#but so many people are actually going through this same thing

[slut4hee]

Red Lights

{Paring: Rockstar Sim Jaeyun x Groupie Fem! Reader

{Genre: smut, electric guitarist jake, 18+ so (mdni).

{Synopsis: Nightclubs, rock bands, and crowds of people has never been your thing, but it’s something about the Australian electric guitarist that keeps you running back for more. Finally after stepping out of your shell, you find yourself doing anything in your will to be noticed by Jake Sim, aka the lead guitarist of the band Red Lights.

{Warnings: explicit themes, hard dom jake, sub reader, reader has a thing for Jake’s aussie accent, jake has tattoos, rough sex, unprotected sex, creampie, choking, ass spanking, pussy slapping, fingering, oral (m&f receiving), anal play , squirting, ass eating, nipple play, usage of handcuffs, fucking in a motel, lmk if I missed anything.

“Oh come on Y/n, please come. Just tonight please make an exception for your two best friends”. Nina and Bri, shouted at you through the phone, and begged you to go out with them tonight. You honestly didn’t feel like going out at all, you had just finished your finals, and all you wanted to do is eat a bunch of junk food and binge watch criminal minds.

“Guys I don’t know, I don’t think I’m really up for going out tonight, besides finals week has killed me I just rather stay inside tonight” Your best friends groaned over the phone, whining that you always come up with the same excuse every weekend, just for a reason to not leave the house. You would admit, you did feel a little guilty for always turning down your girls, but you vs big crowds of people just made the hairs on your neck stand up.

“But Y/n, this is one night you absolutely cannot miss, the 𝙍𝙚𝙙 𝙇𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 are in town for two days and this is our only chance to see them live!!” Nina squealed in excitement over the phone, you let a confused hum at the mention of the band Red Lights, you had no idea who they were.

“Who are the Red Lights?” You inquired.

“No! Y/n please tell you’re fucking joking right now” Nina gasped dramatically, at your oblivious of not knowing who the Red Lights are. You hear Bri burst into laughter over the phone, yelling at Nina saying “I told you she wouldn’t know who they were haha, drinks on you tonight sucka” Nina let out a fake cry before cursing under her breath

“Guys seriously who are the Red Lights?” You couldn’t help but be a little curious about who these people were, and how are they so popular, since they have your best friends begging on their knees for you to come to their show tonight.

“The Red Lights, are like THE rock band of all time. They sell out so many shows every year and they’re like hot asf you should definitely reconsider your decision Y/n” Bri said, the sound of her lips smacking coming through the line, indicating that she’s applying lip gloss to her lips.

“Here I’ll send you the poster, and the link to the show where you buy your tickets. If you’re still not up for it, then it’s all good, Me and Bri will just go and have the best times of our lives. Nina said, trying her hardest to persuade you, but not make it seem she was trying to persuade you at the same time.

Your phone dinged with the message from Nina, you clicked on it, opening the message. You gasped inaudible, as you took a good look at the poster, and holy shit your friends weren’t lying they are hot. The group consisted of 4 handsome men, Lee Heeseung the lead singer, Park Jongseong bass guitarist, Park Sunghoon drummer, and last but not least Sim Jaeyun electric lead guitarist.

You would admit, all of them were fine as hell, but there was one of the members that stood out to you the most. Sim Jaeyun, the lead guitarist, it was just something about his piercing gaze, and his striking facial features that intrigued you wildly. You could feel his intense aura radiating from the picture, and that’s how you found yourself agreeing to go out with your friends tonight all bc of Sim Jaeyun.

“Actually, you guys are right, i never get out of the house except for school and work so I think it’s time I do have some fun” you cringed at your own words, you couldn’t believe you were agreeing to going to a rock concert, at an underground club somewhere totally out of your comfort zone. You giggled at your friends cheering, and squealing in excitement, that you finally decided to go party with them.

“That’s my girl!! Don’t worry we going to have so much fun, plus you’re gonna love the Red Lights, their concerts are always a night to remember” Bri quoted, you honestly were a little excited, it was definitely something new and risky, and honestly you’ve been wanting to get out there a little bit more anyways but the fear of being judged raided your head like crazy.

“Great! Then it’s settled ladies, Y/n we’ll be there in 15, so don’t take forever and please for fuck sakes wear something that fits the occasion, not any of those Church girl dresses you wear all the time” Nina snorted, you rolled your eyes and sucked your teeth at the girl, it’s not your fault you weren’t too keen on showing off any skin and your curves.

You hung up the phone, and started to get ready. You searched through your closet, looking for something not too casual but something you would be comfortable with. You pondered and pondered, on what you should wear, and then it hit you, Bri had bought you a black mini dress for your birthday last year. You swiped through your hangers until you spotted the black piece, it was a little short but not too short, with a slit on the side and the top of it revealed a little bit of your cleavage.

You bit down on your bottom lip nervously, as you checked yourself out in the mirror. The dress hugged your curves tight, and your boobs sat up nicely. Before you could get any deeper into your thoughts, you heard a loud beeping of a car horn, indicating that Nina and Bri had arrived. You took one last look in the mirror, and took a deep breath, before grabbing your purse and walking out the door.

The wind of the cool night breeze, hit you instantly as you stepped outside, reminding you of the little amount of clothing you have on. You shivered a little, tugging the dress down, before walking over to Nina’s red Honda Accord. Your best friends gasped at the sight of you, it was such a rare occasion to see you dressed like this, and they were living for it.

“Holy fuck Y/n, you look hot as hell!” Bri and Nina screamed a little too loud for your liking, you gave them a playful glare and shushed them, reminding them you have neighbors and the least you want right now is a noise complaint.

“Sorry sorry, you just look so good girl! I knew you were hiding all that ass under those long granny skirts you wear all the time” Bri said, you rolled your eyes playfully at her before getting in the back seat.

“Buckle up ladies! It’s going to be a hell of a ride” Nina smirked, and giggled mischievously, before speeding off into the night. It was indeed going to be a hell of a ride….

꩜ .ᐟ

Finally you guys made it to the club, and the parking lot was full of cars, and the line was outrageous. You understand now why your friends made it very clear to get a vip ticket, for early entry and line cutting because if not you would’ve been standing out here like the rest of these people. The city was bustling, and the lights from the venue lit up the streets.

You could already feel yourself getting nervous and anxious, but you quickly reminded yourself you’re here to have fun, and not overthink and let your social anxiety get the best of you. All you needed, is a little alcohol in your system and you’ll be good to go, because there’s nothing like some good ole liquor courage. The bouncer scanned in you and your friends tickets, handing you guys your vip lanyards, as you guys made your way in skipping the long line.

As you stepped foot inside the club, you are immediately hit with a wave of heat, bodies packed together, the bass of the music blasting travels throughout the whole club, and the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke invades your nostrils. You made sure to stay very close to your friends, not wanting to take the risk of getting split up, that’s the least of your problems you need right now.

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna go get us some drinks, you two find a good spot by the stage, as close as possible please” Nina shouted over the loud music, as she made her way over to the bar to grab the drinks. Bri pulled you by the arm, as you guys made your way through the crowd of bodies. You honestly don’t know, how you two managed to get pretty close to the stage, but here you guys were literally two rows away from being barricade.

Not long after Nina came back with the drinks, you immediately took your drink out of her hand, and downed most of it. If you were going to survive tonight, you needed to not be all the way there and just let loose.

Suddenly the whole club went dark, and the crowd erupted into screams. You could feel your heart racing, and your palms growing sweaty, as the lights flickered back but this time they were a dark red color.

The stage started to light up as well, and you could see the members coming up from under the stage. Bri screams in excitement, pulling on your arm hysterically. You giggled at her reaction, and you even let out a little scream yourself.

Finally, the sound of an electric guitar echoed throughout the crowd, and you felt the adrenaline rush coursing through your body. The spotlight came on, and there they were, you stared at them in awe and you wondered if this was all some fever dream.

They looked so unreal, visuals out of this world, and the intense energy they let off was like no other. Your eyes landed on Jaeyun, and boy oh boy did your heart skip a beat, he was far more handsome in person and just how you imagined him to be. On top of that, his confident and dark aura was so intimidating and all too addicting.

“What’s up everyone, We are Red Lights!” The lead singer Heeseung spoke, you couldn’t help but check him out, his facial features and orange hair standing out. But that was quickly interrupted, when the man you’ve been anticipating seeing all night, spoke as well.

“Are you guys ready to go fucking crazy!” He growled, you felt a shiver run down your spine, and a throbbing ache starting to form in your core. A fucking Australian accent?! You thought to yourself, as you craved for him to speak more, you were a sucker for accents and Jake’s happen to be your new favorite.

As the show went on, you found yourself really enjoying their music, but you were enjoying Jaeyun way more. It was the way he played his electric guitar so passionately, and his stage performance was amazing, it was like he was born for this. There were times, you and him would lock eyes in the crowd, and it never failed to get your heart beating fast and your panties getting wetter by the minute.

Sadly the show had came to an end, and you couldn’t help but feel disappointed. You see why Bri said their concerts are a night to remember, and you would definitely remember this night. You genuinely had a great time, the Red Lights really know how to put on a show, and you already made up your mind that you will definitely be coming to tomorrow night’s show.

“Wow that was amazing wasn’t it” Nina shouted, slurring her words just a little, she was always kind of a light weight when it came to drinking, not taking much for her to feel the buzz of the alcohol.

“Sooo… How’d you like show, and what do you think of the Red Lights Y/nnie?” Bri inquired, holding up Nina by her arm, as the drunk girl wobbled and said incoherent words only she could understand.

“Honestly… I really enjoyed it, I mean their music is actually really good. You know, I was expecting it to be like the type of rock music, where all they do is scream” Bri chucked at your words, playfully pushing your shoulder.

“So, does that mean you’re on for tomorrow night’s show?” Bri winked at you. Of course you were going, and hopefully this time you could catch a certain someone’s eye, that certain someone being Mr sexy electric guitarist.

“Actually yeah, I do think I would like to come again” you nodded, Bri clapped her hands in excitement, and Nina jumped up and down, cheering in her drunk state. You couldn’t wait for tomorrow night!!

꩜ .ᐟ

“But Sir, you clearly stated you wanted a white chocolate mocha latte, with a double shot of expresso when you ordered” You said in your most friendliest tone, trying to keep your composure. These were the days, you really hated your job, and wanted nothing more than to throw in the towel but unfortunately you aren’t rich so you have to work for your money.

“No Miss! I clearly said I wanted a white chocolate mocha latte, and a double shot of an expresso on the side. Is this like your first day or something. The older guy raised his voice, and laughed sarcastically at you. You gripped the edges of the counter, taking a deep breath, before putting on a fake smile.

“Well my apologies sir, but you weren’t very specific with your order” You replied, you honestly wanted to scream and pull your hair out, why did you always get the grumpy old people who haven’t had their AM coffee yet.

“Are you calling me a dummy! Wow that’s so unprofessional on your behalf, young lady I demand to speak to your manager right this instant” The older gentleman complained, pointing his finger at you. At this point you were fuming with frustration, as you took a step back, to regain control over your emotions.

Luckily your manager came quickly, and took over the situation, and of course the guy changed his attitude quickly when a male was now present, fucking misogynist you thought to yourself. The doors to the coffee shop swung opened and two tall gentleman walked through them. Both had on mask covering their faces, and dressed in all black attire.

You don’t know why, you suddenly got the feeling that you knew them from somewhere, but you quickly shook that feeling off, greeting them and taking their order.

“Hello! What can I get started for you two” You said politely, while typing in your employee number on the register.

“What do you recommend, it’s my first time coming here” the gentleman with the black fluffy hair spoke up, your hands froze mid typing, and you looked up at him real fast. Why did his voice sound so familiar to you, almost identical to the male’s voice you’ve been daydreaming about at work all day.

“Umm w-well, we’re well known for our cappuccinos and lattes, but we also have really good teas” you stuttered, your heart starting to beat fast out your chest. The two guys looked at each other and you could tell from their eyes, that they were smirking.

“Well how about you, what’s your favorite?” the other guy replied, he was clad in a black hoodie, with red flames on it, but what you also noticed about him was his eyes. They resembled Heeseung’s eyes from Red Lights. You told yourself to snap out of it, and get a grip. There’s absolutely no way THE Lee Heeseung, and THE Sim Jaeyun, were standing right in front of you right now, asking about your go to coffee drink.

But they were….

“Umm well I’m pretty basic, I just usually get a latte or an Iced americano” You nodded, and they both nodded their head in agreement, chuckling softly before the one with the leather jacket pulled out his credit card.

“Alright, we’ll take two Americanos please” the one with the leather jacket said, handing you his card. When you went to grab it, you suddenly stopped, and looked at the rings on his finger. At this point, you knew for sure you weren’t imagining things, the rings he had on his fingers were the exact same ones Jake had on last night at the show

Yes, you were staring that hard….

“Something wrong princess?” He chucked softly, you couldn’t find your words, they were stuck in your throat, as you struggled to speak. That’s when the other gentleman leaned in, and whispered something into his ear. His eyes widened a little, but quickly turned relaxed and was replaced with a more playful expression.

“Ahhh I see, you know who we are don’t you?” He leaned against the counter. Your breath hitched at the semi close proximity, swallowing hard before replying.

“Y-yes, but I won’t make a scene I promise, I really like you guys music a lot” You were a nervous wreck, tripping over your words, and fiddling with your fingers. They both kept giggling and looking at each other.

“Haha thanks, did you come to our show last night?” Heeseung asked, you shook your head yes eagerly, then cringing at yourself for coming off so desperate. Jake finally pulled down his mask some, showing you half of his face. You melted on the spot, butterflies erupting in your stomach.

“May I ask who’s your favorite, and will you be coming to our show tonight pretty” Jake said, smirking and biting his lips. You felt your knees go weak, and suddenly the air became hot, and you struggled to breathe correctly

Did he really just call you pretty?!

“W-well, I uh- well um, I really like you Jaeyun, you’re like so amazing” You slapped your hands over your mouth and widened your eyes, you didn’t mean to sound like a desperate fangirl, but him staring deep into your eyes had your brain malfunctioning.

“Oh really, is that so? Very cute” He smirked, before putting his card back in his wallet. You quickly made their drinks, almost fucking up in the process, because you could feel them staring a hole into you. You finished making their drinks and handed it to them.

“Here you are, please enjoy” You tried your best to sound confident. They both thanked you, but suddenly Jake grabbed your hand and kissed your knuckles and you looked at him in shocked, as they grabbed their drinks.

“See you at the show tonight Y/n” Jake spoke one last time, before they walked out the doors of the coffee shop. You stood there, still in shock, as you stared at spot on your hand where Jake kissed. You couldn’t wait to tell Nina and Bri.

꩜ .ᐟ

The night came fast, and you were currently standing in front of Bri’s bathroom mirror, applying your makeup. You’ve decided, you really want to go all out, in hopes of gaining Jake’s attention. You went to the mall when you got off work, and picked out a black corset top, and a black mini skirt to go with it.

