#i also appreciate that this can allow for a lot of different afterlife expectations

[skarmoree]

hi long time mutual, I know it's probably pretty obvious from my posting, but I finished aa6 a few days ago and I wasn't expecting to come out of it a slightly incoherent mess that keeps trying to rotate all its flaws into something sensible, I would appreciate you sharing some thoughts or opinions on it or recommending good fanfic to read about it (you don't have to, though). Thank you for looking at this 💗

hooooooooooough boy okay SO i saw this ask in my notifs and immediately ran to grab my laptop so i can actually write a response you are in for a RIDE you've activated my unskippable cutscene i could go on and on and on forever about aa6 it is everything to me

first off: what flaws. its like, on par with every other aa game erhghdflhk theyve all got a couple; people just dont like aa5/6 and nitpick it way too much its exhausting ffjgh

second: *slaps roof of khura'in* [SCREECHES] i have so many headcanons and worldbuilding ideas about khura'in that the game only barely covers/implies/isnt able to show in the limited "only there for half the game" timeframe, not only about the judicial system but also about culture and religion and food and language and climate and--

im gonna put a read more.

Nahyuta Sahdmadhi. bottom text. hi this guy is ourple! and very precious to me hes SO special i am holding him tightly but also what is 🆙 buddy whadda hell.

so the wiki says he's a "childhood friend" of apollo's and lists Dhurke as his "foster father" but also like. he was raised by that man for his formative years. thats his dad. yuty is his brother. very very VERY much so. ga'ran literally refers to them as brothers. yuty says "our father". idk what the wiki isn't seeing theyre brothers and i love their dynamic so much

that being said! their entire dynamic hinges on the fact that neither of them have seen each other since they were aged in the single digits, half a lifetime ago. theyre practically strangers. and that shit is so fascinating to me because you have to realise that theyve changed so much over the last thirteen or so years that theyre practically unrecognisable as the kid the other grew up with. its heartbreaking

see also: how bad do you have to fuck up for all three of your kids to call you by your first name

i am utterly enamoured by how much this game gives you in terms of this family dynamic. Apollo justice can't catch a break. first your sister (not that he knows but he certainly feels like she is) gets fuckin arrested on charges of murder and then you find out the prosecutor for it is your brother. and you're like. oh okay thats weird why's he a prosecutor isnt the DCA what we-- excuse me he what.

look. i think yuty in court is hilarious. he, a monk of a religion that wouldnt have an afterlife or hell simply due to the existence of spirits and channelling. and he spouts all that bullshit and nobody calls him out on it because what are you gonna do? tell the foreigner he's not allowed to talk about his beliefs? apollo, dont be rude he's a guest, athena says. apollo glares across the courtroom, knowing he doesn't believe a single word coming out of his own mouth.

yuty in court also has this subtle difference in demeanour between western and khura'inese courts. he's a little more lax in america i swear on every god out there nobody believes me when i say this but i swear it exists. despite being highly ranked in the faith, or at least held in higher regard due to his status as both a prosecutor and someone close to the Khura'in royal family; nahyuta also has a lot of respect for the sciences? like. despite the fact that the séance is the only thing needed in khura'inese courts to convict someone, brings ema over to investigate? he's slowly and surely working against the ga'ran regime, but he can't do it openly because of the threat of rayfa's safety.

thing is, inga did in fact love her as his own daughter, so i think she would've been safe in some way, which makes everything else feel all the more meaningless. yuty practically gave up in those last few years, you can tell in the way dhurke spoke of him to apollo and how he wants to save him, dhurke blames himself entirely for how distant yuty ended up from him, and how he got stuck in ga'ran's web the final case is meant to feel hopeless, it's such a moment, its the first time we see apollo break in the whole trilogy (bar the off-screen yell over the loss of Clay in 5-4) and he barely pulls himself back together.

but apollo has mr wright by his side during that. nahyuta, on the other side of the courtroom, slowly coming to the same realisation, the same breaking point, has nobody. theyre stuck on opposite sides of the courtroom, ga'ran is viewing it as a triumph, the Dragon is finally dead, and his sons cannot reach for each other, they cannot comfort each other in this time. Nahyuta's line here? the first time he ever refers to his brother in-game by his first name? the broken, quiet, "a...pol....lo"? YEAH. girlies when i say i cracked

im just saying shit ekdxjghk this is getting LONG i have entire essays in my head if you want to hear more i am literally always down to do so i didn't say much abt the american side of things but GOD DAMN the magical turnabout lives rentfree in my braiiim im growing musheroomes thinking about ittttt

If you liked storyteller and want more 6-4 content may i direct you over to my friend @ashe-hallows

Now. fics.

if you want to read abt rayf pollo truce and yuty trying to navigate around being siblings together, and a prank war, please read my friend @echoing-sounds 's work "this means war (a lesson in bonding)"

my friend @amamillalatortilla 's works, notably "call back to reality", a short AU where during 6-5 yuty gets shot (he's fine, prommy) she's also written plenty more aa6 fics for sicktember !

between us & then, by pinkstar14. i read this as it was being uploaded, like. i'd click a new chapter and see the number go up. this is everything to me its so much i adore it holy shit it makes me turn into the embodiment of the girlbypool.jpg its just. a bad situation getting worse and worse and you dont see the resolution until the games bc its a prequel lord help me

(also shameless plugs of my own aa6 fics below uwu) give me two damn minutes (and I'll be fine) , my take on the sibling reveal. if you're going to read any of my fics please let it be this one waugh (this is here bc its set 5 years post aa6 btw lol, and references it a couple times) or try some of my sicktembers! unyeilding, unwavering, understanding, in which rayfa's sick, yuty's worried, and apollo is far to perceptive about the real reasons underlying it who'll save you when you fall?, in which yuty faints, and his siblings try to get him to take better care of himself awake, awake, you children bold, set after the river incident, just some dhurke and datz coparenting I have some others too, set at various points both during and post game (and including ema!) but these are my personal faves

aaaaaaaaallrighty! im gonna stop here edfgjshgfjdgdfkgh but please i adore aa6 if you ever want to talk about it i'll be very happy to listen !

[homosociallyyours]

12, 14, 34, 69 please. Have a nice day, megan

12) have you ever stayed up for 48 hours?

Not quite, but I've definitely done something like 36 when I was in college. We had a competition between classes where each class wrote and performed a 30 minute musical each year, and it involved a few overnight paint sessions. That meant staying up through the night and then going to classes the next day before crashing for a nap. Very fun at the time, wouldn't do again!

14) do you miss anyone right now?

LOTS OF PEOPLE. Miss my family a lot right now (haven't seen them since April 2019, and there's a whole kid I haven't met). Miss my bff. Also miss my bestie, who tends to stop communicating when things are hard-- we haven't spoken since about a week or two before lockdown.

34) who/what was your last dream about?

My dreams are frequently very complex and strange, and sometimes I don't want to remember them. The most recent one I can recall involved some sort of dangerous plot, a large building with a grand hallway, and nobody familiar to me. The vibe was unsettling but luxurious, I think? Also vaguely futuristic.

69) do you believe in soulmates?

Yes-ish. Idk how much I've talked about this here, but I have a kind of elaborate idea about souls and death/afterlife that I can kinda reduce to: when you die, I think your consciousness disperses into the world, settling into other living things/joining into their consciousness. Every living thing has a consciousness/soul/life force that's made up of these little bits of energy. This energy isn't created or destroyed-- it's part of an endless loop of experience and emotion and life.

With that in mind, I think sometimes soul pieces recognize each other. If you've ever had a moment where this happens, it feels different from attraction or curiosity. There's a deep and immediate comfort that comes seemingly out of nowhere. It's strange and wonderful.

That said, there's no one soul mate for a person. You might see the husk of a fallen tree and feel a kinship-- soulmate. You might feel an immediate affinity for a child on a playground-- soulmate. There's nothing inherently romantic about it, but sometimes that might be a part of it too. Incidentally I like that this explains past lives, too, even if they're a little out there. Is it possible that every person who's claimed to have been Cleopatra actually has a tiny fragment of her consciousness folded into their being? I mean. WHY NOT?

Anywayyyy that was a long answer!! Anyone who likes these ideas is free to take what you enjoy and adapt it to suit your own needs and beliefs btw :)

[astaroth1357]

More undateables with a demigod hades mc???

By request, have yourself a part two!! 

Demigod MC Series: Hades Pt. 2 (Un)Dateables Edition!

I will ask that y’all please don't ask for continuations of other gods unless I say it’s okay to do again. This series already fills my inbox something fierce and this is a one-off that I allowed for during the request window.  If I have to make ideas for new gods while continuing a bunch of old MCs, it'll burn me out fast...

Demigod MC Series: Intro, Aphrodite, Hermes, Hades, Dionysus, Demeter, Athena, Hades Pt. 2

Diavolo

Oh, he has no problem at all hosting a child of the Underworld, hell he even throws them a welcome banquet when he finds out! Hades is a dear friend - and practically a parental figure to him growing up - so he's more than happy to take in one of his children for a year.

Diavolo is actually one of the few people that the MC can talk to about their home with any kind of fondness. Usually when they bring up things like the comforting wailing of the River Coctyus, the brothers will give them weird looks... but Diavolo knows where they're coming from!

He spent numerous summers in the Underworld growing up doing things like pestering Charon on the River Styx or playing games with Cerberus (the other one) in the Asphodel Meadows... His beach house is actually modeled after his childhood summer home in the Isles of Paradise! Really, it can be a lovely place if the gloom doesn't bother you!

So in the spirit of his fond memories, Diavolo really tried to make their time in the Devildom a fun one!... in his maybe trying a little too hard way…  

Poor MC found themselves offered pretty much everything under the moon… Tickets or exclusive passes to different cultural events/festivals, invitations to gala events, and tours of nearly every inch of Hell by the Prince himself - it was… it was a lot for the poor introverted thing…

It didn’t help that Diavolo would have a hard time gauging if they were having any fun due to their naturally melancholic nature, which only pushed him to try harder… He means well, he does. He’s just not the most in touch with what would make an anti-social doom child happy...

It took Barbatos and Lucifer stepping in for the mortal to actually start getting some much needed space and that improved their experience significantly. Sometimes less is more, Dia… Less is more. But they appreciate his efforts anyway.

Barbatos 

Also has a pretty amicable relationship with the Ruler of the Underworld, though his is much more professional compared to Diavolo’s. He actually has a good deal of appreciation for the man for taking good care of the Prince during his visits, so he sees this as an opportunity to return the favor.

Like Diavolo, he’s rather focused on making sure the MC is having a good stay in the Devildom, but he’s much more subtle about it. He’ll come by the House often to check up on them and make sure everything is to their liking... 

Even the brothers notice that he treats them like anothering visiting Lord/Lady in that way, which he would argue they very much are and should be respected as one. It’s the least the Devildom can offer their father at this point.

His visits may also be an excuse for keeping an eye on the brothers to make sure they don’t do anything to inconvenience their “young guest…” To be honest, the entire House is a little paranoid about that… Nobody wants to know the punishment for hurting MC if Barbs is the one dishing it out...

Apart from watching out for them, Barbatos tries to encourage the MC to accept the Young Lord’s gifts (while also actively advising Diavolo to go easier on them at the same time). It would be so disheartening to him if his Prince feels like he hasn’t offered them the best experience that he could… He’s sure they understand.

Any time that he invites the MC to tea, they usually end up talking about their father in some way. Barbs knows a surprising amount about the god… He’s been around about as long as Chronos - preceding the birth of Aether and Chaos themselves - so he has some stories to tell.

The MC did once ask him why he doesn’t just run everything if he’s really been around for so long... his answer was: “Kings and their kingdoms will rise and fall… Worlds upon worlds are born, then cease to be. But time is what brings about all changes… So, I think I’m perfectly content with the power I possess. Wouldn’t you be?” 

Annnd they never asked Barbs another question like that again… and people think death is scary… 

Simeon 

He was honestly a little worried for their new companion for quite a while… It’s not like there’s never any sadness in the Celestial Realm or anything, but they seem to have something else entirely…

He’s heard stories about the Underworld. He’s never been himself, that’s usually a job for the Seraphim due to the… dreary nature of the place - but he’s heard it would make the Devildom look downright festive…

If he were being honest, he had half expected the MC to be obsessed with skeletons, ghosts, and other elements of darkness but that wasn’t the case. They certainly knew a lot about those things, but they appeared to have a healthy interest in the afterlife in general, so they asked him a lot of questions about the Celestial Realm, angels, and how the souls of the blessed are treated up there… It was surprising to say the least.

Of course he did the same and, frankly, Simeon found it incredibly wasteful that so many Greek followers find themselves just wasting away in a field of nothing for so long… but that’s neither here nor there.

He was also surprised by how gentle of an influence the MC ended up being on Luke as well. He had always suspected that the little angel just needed a bridge between him and Devildom to start finding appreciation for it, and the MC fit that bill perfectly - nothing he was used to, but still approachable enough to make everything less frightening. He thanks them a great deal for that… but...

It’s just that… Well they’re just so… depressing sometimes…! He doesn’t want to blame them because it hardly seems like their fault! They’re a very kind person, it’s just an atmosphere around them… It brings him to tears if he isn’t careful…

He’s invited the MC to Purgatory Hall on multiple occasions to chat and try to make them smile… When they do, the gloom is dispelled - even just a little - and they’re a truly beautiful creature regardless. It’s just so unfortunate that their life brings so much sadness...

Even so, he actually likes the MC enough to consider basing a character on them if he ever wrote another book. Something about a gloomy but sweet protagonist at home in a world of darkness sounds appealing… doesn’t it?

Luke

He didn’t know how to feel about the MC when they met. At first, he actually thought they were just as unhappy as he was to be there due to how depressed they looked but when they told him that wasn't true, he was really confused...

The Devildom is a dark, brutish, and dangerous place. Why would anyone feel at home down here??

But… well… He would spend time with them at RAD between breaks (partially to help scare off their many, many demonic suitors) and it might be weird to say, but they really made the Devildom look beautiful… literally.

The world just looks better when they’re around! It’s really hard to describe because it’s not something you notice much until they leave, but when the MC is around everything looks more vibrant and inviting! The grass gets greener, flowers grow bigger, and butterflies/birds hover around wherever they are like they have their own gravity - the realm loves them!

It started getting hard for Luke to hang onto his disdain for the place when they made it look so appealing… And then they started talking to him about the Underworld and the creatures they’d befriended there… creatures a lot worse than any demons he’d seen there...

Like. If the MC can be good friends with a bunch of rude walking corpses, then he could probably make friends with a demon right? There’s nice ones… kind of… 

Beel. He can make friends with Beel.

Like Simeon, he does feel bad that they seem so sad all the time… but unlike the older angel, he’s a bit more understanding that this is just how they are and enjoys his time with them regardless. (It helps a lot that just being around this little bean of a boy can lift their spirits anyway).

And you know what’s even better for him? When Lord Diavolo gives the MC tickets to things that they don’t want to go to, sometimes they’ll invite him along or give them to him instead! 

He’s gone to the Devil’s Coast with MC and Simeon sooo many times by now and he loves it!! Maybe the Devildom isn’t so bad after all, I mean, it can be a lot of fun when you go to the right places, anyway.

Solomon

Oh, he finds them both deeply fascinating and utterly terrifying - so just his sort of test sub-er, person!

He kids (somewhat), Solomon isn’t that dumb/lacking in self-preservation instinct. Experimenting on a child of death in a land of the dead (even if it’s not their “home turf”) would be asking for trouble. They’d have more than enough ammunition to fight him off and if their father found out? Immortality wouldn’t even begin to save him...

That being said, questions aren’t necessarily experiments… and oh boy, does he have a lot of them.

If the MC isn’t being pestered by Diavolo or the brothers, then they’re probably having to put up with Solomon nipping at their heels trying to get them to use their powers or answer all sorts of “innocent” scientific questions…

“MC, reanimation of Greek dead requires a blood offering, correct? Do you have to sacrifice animals for that process or do you allow them to feast on your own?”

“MC, when you’re controlling a skeleton do you move the body as a whole or do you have to animate each individual bone due to their lack of ligaments?”

“Think fast!! Oh look, you just caught the skull of my good friend, Richard! Could you bring him back from that, or should I fetch the rest of him?” 🙂

They put up with it because, believe it or not, he’s not nearly the weirdest person they’ve ever met (a lot of crazy people drift in and out of the land of the dead…) and well… they’re a pretty lonely person too so it’s not like they have a lot of standards when it comes to friendships anyway.

But the second they breathe a word of this to Barbs or Diavolo, this boy is on his way to a royal restraining order… Where does he even get those skulls…?

[what-even-is-thiss]

Spirituality anon here! Thanks for your help, Roman! I really appreciate you taking the time to answer my question. I have one more, and no need to answer it if it’s too uncomfortable or sensitive, but do all Christian churches expect members to believe every part of the gospel? Idk if I’m using that term correctly. I know there is a belief about going to hell/not being “saved” if you don’t believe in Christ and idk if that is all Christianity or just some denominations. If I didn’t want subscribe to that belief, for example, but was still interested in theology and learning the messages of the Bible, understanding verses, and listening to sermons, would I still be able to “join” a church? Or am I better off looking into other ways to practice my spirituality (Unitarianism, Buddhism etc)? Again I understand this is a bit more of a sensitive question so no worries if you can’t answer it! Thanks again and have a great day x

The Bible isn’t actually super clear on the existence of Hell. Lutheran churches (what I belong to) generally let members decide if they believe in Hell and I personally don’t believe in Hell and believe that whatever death/heaven involves really isn’t something that living people are meant to understand so I focus mostly on what my religion means for me in the here and now while I’m alive.

