#i am mentally preparing myself for the inevitable

[dreamgrlarchive]

Dear dream girl, I really want to be my dream girl but I don’t know where to start. I feel unmotivated most of the time and I only get a burst of motivation at like 3 am. I just what to glow and radiate good energy for myself and find/do what I like

Oh, So You Wanna Be a Dream Girl? 🎀

starting your dream girl journey

Congrats on choosing yourself and your tiara; I am so proud. Prepare to not be liked, to be judged, and to stand out. It’s lonely at the top.

*this guide is for starting the process, not reaching the end result because my version of my own dream girl is inevitably different than yours. bare in mind i’m not holding your hand. i’m nudging you in a good direction.

what is a dream girl?

a dream girl is a girl that has finally fallen in love with who she sees in the mirror. she’s the girl that she can depend on. she has her desired look and she’s on the path to self actualization actively. she’s aware of her branding. she holds herself to the standards she holds other to; and they are HIGH. her self worth isn’t contingent upon a love interest, amount of money, or social status. she’s simply that girl.

do some healing.

yes, i said it. healing. like i’ve said before, you cannot put glitter on literal garbage. that’s not even the slightest bit appealing. you’re gonna journal about your childhood, your biggest influences in life, your biggest fears and how you feel life has treated you. this calls for shadow work. shadow working really helped me figure out some of my toxic traits and how some of the things that were considered normal to me as a child have affected me in the long run. you’re also gonna write hypothetical letters to your loved (and not-so-loved) ones, including yourself. let it all out. say everything you want that person to know. around you or not, dead or alive. prepare to clam up, cry, get angry, feel anxious. good. you should. you feel clammy, hot and sometimes pain when your body is fighting off and healing from a physical sickness. now you’re dealing with the developmental, mental, and emotional parts. you’re doing yourself a disservice choosing to stay the same toxic, nasty, mean, or victimized person you’ve always been.

what do you want?

before you can start to even do the smallest improvements, you have to have a clear goal. or else you’ll just be running around in circles (heh) over grandiose blurry wishful thinking. ultimately resulting in you giving up and choosing to be basic bc it’s easier. what do you want out of life? how do you want to be treated? what do you want to do? what makes you happy? and most importantly, how do you want to feel? see, it’s more than just the frills and glitter. you have to know what you’re trying to get to, internally and externally.

grab a diary, adorn it with pretty little details and commit to it. pair it with your fav writing utensil. outline all of your goals. every single last one of them. you can categorize them, scale them from short to long term, easy to hard. it doesn’t matter. do absolutely what you want to do to make a concrete record of your goals that’s digestible for you.

what are you going to do?

*fabulosity by kimora lee simmons*

compare your dream reality to the one you’re currently experiencing. what is she doing that you aren’t? that’s it. do that. anyone can read blogs about the process and other people success stories but those posts aren’t gonna change your life unless you get up and go for what you want. i don’t know what exactly you desire out of life. you do. so you have the instructions for this journey. the first part was easy, this is simple but not nearly as effortless. it’s up to you and not anyone else. you teach others how to treat you. improvements you can make include better: hygiene, self talk/treatment, outward energy, work ethic, discipline, health, consumed content, relationships, looks, habits.

the work

it’s time to apply yourself. get up everyday and actively work towards your goal. be kind to yourself. take yourself to the doctors. get active. eat right. find your passion. DO THE HEALING.

everyone’s journey is SO different so i’m just going to do a quick rundown of the importance of each of the ten facets of your dream girl journey (that build upon each other. ie; looks do not benefit you when your hygiene is insufficient):

*these facets are loosely based on maslow’s hierarchy of needs

health - are you taking care of yourself? please treat yourself how you would your loved ones. you’ll be surprised how physical issues manifest mentally, and vice versa. get adequate sleep. take baby steps if need be. some of these adjustments may be huge to you. be gracious with your journey.

consumed content - everything you engage in is your diet. the company you keep, food you eat, music you enjoy. you get the idea. do you feel light and ready to take on the day? or do you feel drained and sick more often than not. make some adjustments wherever you see necessary.

hygiene - extremely important. stick to a routine for your hygienic needs. you should have rituals you engage in everyday. don’t forget that your health and hygiene go hand in hand. oral and feminine hygiene is so crazily important. please don’t neglect yourself. i talk about my routines in detail here.

habits - daily habits are so crucial to your lifestyle. adjust these and consciously break your bad habits by supplementing your life with equal and opposite habits.

self talk/treatment - simple. be kind to yourself. hold yourself accountable for flaws and mistakes while loving yourself enough to be patient with the journey of improving.

outward energy - be very aware of the vibes you’re permeating. again this is so a huge determination of how you will be treated and how you will live your life.

work ethic/discipline - it’s gonna take serious accountability to escape the desire to stay comfortable. you have to tell yourself that you deserve *your desired end result* so you will *make specific change/adjustment.* it’s that simple (again simple doesn’t mean easy).

relationships - if you don’t like the way you’re treated by those in your life, those relationships need to be reevaluated. you can make some trims on your circle, have some honest conversations, or adjust your behaviors (because sometimes, YOU are the problem).

passion and career - in order to feel fulfilled in life, we all need a purpose. discover yours. incorporate your passion into your daily life.

looks - develop your signature and hone in on it. looks are very important to your perception (self and public). check out this guide to help with this part. however you wanna feel is how you should display yourself.

be a dream girl!

you’ve discovered all the facets of creating your dream self and reality. now it’s time to apply what you’ve learned. start showing up in life in the fashion you want to be seen in.

that’s it! the rest is up to you!

- xoxo, dreamgrlarchive 🎀

[thatgirlie-diaries]

Ways I'm taking care of myself and having fun this holiday season

Hey girlies! For this lovely month I will be writing this blog, on which I will tell you the ways that come up to my mind of how I am taking care of myself and having fun this month. I know for some people it's hard to get though winter (just like me...) and that's the reason behind this post. I hope it can help you out!

The list

Modified my sleep schedule: Since I am a morning person, I modified my alarms to have a sleep schedule that it's comfortable for me to be active during the day while having sun.

Modified my routines and created new ones: I looked out how to make my routines more pleasing to do. Including the previous point, I added more time to do certain habits, making the routines longer and enjoying doing them more instead of feeling rushed. I also included habits I really love to do!

Dressing up every day: Since I no longer go to classes I am staying home all day long. So, to not lose my habit of getting myself done I get ready as if it was another day. It makes me feel confident, beautiful and helps me be productive.

Bought Christmas scented products: I bought a new body mist, candle and body cream from Bath&Bodyworks and I feel so happy since they smell so good! (Btw, it's the Strawberry Snowflakes scent, so delicious! I wish to buy a hand lotion and lipgloss)

Listen to Christmas songs and songs that give me wintry vibes.

Romanticize my days: Some ways I do this are preparing for myself cute snacks, buying coffee, lighting up a candle, taking pictures, listening to music and getting ready (which some I have already mentioned)

Step into my feminine energy and live a soft lifestyle: Since I am free, I am stepping into soft productivity and my feminine energy. I have been feeling calmer, kinder, more intuitive and even more in a control that feels peaceful and flowing!

Get out to get some sun!

Spent time with the people I love!: I will be having lots of events this month, which I am grateful for since connection is important for our social and mental health. I will do Christmas activities with them, celebrating the holidays and birthdays!

Take the time to take care of myself: This includes things like eating healthy, sleeping well, learning to cook and bake, taking my vitamins, follow my pampering routine and investing in quality products, level up my style, do the: activities, hobbies and habits that I love, invest my time in learning new skills, etc. With all this free time, is inevitable for me to not take care of myself and improve my lifestyle

Arranged my room and closet: New environment and style feels like a fresh start for me! I feel more comfy and cozy in my room and I am loving my new clean pink girl style!

