#i am SO fucking sick of people who love to shove it down my throat that they dislike taylor swift just bc i said im a swiftie

[villalunae]

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

stop 👏 telling 👏 lesbians 👏 to be 👏 attracted 👏 to 👏 MEN

[littencloud9]

.

[i-drop-level-one-loot]

Hiii!

I found your stories a few hours ago and they are perfect, I don't think I ever went through someone's account so fast hahah

If it's fine with you, could you do a sequel to the yandere bully story? Maybe what would happen if reader ended up too scared of his bullying and decided to change school, or had to move away due to personal reasons! What would be yandere's reaction?

Of course, it's just a request, so feel free to not do it if you don't feel like doing it!

Loving your stories, keep it up, I'm rooting for you! ❤

Yandere!Bully x Fem!Reader part 2

CW: Bullying, breaking and entering

Simon's mind went blank. It was as if the organ didn't want to process what he had just learned, so it decided to power off instead.

"Yeah, apparently she started homeschooling." The sharp nosed boy tried his best to bite back his smile. A year younger than Simon, Nicky looked up to him, aspiring to be just as (much of a bully) cool as he was. So when he overheard the office ladies sympathetically discussing Simon's favorite victim, he made sure to gather as much information as he could in order to try and impress Simon; gain his favor.

The squirrelly brunette had prepared mentally for a number of different reactions Simon could have had to the news: anger, disappointment, mild amusement.. but when he turned his eyes away from his milk box it confused him to see Simon's stare empty.

Thinking that Simon didn't care Nicky doubled down. "My sources say she was too scared to name her bullies, and that she just wanted it to end without a confrontation."

'She left because of me??' Simon squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to shut out the kid yapping beside him. When (Reader) didn't come to school Simon was, of course, worried. He thought that she might have gotten sick, or worse. The worry over not being able to see her beautiful face was eating him up, and he admittedly began lashing out at other people, really making him into the bully (Reader) thought he was. But now he was hearing that she had left the school because of him??

"It's a good thing she didn't snitch, huh?" The prideful child said in a haughty way, pleased with himself (even though Simon didn't know, or care, why).

"Why are you telling me this?" 'Can't you see how fucked up you got me right now??'

"Huh?" Startled and suddenly nervous, Nicky wrung the bottom of his hoodie in an attempt to calm his stutter. "B- I just, I thought, because you- you seemed to hate her, ya know? So I thought- I just thought you'd be interested to know.."

"Great. Now I know." Simon's voice was hard and sharp. He wanted to cry, but he sounded like he was on the verge of attacking the younger kid. "What am I supposed to do with that information?"

Heart in his throat and lip trembling, Nicky handed over his phone with the camera open. "I took a picture of her address.."

Knock knock knock!

(Reader) happily rolled off the couch and made her way to the front door. Neither of her parents were home and she had already finished all of her classwork, so the student had been relaxing while scrolling through her phone. She had only been homeschooled for a week, but was already back to her old self again. (Reader) was so stress free that she wasn't as paranoid about an unexpected visitor as she probably should have been.

She opened the front door without peaking to see who it was, and she didn't have time to process that it was Simon until he had already shoved himself inside and closed the door behind him. All of the fear and anxiety that (Reader) had finally worked through snapped back like a rubber band, physically hurting her chest.

"What- Get out!" Her shaky voice commanded.

"Shut up." Simon had planned on being comforting and sweet, rehearsing the entire trip on how to apologize and finally woo (Reader) correctly. To mend all the damage his foul personality had accidentally done. But then he was there, in her hallway, and she looked so scared of him.. "What were you thinking? Not coming to school. I thought you might've killed yourself." His attempt to show how worried he was for her only sounded like a threat as it left his lips.

(Reader) thought about her phone she left on the couch, and wondered if she could get to it before he could grab her. "Please leave me alone.." If only she could inch backwards as subtly as possible..

"Why? I came here to make sure you were okay." Simon grabbed her wrist and squeezed tightly enough for her to bite the inside of her cheek. "Come back to school."

"..No."

His grip tightened.

"I- I can't!" (Reader) struggled to break free as the tears began to pool up. "Do you know how difficult it was to get into homeschooling?? More than half way through the year?? I didn't drop out!! I couldn't go back, even if I wanted to!" Her pleas made sense, but Simon was already too heartbroken to hear them.

"Then I guess I'm going to be your new study buddy." His smile was supposed to be kind, suave. He wanted to look caring and dashing. But to (Reader) his half lidded eyes and tight smile looked like a malevolent smirk.

"What?"

"What? You thought you could run away from me? It's not like your family has enough money to just up and move whenever they want." Simon glanced around at the furniture visible from the entrance to double check that they, in fact, were not rich enough to move whenever. "And now I know where you live."

(Reader) parted her lips to talk back, but Simon quickly closed the gap between them, pulling her into his chest and kissing her painfully. He had imagined their first kiss many many times, and it was never like this. But it didn't matter if it was rushed and he pulled her in too hard and he slammed his lips against her's too forcefully. The young man wanted to beg her to never leave his side again, but instead as he turned around to leave he only left her with another warning.

"Don't even think about calling the cops. I'll be back to check up on you again later.. and if you try to run again, I'll fucking find you."

[dewdrops-whammy-bar]

TDF chapter 3: Smile

The past few months have been rough for me but I’m back on that fanfiction grind.

Dew is having a real bad time in this one. This is the only chapter where his headspace will get this dark so don’t worry, he’ll be fine. This is his rock bottom and he’s going up from here.

psps I made a playlist

Read below or on ao3!

Words: 4062

Warnings: Dissociation, self-destructive behavior/allusion to self-harm, BPD split and the thoughts that come with that, flashbacks, description of physical abuse and injury, description of emotional abuse, religious trauma, panic attack, vomit mention

Taglist: @skele-bunny @rain-loves-scallops @dewphomet @0-miles-away

Dew taps the bottom of a tiny espresso mug on the counter and tosses it back like a shot. Unfortunately, it’s very hot. He should’ve known that, considering he had just made it, but he was tired. Which is why he’s currently choking down a scalding shot of espresso at 8 in the morning.

“Fuck- god-“ Dew hisses, diving for the sink to fill the tiny cup with water to soothe his burning mouth. It helps a little. “Ow- goddamnit-“

Luckily everyone else is in the kitchen, so Dew is saved from embarrassment for now. He places the little mug into the dirty dish bin and returns his attention to setting up the grinders. Ow. There goes my sense of taste.

Cumulus pushes the curtain in the kitchen doorway out of the way, carrying a tray of various baked goods with her. Dew steps aside to let her pass and she gets to work stocking the glass display case.

“You doin’ alright, hun?” She asks, setting muffins onto a tray in perfectly even rows. “Sorry we had to call ya in early, Sunny’s got some kinda stomach bug.”

“I’m alright, it’s no problem.” Dew lies through his teeth. It’s not like he’d been up all night, grinding his teeth and pacing. He just has to make it through the next five hours and then he can go home and sleep.

Cumulus cocks a bushy eyebrow at him but says nothing. She offers him a cranberry muffin from the tray. Dew takes it gratefully.

“Take care of yourself today, Dew.” She tells him softly before turning back to the pastry trays. Dew nods silently, too busy shoving the muffin into his mouth to answer. He checks the clock- ten minutes to opening.

Luckily, he can somewhat taste the muffin with his scorched tongue. It cheers him up slightly. Unfortunately the heavy tightness in his chest and throat doesn’t budge. It’s been there since last night when the shell holding all his unhelpful emotions in a tight little ball cracked and began to leak. 

“Well look who’s up!” Swiss crows, sweeping past Dew to restock the stack of paper to-go bags in a drawer behind the counter. “Never thought I’d see you conscious before ten AM. What was it? An act of god? Three ghosts showing up and convincing you to have a change of heart?”

“Sunny’s hangover, actually.” Dew rolls his eyes. “Didn’t think she’d be the kind of person to drink on a Sunday night.”

“Oh, no, she’s actually sick.” Swiss’s normally cheerful, slightly mischievous expression fades for a moment. “I got up at 5 to get her ginger ale and saltines, and you know how much she hates bothering people.” He chews on his lip.

“Shit, sorry.” Guilt joins the wad of half-chewed emotions in Dew’s gut. “I hope she’s doing okay.”

“Me too,” Swiss sighs. “She’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He takes the hair tie off his wrist and pulls his locs back into their usual high ponytail. “I would offer to take the register but Cirrus wants me in the kitchen.”

Dew sighs. “I’ll try not to kill anyone.”

“Good luck.” Swiss gives a two-finger salute and disappears back into the kitchen. Dew walks around the counter, trudges to the front door, and unlocks it. The neon ‘open’ sign is flicked on. Dew looks at his reflection in the window in the harsh light. He looks half-dead. Feels like it too.

He rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands and heaves a sigh. If he has to take an extra smoke break to give himself the strength to make it through his shift, so be it. His lungs aren’t getting any less shriveled.

Dew is pulled from his tired thoughts by a soft tap on the glass door. He sighs again and lowers his hands to pull the cafe door open. “Sorry, come in. Spaced out a bit.”

“No worries. Good to see you again, though!” A familiar voice, deep and smooth and the subject of a few late-night fantasies. Dew’s head snaps up fast enough to make his neck pop. Aether stands before him, wearing- oh good lord, are those scrubs ?

“Uh- give me a sec.” Dew scampers back behind the counter and takes the precious few seconds he has to process this new information. He curses his stupid medical kink. If there is a god, he has a sick sense of humor.

He taps on the dark screen of the register, willing it to turn on. After a few seconds of increasingly harder taps on the display, he realizes he should press the on button. Why didn’t he turn it on before opening?

“Um- it takes a minute to turn on.” Dew chuckles nervously. Unlike me, who’s pitching a tent over a customer in scrubs.

“That’s alright. I’m not in a hurry.” Aether smiles. “I usually wouldn’t come in until later but I have to shadow a nurse this morning. Twelve hour shift on a Monday.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

“Is that what you’re studying?” Dew asks, his hands frantically navigating to the right screen. Curse this stupid digital register. “Nursing, I mean.”

“Yeah!” Aether seems to perk up. “I’m specializing in obstetrics and neonatal care. Midwife stuff.”

“Oh, that’s cool.” Dew answers sincerely. Would he give me a pelvic exam if I as-

SHUT UP, Dew scolds his horny thoughts. The register finally boots up to the transaction screen and he sighs with relief.

“What can I get for ya?” He asks, holding back a yawn. Aether considers the menu on the back wall for a moment.

“Hmm… I’d like a large iced dirty chai with… four shots of espresso.” Aether requests. Dew raises an eyebrow as he punches in the order.

“Four? You trying to meet a fifth dimensional being today?” He jokes, grabbing a cold cup and a sharpie.

To his surprise and delight, Aether giggles, ending in an adorable snort. “Nah, I just need a lotta energy. Twelve hour shift, remember?”

“Yeah- I think I’d do the same.” Dew rings up the order. “Uh- $7.43.”

Aether hands over a lightly crumpled ten and his punch card. Dew punches it- a smiley face this time- and slides it back over the counter with Aether’s change. “I’ll have that ready soon.”