However, a lot of denominations will focus heavily on the afterlife. Southern Baptists and Independent Baptists come to mind for me personally because historically those are the people that have yelled at me on street corners for not being baptist. Not all baptist churches are like that though. Some are really chill. Again, a lot of stuff depends on the culture of individual churches.

I could be wrong but I believe that currently Catholicism defines Hell as being far from God and Heaven as being close to God so technically I guess you could be in Heaven or hell right now according to that.

If you’re interested in a particular church or denomination you can often Google what they believe about being “saved” or their stance on Heaven and Hell. A lot of more charismatic movements will be really dramatic and call people during worship services who feel called to be saved to stand in front of the crowd and have hands layed on them. This personally makes me really uncomfortable but it is a fulfilling experience for some people.

As far as believing the whole gospel? It depends. Generally if a church’s website states that they believe that the Bible is the literal word of god and must be taken literally that’s a red flag. They’re probably fundies.

The general hard and solid rule that unites all Christians is that Jesus represents God’s plan to save humanity (in whatever way they interpret that) and that you’re not allowed to worship other gods apart from the one god (the trinity). Christianity weirdly enough doesn’t necessarily require the denial of the existence of other gods or religions. If you want to follow the rules though the one solid thing almost all Christians have in common is that you’re not allowed to worship other gods and idols. A lot of folks even go as far to say that you can’t idolize humans or ideas. Being an especially rabid Justin Bieber fan, for example. But not everyone goes that far with it.

Some Christians are also Buddhists because technically Buddhism is also just a philosophy so if you don’t worship Buddha that’s allowed.

If you look long enough you’ll likely find a church that agrees with you or will at least be accepting of your different ideas. Especially if you live in a big city. Some Christian churches even openly accept non believers into their communities but I’m not gonna pretend like they’re the majority or even easy to find.

Getting started with religion for the first time can be a long journey sometimes full of a lot of research and false starts. Don’t get discouraged if the first church you find isn’t as great as you thought it was. Church shopping is a little bit like dating. Both you and the congregation have to like each other and have some similar values. Sometimes it’s love at first sight, sometimes the love grows over time, sometimes nothing ever clicks perfectly, sometimes over time you grow apart. And that’s life, I think.

But hey, there’s always the Unitarians. They’ll take anybody. And they’re pretty cool. My dad goes to a Unitarian church sometimes because he’s secular but he likes the structure of religion and if I’m being honest sometimes I go to the Unitarian church to celebrate the solstices and equinoxes and they’re always very kind to me when I visit.

[omg-imagine]

All We Are

Pairing: Johnny Silverhand x female!V

Summary: V is jealous after Johnny’s date with Rogue, which leads to an honest discussion about where they both stand.

Words: 1.7k

Warning: spoilers for Blistering Love side job, a little angst

A/N: Requested by an anon. This may be a bit different than what you were expecting, but I was in the feels™. Hope you still enjoy :)

Also, can we please talk about how adorable he looks in the gif?? 

The long drive back to the apartment was silent; the utter stillness in the car weighs heavily on V’s mind. Hands gripping tight on the steering wheel, she tries to ignore this unsettling ache she has, not allowing even an ounce of thought to pass. Though she chalks it off as a side effect of the pseudoendotrizine, this strange, hollow feeling of hers continues to stir deep inside, burning, burning and burning.

And so, she switches on the radio and focuses ahead on the stretch of road winding down the North Oak hills, the approaching lights of Night City glowing brighter against the inky skies. A fresh breeze flows into the open windows, dulling the tension for a moment.

A moment of tranquility that ends far too soon, yet it was a moment V’s at least grateful to have.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Johnny points out, the gruff baritone of his voice piercing the air. “An enny for your thoughts?”

Kicking his feet up on the dashboard, his aviators glint in the silver moonlight, making him appear impossibly more obnoxious than he usually is. He acts as if he’s not aware of the recent thoughts plaguing V’s head, but perhaps that truly was the case. If it were, then she would be surprised— Johnny often invades her mind, poking and prodding at things he shouldn’t be. For a while, she assumes he knows.

“Just tired,” V replies monotonously. Her answer was far from a lie; she really was tired. Exhausted, even. All she wants is to collapse into bed, pass out, and hope that for a few short hours, she can forget about today, about everything.

“Huh,” he breathes out, and V spares him not a single glance. “Pretty sure somethin’ was up. You’ve been actin’ weird since we left the drive-in.”

A chuckle rumbles through her chest. V still finds it unusual for Johnny to act so… concerned. Almost caring, if she had to be honest. She’s noticed a change in him recently, which became apparent after their conversation in the oil fields. He’s a lot softer now, sometimes sweet, both in his own unique way, of course. As if his rough edges were slightly smoothed out with sandpaper, enough that they no longer cut and make her bleed.

V would often catch him staring when he thinks she’s not looking. She also doesn’t fail to miss the small smile that creeps across his face as she talks. And in those passing seconds that lasts an eternity when the relic malfunctions, Johnny was there to offer her comfort. He’d kneel down to the ground while she coils in agony, whispering promises that this will all be over soon. That one way or another, they would get rid of that goddamn chip slotted in V’s head and ultimately save her life.

Life. Life has a funny way of unraveling itself. Fuck, this all seems like a cruel joke the universe is playing on V. Fate is rarely kind to her, a sad fact she’s accepted over the years. Never would she have imagined that after experiencing the pain of heartbreak and loss, she’d find herself falling for someone at the worst possible time.

And that someone is the imprisoned digital ghost of a rockerboy-turned-terrorist studying her from the passenger seat.

But V’s adamant in denying it. Her life was too fucking complicated for this right now.

“Are you capable of shutting the fuck up for two seconds?” V bitterly snaps, the hands on the wheel clenching stiffly as her jaw. “You got what you wanted tonight. Finally got your dick wet after fifty years, so leave me the hell alone, would’ya?!”

She doesn’t mean to act on her muted anger, but it manages to get the best of her. V knows why, and because of it, she crumbles. She crumbles like the walls she’s built around herself. Like the facade she’s been hiding behind for the past couple of months. Because underneath the dirt and grime, V was just a poor, tragic soul, more worried about losing the man she couldn’t have than her awaiting death.

“Really think that’s what happened?” Johnny asks, pushing his shades up to his head as he shifts to sit up straight in his seat.

V grits her teeth, eyes remaining locked on the road. She had woken up an hour or two after Johnny took over, finding her lips still warm, still swollen. Her hair was tousled, and she had been stripped off of most of her clothes; the scent of Rogue’s perfume lingering on her skin. She didn’t need him to recount; it was all clear to her what had transpired. It was what she agreed on to make him happy, a date with the Afterlife fixer and whatever it could lead up to.

In the end, V regretted it, not because Johnny used her body to sleep with someone. But because even after the rollercoaster ride, the dog tags, the private concerts, and the heart-to-heart they had at his gravesite, she still wasn’t his. He was too hung up over Rogue, and she couldn’t blame him. Having shared a lengthy history, there was no doubt Johnny wouldn’t snatch up the opportunity to win her back.

But then where does that leave V?

“The fuck is wrong, V? Don’t make me figure it out by myself.”

Biting the edge of her lip, she ignores Johnny’s latest question and contemplates swallowing an omega blocker. She doesn’t even care that he’s threatening to search for the truth without her permission. Choosing not to do so, he keeps pressing on regardless, and V was getting pissed off. When he doesn’t stop, she loses her temper and slams on the brakes, the Porsche coming to a screeching halt on a dead street.

Huffing, V pulls over to the side, shutting the car’s engine as Johnny is left bewildered by her actions. Peace and quiet. She yearns for peace and quiet, and the pills would do the trick in an instant. Her hand reaches for the bottle in her jacket pocket, the pounding of her heart echoing in her ears. Popping the cap open, she turns her head to the side, unable to help herself. She sees the tenderness etched in his features, a wordless plea shining in his dark eyes.

“V… Tell me.”

V’s gaze slowly falters, her consciousness at war with itself. The storm of anger in her calms, yet she needs to know what her next move is. She’s always been terrible at this sort of thing, dealing with her feelings and shit. Growing up in the streets of Heywood, she’s learned how to shut people out and keep them out. Biggest rule she had imposed on herself was to never, ever fall for a choom, but this time was different. Despite him being a mere figment of her imagination, she feels safe around Johnny, appreciated and content. The two understand each other on a level nobody else has done. They’ve been through literal hell and would only sink further into it to find a way to survive.

A chrome palm comes to rest on V’s cheek, the sensation oddly warm, oddly familiar. Her attention flickers back to Johnny as he strokes her weary face. His touch was delicate, movements careful and controlled. He treats her as if she were porcelain, afraid that his metal hand would cause her to crack. V exhales deeply, relishing the feeling she’s longed from the moment she had broken that dumb rule of hers.

“Go ahead,” she mumbles, giving Johnny consent for him to read her mind. It only takes a second, maybe even less. V half expects his shit-eating grin to make its appearance. She couldn’t forget how cocky he was, and she thought this would certainly rub his ego.

It never comes. Instead, Johnny’s lips turn up into a genuine smile, one softer than the way his black hair falls to frame his face. V swears she was floating; this doesn’t feel all that real to her. It couldn’t be real. But as the first faint slivers of sunlight appear on the horizon, she starts to believe that she isn’t dreaming nor hallucinating. She was still very much wide awake.

“Didn’t know you were the jealous type,” Johnny quips as he leans closer. “You had no reason to be jealous, princess.”

“Why not?”

“Nothin’ happen between Rogue and me,” he clarifies, his fingers pushing back her locks. “Yeah, we made out a little, but I couldn’t go through with it. Wanna know why?”

V nods.

“’Cause I realized that ship sailed a long time ago. We’re too different people now; she’s got her own life, while I got mine sittin’ right here.”

“Johnny…” she murmurs his name as he brings up his other hand to cradle her face. “I wanted to have what you and Rogue had, minus the shitty things you did. But I could feel how much you loved her, how you basically worshipped the ground she walked on. Then I thought, can’t compete with her. She’s a livin’ legend, a badass. Meanwhile, I could be dead the next minute or two, either by this fuckin’ relic or a bullet.”

“Trust me, V, you wouldn’t want that,” Johnny returns, resting his forehead against hers. How could he feel so real? “What you and I have is special. Ain’t felt this way before, not even with Rogue or Alt. Like I said, you’re the fuckin’ closest to me. These feelings you’re afraid of? Shit, I have them too, and I’m fuckin’ terrified. But knowing that you’re here and we both share them, it makes things a lot less scary.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?”

Johnny laughs softly. “Gotta spell it out for ya, huh? Well then, here it goes; V, I love you. I don’t throw that word around randomly, but know that it’s what I feel whenever I think of you.”

V doesn’t waste a second longer. Her lips meet his for a kiss that is gentle and bruising, all at once. They hold one another close, their grasps taut so that the other wouldn’t slip away, not wanting to lose what they’ve gained. Time goes by, ticking in the background as they kiss again and again, but to them, it’s slow, nearly everlasting.

And when it was over, when they finally had to part, they were breathless, panting.

“Love you too, Johnny,” she murmurs into his skin, tone dripping with affection as he hums in response.

Night melds into day, and the city comes back to its fullest life. V kisses Johnny a final time before driving back to the place she calls home, even though she’s found her true one in his heart.

—

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[m4gp13]

For those of you who made it through my laughably incoherent ethabaster think piece, here’s some hc’s, you’ve earned them:

- Ethan has sole possession of their one shared brain cell. Alabaster is not allowed to even look at it. This is because they used to have two but Al broke the good one trying to blow up something (probably Percy).

- If Al finds out Ethan left without some form of magical protection i.e. a sigil, a crystal, ground eggshells, he will be pretty much vibrating with nerves until Ethan gets back so he can give him a once-over.

- Alabaster’s from a very witchy family who all worship Hecate for many reasons that differ depending on which estranged relative you ask and they all kinda saw Al as the first coming of witch Christ so he had a lot of expectations at a very young age.

- Ethan knows this and tries to lift as much Titan army business off his shoulders as possible.

- He accidentally lifts too much off to the point where he is drowning in work and is now the one in need of saving. But does he tell anyone that if he looks at one more stack of demands from his mile long list of bosses he’s going to cry for five hours? Of course not don’t be ridiculous.

- Alabaster immediately hated Percy as soon as he heard the guys name but due to the arena stuff and telling Thalia not to k*ll him Ethan actually held a bit of respect for Percy which annoyed Al to no end.

-This was until the not-so-peaceful peace talk in tlo when Percy starts shit talking Nemesis and Ethan just internally goes “actually the witch bitch was right this guy sucks ass”

-However, under no circumstances will Ethan ever tell this to Alabaster; not because he values his pride (he has none) but because he knows the life of a demigod is short and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his very short one hearing Al rub that one thing in his face for every single second of it.

- And I mean Every. Single. Second.

- So yeah he takes that to the grave and doesn’t even tell anyone in the underworld in case they tell Al when he dies and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of his afterlife with Al being a dumbass. (also yes Ethan got into Elysium, fuck you)

- (Actually I have another idea about where Ethan went post-life but that’s so far from canon it’s more of an AU than a headcanon so we’re gonna leave that out for now)

- Al thought he was the one in charge of the Hecate kids because he was the most powerful and the highest ranking in the army but he was Not. That was Ethan. The Hecate kids thought Ethan was their unofficial adopted baby brother but little did they know he was the mum the whole time.

- Ethan is the only thing standing between them and starving to death. He also does the younger kids hair and gives everyone with long hair super intricate braids that stay out of their faces during “field work”. Al thinks this is more of him trying to take the weight off his shoulders but Ethan knows that if he doesn’t do this shit no one will so he kinda has to. Not that he doesn’t like doing it. being helpful is his love language.

 - Because of their powers over the mist the Hecate kids of the army were notorious pranksters who were usually at war with the Hermes kids (wars usually declared by Al because he rolled a zero on self restraint) but none of them prank Ethan because “nooooo you can’t do him he babey 🥺”

- Ethan has simply decided that what the magic prank wizards don’t know can’t hurt them and just turns to his blind side whenever he sees them sneaking off the ship to get Micky D’s in the middle of the night to stay on their good sides.

- Speaking of the ship, Ethan thinks it’s the dumbest thing in the world that one of their most powerful demigod enemies is the son of a sea god and he actually has a pretty decent relationship with said sea god and their main base of operations aside from mt Othrys is a fucking BOAT. He tells Al all about his worries for the ship and while Al assures him that nothing that bad could happen he always makes sure that the ship always has the least amount of demigods on board at all times just in case.

- It takes all the strength Ethan has not to yell “TOLD YOU SO” at him when the ship blows up.

- Al probably either wears basic white boy clothes or typical witchy stuff (like moons and shit) depending his mood meanwhile Ethan found out about leather and just goes for it.  

- Every grunge/punk/emo/eboy/teachwear bitch aspires to be him and because he aint about all that “gender roles” bs he definitely goes about wearing cool egirl stuff too. Not just slightly feminine shaped jumpers but all the plaid skirts, fishnets and lace trimmed dresses he can steal afford and Al, despite his more basic fashion taste is here for it. You’ve never seen someone more supportive of their pals fits, get you a hypeman like Al. You deserve it. (Ethan is also not afraid to walk around in a full pastel gamer girl fit)

- (Also Al hyping up one Ethans fits in front of a Titan is the reason they were allowed to start wearing army fatigues instead of the whole ancient Greek armour on occasion)

- Ethan appreciates Al’s enthusiasm but he also kinda doesn’t get it. And he definitely doesn't do that “yeah you’re right I DO look good” thing because he just doesn’t know how. He’d always been a little self-conscious about getting a big head but then he found out about Nemesis and hubris and all that fun stuff, looked at his meager pile of self worth and said “ yep, this has to go”

- Al almost starts crying when he finds out and pretty much makes it mission to be such a good hype man that Ethan has no choice but to think of himself as a Pretty Cool Dude via absorbing the hype through diffusion. It kinda starts working but then Ethan [REDACTED] in tlo so we’ll never know what could’ve been.

- To nick a hc from someone ( hi @chromarozee-spam) contrary to his taste in clothes Ethan does ballet (he was a punk AND did ballet, what more can I say?) and while Al tries to support his hobbies he is genuinely afraid both for and of him. “For” because “holy fuck that looks painful are you okay?”. And “of” because “are you sure those are bones inside you because I don’t think bones are supposed do that?!”.

- Ethan tries to assure him that no his spine is not made of rubber, broken bones or otherworldly materials so can he stop bothering him during practice please?

- This does not stop Al from making a million protection wards and constantly asking his deck if Ethan is indeed a Being of this Good Green Earth.

- Eventually his cards pretty much just tell him that he is friends with one bendy heck of a boi and he needs to fucking get over it so he kinda just,, ,,,,, , does.