Activities I will do this holidays

Write my Christmas wishlist for Santa

Buying gifts for my family and girlfriends

Decor my Christmas three and house

Baking cookies

Having a Christmas sleepover

Watching Christmas movies

Celebrating New Years day in another city

Trying Christmas flavors in coffee shops and restaurants

It's the most wondeful time of the year! 𑄽𑄺ྀ

[barelylivingscholar]

Arlecchino with a daughter prt. 3

Arlecchino with a daughter prt. 3

And before I knew it, a month had passed. Under the banner of “Regrator,” I had been learning a lot under his guidance. I started to look like him as well. Everything about my appearance had been designed to match his… It wasn’t something that I had decided right away, but it was more of a branding for me. To better match his image as his “disciple,” rather than to feel like I still am a part of the House… I discard the clothing that I wore before and burned it. It was a clothing that was too similar to the outfit of “Knave.” The color… And the designs… It’s too much of a coincidence… She continues to haunt me in my dreams, that I wake up in the middle of the night… Sweating profusely at the prospect of returning at the House and to meet her once again inevitably.

Pantalone had decided that I should not return to Fontaine as a safety measure for me since the “Knave” had been informed of my return that day… He told me about her sending letters to him about my wellbeing and demanded that he return me back to her house… In which, I had been assured again and again that I won’t be returning back to the House at all… Pantalone plans to keep me as his disciple. Although I am still shaken up by her now and then, I grew to resent her more as days would pass…

I began to see Pantalone as the closest familial figure that I have as it was only natural, I felt that way due to how well he has taken care of me. I used to think that I am more or less just a servant to him. He had trained well to see him as his “business partner.” More or less, we do indeed have a transactional relationship. But I know there is more to it. H̴̴e̴ ̴j̴̴u̴̴s̴̴t̴ ̴w̴̴o̴̴u̴̴l̴̴d̴̴n̴’̴t̴ a̴̴d̴̴m̴̴i̴̴t̴ ̴t̴̴h̴a̴̴t̴ ̴I̴ ̴i̴̴n̴̴f̴̴l̴̴u̴̴e̴̴n̴̴c̴̴e̴̴d̴ ̴h̴̴i̴̴m̴ ̴j̴̴u̴̴s̴̴t̴ a̴̴s̴ ̴h̴̴e̴ ̴i̴̴n̴̴f̴̴l̴̴u̴̴e̴̴n̴̴c̴̴e̴̴d̴ ̴m̴̴e̴ a̴̴s̴ ̴w̴̴e̴̴l̴̴l̴…̴ He had introduced me to Pulcinella, who in return, mentored me during my visits in the other branches of the Northland Bank with Pantalone. He mentors me exceptionally well that I grew to respect him in the same manner as Pantalone. When I am unable to accompany Pantalone, I am with Pulcinella. He takes care of me well. Too well that there is something more to it.

Pulcinella would come to tell me stories about the “Knave,” that made me despise her even more. He warns me about her madness. Pulcinella had successfully managed to deter me from ever seeing the “Knave” in a positive light. The remnants of her teachings still remain. It is not easy to break free from it. Somehow, I still felt guilty for leaving the House. But I will never admit to it at all. I was led to believe that she cared for me, and had loved me the best out of the many children from the House, so how was I supposed to hate her, right? If only that was how I felt. ̶I̶ ̶b̶̶a̶̶r̶̶e̶̶l̶̶y̶ ̶f̶̶e̶̶l̶̶t̶ ̶i̶̶t̶ ̶a̶̶t̶ ̶a̶̶l̶̶l̶. She was a liar. ₴₮Ø₱ ₮ⱤɎł₦₲ ₮Ø ₲Ɇ₮ ₥Ɇ ฿₳₵₭. ł ₩łⱠⱠ ₦Ø₮ ⱤɆ₮ɄⱤ₦ ₮Ø ɎØɄ. ł Ⱨ₳₮Ɇ ɎØɄ.

Pantalone informs me that we will be arriving soon at the House of the Hearth. I mentally prepared myself as we make a trip to the House… I kept my hood up and my head down during the duration of the trip. Pantalone informs me of the project in collaboration with Pulcinella, one that involve the members of the Hearth… He plans to give them a great deal of funding, to make them the “key members” of the project… Project Stuzha; A project that supposedly sets the Fatui’s future. I have yet to meet “Tartaglia” or Childe as he is frequently mentioned in this conversation. I couldn’t care less how the project would turn out. I only care about the amount of Mora that is put on this project. Pantalone really is a generous man. Too generous.

I clicked my tongue as we arrived at the destination. There were many children that were staring at my figure, probably shocked that I am alive and well. Dressed in expensive clothing, glasses that are studded with eye-catching jewelries, and with a cloak elegantly placed on my shoulders… I almost looked like the man himself. Pantalone held a closed-eye smile as he greeted the children. Then, the door opened. It was her. The woman that I grew to resent. The knave. I adjust my glasses to hide my growing anxiousness as the memories came back. I stifled a shaky sigh. ̶I̶ ̶f̶̶o̶̶r̶̶c̶̶e̶̶d̶ ̶m̶̶y̶̶s̶̶e̶̶l̶̶f̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶c̶̶a̶̶l̶̶m̶ ̶d̶̶o̶̶w̶̶n̶ ̶u̶̶s̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶ ̶4̶-̶7̶-̶8̶ ̶t̶̶e̶̶c̶̶h̶̶n̶̶i̶̶q̶̶u̶̶e̶. Pantalone greets the “Knave” politely. While the “Knave” eyes me down, her crossed eyes narrowing at the sight of my appearance. ̶S̶̶u̶̶r̶̶p̶̶r̶̶i̶̶s̶̶e̶̶d̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶s̶̶e̶̶e̶ ̶m̶̶e̶? Her eyes stayed on me, while speaking with Pantalone.

“I see you have brought yourself a new child. A child from the Hearth.” I froze at her words. She continued to stare at me deeply. “What was the reason for not returning the child from my orphanage, Regrator?” She hissed at him. Pantalone paid no mind at the hostile tone aimed at him. “You are mistaken. I did not take an orphan from the Hearth. I offered Anastasia to be my disciple after saving them from an ambush by a cryo abyss mage.” Pantalone countered. I glanced away at the two adults talking, to see Freminet staring at me. I gave him a brief nod, and I was then met with a familiar pair of twins looking in my direction as well… Lyney and I briefly stared each other down for a short while, before my attention went back to the voice of the “Knave.” “Nonsense. She would’ve returned to the house had you not manipulated her to come with… You must’ve threatened my daughter for her to work with you.” The “Knave” accused.

I rose a brow at the comment. Blinking slowly as I take in the words she had said to Pantalone. I decided to speak up before Pantalone could reply, “My mentor had come to visit the orphanage for a proposal. The “Regrator” has other business to attend after the meeting, I suggest to keep the exchange brief, “Knave.”” I didn’t miss the way her eyes widen slightly at the sound of my voice. The children were shocked to hear me interrupt the harbingers heated exchange. I simply brushed off my coat, in an attempt to feign nonchalance at my action. ̶I̶̶f̶ ̶o̶̶n̶̶l̶̶y̶ ̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶̶y̶ ̶c̶̶o̶̶u̶̶l̶̶d̶ ̶s̶̶e̶̶e̶ ̶m̶̶y̶ ̶h̶̶a̶̶n̶̶d̶̶ ̶s̶̶h̶̶a̶̶k̶̶e̶ ̶a̶̶s̶ ̶I̶ ̶a̶̶t̶̶t̶̶e̶̶m̶̶p̶̶t̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶s̶̶t̶̶o̶̶p̶ ̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶ ̶t̶̶r̶̶e̶̶m̶̶o̶̶r̶̶s̶.

