#but so many people are actually going through this same thing

[alchemistc]

Part One

Part Two

They make it past the second six months.

It's agonizing. It's wonderful. Tommy wants to scream.

"Why are you calling it your six month anniversary?" Hen asks, with a quirked brow, eyeing them both from across the twelve-top they'd scooped up (and modified under the careful scrutiny of the curmudgeonly bartender Joe) early.

Tommy's glad his hand is under the table. The nervous habit of running a thumb along the underside of his empty ring finger would be the kind of thing Hen notices.

"You don't just get a Mulligan on the first six."

It's been a year and a half since Tommy met Evan Buckley. Over, actually, since Evan had just gone a little insane instead of taking a step back to examine his feelings, at the start. It always makes Tommy wonder exactly how much he'd examined those first days with Eddie. He's heard the story, clips of it, bits and pieces scattered between everyone Evan knows, and he wonders if Evan will ever come to the conclusion that he'd had virtually the same reaction to Eddie, back at the beginning. It's settled, now. They are firm in their friendship, and any attraction that might be there isn't simmering under the surface waiting to blindside Tommy. But he wonders sometimes if Evan won't just bolt up in bed ten years from now to shake Tommy awake and tell him he'd had a crush on Eddie.

Ten years?

Christ.

If Evan ever knew how many times the future popped into his mind like a jump scare, he'd -

They're far past the deadline for annulment. At this point they're at "split the assets before you go". Can't quite talk your way out of a committed relationship six months post-marriage.

Neither one of them has brought it up, and Tommy is getting great at pretending like it's not a scythe shifting closer and closer every time the pendulum swings past him.

Evan tosses a balled up napkin at Hen and sticks out his tongue, and before she can do more than scowl there are five more people flooding through the door behind them to shout congratulations and drop into their seats to gossip.

---

Hiding it becomes a moot point. He's had it in his head this whole time that if it were to get out, it would definitely be Evan's fault.

The universe does enjoy a twist

He'd gotten a jumbled text from Evan mid-flight, and a more coherent one from Eddie when his captain asked him to turn the bird around and land, and he's a bundle of nerves as he spills through the barely open doors of the elevator and spots the rest of the 118 looking concerned off in the corner of the waiting room.

Eddie catches him first. Spots the look on his face and makes a valiant attempt to explain, to soothe his worry, but there's a nurse rounding a corner and all Tommy has gotten to this point is <Buck's being transported to Good Samaritan. He's stable but you should come.>

He's kind of an ass about it. He'll regret it later when she narrows her eyes and reminds him visiting hours have ended. He'll shoot back with the same shit he's gearing himself up for in this moment and they'll reach a detente.

"Evan Buckley. Do you have any new information?"

She eyes the flight suit he hadn't bothered to take off before booking it to his truck. Tilts her gaze behind him, to the 118, and maybe that's what does it. The idea that they're any more family than he is. "We'll inform family immediately with any updates."

Tommy can see Eddie wince out of the corner of his eye, but all he's thinking about is the hundreds of moments Evan's smile has left him breathless, all the promises they'd made each other that night with the neon lights of Vegas spurring them on.

"Seeing as I'm his husband, I'd like a full update. Now."

He regrets it the moment the words are out of his mouth. Not just because he's being a complete fucking dickhead about it, either.

The pendulum gets its first taste of blood and swings away again.

---

Evan grins at him. He's bruised and bandaged and high as a kite, and he's so fucking beautiful it nearly takes Tommy out at the knees. Thankfully he's already sitting.

Perched on a chair close enough to the bed that he's annoyed an orderly, a doctor, and two nurses, hand curled over Evan's in the bed, he's just finished confessing he can't keep a secret for shit and Evan is smiling at him.

The rest of the 118 is still waiting outside. He'd let Maddie go first, so it's likely Evan already knew this tidbit, but it doesn't hurt to be honest. Or so he's learning.

"You love me," Evan sing-songs.

Tommy sucks his lips behind his teeth to hide his grin. Blows out a breath. "So you're not upset?"

He looks - momentarily shifty. "Uh - don't be mad."

Tommy quirks a brow.

"It's - okay so you know how we have to update all our medical information every year for the insurance?" Tommy nods. Licks his lips. "Um."

The next sentence is a garbled rush. Tommy gets 'power' and 'just in case' and nothing else. "Say again?"

"I... Uh. I updated my forms."

That paperwork was due about two months after the Vegas trip.

"To... Just in case I was incapacitated, I wanted to make sure..."

"Evan," Tommy presses.

"You have, uh. Power of attorney. And you're listed as next of kin with Maddie. Just. Just in case."

It should freak the hell out of him. It should make him question everything they've been doing, with the open honesty crap, for the last eight months.

"I want a divorce," Tommy says, and then grimaces. "Shit, that's not what I - ." And Evan's grin gets wider. Like he knows. Like he understands. Like everything they've been building and breaking and rebuilding for the last almost two years has actually made him an expert at interpreting Tommy when he doesn't have the right words in the right order.

"Gonna need that ring you've got hidden in your moms music box," Evan says, and then someone is rapping impatiently at the door Tommy shut behind him as he practically shoved past Maddie to get to him. "I get to propose this time." Tommy bites back a choked laugh while half the 118 spill into the room to whisper-yell at them both.

[chimneyz]

This was the last call Maddie expected, the last person that she thought would ever be on the other end of the line.

"911. What is your emergency?"

Maddie didn't know how many times she has repeated those words. Not that it mattered but she wondered some times. Wondered how many people she's actually helped, how many people she was the last person they ever spoke to.

On the other end of the line multiple alarms blaring were off aching Maddie's ears. Gusts of wind scream through making it hard to hear anything that is happening.

"911. Is anyone there?" Maddie's eyes narrowed her heart rate steadily increasing.

"Maddie is that you?" a man's voice piped up.

The blood in Maddie's veins grow ice cold, she knows that voice. She may not know that voice well but she knows that voice. That same voice that made her brother happy all those months ago, that same voice that became an important part in her brother’s life, that same voice that ultimately destroyed him.

"Tommy? W-What is going on? What happened?"

A mirthless laugh comes from the other line.

"Nothing happened yet, but it will. God I was really hoping someone else would pick up the line."

"Where are you?"

"Ummm, in the sky, but that won't last long. Helicopter is going down, nothing I can do..."

"Where are you Tommy? I-I can send help, you will get through this."

"No, I don't think I will, not this time."

Tears started pooling in Maddie’s eyes.

"Tommy don't say that, you don't know what is going to happen."

Silence.

"Maddie, can you do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Can you make sure you're here when Evan hears this? He's on shift right now, so no point in calling him... I guess I could of left a voicemail but it's a little hard to think when you're falling to your death."

"Tommy you aren't going to die."

"Sure," Tommy chuckles "Then let's just say falling. It's hard to think while falling."

Tommy take a moment to breath.

"So I guess here is my message. Evan, I have been trying for weeks to figure out the right words, completely failing to find them. I guess now is as good a time as any, in case, well I guess you know already. I shouldn't have said what I said that night. I was just scared, scared of the future, scared that you would actually see me and not this version of me you have in your head. Probably could of used some better words that night to explain my self. You should of heard the earfull I gor from Eddie, he was -understandably- pissed. So I apologize for what I said, how things turned out. Hell even for calling you Buck. I was trying to distance myself from you but it came out cruel and uncalled for. That wasn't my attention. I didn't realize that subtracting my self from the equation, from us, would hurt you. Nor did I realize how much it would hurt me..."

Maddie pursed her lips as tears started streaming down her cheeks. She may have been angry at Tommy for everything but she was seeing a side of him she didn't expect.

"I guess what I want to say, what I am trying to say before I can't is; I love you Evan, I have for a while now and fuck dose it scare me. It scares me how hard I have fallen for you... and that I am sorry, I am so sorry how things have ended Evan."

Silence.

"Tommy?" Maddie finally piped up, her mouth dry.

"Yeah, still here."

"I am going to get you some help ok? And you can tell my brother everything you just said to me in person you got that Tommy?

"Ok," Tommy sighed, "But as a just in case will you give him this message, worse case scenario."

"There isn't going to be a worse case scenario.

"Please just promise me Maddie."

Maddie shudders through the tears, "Yeah ok I will."

"Thank you."

The alarms keep blaring into Maddie’s ears for what feels like forever. Then nothing. The line goes dead.

"Tommy?"

Silence.

[opencommunion]

this post is in response to people who say that “building community” is the only thing they need to do to “create social change.” but even if that’s not your aim, building an all-white community always creates negative social change (white supremacists are actually all about their “community”). seeing an all-white community doesn’t make me think “oh I’m welcome to join,” it makes me run for the hills.

this happens all the time with fandoms — white fans wax poetic about their “communities” and play stupid when asked why those communities are all white (of course ~poc are welcome, never mind that we dogpile anyone who brings up fandom racism! of course poc are welcome, they’re just not here because they must not be interested, not because our community is hostile to them!)

the art world is another great example. every arts institution has a mission statement about community engagement and a diverse artistic community, but the industry is still moved by profit and prestige. the mission statements go out the window when it’s time to brownnose to oil baron investors and chase clout with big name exhibitions. “artistic communities” are more likely to protect powerful abusers than marginalized people, because the powerful abusers come with financial and social incentives. this is true whether the institution is a national museum or diy punk venue; the bullshit just scales accordingly. I’ve watched so many well-meaning white people start independent arts companies that they say will center community, but they immediately fall into the same pattern because their actual first priority is their own career advancement.

if you thoughtlessly allow your “community” to reflect the power dynamics in the society around you, your community helps preserve the status quo, which is a violent and oppressive status quo. we can’t pick and choose when we care about justice and equality, it has to inform everything we do. that’s what upholding a value means: you have to move through the world consciously prioritizing that value. there are a lot of people who believe they value community, but what they’re really pursuing are the personal rewards they expect from a certain kind of (real or imagined) community.

WE are the society (insert joker meme here). WE create social change, not just through actions that are commonly understood as “political” like voting and activism, but through everything we do as humans interacting with other humans, every single day. if justice is something you value, you have to pay attention to the injustice around you and actively work against it in everything you do. if it’s too hard to prioritize anti-racism in your everyday life, don’t claim to be anti-racist

I don't believe anything white tumblr queers say about the virtues of 'building community' when they've made it clear 'community' to them means 'me and my white friends.' what are you building? a polycule on a hobby farm?

[euniexenoblade]

I debated if I wanted to mock this post/screenshot for a couple hours and i decided I was just gonna go in line by line and dissect it

"being poly is a choice you make. not an identity you cannot change."

I disagree. I struggled with this through most of my teens and early twenties. The desire to be with multiple people was strong and the concept that I couldn't be with all of them was very confusing and hurtful not just to me, but the people I was with. Had I been taught what polyamory is younger and had known that monogamy is not actually the only way you're allowed to be, i'd have probably been able to stop struggling with this much sooner. Do I think this was as big of a mental struggle as being gay or trans? Nah. But it was certainly an issue that ate away at me.

As much as polyamory was a choice, so was me being trans was a choice. I would say both are inherent to who I am. Just because something isn't inherent to your identity, doesn't mean it isn't inherent to mine.

The second paragraph is a gross misinterpretation of what was said. I said abused poly people in relationships they cannot escape will likely cheat when they do find love. The same is true for monogamous people who cannot escape relationships. This happens all the fucking time. To women. To gay people. To trans people. To poly people. This is so utterly common it's an overused trope in story telling.

"OBVIOUSLY abusive situations aside"

The post was about abusive situations. You're already throwing away the core concept to the post.

"why are you staying with someone you are completely incompatible with"

This shows how this person has no value for relationships. Just because you realize you're poly doesn't mean your feelings for an individual disappears. You want to see if this relationship can still work, whether monogamous or polyamorous. Not to mention so many people would find themselves homeless or penniless by just leaving. There's no actual understanding of love and relationships and the heart here.

"you don't need to pursue any kind of relationship ever"

And gay people don't have to be in gay relationships. Trans people don't have to transition. Doesn't change the longing to experience what you want to experience.

