#i just cant seem to shake off the awful feelings afterwards even when i dont panic about it

[nabaath-areng]

It's been so long since the last time I hallucinated that I forget how jumpy and skittish I get afterwards guhhhh

[p1nkwitch]

Originally two parts, but i want to finish the mini saga and go back to the hijinks. One last serious bit left and we are into crack territory again!!

@nonbinaryeye

YOU ARE NOW PETER LUKAS

He starts the scratch.

Using his wind powers he lifts the Quills of Echidna and starts to cut the mechanism in Oliver's land that should send the signal to skaia to start another game. It's not exactly easy and a bunch of giant imps appear to try and stop him. Most of them he can send away with forsaken the others he has to kill manually, which is rather annoying.

Still he is half way through with it when the imps start agonizing out of nowhere.

Looking around he sees something start to come out of their shapes, it looked almost like-

Well if he was being philosophical? It looked as if someone was sucking their souls out of their bodies and putting it in a bunch of small boxes that fall around him.

Their bodies remain still and empty.

Oh no.

“Oh yes” He has seconds to dodge a hit to the head with that fucking 8Ball question cane, before Elias tries to beat him up again.

Peter hides in forsaken thinking that it was strong enough to keep him out of sight of Elias, but just like his own powers got a boost, Elias did as well, because the next thing he feels is searing pain in his head and the lonely being torn apart around him pulling him out.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW YOU

Fine. If Jonah wants to start a strife he will accept.

Peter is done with this annoying little man.

They spend quite the long time just trying to hit and hurt each other as much as they could, Elias even attempted to use his heart powers to steal him too like he did with the imps, but Peter merely uses the air to shove him around making it impossible to focus.

In the end its merely tiredness that wins, Jonah slips and Peter who has always been bigger, and now with the other in his original body, was even more so, knocks him down keeps him in the ground while he struggles and tries to fight him off.

He merely pushes him back and grabs the stupid cane from him.

“You know, i just asked for one thing only and that was for you to leave me alone. To finally get out of my life and to never see you again. But no, you can't do that cant you? You have to come around to try and be the biggest pain in my ass to my very last moment!!” Peter doesn't feel much when he punches him in the face, beyond the indignation at him for denying him his last request.

“Go to hell!! If you think I'm letting you get the best of me you childish-” He looks at him.

A bruise is already forming on his cheek from where he hit him. Jonah was still throwing venom at him and he was exhausted, he had to focus on the fight so he left the needle still almost at the end of scratching the whole thing.

Peter's head is foggy and everything seems so pointless and loud.

This man more than anything.

Shining bright in fury and indignation and if he was right, fear too. Jonah was a fire, if you didn't watch it it would get you.

It churns his gut just seeing him.

Clutching the cane he ponders it for a second, but decides to finally do what he should have done a long time ago.

“And-”

“I don't care Jonah, I really don't. You had a shot by leaving me be, but I suppose I ought to do this if I really want to achieve peace” Taking a breath he raises the cane upwards so he can beat his head with it to finally shut him up for good, to finally make it end between them.

Peter doesn't even care if he dies.

Perhaps before he did, he recalls the actual feeling of terror when he asked him to help him die faster because it hurt so much on his quest bed, the bleeding stab wounds were making Elias dizzy and the pain was unbearable. Peter recalls the bout of fear at snapping his neck, but now? Now the fog was making it impossible to matter. To care about finishing this disgusting little man's life.

“Goodbye” He sees the terror reflected in his eyes.

“Peter- wa- wait we can talk-!” He was about to hit him when something knocked him out of the way and he slid across the floor.

Lying in his back he stares at the sky and the black roots that are moving around it, while reality starts to crumble.

“I can't believe I turned into such a bloody mess!! Did you honestly try to kill each other??!”

Ah the fake one.

“What are you doing here!” Jonah is scrambling up. Peter is measuring his chances against the two of them, but knows it would be futile. So he remains there.

Why can't he ever get what he wants? Why won't they leave??? They did before so many times!! They all have walked out from the other, why is this any different.

“Oh god you are a mess for real, aren't you Peter i can't believe this”

“Elias-”

“You can't hear him, but he is!! And he is my husband, get your own-”

He tunes them out and focuses on finishing what he came to do even while lying on the floor.

YOU ARE NOW ELIAS BOUCHARD

“And- Oh Peter fuck off!” Jonahsprite goes to grab Peter’s face while apparently the man starts again to try and finish the job.

Elias tries to not shudder at the memory of the empty expression he made when he tries to kill him. He compares it to when he asked him to help him die faster in his quest bed, because the stab wounds while waiting to bleed out hurt a lot. The stark difference between those two moments and the expressions he got were enough to make him want to hurl.

Peter had not wanted to hurt him then, he did it the fastest way possible and only because he insisted, Elias had to track him down afterwards with JonahSprite and actually reassure him, even if it was a thinly veiled effort, to not let him know he was sort of happy he was so worried about him.

He had thought at the time that he found something else to have an upper hand on him. But now he realizes that it wasn't.

“Let us finish talking first!” His double is trying his best to keep the man in place. But he hasn't realized like him that it was sort of late. Annabelle and his own weapon had been right, he was too far gone now.

“Why should i-” Dropping next to him he feels sore, hurt and tired.

“You are an idiot” Peter merely watches him and after a few seconds says the thing that really nailed the fact that it was all over.

“I really did think I loved you” Reading it was one thing, seeing him say it with such a blank expression was another. Locking his jaw in place and swallowing he tries.

“You do, you still do, you are just being dumb and letting your god get the best of you” He has to believe it.

“I dont think so” He makes a pained sound and looks down at him.

“Im- did you actually throw them away?” It takes him a second to realize he meant the rings.

“I dropped them yes” That's it, he tries to get up and go, but his double keeps him there giving him a furious look.

He is angry and now he is the one that's upset.

“You are a thief of heart and you have beholding, think” What does he even want from him?

“So what? I steal his soul? Keep it as a companion in a doll or something? what else can i do with this??”

“Oh my god, feelings! You deal with feelings too”

“But they are gone if you haven't noticed! There is nothing for me to take or use or-!” He doest understand, he didn't see him, the emptiness as he tried to kill him.

“Forsaken doesn't take them away you know this. It just… makes them dull, makes you think you don't care. He thinks- no, we made him think he had nothing else!” Peter has never needed an anchor, he could walk the perfect line between his god and their relationship.

But here? Here it was so condensed that he sank and he never noticed happen.

So just this once… JonahSprite doesn't have his memories, he remembers up until he was James, but in the amount of time he accompanied Peter the man got him to care too.

Guess they do have a type and it's lonely. He owes Simon money then.

He doesn't want to steal his feelings, but he wants to bring them forth.