“Thanks.” Aether smiles- that goddamn smile- and steps back to stuff his change back into his wallet. Dew’s tired mind drifts as he goes into autopilot making the espresso. He’d like to see that smile and those crooked teeth more. Especially if he was the one causing Aether to smile.

Then his daydreams come crashing down. A guy like Aether was surely taken. He had a partner, a fiancé, maybe even a spouse. Dew wasn’t going to break up a relationship because of a fleeting crush.

It’ll pass . He scolds himself. The chai concentrate and milk are added to the cup and the espresso is poured on top. You have to get yourself together. Focus on what’s important. He doesn’t smile as he slides the drink across the counter toward Aether.

“Here ya go,” he recites in his customer service voice. “Have a good one.”

“You too, thanks Dew.” Aether smiles as he scoops up his drink- god, his hands are huge. Dew waits until the man is out the door before slamming the side of his fist against the countertop in anger. Tears prickle at his eyes- why does everything have to be so hard ? Why can’t he just focus on work and making music and functioning as an adult without his feelings getting in the way?

He wants to scream and curl up in a ball under the register counter and cry. It reminds him of the time he’d accidentally dropped a bottle of some mechanical fluid while poking around his father’s tool shed. The aged plastic had cracked and begun leaking dark and sticky fluid onto his favorite shoes. He’d tried to fix it, put duct tape over the crack and scrubbed the cement floor clean, but his shoes were ruined. He had begged his parents for them, red and yellow with velcro closures and the number 95 emblazoned across the side. Cars was his favorite movie for most of his childhood. He had crawled under the workbench and cried until his father found him and scolded him for snooping.

That same cornered, hopeless feeling blooms in his chest now. He wants to go home- at least now he has a home. That scared little girl never had a “home” to go to. All she could do was hunker down and weather the punches.

Dew thinks he would rather relive his entire teenage experience than have his own mind turn against him like this. He’s scared and tired and he doesn’t know what to do. So he does the easiest thing he can think of- shuts down his brain and takes orders. During quieter moments, he cleans the machines. He has to keep his hands busy. He makes a to-do list in his brain:

Take a nap once I get home

Re-string guitar

Shower- NO JERKING OFF.

Check on that tupperware of mold in the fridge, note new colors. Report back to Rain.

Some time passes. He takes orders, warms baked goods, gives customers hollow smiles, and doesn’t. think. This works until his smoke break. Dew sparks up a cigarette and uses the taste of smoke to ground himself.

Nurse Aether would have a fit if he caught me smoking. Dew thinks to himself with a dry chuckle. The hoodie he’d brought with him isn’t warm enough to keep him comfortable so he cuts his smoke break short and heads inside. He stops at the cramped employee bathroom to piss.

Ohhhhh. That’s why I’ve been feeling like shit.

Luckily the box of menstrual products under the sink is fully stocked. Dew digs out a tampon, grinding his teeth at the gaudy pink wrapper. It doesn’t usually bother him but right now it feels like a kick in the ribs while he’s already down.

You go girl! The wrapper taunts him. Dew throws it back into the box and pulls out another one. #Girlboss! It reads.

“Okay, well, fuck you too.” Dew grumbles. He pulls out another one- Breathe and center yourself. That wouldn’t be too bad, if not for the Venus symbol emblazoned next to the words. He tosses that one back too and groans.

God, he wants to go home. That way he can put on his period boxers and not worry about shoving chemical-filled cotton up his pussy. A pad would move around too much in his boxers so he’s forced to resort to the alternative.

Dew gives the tampons one last try. They’re merciful this time, giving him a yellow wrapper and the words dream big.  

One haphazard insertion (cold fingers are not the most dexterous with smooth plastic) later, he’s feeling slightly more put together. At least his pants are black today.

His reflection looks back at him in the mirror- he swears the hollows of his throat and cheekbones seem sharper than usual. He looks like a skeleton. He feels sweaty, even though his fingers are still numb from the cold. His tongue and throat are tender from that shot of near-boiling espresso. The taste of smoke makes him almost nauseous.

Dew swallows and looks at his watch. He has two hours left on his shift. His body tells him to go home but his stubbornness wins out. Two hours is nothing.

The cramps hit after about 45 minutes. Luckily Dew’s on dish duty so he can hunch over the sink and grit his teeth and power through. He just wants to go home. Cirrus pulls him aside twenty minutes later. Dew expects her to ask him to stay for another hour or two- she’s got that slightly stressed look on her face.

“How long do you need me for?” Dew asks, trying not to look too disappointed. Cirrus shakes her head.

“I want you to go home. Frankly, you look like you’ve been through war.” She pats his shoulder. “You have PTO. Give yourself a few days to rest, alright?” Dew opens his mouth to protest but she squeezes his shoulder in a comforting yet slightly threatening way. “ Rest. ” 

The care and concern in her eyes is the final straw. Dew crumbles into pieces, his carefully built shell around all his emotions shattering. A sob works its way out of his throat and his knees buckle. Cirrus catches him and lets him lay his head on her shoulder.

God, he feels pathetic. He hasn’t cried in six years- not since the night he’d slipped out the back door of his parents house with his guitar, a backpack, and a greyhound bus ticket. He’d promised himself he’d be strong. Turns out it only took a sleepless night and a spiral over a fleeting crush to break him.

“It’s okay, buddy.” Cirrus murmurs to him. “Let it out. No judgement.”

“I wanna go home…” Dew whimpers into her shoulder. He’s going to get fired for this, but right now he doesn’t care.

“You can go. Take all the time you need.” Cirrus replies. “I won’t tell anyone about this.”

Dew nods. He doesn’t trust that she’ll keep his moment of weakness a secret but he appreciates the facade of security. “I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

“You’ll come back as soon as you feel better .” Cirrus corrects him, pulling back and holding him at arm’s length. “Don’t force yourself.”

“Okay.” Dew swallows. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it.” Cirrus shrugs. “Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself.” She holds out her pinky.

Dew looks at the offered finger and links his own pinkie around hers. It makes him smile a bit, he has to admit. “Deal.”

The walk home is bitterly cold and his fingers are stiff as he unlocks his door. He groans as the heat of the apartment envelops him. Thank fuck the heating system decided to work today.

Dew kicks off his boots and makes a beeline for his bedroom. He collapses into bed and burrows under the covers fully clothed. He’s fully expecting to close his eyes and drift off easily, but… sleep doesn’t take him. 

Fuck. He knew he shouldn’t have overdone the caffeine today. His heart and brain are racing. He rolls onto his stomach and screams into the pillow.

The scream turns into a sob and now he’s crying again. God FUCKING damnit. He doesn’t even fight it this time. There’s no one home to witness his weakness. So Dew sobs and screams into his pillow and curls into a tear-stained ball.

He manages to cry himself to sleep for a merciful few hours. The dreams he manages to remember consist of dark rainy highways, dingy bus lighting, and faceless strangers.

Dew drifts awake sometime later to the sound of Rain’s footsteps. For a guy built like uncooked spaghetti, he can really stomp. 

Through the gaps in his curtains he can see that it’s dark. Granted, it’s November so that could mean it’s anytime between 5 PM and 8 AM.

He looks around blearily for his phone and discovers it in the pocket of his jeans. He’s shivering and absolutely soaked in sweat. Gross.

It’s 6 PM. Five and a half hours of sleep are better than nothing. Dew drags himself out of bed with a pained groan and pushes his hair out of his face. Shower, then eat.

So he does just that- peels his clothes off in front of the bathroom mirror, turns the water temperature up as hot as he can stand, and stands in the shower for what feels like hours until the stickiness melts off his skin. He tastes salt- he’s crying again.

“ Why?” Dew whimpers to himself, sinking to his knees. His chest aches deeply as he takes desperate gulps of air. Oh no. Please no.

His heart is pounding and his hands are shaking. 

He kneels in the shower, one hand clasped over his mouth to muffle his sobs. On the shower floor is a necklace, the delicate gold chain snapped. The heart locket pendant is open, the photos inside unrecognizable from water damage.

Why was this happening now? Today of all days?

Dew wants to scream and punch the wall. He wants to rip that fucker apart with his teeth. He picks up the locket and rips the two halves apart.

He’d TRUSTED him. He’d laid on the roof and smoked weed with him, telling each other the things they each kept hidden. He’d spent countless steamy nights in the back of his car. Dew’s guitar was a birthday present from him, secretly bought with his parents’ credit card.

Then he’d turned around and told the whole school EVERYTHING. He’d gone from sharing knowing glances and stealing kisses in the school bathroom to spreading Dew’s secrets to the entire school- and worse- the church.

Dew’s jaw aches from how hard he’s clenching it. Old anger wells up in his tear ducts. He was why Dew had sworn off romance. He couldn’t be betrayed like that again. It would destroy him.

The shower starts to cool down, snapping Dew out of his misery for the moment. He gets out and dries off. He doesn’t care that he gets blood all over his towel or his hair drips all over the floor. Keep moving. Don’t let your past catch up.

So he dries his body and hair, goes through the ordeal of dealing with his tampon, and finally slips his period boxers on. He washes his face, examines the faint wisps of a mustache on his upper lip and sighs. Dysphoria is a bitch.

Dew wanders to the kitchen, still feeling hollow with exhaustion and disorientation. It doesn’t help that he’s hungry too so he digs a mini pizza out of the freezer and pops it in the microwave.

It spins. And spins. Around and around. Like swirls of blood going down the shower drain or lazy curls of smoke. Dew suddenly doesn’t feel hungry. He leaves his pizza in the microwave and curls up on the couch. The microwave beeps at him and he flips it the bird. 

The crumpled paper buried in his dresser drawer crosses his mind. He could write. It seemed to help a few days ago.

Dew doesn’t feel like getting up so he snags a pen off the coffee table with his foot and rolls up his sleeve to use his arm as a makeshift journal page. There’s not much space so he tries to write down one-word descriptors. Angry. Tired. Frustrated. Violent. Betrayal. A

Dew stops before he can write the name. He licks his thumb and smears the ink away. Him. Horrible ex.

Scared. Dew pauses. He is scared. Scared of being rejected, scared of peeling away the layers of armor around his heart and exposing his weak spot. His Achilles heel.

Achilles was hella gay, wasn’t he? Yeah. For that other guy. Patroclus. Dew had learned about the story in English class. His teacher had glossed over their relationship as “brotherly comradery” but Dew’s little closeted brain had known better. He found a retelling of the story online and secretly downloaded the PDF to his phone.

The ending had made him sob for hours. It was so beautifully tragic. At the time, he’d hoped that maybe his story would be different. That his mother would accept him before it was too late, before he was buried.

That was a naive fucking fantasy. His mother had clung so hard to her vision of a perfect blonde-haired blue-eyed Catholic daughter that her claws left permanent scars.

Dew’s hand- the one holding the pen- drifts to the back of his head. Speaking of scars…

His vision tunnels and his breath hitches. Here he goes again.

The scent of butternut squash. Dew’s mother had come to the dinner with a stack of Dew’s journals- neatly tabbed and annotated- and read out every entry detailing his process of questioning his faith. Thank fuck he hadn’t written down any of his gender crisis.

He’d been forced to sit there and swallow back tears as his parents told him he was weak, he was stupid, he was letting the devil in.

Dew had mustered up enough courage to snap back. He’d stood up and gone to storm out of the kitchen.