"where exclusivity is agreed upon"

I know poly people who entered relationships under the premise the other person was poly, just for that person to decide "actually I'm monogamous, and I'll kill myself if you leave me." You have no understanding or empathy.

"wanting to be poly does not excuse cheating what is wrong with you people"

Look I agree cheating sucks and violates trust, but acting like it's the worst thing in the history of ever is just childish. I get it hurts but at the end of the day, you do not own another person's body and sometimes shit happens. I just do not care what other people do with their own bodies and you cannot make me believe I'm supposed to care. If my husband goes and fucks someone without my permission (which he commonly does) then that's rad. I hope he has fun. If my wife goes and fucks someone I don't know (which she regularly does) then fuck yeah I hope they both had fun. Y'all are too fucking uptight.

Also the tags

The "monogamous people are losers and shouldn't get a say in anything" was something I said in reply to a heckler on my 'monogamous people often abuse poly partners' post. To take it solely as 100% serious opinion is foolish and childish.

"I cheated cuz waaa"

I've never cheated on any partner. The post isn't even saying it's ok cheat, it's saying that poly people get branded as cheaters whether they do or don't. But I'll say it here just because it's so controversial that it pisses losers off: it's ok for polyamorous people to cheat on monogamous partners. Get out before they abuse you.

[kanguin]

Ideal show:

Slow paced adult audience portal fantasy anime where a shutin dies in an accident, unfulfilled, unaware of who he really is, but is reincarnated into a fantasy world with a demon king situation. Standard fare. However, instead of getting going right away, the protagonist stays depressed and doesn't even attempt to start the quest he was given until he meets a high energy local adventurer lady, and through helping out with a sudden incident in town, protag and the adventurer form the first true friendship he's ever had. He finds her attractive, but doesn't say as much, as it he quickly finds out via a run in with her ex that she's a lesbian. Turns out, this magical world is enthusiastically and normalizing-ly accepting of queer people, and that actually comforts him greatly for some reason, even though he's pretty sure he's a straight guy; must just be happy for the people here.

His new friend encourages the him to go on and start the quest to defeat the demon king. It's a long journey, and will take years, but if he's prophesied to be the hero, then he's the only one who can do it. There's just one problem, the one prophesied to kill the demon king is a woman. Surely then he must have just misheard, clearly he must have been summoned to HELP the hero, which while disappointing and less glamorous, eases the burden somewhat. So the two gear up for their journey, and the protagonist purchases a magical item from a shop, a bracelet said to help the wearer reach their true potential. If that potential is heroism, it helps you build muscle and strengthens your bones. If that potential is music, your dexterity and fine motor skills slowly improve. Whatever change needs to be made, will be made. So surely, if a nobody like protag is taking to help defeat the demon king, that will be necessary.

The two set off, heading through more and more difficult areas as their quest takes them toward the heart of evil. Slowly but surely, protag gets stronger and faster, hell this bracelet is even smoothing out his skin. With his friend's help, protag slowly catches up to her, but not before she advances further. His adventurer friend has flings from time to time, but this doesn't really bother him, he's just happy she's happy. However the adventurer is getting confused, because she's certain she's not into men, but sometimes the light catches her friend's eyes, or glows off his hair, and she feels... Funny.

As time passes, protag's hair gets longer, from many uncut months, but it's also getting denser and more voluminous, and his hand, despite getting stronger wielding shields and swords, are also getting softer. Maybe the bracelet is trying to sighal to him to live a quiet life? But hey his stomach's getting flatter, even if it's all just shifting down to his thighs. Eh, must be there to build muscle, right?

(more under cut, this started out as a simple wishlist of ideas but ballooned into a full vague framework of a story)

But slowly, this new world challenges the protagonist on facts he took for granted. He meets people who were born one way, only to find they would rather be another, and starts to question what it even means to be a man, or if it even meant the same thing to him as other men. It means nothing to him though... Slowly, he stops trying to prove his manliness at times, and just, wants to be himself. But he's starting to question who he even is; new experiences keep making the protagonist think back to their old life, and reanalyze some things they never gave any time of day. Suddenly they're relating less and less to men, and really, truly feeling happy in the company of women. Perhaps it's just because men bullied them?

Meanwhile, the protagonist is looking... Prettier? And smiling when they see themself in the mirror? They're normally a sad snarker, but their adventurer friend is starting to be thrown off guard by their genuine joy along the journey. And... Kind of attractive, but holy shit what??? They're a guy, she doesn't swing that way, no way.

By the time they're halfway to the demon king's castle, they're greeted at a tavern as two "young ladies". Which throws the two of them for a loop, because clearly there's only one girl here, right there. Sure, the protag is pretty androgenous, always have been, so the mistake is easy to make, but... Wait have they always been androgynous? No they were clearly just some out of shape guy when they got here, why would getting in shape from a magic bracelet make that less defined. And that's when the two remembered.

The bracelet works off of the true self, the full potential of a person.

The two get a room at the in and realize they NEED to talk about what this means. The adventurer is excited, but protag is just confused. The adventurer shouts in joy that protag must be destined to ge a girl, that's why the prophecy seemed off. In a panic, protag checks their pants... Okay little buddy is still there. This, however, makes their friend crack up laughing. She's in hysterics at why they think becoming a girl means that would change. Sure, most girls have a vulva, she has one she says, but not all girls do. And if your truest, most ideal self still has a dick, there's no reason it would go anywhere.

Sure, they've been happier lately, and no longer hate seeing their face in mirrors, but do they really see themself as a girl? Wait, they've not really been referring to themself as a guy in a while, and somewhere along the line "he/him" just got dropped without them even noticing. Why does this suddenly put a lot of things from the past into context? Why does that feel like a weight off their increasingly heavier chest? Changes like this, so gradual you don't even notice, so right they just feel natural... maybe this is what they needed. Maybe this is what they've always wanted. Maybe when they arrived in this world, they weren't exactly the hero of legend, but maybe... maybe they want to become her?

This introspection greatly relieves their friend, who had grinned and bared that she must have stumbled into the responsibility, but never truly felt right taking the chosen hero's role just because of a little gender incongruence. Then again, everything about the backwards, if technologically advanced, world her friend came from makes sense why they just assumed it must be her instead.

When the pair got back on the road again, the two adventurers were working in better sync than ever. The friend native to this world started peppering in feminine terms when talking to and about the protagonist. She'd comment on "her" hair, ask a blacksmith to repair (and adjust) "this fine lady's armor". When the terms would hit a nerve, she'd back off, but slowly, the terminology started to make the protag smile sheepishly.

The protagonist wasn't the only one who was changing, of course. While both were becoming more skilled adventurers as they took on bigger and bigger missions, the more seasoned of the two found herself sitting closer on benches to her friend, stealing glances at night when they brush strands of hair out of their face, having to look away when the tent curtain isn't fully closed when the protagonist starts changing... Oh my god she's into her. Them. Whatever. At least protag isn't a guy after all?

The two of them pick up other party members along the way; some stay for a while, some leave, but by just after halfway there they're a pretty consistent team of four, and the other two are certain there's something between the co-leaders, but hell if they're going to poke that hornet's nest of drama, they have to hear the two of them fretting fruitlessly to themselves when the other isn't around as is.

2 years into the journey, and just looking at the protagonist, there's no clue she could have ever been mistaken for a man. Mere months from the demon king's castle, and she's gone from a joke the hordes can't take seriously to a fearsome warrior you don't approach, lest she strike you down with her blade or her crossbow-wielding situationship takes you out first.

Despite all the battlefield confidence, however, the protagonist and her oldest companion in this world still rest at a stalemate, where each have formed a wall of excuses for why they shouldn't approach the other about how they feel. Fighting is easy, navigating feelings is complicated, especially when the circumstances today are different from when they first met years ago. The demon king is mere months away, the party is ready to take him on, but that's bizarrely ever the topic of conversation. The mage and cleric find it not only amusing, but also reassuring, as if navigating complex social barriers is their biggest concern, then they're probably going to be just fine.

That is, it's funny until it's gone on for 3 years, the captain's a clueless virgin, the co-captain stopped having hookups over a year ago, and both are pent up to high heaven.

Then one day, just before they get to the demon castle, the impending threat cracks the surface of the tension, and the protagonist confesses to her companion, even though she knows her friend only dates women, she just has to confess. To this, her friend calls her an idiot for not realizing that isn't an issue, it hasn't been for a long time. She does reciprocate those feelings though, she was just worried the protagonist had long ago written her off as an option after she made it clear she wasn't into men, even though things had changed. In relief, the two laugh, sob, and hug, before pulling away into a long overdue kiss.

The party, newly resolved of tension, gathers their materials, and lays absolute shit into the demon king. The three years that it took to get here had honed all of them into fine warriors, but most of all the protagonist's bracelet had made her into the perfect weapon to slay the evil tyrant. With a decisive slash, the absolute evil that had plagued this land was now without his head, and the hordes of his armies that witnessed this cowered in fear of their defeat.

It would take many more years before the rest of his forces in the land outside the path the party cleared were stamped out, but the root had been thoroughly ripped out and the land could heal and rebuild without threat of absolute destruction for once in many millennia. The protagonist and her "best friend" would go on to get married, and after a few more years helping stamp out the dark army's remnants, the two would settle down in a small town, open a shop, and most of all be happy.

Maybe they stay monogamous, maybe they find a third person they both fall in love with. Maybe they eventually open the relationship but have each other as their anchors they always come home to. Maybe just the one from the magical world originally goes back to hookups on the side with her wife's blessing. I don't care how it's handled (though shirking monogamy in a story is always welcome), but I need a story like this put to animation in my lifetime. Maybe I might write my own story off this framework someday, fleshed out into a full narrative with actual names and locations, but if something like this gets put into production, which is a pipe dream I know, I would truly die happy. I love portal fantasies and their opportunity to explore a world unlike ours, and the opportunity for fish-out-of-water tales that help the protagonist grow into a better version of themself bring me so much joy. So to take this genre that is so often male wish fulfillment, and make it something that reflects my fantasies as a queer trans feminine person, it would just make me so happy.

I hope what I wrote is enjoyable by anyone who reads this, and I sincerely hope I don't have to mute this post from terf backlash or something. If you got to the end here, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.

[ye4gerism]

𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐊, 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍!- 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

word count 4.8k

content warning a little bit of spiciness, false positive pregnancy mention, black reader friendly

author’s note hi. i suffered through writer’s block these past three months but BOOM mouthwashing and fanart of this fine ass man popped up on my fyp. i’ve watched two playthroughs of this game, so i hope i captured the right image of curly. oh and he’s australian here. and my requests are open!

synopsis on a study abroad trip, you meet another (handsome) study abroad student who talks his way into your heart and ends up being a key part of your life

Winter in London was not up to your standards.

You were here on a study abroad trip for your master's program. You did the whole overseas thing during one quarter during your time as an undergrad - it was a little visit to South Africa which you thoroughly enjoyed. But “travel some more,” everyone said.

After a lot of thinking, you gave in and decided to travel to the U.K. as you wanted something that felt familiar. You were wrong in so many ways - the roads followed unnecessary loops, plugs were shaped unusually, and...oh, every drink there was some sort of 'diet' or 'zero sugar' crap.

But over time, this place began to feel like a routine. It wasn't home but you were okay. You liked the opportunity to grow in your program and you liked your classmates. Everything was balanced - school, eat, chat, sleep.

Except for one particular day after your classes, a few of your classmates insisted you go to a pub with them. Something about 'getting you more exposed to the London culture'. After much pestering, you indulged.

So you found yourself at this pub but not as excited as the people who invited you. Over time, they were engulfed in their own conversations and inside jokes and you were off to the side, whiskey in front of you, own your own. It's weird to drink when the people who are supposed to have your back don't.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Oh boy, were you about to have your first unwanted encounter in London?

You look over your shoulder and see this strikingly tall man, his head full of bright hair. His shy smile

is highlighted by his stubble. Your eyes soften for a moment and the tension in your shoulders fades.

But then it returns. "I'm enjoying myself. Thank you. I'm with my...my classmates." Your tone is sharp. You gesture to your classmates, who are still in their own world.