But first, he grabs his face and leans down while the man tries to get him off. He rebuffs him.

“I love you, you giant sap, I do. I did not cheat! Neither of us did. So get that out of your thick head, we just had fun talking with a friend. It's been so long, but thats all, we could not ever even go back to that again. Barnabas is good but he is not that good to forgive us for it”

“Not like you, or well not good per se, but you certainly put up with me far more than anyone has before and that is something”

“So please big man just this once…dont fight me on this ok?” He kisses him. Peter goes still under him, and he can feel him start to try and slip away, but he holds him tighter and bites his lip making him go back to being solid.

Elias doesn't push further merely kissing him over and over again in little presses of their lips, one of his hands goes to caress his cheek and he lets their foreheads touch.

He just needs a spark and he can take care of the rest, afraid of opening his eyes and seeing a dull stare he can't help but to let out a small sniff, he will not cry, he refuses. Getting up he watches him and Peter looks at him with the same empty stare. His lips wobble and he shakes his head. Beholding then? He tries to shove memories of their time together, but the man looks more and more angry rather than moved.

“Peter, c'mon you have to-” Jonah is trying, but if it didn't work with him-

“I don't, really can you both please stop touching me? Its making me uncomfortable” He hits him in the chest.

“You bloody sea weaded excuse of a sailor i cant believe how much of a fucking bastard you are, i cant- I… i can't”

“Almost 30 years and you do this to me, you are the worst husband in existence, you leave me for months, make awful puns and nicknames, fight me over the petties things ever-” He doesn't stop he has to let it out, along with the tears that finally are slipping through his eyes, but now they are out of sheer indignations rather than sadness.

“You snore, you keep putting my stuff on high shelves just to make me ask you for help or get a chair to get them-” A sob breaks through.

“make me cake, buy me things you know i would like, let me sleep on top of you when i get home and let me unwind if work was hard-” His hand grips his stupid godtier hoodie.

“-Kill the spiders, because you know i actually hate them even if i pretend they don't bother me-”

A hand wipes his tears from his left cheek and he stiffens. Hoping for a small chance.

“Awfully weepy of you Lias” His voice is cracked and when he looks he has the barest hint of a flush on his otherwise pale skin. And a glint of amusement in his expression.

Oh.

He falls forward while Peter tries to catch him, but Elias merely goes to kiss him. He latches onto him and to make his point across he uses his heart powers. Peter lets out a startle and pained sound, but he doesn't relent, bringing forth all his feelings, but not actually stealing them, just letting them simmer there. He could.

Elias could just as easily steal him away to keep forever in his grasp.

But when two pair of hands grab him back and tug him closer he knows he can't.

He loves him like this.

Eventually they break apart.

“Don't ever do that again” Peter gives him a peck and nuzzles him.

“I can't believe i will say this, and if anyone asks it never happened, but- Please don't ever stop giving me a glance from time to time. It felt like i was going on autopilot, i couldn't even enjoy my own loneliness”

“I won't”

They hear a tiny mew and Jonah is looking at them with what he knows is envy in his own face.

Peter looks up at him and his face goes from entertained to guilty and then a grimace. Lifting a hand towards him the sprite hisses. His husband nods and sits up before grabbin Jonah and putting him on his lap, while he lets out a bunch of noises of protest and actually scratches his arms.

“Im sorry, i didn't mean it, i do think you are real-”

“No, you dont. Its fine, you are right i'm just a copy, now leave me be-” Peter gives him a look and then at Jonah as if asking permission.

He considers it, but...he knows that he can't say no. He nods.

The taller man lifts the chin of the sprite and kisses him, while the other freezes in place. Peter actually deepens the kiss and it was fascinating to see, like seeing a distorted mirror. He would admit it was exhilarating to see himself in that position. So sneakily he goes next to his husband and kisses his neck too making him pull apart to sigh against his doubles lips.

“Insatiable aren't you?”

“Maybe, maybe i just like to see you both”

“Narcissistic then” His husband was a little shit.

“I would say voyeur” But apparently he wasn't even better. Still JonahSprite looked at the two of them with a calculating look, that Peter stops by merely bopping his nose.

“I'm tired, and you are both the same bastard, same eyes after all. What does it matter where they are? You could both steal as many bodies as you want and i would still marry you anyways”

Funnily enough both of them blush at the comment.

“Sap”

“Idiot”

“Yours?” He is definitely exhausted if he was that soft.

“Yes… always” Elias is just as tired, so he is permitted to say it just as softly.

Before he could attempt to sneak into his lap too and start what could possibly be the best make out session in the history of paradox space involving the three of them, Peter gives him an apologetic look.

“ Elias… I already started the scratch, i can't not finish it. The game is busted beyond relief, both of you said it, by now it's impossible to win” He takes a deep breath.

“Can you finish it and make it out to where we are supposed to meet up with the rest?”

“No, we don't have the time” Before he can answer him to curse him for following Annabelle’s plan he sees Jonah press his cheek against their husbands chest and gives him a smug look.

“Finish it”

“Excuse me??” He startles at him.

“You heard me finish it”

“We can't make it in time to the others-”

“Oh i wouldn't be so sure…just trust me, both of you” Well, if anyone would want to survive is him, no matter the situation.

“Fine”

“Are you- of course you both are. Great”

“Ok, let me up then”

[witchygalaxys]

So I played Nightmare harem.....

I played Nightmare Harem (now I'm broke in more ways than one)

Nightmare harem is an otome game. I have been playing so many different ones but I hadn't found one I loved nearly as much as the arcana but nightmare harem..... really stuck with me. Not in the best way. So let me tell you about the guy I chose.... AND HOW HE UTTERLY DESTROYED ME!!!!! MEET THIS FUCKER RICARDO!!!

First off dont get attached to this face.... the game and story are eh. If you want a lot of romance then this is it. But when I said I'm broke in more ways than one.... I meant one of them being I spent all my money on it.... and it has this weird system where you pay for 15 parts per chapter. But it would probably take a long time to finish the story. Like..... a long time. I think I ended up paying (not proud of this.....) 170.... So I kinda recomend against it.... but it does make you feel and get you attached to the characters. You get to know them pretty well which I feel like a lot of the other otome games dont do. It's one of the reasons I love the arcana because you get to really know the characters and who they are. You get attached and the Nightmare Harem did that pretty well. But here is the thing..... it went into really dark places.

By the end of it I was crying and shaking like a leaf. It actually scared me. I actually felt sick afterwards. I dont know how or why but it showed me all 3 endings. But it showed me the bad ending first and MAN! I COULD GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THE GOOD ENDING AND THE SECRET ENDING! CUZ HOLY FUCK! THAT BAD ENDING HAD ME FREAKED OUT! You may not get this but.... I'd rather he had killed me instead of what happened in the bad ending....