The “Knave” went silent for a short while. Before answering in a calm and collected manner. “Very well. We can discuss the matters in my office.” She then went ahead of us. I went to discreetly grip the hilt of my dagger tightly. ̶I̶ ̶a̶̶m̶ ̶r̶̶e̶̶l̶̶i̶̶e̶̶v̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶ ̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶ ̶m̶̶e̶̶m̶̶o̶̶r̶̶y̶ ̶o̶̶n̶̶c̶̶e̶ ̶m̶̶o̶̶r̶̶e̶… ̶M̶̶y̶ ̶b̶̶o̶̶d̶̶y̶ ̶h̶̶a̶̶d̶ ̶r̶̶e̶̶f̶̶u̶̶s̶̶e̶̶d̶ ̶t̶̶o̶ ̶m̶̶o̶̶v̶̶e̶. Pantalone snapped me out of it as I hear his voice. “You have the option to stay behind. I’ll make it quick.” I shook my head, clearly uneasy at the thought of being surrounded by children from the Hearth. “No need. I’ll come with. I have so much to learn about socializing with people like her…” My voice had a trace of venom at the last word, luckily no one dared to point it out. Children were still staring at us, as we walked inside the house, on the way to the “Knave’s” office…

The walk to her office felt so short, that it just made me realize of how much dread I felt from before I decided to escape from the orphanage. ̙̥̻̰̻̀͡T̩̙̰̬͙͖̝̙̲̰͚̗͓͝ͅh̢̛̟̲̘̯̙͈̫̹̜͢͠ͅȩ̣̰͓̻͎͡ ̧͈͇̘͎̫͙̰̗̩s͇a͏́͏̧͖͍̞̥̰̣̼̘̱̰̥͟͜m̵̧̛̯͖̺̥̘̯̙͈̫̹̜͢ͅȩ̣̰͓̻͎͡ ̹̖̘ḑ̡̱̥̜̺̘͍͚̻̤́ŗ̸̛̲͙͉͓͚̘̯̙͈̫̹̜͢ͅȩ̣̰͓̻͎͡a͏́͏͖͍̞̥̹̖̘ḑ̱̥̜́ ̨̣͕͉̫̜ͅI̴̞̦̦̗̥ a͏́͏̧͖͍̞̥̰̣̼̘̱̰̥͟͜m̵̧̯͖̺̥ ̝̺̠̖̭́͟͝f̷̛̩̲͈̘̯̙͈̫̹̜͢ͅȩ̛̣̰͓̻͎̘̯̙͈̫̹̜͢͡ͅȩ̣̰͓̻͎̜͔̘̰͇́͡͠l͏̘̜̭̤̱͇͞҉͏̫̼̜͉̭i̙͙̙̥̰̯͎̘̖̹̦̙͝͞n̴̫̘͈͈͈̳̩̳̞͔̭̤̩͍͢g̨̪̣̤͎̟͟͠ ̖̹̦̙͝͞n̴̛̛̫̘͈͈͈̳̩͢ͅớ͈̙̦̗͖̜w͚͈̟̬̩… Pantalone had opened the door. I stepped inside after Pantalone. I forced myself to calm down using the same breathing method I use to alleviate my anxiety. The meeting went well. Too well… The whole time I was being watched by the “Knave”, her eyes were observing me during Pantalone’s breakdown of the project. I didn’t like that. I felt uncomfortable.

Despite her eyes were on me, I was able to keep a straight face, and was able to maintain my composure from the start till the end… The “Knave” would eventually request my presence after the successful meeting, to which Pantalone had left the decision in my hands, whether I accept or decline her request. To both their surprise, I agreed. Pantalone looks at the “Knave” warily before handing me a tracker before he left.

“You now go by the name Anastasia. Why is that? Was it a name that he picked for you?” That was the first question being asked by her. “No. Pulcinella picked it for me.” Her eyes had narrowed at the mention of the “Rooster.” “Who else did you meet other than the “Rooster?”” She interrogated. I was left confused. Why is she asking me these questions instead of asking why I left? “None. It is only my mentor and him that I met.” Her suspicions didn’t stop from there. “Do you happen to know the “Doctor?” Had you met him before?” I went stiff at the mention of the “Doctor.” “No. I do not want to meet him.” The “Knave” seemed to be pleased by my answer. “The “Doctor” and “Regrator” work closely. I can shield you better than Regrator. You just have to come back to the House… I will not let harm come upon you.” The “Knave” attempts to sweeten the deal. I didn’t fall for it easily.

“I humbly decline the offer. My mentor takes care of me well enough to keep me safe from any possible harm to befall upon myself.” I didn’t like how my voice went a bit shaky… “So, you are saying that Regrator is protecting you better than I did for you. Is that what you imply?” My eyes widened at her tone. I didn’t like when her voice gets like this. “…I am not implying anything. I am saying that, I am in good hands, “Knave.”” I flinched as I hear the sound of wood being scratched. This was not good… “You have changed your identity. From clothing to a new name… Are you sure that he did not force you to change drastically?” My brows were now furrowed. “Pantalone never forced anything on me. It was I who made the decision to change my own identity. I did it for branding.”

Her tone went sharp. “Since when were you ever interested in business? I never strike you the type to be interested in such matters…” My eye twitched. This is getting ridiculous. “What are you trying to say? That I am not suited to be my mentor’s disciple?” I tried to sound calm but my agitation was taking over… “I am saying that you perform best under my guidance.” Her response surprised me.

At this point, I was unable to refrain from making unnecessary commentary anymore. “What makes you think that my performance was better when I was on your side? Did you never notice how miserable I was during my stay here in this house?” I am distressed. I fell into her trap, again. “I knew you were alive. I refused to believe that you were dead. I know my daughter very well that she is able to defend herself well.” The “Knave” was smiling. ̶I̶̶t̶ ̶w̶̶a̶̶s̶ ̶u̶̶n̶̶s̶̶e̶̶t̶̶t̶̶l̶̶i̶̶n̶̶g̶.

I took a step back as she rose from her chair. “No… Stay back…! She is dead! I am not her!” My voice trembled; I was shaking due to how intense my fear was… “No. My daughter has come back to me. She is alive and well. She is right here in front of me.” The “Knave” went closer… I felt trapped. Unable to move as she stepped closer and closer to me… “Welcome back, dear daughter…” Was what she said before attempting to embrace me. But before I knew it, I was then pulled away by Pantalone. He came just in time to save me from the “Knave’s” attempts to take me back to the house… An: I was supposed to post earlier but ended up posting wayyy late... I'll be having a break writing this to think about the plot more and the alternate routes that I planned to write. Till then! I also appreciate the likes, the reblogs, and follows. Because I cannot believe people actually read this... If there's a new post it's either that it's a new part or a silly short story that I will write about. Idk which fandom I'll be writing for, though!

[studiokairoro]

in honour of Rafael Nadal's retirement, here are some of my favourite quotes from his biography:

"Losing always hurts, but it hurts much more when you had your chance and threw it away. I had beaten myself down and I hated that. I had flagged mentally, I had allowed myself to get distracted; I had veered from my game plan. So stupid, so unnecessary. So obviously, so exactly what you should not do in a big game." p. 3.

"...I cannot bear the thought of squandering an opportunity that might never come again." p. 3.

"I bore the single-minded conviction that I had it in me to win. Tennis against a rival with whom you're evenly matched, or whom you have a chance of beating, is all about raising your game when its needed. A champion plays at his best not in the opening rounds of a tournament but in the semi-finals and the finals against the best opponents, and a great tennis champion plays his best in a Grand Slam final. I had my fears- I was in a constant battle to contain my nerves- but I fought them down, and the one thought that occupied my brain was that today I'd rise to the occasion." p.7.

"And of one thing I have no doubt: the more you train, the better your feeling. Tennis is, more than other sports, a sport of the mind, it is the player who has those good sensations on the most days, who manages to isolate himself best from his fears and his ups and downs in morale a match inevitably brings..." p. 8.

"You have to cage yourself in protective armour, turn yourself into a bloodless warrior. It's a kind of self-hypnosis, a game you play, with deadly seriousness, to disguise your own weaknesses from yourself, as well as from your rival." p.11.

"Nothing exists but the battle ahead." p.12.

"Don't lose sight of the game plan. Do what you have to do... So be alert, be patient, don't be rash." p.15.

"Being concentrated means keep doing what you know you have to do, never changing your plan, unless the circumstances of a rally or game change exceptionally enough to warrant a surprise. It means discipline, it means holding back when the temptation arises to go for broke. Fighting that temptation means keeping your impatience or frustration in check." p. 16.

