#hope that helps 👍 (me to myself)
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
more direct inspiration from the show hehe techno's like "this guy is an excellent source of insider information, it's okay to trust him" and dream says "techno, you're the only one i trust" and techno swiftly moving past that pretending it's not one of the most significant things dream has ever said out loud to him "so then you gotta trust me on this lol" and dream looks annoyed like. well fine he has a point i guess.
#these two people who are so confident and will say exactly what's on their minds standing their ground#who both have experienced indescribable human and non human horrors#navigate the emotional intensity of their relationship like it's the scariest thing in the world..#maybe it is?#'i won't tell you i care about you so deeply it nearly consumes me i'll just risk my whole life for you over and over#and hope you understand👍'#'umm talking about my emotions?? that's too intimate don't you think.. oh yeah of course i'll put myself in way of total agony#just to help you through your own'#etc etc#WAH !!!!!!!!#rivalsduo files
10 notes
·
View notes
Note
hi more drug question
I have been told many many times that using ecstasy will basically fry your seratonin receptors so that you will never be able to feel happy again unless you are using the drug. I am assuming now that this is false but I am curious now as to how false. Is it something that CAN happen if you take too much at once or too often, or is this just random Drug Scary misinformation
Also also since wellbutrin is not an SSRI does LSD work when you are on it or does it also cancel it out
lol that's kind of an extreme version of what I usually hear! you're right that basically the answer here is no. this comes from a couple different things. first is MDMA induced serotonin toxicity, and 2nd is something called "serotonin syndrome" which is a real thing that can happen, but it's really really hard to get like this. prepare for a very long answer lmfaooo
MDMA induced serotonin toxicity occurs when you take too high doses too frequently. MDMA IS slightly neurotoxic, but so are many prescription drugs so don't let that word freak you out too much! basically MDMA works by dumping large amounts of serotonin into your brain, hence why it's the happy/love drug lol. if you take too much too often, your brain will straight up run out of serotonin. obviously that's bad! it's not as simple as "never feeling happy again" but you will essentially have depression for a bit because of lack of serotonin (on its own, low serotonin levels following modest MDMA use is not damaging and resolves within a few days) but the real problem is that if you are on MDMA with depleted serotonin, your brain will continue releasing dopamine which will attach to the serotonin receptors and damage them. this is what can cause long term depression symptoms, the damaged serotonin receptors. ultimately your brain will heal this on its own unless for some reason I guess you keep taking it a lot (which would have no effect. when you take too much MDMA your brain just runs out of serotonin to dump so like. it just won't work lol)?? it can also be treated with the supplement NAC, which I would recommend taking any time you use MDMA because of this!
to sum up MDMA toxicity: it can happen but only if you're misusing it! it's generally recommended that you dont do much more than 1 dose every 3 months or so to make sure your brain has time to reset. research interactions with anything else you're using (prescription or not), take some NAC in the weeks following a dose, drink a lot of water, keep your body temperature regular because that can worsen it, and take some antioxidants like alpha lipoic acid and grape seed oil during/immediately after taking MDMA - it's when you come down that your brain is delicate and could use the protection. also this may sound counterintuitive but weed also has antioxidant properties, so smoking it as you come down helps a lot. also if you DO have MDMA toxicity taking more MDMA will not help u feel happy unfortunately it will just make it worse lol, your brain only has so much serotonin to give
now serotonin syndrome can happen with the misuse of any drug that works on serotonin including MAOIs, SSRIs, and SNRIs, usually by taking a VERY large dose (but some people are just extremely sensitive). it usually takes care of itself eventually, but the amount of time it takes and stuff is kinda hard to pin down bc it's REALLY misunderstood and tends to be overly self diagnosed. again this is like super super hard to do. you would have to take a MASSIVE dose or mix it with other serotonin affecting drugs (ESPECIALLY MAOIs. DO NOT MIX MDMA WITH MAOI ANTI DEPRESSANTS). like 5 times the normal dose at least probably (partner is currently trying to find some literature on it so he'll add that in the replies if he finds anything interesting). it will cause things like heightened anxiety and body temperature and can cause kidney problems or seizures if it's like really bad and untreated. but you'd feel REALLY bad before it got to that point, so in general like, if you take any type of drug and feel extremely bad after go to the doctor lol. mostly this will also just heal itself; your brain is pretty resilient! again usually if this does happen it's very minor. cases bad enough to require hospitalization are exceedingly rare