It started off like any normal story. You some how end up in another world. You are found on the demon side of the world. The demons are actually very nice. They treat you well and you like them. But you still want to go home and you are told there is a way to go home but it will only open 3 months from now. So you have to wait. In the mean time the angel side have found out about your existance because humans are rare. (Apparently) so the general of the Angel's meet with the demon prince at his estate (where you are staying) this demon general is none other than RICARDO!

This is where it gets spoilers so stop reading if you plan on playing yourself. SO!

SPOILER WARNING

Well Ricardo takes an interest in you and tells you there is a way to get you home sooner. But it can only be done in the angel side. So he tells you to lie to the demons and leave with him to the angel side. So you do but.....

Very quickly you find out he lied. He just wanted you to entertain him.

Later on you and him become closer. You learned he originally wanted you because you kind of reminded him of his sister who was killed. Later on he confesses his feelings to you by having sex with you. And all that stuff. You guys become very close...... but this is where it takes a dark turn......

Let me break Ricardo down for you. He is a killer. He is known every where for being a heartless killer. But he loves to tease you. He actually made me mad. I actually got pissed. So! When he tries to make you mad and you get a choice to react or not. Dont react. It actually kinda upsets him and it makes it kinda fun.

Hes confident and smart. He loves to tease you but you can also tell he cares (obviously) the more you get to know him the more you see he isnt that much of an awful guy as you thought. He wants to protect you so much. But..... he.... in his want to protect you and be with you.... he goes really dark. It starts out subtle.

He goes to work one day and asks you not to cheat on him or talk to strange men. I automadicly thought he was teasing. After he left the, demons came to the angel side to take you back. They found out you were tricked into coming to the angel side so they came to bring you home. As happy as you were, you told them you would be staying with the Angel's because of Ricardo. Ricardo came in and just started shooting them with no provocation. He said "they came to take you away. So they must die." That's the first time you realize something is off. You eventually calm him down and he stops attacking. And you tell the demons its okay and they leave. After this he gets very attached to you. He doesnt want you to talk with other men.

He begins to skip work to be with you. You know it isnt good so you keep trying to convince him to go so, he wont get in trouble. He spends 2 days with you but if I remember right on the 2nd day you go to help collect some herbs. He tries to stop you but you shake it off and go help. You kind of notice him in the window watching you. It seems like he spent the entire time watching you very carefully. When you go to your own room he is there waiting for you and starts questioning what you were talking about with the guy you were helping. At the end he tells you he must stay by your side.

The next day he decides to take you with him while he does some work because he was ordered to go back to work. He tells you it's fine but you keep questioning it. He says you need to stay by his side. Saying what if something happened to you at the estate while he is away. He said he is worried about the demons coming back to take you away so he wants you with him. He even threatens to take you with him tied up. Sounds like a joke but I dont think he was joking so you go with him willingly.

You end up waiting outside some place for him after he told you to stay and not talk to any one. A man approaches you because he saw you with Ricardo. You both talk about how amazing Ricardo is. The man is part of the army the works under Ricardo.

Ricardo comes out very angry and shouting. You get to choose what to say and after you say it he goes to hit the man. You stop him. Then he kisses you very deeply to show that you belong to him and he teases the man.

He brings you back home and tells you he cant leave you alone because other men will look at you. And if you stay at the estate you will get closer to the other people who live there.

Now pay in mind you arnt just doing nothing. You try to talk to him about it but he keeps stopping you or ignoring you. You notice what is happening and something is wrong. The worry grows more and more with each incident.

The next day Ricardo gets up for work and tells you to rest because.... he exhausted you yesterday. You tell him you cant do that and you have to help a boy named noel with the garden. He tells you to stay in his room for the day. He says he has to do something and he cant take you with him so that you need to stay in his room. He says he will be back as soon as he can and tells you not to leave the room. If you do he will punish you. I was actually terrified when he said that because he hasn't joked about anything seance you two have been together. You know its wrong and you try to run after him. But he closes the door and locks you in there. You pound on the door crying out for him to let you out. You can feel Ricardos need to control you. His confidence with out you is gone. Eventually Noel the boy you help in the garden let's you out. Noel brings you to Mikel. The leader of the Angel's to tell him what happened. Mikel asked if you had given consent to letting Ricardo do that. You tell him no. And Mikel explains how unhealthy yours and Ricardos relationship is getting. You know it is true.

Ricardo enters and calmly but very angrily asks why you left his room. He asks noel if it was him. Noel says yes. And then Ricardo tries to shoot Noel. Mikel is able to stop him before he can hurt Noel. You end up running away not wanting to see Ricardo fall apart anymore. That's when you make the choice that when the 3 months are over.... you will go back home to earth. Not just for you but for Ricardo as well. In the mean time you still spend time with Ricardo not telling him you are leaving.

You spend your last week with him and on the night you are leaving Ricardo learns about what you are doing and goes after you.

He asks you if you are leaving. You tell him yes. He pulls out his gun and says if you leave he will kill you. He asks you if you really loved him and you tell him you do but you cant be with him. And then the dark end showed up... and it made me wish he would have just shot me instead. Although most of that story seemed like a pretty dark ending.

DARK ENDING!

He says he will kill you and that way you will never leave him. But he cant stop shaking. So you walk up to him and hold his gun for him and tell him to shoot so you wont leave. That you wouldn't mind being killed by him. You close your eyes preparing to feel the bullet. He ends up dropping the gun and embraces you. You hold him and tell him you arnt going any where that you wont die and then fades to a few days later.

You look towards the window guessing what time it is because you cant see. You even question how long you have been waiting. Eventually you hear foot steps and Ricardo says he is home. He ends up locking the door and pulls the blind fold off your eyes. Asking you if you missed him. You look at him with so much love and say yes. He undoes your leg shackles but leaving your arms bounded and takes you to the bath. You bathe together and he comments how you have lost weight. You say "really?" And tells you that you can not eat while he is away. It is an order. He asks if you are hungry and you say no. "Seance I dont move much I dont need to eat much." He says he is glad. You think back to when you decided to to stay and how you want to do what ever Ricardo wants. So you let him leave you tied up blind folded in his room while he leaves. You dont think or feel anything other than Ricardo. Thinking you dont mind if you both crumble together.

He holds you telling you not to look at any one else and dont go near any one else. Telling you to only think about him and no one else all the time. Saying he wants you to be unable to live with out him. He asks you if you love him. You reply like a robot saying yes. And he wants you to smile. You try to smile but you cant do it properly because your face is very stiff. A single tear rolls down your face. He asks you why you are crying and all you can say is you are sorry. And then it ends......

