#and I tried to hash this out with her not too long ago so I don’t just wanna repeat myself

[thelaststarfalling]

It doesn’t really hit home how much I’ve screwed up at life until I realize I have literally no one I can call without hesitation about [problem]

[cottagecore-raccoon]

Since the Christmas season is upon us, I thought I'd recommend some of my favorite Good Omens fics that put me in the holiday spirit:

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve by theshoparoundthecorner (40k)

“Bit of an odd tradition, if you ask me,” he said, if not to get his mind off the longing that had settled in his chest. Aziraphale shrugged. “I think it’s rather sweet. A kiss for good luck. Seems a nice way to start the year. Very human.” Crowley nodded. “Can’t seem to keep their hands off each other, that lot. Always finding excuses. First it’s mistletoe at Christmas, then it’s luck for the New Year…” “Well there’s no need to be so grouchy about it,” Aziraphale said. “I think it’s lovely.” Crowley’s heart ached a little more as he watched Aziraphale smile up at the glowing numbers on the building above them. Yeah, he thought, lovely. Five times Crowley thought about kissing Aziraphale on New Year's Eve, and one time he did.

Snow Angel by Vagabond (14k)

Human!AU. Aziraphale needs a date to his brother's Christmas party to avoid getting set up with someone. Anathema suggests Crowley, the office bad boy. They go, get snowed in, and have a heart-to-heart that ends in a Happy Christmas. From a prompt: Human!AU: Aziraphale needs a date for family Christmas. He invites the office rebel/bad boy, Crowley.

all i need, darling, is a life in your shape by deadgreeks (14k)

After everything, Aziraphale and Crowley, by unspoken agreement, begin sharing their lives. --- Why? Aziraphale wanted to ask him, why millennia of the way things were, and now this? But while Crowley seemed to have little issue upending every unspoken rule they’d ever written for themselves, Aziraphale was not so flexible, and they had spent thousands of years never quite addressing whatever it was this had stemmed from. Words, Aziraphale had always felt, were for bickering about where to eat for lunch, or hashing out ontological debates, or other trivial nonsense; there was no need to trifle with the imprecision of language, with phrasing and the possibility of being misconstrued, when it came to important matters if the other person simply understood, without needing it said. Six thousand years ago, when Aziraphale had met Crowley on the wall of Eden, watching the first two humans set out to begin the rest of history, something deep within him, more central even than his Grace, had thought, oh, it’s you, and that had been enough for him--for both of them, he assumed--for three millennia. However much he wanted to ask, he didn’t know how. The words simply weren’t there.

Shelter from the Storm by AppleSeeds (13k)

They're coworkers in town for a conference, but a storm has knocked the power out in the hotel where they were supposed to be staying, so Crowley and Aziraphale brave the storm and find their way to a charming little B&B, which has one room available, and it's the honeymoon suite, which only has one bed, and now Aziraphale is injured and needs to be looked after, and oh no now the power's out here too but at least they have the soft flickering glow of the candlelight but OH NO the heating's gone off too and it's getting VERY cold and Newt's the one trying to fix it... whatever will Aziraphale and Crowley do? AKA, what happens when I try to squeeze as many tropes as I possibly can into one story.

The Anon Before Christmas by foolishlovers (67k)

When Crowley’s friend, blogging buddy and business partner Anathema announces her annual Secret Santa Exchange on Tumblr, she is very adamant Crowley should join this year. The old-fashioned (but admittedly compassionate) man he gets assigned to send anonymous messages to every day until Christmas sounds awfully similar to the fussy bookseller that his friends adore, yet Crowley tries to avoid at all costs. But surely his friends would have mentioned if Aziraphale had taken an interest in the Bad Omens fandom as well… right? Or: An Enemies to Lovers Secret Santa Tumblr AU.

I could definitely use some more recs, so reblog with your favorite holiday fics! Self recs more than welcome :)

[starstruckunknown-princess]

Belladonna - Leto Atreides x F!Reader

Belladonna (Atropa belladonna) - Meaning: Silence, betrayal

Summary: Duke Leto's new wife has been neglected. When the Duke finds her under his Swordmaster, he summons her to his office for a talk but it ends up not being what she expected.

Pairing: Leto Atreides x F!Reader, (past fling) Duncan Idaho x F!Reader

Word Count: 918

Warnings: Slight Hurt/Comfort, fluff, Discussion of marital neglect/politically arranged marriage that leads to infidelity, reader has female genitalia but is otherwise not described, slight language, reader tries to appear aloof, Leto is probably OOC, feelings talk, a little husband/wife flirting at the end

Day 4 my loves! This is my first Dune fic and I have only seen the 2021/2024 films and read through some of the Wiki pages so forgive me if there are horrendous inaccuracies. This takes place pre-Dune by about 10 years, so Paul is a kid and Leto is a little younger but still foxy as hell.

In Bloom Masterlist

Likes, Comments, Reblogs are SUPER appreciated! Thanks for reading <3

The thing about Caladan, you had come to learn, is that no matter where you were in the palace you could always hear the ocean. The crash of waves against the cliff below lulled you to sleep every night since your marriage to Duke Leto about two months ago. Sixty days, of which the Duke had only visited your bedchamber twice. The rest he spent, you assumed, in his chambers with Lady Jessica. 

In fact, you had barely seen him other than your weekly dinners since the wedding. The dinners were silent affairs, you on one end of the long formal dining table and the Duke on the other. Conversation extended no further than pleasantries. You didn’t mind too much — a political marriage like yours wasn’t meant to inspire affection and since the Duke had his concubine and his heir, you were only there to solidify the alliance between Caladan and your home planet, Calypso-9. 

Today, you’d been summoned to his office to discuss yesterday’s incident. 

The incident in which he’d found you underneath his Swordmaster Duncan Idaho in the training room. Half-naked. Writhing and crying in pleasure while Duncan pummeled your cervix with his impressive cock. It had been months since you’d been intimate with someone, and during your self-defense training Duncan’s touches while he corrected your form along with the smell of his sweat and endorphins from the exercise had proven to be too much. You’d given in to your baser instincts, and fuck, did it feel good.

Leto hadn’t said anything, only caught your attention with a loud clear of his throat. When he saw your and Duncan’s eyes on him, all he did was about-face and walk out of the room. 

He maintained the same stoic expression now. His dark eyes bore into yours as he stroked his beard. You had noticed how large his hands were during your wedding ceremony, and you remembered how they felt on you while he dispassionately consummated your union that night. All you could hear were the waves crashing. 

“I think we’re both aware of why I called you here,” he finally said, breaking the silence. 

“You found me fucking Duncan. I apologize if you were offended, my Lord, but I’m not sure why you called me here. Were you offended? Jealous?” You honestly didn’t know why he would want to hash this out between you unless he was going to scold you for being so indiscreet, which you supposed was deserved. 

“What if I was?” He asked, gaze softening before he continued without waiting for your answer, “Even though you and I both know I have no right to be. Our marriage is simply a political arrangement and I have Jessica and Paul while you left your homeworld to come here and be ignored by the husband you never wanted in the first place.” 

Gobsmacked. That was the only way you could describe yourself as you picked your jaw up off the floor. To say you hadn’t expected candor of this level was an understatement.

“I…Apologies, my Lord, but-” 

“Leto.”

“Pardon?”

“You are my wife, there’s no need for formalities. Call me Leto.”

You held back a scoff, turning it into a light sigh instead. “Since this is the second longest conversation we’ve ever had, you’ll forgive my hesitation with familiarities, but alright. Leto,” he nodded gratefully, so you continued, “I don’t fully understand your meaning.” 

“What I mean is I am angry about what I saw yesterday but not for the reasons you may think. I’m not upset with you because I understand that I am what drove you into the arms of my Swordmaster. I am angry with myself for neglecting you so cruelly since our wedding and I promise to do better by you. Perhaps not to Duncan’s extent, but-” 

You burst out laughing, which caused his brows to knit together in confusion. His large hands folded in front of him on his desk as you tried to get yourself under control. 

“I’m - I’m sorry,” you said, waving a hand in front of you, “I don’t mean to be laughing, I swear, but…is that all it would’ve taken to get your attention?” 

“Well, no, but-” 

“To think all I had to do was fuck someone else…I would’ve gotten your attention weeks ago.” 

“You’ve…been wanting my attention?”

This time you let your scoff out, “Of course! When my father told me he’d found me a husband I expected some old, ugly lord with at least two dead wives and no heirs. You cannot imagine the relief I felt when we met and you were none of those things.” 

“I’m not not old,” he chuckled, ducking his head.  

“Oh, pish, you’re barely forty, and don’t look it.” 

He looked up at you from under his regal brow and you felt butterflies stirring in your chest. “And you are one of the most beautiful women who has ever stepped foot on Caladan.” 

You couldn’t help the blush that rose in your cheeks, “Are you flirting with me, Leto?” 

“Perhaps. You are my wife after all,” he smirked, standing from behind his desk and coming around it, offering his arm to you. “Would you like to walk with me? A proper tour of the grounds?” 

You accepted, resting your hand in the crook of his arm and subtly stroking his inner forearm. “And maybe we can stop in the training room?” 

His smirk widened into a smile and you were enchanted at the sight. “Whatever my wife desires.” 

[goodlucktai]

Ooh would you write a sequel to the one where Luffy tells the crew about Sabo and paints their flag, then Robin goes and calls Sabo to come n visit them??? 💕

sequel to this

x

Luffy is holding his hand so hard it’s beginning to hurt, but it doesn’t even cross Usopp’s mind to let go. 

The man who boards them looks nothing like Luffy, or even Usopp’s memories of Ace. He’s very pale and fair-haired, with a graceful, willowy sort of frame that Usopp’s storyteller mind leaps to associate with princes and castles. 

The man looks extremely nervous. He holds himself absolutely still with picture-perfect posture, like it was something drilled into him at a young age. Once his eyes find Luffy, they don’t look anywhere else. 

He came alone. The solitary figure he strikes on the opposite side of the deck tugs at Usopp’s heart. 

Robin makes a disapproving sound under her breath when he stays rooted where he’s at and strides across the grass to meet him. 

“Sabo,” she greets him, holding out her hands. He seizes them with equal parts gratitude and desperation but he still doesn’t look at her.

Next to him, clustered as close as they are together, Usopp feels the jolt go through Luffy like a surge of electricity. 

It was the name, Usopp thinks. None of them have said it out loud since that shocking conversation with Robin, which Luffy had absorbed without speaking for four very long minutes before bolting from the room to hide with Sunny on the figurehead for the rest of the afternoon. 

Usopp tries to imagine being told his mother was alive, after growing up and apart from her for half his life. He tries to imagine the shock and disbelief, and how it would fold slowly into reluctant hope, and how much it would hurt to claw open a wound that’s ten years healed and how ready he would be to do exactly that if there was even a chance he might see her again. 

Luffy lost Ace two years ago. It happened right in front of him. It happened in the worst, most traumatizing way it possibly could have. And it happened when his crew had been forced apart and flung to the far corners of the world and he was left to bear that impossible grief all alone. 

Take care of him for me, Ace had said, smiling with his teeth beneath an unrelenting desert sun, all reds and golds and warmth. 

Usopp holds Luffy’s hand tighter, the rubber skin and bones compressing in a familiar way beneath the unrelenting grip of his fingers. 

The morning after The Conversation With Robin, all of them packed around a breakfast table laden with hearty biscuits and gravy, strip steak and eggs, and cinnamon rolls the size of their heads—Sanji’s unspoken spoiling of their captain after the previous afternoon’s bombshell; he even let Luffy try his coffee, which never fucking happens. They were all poised to do and say and be exactly what their captain needed, if he’d only give them a cue. 

Luffy, for his part, breezed into the galley bright and early, like it was any other day, and he hadn't spent all of last night all by himself. He called out cheerful greetings, tussled playfully with Zoro, fought with Franky over the spicy potato hash, filled his plate, and then, in the red flag of all red flags, ate exactly zero bites of food before turning to Robin. 

“Hey, Robin,” he said, “why didn’t Sabo come find me?”

The only sound in the kitchen was the unobtrusive steaming from the medley of pans on the stovetop and the sharp clunk of the glass Nami accidentally set down too hard.

Robin smiled at Luffy, the special way she smiled that was reserved solely for him. She grew an extra hand and nudged his plate towards him.

“I told you, captain,” she said. “He had amnesia. The only thing he remembered from his childhood was his desperation not to return to Goa Kingdom.”

“Retrograde amnesia is a medical condition,” Chopper piped up, desperate to be helpful. He’d been on the edge of his seat all morning, ready to fly to Luffy at the first tiniest indication that he should. “Several different things can cause it, like disease or injury, but it sounds like S—like his memory loss was probably caused by trauma.”

“Yeah,” Luffy said easily, accepting what they told him without question. He scooted food around on his otherwise untouched plate, expression giving nothing away. “But after that. Robin said that seeing Ace in the newspaper made him remember. That was two years ago.”

Dread sank in Usopp’s stomach like a stone. He glanced quickly around the table and found his friends’ faces mirroring what his own probably looked like. 

“He didn’t come find me,” Luffy said. “Does he hate me?”

“No,” Zoro said at once, his tone a guarantee that it would be the last thing Sabo ever did if it was true.

“Why would you think that?” Sanji forced out between gritted teeth. 

“Because I let Ace die,” their captain said frankly. “He was right in front of me and I couldn't save him. Now Sabo doesn’t want to see me.”

Everyone started talking at once, and Chopper upset his apple juice in his scramble to finally fling himself into Luffy’s arms, and Usopp decided that getting his ass beat by Mr. 4 and Miss Christmas hurt a hell of a lot less than this. 

Robin rose gracefully and rounded the table. An extra arm bloomed out of the table to grip the back of Luffy’s chair and wrench it around, facing it towards her.

She kneeled and took his hands, and then her wrists grew hands so that she could hold Chopper’s little hooves too. But her eyes were all for Luffy when she said, “He loves you. He’s making a better world for you.”

Luffy stared back at her and finally his blank expression cracked. His mouth twisted a little, brows furrowing above shiny brown eyes. 

“Then why didn’t he come?” 

“Because despite your separation, you two are more alike than anyone could have guessed,” Robin said warmly. “And he’s afraid you hate him, too.”

And now they’re both here, standing beneath the cloudy sky, and Luffy—wild, relentless, unassuming Luffy—doesn’t seem to know what to do. He’s always the one who makes the first move, who barrels right in with a noisy laugh, but instead he just clutches at Usopp’s hand and presses his opposite shoulder into Zoro’s and drinks in the sight of the man across the deck. 

Studying him, Usopp realizes. Recognizing him.  

Then Luffy blinks, and the wetness in his eyes falls down his cheeks, and the blond man jerks like he’s been punched in the gut. 

“I, um,” he says, digging hastily into one of his inner coat pockets, “I brought you something.” 

He tosses the gift over and Luffy lets go of Usopp’s hand to catch it. It turns out to be an old brass monocular telescope, shining dully in Luffy’s hands. Worn and scuffed in quite a few places, easily decades old. Luffy studies it very quietly. 

“All of my things were lost when my ship was shot down,” the man says. “Nothing could be salvaged. But that was in my pocket. It must have been important if it was the only thing I was carrying with me, so I kept it all these years.”

He tries on a smile. It pulls at the side of his face discolored and puckered by burn scars. It seems like a miracle he’s standing there and smiling at all. 

“You wanted a telescope when we were kids, remember? I finally brought you one. I’m sorry it took me so long.”

“Sabo took forever,” Luffy says. He sounds young. 

It’s the way he sounded in Alabasta, when Ace showed up and interjected himself in the chase between the Straw Hats and Smoker’s men—like it was his body’s natural response to plant itself like a tree between Luffy and whatever danger was behind him. Luffy ran away laughing, bright and untroubled and certain of his safety. 

Peak little sibling energy, Usopp had later thought wryly. It explained so much of who his captain was as a person to know he was the baby of his family of monsters and mad men. 

Luffy sounds that way now, his face all screwed up, blotchy and streaked with tears. 

“He took forever,” he says again, emphatic and bewildered and hurt. “I missed him so much and he was too busy being stupid to come tell me he’s alive. I thought—”

Robin steps out of the way in time to avoid being trampled when their guest moves the way a missile shot from a cannon moves. Luffy lurches forward, too, but he doesn’t have time to make it a single step before he’s being snatched up in bigger arms and hauled into an embrace that looks like it might leave a bruise. One gloved hand on the back of Luffy’s head cradles it against a broad shoulder and the other grips the back of Luffy’s jacket hard enough it starts to tear. 

“Robin told me,” the man gasps, like he’s not getting enough air. “I don’t hate you, how could I hate you? You’re my brother. I’m so—I’m so grateful you survived, Lu. I don’t know what I would have done if you—if—” 

He can’t say it, can’t speak the words into existence, as if the world would be a dark, unlivable place if Luffy weren’t in it. In that instant, Usopp understands this stranger completely. 

Sabo pulls back, but only so he can hold Luffy’s head in his hands. Luffy goes on tiptoe to knock their foreheads together, a gesture Usopp has seen him do with his nakama, and always chalked up to Luffy’s weird feral energy. It’s a gesture that makes Sabo’s next breath sound like a sob. Or maybe a laugh. 

Luffy laughs with him, wet and choked. Neither of them are self-conscious about the state of themselves. They sit right there, a graceless collapse into the warm grass, somewhat on top of each other like clumsy, half-grown wolf cubs. 

Usopp feels a weight lifted. He thinks he must be smiling like an absolute idiot and his own eyes are definitely damp, but he’s unselfconscious, too. A person learns a thing or two about what appearances actually matter, sailing with this crew. And tears come easily when you live honestly, the way Luffy always has. 

He’s rattling at a million words a minute now, speaking in an Eastern language Usopp is unfamiliar with—probably a regional dialect from the island he grew up on.

Sabo follows along effortlessly, interjecting now and then in the same language, but content, for the most part, just to listen to his little brother talk.

He absorbs every second of Luffy’s presence the same needy way plants unfurl to soak up sunlight. 

[willowwrestles]

The last thing Willow wanted to do was sit down and talk to Becca. However, she knew she had to. This conversation had been a long overdo. Especially their venomous little exchange at the mall. It had been a full calendar year since Becca leaked nude photos, texts, and a video of Alec and Willow.

Willow had been devastated by this. Her reputation that she built over seven years of kindness and hard work had been destroyed in a matter of seconds. And by petty revenge porn no less. That was the final straw for Willow in her Becca tolerance.

Not that she had much tolerance to begin with. Becca has been rude to every one from her friends, to Willow, and especially Alec. Who had been abused physically, mentally, and emotionally by her. And it didn't always use to be this way.

When she first met Becca, she was a smiley faced grass green scrunchie girl. Who her, Ava Everett, Davienne, Ashley Vox, and Delmi Exo tried to take under their wing. That had gone down hill as soon as she got with Alec. Funny how Alec had a way of making things go down hill.

Course, back then Alec was nowhere near the man he was now. He was an angry rude punk. Nevertheless, it had been a bad situation. Willow's not completely innocent either, she'll be the first to admit, she got Alec by way of cheating.

Alec was taken, she still slept with him, and even lived in the place Alec and Becca had lived in for a month almost two years ago at this point. It was a very sticky situation. Which is why it needed to be talked out. So, Willow invited B3cca to a rooftop lounge to talk. Cause if they were gonna hash this out, Willow was gonna need a drink.