"You're American? Are you sure these people know you?" He asks. You pause, trying to find a witty answer of your own. Part of you wanted to point out his thick accent as it wasn't as posh as the Londoners. Maybe Australian. You think for a while but you're still stuck.

"Curly." He extends his hand to you. You shake it.

"Your name is Curly?" you ask curtly. "And I'm supposed to feel bad about my situation?"

He chuckles at your response, his face settling into a smirk. "My name is Grant. Everyone just calls me Curly."  He swirls his glass, eyeing the empty barstool next to you. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

You look him over noticing his muscular build once more. "I don't mind." He swings his leg over the seat and rests his forearms on the counter. Curly takes you in for a moment. You take this time to take note of his eyes - a shade of deep blue. He's sort of cute, you think.

"So, why exactly is an American girl like you here in London?" And it all goes away. You find yourself a little annoyed with his question as it's yet another variation of the same question you've heard since you arrived here.

"You ask that like I'm not supposed to be here. It's not like the United Kingdom is some sort of war zone," you respond. He raises his right hand in defense. "I'm studying abroad for a quarter. I'm a grad student," you finally answer. "You don't sound like you're from here either. What's your deal?"

"Well, I'm here for school too." He downs the rest of his drink. "Masters too actually. I'm trying to go to space."

"Still doesn't explain the accent," you cut in.

"Well, my father's Aussie and my mother's from here. They separated years ago and I spent most of my life in Australia with my Pa and spent time with my mother when I wasn't in school. She moved to the States after the divorce. I decided I'd pursue my college education in America and have been there since."

"So you're here studying abroad as well," you state. He nods and then gestures to someone behind him. "That's Jimmy. I like to think we've been attached to the hip for the longest time."

This Jimmy he speaks of is on the opposite side of the bar, socializing. "I'm really happy we got to take this trip together. He made my breaks great. I was really bummed that the person I considered my best friend lived on the other side of the world but the great thing about adulthood is the lack of limitation."

You laugh at his comment and he gives you a confused look. "As an adult, I feel that there are so many limitations. Especially as we get older."

"Well, it's up to you if you let those limitations run your life. You have free will, you know, and...and you typically only live once." He places a hand on your arm and it slowly runs down to your elbow. Your eyes are locked now.

"My name is Y/N."

"I like that."

You like the weight of his hand and you like his eyes and you like his hair. He seems like a cute guy and he has such a cute name - Grant Curly. What a cute face.

"Hey Curly." The moment is broken by an unfamiliar voice but a familiar face. The Jimmy guy. "It's getting late and we have shit to do. You think you can stop flirting and leave now." He pauses and looks at you. "No offense."

You're taken aback and not sure of what to say but you respect him for keeping his friend in check...but maybe not with that tone. You look behind you and see that your classmates have left you. So much for adults.

"You're right. I lost track of time," Curly admits sheepishly. He looks at you first, then at Jimmy. "This is Y/N."

"Great. Nice to meet you, Y/N." You wait for a handshake or something. "Let's go now." Jimmy starts to walk away from where you're both sitting.

"Sorry about him. He's nice! I promise!" Curly rubs his neck nervously. "How are you getting home? Going back with your friends?"

"They left. I'll have to call a cab or something," you say. He looks over at Jimmy, who's exiting the pub, and then back at you. "I'll take you back home. What's your address?"

"It's okay. Your friend...he doesn't seem receptive. And besides, I can take care of myself," You answer. You start to rummage through your purse and pull out your wallet to pay for your drink. Curly gently holds your wrist. Your breath hitches at the electrifying feeling. "Let me pay for your drink and take you home," he starts, "I know you're definitely capable of taking care of yourself but it'd kill me if I left you alone."

You look away from him for a moment and think. This was your opportunity to get his number. "Okay...I'll pay for the drink and you can take me home," you offer. He shakes his head and gestures to the bartender. "Please put this lady's drink on my tab," he says. Curly pulls out his wallet, then his card, and slides it over to the bartender. You lightly slap his arm in protest. "Why would you do that?"

He just smirks at you before taking back his card and receipt. "Let's go." He offers his hand to you to help you off the barstool but you playfully swat it away before plopping off.

Curly leads you outside to the parking lot and clicks the unlock button on his keys. His friend is leaning against the car and you take note of the fact that he was rushing Curly when he didn't even own a car himself.

"What is she doing here?" He asks. "Jimmy, we're dropping her off. You think you could move to the back so the pretty lady can sit up front?" His friend asks.

Jimmy gets off of the car and mumbles something illegible under his breath. You feel bad so you say something, “He can sit-"

Curly cuts you off, "No, no, you sit down." He opens the passenger seat for you and you slide inside.

Something you noticed about the two friends was how opposite they were; Jimmy was clearly someone who didn't like too much change and you assumed that Curly lacked any anxiety. They seem to balance each other out...maybe?

As you conversed with Curly about your respective lives, you couldn't help but notice Jimmy's eyes piercing your image through the driver's mirror.

“Hi love." You feel so much relief when Curly's lips meet yours. You can't help but melt against him. It felt so good to have him in your home.

The two of you had decided to go long-distance months after you met in London. Curly was based in Colorado; his mother lived there, it was where he attended school and he loved it so much because of the snow. It seemed like whenever you called, he was on some sort of mountain or on his way there. While you were living in California, where there wasn't much of that, Curly claimed it reminded him so much of home - so he didn’t mind you living there.

After your first meeting, you regularly hung out and spoke over the phone. Sometimes you both were lucky to be alone; he'd take you out to lunch or take you to tourist sights in London. Sometimes you'd spend time in his flat and Jimmy would be there. The latter wouldn't say much but you always felt like he never really wanted you around. When he did speak to you, your conversations would start somewhat simple and then he'd say something to kill the mood.

One night as your school's study abroad program came to an end, Curly showed up at your flat without any notice. The Curly you saw that night wasn't the one you were getting to know all this time - he was much more bashful than ever. Not the type of bashful when Jimmy tries to embarrass him but bashful in the sense that he was well into his twenties, almost 30, and was struggling to find the words to confess to you. Luckily for him, he didn't need to completely contextualize as you felt the same way.

"How is work, baby?" You ask him. He came to California as it was his turn to take the flight to see you.

"Same old, same old." He started working for some space freighter company months before he met you; you only heard about it once you got back to the States. You weren't too sure about the whole thing but he was making money and getting practice for the career he really wanted.

You pull away from his chest and take his image in. "I missed you so so much." Curly pulls you closer to him so that he can kiss you again. This time it's a bit longer. He pulls away looks behind himself to find your couch and leads you to it without bumping into anything.

He sits first and invites you to crawl onto his lap. Once you're settled, he grabs your thighs and you take hold of his shoulders, kissing him again. His hands roam from your thighs to your back before finding themselves under your shirt. At the feel of your bra, he asks, "Oh, what's this?"

You feel your cheeks heating up at his playfulness. "Why don't you take my shirt off and find out?"

Taking this as permission, Curly unclasps your bra and moves his hands to your shirt; you raise your arm as he pulls the bottom of your shirt off. Once it's been discarded, your bra slightly falls off your chest and Curly does you the honor of taking it off of you.

He lets the back of his hand run lightly against your nipple and you can't help but mewl a bit. "Missed me?" He asks. You nod. "Every single day."

"I think about you a lot. At work, at home, when I'm outside. It's hard knowing that I have such a pretty darling on the other side of the country." He brings one of your breasts to his lips and wraps his lips around your nipple, where his tongue dances around. He pulls his lips away with a 'pop'. "Grant," you let out breathlessly.

"I think about doing you at my desk, on my bed, everywhere." He lowers you down on the couch and adjusts himself so that he's on top of your lower half. "I think I'll take you on this couch and maybe if you're up to it, on your island counter next, and then after-"

He's cut off by a vibration in his pocket. "Just a moment, it's probably work," he says, pulling out his phone. You notice a slight annoyance on his face when he reads the Caller ID.

"Jimmy, hi." Speak of the devil. At the sound of his name, you shuffle to sit up on the couch. Curly puts a hand out to stop you but you swat it away.

"No, Jimmy, I didn't eat your pickles. Have you tried looking around the fridge?"

You reach next to him to pull your shirt and bra out of the crevice of the couch.

"You found them- no, I landed here hours ago."

You clasp your bra and put your shirt back on.

"I'm sorry that - Jimmy!" You jump at the volume of Curly's voice. He sees this, places a hand on your knee and mouths an apology. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you. I just got here. I'm with my girlfriend- huh? Ok. I'll talk to you later. Bye Jimbo." He then hangs up. Curly sits back on his knees. He brushes his hair back with his hand and releases a sigh before placing both hands on his knees and looking at you. "Sorry. Just Jimmy."

"I don't like him." You give him a pointed look. You cross your arms, obviously disappointed that his idiot friend ruined your time with your man. You're aching for him but at the same time, you don't even want to fuck Curly anymore.

"I think he's a nice bloke," Curly says under his breath. You raise your eyebrows, practically asking him to speak up. "It's like you guys are the brother and sister that hate each other for fun. You'll both come around eventually."

Your face twists in disgust and you fake gag, which makes Curly laugh. "What brother is deeply in love with their sibling, you in this case?" you question, "He clearly wants me out of the way."

"No, he doesn't. He loves you!" You can see Curly's face melt into confusion. "Maybe not love you...but he likes you around?"

You scoff. "See, you don't even know yourself." You wiggle your legs from under Curly and get up off the couch. He reaches for your hand. "You don't know want to...?" He cocks his head toward the couch.

You purse your lips and shake your head no.

"So gorgeous!"

"How many karats?"

"The proposal! What was it like?"

One year and a few months after your meeting, Curly decided to propose. He took you to Australia to meet his paternal side. In truth, you were scared of those big-ass Australian spiders and whatever the hell else happened to live there but your love for Curly was stronger. The night before your flight back home, he planned a candlelight dinner for the both of you in his father's home and proposed to you - your answer obviously being 'yes!'.

Today you were at your wedding shower with all your friends - Jimmy too!

"How do you feel about getting married after just a year of knowing each other? I mean, Grant can't possibly know everything about you in a year!"

Curly's mother was a piece of work. You had met her a handful of times during your trips to Colorado and yet you couldn't seem to just get along. You were polite but she always had something to say. There was some attachment to her son but he was her only one so you let it slide.

"Well...you do know we're getting older. I fell in love with him and have been since I met him. I feel that Curly-"

"Grant. His name is Grant," she interrupts.

You take a deep breath and smile a forced one. "Grant. I feel that he and I can be mature adults and grow and learn about our marriage and what makes it work." Part of you wants to mention why her marriage didn't work out but one of had to be the bigger woman.

Mrs. Former Curly hums trying to find some witty response. "Is the Bride-to-be avoiding me?" You let out a sigh of relief and you never thought you'd do it to this particular voice.

"Jimmy! Nice to see you, hun!" Curly's mom moves past you to hug Jimmy and kiss him on the cheek. For once, Curly's friend looks cleaned up compared to the other times you've seen him.

When Curly's mom pulls away, he looks over at you. "I wanted to pull Y/N aside. Haven't gotten to properly congratulate her on the engagement. I can catch up with you before I head home," Jimmy tells her.

After the engagement, Curly decided to move in with you. It was a decision you were confused by; you were easily willing to pack up your bags and move to Colorado with him. You knew he loved the snow and his mom would probably lose his shit if he was so far but he insisted on moving in with you.

At first, he wouldn't tell you the truth, something about high housing prices and about wanting to explore more. Eventually, he told you he wanted to get away from Jimmy. He opened up to his friend about the idea of getting engaged - showed him the ring and everything. It turned into an argument about you being the right choice and Jimmy low-key insulting you. After he told you the truth, you let Curly move in before the wedding.

Over time, Jimmy apologized to Curly and even extended an apology to you and the two got closer again. Although they weren't best buddies, it didn't sit right with you how quickly Curly took Jimmy back as a friend. Maybe Mrs. Former Curly was on to something.

"How have you been, Jimmy? Has living alone served you well?" You ask. He makes a funny face at you. Were you making a dig at him?