SO AFTER ALL THAT IT NOW DECIDES! "Oh hey look at the happy ending!" NO! YOU CANT JUST SHOW ME THAT AND EXPECT ME TO BE LIKE "OH IM ALL BETTER NOW!!!!!!!" NO! NO NO NO NO NO NO NO! WTF!? NO! LIKE OH MY GOD!

THIS IS STOCKHOLM SYNDROME!!!!! LIKE MY GOD! You want a Yandere he is your guy!!!!!!!! And I am ashamed to say! I still really like him!

It reminded me greatly of this comic about a guy who gets kidnapped by his crush and gets very abused by him. If you know what I'm talking about.....I'm sorry....

I WAS SHAKING AFTER THAT! I CRIED! I WAS LEGITIMATELY SCARED! FROM AN OTOME GAME! A DATING SIM! HOLY FUCK! I KNOW IM INTO THE ENTIRE BAD BOY TEASING THING BUT MY GOD! THIS SCARES ME! I know things like that have happened to some people. I think that's one of things that's freaks me out so much to it. Plus dating sims are very personal. You get pretty into them yourselves. The games are meant to make it feel like you are the one being loved.

So that's my thoughts and story. If you want to check it out go do so! I wouldn't recomend against it. Like I said it makes you feel. But I was not ready for that whirlwind. It has good character interactions. I'm kind of..... neutral about it. I found it fun! But all the money it forces you to pay to play is kinda ridiculous. Especially its charm system thing. I find that just kinda lame. But it was fun.

[megabadbunny]

For the DxR fic meme: Nine x Rose; 01 G ☯

(Nine x Rose, Jackie’s flat, midnight, Rose’s diary; from @doctorroseprompts )

***

He knows he shouldn’t, and yet, here he is.

(But it’s not exactly his fault, is it? If she didn’t wanthim to see it, maybe she shouldn’t have left it lying around all public in theopen, conspicuous and winking at him and daring him to take a little peek,wriggling its (figurative) hips like a minx in red throwing a perfumed kissover one shoulder. Never mind the fact that it wasn’t lying around in public somuch as it was in her room, that it wasn’t in the open so much as it was tuckedunder her mattress.)

The Doctor glances around furtively, even though he knows noone will catch him in the act; the flat is empty of any other living thing,save for him and the dust motes colonizing the space beneath the rug. Rose andher oddity of a mum have whisked off somewhere or other (“a proper girls’night”, Jackie might’ve said, or might not have, as the Doctor might not havebeen listening) and Jack is goodness-knows-where with goodness-knows-whom, sothe Doctor figures he’s got a good few hours to himself before anyone returns.And he’s got to find some way to occupy himself, hasn’t he?

(Besides, it isn’t as if he went snooping specifically for it.More like, he snooped, and there it conveniently was. Also, he’s bored.)

Plunking himself down on her bed—not nearly as soft or plushas her TARDIS bed, he thinks with a smirk—the Doctor opens the book to thefirst page.

Dear dairy readsthe first line.

The Doctor chuckles. There is no date scrawled anywhere onthe page, but the scribbles and misspellings amidst very careful and deliberatestrokes tell the Doctor these words were written by someone who had only recentlylearned penmanship, and was determined to do it well.

Dear dairy

Hello how are you? Myname is Rose Marion Tyler. It is my brithday today I am 6 years old.

It’s almost impossible to imagine Rose ever being so young;far easier to picture her emerging fully-grown and stubborn-willed and jeopardy-friendlystraight from inception. But the Doctor tries, and in his mind’s eye he canalmost see her sitting on the bed—no, lying on it, stomach-down, her sock-cladfeet kicking idly in the air. Her hair, unbleached and light brown, would be pulledback into a ponytail, held in place by one of those what d’you-call-it’s. A scrunchie. Her head would bend down inconcentration over the diary as she clutched her pen tightly in her small fist.The Doctor imagines the pen to be pink, glittery, one of those gel-things, hopelesslyand wonderfully childish and girly, and his grin broadens.

Mummy and me had aparty in the park and Lottie and Fred cud not come but Shireen was there andMickey to and his gran and my grandad Prentis. Grandad brung cake from thestore it has had a heart drawed on and my name and there were candels.We had ice cream to. And I had prezents there was a barby and shoes and a newbell for my bike…

The list continues and the Doctor rolls his eyes fondly.Clearly, six-year-old Rose had decided to commit only the most pertinent ofdetails to memory. He flips through perhaps the first quarter of the diary, pausingat a mention of Mickey here, a drawing of a flower there, and watches as Rose’shandwriting grows more confident, her entries more substantial. Her diary is amicrocosm of her adventures with mates, days at school, developing crushes, thelikeability of some of Jackie’s boyfriends and the caddishness of others. Atrandom, the Doctor slips a finger between the pages and opens the diarymid-entry, perhaps a year or two along its timeline.

and it felt awful butI didnt say anything bc he was right I dont have a dad but Keisha got angry andtold him to butt out and mind his own business. So then Nick laughed and madefun of Keisha bout her mum and I thot Keisha might cry so I punched Nick in thenose and it bled and the head teacher says I cant come back to school for aweek. Mum says Im in trouble but she didnt stop granddad from buying me a 99 onthe way home and she said next time do a slap its easier on the nuckles.

The Doctor can just picture Rose, eight years old, eyesflashing and stance wide as she bloodies some little twerp’s nose with herfist. Now that—that is a Rose he has no trouble imagining. Laughing, the Doctorshakes his head and flips to a later entry.

8 Nov 1996

Dear diary,

We went to go see Dad yesterday.

The Doctor pauses, hesitates. He knows what the words mean—they’refigurative, not literal, because it would be another eleven years before Rose sawany more of Pete Tyler than old photos and a grave—but the memory of the daynine years earlier still sends a shiver down his spine, clenches something inhis gut in a guilty-sick feeling he can’t quite explain.

Mum told me the storyagain. She seemed all right definitely better than the last time. I think thephotos help. Granddad came to and I don’t think he rly liked Dad very much buthe was nice about him today nicer than on other days. Afterwards Mum went todrop me off with Mickey but he said she needed me so I went on home and she seemeda little happier but she still cried a bit.

The Doctor wrinkles his nose. Something about Mickey theIdiot doing a good turn makes him grumpy. Who does that idiot think he is,anyway?

We had tea and fellasleep in front of the telly. I wanted to make her dinner but there was nothingin and I couldnt find anything in her purse so I went down to Ms Nodd’s bc she’sout seeing her grandson and I got the spare key from under her flower pot and Ilooked in her bedroom and found a few pounds and took them. I bought Mum aChinese from her favourite place and she didnt ask where I got the money so I didnttell her. I dont think Ms Nodd would know it was me that took it but I stillfeel bad I just didnt know what else to do. Ill pay her back when I get somemoney for my bday.

