#i am my best and only comfort
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shits been hard
#i dont know yet if these are just parts of me in my brain or if i have a dissociative disorder#i be traumatized#i am my best and only comfort#sona#oc#original character#daylily#daylily søuth#daylily south#nørth and daylily#aurora#aurora borealis
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day 1 of drawing one of the cod characters until I’m comfortable with trying to find my style
#I am trying my best to find a ‘style’ that I’m comfortable with#Especially since I’m stuck drawing on a teeny tiny phone screen with just my finger#My digital art is the number one thing I am self conscious about#Because I know my actual potential can’t be seen with these limitations#I’m just trying my best y’all#IbisPaintx isn’t the most mobile-friendly app but I don’t have money and I don’t have the ability to get any better programmes#My parents don’t know that I am on tumblr or involved in any fandoms#So my abilities to do anything is extremely limited#I really do try my best and I can only hope that people can at least recognise that 🥺#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#pet’s art#captain john price#cod price#cod fanart#John price#captain price#price cod#price fanart
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Based on somewhat real events
I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
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Another thing I adore about saxteen bubble universe, and am happy to report I included in my own series but also found in a brilliant makeout fic, is Fourteen being sooo enamoured by the little padding on the waist Saxon got along with the beard. He finally has something to grab and squeeze. He's constantly nuzzling either at the beard or the tummy, while the Master acts appalled and Donna just has to put up with the purring noises.
Like, s10 would have ended differently if Twelve took a moment to compliment on the Master improving his diet.
#he's not just a cat and a raccoon and a squirrel he's also a hamster#am i going to be called out for fetishising? look i just find that dilf attractive and there being a bit more of him#pleases me deeply#those two dilfs have become my go to source of comfort when i get too sick to cuddle the bun#and not only then#doctor who#saxteen#thoschei#fourteenth doctor#simm!master#indirect fic rec bc it's. so hot.#doctor x master#best enemies#tensimm#old men tensimm
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Right and his work menaces (Brent and Karen).
I don't remember last I mentioned it but apart from crude nicknames to people (except Chris), he also just puts them in his phone really weird (except Chris, who is literally in his phone as Chris). And I bring this up because in Right's phone, Karen is saved as "Lawful Obligation".
#my characters#oops i fell in love#can you guys tell im stressed and hyperfixating on my own fucked up ocs cause i am#also brents nickname at work and in rights phone is fuckwad#and hes like yeah if im called anything else at this point by right its weird and uncomfortable#and when it is finally approached as if paul is only in rights phone as shitty-ex (answer) now that hes an excoworker#what was he in rights phone BEFORE the transfer#and right is like annoying dickwad ... karen is like oh i see thats why you call him a dick still#thats like a nickname from his phone name#and brent has to ask why fuckwad and dickwad and right looks at him and takes a deep breathe before saying#because i like the word wad and it is very comforting bc like a wad of paper ? you can throw it away#and so if i realize i gotta get rid of attachment i wad it up#also dont tell paul that dickwad was a form of attachment or he will never shut the fuck up about it#karen and brent both swear to never mention it to paul#paul is honestly such a weird anomaly in the plot bc he doesnt directly work at the same police station#but he is CONSTANTLY a topic of gossip or annoyance or updates#hes literally karens best friend! aside from chris he was one of the few right worked with who HAD touch privileges before right banned it#hes also just genuinely well liked but no one can actually tell him or he will become insufferable#which is a crime that rick is guilty of once when he meets paul and karen introduces him#and rick is just OH i know that name! youre her best friend#and she looks so betrayed and paul looks so delighted and stunned and radiant over this fact#and rick makes up for it before the night is over which is why karen forgives him - he made paul back in his place#anyway yeah right has lots of fears and hes my bundle of anxiety and i love him and his atrocious nicknames#i think i would die if i gave someone a rude nickname even affectionately irl#also also final note on this ig#since right is a detective and not always at the station its worth pointing out brent and karen just work taking calls and#doing misc other work at their desks which are nearby so they 100% bond and its wonderful#ok i lied final note on them is#for a very long time karen has to check with right to make sure she isnt annoying brent because he doesnt emote well#and shes scared she wont know if shes annoying him please help youre like the only one who reads his moods accurately
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No disrespect to you or anything but do you ever worry your ask box and blog becomes a bit of a toxic negative echo chamber?
