#happens all the time at school too.
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Have to thank my partner for realizing before I did that talking about kids with people makes me extremely dysphoric --- whereas I thought I just had a problem and hated children or something lol
#you can't really start a sentence with 'i don't hate children--' though.#do i... like them..? ehh they're fine on their own. i just don't like to be around them for very long. they freak me out.#but mostly it's parents who freak me out. or people who aren't parents yet but kids are all they talk about#(cough) my sister-in-law.#it's not ALL she talks about but she does happen to bring children up an awful lot around me. and uhh i have bad news for her.#anyway i feel like the worst person on earth but my gut reaction when i hear people talking about kids is to just get pissed off#or roll my eyes or want to leave the conversation STAT. like my flight instinct takes over.#so it was my partner who figured out that these conversations activate my dysphoria like a nuclear bomb.#dysphoria has manifested in the form of irritation for me this year. same with depression. i just feel angry and annoyed all the time#plus a bit of despair. and it gets more intense with every passing month.#my sister has decided to work in childcare and is doing a placement. she also updates me on every single thing she does in a day -#- down to how many times she shits. i wish i was kidding.#so i get a constant feed of what these random children did in a day (yesterday a girl showed my sister her poop lol)#and it would be funny and fine if it didn't make me want to jump out of my gd skin.#happens all the time at school too.#'whaaaaaaaat you don't want BAABIIEEES?? but you'd make such a good mom!!!'#ahaha No i would not thank you. jesus christ please no thank you. please.#i'm a father figure to a few of my friends and it's the best feeling in the world. that's all i need.#conversations like that always trap me. i feel like a fucking rabbit. stuck with all the aunties in the kitchen.#so i have to be a dick and not offer to clear the plates because none of the men are clearing the plates.#just........ Gender. UGH!!
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If my mom sees a significant amount of blood she gets lightheaded, and has fainted on some occasions. Once it happened when we were kids, I wasn't there to witness it but I heard the story from my dad. Basically my brothers, around 7 or 8 at the time, were playing outside while my mom was making their lunch, and she accidentally cut her finger. It wasn't anything serious, but it drew a fair bit of blood and she passed out. My dad saw this and rushed over, but he didn't really know what to do so he just sort of started slapping her to wake her up (not recommended, but he had no idea and panicked)
At that exact moment my brothers both came in from playing, and all they saw was our mom unconscious on the floor and our dad slapping her. So, like, without even saying a word to each other they both just INSTANTLY start whaling on him, like, full blown attack mode to defend our mom. Which obviously didn't help the situation, but she did wake up and everything was fine.
Now our dad says that he's actually really glad they attacked him over what they thought was going on, because it means he raised good boys. And I still think that's true, they're very good boys.
#i think about this story sometimes like yeah I'm proud of them for that too actually. good job baby brothers#they're not babies anymore of course they're turning 20 next year which is crazy#but they're still the type of people who'd do something if they saw something of this sort happen for sure#respectful of women and everyone else too. they're good guys#I'm glad I ended up with them living in my house against my will for like 14 years#anyway i have no idea where i was for all this but my best guess is probably a friends house given the time period#i was always at my besties house lol#i hope she's doing well too actually. haven't spoken in forever...#bestie from greek elementary school... if you're out there... let's get muffins and fanta at the bakery across the street again someday 💜☮️
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Finished oniisama e and will now launch myself off a cliff
#oniisama e#dear brother#rei asaka#kaoru orihara#i am PISSED kaoru got turned into a trad wife in the anime. took away her swag ):#also a certified henmi hater. why as a man are you in all these high school girl's lives. wish this fool would've only been nanakos brother#also kaoru & rei butch4butch to me. i love them#didnt have time to draw everyone else. that will happen eventually#especially fukiko. she is like the most fucked but i love her#also you can definitely tell who ended up being my favorite (:#too lazy to finish rei's other eye. please ignore