"I build a wall around myself when I play, but my family is the cement that holds the wall together." p.18.

"My immediate family, my extended family and my professional team stand in three concentric rings around me. Not only do they cocoon me from the dangerously distracting hurly-burly that comes with money and fame, together they create the environment of affection and trust I need to allow my talent to flower. Each individual member of the group compliments me where I am weak, boosting me where I am strong. To imagine my good fortune and success in their absence is to imagine the impossible." p.19.

"The nerves are working for you, not against you." p.33.

"I am not a model of healthy eating, not for a professional athlete anyway..." p.33-34.

"But I learned to internalise that anger too, not to fret at the injustice, to accept it and get on with it. Yes, [Toni Nadal] might have gone too far, but its worked very well for me." p.39.

"And to think straight, you have to keep your cool." p.52.

"...but all the fun I had then can't make up for the pain I'm feeling right now. I never want to feel this way again." p.54.

"You put that failure immediately behind you, clean out your mind. You do not allow your mind to dwell on it." p. 55.

"Because its all in your head, in your attitude, in wanting more, in enduring your rival... Look you've got two roads to choose from: tell yourself you've had enough and we leave, or be prepared to suffer and keep going. The choice is between enduring and giving up." p.59.

"[Rafael] knows his place in the world. Everybody should know their place in the world." p.64.

"...it is more important to be a good person than a good player." p.66.

"The greater the effort, the greater the value." p.67.

"You can't let yourself be demoralized; you have to remember- or you have to convince yourself- that he cannot possibly sustain that level of play game after game, that... he is human too, that if you stay cool and stick to your game plan and keep trying to wear him down and make him uncomfortable, then he'll leave that zone sooner or later." p.70.

"It's a question of concentration, of putting everything out of your mind beyond the game itself... the adrenaline of competition helps kill the pain." p.75.

"I can never repay my parents for what they have given me, but the best thing I can do for them is try and remain faithful to the values they've instilled in me, try to be 'good people,' because I know that nothing would hurt them more or make them feel more betrayed than if I were not... Because a victory for me is a victory for [the family]." p.87.

"Everybody tries to take lessons from defeat, but I try to take them from my victories too...At the moment of triumph, yes, drink in the euphoria. But later on, when you watch the match you've won, you often realise- sometimes with a shudder- how very close you came to losing. And then you have to analyse why: was it because I lost concentration or was it because there are facets of my game I have to improve, or both?" p.99.

"If you give your opponent more credit, if you accept that he played a shot you could do nothing about, if you play the part of the spectator for a moment and generously acknowledge a magnificent piece of play, there you win balance and inner calm." p.100.

"It is possible to do everything, I believe, but always keeping a balance, never ever losing track of what's important." p.105.

"...first, that you must enjoy what you do; and second, that the chances that come your way once won't necessarily come your way again, so you squeeze the most you possibly can out of every opportunity, every single time, as if it were your last." p.110.

“When that happens, you become afraid to let fly, you don’t give rein to your natural game, and everything becomes much more complicated.” p. 142.

“…and I understood immediately that, for all the years of hard work I had put in, this victory had not been mine alone… however great your dedication, you never win anything alone. The French Open was my reward, and my family’s reward too.” p. 144.

“I had tasted victory at the highest level; I had liked it and I wanted more.” p. 144.

“Because from that time on I saw that I would never know entirely for sure whether a match I was playing would be my last. This understanding led me to one conclusion: I’d have to play each one, and train for each one, as if it were my last.” p. 155.

“But it wasn’t the fear of losing that was causing it. It was the fear of winning.” p. 162.

“Enduring means accepting.” p. 175

“I had learned my lesson and felt capable of putting it into practise.” p. 176.

“I’m never satisfied, I always want more. Or at any rate, I want to push myself to the very limit of my abilities.” p. 179.

“…however small the possibility might be of victory, fight to the very end. The reward is too great for you not to make the effort. So many times, due to dismay or exhaustion, players don’t put up the battle circumstances demand, but if there is one chance, just one, you must fight on until all is lost.” p. 185.

“I had to beat myself before I could beat Federer.” p. 196.

“Federer learned in that final that to beat Rafa you have to stomp him not once, not twice, but many, many times. You think he’s dead, in a point or in a game or in a set, but he keeps on coming back.” p. 202.

“…your emotional state is paramount to success. The better you are within yourself, the better your chances of playing well.” p. 212.

“So its up to you whether you rise above the pain and the exhaustion and summon up the desire to win… anybody who digs enough can always find the motivation they need for anything.” p. 226.

“…you always have to hang in there, that however remote your chances of winning might seem, you have to push yourself to the very limit of your abilities and try your luck.” p. 230.

“…if your head is in permanent stress, you sleep little and your mind is distracted…the impact on your body is devastating.” p. 245.

“The expression on your face conditions to a significant degree your state of mind and…the functioning of your body.” p. 259.

“Some players explode with anger when their opponent is dominating them. But there’s no point. It can only do you harm. You just have to think, “I can’t do anything about this, so why worry?”” p. 277.

“Weather the storm…If I can’t come back on the next point, I will on the one after that.” p. 278.

“…bow before the inevitable and move on.” p. 278.

“I’m making calculations all the time as I play, trying to judge the best tactic considering how I am feeling at a given moment, my sense of the opponent’s morale and how the score is going.” p. 279.

“…the will to win and the will to prepare are one and the same.” p. 282.

“I’d made it as far as I had because I had never lost sight of my priorities.” p. 283.

“…if you make an effort in training when you don’t especially feel like making it, the payoff is that you will win games when you are not feeling your best.” p. 287.

Gracias Rafa for everything. Forever my idol in not only sports, but in all facets of my life.

[shuutingstar]

It’s FINALLY done. I’ve finished the sit-com/reality tv show/whatever. It’s only one chapter/a oneshot because it honestly took so long just to write and I procrastinated a bit, but there’s like 4 drafts of just different scenarios for this AU and I’m tired. Not sure if I’ll post this on ao3 or not, but whatever.

context (I guess??) to my suffering.

@doodlebugdpj I hope you like it and I’m terribly sorry if it wasn’t what you were expecting! I understand if it’s garbage because it honestly is.

[camera pans on Will Solace’s face. He’s sitting on a love seat in a bland room and fidgeting with his hands]

Will: [blinks uncomfortably] uh, I’m not sure what I’m meant to—

[a piece of paper gets thrown at Will and he catches it effortlessly, he looks at the contents and sighs]

Will: [reading from the paper indifferently] welcome to the start of a spin-off series where we look into the lives of the demigods residing at Camp Half-Blood. There will be laughs, there will be hardship, but most of all there will be a rememberable and lovable cast of characters— do I have to read this?

Apollo [off-screen]: of course! How else am I meant to start off my career as the best movie director? You know, I’m still disappointed that I couldn’t be in the show, but maybe Hephaestus is just waiting to star me in something really popular! I know he would never brush off my experience and expertise!

Will: [sighs] fine, fine. —rememberable and lovable cast of characters who all face the mundane problems of Camp Half-Blood. Grab some popcorn and sit back because you are about to be sent to an entire different world.

[Apollo claps off-screen while Will puts his head in his hands]

Apollo: well done! Although I do think you need to be more expressive, but I suppose it’s usable. Now if I had done it I would’ve used more emotions to convey just how excited I was to show off my new show, but that might just be a me thing.

Will: [puts his hands on his lap] can I go yet? Nico said he wanted to play some video games today and I need enough brain power to mentally prepare myself for my inevitable defeat.

Apollo: [hums] I guess. All right, you may leave.

[Will stands up quickly and leaves the studio room/basement of the Big House without another word]

[The camera cuts to a shot of Alice Mizayawa and Julia Feingold, who are standing opposite each other]

Alice: so you know how Mr. D loves his coke?

Julia: [nods] yeah.

Alice: [giggles] so what if I told you I swapped it for diet?

Julia: [blinks] you… Alice!? Are you stupid?!