Willow nervously ran her hand through her curls one more time before hearing the waitress lead her to the table. She stands up and comes face to face with Becca. "Hey." She says with a nod before side stepping to let her sit down.

Willow points to the chair across from her for Becca to sit in. When Becca has a seat Willow does too. For a minute there's silence. She's thought about this for so long now and she doesn't know where to start.

"So, would you like to start or should I?"

@yourfavoritepopstar

[spoilerontheloose]

I like my odds too much

Twenty minutes if they tried to make it there like some lunatics auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. Seven minutes by bike -but only if the traffic didn’t suck, Gotham streets didn’t decide they were free-for-all pedestrian zones, and someone wasn’t trying to have a mid-life crisis in the left lane.

That’s how long it should take them to get to his apartment from Schwartz’s Bypass.

He knew the timing too well. He’d been counting those minutes, over and over, for an hour now. Like the route itself held some answer he hadn’t figured out yet.

Why? Because three nights ago, she’d been in his apartment, bandaging a cut he didn’t even need fixing -because apparently, her definition of first aid included ignoring insistence that he was fine and using his kitchen scissors to cut gauze.

And then, somehow, it happened. That thing. That stupid thing he never planned, happened. He said something stupid -not Sinatra stupid. Something so stupid it should’ve made her roll those pretty blue eyes and jump out the window. But she didn’t. She laughed -like, really laughed. Like, full-blown, genuine laughter.

And before he could stop it, before he could think straight, he’d kissed her. Because what else do you do after so long of not-flirting that was absolutely, one hundred percent flirting? Because if he didn’t kiss her, he was pretty sure he was going to implode. Exploded. Or some other dramatic thing that he’d never admit out loud.

And she’d kissed him back.

That...? That was the moment. The moment. The one that replayed in his mind every time he let it. Not that he meant to. Not that he could help it.

How had this even started?

In the span of a few short weeks, or months, or however long it had been -he wasn’t keeping track- something had changed. Something had definitely happened. He just wasn’t sure what. Or how. Or if it was even allowed to happen.

Damn, if he closed his eyes right now, he could see it all -her on his bed, breathless, the box of condoms almost empty, the way he couldn’t stop, the way she didn’t want him to stop, and how all of it felt terrifyingly good. Like it was a hunger he had always known but never thought to feed.

And yet... it’s been three days, and he still couldn’t make sense of it. Of her. Of the fact that she hadn’t bolted the second the sun came up like he half-expected she would. Like he half-wanted her to -because it would’ve been easier that way.

Fuck.

Red Hood sat atop the stupid bypass, legs swinging over the edge like a kid who didn't get the memo that gravity was still a thing. The city stretched out beneath him, still cloaked in that gauzy promise of dawn. It was the kind of sky that poets wrote about -Jason wouldn’t, of course, but he could see why someone might. The color matched her eyes, which annoyed him just enough to kick the air and tell himself he didn’t care about poetry. Much.

Beside him, Batgirl -third of her name, but first somewhere between his head and his chest and his goddamn everything- picked at a soggy hash brown like it had personally offended her.

This thing, their after-patrol thing or ritual -if you could call it that- wasn’t glamorous. Leaky coffee cups, grease-stained bags from a 24-hour diner that looked one health inspection away from disaster, and a skyline that made everything feel small.

But it worked. And for Jason, working was... enough. Or it used to be.

In the past, whenever they ended up meeting before sunrise, in these in-between moments where the city finally shut up for a while, Jason found himself clinging to them. To her. Meeting her in places, sitting side by side, was the one thing in his new life that made sense -somehow. Not perfect sense -he wasn’t that delusional- but the kind of sense that didn’t detonate if you leaned on it too hard.

That was before he came inside her. Now, just sitting this close was driving him crazy.

“Sooo,” she drawled, casually tearing apart the last bite of hash brown. “Back to where we left it. I gotta say, I’ll never, ever be into sensory deprivation -specifically the tied-up stuff. Oh, and choking. Like, why would someone do that willingly?”

Jason nearly inhaled his coffee. He didn’t choke on it so much as fight for his life. A sharp breath went wrong, and the next thing he knew, he was doubled over, hacking like he’d just swallowed a live grenade. Something was definitely lodged in his lungs -probably his own surprise too.

He didn’t know whether to laugh or groan. This wasn’t something he was used to discussing, and certainly not like this -casual, so matter-of-fact like they were talking about the weather.

“Whoa, you okay, Hood?” she asked, code names and all, as she gave him a thump on the back. Not a gentle one, either -it had the precision of someone who’d likely performed the action to knock out a few unlucky thugs.

Jason waved her off with a grunt, still trying to regain his dignity -and oxygen. “Yeah, yeah. Just... you know, wasn’t expecting that over coffee and carbs.”

“What?” Stephanie shrugged, unbothered, as she tipped her coffee cup to her lips. “You’re the one who wanted to ‘know me better,’ remember? Full disclosure comes with fine print.”

He wiped his mouth with the back of his glove, shooting her a look that was half-annoyed, half-amused. “Oh, sure. I just thought we’d, I don’t know, ease into it? Start with something less... neck-related?”

He coughed one last time for good measure, giving her a side-eye and her smirk sparked, bright and pretty, and Jason hated how much it lit up parts of him he tried to keep locked away.

“What brought that up, anyway?”

“Just tying up loose ends,” she quipped, and when he groaned at the pun, her grin widened. “Relax, Hood. I’m just saying -I don’t get BDSM. And I’m not into it. That’s all. Your turn.”

“My turn?” Jason repeated, incredulous. “Blondie, that’s not how this works. You can’t just drop that and then-”

“Can’t I?” She cut him off with a confidence that made his jaw clench. She leaned forward, her coffee cup tilted over his, half the contents spilling in like it was the most natural thing in the world. “It’s called sharing. You spill, I spill. Fair and square. Isn’t that how normal people bond?”

“Normal people bond over stuff like favorite bands or how they take their coffee-” Jason shot back, voice rising with that edge he couldn’t quite temper. “-not hot takes on bondage.”

“Fine,” she said with a shrug so casual it felt like a dare. “You drink your coffee black, and you’ve got a thing for Drake -the musician, not your replacement. See? We’re covered. Now, spill.”

It wasn’t the words that hit him, exactly. It was the way she said them. Light, breezy, as if ‘replacement’ was just another noun in her arsenal. But to Jason, it wasn’t.

Replacement.

That word landed with all the grace of a crowbar. It dragged up every fight he’d ever lost: the ones in alleys, in the Batcave, and in the suffocating quiet of his own head.

The replacement -his replacement- the golden child and former boyfriend who hadn’t screwed up. Who hadn’t died. Who hadn’t come back wrong.

Jason swallowed hard. The thought had wormed its way into his head, and all he could think about was that he was also the one she might’ve been spending time with on nights when the Red Hood wasn’t around.

He shoved the thought down fast, as deep as he could, but his chest tightened anyway. His eyes flicked to her, scanning her face for a tell. Was she teasing? Testing him? Or was it just... something else?

Why does she always bring him up when it’s just us?

He forced a grin, sharp at the edges because it was either that or let the silence eat him alive. “First of all, I do not have a ‘thing’ for Drake. Second, you’re out of your mind if you think I’m—”

“Spill,” she interrupted, sing-song, relentless.

“You’re impossible.”

“And you’re stalling.”

His jaw tightened as he looked away, fixing his gaze on the Gotham skyline. The lights glittered against the smog, like answers he’d never find. But it gave him something to focus on. Something other than her. Something safer.

He exhaled through his nose, slow and deliberate, forcing the tension to uncoil, piece by piece. “Alright,” he said, “Look, I get it. Why some people might be into it. Control, surrender, adrenaline... whatever floats their boat.”

His fingers found the back of his neck, rubbing absentmindedly like he could smooth out the thoughts that had been circling too long. “Maybe for some, it’s about letting go,” he added, softer now, like the words weren’t entirely meant for her or simply unfiltered -as if it could pass as insight if he kept it vague enough. “Think about it. People who’ve spent their whole lives white-knuckling control might find it... freeing. Not forever. Not with just anyone. But with someone they trust. Someone they choose to trust.”

The words stretched out longer than he expected, uncomfortably personal. Was this him talking? Was it too much? His throat tightened as he tried to gauge her reaction, his heart thudding a little too loudly. “Not that I’d know.” Jason shrugged, rushing to pull the mask back on. “But... I can see why some might want that.”

His eyes drifted to the river below, the gentle ripple of water offering an excuse to look away. But he could still feel her watching him, studying him like a book with pages still turned down, waiting for something to be written.

Fuck.

He hated how much her presence made him want to jump on the river, to disappear into the murky water, to hide in the darkness rather than be pulled into the light she was drawing him toward.

Stephanie leaned back, arms crossed with that quiet defiance of hers. "So, what you're saying, is that it's not about losing control. It's about... deciding who gets to hold the leash?"

He blinked, caught somewhere between a laugh and a sigh, tension still coiled tight in his shoulders. The corner of his mouth twitched, but he didn’t answer right away. Instead, he reached for his coffee, the paper cup warm in his hands, its solidity grounding him as he took a slow sip.

"Who knows..." he muttered, the words almost an afterthought, his head shaking like he was brushing the whole thing off. "Maybe some are tired of making decisions..."

"Sounds dangerous."

Jason let out a short laugh, this one almost genuine. “Gotham’s dangerous.” He glanced at her, motioning vaguely between them. “Look at us. You’re the girl who fights crime like the world’s sassiest grape, and I’m just some guy who... well...” He shrugged, his past creeping in uninvited. “Used to toss heads into duffel bags because... you know, feelings."

She leaned forward ever so slightly, watching him like she was deciphering some code only she could see, and he didn’t know how to stop her.

“Maybe,” she drawled, “you are tired of making decisions too...”

Jason shook his head before he even realized he was doing it, the instinct to deny kicking in like muscle memory. “I’m not.”

He wasn’t tired of making decisions. Not really. Decisions were easy. They were clear-cut, black-and-white -at least at the moment he made them. You charge in or you don’t. You pull the trigger or you don’t. Right or wrong, good or bad, decisions had rules.

“You sure?” she asked. “Because you’ve got about an hour and a half to figure that out. After that, I’ve got class.”

Jason blinked at her like she’d just spoken in some foreign language. His brain latched onto the words, replaying them like a broken record. Figure what out? Figure what?

“What?”

“I mean,” Stephanie said, her tone maddeningly calm, “if you wanted to try that out... we’re in a hurry to go somewhere else.”

The words did hit him like a live grenade. Mid-sip, his hand froze, the coffee cup suddenly a thousand pounds in his grip.

A punchline that wasn’t funny.

A decision he didn’t know how to make.

His brain stuttered, gears grinding like a machine out of sync, trying desperately to connect the dots. He thought he could recover -throw out a joke, deflect, brush it off like it didn’t matter. But his body wasn’t cooperating, and neither was the coffee.

“Shit!” he hissed, jerking back as hot liquid spilled over the rim and onto his chest. The shock jolted him out of his paralysis, but only barely. He fumbled at the stain on his pants and leather jacket, cursing under his breath as he tried to wipe it away.

“You... uh, you wanna what?”

Stephanie bit her lip, and Jason’s brain short-circuited again.

“Did I break you, Red Hood?”

He forced a laugh, brushing the mess off his uniform as if it was no more than an inconvenience. Maybe it was. But more likely, it was the pressure she’d put on him that was making it feel like a goddamn ticking bomb.

Jason’s laugh was a little too sharp, a little too loud, and it cut off abruptly as he caught the look she was giving him. That look. Like she knew exactly where the cracks in his armor were and how to press until something gave.

“Break me?” he said, straightening up like he was back in control. “Blondie, I’m the guy who crawled out of his grave. You think you can rattle me?”

“I don’t know,” she drawled, her voice light but her eyes steady. “I think you’re rattled enough already.”

He opened his mouth, a snarky retort teetering on the tip of his tongue, but nothing came out. She wasn’t wrong, and that was the problem.

“You’re serious about this?”

“Dead serious.”

“And you think this is a good idea?”

Stephanie shrugged, leaning back in her spot, all casual confidence. “I think it’s an idea. Good or bad? There’s only one way to find out.”

He could almost hear the ticking of a clock, counting down the seconds, but he didn’t need it. The decision had already been made. He wasn’t going to overthink this. He wasn’t going to hesitate. And he knew how long it would take them to reach his apartment.

He tilted his head, a slow grin spreading across his face. Just as it happened three days ago, he let go of the tension.

It wasn’t about what was right or wrong. It wasn’t about saving face.

It was about what he wanted, what he needed.

And right now, what he needed was her. “Alright, Blondie,” he said, the edge in his voice smooth and sure, a shift in his entire demeanor as the control slipped back into his hands. “I’m game.”

2/4

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61096540/chapters/157408735#workskin

[negrowhat]

top 5 reverse 'oh' moments? This might be a bit harder to think of but i see the potential.

Reverse oh meaning where another character either realizes they don't have a chance OR when a couple realizes they're done.

Hey friend! I had to sleep on this but I'm here! Sorry it took so long! Top 5, "Welp, I guess this ain't working" moments.

Ingredients the Series. Dome brings home a very drunk Win (he's sad he's leaving to the US without Tops) and he accidentally bumps his head as he's being hauled inside. Tops immediately runs to Win's side and pretty much elbows Dome to the side to take over. Dome tries to make light convo...maybe flirt a bit, but Tops is not even listening he's too busy wiping Win's sweat and keeping his hair out of his face and making sure he's well taken care. In that moment Dome realizes that he has ABSOLUTELY no chance with Tops and kind of just slips out and bounces.

TharnType the Series. Right before Lhong gets exposed he befriends Type and takes him out to drinks. Type already knows that Lhong is absolutely bonkers by then so he pretends to be drunk and allows Lhong to escort him home. Lhong tries to have a little teasing banter with his bestie Tharn as he pushes Type into his arms. Type takes a moment to "drunkenly" tell Tharn he belongs to him and from that point Tharn completely forgets Lhong is there. He grins happily and agrees that he belongs to Type and kind of just closes the door in Lhong's face and at that point Lhong realizes that AGAIN his pick-me ass was not chosen by Tharn.

Love Mechanics. I think it's after Bar basically tells Mark that he's not interested, he's at the pool practicing with P'Bar (I think Vee is ther too but I can't remember tbh) and Gun shows up and Mark sees them being all sweet and flirty with each other and I think reality hit him that his beloved P'Bar had chosen someone else. I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

To My Star 2. Sung Yoon and Ji Woo are sitting out back finally hashing things out about their failed relationship a decade ago. Sung Yoon is hopeful that they can get back together again (which is why she came back to their hometown). They apologize to each other and then Ji Woo says something along the lines of, "Sometimes it takes having someone by your side to realize you need someone else." and Sung Yoon can tell things are going downhill from there because she knows Ji Woo means that literally. He tells her he's grateful to have had her in his life when he did. She pulls out her old couple's bracelet and asks if she can still wear it and Ji Woo says, "Yea, I won't be wearing mine anymore so it's not a couple's bracelet anymore." And that was it, she knew it was done.

The Eighth Sense. Basically the entire first beach trip was Eun Ji realizing that Jae Won was not checking for her trifling ass anymore. Of course he hasn't spoken to her since his return from his enlistment, but she was definitely expecting to rekindle things during the trip. I think she really realized things were over when she saw how close and sweet Jae Won was with Ji Hyun, I know she did because she was pissed about it. Then Jae Won completely losing interest in their conversation when he noticed Ji Hyun on the beach and leaving her hanging mid-sentence. She knew things were over, but her pride wouldn't allow her to lose to some smalltown freshman. It was about winning by the end of it, she didn't care about how Jae Won felt.

[sicklyseraphnsuch]

Simon Sleeps AU Overview

Marcy leaves Simon because she was afraid that her new vampiric state would harm whatever was left human in Simon. Also, she really is awfully angry at Simon for leaving her the first time.

Simon understands that he has Made a Mistake in leaving Marceline the way he did. Good intentions aside, he knows that he hurt her terribly. But hey, if he already left once before, and aiming to leave permanently. Then leaving again temporarily is a decent compromise. He can't look out for Marcy 24/7 like he used to. But this way, if he sleeps, he can keep his mind for longer. He can stay as Simon longer. And maybe, just maybe, he can buy himself enough time to figure out a permanent solution.

He carves a note in his hibernation station to Marcy. It has instructions to wake him up so if ever she needs him, he can be there for her.

Of course, Marcy is not who wakes him up. Fast forward a century or so. Marcy is still out doing whatever it is she after becoming a vampire. A little penguin stumbles into Simon's hideyhole, seeking shelter. It wakes up Simon who stays awake long enough to expand his hidey hole and give the little penguin a place to live out. In exchange, he hopes that the penguin could maybe collect some trinkets or curios that it could find for him.

When the Crown's whispers start getting too loud again, Simon freezes himself into slumber.

Fast forward however many years.

The next one to wake Simon is an odd creature hithertofor unknown to him. She looks like a person made of gum. She followed a penguin when it tried to steal some curios out of her scavenging bag.

Simon stays awake again, a little longer this time, to give this little bubblegum girl some company. They start organizing the loot that Gunther, the penguin, collected for Simon in his long sleep. She gets a fascinating look into the Pre-War world and also some company.

Simon catches himself calling her Marcy, and each time he does, he goes to sleep for a month. But his plan works out in that he is successfully prolonging his lucidity (much much longer than he ever did in canon). During one of his awake periods, Marcy comes back to find:

Simon literally did not move from where she left him and it was literally centuries ago

There's a new kid on the block and Simon is doting over her

In true Batman gets a new Robin fashion, Marcy gets angry at Simon and Bubblegum. She unceremoniously tells Bubblegum to go away before she really lets Simon have it. The emotional turmoil this inspires in Simon causes him to freeze humself before the Crown could take advantage.

At this point, a hurt Bubblegum decided that if Marcy was gonna be a total tranch, then she was gonna make her own family.

Meanwhile, Marcy feels too guilty about blowing up at Simon that he lets him sleep for awhile. Also, she's still not over him "replacing" her and leaves again.

But this begins the cycle of Simon sleeping and waking up, now with Marcy and Bonnie to do so. At some point, they figure out a way to do it more regularly than "something happened and I could really use a friend" when they distress call Simon into waking. But this takes centuries to hash out.

Marcy and Bonnie through Simon have a contentious relationship. But repeated exposure to each other via their common friend lets them get to know each other like that. They end up dating. They still break up.

As magic begins to really establish itself in the new Ooo, they wake Simon up more to do little bursts of research together. Simon builds himself a psuedo home that's a cross between his school office, his classroom, and a his apartment. He believes that surrounding himself in familiar sights delays the Crown's advance for a little while.

(Some days, he less lucid moments gets him believing that he's still at his university, teaching classes. Bonnie takes these pretend classes either as a student or a teaching assistant. But when Simon starts to call her Betty, she stops and ropes a few of her candy people to attend in her place. If it helps Simon...)

(They tried introducing Simon to princesses once. Once. Ever since, they know to keep Simon's circle small. And even so, they sometimes invite a few friends to Simon's lectures because a new, non-princess face keeps his mind fresh)

Eventually, a little human boy learns about Simon's lectures through PB. Simon isn't known as the Ice King, despite the Crown on his head. In this world, he's known simply as Professor Petrikov.