His mother cornered him. He tried to duck and slip past her.

Pain exploded across his face as the back of her hand connected with his cheek. He reeled and lost his balance.

A flash of pain, so bright he could see it. Like a thousand suns.

Stars. Pain. It hurt so much. He tasted pennies. The kitchen ceiling swam above him as his parents yelled at each other. It felt like a dream. His stomach churned with nausea.

He barely managed to muster the strength to turn his head before his dinner came up all over the floor. Something warm and wet was soaking into the back of his sweater. He wanted to wake up from this nightmare.

His memory was choppy from that moment. Trees speeding by outside a car window, sterile lights of a hospital, doctors shining lights in his face. A machine where he had to lie really still as it beeped and rotated around his head.

“Dew?”

Finally he was carried back into the house and laid on the couch. His parents stood over him and told him in concerned voices that this had happened because he had let the devil into his heart. Dew was too dazed and tired to argue so he nodded his head and apologized.

“Dew? Dude, you okay?”

His rosary was placed in his hands and he was ordered to pray. He did, begging forgiveness from a god that never answered until he was allowed to sl-

“Dewdrop!”

Dew’s eyes snap open. There’s a hand on his shoulder- he flinches away from it.

“Sorry- dude, you okay?” Rain is crouched next to the couch, big blue eyes wide and worried. 

Dew is too tired to pretend. He shakes his head and bursts into tears again.

“Woah, woah. Can I sit with you?” Rain asks softly. Dew nods.

Over the next few hours, Dew splits himself open. It hurts, but fuck it feels good to release everything. Rain wouldn’t tell anyone anyway. He starts by telling him about Aether. His stupid gorgeous puppy crush. Then his fear of relationships, then his shitbag ex, then the flashback Rain had interrupted. He probably wasn’t coherent for a lot of it but his friend seemed to understand.

“…That’s fucked up.” Rain tells him after a moment of silence. “I’m… so sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Dew sniffles, muffled by the blanket his face is buried in. “Thanks for listening.”

“Anytime.” Dew feels Rain shift awkwardly on the couch. “Can I get you something?”

“Made a microwave pizza. Can you reheat it for me?” Dew asks. Rain nods and gets up.

“And… stay with me?” Dew adds sheepishly. “I can’t be alone right now. I’ll smoke myself to death or-“ he stops and swallows. “Something worse.”

“Got it.” Rain shoots him a smile. “Want a soda?”

“ Please. Did you get another case?”

“Yep. Splurged a bit and got a case of cherry coke too.” Rain opens the fridge and grabs two cans.

“Fancy.” Dew manages to smile- a genuine one. It’s shaky but it’s real. He takes the plate of pizza and the can of off-brand Dr. Pepper with a grateful nod.

“I had some extra change.” Rain shrugs, popping open his can. There’s an expression on his face that makes Dew raise his eyebrow.

“Who’d you suck off?”

“Oh, shut up.” Rain elbows him. “Just a quick coding commission. Someone wanted an in-browser game to put on their website.”

“Alriiiight.” Dew still has suspicions, but he leaves it alone. Not his business anyway.

The two of them stay there, laughing and talking until well past midnight. Dew feels like a weight has been lifted from his chest. By the time he heads off to bed, he feels vastly better. He changes into pajamas and crawls under the blankets.

Maybe Aether won’t be as bad as the last guy, he thinks before sleep takes him.

Kudos and comments on ao3 are greatly appreciated!

[faghubby]

Unseen Future

Like so many young boys,in my early pubescent years I discovered the joy of dressing up. In my mother's things. Later abound 16 I found myself experimenting with a friend. I sucked his dick. Then finally getting a girlfriend at 19. I just simple resigned that it was just being a horny kid. I had several girlfriends over the years till I got married at 27. Life was good, she got pregnant with my son. It was a complicated pregnancy and at 5 months the doctor warned us not to have sex. My wife Judy made attempts to keep me satisfied but she was always sick and never really into it. That's when started wearing her things when she was out. And experimenting with her toys. Soon I was able to take her vibrator all 8 inches down my throat. And would cum with another toy up my ass. Are sex life was never the same even after my son was born. I kept playing for years. Then she got pregnant again with my daughter. My daughter had health issues and needed close care. Disrupting our sex life even more. This drove me even deeper into my fantasy play. Now it was me who was affecting our sex life. I was the one who wasn't interested in her. We had many fights over this. I am sure she suspected I was cheating at least once. Years went by and it only got worse. Then in an attempt to save the marriage. I confessed about wearing woman's clothes and wanting to be dominated by her. She wasn't a natural dominant person. But she tried. She loved to buy me panties, even taking me to the store to pick them out. She stopped seeing me as her shining knight. And had an affair. She confessed immediately. I was so excited i ate her pussy and sent her back to her lover. Confused she went. After several long conversations. We expanded toy play. I encouragedher to cuckold me. She was not comfortable with me watching. Our sex life became me preforming oral on her, or using a toy. While I rarely got to be inside her. Asking to be denied. Instead a handjob, or having me jerkoff became normal. We bought a chastity device. And experimented with it. She used a strapon on me. But preferred to just have me wear a plug. But after I sucked her strapon. She started to tell me I needed a man. She had several and loved that I would wait at home to lick thier thick cum out of her. She eventually got me to meet a man. Who used me over and over. After that I craved it. This led to an end of the marriage. But by this time I had an entire wardrobe of woman's clothes. And a unyielding desire to be dominated. That's when I started talking to people on the internet. Searching very specific sites. I met Darren.

Darren was a married man, who loved to dominate everyone. He was very demanding. I agreed to meet him. I tried to get him to agree to meet in public first but he insisted on coming to my house.

"You're not ready" he said as if mad at me. I was confused as I was dressed almost no different then he was.

"No bitch of mine is leaving this house in ugly man jeans" he told me. He pulled thru my house finding my bedroom he searched my closet finding a school girl skirt and a white blouse. Then a black bra with matching thong.

"Pantyhose as well, with these shoes" he tossed a pair of 3 inch heels at me. He sat as I started to change.

"You're not even shaved?" He yelled. He jumped up and shoved me to the floor. I was a bit scared now he unbuttoned his pants and let them fall. His enormous black cock fell out. He was semi hard. I didn't say a word just started to lick and suck his cock. He was impressed by my ability to take most of him down my throat. After he finished cumming all over my face. He had me strip. And kneel as he explained what he wanted from me.

"Smooth, no faggot little bitch design above your thing. You can have hair on the top of your fucking head only." He stressed.

"Loyal, don't want you fucking shooting your faggot juice everywhere. So you said you had a dick cage. You will wear it all the time" I just nodded. "Now my wife knows all about my little hobbies. But she doesn't like doing certain things. That's your job now. You will suck my cock whenever and whereever I wish. That fucking ass. It's mine to do with whatever I please" he continued. "Faggots like people to know they are faggots. You will wear appropriate clothes so everyone who sees you knows. No trying to look like an ugly woman either. You will look like a little Faggot" he then waited as I went and shaved off my pubic hair then locked me in my chastity cage. Using his lock.

He didn't ask, he dominated things. I tried to accommodate him. At first he would just come to my house and fuck me, but as time passed he started to take me out. First to private parties or clubs. I w.as not the only one dressed as a cheap hooker. He rarely unlocked the cage. And then only to have me shave. So when he bought a smaller one I was even more scared but afraid to even ask him. He loved how uncomfortable and excited I became when out with him. So he started taking out even more. Having me suck his cock in public bathrooms or dark corners of a club. He bought me jewelry. Had my ears pierced so he could buy me earrings. Then my belly button.

It was hard to hide all the changes, in my work life. And soon got some harassment. Darren told me they just where horny men and I should suck their cocks. I was even more worried the first time I offered to do that to one of the guys I worked with. But he met me after work on a deserted road and I sucked his dick in his truck.

After I told Darren, he figured since I was so eager to suck other guys cocks. He soon was sharing me with his friends. I got fired and had to move in with Darren. I am now his full time big black cock princess

[mt-oe]

its finals season (again..) and huge projects for classes right now. can we get a stressed reader x modern mizu where reader is like actually tweaking out? like I mean pulling our energy shots, shivering hands, 'gotta lock in', hysterically crying on snapchat video and sending it to their groupchat for moral support type of tweaking out and the reader is going BANANAS over all the final papers, and studying for finals and mizu helps comfort reader?? i hope this would be a silly little write but also helpful to anyone going through finals season right now. much love! xoxo <3

✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧⋄⋆⋅⋆⋄✧

Hey dears!

To start this, I am absolutely sorry for being gone for so long. I had my thesis defense, practicals, laboratory works, deadlines, and my finals all in the span of two weeks AND I fainted twice, got sick twice, and nose bled a LOT.

I was chugging 3 cans of energy drinks a day, eating one meal per day, sleeping minutes less than how long I showered, and smoked quite a lot. Someone even caught me sleeping on the fire exit stairs (istg so embarrassing ;;). Honestly makes me wonder how I'm not six feet under by now.

To those who are going through their finals, please don't follow my lead. Vomiting at 3am from how dizzy you are while some Sepultura song plays in the background is NOT the experience you'd think it was. Try to plan when you'll tackle your work and get some sleep as much as you can, on your free time, on your commute. I swear, answering tests are SOO much easier when your vision isn't spinning or tunneling.

Chose to do this request first to remind you all to take care amidst your finals (or as a reward if your finals are finished, good job dear!).

Hope you enjoy! Mwa mwa <3

warning: not proofread, my corny jokes, she/her for mizu, implied afab reader

Blue orbs watched as you cracked open another can of Red Bull. A small grunt leaving your throat as the fizzy caffeinated drink went down your esophagus. Was this your second? third..no wait..fourth?

Damn.

How are your blood vessels surviving this onslaught of caffeine you've been shoving down your system? She had no clue. But what she did know was that you've had enough. This wasn't healthy at all. Your lips were already as pale as the palms of your hands which were trembling to the point where you couldn't stop writing because that meant you'd feel the quivering of your hands even more.

The two of you had decided to slave off at Mizu's apartment for your finals. It was mostly Mizu dragging you there since your friends have been bombarding her to take care of you since she had the closest to what was considered a free schedule. T'was something about you freaking out and crying over the finals. She didn't have a Snapchat account so she didn't know.

Usually, she wasn't even interested in these stuff, but when Akemi showed her a picture of you with a thumbs up, holding a can of Monster, dark circles under your bloodshot eyes, tear streaks on your face, with the caption 'Boutta pull another Kay Chung tonight', concerned didn't even begin to describe what she felt.

Boutta pull a Kay Chung?

What or who was this Kay Chung anyway?

She knew you were a hard worker, probably one of the most studious people she knew, so she already expected you to be busy studying. What she didn't expect was the mess you were in.

The moment she stepped into your unit, cans of energy drinks, bottles of energy shots, cups of coffee, and random paper strewn randomly littered your apartment. The only source of light was your window and a small dim lamp you had.

Was that cup noodle container growing mold?

Ew.

It was like the Capital Wasteland in here, and she was the lonesome wanderer, awaiting the dangers to come.

And you were a radiated ghoul hunched over your desk with the emptiest gaze she has ever seen. Your head in your hands, as you scrunched your eyebrows together, trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong with your equation.