- Again with the hc thieving (this time from @altorringtons) Al learning to use a two-handed broadsword so he can guard Ethan’s blind side and back in a fight *soft noises* just them trying so hard to keep each other alive because they love each other and they care about each other!

- They also sleep in the same bed whenever they get the chance (fully clothed ya nasties, they’re kids) and they just hug each other soooo tight because they just need to know they’re alright cos they always get pretty banged up in fights against campers or just monsters that are too much like wild animals to recruit. (What? Me? Projecting my desire to be intimately held by the closest person I have to family with their arms wrapped not tight enough to make me uncomfortable but tight enough to make me feel loved? Never! What on earth are you talking about?)

- Because Al is super stubborn and prideful whenever they have an argument Al can’t really bring himself to say he’s sorry so when he’s ready to apologise he just climbs into bed on Ethan’s blind side and cuddles him because he knows Ethan is super worried about getting attacked on his blind side so it’s like he has a guard or a shield.

- Ethan on the other hand just calls him a Rock Boy in a derogatory way until he gets over himself and apologizes but he really does love the fact that Al knows that about him and accommodates that.

- The thing they fight about most is how “heroic” the titan army is. Kronos’ brainwashing worked on Al like a charm and he fully believes that they are the rebellion and camp is the empire. Ethan on the other hand wasn’t at camp long enough for Kronos or Luke to really do anything but it doesn’t matter because Ethan really doesn’t give a shit if he’s on the “evil side” cos he just wants respect and he’s willing to do what it takes without a second thought of how people see him. If he thinks he’s doing the right thing but on the wrong side he can live with that but Al needs to feel like all of his side is on the moral high ground because that’s what Kronos drilled into his brain.

- Ethan knows that Al delusional when it comes to the non-existent heroics of the army but eventually he just decides to let Al believe the titans lies because that’s easier for him even if it hurts Ethan to see him being manipulated like that.

- Due to Ethan not giving a shit on the humanity of his bosses he gets punished a lot more often and a lot more violently than Al because they know that Ethan already knows they don’t care about him so they don’t have to sugar coat him but Al still believes that they’re heroes and his mindset needs to stay like that to keep him obedient.

- Also because I am  a Cruel Person By Nature I hc Ethan’s mortal family (which usually just consists of his dad) as meeting a not very pg13 end at the hands of a monster who wanted to nible on Ethan a tad which pretty much scarred him for life.

- SO, at the end of the battle of Man Hats Are In when Al looks around and sees that his whole family (that joined the titans) are dead! oh no! How sad! At least he knows someone whose been through the same thing so they understand each other and can help each other through this tough time together right? SIKE!

- so yeah Al learns Ethan d-worded in the worst possible way at the worst possible time and just looses it from grief. Loosing his family was bad enough but finding out he lost the one person he thought he would be able to confide in and heal with immediately after just really rubs salt in the wound.

- When the survivors start re-grouping to find someplace to hide until the gods forget about them Al just wanders off because it’s all he can do to not break down on the spot.

- He’s just wandering in a daze for a while and most people just assume he’s high but he snaps out of it and gets into anger mode when Lamia starts attacking him because he finally has something to do and occupy himself with even though it’s hard not to think about his sibling especially when Lamia keeps talking like they never would have died if she’d been in charge which is why she should totally just kill him and lead their siblings instead.

- His desire to have something to keep his mind off his family and Ethan is the first thing he thinks about when Claymore re-alives and immediately starts talking about doing research (yeah because that’s what you need after a long stressful day of fighting monsters and literally dying).

- Ethan keeps trying to cross the veil and help, even if he just sends Al a pleasant dream to help him sleep but contrary to what you might think from the name, the veil is really hard to cross so Ethan just has to bite his nails and watch his friend suffer.

- It gets easier to watch after Al and Claymore pretty much adopt each other because at least he has someone but they do still get into pretty scary situations.

- When they were both premortem they got paired up for a lot of missions for the titan army and they usually just tried to pretend they were on a fun road trip around America when they could and make fun of mortal shit together.

- At one point they were in a motel and the last people accidentally left behind one of Claymore’s books about death and they found it the funniest thing ever. Between a pair of in which one of their mum’s regularly goes to the underworld and one has been there himself they find mortal ideas of the afterlife to be very amusing.

- Alabaster has decided he would not like to share this with the class (Claymore) thank you very much.

- Also when they’re doing their road tripping Ethan knows all the best places to crash, the cheapest food places and the local gangs don’t bother them because between running away from camp and joining the army he just wandered around a lot.

- Like he’d just hop on a random train, take a nap and figure it out when he wakes up; he made a lot of friends this way too as well as his taste in clothes cos he didn’t have a lot of money so he’d just DIY some second hand punk shit. Al thinks he’s the Gandalf of the demigod world because he just knows everyone who might help them and everywhere they could spend the night. He definitely tells his siblings about Ethan being the closest thing they have to a wandering wizard and they fucking love it.

- Also because Nemesis tends to not have a lot of kids Ethan was the only one of hers in the army and Al felt really bad for him because his sibling were his favourite part about the army so he tried to include Ethan in as much as possible with his siblings.

- As an unexpected result Ethan ended up with a small army of super powered children to sick on the people who keep making jabs about him loosing in the arena battle.

- Al sometimes thinks he’s given him too much power but also he will fuck a bitch up if they make fun of his pals so he sees where his siblings are coming from and yeah those bitches had it coming. He also has a copy of bitchcraft.

- Ethan’s dad was the type to play “Stay With Me” by Miki Matsubara on repeat for hours and Ethan would probably enjoy the song but he’s heard it so often that now it makes his ears bleed and Al sometimes tortures him with for fun until Ethan starts throwing shit.

- To steal another hc from @chromarozee-spam Ethan has a thing for cats and one time Al accidentally gave himself mistform cat-ears and Ethan could not stop touching them. Ethan was just craning his head back uncontrollably grinning so much his face hurt. Al can’t bring himself to be upset because Ethan rarely ever smiles since he joined the army.

- Al saw Ethan crying over one of those video’s where people put their hoodies on backwards and put their cat in the hood so he made a mist cat and bought him a hoodie. Ethan of course started crying again but it was happy tears instead.

- Ethan is fucking tiny while Al is almost a foot taller than him. He wouldn’t mind so much if Al didn’t exhaust every opportunity to rub it in his face so he just starts climbing all over shit (especially tall buildings) half to give Al heart attacks and half so he can be like “Sorry? What was that? I’m so high up I can’t hear you. Can you speak up a little? Maybe get a ladder? Or taller?”

- Also I don’t know why but I hc Al as Texan. Ethan gets told about this “Alabaster C. Torrington” guy who knows latin, incantations and other magical knowledge and expects some fancy British guy so when they meet and Al speaks Ethan gets whiplash so hard he fuckin chokes.

- Al is also very casual and Ethan is pretty professional so when he meets this magic general with a straight back and the first thing that comes out of this assholes mouth is some “Howdy y’all!!” bullshit he just dies on the spot.

- Also because Al is texan he is very sensitive to the cold (I’m about 80% sure that Texas is one of the Warm states) so when he has to do stuff in cold places like the labyrinth or new york (idk about that one to but in every film I’ve seen that’s set in NY it’s raining for about 90% of the time) he complains about being freezing all the time until Ethan helpfully reminds him that he can literally make fire out of nothing, surely he can find a way to warm himself up.

- Ethan is also sensitive to the cold because he’s basically malnourished but he’s been like that for a while and thinks it’s normal so he sucks it up until Al notices he’s always cold. Ethan tells him it’s fine but Al is basically a walking electric blanket so whenever Al cuddles him to keep him warm Ethan can’t help but melt because he’s so fucking warm and soft and have you noticed I crave intimacy?

- Ethan started studying Greek myths vigorously since he found out he was a demigod and when he died he kept an eye and an ear out for Al because even though he wouldn’t be able to do anything it still reassures him to know what’s going on, HOWEVER, he was almost filled with enough malice to rip through the barrier between the living and the dead purely to beat an ass when he hears Al’s little “I don’t bother reading about worthless monsters like you!” jab.

- Ethan is very jumpy and fidgety to the point where Al is genuinely concerned and while Ethan assures Al that nothing’s wrong Al is still suspicious. Ethan probably would have told Al about it if it was because of anything but Kronos but seeing that it mostly is, he doesn’t because Ethan feels like Al will just take Kronos’ word over his and he’ll loose the only person he trusts in the army.

- Al doesn’t find out about it until way after the war when Kronos’ brainwashing starts to come undone because by then his mindset is a lot less biased in the titans favour so he can see things that he just unconsciously ignored before and is able to put two and two together. When he does boy is it a trip.

- Ethan is really bad at talking about feelings and stuff so whenever Al gets upset over something and Ethan has no idea how to talk to him he’ll just get him some rocks. One time Ethan found out about those heart shaped valentine boxes that are normally filled with chocolates but people put crystals in them and that just became his go-to for when Al was especially upset. 

- Al is only slightly better at talking about stuff but he can still get Ethan to open up to him which is good because Ethan isn’t very materialistic so it’s hard to make him feel better by buying him things and because someone needs to get Ethan to express himself in an emotionally healthy way.

- Also because of this they just can’t tell each other they love each other. Like they’ll barely whisper it when the other is asleep because they’re just so bad at talking about feelings. It wasn’t that much of an issue until after the war and Ethan gets k-worded and Al is left alone and sobbing over all the times he never told his loved ones how much they meant to him.

- But because this is a headcanon list; fuck that, Al saved Ethan with some sort of magic bullshit and they talk about how much they love each other all the time now because they can’t stand the thought of one of them dying having never been told how much they are loved.

[hayden-thefuck-whywouldyoudothis]

The Inevitable

Hello wonderful people! This is going to be my first ever fanfic that I am posting anywhere, so please be nice. I would appreciate feedback, and I think that if it does well here I’ll post it n Ao3. 

I came up with this fic idea a little while back, and I’ve been writing it since 03/13/21. Basically the idea is that while Tommy was in the afterlife, he met characters who died during Tales From The SMP episodes that took place in the past. They told him their stories, and Tommy connected the dots. He goes to confront Karl in Kinoko Kingdom.

This story includes a headcanon that is not mine. I read a fanfic with the mute!Karl headcanon. The story was an absolute banger. If you want to hear a little more about that go read their story Come Home With Me by icaruswontmelt on Ao3

Story starts under the cut .

The Inevitable, by BangHaydenCoven

Death was the one thing that had always been truly eternal. When Wilbur came back as Ghostbur, it had seemed like death maybe wasn’t completely permanent because Wilbur was back. But he hadn’t been brought back to life. He was a ghost, a shell of the person he had been before everything went to shit. Tommy had truly thought that death was the one thing that stayed constant on this god-forsaken server. Being beaten to death and brought back by the person who hurt you so deeply puts a lot of things that were just beyond reach of perfectly understandable, into perspective. In the amount of time that had gone by while Tommy’s life actually went to hell and back, everything had changed. Tubbo had gotten married of all things, He had a kid. And a new best friend as well, apparently. There was, for the first time in a long time, a semblance of peace between all of the factions. Peace smashed, the moment he had been let out of the prison. No one looked at him the same way anymore. No one looked at him like the kid he was. The kid he was supposed to be. All they saw was an anomaly. Not a real, live, breathing person who has feelings and needs validation, just like other people. Proof of something that never should have been real. 

Since declaring that Dream had to die, Tommy had holed himself up in his little house dirt mound of a house. When he finally got over the initial panic, the firsthand terror of forcing himself to think about the time he had spent dead, he allowed himself to do it freely. Puffy had told him it was good to think back on the trauma. He wasn’t sure just how much he could trust that ideology, but it seemed to work for the most part. Tommy had spent the majority of his time in the afterlife with the people he had known when he was alive.  Wilbur, Schlatt, Mexican Dream. It had been pretty simple. They spent a lot of time playing card games, for some reason. But one day, a fight had sparked between Tommy and Schlatt, causing the younger to storm off into the distance. He had been fuming that day. It hadn’t even been a fight that made sense. Schlatt had thrown some baseless accusations his way, and Tommy had just given up. He needed a break. So he walked away. 

He walked.

And he walked.

And he walked.

And he walked.

And he stopped.

Looming over him was a building that was like nothing Tommy had ever seen. It was old, dusty, and cold. It belonged in the afterlife, to put it simply. It fit. It was a simple embodiment. Then, laughter filled the air. Frightening, drunk laughter that was cold but inviting. Tommy followed the spine-chilling noise into the building where he found four people. Three were dressed like they were from the Wild West. Cowboy hats, cowboy boots, and simple revolvers at their hips. The fourth was also clearly from the same time period, put was dressed simply. When he walked into the building, they just stared at him. Cold, level stares that made him feel like he would rather die all over again then be stuck under those gazes for the rest of eternity. But suddenly the looks of the people softened as they beckoned him over, introducing themselves as Connor, Mason, and Jack Kanoff. They were group of bandits called the Democrat Haters, and a simple bartender named John John. They told him their story, to put it simply. They told him how they died.

That was only the beginning.

Tommy wandered for a week straight, meeting people, hearing their stories. He met higher members of society who attended a masquerade only to die brutal deaths at the hands of a possessed butler, the members of a village with a crazed murderer that didn’t know haw to stop, that killed people brutally, among many others. And every single story Tommy heard had a one thing in common. There was always one man, in every story, who appeared out of no where, wearing colourful clothing and iridescent goggles perched on his head. He didn’t always use the same name, but he was always there, no matter when it had happened. As Tommy moved around his home to prepare, one thought rang true in his mind. 

Karl was getting a visitor tomorrow.

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Walking to Kinoko Kingdom had taken a lot longer than Tommy had originally thought and planned for. Not that the little settlement was close to the rest of the Greater SMP, but it wasn’t far either. Regardless of distance, it was still far too long of a walk for Tommy to be in a good mood when he arrived to find Sapnap of all people tending to the garden in Kinoko. Usually Tommy would have snuck up behind Sapnap and scared him to intentionally piss the older man off, but that was the old Tommy. The old Tommy had stayed dead. Instead, he announced his presence by kicking an acorn at the other mans head. There was a loud yelp, followed by a string of curses that matched the flowers in the garden with how colourful they were.

“George, I swear to god, if-” his sentence dropped of in a look of pure disbelief as he turned around, expecting to see his best friend that deserved a good scolding. A dead teenager was definitely different. And confusing. 

“Shit...” Sapnap mumbled, “Tommy?”

“Hello Sapnap. I must say its very nice to see you doing something other than killing pets. Or your fiances.” He smirks.

“Well it’s definitely you. The question is how. How are you alive?” he says as the shock on his face fades into confusion mixed with disbelief. Tommy freezes. 

“Only if your okay with it of course. Don’t answer if your not comfortable. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up. That was insensitive of me...” he trails off as he realizes Tommy seems less stressed at the fact that Sapnap isn’t going to make him talk about it.

“Sapnap,” Tommy started, “I need to talk to Karl. Like, right now.” 

“Alright,” said Sapnap, nodding slowly, “I’ll go get him. Stay right here.” As Tommy watched the other man walk away to retrieve one of his fiances, he really hopes that what he is about to accuse Karl of is wrong. Maybe one day they’ll laugh about this. Probably not.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

As Sapnap entered the house, looking for his fiances, he couldn’t help but wonder what it was that Tommy so urgently needed to talk to Karl about. Not finding his fiances on the first floor of their shared house, he went upstairs to continue his search, not wanting to keep the teen waiting for too long. As he opened the door to the throuples bedroom, he let out a small huff of affection when he saw his fiances, the loves of his life, asleep in their bed. Quackity had his arms around Karls waist, with his wings over both of them like a blanket, reflecting the golden light of the sun filtering through the window. Not wanting to disturb the scene in front of him, he let out a small sigh of annoyance as he forced himself to wake up Karl, and by extension Quackity.

“Theres someone here who wants to talk to you.” he muttered softly in Karls ear. 

“Who?” Karl signed sleepily.

“Tommy. It seems pretty important. He’s down in the garden.” Sapnap said a little louder, seeing that Q was now awake, so there was no reason to stay quiet.

“Alright.” He signed, “Let’s go.” as he got up, he tugged on Quackity’s sleeve lightly. “Are you coming, Q?”  He nodded and gave a small smile.

“Alright,” Sapnap said, pulling Quackity into a quick hug, and giving him a quick kiss on the temple, “Let’s go then.”

As they left the house and approached Tommy sitting at the picnic table in their back garden, they exchanged a small conversation in sign language.

“Is he okay?” said Quackity with some concern clear on his face, his movements slow and scuffed from sleep.

“He looks really tired.” Sapnap added.

“Q, could you run in and prepare some sandwiches and lemonade?” Signed Karl, “We’ll bring Tommy inside and we can all have lunch together while we talk.”

“Of course, my love.” Said Quackity, giving Karl a small kiss on the cheek before hurrying inside to prepare some lunch.

Turning to Tommy to thank him for waiting, he was met with a face of absolute, genuine confusion. As Tommy stared at their hands, then looked back over to Karl, his face quickly changed to a look of understanding.

“I forgot,” he said as he stood up sheepishly, “that Karl was mute.”