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this has been a roller coaster of a design journey but finally I can present you: class swap artificer!adaine and rogue!fabian
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhfy#fhsy#fhjy#fabian seacaster#adaine abernant#fh class quangle#goodbye... goodbye hoodie kid adaine..... we have mecha pilot/power armor adaine instead#I couldnt really land how she'd get a hoodie reliably in freshman year given the abernants pattern of confiscating shit from her#so I kinda switched gear and dug a bit into a like sukeban aesthetics instead. and since shes with the AV club I like the idea of#like a radio coord thing for her. hence the suspenders#I fully admit the sukeban thing is influenced by the hacker woman in ghostwire tokyo who I have a small crush on#she's SO cool. too bad about a number of things with that game#the jacket of useful things is a racer jacket this time bc Im predictable like that#her ensemble in junior year is her tank top + overall it might not be clear enough in the pic...#just had the thought ''man I should do turnarounds for all of them'' and immediately had to slap myself out of it#anyways uh! fabian I have inflicted with my favourite thing to do to characters who like to stealth or fly under the radar#which is Bright Extremely Noticeable Jacket That Hides Your Hands#fabian's ghost motif has led me to the famous horror movie trope of silhouette with iconic jacket from afar#(see Sinister and Alice Sweet Alice)#and I love to imagine him hanging the coat up somewhere and opponents aiming there instead of at him#but also the raincoat is specifically modeled after the yellow fisherman's raincoat#and. that led to. me thinking abt fabian pulling riz up at that cliff with a net instead of the battle sheet lmao#so his junior year design is fully Fishing. which is so fucking funny it has obliterated all other possibilities from my brain#ranger flavour: captain ahab#I still debate making him carry around an actual fishing rod tbh. right now Im giving him a rifle grappling hook thing#gods. I just think High School Classmate Suddenly Gets Way Too Into Fishing is the funniest fucking thing that can happen#thank you fabian. thank you for giving me this. love you buddy#still blanking on kristen but! throughout this whole storm here I've realised I just need to fuck around
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meet cassian :]
close ups and more info under the cut!
gloomiest guy you’ll ever meet
pathetic loser
he’s an artist
comes from a rich family
he barely leaves his house, he stays inside a LOOOOOT
insane attachment issues
clingy and dependant yandere
he guilt trips a lot (isn’t really aware of it lmao) can be really manipulative without trying unfortunately
texts you constantly but if you don’t answer back in like 5 minutes he starts freaking out
sometimes he’s normal enough but if you take too long he WILL lose it
doesn't like it when you talk to other people, why can't you just talk to him? is he not good enough for you? what's so interesting about other people anyway?
he hates stairs (he's fallen down and up the stairs WAYYY too many times)
shy (lmao ok) and introverted (has a really hard time talking to people)
has a mascot! (his name is PopUp :] he made him for a school project and just ended up liking him a lot lol)
sopping wet cat
don’t be mean to him, he doesn’t like it, even as a joke
doesn’t get much social interaction cause he stays inside a lot
WAYYYY more comfortable texting, he’s like a totally different person when you’re texting him
spams a lot. like a lot
used to be a lot more outgoing and social
wishes you could be by his side 24/7
he’s sad a lot of the time
feels unloved, please shower him in love
really pessimistic when it comes to himself
he’s really passionate about art
you and art are the two things that make him extremely happy
if you thought nox was tired, meet cassian! he has an even worse sleeping schedule than nox
he’ll do ANYTHING to keep you by his side
so he can and will kidnap you! lol!
is also a stalker… great..!
has probably installed a camera somewhere in your room (um??)
you’re probably one of the only people that can convince him to leave his room
really loves shoujo manga, has fantasized about being the perfect male lead for you (he really wants a romance like that, only with you)
he's a huge romantic, he wants the two of you to have a happy life together
so please don’t leave him. please
takes a lot of walks at night, don’t worry he doesn’t spend ALL of his time inside (he wishes he could tho.)