“I can’t believe you met them like face to face, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK” Nina’s said, her loud obnoxious voice making you laugh. You honestly still couldn’t believe it yourself.

“Yeah seriously Y/n, you don’t know how many girls will kill to be you right now!!” Bri singed, touching up her curls. You honestly did feel a little on top of the world right about now.

“Not only that, Jake fucking kissed your hand, he’s definitely into you girl” Nina wigged her brows, nudging you in the shoulder.

“Oh come on, a guy like him into me? He probably just enjoys seeing girls losing their shit over him” You didn’t wanna gas yourself up, only to get disappointed in the end. Jake was so out of your league, and had plenty of girls in line waiting to have a piece of him. There’s no way he would waste his time on a girl like you.

Little did you know….

Jake’s Pov

Jake knew when he first spotted you in the audience, he had to have you. You were the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen, and not only that he could tell you weren’t used to coming to concerts or let alone clubs, just by the way you looked around like a lost puppy. He could feel, the innocence and curiosity, radiating from your body all the way in the crowd and he never felt so addicted in his life.

He wanted to swallow you whole, drain you of your innocence, and show you a whole new world out there. He couldn’t lie and say, he wasn’t taken aback, when he walked into the coffee shop and you were right there in all your glory looking gorgeous as ever. It took every thing in him, not to sweep you off your feet right then and there, and have his way with you.

But nah, he couldn’t make it that easy, he wanted to play with you first, get you all desperate for him which was never a challenge for him when it came to women. Jake knew he was good looking, and how easy it was to have any girl he wanted, so he used it to his advantage. But what Jake couldn’t quite grasp, is why did it feel different this time? Why does it feel like he’s genuinely into you.

Jake was always excited when it came time to perform, I mean why wouldn’t he? He loves what he does, and music is his passion. But in the back of his head, he’s a little extra giddy knowing that you’re going to be somewhere in the audience watching him, he hopes you keep your word and show up tonight. I mean, how else is gonna make his move on you, and get you in the bed tonight.

Jake was determined to have you screaming out his name tonight, and little did he know you were feeling the same way….

꩜ .ᐟ

When you and your girls pulled up to the venue, you instantly felt Deja vu, just this time you weren’t as nervous like before and you felt lighter, and more confident. You stepped out of the car, the cool night breeze welcoming you, as you guys made your way through the line of people. Just like yesterday night, it was packed like crazy, but vip ticket again hello.

You guys rushed in, not even bothering to get drinks, as the plan was to get barricade tonight and to your surprise the goal was achieved. You and your friends couldn’t help but feel giddy, boasting over being front row.

Not long after, the lights turned off and came back on, to the signature dark red lights. The crowd roars, and the energy is up instantly. The adrenaline rush, courses through your body, a lot more stronger since you’re in front of the stage. The members came up from under the stage, and you immediately start looking for Jaeyun.

You finally spot him, and what are the odds, he just happens to be on your side. Just like before, you stare at him awe, so fascinated by his godly presence. You locked eyes with him, and this time he winked at you and smirked, Nina also saw the interaction turning around and hyping you up.

As the show went on, you noticed that you had Jake’s attention, when you would look at him, he was already staring at you. And even this time, they went out into the crowd, and he made sure he passed by your section to hold your hand. When the show was coming to an end, and they were saying their goodbyes, Jake’s eyes remained on you, and you felt so small and imitated under his gaze.

The show ended, and you and your friends were getting ready to head out, but suddenly a gentleman with a mask and tattoos on his arms stopped you guys. Bri being the brave one in the friend group, she immediately was ready to tell the guy off, until the guy quickly spoke up introducing himself.

“My apologies for startling you ladies, but could you spare some of your time?” The guy asked, you all looked at each skeptically, before shrugging your shoulders.

“Sure what’s this concerning, you wanna buy us a drink or something?” Nina said confidently, never missing the chance to flirt with a hot guy. You and Bri looked at each other, and shook your heads.

“Haha I mean, I wouldn’t mind buying a pretty girl like you a drink at all. But actually I’m the manger of Red Lights, and I actually got word from the boys that they would like to meet you ladies backstage” Your eyes widened at his words, and you turned around and looked at your friends in shocked. You guys couldn’t believe this was happening, you couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Like to meet them backstage?” You inquired, the guy nodded his head and said to follow him. You guys followed him to a back room, where it was labeled staff only and he opened the door and the members were all hanging out in there. You and your friends walked in, the atmosphere feeling heavy and awkward.

“Look who made it! Welcome beautiful ladies, come have a seat” Jongseong said, pointing at the space left on the couches. Nina sat by Sunghoon, Bri sat in between Jay and Heeseung, and then of course you had no other choice but to sit by Jaeyun. He patted the space next to him and you hesitantly took a seat.

“We meet again princess, see you couldn’t stay away” Jake said, looking at you with that look, that makes you wanna serve him like he’s your master. You swallowed down your nerves, before replying.

“Why would i, I mean you really know how to make a good impression Jake” You said confidently, flirtatious in your tone. Jake bit his lip, a habit you noticed he does a lot. He leaned in closer to you, stretching his arm around your shoulder, and whispered in your ear “Call me Jaeyun pretty girl” you almost moaned out loud.

His accent was the sexiest thing you ever heard in your life, voice smooth like honey, and the scent of his cologne invaded your nostrils. You wanted him so bad, never mind, you needed him so bad.

And that’s exactly how you ended up, messily kissing Jake, as the elevator moves up the floors. It dinged on the floor Jake’s room was on, and you both stumbled out the elevator, giggling and kissing each other like crazy.

Jake fumbled with the card, as he tried to put it into the slot, he was so fucking horny he could hardly think straight. You decided to help him out, giggling and inserting the card into the slot, and finally the light turned green and the door was unlocked.

Before you guys could get fully into the room, you were pulling Jake back into a heated kiss, pulling on the collar of shirt and rubbing your hands down his abs.

“Someone’s eager aren’t we?” He smirked, grabbing a handful of your ass, then landing a harsh smack to it. You moaned shamelessly, pussy soaking your panties already. You had been wet since the concert, and you really needed him to do something about it.

“Please, i need you Jaeyun I can’t take it anymore” You begged, grinding your pussy onto the fabric of his jeans. Jake groaned, his cock now throbbing in his jeans, fuck you were so perfect, he loved when a woman is desperate for him.

“Fuck baby, shit take off your clothes, i wanna see that sexy body of yours. But do it nice and slowly for me, i wanna appreciate every inch of you” He bit his lip, taking a seat on the bed.

You didn’t even have to be told twice, you started to slowly strip out of your clothes, swaying your hips slowly as you eased out of your thong and unhooked your bra.

Jake could’ve cummed in his pants at the sinful sight of you, you were truly a masterpiece, a body of a goddess.

“I want you to crawl to me slut, show me how bad you want this” You obeyed his command, dropping down to your knees, as you crawled to him, slowly and seductively. His gaze was intense, lust and desire, written all over his face. Your pussy is dripping wet, and your arousal is leaking down your thighs.

“Gonna show me what that pretty little mouth does huh? Be a good little girl and let Jaeyun fuck your mouth” You looked up at him with your big doe eyes, and nodded eagerly, you didn’t even care how shameless you looked anymore you wanted his cock.

He spread his legs open for you, as you started to unbuckle his belt, and he lifted his bottom up so you could take off his jeans and boxers. His cock sprang free, hard as a rock, and the tip red and leaking with precum. Your mouth watered at the sight of his big cock, it was long and thick, with veins running down the sides of it

“Fuck your cock is so huge, I don’t think it will fit all in my mouth” you moaned, pumping his cock, and smearing the precum off the head of his cock.

“That’s okay sweetheart, just take as much as you can, come on make me feel good” he grunted, hips bucking up desperately. You licked on his wet tip a little, teasing him before taking him into your mouth, sucking slowly. He threw his head back, exposing his perfectly sculpted jawline and neck.

“Fuuuk yeah, just let that, eat my cock baby” you moaned around his length at his vulgar remarks, the vibration of it, causing him to let out a loud moan. The taste of his salty precum on your tongue, was immaculate and you could feel his dick twitching inside your mouth. You bobbed your head up and down, taking more of his cock in your mouth, as his tip reaches the back of your throat causing you to gag a little.

O-oh Shit yeah, deep throat my cock baby fuuuck yes” He groaned, pushing your head a little, as you sucked him off. Your pussy was throbbing, so you reached your hand down between your legs, rubbing your aching clit as you sucked Jake’s huge cock. He noticed, and pushed your head further down, cock going deeper into your throat.

“Who said you could touch yourself without my permission greedy little slut” he spat out, taking this opportunity, to grip your hair and fuck your mouth. You gagged, spit and his precum dripping on the sides of your mouth. You could tell he was getting close to cumming, his dick twitching uncontrollably inside your mouth.

He pulled his dick out, tapping your tongue with his length, before pulling his shirt off showing off his tattoos. Just when you thought he couldn’t get any hotter. He came up and started kissing you again, tasting himself on your mouth and groaning at the taste.

Get on all fours baby, I wanna eat that pretty pussy from the back” He sighed out, lazy stroking his cock. You got up on the bed, arching your back, as you looked back at him wiggling your plump ass. Jake cursed under his breath, before making his way over to you, and rubbing his hands all over your ass.

“Fuck look at this beautiful ass, fuck just wanna take a bite out of it sweetheart” You whimpered, when he started to circle your clit with his thumb.

“Oh fuck please, please give it to me Jaeyun” You cried out, you were so turned on, it hurts. Jake smacked your asscheek, before putting his face in between your cheeks, licking and sucking on your pussy.

You let out a loud moan, his tongue felt incredible, knowing exactly where to lick, you could tell he was really experienced.

“God yes Jake, that feels so good please” You whimpered, back arching at the overwhelming feeling of his tongue, working wonders on your wet pussy. He was genuinely eating you out like a starved man, and you could tell he eats pussy for his own pleasure.

“Fuck this pussy is so good, sweet little cunt so tasty” He said muffled, as he started to lick your puckered hole. He could tell you never had your ass eaten, by the way you flinched at the contact. He couldn’t believe, nobody has ever tasted your sweet little ass before, but he’s honored to be the first one to get a taste.

“Does my naughty little bitch, like getting her ass and pussy eaten from the back” He smirked, licking a big stripe of your pussy, sucking on your sensitive bundle of nerves. You clenched around nothing, pussy fluttering, as he started to tongue fuck your hole.

“Fuck fuck fuck, right there Jake, please don’t stop I’m gonna cum” You whined, legs shaking and the band in your stomach, threatening to snap any minute. He landed a slap to your pussy, causing you to let it a pained moan, jolting forward.

“Call me Jaeyun baby, now be a good little whore and cum on my tongue” He spat, slipping a finger inside your tight pussy, fingering your gummy walls as he devoured your pussy. You screamed his name out loud, as your body felt like it was on fire, and the knock in your stomach unraveled.

“Jaeyun! Oh my god I’m cumming” You whined, coming undone in his mouth, squirting your essence everywhere. Jake continued to lap at your pussy, overstimulating you, before you pushed at his head because you couldn’t take anymore.

“God, I need to be inside you right fucking now” He growled, ridding himself of the rest of his clothes, you looked back at him, staring at his abs, and how his muscles flexed when he bent down.

“Face down baby” He said, before running off to grab something. He came back with handcuffs, twirling the black puffy object around his finger. Your pussy clenched around nothing, and you could feel yourself getting wetter, at the thought of your hands being restrained, as he fucked the living daylights out of you.

He pulled your body to the edge of the bed, spreading your asscheeks , as he rubbed the tip of his cock between your slippery folds teasing your throbbing cunt. You felt like you were going to die, if you didn’t have his cock buried deep inside you, pushing your ass against his pelvis.

He chuckled at your eagerness, before aligning his tip up with your hole, his cock slipping inside your tight pussy easily from how wet you are. He was big! You could feel him splitting you in half, his hard cock pulsating, as he started to rock his hips and forth.

“Oh Shit, yeah tight little pussy, squeezing me so good, he groaned, his pace speeding up, as he finds the perfect rhythm to fuck you deep. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, he was able to find your g-spot immediately, gripping your waist tightly as he pounded you into the mattress.

“Jaeyun! Oh Jae, fuck me just like that. I love your cock so much baby fuck!” You cried out, throwing your ass back at him, as you desperately chased after his strokes. The sound of skin slapping, and the headboard slamming against the wall, echoed throughout the motel room, turning to on to the max.

“How does it feel, to be getting fucked stupid by a rockstar darling, feeling me deep in your guts” He pulled your body up from the bed, pulling your body flushed to his, as he pounded into you like mad man pinching and rubbing your nipples through his fingertips.

“F-feels so good, love being your little fucktoy so much” You whimpered, biting down on my lip harshly, as you took his brutal thrusts. He arched your back again, pushing your face into the mattress, as he let a glob of spit fall between your asscheeks. He smeared the saliva around your rim, then starting to slowly push his thumb inside your tight asshole.

“OH MY GOD JAE, I’m gonna cum, please let me cum on your cock I been so good for you” You slurred your words, your body trembling, and you could feel the band in your stomach tightening as you neared your high. You could tell Jake was close as well, his deep grunts, turning into whiny moans and whimpers.

“Fuck can I cum inside you baby, stuff you full of my cum, just to fuck back into your tight cunt” He growled, plowing into you, as his strokes started to grow erratic, fucking you into a oblivion. That sent you over the edge, the band in your stomach finally snapping, as you came hard for the 2nd time tonight.

Your orgasm triggered his, the tight clenching of your cunt, milking his cock for what’s its worth, as he shoots thick white ropes of cum inside you. His hips stuttered, completely emptying his balls inside you, and he collapsed on top of you, chest heaving up and down.

You laid there spent, body limp and weak, your hair is a mess and you looked so fucked out. So did he, sweat dripping down his forehead, as he tried to calm his breathing. The room was completely silent now, only the sound of you and Jake’s breathes could be heard.

This was the moment you dreaded the most, the awkward silence was so loud, and you didn’t know if you should get your shit and go. Or wake up to an empty bed, with no sigh of Jake.

“That was the best sex, I ever had in my life” You spoke up, breaking the silence, and trying to lighten up the mood. Jake hummed, staring up at the ceiling. You stared at him, admiring his side profile, he was so bad for you heart. Finally Jake got up from the bed, grabbing his jeans, and throwing them on.

You sit up in the bed, covering yourself with the covers, as if he wasn’t just balls deep inside you. You knew this was gonna happen, but some parts of you hoped would be different, but who were you kidding Jake’s a rockstar he has no time for dating.

“Are you leaving?” You asked him, even though you knew the answer to that, but still you were hoping he could prove your assumption wrong.

“Yeah I should head out, the band’s probably wondering where I am” He said nonchalantly, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Oh” Is all you said, a lump growing in your throat, as reality hit you hard that you were nothing but just another hookup for him.

“You should probably leave as well love, it’s not safe for a women to stay at these places by herself. He smiled at you, that damn smile you thought to yourself. Tears started to gather in your waterline, but you quickly wiped them away, and got up from the bed and threw on your clothes.