“That’s okay Tommy.” Karl cut in before Sapnap could say anything, “I know you’ve been through a lot recently. It’s okay to forget things from time to time. I should know.” Karl signed slowly so that Tommy could keep up with his rusty remembrance of sign language, adding a small smile at the end of his sentence. 

“Thank you Karl.” Tommy said with a sigh of relief.

“Would you like to come inside and have lunch with us? I know you have something to talk to me about, but you look hungry. We could talk right after though. How does that sound?” Karl signed with a smile on his face.

“That sounds great.” Tommy said after a beat of hesitation.

“Perfect,” said Sapnap, “let’s head inside. Q is making some sandwiches.” They all headed inside, one dreading the talk that would come after, the other two wondering what could possibly be so important to cause Tommy to come all the way out to Kinoko Kingdom to talk to Karl.

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Tommy and Sapnap sat down at the table in the dining room as Karl went into the kitchen to help Quackity. Usually it would be all three of the in the kitchen, making food and having a good time, but Sapnap needed to take advantage of the situation at hand. Since he hadn’t visited the main SMP in a while, Tommy gave him the rundown of the current and recent events he knew of. Nothing too bad, but Sapnap knows you can never be too careful. A few minutes later, Quackity and Karl emerge from the kitchen carrying some plates and the food. As they sit down and start to eat, Sapnap and Quackity make small talk that Karl contributes too every once in a while with some one handed movements, putting his sandwich down when it was necessary. But Tommy stayed quiet, which the fiances found quite odd. Clearly whatever the boy had been through recently, on top of all his other trauma, had really messed with him. The loud, boisterous teenager they had known before was gone, replaced with someone they didn’t recognize in the slightest. So Tommy stayed silent the entire time, not noticing the quick, worry filled glances the trio sent his way every so often.

Soon enough, they had all finished eating. They were sitting in the fiances’ living room together, Tommy on one couch, the tree of them on the other. The room sat in an awkward silence as Karl, Quackity, and Sapnap waited for Tommy to talk to them, and as Tommy decided what to say.

After a moment, Tommy said, “Are you sure you want them here for this?” Karl’s eyes widened at how blatant he had been.

“Of course I want them here.” He signed quickly, “They are the people who matter most to me. Whatever you need to say to me you can say to all three of us.” Sapnap and Quackity nodded, not wanting to disrupt anything.

“Alright,” Tommy sighed, “Where should I start...” Karl’s hands stayed firmly in his lap to give Tommy a moment to think. “Well, I guess I’m just going to say what I came here to say, and pray to Prime that I’m wrong.” Karl nodded, once, slowly. Tommy took a deep breath before opening his mouth and saying...

“Your a time traveler, aren’t you?”

Silence.

And then laughter

All he could hear was laughter.

Sapnap and Big Q were laughing. 

Karl was not.

Karl was not.

Karl wasn’t laughing.

The look on his face was not one of someone who had just been accused of some laughable fallacy.

A fantasy, really.

Sapnap and Quackity had stopped laughing.

They seemed to have come to the same conclusion that Tommy had.

“Karlos?” Quackity started, “There is no possible way...” he stopped, a look of pure disbelief on his face.

“Tell me that he’s lying Karl.” said Sapnap. “Please.” Karl’s hands started to move, making aborted and scuffed movements as he tried to figure out what to say.

 “No,” He finally settled on, “he’s right. I’m a time traveler.” Sapnap started crying at this, and Quackity gave him a hug as he buried his face into his fiances neck. Karl looked completely torn. He clearly wanted to comfort his fiances, but he knew he shouldn’t while Tommy was still here. But he also didn’t know if he could. Karl didn’t know if he was even still allowed to comfort them after keeping this big of a secret from them, and for so long. Karl started signing again, this time with clear urgency behind each movement.

“Two things, and then I need you to leave. Understood?”

“Of course,” said Tommy, “I will leave immediately.” Karl nodded.

“Thank you. First things first,” he signed, “how did you know?” Tommy sighed. He really didn’t want to talk about this. But Karl deserved to hear the truth.

“When I died, I was in the afterlife for a little while,” Tommy said softly, “One day I walked away from the people I knew in the afterlife, Schlatt, Wilbur, and Mexican Dream. I walked for so long I came across a building I had never seen before, and when I went in I met a group of people from the Wild West.” Karl’s eyes had gone wide.

“You met Jack and Mason and Connor?” he signed.

“Yeah, and John John as well. They told me what happened the day they died, and they mentioned you. Not directly, but they mentioned a man that had showed up out of nowhere wearing bright colours and iridescent goggles.” Karl looked wistful, remembering his time sent in the Wild West, even if it hadn’t been an exceptionally fun trip at the time. Tommy continued. “I also met the people who visited the masquerade, same story. But this time they mentioned your name. And lastly I met the townfolk of the Village that went Mad. Same story, but no name once again. I just connected the dots.” Tommy fell silent, waiting for Karl to tell him something. Sometime during his revelations, Sapnap and Quackity had left the room to comfort each other. Karl clearly wanted to tell them he was sorry, but he couldn’t do that until Tommy had left. Turning back to the teen, he started signing once more.

“Thank you for telling me, Tommy. I just have one thing to ask of you, then you can leave.” Tommy nodded his head, and Karl continued, “You cannot, under any circumstances, tell anyone what you know. It would put everyone in grave danger. Is that clear?”

“Of course. I won’t tell a soul.” Karl gave him a small smile. “Now I think you should go talk to your fiances.”

“I will,” he signed, leading Tommy to the front door, “Goodbye, Tommy. Have a good trip back.”

“Goodbye, Karl.”

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As he walked towards the door of their shared bedroom, he could barely hold himself back from running to the room to comfort them. But Karl couldn’t be sure that they would ever be the same again. It broke him to think that, but he had lied to them, for a long time. They probably hated him.

He stopped outside of the door, hearing faint sounds of crying on the other side of the door. He slowly opened the door to see Quackity and Sapnap cuddled up together against the headboard of their bed, with all of the lights out. Sapnap was asleep against Quackitys chest, tear tracks all over his face. Q wasn’t much better.

“Hey Karl.” Quackity said softly, sniffling a little.

“Hi.” he signed back, gong to sit on the edge of the bed. “I’m so sorry.” he signed after a beat of silence. “I have no excuses. I just wanted both of you to be safe from it.”

“But... what is it, Karl? Why couldn’t you tell us? Are these the trips you’ve been going on? Does it have something to do with your memory problems?” Quackity rambled, question after question. He cut off when he realized how tense Karl looked. “...sorry.” he said, lowering his voice once more.

“Woah, Q, it’s okay. But I can only answer one question at a time.” Quackity nodded. “It is the In-Between,” he started, making the ASL sign for between, then spelling it out, “I don’t actually know what it is, but I managed to get away from it recently. It was stopping me from telling you about my time traveling. It told me that telling you guys would put you guys in grave danger. I couldn’t let that happen. So I kept it a secret.” He stopped, hands dropping when he couldn’t figure out where to go from there. Quackity opened his mouth, about to ask a question, when he felt Sapnap stir at his side. 

“Hey babe.” Quackity said, Sapnap just let out a little huff. “Sap, do you feel up to talking right now?”

“...yeah...is he here?” he mumbled, voice heavy and slurred with sleep. 

“He is.” Quackity answered. Sapnap looked up at him, then looked over to Karl.

“Hi Sap.” he signed, not making eye contact. “I want to apologize to both of you. For not telling you. There really is no valid excuse that I have. The In-Between was crazy. I just wanted to keep both of you safe.”

“What is the In-Between?” Sapnap asked. Before Karl could answer, Quackity cut in.

“He doesn’t know, Sap.” he whispered. 

Sapnap continued, “I want you to tell us the whole story. Please?” Karl looked conflicted.

“Alright.” he signed, “I’ll start at the beginning.” So he did. He told them the whole story. By the time he had finished, all three had tears running down their face. “Do you understand now?” Karl wiped his eyes before continuing, “It wasn’t safe to tell you.” Sapnap nodded, eyes red and puffy from crying.

“You need to stop traveling Karl. Me and Sapnap wouldn’t be able to live with ourselves if you forgot everything.” said Quackity, pulling Sapnap even closer. Karl sighed.

“I can’t control the traveling. I don’t know if it will ever stop. All I need right now is you two. If I hadn’t wanted to get home to you guys so desperately, I would have forgotten long ago.” Karl got up and grabbed his journal. “Fill it.” he signed, after he gave it to his two fiances, “fill it with everything I need to remember. And when I come back each time, help me remember. Please.” Sapnap looked up at him, then glanced at Quackity, coming to a silent agreement. They would do anything to keep Karl with them.

“Of course we will, mi amor.” said Quackity, opening his arms to invite Karl to come sit with them. Karl smiled, tears running down his face once again, crawling into their warm embrace. And as they sat there, holding each other close, Karl took each of heir hands, pressing his favourite symbol in ASL into their palms.

“I love you.”

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Thank you for reading!!! Once again, if you like this, leave a comment or something, idk. And make sure to go check out the story linked at the top of this post for more about the mute!Karl Jacobs hc.

Have an amazing day, wonderful people.

[soul-heart-and-beyond]

♡ ( Rip to our bones)

Send me a ‘ ♡ ’ and i’ll talk about what type of relationship i could see our muses having

(I’ll just make a copy of this for Ludwig and John to put on their own respective blogs. Though I’m not certain all of them would meet or get to know each other.)

Launchpad + Dewey

A brotherly bond that would practically rival that of his with Huey and Louie. Though he knows that Launchpad likes to try and spend his time with everyone, he’s usually ready to throw down when it comes to any sort of gig the two might have planned. Whether it be binge watching stuff, reading comics, discussing about fictional stuff, some outside sports here and there, and the like! Launchpad’s like the older brother Dewey wanted, instead of the one that he got, but he still loves Huey too. He just vibes more with Launchpad. Together, you’ve got an unstoppable, unforgettable duo!

Falcon + Dewey

(Taking in some parts of their first meeting and today’s episode) Just like how Falcon wants nothing to do with Dewey, the same goes for him. It’s not really the stiff and tight beaked personality that Falcon has, but just for how the both of them were eventually risking the other’s life by dropping them off of a large building (probably a small skyscraper to be honest). The boy isn’t traumatized by that, he’s been through worse, but associating himself with someone who’s always looking for that money, and somehow keeps pairing himself up with Mark Beaks unknowingly is probably someone that’s good to avoid.

Flintheart + Dewey

“Oof, it’s that one weird old guy that keeps trying to kill my great uncle and is.... super obsessed with him.”, Dewey would say before veering his head away from looking at the other. He can respect Flintheart’s tenacity and perseverance, after all, he’s gone through some of the same problems about not being taken seriously or given what he wants even though he’s probably either earned it or it’s common courtesy. but what he can’t is the other’s want for vengeance. So what if Scrooge made Flintheart what he is? He should be thanking the guy and moving on with his life, do some stuff that can be good to others instead of nasty plots and schemes on how to take out the recently richest duck in the world. And Glomgold can try whatever scheme he’s got in store for him, but Dewey will just have to be extra careful on what’s really important.

Launchpad + Duckworth

Something that was definitely transparent but revealed to show more consistency than some other unlikely pairings. It probably wouldn’t be the case hadn’t Duckworth died, since that opened his mind more to possibilities, and probably his time in the Afterlife did make him lose some empathy for a bit. However, by interacting and learning more about Launchpad, he’s recovered some of what he lost, and learning to enjoy the things that he had and didn’t have before. That and something else blossomed between them. Whenever they might have been conversing with each other, he’s started to find himself somewhat liking the duck’s qualities, and some of his faults even. Normally that wouldn’t have happened before, but then again, he’s grateful for how Launchpad does put up with him when he isn’t feeling too optimistic. Now he prefers to spend time with the pilot and is able to have fun once again.

Falcon + Duckworth

They are pretty similar in some aspects, which would normally be something that would help draw some people together, but not these two. Duckworth definitely has the edge on giving out more quippy remarks that the falcon may not appreciate, and is more than willing to go into a back and forth session if the other wants to participate. Yet another part where they may diverge is how they deal with loyalty and trust. Duckworth’s more devoted to those that are willing to trust others, be honest with people, and he’ll gladly do what he can to defend those that need a hand. Falcon is more os someone who doesn’t share those interests and beliefs, which does put them at odds with each other as Duckworth might ask, “Where is your loyalty? Do not say that it is as transparent as me for I can solidify mine. You can follow suit.”

Flintheart + Duckworth

One of the most unlikely people to really interact with each other, especially after how Duckworth died by Flintheart’s plan, indirectly. He still doesn’t like the idea of trusting and letting the other go free with what he’s done, but he also won’t take out the duck’s life as revenge for that would just be giving in to his anger and hatred over the years. Something that should not be listened to as taking one’s life as payment for another’s should never be the first option. If he wants to be better and not stoop down to Flintheart’s level, he’ll just have to let the duck be until he messes with him and his family again. However, now that he’s getting a bit of fun out of this, maybe taunting Flintheart with his own voice and physique wouldn’t be such a bad idea...

Launchpad + Fenton

“Is that really supposed to be some sort of joke? Because it’s not funny, Launchpad.” He really dislikes how Launchpad keeps trying to think of him as a robot, and he’ll keep trying to prove it to the other to get him to stop it. Fenton probably doesn’t know that it could be just mild teasing from how they first met, but it should make sense since Launchpad met him when he was Fenton first and Gizmoduck second. But, he does like it whenever they do veer away from that topic and talk more about mechanical things, and maybe a little more, considering that Fenton himself is a little bit of a superhero fan and has some stuff o his own to share with Launchpad. Though he may not like Darkwing Duck....

Falcon + Fenton

It’s certainly going to have some gray lines of tension here since their introduction is not going off on a good start. While he can commend the other’s dedication to their work, he can’t really defend or appreciate how Falcon likes to see everything so bluntly, black and white, but he’s somehow the only gray out of all of this. It’s selfish, bias, and more importantly, rude to other’s and how they could be able to change, but for Fenton, he just sees this as Falcon’s excuse to continue doing what he does. It might be something the professional tells himself to get away from facing the truth for the things that he’s done for his previous employers. It’s one thing to put the blame on others, but it’s another to try and separate yourself like you’re better than them but just do what you’re paid to do, and that’s what keeps them from having any really positive conversation. Sure, they can make fun of Mark all they want, but that isn’t going to make the problem between them go away.

Flintheart + Fenton

Flintheart would probably be the last person Fenton should really interact with, if not him then Mark, but given how he’s always willing to lend others a hand with his ideas or just be an overall nice person, something’s bound to go wrong. He hasn’t really gotten any instances where he could see Flintheart’s evilness and hatred on full display, and the faux funeral for Scrooge doesn’t really count since he only got to see Flintheart just do some disrespectful dancing. Besides that, he tries to believe that everyone, even Flintheart can change for the better too if they want to, like those anger management classes, and he’d be happy to help the rick mallard with that, but working for him might be something that he won’t allow. Given that Glomgold Industries probably doesn’t have that many appealing aspects to them and he rather not feel like he’s betraying Scrooge and Gyro after what happened with the Waddleduck incident.

Jim, Negaduck, Black Arts, Garbonzo, Brandon, and Rubber Chicken are down below:

Launchpad + Jim

Now who coulda saw this one coming?! A washed up star and his favorite number 1 fan that still remembers him upon the countless others that have forgotten him? You bet that Jim would love to get a taste of what it feels like to be a star again, even if it’s from one person. However, he can’t let that go to his head as this is practically the only one he’s got left that really cares, despite all the fainting. But, it might not hurt to have someone to bump heads with when it comes to returning to his role, for real this time...

Flintheart + Jim

While trying to give the real life Darkwing Duck gig a try, he finds that it’s definitely not as easy as it was on set, but that’s to be expected. Real life isn’t a game and neither is the battle between good and evil! Sure, he’d loved to be sponsored and given money by anyone that would fund a revival campaign of Darkwing Duck again, but he also cannot let the actions of Flitnheart Glomgold go unpunished. He doesn’t care how many times he’d have to put the duck in jail as long as it gets Flintheart to stop trying to be such a terrible member of society, and maybe not find out who he is in the process so he could get some of that good green moolah.

Launchpad + Negaduck

A reverse palette swapped Darkwing Duck that’s also sporting some different liberties taken on the iconic Darkwing Duck design? It might be a little odd, but it could be interesting that the guy chose a more striking set of colors compared to the cool and night patterned colors of the original. However, the black does help and oh wait, this guy’s going on about stuff that hasn’t happened here? What’s a Negaverse? Why does this guy sound like he knows him already? Ah, it’s just a weird Darkwing fanboy. 

All of this is most likely going to get Launchpad put on Negaduck’s permanent to kill list, and he doesn’t care how long it takes, he’ll abuse and bruise the until he can get that satisfying moment, but it may take a while, and patience is not something Drake really has a lot of. Not for idiots in his book anyway.

Falcon + Negaduck

A well know Public Enemy in one universe and practically the ruler of his city in his own, up against some orderly goon that knows how to handle himself in a fight against many odds and situations? Negaduck may like the fact that Falcon can handle himself, but he’s not gonna like it when Falcon uses that to prevent him from doing whatever he wants. Hopefully Falcon can count those with unchecked rage again, as this condiment colored duck is another one of those with anger issues.