he wants to have his happy ending with you <3
#num draws#cassian posting#<- hehe#yandere oc#male yandere#yandere male#oc art#yandere#original character#digital art#guys meet my sopping wet cat of an oc! i love him dearly!#also. i think i said this before but i put a lot of my own traits into my ocs#this fucker has the most of my traits. i wonder what that says about me#NONE OF THE YANDERE STUFF THO THATS ALL HIM!#i wanted to include more info but if i do ill just keep going and going and going and i dont think anyone is gonna read all that anyway </3#btw PopUp is a character that i made for a school project so yeah he's stealing him from me (and im ok w that. was supposed to happen lol)#i mean ive shown PopUp on the blog before just didn't tag it (bc i was just yapping and complaining about my project.)#this is my first time posting a full body (and like its the first one ive drawn in a while) pls be kind. im so scared to post this.#i worked really really hard on this so im excited to share this with you!#also this is my 1000th post. hell.#i still need to add him to the relationship chart n everything.#also i think ill do proper ref sheets for them bc. i cant just leave them as busts.#and ill rework rowan's too bc he deserves my love
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Hello may 31th anon! Look at that, another year behind us and a new one to come. Have a nice day! ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡
#may 31th anon#hello friends!! (。’▽’。)♡ how are you!! I missed you so much!#I'm sorry that once again i have not been posting but I did that thing again where I got scared of posting#I do not know why but it is the same with physical paper diarys#I have 3 diarys and they all have 1 entry#I think one just says 'I am ten'#what have you been up to!! did you do something fun? is it summer too where you live? c:#my tumblr messages seem to be broken! I'm sorry if you wrote something :C it just says 'no new messages' despite also saying new messages#not a lot has happened here! I got a tomato plant and then I got very invested into the tomato plant and I have eaten three tomatos so far (#my roses are also doing well!! I just got a new yellow rose and since she got here she only made orange flowers#I do not know the meaning of that#but I am very thankful! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡ I love it when things are orange!!#I've been trying to buy an orange shirt for the past 2 weeks but they always sell out before I get to them#I'm also thinking about buying a jean jacket#I have not worn a jean jacket for at least 15 years because one time in 7th grade tthe girl behind me said#that I was wearing a cool jean jacket and I just assumed that this was bullying for no actual reason#but maybe she just thought that it was an acutal cool jean jacket#we'll soon have out 10 year school reunion#maybe I should ask her#is anyone else going to a secret Sherlock phase again#I just want to see that silly little hat again#would sherlock holmes wear a jean jacket#have a nice day everyone!!#see you soon hopefully!!#♡^▽^♡
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im so glad that we never get a clear picture of sophie’s background in leverage & i hope we never do. however i also really like making up various, often conflicting backstories for her in my head. perhaps they’re all backstories for an alias of hers, ones she laid to rest back in season two.
#leverageposting#leverage#sophie devereaux#particularly that one of or both her parents had to move around a lot for work & so she would change herself to fit in at every new school#or new town etc etc. and that whatever original identity she had was dropped due to some kind of really awful event and her bio family think#she’s dead. eg she got into some kind of extreme legal trouble for the first time & she faked her death & everyone she knew as a kid thinks#she’s dead too. like. astrid wasn’t the first person she left to miss/mourn her.#but also that she was a teen runaway at like age ~16 and pretended to be an adult (like. 18/19) cause theres not much you can do by yourself#as a minor like booking flights or renting an apartment. and so began her first proper alias. and she was a pickpocket until she could fund#her life fully through grifting & cons.#or alternatively her parents died when she was a teen & she was old enough to become an emancipated minor (everyone in lev is an orphan)#and she kind of just fell into crime from there bc she had no one#or perhaps she got married at 17 and realised how fucked it all was and stashed money until she could run away & leave it all behind. that’s#bc of a single vague sentence on john rogers’ blog saying she was married at 17 and in context it was quite possibly a joke or random#hypothetical example but i was like what if???? What If???????#i also like the hc that she’s trans which i’ve seen a few times#in some versions in my mind her parents were okay and in some versions they were awful and in some versions it was so complicated.#i think tara has heard one story and parker or hardison have heard another and nate has never heard any story. he’s never asked.#she is here now and that’s all that needs knowing. and sophie devereaux is her real name in any way it matters.#eliot has also never asked and she asked if he was curious once and he just asked if she was curious about What He Did and that was answer#enough for the both of them. just a mutual agreement not to ask and it actually solidified their bond.#i think she struggled for a long time about whether to tell her new family The Real Story but in much the same way we never hear her birth#name bc it’s not Her anymore… she never gives The Real Story. bc it no longer defines who she is. she’s so much more than whatever happened.#lvg
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i just imagined the most cursed/dumb experience you could have with eddie and now i need to put you all through it with me.