to give you an example of what these can look like, I have a friend who was given about 3-4 times a regular dose by a fucking piece of shit asshole she knows and, this part is crucial, it was mixed with a very large amount of alcohol AND acid (which can slightly increase the neurotoxicity. normally not a huge issue but becomes one in circumstances like this), AND coke; like she was blackout drunk and while not on a lot of acid or coke, this is just too many things to have in your body and brain at one time. the mixture of such a large amount different drugs caused her what I'm guessing was a mild case of both of these things at once. she experienced slightly worsened depression for about 6 months after, and actually had a mild stutter for almost a year. I made sure she took some NAC and other things that aid brain healing, and she didn't try molly again for a long time to be super sure she didn't overload her brain before it was ready. this is a pretty extreme case, and even with that she has fully recovered thankfully. do NOT EVER do drugs with someone you don't trust with your life. DO NOT EVER do drugs in doses you have not confirmed for yourself to be safe and DO NOT EVER mix drugs without finding out if it's safe!!! just as a small aside though: usually taking molly and acid at the same time is perfectly safe. in fact it's called a candy flip and I HIGHLY recommend it because it's fucking awesome. again, just make sure you are taking safe doses in a safe environment
OKAY now finally your specific question about Wellbutrin: I actually take Wellbutrin so I can answer this one from personal experience! Wellbutrin should not alter the effects of LSD in any way HOWEVER! both of these drugs lower your seizure threshold! I'm on the max dose of Wellbutrin (which is the max dose BECAUSE of seizure risk) so when I plan to drop acid I usually either skip my dose entirely that day or only take half depending on how much acid I'm planning to take. because of the way Wellbutrin works, this shouldn't cause you any problems as far as that goes. for me, not taking my Wellbutrin for a day mainly has the effect of making me more fatigued, and acid counteracts that really well by making me feel very awake/aware. if you don't want to skip or halve your dose though you can also take things that will RAISE your seizure threshold. so like I sometimes will smoke hemp because CBD actually will help with that. the risk here isn't huge either way especially if you have no history of seizures, but again if it's something you're concerned about you should be just fine skipping or lowering your dose for the day. acid usually lasts about 12 hours too so i personally don't even care about skipping the Wellbutrin that much because it basically does the same thing for me. I did take my full Wellbutrin dose the last couple times I've done acid though because I was taking a very small amount of acid (about half a tab)
in summation lol sort of TLDR I generally would recommend MDMA for recreational use because the risks of damage are low and it's safe if you are safe about it. and it's honestly just a really fun one! the only negative effect I've ever felt is some emotional and physical fatigue the following day, and this is largely because of how emotional and energetic you are on it. I just make sure to have the next day off to lay around and listen to music :)
taking it with a partner or loved one will give you an especially beautiful experience, as MDMA has been proven to facilitate extremely open emotional conversations. in fact, when MDMA was first synthesized it's primary use was in psychotherapy! research was shut down during the war on drugs, but in recent studies it's demonstrated amazing abilities to treat and even straight up CURE disorders like PTSD. for a personal anecdote, my partner actually completely fucking cured his alcoholism on a combo of MDMA and whippets (nitrous oxide) lmfao. like dude straight up went from getting black out drunk multiple nights a week to drinking nothing for the past year and a half without any other treatment program. LSD has been proven to have similar incredible results with treating and curing things like depression, anxiety, PTSD and addiction and is also a very fun and very safe one.
sorry to reiterate for the billionth time lol but it's important: these drugs are safe and fun if you make sure they're safe and fun! do your research and never use in an unfamiliar environment with people you wouldn't trust in an emergency! also I know this sounds like a lot, but remember I'm giving you like the absolute safest possible practices and emphasizing sort of over cautiousness because I think it's always better to be too safe. I've taken molly without nac and I've taken kinda big doses a little closer together than I should have without any problems. there's a bit of flexibility to these guidelines, but it's always better to think of them as being rigid so you don't end up too far in the other direction. like I've said it's really really hard to do actual damage that would last more than like a day or 2 max. most of the time you'll just be sleepy the next day from all the dancing so it's nice to do it on a day 1 of a weekend. also it only lasts like a couple of hours lol so it's not your whole day or anything!