Nice old bird, that Ms Nodd. Much nicer than some of theother tenants on the Estate, with her blue-tinged hair and cheerful smile andwithered old hands that freely distribute home-baked biscuits to errant TimeLords who just happen to be handy with a squeaky front door. The Doctor makes amental note to liberate an ATM of a couple hundred-pound-notes at his earliestopportunity and slip them into her flat.

He reads a few more pages—comfortably silly stuff, all ofit, more crushes and rants about school and discussions of celebrities andfashion and Rose’s favorite things on telly—until his fingers land on an oddlybrittle page, warped in places, buckling. Several of the words are nearlyimpossible to discern, smudged as they are, and it takes the Doctorapproximately .003 seconds to identify the water marks as tears.

(There’s no dear diaryhere, no date. The words simply begin, as if writing anything more than theabsolutely necessary would take too much energy. Like it would hurt too much.)

Granddad’s gone.

The Doctor sighs, and his hearts each break a little foryoung Rose, curled up in her bed and crying bitter tears into her pillow. Tenyears old is far too young to experience the cruelty of such a loss. But it isn’tas if it gets any easier at any other age. The Doctor knows that to be painfullytrue.

Had a heart attack.Doctors said he went in his sleep and didn’t feel anything. I hope that’s true.Mum said he’s with the angels now but that’s stupid. The angels don’t need him wedo. I already miss him.

Mum can’t stop crying.I wish Dad was here.

And there’s that feeling again in the Doctor’s gut, thesquirmy-sicky one. Almost as if his stomach knows he shouldn’t be doing this,like his body is punishing him. It was all well and good reading about the funfrivolities of a carefree primary-schooler, but this sort of thing—this issomething else. Something deep and personal, a compound fracture of emptinessand hurt. The Doctor knows should stop reading now. He really should.

(He doesn’t.)

It takes a few weeks for the mentions of Granddad Prentice tostart fading, but eventually, they do, fading away to be gradually replaced bythe normality of everyday life. Sometimes months pass between diary-entries;other times, years. The Doctor smiles as he glances over recountings of schooldays and formals and skipping classes, of Jackie’s eccentric cluster of boyfriends,of fights with friends and happy makings-up after, of holidays and gossip andhopes for the future. The day Rose and Shireen fall out over a boy is marked byan obscene amount of swearing and words crossed-out and pencil-punctures dugdeep into the page; the day Mickey asks Rose to be his girlfriend is noted withexclamation points and a lipgloss-kiss.

The day Rose meets Jimmy Stone is noted with a single heartthat simply reads Mrs Rose Stone.

Grimacing at the words, the Doctor forces himself to presson.

OMG met this bloke Jimmyyesterday n he was soooo fit reads the next entry. Shireen and Keisha and me went down the pub and he was playing in theband and I thot he fancied Keisha at first but after he asked for my number ♡ ♡ ♡I kno it doesn’t mean nothing so I didn’ttell Mickey cos no point in him worrying and he gets so jealous anyway lol

Awww, poor jealous ickle Mickey, thinks the Doctor. He snortsderisively. Human beings—so quick to such petty reactions. He’s very glad hedoesn’t have to worry about silly things like that.

Still, it’s a little surprising when, just a few pages later,things have already progressed by leaps and bounds. Jimmy kissed me! leaps out from the page, followed by things like Mickey and me had a fight and Snuck out to hear Jimmy play downtownand Went to the cinema with Jimmy and he puthis hand up my sk

Hearts hammering, the Doctor flips past that page before hiskeen eyes have a chance to read any further. For some reason, the thought ofJimmy putting his hand up anything of Rose’s—indeed, of Jimmy or some otherfool even thinking about touching her, anywhere, with anything—makes him burn abit under the collar. Unpleasant, that. Maybe he’d better take a look at Jackie’sthermostat, make sure it’s doing its job, because it certainly doesn’t feellike it.

(Still, he skips the several pages that follow, just to besafe.)

said if Iwalked out that door I’d better not walk back in and you know what screw her.She’s wasted her whole life crying about Dad and never doing anything withherself and never doing anything for me. I hate her I would rather die then belike her

Eyes widening in surprise, the Doctor quickly scans over thenext few pages, his concern deepening by the second.

love Jimmy andno one can tell me any different and if Mum really knew what love was then she’dunderstand

Im so glad I’mwith him now he gets me like no one else ever has or ever will, ♡ him forever

didnt want totake my a-levels anyway not like it means anything out in the real world

moving into aflat together next week can’t wait ♡♡♡

and I love himbut I wish he’d get a job cos the gigs don’t make enough n I can’t covereverything on my own

came home drunkagain last night n wouldnt tell me where he’d been

told me I’dbetter cough up the rest of the rent by next weekend or else he would

And then, nothing.

The Doctor frowns. Whatever he would do is left unexplained, torn away along with a wholecluster of pages in the diary, leaving a ragged little scar behind where wordsand feelings used to sit. The Doctor runs a finger along the page-stumps leftin the spine, and wonders.

What could have happened that was so bad that even the memoryof it had to be ripped away?

The next entry picks up a few weeks later. It does notmention Jimmy. Instead, the page displays only a handful of lonely words:

He wasright. I’m so stupid.

It takes a moment for the Doctor to realize that the diaryis shaking in his hands. But that’s only because he’s gripping it so tightlyhis knuckles are glowing bright white in an attempt to jump out of his skin. Andsuddenly he’s glad, in quite a perverse way, that he has witnessed thedestruction of the Reapers firsthand, because otherwise the temptation to pilotthe TARDIS back in time to ensure that Jimmy Stone never hurt Rose—that henever so much as existed, never so much as blighted this planet with even asingle vile breath—would be so strong that he’s not entirely sure he’d be ableto stop himself.

Forcing himself to calm, the Doctor skips forward, hopefullyto an entry that won’t cause hisblood to boil angrily in his ears. Now phrases like moved back in with Mum today and applied at Henriks greet his eyes, and he feels the muscles in hisshoulders begin to relax.

and a sweet ginger boy’sstarted coming round, Mum named him Jonesy

but the new job’s notso bad

going out to the clubswith Shireen

Mickey stopped by withflowers today and it was like nothing had ever gone wrong

anyway we’re datingagain

nothing’ll come of itbut some blokes won in Bristol last week so who knows, maybe we’ll win a littlesomething n I could get Mum something nice

a little boring Iguess but prolly about the best I can expect for now

So my job blew uptoday???

Now a grin spreads across the Doctor’s face, lighting it upfrom ear-to-ear. Finally. Took longenough to get here. Now for the reallygood stuff.