꩜ .ᐟ

You stood there awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers, as Jake checked out the motel, and tuned in the card. He turned, and looked at you, before giving you a faint smile and nodded his head towards the exit. You both walked out, side to side, the cold air hitting your legs.

Jake put his jacket over your shoulder, and kissed you on your forehead, and not long after a taxi cab was pulling up. Jake opened the door of cab for you, and you gave him a faint smile, before getting into the backseat of the cab.

“I had amazing time tonight princess, here’s my number, if I’m ever in town again we should meet up sometimes” he nodded, you couldn’t help but feel a little sad, you didn’t want this night to end, you just wished it could be different.

“Yeah I’d like that, be careful on the road Jake” Your voice cracked a little, trying to ignore the ache in your chest. He smiled at you one last time, before walking away and disappearing into the night. You finally let the tears fall, sobbing into your hands, you really fooled yourself this time

You don’t know if you will ever see Jake again, but until then, you can only cherish the memories of tonight….

A year later.

Your phone dinged with a notification, waking you out of your slumber. You rubbed the sleep out of your eyes, before clicking on the notification. Your heart stopped, when you opened the message, from someone you didn’t expect to hear from ever again.

Jaeyun: Hey love, I’m in town wanna meet up?🥴

The End.

A/n: The way I enjoyed writing for Rockstar Jake, I literally sobbed writing the end tho😭 but I really hope you guys like this fic, reblogs are greatly appreciated🫶🏽🩷 lmk if you guys want more fics like this in the future! Not proofread 🥲

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Taglist: @i03jae @ataver @ancnymcnzjy @slutforjaeyun @heebear @heeaxvhhoon @jaklvbub @jakeswifez @strxwbloody @meetletsinmontauk @eroqore if I didn’t tag you, it’s because it wasn’t working😭



[raichukfm]

It's a fascinating question and the answer doesn't speak to it at all. We're talking about swapping perceptions, you know, the hypothetical thing that could answer those "What if my blue is your red?" ponderings. Were that the case and you were to swap, you would start seeing everything red as blue and vice versa, but you would be able to tell this. That's a controversial point, but we aren't proposing a full qualia inversion here; your internal concepts of red and blue haven't changed, just the way that your brain maps sensory stimuli to your qualia has. You can imagine red, and it's red as you have always imagined it, you just look at a red delicious apple and you see it as blue. (Actually a fascinating question whether people would agree with this assessment, and has me wondering about people with aphantasia specifically about if they think their 'red as they have always imagined it' can be separated from the way things with that color look to them. I'm getting off track.)

But this swap is different. Semiotics refers to the meanings that things have; for instance, the way you are looking at these squiggles or hearing these sound waves and taking them as a message. I am intending a meaning now as I type these words out, and you are taking away a meaning as you perceive them, and though it won't quite be the same meaning it is related. There's a question of where exactly the meaning you perceive is; is it in the message itself? Is it just contained in the context around it? Was it put there by me? Is it only there when you read or hear it?

And now specifically we're talking about abstract objects, things which aren't concrete; for instance, words as words, not images or sounds but the thing that those patterns invoke. Things where it is already an interesting philosophical question about how exactly it is that they exist. (For those with the bent to ponder it and not just go 'Uh, they just do, duh' because yeah that's fair.) And that's just one example of an abstract object. It's not all messages. There are numbers. There are complex mathematical objects, like groups and rings and fields. Are things like "peace" abstract objects?

If we do this swap of perceptions, so you perceive the meaning of an abstract thing to be the meaning that I perceive... What are you perceiving, exactly? Is it the thing anymore? Is this even truly a swap of perceptions or is it rather a swap of thoughts? If you took one piece of my mental model of the world and swapped it out with one of yours, how would it fit in? Would it fit in at all? It's fascinating.

The world isn't shrouded in darkness. There's not some blinding fog that has settled over everything. You can observe the world, make sense of parts of it, peer into its mysteries and try to think of answers. Yeah, it's confusing and a lot of pieces of it are out of reach but that's just because the world is so fucking big and complicated and so many parts we simply lack the faculties to possess. This question is that lovely kind of philosophical pondering that is fundamentally unresolvable and by all rights has no practical purpose... But we can still talk about it, and in talking about it, we can share ideas and work through how it is we think of things. If nothing else, we can enjoy ourselves. And that's as practical a purpose as anything else.

Don't see something you can't think of how to answer and decide that it cannot be answered and that now is a time to shrink away to safe thoughts that can be trusted. Ponder whatever bullshit that strikes your fancy, and try to think about what the answers would be. Even if you can fundamentally never find out if you're right or wrong, the thinking itself is a worthwhile exercise. Encourage other people to do it too, though don't try to force it; different people have their own sorts of funtime questioning. I've got things like this, some people have how much prep time Batman would need to defeat Shrek in a fight.

equally confounded and obsessed by this quora question and response that i just stumbled onto

[genderqueerdykes]

btw 'syscourse' and plural infighting isn't accomplishing anything. back in the late 90s and early 2000s, the only communities and resources for plurals that were widely available were for and by non-traumagenic systems. the only people who were advocating for normalizing and accepting plurality on a large scale were non-traumagenic systems. if you did research into plurality 10 - 15 years ago, most of the results that came up would have been experiences written by spiritual and natural plurals.

many people at the time were expressing their dislike of forcing every single plural to identify as if they had trauma- many found this insulting to themselves, and rightfully so! no one should be forced to identify in a way they don't agree with just to rightfully be a part of a community they already occupy. this obsession with "you can only be plural if you have trauma" has only come about extremely recently. i found out about plurality through the otherkin community. i was actually told about DID by someone in the spiritual plurality community. people don't seem to understand that most non-traumagenic systems have respect for traumagenic systems and don't gatekeep their spaces to prevent us from entering.

older plural spaces on the web like healthymultiplicity accepted all plurals. the goal of the community was to show that you can live as plural and not have it be a tragedy or something to "fix". if anything, folks with dissociative disorders owe a LOT to non-traumagenic systems for pushing to normalize plurality without implying that we HAVE to integrate our headmates and try to stop being plural. a huge part of the early online plural community was there to push that plurals can and do live happy lives and shouldn't view their plurality as a bad thing

it's not going to make singlet society see us in a better light. it's not going to get people to understand plurality better. it's not going to get us better mental health resources. it's not going to improve the quality of care for dissociative and traumagenic systems. all you're doing is bullying someone else that you don't understand simply because you don't agree with them.

you're not going to recover from your trauma or understand your own plurality better by denying the existence of other types of plurality. you're not "making the community safer" by gatekeeping. telling other people how their brains work is policing their identities. whether or not you want to accept it, if you forcefully kick endos out of plural spaces, you are the cop you claim to hate.

fighting with people on your own team will never net you a victory. to every other dissociative and traumagenic system: endos are on your side. you are wearing the same jersey. you are made of the same flesh and blood. enough. come together to share your similarities instead of fighting over differences. celebrate the diversity that plurality offers. don't take someone else's identity personally. someone can share the space with you without having to match exactly how you identify. diversity is what makes a community thrive.

[loveemagicpeace]

🧚🏼‍♀️Astro Notes🧸

Sagittarius love holidays and are very enthusiastic about them. They like things related to fun, etc. They can also be very traditional when they believe in something. More or less their traditions come from their beliefs, but they are very open to new things.

When Leo Sun people do something they will always be like "look what I did", they want you to notice their work and effort. They are always very proud of what they do and present their work with pride. The proudest people will always be them.

Sagittarius mars - living for the moments- They will make the most of every moment and can quickly forget about their worries and just surrender to the moment. Mars in leo living for the fun, romance, pleasure, playfulness. Mars in aries living for danger, excitement. They can quickly forget the needs of others and focus on their own needs.

It is very important what aspects you have with the planet. For ex.: mars in sagittarius with trine saturn makes you very serious when it comes to intimacy, sex, and the affection of another person. Usually, for you, intimacy represents responsibility and seriousness. Even tho I do think that mars in sagittarius people are not unstable or too free. They can be very fiery and devoted to another person. Very quick to respond and driven when they really want someone. If the person match their energy , they will be very into this person. Because they're looking for someone they can connect with. They usually want the same level of energy.

Mars in Taurus is secretly possessive. Many times they appear more stable than they actually are. When it comes to their needs they are very stubborn and will also stubbornly pursue something if they really want it. Once someone fulfills their needs they become very attached to that person and find it difficult to let go of the fact that that person is no longer there. They like stable sexual partners. They have a hard time getting used to a different energy and another person's body when they are used to one (they don't like to change).

I am not a fan of venus in cancer but i think someone who has venus in cancer & mars in taurus can be very nurturing and caring person. They can give you a lot of love and are very attentive. They give love unconditionally.

Cancer moon -They are very caring and emotional. They give a lot, especially when people mean a lot to them. They will always care about the person and their needs. Their love runs very deep. A very sacrificial moon. A very intuitive moon, if a cancer moon tells you something - you should always listen, because they are always right.

People with a placements of Pisces and libra are often hopeless romantics. Many times they fall in love with the wrong people and too quickly. They often idealize people and the love they have for them. They believe in love at first sight and it often happens to them. But the love they need is the opposite of that. The love they should have found is the love they didn't look for, but it came in a completely different form than they imagined. True love will be when they build love with a person, which will come over time and through a difficult period. A love in which they will be realistic.

Capricorn in your chart shows where you are realistic, strong and go through the most challenges.

Your moon is your safe place and also the emotions you crave the most. When someone embody your moon sign for you, this is like a person emitting energy that you need. Thats why you can be much more attached to such people. You can get emotionally attached to someone who gives off your moon energy more quickly than someone who gives off your Venus energy for example.

Fire & earth mars are more connected to their physical body. There are also more into a physical touch. So when it comes to passion and intimacy and this type of stuff. They want a real touch. Both of them are also very active oriented signs. Fire mars in generals are very into actions and doing things. And also the earth mars but they are a little bit more slow when it comes to actions, because they are more focused into long term things.

When it comes to intimacy fire & earth are best together cuz both of them are focused on body. Air & water are more mental.

The sign of Gemini rules the shoulders, arms, hands, and lungs. Natives of this sign are noted for their graceful arms and beautifully shaped hands.

Aries rules the head and face. You can often spot an Aries person by his or her fine facial bone structure and a shining, healthy head of hair.

The sign of Taurus rules the throat and neck, which includes the vocal cords, palate, and tonsils. Generally, Taureans have long, expressive necks, and women of this sign have lovely skin around the throat and collarbone area.

Cancer women often have beautiful bosoms, with soft creamy skin and a curving decolletage. Men of this sign have well-shaped chests and flat stomachs.

The sign of Leo rules the spine, the back, and the heart. The heart is associated with warm emotions, the back with courage.

The sign of Virgo rules the nervous system and the intestines. The intestines assimilate food into the body. By the same token, Virgoans assimilate knowledge and turn it into practical use. They have delicate and finely tuned nervous systems, which makes them intuitive and discriminating.

The sign of Libra rules the kidneys, lumbar region (which includes the lower spine and back), and the buttocks. Libra women tend to have graceful lower spines and curvaceous buttocks, and Libra men have well-shaped, muscular backs

The sign of Scorpio rules the sexual organs. Symbolically, this part of the anatomy represents lifegiving force, and Scorpio people are renowned for their fund of energy and imagination. They have a reputation for being highly sexed, passionate, and possessive, the kind who do nothing halfway.

The sign of Sagittarius rules the hips, the thighs, and the liver. In human anatomy the hips and thighs represent locomotion and volition, and it should not be surprising that most Sagittarians are active people who love freedom, fresh air, sunshine, and the great outdoors.

The sign of Capricorn rules the bones, joints, knees, and teeth. Capricorns are known for their beautiful bone structure and stately carriage. Capricorn women often have a striking angular beauty, especially in their facial bones, which makes them very photogenic. Both men and women have strong constitutions, vigorous and enduring, capable of withstanding stress and illness.

The sign of Aquarius rules the circulatory system and the shins, calves, and ankles. The lower leg represents active locomotion, and Aquarius people are characterized as progressive and forward-thinking.

The sign of Pisces rules the feet and toes and the mucous membranes. Pisceans are noted for their graceful, well-shaped feet, and many become excellent dancers .

-Rebekah🌌🧜🏼‍♀️🪐

[itsgivingmami]

Hi there! I have a request for established Rhea x Reader. Backstage at a WWE event, reader finally tells someone off which Rhea thinks is HOT. Rhea says “ ‘atta girl” all low and growly which READER thinks is hot and then they fuck in a closet or something 😇

No pressure if this doesn’t resonate with you. Thank you!

I loveeeee this🤭 Thank YOU for the request💛

Gay… and Taken- Rhea Ripley

Likes, comments and reposts always appreciated!

You were seething, white hot rage flowing through your body in waves. Your chest felt like it was stuck in a vice grip and everytime he continued speaking it would tighten.

The first time, you had thought nothing of it. He was friendly when you were introduced and you had shadowed him briefly when you were still learning backstage. He was polite and kind, as were you. When he asked if you wanted to grab drinks you’d figured it would be with some of the other crew members and politely declined.

The second time, you’d realized exactly what his intentions were. Nothing bad or malicious but you had figured out that him wanting to spend time with you had nothing to do with work, or included other people. So when he invited you out for dinner you had gently but truthfully told him you already had dinner plans.

The third time, you feared for his safety. In the first couple weeks of your relationship your girlfriend had become particularly possessive. So when you and Rhea walked into the building together happily chatting only to be interrupted by far too many questions about your weekend you could feel irritation falling off your her. When he asks you to lunch during your breaks you let him know that they’re not scheduled at the same time before quickly walking further into the building with Rhea on your heels. She finds a dark corner to remind you exactly who you belong too, as if you’d forget, and goes on with her day.

The fourth time you’re on your way to Rhea’s truck when your name is called from behind you. You stop and turn thinking maybe you forgot something but the look on his face says otherwise. He offers you a ride to which you simply say no thank you before leaving, hoping you’re assertive enough that he takes the hint. When you climb into the passenger Rhea is already watching you, a confident smirk on her face. She’s been encouraging you to tell him to fuck off, thankfully her jealousy had been quelled. “I know,” you sigh as she chuckles,

The fifth time, you decide, is the last. It’s a split second decision as he’s standing beside you rambling about this club he’s been wanting to go to. You’re slowly getting angrier, had four declines not been sufficient? All you want to do is semi discreetly stare at Rheas ass from across the room and his voice is really harshing your mood. “Apparently it’s pretty exclusive but I think you and I-“

“Dude!” You finally snap your arms uncrossing and coming up to press against your temples. He’s gone quiet, seemingly bewildered by your outburst. “I’m gay,” you explain shortly and you clench your fist as he looks you up and down,

“You sure?” He asks and you laugh, actually laugh in disbelief.

“Pretty sure I’m gay,” you tell him, you can feel eyes from the room on you but you hardly care, “and taken,” you add

“You could’ve said that,” he tries to back track and you scoff, running your hands over your face.