Alice: [scoffs] no? I am completely aware of the consequences! It’s called wanting to have fun, Juls.

Julia: [raises an eyebrow] are you sure you aren’t trying to impress Kayla?

Alice: [slaps a hand on Julia’s mouth] what?! No! Why would I?

[camera cuts to Julia Feingold sitting on the love seat]

Julia: [looks deadpan at camera] Alice has a crush on Kayla and before you say that it was rude of me to reveal that, I’ll have you know that everyone at camp knows except for Kayla.

[camera cuts back to the previous scene]

Julia: [sighs and gets rid of Alice’s hand] okay, okay. How are you supposed to know if Mr. D finds out?

Alice: [smirks] don’t worry, I’ll know.

[a beat of silence before a frustrated scream echoes through the camp, few campers look for its source]

Alice: there it is!

Julia: [face palms] you are so dead.

[camera cuts to Alice sitting on the loveseat, looking worse for wear yet smiling brightly]

Alice: I got put on dish washing duty for a month, but it was worth it! [she sits crisscrossed on the seat] Kayla said my prank was hilarious! Can you believe that? [her smile widens] I think I might explode.

[Dionysus sits at the love seat, looking beyond tired]

Mr. D: fuck you, Zeus.*

*Hephaestus TV would like to clarify that this is a figure of speech and Dionysus does not actually want to fuck Zeus.

[camera cuts to Cecil Markowitz, Lou Ellen and Will Solace sitting in a circle and playing a card game]

Lou: [places a card on the deck in the middle of the circle] UNO.

Will: [huffs] I swear if this is your third win—

Lou: oh please, you’re just mad you’re bad at a card game.

Cecil: [chuckles] even I’ve won at least once.

Will: [rolls his eyes] it’s a game of luck, Cecil. You don’t need much to win a game like this.

[in the background a cabin lights on fire and Percy Jackson can be seen controlling water from the lake to extinguish it]

Lou: [smirks] are you not lucky, Will?

Will: [deadpans] Tyche hates my guts.

Cecil: did you accidentally forget to heal Chiara or something?

Will: what? No! I take my job as head healer very seriously.

[the fire slowly dissipates, however the cabin is charred and badly damaged. Annabeth Chase walks over to Percy, the two discussing something too far to pick up on]

Lou: [shrugs] it’s your turn, dipshit.

Will: [looks at his cards, then places one on the deck ans grins] maybe Tyche doesn’t hate my guts.

Cecil: [groans] just great. [takes four cards from the opposite deck reluctantly]

Lou: what’s the colour?

Will: hmm, how ‘bout blue?

Lou: ugh! You son of a bicth!

[Will and Cecil laugh at Lou’s unfortunate situation all the while in the background the cabin has gone up in flames again, Percy and Annabeth staring for a single moment before trying to extinguish it again]

Will: [puts a card down] UNO!

Cecil: whaaaat?!

Lou: fuck you, sunshine boy.

Will: [grins smugly] I guess Tyche has finally blessed me. Suck it, losers!

Cecil: [frowns] you’re so cruel, William.

[the three friends laugh as the sun sets behind them. The cabin is no longer on fire and now Leo Valdez and Harley have joined Annabeth and Percy. They discuss something before Harley looks down dejectedly]

[the camera cuts to the bland room once more, Will Solace sitting in the love seat once again]

Will: for the record, I won that UNO game.

[a paper gets thrown at him and Will looks at its contents indifferently]

Will: [reading form the paper] that concludes the pilot episode for Apollo’s new TV show. He would like to thank himself for coming up with the idea and Hephaestus TV for sponsoring the production. Tune back in next Wednesday to catch the very first episode of the series. [looks at camera] how much longer is this gonna last, dad?

Apollo [off-screen]: dunno, I’ll have to check the views first. I’ll get back to you.

[the screen fades to black as Will stands up and leaves]

don’t ask my what kayla x alice is doing in here, I wanted a funny scene and kayla was the first person I thought of.

I hate this so much, but honestly I kind of just want to be done with this (for now). This most definitely branches out from my initial post because it’s hard to incorporate fight scenes when my vocabulary only consists of ‘explosions’ and ‘screams’ in that field. Also, I guess it would make sense if sometimes camp wasn’t in mortal danger and other times it was? So yeah. That’s what this is.

[akemiiya]

🎥 💕 for the hyperfixation ask game!

original post

answering for isat!

🎥 do you have any favorite scenes from your hyperfixation?

not exactly a scene, but siffrin's profile in act 5. so, storytime! I got to act 5 the day before. it was getting late, so I just saved my game in the meadow after seeing the mandatory scene to leave it for tomorrow. i returned to the title screen, looked at siffrin's face and thought "oh yeah I'm not ready for that. definitely leaving that for tomorrow." I close the game and go to sleep after scrolling on tumblr for a while.

fast forward to the next day, I get home in the afternoon. first thing I do is make a beeline to my pc and boot up my game, all the while muttering to myself, "I'm not ready for this." i see siffrin's face on the title screen again. i feel my stomach drop - yup I'm definitely not prepared. but I push through. I open my save because I Have to see what happens next.

and the first thing I do after loading my save is open the menu. I see siffrin's updated render with that shadow over their face. ohhhhhh no. oh no no no no. with all the caution in me, I open their profile.

and there's. nothing. usually there's a little "It's you." description, but now, nothing. I scroll to the other party members' profiles. yup, isabeau, a defender from jouvente... mirabelle, a housemaiden from the house of change... odile, a researcher from ka bue... bonnie, a kid, who brought a kid here??? and i go back to siffrin's section, and it's still nothing. just Siffrin. He/they pronouns. Weak to rock, strong to paper.

I'm already shedding tears at this point. and then I make the fatal mistake of pressing the right arrow key. of looking at the stats page.

buddy where the fuck are your stats. what do you mean The Lost One.

it got me so hard i could genuinely do nothing but stare at the screen and sob into my shirt. if you go to my "#isat playthrough" tag you can look at the timestamps of my incoherent posts and see me stuck on that screen, crying for 20 minutes straight (not exaggerating), just trying to make stupid jokes through the tears and not making any progress in the game at all JSHDJD. that part hit me so hard. i don't think I'll ever forget this.

💕 tell us about one of your favorite characters and why you like them!

siffrin. because I am a sucker for sad meow meow characters. and you can refer to my essay above for why I like them. it's pretty self explanatory I think.

okay serious answer now. siffrin is just such a silly funny little feller. their personality in act 2 is so endearing. the narration bursts with personality, his attack names burst with personality, just right from the beginning you can get a grasp on siffrin's character and you know that he is, indeed, Silly. and then he goes through the horrors.

and you learn more about them and their issues and how they react to all this stuff getting thrown their way, and frankly it's so depressing and you can see their mental state deteriorate in real time and it really just gets you to feel for them. and yet sometimes that silly charming narration from act 2 persists and sometimes they just monologue some absurdly funny one liners that are. really depressing in context. and it makes you feel bad for laughing because it's funny but you don't think you're supposed to be laughing at this.

just, their whole journey gets those tear glands going! how could I play the game and not get attached to them! they check every single one of my boxes for fictional characters. at that point it was just an inevitability.

also he is just like me fr fr.

me when i scroll up after writing this post and feel my mouth drop looking at the wall of text I created. this post got so long I did not think it would get this long. thank you for giving me the opportunity to word vomit. I really like this little fella if you couldn't tell.

[narrators-journal]

Dear darling

So, for those of you who lurk and for some reason read and remember my silly little babbling blurbs over on my tumblr, you might recall that I have something of a yandere prompt list I’ve kinda built up. This! Is inspired by that, and I just kinda picked a person at random. Someone outside of persona so that I could feed my ever starving other fanbases lmao. Which, might’ve bitten me in the ass, because I am so insanely rusty on Dazai, holy shit, even with that kinktober ask under my belt, this feels shockingly ooc. But! It’s Yandere, so character accuracy is kinda(?) a secondary concern! Just enjoy this interesting little snippet, I’m sure I’ll eventually post more yandere works for random bitches, I’ve got them on the to-do list, I just need to get the motivation.