Fingers tingling in anticipation, he turns the page.

Nothing.

The Doctor flips through the remaining pages, hunting forsomething, anything, but nothing buta sea of white greets his eyes, winking up at him obnoxiously without so muchas a single date or scribble or scrawl to capture his attention. The rest ofthe diary is completely, utterly blank.

Huffing in irritation, the Doctor sits back, flipping thebook closed with a scowl. It makes a certain sense, he supposes, but still.Really? She’ll write about ice cream and Barbies and school gossip and Mickeythe Idiot but no mention of the TARDIS, no asides about traveling through timeand space, no discussion of Dickens or Slitheen or bitchy trampolines or 900year-old Time Lords taking her by the hand to show her anything her littleheart could ever possibly—

CLANG.

“I just found it!” blurts out the Doctor without eventhinking, pushing off the bed and whirling round to face Rose’s open bedroomdoorway. But no one stands there; indeed, if his superior hearing is anythingto go by (and it usually is), there’s no one within several meters of him, certainlyno one in the flat. And the continuing ding-dang-dongbell’s sound, ringing at twelve lazy but significant intervals, informs himthat his nervousness was for naught—it’s just Jackie’s old grandfather clock,noisily (and unnecessarily, the Doctor thinks with a grump) proclaiming thetime.

It’s midnight. Probably Rose and Jackie will be home soon. Andprobably he shouldn’t let them know he was nosing through Rose’s diary.

(Even if it wasn’t his fault, seeing as they left him aloneand bored and unoccupied in the flat, and even if he didn’t find what he waslooking for—even if he’s not entirely certain what that was.)

As he slips the diary back into its hiding-place beneathRose’s mattress, it occurs to him that there are any number of reasons Rosemight not be writing things in a diary any more—she forgot it at home, or she’stoo tired after their adventures, or too distracted, or maybe she’s even got anew one aboard the TARDIS, hidden somewhere equally silly. But there’s anotheroption too, he realizes; that she’s simply too happy to see the need forwriting things down, that she is too busy living her memories to think of takingthe time to document them. The thought warms him, contentment blooming in hischest, and he leaves Rose’s room with a smile, closing the door behind him.

(He still checks her room on the TARDIS just in case.)

***

part ii

[wannasoftimagine]

lee daehwi as your soulmate

imagine having daehwi as ur soulmate where u have the date u meet written on ur wrist

(as requested!)

ur soulmate clue isnt really visible for awhile just bc ure like. a tiny kid for the first majority of ur life lol

for awhile u just have a smudge of ink on ur wrist so,,, u dont rlly have a choice but to let it be

ANYWAYS

once u start to get older, the markings on ur wrist start to become more and more clear

ure not super sure if theyre letters or numbers or smthn else, bc it doesnt show up on ur skin quite right yet

eventually, ure able to decipher it as a set of numbers and ure like. okay cool BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN

u talk it over w some of ur family and friends, and everyone seems to have their own idea abt what it means

but the more ppl u talk to, the more they start to agree tht it seems like a date - for several years in the future

at tht point u realize that its probably the day tht ull finally meet ur soulmate, so theres not rlly much u can do abt it until then

ure a little tempted to try and search for someone with a similar clue, but there are just SO MANY to sort thru tht u decide its not rlly worth it

u try and focus on urself - struggling thru school, spending time w family/friends, typical stuff that most ppl ignore bc theyre too busy searching for their soulmate

honestly its kinda nice knowing when ull meet ur soulmate, since u can relax until then

time passes bc u kno. tht tends to happen in life

SO

it starts to get closer and closer to the date when u meet and NOW the nerves are coming

bc ure like ?? what are they like? what if i dont like them? what if they dont like //me//? where are we gonna meet? what time? do they have the same clue? what if i dont recognize them????

honestly ure a mess of worries by the time the day comes

trying to sleep the night before is almost impossible since ure such a bundle of doubts as u toss and turn in ur bed

come morning, u do ur best to dress as nice as u can

but honestly ure starting to doubt ur sense of fashion and style at this point

eventually u have to calm urself down bc theres no point in stressing out too much, or else ure just going to freak out and have an awful day, soulmate or not

then ure like waaaait a second,,

n u realize tht u dont know when exactly or where ure going to meet ur soulmate

which makes things much harder tbh

u settle on staying on a park bench, watching ppl pass and letting ur wrist casually rest beside u so its out in the open

ure hoping tht someones just going to walk by and be like oH HELLO SOULMATE

as time goes on u realize tht ure not that lucky

actually ure prob rlly unlucky bc bugs seem like theyre attacking u and u take tht as ur cue to leave

ure wandering around a little bit when u stumble across this cute little hole-in-the-wall cafe, so u decide to go in and rest ur feet there

(also maybe meet ur soulmate bc tht would be super Aesthetic u feel)

anyways

u wait around with a cup of coffee and a bagel, hoping that ull see someone walk in with a mark similar to urs

u realize pretty quickly tht it wont happen bc 1) so many ppl keep coming in and out, and 2) no one walks around showing off their wrist tbh

tht leaves u growing more frustrated and worried in ur spot

part of u wants to just approach random strangers and ask “listen im meeting my soulmate today CAN I SEE UR WRIST”

but the realistic part of u is like “what the heck no dont do tht”

u settle on agreeing with the latter

at some point, as ure boring holes into the dozens of strangers frequenting the cafe, u start to nod off

u dont even notice until one of the workers is shaking u awake with a polite smile and telling u tht the store is closing, so ure going to have to please leave

thts when ure like “wow,,, i was rlly tired bc it is LATE outside” but also “WAIT WHAT IF MY SOULMATE CAME HERE WHEN I WAS ASLEEP”

even as u frantically look around, u dont see any cutely written messages from ur presumed soulmate or anything like tht

all u can think is tht maybe ur soulmate clue doesnt mean what u thought it did

after all, its around evening already, and u still havent seen a sign of them

u end up wandering around outside again, too worried abt the possibility of never meeting ur soulmate to be freaked out over the whole “tiny kid walks around alone in the dark!!!!” thing

anywho

u keep checking ur phone (and feeling rlly grateful tht u havent run out of battery yet) and time just keeps to slip thru ur fingers

u end up going to a small restaurant for dinner, but its a place tht uve visited before and u dont see anyone new that could be ur soulmate

afterwards u decide to head on home with a heavy heart

u keep thinking “mb its not the date when we meet??”

but honestly ure not sure what else it could be

like is it the date ur soulmate is born?? but thtd be a kinda creepy age difference,,

and,,,, okay yeah u cant rlly think of anything else

u may or may not get lost a couple of times bc ure so absorbed in ur own thoughts

it doesnt help tht ure not exactly the best with directions

by the time u think ure nearing ur home, ur phone flashes at u with the time 11.51pm and ure like “???!!!!!!!!!!!”

