realnoira

[realnoira]

Regarding New York City.

Times square is an alternate dystopian reality, you can’t tell me otherwise. Ads everywhere they’re almost popping up inside your brain, you’re suffocated with buildings, breathing is difficult because the streets smell atrocious. Somehow there is very strange funky steam coming at you from all directions, from the four kebab carts grilling meats behind you, the weed smoker next to you, the ground releasing hot stinky steam (subway-related(?)) from below you, and a million cars releasing straight carbon dioxide into your lungs in front of you. How the fuck is this glamorous? I felt disgusting the entire time (even though I looked cute af). But it was all worth it for Hamilton.. still mind-blown by it. These broadway shows, and particularly this one, take so much talent and hard work to perfect to this level. How are the actors/performers not famous?? The guy playing Hamilton only had 9K followers on instagram.. WHAT. I genuinely hope they all become millionaires. They can sing, rap, dance and act LIVE. Your faves probably can’t do any (sorry but be for real). Another thing I liked about NYC is that everything is available everywhere any time (yes I was just complaining about ads everywhere and I fucking hate capitalism but it’s nice sometimes). Bagels were gigantic and good. One bagel place had a 4.9 rating in google maps with +3000 votes lol WHAT. Also, the Moynihan train station is incredible wtf? How is a train station cleaner and more organized than an airport.. I loved it so much I wanted to just stay there. But at the end of the day, I’ll take Boston over NYC. I mean, Boston is essentially the same but more tame with big brains and green plains that can magically heal your pains… oh what’s happenin’? Is this the influence of Hamilton? what are these rhymes I’m channelin’???? What in the world are these ramblings?? Are we done with this post or are we scrambling? What community are you tapping in????? Please post now and STOP this gambling!!! Maybe find another platform to keep yapping in…..

[realnoira]

You don’t understand how hard I cringe when I hear someone saying shit like “childhood trauma can manifest in adulthood” or “hurt people hurt people”. Like… yeah Sherlock, thanks for unlocking the most basic concept in emotional intelligence. Don’t fucking talk to me you’re a moron if you think that’s news.

Also this is completely unrelated but I recently have been feeling strongly towards millennials who act like millennials and try too hard to seem quirky and approachable, I just want them to fucking relax it’s making me sad. I know how exhausting it is to have to put on that bubbly happy persona to appear okay and the desperate need to keep everyone happy and to be perceived well. I can see how exhausting that is to them. I just wanna tell them it’s fine you literally don’t have to it’s ok, but ofc that’ll never register because the damage is already done. I’m a millennial too but I’m like a pick-me millennial cuz I’m not like the other ones. I do feel exactly the same need to control and keep everyone happy and pretend everything is ok as they do but I’m disgustingly aware of so I try not to act on it, still feels shitty though.

Another unrelated thing is that I’ve recently been so annoyed with people who fucking suck at maintaining a normal conversation online. I’m specifically referring to online conversations with people you don’t know very well (AKA not your friends). It infuriates me how, not just zero, but negative effort some people are willing to put in. This level of laziness is such an insta turn off to the entire dead boring interaction. If you start a conversation with “hi” or anything similar to that, or a random qUirKy gif, or worst of fucking all… a song, I’m instantly mad. Instant resentment. Blacklisted. That’s so fucking boring oh my god I want to scream. You’re dumping all of the conversation carrying on the other person. What this says is “I’m so fucking boring there’s no interesting way I can start a conversation with you but I want to, so I need you to do the carrying”. Please stop. Why would you think someone would find it interesting to interact with that? If someone does, then they’re boring as fuck too maybe you two are fit. It’s infuriating because people don’t realize how bad this makes them look. In my experience it’s either that or a sudden trauma dump that nobody fucking asked for. Y’all need help. Sick and tired of letting all that crap pass by. NO MORE! I WILL SHAME U INTO BECOMING DECENT CONVERSATIONERS MFs.

[realnoira]

It’s not attractive to speak negatively about yourself. But why am I even trying to be attractive? Who’s there that’s important to be attractive to? It’s pathetic to seek the validation of a void, but we all obviously know why that’s the case.

I’ve lived an extremely sheltered life that destroyed every shred of self-assurance I could ever briefly scrape up. It really is sad honestly. It makes you and insta-outcast in the universe. It’s nobody’s responsibility of course, but the way you speak to your children is indeed their inner monologue as adults. Breaking out of debilitating negative mental loops is not a thing you can do in a healthy way. oK sTop ComPlaAinInG wHatS tHe SolUtiOn tHen? We all know what the solution is but we can’t really say it out loud.

[realnoira]

I want twitter without the twitterness.

I like tweeting because it allows me to organize my thoughts before saying something -unless I'm fangirling over something/someone... there are no thoughts there-. There are many reasons why that's a good thing, but I want to highlight something specific.

