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happyk44 · 4 months

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percy needs to be haunted by bianca's ghost more

#percy jackson #bianca di angelo #she doesn't even have to do it herself #he is just trapped in the horror of watching someone die and never recovering from the guilt that follows #like i thin we should talk more about how she was the first permanent death of the series and the first death he really witnessed #i think he should be more deranged by it tbh #painfully devoted to nico's health and happiness in a way that skips the border of unhealthy and jumps straight into fucked up #even better if bianca doesn't care. and nico has moved on. so the only person who is stuck in this void of misery about it is percy #and he can't emerge. no matter what he does no matter the time that passes she is always there in the back of his mind #a reminder of the first time he failed to protect someone else.#a reminder of his selfishness. his inability to follow through on promises. of his powerlessness. his uselessness.#in tbotl he finds out that nico doesn't care about him or his soul. he doesn't want percy dead. and percy is weirdly gutted by this #he needs nico to hate him and it freaks him out that nico doesn't. he's clearly upset but percy isn't centered in it the way you'd think.#nico has his own mission and percy is barely a side note in it and he's so bothered by that. it drives him up the wall #how selfish is it to be upset with someone for not hating you because you got their sister killed?#he hates himself so much. he wants to die so bad. but he can't. he has to keep going. for nico. for bianca. he doesn't have a choice #happy talks pjo #okay it is 3:36am and i am. going to try to sleep now

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nabaath-areng · 3 months

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It's been so long since the last time I hallucinated that I forget how jumpy and skittish I get afterwards guhhhh

#im okay the hallucinations werent bad in what i saw and felt but #struggling with sleep and perceiving reality can individually trigger me a loy #so combining them made for a combo that wouldve been devastating hadnt i come this far in recovery #and it helped that friend was there to help me talk through it #but man i still notice how affected i get by it #every little noise every little shadow im jumping and freaking out by reflex over the most minor things #even my sibling walking up without me realizing terrified me in a way it doesnt normally #and again what i saw and perceived during the hallucinations wasnt even bad!!!#i just cant seem to shake off the awful feelings afterwards even when i dont panic about it #i was told by doctor who helped me getting on meds back in the day that like #id likely always be prone to various degrees of relapse during stress #which i noticed a lot #but its been 2 years of relative peace and 1 year since i shook off the last remnants affecting me daily #and even in just that year i somehow forgot just how easy it is to fall back into those fears #but im calm rn and able to sit outside in the dark without feeling even a smidge of fear #so jumping from noises is fine all things considered #the fact that i even got to this point is proof enough #anyway sorry for venting #silvi talks

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foccaccia · 7 months

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does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing &#digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right)#and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh)#I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost.#anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic)#meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough.#im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY.#like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