“I shouldn’t have to!” You challenge, “you should’ve listened when I said no the first time, no just because I’m unavailable,” he walks away from you silently and you feel the room go back to its normal chatter. As you’re debating if that was the right thing to do you feel someone walk behind you.

“Atta girl,” comes a husky voice in your ear accompanied by a growl before your girlfriends walking towards the door in front of you, you core aches at the tone and your feet move on their own to follow her. Speed walking you search for any sign of Rhea which shouldn’t be difficult with the tattoos and towering over most women. Damn her long legs, you’re internally groaning when you’re pulled harshly backwards. Everything’s dark around you as you hear a click, then your body gets pushed against the door stuck between it and a body you know all too well.

“Rhea,” you chide but her lips on your neck cuts you off, the sensation causing a warmth in your stomach to bloom,

“Fuck I’ve been waiting so long for that,” she murmurs and her inked hands find their way under your shirt and move upwards to cup the swell of your breasts, your back arches off the door into her touch and she chuckles,

“I wasn’t too much of a bitch right?” You ask and you feel the attack on your neck cease, she stares right at you as one of her hands retracts from your shirt to cup the side of your jaw.

“Baby girl listen,” her tone is serious and you nod as much as you’re able with her grip on your face. “That was one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen I mean-“ Rhea swallows thinking about it realising that she can’t explain it in words and goes back to your lips kissing them roughly.

“Rhea,” you moan in need as she’s pulling up your shirt to trail kisses against your sternum, lowering onto the floor.

“Yes?” She asks innocently and you open your eyes to glare down at her, “ah ah you take that attitude back to him,” she warns and you gently thread your hand in her coal locks, a nonverbal apology. In response she undoes the button to your jeans, pulling them and the black lace beneath them down and tossing them aside. The kisses to your thighs are feather soft and you moan,

“Rhea please,” you ask her and she feels your grip on her hair tighten slightly. So sensitive. She grins against your leg as she runs her nails down your skin eliciting another sound from your lips,

“So needy,” she degrades but it hardly sounds negative when she’s whispering it to you like a vow. Her hand runs down the length of your leg before her grips wraps around your ankle, she lifts it gently and throws your leg over her shoulder happily finding herself face to face with your glistening center. “You’re soaked,”

“You growled,” you respond and a light slap hits your thigh in warning, “sorry mami,” she smiles hearing her favourite apology before diving forward to lick the length of your cunt. You moan above her before your hand comes up to cover your mouth, all to aware of the closet she’s dragged you into.

“Let them hear you pretty girl,” she tells you and you shake your head, bad move. Determined to hear you again she inserts a finger into you and your head hits the door with a thunk. Rheas chuckle is soft as she watches you start to come apart. “He wouldn’t bother you if heard you scream for me,” she teases you as she adds another finger. Her mouth moves to work on the bundle of nerves that are already throbbing and you feel like your legs might give out when you feel her mouth.

She’s watching you through her eye lashes and she wonders why you two hadn’t done this sooner. The way you look sprawled against the door makes her want to photograph it for when she’s travelling without you. It’s not the first time she’s devoured you like this, more often than not you could find her kneeling on the shower floor while you writhe against the shower tiles. The sound of people moving outside the door spurs her forward as you continue to whimper against your own hand.

“Be good and come for me pretty thing,” she commands and her words send you hurling into an orgasm. She fucks you through it, enjoying the way your face changes while you ride the high. She stands quickly and as soon as you come down your body crashes into her own. “So good darlin’,”

She helps you redress and you part with the promise that you’ll reciprocate at home, not that Rhea cares whether you do or not but if it makes you happy to please her so won’t say no. She heads back before you, allowing you an extra second for your legs to stop shaking and your fuzziness to clear. When you come back in the man who you’d told off is standing by catering talking to some woman you’re debating on saving from him. When you catch him staring you down your gaze hardens ready to defend yourself before you see him gulp and turn away. You guess he took what you said seriously.

Rhea smiles when you look at her proudly and you’re so cute she swallows the sentence she was about to say. It’s incriminating evidence but she feels her own sense of pride watching you stand there with her lipstick print on your neck beside a decently purple hickey. She should tell you, you’ll probably be upset with her later, the thought causes a smirk to cross her lips. That didn’t sound so bad.

[fucknugg3t]

seriously!! I had a teacher who argued that old ass men buying and marrying little girls was ok because it’s a different time back then and it was there culture so I can’t say anything against it because it would be disrespectful and like holy fuck? No? I tried to argue back and he said well we’re your proof how do you know and I’m like my guy I’m no goddamn historian but that’s just wrong like on a moral level there’s lots of things that are “normal” for our “culture” and their fucked up so the excuse it’s just culture is so shitty and he laughed and said I didn’t have a actual example of anyone not liking it and he was just playing devils advocate I fucking hate that teacher like a day later it hit me fucking PERSEPHONE i could’ve said Persephone‼️‼️‼️‼️ And I could’ve said clearly if an entire myth was made about mother mourning their daughters being taken and married off then it had to have happened alot!!! There must’ve been countless people like Demeter disturbed and terrifyed for their little daughters and countless Persephone’s who were taken and advantage of and stolen away

it always grossed me out how persephone’s kidnapping would be modernized and turned into a love story between her and hades and everyone acted all like “ohhh well Demeter is just some old hater lady who doesn’t like age gaps and persephone wants to escape with her lover and they live happily ever after” no what the fuck

if you want to tell that story there’s so many other gods and people to choose from to modernize!! There’s so many goddamn secret mortal lovers or whatever you could pick ANYONE ELSE leave the fucking rape victim and her mother alone let her at least be acknowledged in a myth I mean you really have to think about this can you imagine being a girl back then and hearing that myth and knowing at least somebody out there gets it and is worried about you and maybe others will hear it and know what really happened and how messed up it really was and how scared you are like that story had to mean so much to so many people back then let’s not be like fucking disrespectful ALSO that’s like still a religion There’s people who worship the Greek gods how do you think they feel having their gods misrepresented

anyway I’m no history professor or and I don’t study Greek mythology but that’s what I think

if Persephone and Demeter got to be upset and mourn this and all the women who dealt with all this garbage back then then you do to yknow I mean you could already but it’s gotta be nice seeing someone like yourself out there especially from the past and seeing them mourn what happened to them sort of feels like you can do the same thing and you feel less alone? Hopefully. people have always been going through shit and been ignored and talked down to over it so it’s ok to be upset and angry don’t let anyone convince you what you went through isn’t real or actually upsetting

[boysbeware2]

all the old tptm girl journal entries w the new (if anyone wants to see them again and compare them)

please proceed with caution as many of these could be upsetting to read

disposable girl (jordyn)

(old)

i cant fucking stand this. i try so goddamn hard to make friends, to be attractive to people, to be even somewhat appealing to them etc etc. it never works. i thought it would get better the older i get. thats what i was told. guess what! i was fucking lied to!!! im alwasy left out of EVERYTHING i never get invited to shit and my own friends ignore me all the time. everyone looks at me weird. i cant go in public anymore im so fucking terrified of everyone. nobody fuckinf wants me, man. im so close to doing something stupid i feel so gross and ugly and dumb i should actually just die id be doing everyone a favor LOL

(new)

man, i havent been on here in forever. the internet is kind of dumb. what is there to say? my friend group celebrated our outpatient graduation anniversary the other day, that was pretty nice. we’re all trying to figure out housing stuff, nora’s been helping with that. freyja + mayra + kairi found a place already (how are they so responsible??) and the rest of us are trying to find places near them so we can visit more often. i never expected to have such a big group of friends. if you told me 2 years ago that i’d be living like this, i wouldn’t believe you. it’s still surreal to me. i’m not sure what i did to deserve them. same goes for my girlfriends. i don’t wanna say who just yet, we’re still figuring things out, but i’m just so thankful for them. i feel so lucky to have a second chance at life. i really didn’t believe people when they said it would get better, and then it did. how funny…..

irreverent girl (kairi)

(old)

I do not want God to see me anymore. I do not want anymore eyes on me. This is near unbearable. I have no one to turn to. My mother is in the church. Many of my friends are in the church. They would tell me to find hope through Christ. They would tell me to pray to Him. They would tell me that He will save me. He must not remember He made me, and if He does, He simply does not care. I know this is unbecoming of me, and I don't mean to be dramatic. I am simply depressed, nervous, and I cannot tell what's real and what isn't anymore. I know I'm supposed to hear God speaking to me, but I do not, and I am tired of straining my ears. I just want to see a doctor. I want some kind of tangible solution. I do not want to pray anymore. Praying hurts. I only do it when I am afraid, but I am afraid much of the time. I don't want to be unheard anymore. I do not want to hold out hope for someone who does not act like they're there. I am hurting. I am hurting. I am hurting. Belief is hurting me. The idea of God is hurting me. I need an out. I am hurting.

(new)

When I have a job and money and I can move away from my shitty Mormon parents

splitter girl (tahira)

(old)

theres something so broken in me thats beyond saving. so i dont know why i keep trying to be saved. i meant to kill myself when i was 18. i didnt. all ive wanted to do lately is kill someone or something. i havent. im too much of a pussy to plan anything concrete, no matter how much i hate everyone around me. no matter how much i get off to videos of people dying or how much i love cutting myself i cant actually take action against other people. i am fucking purposeless. i was born from evil and i will always be evil and i cant even live up to that. i hate myself i hate myself i HATE myself and the universe hates me too. i dont know what to fucking do at this point. i talked to one of my friends about wantingto die and they said smthn about hospitalizing myself. maybe. i dunno. i dont know what else there is for me/. my eyes are fucking burning from lookign at my computer for so long adn not getting any goddamn sleep. i am not a good person. i dont think i can be helped but i just dont wanna fucking keep goign to school and being around people and pretending like everything is norma;l. i cant keep doing it. what the fuck is wrong with me whagt happened. why cant i be loved or feel love for other people when did something change in me that switched the aggression and affection parts of my brain. im hyperventilating ill be back. maybe

(new)

getting myself onigiri from this one good boba place 2nite bc im 8 months clean…… its the little things~ ^^

fainéant girl (freyja)

(old)

i know i dont hate being disabled... i just hate being disabled in a society that makes existing difficult... but sometimes i really just dont want to be disabled anymore. i dont want my family to lecture me about how i could be helping out more, or how i should get a job. i dont want teachers to keep asking me whats wrong or the fuckin uni counselor to try to get me hospitalized. i dont want to be in so much pain anymore, to feel so exhausted that i cant even do so much as prepare food for myself, let alone do anything meaningful or fulfilling. its not fair. i shouldnt have to stay inside and sit in the dark all day,. i should be able to have friends. to talk to people and to go out with them and to feel like i am alive. its lonely and traumatic to suffer through this and on top of that no one around me understands, and they never fully will. i am tired of trying to justify my existence to everyone, to explain the pain that i am in and why i shouldnt have to experience it. i know the problem isnt me. i know i live in a world that isnt built for me. but if the world cant change then sometimes i truly feel that i should just stop living in it. my lifespan is already shorter than everyone else's anyways. what difference does it make

(new)

my qpps didnt seem to appreciate me playing Alien Kids Alien Rap for them. Do they even love me

caliber girl (nora)

(old)

唉～It is 3 AM and I should go to sleep but I can’t. I have a work zoom meeting early in the morning and I gotta hit the gym also because I haven’t done leg day in like… weeks. Oh well, it doesn’t even matter. My value is depleting but I don’t think I care anymore. The turnaround date for my code is also in a couple of days and I haven’t made any progress. I keep getting the same error and I’m too tired to figure out what’s wrong. I might get fired at this rate LOL(笑). If that happens, I think I’ll just consider ending it all. Not that anybody will miss me. God I sound so weak and pathetic right now. When did it get like this. How did it get like this. I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been through worse before and this is nothing. Ugh, why is it so hard to breathe? My chest hurts and I feel like something is wrong but I don’t know how to make it go away. Should I call someone about this? No. No one is awake or around to help. I’ll be fine. I’ll just sleep it off. Shake it off… shake it off…

(new)

My Tamagotchi beeped during a meeting fml

chocolate box girl (morgan)

(old)

i thought i was doing better but i cant stop thinking about them. their touch, their interests, their smile, everything. the worst part is that i miss them, after all of what they've done to me. i was 13. i dont even feel justified calling it rape since our relationship was so muddy... they never yelled at me or was angry at me, they just got so sad when i tried to speak my mind, and got all my friends to hate me when we finally broke up. i never said no so i feel like im insulting actual survivors by feeling violated. i wasnt even trying to get into a relationship with them, it just happened... i feel like everyone around me wants me in the same way they did, even though im an adult now and i dont even try to make myself appealing. i wish i could trust people not to take advantage of me, and i feel disgusting and selfish for feeling like everyone has ulterior motives of getting me to fall in love with them, or worse. that's so self centered of me. i dont know how long i can keep doing this

(new)

girl help i cant stop looking at anime figures on japan yahoo auctions !!!!!

taxidermy girl (mayra)

(old)

I don't remember ever not having a sex drive, is that normal ? I was born and then it was all downhill from there, something happened to me sexually i think, I don't know what happened, because I don't remember much, but something happened and I was beaten for it and yelled at and my mother hated me, and now I am an adult and I try to have sex, and I'm not there mentally, even if my body is participating, I feel like I am in the past again, being beaten and yelled at . I want to keep trying, I want to have fun, to feel safe in someone else's arms, to reach the heights of pleasure, but my mind scares me so much, I haven't been able to eat anything today because I feel so horrified by my body . If I was good I would have been born as a nonsexual being, no parts, no desires, no instincts, a blank slate, too empty to be enjoyed . Do you know what it feels like, to have your mother tell you people want to sexually abuse you when you are a child, and then to be made fun of by your peers for being so ugly, to have your middle school and high school classmates joke about how much they don't want to have sex with you ? I am illicit and undesirable at the same time, I am everyone's last option, I am nothing and still too much, rotting deer meat on the side of the road . I wish I had been born as something beautiful and pure, I wish I could start over, that whatever that initial sin was had never been committed .. I want to start over

(new)

Went to a kink event the other night and everyone was so nice … The low lights were fucking with my vision so one of the hosts helped me navigate the place . I ❤️ you random disabled ally with a pup mask on

chemical girl (joy)

(old)

LMAOOOOO im too angry and miserable to be around. i think i just need to give up at this point because theres clearly like. something broken inside me that cant be fixed. that has 2 be it because i try to talk and i just sound cold, i try to make a joke and it comes out overly edgy and unfunny, i try to be like everyone else but its too much. i cant even be a collection of the positive traits i see in others, i try to replicate it and it comes out warped and wrong. im either fucking enraged or in abject misery or way too happy and nobody can keep up with me. the thing is i dont even blame them. i wouldnt want to be around me either. do u know what thats like? being someone you wouldnt want to know? i keep hoping that one day ill wake up and suddenly be normal, the mood swings will be gone and everyone will like me and i wont do stupid shit that pisses them off. but i know that day isnt coming. theres no hope for me and i want to say sorry to everyone who has ever had the misfortune of knowing me but i know it wouldnt do anything. theres nothing i could ever do to make myself right

(new)

i need to convince my gf to take me to Round One again soon

refraction girl (nataana)

(old)

i don't want to do this anymore. i'm going somewhere better

(new)

talked with my psych and i’ll be starting TMS soon, it’s some thing where they put magnets to ur brain and it’s supposed to treat depression.. trying to temper my expectations bc i’ve tried so many treatments that just do nothing for me, but i’d be lying if i said my hopes weren’t riding on this. i want to confidently say i’m glad to be alive. i feel like i’m getting closer to that

nurse parallel/machine girl (xiomara)

(old)

I am so excited... Tomorrow my experimental outpatient treatment plan begins!!! I'm beyond delighted. I have complicated feelings about my DID being in remission, but it's nice to feel stable enough to be in charge of something this big, and to not have terrible gaps in my memory anymore. I still don't remember everything that happened to me, but maybe I don't need to. At this stage of my life, I feel content. I can confidently say everything was worth it. I want to help others feel that way, too. I think I can.