#sorry this took me like a fucking hour i kept having to check myself w my partner + google to make sure i wasnt talking out of my ass lmfao#im sure ill be rereading and editing it for the next hour as well#damn just spent like another half hour#hope this is thorough enough for ya ajdbsjhdkshdkshs#on a tangentially related note: ive been weaning myself off of my SNRI (venlafaxine/effexor) bc it didnt help at all#and made my nails extremely brittle ????? like so bad they were constantly breaking to the quick and making me bleed#so pretty soon ill be able to do acid and molly again. sweet blessed molly how ive missed you#cant believe i forgot to mention this but as another personal mdma anecdote: my partner and i started dating while candy flipping#hed been staying at my house for like 4 months at that point but we hadnt really talked about like. relationship definitions#and I was EXTREMELY nervous bc id never even like kissed someone fr before him#but the acid and ESPECIALLY the molly made talking about our feelings with each other really easy and safe feeling#we do it every once in a while as like a poor mans couples therapy lmfao. its much easier to be open and honest and vulnerable#while crucially taking down the defensive wall that can cause you to lash out and stuff#highly recommend 👍#wtiting a book called the couple that rolls together stays together. its about doing molly but also skateboarding#drug ed#i cant stop adding to this post im sorry
53 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hope you don’t mind me not participating in sunday six for so long and not updating my fic... i’m having a bit rough time handling my life irl right now
#meaning i’m having the worst start of the year ever#i’m EXHAUSTED fucking exhausted from my living situation and it doesn’t seem to get better any time soon#naturally i don’t have it in me to write because i don’t have enough time to relax. it’s been three fucking weeks.#i just don’t know even my body gives up from this stress and not like something terrible is happening#it’s extremely upsetting also considering that i love writing and it’s the only activity that makes sense to me#and always has been like that it’s in my core#and i. can’t do it. i can’t. i have no willpower or strength and it’s not writer’s block i’m just SO TIRED ALL THE TIME#therapy and years of medication mean nothing at this fucking point. props to me for not killing myself tho. well done 👍#sorry for ranting i am so frustrated that i can scream. i have actually. didn’t help.#well ahem i hope you understand 🙏 i feel bad that i’ve promised the chapter a long time ago and NOT TO BE THAT AO3 AUTHOR but#i really wanted to keep my promise. fuck me i guess#putting letters together one word at a time
12 notes
·
View notes
Note
I saw from a post about how many asks you have and I was wondering why not just answer one ask then use that as your daily post? (I'm pretty sure you post daily from my memory)
I'm not a writer so apologies if I sound a bit rude or oblivious. But I think you don't do that because it might get tiring to write an in-character response each day.
I'm actually an Insane Person and ideally would be posting hourly/bi-hourly, if only I ever found enough content to queue up in such a manner,,
But, basically the delays can be summed up in three parts: tired or busy (lumping these together as one problem), no idea how to respond just yet (or respond in a way that satisfies me,) or I have ideas but they're art based and take more time.
I do have some wips for some art answers saved I think, but I've got, like, a single commission remaining on my docket and I refuse to let myself do other art until it's finished (barring one sketch I did for the sake of my sanity.... I cannot stress enough how much of a fight it is to get myself to do full shading and backgrounds 💀 mistakes were made.)
Now, admittedly, it's been a minute since I took a crack at writing out some more thoughtful or lengthy responses for some of the asks I've gotten- so far as I recall, at least- but the dissatisfaction problem is Extremely Real. No joke, I've had an ask sitting in my queue for several months now because I was like "yeah this is good enough," queued it, and then just before it could post I was overcome with an Intense distaste for it. I really liked the question and thought I could do better. (And still clearly have not done better....) Writing Kim honestly comes really naturally to me, and I could never really get tired of it, but sometimes an ask throws a curveball at me in a way that I just really cannot quite wrap my head around responding to. Other times, I get asks that I just can't let myself answer in a subpar manner- either the ask itself or the implications of the answer I concoct end up mattering too much to me, so I get super in my head about finalizing the reply.