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immamapletreekid · 5 months

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ok movie thoughts time

#letting it marinate for a night really did wonders.i can actually string words together now #THE SOUND DESIGNDHDURJRFJRJHSJDKGRIIDJFKKSJDKFK DELCOOUS FUCKING DELICIOUS #THE SQEAKS OF THE SHOES THE IMPACT OF THE VOLLEYBALL OM THE FLOOR THE DROPS OF SWEAT EVERYTHING GGGGGGGGGG #FUCKKNG GORGEOUS MUSIC AS ALWAYS I FUCKING CRI ED BC IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL #BRO THE STAY INTERSTING SCENE!?!??@@?!?@?@?@??!?!?!?!! I JUMPED INBMY SEAT #THE WAY EVERYTHING HUST GOES SILENT!!?!!?@??!?!?!?!?!!!!! IT SENT CHILLS DOWN MY SPINE HOLY Y #KENMAS FACE THE WAY HINATA JUMPS BACK BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO #sidenote im going to devour the kenhina tag on ao3 #BRORBORBRJFJGJGNDKDBFKS THE CAGE SCENERE #AND WHNE HE BREAKS OUT OFBTHE CAGE THE FLURRY OF FEATHERS THE BARS GIVING OUT #BROOOOOO KUROOS LAUGH MADE ME SO GIDDYYY THANK GOD FOR THE DARK THEATRE I PRONABLY LOOKED LIKE A FOOL #THE WAY HIS WHOLE BODY SHAKES. LAUGHING WITH HIS WHOLE BEING IM AIDJFHSJDKDK #I LOVE LOVE LOVED TINY KUROKEN SCENES!!!!!!!! FJFFFJHDKSKFK KUROO TINY BOUNCE AWAY FROM SUCCESSFULLY BUMPING THE BALL HAHSHEHEHFHDJJ THE #ENTIRE THEATRE STARTED LAUGHING IT WAS SO SO SO OOVELY #GOOOOOOOOOOOD TSUKKIS SMILE LIGHTING UP THE WORLD #THE TSUKKIYAMA SCENE!?!??@?@??!?!!! FUCKING CHOKED. HOLY SHIT. IT WAS BEAUTIFULLL #THE BICKERING WHEN BOTH SIDES ARE ALRESDY FUCKING EXHAUSTED. HILARIOUS WONDERFUL AMAZING FINALLY HEARING IT #the tiny bokuaka commentary sprinkled within ;w; BOKUTO BEING OMGG LOOK AT OUR TSUKKI #ive read the manga i know this happens i just was still not prepared bc its so different WHEN THERES MUSIC AND VOICES AND ITS JUST U IN A #THEATRE WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST PIECES OF MEDIA YOUVE EVER CONSUMED #WAS FUCKING LAUGHING AT LEV DOING PUSHUOS W YAKU SITTING ON TOP OF HIM LLOL #ALSO NOYAS EXCITED HUG HE GIVES HINA HANSNFIDJ HAIR RUFFLES #BOTH SIDES HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR LIFE BEING LIKE BRO WHY ARE U SO COOL?!?!??@?@?!!! BRO EHY ARE Y O U SO FREAKING COOL #THAT FINAL FINAL BIT #before kenma goes to set the ball...the pan around the gym. the flash back to the training round....WAS FUCKING SOBBBINGG #WWWHNE THEY WHENE THEYR SHAKING HANDS WHENB THE MATCH IS VOER AND THEYRE ALL EXHAUSTED #LYING THERE CALM QUIET TIRED OUT FOT HEIR MINDS IM GOGIFJBDJSJDKF #broooo i wish the movie could have lasted for7 whole days it was over so quickly;w;#phenomenal. it was absolutely phenomenal insane gorgeous i need to see it again #need to commit every second to memory i need to stop blinking i csnnot miss even a single millisecond of it

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camelspit · 6 months

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Ok so I don’t think it’s bad necessarily, I do feel as if between book one and two there were some characterization shifts that being said I think honestly the main reason I’m like hmm is suspension of disbelief reasons but also it’s batshit man I just finished book two and I don’t even know

have fun 🙏🙏

#sorry for always giving you really short basic answers whenever you send me an ask 😔#genuinley i do freak out when you send them to me i just dont know how to put my thoughts into words #whenever i see you in my inbox i jump around and squeal. btw.

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mellowthorn · 9 months

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so me and my dog had a scary experience with an unleashed dog last weekend, and while no one got physically hurt, he has been refusing to go on proper walks ever since. he's completely fine on morning walks (probably because we wake up so early that there are no other people/animals around yet) and otherwise eats, plays, sleeps, runs around the apartment etc. as usual, and even gets excited when i put his leash on to take him out, but the second we leave the building, he starts pulling back.

it is horrible to see him like this. our long walks are usually the highlight of his day, but now it's a miracle if i get him to stay outside for even ten minutes :( i hate this

#and this is why dogs should always be kept on leash on public paths. especially when said dog clearly won't follow commands when excited...#the owners ofc gave the usual 'oh but he's the sweetest dog ever he wouldn't hurt a fly!!!' excuse but like. that doesn't matter #when my tiny terrier (who's already terrified of big dogs) sees a huge dark deerhound suddenly dashing for him. he is going to freak out!#i did manage to pick him up but then the deerhound kept jumping at us which terrified my dog even more :/#ughhh #personal post

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papirouge · 8 months

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🍵

#this is absolutely true #white women/radfem will ALWAYS disregard what WOC have to say the moment we address our criticism towards whiteness and not maleness #because they only see us as WOMEN and not women OF COLOR #they gloss over our experience of racism at the hand of white women #remember how MAD they were at the karen meme? and interestingly*only* take into account #the shitty rehash of misogyny white dude who jumped into the bandwagon #to brush the ENTIRE movement as misogynist?#why? because they only consider the opinion of WHITE people. even if they are men #let's be honest white women will NEVER go hard for any non white woman like they did for amber heard or Britney #as I always said: radical feminism is white guilt meets white saviorism à la feminist sauce #most radfem weaponize misogyny to cope out of their white privilege #that's why they freak out whenever they're still White and have no room to speak over woc like they casually do #on issues like racism/how the karen meme is more anti racist than misogynist #white feminism #radfem #radical feminism #terfsafe #terfblr #terfism #radical feminists do interact #radical feminist safe #radical feminists do touch #radical feminist community #deconstructing radical feminism