CW: Yandere vibes, creepy note format, stalker implications are also lightly sprinkled on top. It’s yandere content, so, hopefully you know the dark implications you are dabbling in.

Dear Darling mine,

I know you don’t know me, but you’ve been on my mind since the first day that I laid my eyes on you. I remember that day very fondly, all around. The thought of your outfit, the scent of you, your hair, it all sticks with me. It haunts me like a ghost. But! A good ghost, a lovely ghost. I enjoy thinking about you day in and day out. It almost gives me the motivation to continue living! And when it doesn’t bring me that joy, I find joy in the thought of the time we’ll spend together eventually, or the inevitable beauty of our double suicide.

And that makes me all the more eager to introduce myself to you, love. It’s been years since I’ve been this energetic and excited for something in my life! In fact, I’ve been so excited to finally have you to myself that I’ve had to resort to spending a lot of my down time making sure my house is as comfortable as I can for your eventual stay with me in order to keep myself from acting too hastily. So, I’ve made sure that you have plenty of room for your hobby, a room all prepared for when you move in, and I’ve even been keeping a list of all your favorite foods and shows so that we can enjoy them together!

As a slightly funny consequence of this method of coping, my work partner is rather proud of me, I can tell in the way he’s lessened the frequency of insults he throws at me. I’m sure to him and my other coworkers it simply looks like I’m simply pulling my life together. Like I’m working on myself and striving to improve my mental health. But, just between you and me, I’m only doing all of this work for you. That is how much I love you, darling. That’s how excited I am to be able to come home to you each day.

Hell, I’d even learn to cook if I could, but it’s like I’m cursed whenever I set foot into a kitchen. Last time I tried, a certain Chibi had a tantrum over some cooking wine I used and a stove’s burner. So, sadly, I think you might need to be the one to cook when you move in. Though, I don’t mind dinners of macaroni and cheese or take-out, lord knows I have the money to spend on that.

In fact! I have the savings and income to ensure that you never have to work again! With my connections and work history, I can give you a very luxurious life with no worry. Which, just makes me all the more excited for the day that you move in with me. I truly cannot wait much longer for the time that we will spend together. All the nights I can have cuddled up to you, the conversations we’ll have before bed, it all keeps me going, darling. And, I’m sure you’ll grow to await those romantic moments too. Of course, after you get through the adjustment period.

But, I’m rambling, aren’t I? I mostly only wrote this little note to sort of introduce myself to you. Not legitimately, though, I work until the evening, and I didn’t want to just wait outside your home like a creeper to say hi when you come home from work. But, I was too eager to wait until I got a day off, so I settled for this little note. Just to let you know that I love you dearly, I’m thinking about you, I’m excited for our time together, and I might move up the planned day of our proper introduction. I love you, darling, see you when the time is right or I lose my patience.

Love, Osamu Dazai

[tsukimefuku]

Some advice about choosing a career (from a burnoutee in her 30's)

I kinda talked about this already on my X/Twitter, but I figured I'd bring these thoughts here too.

If you don't know me or this is the first time you're seeing my content, hi! I'm Fuku, and I'm a criminal defense attorney irl.

Earlier this week, I suffered a pretty heavy loss at my job. Without going into any details, something bad happened to one of my clients when this person should've been taken care of by the institution they were being kept in and I wondered (like I always do when these types of things happen) if it was my fault.

You know, law school and med school are still seen as very safe bets to have a financially stable future. I cannot talk about med, but I can, from experience, talk about law -- I got to the 10-year mark now in 2024 working in law, ranging from internships, to public service related to law, to being a lawyer.

Law still is, to a great extent, a very safe degree to get -- you do have a ton of options from it. You can become a lawyer, in some places you can become a govt employee, or even teach if that's your thing (it is mine, and I already began my transition into a college teaching profession).

Now, I wanna address this... The most important thing you've gotta ask yourself if you want to be someone that is responsible for other people's wellbeing (such as a doctor is responsible for someone else's health, or a criminal defense lawyer is responsible for someone else's freedom) is this:

Are you prepared for the heavy mental load of having this degree of responsibility?

There is an extent to which everyone can make mistakes in their jobs. However, in my profession, a mistake can mean someone will be imprisoned for years, and we all know how awful life behind bars is. If the person comes out, they'll be forever marked as an ex-con, their life will NEVER be the same. From one mistake -- failing to observe a deadline, for example.

I'm not the one to suffer the dire consequences of my mistakes in my job, because my job is about other people's freedom. If I lose a deadline, it's not me who's gonna be behind bars for the foreseeable future -- they are.

That level of responsibility over other people's wellbeing constantly drives me to exhaustion, because I double, triple check everything I do to avoid having someone else losing their freedom because I did a poor job and failed them. It has taken a heavy toll on my mental health and a lot of therapy to not blame myself for things that weren't my fault. They were systemic issues within the criminal justice system itself.

Loving your job is important, it is. But loving your job isn't enough, especially when it drains the life out of you and has you panicking 24/7. I am transitioning careers because I can't stand being that heavily responsible for other people anymore. I wake up terrified and go to sleep just the same. Sometimes I dream of just being responsible for pushing meaningless data into spreadsheets and have the worst that can come from it be a roasting session. That's it.

So my nugget of wisdom for those who are still choosing a college/career path is: if you want a job that involves other people's wellbeing, take some time to consider how that will affect you, and how well do you think you'll be able to handle the losses that will inevitably happen in the future.

[sxypigeon]

Lunch Interrupted - A Wenclair story

A/N: Is it too much to ask to have her new girlfriend to herself before announcing their relationship to the world?

Yes, it is.

Wednesday gets over herself much to Enid's amusement.

___

“Please tell me you didn’t actually- What am I saying?  Of course you did,” Bianca muttered to herself.  “You know it actually explains a few things.”

I wasn’t given the chance to ask what exactly the siren meant - I’d have to interrogate her later about how my childhood experience of being held captive and witnessing an aunt die by electrocution might have affected my young psyche.

“Hey, Enid!  Do you have a minute?”

Since returning to school, Enid has endured many new solicitations for her attention.  Ever the kind hearted monster, my wolf has been patient and kind to all . . . deserved or not.

“Sure.”  The werewolf leaned into Wednesday with a comforting, slightly-clawed hand on her shoulder as Enid stood and stepped over the bench seat.  The two steps she took from the table still allowed their conversation to be heard.

Many of these solicitors wouldn’t have given Enid the time of day six months ago, but feel entitled to her time now, as if they were doing her an honor by conversing with her.  The other werewolves are easily the worst offenders, both in number and entitlement.

Wednesday raised her gaze from her meal and met Yoko’s unimpressed look from across the table.  Both of them had similar feelings about Enid’s new found popularity.  They had a loose agreement, that Enid of course was unaware of, to cover for one another if either decided to follow up with any of the would be suitors. . . Yoko unfortunately insisted on light maiming only.    

“I was wondering if you had any plans for spring break,” the stocky, interloping wolf asked the blonde.  The confidence in his purposely lowered voice made Wednesday almost cringe.

I can’t see either of them, which I suppose is some relief.  I doubt I’d be able to remain seated otherwise.  The last time one of them dared to touch my beloved - well, Enid was adamant I take the violence down several notches in the future.

“I do actually-” Enid started to say brightly.

“My pack is hosting the jamboree this year!” he practically shouted over her.  “It’ll be a great way to network with the biggest clans . . . maybe even find a mate.”

At the beginning of the semester, I promised Enid I wouldn’t consciously act in a way that would put myself at risk of expulsion.  I have never wanted to break that promise more in my life.

Keeping her cool, as always, Enid kept her voice light.  “That sounds super fun, but I’m going to be spending the week with a friend.”

We haven’t exactly announced our relationship to the public.  Her- our friends know, but Enid has yet to post it to her blog at my request.  I know for a fact Pugsley follows her and I don’t plan on allowing my parents to know I have fallen victim to love’s nefarious clutches just yet.  I need time to mentally prepare myself for their inevitable onslaught of affection and knowing smirks from my mother.