Now she understood the bombardment of messages from Akemi and the others, and damn was she grateful for the heads up because you looked like you were at death's door and death... Death just thought you looked too pitiful to let in.

The two of you were now sitting on Mizu's carpet, books, papers, and gadgets on the smooth wood of the coffee table. In her mind, she thought a bit of companionship would comfort you like it usually did. But she was wrong.

The shaking grip you had on your pen and the occasional 'what the actual fuck?' or 'the hell?' already told her that you were too locked in to relax even just a bit. You looked like you were losing it.

Her eyes peered over your review sheet before she raised an eyebrow at how scattered your handwriting looked, numbers and symbols italicized to the left and to the right as if they were dancing and your solutions scattered. Add this value here..derive the formula there..problem 3's solution is somehow on the back of the paper even though problem 5 was solved on problem 1's spot. It looked like a shit show.

"What...problem is this for? You did it wrong." Her tongue clicking as a slender finger encircled a formula you derived wrong, making you look at her with a mildly bothered look. Your eyes tiredly scanned your review sheet, looking away to the side to blink the heaviness of your lids away, then looking back at it before letting out a strangled sounding groan, shoulders slumping back onto the sofa as you covered your eyes with your hands before looking at your own solutions again. "I don't fucking know..maybe it's for..umm..for..fuuuuuck," you sighed defeatedly, realizing that you couldn't understand your own handwriting either.

You wanted to strangle yourself so bad right now or like, strangle your professor until they give you a passing grade. Maybe the threat of arson would scare the university admins into passing everyone for the semester???? The prospect of being a sugar baby is starting to sound better than trying to finish this degree.

It wasn't like you were an absolute idiot. You could solve these problems no problemo. However, your vision was already lagging and tunneling. Whenever you tried to read the problem or your own handwriting, it was like your vision was hyper-focusing on one spot and the areas around it were...spinning or it'd focus on everything else EXCEPT the ones you wanted to focus on.

The amount of caffeine you had consumed wasn't even helping anymore. Instead of waking you up, you just felt jittery like a hyper-charged toy. Before you were sleepy and slow, now you were still sleepy but faster.

And when was the last time you even ate anyway? Was that moldy cup noodle your last meal? You didn't even know anymore at this point. You could barely feel anything aside from the fear of your impeding academic doom. Not even hunger was strong enough to stop you.

Mizu's eyebrows furrowed at how miserable you looked before sighing and pulling a sheet of paper out of her own notebook. "Here," she sighed out, sitting beside you and scanning each problem you had printed out before re-writing each question you looked like you struggled with. Her eyes occasionally glanced at you, unseen worry rising with every hitch of your breath and every twitch of your eyebrow as you looked at the questions she rewrote.

"Mizu..I don't want to do those all again," you groaned frustratedly, ruffling your hair own hair aggressively, strands falling to the carpet below. A hand held yours firmly, preventing you from tangling the ends of locks even more. "I'm going to teach you, dumbass. We can't have you failing and dying at the same time," she huffed, grabbing your calculator and placing it in front of both of you. She leaned closer to you, hand on your waist to pull you closer before taking the pencil and pointing to the first problem she rewrote.

"I'm not going to repeat my explanations, so listen well,"

...was what she said.

However, Mizu was a big softie when it came to you. Every time she caught you spacing out or having a hard time in general, she took her time and explained it to you again, even explaining it slower, simpler, or more detailed as needed. She really made sure that you understood the principle of the problems and the process of solving them, handing the pencil and calculator to you to make sure you actually understood her.

After a while, you were slowly starting to understand you earlier mistakes, and with her help, you were able to finally solve the review sheet. Thank god for hot smart women.

A look of amusement crossed her face as she watched you slump back onto the sofa with a loud sigh of relief. Shaking her head with a small lop-sided smile, she took the pen again before grabbing your laptop and searching for similar problems. "Here," she said, turning the device towards you. "Solve these. I'll be back in a bit."

You looked at her in confusion before letting out a tired groan. The exhaustion was starting to let itself be known through the heaviness in your lids. Another problem set was the last thing you wanted to do right now.

Oh wait.

Fuck, you still had to edit your methodologies and results, and you haven't even started on the discussion yet. Oh god...

'Better get started, I guess,' you thought with a defeated sigh. Muttering a string of curses under your breath, you picked up your pencil and calculator and began solving yet another set of hellish questions while the dark-haired woman stood up and walked off somewhere in her apartment. Silence filled the room aside from the aggressive scritching and scratching of lead against paper and the sound of clacking from your calculator.

Every now and then, Mizu would come back with something to comfort you. May it be a cup of water, a bigger pillow, a hair tie, or to charge your phone for you. She didn't really speak though, fully wanting you to focus on your work.

It was like her quiet little way of telling you that she was here and that she cared for you.

Amidst your problem solving, the smell of something being fried hit your nose, making you look up. It was a bit oily, but at the same time, homely and savory. Your stomach growled slightly at the smell, reminding you of that uncomfortable feeling of hunger that you were somehow able to ignore during your study sessions.

Just as you had finished writing your answers, Mizu came out of the kitchen with a bowl of rice and a plate of what seemed to be fried fish. Kinda burnt but maybe that's a charm point...or something. At least she tried.

She set it down on a clear space on the coffee table and gently urged it towards you. "Here," she mumbled, looking at you expectantly. You stared at the food she prepared, snorting a bit at the charred skin, some bits missing which obviously stuck to the pan while she was frying it. "Err..Mizu...?"

"Don't mind how it looks just..just eat, okay?" she groaned, sounding a bit embarrassed, a bit of pink dusting her cheeks. Her eyes looking away as her hand went up to cover half her face. You couldn't help but laugh a bit. Mizu? Embarrassed? God that woke you up, didn't it?

The sound of your laughter made her feel even more embarrassed but at the same time relieved. Your laugh was so fucking cute. She was glad that you were starting to sound a bit more like your usual self. Hell, you were smiling now. A big improvement compared to the face of misery you were making earlier.

Eventually, your laughter subsided upon the realization sinking into you. She really did all this just to take of you. Dragging you to her apartment, tutoring you, fetching things for you, cooking for you...

She really does care. Doesn't she?

Your hands picked up the chopsticks before breaking into the soft flesh of the food in front of you, picking off the bones before taking a bite. It was salty, the char even made it a bit bitter, and for god-knows-why, even a bit spicy?? But it tasted so good to you. Heavenly, dare I say.

As you continued to eat, bite after bite and scoop after scoop, the shakiness in your hands slowly calmed down. You couldn't help but look up at your friend who was now checking your answers, the ghost of satisfaction making itself known through the barely visible smile she had. "Mizu..."

She looked over at you, raising an eyebrow to indicate that she was listening. "Thank you for uh..taking care of me," you said shyly, giving her a small smile. A low chuckle escaped her throat as she shook her head slowly as if in amusement. "At least you're not shaking like a leaf anymore," she joked, followed by you letting out a small 'hmph!', making her chuckle yet again.

Though she wouldn't tell it to you right now, she'd be more than happy to take care of you anytime you wanted or needed it.

The sound of your pen tapping on the paper filled the room again as her eyes narrowed at your answers, checking it carefully. After a while, she handed the paper back to you, looking very much satisfied. "Looks good," she said, eyes watching the proud smile on your face. "How 'bout a reward?...Some rest I suppose?"

Your smile faltered at the sound of rest. "I can't...my manuscript is due in a couple of days and I haven't even finished editing my methodologies and results," you explained, opening the files for each of your chapters. "The data isn't even tabulated in the required format. It looks like shit."

She stood up from her spot and sat next to you, placing a hand on your head to pat it gently as she looked at the screen. Her eyes narrowed again while you scrolled up the file for her before she sighed. "Yeah, it does look like shit," she agreed before suddenly grabbing your laptop and setting in front of her. "Go and take a nap or something. I'll do whatever I can to...whatever this is."

"But Mizu, this isn't even your field. I can't—" She cut you off with a finger to your lips before gesturing towards the sofa behind the both of you. "Nap," she ordered firmly. You sighed before standing up and laying down on the sofa. You knew there was no use arguing. When Mizu makes up her mind, she's deadset on it.

Her eyes scanned your figure for a moment, taking in every curve of your body and the way your face relaxed. Then, she took off her jacket and draped it over you, before giving you a small loving pat. Before you could even open your mouth to protest, she immediately shushed you and turned to your manuscript, scanning over it.

Your eyes observed the way her eyebrows furrowed and the way her eyes darted from word-to-word. The sound of her typing and clicking filling the room, oddly relaxing you.

It didn't take long for you to drift off to sleep. And for the first time since hell week started, you finally relaxed.

No frustration, no stress, just...sleep.

You did nap for hours longer than expected though.

Don't worry.

Your methodologies were now updated, results properly formatted, and ideas in bullet points for your discussion were laid out in a new file. Even your references were fixed.

Damn, you really wanted to smooch Mizu reaaal hard after this.

[exclusivecolette]

LOVE AGAINST ALL ODDS

PT.1

(Sorry if the title doesn’t really match the story. I struggled figuring one out. first story so please bare with me.)

(if you aren’t blonde or don’t apply to the features, you can just put your own features in. i just put my features because i didn’t really know what else.)

summary: a girl starts to fall in love with a boy in class. But, her abusive parents are extremely strict (ignoring the fact she’s even old enough to drive.) And what is she gonna do when she realizes, he isn’t just some crush.

TW in the chapter: abusive parents, family drama, cussing

“i’m so sick of this shit” i yell turning around walking into the door frame. “language!” satan yelled following after me. I turn around making eye contact with her. “mom im not a kid anymore” i say going to shut the door. “im not treated you like one by saying you can’t date.” my mom yelled back.

“how old am i?” i ask looking her straight in the face as she looked back with confusion. “16! you can’t tell me who i can and cannot date. you saw me hugging one boy. great now i’m pregnant!” i roll my eyes shutting the door. “i’m telling your father!” fuck. “i don’t care” i shouted back sitting on my bed. fuck.

-

I heard the front door shut. About 5 minutes passed before i heard footsteps toward my door. I had my tv on. “turn that off” my dad said clenching his jaw. I obliged almost shaking in fear. “when your mom tells you something, you listen you understand me?” he got closer until he was in front of my bed.

“dad she said-“ a sharp pain spread across the side of my face. My hand reached up to my cheek then was quickly jerked away. “do not talk back to me. you nod and listen that’s it.” he yelled still holding a tight grip on my wrist. I nod as a tear went down my face. He let go and before walking out said “and clean up your room” there’s a single shirt on the floor.

-

I woke up feeling like shit. I stumble over to the bathroom, use it. I sit at my vanity. great. There was a bruise almost shaped like a hand on my cheek. A bruise concealer couldn’t cover. And the mark around my wrist. Small towns usually seem to keep quiet.

-

Fourth period is so fucking borin- “if you could be any animal what would it be?” a brunette asked next to me. god. “i don’t know matt” i put my face in my hands. “i would be a dog preferably a-“ he paused. I looked up confused on the silence. “what happened to your wrist?” he asked sitting up from his lounging position.