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1327-1 · 11 months

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unmedicated anxiety disorder person befuddled by brain doing the disorder

#this shit is fucking crazy #im like ok! lets get our clothes out bcoz i know u’re gonna freak out but this will make it easier #and then i’m like oh my fucking god what if people look at me #and then i’m like no i dont give a fuck but then i do i do so bad #it quite literally always takes jumping myself and beating my brain with hammers just to go Do Something #like i will map out my route. i will envision myself walking that route. i will be like yes i can see myself in this building i need 2 go 2 #all of that? FICKLE.#2024 xanax in my mouth plsplsplsllspls #.jrnl #i dont mean to psychoanalyze my family before 12pm but u ever have two parents who clearly have anxiety but as ure growing up theyre like #why dont u talk to ppl??? its a little weird ure this shy?? and then when u talk to ppl u’re reprimanded to HELL #and its like hey guys i unfortunately dont think this cycle can be broken i am ur literal child and u gave me this #and the world but its all the same shit fucking itself into top ten worst brain to have #me: u can go to the store and nothing will happen to u! [SOBBING]

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marsbotz · 4 months

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i have to wait an extra week and a half to wathc dm4 than the us I HATE IT HERE HELL COUNTRY

#its fridayyyyy tho so depending on my shift i can either watch it that day or the next :]#the reviews atm r very middling but so are the reviews for the firat 2 which IMO r divine works of art #IM SCAREDDDD TBH i think most likely i will come away annoyed. the trailer isnt giving me crazyyyy high hopes butttt #it cld surprise me.#i find it strange that theyre kinda mixing the gadgets part of minions 1 w the transformation part of both dm2 and rog. gimmick alerta #i havemt gone out of my way to look at promos etc bc i end up spoiling myself but i like the new girl thats w gru in the honey badger scene #with the cat. VERY CUTE #the villains look fun too. always glad to have more gay freak villains (SERIOUS)#balthazar u wereeeee the blueprint. WAIT NO SORRY. scarlet and herb.#whatever man rog was kinda mid and still had me jumping up and down and giggling kicking my feet #tbfh i like illuminations animation BUTTTT i think it can be a little bit much for gru at times now. noticed this in 3 #they make him a little tooooo goofy for my personal tastes. but its whatever #hopefully nefario comes back from the war 💔 missed him #unfortunately suffering from the sequel disease where they keep having to sideline old characters to make way for new ones #massively noticed in 3.#also side note but i still wish nefario had more of a role in rog….. thr found family cld have been insane #i remember seeing bts stuff mentioning him being like. in place of wk which i wishhhh was the case. no hate to wk but i feel his plot becam #pointless the second they pussied out of his death #tsk….. what could have been.#whatever we still got kill bill minions its ok

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thesaintelectric · 10 months

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having a fear of all dogs growing up sucked because my family had never had a dog, so i had no basis for it and it was thus never taken seriously. for my whole life, even after getting over it, my parents were baffled i even developed this fear.

when i was an infant my babysitter had a spaniel that would frequently jump several feet in the air. my mother decided to reveal this to me in the course of an unrelated conversation.

#LIKE HELLO. I FIGURED IT OUT. HOW DID YOU NOT PUT THIS TOGETHER #????????????????????????????????#literally petrified of all dogs for years. was always treated as silly. fucks sake #im not even saying that the dog jumped at me or anything but come on that would freak out a baby!!!#me_irl

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non-un-topo · 10 months

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Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol

#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though.#do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out.#but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about #(cough) my sister-in-law.#it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her.#anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off #or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over.#so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb.#dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time #plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month.#my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day -#- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding.#so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol)#and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin.#happens all the time at school too.#'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!'#ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please.#i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need.#conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen.#so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates.#just........ Gender. UGH!!

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glitteratti · 2 years

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man why is it so like fucking taboo to not like dogs

#.txt #not in direct response to anything i am just thinking about it. like i am always lowkey scared to say i dont like dogs #like i have no traumatic reason for it they just freak me out and i dont like how much attention they need and how loud they are #and i dont like when they jump on me!!! i’ve like tried so hard to like them and act like im okay with them #because people always get treated like monsters if they dont like dogs 😭#im like okay? with my parents dog. more or less it #i enjoy the concept of borzois and chihuahuas and italian greyhounds but ough

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floorpancakes · 2 years

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somehow, beyond all human comprehension, circumstances and health be damned, i successfully submitted my first complete, on time project sekai design entry! i present to you… dashing daisy!