[camels-pen]

ride to the end

Summary: The kids are taking a school trip out of state. They try to pass time on the early morning train.

based on @summerssixecho's prompt "Oh, no, I thought you meant the red vial." and @ave-aria's prompt "Post Reveal: Team Phantom plays Never Have I Ever with the A-Listers. Things get out of hand very quickly. (Bonus: can include Valerie)"

Ao3 Link

An early morning train ride in the middle of November—where it’s dark outside the window and you can only vaguely see the outlines for things thanks to streetlights dotted here and there when you pass over a bridge, near a street, or through a train stop—is pretty peaceful, all things considered.

The passengers are quiet, getting an extra few hours rest before they reach their stop and the trip can begin. Most passengers anyway. 

Sam and Tucker sit across from you, a deck of cards on the table. Valerie sits next to you, taking the last empty seat at your booth and flipping through one of the books assigned for English. The people in the booth across from you sound awake too, but your eyes are drawn to the glass.

You want to talk about how you could only really see your surroundings if you allow your eyes to fall out of focus. How the more you try to pay attention—the more you try to squint—the less you could see the outdoors. How you could only see your reflection in the window, otherwise.

You want to talk about how nice the world is, out of focus. How looking out, but not looking too hard, would let you experience it in a way that seemed never ending. How the continuous visuals of vague outlines of trees, rivers, and changing landscapes could make you think there was no final stop. That you could stay on and ride until you were ready to leave it behind. Ready to take the next step on your journey, wherever that may be.

You want to, but you don’t want to sound weird.

So until you reach your stop—the real one that you are, in fact, headed towards—you huddle further into your thick sweater, tuck your hands deeper into your pocket, and listen to the rumbling chink cha-chink of the train running along the tracks beneath you. 

The smell of hot food makes your stomach rumble. Your attention draws to the aisle. A woman offers boxes of breakfast made fresh in the kitchen car not long ago. You and your friends take some. The group across from you—the A-listers, surprisingly—take some too.

The woman leaves. Everyone starts to eat. There’s more than one person complaining about the choice of food and portions. 

“Shoulda had more meat,” Tucker mumbles, digging into the sausages.

“Should’ve had a vegan option,” Sam says, peeling open a package of apple slices.

“Or display all the food as a buffet,” Paulina says quietly, stifling a yawn as she pokes at her meal. “It would literally solve everything.”

Everyone else mumbles some kind of agreement. You and Tucker both hand Sam your fruit cups and hash browns. Valerie does the same.

“‘M not gonna finish all this. And I really hate how these taste.” Sam used her fork to nudge away the fruit cups. 

“Trade?” Kwan asked, holding a bag of baby carrots. At you and your friends’ staring, he shrugs. “Mom always makes me bring a healthy snack.”

Sam agrees. And like they were all waiting for permission, each of them starts to toss food back and forth, you included. You are one of the first to stop. They continue on. You start on your meal. While you chew, you try to look at the others the way you did the passing scenery, but it doesn’t work as well. The outside world was nicer, out of focus, but the inside world had its charm in the details.

Valerie’s scattered papers on the table, each with her name messily written at the top. Tucker’s PDA and stylus, speckled with bits of scrambled eggs despite how careful he tries to be. Sam’s palms, smudged with what was almost certainly soil from her garden. Each one of the A-listers’ tired faces. The different bedheads they all—minus Paulina—are sporting. You drink it all in. You find comfort in it. Your friends are relaxed and the trip out of state would mean they would stay that way for the rest of the week, no worry of ghosts coming to interrupt them. And you find comfort in the details of the others, too. That despite how high and mighty they like to seem, despite how carefully they craft their images, they are human. Just like you.

Long after your plate was clean, you continued to enjoy it. And it was all well and good until everyone else had finished their breakfasts and you all were left with a pile of fruit cups that no one wanted to eat.

The thought of wasting food doesn’t sit right with Sam and Kwan, and after seeing—and starting—one too many food fights, Dash is certain Lancer would yell at them for it. None of them wanted to deal with that and neither did you; it wouldn’t be a good way to start the trip.

So, they plot. 

Dash suggests pelting some of the other students with them, so they get caught with the food instead of us. Tucker says he just wants to hit unsuspecting nerds with it and he doesn’t deny it.

Kwan, with Sam’s approval, suggests putting them away in their bags to take home with them or eventually give them to someone who does want to eat it. Valerie rejects it and says something about not wanting her homework to get all sticky.

Star asks why they can’t just return the fruit cups to the kitchen car, since they’re still sealed. Paulina says it would be rude to just return the food, and besides she’s got a better idea.

You watch quietly as Paulina passes out one fruit cup to everyone. She sticks her straw through the lid of her own. “Never Have I Ever. Instead of taking a shot, you drink a sip of the juice in the cup.”

You feel a hint of disgust just thinking about it. The others look to feel the same. “I’m in,” you say.

The A-listers, either emboldened by your choice or bored out of their minds, are soon to agree. Tucker shrugs and agrees as well. Valerie, when prompted, gives her own distracted agreement, nose buried back between the pages of Lord of the Flies.

Sam groans. “I’m really gonna hate this.” She agrees anyway.

The minutes tick by. You become a little more awake while playing the game, laughing at specific scenarios meant to target friends. You try to do the same with Tucker and get more than a little offended when he turns the tables on you.

“Never Have I Ever been turned into a half-ghost!” he whisper-shouts.

You grumble and try to take a sip, but you’re sucking on air. You smirk. “It’s a shame, but I’m out.” You hold up your cup and shake it a little. Tucker squints at it. “Guess, we’ll have to end it there.”

“Nuh uh, not how it works, Fenton,” Dash says. “You gotta drink first. Anyone got some fruit juice left?”

There was a chorus of “no”s and with the light from the sun quickly peeking up over the horizon, you’re sure you’re gonna be home free. Dash tries shaking everyone’s cups just in case and you turn back to the window, wanting to savour the scenery again, now that it is easier to see. You miss the near pitch black of the early morning, but this—this was good too.

Dash makes a sound of triumph. Valerie makes a sound of protest. In his hands is a clear plastic bag with two vials. 

Valerie doesn’t want to lose her energy drink experiments to a dumb game. Dash says she can make more later, but that you need to drink one now to “preserve the sanctity of Never Have I Ever”. 

You didn’t even know Dash knew what the word “sanctity” meant. Honestly, you think he still might not. 

Valerie sighs. Rubs the bridge of her nose. “Fine, just give him the skinny vial.”

Dash hands you a vial. You’re hesitant to pop the cork.

“Aww don’t be a wuss. Where’s all that courage you have as Phantom, when you’re beating up ghosts twice your size?” You think he makes a good point, sort of. You still don’t want to drink it. “Just slam it back quick and you won’t even taste it.”

“Isn’t tasting it the whole point?” Star mumbles.

“You don’t… have to.” You look at Sam. She looks worried. “We won’t think less of you or anything.”

“Speak for yourself,” Tucker said. He raised a fist in the air. “Slam it home, Danny!”

“Slam it home, Fenton!” Dash and Kwan say.

And. Well. You can’t just not drink it now. 

So, you pull off the cork, ignore the upsetting smell, and chug it in one go. Dash, Kwan, and Tucker cheer you on.

It tastes. Bad. Worse than your mom’s ectowieners. You didn’t think that was possible.

It burns. Going down. A pain that spreads through your mouth, your throat, and—and your stomach. Ancients, your stomach. 

You don’t notice much else other than the acid-like burning. You clutch at your stomach. Someone shakes your shoulder. You can’t quite hear what they say to you. It comes out distorted and practically inaudible.

Somehow, this was worse than being surrounded by blood blossoms during your trip through time. You didn’t think that was possible.

Your vision starts to fall out of focus. You start to feel slower, too. One moment, you’re slumped on the table. The next, you’re laying sideways on the bench and someone’s hand is pressed against your forehead. 

“You gave him the blue vial, right?” Valerie’s fuzzy voice says above him.

Everything looks fuzzy. 

Dash answers, “Oh, no, I thought you meant the red vial.”

You think you don’t like the world losing focus like this.

[theoddcatlady]

I stole someone’s Doordash order. I think it was poisoned.

Listen! I’m not a bad guy! I was just really, really hungry. And broke. And the bitch didn’t tip.  

I had been out dashing every day this bitch ordered her food. Every day for lunch, she’d get fried chicken from this small place down the street from where she lived. She’d get it with all the good stuff, mashed potatoes, green beans, potato wedges, coleslaw… god just typing it out makes me hungry again.  

Again, I don’t think I’m a bad person for stealing one meal. I picked up the order, I said she didn’t answer the door while I parked a bit down the street and dug in. All she had to do was say she didn’t get it and she’d get refunded anyway! I’m not the bad guy here!  

God, it was so damn good too. Just as good as it smelled. The fried chicken was to die for, nice and crispy skin, juicy meat… mashed potatoes perfectly smooth… the green beans had little bacon bits mixed in… I hadn’t eaten that good in weeks.  

But I guess there’s really no such thing as a free lunch.  

It started the day after I had my stolen lunch. I was no longer allowed to dash, apparently the bitch whined to the site and I’d been a mediocre dasher in the first place, so they pulled my dashing privileges. No more stealing meals for me.

I was starving though. So I heated up some pizza rolls. And then some more pizza rolls. And then I finished off the fifty count bag I’d just gotten the day before. And I was still hungry so I warmed up a few bean burritos too. I chowed down on those while I played some League with my friends, and they got bitchy about me chewing loudly on mic so I had to mute myself. We lost like every match because of lack of communication, but I was hungry!  

And I still was, after the burritos, and some frozen pizzas, and I even dug into the dark recesses of the cupboard and had some canned corned beef hash. I only stopped when I started feeling sick. I think my stomach was a little distended from all the food I crammed into it, but I couldn’t help it. I was just. So hungry. And I still felt like I could fit more in.  

Over the next week I ended up cleaning out my cupboards. I went through all my peanut butter, my rice, my ramen. Staples for when you’re broke like I am. If I wasn’t eating, I was bitching about how hungry I was. I couldn’t even focus on classwork without having a granola bar to chew on. I mean, I already have trouble focusing on classwork, but you know what it’s like when you’re hungry. All you can think about is your stomach.  

I ended up just going and getting my own order of chicken from the restaurant I’d stolen from in the first place. I ordered everything the bitch did. The guy up front cracked a joke about the party I had to be going to, but I just gave him a dirty look and practically bolted to my car with my feast. I didn’t even bother leaving the parking lot before I ripped open the bag and started chowing down. I looked like a pig, I knew I attracted some looks from the staff inside as I ate. I literally tipped up the tub of mashed potatoes and poured it down my throat, gravy dripping down my chin as I gulped down the goodness.  

On the way home, I was chewing on the chicken bones. Even after all that, I was still so, so hungry. I’ve maxed out my credit cards on groceries and take out. I literally broke into my neighboring apartment and snatched the pot roast off the counter. From what I heard, they blamed the dog. As long as they didn’t blame me, I was fine.  

The hunger was bad enough. It’s exhausting, you know, being hungry all the time. All I can think about for more than three seconds is when I’m going to eat next. But then about four days ago I woke up and I was covered in hair. Like I wasn’t a hairy guy before, but its now thick as fur from the neck down. I tried shaving the more obvious away but by the end of the day it was back.  

I obviously had to stop going to class. I don’t know how it took me so long to realize how different I look, but that explains why a few of my friends kept asking if I felt okay. I should be looking like I belong on ‘My Six Hundred Pound Life’, but I don’t. I’ve actually lost weight. I can count my ribs, I’ve never been able to do that before. My skin’s gone from a little pasty to practically gray, and my face looks like a famine victim’s, all emaciated and shit.

I was near the breaking point when I decided to seek out the bitch. Yeah, I was going to visit the woman who was supposed to get the food I stole.  

I mean, I would’ve, if I didn’t get there and found out she’d been arrested.  

Her neighbor Hazel was more than informative, and thankfully the old bat was just happy to have someone to talk to so she didn’t ask why I was wearing a turtleneck and a hoodie in sixty five degree weather. Mila, that’s the bitch’s real name, she’d always been an introvert, but she went full on hermit over the past few weeks. She’d even stopped leaving her house, but a lot of cars apparently came to her, and every week the garbage would be filled with take out boxes.  

Then Mila attacked the pizza delivery guy. Hazel had just been dozing off to some odd game show when someone frantically pounding on the door woke her up. Hazel opened up and the poor dude nearly bowled her over in an attempt to escape from the borderline rabid Mila. They slammed the door in her face and Mila threw herself against it several times before screeching like a banshee and taking off back to her own house. Hazel nearly had a heart attack when she saw how much blood was pouring from pizza guy’s face.  

The guy told her everything while Hazel called 911. Mila had insisted that he stay right there while she made sure he didn’t take anything, and unluckily for him she thought there was a missing bread stick. The guy tried to calm her down, told her to just call the parlor and see if she could get a replacement or a refund, but she just lunged at him. Ripped off a good chunk off his cheek and his right ear was just completely gone.

The cops came and took her away, Pizza Guy was whooshed off in an ambulance, and now I was left with an unsettling feeling in my stomach that it may have been a little bit my fault that Pizza Guy got mauled by a hangry bitch with the munchies.  

I want to believe there’s a good, normal explanation for all this, but when I woke up this morning to antlers sprouting out of my forehead, I think I nearly lost my shit. All I could do was laugh and stare at how fucking stupid I looked, an emaciated freak with sunken, crazy eyes, furry chest and arms, and now I had horns.

I finally went to the chicken place this morning, with a well angled hat and scarf to hide my freakishness. I was surprised to walk in though and see one of the owners up front. I asked him what was up and I think I got the final piece of the puzzle.  

See, there was always the same guy up front when I picked up orders. Gus, or something, I’m a bit disoriented from low blood sugar so names are tricky. Apparently one of the other workers caught Gus sprinkling something a little extra in the seasoning. He refused to explain what it was, just that it added a little kick to the flavor and made people crave fried chicken even more.  

Of course, Gus was fired for tampering with food because he wouldn’t explain what the seasoning was and refused to let anyone take it for testing. They couldn’t tell me where he went or where I could find him. He’s gone with the wind, him and his special seasonings.

I did take an order of chicken home, but I gotta be honest, there is definitely something missing now that Gus’ secret ingredient is no longer apart of the recipe.  

I’m so hungry.  

[justafrogandherumbrella]

Welcome to Nowhere: Loopholes

Now that you find yourself standing in Mr. Rotary’s manor again, you have no idea what to do next.  Especially now that there’s a possibility of a traitor in the same room as you.

Other than you, Bianca, and Jenny, the rest of the group is desperately hashing out new plans- or trying to figure out what happened. Bianca is leaning against the wall with a dark expression on her screen, and Jenny is sitting with the rest of the group, looking uneasy. Do you think she’s figured it out? Is she also suspecting one of the group? Ollie and Caitlyn are talking in hushed voices, and you can’t hear a word they’re saying. Lucas is pacing back and forth, biting his fingernails while Ava tries to calm him down. Felicity, meanwhile, looks more anxious than anyone else in the room. You want to leave right now, to find out how to save Gia yourself, but for reasons unknown, you cannot will your feet to move. No matter how hard you try, they stay stubbornly planted on the floor. You think this might be happening to the others as well. You notice Jenny get up and head for the front door, only to turn around and head back towards the group with a confused expression the moment she reaches it. Bianca notices this too, and sighs. 

“You guys,” she announces, clapping her hands to get everyone’s attention. “We’re trapped.”

“Again?!” Ava cries out, jumping to her feet to run towards the door. Similarly to Jenny, she stops in her tracks the moment she gets close enough to touch the door. She starts the cough, then immediately runs back, gasping for air. 

“G-godamnit,” she chokes. 

“Has this happened to you before?” You ask, looking concerned. 

Bianca nods. “It’s happened to you before too, actually. It was before the reset though.”

“How do you remember it then?”

“Oh,” Caitlyn says, abandoning her seat on the carpet. “We don’t. In fact, we didn’t necessarily know what a reset was until recently- but we did start to notice gaps in our memory a while back. We started keeping journals to remember things… but there’s been gaps in our writing too,” she explains looking downcast. “The plan hasn’t been going as well as we hoped. They never do, really. We aren’t exactly the best planners.”

“You guys were doing this without telling me?!” Felicity cries out, looking outraged.

“Well, I guess not,” Ava says, looking a little guilty. “But I did give you an empty journal before we started dating, remember?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Felicity scoffs. “I suppose I should be glad Mr. Rotary never made me forget the little things like that.”

“Lucky…” Bianca mutters. 

“What's that you just said, Bianca?”

A knock sounds from the front door, and the group freezes.

“Hello?” Emerson’s voice says from the other side of the door.

“Emerson!” You cheer, running towards the door. You feel like you haven’t seen them in such a long while- and yet, that can’t be true. Can it? You were together in this house not long ago- and yet an eternity has passed since then. It seems your life has become a paradox. There are no days, but there are sunrises and sunsets- but they have no consistency. All you know is that it feels like it’s been forever. 

You stop, your throat tightens the moment your hand touches the doorknob. “Uhm- Emerson?” You wheeze. “I think the door is unlocked. Can you open it please?”

“Oh, uhm- sure.”

You back away from the door, feeling your throat loosen as Emerson steps inside. 

“So, uh-”

He stops, interrupted by you as you throw your arms around them, giving them a tight hug- which makes a soft squelch sound.

“What’s this all about?” He asks nervously. 

“Things have been kind of rough, that’s all.”

You let go of them, and lead them towards the rest of the group. 

“Oh, it’s your friend!” Bianca says excitedly, stepping forward. “So what are you doing here?”

“I was looking for you all, actually,” Emerson says sheepishly.

“Oh? And why might that be?”

“Well,” Emerson sighs, scratching the back of their head. “It’s unfortunately not for anything good…”

“What is it?” You ask, turning from cheerful to somber. 

“It’s Aderyn. She’s missing.”

“What?” You stiffen. Two of you are missing now. “How’d that happen?”

“I don’t know,” they say, looking distressed. “After we left, we went to look around for answers- I think we all know this town has secrets.  We were out in this empty, dead, field when she vanished. I was looking at a tumbleweed, and noticed something was off about it. When I turned around to tell Aderyn, she was gone. I’ve been searching for her for what seems like ages now,” he finishes. “I came to request help.”

“Gia’s missing too,” you say sadly. “We were going to try and rescue them- but we were caught by Mr. Rotary.”

Emerson curses under their breath. “Well, I suppose we’ll have to go out and look for them now, huh?”

“About that,” Jenny says, finally looking up from the floor. “We can’t leave through the door- and certainly not the elevator.”

“... why?”

“We just can’t,” Lucas says. “I think it has to do with those damn contracts Mr. Rotary had us all sign. I can’t remember anything on the document- but I think there has to be some clause or something that makes it so he can control us if necessary.”

“Yeah, something along those lines,” Caitlyn agrees.

“Well,” Emerson pauses, thinking for a moment. “If it’s because of a contract, then there has to be a loophole, right?”

“Riiiight,” Ollie says, rolling their eye. “That makes things so much easier. We can totally do things like ‘find loopholes’ in wording that we don’t remember.”

“No,” Bianca shakes her head. “Emerson’s got a point.”

“Oh,” Felicity scoffs. “And what is it?”

