back because I need a comfort fandom right now#So cheers and maybe there will be more sun moon and stars posts coming because it is my only thoughts#also I had an idea about a mild dc crossover but we'll save that for another day
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Right and his work menaces (Brent and Karen).
I don't remember last I mentioned it but apart from crude nicknames to people (except Chris), he also just puts them in his phone really weird (except Chris, who is literally in his phone as Chris). And I bring this up because in Right's phone, Karen is saved as "Lawful Obligation".
#my characters#oops i fell in love#can you guys tell im stressed and hyperfixating on my own fucked up ocs cause i am#also brents nickname at work and in rights phone is fuckwad#and hes like yeah if im called anything else at this point by right its weird and uncomfortable#and when it is finally approached as if paul is only in rights phone as shitty-ex (answer) now that hes an excoworker#what was he in rights phone BEFORE the transfer#and right is like annoying dickwad ... karen is like oh i see thats why you call him a dick still#thats like a nickname from his phone name#and brent has to ask why fuckwad and dickwad and right looks at him and takes a deep breathe before saying#because i like the word wad and it is very comforting bc like a wad of paper ? you can throw it away#and so if i realize i gotta get rid of attachment i wad it up#also dont tell paul that dickwad was a form of attachment or he will never shut the fuck up about it#karen and brent both swear to never mention it to paul#paul is honestly such a weird anomaly in the plot bc he doesnt directly work at the same police station#but he is CONSTANTLY a topic of gossip or annoyance or updates#hes literally karens best friend! aside from chris he was one of the few right worked with who HAD touch privileges before right banned it#hes also just genuinely well liked but no one can actually tell him or he will become insufferable#which is a crime that rick is guilty of once when he meets paul and karen introduces him#and rick is just OH i know that name! youre her best friend#and she looks so betrayed and paul looks so delighted and stunned and radiant over this fact#and rick makes up for it before the night is over which is why karen forgives him - he made paul back in his place#anyway yeah right has lots of fears and hes my bundle of anxiety and i love him and his atrocious nicknames#i think i would die if i gave someone a rude nickname even affectionately irl#also also final note on this ig#since right is a detective and not always at the station its worth pointing out brent and karen just work taking calls and#doing misc other work at their desks which are nearby so they 100% bond and its wonderful#ok i lied final note on them is#for a very long time karen has to check with right to make sure she isnt annoying brent because he doesnt emote well#and shes scared she wont know if shes annoying him please help youre like the only one who reads his moods accurately
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i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn
#just happened to me and every time i smile so hard#i am filled with an overwhelming gratitude today#ilysm guys </3#my babiiiiiiies#i cannot explain the comfort this little blog brings me#i've met some of my best friends here#and i'm so grateful ☹️☹️☹️💞💞💞#thank you so much truly😭🩷🫶🏻#not to be sappy. but#i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog#i love u sm#thank you 🫶🏻#i think at my core i am a very selfish person. i often do things for myself and myself alone#even the nice things are for my own benefit a lot of the time#i want to help people but most of all i want to help myself and it makes me feel bad sometimes#because i know a lot of people in my life online and irl see me as this kind selfless person#but only i know it doesn't always come from a place of kindness for others#i think there's some underlying problem there i need to look into genuinely. but i am so grateful for u guys genuinely#i love you all w my whole heart 🫶🏻#ok ill shut up now#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#girlcore
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when i say that this was my 9/11 i fully mean it. i would pull out my computer and write it myself if it weren’t so personal to dan. i will go into debt to make this happen. @danielhowell if there is anything i can personally to get dan is not okay out into the world i will do it i don’t care if i’m a freshman in college i would die for this.