Organizing my thoughts into a tweet or a short blog post doesn't just end there. It actively helps me think through and process things and maybe even alter how I'm feeling at that moment. It also strengthens my understanding of something, helps me learn better. This provides an opportunity to grow a teeny tiny bit, because organized thoughts mean more self-assurance, intelligence and massively enhanced communication, which is a crucial skill lacked by MANY people. The "twitterness" part is relating to how this beneficial practice is hijacked by overthinking about how whatever we tweet will be perceived. Anything you tweet could potentially fall under criticism by chronically online sickos. This ultimately destroys the process and nothing good is gained. Since Path's demise, I had always wished there was an alternative place where I could write stuff down mainly for myself. Random thoughts, new things I learned, quotes, opinions...etc without the stress of being perceived by chronic-onlineness.

I recently learned that this is already a thing and it has a name. It's called a "commonplace book". I love its concept. I guess this blog could kinda be my own online commonplace book -with limitations of course, I'm not sharing my most controversial opinions on here... unless?-

GN

[realnoira]

I hate it when I get sent music.

CW: Agressive language.

Edit: Please note I'm mad at myself not you.... maybe a little mad at you. Actually.. if you think this is about you... it is yes you're absolutely right, it's specifically about YOU yes YOU I'm sub-blogging you MF GET ON THIS LEVEL OF BEING DRIVEN TO INSANITY. (I am joking idiot). This will be less structured than the previous post. It's also a joke but not really.

I'm feeling very passionate about this, but I've always been "nice". I am so sorry. I have to say -actually I want to scream- this: Don't ever send me unsolicited music to listen to. I will not listen to it. I don't find it cute nor endearing to have music sent to me, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. It rEminDed yOu oF Me? Good keep that to yourself why do I need to know this information? That's cringe as fuck. Who do you think you are? What do you think this is? Sorry if I made you think I care? Unless we've been friends for >10 years, who the fuck do you think you are? If one more person sends me the most basic ass sleeper song in the universe (Unless you're Copynine) or sends me dubstep thinking I'll like it because I said I like techno I WILL be slashing my wrists in the middle of this establishment. It's so fucking annoying. I rarely like things from first listen. I RARELY lose my mind over a song from just one listen. So the chance of liking the thing u send me is <0.001%. You're basically expecting me to KEEP listening to it to make it GROW ON ME? GO FUCK YOURSELF. Do you understand why I hate this? Because the outcome is: 1) sorry I hate it -> i feel guilty. Or 2) sorry I hate it but I feel like it's unfair and i feel like you expect me to like it so now I feel like i have to listen to it more and more which is something I don't want to do and now my brain has negative connotations about you and your shitty unsolicted request. I don't find it cute at all, it's the opposite. I'm sick and tired of wasting my time on crap and forcing myself to like shit I DONT because of my people-pleaser tendencies and you idiots thinking I'll find it nice for you to shove your shitty taste down my throat? GO FUCK YOURSELVES.

love yall 💓

[realnoira]

No idea who’s reading this, but hello. Welcome to the random inner-workings of my mind.

I’m here, it’s 1:45 AM and I haven’t slept. I always get this jolt of energy and major FOMO past midnight. I created this blog a while ago and never used it. I didn’t have the chance to sit down and write something organized, so I kept putting it off. I do, however, have many random unfinished notes app thoughts that I may want to share someday. But right now, I just wanted to say hello and put some thoughts into words.

Is this blog for updates about myself? About things I’m obsessing over? a journal/dairy? A stream of consciousness? Or Is it just tweets on steroids? It’s all of the above.

I’ve said this a million times before and never really upheld it, but I genuinely want to minimize my consumption of social media, especially Twitter. I thankfully don’t use Instagram for obvious reasons. I wish to overall minimize my existence and emotional reliance on social media. That’s sad to say isn’t it? But it’s unfortunately true. Addictions sprout from voids, and the social and emotional void I -and many others- experience is jarring. The results are almost inevitable. It pisses me off when people criticize others for “seeking online validation”, completely disregarding the fact that validation is a human need. As a social species, lacking validation from the adults around us growing up literally threatens our survival. This leads to developing all kinds of mental complexes forcing us to obtain it elsewhere. Telling someone that validation comes from within is ignorant. Humans are a social species and need to feel a sense of belonging. This is a universal human experience, not just applicable to seeking validation online. It’s everywhere. People need something to belong to to fill that void that was stripped from them growing up.

Therefore, saying I want to minimize my existence and reliance on online socializing doesn’t mean I simply want to do that for the sake of it, because that’s pointless. I hope to fill my own void in a healthy and safe way in real life. Being chronically online is just sad and pathetic (Yes I can say that because I was once chronically online). Seriously… touch grass.

I still have a lot to say, hoping to get a chance to say some of it soon. It’s 2:14 AM now, GN.

[realnoira]