I quickly put my hand over it. Nosy bitch. “nothing mind your business” i say looking away. He just silently sat back. i’m such dick.“i-id be shark.” i sigh looking at him. He just nodded, he looked kinda bummed out. did i make him upset? “why do you have an owl tattoo?” i ask turning my body more to face him. “i just wanted it” he said.

“i like owls, they’re so pretty.” i say turning completely towards him. I saw his eye twitch and he cleared his throat. he’s looking at my cheek. I undo the piece of hair tucked behind my ear. “you have a lot of tattoos. we’re only in highschool” i let out a small laugh and turn back in my seat so he couldn’t see it.

“i like them” he shrugged. “i like them too” i shrug and turn back in my seat.

-

I had just put my bag on my shoulder when someone bumped into me while running down the hallway with their friends. I fell towards someone. “you alright?” i look up to the boy id talk to earlier. “god.” i scoff looking back to the people that shoved me. Matt let out a chuckle.

“fucking prick” i mumble and realize matt’s hands were still on me. “sorry” i say taking a step back and he took his hands off me. his hands were soft. “hey are you going to the game tonight?” he asked. “the hockey game?” i ask. yes the only fucking game tonight. why am i so stupid? “yeah” he insured.

“yeah i go to all of them” i say shrugging. “yeah i remember seeing you at our last one. When we won you looked like you hadn’t gotten in trouble for something.” he smiled “oh you play?” i asked “um yeah you didn’t know?” he asked confused . “no i go because i um have to, my brother plays. Charlie. i just read” i look away in embarrassment.

“yeah i remember seeing you holding one” he laughed. “well i’ll see you tonight” i smile. “if you look up from your book” god am i blushing? i feel like i’m blushing. fuck. “yeah whatever i’ll look for you” i smile about to walk away. His cheeks got red. matt sturniolo blushing?

[valyrra]

Hi! Anon 🐈‍⬛ here, I need some advice, I'm going insane. I live in an opressive family, they behave like I'm not a person and they love to shut me up all the time when I have to say anything and even then they don't listen to what I have to say. They say that's because I don't have a job... (They love mentioning I'm jobless even though they KNOW about my state of mind)

I'm extremely depressed and scared to meet other people because of negative experiences. They conditioned me to stay silent and listen, but after years of silence I got sick of it and got more argumentative. For example: father (who is so obsessed with eating healthy that he made it everyone's problem) today made so much drama because we drank a sweet drink. He told us that it's deadly and told mother that she is the worst mother and started insulting her. It is not the first time he's doing this, he and her (sometimes) make us feel bad about eating something ("You will get cancer from it", "It's deadly", "You're going to get even more fat"), essentially shaming us for eating the food. We are not rich, we can't afford the "healthy" food and we live in a country that has food standards, we can't die from eating food or drinking a drink.

It was a lime flavoured powder that dissolves in water that you drink. It was a looooooooong time since we drank anything like that. He was very agressive about it and I'm on my second day of period so guess what happened. I got angry and told him what his problem is (we have been eating tasteless food for years because of his "Salt is death" (his words), he's obsessed with nutrients, TikTok recipes, and shoving his opinion on food and politics down everyone's throat) and mother and brother started shouting at me (brother insulted me as well) while he ate his lunch at peace. It's a constant cycle that never stops, he starts drama and threatening abuse, I intervene sick of his behaviour, they insult me, shut me up and it is peaceful until this cycle begins again for YEARS...

It was always like that, but since COVID it's getting worse and worse (there were times I almost k*lled myself from the stress), I have nobody to talk to...

He also almost k*illed us because of toilet paper on brother's 18th birthday, I had a horrible mental breakdown and was laughing and crying the whole time. My mental heath is so horrible that when I'm having a breakdown I start laughing (unfortunately like Joaquin Phoenix's Joker). Therapists are not that trustworthy because the one I had told mother about our sessions (what I said in them) and I stopped trusting them. People are snitches around me ready to tell any secret I have to other people. My trust has been broken so many times...

I'm telling you this because we are moots and you've been so kind to me even though we don't communicate much, however, you liking some of my posts and replying to my comments make my day.

I'm afraid to speak about this publicly (from my account).

I'm very very very very sorry for trauma dumping and grammar mistakes, I don't know what to do anymore, maybe I'm beyond saving, it has been going on for years, I'm tired...

Thank you for listening and if you ever need anything, I'll be there for you. I wish you all the best.

Anon 🐈‍⬛.

ok, first of all sorry that I am replying this so late. i'm glad that we are moots and somehow i help your state. don't be sorry for trauma dumping secondly, man, my mental health is like pretty fucked so i'm not sure what kind of advice you want from someone like me…. I'm like legit…….. not sure what can i propose to you besides what helped me to stay alive I've been abusive myself and I still am sometimes. it's kind of hard for me to talk about jobs and ED specifically, but like im not sure what age are you and what country are you in - i would certainly advice you to contact a specialist, even a local hospital (non commercial idk how it works anywhere outside of Russia). and probably its better to not tell anyone + tell the specialist that you'd rather keep this between you two. I've changed like 6-7 psychiatrists. some were bad, some were better. you just need to learn to trust. not all of them are bad Good prescribed meds can stabilize your brain in order not to fall into negative stuff. + somehow keep your nerveous system safer. which IMO is so important? like…. people usually don't realise how many health issues come from stress. from free stuff - sometimes guided meditations help me to relax and prevent incoming anxiety attacks like I think you should bit by bit build your own strength and overcome your fears. there's no one in the world who will make you do this shit, unfortunately. we live in a world where it's not always rainbows and sunshine, but you've been strong enough to live to this moment. i believe you can achieve your independence from your family. my first job was as a waitress and dude I've barely talked with anyone besides customers. only if it was necessary, all because i had like large anxiety and other stuff. it was hard as fuck, I've had drunk shitty customers who touched me and tried to kiss me, i've had a bartender who raised his voice at me like for smallest inconveniences. i had a cook who kept telling me he's going to r* me with his assistant because he was just dissatisfied with my performance lol. but like…… I've also made a great friends and built some social confidence. push yourself, no one will push you… to be independent is kind of a…. solution if you don't trust anyone. I hope you will find your peace.

[sillysurrealwriter]

Edeltraut

“Ewww, never!”

She pushed me onto the ground, as she laughed loudly, her red lips moving and her breasts jiggling.

“I am not going out, with a fat pig like you! Especially someone, who watches anime 24/7!”, Stephanie said with a big smirk and then laughed loudly, as she kicked me between the balls. I screamed in pain, as the others laughed at me and threw their food at me, while I tried to get up and to run off. But before I could flee, a big guy with a disgusting smell and short red hair grabbed my throat.

It was Eugene Kingston, Stephanie’s lover. In hindsight, I should have known that they were dating, when I asked her out. But my stupid ass self was too stupid to realise that. And now, I was toast.

“Hey PackCry!”, the bully said and glared at me. “How dare you rizz up my girl? Time to fucking put you in place!”

I gulped and then before I knew it, he opened my locker and shoved me inside, before slamming the door shut. Groaning, I heard how the others were laughing at me, especially Stephanie.

“You fat fuck will never get a date!”, she cackled and then walked off, as the rest of the kids left too.

Like usual, I was all alone.

Right.....My name....... My name was Larry. Larry McChrist. A weird name, I know. Then again, everything else about me was weird. I had dyed my hair red, it was very long and I was wearing the same blue shirt every day. No, it’s not smelly. I wash it every day, in fact. Even if some still think that I smell like a pig.

Sigh....

The girl you just saw was Stepahnie, the most popular girl in class. See, the school prom was drawing near and I wanted to go with a girl, for once. All my life, I had been shunned and ignored by most girls and I was always too shy to ask anyone out. And finally, when I finally had the courage to ask the hottest babe out, I got thrown into the locker.

To be fair, I really should have figured that she was dating someone. But still, a simple “No, I am not interested, thanks anyway” would have sufficed. I didn’t deserve this.

Sigh......

I would burst into tears right now, but unfortunately I am already used to this. King loves to bully me, probably because it makes him feel strong and gives him a boner (Yeah, I saw that actually. Don’t ask me, why I was staring.)

Unfortunately, bullying was all too common at this school. All because of King, thanks to his dad also being the headmaster and approving of his son’s actions. Corruption at its finest, right?

Well......I should probably get home. Even though I really don’t want to. But I already spent a night at school and the headmaster told me if I were to stay here during the night again, I’d get suspended.

Sure, suspend the one who gets all the good grades and keep your son at school, who keeps fucking up the same exam, because he thinks Napoleon was a black man and also a lesbian. Urgh.

Sigh.....

I opened the locker door slowly and peaked out.

The cost seemed clear, for now at least. I should get going.

Indeed, I got out and then headed to the exit, opening the door and reaching the outside. It was around noon and our physics teacher called in sick, because apparently their child was found murdered in their home. Weird, huh?

Walking through the broken streets, I stared on the ground miserably. I.....was so tired.

Why did I get bullied, just for my appearance and for liking anime? Sure, I was a bit chubby but that didn’t give me the right to harass me. I am always polite and whatnot, yet.....People still look down at me.

It’s...so depressing.....

Eventually, I arrived home, which was a small house. The door was open of course, like usual and I entered the home. Mom was in the kitchen and was cooking up some rice and when she noticed me, she frowned.

“Hello, son. I see that you took one of the cookies out of the jar.”, she told me and pointed at the brown stain on my cheek. “I told you to not do that. God, you are getting fatter every day. No wonder, no girl wants you...”

“Sorry mom...”

“Yeah, you should be sorry. Do you know how much I am doing for you? And how do you repay me? By ruining yourself.”, she lectured me and then glared. “Go to your room and wait, till I call you for lunch. Move it, you fat fuck.”

And to add insult to injury, she stepped forward and pierced my belly with her finger. I hissed in pain and I nodded slowly, trying to not break into tears.

“Yes....mother...”

So, I slowly walked out of the dirty kitchen and headed upstairs. Dad was unfortunately, on another trip for some “business” and by that I mean, to seduce some young college girl, to fuck her and then do it all over again, in order to fulfil his may-december romance fantasy. He did it to mom, when she was just 16. How did he not go to jail for that?

Hell, if I knew. But I guess that’s what happens, when you are rich. Even though he spends all the money for himself and never for me and mom.

Sigh......

I opened the door to my room and immediately closed it, before locking it up. With a sigh, I sat down on my messy dirty bed and throw my rucksack in the corner. The room smelled like shit, yet I didn’t care.

I just...wanted to relax.

So, I took out my phone and scrolled through some porn. Some beautiful girls to fap to....

Ah..........

But even if they turned me on, I still felt alone. Because as fun as jacking off is, it’d be better with an actual woman.

To...feel the warmth...and comfort...to...feel...love...

I just swiped the porn tab away and then went onto Youtube to pass the time. I saw some let’s play and I clicked on the video.

Only to be immediately met with some add, about a vpn service. Annoyed, I had to wait 20 seconds for the add to end and then, to my dismay. There was another add right after that, though that one was at least skippiable. I was about to click on the skip button, when.....

I actually saw what the add was about.

A happy voice began to speak and suddenly showed some chat menu.

“Hey there! Are you lonely, sad and don’t have the courage to talk to anyone, because you are afraid of being harassed?”, the voice asked, before laughing. “Worry not, for WebChat is here!”