“Hush, I'm thinking.”

“Oooooh, so you also don’t know shit.”

“I said, hush.”

Emerson looks down at the floor, embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” Ava whispers to them. “We all have dumb ideas sometimes.”

“No seriously,” Bianca says. “I really think he’s onto something. Here, lemme just-” she shakes her head. “Jenny?”

“Hmmn?”

“Why’d you use that wording earlier?”

“What do you mean?” Jenny asks, cocking her head to the side. 

“Earlier,” Bianca explains. “You said that we can’t leave through the door or the elevator. Why’d you use those words instead of just saying we can’t leave the house?”

“Well,” Jenny says, taken aback. “I don’t really know. I guess I could have said- wait, no. That’s…”

“It feels incorrect, doesn’t it?”

“I- I suppose so.”

“Exactly,” Bianca says with an excited hisses. “I’m guessing my dear ol’ dad wasn’t quite as specific as he should have been. We can leave the house- we just can’t use the elevator or the door to do so.”

“Yeah, well,” Felicity says, looking rather irritated. “How’re we supposed to do that?”

“Jenny,” Bianca says gleefully, a glint in the pixels on her screen. “Fetch me the sledgehammer.”

[travelingtheusa]

MISSISSIPPI

2024 Oct 27 (Sun) – We drove into Jackson today.  On the way, we stopped at the Mississippi Petrified Forest.  It was interesting.  There was a pathway through old forest with waypoints along the way.  We had a pamphlet that described some fact at each of the waypoints.

      Continuing on to Jackson (about an hour away from the campground), we were shocked to find the city empty.  There was very little sign of anybody.  Lots of homes and businesses were boarded up.  Garbage littered the roads and yards.  We only spotted one homeless person, so they have found a way to crack that nut.  Just about everything was closed.  I am hoping it was because it is Sunday in the bible belt.  Everybody was at church?

      After some maneuvering, we found the Merci Train parked behind an old depot.  We parked and walked around the train.  The one side facing the south had most of the emblems burned off.  They are insignia for different French provinces. 

      Next, we drove to the Two Mississippi Museum.  Inside was the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum and the Mississippi History Museum.  Both were incredibly beautiful – new, modern, and comprehensive.  How could something like this be in the middle of such abject poverty?  The governor should be focused on helping the citizens of this capitol city.  We spent several hours touring the two museums.

      We enjoyed lunch at Hal & Mals Restaurant.  It was started by two brothers in the late 1800s and grew to a popular blues gathering place.  The cost of the meal was cheap, too.  I had quiche with a big side of hash potatoes and a salad and Paul had sausage gravy on biscuits.  We left a nice tip.

2024 Oct 26 (Sat) – We packed up and left at 9:25 a.m.  The drive was long (200 miles) but easy.  We pulled into the parking lot of a closed business and had a quick lunch before resuming our drive.  When we were 15 miles away, I called to tell the owner we were on our way.  He said someone would meet us and show us where to park.  The gentleman had a very heavy southern accent and it was hard to understand what he was saying. 

      When we arrived, a black man in a beat up old pickup truck with an accent worse than the owner (if that is possible) met us and showed us to our campsite.  The pseudo campground is 12 paved sites split across a public road.  There is no fence, no picnic table, no fire ring, no office, no nothing!  We are literally parked on the side of the road.  There is garbage all around the place.  Most of the campers here are long term in travel trailers.  I do not feel safe here.

      Later in the afternoon, the owner showed up and asked for $60 a night = $120!  He proceeded to tell us about a multi-billion dollar data center that Amazon is building down the road.  Workers are coming in from all over.  Although he didn’t say it, the intimation was that people are willing to pay his fee.  We gave him cash (I don’t think he would have been able to accept a credit card anyway).

2024 Oct 25 (Fri) – I had an appointment with the ophthalmologist this morning.  She said the surgery was healing well but the pressure in my eye is a little elevated.  This means I need to watch out for glaucoma again.  The doctor also drained the cyst under my eyelid.

      After the doctor, we returned to the campground, packed up Sheba, and drove to the veterinarian.  She is having serious issues with her back legs, especially the left one.  When we came home two nights ago, she was holding her left leg up.  When I tried to touch her, she growled and spit at me.  She is in pain.  The vet says she has lost muscle mass in her back legs, most probably due to aging (she is 13-1/2).  He gave her shots (rabies, FIP, and distemper).  She also got a shot for pain, which should last about a month.  The vet also gave us something to help with her constipation.  It is a paste that we put on her paw.  Supposedly, she will groom herself and lick it off.  We’ll see about that.

      Since we had Sheba in the car with us, we stopped at Wendy’s for lunch.   Then we made a quick at a liquor store for libations and returned home.

2024 Oct 24 (Thu) – The group went to Ocean Adventures this morning.  There was a reptile show, sea lion and dolphin show, and bird show.  We looked at each other and agreed we have been jaded.  We have seen better.  We had a potluck.  I made an apple dump cobbler for dessert.  Some of us arrived in costume.  Paul won the scariest.  There was also an award for best dressed and most original.  The winners got a bottle of wine.

2024 Oct 23 (Wed) – The chapter had their membership meeting this afternoon.  They invited me to speak.  Hopefully, I gave them hope and inspiration.  The group went to Café New Orleans for dinner.  We split a muffaletta and red beans & rice.  Not as good as Copeland’s but the camaraderie was nice.  When we returned to the campground, we went to the club house and played RIGHT-CENTER-LEFT.  Paul won twice and we walked away with $11.  It was fun.

2024 Oct 22 (Tue – Samantha’s birthday) – After enjoying a chapter provided breakfast again this morning, one of the members gave a talk on the history of the Mississippi Magnolias chapter.  They are celebrating their 20th anniversary.  The chapter was started right here in this very campground.

      After his talk, we drove to Gulfport to Chandeleur Brewing Company for a tour and tasting.  When we arrived, the place was not open and no one else had arrived yet.  We walked over to the Gulfport History Museum across the street but it wasn’t open.  Back across the street was Fishbone Alley.  When the town was doing some renovations, they discovered paving stones under the asphalt.  Those bricks had been made by Graves Stones, a company in the town that is now out of business.  They lined the alley way with the bricks and painted pictures on the walls of the alley.  Like other projects, it started out as a nice idea but it was not kept up.  There was lots of graffiti mixed in with the murals.

       At noon, we walked back to the brewery and it was open.  Several of the group were already inside.  We were given a tour with a comprehensive description of how they make their beer.  Along with the talk, we were given 3 different tastings exemplifying different tastes.  When the tour was done, we went into the bar/café and had lunch.

      After we returned to the campground, I went to the clubhouse to play in the Hand & Foot Tournament.  It was fun and I held my own.  Then I ran back to make corn casserole for the potluck.  We all enjoyed dinner together, followed by games and cards.

2024 Oct 21 (Mon) – The chapter cooked breakfast this morning.  There was biscuits with sausage gravy, eggs, fruit cup and OJ.  After breakfast, Paul and I played bean bag baseball with the group.  There were 12 of us playing.  My team won.  There was happy hour at 4 and the group provided dinner at 6 p.m. 

2024 Oct 20 (Sun) – We went to the Outback Steakhouse for lunch then shopped at WalMart for groceries.  The MS Magnolias chapter met at 4 p.m. and after social hour, we all drove to the Panda Palace for Chinese buffet.  There were quite a few items available to choose from.

2024 Oct 19 (Sat) – Since we only had 100 miles to go today, we lolled around and took our time packing up.  After the slides were pulled in, Paul changed the tire on the RV.  We’ve been riding around with the spare tire on since we were in Myrtle Beach.

      We finally hit the road at 11:10 a.m.  The drive was easy and the weather was good.  We arrived a little after 1 p.m. at Parkers Landing RV Park in Biloxi.  The campground is pretty full.  It has lots of old live oak trees around and in the park.  Our campsite is concrete with FHU.  There is a very nice pool but it is not heated.  I would not be swimming in that!

      Once set up, we drove into town to a new restaurant that opened about two weeks ago.  According to the clerk at the RV park, people have been raving about this place.  Flatheads was a medium size café with an interesting menu.  Paul had fried catfish and I had a smashed burger.  We brought the fries home to reheat for dinner.

2024 Oct 18 (Fri) – Talk about a one-horse town!  There is only one restaurant (semi); the rest are all fast food – McDonald’s, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc.  The restaurant is more of a fast food indoor café – you go up to the counter, place your order, and they bring it out to you in a package to go.  There are about 6 small tables in the room and you can sit and eat there, but the place is really a fast food place disguised as a restaurant.   

2024 Oct 17 (Thu) – We drove into town to find a laundromat.  When the wash was in the machine, we drove to a tire place to get our flat repaired.  Next door was a liquor store, so we stopped in to get some libation.  They did not have Jim Bean Vanilla but they had Red Stag.  Then it was back to the laundromat to put the wash in the dryers.  Next stop was lunch at the town café.  The portions were huge and we had plenty of take-home.  We also stopped at the gas station to get fuel.  While Paul gassed up, I walked over to a liquor store in the shopping center.  They had Vanilla Jim Bean.  Yay!  Back to the laundromat to fetch our clothes then back to the tire center to get our spare then back to the campground.��

Poor Sheba is having a bad day of severe constipation.  She has spent most of the day wandering around outside digging and digging.  We don’t know if the walking and digging helps but she insists on doing it when she has a bad day.

2024 Oct 16 (Wed) – We packed up and left Lake Village, AR, at 10:10 a.m.  It was a long drive – over 4 hours.  But the weather was pleasant and most of the drive was easy.  We ran into a little bit of construction and a left-over car fire but it didn’t delay us too much. 

      We arrived in Collins to find the owner waiting for us.  He bought the campground in June and they are still feeling their way.  He kept asking us for an ETA.  I think he might have a job and had to leave it to come here to greet us.  There are several cabins/small homes around the campground that appear to be occupied full-time.  I guess they are rentals.  The camping area is inside the perimeter and sites are dispersed among tall pine trees.  It is a nice place.  We have FHU on grass.

[streetcornertwoam]

Bruh...

I just fucking hate him

It's been over 10 yrs, and you still REMEMBER MY PHONE NUMBER?? Are GIVING IT OUT TO PEOPLE?? STOP

Like what the actual fuck

Context: I had a missed call and voicemail when I woke up this morning. Figured it was just spam, but listened to it earlier to just double check, and then delete and the first couple of words I hear are his name. So that IMMEDIATELY threw me. I had to replay it 'cause I was so confused. Basically it was some lady calling from some...court payment thing, I don't even know, reaching out TO HIM about paying something or other to do with the county clerks office

And you give them MY NUMBER WHY???? This also isn't the first time this has happened. I had a very similar voice message left several yrs back now about almost the same thing. I don't remember exactly what it was about, but I do remember it having to do with paying fines or tickets or something

And then, and I just remembered this, it was shortly after we broke up and stopped talking I was receiving texts about how he wasn't showing up for the Marines or something, and he needed to get into contact or something. I don't know. Again, this shit was over 10 yrs now and I remember thinking then, so you signed up and just what... fucked completely off?? Idk

BUT...this shit of over 10 yrs and you can still remember my number??? (Admittedly, as far as phone numbers go it's pretty easy but nonetheless) And just are seemingly SUPER OK with giving it out to people?? Why?? I didn't do fucking anything to you. YOU fucked me over. YOU stole money from me and my family. YOU stayed with us for MONTHS when your parents kicked you out (or did they actually? did you just claim that's what happened 'cause you wanted out, and figured we'd help you? I honestly don't know anymore). YOU somehow got my MOM'S information so that YOU could set up a phone ON HER ACCOUNT FOR YOURSELF. I wasn't the best girlfriend. We should have broken up LONG before we did. I was beyond immature, and I'm sure I did guilt you into staying with me longer than you wanted. But the thing is...you really still could have left at anytime. You eventually got to the point where that's what you wanted, and made it happen. Again, admittedly I think my family also kinda pushed the issue 'cause they caught you out with another girl and called you on your bullshit. So hey, who knows, maybe you would have just stayed living here and going off doing whatever if you'd never been caught. I wouldn't half doubt it. 'Cause even I KNEW you were cheating. Fucking coming back with hickeys all over your neck. Like...I wasn't gonna see? Or did you just want me to see and end it 'cause you were too big of a fucking puss to do it yourself?? I don't know. I hate that even now after all this time, it still can get me riled up like this. It's stupid. And lowkey maybe it still gets to me 'cause we never got to hash shit out. You just left, and I was still so stupidly in love and was miserable, and you still texted every now and then, and kept giving me false hope. Until months later my mom found out about the phone thing, and after that it was over. I never spoke to you again, you never tried to reach out again. After that it really sunk in that, oh...no we're over over. It's never gonna work out. We're officially done done. I never got to confront you about any of this. And while I could message you on facebook (which you also tried to friend me on years ago you fucking freak), and say my peace. It just...it honestly doesn't matter. Would it maybe help me to get past all this? Yea maybe. But I'd honestly be afraid of what you'd try and potentially pull up or something, that I don't feel it worth my time.

If I didn't have such anxiety I'd at least call that woman back, and be like I'm sorry this is number doesn't belong to who you think it does, and I have no way of getting in touch with him or how to tell you to do it. But he's a lying piece of shit, and don't trust anything he says. And if it could written down somewhere that if he ever tries to give this number again, call him out on it and tell him you know that it's not his ACTUAL number.

Like you wanna give out a number that doesn't belong to you, fine. I don't care. But why MINE?? Like seriously why fucking mine. 'Cause you know they're gonna call and I'm gonna have to hear your stupid ass name, and then it's gonna just wreck my entire day? For why. We'd known each other since we were 5 goddamn yrs old. We dated for 3 1/2 yrs. But sure whatever dude. If that's your way of getting back at me, or just trying to get to me...or I honestly don't know. But it's done. I'm done.

I'm typing all this and sending it out into the ether in the hopes of clearing my mind, and hopefully moving the fuck on. I blocked that number, so at least I can't get any more calls from it. But that doesn't mean future ones won't come in still. But maybe the next time it does, I'll be able to handle it better. And by that I mean, listen to the call, roll my eyes, and immediately block and delete.

[fangirl-life]

Sorry this is long! I liked your thoughts and I didn’t even want to get into it bc there’s sooo much to hash out with this last season and show overall.

I haven't even thought about the Cain and Abel angle since the first couple of seasons with the whole golden boy thing. I'm glad EZ knew that Angel had to do it for his son.

That scene when Santi called him dad was soooooooooo cute; I melted. I was wondering where their daughter was tho

They definitely should have patched Nestor in sooner but I hated that his "initiation" or first act as a full patch was to shank EZ. And then for Bottle's initiation to kill Sofia that was sad. And it was sad when his amigo died too. Her death was so unnecessary tbh and I think it was more so bc she was a reminder/connection to EZ rather than a liability, but that too.

It was sooo satisfying to see someone get an upper hand on Issac and I'm glad that bald dude ratted on him bc he knew the Mayans was the lesser of the two evils and it showed that a MC outlaw is not just a mindless killer; they have some sort of morals or internal conflict. I wished that Hope would have ran away with Letty bc Letty for sure would have agreed the second time. They could have made it work. Issac is petty and clever, so I wouldn't put it past him to keep looking for her if they even went across the country, but he has bigger fish to fry at the same time. Idk how far SOA chapters stretch, bc I just assume all these MCs stick to the west coast, but I woulda just went to Chucky like Letty said then prepared to go to Canada. They had each other and I loved that! But I'm glad Letty is still not alone and that they seemingly accepted her back into the Broken Saints.

I love the Broken Saints btw. I feel like it was well overdue to introduce a black and female run MC into the show, especially as partners despite the Mayans doing them dirty. It was always just Mayans and SOA with a sprinkle of the Swole Bros and idr if the Samoans were an MC or just a gang from S1.

Ughhh, you know I'm always so torn on Taza. I fully agree that he was the reason for EVERYTHING and the only reason he didn't die is because he'd been through thick and thin with Bish and he didn't have the heart to go through with killing him. Had the rest of the club known, he woulda been Et Tu Brute'd like EZ a long time ago. Going nomad was their compromise I guess, but the nerve and honestly stupidity of him to want to come back? At all? With EZ as pres? Him not having that communitas/”brotherhood” that he missed and craved from the club was his punishment, so Idk why he thought it'd be ok to just casually ask to come back, especially so soon. In the middle of a war no less! He was the oldest member! Like consider yourself lucky that you aren't out there limping like Hank was when he was trying to complete some hits...smh...I hate that his character turned into lowkey the worst one.

YOOOOOO fucking Potter dude. I've been wanting to see that smug mf be taken down for so long. Like how does he do it! Honestly, I couldn't take Miguel and Emily's smugness more, so I was down for them getting taken down by the gov bc I also thought that would help the Mayans too instead of dry up the pipeline. But the angle they played with Dana Delany's character was so intriguing, though I was skeptical since it was yet another new plot line that I was afraid would take screen time away from tying up other established plot lines. The most I ever liked Emily was in this season because I rooted for her to get out. Miguel was toxic for her since day 1 and I wish that guy's mom didn't stop her from leaving so Miguel could have stayed alive to rat out Potter. I wish there was something else he could have done to ensure that such as a written statement with his lawyers as a witness just in case. On the other hand though, I'm glad Emily got revenge bc he literally tried to kill her and then just brush it under the rug and had her sister killed. But that was Dana Delany's best chance at getting Potter. Attitude wise, she was his match; she wasn't scared of him or thrown off by his weird demeanor. I agree with your point # 5.

Also Cielo having been on this show since like S2 I think and always being a background character that we’d just see and hardly hear and Elgin didn’t forget about her and turned her into a major player by killing a Mayan and helping rat out the club to Potter and Kody. She was like their longest lasting bartender I think. 

Also speaking of bartenders, what’s with that lady that Bish ruined his relationship with Izzy’s friend for? A couple of seasons ago when they were doing the one true king plot and it was Mayan against Mayan, wasn’t she the old lady to one of the Mayans from another chapter? Like they killed her man in front of her but left her alive. I thought she began to pop up in the clubhouse to stay loyal to the “winning” chapter to stay alive or, more likely, to plot and enact revenge on the chapter that killed her man. I thought Elgin was gonna try and turn that into a plot by her encouraging Bish to get super drunk/destructive to get secrets out of him or kill him and rat the whole club out or something. I must be thinking of someone different, bc all she did was genuinely seduce the man who indirectly killed her man and then break things off by saying that he was too much for her. I didn’t trust her the entire time she was on screen and didn’t like that Angel left his baby with her honestly, but outside of Sofia, she was the only woman left at the clubhouse.

Angel being left with just his son is wild! I really wish him and Luisa coulda had a happily ever after, especially since we didn't get that with EZ and Gabi. And I honestly thought that Elgin forgot about Mini, so I was happy to initially see that she was back on the screen after a few seasons because, while her son was her first priority, Mini was like her daughter and the fact that she still went out to look for her was amazing and very much something Adelita would do. Ik Mini was hurt, but I really wish she gave her a chance to explain herself. I never would have thought that she would be the one to kill her, tho from Mini's POV, I could see why she felt betrayed.