"It's fine. I actually got a new roommate. He's pretty chill. Keeps to himself." Jimmy avoids eye contact for a second. "How's living with Curly? I know he's ecstatic but are you?"

Living with Curly was great, especially when Jimmy was briefly out of your lives; uninterrupted cuddles, uninterrupted dinner, uninterrupted sex. You were living the life!

Instead, you answer, "Living with Curly is great. He's lovely. He's the best roommate and fiancé I could ever ask for."

Jimmy's trying to keep a light demeanor but he truly couldn't. "You know, I hope you're really right about that. Hopefully, he doesn't drop you like a sack of potatoes...although, I hope he does. I really really hope he does. You don't deserve any of this."

Your face drops and for once he's left you silent. Jimmy smirks when he realizes he's really hurt you. "Congratulations again, princess," he says before walking off.

You feel your body buzzing and you just want to cry but everyone - your family, friends, Curly - are all gawking over you and you don't want to set any alarms off. You want to find Curly but you know at the sight of him, you'd burst into tears.

You eventually find the strength to walk out of the party - passing by with polite 'excuse me's and 'just a moment's. You take a moment to feel the breeze. It picks up and your breath struggles but once it slows down, an entire weight is off your shoulders.

You decide to sit in the car. A tired heavy sigh escaped you. You noticed your fiancé left his winter jacket in the car and used it as a blanket.

For a moment, you wanted to cry but you had all this makeup and didn't want others to realize that you were upset. But besides that, you didn’t have the urge. Why couldn’t you cry?

You chalked it up to space. You needed to be away from Curly's petty mom. You needed to be away from Jimmy and his weird attachment to your fiancé. You both needed space for this whole thing to work out.

A shadow hovers over the window and you turn your head to see Curly, who lifts his finger to knock on the window. You open the passenger seat door and before allowing him to speak, you start first.

"Sit."

He doesn't argue and walks around the car to sit in the driver's seat. "Babe, what's going-"

"I can't do this, Grant." You can see his eyes and panicking and his mouth trying to find the right words. He grabs your hands and lets out an incoherent version of "but I love you" and other things you couldn't catch on.

You shush him and it takes him a while to quiet. You place a hand on his cheek. "I don't want to say my vows in front of people who are wishing on our downfall. You know what Jimmy said to me tonight?"

His eyes go from saddened to worry and then a building. "I knew it. I shouldn't have - what did he say to you?!"

You place a finger on his lip, quieting him again. "Grant, baby, please. We'll deal with him later. I want to go to the courthouse and marry you. I want to say the vows I wrote for you there. And then after, I want to eat a burger or something...something greasy and salty as hell, and then after that I..." You move your finger from his lips down to his chest and then even lower.

"You want to...?" He's playing coy.

You move his finger away from his pants and slap his chest, which makes him release an "oof". "I want Jimmy and your mom to suck it and let us have our moment," you say. You watch his face as he starts to think (he has this cute thinking face that you can't help but melt for).

"Ok. Deal." Curly kisses the corner of your lip. "Can you come inside now? Everyone's worried." You kiss his cheek now and chuckle an 'ok'.

Back at the party, everything felt fine. You had your friends and family to cheer you on and your amazing fiancé who loved you more than life. It was toward the end of the night you felt a shift.

You were catching up with another friend when you observed Curly walking Jimmy outside. After a few moments, it was just Curly that returned.

"They want you to do what for how long?"

"It's just a year, baby." He was still with this Pony Express bullshit. "It's nothing we haven't done before. Think of the other times as practice.”

He was doing space deliveries in a span of a few days or even hours to the International Space Station....when he could be working up there.

A part of you felt bad for complaining but the money with good. With your income combined, you were able to buy your first home. You had the most spacious dining room and connected kitchen. It helped with family gatherings, dinners with friends, and hard conversations like these.

"Why can't you get like...I don't know...a real job at like NASA?"

He slams his hand on the table. "It is a real job like NASA!"

You're startled - you can't think of one time he has ever raised his voice at you. Your utensils clutter against the plate and you get up, pushing the chair back with your legs. “Y/N, babe, sorry-” he tries.

You ignore him and leave the dining room, your shared bedroom being your target. Curly’s pleadings and footsteps can be heard behind you.

You reach your bedroom and Curly places a hand on your shoulder. It stops you from walking away from him again. He counters you and now both hands are holding your shoulders. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I know I never yell at you.” His right hand moves from your shoulder to your cheek. “I’m really really sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my frustrations out on you.”

You blink and your face scrunches up trying to stop yourself from crying, which you fail. Curly brings you in and holds you.

“Grant, I can’t do it. I can’t do a year,” you sob, “And with all the negative tests…I can’t do it. I need you here with me.”

The both of you were trying for a baby but haven’t been lucky. Just a lot of no’s and one false positive - that was the one that hurt the most. The excitement was immediately gone when your doctor told you there wasn’t anything to begin with.

So it was back to Square one and other options.

But this year's mission had thrown a wrench in your plans.

Curly leads you over to the bed and has you sit down. He kneels in front of you and takes your hand. “Listen, it’s some quick cash. A lot of money. When I get back, I’ll quit. I’ll find something else. And we can focus on ourselves and our family. I’ll make it happen. It’s a promise.”

There’s so much hope in his eyes. He sticks out his pinky finger, indicating that he is serious in his own lighthearted way. You hug him instead.

"So who's the lucky girl?"

Curly looks up and sees Swansea, who's pointing at the gold ring on his left hand.

"Oh!" He turns red at the thought of you. "My wife is back home. I didn't realize how hard it would be - being this far from her. We actually dated long distance for the longest time but yet, I can't shake the unusual feeling in me."

“Your wife…” The older man thinks for a moment. “Oh! The one that pulled you to the side to give you an earful!” He lets out this belly laugh and it goes on for quite a long time. Curly takes a deep sigh, letting his shoulders drop. Swansea slaps his left shoulder, perking him up again. “Yeah, I miss that too.”

Curly was about a month into this delivery trip. He stopped counting the days because it made him miss you more. He just wanted to blink and be home so that he could hold you in his arms and apologize a hundred times over.

You both got into an argument when you found out that Jimmy once again found a way to be in Curly’s space.

One night, Curly got back-to-back calls that he kept ignoring. “Just pick up please so we can sleep,” you tiredly snapped. He chuckled at your annoyance and kissed your forehead before complying.

You didn’t find out until you saw Curly off at work before the start of the mission.

“Are you kidding me? Don’t tell me he was the one calling!” You exclaimed. Curly looks back at his crew who are feet away saying bye to their own families or prepping the ship. “Can you please-”

“No! No, no, no, no,” you hold a finger in front of his face. “Why is he there? I tell you all the time - I don’t like him and I don’t like the influence he had, or I guess has in this case, on you-”

“He needed a job! He needed some help. Things aren’t good on his end. He’s a damn good pilot. He just…he just needs the right push.” His blue eyes hold so much sympathy. You loved your husband’s compassion for others but when it came to Jimmy - after all the times he made it clear you weren’t welcomed - you just wished Curly had a little bit of backbone.

There’s still so much anger and disappointment in you but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

“I hope it all works out and that your boy succeeds. Good luck, Captain.”

You raise both hands in defeat and start to walk away from Curly. This is your last image of him before you fully turn around. He says your name once but doesn’t follow you.

[asofspades]

Nah FR, people talked so much shit about ToA i was scared of reading it but I actually ended up enjoying it a lot, it was sad but it was so good with certain plot points (I'm choosing to ignore the whole Leo and Calypso thing but I also have my thoughts on why Leo behaves differently when he's with her) and the whole thing with Jason was really good even if I still wish he could've lived or at least got his memories back before dying, but at the end of the day you can't escape a prophecy and plenty of Roman and Greek myths end in tragedies plus it gives the point of Jason telling Apollo to remember because he couldn't get back his memories himself. I understand being upset about a character dying but sometimes characters have to die in stories and that doesn't mean it's a mistake or bad writing inherently. Otherwise we could say the same about Beckendorf, Silena, Luke, Lee and Michael (or any older kid from the Apollo Cabin), Ethan, Octavian, Bryce, Bianca, Zoë.... So many characters die but it is after all a grecoroman story at heart, and while Perseus was the only hero who actually had a happy ending after what he went through, the rest of heroes didn't have as much luck. We get told at the beginning, the life of a demigod is generally short, and while in Camp Jupiter they live longer because of the system they have, Jason chose to go on his own and that's what did him in along with the prophecy.

jason getting so excited to show apollo and meg his designs and models of the shrines, and when you cut to the scenes and compare them to after his death, apollo cries after looking at jason's dioramas while jason's voice "remember what it's like to be human" starts playing in his head over and over, and meg defending jason's diagrams for temple hill literally FIGHTING two euryonomos with a single hand to keep them safe and preserve them from destruction never fails to make me sob actually. I'm not okay.

[kyouka-supremacy]

In vol 13, at the end of chapter 52, Akutagawa says to Atsushi "...Hmph. Nothing special about that. I suppose he's far crueler than my own mentor."

If you don't mind, I'd like to know what is your take on its meaning

THANK YOU, I love this ask. I think that little line is so so meaningful, because it gives us additional insight on what Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship is like and on Akutagawa’s feelings towards Dazai. There’s so much nuance to it, because it makes Akutagawa aware. So often in fancontent Akutagawa is completely oblivious to Dazai's abuse, utterly blinded to Dazai's cruelness. But he's not!!! He's not!!! And it's suchhhh an eye-opener line about his character. Because, you know what? Akutagawa actually understands Dazai deeply. Way more than one would guess upon first impression. And the reason of that is because Akutagawa and Dazai are ultimately similar: they're both the “doing evil” to Atsushi and Chuuya's “doing good”¹.

Akutagawa comes close to understanding Dazai: I think during the time they spent together in the pm he got intimately acquainted with a side of Dazai no one else knows, for better or worse. I even think that since Dazai thought so lowly of Akutagawa, he didn't spare the same effort for putting masks on for him as much as he did with everyone else; as consequence, Akutagawa ended up seeing sides of Dazai that Dazai rarely revealed to other people. And I'm not talking exclusively about bad sides, but also vulnerable sides, fecets that overall he doesn't usually let emerge.

This mutual understanding - and isn't that a surprising sentence by its own! The understanding is mutual, doesn't go only in one direction, Akutagawa actually understands Dazai plenty – comes from a similarity between the two that, I've said many times before, is likely source to Dazai's otherwise unexplained cruelness towards Akutagawa. In Akutagawa's dark, bottomless, empty eyes, Dazai sees his own, and he utterly hates how Akutagawa embodies everything that's despicable in himself, the same emptiness, the same void. In the end, they both want to find a reason to live, while also being highly suicidal.

When I say “understands”; it's not about understanding what goes through Dazai's mind (that would be, for comparison, what Dostoyevsky gets closer to do); for Akutagawa it's a more instinctive understanding induced by their closeness, their similarity, their sharing the same sentiment of struggle in finding an explanation for the act of existing. The “can you give me a reason to live” from The Heartless Cur that counts for the both of them.

They're the same, and that's how Akutagawa can get Dazai, deeply. That line reveals exactly that! “Dazai is plenty cruel himself”. Akutagawa knows Dazai isn't a good man; but that's a separate thing from wanting his approval. It's not only this line; this understanding Dazai of Akutagawa is, I believe, reiterated consistently (if subtly) in the manga. It's in “You know [what mafia is like] better than anyone else” from chapter 4 and it's in “It'd take more than that to kill the man” from chapter 35 and it's in the way he talks about Dazai in chapter 51. It's in “There's no way you're dead. You are somewhere here in Yokohama. I just know it.” from the Entrance Exam light novel. When in Dead apple he says that Dazai joined the enemy, he's wrong; but if you ask me, that shows how Akutagawa understands the potential of the darkness within Dazai's soul better than Atsushi (but at the same time fails to see the possible goodness in him, because Port Mafia Dazai is what Akutagawa has ever known). I feel like all these moments are symptomatic of Akutagawa understanding Dazai on a level that's way deeper than others.

TL;DR: That line is so important to understand the depth of Dazai and Akutgawa's relationship because it shows how much Akutagawa gets Dazai, making of Akutagawa a much more cognizant character when it comes to Dazai than what one may think!