Flintheart + Negaduck

It would be Elegance in Violence, but for these two? Nah, just go wreck stuff up and don’t care about it. Drake can really admire the rich duck’s taste in senseless violence, but doesn’t like that he sets his sights on someone so low like Scrooge McDuck. What’s there to that has been that’s dangerous? He could probably take on the whole family with enough planning and resources, so why hasn’t Flintheart done that already? Another thing that might separate them is how that Flintheart isn’t as willing to go through with his plans unlike Negaduck. When Drake wants you gone, he’ll try to find a way and he doesn’t care how as long as it’s got class and you know he’s the one that killed you. He won’t cower, and even if he did, there’s usually a plan behind that.

Launchpad + Black Arts

It would seem pretty unlikely for Launchpad to try and befriend a Beagle Boy, most people wouldn’t given their family background and reputation, but Black Arts is happy to have someone outside of his family or his teacher to talk to. It gives him a chance to have a life, a mind outside of what his Ma wants for him, and while his teacher is cool, it’s always good to have more people to talk to to feel less isolated from the world. Sure, he’s got the internet to help him on that, but for face to face communication or interaction... not so much. Still, he like Launchpad and is willing to show him some magic someday!

Duckworth + Black Arts

It’d be really against his liking to let Duckworth get away with the embarrassment that happened the night he was summoned back by him, but he can’t help that for some reason, the ghost is apparently getting him to laugh, talk about stuff that normally he wouldn’t spill, and overall trying his hardest to ridicule him, but still treat him differently than the rest of his family. What, did the demon like him or something? And why did feel like he was having a good time with the butler? Maybe it’s probably because he didn’t have someone to fill that father figure role in his life...

Flintheart + Black Arts

Now this is probably his first real employer, but that might not last long once he knows more about Flintheart like from what his mother would tell him. Then again, he got a glimpse of that first hand at Scrooge’s birthday party. Black Arts is really iffy about this loose nut as while he’s loaded, the things he tries to do are far out of any sane person’s range of commitment, and he feels like he should do the same.

Launchpad + Garbonzo

While they haven’t met yet, Garbonzo would find Launchpad to be really an oddity of sorts for how sunny he can be, but still like that about him. Maybe not some of the more oafish parts, but then again, he can be clumsy too at times with himself or others. However, he’s wondering how Launchpad has been helping Black Arts in terms of creating friendships with other people, and even more interested in whatever magic is surrounding Launchpad. It’s not normal, and it doesn’t seem like there would be any good to come from it either.

Launchpad + Brandon

Now this is an annoyance for the buzzard as he would really want to try and stay away from the clumsy pilot. A sunny personality like his is nice, but that isn’t what someone like Brandon deserves, and he knows it. So, the best way for them to still be them is to stay away from each other, as the more and more that Launchpad might be around Brandon, the more and more Brandon will try to push him away. Hopefully bringing to light that not everyone will be your friend, or want to anyway.

Launchpad + Rubber Chicken

Whenever Clovis will meet Launchpad, either OG or a new DT17 reboot, it’s most likely going to be that one tough but simple minded goof with his thin and nimble worrisome ward. Well, Clovis isn’t really the ward type, but you get what I mean. He’s most likely going to open up Rubber Chicken to taking on new dangers if he can get past tackling the fear of them, and have someone to talk to for advice whenever he needs it as Clovis is a nervous wreck.

[metalgearkong]

MediEvil 2019 - Review (PS4)

10/28/19

Developed by Other Ocean Emeryville / Sony Computer Entertainment, released October 2019

It has risen again! The original MediEvil from 1998 is one of my favorite games of all time, and one of the games I have completed the most. Like other games from the PS1 era, I discovered MediEvil on a demo disc and replayed it constantly. I loved the Nightmare Before Christmas aesthetics and music, and liked that it stared a cowardly bumbling skeleton. The late 90′s was a time of experimentation for 3D action/adventure games, and while some people hold Ocarina of Time or Super Mario 64 as their favorites of the genre, MediEvil has always been my personal favorite. MediEvil II released two years later, but lost a lot of its appeal for me because it took place in Victorian London instead of the graveyards and spooky locations of the original. MediEvil: Resurrection was made in 2005 for the PSP, but was more of a re-imagining of the original game, and not a true remake.

I had heard about MediEvil being remade yet again a couple years ago, but tried to have tempered expectations, and not buy into what could amount to be rumors. I imagined it would be akin to a big screen version of MediEvil: Resurrection, or at least the developers would butcher the original game. Last year was when I saw the trailer for this MediEvil remake, and I felt more confident in it. While most people were anticipating big triple-A or franchise games for 2019, my sights and hopes were dead set on this. Finally, after all this time of waiting, MediEvil 2019 has released exclusively for the PS4, and I couldn’t be happier with the final product. Other Ocean Emeryville has created a deeply loyal and extremely faithful remake of the original game I cherish so much, but I feel like only true fans will be able to truly appreciate it for the accomplishment it is.

Before I talk about the game proper, I have to elaborate on the unexpected odyssey it took to actually get the game going. Not only do I have to make a three hour round trip to the nearest Gamestop to get a copy, the game had to immediately download a day one patch: version 1.01. This update was a massive 16GB, and with my super slow mountainous wi-fi speed, my PS4 predicted it would take at least 50 hours. There was no option to begin the game without this update. I was floored. It put me in a state of blue-balled depression and denial. So I took my TV, PS4, and all the necessary cords, and physically hooked in my PS4 to my work’s ethernet cable in a public building, hoping no one would disturb it. The estimated time dropped to a meager four hours, and it made me feel a lot better. Ironically, my PS4 only realized I didn’t have enough storage space to download the update, and somewhere along the line it quit. Thankfully, it let me play after giving up.

Expectations mean a lot, and leading up to this MediEvil releasing, I intentionally did not do a lot of research on the game in order to discover it in person as I was playing. I didn’t realize this was a fully committed remake of the original. MediEvil: Resurrection disappointed me because it changed a bunch about the game and left out a lot of my favorite levels. 2019′s MediEvil recreates every inch of the original game with modern graphics. I was so thrilled I can’t even describe how cool it was to see one of my favorite games of all time with a new coat of skin, especially because I never thought THIS game would be chosen to be remade. Not only that, but the game uses the same exact audio for most of the dialog; each and every gargoyle head and character Dan meets plays the same audio as I’ve had engraved in my skull for over twenty years, only with new character models and more elaborate animations.

The developers even used the same music for each level, only re-recorded it with only small differences or flourishes. Even insignificant things like textures on a doorway or on the ground were recreated in 3D to look just like they did. I would have been perfectly okay with the developers simply using modern graphics and textures to remake certain pieces of architecture or focal points in this game, but no, every corner of Gallowmere represented the original locations, and I constantly had to pick my jaw off the floor (no offense Dan). Cinematics also play out exactly the same, with the same camera angles and movements. Part of me thinks about how maybe Other Ocean Emeryville could have taken these short cinematics sprinkled throughout the game and elaborated slightly on lore, but that would veer dangerously close to a “re-imagining” territory, and I’m just thankful everything is kept so faithful in the end.

The banished necromancer Zarok has raised an army of the dead to conquer the realm of Gallowmere. Unwittingly, Zarok also brought back to life Sir Daniel Fortesque, King Peregrine's captain of the militia, who perished embarrassingly years prior in an earlier battle against Zarok and his armies. After Fortesque’s death, fables, songs, and legends told of his false bravery and battlefield accomplishments, but now he has the opportunity to live up to his own mythical status as the hero of Gallowmere. I’ve always loved this story, wherein the bad guy accidentally raises the very hero who would thwart him. I’ve always loved Dan because he’s so unlike most knights and heroes. He has to live up to his own reputation, and prove those wrong who know what truly happened. We play as Dan and travel from the hum drum graveyards of Gallowmere all the way through more exotic levels such as a pumpkin gorge filled with demonic pumpkins, crystal caverns filled with Minotaur-like monsters, an enchanted forest containing a demonic prison, and much more.

The first advantage to the modernization of this game was being able to see the Hilltop Mausoleum (the 2nd level) from The Cemetery (the 1st level). It would make sense if you had an expansive cemetery, and the very next level, adjacent to that level, had a massive building on top of a hill, and you could see it from far away. As a PS1 game I’d never expect to see something like that, but with this remake, they had the care to include things such as this, which only helps the world feel that much more real and connected. The controls and mechanics are nearly the same as the original as well, only made slightly more convenient. Dan can still equip a one-handed weapon and a shield, and switch between weapons in a menu. He can block attacks, but only as long as the shield’s HP holds out, until you need to find a new one. Dan has all the same moves as the original, but the more free-form camera makes the game a bit more convenient to play by making platforming and seeing things easier.

As you slay enemies in each level, you fill a chalice, and bringing back a full chalice to the end of each respective level grants you a visit to the Hall of Heores before the next level begins; this world’s version of Valhalla, where the most accomplished heroes of history drink, feast, and arm wrestle for eternity. A side goal of this game is to collect the chalice from every level so Dan can also become a member of this ethereal warrior’s afterlife (twenty in all). This is something I struggled with as a kid, but in the past many years I’ve always gone out of my way to make sure Sir Fortesque gets into the Hall of Heroes where he rightfully deserves to be. Sometimes items can be found in a level which are to be used in entirely different levels, something the game only hints at. Case in point are the Ant Caves, which is a maze-like level hidden within a level that is completely optional to complete (but not if you want all twenty chalices). 

Some of the original game’s drawbacks could be regarded as similar drawbacks for this remake. Criticisms like haphazard combat and imprecise platforming are somewhat the same case here, but I would argue that’s half the point playing as a gangling hero who hasn’t yet earned his stripes. I honestly can’t take an unbiased position on some of the game’s more objective problems, not only because I’m such a fanatic and have played the original so many times, but also because it’s impossible for me to have a fresh perspective on the game. I can’t tell you how hard the puzzles are or how tough the game is simply because I’ve played the original so many times, I’ve gotten used to any perceived problems and solved all the puzzles so long ago. Reviews for this game seem to be lukewarm, and it’s an opinion I can’t share because I’m so impressed by how faithful one of my all time obscure favorites has been recreated.

In fact the very few changes the developers did make I could count on one hand. Mostly these changes have been made to a few of the game’s boss fights. Most of the bosses have always been very easy, especially compared to today’s obsession where bosses are meant to be extremely punishing. I can honestly say the changes are for the better and improve on these boss fights. For example the fight with the captain of the ghost ship has been improved, allowing you to manual aim a canon before firing it at him, rather than running back and forth between two fixed canons, hoping one of your shots hit the captain as he paces back and forth. Another addition are the “Lost Souls” which are hidden collectibles, one in each level that can be found by Sir Dan. This basically makes you replay every level to find the Lost Souls, as they only appear once you’re already near the end of the game. I can’t say I was motivated to find them, at least not right now, since it appears to be a shallow fetch-quest.

Besides getting the game booted in the first place, I did a have a few technical problems while playing the game. These are probably because the version 1.01 patch never actually downloaded and installed, and I may have been experiencing what the developers were trying to fix. One example was a door not opening once I had defeated all the enemies in the room, effectively trapping me there forever, forcing me to restart the level. The problems were mainly things such as this, and I bet I’m the only person in the world who had to complete the game from beginning to end raw without the day one patch. Otherwise the game ran great, and looks good as Hell.

I’m so glad Other Ocean Emeryville didn’t try to subvert expectations or put a clever twist on certain things, leaving it as is. MediEvil 2019 constantly impressed me, and I don’t think I’ve felt this much fan service and satisfaction since the Shadow Moses chapter of Metal Gear Solid 4 from 2008. The music, dialog, weapons, level design, aesthetics, enemies and controls have been painstakingly remade, giving this cult classic an impressive new look. Its the restrictive nature of the developer’s design philosophy I appreciate the most; this is simply a game for the fans, and very obviously by the fans. MediEvil was my most anticipated game of 2019 and I am deeply satisfied and surprised about how well it turned out. Annoying day one patch download aside, I had an incredible time experiencing this remake. While some gameplay flaws might still exist, and those who don’t already love the original may not see it in the same level of reverence, this was a big payoff for me and I’m sure other dedicated fans feel the same. Thank you Other Ocean Emeryville, this has been a wonderful gift.

9/10

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Rocky’s Bar and Dean’s split self

I’m still intrigued by Dabb’s choice of song-quote for the latest episode and the scene with Dean trying to collect himself in front of the mirror. To quote myself from the above link--

It’s interesting that, while the textual reading in relation to the episode is obviously a Dean vs Michael one, the whole thing is obviously a subtextual exploration of Dean’s kaleidoscopic identity, his personality full of contradiction, the layers of disguises, the subtle threat of his self shattering always looming. Of course his case is not, like for the song, a personality disorder, but simply the ways he’s had to adapt to his environment, the coping mechanisms he has been performing to survive and try to thrive (Dean does not thrive on trauma, Sam, Dean has developed an extreme adaptability to trauma since he was a tiny bean, but the fact that he’s been doing for so long doesn’t make it any less complicated and exhausting.)

It’s just you, it’s just you. It’s all you.

Textually, it’s about Michael. Subtextually, it’s about Dean’s identity and the many facets of it, and the ways he’s been struggling to handle the various facets in relation to the environment he’s lived in.

Now, let me explore an idea about the scene playing in Dean’s mind. While I do agree that this post makes a valid point about the business lady representing Michael’s way to ensure Dean’s acquiescence, I want to try another reading (not necessarily conflicting).

I was thinking (there’ll be a post) about the parallel between Dean’s door that keeps Michael locked in and the wall that kept Sam’s trauma locked in when Death delivered his soul back. When the wall was broken, Sam had to recompose the different pieces of his self. He was literally split across multiple versions of his self inside his mind.

Now, Dean. When we saw the first glimpse of him inside the bar, we speculated that the mysterious guy passed out on the counter was also Dean. Then we found out that multiple individuals were involved in Dean’s illusion scenario: Pamela, the business lady, the two vampires. But are they really separate constructions, or are they also Dean?

When Sam and Cas enter Dean’s mind, they see him, they see Pamela, they briefly see the vampires (not the business lady). By the time Dean recovers his memories of reality, he’s the only one remaining. My theory is that he has reconstituted himself, although not in a visually noticeable way (like in Sam’s case in 6x22). Every person the appears inside the bar, in the loop, is a part of Dean, a facet of his self.

In the last few days, browsing through tumblr, I have noticed that different people have different interpretations of the positivity or negativity of Dean’s experience with the bar in the mental scenario. Some bloggers have emphasized a positive quality to it: Dean has his own business, is not dependent on anyone, is not shackled to anything, loves what he does, in fact does the thing pretty much exclusively out of love for what he’s doing. Dean is independent and does something he loves, hangs out with a friend he feels comfortable with, is cool with Sam and Cas hunting across the country, while he uses his hunter skills to defend himself and the bar if the occasion arises.

Others, me included (see here and sorta here), have emphasized a negative nature of the situation: the moment Dean is forced to live through on loop, although he doesn’t realize it, has a feel of isolation to it; the cinematography gives a dark, claustrophobic sense to the ambience. The bar is almost empty, and implied not to be successful; Dean only serves alcohol to himself and his staff member. He spills monsters’ blood in an establishment that serves food that he is responsible for, he who as a thing for cleanliness...! The only things that happen in the loop are Dean serving alcohol for himself and his waitress, resisting the pressure to sell the place, and killing vampires who’ve attacked the place. There’s emphasis - we hear it over and over - on the fact that Sam and Cas are on a hunting trip and Dean only knows when they should be back, meaning he’s not sure. Here I have basically described how being a bartender would be good for Dean: and that’s not what we see Dean doing, not what Dean really experiences in the scene playing on loop.

Now, I am not saying one’s right and one’s wrong (heck, I’ll be the first person to be happy if Dean gets to give food people by choice and is happy about it x x). The amazing thing about Dean Winchester is that you can interpret him and his experiences in completely different ways, and still not be wrong. He is multifaceted. And I think that this is the key point here.

There’s definitely a part of Dean that would appreciate the scenario. No major responsibilities towards others, his own business instead of the suffocating “family business” built on guilt and sense of duty. A job that allows him to take care of people in a very lowkey way - he serves them alcohol and food but is not responsible for them (he isn’t fazed by a drunk guy passed out). But that’s also not all of what Dean is. I’m reminded more of what a teenage Dean, tightly wrapped in the ties of the family as run by John, considered an ideal career: fix cars, which then leave, and you’re no longer responsible for them. Would something like that be enough for him now?

Dean thrives surrounded by people - not random people, rather his chosen people, but still people. He loves taking care of them - not because he’s forced to but because he can. In the bar scene, he has Pamela, but everyone else isn’t there.

There’s also something that could be said about the alcohol. Dean and Pamela are the only people we effectively see drink alcohol in the scene. It’s in fact the plot of the scene: Dean prepares drinks for them to drink together. It’s all about alcohol-based socialization. He thinks Cas and Sam have gotten back from the hunt, he immediately prepares a beer for Cas. Alcohol is a ubiquitous part of his life and relationships in this scenario.