#DINOK MY BELOVED#i’m getting way too fucking emo about this#actually idc#this is everything i could ever want#not only is this concept so fucking interesting and cool#but i love dan and everything he does so much#i have full trust in everything he creates#idc if it’s parasocial#i went to wad it was the best thing ever#i’ve watched every dd episode five times as they came out#daniel howell is a true creative visionary who should get to run wild#but also i need to go back to the plot#not only is it a reflection of dan’s life#but so many people are actually going through this same thing#and will continue to#i go to class every day and see the guys who are business majors or whatever#and i just want to scream in their face that there is more to life than d3 sports#also as somebody who’s interested in dan this is everything to me plotwise#like yes queen i am also incredibly grateful that you dropped out of law#i am so happy that you have become comfortable not just with your sexuality#but with who you are in general#you don’t know me but you raised me#and i am so proud of you#AKDHAKDHSK SORRY IM DONE NOW#BUT I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS#daniel howell#dan is not okay#dinok#why i quit youtube#dan howell
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Salutations Tumblr,
Okay I'm not going to lie, I got possessed to draw this, and I am not rendering this shit
Have some sketches
#Deadpool#wolverine#Deadpool 3#Deadpool and wolverine#read tags for rambles#deadpool x wolverine#wolverine x deadpool#wade#wade wilson#wade wilson x logan howlett#logan#logan howlett#logan howlett x wade wilson#i am sorry that i got possessed like this#but wade totally went and got some comfortable bras along with the fancy ones because he knows from Vanessa how much the fancy ones ache#and only the best comfort for his peanut#oh and he absolutely knows cup sizes he just felt silly#art#gays#autism#sorry not sorryyy#lemme know if theres any characters from d&w you want me to draw#and any drawing requests for these two as well!#im sorry to the people i am friends with who know my tumblr that see this#poolverine#deadclaws
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I looked at the information that youtube had on me and was using for ad tracking (I have adblocker so...) and youtube thinks I work in real estate for a 'big company' 😂. Like what. Where did they get that? I'm unemployed. I've never worked real estate and I don't want to have anything to do with it. Youtube also thinks I'm female, not a parent, am upper middle class (apparently they judge you on what class they think you are??) and some categories had "not enough information" to make a judgement.
#almost all of these things are wrong#it's a comfort to know they are inept at data collecting and categorizing me#and are 'using' the wrong info to 'show me ads' which I'm not seeing because uBlock origin is the best#they only thing they got right is that I'm not a parent to children--I am a parent to my cats
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husband.. I love him
#ash rambles 💚#kissing in the van 💍#k.yohei.. i never have the words for him#i think thats why i dont talk abt him as often as some others#but he's my number 1 guy and i love him with every ounce of my being and I'm so damn grateful i get to be his life and i just love him#so freaking much and being with him makes me feel like the happiest girl ever. being with him makes me feel so happy.#i never doubt myself or hate myself like usual when I'm with him. hes so comforting and warm and perfect and amazing and im just.. so happy#he's everything i could ever want and more#how lucky i am to have him as a husband#coming up on three years.. i adore him so much#i never have the words to describe how he makes me feel. no one really understands me like he does i feel. waking up in his arms every day#is the best. seeing his soft smile and hearing that deep voice... it's my favorite in the whole world. i adore him#he's always so caring and attentive and loving ajdhamdh#he's so gentle and loving with me. he's so supportive too. he really does fuel my s/i's love for nerdy shit and plushies. he's so kind.#and handsome too#sorry this is. really sappy#i just#ajdhajdja#he's so#sjdjsjdjhsjd#my husband... the way i feel towards him is just something else#i adore him. more than that even. he's just everything i never knew i needed. he makes me feel excited to keep going#he makes me feel like maybe i do matter. he makes me feel loved. cared for. he laughs at my stupid jokes.#it's still quite early for me and man.. waking up in his arms.. how nice#k.yohei i love you with all i am!!#ahem. okay I'm done now. back to The Usual Ash#i get teary eyed if i think about him too hard lmao. a lot of my inserts end up marrying their partners at one point but..#for me? there's only one man I'll ever call MY husband
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about to go sleepyy but. Insane Kenix Thoughts (Again! An Another Time!) (How Many Fucking Times!— ^_^)
Something about Kenix comforting Sora the day she joined the sins crew while she was full on crying and confused at everything surrounding her. Something about him Resonating with a child's helplessness, offer a warm embrace to hold onto. Did you see your own past self in that girl? The days where you were left all alone in the dark, being able to only weep and wonder why everything around you was like this. Yet you had no one's shoulder to cry onto. You had no one by your side, and now you have decided to be that someone for an another lost kid. Have you seen your own desperation in that child, wanting to help her because deep down you know how scarring this situation is for her? To seek comfort despite the unknown environment, because you wanted someone to let you know it is safe?
Have you wanted to save someone from what you had to endure yourself because you just knew how deeply terrifying it must all be to experience such loneliness at a young age? Have you just wanted to not let someone else go through what you had to? Have you just wanted to show the lost child that compassion that you didn't get yourself when you needed it the most.