Sometimes, yes! So I try my best not to give into it. I delete all asks which attack someone personally or get too mean in their criticism, and I definitely don't respond mean to anyone for their opinion. You'll notice there's been a number of asks with which I've disagreed, I don't cherry pick only those I 100% agree with, and I haven't really made any drama about it. I don't shy away from compliments or pointing out the positive aspects of stuff, either (this current Arcane roll is straight up a mix of me going YAYY and NOOO the entire time), and after every complain session I try to reblog and talk about positive things. I'm sure I still miss the mark sometimes, but I'm trying my best!
#eernask#eernanon#eernask talk arcane#i think the appeal of my askbox is that i really do often complain about stuff other people don+t so people find solace in it#but i am 100% aware indulging in negative opinions is only comforting for a time before it becomes tiring#it feels nice to not feel crazy for having opinions that go against the mainstream but that should be a temporary solace at best#i dont really care if i lose followers over a non-mainstream opinion and that means something to some people!#all my stuff is tagged so anyone who doesn't wanna see it can easily block it out#also realistically i personally couldnt be stuck in an echo chamber if i tried. all of my friends have completely different takes on media#my very best friend hates vi with all her might!!! trust me i am absolutely tolerant when it comes to media interpretation
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#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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i giggle so hard whenever i see one of my posts on someone else's blog like omg..... i'm actually liked by people..... blushing rn
#just happened to me and every time i smile so hard#i am filled with an overwhelming gratitude today#ilysm guys </3#my babiiiiiiies#i cannot explain the comfort this little blog brings me#i've met some of my best friends here#and i'm so grateful ☹️☹️☹️💞💞💞#thank you so much truly😭🩷🫶🏻#not to be sappy. but#i have never felt as valued and grateful for everything and by everyone i have in my life before this silly little blog#i love u sm#thank you 🫶🏻#i think at my core i am a very selfish person. i often do things for myself and myself alone#even the nice things are for my own benefit a lot of the time#i want to help people but most of all i want to help myself and it makes me feel bad sometimes#because i know a lot of people in my life online and irl see me as this kind selfless person#but only i know it doesn't always come from a place of kindness for others#i think there's some underlying problem there i need to look into genuinely. but i am so grateful for u guys genuinely#i love you all w my whole heart 🫶🏻#ok ill shut up now#thoughts ୨𖹭୧#girlblogging#it girl#wonyoungism#girlhood#pink pilates princess#girly tumblr#this is what makes us girls#girly stuff#girlcore
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when i say that this was my 9/11 i fully mean it. i would pull out my computer and write it myself if it weren’t so personal to dan. i will go into debt to make this happen. @danielhowell if there is anything i can personally to get dan is not okay out into the world i will do it i don’t care if i’m a freshman in college i would die for this.
#DINOK MY BELOVED#i’m getting way too fucking emo about this#actually idc#this is everything i could ever want#not only is this concept so fucking interesting and cool#but i love dan and everything he does so much#i have full trust in everything he creates#idc if it’s parasocial#i went to wad it was the best thing ever#i’ve watched every dd episode five times as they came out#daniel howell is a true creative visionary who should get to run wild#but also i need to go back to the plot#not only is it a reflection of dan’s life#but so many people are actually going through this same thing#and will continue to#i go to class every day and see the guys who are business majors or whatever#and i just want to scream in their face that there is more to life than d3 sports#also as somebody who’s interested in dan this is everything to me plotwise#like yes queen i am also incredibly grateful that you dropped out of law#i am so happy that you have become comfortable not just with your sexuality#but with who you are in general#you don’t know me but you raised me#and i am so proud of you#AKDHAKDHSK SORRY IM DONE NOW#BUT I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS#daniel howell#dan is not okay#dinok#why i quit youtube#dan howell
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Salutations Tumblr,
Okay I'm not going to lie, I got possessed to draw this, and I am not rendering this shit
Have some sketches
#Deadpool#wolverine#Deadpool 3#Deadpool and wolverine#read tags for rambles#deadpool x wolverine#wolverine x deadpool#wade#wade wilson#wade wilson x logan howlett#logan#logan howlett#logan howlett x wade wilson#i am sorry that i got possessed like this#but wade totally went and got some comfortable bras along with the fancy ones because he knows from Vanessa how much the fancy ones ache#and only the best comfort for his peanut#oh and he absolutely knows cup sizes he just felt silly#art#gays#autism#sorry not sorryyy#lemme know if theres any characters from d&w you want me to draw#and any drawing requests for these two as well!#im sorry to the people i am friends with who know my tumblr that see this#poolverine#deadclaws
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I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but i recently reread the entire familiar au (its as amazing as always!) and its so impressive to see how far you have come as a writer especially compared to the new cult au its honestly pretty inspiring
Thank you! It's truly nice to hear that I've made progress. I mean, obviously - hopefully - I would have after all this time, but sometimes the improvement is hard to see when you're so close to it.