So, we’ve had a look to bartender Dean. Now let’s look at Pamela. Confident, going on dates with hot guys, wearing items that subtly (or not so subtly) cue to Cas; equipped with an extreme emotional intelligence and empathy; whose tasks include “cleaning up the blood” when monsters attack the bar. Pamela who worries about Sam and Cas but don’t tell Dean, he’ll use it against me. Who is amused by Cas’ weird (non-flirty) way of talking to ladies.

Pamela is also Dean. A ‘feminine’ side - still badass and assured and strong - whose emotions will be used against him by his own ‘masculine’ side, that prefers to keep his emotions a secret, although projected onto Pamela this becomes a light quip (interesting how she says ‘don’t tell Dean’ not so far away from Dean that he can’t hear her: he doesn’t react, but you expect him to reply ‘I can hear you’ from behind the counter, just like Michael said earlier). A side who carries the memory of getting back from hell thanks to an angel. A side who confidently helps with killing monsters but also tries to wipe out the signs of the violence of the hunting life. A side who is aware of his own emotions and desires and messy psychological things.

I don’t know about you, but for me -- all of this? Also Dean. These aspects get projected onto Pamela because that’s safer. I think this is an important point: Dean keeps aspects on himself that are safer, projects uncomfortable (in various ways) aspects on other ‘characters’ of the scene.

In fact, let’s see the other characters. The drunk unconscious guy who turns up a decoy and attacks Dean and Pamela... is also Dean. The depressed, self-harming side. The side of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

And the vengeful vampire whose nest was killed is also Dean, although there’s a difference - the vampire who yells comes from the outside. It’s like the symbolism is saying that revenge and aggression are part of Dean’s identity, but come from the outside.

Now, the business lady. This part is where I had most difficulty figuring out how I was supposed to read it... until I had a realization, which you can find here. Basically, I think that the business lady represents - together with other aspects of the bar, especially the space where Dean does the paperwork - the side of Dean that is attracted to death.

The lady is visually reminiscent of two pivotal figures in the episode Byzantium - Lily Sunder and Anubis. Lily chooses death in the episode, which turns out to be a liberation, an act of elevation and a reward. And Anubis is a deity of the afterlife, tasked with the paperwork. Dean’s office space is also reminiscent of Anubis’ office which we see when Lily arrives there to get her new evaluation. (Please open the link above for the screenshots.)

There is a lot of elements that remind of death (and Death) in Dean’s mental scene, including the Mexican-inspired figures on the wall that connect us to the Mexican restaurant where Dean asked Death to kill him but then killed Death. The parallels with Anubis also make sense, considering that Anubis has been presented as a Dean mirror. And the lady with the briefcase and the paperwork (who, again, comes from the outside), in my opinion, represents the side of Dean that feels the appeal of death, or at least has a closeness to the idea of dying, if you get what I mean. Which opens interesting perspectives.

She offers him a deal. Death for Dean (not necessarily his own) is generally associated to deals. Mary’s demon deal (his first symbolical death is at four...), John’s demon deal, his own demon deal, the deal with Cain, multiple deals of some kind with Death (when he becomes Death for a day, when he kills Death...) and so on (you could say it even starts with Sue-Ann Le Grange’s deal). In particular the episode is filled with references to his experience in hell - which obviously started with his own most iconic deal. I know you said you weren’t interested, but it’s just a few signatures and you could... Dean says that the bar - his soul, his life - isn’t for sale. Rocky’s looks pretty dead. It’s a very generous offer, the lady retorts. Why would I want to give you anything? Keep your gutter soul. It’s too tarnished, anyway. But Dean put his foot down. No deal. The lady stomps off. Dean doesn’t want to die. He has to intention to make that sale. I’ve never had anything this nice.

In this metaphor, the bar becomes his soul, or his life. Many posts have been written about the interior decor of the bar, filled with symbols of what’s important to Dean. In one of the posts I linked earlier I talked about the bar as the Noah’s Ark opposite Michael’s flood, and it makes sense that his soul is this little thing, tossed around the raging waters but never sinking, never breaking.

But just like Dean is both Noah and God, the bar is more than Dean’s life, because Dean is also Death. Not as in the actual entity with the official job (although he’s done it for a little bit...) but he is a force that has everything to do with death. In the wide sense of the concept - the circle of life and death, the cosmic balance. He’s the force that reconciled creation and destruction, he’s basically always walking the line between life and death. He’s a dispenser of death but also overflowing with life. Killer and nurturer at the same time. But I gotta stop before I end up typing 10k words describing Dean.

Dean’s paperwork office, as I pointed out in the post I linked, is reminiscent of Anubis’ office. A deity of death, who represents the judgment of a person’s morality, the moment that determines your salvation or damnation. Anubis told them that he’s just the guy doing the paperwork, he’s not the actual entity that decides whether a person will be saved or not. The individual is the real judge of themselves (Anubis’ own father punished those who judged themselves worthy of condemnation inside their hearts...), humans are the real “Anubis”, the real “God”. The ones writing the story. And Dean, Humanity and Divinity at the same time, best represents this. He’s the god of salvation and damnation. And by the end of the episode we find out that he’s the one who can either save or condemn the universe - of course.

Behind Anubis there’s a clock, behind Dean there’s a fan. Circles that keep running in the same motion, round and round, the ouroboros of life and death and creation and destruction. Eternity and time. (I haven’t been touching the topic for a while, but at some point I was very intrigued by the undercurrent of space and time in the Dabb era, and maybe it’s time to get the topic out).

I’m going to conclude this post here because otherwise I might go on forever. Thoughts?

[wisdomrays]

The Four Great Deeds Which Take Willpower

QUESTION: The following is related in Al-Munabbihat (The Counsel) with reference to Ali ibn Abi Talib, may God be pleased with him: “The following four virtues are the most difficult of deeds: Being able to forgive while enraged, showing generosity during hardship, remaining chaste in the face of temptation while in private, always speaking up for truth in the face of another whom one fears or from whom one expects a benefit.” Could you expound on the deeds mentioned in this statement, and the Divine rewards to be granted in return?

ANSWER: When you consider other statements that are ascribed to noble Ali, his words included in Nahj al-Balagha (The Peak of Eloquence) and his style and use of language, and then also consider the fact that the Muslims had newly emerged from the Era of Ignorance so notions and concepts about different fields of knowledge had not fully flourished, and works about language and eloquence had not yet fully appeared, then these words, which require a certain literary background, do not appear so likely to be his. Therefore, one cannot help but imagine that perhaps the people of the third and fourth centuries, when different scholarly fields had been developed, ascribed the words they said to noble Ali, may God be pleased with him. However, when we consider his unique qualities such as being open to spirituality, having dynamic inspirations and his position as the father of a chain of saintly people, then it is highly possible for him to have said these words as a result of inspiration. On the other hand, the previously mentioned possibility should not be dismissed. In addition, it is also possible for those people from a later period to have rephrased his original statements by enriching them with the meanings and concepts of their own period. As it is not easy to have a decisive view on this, let us say “God knows its truth” and discuss the subject of the four deeds that are mentioned.

Our master Ali firstly expresses that the most difficult deeds number four. Actually, every deed has a difficult aspect of its own. Making ablutions five times a day, observing the Prayers, Fasting throughout the day particularly on long, hot days, donating from lawful gains, observing the duty of Hajj, observing the rights of parents without any complaint near them... When such acts of worship and responsibilities are viewed, it will be seen that each of them has certain difficulties of its own. I imagine that nobody views these deeds and worship as easy. However, he particularly draws attention to four issues that he sees as the most difficult among deeds.

1. Forgiveness while enraged

The first difficult deed is being able to forgive others while in a state of rage. Actually, swallowing one’s rage and showing forgiveness at the moment when a one’s rage overflows like magma is a deed the Qur’an praises and encourages people to do. For example: “They spend (out of what God has provided for them) both in ease and hardship, ever-restraining their rage (even when provoked and able to retaliate), and pardoning people (their offenses)...” (Al Imran 3:134). With this Divine verse, God states that swallowing one’s rage and pardoning others is a quality of God-revering and pious ones (those with taqwa). He brings to our attention that swallowing one’s rage is as difficult a task as swallowing a thorny cactus. Surely, the reward for a person who accomplishes such a deed will be greater accordingly.

Forgiving is easy for a person who is not disturbed by anyone, who is in a good mood, who is shown appreciation and love by others. What really matters is a person’s giving his willpower its due at a time when he is bothered and troubled by others, and is in a rage because of that—to not respond in the same way and show forgiveness.

In fact, a human being is not a creature that has to react in the same way when some others touch him with their horns. God Almighty, may His glory be exalted, left no gap in human abilities. He endowed humanity with the way to perfection and created them as perfect beings. He granted them such a willpower that, when a person is able to harness its full potential, he can carry out the most difficult deeds and subjugate his feelings of anger and rage by taking them under control.

As you know the original word for forgiveness is afw, and it means “erasing something.” That is to say, you deliberately ignore some of the attitudes and behaviors displayed by others which disturb and enrage you, and virtually white them out in your mind. You do not even allow all of these negativities to take a place in your mind or leave a trace in your neurons. Even if they pressurize you to the degree of affecting your health, you erase them from your cortex. This truly is a difficult deed to fulfill. However, once a person is able to accomplish that, namely, build a character predisposed for forgetting others’ evils, then the rewards in the afterlife will be very different. It is likely that in response to this forgiving attitude, the Divine punishment due for certain wrongs and sins committed by that person will be erased and he will be blessed with Divine forgiveness in return for having forgiven others.

2. Showing generosity in times of hardship

Secondly, our master Ali, may God be pleased with him, emphasized the importance of acting magnanimously when seized by hardship. It is easy for a person with a substantial fortune to be generous because it will not seriously diminish by giving some of it away. What will a person who has a thousand dollars lose if he gives away one dollar of it? What really matters is being able to give for God’s sake during hardship. As forgiveness during rage is an invitation for Divine forgiveness, generosity during times of hardship is an invitation for Divine generosity.

In a way, he drew attention to the altruistic virtue of ithar, preferring others over oneself; ithar is a person’s giving his food to another while he himself is hungry and thirsty. God Almighty states the following in relation to this issue: “...and in their hearts do not begrudge what they (other believers) have been given, and (indeed) they prefer them over themselves, even though poverty be their own lot” (al-Hashr 59:9).

During the Battle of Yarmuk, a Companion with dried-up lips, on the verge of death, was about to drink the water they brought for him. On hearing another dying Companion asking for water, he beckoned for the water to be taken to him instead. When the second Companion received the water, he heard the same moan from a third and beckoned for the water to be taken to him instead. This repeated until the water was taken to seven different people. In the end, all of them were martyred and none of those altruistic souls was able to drink the water. It is one of the most striking and beautiful examples of the virtue of ithar, preferring others over oneself, as an outward reflection of living for the sake of others in the true sense and remaining loyal to real human values.

3. Being able to remain chaste in the face of temptation when in private

The third difficult but good deed mentioned by our master Ali is remaining chaste in spite of being in a situation that allows one to sin in private..

In a saying, the Messenger of God, peace and blessings be upon him, referred to the seven categories of people who will be provided with shade by the Divine Throne on the Day of Judgment when no other shade exists. He revealed that one of these is someone who rejects the indecent invitation of a woman of status and beauty by responding to her by saying, “I fear God.”

In a way, it is easy to appear decent in others’ sight. It is not easy for people to commit sin while others’ eyes are on them. However, when someone finds himself in the vortex of such a tempting opportunity, when someone immoral is attempting to seduce him, it is very difficult for him to master his willpower and become an example of chastity; refusing temptation by exclaiming as Prophet Joseph, peace be upon him, did: “God forbid!” (Yusuf 12:23), and thus taking a clear stance against that temptation. In such situations where one is pushed toward negative things, it truly takes a willpower of steel to stand perfectly upright with the soundness of a mountain without being shaken at all. Undoubtedly, the reward for a person who withstands such temptation will be as great in the same degree.

During the caliphate of Umar ibn al-Khattab, may God be pleased with him, a seductive woman laid her eyes on a handsome young man and set a trap for him. One day, she somehow managed to make him take one step in through her door. However, the young man found himself reciting the verse with the following meaning: “Those who keep from disobedience to God in reverence for Him and piety: when a suggestion from Satan touches them—they are alert and remember God, and then they have clear discernment” (al-A’raf 7:201). Upon this, the young man’s heart stopped and he passed away right there. The Companions did not wish to inform the caliph about it; they took the body, which was found in front of that immoral woman’s house, and buried him quietly. On realizing the absence of this devout youth, who would normally take his place in the first rank of the Prayers, Umar ibn al-Khattab asked where he was. The Companions told him about the situation. After this, the caliph ran to the grave of the young man and recited the verse meaning, “But for him who lives in awe of his Lord and of the standing before his Lord (in the Hereafter), there will be two Gardens...” in address to him. Then a voice from the grave replied with the following words: “O leader of the believers! I have been granted twice more than that.”

This event also indicates that it is so hard, so valuable, and very important for a person to remain chaste in case of immediate temptation while in private. Unfortunately, as the recent few centuries have taken away so many values from us, it also destroyed our idea of chastity. We Muslims have become so miserable and corrupt in this regard. Under the banner of “freedom” some have laid all indecent means of immorality before us and thus made our atmosphere vulnerable to all kinds of immorality. But in spite of everything, we hold the belief that as far as those who protect their decency and chastity in our time are concerned, God Almighty will treat them with His Divine favors, honor them with two Paradises, and crown them with His good pleasure, absolute acceptance, and seeing Him.

4. Speaking up for truth when this is difficult

He explained the final good deed he thought to be difficult as “speaking out against another whom one fears or from whom one expects some benefit.” In situations where one fears someone or is promised some benefits by them, if a person cannot be morally upright and speak up for truth but instead agrees to engage in a deal, then the holders of power virtually shackle him and bring him under total control. They then make him do everything they want. As it can be seen in different circles in our time, fear is a factor that restrains, paralyzes and totally disables a person while running on the righteous path. Likewise, cherishing expectations of certain benefits puts a person in the position of a mute devil who cannot speak out against oppressive rulers. It causes that person to knowingly distort realities, speak wrongly and commit wrongs. As we witness its very bitter examples, so many people today are saying just the opposite of what they said yesterday because of certain opportunities laid before them, some expectation they cherish, or due to being paralyzed by fear and anxiety. Like a chameleon, they change from one hue to another with the changing conditions and thus—may God protect—they commit successive wrongs in a way that will ruin their life in both worlds. By means of different engagements of benefits, they virtually live like slaves and cannot manage to break free. So it is true heroism to speak up for truth during a time when fear and benefits prevail. Such a heroic act will surely be rewarded accordingly in the next world.

In short, rewards for deeds will differ according to the time and conditions in which they were realized. However, one point should not be missed here. Receiving a much greater reward for having fulfilled a difficult deed depends on keeping the sincerity of intention and not making any overt or covert complaints. In other words, in order to gain a greater reward in accordance with the difficulty of a certain deed, one must not complain about the difficulties. One should show patience against all odds, not dare to criticize Divine destiny and fulfill that deed in a willing and voluntary fashion.

[iamgoingtohell---again]

My journeying with gender

I know this isn’t a popular blog, but I’m going for it.

At 26 years old, my gender identity is being shaken to the core. The realizations I’m having are freeing, the reality of them are terrifying, and the skeletons of everything within it are soaked deep with Persistent Depressive Disorder, or dysthymia.

Honestly, I would appreciate any advice or thoughts, as long as it’s kind.

(Please be nice to me.)

And I’m tagging random - but double checked against transphobia - blogs I follow that I hope will be friendly, at least reblog, and maybe also give their honest opinion. (Some of them are popular, I don’t expect a response) @barnabyleeofslytherin @thatsthat24 @spaceyspades @hey-pretty-mama-its-johnny-bravo @tenoko1 @superwhoavengelock-etc @novamjohnson @arosecret @gayngelofthelordlovesdean @trans-matters @transboygif

So, let’s start with realizations. (It’s weird; I’m weird - just read three paragraphs down)

Not too long ago, I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole where I watched this video on reincarnation (more or less - it’s some dude’s near-death experience). Basically, when in regards to me, it comes down to: he asked the people he was talking to in this afterlife place if he could stay next time (because he had to go back this time), and their answer was (not verbatim): “We doubt it. You never stay long. You like your lessons.”

Which, okay, I get how that’s creepy, but I will also say that dude reported they seemed mostly amused with him the entire time. As in, okay, this guy again? Same questions. What a cinnamon roll. 

At any rate, it was enough for me to actual consider if I could “come back”, and then what I would come back as? And the idea that I could come back as a gay man gOT ME SO HAPPY AND EXCITED I CAN’T DESCRIBE!

And that was when realization first hit me on the head: cis people don’t have these thoughts.

Which I know sounds like such a duh moment, but it actually was. There had been a couple of things poking at me, hinting similarly for a while, but this opened the flood gates. For the first time in my life, I began acknowledging that I have thoughts like:

“I’d give anything to be a man.”

“God, I’d love to have a penis.”

And even: “Why couldn’t have my balls just fucking dropped???”

I finally, after all these years, realized these aren’t cis thoughts (especially when they’re daily, and two of those pretty much are), but it clashes so much with who I have gotten used to being.

Which brings me to reality.

Accepting I wasn’t “cis” was surprisingly really easy. Like I alluded, it was freeing. Coming back down to earth, I had q u e s t i o n s. And being both the person I am and a long term mental health *whatever*, I asked them to myself.