#Something Something he makes me Incredibly ill. I can't.#this is how you become a father! (Accidentally!) (By presenting yourself as a safe and a parent-like figure to a child who needed comfort!)#this is like a mini rant because i am still writing for that ask enabling me to talk about azranix ^_^#kenix may be deemed merciless. But he still shows care for others. So many of his actions are rooted in his care for others' wellbeing.#Yes a lot of his actions are terrible and cannot be excused. But most. If not All. Of his interactions with others in the sins crew#Are so deeply rooted in his concern for them and their health. At first you won't even realize but then you learn it and look back at it#and just think “Wow he genuinely cared about them despite never stating it or making it obvious”#“Oh it is part of my plan ^_^” no i think we all know you tried your best to ensure that your little girl was safe because of That.#this is not part of your mastermind ass plan you genuinely just care about the kid but your facade now has you thinking that this is not-#Important. When it clearly Is. Sora's safety is important to you. Everyone's safety is important to you to some degree.#do not Even Try to lie about it. You may contain multitudes within yourself but this has always been the absolute truth.#You have always cared to some extent. That was the only thing you have managed to do out of free will Kenix. shaking and bitimg..#yomo ocs?!#kenix#artemis/sora
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fun side effect (thats so not the right word but idc) of being aro is that while everybody else is in love with fictional characters, i just really want to be their friend!!! i just really really really want to give them a hug & make them a nice warm drink (yes i am one of those people that makes drinking tea their whole personality. what about it.) like. i just. i want to listen to them rant about their life & how their day was. I WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM INFODUMP‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ugh. just please be neurodivergent with me for a minute. please. guys. autism. please.
#also nd does not just mean adhd/autism but that is what i’m referring to here‼️‼️#also i am actually autistic i am not just saying autism for no reason LMAO#but uh yeah. anywyas. love my silly little guys. just want to give them a hug & listen to them rant#please please pkease tell me about your special interest or current hyperfixation or whatever#i want to hear everything tell me every single little detail i love you#ALSO ON THAT NOTE!!!! i experience platonic love SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVELY#and i feel like alloromantic people do not understand that as much???#like i said to one of my friends thst they were ‘one of my best friends’#and they were like wdym. u only have one best friend. and i was like bro. actually i love you all so intensely so don’t even say that man#like i just. ugh. i love ny friends so much. platonic love is truly sososososoo beautiful & we need to appreciate it more bc what.#anywyas.#aromantic#aro#arospec#tea#comfort character#autism#adhd#yeah idk that’s all i got#oh one more.#martin blackwood#bc that is really who i’m talking about here lets be so real
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Actually no you know what, I'm still thinking about last Sunday's sermon. In like the least three minutes, the pastor managed to pounce on my absolute biggest insecurity as a Christian, but more on that anon.
The whole sermon was supposed to be about young men, which I expected to feel like being dragged backwards by the hair through beds of hot coals embedded with broken glass (you know, like usual) because I happen to have boys that I know I'm not raising well. And there was a certain amount of squirming, but he also interspersed a few how-to's in with his "Here's what your Happy Christian Family (tm) should look like! 😃😃 But don't worry if it doesn't, you can always get there 😁" (which always leaves me screaming "HOW! How do I get from HERE to THERE" but I digress) which was a nice change of pace.
But he kept going off on tangents that were just... encouragement? And admittedly I don't know how much I would've gotten out of it if I hadn't been praying about exactly that the previous night. But one of the passages that came to me right after I was done praying (or while I still was kinda?) was Joseph on that throne in Egypt looking at his brothers and saying "What you meant for evil God intended for good" and then the pastor the next morning was like "and Joseph was there in Egypt and was telling his brothers what you meant for evil God meant for good" and I was all *Leonardo di Caprio pointing meme*
BUT ANYWAY in the last couple of minutes he was like
"So the charge is simply: believe the blessing. He's putting the blessing upon you. He's blessing you; He knows all about you. And He's blessing you. He's pleased with you.* So, that's the charge. Believe the blessing. Receive the blessing, with believing hearts. Now - the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and grant you His peace. And amen."
*me, still blubbering over "He's pleased with you" (I have a really, really, really hard time with that one. What do you MEAN He's pleased with me, that's impossible, have you seen me?!?! I am nothing but a failure and a disaster top to bottom.
Anyway.)
#Nattering into the void#King's Cross Moscow#The biggest hurdle for me with - not only this church; all the churches I know of do it - is that everything is preached from the#assumption of two Christian parents who are both doing their best and have a large and steady support system#(And frankly also comfortable finances although I'm not sure that one is at all conscious)#There's just not... Sunday preaching geared towards#My unbelieving husband/spouse waltzed off and I am trying to raise#the kids alone on a shoestring budget with a minimal support system#(Which is admittedly more of a support system than I had this time two years ago or even a year ago)#(I love you all so much)#I'm not really sure where I'm going with this#Just that it's nice sometimes to hear that He's pleased with me even if I'm currently incapable of believing it even a little
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