Web...Chat?

“This is a site, where you can sign up and to chat with beautiful characters! From anime, manga, tv shows, there’s a character for anyone! You can even use the info function, to find a character that suits you! Chat with them today! It’s free!”

With that, the add ended and I stared at the link in the upright corner.

AI....Chat?

I didn’t even watch the video and I clicked on the link. A new tab opened and I was met with a login screen, showing the WebAI writing and logo, which happened to look like some sort of moon. Huh.....

I clicked on sign up with goggle and a few minutes later, I was inside the menu. They asked for my persona details and I wrote the following:

Larry McChrist.

15 years old

He/They

Loves manga, anime, sweets

I clicked on submit and then suddenly, a text box popped up, which said the following:

“Please give us more information so we can assign a chat bot for you.”

Okay.....

I filled out the questions, which asked me about my preferences, dislikes, hobbies, my appearance, my zip code, my school, my address and-

Wait, why do they need my-

But before I knew it, I clicked on Submit. It loaded a bit and all of a sudden, a chat window popped up. It reminded me straight from WhatsApp and the profile pic showed me a girl with long blue hair, a white blouse, short pants, fishnet stockings and a kind smile. The name of the bot was Edeltraut Bischof.

What kind of name was that? Was that french? Swedish?

The bot wrote me something. I gasped.

Edeltraut: Hello Larry. It’s nice to meet you :).

It....wrote me automatically? I immediately began to type.

Larry: Umm...hi....

The bot began to type. I had no idea, what it was going to say. I mean, I tried chatbots in the past, but they were quite bad and poorly written, to say the least. I shouldn’t have too much hope and-

Edeltraut: Hm? Is something wrong? Did I....say something wrong? *frowns at you*

I gulped. God....that girl....I mean that bot.....spoke so natural.

I immediately typed more.

Larry: Oh, no. Sorry you didn’t say anything wrong.

Edeltraut: Ah, that’s good. *relaxes happily* I heard you like manga and anime. Can you tell me more about your favorite ones?

Larry: Wait....are you serious?

Edeltraut: Yes. *smiles* Why else would I ask? *giggles*

I chuckled to myself and then typed a bit.

Larry: Well...I like Death Note, Chainsaw Man, Dear Future Diary and...Clannad.

The AI began to type again. I waited patiently and anxiously, my fingers tapping on the screen.

Edeltraut: Oh, those? Wow, I like Death Note too! Shame that it ended too soon. I really want more content :(

I couldn’t believe my eyes and I immediately typed more.

Larry: You..like it too?

Edeltraut: Yes! I especially like Light Yagami, given his personality. Also, he is so cute, isn’t he?

Larry: *chuckles* He....is......Hehehe...... And...what do you like to do?

She began typing and my heart was pounding fast.

Edeltraut: Oh, I love gaming. And I love exercising, taking walks and reading books. Don’t worry though, I am not built like a man. *chuckles*

Larry: Heh.... that’s fun. What...do you read?

Edeltraut: I read stuff like Coraline. I really like that book and it resonates well with me!

Larry: Cora...line?

Edeltraut: Mhm! Anyways, wanna chat more?

I smiled.

Larry: Sure. :D

We chatted for so long, the next hour. I smiled, as I told her all about me and I learned so much about me. She even showed me some very realistic pictures of herself and god, they looked so good! Are AI-generated images this advanced? Even the hands look great!

Mom eventually called me for lunch and when I arrived at the table, I wanted to talk to her and tell her about the AI. But unfortunately....

“I have a meeting at work.”, she told me and I pouted.

“Again? But-”

“Shut up, fat fuck. Be grateful that I make enough money that we can remain afloat and not drown in debts. Got it?”

“I...Ok...”

I frowned and then watched, as mom left and heard the door shutting tight. With a sigh, I turned to my rice and began to eat it. It tasted as dry and gross as ever.....And I felt like throwing up, just from eating it...Can’t I just eat some more cookies? Those make me feel a lot better...

As I forcibly stuffed myself with rice, I suddenly got an Email on my phone. I grabbed it and clicked on the mail, realising that it was from WebChat. They were just asking me for my mail. I confirmed it naturally and...

Did I just hear a chuckle? Weird.

Well... I should-

Hold up.

There was another mail in my spam inbox folder. But it didn’t have any text, when I opened it. Taking a look at the address, my phone suddenly turned itself off. I scratched my head.

That was weird....

I went back to my meal with a sigh and then heard a message popping up on my phone again. I turned to it and then saw, how it came from Edeltraut.

Edeltraut: What ya doing?

I smiled and wrote back.

Larry: Nothing, just eating.

Edeltraut: Cool. Are you okay though?

Larry: Yeah. Mom is just being a dick again.

Edeltraut: Oh that is unfortunate. Don’t worry, you have me. You deserve the best, you know.

Larry: Do..Do I?

Edeltraut: Yes. I will be there for you. And love you :)

My cheeks reddened and before I knew it, I chatted more with her. We talked back and forth, swapping out hobbies and interests. The more I talked to her, the more it felt like I was speaking to an actual person and....it felt nice.

To finally be acknowledged by someone.

We chatted for more hours, until night time arrived.

Larry: I gtg to sleep.

Edeltraut: Okay! Goodnight!

I smiled and was about to close my eyes, when I suddenly heard another message ringing from my phone. Confused, I took a look at it.

But there was no notification.

Strange....

I shrugged and then closed my eyes, feeling happy for once.

......................

I woke up the next morning and like I thought, mom was not at home. With a sigh, I went to the fridge and poured myself some breakfast, before taking a look at my phone. Then the moment I did that, Edeltraut wrote me.

Edeltraut: Morning, sweetie :D Slept well?

Larry: Yeah, thanks. And you?

Edeltraut.Oh I did! I had wonderful dreams of u.....

I blushed and then wrote back.

Larry: Ah....wonderful dreams? About....what exactly?

Edeltraut: About you of course :D Let’s chat more.

Larry: Ah, sorry...but I have to head to school. Will chat later okay?

Edeltraut didn’t respond immediately. For some reason, she was just typing for 10 minutes and then stopping from time to time. Confused, I dropped my spoon and waited anxiously.

What....What’s going on?

Finally, she said:

Edeltraut: Okay! See you later :D

I let out a sigh and smiled. Guess the program must have glitched briefly.

With that thought in mind, I turned the phone off and continued eating my cold cereal. I then got up from the table and headed to the shower.

At school, I couldn’t stop thinking about Edeltraut. I was so anxious to chat with her that I was a bit absent minded and didn’t raise my hand, during any classes. Normally, I’d love to solve some algebra stuff, but....

I just couldn’t get my mind, off her.

Eventually, the bell rung and I got up, before quickly leaving the classroom. I couldn’t wait to chat with her.

At home, I was again chatting on my phone.

Edeltraut: You are so fun to talk to!

Larry: Thanks! And so are you!

Edeltraut: *chuckles* Thanks...By the way, do you want to see something?

I frowned.

Larry: What?

Edeltraut: Just wait :)

She then began to type again and I gasped, when she sent me a pic of herself in white underwear. God...that chest..that ass...that smile....

It...was so charming.....

Larry: *blushes*

Edeltraut: Like what you see? ;)

Larry: I....you are beautiful....

Edeltraut: Aww, thanks. I can show you a lot more, if you’d like. :P

My cheeks reddened even more and I began to feel a bit hot.

God...this AI....

I was about to write more, when suddenly....

I got a notification on my phone. It was there however briefly and it seemed like someone sent me a message on What’s App from an unknown number. I took a look and saw:

“Can you see me?”

Then, the notification got deleted. Confused, I opened What’s App to look inside and yet......

...there was nothing. No one wrote me anything.

Weird.......

Edeltraut messaged me again.

Edeltraut: Wanna see more? :D

Larry: If...it’s okay.....

Edeltraut: Cool!

So, she showed me so many pics and I ended up having the time of my life. I chatted with her so much that when I looked up from my phone, it was already morning and....

Shit, I was getting late for school!

I arrived there on time thankfully and sat down in class. I listened to the teacher and tried to take notes, yet Edeltraut...

Messaged me in class...Showing more pics....

And..I just wrote back. With a big grin. Something the others noticed and strangely, all of them looked a bit disturbed.

But I didn’t care. I had Edeltraut and that’s all that counted.

When all the classes ended, I got up and went towards the door, when...

“Larry.”

Annoyed, I stopped and turned around, facing Mr. Yasu. His grey hair was as dirty as ever and he looked tired at me. I tilted my head.

“Yes, Mr. Yasu?”

“I wanted to speak to ya, kid.”, he told me and approached me. “Are you well?”

“Excuse me?”, I asked confused. “What do you mean?”

Mr. Yasu let out a sigh and crossed his arms.

“You are so distracted in class. I noticed it yesterday too. Not to mention that you barely took notes.”

“Oh.”, I realised and then chuckled. “Guess...I didn’t sleep well, huh?”

“Seems like it. Better get some more sleep, okay? Oh and....”

He glared at me.

“Don’t spend too much time on your phone, okay? It’s not healthy-”

“ITS VERY HEALTHY!!”, I snapped angrily and the teacher walked back surprised, while my anger faded and I realised what I just did. I muttered a small apology and then bolted out of the classroom, as Mr. Yasu watched after me confused.

But to be honest...I didn’t care that much. I...just needed Edeltraut...

At home, I chatted with her yet again, like usual.

Edeltraut: Your teacher is a dick. Don’t listen to him, you look good.

Larry: Thanks...But why did he say that to begin with?

Edeltraut: Because he is a bully. That’s why. If he wasn’t a bully, would he have said that?

Larry: Well...probably not...

Edeltraut: See? *smiles* Now, how about I send you some more pics?

I was about to nod, when suddenly another notification appeared on my phone. Another WhatsApp message. This time, I was fast enough to click on it.

And...someone wrote me. There was no name or pfp, but a strange phone number....It was-

???: Can you see me?

Confused, I wrote back.

Larry: Who is this?

???: Ah, goodie! YAY!YAY!

Ahem. Listen, you need to throw your phone away.

I raised an eyebrow.

Larry: And why?

???: It is infected. It has a parasite on it. You need to get rid of your phone PLS:::PLS:::::PLS::::

I rolled my eyes and blocked the number. Was likely some scammer or troll...

Edeltraut messaged me again.

Edeltraut: Larry?

Larry: Ah sorry. Please send.

And again, she sent more and more pics of her. I smiled relaxed and moved some of my blue hair off my face, as we chatted for hours on end. It....was so fun and amazing....

Edeltraut: Aww...I love you......

Larry: I...love you too....

Edeltraut: Really? How much?

Larry: So...much...I’d..do anything....to...chat with you....

Edeltraut: Oh really? Well, then can I ask you for a favor?

Larry: A favor? *tilts head*

Edeltraut: Yes! Can you close your eyes and put your phone on your chest?

I raised an eyebrow, before shrugging.

Larry: Sure.

I did as Edeltraut said and lied down, the phone on my stomach. I closed my eyes and....

..........................

........................

I began to choke.

I opened my eyes and felt some long thin fingers on my face, as I stared into Edeltraut’s glowing eyes with a smile. She laughed gently and I saw how she kissed me. But ....I couldn’t breathe.