Why didn’t I know/realize/get a hint before age 26?  First off, when I look at my life, there a thousand hints that I’m not “cis”. 

Second, I didn’t realize because of how I grew up. I grew up in an environment where there is literally a “how cute, let’s laugh” story of me where I cried because I was told by the women in my family not to play with the boys. The “laugh” part of it is them (the women involved) saying, “We should have known then you’d be a tomboy from that incident.” Catcher? The men in my family retelling that story don’t laugh. They say instead, “We realized then you weren’t like them.”

And that’s exactly it. I grew up with a family that had one foot in liberal things and one foot in conservative/traditional things. So, it was a stretch and active thing for them to allow me to always hang out with the “guys”, to build and paint houses with the men, and to do “manly” activities with the men of our family because it was very “feminist” and “independent” which they supported. (Not all, but my parents did so everyone else had to shut up.). 

It’s an entirely different thing for that same child to be trans. They didn’t raise a boy. They raised a strong, female daughter.

So me saying things like, “I’d love to be a man,” and, “Can I get boy jeans?” was a part of the strong female identity. That was it.

And so, why I didn’t know?

I think because I did have such positive encouragement to more “manly” things in such a way, that my family simply comforted me in the “womanly” things I was obligated to. And there is so much about being a woman that I hate, but I had learned early on that there were things I could enjoy.

For instance, I sometimes like I having my nails painted. It’s not always, I have phases, but occasionally, I enjoy it. I sometimes like wearing makeup. I know I don’t know much about it, but I know enough. And I 50/50 enjoy wearing it, etc. I love shoes - I don’t like heels tho. And other little feminine things, I can get into the mood for.

So here we are for the last of it, which I will just title mental health and such.

I already have mental health issues (depression) - which, my brain has already began to ring a bell that some of it had/has to do with this - already plan to talk to my therapist.

But in my own encouragement of my mental health, I decided to approach the issue like we do for issues at work. Which means in my case listing what are both real and “in my head” problems.

Why to not ID has a trans man and possibly transition:

- I know I will lose half the family I have, possibly all (blood family)

- I am too old for this - if I was truly a man, I surely would’ve known so much younger and will never be taken seriously as a man

- I am too overweight for a transition

- Money

Why to shelf the idea:

- I’m just now beginning to allow myself permission to think this way, shelving and letting the thought(s) develop could be helpful (note: also harmful, to be considered)

- Even at my age, despite everything, I could be going through a phase. Let it pass.

- I know I am likable and employable right now, as is, so perhaps stay physically as I am no matter what I think/feel.

Why to actually “man” up:

- Because I actually got a lot of just life/maintenance shit done this week by thinking, “You’re doing this for the man you will become.”

- Because I have always looked at men as both “he is so hot” and “I wish I could be that” v looking at women as either “why would someone find this attractive?” and “this is what I’m supposed to look like/want to look like”

- Because I have always related to men, and I have always ever related to women when it was a direct issue involving this body I’m in

- Because throughout my life I have had detailed daydreams of how a situation/reaction/or-just-life would have gone if I was the man I wish I was

- Because the older I’ve become, the more I’ve hated the thought of being a woman and loved the idea of being a man

- Because if I was ever asked what to be, I would be a man. Full stop, no question about it. 

But I wasn’t asked, and I can’t, and I just don’t know. So much about “being a woman” has been so grilled into me, expected of me, and the norm for me. And I’ve fought. I’ve tried. I just at best felt comfortable being the girl who never reaches out.

So, fuck it. I’m reaching out. And I’m tagging certain blogs I follow that I hope will be friendly but also give their honest opinion. 

[trashyocstash]

after all this time, i finally finished the second part to the vampire au story. i’m not entirely satisfied with it, but i hope you like it anyways. this takes place a year after the story, in 1855.

warnings for a brief mention of suicide and smut.

Vampire Julie was alone in the kitchen, smiling as she put the finishing touches on a pie she was baking for her and her lover Rick.

They’d gotten together last year, and ever since then, Julie had never been so free or happy. She had found true love, and was now a vampire, no longer chained to the Victorian society she came from. And as a vampire, she felt like she’d really changed, Julie was feeling more confident in herself, and now had a love for the dark and macabre. She and Rick would have dates in graveyards together, travel in haunted locations, and explore dark foggy woods. In addition, she also now wore all black, enjoyed drinking blood from skull cups, and the house she lived in with Rick looked haunted, which she liked too.

Deep in her mind, she was still sad about losing her parents, she knew if there was indeed an afterlife, she'd never see them again. But thankfully, she had been working on overcoming this. Sometimes she wondered how they would react to knowing their own daughter had become a vampire, thinking they might be shocked at first, but would come to accept it.

Julie shook her head, there was no time to focus on that, it was time to focus on Rick instead, who she knew would be coming home soon from a hunt, with a nice delicious pie waiting for him.

She then heard a knock at the door, and opened it, greeted by a bloody Rick, who was dragging a body behind him. “Hey Batty! I'm back from my hunt!”

“I can see that sweetheart.” Julie smiled, noticing the blood on him and the body. “Now, why don't you clean the blood of you, and put the body away okay? When you get back, you can eat some pie I made for you.”

He gave her a big smile. “Y-You did? That’s great! W-Where i-is it?”

“In the kitchen.” She answered. “I know how hungry you get after a hunt, and so I thought you’d like it.”

“Like it? I love it!” Rick beamed.

He tried to make the move to eat, but Julie stopped him and made him go to the bathroom to clean up. Rick grumbled, dragging the body away with him.

He came back later, taking a few pieces of pie and setting them on a plate. Julie took some pieces too, and they sat down to eat together, making sure to pour blood into cups too.

“By the way Batty, do you wanna practice your flying skills with me after we finish eating?” Rick asked. “I think it would do you some good.”

“Oh that sounds wonderful! Of course I will!” She agreed.

He grinned. “It's a-a date.”

------------------

After they finished eating, Rick and Julie headed outside and turned into bats, though it took Julie just a little bit longer to turn into a bat than Rick, but she felt like she was getting the hang of it.

“Let's get going.” Rick told her with a wide smile, then started to fly off.

She followed him as best she could, quickly flapping her wings so she could reach him. Eventually, she did, and was pretty pleased with herself.

“You're really getting the hang of this!” He praised.

“Thank you..” Julie blushed. “It's a little hard, but I'm trying my best.”

“You know what they say Batty, practice makes perfect.”

“Indeed it does.” She smiled.

Rick and Julie continued to fly together as bats, while Rick helped her from time to time. But the further they went on, the better she did, which he took notice of. He was very proud of her, pleased to see how far she'd come since the first time she turned into a bat, when she'd quickly fallen before Rick saved her, and had struggled during her first flying lesson. But she was a fast learner, picking up on things quickly, which made things easier for the both of them. One day, he knew they could fly in harmony together, high in the sky, content and without worry. And he knew too that they'd be there soon.

As they continued to fly, Julie found herself in awe of the sights around and below her. The moon shone brightly in the sky, the green of the forest, the stars, bodies of water, and the occasional building from time to time. Seeing everything from so high in the sky was always so exciting and exhilarating for her, and every time she flew, she felt like she never wanted it to end. The fact Rick was with her made it even better.

But soon, it did end. Julie followed Rick as he landed on a clearing in the woods and turned back into a vampire, with her turning back into a vampire as well.

“Oh Rick, that was so much fun!” Julie exclaimed.

“Yep, it w-was.” Rick agreed. Julie then kissed him deeply, and he returned it.

“So, what do you wanna do now my moonbeam?” She asked.

He thought for a moment, before an idea came to his mind. “Aha! I-I g-got it! Why don't we race in our wolf forms? I wanna s-see how well you're getting the hang of your wolf form!”

“That's a wonderful idea!” She beamed. “Let's do it!”

Rick watched as she turned into a wolf, again, taking some time before it worked. But when it did, she had turned into a beautiful red wolf. He followed her, turning into a dark wolf like he had before.

They went beside each other, and started to run alongside each other. At first, Rick seemed to be getting the upper hand, or paw rather, as he was in the lead. But to his surprise, Julie ended up taking the lead, and in the end, she won.

When they finished their race, arriving out of the forest, both Rick and Julie stopped and looked at each other, with Julie giving him a toothy grin. “I won!”

“You sure did, I'm proud of how you've come.” He then licked her face as she blushed.

“You're too sweet Rick, you know that?”

He really didn't think of himself as sweet, but was flattered. Rick licked her face again. “And so are you.”

----------------

They turned back into vampires, and stayed outside a little bit longer. The two of them sat on a hill together, watching the moon and stars as they cuddled.

Until becoming a vampire, Julie had never realized how beautiful the night was, as she'd never been able to fully appreciate it beforehand. But now she could, and did. To her, the night was far more beautiful than the day, and that wasn't just because she burned in the sun, but because the view of the stars glimmering in the sky, and the moon glowing looked far more lovely than the sun shining.

Rick turned his head over to see her and smiled, noticing how enchanted she was by the night sky, and smiled, placing a kiss on her cheek. She noticed the kiss, and when Rick turned his head away, she kissed him back. In retaliation, he started showering her with kisses, making her laugh and giggle.

When he finished, Julie rewarded him with a kiss on the lips, feeling his fangs brushing against her. “I love you so much…” She said softly, giving him a look filled with pure love and adoration.

“I love you too my Batty..” He smiled, letting his fingers gently caress her curves.

Julie rested her head against his chest, laying her hand on it. She could hear his breathing and smell his maleness and the forest nearby, accompanied by a heartbeat. She didn't know why he had one if he was undead, but he said only his corpse form lacked a heartbeat, but since the form he usually took that looked like him while alive, he did have a heartbeat. She'd accepted this, finding it made sense.

They continued to lay down together like that, until they decided to return home. Julie and Rick got up, turned into bats, and flew back to their home.

Once they arrived, Julie got an idea and looked over at Rick. “A dance my love?” She asked, holding out her hand towards him.

He smiled at her and took her hand. “Of course B-Batty.”

The vampire couple walked into a room with a lot of empty space, and began to slow dance, with Julie leaning her head against Rick's chest.

Growing up upper class in Victorian society meant she'd been taught how to dance at a young age for dances, something the other upper class members did. So, Julie was pretty good at it, and had attended a few dances in her life, with her parents hosting a few as well. But since they died, she hadn't danced, until she and Rick got together. And now, dancing together was something they enjoyed doing. It was quiet, peaceful, and they could be close.

Of course, Julie had to teach Rick how to dance, and he was still learning, but doing better than when he first started.

When they finished, they shared a kiss while they're hands were interlocked.

“You were wonderful.” Julie praised.

“So were you.” He smiled.

Thinking about how much her life had changed since turning into a vampire, Julie remembered all the rules and etiquette. Pretty much everything had rules that were expected to be obeyed: how to talk, how to sit, how to eat and more. She hadn't been allowed to leave her home without an escort at one point, due to being unmarried, and dinner parties were a nightmare.

Julie had also always loathed the rules surrounding courtship, being the romantic she was, she didn't like the idea of not being able to marry who she wanted, and all the other rules surrounding it.

The world she came from wasn't one she belonged in. Even as a child, she had felt alienated and different. She had no friends, and while she had longed for love, no suitors captured her interest, nor any other male that had attempted to woo her. People thought of her as strange and never paid much mind to her, in their eyes, she was nothing but “an odd red-haired girl who's too quiet and needs a husband.” It didn't help that her parents were disinterested in things like balls, and never really did anything at them except hoping Julie found a husband. They'd also only ever owned a few servants who didn't even stick around long. Julie and her family were really all seen as odd and strange, only tolerated for their wealth.

Things only worsened when her parents died. Julie ended up secluding herself, never attending anything she was invited to, and eventually, she was simply left alone. She didn't have anyone but her.

Until she met Rick that is.

Julie finally felt like she had a place in the world, one where she could be with a man she loved, and without rules or etiquette everywhere. Holding his hands and having him close was a reminder of how glad she was to be with him. And being a vampire meant this life would never end, and she was happy with that.

As for what they would do next, something came to Julie's mind, and she blushed. “I have a surprise for you Rick.”

“You do? Do I need t-to cl-close my eyes or something?” He asked.

She giggled. “No, I'll be in our room and tell you when I'm ready okay?”

“Okay!”

Rick watched as Julie zoomed off into their room, and thought about what the surprise could be. He wasn't too sure though, but he was excited nonetheless.

Soon, he heard her call his name and opened their bedroom door. His jaw dropped when he saw the sight before him: Julie in sexy black lingerie.

“J-Julie?”

She smiled and walked up to him, giving him a kiss on the lips. When their lips parted, she could see he still looked shocked. “I take it you like my surprise?”

“Where did you even get that?” He wondered.

“Took some old lingerie and made some adjustments. I thought you would like it, and I'm glad to see you do.” Julie explained, laughing a bit at the end.

Rick was speechless for a moment, until he finally snapped out of his flustered state and grabbed onto her. This caught her off guard, and she stared at him with a blush on her face, before he roughly kissed her and let his hands roam her body.

“R-Rick..” She moaned, but was cut off with another kiss.

He growled and ripped off her lingerie before shoving her on the bed. She barely had time to respond, as he began to eat her out not long after.

“Rick! Uh yes!” She cried out, gripping onto his hair.

He continued to lick, letting his hands grip onto her thighs until he got her to cum.

He then pulled away, and Julie noticed the large bulge in his pants. She blushed at the sight, excited to feel his cock inside of her.

Snarling, Rick quickly shoved himself in her warmth, moving fast and fucking hard.

Julie moaned, her mind a blur as he fucked her. She hadn't expected him to be like this, but guessed the sight of her in the lingerie caused it. Not that she minded, she loved when he was rough and aggressive with her, it was very exciting for her, knowing she could make her lover act like this.

She then felt him cumming inside of her and gasped, before he swiftly pulled out, her body shaking from getting fucked so hard.

“You are mine.” Rick growled. “All mine.”

“Yes..I'm all yours...forever..” Julie replied breathlessly.

--------------------

Rick managed to cool off a little later, and noticed the sun was starting to rise.

“Guess this means it's time to go to bed him Batty?” He asked, a grin on his face.

She nodded, putting on her nightgown. “Indeed it is Moonlight.”

They both headed into bed together, and snuggled up next to each other, with Julie resting her head on Rick's chest.

Being together made them feel content and happy. Rick had been alone for so long, wanting death so badly, but being able to die; he didn't feel like he had a reason to live, until he met her. She gave him the reason to live, and to be happy. Without her, Rick felt like he would've remained depressed, lonely and suicidal.

But now, he was happy with life, every night was filled with joy and love, being with the woman he loved the most in the world. Rick felt so lucky to have her in his life. He knew that no matter what, he would always have her by his side, loving and supporting him, being a shoulder for him to cry on when he needed one.

And no matter what happened in their future, they would be ready to face it, together.

[bobah0l1c]

Oh “A Little Life,” you gave me life even as you took so brutally from your characters. This is one of the books that I carved out 2 months in my head to read because it clocks in at 812 pages, and somehow finished in a week (with the last 400 pages in a day, blurry eyes, forgive me). Not only that, it gifted me with three days of insomnia (thus far) and a sense that my actual life is a story and that the novel’s trauma is what’s real (as if I’m in that one Taoist fable). And I’m left with so many thoughts to jot down before they fade.

The novel is written by Hanya Yanagihara, and it’s about four college friends who go to New York with their big dreams and it chronicles the way trauma and the past and can affect the course of their ensuing decades. That’s more or less how Amazon would describe it, but it’s more like a story of how a traumatic past can impact one specific person’s present and the relationships that help to nurture and sustain. 

SPOILERS BELOW. 

This book is definitely not for everyone, and I feel like trigger warnings should be stamped onto every other page. People have praised it as being the great gay novel and rebuked it for being torture porn. I don’t think either is correct. While this is a story of queer relationships and has a few gay characters in the background, the relationship between Willem and Jude is centered and neither character identifies as gay. I also don’t think its depiction of trauma is purely voyeuristic either, because each traumatic encounter or memory is linked to some form of meaningful interaction between Jude and his friends that further builds their relationships and who they are as characters.

These two points are why I find the book so brilliant and casually subversive of how we’re taught to understand a white collar life arc and our relationship to relationships. The heteronormative script is to eventually find a monogamous and sexually romantic relationship that atomizes us and relegates all other relationships to the periphery. What’s emerged as a mainstream alternative in the LGBTQ world takes this same script and allows a wider range of characters, but the plot is usually equally constricting. In “A Little Life,” however, Willem and Jude’s relationship morphs from roommates to friends to romantic partners to romantic partners who don’t have sex. 

Their changing relationship to each other drives the story, but it’s never something that’s named and made to reduce their whole selves to the general parameters of identities they may or may not hold. The context of their surrounding world is removed, which allowed me to indulge in their reality and imagine one in which what they have is normalized the way it felt in the book. I think Hanya Yanagihara gave an interview somewhere about how she wanted the book to involve sleight of hand and feel like a magic trick. She was talking about subverting our expectations of how the novel would just be a coming-of-age story about college kids in New York. However, I think the far greater sleight of hand is how she’s writing page after page about normalcy through the lens of trauma and support while normalizing queer relationships (read: modes of being, and not just preferences and identities) without a word. That is one of the most amazing feats of this novel, and one that I will never fail to appreciate and find restorative.