imagine getting insanely high with eddie and playing around with one of those stress balls with the netting. like the kind that change color when you squeeze it. and you're just squishing it, fiddling mindlessly, before suddenly looking up at eddie with the worst possible idea.
"eddie... do you think they...?"
and him being so wide-eyed, immediately catching on, "absolutely not."
but then, you're both high, and you're both prone to having the dumbest fucking ideas possible, so when eddie catches sight of your fishnets peeking out of the drawer across the room, he can't help himself from saying the dumbest possible thing to ever come out of his mouth.
"but wanna find out?"
the night ends with the two of you in the ER, and eddie deciding it doesn't matter how much he likes you in fishnets, the two of you will never have another pair in the household again.
please don't take this serious i'm going to cry from how fucking stupid this is
#this definitely happens in high school when the two of you are just so fucking dumb#i cannot emphasize how stupid this is#it had me cry laughing#this Would Not End Well#when you're both no longer high neither of you can believe you thought it would end any other way#wayne is giving the lecture of all lectures to the two of you about it when he picks you back up from the ER#he never lives it down#any time you wear fishnets around him after that day he has literal war flashbacks#claims he can now never have children and you just go 'welp it's cheaper than a vasectomy'#this is officially the shittiest of all my shit posts#i added a gif for visuals#eddie munson#stranger things#absolutely based on how stupid i act high as well#like the vaguest of bad ideas and immediately being enabled? me and eddie would not be allowed to be high around each other#im talking nearly greened out high too like#fucking gone#steve probably drives y'all to the er#hopper is laughing when he stumbles upon the entire mess and just fucking dies at how stupid you two are
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A big part of the Haikyuu rewatch is watching the characters interact and worrying that I fandomized their relationships too much in my head, particularly with the Karasuno first years because Hinata and Kags keep Yamaguchi and Tsukishima at arm’s length for so long. But then I remember. Oh wait the squad is literally Hinata’s phone background by the end of the story. You don’t put a picture of just some dudes in your after school club as your phone background.