I also almost forgot about the ambush at the end! idk how. Because of that, I'm glad Angel got out when he did in the nick of time. Imagine, after losing Luisa, had to lose his dad then right when he was gonna leave for good, have to help murder his brother all while his son is in the clubhouse and then if they didn't let him leave, the ATF woulda got him and Maverick woulda been back in Potter's hands and he prob woulda took him in as his own sort of weird trophy over Luisa/Angel/the whole MC. Despite having to raise his son completely alone now, he is a great dad which I am pleasantly surprised about bc I always thought he was gonna be all talk, then learn the hard way and not take fatherhood well.

Why couldn't the storyline with Hank end better, that sweetheart. Ending it with putting his mom in a home that she hates. He could have used her declining health as an out to take care of her. He prob wouldn't have bumped into Nails, but still. Now, his mom won’t know why he stopped showing up to see her unless Nails sees what happened on the news and tells her. Nestor left the toxicity of Miguel for the different toxicity of the MC (even though he joined with/when El Padrino was still in charge, so it wasn't as toxic) and he's gone. And Bish! He'll never get to see his little cousin like he said he would. And Ironically, Taza is the only technical Mayan that survived it all. I'm also glad that when Letty pulled up with that little ass gun, she had enough where-with-all to pull tf back out the scrapyard and realize it wasn't worth it especially before the ATF showed up.

Its crazy that the entire Santo Padre Chapter is obliterated and doesn’t exist anymore. I wonder what that means for other chapters of the club. 

My thoughts on the series finale of Mayans…

I think we all agree this last season was rushed af. Most of the storylines were a discombobulated mess. Was it there greatest series ending? No. Was it the worst? Also no. There are some things I liked and A LOT I didn’t. Here’s my list of what I liked and how I wish some storylines went.

I agreed…

1.) With the way EZ died. Since he took over he was very much given dictator vibes. I enjoyed the way the club going all Julius Caesar to kill him. I also think we all knew that Angel was going to have a hand in EZ’s death since day one. (At least I did). There was always a Cain and Abel factor in there, even if Angel was reluctant to do so.

2.) Speaking of Angel, I did appreciate the fact he lived and got away with Maverick. The beach scene was honestly the best thing in the whole finale.

3.) Marcus/El Padrino getting out of the life and living the rest of his days with his family. He came a long way.

4.) Bottles and Nestor getting patched in. Though Nestor should’ve been patched awhile ago. I would have loved to see him as a full fledged member.

5.) Isaac dying. He was a great fucking villain, but he had to go. I wish Hope was the one who did it though, but I was okay with EZ being the one to do it.

… yeah that’s about it.

I disagreed…

1.) As much as I love Taza, he should’ve died and not be able to live his life as a nomad. Killing Riz was the start of all of this! Literally lead to the civil war between the Mayans, the war with the Sons, and the cartel. It should’ve been done back when the Mayans showed up in Santo Padre. I don’t understand how he got off scot free.

2.) Miguel, Ez, and Angel not knowing that they’re brothers! What was the point of all that if they were never going to find out? It should’ve been addressed a lot time ago in Season 3 or 4.

3.) Killing Sofia. I’m sorry, but this was bullshit to me. She didn’t know EZ worked with the Feds. If they’re going with the whole “she’s a liability” route, the same applies to Angel. I would have loved to see Angel take her and Sally. They could’ve both gone out, start a new life, and raise their kids together.

4.) NOT KILLING POTTER!! Omg this man is like a cockroach! Potter should’ve definitely been a goner and Miguel be the one to take him down with Devlin. Katie/Kody could have taken his place or Devlin a la Agent Stahl and haven them focus on the Mayans.

5.) Speaking of Devlin, if they were going to get Miguel out of the way, I would have loved to see Emily work out some sort of deal with her to ensure Miguel spends the rest of his life in prison and pull a double cross rather than kill him.

6.) Angel not knowing Luisa/Adelita is dead. I would’ve have loved a scene with Mini showing up somewhere and telling Angel everything. Well maybe minus the part where she was the one who killed her.

7.) If Isaac was going to die this whole time, why did Hope have to? We should’ve seen Hope and Letty halfway to Ohio or the Broken Saints take them in.

8.) ATF busting in and killing the whole charter!!! This would’ve been a great ending if it was just a season finale, not a series finale! We should’ve at least seen a few members (Gilly, Hank, Bottles, Nestor, and Guero being cuffed) .

[lubdubsworld]

⋆⋆✵ Perfect Imperfections ✵⋆⋆

Chapter 1

Genre : Arranged Marriage AU! Angst! Explicit Sexual Content.

Rating : 21+

Warnings : Ableism , Chronic disability. OC has limited use of her left leg, Emotional infidelity? Mild Cheating ( nothing very physical.. a kiss or so )

Summary : Marrying Jungkook is a mistake. Falling in love with him? Definitely the worst exercise in masochism .

~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 2

No one tells you how easy it is to imagine yourself in love with a beautiful man. Especially when you don’t have a clear understanding of what love actually is. 

When I met Jungkook, even knowing he was in love with my sister hadn’t done much to douse the flames of hope and attraction. He was a lot of things that other men in my life weren’t. Kind without being pitying. Concerned without being overbearing. He took care of me without making me feel helpless. And there was always such a thin line between these things that I found myself impressed by his ability to toe the line so well.

Jungkook took care of me without making me feel like a burden and I suppose, some part of me had assumed that this could, in due time turn into love. But I was clearly wrong.

Jungkook and Liza had been kissing in the hallway of their hotel room and someone had taken pictures. My father and his had managed to get them taken down but the news was already out, spreading like wildfire . My phone began ringing sometime around eight in the morning and hadn’t stopped. It was now a little past one in the afternoon and I felt queasy, despite the assurances that it was all being taken care of.

It was the pity in everyone’s face that I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t hurt. Angry, yes? Upset? Of course. But I wasn’t hurt because there really was nothing to be hurt about. Jungkook didn’t love me. He was in love with my sister . He had made it clear, through his words and his actions, over and over again. At this point, I could see this debacle as nothing more than a possible way to get out of the marriage. Perhaps, my father would approve of a divorce?

I glanced at the article again.

The photo is just so annoyingly clear, I thought with a grimace. If it was a little blurry, I could convince myself it wasn’t him and her. But it was clear. That was my husband with his lips locked with my sister’s. Against my better judgment, I read the article again. It was a gossip column, of course there would be nothing good in there. But sometimes curiosity can be a persistent thing.

I felt my skin crawling as I realized that the phrases were all pretty true. There was no gossip here. Just plain facts.

And then my eyes reached the end of the article.

Of note is the fact that Jeon Jungkook’s wife is disabled and perhaps the virile young man is merely looking for pleasure he can’t find in his own marital bed.

I swallowed, quickly exiting the page and tossing the phone on the bed, away from me. I stared out of the window of our bedroom, the large doors left open to let air and sunlight in. There was a tall sycamore tree right outside out bedroom and the branches almost reached in and I stared at the rustling leaves, trying to scrub my mind clean of the words I’d just read.

But it was impossible.

It wasn’t something I hadn’t thought of. The stark difference between me and Jungkook, physically. He spent five days a week in the gym and they were right. He was a young man with healthy sexual appetites.

I’d never cheat on you. Jungkook’s voice from a week ago still echoed somewhere inside my skull.

I sighed, playing with my wedding ring.

I wasn’t a virgin when I married Jungkook. Hadn’t been one , when I got into the accident either. My then boyfriend, a tall strapping lit major had been a very sexual guy as well and our libidos had matched pretty well. But I’d been an athletic nineteen year old, able to bend like a pretzel at his whim and there was just endless time and endless stamina and just a whole lot of attraction . We had spent hours, exploring each other the way college kids do. Weekends in bed spent trying every possible permutation of sex positions and kinks and I’d discovered all the things I liked. All the things I didn’t.

But then the accident had happened and well, when you’re in crippling agony, sometimes sex takes the backseat. I’d been focused on my recovery, on making sure that I came out of this at least with the ability to walk and I’d succeeded. Burying the part of me that craved a man’s touch, it wasn’t easy but it was necessary.

And then Jungkook had happened.

Sex with Jungkook hadn’t been difficult. Not really. I wasn’t completely crippled after all but it was also nowhere near as exciting as it could be with someone who had full use of her legs. I knew that. It was kind of obvious. But I hadn’t dwelt too much on it because to be honest, Jungkook hadn’t looked like he’d minded. He had seemed to enjoy himself .

But then reading about how he probably hadn’t enjoyed it definitely stung.

Worse yet, probably half the country was reading it with me. I felt nauseous. Did no one think that they should have left the last part out of that article? It was terrible enough without adding that bit about me.

A faint buzzing made me turn to the bed.

I glanced at my phone as it rang, my father in law’s name prominent on the screen.

Showtime, I thought with a grimace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I suppose it was too much to hope for , expecting that boy  to keep his dignity. This is outrageous.” Mr. Jeon’s loud voice rang through the foyer of the house and I flinched, gripping the edge of the futon as Sana jumped a bit . She sat next to me, holding my hand carefully. Moral support I supposed but I was feeling entirely too blasé about the whole thing. None of this was unexpected, I thought miserably and I wasn’t feeling up to pretending otherwise.

“I still wish they’d talked to me about this.”

My brother in law’s voice broke me out of my thoughts. The man looked like he’d been dragged through hell and back and I felt a pang of genuine sympathy. He looked wrecked and it was obvious she was in love with my sister. Resentment coiled thick and deep inside me. Resentment and envy.

With no effort at all she had charmed both the Jeon brothers, I thought bitterly.

Jeon Jihyun looked absolutely stricken at the thought of losing his wife.  

“I’ve asked Lisa to take the first flight out. She called me this morning, hysterical. It was something done in the heat of the moment. She .. She’s very apologetic. I believe her and I’m willing to forgive her. We’re…. We’re thinking of starting a family together. ” He said softly and my stomach turned.

I felt my skin go ice cold as I wrapped my arms around myself. Shivering just a bit, I lightly squeezed Sana’s hand. She looked at me in askance and I had to swallow to get my voice out, throat dry. The words made me want to retch. I could imagine how Jungkook would take this news.

“Can you get me my shawl? It’s in the green room.” I said hoarsely.  She bowed before moving away from me and when I looked back up, Jihyun’s gaze caught mine.

“This must be hard on you.” He said softly and I flushed, staring down at my knees.

“Not like I can run from it. Literally or figuratively.” I smiled without mirth.

“Jungkook is …he’s just confused. He needs some time to sort himself out. I’ve asked him to take a break and come back to Seoul after a couple of weeks. The separation would do him some good.” Jihyun said quietly and I sighed before nodding. What else was I supposed to say to that anyway? There wasn’t much I could do, my influence on things almost nonexistent at this point.

“Are you going to give the boy a break, Jeon?” My father demanded, staring at Jungkook’s father who sighed.

“Yes. I’ve been trying to get these damned reporters off our back. They’re all over the place. And yes, I think Jungkook should stay in Japan for a while.  We’re starting a new distribution branch there and I wanted him to scout places and possible vendors. I’ll tell him to hash out all the details before coming back.”

His phone rang again and he excused himself . I watched him leave the room, trying to make sense of his words.

How long would it take to build a whole branch in Japan? I had no clue. But it could hardly be done in a few weeks, could it?

“That’s.. That’s a long time.” I said hesitantly and my father frowned.

“is that a problem?” he asked.

I sighed. There was no point keeping this to myself. I was supposed to go to the doctor’s tomorrow. And well, it would be better if they heard it from me first.

“I.. I’m pregnant.” I said quietly.

The silence that followed was deafening. I stared at the carpet, not able to bring myself to look up at them. I could guess, what I’d find there. It was what I always found in people’s faces.

“Oh, sweet child.” My father’s sigh made me look up and there it was. The pity. I felt sick to my stomach. Sana returned, settling the hand knit shawl over my shoulders and I wrapped it tight, before glancing at her in some desperation. She smiled reassuringly, settling next to me and gently taking my fingers in hers. The warmth grounded me for a second and when Jihyun growled, I stared at him.

“I… I didn’t know. Fuck, I’m going to kill Jungkook. This fucker…” Jihyung swore and my father sighed, clearly thinking hard.

“you can’t be staying alone now.” He said softly, sitting up and cracking his knuckles, and I swallowed. I wouldn’t bear it if they tried to take me back home. I had hated it there.

“ You must come back home with me.” He said softly but I quickly shook my head.

“ No.. No I won’t. I … Please.” I begged, the mere idea of going back to my childhood home a nightmare. My mother would kill me with just her sharp and vindictive words. I was in no shape to put up with her verbal and emotional abuse. It was one of the things that had made me agree to marry Jungkook in the first place.

“Well, you can’t stay here by yourself.” My father protested. I’ve been by myself my whole damn life, I wanted to scream.

“I’ll be fine. I have Sana and the others to help me.” I said tiredly. My father shook his head before turning to Jihyun again.

“Is Namjoon still working on his book?” My father asked him and Jihyun frowned. The name elicited a tug in my memory and I turned to stare at my father, confused.

“You remember him? He used to tutor you when you were hi High School.”

I had a brief flashback to dimples and almond shaped eyes. I remembered him vaguely. Very vaguely. But nowhere well enough to want him to live with me, alone or not.  

“Dad…” I protested but he held a hand up to silence me, nodding at Jihyun .

“Namjoon? Kim Namjoon? ” He shook his head. “ I’m not sure. Why?”

“I think it would be good if he moves in here. His father was telling me that he was looking for a place to stay, now that he’s moved back to Korea. ” My father said softly, staring at me and I stiffened.

“Father…” I began desperately and my father shook his head.

“Don’t argue. He was a dear friend of yours. I don’t think you should be alone at a time like this. And I think Jungkook would approve. Like Jihyun said, the kid needs some space to sort himself out. Let him finish whatever business is going on in Japan.” My father glanced at Mr. Jeon who looked at me with guilt.

“I owe you an apology , on behalf of my idiot son.”

I looked away, not sure what to say to that. I hated the man quite passionately. Jungkook wasn’t perfect… far from it. But this man had taken a sledgehammer to my husband’s mind and heart at every turn. The disdain, the condescension, the sick way he favored his brother over him, the way nothing Jungkook did was ever good enough. It had all taken a toll on my husband. I had watched it chip away at Jungkook’s self confidence, at his mental health.

“I think more than anything, you owe an apology to your son. You knew he was in love with Lisa and yet…. You forced him to marry me.” I said quietly and the room went eerily quiet. My father rounded on me , eyes blazing.

“Leah!!! Apologize, now!” He roared and I looked away.

“You’re all the same. Ungrateful and entitled.” Mr. Jeon said sharply, before turning to his son. “ I’m leaving Jihyun-ah. Tell me when that wife of yours get home. I want to talk to her.”

He shared a half hug with my father before stalking off and my father grabbed his jacket as well.

“I’ll leave as well. Your mother is being quite hysterical. Apparently, all her friends are hounding her about the article.” He sighed and I nodded , watching him shrug on the jacket before nodding at Jihyun and then following his friend out to the front doors.

Jihyun stayed standing , watching my father’s form disappear through the door before turning to me.

“ Are you alright?” He said quietly, moving to kneel in front of me. Sana stood up, bowing before leaving and I watched her disappear into the hallway leading to the kitchens. Jihyun’s fingers wrapped around mine, brushing my knees and I stared down at him.

“The question is, are you alright?” I brushed the hair off his face. He sighed.

“No. No I’m not. I’m angry and jealous and very much filled with resentment towards my brother.” He said honestly and I laughed, tugging on his hand and patting the seat next to me. He straightened before moving to settle next to me and I leaned on his shoulders, sighing as he wrapped on around me, the warmth of his body comforting .

“Are you going to give your marriage a chance?” I asked carefully.

“She told me she was going to break things off for good. We.. We’ve been talking about it. Starting a family, making this work.” He said quietly. I nodded. It was understandable. Unlike Jungkook and I , Jihyun had a responsibility. He would need a son and even though people liked to act like they didn’t care much about gender, like they didn’t care much about having children , it was sort of an unspoken rule. First son of the house ? You had to have a male heir to carry the family name.

I wondered how that conversation had gone between Jungkook and Lisa. It didn’t really match the photo I’d seen.

“I suppose Jungkook probably put up a fight. He genuinely wants to end up with her. He… He tells me often that he loves her and can’t love anyone else. ” I wondered if I ought to feel embarrassed or insulted.

But the truth was, I was numb to a lot of things that had once hurt quite a lot..

The conversation with Jungkook about my pregnancy had definitely cleared things up for me. There was nothing there worth salvaging. Chasing something that wasn’t real , that was foolishness. Especially when I had a very real baby to think about. A child that counted on me to make the right choices.

“I don’t think he did. She spoke to me last night and said that he agreed. Of course that was before the article came out. I’d like to think she didn’t lie to me but I’m not sure.”

I sighed, settling in closer to his chest. He was warm and firm, solid and reliable. I wondered if it would have been easier, if my father had just married me off to Jihyun instead. Jihyun and I …we were alike. We had been friends , even from childhood. Had watched with fond adoration as our younger siblings had fallen madly, wildly in love. Jungkook and Liza had been drawn to each other from the first. Inevitable.

Jihyun and I were more carefree. We didn’t feel things that intensely and perhaps that was why we could sit here in the calm of the afternoon air, quiet and introspective when we ought to be furious and raging.

“ Should we run off together? You and i?” He said suddenly making me laugh.

“Very much incapable of running.” I reminded him with a grin and he squeezed my shoulder .

“I’d carry you.” He said simply.

“Where would we go?” I asked curiously, indulging the fantasy for just a few minutes.

“Somewhere far away. Maybe India? There’s so many people there and we could get lost in the crowds.”

“That does sound appealing.” I smiled and turned to look up at him. His face inches from mine, not as handsome as Jungkook but strong featured and kind. “ But I’m not alone anymore. I have a child.”

His gaze dipped to my lap.

“Yes. Jungkook’s child.” He said thoughtfully.

“No. Mine. Nobody else’s . Just mine.” I said quietly. Jihyun’s gaze softened. He pressed a quick kiss to the top of my head.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered, echoing his father’s words.” On behalf of my idiot brother, I’m sorry.”

And where Mr. Jeon’s words hadn’t made any sort of impact, Jihyun’s made my heart clench and ache in the worst way. Self pity was something I loathed but sometimes, being handed the short end of the stick at every turn in life makes it impossible to not feel sorry for yourself.

Tears stung, welling up in my eyes and spilling over my lashes like water bubbling out of an aquifer.

I blinked slowly, not bothering to wipe them as they traced a path down my face, dripping into the fabric of my shawl. In a moment of clarity I wondered what Jungkook must be going through now. Nothing good for sure.

It definitely said something, that I still worried for him. Sighing, I let Jihyun hug me closer. I would take advantage of his kindness for a few more minutes. It had been a while since someone had held me like I mattered.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I called Jungkook that evening.

It wasn’t an easy choice but my heart ached and my mind raced with unanswered questions. I didn’t want to get lost in my own thoughts so I didn’t overthink it. We were still married. I was allowed to call him.

He picked up on the third ring.

“Where are you?” I asked quietly and Jungkook’s groan made my face heat up a little.

“I… Leah?” He sounded groggy. I glanced at the time. It wasn’t late.

“Are you sleeping?”

He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry about what happened. We.. We didn’t do anything else. It was just.. it was a kiss. Just that.”

“Are you still in the hotel?” I asked quietly ignoring his words.