As complex as Willem’s views of Jude became, I found myself facing challenging introspections about my own perspective of Jude. The Internet’s responses to Jude mostly align with its responses to the novel as a whole (based on a very scientific 3 minute Twitter skim). A lot of people who enjoyed the book loved Jude and wanted to give him a hug, and a lot of people frustrated with all the torture and trauma couldn’t fathom one person experiencing that much. I fell in the former category, and it’s uncomfortable. I wondered if in Hanya Yanagihara’s mind, Willem was subconsciously seeing parts of Hemming in Jude all along, even as he denies it. I wondered that about myself, and whether wanting to hug it out with Jude was an act of infantilizing him, marking him as broken, and not seeing him for the whole person he wants people to see. It’s in moments like this that I forget the characters are just that, characters in a novel.

I feel like I have more thoughts, but I just read the book yesterday, and these are the ones that resonate the most and writing these out feel the most healing. As someone who can only aspire to write at the level that Hanya Yanagihara does, I am in awe of how this all took her only 18 months, and of how easily I was caught in her spell and felt all the things that she (probably) wanted the reader to feel at specific moments (feeling a loss so strong that I wondered about the afterlife when Willem died, feeling a sense of resignation when the hyenas chased Jude to the house, feeling a cold foreboding at Caleb’s first invalidating comment, etc.). I was in awe of how powerfully resonant even specific sentences can be (“no matter what gets damaged, life rearranges itself to compensate for your loss, sometimes wonderfully”...time to ugly cry). Never did a emotionally charged moment in this novel feel unearned or melodramatic, and never had I read a novel that affected me so viscerally. This was not just one of the best books I’ve ever read, it’s easily also one of the greatest experiences I’ve had. 

What I wouldn’t give to ask in a conversation with Hanya Yanagihara (the author):

Was the “icy, vicious” Jude at Rosen Pritchard only a persona he embodied as a result of his conversation with Mr. Irvine, or is this aggressive litigator personality also linked to his trauma?

What is the reader meant to take away from Willem’s final recollection of Hemming and of how it was couched in the fact that his “final thoughts are not of Jude?”

What did Jude’s displays of anger represent in the very end?

What did JB’s kiss mean at the end? Jude’s reaction was very much to fight, while in the rest of the novel he would have been catatonic or resigned if something like that happened (case in point, Caleb). Why did he respond so differently now? Did his perspective of kissing and intimacy change subconsciously over the course of his time with Willem?

Was Jude’s racial ambiguity intentional? If so, what is it meant to communicate to the reader?

What were the intentions behind the racial demographics of the JB/Jude/Willem/Malcolm  (that t-shirt can’t come fast enough) quartet? What did Hanya Yanagihara want to communicate in racializing her characters while erasing racial structures from the context of their lives?

Jude’s friends sometimes call him Judy, and he is described as appearing androgynous. In erasing his sociopolitical context, what was the intention in providing him with subtle ambiguity in how his gender is perceived and marked (along with the racial ambiguity in one of my earlier questions)?

Jude often makes note of when a conversation or experience resulted in a “good time” or a “good day.” Is this subconscious tally of good days a suggestion that he’s always had an active will to find reasons for being and happiness, even as his thoughts seem so resigned to self-hatred and the belief that “happiness isn’t for [him]?”

[rosenfey]

📢, 👻 and 🔗 for deren AND ⏰, 💔, 🎭 for tereese

📢 — Does your muse have a loud personality or a quiet one? Do they enjoy being the center of attention, or would they rather watch and listen?

Ren is rather extroverted and often tends to be the center of attention. He often speaks as he thinks, shooting ideas that just come to his mind  out loud, only to abandon them for newer, better ones as they go. He also speaks very quickly and energetically, using hand gestures a lot, making it very hard for people to keep up with his train of thought. He will pace around while talking, others quickly finding themselves to be awaiting what he’s going to say / do next with expectation. Ren’s a very friendly and talkative person, albeit a bit weird and excruciatingly honest. He’ll breach rather obscure topics with complete strangers during conversations, and some find it hard to truly understand what he’s about. It’s true to say he has a rather cheerful and loud personality, especially when he’s right in the middle of solving any of the problems life throws at him [usually involving the arcane, and including, but not limited to, necromancy, and demons]. It’s easy for others to do what he says without Ren intending to lead anyone, it’s just easy for him to capture the attention of others. It needs to be said, however, it is hugely possible only thanks to his rather peculiar and goofy personality [and the fact no one really understands what he’s on about, but everyone is very much intrigued to find out where any of this is going].

👻 — Does your muse believe in an afterlife? What do they think it’s like?

Deren was never one for religion. Not that he would deny the existence of the gods or the afterlife, he’s rather impartial to it. Being a necromancer, he’s not new to death and the life after it. “Don’t disrespect the dead! Some of my best friends are dead!” is his common phrase, after all: As if he believes in afterlife? Well, there’s some evidence it does exist, though it is believed to be different from the state the lingering souls in the world seem to be. Afterlife is a place of rest, and none of the undead spirits that make Ren’s acquaintances, obviously are truly resting, as they linger partially in the world of the living. Ren does know about this world-in-between, though no one truly knows anything about the true afterlife, and it’s left to interpretation, a role the major religions of the world take upon themselves. As I said, Deren is an agnostic, which means he doesn’t really go into much detail considering such topics. There are enough wonders in this world [and the world of the dead] for him to focus on to be worried about the future.

🔗 — What are your muse’s standards for meaningful relationships? How quickly do they form relationships like these?

Ren is a very free person at heart. Forming long-term relationships is not among his desires. He appreciates a good companionship and is mostly about friendship with, possibly, if both parties feel like it, some added spice as the bonus. It’s not that he’s against commitments, or that he doesn’t care about people. He feels like there are a lot of wonderful people to connect to and that what matters most is the fun to be had. He feels that physical affection coming with romantic relationship shouldn’t be restricted to those only, and often feels like there are really no big differences between friends and romantic partners, as he doesn’t have a problem to get physical with both of them. So basically, Ren is mostly looking for a good friend, someone he can trust, and someone who can keep up with his train of thought and eccentric lifestyle [and as it shows later, that someone might as well be someone completely different than Ren himself, but maybe that’s the charm of opposites].

⏰ — Does your muse feel like they need to do things quickly or do they take their time?

Reese is a very exact, professional person. She makes strict plans and schedules for anything, and usually sticks to them. She’s very reliable once she sets her head on something, and can work rather quickly, too. The sooner something’s done, the better, and it leaves her with enough free time to possibly correct any mistakes, though she mostly makes sure there will be none. She trained to work in short time and precisely, which is a skill she adopts later on in any other aspect of her life. Should the situation require opposite approach, though, she can work more slowly, as soon as it’s part of the plan, and it has a reason relevant for the outcome of the task.

💔 — How would your muse react to losing a romantic partner? How would they cope?

If it was due to her partner’s fault, and if they really hurt her deeply somehow, she would get her revenge. If not, and if she genuinely cared for them, she would probably hide her grief, though that doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be hurt. Reese is not a person who is open with her emotions, and rarely opens to anyone. If such relationship was genuine and serious, she would view her partner leaving her as a betrayal - she let them see her vulnerable side, after all. If the relationship wasn’t that serious, she would make sure the other person would know better than to use her vulnerabilities against her in the future. She would probably not let it interfere with her duties, and proceed to hide her pain and allowing herself to feel down only when no one could see her. She would drink wine - which is a thing she does every day even when okay, so nothing new here - and put her anger and disappointment [which is what she feels, after all, much more than any sadness] into something useful, like strengthening her training techniques, for example, or putting her mind to work. She might punch a lot of stuff, and hit / shout at a few people to make her feel better, it’s the only way she can cope [being taught crying is only for the weak makes you unable to cry much in adulthood].

🎭 — How does your muse handle their emotions? Do they bottle them up or pour them out as soon as they start to feel?

As it’s been mentioned, Reese is not a very open person considering her emotions. She appears as cold, distant, and strictly professional to a lot of people [some of them might or might not be mildly scared of her because of this]. She views giving oneself to their emotions as a sign of weakness, and will not allow anyone see her weakened. That doesn’t mean she truly is a cold, heartless person underneath the mask. Quite the contrary, Tereese cares about things and people, and she cares about them a great deal, just doesn’t let anyone know so they can’t use it against her. The only exception might be her anger, as she usually diverts it to useful things, but never allows it to compromise her purpose. She’s able to keep a cool head in most stressful situations, even though she’s boiling down inside. Being a former assassin, she knows how staying completely calm and level-headed can be crucial. Those unfortunate enough to cross her at her worst know that it’s dangerous to see Tereese shout, but it’s lethal to see her silent.

thought-provoking headcanon meme // character page

[oc-review-shop]

OC Review: Sheila Rahal

Submitted by: chogisquad

Reviewed by: Mod Charle

Hi! Oh jeez I’m a little nervous. So this is Sheila Rahal. She’s an OC for an idea of a web comic that I’ve had since last year that’ll take years to fully develop but here’s a start.

Webcomics are very common, but very few succeed. Just as a heads up, it’s gonna take a loooooooong time to develop these kinds of things. I’ve been helping another friend work on something similar, and 3 years into it, we still are trying to fill in plot holes and any other spots we may have missed in designing the story. We’re not even at the drawing or outlining yet.

She plays a bigger part later in the story but for now here’s what I have for her: - She’s dead currently but I’ll get to that later. In her backstory she is a 22 year old big city bombshell with a large influence on her city’s party scene. Like every celebrity birthday, every holiday-themed event, every party where there’s alcohol, she’s there. 

I’d like to know what kind of world this story is taking place in as well as any other hazards about the country/world Sheila is living in. If it takes place in the United States present day, that would mean Sheila had about a year to become engrossed in alcohol and become popular enough to be invited to parties. I’d like to know more about the setting. It’s hard to review an OC when you don’t know much about the setting or story itself.

- Her party monster lifestyle was the subject of praise from a few but scrutiny from pretty much everyone else, tabloids say she’s a horrible influence, etc. 

Again, how do tabloids get info on her if she has only been drinking for a year? More backstory on how she rose to celebrity status would be appreciated.

- After one insane party at a club, she clearly had drank way too much, but refused a taxi, insisting she drive home herself. This resulted in her crossing a red light and killing a pedestrian.

Who let this woman do this? Anyone with a sane mind would immediately say no to Sheila driving home.

- Waiting for the police, she pulled out a hidden flask she had in her bag and downed it all in one go.

Nice going, Sheila.

- She died from alcohol poisoning that same night, and woke up in a court room in Heaven. She was being tried for breaking one of the commandments (killing that guy) and was ultimately sentenced to eternity in Hell, where she turned into a demon.

I’m pretty sure drowning in alcohol would break some sort of rule in Heaven as well. Like a stated earlier, it’s hard to judge an OC if nothing is known about the world they live in. What do Heaven and Hell do? More information is needed to evaluate this topic. In addition, are all people tossed down to hell turned into demons?

- After a while in Hell, she gets bored of wandering around and she decided to get a job working in Satan’s army, because she saw a lot of her popular Hell-friends work there.

What is the army for? Hell, I would imagine, is a place where chaos and insanity is welcomed, and any sort of order or organization is shunned. In Hell, people don’t care. Satan would not need an army for any reason if Hell is a place for “freedom”. More work on the setting is greatly needed. (People in Hell do not give two f**** about taking care of others, that is why they are kind of in Hell)

- While working her way up the ranks, she learned of an elite position acting as the demons to people who are destined to go to Hell.

What? There are people destined to go to Hell? I really need more information regarding this. The entire story needs a ton of work. It’s quite difficult to understand what is happening if the background information on the world around and the rules and guidelines are not set in stone.

- She goes for it, because she sees and opportunity to go back to Earth and check on an old friend from her original life. She gets assigned to a newborn named Victoria. Victoria can summon Sheila with a specific pentagram and a drop of her blood (of course that’s something she learns later).

So some people are destined to go to Hell. Why and how is this decided? Would this also mean some people are destined to go to Heaven? Obviously there should be some exceptions. Also, what about Sheila’s family? Does she have one or are the dead or abandoned her? 

- Sheila spends the first 18 years of Victoria’s life by her side, teaching her about Hell, and how “it’s not as bad as those books make it out to be” -actual Sheila quote from my script.

Is Victoria creeped out by this at all? A child being told they are destined to go to the underworld isn’t exactly pleasing to the ears. In addition, what about Victoria’s parents? Her family? Do they play a part in this?

- Sheila eventually receives a message from Satan that turmoil between Heaven and Hell is reaching its limit, and to prepare her human “host” for an upcoming war. Sheila gets to work recruiting Victoria, convincing her it’s worth it and help her find a hostage they can take to Satan in exchange for Royalty-status and treatment in Hell (which includes drinks).

Was there turmoil from long ago? How did this turmoil start? Why would there be any tension if Heaven and Hell are technically there to balance out the good and evil? A lot of information and events are unexplained. What about a hostage? The government in both Heaven and Hell need to be prepped as well. I would imagine a hierarchy in both places are not likely, especially since they are supposed to be places of freedom. People in Hell aren’t exactly going to approve of a Sheila in royalty status if she doesn’t do something that proves her position, and taking a hostage isn’t exactly worthy. Satan is satan because he strikes fear in those beneath them. Those that rise to the top in Hell do so because they are feared amongst others.

Basic OC details: - Dob: February 14th - Current age: 22 (has been for the last 30 years) - Height: 5′6″ (5′8″ with horns) - Species: Demon (assigned) - Voice: This is strange but I imagined Snooki from Jersey Shore

How is she assigned to be a demon if she is sent to hell to be a demon anyways? Are there different species in hell? And how are they “assigned”?

Personality Traits: - Loud and wild (but has sobered up in her afterlife)

I thought she still drank (royalty status, wanting drinks?)

- The one people describe as the life of the party - Rash and stubborn as demonstrated the night she died

I’m not sure that is stubbornness or rashness ‘cause she was kind of drunk.

- Kind of vain, but with her lifestyle, it’s a bit expected - Genuinely caring to those who matter to her (currently Victoria)

Trivia: - She had one true friends when she was alive and her name was Ella. Ella was with her in the car the day she killed that man in the street. Sheila was attempting to drive her home despite being drunk.

Why would Ella even allow her friend to drive her home knowing she isn’t sober? These are pretty messed up people. I need more information on what is happening with Sheila and Ella’s relationship and what their motivations are. Did Ella not stop Sheila because she wanted to die? There needs to be reason. Of course, Ella could have also been drunk.

- Another character talking about her: “She would spend her nights drinking away her problems. Funny thing was that her only problem in life was the drinking.” (This is just a quote I’m proud of from my script haha).

Mood.

- She lies about dying her hair, claiming she’s a natural blonde even though everyone can clearly see her roots are black.

Reminds me of RWBY in a sense, just the “natural blonde” part. She must be drunk all the time if she’s trying to convince people her hair is blonde when you can clearly see the black roots if she looked in the mirror.

- She is fond of Victoria; she claims she reminds her a bit of Ella, not in looks but in personality. She tries to prevent Victoria from binge drinking away her days, as she believes her death was “too tragic” and doesn’t want Victoria to die how she did; she would rather Victoria die in a “better” way.

How old is Victoria at this time? This goes back to the setting aspect of my review. If we are in the United States, the legal age of drinking is 21. Victoria should be noticed by authorities, or at least her family, if this happened.

- Her one major regret is not looking after Ella. She still isn’t sure what happened to her or if she’s alive or not.

I’d like to know everything about Ella because right now I know nothing.

- Her flask from the day she died was full of vodka.

Delicious.

- Victoria sometimes asks her just how much she drank that night that was not enough to kill her. Sheila says she’d rather not know.

Victoria seems wild. Like, all I know about her was that she was 18 at one point, but if she’s already drinking and stuff before... man she really is being set up for Hell. Why though?

- Even in her afterlife, her favorite drinks are Mojitos and any cocktail that’s more alcohol than fruit juice. She won’t admit it but she loves chocolate milk as well.

First you said she wanted to drink, then you said she’s sober, now this? I’d really like to know a solid answer.

- Her favorite food is sushi - She owned over 30 pairs of shoes. In her afterlife she came to find out those shoes and all her other belongings were auctioned off.

Who auctioned them off though? Ella? Her family?

I feel like this story has some potential. However, a LOTTTTTT more needs to be done in order to create a functional, good quality story without a large amount of plot holes. Sheila, I’m assuming, is the main character, yet her character itself needs to be edited in order to create a likable main character. Take Avatar the Last Airbender for example. Aang is a very likable main character, and his interactions with other characters in the story build his personality and development more and more. The story is fleshed out to where we know everything about the world they live in and tensions between different nations. I’d like you to use other stories such as Avatar as a guide in creating your Webcomic. It’s going to take a lot more time for you to fully develop the story and characters. However, after you’ve made all the necessary changes to the storyline, I would be happy to re-review Sheila and maybe the entire story itself!

(forgive this gif I love it)

Thanks for reading, and I hope this helps! (✿◠‿◠)

*all OC credit goes to chogisquad

~ Mod Charle