(new)

I’m meeting up with a new friend tomorrow… I feel nervous, but it’s a good nervousness, I think!

[xo-adeline]

"To change for you..."

⋆°• ☁︎ - Things the Blue Lock boys do after picking it up from you Feat. Michael Kaiser, Isagi Yoichi, Nagi Seishiro, Shidou Ryusei, and Rin Itoshi

AN: I have the freaking cutest idea for a Wakasuki fanfic but nobody knows him and it's so sad...

Michael Kaiser ⋆°• ☁︎ - Listening to certain songs that he knows you like when he’s traveling

He never realized that he would have missed you this much when he was traveling. For the few months that he was still back in Germany with you, the thoughts of traveling had crossed his mind many times, and with a scoff and the thoughts that he used to do it alone all the time pushed the ideas to the back of his brain, well until now; Now when he was sitting on the Bastard München bus on the way to the PXG stadium for their next match, the long, almost 14-hour, bus ride they had, and every second since he had been on that bus, he missed you. Not that he would ever admit that to anybody, including you. So what better way than to either A. attempt to text you, But that sounded desperate, or B. do something that reminded him of you. And with his limited options, he scrolled his phone to find something that could bring him back to the thought of you, even if you weren’t there with him. To which that’s when he found it. A couple of weeks ago you had stolen his phone, saying that you were just looking at the weather, but rather, you knew he had a Spotify account and only listened to the songs he wanted to, so you put together a playlist for him of some songs you think he should listen to, including some of your favorites. He couldn’t help but give a little smile when he saw the playlist cover being a picture of the two of you at one of his previous games, and within no time he pressed the play button and started to listen through the songs, thoughts of you running through his head matching up with every song lyric.

Isagi Yoichi ⋆°• ☁︎ - Using more creative insults on the field after you used them against him

It all started a couple weeks after you had started dating and you got into a little spat about where to go for dinner, him trying to be nice and let you decide and you being indecisive and pushing it back on him. All going relatively nicely until you turned around and said:

“You decide, you wet noodle! I can’t pick.”

And he stood there for a second, a little surprised. A wet noodle? That wasn’t something you heard every day. So he let out a slight chuckled and picked a place he knew you would like and the two of you went there for dinner that night. The same thing with a couple other insults had happened a few times, being called a multitude of other things, and even hearing you’d snide comments sometimes about how you hoped that a person that cut you off in traffic ‘stepped into a puddle with only socks on.’

Now with these thoughts inside his head, and Barou running his mouth he could only turn towards him and give a dirty glare before pulling this out of his pocket:

“I hope you’re sleeves slide down while you’re washing your hands.”

Before turning back around and heading anywhere else in the building where he wasn’t. To which the rest of the people standing there could only look surprised, the same guy who called Barou much worse, just wished a minor inconvenience on him? What was happening?

Nagi Seishiro ⋆°• ☁︎ - Showing a little more effort rather than just in scoring goals

Reo could only look confused at the white-haired man as he was actually trying on some of the new training regiments given to them by Chris Prince. Even when he looked over to the coach, he looked a little shocked. It wasn’t that Nagi didn’t try, it’s that he had never tried this hard before. He did everything just enough for it to be acceptable and then move on with his life, well that was until he saw how hard you worked for things. He never understood why people worked hard until you had come home with a good grade on your test, the same test he had watched you work for hours and hours trying to study the material and cram into your head before you had to take it. The way that you smiled and were so excited that the work you did paid off gave him this spark of inspiration that he needed to see what it was like to train hard and then have that achievement pay off in the end. So when he went back to practice, he tried harder than he ever did before, even earning a couple comments asking if he was okay, or if he was dying and trying a little harder was his dying wish. All of which he responded a simple ‘no’ to before walking off to get water or work on something else. The only person who could actually figure out the truth was Reo, who had asked him if it had something to do with you. He just shrugged and nodded.

“They came home all happy one time because they studied hard and got a good grade and I wanted to know what that felt like… They clung onto me for a whole 15 minutes after… and I liked it so maybe If I do good I can do that to them..”

Reo could only laugh a little as he watched Nagi walk away. He would definitely have to send you a thank you card, Chris Prince’s signature in there as well as he had tried to ask Nagi the same question and it totally backfired.

Shidou Ryusei ⋆°• ☁︎ - Trying to settle arguments with words instead of his foot

The famous fighter, Shidou Ryusei, was actually trying to have a conversation. Nobody ever thought there would be a day. Well, except for one person, you. The same person who had told him off a multitude of times that he can’t just hurt people whenever he was pissed off at them, and there were much better ways to go about it. Even after days of him trying to get you to see his side of it, and you already, after hearing his explanation a few weeks ago, deeming it not the best way to settle things. So here he was now, putting his ego aside to make sure that Loki or Ego didn’t have to call you for the 4th time this week to try to get him to behave and attempt to try to not kick Rin square in the face after he stole a goal from him. Even Loki was surprised when Shidou was about to raise his foot, just to stop himself, mutter something, and then turn to Rin, attempting to try and talk it out. The first thought in everybody's mind, was this even Shidou? After Rin had walked away from him Loki came jogging over to him and trying to make sure he was okay.

“Ya’ I’m fine, jus’ the pretty thing back home ya’ always have to call told me to get my shit together, so I’m tryin’ talk it out with lower lashes.”

Loki looked surprised, I mean he knew from talking to you before that you were close with Shidou, but little did he know that you basically had the man wrapped around you’re finger. They’ve been trying to get him to talk something out for the entire time he was in Blue Lock, but he leaves for a few days and comes back a whole new person? The staff would be sending you thank you cards, as well as a small gift instead of having to pay the hospital bills from anybody else Shidou would’ve sent.

Rin Itoshi ⋆°• ☁︎ - Trying to be a little nicer to others

The world must have stopped turning and we were all gonna die. That was the only thing Isagi could think after he heard Rin actually complimenting somebody. Was it a backhanded compliment? Absolutely, but did he still say something nice to Nanase, yes. Isagi could only stare in shock as he walked over to him next, ready to be degraded or ignored for anything he did, until Rin stopped, cursing under his breath.

“You’re a shitty person, but at least you can score a decent goal..”

The world stopped, he was sure of it. There was no way the Rin Itoshi, had just come up to him and told him he could score a decent goal. So when he stood there a little confused Rin couldn’t help but curse a little more.

“This isn’t because I like you. It’s because I like my partner. Got it?”

And with that he headed off again, going who knows where.

Thought he didn’t learn the fully story until much later on when Shidou had been talking about it Charles and he had overheard. Apparently, Rin’s partner had been pretty upset when they realized that he was pretty mean overall, and wanted him to at least attempt being nicer, so the next time he saw somebody he knew he at least tried to give them a compliment, just attempting to make his partner a little less upset with him.

Isagi knew that it was just a little thing, but lord, he was sure that if Rin would go around complimenting other people, if you asked for the world to burn, he would set it on fire just so you wouldn’t be upset.

[wolfofcelestia]

V3 Survey suggestions

With Version 3 coming out, there will also be a survey. I'm sure many of you have had many ideas for how to improve the game, so before we forget any of them, let's compile them here

Please add your own additions to this post! Don't be shy!! It will let people consider them and put them on their own survey answers too!

I'll start:

New things in LADS:

Orbit playback feature - to allow us to replay directional orbit stages that we've already cleared

A "Sleeping next to him" quality time feature that lets us listen to the LI breathing. Maybe with a bedtime story that we can collect through gameplay or the chocolate shop too

An "Eating with him" quality time where you... eat with him

An alarm clock feature where we can set an alarm and our chosen LI will say good morning to us. Also maybe reminder alerts to work out and go to bed

The Kiss interaction in the cafe that the Chinese server got

More Zayne animations

More animations with visible MC interacting with the boys

Let us exchange large ascension crystals for smaller ones

Let us exchange duplicate plushie/kitty badges for something useful

Add EXP to memories used in battle after a win

Let us replay text messages so that we can choose different options

Let us replay special login greetings that autoplay during special events

Let us save our voice/language preferences for each individual LI

Make in-game friends more meaningful with interactions, power ups, etc. Such as borrowing a friend's cards for battles or having their main LI rescue us when we almost fail in battle

Have the LI acknowledge when you've made several attempts at the same Deepspace trial and encourage you further. Also congratulate us more often 🥺

More things to do in LADS:

More combat modes, especially stages we can clear daily that don't need the highest level cards and will give us diamonds

Make Abyssal Chaos harder so that the boosts actually mean something

More mini games, especially the ones that have already appeared in the game

More ways to earn diamonds through gameplay

More interactions in the cafe

Add different locations to the homescreen (for example, the LI's homes)

More Sylus cards

Improve existing things in LADS:

improve voice direction so that the voiced lines don't need to be artificially sped up

Increase/remove the weekly cap for chocolate, especially now with 5 LI

Increase/remove the directional orbit key limit

Increase the drop rate of bounty hunts

Outfits:

More casual/comfy outfits for Zayne because he deserves it

Give us Zayne's Exclusive Tutorial outfit!

PLEASE code Zayne to choose his black shirt + sunglasses outfit less often!!

Give us the dress Sylus talks about - the one with the night sky over a river

[wirewitchviolet]

So I was already sitting down to ramble about something, and turns out this post and this big reply under it tie in pretty well, so, here we go.

There are enough bespoke issues trans people justifiably feel very passionate about, and enough different experiences different trans people have that it is damn easy to end up in a huge fight because one person tried to make a nice simple statement for a clueless cis audience, but viewed through another person's lens it reads like some kind of attack. And it certainly never helps that bigots are actively out there constantly trying to co-op messages and sew infighting that any statement no matter how clear and good WILL get weaponized.

Before I get into the above, the go-to example I was planning to use was "you don't have to transition to be trans." There's a ton of ways you can read that which are great and worth echoing. For instance, "hey, if you've worked out that people got your gender wrong, you are trans and can come hang out in the trans clubhouse and ask for advice and all that without proving it through medical intervention."

Or, "hey don't be a weird gatekeeping creep who only recognizes people's gender if they don't jump through a particular medical hoop like taking a particular medication or get a particular surgery, which might not be something they even want due to risks, side effects, or not seeing it as a problem to begin with, and/or might not be something they CAN do anything about, because the typical medical treatment would not work on them for any number of reasons/is prohibitively expensive/too socially dangerous to go forward with in their current situation/is only even done by like a couple dozen specialists in the world who are booked out years in advance and many of whom actively discriminate against all sorts of potential patients."

You can see how it's nice to have a short catchy phrase. BUT it's absolutely a reality that awful bigots these days are going with the wildly bad faith and not even remotely true reading of "it's OK to deny transition-related care to trans people, because they don't actually NEED it!"

And you know, regardless of where you're encountering this phrase, you should always bear in mind those points about being totally valid and welcome in the community without a signed doctor's note, and how it's completely valid to be, oh, a woman who's hung like a horse and proud of it and such women shouldn't be treated like they need to go see someone about that, give people the benefit of the doubt that they're using it in such a sense if there's any chance they are, and at the same time be on the lookout for bad faith creeps misusing it and taking whatever steps are necessary to prevent them from to or about any trans person again unless/until they somehow manage to stop being a hateful piece of garbage and somehow become a decent human being.

Phew. All THAT out of the, way, I take a fair deal of issue with seeing the comment above me saying "the 'not transgender' people in the poster are clearly intersex" because holy hell is that a bad faith reading. All the concerns regarding intersex kids following that jumping off point are super valid and worth mention, of course. Doctors are constantly looking at baby's junk, going "huh, that doesn't look right, lemme do a quick surgery I'm not even necessarily trained in to get this looking more like whichever configuration I personally prefer the aesthetics of here, that probably won't cause any long term memory problems or trauma and there's almost a 50/50 shot I'm guessing right about what this kid'll want things looking like down here in a couple decades!" And that is just incredibly messed up. As is the practice of just throwing, say, testosterone boosters at someone perceived to be a teenage boy who doesn't seem "manly enough" to someone, which is a general queer kid concern, sure.

But none of that is going on in this poster. What's going on is kids getting hit with puberty-related symptoms they do not want (specifically boobs beards and voice changes), clearly stating this, and asking for medical help to make them not happen. If we wanna play Occam's Razor with the kids plainly labelled as "not transgender," boys growing breasts is called gynecomastia and a quick Google search confirms that... it is completely useless as a search engine because it's giving me 20 conflicting reputable-looking sources ranging from 1% to 70% of teenage boys. Facial hair on cis women is also really freaking common, to a point where it being relatively rare if you're white specifically makes it feel more like a racism thing than anything.

The real thing to remember though is that the obvious reason this poster exists is to get people who are completely uneducated on any of this and have been steadily exposed to propaganda from transphobes for their entire lives to the point where they have a hard time imagining trans people as actual human beings to consider the concept of HRT from a clear perspective by taking us out of the equation for a moment and just making them try to empathise with kids dealing with some of the same stuff, and it has to make that point in less time than it takes someone to finish walking past this telephone pole or wherever else someone might place this. And... OK if I'm really honest it's probably still too wordy and reliant on people having SOME idea of what being trans even means, but it's pretty good within those restrictions! Don't overthink it! Really don't project stuff that absolutely is not actually on there onto it! Focus more on actual bigots and doing something about what they're doing than nitpicking people who are doing good effective activism work you'd phrase differently!

This is the first time i’ve seen a pro-trans poster in a long time and i hope whoever put it up is having a good day, it made me feel a little less alone.