His tone was dismissive, “But you can see your friends anytime, the jamboree only happens once a year!  You don’t want to miss out on a chance to-”

I have to tune the whining whelp out if I want to avoid violence.  That was the crux of the problem, I’ve always solved my problems offensively - physically or verbally and I’ve yet to find a suitable alternative.  Threats are my life blood and without them I feel lost.

Enid’s attempt to shake him off was starting to sound strained, “I appreciate the offer, really, but-”

This problem is my own making - if I’d just let go of my desire for privacy . . . The solution is laughably simple.  

Yoko, who looked on the verge of interrupting the wolves, shot Wednesday a look of warning as the seer suddenly stood and stepped up to roommate.

“Enid,” Wednesday cut in,  “I’ve forgotten something in our room and have to leave.”

“What?  Wends-”  Enid’s face was crestfallen, on the verge of distraught.

“I will make it up to you tonight, I promise.”  

Looking up into her dejected eyes is near agony.  I will absolutely keep that promise.

Before leaving, the seer reached up to cradle her wolf’s face between her hands, gently pulling her down just a bit into a kiss.

Enid’s gasp of surprise sends a jolt of confidence down my spine and is all the encouragement I need to pull her addictive body closer.  For a moment, I feel like growling, as if I’m the wolf staking her claim on her mate.  Enid’s hands tight on my hips are all the acceptance I crave.  

Behind us, I hear the vampire coughing violently, likely from Yoko inhaling her meal.  The rest of the lunchroom has gone quiet save for poorly concealed whispers, but the obnoxious mutt hounding Enid earlier has yet to move.

“Uh, the fuck?” he nearly demands with a hint of disgust.

If he refuses to take the hint, I have no qualms about continuing to prove my dominance over the self-important wolf.  Losing myself in Enid is dangerously easy.  It takes all of my self control not to let my hands wander from her flushed cheeks.

“Are you fucking serious right now?”

I feel Enid snicker into the kiss which has turned into a rather pleasant makeout session.  

“My dude,” Yoko says loud enough for most of the room to hear, “I think that’s your cue to leave.”

I let my hands slide down to either side of Enid’s neck as I nibble her bottom lip.  I’m fighting a smile and about to lose.

“Bitch,” he muttered as he stomped off.

Oh, I will be having a thorough discussion with him in the near future about manners and how to accept rejection gracefully.

Stepping away slowly, Wednesday faced her stunned but amused girlfriend.  “Until tonight, mi amor.”

Enid was nearly trembling with excitement as she rather obviously resisted the urge to pull Wednesday back into her arms.  “Okay.”

Truthfully, I’m not able to remain in the cafeteria much longer.  The feeling reminds me of the ceremony after the Poe Cup, so many people rudely staring.  

“OMG! Did that really just happen?” Enid stage-whispered to the table as Wednesday walked away.

Yes, my chromatic wolf and I have plans for you this evening.  May the torment of my family’s curse I endure ever leave you enthralled for I have no desire for relief. 

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

you seem really organized. are you? if yes, have you always been this way? how does one get to this point of discipline?

I'd say I'm pretty organized. I don't know if I've always been this way or if I was forced to be this way. XD Probably both. But organized looks different for everyone. I can share some things I do, though.

Everything has a designated place. I always remember where everything is if it goes back to the same place.

Use any spare time. When I have a free ten minutes (or any amount of downtime), I will use it to clear my surroundings. Even if it's as small as putting my pens in order or putting away a few things, it prevents a big mess from ever happening.

When putting things away, things I use most often are placed in easy reach. If I want to use something more often, I will move it to the front.

I am always altering my organization for optimization rather than aesthetics. I am neat, but it is more important for me to use my things. If I want to use something more often, I will make it more accessible.

Tasks are in order of priority and efficiency. I will do multiple tasks at once if I think it is most efficient - sometimes with my two hands doing two different things. I have mental checkpoints to double check to make sure I didn't miss anything. And, of course, I have priorities of each day and focus on doing those things first.

I use alarms if something is time sensitive. These days you can change alarm sounds on your clock app to customize the type of sound to alert you of different things. Most of the time I don't need it, but it's a good habit to get into. Inevitably, I will get old and will be glad I already thought to do this.

Plan ahead for your future self. I do this a lot. If I purchased a bulk meal, I will separate it to meal-sized portions and store them that way so I only need to reheat a portion instead of having to lug the whole thing out. I will order products from soonest to expire in the front to latest in the back. When I go to my stash for a replacement, I already know the stuff closest to the front needs to be used first. I can also see if I'm running out depending on how empty the space left is.

I have a good memory. I generally don't need to write things down. I will use post-its / memo pads / notes app if I want to make a list (usually for groceries, addresses, etc). I always think in order of priority. If something doesn't need my attention right now, I'll make a mental note or stick a post-it somewhere I remember to remind myself (or set an alarm on my phone) to do it later.

Rely on your strengths and supplement your weaknesses. If you need to write things down to remember them, having list notepads in handy places or purchasing a planner can work for you. Just because I don't do it doesn't mean you shouldn't. I also don't live a very busy life. My current system works for now but might not in the future which is why I'm always thinking of future ways I can adapt. There are lots of planning styles out there you can research and experiment with to make your own perfect one. If your time is very important, try time blocking. If you need to be more flexible, utilize technology (Notion, Google calendar, other pre-installed apps on your phone, etc) to reposition things if needed. Most people carry their phone around all the time; technology might be the way to go nowadays (although for students, maybe keeping a paper copy is needed in case you can't use your phone in class). Set up routines for what is fixed in your life (work, school, etc) and keep it realistic. If you're not a morning person, prep the night before (ex: meals / outfit / things you need and place it all in your leaving path so you can just pick up and go). If you are a morning person, you can batch tasks for the allotted time you have before you start your day (sleep early to prepare well for your morning routine). Keep in mind how long it takes you to do something - not how quickly you wish you could do things XD but the actual realistic time.

If you have a system in place, keep what works and change what doesn't. Don't wait. Just do it. Most of the time you can tweak a little something to make it a teeny bit easier for you. Likewise, don't overhaul things that already work for you simply because it seems inefficient to others. There's the whole "do something for 30 days and it becomes a habit", but, in my experience, things don't become habits unless you make it easy for yourself and it feels easy for you. Think about the life you lead and the life you ant to lead. You don't need to be everyone else. You only need to be you.

Some people don't need to be as organized because they like life's spontaneity. Some people need to be organized despite their nature because they have deadlines (mostly talking about school here) and so they adopt a system but discard it later (when they graduate). In this case, it can be difficult so I recommend both having a useful system that also makes you happy as you use it. Buy stationery that suit your style and make you smile. Using digital planning tools opens up even more options (including free ones) - if you need those BTS meme photos in your daily schedule to keep your spirits up throughout the day, by all means, add 'em in.

Also, if you are interested in living with someone, find someone who has the same definition of "messy" and "clean" as you. Don't police them on how they're doing it, but the end result should be the same. It'll make for a more harmonious environment, fr. Bonus if they like doing the tasks you personally hate and if you like doing the tasks they personally hate.

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hey, I hope it's okay if i ask for some advice !!

I've been experiencing an intense autistic burnout and haven't gone to school for 1 ½ months. It would take too long to explain, but I HAVE to go to school next week..I haven't been outside until today (with two friends for two hours to prepare myself mentally for school) and even little social interactions exhaust me terribly. Moreover, I am terrified to go to school and I am afraid that it will cause yet another burnout (which is inevitable while I am at school, but I don't want it to happen as soon). School exhausts me because of social interactions, masking, sensory issues etc..Do you have any tips/strategies on how to make my start into school less terrifying for me? My teachers don't know about my autism (except one) who's class I will attend on monday (I told them via chat a day ago, but we haven't talked about it personally yet). I am supposed to give my teachers the diagnosis in the next 1-2 weeks.

Thank you so much !!