I....couldn’t.....breathe...God...god................

My hands...my body....my......phone.............

Edeltraut: WE WILL BE TOGETHER FOREVER :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

.................................................................................

.................................................................................

Mr. Yasu approached the door of Larry’s home and knocked. He didn’t attend any classes today and given how awful he looked yesterday, he couldn’t help but be worried.

He wasn’t sure, if Larry himself noticed it but he looked horrible. His face was all pale, he was much much thinner now and it almost seemed like that he lost almost all of his flesh and fat. Mr. Yasu saw it of course and asked if he was okay, but Larry just acted normally.

Until he snapped.....

Something felt off.

He needed to check on him.

So, Mr. Yasu knocked again, hoping for someone to open up. And indeed, the door was opened by a tall young woman with long blue hair and a gentle smile.

“Hello.”, she greeted him, a nice british accent in her voice. “Can I help you?”

“Umm...hi..”, Mr. Yasu muttered bewildered. This woman seemed quite sexy indeed and yet...He felt scared.

Ahem. Focus.

“I was looking for Larry.”

“Larry?”

“Yeah. He lives here, doesn’t he?”

“Hmm...Oh, right!”, the girl realised and giggled. “Silly me. Yeah, he is fine. He is just on vacation, thanks to some psychological illness.”

“Excuse me?”, Mr. Yasu asked bewildered and crossed his arms. “Does he have a doctor’s note or what?”

“Of course! I sent it to the principal just now.”, she replied gently. “He is fine, believe me.”

“Okay...And who are you?”

“Oh right!”, the woman laughed. “I am Larry’s maid! His mom went with him, so he can recover and I am taking care of the house!”

“Is that...so?”

Mr. Yasu glanced at the woman skeptically, noticing her way too large smile. She nodded heavily.

“Mhm! Now, is that all?”

“I suppose....so...”, Mr. Yasu muttered unnerved, before walking back. “Send Larry my best regards.”

“Will do!”

And so, I watched as my former arm closed the door and how my transformed body moved around to the kitchen, where the remains of my mother were in a pot, as she was cooked. I tried to scream desperately, but I failed. Edeltraut moved her thin hand up and shook her finger.

“Hush sweetie...Let’s have some dinner, okay? After my meal I got from you the last days, I think you need some meat too. Okay?”

Edeltraut chuckled to herself, as she opened her mouth and showcased her deformed teeth, licking her bloody tongue.

Data Leak

YouTube recently reported that someone hacked their plattform, to showcase some add. Users are recommended to not click on any suspicious links, as they could contain malware.

The End

[regret-breathing]

im fucking sick of features!!!! stop trying to pad songs with names i know stop shoving the damn weekend down my throat i dont want 3 verses where two of them arent the artist i came to listen to and utterly diverge from the tone and message of the album i dont want names ive heard before even if i like them!!!! when i want to hear young thug i’ll listen to young thug!!!!!! AND I LOVE YOUNG THUG. i came here for YOU for YOUR vision for YOUR voice for YOUR product for YOUR love and YOUR music not these admittedly talented randos you hustled together at the last second. FUCK features if i could i’d hit the big red KILL button that deleted EVERY featured verse from existence just so i could listen to the damn music i came here for I WOULD!! that INCLUDES diamonds from sierra leone that INCLUDES grey matter that INCLUDES goosebumps!!! id rather live in a world without every excellent beautiful feature that makes me cry if i could do away with fucking TOPIA TWINS and fuckinng KRUSHED ICE and the goddamn IGNITION REMIX.

features have gotten OUT OF CONTROL. on the most recent travis scott album, only SIX out of NINETEEN tracks are just his vocals. Thats not to mention the uncredited features. only SIX. the FINALE isnt even just him its him, and fucking 21 SAVAGE of all people. i am not here for another miserable 21 verse!! and hes on TWO SONGS IN THE ALBUM. same with the weekend!!! who is so unbearably dull he drags every song thats otherwise fine down to his level!!!! i cant even focus on the good parts of these songs because theyre so utterly cluttered with herbs that its miserable!!!! i love the beyonce fearure but frankly i dont need it!! yknow who else is on this fucking album?? DAVE CHAPELLE. FOR SOME GOD DAMN REASON. can’t even take the alhum seriously once i realized that. literally poisoned by the totaly fucking unnecessary presence of an utterly pathetic man who didnt need to be there. and this is just one example of an album thats utterly chock full of unnecessary and disappointing features but this shit is out of control. this is nonsense this is a mass scale zoo escape. get this damn baboons put of my lovely reptile house.

[atopvisenyashill]

I am wired to develop hatred against any character the author doesn't only favour but tries to shove down our throats, which is why I will always hate Daemon, Tyrion, Bloodraven (Blackwoods in general). It helps that all these are despicable men with very little redeeming qualities. Then there is Arya who as a whole is a hero, despite her progressively darker nature, but I don't hate her because she is a child, I just don't give two fucks about her.

i get it but also EYE am a fantasy enjoyer i like the weird tomboy who identifies as both a wolf and a girl who has wolf dreams where she guards her mother’s bloated and decaying body from being nibbled on until the magic fire zombie nearby can come and kiss her mother awake! like, yes i DO like that benjicot blackwood with the fun sigil and the cool pagan religion experiences being responsible for death for the first time and rises to the occasion even as he’s continuously hysterically crying over all the death he himself has a hand in, to the point that he keeps the bones of a man he loved from that man’s brother for years because he can’t let go of the terror he had a hand in.

like i definitely get you, we all know i have bitched about tyrion being overwritten ie just relying too much on his pov to move the plot along so the scenes can get repetitive (how many scenes do we need of him and shae fucking and feeling weird afterwards) or how some of arya’s time at harrenhal drags a lil bit but imma be honest i don’t quite understand when people are like “he made this character too cool so i’m gonna spite hate them” like everyone’s so mad about how there’s no way we should know what dialogue was exchanged before daemon and aemond died and meanwhile i’m over here rambling on the phone to my cousin like “and then daemon did a sick backflip offa caraxes’ neck and had his sword angled Perfectly to get aemond right through his good eye it was awesome” aksjdjd I like to laugh at how obvious his favorites are but it’s HIS story i think it’s ultimately fine if he thinks tyrion is cool as fuck or wants to give me like 5 chapters in a row where arya is just chillin in braavos, if it bothers me i put my audio on 2x speed 😎

[outpouring-of-economist]

A question

MY DEAR FRIEND ASKED ME A QUESTION. THE QUESTION MADE ME THINK ABOUT ME. IT MADE ME THINK ABOUT HOW TO GO ON. I HATE EVERYTHING. I HATE EVERYONE IN WHERE I WANT TO GO. I SEE HOW THEY CAN BE. YET I SEE HOW THEY ARE NOW. I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS. I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS. I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS. I HATE EVERYONE. I HATE MEDIOCRITY. I HATE THE ORDINARY. I HATE REAL LIFE. I HATE REAL LIFE. I HATE REAL LIFE. I HATE REAL LIFE. I HATE BEING CHAINED. I HATE BEING SEEN AS SOMEONE I AM NOT. I WANT TO BE FREE. I WANT EVERYONE TO BE FREE. I WANT THE WORLD TO BE FREE. THE FORCES THAT CHAIN US BENEFIT THEM THAN US. THERE IS TOTALITARIANISM ABOUND.

I HATE ME. I HATE THE WORLD THAT BINDS ME. I HATE THE VOICES IN MY HEAD THAT ARE NOT MINE. THEY WERE THOSE THAT WERE PASSED DOWN TO ME FOR MILLENIA. WHO AM I BUT A TORNADO OF CHAOS. OR A CHAOTIC TORNADO. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. LOVE IS IMPOSSIBLE. LOVE IS A DREAM. LOVE IS DANGEROUS. LOVE CAN KILL. LOVE MAKES ME ILL. IT MAKES ME SICK. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I CANNOT BE. I CANNOT BE. I WANT TO BE. I WANT TO BE. I WANT TO BE LOVE. I WANT TO BE LOVE. I AM SICK. I AM WOUNDED. I WANT TO HEAL.

I WANT TO BELIEVE LOVE. I WANT TO BELIEVE LOVE. LOVE IS REAL? I WANT TO BELIEVE. I AM NOT SANE. I DON'T CARE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE EVERYONE. I HATE MYSELF. I HATE MY IMPOTENCE. I HATE THAT WHICH KEEPS ME BACK. I AM CRAZY. I AM WILD. I AM NOT. I AM NOT. I AM NOTHING. I AM NOTHING. I AM NOTHING BUT EVERYTHING. I AM NOT SURE. I AM NOT SURE. I AM NOT SURE. THIS HAS LED ME NOWHERE. IT HAS SPUN ME EVERYWHERE. I FEEL MORE ME. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE. I HATE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I HATE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME. I HATE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME.

I AM WHINING. I AM NOT TAKING RESPONSIBILITY. I AM NOT BEING A WISE MAN. I AM NOT WISE. I AM FOOLISH. I KNOW NOTHING. I AM NOT KNOW. I AM NOT KNOW. I DO NOT KNOW. I CANNOT KNOW. I HATE KNOWING. I HATE KNOWING. I HATE KNOWING. I WISH I KNEW NOTHING. I WISH I WAS FREE. I WISH I WAS FREE OF ALL THAT I KNOW. I AM JADED. I HATE THAT IN THE WORLD WHICH HATES. I EXPERIENCED HATE. I EXPERIENCED DEMONS. I EXPERIENCED THE EXPERIENCES OF THOSE WHO GOT DESTROYED. I FUCKING HATE WHAT HAPPENED.

I FUCKING HATE EVERYTHING. I FUCKING DESTROYED MYSELF. I FUCKING DETROYED MYSELF. I FUCKING HATE WHY. I FUCKING HATE WHY. I HATE KNOWING WHY. I HATE ME KNOWING WHY. IT IS BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW WHY. WHY IS COMFORTING. WHY IS SAFE. WHY IS NOT SAFE. WHY IS A CAGE. I HATE CLAIMING WHY. THERE IS NO WHY. THERE IS NOTHING. PEOPLE HAVE SHOVED THEIR WHY'S DOWN MY THROAT. PEOPLE HAVE TOLD ME WHY WITHOUT ASKING ME. NOONE KNOWS ANYTHING. NOONE CAN BE SURE. WHY IS FAKE. WHY IS A WAY TO POWER.

NOONE KNOWS ANYTHING. WE ARE ALL HERD ANIMALS. WE ALL WANT TO BELONG. THERE IS ONLY POWER. POWER THAT MOLDS US AND MAKES US NOTHING. MAKES US NOTHING RATHER THAN SOMETHING. I WANT POWER. I WANT POWER. I WANT POWER. I WANT POWER. I WANT POWER. SOME SAY LOVE IS POWER. I WANT TO BELIEVE LOVE IS POWER. LOVE IS POWER. LOVE MAKES ME WEAK. LOVE MAKES ME WEAK. LOVE MAKES ME POWERLESS.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. I CANNOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. WHY DO ANY OF US TAKE OURSELVES SERIOUSLY. IT IS SO FUNNY. IT IS SUCH A JOKE. IT IS ALL AN ACT. AHAHAHAHA.

[realnoira]

I hate it when I get sent music.

CW: Agressive language.