#ane discovers character development takes time who wouldve thought#personally I think wthe change happens when Yachi and Tsuki start tutoring them#It’s around the time that there’s a shift in their bickering so that it’s more. ‘familial’ isnt the term I’m looking for but like#the kind of razzing you can only do with someone you know#Tsukishima for example starts bringing up specific things they studied together to dunk on Kageyama not remembering any of it#And another subtle thing I noticed- cause again I started going like ? did I fandomize my entire perception of Tadashi too much?#cause for the first season he doesn’t interact with ANYONE but Tsuki. Like practically not at all except to brag about Tsuki to others#But I have a sneaking suspicion that this starts to change around the time that he starts getting on the court more often as a pinch server#Probably because it gives him more courage#Cause I remember him having a lot to say in the Shiratorizawa match#and I remember him getting along with Yachi! So like I’m keeping an eye out for those changes#haikyuu!!#Also my favorite part about rewatching Haikyuu is how the reveal of Kag’s backstory really does affect. Your entire perception of him#Like I know its probably cause he’s my fav but I always feel so frustrated when people assume the worst of him and so sad that even Oikawa-#who knew him back when he was a very happy and shy kid- doesn’t even question why his personality had such a sudden shift#but then I realize that the only reason I’m so aware of these changed is because Kageyama has ‘opened up to me’ as an audience member befor#Furudate waited hundreds off chapters to tell us that he’s been grieving a loved onesince a little before the very first scene of the manga#So that it would feel like we earned it#Idk how to explain it like when you meet someone who’s hurting it takes a lot of effort and patience for them to tell you why#in the same way bc we stuck by the story for so long and watching Kageyama learn to be more open#we got the privilege of learning why he was closed off in the same place#but Kageyama didnt give anyone at his old school the chance to stick around- not Kindaichi or Kunimi or anyone#So it makes total sense#kageyama tobio#hinata shouyou#yamaguchi tadashi#tsukishima kei#yachi hitoka#karasuno first years#my post
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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see I need ghost clothes to have properties more or less like regular clothes because wearing someone else’s jacket or shirt is one of the most important expressions of affection in existence and yes basically what I’m saying is i wanna see charles give edwin his jacket for one reason or another and see edwin get all flustered and giddy about it
#the staple of all my high school romances (all like. two or three of them)#but on a more domestic level too….i love the trope of one partner wearing the other’s ill-fitting t-shirt around the house because#it’s comfy and they like feeling embraced in a way by the perosn they love#grahhhhhh I’m weak and cliche i know i know#but yeah the jacket thing…….im imagining like. something happens that leaves edwin hurt and exhausted on the ground and charles rushes over#to check if he’s okay and to help him up. and in doing so he drapes his signature jacket over edwin’s shoulders#and yeah ghosts can’t get cold. but edwin doesn’t say that out loud because he’s too busy being all 💕😳💕. similarly he forgets about being#hurt and can only think about how charles’ jacket feels on him and how everyone can see this mark of affection on him and. and.#yeah#i remember one of my favorite things about (stealing) wearing my ex crushes and boyfriend’s jackets was feeling like. everyone can see#that I’m his. and he likes me. and that we’re Something. I’m Special to him#which is so teenager of me but I’m gonna be honest i doubt anything’s changed and I’m almost 24#I just haven’t felt like that in a long time. man i miss that feeling#but yeah edwin. being as jealous as he is and as up front about people knowing that charles comes first and they’re ‘Best Friends’ and all#i imagine he’d be the type to be a bit (not negatively) possessive and to love that little assertion of. yes. look. I’m his favorite.#we have something special. he loves me. specifically.#same reason i think he’d ACT annoyed at getting hickeys he can’t totally hide but really would kind of love the feeling of being marked#like that. it’s Evidence. he likes everyone knowing charles is his and vice versa.#I think i broke myself#rambling#payneland#dead boy detectives
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#Fluffy products fresh off the lyophilizer lie to my face all the time#I had to take product out of about 30 50 mL conicals for this little too#this sort of thing happens regularly and gives me trust issues#science#chemistry#organic chemistry#graduate school#graduate student#chemistry memes#organic chemistry memes#science memes
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Year abroad declaration of intent due in 12 days and I'm kind of freaking out about it 😭