More on Akutagawa and Dazai's relationship: (1) (2) (3)

¹ Chuuya is the good half of the skk duo. It's just that whereas Atsushi does good in a more general sense, Chuuya's acting is mostly lead by willingness to do what's good for the Port Mafia. Still, both Atsushi and Chuuya act on way more altruistic basis than Akutagawa and Dazai do, am I wrong?

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

‧ა sagittarius season tarot readings ໒ ‧₊˚

november 22 - december 21

.☘︎ ݁˖. ���𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒔 ་༘࿐

These tarot readings are meant to give you some information about how the energy of this season is going to affect you. Sagittarius season usually comes with a big burst of energy, specially channeled in matters that relate deeply to the slightly more childlike side of our intellect. This season usually comes with an enhancement of curiosity, the need to explore and expand our horizons, but also the energy to do so. Let's check what are the positives and the negatives of this season for each sign.

don't forget to check your moon and rising signs' posts just in case

dividers by @adornedwithlight & @cafekitsune, images by Kira Cyan

.‧͙˚ *༓ scroll down for the readings ⋆ִ ‧͙⁺˚

masterpost ✶ pac readings ✶ ko-fi page

 .࿔˚˖𓍢ִ໋`･𝚃𝚊𝚞𝚛𝚞𝚜 {𝙰𝚙𝚛𝟸𝟶–𝙼𝚊𝚢𝟸𝟶} ♉︎

𝐀𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ✦ 𝐊𝐍𝚰𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 ✦ 𝐅𝚰𝐕𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐒

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬

It's very likely you begin searching for philosophical and intellectual stimulation from the people around you, or being drawn to new people who seem to provide this. There are going to be plenty of quite meaningful and valuable conversations happening, this season will be full of key learning moments, not exactly in the traditional or structured way, but more so in the way in which you learn by making mistakes or having new experiences. You will get the pieces and tools you feel as if you’re missing from your life, and you will also become more confident in skills you already possess. People around you are slightly aware of a subtle nervous energy you have whenever life moves too fast, so they are very likely to come and help. But, your anxiety this season won’t be completely negative, as you have enough motivation to work around it in order to move on.

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Somehow, you feel obligated to act on your impulses, which is not entirely comfortable since you are better at doing things consistently over longer periods of time instead of relying on random bursts of energy and inspiration. I don’t think these are bad as they will provide you with opportunities to expand your horizons and gain new perspectives to add into your comfort zones. At this moment you might be hesitant to fully embrace the deeper existential or spiritual development implications your actions are able to communicate, but at some point later you will realize the impressive amount of growth you’ve gone through.

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞

Don’t get over fixated on self perceived flaws or actual flaws that are being taken out of proportion by yourself or by your environment. There’s plenty of amazing things going on for you and yet you’re not ready to see them, because you might think you are not ready to be responsible for them or deserving of them. During this season you might feel compelled to look for fulfillment outside of your usual lifestyle, and it’s very likely these experiences bring new gratitude and new mindsets that will allow you to find new value in many things that seem too mundane or are just not as exciting or pleasurable right now. The same will happen with the things you feel you are lacking, you might get them only to realize that you didn't actually need them or didn't actually want them in the first place.

₊⁺⋆.˚ 𝚅𝚒𝚛𝚐𝚘 {𝙰𝚞𝚐𝟸𝟹–𝚂𝚎𝚙𝚝𝟸𝟸}♍︎

𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇 ✦ 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ✦ 𝐒𝚰𝐗 𝐎𝐅 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬

This season will definitely feel like you are going through one of the most chaotic moment’s of your life. It might feel as if everyone around you is moving in the most unpredictable and severe ways possible, nobody is being chill about anything and this sort of impulsive or overly dramatic energy is going to take a toll on your social battery. It is very likely you will have to take some time off and renew your energy more often. Also, I think you are going to be able to test your limits, and test who actually understands those limits. You are going to face many situations in which what might seem spontaneous is actually the explosion of something repressed or postponed. Please be mindful of your own energy, you are also going to see some abrupt changes like most people on this season, but don’t feel like they have to take you too far out of what you already know works best for your peace of mind.

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

When you are faced with conflictive situations or any sort of confrontation, be mindful of other people being sort of intellectually dishonest with their arguments and the facts they present. There’s a lot of badly calculated moves that are going to be easy to spot when you remove yourself from the situation and take a deep look at it. Also there's going to be a lot of people being overly confident to compensate for what they’re lacking, or straight up bragging about achievements or success that it’s not completely a reflection of actual skill or knowledge. Don’t let them get to you, and don’t let them convince you this is the game you have to play.

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞

Okay so, this season is going to be messy in every possible way, but you are actually quite good at fixing other people’s mistakes anyways. The season will leave you with a well deserved feeling of pride, and set you up to end the year in a way that feels triumphant. I get the feeling you are really giving yourself the closure you deserve in regards to plenty of things that have happened this year, and it's very likely you will succeed. Just don’t get overly attached to the good feelings that come with letting things go and cutting things out, you are someone who definitely needs a challenge from time to time. These moment’s of order and peacefulness are not meant for you to stay comfortable forever, you’d get bored, these moments are meant to re-evaluate your mental strength and to give you time and energy to focus on the challenges that are far more fulfilling to face. 

°❀⋆.ೃ 𝙲𝚊𝚙𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚗 {𝙳𝚎𝚌 𝟸𝟸–𝙹𝚊𝚗𝟷𝟿} ♑︎

𝐓𝐄𝐌𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄 ✦ 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 ✦ 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒

𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬

You are almost at the right place, mentally and emotionally, to embrace deeper connections with the people who are already close to you, but also still feel like you haven’t entirely come off your shelf yet. And hey, totally understandable to be a little bit more private, but  at this point you know what the redflags are, you know when you see them and you know when you don’t. Allow your guard to be a little bit down if you don’t see the redflags, even if what you see is not exactly matching your expectations to their full extent. Allow others to take care of you when you need help. I think you are too overworked and stressed right now to see that good things will come your way as long as your patient, and as long as you recover from any kind of burn out.

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

If you don’t take some time off to chill, reflect, recover, the same things that caused the exhaustion will come back. During this season it might be tempting to overwork your psyche and try to fix everything that went wrong during this year, don’t. It's very likely you will struggle with over rationalizing your feelings and it could lead you to unhealthy thoughts, and an unhealthy relationship with your emotions. This moment is going to be extremely difficult to navigate, you won’t feel comfortable in your own nature, and emotional distress will get to you if you don’t take some time to yourself and to enjoy with people who bring the best out of you.

𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞

I think you are a little bit stressed about how you feel as if nobody seems to completely get you, or what you are going through or what you want from life. You might encounter feelings of disappointment that are reinforced by grief over the moment’s where you felt the hope of someone actually making you feel understood and valued.  In this season you will come to the realizations that are going to allow the healing you need and the confidence to know where are the places in which you are safe and who are the people worth keeping in your life. At this time, it is necessary that you are capable of using your intuition to balance things out in your life, without trying to micro manage everything about it, trust in the natural order of things, embrace it and work around it. 

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[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon, you’ve said in the past that you don’t mind being challenged so I guess I’m going to test that theory.

I totally agree with what you have said re trans men and cis men being Men but just arriving at that place from different routes.

You talk in your latest Insta post about women not seeing trans men as men as the problems with that.

However you in the past have talked openly about not feeling safe with cis women, and in fact have written a whole article on it. Outlining your past bad experiences with cis women. In that you clearly outlined a view that cis women specifically were more dangerous feeling to you, implying more so than trans women.

By your own account then are you not saying that you see trans women and cis woman as different and not as equal “women” because of your own experiences.

If that’s the case why can’t women differentiate between cis men and trans men and also say that they don’t feel safe with cis men because of past bad experiences but are ok with trans men because they haven’t had those same experiences.

For the record I’m a gay man so not coming at this from a defensive point of view but seeking to genuinely understand as there seems to be some possible cognitive dissonance or hypocrisy going on.

I say that with respect. I’m just wondering how you reconcile those two seemingly opposing views.

I think what you may be missing here is a differentiation between the descriptive and the prescriptive. The piece "I Don't Feel Safe Around Cis Women" is descriptive of my experience -- if you read through to the end, you'll see that I affirm that one day I hope that I will feel safe around cis women, and a lengthy exploration of the many many ways in which equating a person's identity to their safeness (or dangerousness) is unhelpful. That piece is far from an argument that cis women are categorically less safe than any other group, or a prescription that anyone's politics should be centered around the idea that cis women are uniquely dangerous. There is a very big difference between describing one's emotional feelings and making political pronouncements about how the world is or how people should be treated.

This same distinction applies in the opposite direction, too -- I think people have reasons for feeling uncomfortable or unsafe around cis men that obviously make a huge amount of sense. Frankly I don't care one way or another what somebody's feelings are. I have no intention of changing those. What I care about is a person's behavior, and the politics they advance -- and a politics that deems cis men as inherently more dangerous as individuals goes down a pretty troubling road when it's divorced from an understanding of structural power dynamics. The same thing is true of the cis woman discussion -- cis women aren't dangerous to me because they're women, or because of any innate quality to who they are; they're only more dangerous within a specific power differential. Similarly, cis men aren't all more dangerous to everyone who isn't a cis man -- we must take into account class, race, immigration status, ability level, and a number of other factors.

tldr; there's a big difference between someone feeling unsafe and someone having a politics that declares members of a group are actually inherently suspect, no matter the situation or their other positionalities.

[bingus-bungus]

going to answer this under the cut bcs i dont like waiting to ask questions and no one would send us the asks anyways ahhahahahahahahahha

traumagenic / stressgenic, if im understanding the question right

~30, definitely some fragments in there though

more introjects

uhhhhh barely any. for some reason only vylent, simon, iSH and maybeee F can see the headspace, simon says that his is an island and vylent and iSH refuse to tell me (rude)

yes, we have one we know is a subsys for sure, and others we're not sure if they just share the same source as normal or if they're a subsys

yes, agent 3, 4, and 8 are in some sort of awkward silly relationship, dove miiiiiight be in a relationship with jade but she hasnt confirmed that yet, and simon and stella are in a one-sided relationship but thats only because stella isnt sentient yet

I N T E R N E T

we try our best to keep track of roles but they just kinda. bleh

we find it useful when we're trying to see if a term exists for what we're thinking of, but we know there's some sort of controversy surrounding it so. idk if that makes our use of it valid or not

simply plural, although we usually notice changes in switches around 10 minutes after they actually happen, so its not like. always accurate

F may have been the host for a bit, but its very unlikely

no, closest thing we have to a name is the insert cool word collective, it was just a silly thing we made up so we had a name for our strawpage

marina, marina agitando, and agent 8 are octolings, agent 3, agent 4, and frye are inklings, ax is an octoling AND an inkling (and also a crow), ray is a rayquaza, nepeta is a troll (from hs) f but hes a cat and little petey are cats, and dog man is a dog (holy shit) im not sure if all of these count as nonhuman but shut your fuck up

not that we know of (vylent pleaseeeeeeeee_

uhhhhhh im not that interesting but F is in co-front rn so: we actually could not come up with anything interesting. we're like the two least interesting people here. F has the best handwriting here ig is that interesting

uhhh no

no

F (as previously mentioned before) has really good handwriting, and simon is very good at digital art, which is ironic considering his source takes place sometime during the 50s-60s

idk

a lot of things. usually what music to listen to, like. what to do in general, and what fandoms we should be in which is rlly stupid in my opinion

usually, we're all collectively autistic + depressioned, and anxietyed, but simon thinks he has dyslexia which im not sure if that can happen for like. one guy but uh. what was the question again i forgot

little petey probably counts as a syskid, but thats the only one we know of. some of us do age regress as a coping mechanism tho

this malt tastes like shit

kind of?