And then me being tired is just a skill issue. (I'm joking; this only applies to like the last month or so, but I actually started taking some new medications recently that have been messing with me just a little in this respect. Sometimes I get tired, and when they DO give me the pep to do things, I've admittedly been trying to direct that energy into getting my life together lol)
#i really have just kinda been busy lately. doctors appointments- my roommate moving out- SO. MANY. BIRTHDAYS-#so that's also a factor in things. im kinda floundering over here... drowning in an endless sea of shit I need to do to get my affairs in +#+order...#also i am like. an adult. so i have a life that HAS to be tended to in some respects. just kinda tacking that on bc ik some people forget +#+I'm 24. I'm not busy in the way most people my age are but I DO have things I need to do/be doing. (which unfortunately may eventually +#+lead to me being busy in the same way most people my age are. life's a bitch like that. hopefully it wont be an issue though]#i literally overthink everything and it is a Problem. look at how much rambling you're getting just here. insane#i need to go to bed i think im forcing myself to let this be the answer i have for you 💀 if you have further questions i can answer later#asks#anon#ooc#txt#actually just one more little thing. the kim rp/ask blog aspect of this blog was also very much an outlet for me as i was dealing with +#+some really frustrating things in my personal life. I'm still dealing with those things but on a smaller scale now? and I'm also no +#+longer locked into this being my ONLY coping method for it. lately I've been getting back into playing whatever games i feel like- it's +#+been very freeing. in a single session I've apparently gotten 12% of the way through rdr2's story! something i very much wouldn't have +#+felt like I was ALLOWED to do prior to now#(also if this post contains any contradictions. i am a very conflicted and contradictory person. hope that helps 👍)
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
#my mom said no more eras for me 👍😀👍#she said my car needs work before it drives that far#and its too expensive#which is is like. FINE. whats worse js#i should've just taken my damn self yesterday or today#if my car broke down at least i wouldve tried#but i dont think it would . but whatever#the onky reasons i didn't was i let my mom take her sweet time thinking abkut Toronto abd getting my hopes jp#and. the anxiety. i let my stupid anxiety stkp me from living my life again#im a GROWN ASS WOMAN WITH MONEY AND A CAR. I DONT NEED MY MOM'S PERMISSION TO GO ON A ROAD TRIP#i just gkt ANXIOUS.#and i would still go tomorrow but the prices are now more than what i have to my name!!!!!!!#i COULD have just gone yesterday or today. and i didn't. bc i have stupid nervous bitch disorder#and it holds me back so much all tbe time and its PISSING ME OFF#why cant i just have a normal person life#im really not seeing eras again#and its really ending#which i think is hitting me now for the first time#and i love Taylor swift so much. and ill probably never be abke to see her tour again bc the whole world decided to like her too#im literally crying harder than i have in a long long long time . it wont stop ahah lol#i cant breathe bahahahahahha#i turned on tsom and its not helping ahahahahhaha#i hate myself i hate my life
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
sorry for googling "is shadow of the erdtree hard" do u still think im cool....
#jk if u know me u know difficulty doesnt faze me i hope its a rl fuckin challenge#but just realised i prolly shouldnt start my ng+/2+ runs for all ending achievements until after ive played sote..#bc otherwise my first sote run will be on a ramped up difficulty. when the base dlc is supposed to be harder than the main game already..#and i might wanna complete it across multiple new games anyway if there are duplicates of stuff i wanna get hmm.....#well. in my current elden ring save i literally only have 5 more altered armor pieces to farm before starting ng+#so ill finish that. and finish upgrading all weapons to +24/+9. and then take a tolerance break to play a few other games#and THEN ill buy myself sote and play that and do the ng+ stuff after#also one of the main things delaying me getting sote was bc i thought theyd add new achievements for it which would lower my completion%#but they haven't??? so thats fine then#anyway i need to sleep. at least playing er has been helping me cope w how pissed off ive been again. we <3 violence#yaaaawn. sad i couldnt go to the gym tho i hope i feel better in a couple days time#i did go to work in the end which was fine lol. glad i didnt take the day off tbh#but yeah 👍#.diaries#also not being able to get any sote stuff yet is annoying me bc im using a spreadsheet to keep track of all weapons/armour etc#and i have virtually everything except a couple armour alt variants n the remembrances i didnt get first time. but my total percentages#are capped around 75-80% bc the remaining 20-25% of items are sote exclusive.....#thats an insane amt tho damn. sote must be fucking HUGE
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i think i'm going to go. Actually insane
my brother's gf's parents just put in an offer on a house for them today and it was accepted! and anyone who is not deeply mentally ill and traumatized and disabled and stuck living with their shitty fucking parents in their shitty fucking moldy decrepit hoarder's house would be happy for them! and i'm Soooooooo not! i fear i need to be kept 1,000 feet away from their happy celebratory housewarming shit bc it makes me want to kill everyone and then myself! like my mom texted me that they got the house and i immediately just started having a mental fucking breakdown and laughing and crying hysterically!!!!!!!!