u dont even know what to think at tht point

but then u get hit with the realization tht ure not meeting ur soulmate today and u might never meet them at all, and ure crushed with this aching sense of nothingness

ure just about ready to curl into a ball and just lie on the street for the rest of ur life when u hear someone yell “URE WALKING IN CIRCLES”

and u snap ur head up to try and see who said tht, and u see someone sticking his head out of his window and gesturing wildly

“wHAT” u manage to yell back, bc itd be embarrassing if this guy was trying to help u navigate around and u ended up sobbing back in response

“URE GOING IN CIRCLES UVE PASSED MY WINDOW LIKE 10 TIMES”

and thats.. just as embarrassing tbh

“ARE U LOST??? WHERE DO U LIVE”

all good intentions aside, u frown at his figure to tell him “IM NOT TELLING U WHERE I LIVE”, a pause, and then u add on “U CREEP” bc ure a strong independent individual who doesnt need any freaky dude in ur life

“AT LEAST USE UR PHONE OR SMTHN!!!! URE NEVER GOING TO GET HOME AT THIS POINT”

u feel a little dumb at that bc,,, honestly uve been so wrapped up in ur head tht u kinda forgot u could just use ur phone for directions back home

still just as u pull it out, it flashes a “dead battery” symbol and just. dies on u

“ITS DEAD” u tell the guy, altho ure not rlly sure why ure telling him this bc what if he really is a creep and now he knows u cant call for help ??????????

“IM COMING DOWN”

okay, thats definitely not helping ur i-think-hes-a-serial-killer idea

when he finally closes the window and makes his way down and outside to u, uve prepared urself with a rock

just,, in case,,,,,

(its not even a really good rock but u gotta do what u gotta do)

“i didnt want to keep yelling” the guy says, and he looks much sweeter in person (and when hes not screaming directions at u)

he sticks out his hand and ure like ?? but u take it anyways

“im lee daehwi!! do u want to borrow my phone?” he holds it out to u and even tho ure really tempted to take it, ure still a little skeptical

“if i put my address in there, then ull know where i live and u can track me afterwards”

he seems to find tht both very amusing and very insulting, since his face contorts into a half-laugh half-grimace

its a funny sight in of itself, so u cant help but smile at his expression

u end up bickering a little bit, and by the time he shoves his phone into ur face, u glance at the time and its past midnight and oh

today isnt the day u meet ur soulmate, then

ur face falls and he immediately yanks his hand back, obviously concerned

“are u okay?? whats wrong????”

and even tho hes still basically a stranger u cant help but show ur wrist to him and manage to explain tht u thought u were going to meet ur soulmate today, but its too late bc u still havent met them

but daehwi is giggling and ure like “dONT BE A JERK” but hes already pushing his own wrist into ur face

instead of the date, his reads “11.51 PM” in the same small dark font, and its like oh. OHHHHH

he pushes at ur shoulder, teasing u tht ur clue was more obvious bc “i had to wait around every day to see if i met someone new!!! i just want to sleep but i had no idea when id meet u”

and even as hes pouting u can barely process how relieved u are so u. accidentally zone out juuuust a little bit

he notices of course, and manages to get ur attention by saying “im glad its u tho bc ure super cute”

u stare at him, suddenly super focused on him, and he laughs

“i was just trying to get ur attention, but i do think ure rlly cute”

ure both still a bit in shock, but u manage to carry on conversations well enough bc now tht u know ure each others soulmates, ure desperate to talk to each other forever

he ends up insisting on cutting ur convo short and walking u home bc its so late, but he gives u his number and a quick, embarrassed peck on the cheek with a promise to talk to u soon

its even harder to fall asleep that night, ur head filled the memory of daehwi grinning at u like ure the best thing hed ever seen

others: jisung | sungwoon | daniel | woojin | more coming soon!

[wannasoftimagine]

imagine park woojin as your classmate

project partners to dating partners :’)

(( AS REQUESTED // omg since ure a woojin stan can i get a request where y/n and woojin study in the same course after his wanna one activities (before he debuts in brand new music) and got closer after a project andddd you can write whatever after that LMAO :^) THANK YOU ))

okay so ure a fan of wanna one

who isnt tbh

and lucky u bc it turns out tht ure going to college w the one and only park woojin!!!!!!! (srsly tho what r the chances)

u forgot tht woojins age is kinda similar to urs bc he always acts like a tough guy on stage or a little kid off stage and u forget that hes a student like u

anyways

its a little weird to get used to seeing him in person after all the pictures n videos uve seen of him online

like?? hes a Real Person??? what a wild idea

and even tho ure both in the same college course, u try to keep ur distance

as much as ud like to befriend him, hes still an idol (even tho he hasnt debuted w brand new yet) and its rlly hard for u to start up a conversation w someone famous

also ure lowkey worried tht its going to ruin how much u admire him, and that actually talking to him will destroy how highly u view him

little do u kno hes seen u around campus before n thinks ure pretty cute

;))

okay but anyways

u make sure to stay out of his way bc the last thing u want is to bother him by asking for a signature or picture or smthn

u try and keep a minimum of like 10 yds between u at all times

(bc itd be even more embarrassing if u tripped right in front of him and that was the first thing he noticed abt u)

but lucky for u, life doesnt care what u have planned

bc its only a month into the semester and u already have a huge project assigned

of course, it’s a partner project

it might be okay if u were able to choose ur partners, but ur teacher insisted on trying to help everyone “bond w their classmates” so its all completely random

unfortunately for u, u get sick the day that ur teacher assigns partners

so u have no idea who ure paired up with

ure stuck asking some of ur classmates, but none of them rlly remember

everyone was a bit busy stressing out over their own partners tbh

and u keep asking around a bit, but u only know so many ppl in the class so eventually u kinda give up and hope ur partner isnt too bad

u settle on focusing on ur other classes, studying for future exams and reviewing ur notes in the library

even tho ure not sick anymore, u still feel a bit drowsy from all of the different medications u took and all of the work u were trying to catch up on

so. all excuses aside u fall asleep

prob not the best plan esp since some of ur things are balancing on the edge of ur desk

but the heart wants what the heart wants, and it rlly wants to sleep

ure having a rlly weird dream abt pirate monkeys when ure jolted awake by someone bumping into ur side

u look up to see someone sprinting away from u and like okay. thts a little weird

u try not to think abt it too much bc ure still kinda sleepy

so u settle on gathering ur things so u can head back to ur dorm and decide whether or not u want to study, sleep more, or find something to eat

as u collect everything, u notice a little post it note that hadnt been there before