nepeta often goes back and reads homestuck, she doesnt really have a problem with it bcs nepeta isnt in hs^2 (aside from davepetasprite) but jade roxy and dove have kind of been trying to source separate (especially with jade since that last update). idk how any of the splatoon fictives got here, a few weeks before we discovered being a system we decided to go on hiatus of playing splatoon so. no. i could go on and on since we have so many fictives from so many different sources but. i dont think this wall of text looks quite appealing

doesnt apply to us

havent really though of that yet, we usually just think about the same future jay wished to have back before we found out we were plural

not yet

kind of outdated but yes

uhhhhhh too tired

most times any of us didnt get along they usually resolved it within like. 1-3 days. except for bill, he went into dormacy for like a month and came back saying he went through his redemtion arc (which he did)

not really? as previously mentioned x2 i have very good handwriting but im typing rn so.

i mean like, we dont really like it that much, theoretically, if an actual baby knew how to type, it probably would just type normal words but i can see why people do it. im okay with it as long as people provide translations so we can actually understand it

uh. we dont really know that much about dog man. hes a dog

jay has all of our collective interests, i feel like. when most of us split we got assigned like. one or two of those interests. whenever i visualize splitting or alter forming i always imagine cellular division idk

splaoton

nope

nope

probably jade, since our trauma was somewhat related to homestuck, but i realized her and all the other hs alters formed to like. help us cope with that and shit. little petey was also a surprise since like. little petey, and F because he was a factive

we do, but we havent actually drawn them yet ;-;

collectively nonbinary, asexual, and demiromantic

whats a gender

we're all asexual

simply plural

whats a food

uhhhhhhh in the middle

maybe?? we've always had shit memory so its hard to tell whether its system related or not

we have this in our drafts. this was before we actually knew simon's personality, so we thought we was just "the crazy one". this was actually bill that said that

49. vanilla

50. only one i can think of is simon who has a chronic fear of water, which really isnt that silly, just scary because like how the fuck are we supposed to shower

51. bazingacore (idk)

52. not really

53. smirking face (yes, that was how we found out for sure actually)

54. no

55. only axolotl and ray

56. when we went trick-or-treating on halloween F (me i just need to write this in the third person so it sounds better) was fronting the entire time which was really weird because he had no idea who any of our friends were except for one of them

57. yes most of the time

58. not as much anymore, but we have a sp front status called "some other mf" and idk if that counts as handling it bu SHUT Ur fuckn up

59. not yet and i hope never

60.

not that accurate but like bazinga or whatever

Long system ask game!

Because it's been ages since we made one and we felt like it.

What type of system are you?

How many people are there in your system?

Do you have more introjects or non-introjects?

How much control do you have over your headspace (if you have one)?

Do you have any subsystems?

Do you have any in-system couples?

How did you discover your systemhood? Or did you become one on purpose?

How do you feel about system roles, and do you use them?

What are your thoughts on Pluralpedia?

Do you use anything to keep track of switching?

Have you ever had a change in hosts?

Do you have a system name? How did you pick it?

Do you have any nonhuman members? Feel free to list their species!

Do you have any headspace pets?

Current fronter/fronters, share some random info about you!

Do you have a partner system? How did you meet?

Have you ever mistaken a character of yours for a headmate? What about the other way around?

Does anyone have any skills that the others don't?

What's something y'all tend to agree on?

What about something you tend to disagree on?

Do symptoms of neurodivergencies/mental illness tend to manifest the same way or differently among headmates?

Do you have any syskids?

Share an in-system joke!

Has how you view your plurality changed?

If you have fictives, do they participate in their source fandom? If yes, are they open about who they are in fandom spaces?

How do you handle headmates having different spiritual beliefs?

How do you decide on major life decisions (where to live, what to study, what work to have, etc)?

Do you have any system traditons?

Current fronter, do you have your own playlist? Feel free to share it!

Do you have any art of anyone in the system? Feel free to show it off!

How do you handle it when people in the system don't get along?

Current fronter, is there anything that makes it obvious you're the one fronting? (Voice, accent, body language, typing style, etc)

If you have syskids, how do they feel about stereotypical "babby tawk"?

Share something about your newest member!

Do you tend to have collective or separate interests and hobbies?

If you have introjects, what source do you have the most from?

Are you out as plural to anyone irl?

Do you know any systems irl?

Which headmate was the biggest surprise?

Do you have a singletsona?

Do you have any collective labels?

What's the most common gender in your system?

What's the most common sexuality in your system?

What's your favorite app/website/etc for plural stuff?

Do you tend to have the same taste in food or not?

Is it hard or easy for you to switch?

Do you experience system-related amnesia?

Share something weird a headmate has done!

Current fronter, what's your favorite ice cream flavor?

Share a silly fear someone in the system has!

Current fronter, describe your aesthetic!

If you have outworld pets, do they tend to act differently around different headmates?

Has anyone ever figured out you were a system without you telling them?

When it comes to syskids, is there anyone in particular that takes care of them?

Does anyone in the system identify as otherkin, therian, or fictionkin?

Have you ever switched in an awkward moment? What happened?

Do you ever switch without realizing it?

Are you ever blurry? How do you handle it?

Has anyone ever treated an introject badly because of who their source is?

Current fronter, share a pic of your "face claim!"

[glisten-inthedark]

The scene where Mike clamps his hands over his ears while Will is screaming “Let me go!” as Joyce sedates him is so painfully relatable to me, I did something similar when my dog had a seizure a while back (he’s okay now) and my dad was taking care of him through it. and in that instance, there wasn’t even any noise—I was just so panicked and scared that blocking my ears felt weirdly safe

and there’s just something so visceral about it, the way Mike was the one firmly insisting Will be sedated because he realized he was a spy, but throughout the actual sedation he is clearly so distressed as he watches, distressed to the point of (seemingly) overstimulation

Mike just……gosh why does the GA slack on how much Mike goes through in season 2 to be with Will? Like I think when I first watched the show I didn’t even CONSIDER this, it almost felt like I expected it of Mike considering how loyalty and dedicated he is in season 2, it felt like an “well of course Mike is here” not a “MIKE DAMNIT GO HOME IT’S NOT SAFE HERE” thing at all.

Now I want to read a fanfiction where Mike gets nightmares about the lab demodog attack because that whole event is nightmarish and would be so traumatizing, especially the anxiety and dread of feeling trapped, seeing how many people are dead, and not knowing if you’re going to be able to escape

and on the topic of Mike going through shit in the lab—I’m rewatching his scenes in the last 2 episodes of season 2—the way Max brings up El and Mike gets hostile again is consistent with his attitude earlier in the season, but what is new and what I didn’t even remember him saying was, “Yeah, she was [awesome]. Until that thing took her. Just like it took Bob.”Which is another tack on the “oh Mike please get some therapy” corkboardBut also, it’s the first time we see Mike speak about El in season 2 as if she’s actually dead. Not just gone. “Just like it took Bob,” if it’s “just like” then that means dead.Idk why I found that interesting

Ok so I assumed these were sent by the same person and I hope I was right lmao.

But yeah, Mike has been through so much throughout the show and I feel it barely gets acknowledged at all.

This boy went through so much and it barely gets talked about. People talk about El's trauma, or Will's- and those are all valid and real -, but is no wonder Mike has latched itself to El for so long, she makes him safe and by extension he believes that if shit goes down she can keep Will safe too, which Mike thinks he can't do.

Is not just that Mike wants to be needed, is that be also feels powerless to stop things from happening because he's not a superhero like El is. The whole crux of Mike isn't just his need for being needed, is why does he feel like that. Because is the only aspect in which he assumes anyone would need him, because he doesn't think he can do anything else.

I just wished people were kinder towards Mike because even some Byler shippers can be particularly harsh towards him which like, if you don't like him why are you shipping him with Will, you know?

[ell-vellan]

A random collection of Veilguard Thoughts after completing the game, because I need to vent some feelings. spoilers below!

Firstly: I was going to love this game regardless. I came into it with the fewest amount of spoilers possible. I do love this game. I won't argue with anyone - if we have different opinions, that's fine! I won't tolerate hate, though.

This is my messy stream of consciousness, but let's start with the good stuff!

The Good:

-Gameplay was fun! Combat was fun and inventive, for someone who plays on Storyteller mode and tries to get through combat as fast as possible so I can get back to the story, it rarely aggravated me.

-The maps/puzzles are fun. They were usually easy enough to figure out on my own without looking it up, but just complex enough I felt smart when I got it. I like that the game almost always rewards you for looking around and exploring off the beaten path a bit.

-It felt like a spiritual successor to Mass Effect 2 in the way that you have to build your team up in order to save the world. I loved that.

-The griffons coming back is one of the best things in the Dragon Age universe ever, and I love that we could decide what to do with them. (But I'm kind of concerned that there's only 12, and they're...related? I feel like that's not enough individuals to grow the species back...)

-Letting us pet and hug Assan (with different animations!) over and over was one of the best things they ever did. Also, photo mode was a great idea.

-The little hints about Those Beyond The Sea we keep getting?! Dear God, I hope we get another game and get more lore. I'm dying to know. They've teased this for so long, I really, really wanna know what's up with this part of the world.

-i loved being able to choose our body proportions.

-I'm so thankful we got to make our Inquisitor and keep the same vallaslin and voice actor. I hate the outfit they gave them and how we had no choice in it, and I would have also preferred to have a choice in their prosthetic, but I'm grateful for what we did get. The missives from them were also a nice touch, and seeing the letter from the Inquisitor's love interest was SO HEALING. Tbh, in reality, I think the Inquisitor would have been involved WAY more, especially since the crossroads would have made travel basically instant across Thedas. But I get why Rook needed to stand on their own two feet.

-Morrigan/Mythal was a great touch. It made sense logically, there was character growth, and I'm glad Mythal wasn't gone entirely, but I wish we could know what's become of Kieran.

-All the VAs are so good. the world felt lush, magical, twisted, and fun, with just the right amount of tragedy and horror balanced with hope and love. Arlathan was gorgeous and tragic and horrific and I took SO MANY photos.

-we got more Dalish and more Qunlat words!!

-THE LORE. So many questions finally answered. I kind of thought we would learn that the Black City was actually the prison Solas made for the gods, but hey, maybe next time? I also still want to know if Andraste was real and more about the origins of elves as spirits, but alas...

-i loved the inventory system. I wish we could have sold equipment we didn't need instead of just the valuables, but it's a minor quibble. It was so much easier to manage, I didn't have to waste a bunch of time going through everything to find the best items for everyone

-ARCHON DORIAN PAVUS !! He was barely in the game which made me sad, but the fact that he was there at all and so glorious was wonderful. I wonder if people new to the game know or care about the significance of him being in charge of Tevinter, though, since we didn't even really get to have a conversation with him

About Solas:

I played thru DAI on release day. My first Inquisitor romanced him. When Everything Happened(tm) I was PISSED. I wanted revenge on Solas, I wanted to hunt him down. I've thought about him for 10 years, and now I am so wistful for more of him. I want to give him a hug. Moreover I want Lavellan to hug him.

Solas was INCREDIBLE in this. I loved, loved getting to see his memories firsthand - this was more than I'd hoped for - and the banter with Rook was one of the best parts of the game. Seeing him with hair - seeing him change into Fen'harel and fight a DRAGON? him helping us in the fade by baiting Elgar'nan and getting all bloody and beat up trying to help us, thinking he was going to trick us one final time? My wildest dreams came true. He was layered, he was complex, he was incredibly heroic and sympathetic and tortured and clever and absolutely ruthless. He was at turns heartbreakingly sincere and infuriatingly traitorous.

He showed a wide range of emotion; we got to see the real Solas, not the polite pretender of Inquisition. He was the shining star of the game for me. And he was sorely lacking.

We hardly got to speak to him!! It drove me nuts that we couldn't talk to him as much as our other companions. He literally knows the most about our enemies and how to defeat them. And we know he's probably planning some trickery in his lil mind prison. Why are we not checking on Solas at every chance we get?