like wow that's awesome!!!!! that's so awesome that you have rich parents who can just. randomly decide to buy you a house!!!!! that's so cool and good for you!!!! it would be so cool if my parents even had a decent house that isn't full of mold and bugs and mice and probably asbestos and has no usable dining or living room because they're piled with random fucking shit!!!! it would be so cool if some evil rotting smell didn't waft through the vents regularly!!!! it would be so cool if they were functional and capable of cleaning!!!!! it would be so cool if they were able or willing to help me live literally anywhere else, or GOD forbid realize that maybe living here isn't good for me!!!! that would be SO awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but it's So cool that your parents bought you a 3 bedroom house on a whim 👍 it's so cool that my brother gets to live there without having to go through any of the barriers that come with buying a house. it's so cool that people are just able to make money and live in safe and comfortable places and both of those things feel entirely impossible for me to the point where i truly just feel like i'm not meant to be happy or even just safe and sane. it's so cool that people just magically get their basic needs met and i'm just over here like ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha i'll never have that! that's awesome 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
#i know that like. they are in The Most privileged situation Ever and that i also have a Great amount of privilege to just be able to have#a roof over my head and food to eat and a fucking Car#like i hate coming across like i have No privilege and i'm The Most oppressed person to ever exist#it just. Really sucks to see other people just Magically get their needs met when i am fighting So fucking hard#and it just feels like it's Never going to happen and i'm just going to nerf myself before i get to access safe and sane housing#i think i do truly need to set a boundary about not being involved w any of this for the time being. which is going to be a whole Thing#bc my mom will be like Why??? Why can't you just be happy for them??? if you were a Good Sibling you would celebrate#and i can't really just be like Well actually living here makes me want to nerf myself every day and hearing abt them getting#this house makes me want to nerf myself x1000 and also take you with me 👍 Hope this helps!#Whatever ig i just need to be extra careful w myself. and my therapist is out of the office this week :)))))))))))))#That's Awesome!!!!!#no shade to jaxson u do u boo. i just require your support and services#ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if anyone can relate hmu bc i feel like i'm Actually insane#ventnote
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Anyways I'm back from The Labyrinth and Philadelphia (may or may not qualify as a labyrinth itself)
#HDJSHJSHS i KNOW this is a post that exists already but.#they should make concerts for autistic people who like to go to bed at 8pm SHJSHSKSHJSJSK#THE WONDER YEARS IS SO FUVKING COOL THOUGH......... absolutely worth it#but also i don't wanna ever go that far from home again KSJSKJS SORRY. i was built in a lab to be a homebody 😔#NOT in a tradwife way but in an extremely autistic tguy way. the tguy part is important#bc well. i mean i do help out but 99% the time i am doing my arts and crafts and video games until i crash 👍#i am thinking about.... The Pile........#I ALSO FINISHED EO1 AT LEAST THE MAIN CAMPAIGN AND FROM WHAT I'VE HEARD!!!#i'm not touching postgame w a ten foot pole unless/until if i'm really determined and hungry for pain.#EXCITED TO JUMP RIGHT INTO EO3 THOUGH 😳 that's the one i wanted to play the most!!!!!#but for now i have. things to attend to. including but not limited to being autistic about my guys (I MISS THEM)#but IMMEDIATE THING IS i need to sleep actually i have appointment tomorrow 😳 gender clinic 😳😳#god i just hope everything goes smoothly. i am so worried about so much.#like i cannot express cannot get into ESP rn. how fucking worrisome it is to be an autistic transmasc looking for treatment.#but if they give me bullshit i'll give them hell. i know myself and my body best. no one is stripping that away from me.#REGARDLESS. BEDTIME.
3 notes
·
View notes
Note
It sounds exhausting to connect every element of your appearance and clothes to Gender. Most people just have a Personality.