“ For tonight, yes. Dad wants me to stay with a friend of his. I’ll be going over to their place tomorrow morning.” He replied .

Silence followed for a few seconds.

“Namjoon is moving in tomorrow.” I said stiffly.

Jungkook didn’t respond for a minute or so.

“Yes. Father said it’s a good idea. And I agree. You shouldn’t be alone while I’m here. He’s right. Hyung’s a nice guy. He’ll help you out.” Jungkook said softly.

“Liza came home. She wanted to talk to me.” I said quietly.

Jungkook didn’t reply and I sighed.

“I told her I wasn’t going to talk to her before I talked to you. I don’t… I don’t want to say anything to her that I haven’t already said before. But I still want to know your thoughts on all this. Your plans, that is. I take it you weren’t happy with her ending things.” I said stiltedly.

Jungkook didn’t reply for a few seconds.

“Things between us ended a long time ago, Leah. It was over when we both agreed to marry other people. Maybe even before that, I don’t know… I … I guess I just didn’t want to acknowledge them.” He said quietly. “ She’s different, now. Even that kiss felt so wrong.  She’s moving on. I’m glad in a way. She deserves better than me. She deserves someone like hyung. He’s better than me in everyway and-”

God I wanted to strangle him.

“So why did you kiss her?” I snapped. “ If you’re so generously letting her go why would you…” I stopped.

“I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me. It was barely for a second.” He muttered. “ whoever it was must’ve been videoing us for a while.”

I had to remind myself that in the grand scheme of things, this little detail made no difference.

“Right.” I sighed. “ So, you won’t be home for a while?”

“Six weeks at least.” He said quietly.

I tried to keep the disappointment down. I still wanted to see him, just to make sure he was okay. But I knew that was just the pregnancy hormones talking.

“Okay.” I said simply.

“How are you? Did you go see the doctor?” He asked softly and the question surprised me. I was half sure he had forgotten.

“No, not yet. Maybe in a couple of days.” I scratched at a small stain on my skirt. Lime juice and baking soda, I thought absently. That should get the stain out.  

“Its pretty late. You should go see the doctor, Leah. I.. I looked stuff up. They say you have to be on pre natal vitamins, folic acid and iron supplements  and you have to have  a balanced diet. I called Sana earlier and told her to speak to our doctor and get a diet chart for you. She said she’ll do it soon. So , please take care of yourself.”

Jungkook sounded entirely serious and as always my brain felt muddled, unable to process why he did the things he did. He had looked things up about the pregnancy and that implied some sort of interest, didn’t it? But ….. he had also kissed my sister so what was I supposed to do with this?

“I’ll call you.” I said shakily, drained. I was done for the day.

“Right.” He said softly. “ Namjoon hyung will be there tomorrow right? Should I talk to him? He could take you to the doctor.”

“No.. That’s fine. I’ll manage.” I said quickly.

“You’re sure?” There was genuine worry there.

“Yes.” I sighed.

“Alright.”

Silence again. I exhaled shakily.

“Should I hang up?” I asked quietly.

“Yeah. Good night. ” He breathed.

“Good night, Jungkook.”

Click.

I stared at the wall, gently lowering the phone and placing it on the bed next to me.

She deserves better than me, his voice echoed in my head.

Well, so did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon looked nothing like the twenty one year old college student I’d seen a decade ago. I knew he was a successful novelist and I’d read all his books. They were mostly philosophical or commentaries on life and emotions. I enjoyed the way he wrote : melancholic and deep but also clear and easy to understand. It was like staring at a particularly deep pool, being able to see all the way down to the bottom because of how clean the waters were. But once you put your feet in, the depth  always surprised you.

“That’s a lot of books.” I laughed, gripping the edge of the door frame as I watched him stumble under the weight of a crate full of bound books. Namjoon’s messy brown hair peeked over the top, and when he adjusted the huge load to stare at me, I caught sight of his handsome face stretched in a dimpled grin, eyes glinting.

“Research.” He grunted, straightening himself up and I watched the flex of his muscles as he carefully moved to place the crate down in one corner of the large bedroom that I’d had cleaned for him. It was on the west wing of the house, parallel to my own bedroom that I shared with Jungkook . Namjoon had spent three years working as a professor somewhere in Indonesia. And I knew that he’d spent a year backpacking all over Scandinavia. I stared at his tall strapping figure, watching him set up his writing space carefully, sorting out boxes and electronics.

He had driven here in his Range Rover and I knew all his clothes were still there in the back of the car.

“Should I ask the footmen to get your clothes?” I asked and he glanced up at me, frowning.

“Footmen?” He looked confused and I rolled my eyes.

“Namjoon…” I said chidingly and he grinned again.

“I keep forgetting you’re filthy rich. Makes me wish I should have beaten Jungkook to the game and bagged myself a rich wife.” He winked. It was a joke but there was no mistaking the hint of interest in his eye. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking on my part. Being married to Jungkook had definitely made me question the attraction I held for men so it felt good, having someone as handsome and whole and successful as Namjoon look at me like that.

“I’ll ask them to get your clothes. You should shower and settle in. We’ll meet for dinner tonight.” I said quickly and he nodded.

“You’re going to be okay heading back to your room? Let me know if you need help.” He pointed at my feet and I nodded. It was sweet of him to offer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dinner was surprisingly not awkward at all. Namjoon had a lot of interesting stories to share and I found myself clinging to ever word in rapt attention. He spoke about all the folklore he’d run into in different places, how he thought that no matter the culture, there were always some common things you could find in every one of them. He also talked a little about his next book, which he hadn’t named yet.

“It’s about second chances. Forgiving and moving on.” He said, taking another bite of his braised pork and moving to make another lettuce wrap.

“ Heavy stuff.” I said thoughtfully. “ Most of my writing is commercial. I just try to sell stuff to reluctant people. It’s not much but it keeps me occupied and it’s always nice to make money that you can call your own.”

“It’s because you don’t write for yourself. When you start writing for yourself, you can truly be who you are.” He said firmly and I nodded in agreement.

My writing in college had been vivid and bright and filled with life. But after the accident, it had turned grey and gloomy. The words seemed to drip with loss and longing and  I didn’t enjoy it, because it was a reminder that I was no longer the vibrant, attractive fulsome girl I once was.

“Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of.” I smiled. “ Being who I am. I would rather pretend I’m at least a little alright.”

Namjoon stared at me, thoughtful.

“You used to run track.” He said softly and I grinned.

“You remember.” I said, pleased.

“Of course I do and you were captain of the volleyball team as well. You used to organize all those hikes and treks and stuff.”

“Yes I did. I loved the outdoors.” I stared out of the window.

“Loved? Past tense?” He tilted his head. I stared at him, shaking my head.

“What kind of question is that.” I shook my head. “ Look at me. I’m not trekking anytime soon, considering how the last time ended.”

“You can still go out.” He frowned. “ When was the last time you went somewhere?”

I shook my head.

“Oppa…”

“Listen. You know me. You’ve known me for more than a decade. Do you honestly think I’m going to let you rattle around this old house like a ghost when you should be out there taking in all the sunshine you can get?” Namjoon placed his chopsticks down and linked his fingers together, staring at me.

I stared at him, and it was definitely there. The concern, the affection. Not that different from when I was sixteen and struggling to understand what pathos meant.

But now there was a definite undercurrent of attraction. Back then it had been childish, the wild crush of a teenager on her hot tutor but now, now I knew that he was so much more than just a hot guy.

“I’m pregnant.” I said softly, more a reminder to myself than anything else.

Namjoon grinned.

“We’ll steer clear of horse riding and alcohol. Anything else you can just let me know.”

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“I think I’m getting one now.” I deadpanned.

“Because you’re nervous.” He grinned.

“Because your dimples look too adorable.” I retorted.

He laughed.

“I’ll talk to Jihyun and we’ll go see your doctor first. Then we’ll go out and have  a nice picnic.”

“Namjoon, I can’t…”

“You don’t know that.” He said firmly.” You don’t know if you can or can’t because you’ve never tried. Listen I love picnics and I love going out and I want company. I’m agreeing to be stuck with you for a while and the least you can do is  give me company at a picnic. You know how big a loser I’d seem like if I went by myself?”

It was like I was sixteen again getting brow beaten into things by a tutor who just hated the idea of not getting his way. I shook my head fondly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fourteen weeks. Three and a half months.

I stared at the ultrasound, feeling a multitude of things, not all of them good. The baby was growing well and I had all my prescriptions filled. Namjoon had offered to come with me but I had refused. It was too intimate and he was still a stranger. I did take a photo of the ultrasound and sent it to Jungkook.

/Jungkook called me back almost at once.

“You went to the doctor?” He asked, sounding a little breathless.

“Were you running?” I asked, surprised.

“Not really. I’m supposed to be meeting one of the vendors for lunch and I thought I could walk to the restaurant but its farther than I thought.” He huffed.

“Everything’s fine. Baby’s due in July.” I said quietly.

“Summer. That’s good.” He replied. “Right?”

I hesitated. What did that mean? What did it matter when the baby would be born?

“Because winter would mean it being too cold . Summer we can take the baby out and stuff without worrying too much.” Jungkook said softly.

Oh.

“How’s work?” I asked awkwardly. The non conversation was getting tedious. There was just so much to talk about and it was obvious that both of us weren’t in the mood to actually ask or answer anything worthwhile.

“Did dad say something?” Jungkook asked quickly and I frowned.

“No. Why?”

“He wants me to join hyung in the corporate office. Leave the smelter units.” Jungkook sounded subdued and upset and I felt sympathy well inside me.

“Join him? As what?” I asked quietly.

“Head of the marketing department. I’ll be reporting to Seokjin hyung.” Jungkook had clearly started walking again, breath coming in little exhales.

“You don’t want it?” I asked confused, not sure if this was a good or bad thing.

“I mean… I have a degree in Business and Finance. Hyung’s the CEO , I was hoping I’d be the CFO.” Jungkook sighed, “ But I suppose I should be grateful he didn’t disown me altogether after what happened earlier.”

I stayed quiet and so did he.

“We need to talk . When you get back. You … I know you don’t like sharing about what you feel but you owe me an explanation.” I said firmly.

“I know. But I meant what I said when I left. I’m going to be there for you and the baby. You’re still my wife. That’s not going to change.”

I ran my fingers over the ultrasound.

“Did you also mean the part where you said you can’t stand me.” I said bitterly .

Jungkook didn’t reply.

“I… You know I didn’t. That was just something I said on impulse. I’m sorry. You’re… You’ve been nothing but good to me. And honestly, just the fact that you’re carrying my child is proof that I can definitely stand you.” He sounded just a little hoarse.

I bit my lips, staring up at the door when I heard a knock.

“Leah? I’m going to have some tea in the garden … You wanna come with?” Namjoon’s voice rang through the room and I froze.

“Oh.. Oh.. yes. I’ll be down.” I said quickly, nodding . Namjoon pointed at the phone and gave to thumbs up before moving back out.

“Was that Namjoon hyung?” Jungkook’s voice came over the line.

“Oh… yeah. Yeah, he’s… he wants me to have tea with him in the gardens.” I said awkwardly.

“That’s nice.  You should go. Get out of the house once in a while.” I didn’t know what to say to that so I stayed quiet.

After another minute or so of silence, Jungkook cleared his throat.

“ I got that form you sent in for me to fill, about my medical history. I’ll fill it up and mail it to the doctor’s office. Is that alright?” He asked hesitantly. “ If not I can fly back home. If they need me in person or something.”

I frowned a bit.

“They don’t need you in person, Jungkook of course not. Mail it, that’s fine.”

Another pause.

“This is really happening huh? A baby. We’re having a baby.” The exhaustion in his voice was palpable and I wondered.

“Yes. We are.” I said simply, not having anything else to elaborate on. It was happening. I was torn between pleasure at having something to look forward to and guilt at forcing Jungkook into a role he wasn’t ready for. But , for better or for worse we were married. The child was his. It would be a Jeon.

“ I’ll do better.” He said quietly. “ With the little one. I’ll be better.”

Tears these days, sprung up out of nowhere I thought miserably, furiously swiping at my face.

“Leah?” His voice came over the line. “ Leah are you there?”

“I need to go.”

“Alright.”

“Take care of yourself too, Jungkook.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loneliness .

It’s such an odd sort of feeling. Sometimes you get used to it so much, that you forget all about it.

It stays , a part of you that doesn’t make much of an impression on you until one day, suddenly it becomes unbearable,

Until you get a glimpse of what it’s like to not be lonely.

And then suddenly it’s like a deep chasm of longing and desperation just opens up inside you, craving love and warmth and company with a hunger that feels like it can never ever be satisfied.

I’d never paid much mind to the fact that my life revolved around myself, my writing and the flowers in the garden. Not until Namjoon had come, demanding to be felt and seen and heard .

 Namjoon hadn’t joked about not letting me rattle around the house. Our days were spent sprawled on the lawns of the Jeon estate, each of us occupied with our own writing . Namjoon typed away on his laptop while I preferred my leather bound notebook. It was oddly soothing, lying there on the clean cut grass, the sharp blades rubbing against my bare legs, as I leaned back against a tree trunk, watching Namjoon’s furrowed brows as he wrote.

Namjoon had changed in a lot of ways and yet he was still somehow just as I remembered, focused and often lost in his own head. He was a contemplative man and seemed to spend as much time reading as he did writing.

“There’s a poetry club that meets every Tuesday in Gangnam. Would you like to come with me?” He asked casually, about a week after he’d moved in and I considered it. The paparazzi had finally stopped hanging about the estate and Jungkook had called the previous night with a ETA for when he would be back.

Four weeks at most, he had said firmly and I wasn’t sure if I was feeling all that excited for his return anymore. Days spent with Namjoon were more exciting. He included me in every little thing and I was addicted.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew this was probably wrong. Namjoon was sweet and kind but I was still married. But on the wake of that thought came the bitter reminder that there was nothing between Jungkook and I. He was in love with someone else. Why should I deny myself the joy of Namjoon’s company over a relationship that really wasn’t a relationship at all.

Namjoon treated me as an equal, teased and flirted like there was nothing wrong with the two of us living like this, together and away from the rest of the world and I liked it. It made me feel like perhaps happiness wasn’t such an abstract, unreachable thing after all. That perhaps I could find happiness like this. In friendship and mindless conversation with a man who didn’t see me as a burden.

“I’d love that.” I said with a smile, letting my fingers knit together with his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Scorned wife getting even? We spotted the recently cheated on Mrs Jeon getting cozy with a strapping, buff hottie in a private restaurant last Friday and we can’t help but wonder if perhaps the reclusive lady is trying to get back at her husband by flashing her own boytoy.” Namjoon read cheerfully from his phone, looking way too entertained as he showed me the zoomed photo of us holding hands over the dinner table .

“That’s quite the description they’ve put for you.” I grimaced, sipping my chamomile tea slowly. My father and Mr. Jeon had reacted with their usual anger, threatening to sue the gossip rag for libel but it was pointless. They would keep being intrusive rats. There was nothing much to be done beyond enduring them.

“My agent’s losing his mind. He’s been at me trying to get me to agree to book signings and public appearances and he’s pissed that this is the way I get introduced to Seoul’s High society. Poor guy.” Namjoon chuckled and I felt guilt churn.

“I’m sorry, Namjoon. I really didn’t think they’d be following me. I mean… usually they’re only tailing Jungkook but I guess with the whole thing with Lisa , they’re just looking for ways to make things worse.” I said hesitantly.

Namjoon hesitated, staring at me for a few seconds.

“We never really talked about how things are.” He said quietly. “ Between you and Jungkook, that is.”

I ran the edge of my chopsticks on the brim of my soup bowl.

“ There’s not much to say. He’s…. He’s still sorting things out. With my sister.” I smiled a little. It ached a lot less, I realized with surprise.

“They loved each other deeply.” Namjoon said softly. “ that sort of thing doesn’t go away that quickly.”

I nodded.

“Of course. And I’ve been …understanding of that. I like to think.”

“But its unfair to you. You deserve to be loved too. Fully and well .”

I leaned back to stare at him.

“Are you offering?” I laughed, teasing.

Namjoon didn’t smile, leaning forward instead.

“Depends. Will you ever consider leaving him, for me?” He said seriously.

My heart turned over inside me.

“Namjoon…” I choked out and he reached out and lightly touched my palm.

“I know how marriages work with people like you, so I think I should draw boundaries now, if I want to keep myself safe.” He smiled a bit.

“I’m pregnant. With his child.” I swallowed and Namjoon’s brows went up.

“I thought it was your child. Yours and no one else’s.”

I felt torn, staring at him and wanting to say that I didn’t consider Jungkook as the child’s father, not in the way most people did. But I also remembered my husbands determined voice, the way he kept insisting that he wouldn’t neglect the child.

“Its not about Jungkook or the child, Leah. Its about you. You married Jungkook knowing he was in love with your sister and that tells me that you listen to your parents. You don’t want to stand up against the rules set by our parents and I don’t fault you for it. But I can’t let myself fall for you, knowing you’re going to be bound by your obligations to yurr family.”

I shook my head.

“Don’t fall in love with me.” I said easily. “ You’re right. My family comes first. And whether I want to be or not, I’m bound to Jungkook for life. So don’t fall in love with me.”

He smiled and nodded.

“Alright then.”

“Do you want to move out?” I asked bitterly and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What?”

“You clearly think I’m trying to seduce you or something when really, I-“

“Hey. Hey, Leah…no. No alright, that’s not what I meant. These two weeks, it was amazing. I love your mind and you’re easily one of my favorite people on this planet. We’re friends. And we’ll stay friends no matter what but you must know why I said what I said. You’re a beautiful woman and I’m a lonely guy.” He smiled a bit, “ I just don’t want to make it hard for myself when you want me to leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook arrived back in Korea on a cold, rainy morning and against my better judgment I let Jihyun and Lisa drag me to the airport. It was some kind of publicity stunt, that much I could fathom but I didn’t know if Jungkook was in on it. I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, he had been busy wrapping things up with the new branch in Japan.

It was another bad day for my leg and I found myself leaning heavily on my sister, her arm wrapped around my waist as we walked over to the waiting area. I could already identify a few men with cameras staring at us discreetly. Paparazzi . I saw them move their cameras down to the now obvious curve of my stomach and I swallowed. I could already imagine the articles wondering who the father was : Jungkook or Namjoon.

“You alright?” My sister asked worriedly and I nodded, not looking at her. Lisa hadn’t been discouraged by initial refusal to speak to her, keeping at it till I finally caved and let her visit me at the estate. She didn’t love Jungkook anymore, she insisted . It was over. They were over . She wanted to give her marriage a chance. Very sweet and nice, that. And it was obvious that she wasn’t lying, what with the way she and her husband kept

Jihyun and Lisa had made amends with each other and it annoyed me that they seemed to be madly in love with each other all of a sudden. Like the past couple months hadn’t even happened. I stared down at my wedding ring feeling stricken. Was it unfair that I resented them for this? Why hadn’t the two of them thought of this, of breaking things off and moving on before the damn wedding. And then maybe Jungkook and I would have had a real marriage too.

Bitter and hormonal was definitely not a good combination I thought with a wince, fingers splaying on the curve of my lower belly. It was so odd, being pregnant. The extra weight somehow foreign but also …so soothing. The last scan had shown that I had an anterior placenta and that meant that I may not feel movements for a while. I didn’t mind, having found comfort in just tracing my palm over the bare skin of my stomach.