Hamilton, New Zealand

[holmesianlove]

Chapter 20 -  Books

On the walk back to their hotel, John seemed very quiet. Deep in thought. Sherlock didn’t want to disturb him, so he simply walked beside him in silence. The closeness he had been feeling to John over the last few days was encouraging. He could feel John’s walls falling, piece by piece. He was very sure that the looks he was getting meant something, that John was feeling the same things Sherlock was feeling in those moments. But the man was a stubborn ox, frozen to the spot in… fear, perhaps? Sherlock had spent the last year trying to read John, and certainly, given they were so close, and given his own feelings, he wasn’t confident that his judgements had been correct. Sometimes he missed things. So he couldn’t trust his judgement. He knew they had friendship. He knew it was a close, intense friendship, from the comments his brother had made, or from the comments everyone around them felt the need to make. He was aware that what they had was unique. And he knew his own heart. He knew he loved John, had done for quite a while now. He would do anything for John Watson. The man was his Achille’s heel, for certain. But that was pointless if John didn’t love him back in the same way. Or if John wasn’t open to loving a man at all. He was clearly uncomfortable. Something was blocking him from letting those feelings flow through. Sherlock could see it in every glance, in every touch. Something was terrifying John into silence, into inaction. It was infuriating that he couldn’t solve the puzzle. All he could do was gently show John that there was trust, that there was genuine care and there was merit in being open to the possibility. Whatever was going on in John’s head, was a battle he had to traverse first, himself. Sherlock decided to leave him in silence to ponder through it, uninterrupted. For now, he would walk beside his friend, and that was enough.

That was, until he spotted the bookstore. Over to the side of them at the end of the street. It was a lovely old bookstore and Sherlock couldn’t resist. He grabbed John by the shoulders and shoved him to the side, without a word. 

John let out a grunt of surprise, being shocked into movement after a good fifteen minutes of complete silence. “Sherlock—?!”

“Bookstore,” he said, simply and shoved John inside the door. 

John couldn’t help laughing at that. Sherlock was often a man of few words. Bossy and decisive and John appreciated it, actually. Despite a lot of people considering it rude. They did generally end up in a bookstore when they passed one by. Particularly in different towns when they visited for a case. They both loved books and could spend hours just quietly looking through without a word. Sherlock collected a book in each town they visited as an unspoken rule. This was a pre-loved bookstore, too. The best kind. That smell as you walked inside, just brimming with hope and history and coating the nostrils with possibility.

John took in a long, audible sniff, admiring the scent.

“Bibliosmia,” Sherlock said.

“Sorry?”

“That smell,” Sherlock replied. “It comes from the Greek words biblio - book - and osme - odour. Bibliosmia.” He closed his eyes to take it in as well. He could feel John’s eyes on him. “The smell is caused by the chemical breakdown of compounds in the paper, which is a sign that the book is slowly deteriorating - a combination of many volatile organic compounds which can also be influenced by environmental odours that the paper absorbs, such as smoke or coffee. Somewhat like wine, in that way.”

“You’re fantastic,” John let out, and then stuttered. “I mean… that’s… fascinating.”

Sherlock opened his eyes, turning his head to watch John in silence and then without a word, disappeared between the shelving, leaving John to stand there alone. 

The bookstore had rows and rows of books all the way to the ceiling with ladders you could climb and slide around. The old wooden floors were covered in threadbare carpeting to help dull the sound of feet moving on the creaking floors.

Sherlock danced between the shelves, happily trying to find a section that might appeal to him in his current mood. He would dart between sections and glance around to find where John was along the way. They spent about thirty minutes in there just browsing and walking and enjoying the silence. The store was thankfully open late, but it was very quiet. They had the whole store to themselves at the moment which was somehow eerie but also lovely at the same time.

Sherlock had never been much of a fiction reader, but as he wandered, he found himself in front of a collection of Jane Austen books. Romance, he thought. Perhaps a romantic novella to pass the time on the train ride home? Or even as he lay in bed tonight, unable to sleep, as was likely to happen. He didn’t have his violin to fall back on while they were away. So, he read the covers of a few of them, deciding on the best fit and settled on Persuasion. A story in patience it seemed from the synopsis - appropriate for him perhaps. He had never read any of her work. But of all the stories, he felt like he could relate to that. He popped it under his arm, a little embarrassed by the prospect of John seeing it. Perhaps he could make up an excuse. A Christmas present for his mother? He would think of something. 

As he wandered back around, closer to the front of the store again, he came past where John was standing, with a large book in hand. He leaned in excitedly from behind and rested his head onto John’s shoulder. “Oooh, chocolate,” he said, next to John’s neck.

John chucked quietly. And suddenly, almost imperceptibly, he leaned his weight back against Sherlock, as if his proximity was somehow desired. Perhaps that was normal behaviour, between friends, to be willing to be so close? But it was certainly new territory for the two of them, when it didn’t involve a life or death situation, at least. John seemed completely unaware of the gesture as he turned his head to acknowledge his friend’s presence and comment, but Sherlock was acutely conscious of it. 

“The science of chocolate, apparently. Sounds like your kind of book,” John teased, but then, as if he’d finally realised their position, the closeness, he promptly closed the book. Sherlock made a little disappointed sigh and stepped back as John placed it back on the shelf. “I’m concerned you’ll inhale more sugar off the pages, just from the photos alone, and not be able to sleep.” He gave Sherlock a knowing look, and they both broke into laughter. The moment gone, but the joy of the visit not lost.

John quickly shushed them, the idea of making too much noise in this silent bookstore heavily ingrained in him from years of dealing with angry librarians. And then they parted again, to carry on browsing. Sherlock could still feel an echo of John’s weight pressed back against him. He pretended to look at the shelves but in honesty, his mind was on that brief closeness, the moment he had felt that shift, and could smell John’s shampoo. For a brief moment it had been heavenly. John hadn’t stiffened, or flinched when Sherlock had placed his chin on his shoulder. He hadn’t scoffed at him or asked what he was doing. He accepted it as a willing participant in it. Was John starting to come around? He wandered on, lost in thought, and when he finally returned to John another ten or so minutes later, John already had a small paper bag on his arm, but was browsing again. 

“Did you buy one?” Sherlock asked, surprised. John didn’t usually partake in the buying at these places. He liked to browse, but didn’t like the clutter.

“I may have found something,” he said with a little mysterious glint in his eye.

“What is it?” Sherlock asked.

“Oh, you will just have to wait and see,” he said simply.

“You know there was this one book,” Sherlock said. “Whenever we go into a bookstore, I always try to find it. It was a book I read, as a child that I loved. I left it behind somewhere and… I always think that one day I will magically spot it in a second hand bookstore, and we will be reunited. I never do find it, though, but I always look, and hope. It’s silly, really.” Sherlock blushed, suddenly a little embarrassed to tell John such a frivolous thing like that. 

John huffed. “Yeah I left a book on the tube once. Never did finish it. One of those Grisham thrillers. Then I promptly forgot which one it was and you know when you read the dust cover and they all sort of sound the same, so you’re never sure if it’s the right book. I gave up, but boy does irritate me that I never found out the ending.” 

“Frustrating."

"I know those books aren't to your tastes, but I hate suspense," John said.

Sherlock smiled and spoke gently. "It’s late, we should probably head back.”

“Not buying a book today?” John asked.

Sherlock pulled a small book from under his arm. “Oh no, I have one,” he said, flashing it in front of John's eyes and dropping it again before he could see the title. He moved to the counter, purchased it, then walked out of the store without a word.

He smiled to himself as John followed quietly behind. 

@lisbeth-kk @helloliriels @totallysilvergirl @221beloved @safedistancefrombeingsmart 

@givemesherbet-blog-blog @naefelldaurk @a-victorian-girl @phoenix27884 @peanitbear 

@starlitkeys @lumilama @yorkiepug @talkativeanxiousturtle @kettykika78 

@kittenmadnessandtea @whatnext2020 @egregiously-chuffed @chriscalledmesweetie @catlock-holmes

@battledress @kholkate @randomquadballpun @little-owls-things @daltongraham 

@sillygirlsmindpalace @oetkb12 @odditiesandeverything @johnlockficclub @rainstarboii @bheadhe

@hospitableasacactus @wssh13 @br-nz @solarmama-plantsareneat @givemesherbet-blog-blog

@dw91165 @pileofstardust2106 @moonkeller @surprisinglyokay @r4venlyn  

@therealalexisamess-blog @e-b1838 @rhasima @salmonsown @tropelovingpainter 

@westandforships @fuck-off-watson-rp @notjustamumj @melodious-me @sherlocke3d

@otter-von-bismarck @silvergoldsea @calaisreno

[alpaca-clouds]

Arcane & Disability - From the Perspective of a Sensitivity Reader

Alright. I promised this a month ago, but just did not get around, because university and work were all too stressful. But still, it is a topic that keeps to be on my mind, after the end of Arcane season 2. While season 2 was a mess in general, when it comes to pacing and characters and dialogues, to me – a disabled person – one of the biggest issues really is how the series treats disability. This was already a problem in season 1, but because of the bad pacing and the fact that a lot of characters clearly did not get as many scenes as it was intended at first, making this issue worse.

So, before someone asks, who am I to judge this: While my main job is in IT, I usually do at least one book or other project in sensitivity reading per month. I just rely on the IT job to know I have a constant income, if I do not manage to get a SR-job for once. But yes, it is part of my real-life job to critique writers on this kind of stuff.

So, let me talk about the disabilities in Arcane – and what is the issue there. I will go through different characters for this.

Spoilers for season 2, obviously.

Zaun and the Chem Lords

Let me start with something that mainly is in the background. We do see the Chem Lords once in season 1 and once in season 2 – though there for a prolonged scene. And a lot of them are disabled in some way and most of them are disfigured in some way. We also do see some of the “normal people” in Zaun, who are often disabled – using some sort of prothesis – and also often disfigured. And while, sure, the show portrays it as part of the tragedy that Zaun is so exploited that there are so many people who are very disabled, but at the same time the Chem Lords are not at all portrayed in a sympathetic light, and even those background characters of Zaun (like the woman, who lost her child to Jayce and Vi) are not exactly treated sympathetically.

Before anything else, we need to establish one important thing about disability in this show: Pretty much all disabilities in this movie are acquired disabilities. Which is fair. By far most people IRL who are disabled do acquire their disability during the course of their life. Through sickness, through accidents, and also through simply aging. However, there is some issue to the fact that we see very little in terms of variety to the disabilities.

Sure, you could argue, that technically Arcane has more disabilities, than pretty much any other western media project – and you would be right. But let’s face it here: The bar is on the ground – if not underground.

But the main issue is, that for the most part the Chem Lords and a lot of those minor disabled roles in the movie are not at all portrayed sympathetically. The Chem Lords are just minor cannon fodder background villains, while the background characters are also mainly villains. Sure, I have seen a lot of fans a bit more sympathy for their motivations. But in the show? Well, we mainly see how they attack main characters and almost kill them.

This could work, mind you – if we had a counter example of good disabled characters. But that is not quite the show that we got. For the most part.

Sevika

If season 2 had not been the mess that it was, Sevika probably would be the one counter example to all of this. While in season 1 she mainly is just “the goon” for Silco and we get very, very little in terms of motivation for her, season 2 (or rather what was probably originally multiple other seasons) clearly at some point had a character arc in mind for her. Even as it was, we did learn a bit more about her motivation and such.

While I had originally just taken Sevika mainly as someone who was working for Silco, because it was the most promising opportunity for her (given there are not a lot of chances in Zaun). Not because of some ideology.

But Season 2 proofed me wrong, there. We learn not much about Sevika here, but we learn that she actually was with Silco out of conviction that what Silco was ultimately doing was making Zaun better. She understood that Zaun needed a leader figure and she thought that Silco was possibly the best leader they could have had. Now that Silco is dead, she tries to prop up Jinx as the new leader, because she understands that this is needed.

Given the place that Sevika ends up in – as a councilor for Zaun – I am gonna assume there was some version of this (one with more seasons) where Sevika had gotten an arc, this would have been more of a focus. Her learning that instead of popping up someone else as a figurehead, she had to be the one to lead people. However, we clearly did not get that version of the story.

Still, I am possibly going to argue that the fact that she did not get this arc, is less connected to her being a clearly disabled character, and more to her being not a champion in the game so far. So generally speaking, I would still argue that despite it all, she is the one disabled character in this show, who I think is generally portrayed the most favorable.

Silco

I know, some people will now ask: “How the fuck is Silco disabled.” But for once, yes, he uses a cane at times, but also, he has a facial deformity, which is in fact counted under the disability umbrella. While technically speaking a facial deformity does not always stop people from being capable of working, the discrimination of people with facial deformities has to do a lot with the favoring of healthy bodies, and how this is connected to beauty norms.

And Silco… Well, how to put this best? From what is there in season 2, I am going to assume that there was a version of this, where there had been more time to tell the story, and we would have gotten a more sympathetic portrayal of Silco, where we went more into his motivation. Season 2 does hint at the fact that indeed, Zaun under Silco was a lot more stable than in any alternate scenario, and that Silco did in fact really try to make life better for the most possible people. But that is it: It very much hints at it, but never fully goes into it.

We know this is all bound to the lady who was the mother to Vi and Powder, but how we never get explained. And yeah, this is an issue. While I do not think that originally Silco really fell into the typical trope of “person has a facial deformity to signify their evil” (something that shows up in a lot of media – including Disney movies and a ton of James Bond movies), the fact that we never really go deep into his background and motivation, he somewhat falls into the trope here. And that really just because probably all the stuff that went into him as a character was just cut for time. And yeah, fuck. It is a big issue here. If the rest of the show was not as messy as it was, it would be less so – but given the state this show is in and the way the other disabled characters are portrayed… Oh boy, this is a problem.

Singed

I actually thought a lot about whether to put Singed in here. Because yes, he clearly is disabled and has deformities. But also, in the version of the show we got, he almost feel like a footnote of a character. However, I decided to at least go quickly into him, because again: You cannot put in most disabled characters as villains, and then make someone who is very, very responsible for a lot of the bad stuff that happens in this show and make him disabled as well. And yes, I get that Singed is disabled in the game, and that he is a somewhat bad character in the game as well. But that does not undo the harm this does within the narrative of the show. And you need to understand that. While yes, you can argue that his end goal (reviving his daughter) can be considered as somewhat sympathetic, it is not addressed enough to make him a complex and nuanced character. And again, he very much is responsible for many of the bad things that happen.

Jinx

Okay, let us talk about Jinx. She is the character, who I had the biggest problem in season 1 with – and season 2 did not really make it better. Because yes – until loosing her finger in season 2, generally her disability is her mental illness that clearly is chronic and unlikely to ever fully get away. And this is a big, big issue.

Because Jinx’s mental illness is from about the same line of mental illnesses that villains in the Batman comics have. Like sure, we can argue that there are some aspects in there of some sort of Borderline, PTSD, Dissociative Identity Disorder, and such. But for the most part her mental illness exists mainly to be edgy, and weird, and strange – much like Harley Quinn’s and the Joker’s disability. We know that those two characters were major influences on Jinx.

And look, I will admit, that Harley Quinn is a character I do generally enjoy. But that does not change that yeah, Harley like Jinx is a bad character in terms in representing actually mentally ill people. Because the focus of the character is to be weird, and cool, and somewhat entertaining. While yes, some of the symptoms that Jinx is showing are based on symptoms of real mental illnesses, as mentioned above, the way she is experiencing them is mainly there to be nice in a visual and entertaining kind of way. And that is… Well, it is an issue. Especially given that her mental illness mainly does also show in her violent tendencies.