#project sekai #proseka #kaito #more more jump #プロセカ #it probably seems like me making a big deal out of nothing but I’ve tried hard at this contest for maybe a year maybe more or less #I’ve always failed #I have wips and sketches of lots of contests going back months that I couldn’t bring myself to. finish but are worth keeping for later #i love all my designs a lot but the art and the hard work takes a toll on me #often I do one big last push for the deadline and am unable to finish due to my poor health or almost passing out from tiredness lol #it’s a lot #and there’s more I could’ve done with this but I kept the shading anatomy drawing etc to a minimum so I could succeed #I also had a freak incident where I stayed up for like 40 hours #my body was like jelly and random still images and part of my art started moving but I was somehow ok to finish and post #like two hours early #which is insane #anyway it’s scuffed but I tried really hard to get across the presentation and what this concept means to me #I wrote a whole thing on twitter about the inspirations and stuff #think early 2010s idol stage costumes and also my love of 1960s retropop and Showa retro in general #if this wins which it probably won’t but if it does #I also partly wanted it so boys have more cute things to wear with idol style mvs and stages #and so kaito has more matching outfits for mmj #and so you can make any character a True Idol #my suggested mvs are dream place tenshi no clover and journey 3d #anyway kaito the world my final message goodbye #mmj #I like the double meaning of dashing as princely and handsome but also running #kinda like how every akb48 mv starts with idols running #you know it’s gonna be iconic when the center is running as the mv is about to start #imagine him running with his golden mic and stepping onto stage…uwa

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pensivespacepirate · 6 months

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i think i can post some of this here

older ones with outdated designs:

#cccc sona #cj hms #i yell #CAT'S OUT OF THE BAG. THIS IS WHAT HAS BEEN TORMENTING ME FOR 5 MONTHS #undescribed #i think it's impressive that it's all done on samsung notes #mecore #might priv in a moment like how i always do with these guys. i keep swinging between im cringe to im based like that pendulum #the note itself is 236 pages long god can't help me now #hms sona #going through the tag and oh... I'm not as alone as i thought...#should've done this sooner... but alas I'm a lore freak and i know I'm misinterpreting canon and i would execute myself on the spot if i #saw mine out in the wild #like the existence of STAR itself.. can be entirely replaced if i divvied up his role to heart and soul. kinda #theyre soul from the 3rd loop and gained time traveling abilities and can jump between loops and can manipulate the mirror labyrinth <- lik #<- most marysue self insert ever #my art

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brightsun-and-darkmidnight · 7 months

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I love how anytime I try to sit down and write someone has something for me to do.

#My dad is a workoholic #constantly working on home improvement projects #I always get dragged into things #almost always without warnings #i dont have a job and live with my parents #i get disability payments #living on my own is impossible for many reasons #mostly financially because i have sat down and tried to figue out how to #my parents helped me with numbers but i cant #i pay my parents rent. I do the shopping for the house. I meal plan. I cook the meals. I make sure the dogs are taken care of.#I clean the house. my dad never cleans up after himself if he does its a miracle. I do the laundry for everyone.#i love when my dad goes to work because i feel a sense of freedom because who freaking knows what his massive plans are.#my mom hates when he calls off work too.#but even with my mom working from home...I still get asked to make her coffee and make her lunch.#im expected to jump up and do what they say but god forbid i ask them to look at my car that i need for dr appointments and errands #they complain about the rest of the family asking for hand outs but what do they do when they demand my time #i wish i could get away for a few weekends. I say weekends because i used to stay at other family memebers house and my dad hated me gone #he had to buy all the food because my mom wouldn't cook and he admitted he even got hangry at one point.#i know they need me but i dont think they even comprehend what i do for them.

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didhewinkback · 9 months

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the rebrand these girls went through is so wild. like began with the sweet wholesome sleepover girlies and it didnt work so like three months later theyre singing about they can handle getting absolutely railed bc theyre worth it

#this song came up on an apple music girl power playlist and i gasped #i havent listened to it in so long #i am a little mix girl #but this song....is so funny..#the 1d shout out #okay julian bulian #this sounds like kids bop #i actually have so many Thoughts about 5th harmony vs little mix and how one group were older and steadily progressed #into owning their sexuality and one group was intensely sexualized from the jump when their first ep did not work #little mix always felt way more in control of that #also a much more slow burn towards it #where 5th harmony was like 17 years old being like “give it to me”#like she is a racist freak so no sympathy towards her for any of that but camila singing “i dont like it too soft” when shes 16 #wild #2 me

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