in messy handwriting, it says “i didnt want to wake u but im ur partner for the partner project. im woojin and u can text me at [xxx-xxx-xxxx] whenever u want to meet up i hope u sleep well”

u realize that ur partner is prob the one u saw sprinting away from u earlier after he accidentally bumped into u lol

somehow u momentarily forget that ur partner is THE park woojin and ure like aw cool this woojin guy seems nice

then ure like WAIT A SECOND

ure highkey in shock and keep pinching urself to make sure its real

so u end up taking the rest of ur stuff back to ur room and wondering how u should text him

eventually u decide on a simple greeting and ur name, and u ask him when hes free

u have to send the text and then throw ur phone onto the floor bc U JUST TEXTED PARK WOOJIN ABT MEETING IN PERSON. GOD BLESS

ure suddenly super grateful abt every decision tht led u to this moment

anyways

ur phone buzzes on the floor so u scramble to pick it up

only to realize tht its a text from ur mom asking how ure doing

u text her back and tell her not to worry, then attempt to clean ur room a little instead of waiting for woojin to text u back

u just finish reorganizing ur closet when he texts u

its a quick text, smthn along the lines of “im free tmrw afternoon, do u want to meet by the cafeteria” so u agree quickly and hope u dont seem too desperate

and u KNOW its not a date

u guys havent even spoken to each other before so???

but ure still rlly nervous bc its WOOJIN and u want to impress him, even if ure just going to spend most of ur time talking abt boring coursework

u both settle on a time to meet and u pretend not to freak out

anyways skip to the next afternoon

u get there a bit early but ?? hes there already ??? ldsjks

and he looks Really Cute like hes wearing a sweater and ripped jeans and looking like complete boyfriend material wow ure p sure u can feel ur heart stop in ur chest

hes a bit awkward but uve heard abt how shy he is so u try not to take it personally

as soon as he sees u he blurts out tht u look nice and that is not helping the way tht this feels like a date

u guys end up moving to a bench in the shade bc its rlly nice out and this way ure able to talk freely without worrying abt being too loud

he explains the project a little, and u guys go back and forth offering up ideas

he always nods super enthusiastically whenever u suggest smthn and its honestly the cutest thing uve ever seen

its so weird for u to remember that this is the same guy uve seen videos of online bc what the heck

anyways

neither of u are extreme geniuses in the class, but ure both still pretty smart

ure pleased to find tht u guys complement each other well, w different areas of interest inside the same field

it helps ur project run a lot smoother than u thought it would, so u guys split up the work and agree to do as much as u can before u meet up again

ur conversations are still a bit stilted bc ure both still shy w each other, but overall u seem to get along well so ure happy

u text each other every once in awhile to talk abt the project or ask questions

u meet up a few more times in the next couple weeks but its all work and no business

still, over time u find urselves joking around with each other a little more, teasing each other and talking abt urselves instead of the project

of course, all things must come to an end

so all too soon, the day u submit the final project arrives

and ure a little worried tht woojin is going to disappear from ur life again

bc maybe he’s only been this nice to u bc hes just a sweet guy, but as soon as the project ends he wont care abt talking to u anymore

after all, its not like u guys meet up for meals or to hang out that often - even when ure just relaxing w each other, theres always some part of ur convo tht centers around the class

so as ure freaking out over this

he texts u asking if u want to come over to his dorm while he submits it

and mb u guys can just hang out afterwards?

obviously u agree and u cant stop smiling

when u show up at his dorm, hes wearing sweatpants and a tshirt and he looks adorable as heck when he invites u in

u guys sit on his bed as he loads all the stuff on his laptop and u try not to be hyperaware of the space between u two

woojins also screaming internally but somehow u dont notice the way he keeps staring at u out of the corner of his eye

u click the “submit” button together and HIS HANDS ARE SO GENTLE also theyre shaking a little???? huh

u assume its just bc hes Extra Nervous for the project but honestly? no hes just never been this close to u and hes freaking out

but anyways

u decide to go out to eat off campus afterwards to celebrate being done

a lot of the places have long waits or are too expensive so u just eat at a chikfila

its rlly casual but its fun and u guys argue abt whether chicken nuggets or chicken sandwiches r better and u cant help but think abt how much fun ure having w hiim

u end up blurting it out to him on accident and ure v v embarrassed

but he laughs and admits tht he rlly likes spending time w u too

so u promise each other to keep hanging out afterwards

it gets to the point where weeks later, ure still texting each other to complain abt classes or ask abt the other persons day

it still feels like a dream tbh

but u guys enjoy each others company whenever u can

most of the time u end up meeting each other at the cafeteria or studying together in the library, but u both just rlly like spending time w the other person

this routine continues for awhile and its prob the best part of ur life

but at one point ure trying to sneak up on woojin and surprise him when u see him talking to himself

as u creep forward, u realize tht hes actually on the phone, and he looks kinda stressed

it feels a bit invasive so ure looking around trying to find a place to go while he finishes up his phone call

but then u hear him say ur name so. consider u INTERESTED

and he keeps getting flustered and shutting down anything tht the other person says which is weird bc hes p shy, but hes never usually tht adamant and blushy abt something

eventually he tucks his phone away and lets out a Huge sigh so ure like,, hey u good

and he laughs it off but u can tell hes a little antsy, so u decide to tell him tht u overheard a little bit of him on the phone, and u ask him what it was about

he literally turns into a tomato its so funny u wish u had recorded it

but hes like “HOW MUCH DID U HEAR”

even tho u tell him u didnt hear much, he refuses to believe u and he spends the next few minutes pouting

u keep trying to get him to talk to u normally, but he refuses

finally he ends up grumbling smthn and ure like ???

and after a few half hearted efforts to repeat himself hes like “just tell me u dont like me back”

and. WHAT.

he pouts again and its so sos sosososoos o so cute u think ure going to combust honestly

“i kno u heard me tell him tht i like u!!!! just tell me u dont feel the same and leave me alone to cry”

and u have to reassure him tht u definitely didnt hear that BUT ALSO what???

n hes literally mortified when he realizes ure serious

but he has this rlly cute determined expression like “ok well now u kno i like u!!!!! y/n, please go out w me???”

n its like OF COURSE and u tell him tht u like him too and he keeps smiling and acting shy

honestly u both just make each other super happy

when u start dating, its not too diff from when u were friends, except now ure more affectionate w each other

both physically and with ur words

he loves hyping u up, and u feel the same

esp when he starts practicing more to debut w the rest of the bnm boys

u support the heck out of each other and can always count on the other person to be there for u when u need it the most

honestly its super soft and ure totally proud to be a lowkey campus couple even tho u have to keep ur relationship on the down low bc of dispatch

still u both care for each other a lot and u wouldnt trade what u have for the world