Learning more about and speaking with Mythal? Chef's kiss. But I so, so wish that a romanced Inquisitor, along with Mythal's release of Solas, was what prompted Solas to realize there could be more to his life than rebellion and penance. He's betrayed everyone he's ever loved, and killed his closest friends, but he didn't kill her. Mythal represents his past, she's the origin of where it all went wrong - I wanted Solas to see a Lavellan that understands and forgives, even after everything, and that universal acceptance is the thing he needs to finally let go of trying to make up for what he's done. (It's fine, I'll just write a fanfic about it, whatever)

My Complaints:

-That we only can choose 3 possible variables for worldbuilding to keep from Inquisition. I think this the biggest, most egregious and disrespectful thing they did in the game, and I'm sure it's been talked about to death, but I'll just add that I hate it. I'll live with it - I'd rather they be vague than ret-con or kill off beloved characters off-screen - but still, what's the point of all of our previous choices if we don't get to see how they shape this world?

-The relationships felt SHALLOW. For a game that revolves around your companions, everything felt surface level. While I loved that almost every time you went to the Lighthouse, people were somewhere different and talking to each other, I HATED that Rook couldn't participate in their conversations. We only listened. I hate that we couldn't really ever initiate any long, deep conversations where we got to ask our companions strings of questions about themselves and their histories. I feel like I barely know Neve or Lucanis. I did like getting a bit more in depth with characters during their missions, but still...I feel like I barely know them, not the deep closeness I've felt with Dragon Age companions in the past. Nobody ever argues or disagrees with you, not really, just a couple times and it doesn't truly matter. I loved the companions. Their designs are so cool. I wanted to know everything about them and talk to them more. Why can't we ask Davrin about his vallaslin (it's obviously Ghilan'nain) and how he feels about it now that we are fighting her, especially if we're also an elf? And Bellara, why can't we ask about her tattoo and where her clan is and how she joined the Veil Jumpers? Why can't we ask Neve about her prosthetic? I loved the references to Inquisition in Harding's design, but since we couldn't import more than 3 things, she couldn't even talk about the Inquisition beyond the most vague things. Taash barely speaks at all. Emmrich has no life beyond the dead.

-The companions are so...one-note. Taash brings up being non-binary at every. single. quest, even though their adaari-ness and crossroads between being Qun and being Rivani was super interesting to me. (more on Taash in a minute.) Lucanis likes coffee. Davrin's personal quests mention "torlum" ad nauseum and the fact that Assan eats a lot. Bellara at least talks about other interests, but everyone else is so predictable. Even their banter doesn't seem to give them a lot of individual personality.

-the body models for female elves felt..a bit odd? My Rook always looked bow-legged. And do bras not exist in Thedas anymore? Lol

-The choice of who dies? HEART-WRENCHING. why was it between those two?! Why isn't the romance scene until AFTER this choice? Why doesn't the thing that happens with Harding and The Stone protect her (I thought it would!) and why don't we get any resolution to that if we lose her? I understand that Davrin was prepared to sacrifice himself as a Grey Warden, but making us lose Assan too...? Cruelty. That's what it is.

-I don't like that there are permanent deaths that happen regardless of our choices. That sucks. I know it's realistic, but this is a game, and I want my happily ever after for everyone, DAMN IT! The twist truly shook me, and I didn't see it coming. I didn't think I'd be caught by surprise and I was.

-The characterization of Rook is all over the place. I played an elven Rook with non-traditional vallaslin (figuring that the newer generation of Dalish Veil Jumpers might blend tradition with their new focus of exploring the Veil.) At various times, my Rook has said these things: "I didn't grow up with the Dalish." "I'm Dalish where it counts. "As a fellow Dalish--" WHICH IS IT? I'm in the most elfy faction, it's not even that I picked something unlikely for an elf with a face tattoo. I don't know what you have to do, what flags you have to trigger in the code, but the game still seems so confused about who our characters are. Pick a lane, Rook!

-While I'm on this subject: it would have been so nice to be able to know from the character creator what every kind of tattoo, body paint, and scar pattern went with what faction. And for the Dalish, which god matched to which vallaslin. It would have blown my mind in a good way if our choice of vallaslin came up in any way shape or form

-I would have loved if our race and faction actually like..mattered more. Walking around the Veil Jumper camp at the beginning and nobody talking to me except Strife and Irelin, that was so boring! Nobody recognizes you or asks how you've been. Just silence. Like everyone around you is a cardboard cutout. I expected more from Bioware.

-We got so much amazing lore in this game, and I'm really happy about it! But why did Bioware have to take the most marginalized group of people in Thedas, who were barely clinging to their own language and culture and freedom to begin with, and make everything bad that ever happened THEIR FAULT? What was the thought process there? That they used to have power but their leaders were in fact so terrible that they tore themselves apart and now live on the fringes of society? It makes it feel like the elves deserved their present fate, which is...pretty sucky. I'm glad they did not massacre the elves in this game as they have in the past, and that the elves didn't become even MORE the enemy by joining with the gods, but it really feels like the humans are only going to kill more elves in retribution for their gods almost ending the whole world. Also, related: nobody ever gives us sass about being an elf, not even in Minrathous, where elves are almost entirely slaves?!

-i know everything's changing with the lore stuff we typically know, but why did it seem that existing physically in the Fade is just no big deal anymore?

-at no point does Harding mention Varric dying? They don't have a funeral, a memorial? The Inquisitor says nothing, Morrigan says nothing? I know Solas messed with rook's mind, but even after...?

-the fact that the romance scenes don't happen until after the deaths. So it's possible for your love interest to die before that? Cruelty. Also, weird places to hook up, right after I just found out someone I thought has been alive this whole time DIED AT THE BEGINNING, and another dear friend sacrificed themselves, and we aren't sad at all during this? I understand sex after loss is perfectly normal and I understand that. But at least for the scene I saw, there was no "celebration of being alive" feel, it felt...more lustful than loving? Just an abrupt tonal shift.

-it just...ends. there's the typical little wrap up slides, but they're, again, shallow. A few lines here and there. Apparently the whole of Thedas was nearly destroyed, and not a single country went unscathed, but it's all gonna be ok! The bit of hope was nice, but...I don't feel settled at all. And it seems like we won't get DLC? which...ugh. and they fired the writers, which, again, cruel. If they make another Dragon Age, I can't see it being truly Dragon Age without them.

-i decided to make Taash's whole deal and the Qun a separate post lol

All in all - so thankful we got this game, so thankful we got what we did, I'm still processing a lot of it, and the past 3 weeks of my life I have done little else but live inside this story, but I just really need to scream into the void now!!

[lizzie-queenofmeigas]

Warnings: Straight up incest in this chapter.

Kiara didn't trust Rafe. Not at all. He had always been a bully. The  kook. One who got everything he ever wanted. And he did. Didn't he? He got away with murdering a cop. Rafe Cameron had more privilege than the average white male, and that was already a lot.

Fucking patriarchy.

During her Kook Year he was charming and kind to her. He still sort of was at times. But even then she couldn't forget what he was. Sarah apparently did. Letting him get away with murder. And Kie got it. Alright? She did. He was her brother and they used to be very close. He was there for her when their mother died. She was loyal to him. But to this extent?

Then again, wouldn't Kie cover up for JJ, John B and Pope in similar situations? Hasn't she covered for them already when they were doing some illegal shit like stealing? And yeah, murder was worse than stealing, but Rafe was still someone Sarah loved. So maybe she could understand. And Ward deserved to go to prison more than Rafe did. Ward Cameron had killed three people in his search for the gold, he was an actual serial killer. And he had been sober while doing it, unlike Rafe.

"Are you sure of what you're doing?" she asked Sarah once they were on board of that immense cargo ship. They were given one of the rooms, even through it didn't take a full day to reach the Bahamas. Sarah and Rafe stayed in another. Which was kinda weird, but she had chosen to sleep with the boys rather than get a room for herself so she really couldn't judge "All of this is...I don't know, Sarah. It's all so weird. You siding with Rafe and literally covering up a crime—"

"Lower your voice" her friend hissed, anxiously looking around.

They were on the deck, watching as the ship moved in the dead of the night.

Kie looked around. There was no one but them there.

"Sorry"

"Yeah. I'm sure. And even if I wasn't, it's too late to turn back now"

Kiara knew that to be true. They have committed too many crimes already. All of them. They were all covering for Rafe, John B even lied before a judge. There was no going back now.

"Let's hope we don't regret this"

Sarah smiled softly, kindly, brown eyes crinkling.

"I don't think I will"

Kie huffed. Not her, but they might. Especially if Rafe fucked them over with the gold. Not that she thought that would happen, not with Sarah vouching for them, but it was always a possibility. 

"I'm gonna check on the boys" she told her "Make sure they haven't gotten into a fight with Rafe"

Sarah chuckled "Yeah, that could happen"

Kie went back to the heir room, being careful where she stepped due to the darkness. She couldn't afford to fall off the ship. She didn't want to fall off the ship. Both Sarah and her went inside, but their ways parted before Kie could reach her room. The boys were all there, thankfully. None were getting into a fight with Rafe.

"Kie, thank God! Help us here" John B exclaimed standing from the bed he chose "JJ just had a stupid idea"

"His kind of ideas" Pope murmured.

"Funny, Pope" JJ turned to her, jumping from the top of the bunk bed "Very funny. But you know I'm right. We should knock out Rafe and take the gold. Yucatan is right there, waiting for us"

Kie sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Yeah, that was definitely a JJ idea. One of the worst he ever had. Which said a lot.

"We're not doing that"

"Why not?"

"Because it's a stupid idea?"

"And Rafe is crazy, he could kill us" 

Yeah, that too.

"Look, this is fair. We'll have the exact same amount of money we were going to have before" John B was being rational, which was weird because he normally was the second most chaotic "Let's not ruin this"

"Yeah. We are so close now. It's best to swallow our pride" 

"I agree with Pope" 

JJ rolled his eyes, running a hand through his blonde hair. Much that she loved him, she couldn't agree with his stupid ideas, or maybe because she loved him she couldn't encourage him in those things.

"Fine. What y'all want, but if shit goes the wrong way because of Rafe, don't say I didn't warn ya"

"Sarah won't let anything happen"

"And does Sarah have that much sway with Rafe?"

"She did get him to give us the gold rather than keep it"

"Exactly!" Kie's phone began to ring. It was her mom. She didn't think twice before turning it off "Let's get some sleep, the Bahamas are seven hours away, better to arrive well-rested"

JJ frowned at her, as if there was something he didn't understand. He didn't ask anything, and she didn't say anything either.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There was some money in the safe back in Tannyhill. Rafe made use of it to get the ship to take them to the Bahamas and transport the gold with discretion. The gold better be in that fucking safe. He thought twisting his signet ring nervously. If it wasn't, they were fuck. Him, Sarah and Wheezie. They would take his sisters from him, put them in the system. Rafe would fucking die if that happened. He couldn't allow it. He would end up killing more people. Because being sober was making him more irritable and with no money and no family he just might go to prison.

"Mr Cameron" the captain of the crew, he thought his name was Terry or something "There is enough water for you and your wife to take a shower"

Wife? Oh, right. Sarah.

"Thanks" he forced himself to be nice, but didn't correct him in his assumption "I'll tell her"

He handed the stout man some bills before going back to their room. Wife. He thought my sister was my wife. That didn't bother him, not at all. But he didn't get why Terry had assumed that. Did they really act that weird? Like, yeah, they were not normal siblings, especially him. And he could understand that maybe he didn't look at Sarah like he should. I definitely don't. But to think they were married was something else.

Not something bad. To him, at least. How would Sarah take it?

I don't need to tell her.

Yeah, it wasn't something important. No need to tell her. Back in their room, Sarah was scrolling through her phone, barefoot on the bed.

"Hey" he closed the door "There's water for us to take a shower if we want to"

"Cool" she smiled at him.

The light of the room made Sarah's hair look like melted gold, shiny and beautiful. Rafe extended his hand and caught a silky strand between his fingers. Sarah looked up to him, big brown eyes bearing a strange glint. She looked pretty like that.

So so pretty.

He cleared his throat, letting go of her hair and taking a step back. He shouldn't go there.

"I don't trust the pogues" he said trying to avoid thinking about what his mind was about to think "They want to keep all the gold"

"Well, a part is mine. Ours. So they better not"

Rafe tilted his head.

"What if they did?"

Sarah stopped for a moment, blinking as if trying to come up with an idea, then she shrugged.