Don’t get me wrong: I have known people with some of the diagnosis that one could probably read into what we see in her, and some of those people were in fact quite violent. At times only verbally, but in some cases they would also have a hair trigger before they would start and try to shove and punch people. So yes, this part is not technically speaking a thing that is unrealistic.

However, if someone was going to hand me a book, where the one character, who very clearly is written with a mental illness is depicted as a sort of maniac, who is part supervillain, and part manic pixie dream girl, that mainly exists and is the depicted the way she is to cater to a presumed straight male audience. That really is an issue.

Nothing that I can say about Jinx is exclusive to Jinx or Arcane in the grand scheme of things. A lot of these tropes are around for decades now. But that does not make them less harmful. On the contrary. They are actually worse because of it, as this kinda will play into the confirmation bias of people, who do not have to deal with mentally ill people very often. And I wish those tropes would die.

Sure, we can argue the fact that at the very least Jinx is portrayed in a somewhat more positive manner (just as Harley Quinn is these days), is at least a tiny step forward. But it is still not a good way of portraying this. Just not the worst way anymore.

And of course then there is the fact that for now she actually dies in the end of the show, just as pretty much most disabled characters in this show do. And that… is just not a good look.

Isha

Oh boy. Isha is something that came out of nowhere and really was one of the main reasons of me wanting to write this thing. Isha is mute. And here a little bit about muteness in real life: Most mute people are deaf-mute. So they are mute, because they were born without the ability to hear properly, and hence never learn how to pronounce properly, despite technically having a voice box. People who can hear and are mute – like Isha – probably are mute because of some mental illness. Some people go mute because of trauma, some neurodivergent people are non-verbal (so they don’t speak) or can be non-verbal under stress. (I fall under this, at times. I do have days on which I just cannot properly speak.)

With Isha we never learn why she does not speak. She just doesn’t. She shows up, attached herself to Jinx, and then is basically Jinx’s own Manic Pixie Dream Girl, just in the “little sister” way, rather than the “romantic” way. She mainly exists just to bring Jinx back into functioning enough that she can partake in the rest of the plot. And once she has archived that, well… She dies. Again, like almost all disabled characters in this show fucking do. She is merely a plot device.

And again, given some of the hints that are dropped, I do assume there was at some point more to her story. But we did not get that version of this story. The version we got? Well, she is the mute manic pixie dream girl, who gracefully offs herself once her plot function has been fulfilled. And this more than anything to me is so fucking egregious. If she was not disabled this was already bad enough, but given she is disabled? This is fucking horrible – especially again in the context of a show where most disabled characters die.

Basically what the show tells me – a disabled person – is that my main worth as a person is to die for ablebodied people. Thanks Arcane, needed to hear that. Great job. Hope y’all are proud for creating this show.

Viktor

Lastly there is Viktor. And mind you, there was a moment in this where I had some hope for his arc in terms of disability representation. Because while I will usually rage a lot about “healing disabilities” in fantasy and scifi media, his case was one where it was understandable. He was not trying to heal himself because he so desperately did not want to be disabled anymore, but because his never properly defined sickness, that was responsible for his disability, was degenerative, and he was going to die very early without a cure. And even with that in mind, once something bad happened because of it – when Sky died – he stopped it, because he realized it was too dangerous. While I had some minor notes of how this was handled in season 1, I thought it was fairly good.

And in the beginning of season 2 I actually kinda liked it too. It was not him who chose the healing, but Jayce. And once Viktor woke up from his coma after the magic healing, his first reaction was to be angry with Jayce about it. Partly because of the danger he understood, but partly also because Jayce violated Viktor’s bodily autonomy. I liked that. It was good.

However, it only went downhill from there. Because whatever anger Viktor had from that moment on, it was gone. Sure, you can argue with Viktor’s actions how much of it came from the core/the hextech/the arcane, and how much came from him. But never the less: He quickly is fine with being healed, and then becomes a sort of villain. And also goes ahead to heal other people of their illnesses and disabilities. Some of them consensually, which is somewhat fine though again for the aforementioned reasons of the eugenic implications of the “healing the disabled” trope has, but in some cases also non-consensually. And that is just… not good.

And then, in the bloody finale, he is kinda the final boss. He, the disabled person. Sure, Ambessa is the leader of the fascists, but Viktor is kinda the final boss.

Sure, I could say something about it being nice to have a clearly queer disabled character. But you know what? All of that pales against the fact that in the end of it all, Viktor has to be sacrificed for the happy end for the ablebodied people.

You know, in some other version of events I would have liked the fact that Jayce does acquire a disability in those last few episodes. While it is not quite clear whether this disability is gonna be chronic or not, it does not matter, because he, too, gets sacrificed. Guess he is no longer as valuable given that he is disabled now. Or at least that is the feeling that comes up.

Conclusion

Look, here is the thing: None of the characters in question are written in a way that is so egregious that if it was just this one example it would be a problem. And hey, some part of me is like: “Hey, at least there are multiple disabled characters,” given that this is still fairly rare in western media. (I am currently getting spoiled by Japanese shows. Ranking of Kings, Sign of Affection and so on are doing a much better job at portraying disability.) But given that most of these characters are villains or end up as villains on the long run, and most of them end up dead? Yeah, fuck Arcane. You do not get points for depicting disabilities in a way that clearly communicates that actually the lives of disabled people are less worthy than those of ablebodied people.

Look, whatever you have been told about Sensitivity Reading: Like editors in book publishing, Sensitivity Readers have little power. All we can do is say: “Hey, this is some really unfortunate implication here. Maybe you should change that.” But authors and publishers can absolutely ignore our feedback. Talking with other sensitivity readers there were a couple of examples where all the feedback was ignored.

I do not know whether Arcane had a Sensitivity Reader who gave feedback on the depiction of disabled people in this show. But I am going to assume if there was, they were very probably ignored. Because yeah, I am sorry. This is just overall not good.

Yes, this show has more disabled characters than most western shows. But again: If those characters are mainly villains, and mainly die by the end of the show… Yeah, sorry, Arcane, you do not get a gold star for including them. In fact, given how the characters are shown, frankly, I would probably have preferred it if the characters had not been disabled in the first place.

[gremlinwithacause]

You should have known better. It’s not the first time you’ve been ditched, but it might be the last. Huh. 

You make good money on your work. You’re nothing noble or special. You’re just damn good at your job. Fighting and killing come second hand. You could blame it on your parents. Blame it on working at a slaughterhouse. Blame it on getting picked on and having to fight for yourself. Blame it on needing cash to live. The details don’t matter all that much. You’re a good fighter and a better killer. Someone told you that your need to survive made you different. You don’t think so and you’re tired of hearing it. 

It’s not just the shady folks that hire you. You get plenty of employers of good standing. The adventurers aren’t special. A set in a line of many that want extra hands or extra cannon fodder. You tend to be lucky enough to be the former. You’ve ended up in jail more than once for people like this. Your wealthier employers tend to bail you out. You were valuable enough for the extra investment. Worth more alive, and all that. So you’ve been around a few dozen times. 

Being ditched in the field isn’t new but being half dead is. 

You should have seen it on their faces. You should have known better. They didn’t want you there, but someone thought they needed you. It makes sense they ditched you once the boss went down. 

But damn. They didn’t even watch it happen. Straight for the loot, huh? On some level you respect it, on the other level you’re bleeding out and you can only watch them run away. Not even a one liner? A spit on your body? A single piece of gold thrown on your body and a good “there’s your payment, you filthy animal.” 

Huh. Maybe you deserve it. You never messed with theatrics. Why would you get any? 

Things are fading in and out. Blood loss is always a pain to deal with. It would be easier to let go, you think. You still put pressure on the wound in your stomach and side and breathe through the pain. It’d be insulting if you just let yourself keel over, right? No, you’re just scared. 

“Guess we’re both expendable, huh?” 

You don’t have it in you to startle. The boss that you were damn sure was dead is not that. Alive enough to banter with you. It’s more than you offered anyone. What a sweetheart. 

“Dunno,” you say. “Never really thought of it.”

It makes sense. You’re not a hero. What were the chances of you actually out-living adventurers like the ones that ditched you here? You’re worth more alive, but when is the investment no longer worth it?

“‘S funny,” the boss says. Chatty, you think. What can you do but humor them? “Didn’t think heroes would leave their own behind.” 

“I was hired,” you say. 

“Really?” 

They laugh. Then cough and choke on blood or their own spit. You wait for them to finish their cackling, and then continue to wait for the end. 

“They're always picky with their heroes, huh?” 

Oh boy, the pronoun game. 

“Don’t care,” you say. May whatever higher power there is forgive your temper as you’re dying. “It’s work.” 

“Ah. You’re one of those,” they say. Like they know you. Ugh. You want to finish the job. “I always liked those. Basic motivations are the best. Nothing to second guess.” 

You roll your eyes. You’ve heard it all before. What is it worth now? 

“I tried the whole leader thing,” they say. “Good worshippers are hard to find, you know?”

You don’t. You won’t. 

“Sounds more like a cult.” “Eh. Same thing,” they dismiss. 

“What were you even the god of?” you snap. You can’t help it. This guy wasn’t any more special than you--that is: not.

“Anything I could get my hands on,” they say. “I wasn’t picky. Got enough of something that I became this, though.”

A boss. A few tiers above the usual monsters that you can find, always locked up in some kind of home base. 

“So were you a god or not?”

“No, never got that far. Wouldn’t have lost to you if I did.”

“Sure. Lie to yourself.”

They laugh again, “I like that. Confidence like that is usually up on some pedestal. Good on you.” 

“Yeah. Did me a lot of good.” 

“Did you enough,” they say. “You’re not new at this, must have been going for a while.”

“It’s work,” you repeat. It’s always work. It’s to survive. 

“You want a new job?” they ask. 

You lift your head enough to look over at them. They’re flat on their back. Your spear is still in their chest. It’s what’s keeping them from bleeding out. You know better than to leave the weapon in, but you were distracted by the whole dying thing. 

It’s getting harder to keep the pressure on your wound. Your hands are getting weaker. You’re getting weaker. You’re surprised you’re still awake. And what is this guy talking about? …You’ll indulge it. What else are you going to do? 

“Contract?” you ask. 

“Sure,” they say. 

A silver contract appears in front of you, something you don’t see too often. The consequences on silvers are serious, most people just do physical ones or bronzes. 

You squint to make sense of the blurring letters. 

“Follower? Really? What, are you still trying to form that cult?” you snort. It hurts and you dig your fingers into your skin. You don’t even feel it. 

“Good clerics are hard to find,” they say.

“Hah, and your lucky cleric is about to kick the bucket,” you say. “Sucks to be you.”

“Read it.” 

“Sorry. It gets hard to read with blood in your eyes.” 

“You live. You worship me.” 

You grimace. Sounds like a hassle. But… the idea of continuing to live is like candy. What else is there to do? It’s work.

You sign. 

You’re a mercenary hired by adventurers to defeat the boss. After the battle, they loot the treasure and abandon you wounded. The defeated boss crawls over and says, “Guess we’re both expendable, huh?”

[mortalityplays]

Does it seem like Infinity Nikki is building on the lore in the previous games, or is it doing its own thing? It's been a few years since I played Love Nikki Dress-up queen, and all of the proper nouns seem to be different than I remember.

Okay let's talk about Nikki lore!!!

if you've come straight from Love Nikki, Infinity Nikki probably feels strikingly different and yet eerily familiar. It presents itself as a clean slate for new players and a straight reboot for returning players, with Nikki and Momo encountering a magical outfit and being pulled into Miraland where they learn a whole new set of terms and mechanics for the dress-up game you're about to play. All the proper nouns have changed - 'styling power' is still the same, but now magic and tech are 'whim' and base currency is 'blings' etc. The story, setting and characters are all a little different too. So it's a total reboot for the new format, right? Makes sense.

TL;DR: for everything I'm about to unpack:

Doylian answer: IN is a clean reboot of the basic isekai premise, allowing them to easily onboard new players and update the core nature of the game.

Watsonian answer: the reboot is itself part of the ongoing canonical lore of the Nikki series!!!

The context you're missing is Shining Nikki. SN actually pulled this move first - it was a total overhaul of LN to move the series from 2D paper doll graphics to full 3D models, and like IN it seemed to begin the isekai type story of LN again from the start. Not too many people in english speaking markets played the first two games in the series (Nikki Up2U and Hello Nikki), but what you need to know about them is that they were both set in Nikki's own earth-like world, where fashion was an ordinary element of everyday life (i.e. the player was asked to dress her appropriately for real-world situations, with the context that she was an aspiring fashion student). They were also direct instalments in an ongoing story.

Here's the timeline up to where you stopped:

NU2U: Fashion student Nikki and her talking pet Momo practise her skills as a stylist in everyday situations. Though it's usually played as a joke, both Nikki and Momo acknowledge that he's a 'cat-like thing' - not really an earth cat.

HN: Nikki and Momo travel their world, finding styling inspiration in different locations / through meeting various characters. Some of the costumes she creates in this game continue to appear through each sequel as lower-level outfits, implying continuity.

LN: The first game that really broke through in english-speaking markets, and the first in the Miraland cycle. Nikki is preparing for graduation, when she finds a mysterious outfit in the attic. Touching it gives her a vision where she glimpses a strange realm brimming with fashion-related power of some sort. When she comes to, she and Momo are in a field of flowers. They've been transported to another world called Miraland, where styling has literal magical power that's used to settle disputes in place of violence. She embarks on a quest to attain a set of uniquely powerful dresses at the centre of a burgeoning magical/political crisis, in order to save Miraland.

^ Big sideways jump, right? The Doylian explanation for all this is very mundane. They have to keep rebuilding this game for newer phones, and updating the graphics/mechanical gameplay as the series goes on. There are only so many times you can ask a player to dress Nikki up to go to a café or whatever, and the isekai genre is massively popular among the target playerbase. BUT they retain the canonical continuity of the series with LN - Nikki frequently refers to her sister Yoyo and their travels around the world throughout LN and SN, and Momo hints that Miraland may be the origin of his clan (or at least tied to their origin somehow). It would have been an easy place to wipe the slate clean, but they didn't.

And then comes Shining Nikki. On starting the game, Nikki speaks to you directly from a meta-realm where you set up your username and get introduced to basic concepts. Nikki has an encounter / vision with a mysterious figure related to this styling meta-realm, and then she wakes up. She and Momo find themselves in a field of flowers, in a world called Miraland - sstop me if you've heard this one before.

SN is where things started to get really interesting, and where I suspect the writers started laying down some intentions for the series going forward. As Nikki travels around Miraland, she runs into a variety of people and places that are reminiscent of, yet different from, the cast and setting of Love Nikki. And little by little, she begins to recover memories of that game.

As it build towards its climax, SN does one of the coolest things I've ever seen from a rinkydink fantasy mobile gacha. Nikki comes up against an opponent she can't beat, and you're asked to style-battle them again and again. She starts to dissociate and refuses to back down, and then- well at this point my phone couldn't handle the 3D effects and it booted me back to the game's home screen.