#answers#I've been tempted at times to just take down some of my really old stuff#Because I am very 😬 when I reread it#But I think it stands as a nice relic/testament to how I've grown as a writer#In that I only roll around in agony about 90% of the time reading current writing now as opposed 575% with the old stuff#It feels like I don't know what I'm doing at any given time#But presumably I've learned SOMETHING#And my writing is not The Worst™#Funny how the baseline changes as skill changes because it's hard to remember sometimes that yes#Skill has improved!!#I say as I stare at this document with severe doubts and worry and agony#Nothing like looking at a 5k doc and going 'yeah this is only halfway to the end at BEST'#There is so much more yet to complete#Also super nice to hear that the cult thing is good to read#It's got a lot more visuals than my usual so I'm pushing my comfort zone#I am Not A Visual Person so that takes some Effort#All of these tags have been very navelgazing so here's a fun fact#If *I* can get better at writing by doing it for a long time#YOU can do it TOO and BETTER#It just takes - again - a lot of writing to get there
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I looked at the information that youtube had on me and was using for ad tracking (I have adblocker so...) and youtube thinks I work in real estate for a 'big company' 😂. Like what. Where did they get that? I'm unemployed. I've never worked real estate and I don't want to have anything to do with it. Youtube also thinks I'm female, not a parent, am upper middle class (apparently they judge you on what class they think you are??) and some categories had "not enough information" to make a judgement.
#almost all of these things are wrong#it's a comfort to know they are inept at data collecting and categorizing me#and are 'using' the wrong info to 'show me ads' which I'm not seeing because uBlock origin is the best#they only thing they got right is that I'm not a parent to children--I am a parent to my cats
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Do you think that Ahkmenrah blames himself for the 54 years he spent locked up at the Natural History Museum?
Does he think that he must have done something to anger the gods in order for them to punish him like this. He didn't honor them well enough, maybe. Or maybe they were angry that he had told Egyptologists at Cambridge about them, was it hearsay to tell stories of the gods to people who believed them only to be fiction. Did he say something incorrect, perhaps, misleading in a way that left him needing punishment.
He had to have done something. He's just not sure what.
But Ahkmenrah knows he has to figure it out quickly. The gods may have sent Larry to free him as a second chance, but something like that must come with a time limit.
And if Ahk found himself locked up again, he isn't quite sure he would be able to make it out the other side whole.
#ravenpuff rambles#ahkmenrah#night at the museum#very vaguely#the sun the moon and the stars#In that I had this idea thinking about that au and Ahk talking to Ammon for the first time under the moon in 54 years#And how Ammon was always so much at understanding the gods and what they wanted and Ahk wishes so much he was here#Anyways I just am into the idea that Ahk doesn't blame the old night guards or other exhibits so much for him being locked up#But he rather blames himself and has spent 54 years trying to figure out why and his best conclusion is it must be the gods#He just doesn't know what he did#also hi natm fandom been a minute but I'm semi back because I need a comfort fandom right now#So cheers and maybe there will be more sun moon and stars posts coming because it is my only thoughts#also I had an idea about a mild dc crossover but we'll save that for another day
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fun side effect (thats so not the right word but idc) of being aro is that while everybody else is in love with fictional characters, i just really want to be their friend!!! i just really really really want to give them a hug & make them a nice warm drink (yes i am one of those people that makes drinking tea their whole personality. what about it.) like. i just. i want to listen to them rant about their life & how their day was. I WANT TO LISTEN TO THEM INFODUMP‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ ugh. just please be neurodivergent with me for a minute. please. guys. autism. please.