#this isn't my official application but it's telling my uni what i intend to do and somewhat committing to a path#the reason i'm stressing is that teaching assistant is my first choice of option but if i get rejected from that (not unlikely if they can't#find a school able/willing to accommodate my stammar) then i won't have an easy time getting into study abroad as a backup#but if i list study abroad as first option then i can't apply for teaching assistant#so if i get rejected from teaching assistant then it's very likely i'll end up in a uni i wouldn't have chosen in the first place#it's only a year of my life. worst case scenario i'll stick it out and be done with it#besides the real point is to improve my french so as long as that happened then it's grand#but idk there's so much hype about the year abroad and former students saying it was the best thing ever that i'm very scared i'm gonna be#disappointed when i struggle#one again having thoughts of Maybe I'm Too Disabled For This. which is obvs stupid because many people in france have stutters too#idk man i'm so so grateful my french tutors are all going above and beyond to support me in class and for my year abroad application#but it feels very isolating being the only one in my cohort going through this and even though my friends are understanding it's.....yeah#i'm tired of putting on a brave face about it. i'm so scared and i feel so incompetent. i don't wanna be an inspiration#well for other people w speech problems wanting to do languages yeah. but not for able bodied people (aka my family 'you're overcoming so#many challenges')#i know they mean well but i'm tired. i'm so tired. i wish i was able bodied i wish [redacted] didn't happen so i wouldn't talk like this.#ellis exclaims
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Doing a bit of a Santa Clarita Diet rewatch, and while I don't know intentional any of Abby's queer-coding was (and how much was just Hewson's vibes), her relationship with Eric has such teenage comphet energy. Like whenever Abby's like "I really care about you, more than anyone, but it's hard for me to pretend I'm into the physical; this has maybe a 2% chance of working out," my lesbian ass is just nodding so hard. Like, yeah! Exactly! You don't know you're gay yet, or you sense it in yourself and try to veer away, so what's the easiest option? You find the soft nerd boy, your best friend in the world, someone you absolutely trust to have your back no matter what, and go, "Yeah, uh huh, sure. I'll try that one." You absolutely look for the most non-threatening dude in the vicinity. And then it's improved by Eric's whole thing being like "yeah, this is absolutely someone I am down bad for, but if she doesn't wind up digging me that way, she's still my best friend." It reads so true. No idea if they were ever going to actually walk down that road, but in my heart of hearts? Here for it.
#santa clarita diet#i do not have a meta tag for this show and...i do not think i need one#but i get this a little more every time i revisit the show#some of it is almost definitely hewson's powerful queer energy but like. looking at the awkwardness of the sven thing lends to it too#you're trying really hard not to see yourself as a lesbian so what's the OTHER natural option to cling to?#the popular pretty boy#and it's just so awkward and uncomfortable#and then you get the winter friendship where there's so much chemistry and that just dumbass teen recklessness#that is innate to abby as a character but also SO present in first relationships for queer kids who are just incredibly excited to be In It#and then all the lil rainbows and shit in the costuming#yeah i'll die on this hill. lesbian vibes all the way for abby hammond i love this character so much#fun fact: my soft easy-cling friend of choice also happened to be gay#and while we literally never talked about it until we were adults i know we both clocked each other in like middle school#so shoutout to my buddy alex for being a safe 'yeah sure that can be a crush i never have to do anything about' person#a true legend of a man
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if i have to sit through one more conversation in which i have to listen to someone chirp about the benefits of AI, i am going to stab someone
#my teacher is gonna make us have an AI unit 😨😨#what the fuck even is an AI unit#this is ethnic studies#and every time i have to sit there and act like the other person has a point when they're all just saying the exact same thing#“oh but it's impressive” yeah that's cause it's copied off the uncredited works of actual writers you dumbass#“yeah but i just use it to write quick emails” that's so fucking embarrassing what do you mean you can't write a fucking email#“i only use it as a tool” a tool for what? generative AI is a sad inefficient excuse of a 'tool' just use google it's not that hard#it's actually quite sickening not even gonna lie#i'll be talking to people who are supposed to be good at their job#and fully grown adults who i expect to be at least moderately competent when it comes to writing and they're out here relying on chatgpt#and i'll see people using chatgpt as a source too#like what happened to citing our sources? what happened to using credible sites? chatgpt is not a source#this is like basic middle school level media literacy#and not only that#but what also disgusts me is that these people don't even seem to care that AI is awful for the planet#it doesn't matter if your ugly fucking art is draining a whole goddamn lake because it's “pretty” and “impressive”#fucking hell#give me a break#fuck generative ai#me and the homies hate ai#anti ai#mxpotatoposts#jesus christ these tags are like 10 times longer than my actual post lmao
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