“There he is.” Jihyun’s voice made me look up and ure enough there he was.

It wasn’t the longest we’d been away from each other and yet, I felt my heart leap at the sight of him. He truly was a very handsome man, I thought miserably. And no matter what people said, it was infinitely more difficult to hate your husband when he looked that good.

Jungkook’s eyes caught mine first and I saw the way his gaze dipped straight to the curve of my bump. Even from the ten feet between us , I saw hi lips part in surprise , eyes going wide. It probably hadn’t felt real to him till now, I thought biting my lips as he carefully handed his bags over to the two chauffeurs who had rushed to help him.

Jihyun wasted no time in bounding over and hugging his little brother tight.

I glanced at the man who had been taking photos, pleased to see the surprise in his face. Was he hoping that the CEO would punch his little brother in the face ? Idiots. Lisa stayed by my side and I exhaled shakily.

“ Dad told me something and I want to know if its true.” I said quietly.

She didn’t reply.

I took a deep breath, still watching the two brothers embrace each other, Jungkook’s face buried in Jihyun’s shoulders. I could see him shaking just a little and I felt my gut clench.

“He told me that …that you never told him that you wanted to marry Jungkook. That when he suggested Jihyun you agreed at once.”

She looked away.

“Lets talk about this later.” She said quietly.

“Does Jungkook know?” I demanded. “ Because he spent that first month of our marriage cursing our father out for forcing you to marry Jihyun. Forcing. And dad says that he did no such thing. So what is the truth.”

Lisa didn’t respond.

“Jungkook  knows.” She said finally, “ I told him… the truth. When we were in Japan.” and I laughed in disbelief.

“Was that before or after you kissed him?” I snapped and she looked genuinely pained.

“Leah, I never meant to hurt you or Jungkook.” She said shakily.

“My God.” I shook my head. “ I always knew you were a selfish, greedy person but I didn’t take you for being a liar and a deceitful coward. ”

She stared down at her feet.

“Yes. I’m greedy..”  She whispered “ And you may not understand it now but I did it for you and for Jungkook.”

She moved away and I watched as Jihyun pulled away from Jungkook, still holding his arm as he held a hand out to Lisa. The smile on her face seemed genuine as she took her husband’s hand and I shifted my gaze to mine. Jihyun and Lisa walked away to their car and Jungkook stepped closer to me, his face stoic and impossible to read.  

“Leah.” He said quietly, dark hair falling into even darker eyes.

I didn’t reply, merely stepping up to gently press my palms on either side of his face.

“Welcome back.” I said softly, before reaching up and kissing him full on the lips. Jungkook’s entire body went stiff as a board at the gesture but he didn’t pull away , thankfully. It felt cold and impersonal and barely lasted a few seconds but hopefully the man had gotten a few good shots. I closed my eyes for effect, running my thumb over the clean shaven curve of his jaw, before pulling away slowly.

I peered over Jungkook’s shoulder, just to make sure and sure enough, the man was moving closer to get better angles. I smiled a little. Good. That should hold these vultures off for a while. I turned back to Jungkook and his eyes followed my gaze catching sight of the man with the camera and his entire body seemed to go stiff with anger.

“Why did you do that?” He growled and I bit my lips.

“You know why.” I made to turn away but he gripped my arm, hard. So hard that I winced.

“What are you doing?” I asked panicking, glancing at the man who was still watching.

“Since when did you start pandering to those pigs?” He whispered angrily and I flinched.

“Your father wants to introduce you to the Board of directors this weekend.” I whispered quietly, “Most of them read the news Jungkook. The last news about us can’t be about you cheating on me.”

“That’s my business. And I’ll deal with it. We’re not doing this, Leah. I’m not putting on some kind of act just to please my fucking father.” He looked furious and the taut line of his jaw made me flinch.

“I’m sorry.” I said quickly, guilt churning inside me. He was right. I shouldn’t have done that without talking to him about it but I knew that the scandal with him and Lisa wouldn’t go down well with the Board. And the Board generally had a direct say on who got hired to top managerial positions.

“I just want you to get that job.” I said softly and he stared at me, stiff body relaxing marginally.

“Let’s just go home. Yeah?” Jungkook said tiredly and I bit my lips.

Less than fifteen minutes since he came home and we were already at odds with each other.

The most ill suited couple in the universe, I thought with a grimace as he stepped right next to me and wrapped a hand around my waist.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had a very terrible tendency to forget taking my pills. So I generally left them by the bedside table. Stepping out of the shower, I found Jungkook sitting on my side of the bed, examining the bottle carefully. I tugged on the white t shirt I had on, suddenly embarrassed because it was Jungkook’s

I’d asked to borrow a couple over the phone,  simply because I no longer fit into my own and the ones I’d ordered weren’t here yet. Jungkook had agreed but still, it felt awkward when he was wearing the exact same t shirt himself.

He turned around when I moved to the vanity to put on moisturizer for the night and through the reflection I saw his gaze linger on my attire.

“Aspirin? Didn’t know that was part of pre natal vitamins?” He said seriously and I blinked., surprised. I turned around to stare at him, licking my lips nervously.

“How much research did you do?” I asked, genuinely curious and he flushed.

“I had a lot of free time. “ He said defensively. “ These six weeks.”

I frowned, before turning back to grab the small pot of night cream from the draw.

“My blood pressure is a little elevated. My mother had pre eclampsia with my sister and they just want to be careful.”

“Pre eclampsia?” Jungkook’s voice was fraught with nervousness and I turned back to see him almost white as a sheet.

“Jungkook…I.. its nothing serious.” I said hastily and his jaw went even more taut.

“What do you mean its not serious? Do you even know what it is?” He demanded.

“Do you?” I snapped back, annoyed at being treated like I was an errant child.

“I know that it’s the leading cause of maternal death during birth.” He all but shouted and I flinched.

“Okay…that’s only in extreme cases.” I held both my hands up. “ it’s a bit too premature to be panicking over that.”

Jungkook opened his mouth, as though to argue but then seemed to calm himself down.

“When’s your next check up?” He asked casually.

“This weekend. But its okay, Namjoon is-“

“I’ll come with you. I.. I want to come with you.” He said quietly.

I stared at him, feeling too awkward to outright refuse.

“You have the meeting with the Board. This weekend.” I said softly.

“So?” Jungkook shrugged. “ I’ll just tell them your appointment and health is more important to me. Besides isn’t that what you wanted? The reason you kissed me at the airport? You want the board to think we’re happily in love. I think that would be an excellent way to show them that. ”

Jungkook stared at me , head tilted curiously, daring me to deny what I had old him myself.

Sighing, I nodded.

“Alright.” I managed a weak smile. “ You can come with me.”

“Namjoon hyung left today, you said?” He asked casually.

I nodded.

“I should send him a bottle of his favorite wine for taking care of you so well. You look good.”

“He did it because he wanted to. Because he enjoyed it.” I retorted, his words rubbing me just a little wrong.

Jungkook smiled although it was more of a smirk.

“I’m sure he did. But I’m here now. And I did promise you that I’ll be there for you.”

“For the baby.” I said sharply, not liking the way he looked. The things he seemed to b implying.” You promised me you’d be there for the baby.”

“And right now, said baby is inside you.” He grinned now and I felt my pulse quicken at the sight. Jungkook didn’t smile with me. It wasn’t something that happened. At all. “ So I’ll have to take care of you.”

I stared at him, biting my lips.

“What are you doing?” I demanded. “My sister told you she never wanted you so now you want to start fucking me again?”

It was cruel. A terrible thing to say and I regretted it at once.

The smile faded.

“What?”

“ I…fuck Jungkook.” I groaned.

“is that what you think of me? Need I remind you that you were the one who came to me all those months ago? I never…. I would never force myself on you, Leah.” He looked like he’d been stabbed and I heart clenched.

“Jungkook , I…”

“I’ve been honest. Through all of this I’ve been honest to you. I lied to your sister, I lied to my father and fuck I even lied to myself. But I’ve been honest with you , Leah.”

“And that’s supposed to make me feel better?!” I cried out, despairing. “ You were in love with my sister and –“

“And she wanted to marry my brother.” Jungkook yelled, standing up and turning to me, eyes blazing. “  All along. Know what she told me Leah? That it was never supposed to be me. That five years of us being together…it was because she was in love with my brother and she couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. She started dating me to make him jealous and when she saw that I spent so much time with Jihyun she stuck around . So she could spend time with him.” He shook his head.

I stared at him, horrified.

“Jungkook….”

“I thought I could never feel more pathetic than when I stood there listening her tel me how she never felt a single thing for me. But wow…. Thank you for proving me wrong. Because right now, standing here begging you to let me a part of the child we both made knowing you only see me as some kind of pervert just looking to get into your bed….” he shook his head,” I feel worse. I feel dirty.”

My throat went dry.

“You know what?” He moved to the closet and to my horror he grabbed a bunch of his clothes and a small suitcase. “ I’m going to go get a Hotel room.”

“What? No… Jungkook, wait!” I rushed to his side, grabbing his arm but he threw my hand off quickly.

“Ask Namjoon hyung to move back in. Better yet, tell dad the truth. That you think I’m disgusting. That the thought of me being in your life makes you sick. Tell him you want a divorce and-“

“It’s a girl.” I exhaled sharply.

Jungkook went completely still.

I swallowed, my heart racing so fast I couldn’t catch my breath.

I took a deep breath and moved to lightly touch his back, fingers splaying on the broad expanse of his shoulder blade .

He turned around at that and my heart lurched at the tear tracks down his cheeks. He looked wrecked.

“ A girl?” He whispered.

I bit my lips, nodding.

“We’re having a little girl.” He looked a little shell shocked.

“Yes. And hopefully, she isn’t as dramatic as her father.” I said softly, grabbing the dozen or so t shirts he’d pulled out of the closet and pushing them back into the shelves.

Jungkook didn’t protest, still staring into space, probably just taking the news in. I felt awful for one second because I hadn’t even cared all that much when the technician had told me.

I closed the closet door and moved back to the vanity trying to process all that had been said in the last five minutes, only to feel a headache come on. I would think about it tomorrow.

I finished braiding my hair when Jungkook’s voice came from the bed.

“If you don’t want me to intrude into your space you can tell me. I’m okay with only getting information about the baby.” He said quietly.

I stared at myself in the mirror.

I turned to him slowly. i took a deep breath, considered that what i was going to say would likely change everything between us. But i had to. 

I’ve always been honest with you Leah, He had said and I decided that perhaps he deserved some honesty in return.

“I think I’m in love with Namjoon.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : these two are such a mess istg. 

ooh i don’t have a taglist for this so please comment if you wanna be on it. 

[kasienda]

A Miraculous Reveal: Meddlesome Friends

Summary: Now, that Nino knows Adrien and Chat Noir are one and the same, he's determined to help his best bro heal things with his superhero partner. (Ladynoir)

Continuation of Rocketear

Read on Ao3

...

The akuma had been straightforward for once. Except that Ladybug hadn’t been able to keep her head in the game. She was so tired.

Tired of akumas.

Tired of juggling dual personas, lies, and secrets.

But luckily for her, Chat, Carapace, and Purple Tigress had pulled off her plan seamlessly. So seamlessly it felt like they were on the same wavelength. Ladybug felt like a stumbling toddler in comparison. But both Chat and Carapace had covered for her, and purple Tigress had gone in for the strike, and it all ended well, she supposed.

After the battle, Chat Noir’s familiar laugh rang through the air. And she found herself turning towards the sound, realizing she couldn’t remember the last time she heard it. He was cackling at something Carapace had just said, who was smirking, obviously pleased with himself. Purple Tigress was staring at the two, shaking her head in clear fond exasperation.

Their bantering didn’t stop there. Chat’s eyes were bright, open, and carefree. The expression on his face had once been familiar to her, but she couldn’t remember the last time he had looked at  her like that.

Her heart twisted in her chest.

Chat Noir was her partner.

She tried to push away the thought. She had no right to be jealous. It was good for Chat to work well with others on the team.

And she wanted him to be happy. That was a good thing. She realized that he hadn’t been for a long time.

And she hadn’t really noticed.

She followed Purple Tigress to their rendezvous, collected her miraculous on autopilot before running off to meet with Carapace. He detransformed the moment she arrived, the grin on his face never wavering.

Despite her mixed feelings, she couldn’t help but return the expression. Nino’s smiles were always infectious.

“You and Chat seemed to be getting on well,” she commented.

His golden eyes darted towards her and then away. “Yeah,” he said, pinching his own shoulder. “Uh… we were able to hash everything out about a week ago. Now we’re bros.”

He wasn’t looking at her. He was looking over her shoulder, his shoulders hunched, like he was an actual turtle trying to hide his head in his shell.

She frowned.

Did she make him that nervous?

Or maybe he was just embarrassed over the whole thing.

“I’m glad,” she made herself say with a smile. “I was worried about the two of you.”

He waved away her concerns. “All of that was my fault. If you had needed to keep the turtle from me for the sake of your partnership and the team, I would have understood.”

And now she was really confused. Had their fight been that bad? She wouldn’t have guessed it based on how chummy they had been just a few minutes ago.

“It feels weird being Carapace without Rena anyway,” he rambled, his eyes shifting to anything and everything that was not her. His foot was tapping on the floor and he continued to fidget in place like a child at a formal dinner.

“Do you not want the miraculous anymore?” She asked, her eyebrows furrowed together.

His eyes shot up, and his whole form tensed. “That’s not what I’m saying! I… I love getting to do this with Chat Noir!” He exclaimed. Then his eyes widened. “And you, too, of course!” he tacked on rapidly.

She laughed.

“I’m just saying, I would’ve understood.” he trailed off, glanced at her for a second before his gaze locked onto the ground once again. “Sorry,” he said, sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to offend-”

She just shook her head. “It’s okay, Nino. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Uh… sure?”

“Chat Noir is my favorite, too.”

His form loosened in relief, and his familiar smile stretched across his mouth.

Until it immediately faded. “Does he know that?”

“What?”

“That he’s your favorite?”

She frowned. “Of course he does.”

Nino’s lips pressed together. He clearly didn’t agree.

He waved his hands dismissively. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“You haven’t really said anything,” she said, except now she was worried. She had just realized Chat had been down, and Nino was now implying that she had something to do with that? “Is he mad at me?”

Nino’s teeth bit into his lower lip. “I don’t know if he’d want me to tell you, but… I… uh… think you need to know?” he trailed off like it was a question.

And then he didn’t say anything. He just kept fidgeting under his gaze.

“Nino?” she prompted.

“He’s going to kill me,” he mumbled. Then he looked right at her. “He uh… he’s hurting. Like a lot.”

She wilted at his assessment, wanting him to be wrong, but knowing he was likely right. How had she not noticed that Chat had stopped laughing sooner? That Carapace had noticed before her was an extra layer of galling.

“And he’ll never say anything,” Nino said. “He’s terrified if he does, you’ll think you can’t depend on him anymore.”

“He told you that?”

“Uh…” he tapped his foot. “Not exactly that. Just, during our talk, he might have… uh… look, I can’t explain. He’ll kill me for even saying this much. But… can you talk to him please? While knowing that he is not okay, and that if you call him on it he will try to brush it off?”

She nodded, her gut writhing with concern and worry. What was wrong? And how could she have missed it?

She headed home, her mind whirling.

Yeah, she had been wrapped up in her own things for awhile now. Everything with the Guardianship, then with Luka, and then Alya. Had something happened to her Kitty? What had she missed? Was it her fault?

She detransformed.

But she was quiet as the kwamis spiraled around her in greeting, acknowledging them with distant nods and half smiles only.

Tikki flew up to her face, a half eaten cookie in her hands.

“Marinette?” she prompted.

Marinette turned to her. “You know who Chat is, right?”

“You know that I do. I can’t tell you who he is though.”

Marinette pressed her lips together. “I know. I’m not asking you to. But… Nino said some things about him.”

“Nino  did?” Tikki repeated.

Marinette nodded. “He said Chat was hurting. And that if I asked him about it, he would try to hide it.”

Tikki nodded. “Yeah, that sounds right and is in line with what Plagg has said about him.”

Marinette’s eyes instantly flooded with tears.

“Marinette?”

“Do you know what he would be hurt about?”

“I don’t know exactly,” Tikki hedged. “I could guess, but I don’t know. And really, if you want to know you should talk to him yourself.”

The words made Marinette feel worse. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? I hurt him somehow. That’s why he hasn’t told me.”

“It isn’t your fault!” Tikki insisted. “You can’t read his mind. He can’t expect that of you.”

Which only confirmed that she  had  been the one to hurt him.

“But why wouldn’t he trust me?” she asked, already feeling her chin trembling. “Why wouldn’t he tell me himself?”

“Marinette,” she said softly. “Chat Noir is in love with you. He doesn’t want you to see that part of him. He wants to be strong for you. He wants to support you, and he doesn’t want to add anything to your stress.”

“That’s stupid!”

“And I hesitate to say this, but you haven’t exactly trusted him with all of your struggles either.”

“But Tikki! I had to-!”

Tikki waved her little red hands in concession. “I know! I know! But you have to understand that he may have reasons, too. Or he may not know yours, and it’s hard to be vulnerable with someone who is walling themselves off.”

Marinette started crying openly now. “I need to see him. Are you good to transform?”

Tikki nodded.

Marinette said the words and launched herself back into the Parisian skyline. She usually would have tried to get further away before calling him, but today she was in a rush.

She called him. But there was no answer.

She shouldn’t have been surprised. They had just finished battling an akuma. No doubt he had to get back to whatever civilian life he had.

And she found herself wondering for the first time what that life might be like. He had mentioned school before, so she knew that he was a student like her. She knew he sometimes had trouble getting away for battles. And she knew he was pretty good at science if his stupid science puns were anything to go by.

And that was all. It felt like precious little, but she clung to the bits.

His phone went to voicemail. “Hey,” she said softly, and then she was crying. She tried to choke it back knowing that he was going to hear this. “I need to see you,” she said. “Carapace said… Carapace said you weren’t okay. Please call me when you can. Tell me when we can meet up.”

She hung up the phone and let herself fall to pieces, trying to figure out why she was reacting  so strongly to this. It wasn’t like Nino said he was dying or devastated, or anything really. He had been vague. Maybe she was making this out into something way bigger than it was.

But the tears kept coming.

She didn’t fight them. She clutched her bugphone to her chest, hoping he would call her back. She sat on that rooftop with her knees pressed into her chest determined to wait, realizing she had kept him waiting too many times recently.

…

Adrien barely made it back from the akuma in time for his private piano recital with his father. In fact he would have been late if his father had shown up on time himself. He made it through the recital with only one correction, and overall a stiff nod of approval. As soon as his father left the room, he let himself flop onto his bed. He was supposed to study chinese next according to his schedule, but even the thought of interpreting the latest set of hanzi characters sounded exhausting.

Plagg floated into his line of vision.

“Ladybug left you a message.”

There was once a time when that news would have had him bolting upright.

But right now, he just sighed. He didn’t even bother to move before calling for his transformation. He pulled open the baton and listened to the message that Ladybug had left nearly two hours prior.

When he heard how distraught she was he  did  bolt upright, wanting to fly out the window and find her, but then her words registered.

“Carapace said… Carapace said you weren’t okay.”

“Damn it, Nino,” he growled into the phone, calling off his transformation. He needed more context before going to his partner.