SN was pretty ambitious with its 3D elements, to the point that the home screen itself featured a 3D nikki you could dress up, who would move around and strike poses, and spit out lighthearted quips when you tapped her ('I wont give up on my friends!', 'If Momo eats any more BBQ he's going to turn into a beach ball...' etc.) So anyway, my game was locked up apart from homescreen Nikki's idle animations. And then she started talking to me, by username, commenting on the defeat she was suffering repeatedly in the story chapters.

At this point, SN introduces the idea that the player is (from Nikki's perspective) a powerful being from another parallel world, who has been influencing her styling choices the whole time. It also introduces a meta-meta-realm where outside observers can access people's memories to subtly alter their world's timeline. When I say this game got high concept...they had a limited-time event at one point where Nikki essentially explores the lingering cognitive dissonances left behind by the inhabitants of Omelas. I'm insane about this series. Anyway.

A LOT went on in SN, but what you need to know is this:

Nikki learns that she found herself in the story of SN because she went back in time 600+ years from the events of LN in a last ditch effort to prevent the apocalypse she failed to avert.

By accessing the Ocean of Memories, she also learns that this is not the first time she's done this. She has been stuck in a time loop for thousands upon thousands of cycles, perpetually failing to save Miraland, going back in time, and creating new causal offshoots that she again fails to save.

Nikki realises that by doing this, she is perpetually rebooting the lives of all the friends she keeps meeting and bonding with and then failing to save, and wrestles with whether this is ethical. Ultimately she decides to persist, determined to save Miraland.

Now here's the million-dollar question: Is Infinity Nikki a straight reboot, wiping the slate clean to simplify the lore and onboard new players? Or is it a continuation of Nikki lore to date, setting her on a new cycle in the same sequence? I would answer: yes and yes.

Every game in Miraland seems to follow a certain pattern with minor changes, and IN is no exception:

Nikki arrives in a tutorial zone themed around cosy rural villages and flower fields.

She meets a friendly girl who introduces her to Styling and its role in Miraland, and who puts her on the path to her first set of competitions (rip Bobo greatest anime betrayal of all time)

Nikki gets drawn into a political crisis centred on Miraland's system of styling contests, inevitably involving mercenaries and corporate espionage at some point.

Reference is made to an ancient fallen monarch who had a personal connection to certain outfits of immense power.

Reference is made to an elusive but powerful spiritual being (a god, a prophet, ???) whose divine power is bound up with the mysterious source of Styling Power.

Nikki encounters a reclusive society of magical beings whose life force depends on that same power source.

She travels to a variety of regions including Fairytale Forest, Gothic Lolita Town, Literally China, Uncomfortable Desert Realm, Big City, and Separatist Tech Freak Island. [in progress]

War breaks out somewhere and Nikki ends up on the run [hasn't happened yet, but I believe]

Vampires/demons get involved [hasn't happened yet, but I believe]

There is a goofy yellow mascot that looks like a fat duckling. [I'm a Gifty truther, what does it all mean.]

So far we're only a few chapters into IN, but I can already see a lot of familiar pattens starting to take shape. Factions are an interesting twist on regional styling competitions, and elements like Eureka and the Mira Crown contest (and the repeated motif of mirrors and fragmented crystals) look a lot like the seeds of more meta-realm content to me. Well, and the actual literal meta-realms accessed via waypoints and whimstars.

If you read all this, well done!!! You are definitely insane enough to enjoy the Nikki series.

[quoth-the-raven-wtf]

I've blocked a lot of endos [I'm clustering tulpas in the same "origin category," btw], and I hope that they'll respectfully do the same in return when I post things like this. I will never be the first to interact with them, and more often than not I delete their comments from my posts and block them in order to keep myself from interacting in a pointless argument altogether.

That being said, I still want to put my thoughts out there.

Heads up, this is a long one. The rest is below the cut. Per usual, summarized points are highlighted in red for faster viewing.

I know for a fact that a majority of endos aren't claiming to have a CDD [complex dissociative disorder], which tends to be the main argument endos like to use in order to explain that they aren't invading OSDDID spaces or harming communities built for those who are disordered. That doesn't make their claims of being "plural" any less harmful to the CDD community. They are still claiming to have symptoms of dissociative disorders, which waters down the severity of the actual disorders themselves.

Being a system means having a fragmented identity [which is what alters are]. A fragmented identity is a disordered identity. A disordered identity is a disordered brain. Having parts is not typical, and endos claiming that it is possible to have alters without a disorder creates this misconception that plurality is completely normal to experience.

[Don't get me wrong, I'm also irritated by the perspective that everyone with OSDDID is constantly suffering and cannot experience any joy, or even enjoy being a system—because that view is just as uneducated as the endo one.]

Here's the thing—watering down the disorder isn't actually one that matters much to those outside of people who interact with the system sections of social media, because I guarantee you that most people don't even know what "endogenic" means. The issue with watering down symptoms of disorders that result in alters are how they harm actual systems. I've seen multiple systems on this app and even a few others on social media who claim to be endogenic, but talk about having other symptoms of CDDs and having childhood trauma that they don't consider severe enough to be "traumagenic." Seeing things like that is honestly heartbreaking. There are so many systems out there who are completely convinced that they simply can't have originated from trauma because "they weren't hurt badly enough."

It's bizarre to me that this is what the internet has come to.

Here's the thing; if there was actual evidence of endos and tulpas being fully, scientifically capable of existing, I wouldn't be so strongly against their claims. Hell, I've done research in my spare time to actually look for the supposed proof that endos say there is on the ability to be plural without a disorder, and I've reached countless dead ends. Masterlists of "endo-affirming resources" are either incredibly vague, non-credible, or take me straight to an error message [as in, the page has since been taken down]. Aside from those resources, the strongest argument I've seen is that "there's no proof that endos don't exist," which doesn't make any sense either. You could say that about anything you want to, despite currently existing evidence that already suggests your claim is nonsensical.

I am genuinely open to information that is credible, but so far, it just doesn't seem to exist. Anyone is welcome to share some with me, and I will truly approach them with an open mind; that doesn't mean I'm not going to point out lack of credibility when I see it.

In no way do I feel malice or hatred for systems who identify as endogenic, but I'm afraid that directly interacting with endos through areas of syscourse will, and has clearly already created bitterness. I refrain because of how hostile syscourse has gotten, and I encourage others who share my point of view to also keep the hostility to a minimum. I think everyone needs to be more open-minded—both endos and antis like myself. Unfortunately, that's only achievable in a perfect world.

[it-happened-one-fic]

Dancing With Visions - Without Any Hesitation - Kinich - Lambada

Author Notes: This was actually my first time writing Kinich, but the fic came together pretty quickly and I'm pretty satisfied with it. The tidbit about Lambada being known as a 'Forbidden Dance' is actually something I picked up from my research. Ditto with the short skirts that used to be worn by performers which led to being called the 'Forbidden Dance.' The dance in this fic was highly inspired by the lambada performance by Leo Bruno & Romina Hidalgo to “Unforgettable” by French Montana ft. Swae Lee. This fic was also written to the instrumental version of the same song. I hope you enjoy

If you would like to read more of this series, the fics can be found here: Dancing with Visions Masterlist

Type: Female reader/ fluff/ sfw/ feelings sort of implied but can be platonic/ featuring Mualani and Xilonen/

Word count: 1795

I walked through the Children of Echoes tribe with Kinich, glancing around at all of the people around us. 

Some were dancing on stages while others grooved off to the side to the music and clapped along to the beat.

It was a common scene here and was simply the culture of this tribe. Always lively, filled with complicated beats, and dancing people everywhere.

But right now all I could really wonder about was whether the dance competition would use a stage like one of these and if it would be as crowded there.

Because for me, unlike so many of these other dancers, performing was going to be a new thing. 

I’d only ever really danced for my own enjoyment, where others weren’t really around. 

Well, except for Kinich, of course. But he was different. He was my partner, and I knew there was going to be very little, if any, judgment from him.

Sure, Ajaw might be mouthy at times, but half the time Kinich put him in time out anyway.

I felt myself relax slightly as I spotted the form of Xilonen just up ahead. Because if she was here, competing in a dance-off, then absolutely no one was going to be looking at me.

It was true that I’d never seen her dance much, but I had seen her on her roller skates and just moving around in general, and there was always an easy, if lazy, sort of elegance to her motions.

And she wasn’t alone. Mualani was also there and quite obviously raring to go as well as excited as she visibly brightened as soon as she saw me and Kinich, “Kinich! Y/n!! Over here!” 

Mualani wasted no time in beckoning us over as the taller woman turned to glance our way, blinking slightly before turning to face us fully with a slight smile on her face, “I didn’t know you two were going to be competing.” 

I lifted my shoulder in a half-shrug, offering an awkward smile as we walked over, “Neither did we until just a little bit ago. Wayna said we ought to come though, so that the Scions of the Canopy would have some competitors.”

Mualani leaned over, winking at me before she bumped Kinich with her shoulder playfully, “If I’d known you were competing, I would’ve asked to partner up with you rather than taking a random partner.”

I smiled as I watched the two of them. And as always, Mualani was far more exuberant than the characteristically stoic Kinich, who crossed his arms before glancing her way, “I went and got Y/n as soon as Wayna asked me to compete.”

Xilonen’s eyebrows lifted, and she glanced my way while Mualani cooed out a far-too-teasing, “Oh,” before the taller lady glanced back over towards Kinich with a slight tilt to her head, “He asked you to compete?”

Kinich merely nodded, apparently unmoved by Mualani’s teasing or Xilonen’s question, and I felt myself sigh before I answered the blacksmith as I gestured over towards Kinich vaguely, “More like he got commissioned.”

Xilonen snorted at my words, but both women nodded. Neither of them in the slightest surprised that Kinich was definitely going to be getting paid for this. But then Mualani glanced my way, a playful glint in her eye that let me know her teasing was far from over, “You must be pretty good at dancing, though, if Kinich asked you to be his partner.”

She was all smiles as I laughed slightly, shrugging slightly only for Kinich to answer for me in his usual nonchalant fashion, “I’ve danced with her before.”

Mualani blinked at his words, her eyes widening briefly in surprise before she bobbed her head with an overly pleased smile as Xilonen eyed us. Her head tilting slightly before she turned to face the cleared-out area with a hum, “Looks like we’re getting started.”

And in mere moments the first two dancers' names were getting called, and I felt my eyes widen in mild alarm. 

“Y/n and Kinich dancing the lambada!”

Mualani gave a little cheer and applauded as Kinich started forward and I hurried after him. Faltering only slightly before I matched his stride and walked into the cleared-out area, feeling myself exhale slightly as he glanced my way.

Because this was what I’d been bracing myself for the entire time and the reason I’d been distracted the entire time we’d been chatting with Mualani and Xilonen.

Performing. Especially when lambada had the reputation of being a ‘forbidden’ dance, of all things. 

Just because the lyrics to the songs used for lambada often had rather naughty lyrics and many of the female dancers wore incredibly short skirts in the past didn’t mean it had to be a particularly dirty dance.

There were plenty of other styles that involved close contact between the dancers, after all. But the lambada’s reputation had always left me feeling antsy about ever performing.

And that was why I’d been surprised when Kinich had shown up at my house, out of nowhere, and asked me to be his partner for a competition that I hadn’t even known was taking place until today.

He knew about my mixed feelings in regards to performing and, even if he didn’t share them himself, had always respected them.

But I’d agreed quickly, and I knew it had nothing to do with his offer to split his commission reward with me.

Rather, I agreed because Kinich was always the person I danced with. Whether it was at home or while we were just messing around some place else. He was my dance partner and had been since early on. And I genuinely enjoyed dancing with him.

There was something so easy about it all that made me relax while we were together, whether we were dancing or just sitting together.

All of those reasons, as well as my honest fondness for him, were probably why the mere act of standing here with Kinich made this far easier than it would have been with anyone else.

And I couldn’t deny that, even though Mualani had just been teasing, it had been heartwarming to hear him assert that I’d been his first choice without any hesitation whatsoever.

I lightly rested my hand on his shoulder, stepping closer to him until there was minimal space between us as his arm wrapped around my upper back until his hand rested against my side.

And, as naturally as could be, our free hands raised until they connected as the beat hit, and we both began to move to the rhythm.  

We shifted along, our motions matching the rolling beat even as we shifted and spun out so that we were only connected by our interlocked hands until we looked towards one another.

My other hand reached out for his, and we bent at the knees together, sashaying our way down, and I felt a smile flicker across my face as we straightened once more and he let go of my hand. Moving forwards with his arm wrapping around behind him so that my hand could catch his as we passed by one another.

Our motions continued to roll along. One into the other as we constantly shifted. First in front of one another, then back to back, then side by side, and then facing one another yet again.

He led me around the floor easily. Spinning me from place to place without even the slightest hesitation to his motions, even though half the time he was leading with only one hand, which either held my own or rested relaxedly against my waist.

And even though our motions were relatively fast and filled to the brim with movements that rolled directly from one into the next, it was easy to relax as I danced with Kinich. 

I was already finding that I was surprisingly unbothered. Because even despite the crowd of people around us, it was just like dancing at home, in my living room, where no one else would be watching.

Distantly, I realized there were people clapping along as we danced. But I could hardly question it as Kinich twirled me across the floor. Occasionally shifting so that he would be behind me and we would both spin together until he shifted back around so that he’d be directly in front of me. Never with very much space between us.

It was easy to keep up our pacing, though. Almost as if it were second nature to us by now.

We parted, spinning separately, but it wasn't long until I felt his arm wrap back around me. Tugging me back towards him until I was securely in his hold once more.

There were moments where it almost felt like we were all tangled up together. Our arms interweaving and sliding past one another as we shifted constantly around the floor. Maintaining our steady rhythm as more and more people clapped along to the music.

He stepped back, leaning towards me as he gripped one of my hands in his while his other arm wrapped around my waist, and I leaned back. Lightly kicking up one leg as I leaned into the dip with a smile that widened as he pulled me back upright. His gaze briefly meeting mine before he swung us into a rotation where he walked around me lightly before whirling me into a twirl.

Our arms raised together, crossing in the middle as we peered between them at each other before he let go of my hands as I briefly caught my breath.

His hands were light in their touch against my forearms as he pushed them down in a wide arching motion. His eyes locked onto mine as his palms wrapped the rest of the way around my arms to grip them and swing them around him in a loose embrace that barely reached completion before we were in motion again.

We finished before long, though, him spinning me out so that we stood side by side once more. Just like how we’d walked onto the floor together. 

But this time we looked towards one another, his gaze holding mine steadily as I smiled back at him before we bowed as applause rang out. With Mualani in particular cheering loudly and jumping in place.

And even now, I had no doubt that we weren’t actually going to win. But we had still put on a performance we could be proud of. And by the end of it, I’d actually enjoyed myself. Even if I suspected that was largely due to the comfort of having danced with Kinich rather than anyone else. And I could honestly say that at this point, it was possibly one of the best dances we’d ever done.

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