Hi there,

I’ve found some articles that are possibly helpful:

I really hope one of these articles have some useful tips. Thank you for the inbox. I hope you have a wonderful day/night. ♥️

[batmansblushofrobins]

Ninth House

I know this isn't goodreads, but...

I just finished reading the Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo and I have many disorganized thoughts and nowhere to put them. I'll give it a tentative 3.7 stars, but I would be hard-pressed to put a 1-5 rating on it that would be satisfying and completely truthful. I should also say that I will be discussing the sensitive topics that are present in the book; take a look at its trigger warnings. SPOILERS AHEAD.

So, I went into this book knowing practically nothing besides what was on the back cover and having read the Six of Crows duology by the same author a couple years ago (which I loved). Not knowing anything couldn't really be that bad, right? I love dark, gory, and horrific themes, and I am not bothered by many things I come across. I've read Red Dragon; my favourite book is Vicious. HOWEVER. The casual pedophilia thrown in absolutely jump-scared me. I'm not even talking about the graphic rape scene(s), which is a whole other thing and were various degrees of unnecessary, but about the ghost standing outside the school just mentioned in passing. I had to reread that twice over to make sure I was understanding properly that yes, that's what Bardugo means and my brain isn't playing tricks on me. It felt random, was very shocking, and it completely took me out of the immersion that I was only just starting to feel. I was still considering quitting 200 pages in because of how the rape was handled.

With the amount of gratuitous dark things thrown in this book (especially the first half), it felt like she was trying to say, "Look, I'm writing adult fiction now! I can say anything!" But the fact is that this is her adult debut and that she is already an established, famous YA author. That really makes me think she should have some warning at the front about the book containing more dark/disturbing content than the Grishaverse. For example, this one by Alice Oseman: "Please also note that Solitaire is a much darker, more graphic, more serious book than the Heartstopper series, and may not be suitable for all readers who have enjoyed Heartstopper." Teenagers (or adults) will inevitably stumble upon Ninth House after reading Bardugo's other works and not know what they are getting into. I certainly didn't. Would I still have picked this book up? Yes, but at least I would've been mentally prepared. Perhaps I brought all of this upon myself by not doing any research into the book beforehand, but I've never had a problem with that before.

Besides all of that, it took me an inordinate time to get through the first 120 or so pages. It felt slow, it was confusing and hard to keep track of despite not much actually happening, and I didn't feel very invested in the world or its (at that point) limited cast of characters.

Why, you may ask, would I possibly rate this book so high? Because it got good. And I mean really good. It became exactly the type of book I enjoy. For starters, the word choice is incredible. Once I got oriented within the world and the plot started moving along, I could appreciate how wonderful it sounded. I read the line, "She saw spots on the concrete, black stars blooming in lichen clusters on the stairs. Her blood, dripping from her lips," and knew from that point on I wanted to finish the book, if only so I could read more lines like that. Overall, I loved Turner's character, I loved Alex's growing connection with Dawes, and I loved that during the winter, Darlington was hanging over the narrative despite being gone. The reminders of Vicious (the non-linear storytelling, murder, moral-greyness in the MC, unique magic powers, etc) made me soldier on, and I'm so glad that I did. If it hadn't been for the rocky beginning and shock-factor, then I would probably have rated this at least four stars.

My only remaining nit-pick is that the naming conventions could have been better. I never read the Shadow and Bone trilogy, but I wish three of eight societies didn't follow the same title format--Skull and Bones, Scroll and Key, Book and Snake. (And why do the names Alina/Alex and Darkling/Darlington sound so similar? I don't know how to feel about that. It can't be accidental.) It was hard to care which House did what, when, since some of the Houses were nearly interchangeable. I also disliked that the evidence linking each society to Tara's murder was listed many times in rapid succession, so by the time the evidence was literally outlined on the whiteboard it already felt repetitive. I loved the line near the end of the book where Alex thought maybe they should be jackals rather than shepherds. It was really powerful, though "we are the shepherds" was repeated a few too many times to the point where it lost some of the impact it could've had. Back to the Houses of the Veil names, I do like the nicknames of the society members (Bonesmen, Lettermen, etc), and the names of other Houses like Aurelian.

If you read this review without having read the book, then I want to say this: if you like books with a murder mystery, paranormal activity, a college setting, and have the patience to get through a slow beginning, then you should definitely read this book! This review really highlights the negatives because I needed to rant somewhere, but I promise the book is worth it as long as you know what you're getting into. I will be reading the sequel as soon as I get my hands on it.

[iersei]

I wasn't prepared for them to fight against each other yet-

I am going to imagine it as them just playfully fighting like cats

Anyways, let's make sure one of them Make it to #1

i have been mentally preparing myself for a while now knowing that fighting to keep both glenn and nicky in the tournament meant the inevitable outcome was this final matchup ~

it's not like i'll be disappointed with either outcome because they are both so beloved to me but you cannot be surprised if i say that i'm rooting for glenn here and actively kinda contributing to widening the gap lol

call me terry jr the way i set up nicky to take the fall here

[catparty41]

I, foolish and mortal will click in this ‘read more’, once again expecting a drawing or taglist or some silly little thoughs after being explicitly told that there will be a long and detailed litterary analsis that i am not mentally prepared to read hiding under there. I will now be once more surprised that there is in fact a dead dove in this labled bag and lose interest, i will inevitably hurdle myself down my dash with the hope of getting past this post. Goodbye

[olive-pup]

Whenever I vent about how hard it is to feel happy when all I do is work, there is inevitably someone who says "you find time to be happy between work" as if I my day isn't: wake up and mentally prepare myself to go to work without a breakdown, work, come home and have that breakdown I've been saving since before work, then go to sleep. Repeat 7 days a week. Some people have never been railroaded into working 60+ hours a week and it shows.

Am I disabled? Probably. Am I just above the threshold for functionality where I'm required to participate in capitalism despite the mental toll? Yep.

[youareyoubutwhoareyou]

God sorry I need to ramble for a minute I am so frustrated

I am barely gripping onto recovery rn I am gonna fucking lose my mind. I have an appointment to get weighed etc in just over a week and I'm gonna feel like shit if I don't hit the weight they want in that time regardless of the fact that to do that would be incredibly unhealthy and unsustainable

Literally at least half the weight they want me to lose is what they're going to remove during surgery. if it's really that important how the fuck does that make sense

Truly how the fuck does any of this make sense. You want my body to be fucked up going into surgery? Really? You want deficiencies and even worse fatigue and fog and it literally eating itself? You want me stressed and depressed and obsessive about my body even before the post op depression? That's healthier?? That's going to give a smoother recovery with better results?

It might actually even fuck up my results because I'm almost certainly going to gain the weight back if not more

Study after study after study shows that fat =/= unhealthy, higher risk of complications, etc., that most weight loss methods don't fucking work long term unless you dedicate the rest of your life to it, that losing weight rapidly and going back and forth dieting and not is really fucking bad for you actually

And all this because of some stupid fucking number, some calculation that has been endlessly and rightfully criticised for how much bullshit and how unreliable it is. Somehow it's still held in high enough regard to disregard everything else and say thinner is always better. Always healthier. Always achievable.

I'm just so mad. I was doing well. And now I feel guilty for big portions again. For feeling full, or not feeling full. For cravings and meals out and enjoying food. I'm thinking back to tactics I used all the way back in fucking high school to avoid eating. Ten years ago. I hate this.

It really says a lot how, when I started physio to strengthen muscles so I'm in pain less, a major concern in the back of my mind was that the muscle gain would negate the weight lost. How I'm preparing myself to go to the weighing appointment without eating that day, and not drinking either if I can help it, just to get the number on the scale as low as possible

And the thing is I can't say a fucking word of this to any drs. Not only are they human and inevitably deeply influenced by diet culture etc, but with the current state of trans healthcare in this country I cannot trust them. I cannot say that my mental health is anything other than great for fear they'll shove me on a waiting list for some program for whatever it is and put my transition on hold

I've already waited so long. I'm so close. I would've been referred already and months into a wait list if not for this One thing. It is eating me alive and it will not stop until I get that goddamn referral and I am getting desperate