"We'd go after them. No killing though" she smirked "I'm gonna hit the shower"

He watched her go to the small bathroom attached to their room, mouth quirked upwards. Then he remembered what he had to do. What he had promised Sarah he would do. Apologize. Just the thing he was worst at.

It wasn't really as hard as he thought it would be, going to the pogues room and knocking at the door. If he was lucky, he would be with Sarah in a moment.

"What are you doing here?" Kiara asked when she opened the door.

"Can I talk to Pope?"

Kiara looked at him in disbelief. Yeah, he couldn't believe it either.

"Why would you want to talk to me?"

He stepped inside the room, all four pogues up on their feet, but the beds were all unmade. They were sleeping, or trying to, but now they were all tense and alert. It was kinda flattering to be honest.

"I wanted to apologize for what I did" he twisted his signet ring "It was wrong. I'm sorry"

Pope and Kiara blinked at him dumfounded, meanwhile John B seemed to not believe a word and JJ was snarling at him. He didn't really care about those two.

"Rafe Cameron apologizing?" JJ snorted "Is the world ending?"

"Are you actually sorry?" Pope squinted his eyes at him, mistrustful.

Rafe couldn't blame him.

"Yeah. I am. You didn't deserve that, if anything I should have attacked JJ"

"Weird apology" Kiara murmured.

"Well, I did it because I was trying to prove a point I think, amongst other things. For putting a gun to Topper's head and all that"

"He was drowning me. That's the reason JJ pulled a gun on him" John B scoffed at him.

"How should I know? I wasn't there, and Topper didn't mention it"

"What are the other reasons?" Pope stepped closer.

"Huh?"

"The other reasons you attacked me"

He twisted the ring again, taking a deep breath.

"I was kinda...very high. And, I don't know, man, shit gets blurry at times. I guess I just wanted to hurt someone and I used every excuse to do it. Sometimes... sometimes I just need the violence"

He didn't miss the JJ looked down, as if he understood. As if he could relate. He didn't miss the way Kiara looked at the blond either.

"Okay"

His eyebrows raised involuntary.

"What?"

"You're willing to help us with the gold to prove you're better now, you're sober. I believe you"

Rafe let out a breath, smiling.

"Are you serious? Pope—"

The four pogues began to argue with one another, but he didn't really care. It was like a great weight was lifted of his shoulders. He was forgiven. Sarah would be so happy.

"I been thinking about the gold, actually. About how to use it legally" he told Sarah his plan already, and she approved. No that he needed her approval, but it was good to have it. "We say you found it in Tannyhill, because I don't think you found it without breaking some laws"

"Breaking and entering" JJ murmured.

"It wasn't very legal, no" Pope agreed.

Rafe didn't even blink, he had been expecting that. He was kinda curious as to where exactly did they find it 400 million in gold, but he didn't ask. Sarah could tell him all the details later.

"And that'll work?"

He shrugged.

"There's a hole in the basement of Tannyhill. It's been there for ages, we can always say the gold was there"

"How big is that hole?"

"Pretty big, Sarah still fits in there. We used to hide there when we played hide and seek"

Something crossed over Pope's face, he didn't want. Maybe he was just doing math. He was the smart one after all.

"How long it's been there?"

"Why does that matter?" JJ blinked confused.

"It could be the original hiding place of the gold. I don't think Denmark Tanny had it always where we found it"

"It was pretty unpractical" Kiara agreed.

He was kinda lost in the conversation, but answered either way. Doing better. Being better.

"According to my mother, it was already there when her father was a child" She used to tell her stories about her childhood, and her father's. She told him stories about so many things. He still missed her. Would he ever stop missing her? "Well... I'll go get some sleep"

Sarah was probably missing him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They were already in the Bahamas when she awoke. Sun shining through the small windows of the boat. She shook Rafe, trying to wake him up.

"What?" he asked groggily, eyes opening just a little.

Sarah smiled at the sight. Face pressed against the pillow, strands of dark hair over his half-closed eyes.

"We are in the Bahamas"

That seemed to wake him completely. Rafe sat straight, rubbing his eyes. He looked at her, eyes moving up and down her body.

"I'll get dressed"

Sarah nodded and left the room. The sun burn over her skin as she walked to the Pogues on the docks.

"How are we going to your house?" Asked Kie, watching the people in the docks, slash, bazaar "You have a car or..."

"Yeah"

"Good" JJ said, he had joint between his fingers "The sooner we get this over with, the better"

"Agreed" John B was still not looking at her.

She should probably care about that. She didn't.

"No smoking, JJ" Pope forcibly took the joint and stored it in his pocket "We need you lucid"

"It's not like it makes much of a difference" she commented jokingly.

"Exactly!" JJ extended his hand towards Pope "Give it back!"

Just when Pope was about to concede, Rafe appeared from the behind them fully dressed.

"What are you doing? We need you sober, all of you"

"Oh, come on!"

"You'll have it back once we're in Kildare"

JJ argue with them to have the joint back the whole car ride to their house in the Bahamas. It was just as they left it last winter. It was not as big as Tannyhill, but it had a good size. Good security too. The guard at the door didn't even ask about Ward, thankfully, even though he probably was dying for some information. Most people were.

"Holy shit" JJ whistled when they were inside "I'm buying a house like this one with my share. The parties will be legendary"

"Wow" Pope murmured in agreement "It would probably cost a few millions"

"1.5 million" Rafe corrected  "It's not that much" 

Sarah shook her head as the four pogues stared at her brother like he just said something unbelievable. Maybe he had, though she agreed with him. Tannyhill was way more expensive than that.

"Let's go get the gold"

"Yeah, but you four stay here" her brother ordered as he started climbing up the stairs.

"Why?"

"I don't want you to learn how to open the safe" he shrugged.

"Right. Or you want to keep the gold all to yourself" she had not realized before that JJ had a cut on his lips.

"Why would you I bring you here then?"

"To kill us" Pope supplied, looking slightly alert.

"Calm down, guys" Sarah followed her brother upstairs "I'll go with him"

"And you are trustworthy?" John B asked, bitterness lacing his tone.

"I trust her"

They started arguing again, about whether she was trustworthy or not. Sarah shared a look with her brother before they entered the office. The safe was kept in Ward's former office, just like in Tannyhill. It was a tall, rectangular, iron box. Almost as tall as Rafe. 

Sarah's heart was beating wildly in her chest. She smiled at her brother, reassuringly, as he worked to open the safe.

"Jackpot" he whispered when the door opened.

It was blinding, the sight of all the gold bars placed neatly inside the safe. So much gold. Sarah screeched happily.

"Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" she couldn't help but jump around the room.

"Holy shit!" her brother laughed.

It was a laugh of joy, of relief. It meant that he could breathe again, that they were saved. Without a warning, Rafe held her in his arms and spun her around. Sarah giggled happily, feeling a little dizzy, and a little sad, when he put her down. They stared at each other, panting and smiling, euphoric. And then Rafe leaned forward and pressed his lips to hers. 

Oh.

He held her in place, his hand on the back of her neck, for a few seconds. So many seconds. So little time. She didn't mind.  Then he let her go, and she stumbled backwards, wide-eyed and confused. Heat rose to her cheeks. She couldn't talk. She couldn't—

What just happened?

"Guys!" Kie's voice boomed around the corridor and she appeared through the door, her eyes landing on the gold "Oh, my God. It's here! All of it. Yes!"

The rest of the Pogues heard their exclamations and joined them with their owns. All happy, all celebrating. Rafe avoided her gaze, but she didn't stop searching for it. Searching for answers. She got none.

[citrusraindrops]

Male abusers often call themselves victims; The spread of the myth of (equally prevalent) female abusers directly harms female victims, because it means their partners' lies are believed by police and other authorities. And the myth of anti-male bias in courts stymies female victims as they try to escape their abusers.

I'm going to recommend once again Why Does he do That? by Lundy Bancroft. In chapter two, Bancroft writes:

Even if abused men didn't want to come forward, they would have been discovered by now. Neighbors don’t turn a deaf ear to abuse the way they might have ten or twenty years ago. Now, when people hear screaming, objects smashing against walls, loud slaps landing on skin, they call the police. Among my physically abusive clients, nearly one-third have been arrested as a result of a call to the police that came from someone other than the abused woman. If there were millions of cowed, trembling men out there, the police would be finding them. Abusive men commonly like to play the role of victim, and most men who claim to be “battered men” are actually the perpetrators of violence, not the victims.

From chapter 12:

A remarkable number of judges grant restraining orders to abusers to use against their victims or grant mutual orders, which validate the abuser’s claim that his partner shares responsibility for causing his scary behavior ... I have also worked with many [probation officers] who buddy up to the abuser with a wink and a nod, who bond with him in the belief that there exists an anti-male bias in the court system and who signal him that he needn’t take the abuser program seriously by saying things such as: “Just show up to your required number of group meetings and we’ll get you right off probation.”

From Chapter 3:

The abuser’s highly entitled perceptual system causes him to mentally reverse aggression and self-defense. When Tanya attempted to defend herself against Emile’s life-threatening attack, he defined her actions as violence toward him. When he then injured her further, he claimed he was defending himself against her abuse. The lens of entitlement the abuser holds over his eye stands everything on its head.

One of my areas of specialization is court-related work involving abusers who are physically violent or who abuse their children. I frequently encounter court personnel who say: “Well, she accuses him of abusing her, but he denies it.” They then drop the matter, as if the man’s denial closes the case. They also tell me: “He says she does the same things to him, so I guess they abuse each other.” This kind of denial and cross-accusation tells us nothing about whether the woman is telling the truth. If the man is abusive, of course he is going to deny it, partly to protect himself and partly because his perceptions are distorted. If he were ready to accept responsibility for his actions in relationships, he wouldn’t be abusive. Breaking through denial and minimization is one of the main tasks facing an abuse counselor. Most of the men in my groups admit to some abusive behavior —although they don’t see it as abusive, of course— but they acknowledge only a small portion of what they have actually done, as I learn when I interview the abused partners.

Abusive men push and push against a woman's boundaries in a relationship, breaking her down, and when she tries to defend herself against abuse or speaks out in any way he uses it as evidence that she is irrational and that she is the abuser. We unfortunately saw this happen to Gabby Petito and Amber Heard. In both cases when the victim was pushed past her limits and showed emotion at being abused, it was used as evidence that they were abusive.

Domestic violence is more common in lesbian relationships than it is in heterosexual relationships.

the point is that in heterosexual relationships men and women are equally likely to initiate DV. When examining female only relationships they are more likely to suffer violence than male only relationships.

Researchers theorise women initiate violence more often because society tends to ignore female violence and punish male violence harshly. They see no downside. This effect is magnified in female only relationships.

This info is not intended to put anyone down.

To add to this, heterosexual DV is still going to be more common than lesbian DV based purely upon the number of heterosexual couples when compared to lesbian couples. This isn’t to put down lesbians, it’s a statistic that I’m not too sure if it’s still liable or not.

So, apparently I need a frequently asked questions page ... or something.

You are wrong anon; these statements are factually incorrect.

Domestic violence is NOT more common in lesbian relationships. (And the larger post for context.)

Men and women do NOT have similar rates of domestic violence. (See, also, this post.)

People support/fail to support male/female victims and condemn/fail to condemn male/female perpetrators at similar rates. (Also see this post and this post.)

There is also no evidence of a criminal sentencing disparity caused by sex.

"This info is not intended to put anyone down." -> Yes, I am sure you came to this blog where I discuss the pandemic of male violence against women to claim that, against all substantial, overwhelming, evidence to the contrary women are actually more violent than men to be ... friendly.

Male violence in heterosexual relationships is higher in both absolute and relative terms (see above).

"it’s a statistic that I’m not too sure if it’s still liable or not" -> I'm guessing you meant either "reliable" or "viable", in either case, it was never reliable, or viable, or true. It's a homophobic, misogynistic myth perpetuated by malice and poor understanding of statistics.

[applebees4prez]

when i say that this was my 9/11 i fully mean it. i would pull out my computer and write it myself if it weren’t so personal to dan. i will go into debt to make this happen. @danielhowell if there is anything i can personally to get dan is not okay out into the world i will do it i don’t care if i’m a freshman in college i would die for this.