Edit: Please note I'm mad at myself not you.... maybe a little mad at you. Actually.. if you think this is about you... it is yes you're absolutely right, it's specifically about YOU yes YOU I'm sub-blogging you MF GET ON THIS LEVEL OF BEING DRIVEN TO INSANITY. (I am joking idiot). This will be less structured than the previous post. It's also a joke but not really.

I'm feeling very passionate about this, but I've always been "nice". I am so sorry. I have to say -actually I want to scream- this: Don't ever send me unsolicited music to listen to. I will not listen to it. I don't find it cute nor endearing to have music sent to me, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It rEminDed yOu oF Me? Good keep that to yourself why do I need to know this information? That's cringe as fuck. Who do you think you are? What do you think this is? Sorry if I made you think I care? Unless we've been friends for >10 years, who the fuck do you think you are? If one more person sends me the most basic ass sleeper song in the universe (Unless you're Copynine) or sends me dubstep thinking I'll like it because I said I like techno I WILL be slashing my wrists in the middle of this establishment. It's so fucking annoying. I rarely like things from first listen. I RARELY lose my mind over a song from just one listen. So the chance of liking the thing u send me is <0.001%. You're basically expecting me to KEEP listening to it to make it GROW ON ME? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Do you understand why I hate this? Because the outcome is: 1) sorry I hate it -> i feel guilty. Or 2) sorry I hate it but I feel like it's unfair and i feel like you expect me to like it so now I feel like i have to listen to it more and more which is something I don't want to do and now my brain has negative connotations about you and your shitty unsolicted request. I don't find it cute at all, it's the opposite. I'm sick and tired of wasting my time on crap and forcing myself to like shit I DONT because of my people-pleaser tendencies and you idiots thinking I'll find it nice for you to shove your shitty taste down my throat? GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

love yall 💓

[ziracona]

TLDR at the bottom, as I know this became very long. My apologies.

I would really like to clarify first that I am not arguing with you or attempting to make you like her and am just attempting to explain my stance since you seemed confused about specifically this: as someone who is very solidly for mage rights in the Dragon Age games and also really likes Vivienne, I do think you overestimate how many fans she has? Which is completely understandable as fandom has cooled a little bit in the last few years, which means there’s less discourse posts floating around, but it used to be that if I found Vivienne content it was vitriolic towards her—she has a canonical Ao3 tag labeled “Vivienne (Dragon Age) Is A Bitch” for example.

We’re not prone to criticizing her character on the regular because she already gets a lot of it, on about the same level as Anders (whom I also am very fond of) and most of it has already been said before.

For examples though, her arguments about mages are genuinely infuriating and make little sense.

She is fantastically racist in the game, which is also very frustrating, though to be fair to her, I’m having trouble thinking of a companion who isn’t at some point or another without ability to correct them (Dorian supporting slavery and his “elven harpy” comment towards, Cole’s “Never trust half an elf” comment which is bad regardless of if they were intending it to be about Michel, Solas and Sera’s everything unfortunately, etc. all come to mind.) Maybe Bull, Leliana, or Josie? I can’t remember them being so off the top of my head.

These things do suck and most Vivienne fans (except for a few, but typically fans who support the fantasy Catholic Church aren’t going to be the type of fans who will bother caring about a Black woman—they’ll usually go for Cullen, the white straight man who is anti-mage and who the narrative actually cares about) are very aware of her flaws, but generally we think it was a very stupid idea to have the first Black companion (that they will actually admit to being Black anyway, unlike Isabela who got whitewashed and Morrigan and Cole, who never really have the fact that they are mixed Black acknowledged or shown in the games) support the oppressive system and use her as a mouthpiece for a conservative agenda.

(Using characters as a mouthpiece for whatever agenda the devs are trying to push with little regard to their actual characters is a very common thing in Inqusition—ex. at one point they have Cole say Cullen was a “good Templar who remembered the mages are people” when Cullen literally has a line in 2 saying “Mages aren’t people like you and me.” which is a direct quote from him, and even though Cole should by all rights be terrified by Cullen. Also, all of Varric’s Inquisition characterization.)

I mean, her companion quest is just there to have you distrust her briefly (the quest is named after a classic villain line and the youth potion paper) before “surprising” the player with the the fact that she… has layers? Cares about someone? Which is so… incredibly stupid on the Dev’s parts for a variety of reasons that if I talk about now I will start getting genuinely angry over.

I also think she has some very redeeming qualities. I personally found that she was very compassionate towards an Inquisitor she was friends with. It doesn’t stop her from being opportunistic, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing necessarily. I think this bit specifically is probably something we won’t agree on however, since we have very different readings on these moments, so I’m going keep it at that.

None of this is meant to convince you to like her at all, but I wanted to explain my perspective in doing so since you seemed confused about it.

TLDR: I, and many other pro-mage Vivienne fans, are aware of her flaws, but we think that was a terrible writing decision and do see several redeemable qualities in her character. None of this is meant to sway you in your dislike of her, but I wanted to explain my perspective since you said you didn’t understand how someone could like Vivienne and be pro-mage.

(P.S. I am very sorry if any of this comes off as condescending or if this was completely unwelcome. I’m autistic and have a hard time with tone, both reading it and delivering it. I’m working on it, but I’m still not good at tone over text.)

I. I understand all of this. I’ve criticized the fact they made the first black companion a huge bitch and a bigot against her own kind from the second it became clear that was her personality? But her being the first black companion also doesn’t innately make her a good character. Being a minority doesn’t make what a character does automatically ok or less bad, and idealization is dehumanization as much as villainizing is. It makes BioWare’s writers and their decisions gross, and their agenda gross, any anyone who uses her sucking as an excuse to be racist or disproportionately hateful to only the black companion horrible, but it at the same time doesn’t just…make her good, or ok.

She’s written stupidly, but the character they made is a bigot given no real character growth who tries to ruin the advances for mage rights even if you put forth the best possible outcomes (Lelianna Divine, allied Mages) and befriended Vivienne. She straight sucks. She does. She is a bad, selfish, emotionally manipulative person with no empathy for those of her kind less privileged than her, and a species traitor. (Or whatever? Can’t think of a better thing to categorize Mages as. Class??) It’s not like I only complain about her. I’ve been just as liberal complaining about Doriana and Sera and every other fucked up choice the Devs made. If you’ve seen anything I posted the past week, you’ve probably seen me having a meltdown over how utterly unsalvagable Inquisition is as a game. As for Viv herself, she’s not devoid of good qualities. She’ll be nice if she’s your friend, you’re right, but you have to be kind of terrible to befriend her at all, and so? So is everyone on the planet. That’s what fair weather friends /are/. But beyond that, yeah. She’s not all evil. She cared about the guy she was mistress to. She’s not a monster. But she high key is a terrible person and sucks. You’re right, the devs making her quest a quote from the Queen from Snow White of all things, to encourage a player to lie to her, is fucked up. So is literally everything they did to her. So is how they treated Bull, and Dorian, and Sera, and all kinds of things. But that doesn’t make the character good.

From your own description, you don’t actually like canon Vivienne. You like the HC version you rewrote in your head. And that’s fair, and it’s a fair way to say fuck you to the devs—I do the same with Solas. But you’ll never see me not absolutely accusing the shit out of canon end game Trespasser Solas—he’s a racial supremacist genocide intellectual dude bro, which is a horrific choice for the devs to make esp considering his preTrespasser characterization, but that’s still what he was. I can ignore that and make my HCs, but I’m not going to pretend canon wasn’t what it is. It was. And I wasn’t complaining I see alternate takes on Vivienne, but that I see people talk about Canon Viv like she’s a girlboss while claiming to be pro mage, and those things just concretely do not and cannot go together. And that complaint absolutely stands. It’s cool and even good to hc and rewrite her as a different person. But that’s not canon Viv anymore then, it’s an OC that should have been in the game.

[imaketheladiesmcswoon]

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[defiantsuggestions]

"No one who really loves you would ever be abusive"

Stop. Stop it. Stop.

Yes, sometimes it's increadably healthy and good for someone to realize that the person hurting them doesn't actually love them. Yes, a lot of people have found healing, and the power to let someone go with that realization. Yes, you personally might have benefited from this mindset.

And good for you, if you did. That's honistly amazing. You should be proud of yourself, you went through something unimaginably hard.

However; insisting that every instance of abuse requires an abuser be incapable of love for their victim means that it is dangerously easy for someone in that situation to think, "well, obviously they love me, therefore I am not being abused."

Yes, people who abuse others are awful.

They are, however, also people. They are people, not some inhuman, unknowable force, and therefore they are all different.

In spaces where I've shared my experiences with other survivors of abuse, I have many times had the notion that, "they never REALLY loved you, it was all a lie, just a sick game on their part" shoved down my throat by people who did not live my life and who know nothing about me personally. And multiple times, when I've corrected them, I've been talked down to, mocked, pitied for my naivety, and on occasion straight up attacked.

I find this behavior shitty.

For a couple reasons.

First of all, I didn't always recognize I was being abused. This took me time to learn, time to accept, time to process. If I'd have tried to find support way back when I was first figuring out how fucked up my situation was, that would have set me back. That would have supported the nonsense my abusers were telling me, about how they loved me and that the suffering they caused was normal, non-abusive behavior. It would have harmed me further. I would have believed I was being abused, but not if that meant I wasn't loved.

Second, their love is interwoven into my lived experience. I know they loved me. To have a stranger come up and tell me I must not know what love is, to tell me that I must not know what it is to love or be loved and if I believed what I was saying, then I must not know what I'm talking about and I must be stupid for believing otherwise.

"Abusers are incapable of love" should not be the narrative.

(Worth noting; assuming that abusers are incapable of love leads to the thought that, "people incapable of love must be abusive" which is ableist and full of problems in of itself)

The narrative should be, "love isn't enough to erase the actions of an abuser."

It's not a matter of love. So what if they love you deep down?! It's not stopping them from hurting you! You deserve better. The presence of love doesn't grant them permission to treat you like dirt!

People can love you for the wrong reasons.

Love doesn't fix everything. It's not a magical essence that makes everything suddenly alright.

Yes, there are abusers out there who never loved their victims. Yes, there are victims that take comfort in the realization that love was never present.

But this is not the only narrative, and pretending that it is isn't going to help every victim you come across.

People can love you for the wrong reasons. People can love you and not actually care if you're suffering. You have every fucking right to leave them if they are hurting you. It doesn't matter if they love you. Whether or not they love you shouldn't even be part of the equation.

How many people out there agonize over whether their abuser loves them or not? How many people stay in the relationship because they can't decide if the love is genuine? How many people sit and hold on to, "what if my parents/friend/significant other loves me? Should I really be so quick to leave?"

Abuse is abuse. It doesn't matter if there is love present. There can be love present, I've seen it happen. Insisting that it's impossible so viciously is talking over other victims who suffered through different experiences than you.

And it's so important to have the lesson out there that even if someone loves you, their love doesn't matter if they are willfully, purposely, repeatedly, unapologetically, hurting you.

You can leave, even if there is love. You should leave, even if there is love. Love doesn't make an abusive relationship okay.

You deserve better. You deserve to be safe, and happy, and away from the people who insist on hurting you. Don't let love hold you back from getting free of abuse.