#also nd does not just mean adhd/autism but that is what i’m referring to here‼️‼️#also i am actually autistic i am not just saying autism for no reason LMAO#but uh yeah. anywyas. love my silly little guys. just want to give them a hug & listen to them rant#please please pkease tell me about your special interest or current hyperfixation or whatever#i want to hear everything tell me every single little detail i love you#ALSO ON THAT NOTE!!!! i experience platonic love SO FUCKING AGGRESSIVELY#and i feel like alloromantic people do not understand that as much???#like i said to one of my friends thst they were ‘one of my best friends’#and they were like wdym. u only have one best friend. and i was like bro. actually i love you all so intensely so don’t even say that man#like i just. ugh. i love ny friends so much. platonic love is truly sososososoo beautiful & we need to appreciate it more bc what.#anywyas.#aromantic#aro#arospec#tea#comfort character#autism#adhd#yeah idk that’s all i got#oh one more.#martin blackwood#bc that is really who i’m talking about here lets be so real
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Actually no you know what, I'm still thinking about last Sunday's sermon. In like the least three minutes, the pastor managed to pounce on my absolute biggest insecurity as a Christian, but more on that anon.
The whole sermon was supposed to be about young men, which I expected to feel like being dragged backwards by the hair through beds of hot coals embedded with broken glass (you know, like usual) because I happen to have boys that I know I'm not raising well. And there was a certain amount of squirming, but he also interspersed a few how-to's in with his "Here's what your Happy Christian Family (tm) should look like! 😃😃 But don't worry if it doesn't, you can always get there 😁" (which always leaves me screaming "HOW! How do I get from HERE to THERE" but I digress) which was a nice change of pace.
But he kept going off on tangents that were just... encouragement? And admittedly I don't know how much I would've gotten out of it if I hadn't been praying about exactly that the previous night. But one of the passages that came to me right after I was done praying (or while I still was kinda?) was Joseph on that throne in Egypt looking at his brothers and saying "What you meant for evil God intended for good" and then the pastor the next morning was like "and Joseph was there in Egypt and was telling his brothers what you meant for evil God meant for good" and I was all *Leonardo di Caprio pointing meme*
BUT ANYWAY in the last couple of minutes he was like
"So the charge is simply: believe the blessing. He's putting the blessing upon you. He's blessing you; He knows all about you. And He's blessing you. He's pleased with you.* So, that's the charge. Believe the blessing. Receive the blessing, with believing hearts. Now - the Lord bless you and keep you, the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious unto you. The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, and grant you His peace. And amen."
*me, still blubbering over "He's pleased with you" (I have a really, really, really hard time with that one. What do you MEAN He's pleased with me, that's impossible, have you seen me?!?! I am nothing but a failure and a disaster top to bottom.
Anyway.)
#Nattering into the void#King's Cross Moscow#The biggest hurdle for me with - not only this church; all the churches I know of do it - is that everything is preached from the#assumption of two Christian parents who are both doing their best and have a large and steady support system#(And frankly also comfortable finances although I'm not sure that one is at all conscious)#There's just not... Sunday preaching geared towards#My unbelieving husband/spouse waltzed off and I am trying to raise#the kids alone on a shoestring budget with a minimal support system#(Which is admittedly more of a support system than I had this time two years ago or even a year ago)#(I love you all so much)#I'm not really sure where I'm going with this#Just that it's nice sometimes to hear that He's pleased with me even if I'm currently incapable of believing it even a little
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It's good to know that i'm not the only one who went throught the rain world to ultrakill hyperfix pipeline. i had enough of being a little clueless animal and dying in the most embarassing way possible, it's time to KILL
#ani.txt#i wanted to say something else instead of “time to kill” but uh. i'm not sure if you guys are ready for my dirty jokes yet lol#also kinda unrelated but#so far the ultrakill community seems to be a lot more chill compared to everything i experienced with the rain world community#imma be honest with you guys i don't enjoy being in this fandom as much anymore#mostly after the... thing that happened recently#i don't feel safe in a community where starting harassment campaigns agains disabled kids and defending people who sexualize ferals#is completely normal to some people#i legit can't put into words how disappointed i am after all of this#this doesn't mean that i'm leaving the community. i still love this game a lot and met a lot of wonderful people during my time in the fand#but again. i no longer feel comfortable here due to certain things but i'm trying my best to avoid drama as much as i can#for the sake of my mental health#block button my beloved (you don't want to know how many people i have blocked only in the last month lmao)
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