He called his supposed best friend, who luckily picked up on the second ring.

“Hey dude. What’s up?”

“I don’t suppose you can explain why my partner called me two hours ago crying?”

“She was crying?” Nino echoed.

“What did you say to her?”

“Nothing!”

“Nino!” Adrien growled into the phone.

“Okay! Okay! I just said that you were hurting. And that she should talk to you.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it! I swear!”

“But why would you even tell her that much?”

He was greeted with silence.

“Nino?”

“Because you  need  to talk to her, dude.”

Adrien fell back onto his bed, squeezing his eyes shut. “I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I can’t lose her, Nino,” he said, and now  his eyes were burning with threatened tears.

“You won’t!”

Adrien wanted to be that sure. He did. But he was so scared. “Things between us have been really strained and weird lately. What if… what if I tell her everything, and she wants nothing to do with me anymore?”

“Dude! Need I remind you that two weeks ago you were also scared to talk to me for pretty much  exactly  the same reason?”

Adrien didn’t say anything.

“And look how that turned out!”

“With you meddling in my other relationships?!” Adrien bit out.

“Look, I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have asked you first. I just… you said she was crying?”

Adrien’s anger fled. “Yeah.”

“Doesn’t  that  tell you something? That she was  that  affected by just hearing that you were hurting? She cares about you, dude. Like so much. I wish you would trust that.”

Adrien swallowed. “Okay. I-I’m gonna go.”

“Dude?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s going to be okay.”

“I hope so,” Adrien said.

“If it isn’t, come visit me tonight,” Nino invited. “You know, if you want to. If you’re not even more pissed at me at that point.”

Adrien couldn’t help the small sideways smile on his lips. “Thanks, Nino. I’ll… umm… I’ll let you know how it goes.”

“Good luck, mec.”

“Thanks.”

…

Ladybug’s chin rested on her knees that were raised to her chest with her ankles crossed. She just stared blankly into the sky, the buildings and the trees, not really seeing any of it. At least she wasn’t crying anymore.

She started when the loud thump beside her signaled the arrival of Chat Noir. Relief and anxiety simultaneously flooded her body.

“Hey,” she greeted. As he took a seat beside her. “You got my message?”

He nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. Sorry it took me so long to get away.”

“It’s okay. I understand,” she whispered. “So… is what he said true?”

“What did he say?” Chat asked, his hands gripping the side of the building.

“Just… that you were hurting and that I should talk to you.”

He smiled brightly at her. “It’s really not that big a deal. I know you have a ton on your plate.”

“He also said you would try to brush it aside like it was nothing.”

“God damn it, Carapace,” he hissed.

And she laughed, reaching for his hand. “Please don’t be mad at him. He clearly cares about you a lot. I didn’t know you and he were that close.”

“We… uh… we weren’t? Sort’ve. And then after… well, it’s complicated. I can’t really explain.”

She barked a laugh. That was almost word for word what Nino had said. “Yeah, I get that.”

They fell into silence, and she considered him carefully. He wasn’t looking at her.

“So… you’re not okay.”

He sighed, and he looked so defeated. And her heart broke. She had missed it. She probably hadn’t wanted to know. “No,” he admitted.

“Can you tell me about any of it?” she asked, biting her lip. She honestly hadn’t meant to back him into a corner.

He laughed, but it was dark, and it felt so alien coming from her partner’s lips. But as she had already established that day, there was clearly a lot she didn’t know about him. “I don’t know where to begin or what I’m even allowed to say.”

She tensed, knowing he was hinting once again that he wanted to tell her who he was. And god, she had never felt more tempted than she did in that moment. But there was Chat Blanc, and whatever that had happened when she had tried to use Viperion to give Su Han his identity.

“Tell me what you can,” she said, knowing he would understand what she meant.

He didn’t speak for a long time. He just sat beside her staring into the skyline blankly. She grew more nervous with every minute of silence.

“Chaton?” she finally prompted, unable to take it anymore.

“I’m scared if I tell you, you’ll hate me.”

The world seemed to spin around her at his words spoken so softly she could barely hear them. She clutched onto his hand. She couldn’t tell if it was to anchor herself or to reassure him.

“I could never hate you.”

He glanced even further away.

“Please talk to me,” she begged, tears running down her cheek again.

He nodded. But he still didn’t speak.

“I… I guess I’ve been depressed lately.”

“Okay.”

“Like I just don’t see the point in anything. I can’t make my father happy. My relationships in my civilian life are crumbling one after another. And you…”

She froze as stiff as their statues.

“You don’t need me anymore.”

She would have laughed if he clearly wasn’t completely serious.

“Of course I need you,” she countered automatically.

He shook his head. “You  don’t,” he stated firmly, almost sounding angry.

“Are you mad at me?” she asked softly.

“No!” he shouted, finally turning to look at her. But then he wilted. “Maybe. I don’t want to be.”

“What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said, all the fight having drained out of him once again. He was so despondent, so unlike the carefree jokester kitty that she had come to rely on that he felt alien. She felt like a boat abandoned without an oar.

She wondered how well she really knew him.

“I… just wish things hadn’t changed,” he admitted.

She nodded. “Yeah, I wish that, too.”

He threw a startled glance at her. “Really?”

“I never wanted to be the Guardian. I love the Kwamis, but I kinda hate everything else about it. It’s… stressful.” She finished lamely. Her words felt so inadequate, but his green eyes watched her patiently. She couldn’t take the genuine concern in his eyes. They were supposed to be talking about  him.  

“I get what you said about all your relationships crumbling,” she continued. “That was happening to me, too. I couldn’t be honest with anyone. I had a boyfriend who wanted to know why I left him hanging all the time. My friends could tell that I was struggling with something and they kept getting more and more pushy trying to get me to open up. And I love them for that but they also almost stumbled onto the miracle box and I had to scream at them to back off and they were… so hurt and I couldn’t do anything to fix it.” The words were tumbling from her mouth now like a waterfall after spring melt. She couldn’t have stopped them if she tried. “My room felt like a bunker and a prison, and I had to lie to everyone - to my parents and to my friends all the time. And they all knew that I was doing that. But I couldn’t explain  why.”

His fingers thread through hers, and he squeezed reassuringly. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked softly. “You know I would have understood.”

His eyes were so bright, so green and clear. She had to look away.

“I know you would have,” she mumbled. “I thought about it.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because I was terrified.”

“Terrified of what?” he prodded. She could feel his urgency suddenly, his desperation. And so she didn’t lie.

“I was terrified of falling in love with you.”

He recoiled as if burned.

“I see,” he said, his voice controlled, cold and brittle. “How awful,” he intoned without emotion and he was pulling away. God, he was suddenly miles and miles away.

She should have lied.

“Chaton, you  don’t understand,” she insisted, grabbing his wrist, trying to pull him back to her both physically and metaphorically, but he didn’t come any closer.

He laughed bitterly. “You’re right. I definitely do not understand, but I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. No one else in my life can stand me. Of course, you wouldn’t want anything to do with me either.”

“That’s not true!”

“What did I do wrong?” he asked, his voice trembling.

“Nothing!  You did  nothing wrong.” She hadn’t let go of his wrist even though he remained limp in her hold.

Tears slipped over his mask and she pulled him to her harder. But he pulled away, completely, even breaking her hold, and rising to his feet.

“Then why don’t you trust me?!” he demanded, his voice raw and his eyes searching.

“I do trust you.”

He shook his head. “No. You trust Rena Rouge and whoever Scarabella is! You don’t trust me. You don’t tell me anything! You don’t confide in me. And you don’t have to, but you also don’t tell me things that I should know. You haven’t told me the identities of the temp heroes even though Shadowmoth knows who they are. You don’t tell me when you’re gone or going to put in a sub. You very specifically and intentionally are keeping  me  in the dark to the point where I can’t be Chat Noir effectively.”

She took the verbal beating without flinching. She couldn’t defend herself. He was right.

“And sure, you trust me to follow your directions, to sacrifice myself. You call me a partner, but I feel like a tool.”

Every word hit her like a punch in the gut.

“Trust isn’t something you  say, Ladybug,” he bit out. And for once she hated that he used her full name instead of some cute nickname. “It’s something that you  show  with your actions.”

He turned away completely then, moving too fast across the roof in angry strides.

He was going to leave, and she was never going to see him again. It felt like there was an entire car on her chest, she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t speak.

But he was already halfway across the roof, his baton ready in one hand. Another second and he would vault away.

“Please don’t leave me,” she sobbed, as broken as she had been the day she had told Alya everything. She would have told him, too, she realized. She would have given anything for him to stay.

He froze, she didn’t turn around. He was listening. She searched desperately for words, praying they would be the right ones.

God, she was so bad at words. Why were they so hard?

“I  do trust you!” she insisted. “It’s not that I couldn’t love you,” she admitted. “It’s not even that I don’t want to.”

She stared at his unmoving back. His shoulders hunched and his body tense, ready to bolt away from her. She looked down into her hands.

“It’s that the world was destroyed.”

She had never said those words to anyone. Not to Alya, not even to Tikki who had at least some idea of what had happened in that alternate timeline. It was insane how much lighter she suddenly felt.

She should have trusted him with this ages ago.

She circled around him cautiously, slowly like one would approach an injured animal.

“What do you mean?” he finally croaked.

She wet her lips. “There was… uh… an alternate timeline. One where you knew who I was, one where… where we were in love, and the world… ended.” His shoulders were visibly trembling now, and she wasn’t sure what to do. She  wanted to hold him, but she wasn’t certain if she would be welcomed.

“And that future… it was…” Chat Blanc standing over the flooded ruins of Paris flashed through her mind’s eye, “terrible,” she said. “Terrible for you, specifically. And I just… I can’t let that happen.”

She bit her lip, and risked a glance up. His green eyes were wide and glassy. “And then, just last week, I think there was another one where I knew who you were, or… at least somebody did, and Sass broke time to reset everything. I don’t… know what happened there. I just figure it had to have been bad because what else would warrant that?” And she was rambling now, but she couldn’t stop.

“How do you know why Sass reset?” he asked. He sounded so small and she hated it. He was supposed to be loud and flashy.

“I don’t,” she admitted. “Not completely, but my plan that night was to ask you who you were.”

“Why?”

And god, she wanted to lie to him. He was going to hate her forever, and she’d have no one to blame except herself.

“Su-Han was threatening to take your miraculous unless he knew your identity.”

“And you would just give it to him? Were you going to tell me?” He didn’t yell or raise his voice at all. And somehow that was worse.

“I didn’t want to lose you! I can’t do this without you!” She took a step forward, but he flinched away.

“Someone knows my identity, now.”

And just like that her words dried up again, and she braced herself for the panic, but surprisingly it didn’t come. If his identity being compromised was world endingly awful, it would have already exploded in their faces.

She reached out for his free hand. He let her take it, he even squeezed back and relief washed over her like a warm shower.

But he didn’t look at her.

“Is it someone you wanted to tell?” she asked.

“You are the only person I have ever wanted to tell,” he said, and god damn it her heart definitely flipped in her chest at that admission. “But… I’m glad this person figured me out. I think… it was a good thing.”

She pulled him towards her, and he came willingly even though his eyes remained downcast.

“Then I’m happy for you,” and she  was  , even if she was also jealous. She wished  she could know him that way. It wasn’t fair that she was the only one who couldn’t. But she also knew how much easier just one person knowing made this whole thing. She couldn’t begrudge him that. She wouldn’t.

He looked up then, and his expression broke her heart. “You’re not mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“I thought that I had to give up my miraculous if someone knew.”

She shrugged. There was no way in hell she was going to pick a new Chat Noir. “That was Master Fu’s rule. But I’d be a hypocrite if I took yours for that reason. Plus, I don’t want another partner. You’re the only one who is  you.”

His eyes were wide like her words wouldn’t process.

“Is that so hard to believe?” she asked, trying not to feel hurt that he didn’t trust her at least that much.

He didn’t respond, and her throat twisted painfully. She tried to swallow the lump, but she couldn’t.

“I’m sorry,” she choked out.

His brows under his mask furrowed. “For?”

“For-“ For so many things! For making decisions about him without his input, for not sharing intelligence, for not leaning on or trusting him with her struggles. But none of that was important! “For not making sure you knew how much you matter to me!”

She lost the battle against her tears in that moment. Chat’s arms were around her a second later, and she would’ve cried at the warmth and security in his embrace if she wasn’t already crying.

“Thank you for caring about me. You matter to me, too,” he whispered before pulling back enough to look at her. “That’s why all this has hurt so much. I was never actually mad at you.”

“You weren’t?”

He shook his head. “I always wanted you to trust me, but I often feel that you’re right not to.”

“What?”

“I can’t do anything right,” he continued. “And it didn’t feel like it mattered because you clearly don’t need me anyway.”

She stared at him in shock, horror growing in her gut with every word that left his mouth.

“That’s not true,” she said. He was amazing! He was amazing at fighting akumas and comforting victims after the fact. He knew how to handle the press when her tongue froze in her mouth. And she needed him so much it  hurt. She didn’t know how to  breathe  without him.

He looked away. “I’ve… been having trouble getting to akumas lately. You always win even when I’m not there.”

Her grip tightened around him. “Are you kidding me?” she yelled.

She felt him tense under her hold. God, she had always thought he had an inflated ego, but it was the opposite, wasn’t it?

She forced herself to take a breath. “Chaton, when you can’t make it, I have to find like  ten other heroes to step in! Do you know how crazy that is?! That you are worth ten other heroes during a battle?! And leading them is so hard! Like they never understand what my plan is. I have to explain it with so many words, and you know better than most that I’m terrible at words!”

And he laughed, though he was obviously also crying. He finally laughed and some of the tension in her released.

“But more than that,” she said, “none of them have been here since the beginning. None of them understand what it feels like to have the weight of the city on their shoulders. Even if I can get through a single battle without you, I still need you. You are my partner, and I hate that being the Guardian means I can’t tell you everything. I need you to know that when it all feels like too much, that it’s going to crush me the only thought that helps is reminding myself that  you  believe in me.”

She looked up at his face. “I don’t think I can face any of this without you. You have no idea how many times I have wanted to just give up or even surrender. But whenever I am at that point, you are there! You are my hero. I cannot face any of this without you. I think I would have lost a long time ago if you weren’t here.”

“And for the record,” she continued. “Even if you were useless and easy to replace, it wouldn’t matter! Because I care about you so much! I want you in my life!”

His arms tightened around her and he buried his head onto her shoulder. She returned his embrace, feeling secure for the first time since Nino told her he was hurting.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you, too, you know,” she said. “Maybe not the same way,” though she was starting to have doubts about that, “but you’re one of the most important people in my life. I’m sorry if I ever gave you cause to doubt that.”

“It’s okay now. I will try to be better about telling you when I’m not okay,” he promised.

She nodded into his shoulder. “Yes, thank you. I always want to know. I want to be there for you, Chaton. Always.”

“I want to be there for you, too,” he told her. “If you’ll let me.”

Her heart squeezed at that. She hadn’t been letting him.

“I will try,” she promised.

He pulled away, and she was relieved to see his smile. Though it was different than normal. It wasn’t loud or boisterous. It was soft and sincere.

Like Adrien’s.

  Oh no.  

“I have likely been away too long. But… thank you.”

She nodded. And he turned away again. “Wait!”

He turned to her, one eyebrow arched. “Yes?”

“Can we… uh… I don’t know meet up sometime?”

“We have patrol tomorrow.”

She shook her head. “No, not for a patrol. Just to… I don’t know… hang out?”

His grin grew tenfold. “I would like that.”

“Great! Me too! I’ll send you some dates.” And she ignored the heat blooming in her cheeks at the word dates. It didn’t have to be an actual date. It didn’t have to have a label on it at all. She watched him vault away, her heart freer than it had been in a long time.

…

Nino lay in his bed trying to distract himself with music, but it wasn’t quite as effective as it usually was. It had been over an hour since Adrien had called him. He hoped that Chat Noir and Ladybug were able to work everything out. He thought that they would. But there was that needling doubt.

Had Nino been wrong to say anything to Ladybug? Had he breached Adrien’s trust irreparably?

Adrien had to know that Nino was only trying to help. Only wanted what was best for him, right?

A tap on his window on his window startled Nino from his thoughts. His heart sank into his gut. Had it gone that bad?

He reached past the curtain without pushing it aside to unlock the window.

A second later the window screeched open.

“Dude! Did it go that badly?”

“Did what go badly?”

Nino swirled around, realizing immediately that it was Ladybug at his window and not Chat Noir. Fuck! He needed to get better at this whole tight lipped thing if he was going to keep Adrien’s secret.

“L-ladybug!” he stuttered. “Is there another akuma?“ he knew that there wasn’t. She was too calm. She wasn’t shoving the miraculous into his fist and rapidly explaining a plan as they jumped out the window.

This was about Chat.

He writhed his hands and turned away. God, he was so bad at this. Adrien was better off with anyone else knowing his secret.

Though Nino wouldn’t have volunteered the position to anyone else.

“No akuma,” she said, smiling brightly. “I just wanted to thank you.”

“Thank me?” he repeated.

“For encouraging me to talk to Chat.”

Relief flooded his form, and he smiled. Their talk must have gone well.

“I… I don’t know if I would have ever realized… that I had hurt him. I get tunnel vision sometimes, and I don’t always consider other people, but I never wanted to hurt him.”

“I know that,” Nino said, feeling calmer. “I take it, he does now, too?”

Her gaze turned distant, but there was a smile blooming on her face.

Nino grinned. Had she finally caught feelings for his bro? He hoped so. Adrien deserved it.

“I think so, and if not, I’ll keep reminding him. Like I said, thank you.”

“No big deal,” he said waving his hand dismissively.

“He’s lucky to have you as a friend,” she said.

“Not as lucky as I am to have him.”

She nodded. “Yes! That’s exactly how I feel, too!” Then she didn’t say anything else, and Nino was back to fidgeting on the spot.

“Yes, well, have a good night, Nino.”

“You too, Ladydude!”

The second she left, he threw himself towards his phone.

 Nino:

    So?! Don’t leave me hanging, mec!! How did it go?!    

Adrien texted back immediately.

 Adrien:

    I’m so happy right now! You have no idea!    

Nino smiled.

 Adrien:

    But I’m still pissed at you! It was super dicey for a second. I thought it was over.    

    No wait. I’m not mad. It was worth it. I think she asked me out!!!    

 Nino:

    You think?!!    

 Adrien:

    She didn’t say it was a date. Just that she wanted to hang out, but she was blushing and she was hesitant to ask, like she was nervous.    

    And let me tell you, she doesn’t get nervous!!    

Nino grinned, feeling Adrien’s joy radiating from his phone’s screen.

Ladybug and Chat Noir were okay again, and that meant Adrien was too.

 Nino:

    That’s awesome, mec. So excited for you!  

 Adrien:

    Yeah.    

    Thanks, man!    

    I feel like I owe this all to you.    

 Nino:

    Anytime.    

 Adrien:

    But I’m still pissed!  

Nino laughed.

 Nino:

    If you’re drowning I reserve the right to come save your ass!    

Adrien took a long time to respond. The three bouncing dots came and went for so long Nino was half expecting an essay.

 Adrien:

    I’m not used to people caring. Thank you.  

 Nino:

    Get used to it! Because we all love you!    

 Adrien:

    Love you, too.