ok 👍
#i received a lot of other asks calling me racist for that post. which in hindsight i agree with and im genuinely sorry about that. i wasn't#thinking when i made that post so i deleated it.#Like i completely object to anon hate as a concept but i 100% agreee from where these people are coming from. so there's nothing i can#really say to them like???#but this?? This is just so funnyto me.#is this about the earrings post? i assume anon was like 'lets look at his other posts to see if there's anything else i can make fun of him#for' and just picked the closest one???#its literally about me being proud of myself? like I don't even use many labels. i was just saying it made me feel more happy to be a man.#unfortunately I don't have a personality:( other than being gay. hope this helps 👍#my asks#anon
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
nothing iimportant
i literally made this post just cuz i finally regained access to my account after being locked out of it for a month or even more i lost count at some point TvT I'm really so happy for getting this hell site back on my taps again 😭
#somthing random and probably not very important#but who cares!#im back!#i can use tumbler again!#wooooooooooooooooo!#i missed reading fan theories and heated debates on fictional content#and the occasional videos of that chocolate guy#and all the useful and helpful tips i could find on here#there's more but im not about to air out all of my search history#plus not like anyone would care enough to read these lil posts of mine people have life to do im literally just posting this for me#I'll just celebrate quietly for a second...#WOOOOOOOOOOITSBACKKKK#k im done 👍 enough embarrassing myself for now#i just hope i dont get locked out of my account again 😓
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Actually it is SO weird to me to remember that I was an engineering student and that later on I had been pursuing a minor in statistics
I may be a IT & com person in the end, but I do have the foundations of engineering and statistics in my brain too. Wild !
#speculation nation#if i hadnt liked coding so much i probably wouldve still been an engineer.#like my school does a first year engineering track where u learn the basics and then explore different engineering options#so by ur second year u choose your official track and that decides the rest of your schooling.#and id been thinking about computer & electrical engineering. often goes hand in hand.#guys i couldve been an electrical engineer. honestly that wouldve been so cool. wasnt meant to be tho 👍#i took a coding class my 2nd semester. first experience with coding. it was in C. i LOVED it.#and it got me comparing computer engineering and computer science and i decided that i wanted to do computer science#but well the intro course for that fucking sucked. didnt wanna go back to engineering either bc i hated engineering lol#im smart enough but it's fuckin soul sucking man.#eventually tho i found my way to my current home. im a techie :3 and im happy with that.#anyways do i seem like the kind of person who was into engineering and statistics? sometimes it's weird for me to remember.#but i did spent Years assuming id end up as an engineer. my grandpa was one. my dad was studying to be one b4 he dropped out#and my sister is one. just kinda runs in the family i guess. & so i was So Sure that was where i was going.#took. an engineering class in high school and everything. taught me some good foundational skills in modeling#also was the class that let me develop my signature. bc we had a notebook we had to sign the top of every day#so me doing my signature over and over again. i decided to use it as an opportunity to make it My Own. rather than just my name in cursive.#so yeah im a techie that talks good but i do have that math brain. engineering basis. statistics knowledge.#kinda feel like a jack of all trades (master of none) with it all. but see thats a good thing for companies (i hope)#ive got foundational knowledge of many things. and i am Adaptable. they can teach me the in depth shit i need to know themselves.#and i Also have my work experience in management... which i hope will help my case when applying to companies too.#aaaahhh!!! so many things to think about!!! but at the end of the day i am smart & educated and i will be a good asset to any company i join#i just need to convince them of that 😂 but i can probably figure something out. something !!!#i will graduate college and get some kind of IT job that pays decently & work my way up to maybe someday being an IT manager or smth#i can finally start. truly growing up. instead of being stuck in forever college unable to drive myself anywhere.#have my IT job and a car and the ability to do Whatever i want.... god i want it so bad.#im just daydreaming by this point. god im so excited to finally graduate college.
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#gonna try to draw again i hope i wont fall down a negative selfdestructive thought spiral again ❤️#pray for me yall#like no just cuz i cant get that one line right or because it doesnt look exactly like the reference#does not mean i am a talentless hack who will never achieve anything not how it works actually hope that helps 👍#*talking to myself in the mirror* my art is bad and thats ok my art is ugly and that is not a moral failing its ok to be bad at something#i will never ever be convinced that my art looks good so i will tell myself its ok for it to suck instead
1 note
·
View note
Text
chat is it normal to feel completely desensitized to feeling constantly sick that when you’re actually sick you feel like it’s not enough to warrant it
#due to long covid or possibly weed usage or a mixture honestly still very unsure#i was incredibly nauseous pretty much constantly and would be sick daily for weeks at a time#that lasted like a year i still get flare ups of that if i over exert myself but it’s like basically fine now#but now i have disease that makes me nauseous and throw up and im like. okay 👍#this doesn’t feel like big enough of a problem#like those are my main symptoms but it feels like they’re meaningless bc ive had this just normally before#i haven’t been able to eat or even drink really without feeling or being sick#hoping i wont vomit again tonight almost every time ive eaten since yesterday i have and i had dinner like an hour ago#sorry so fucking tmi i feel really weird talking to anyone about this but i feel like i need to bc ??? fucked up idk#really fucking dehydrated also which is helping me not be sick but i think is giving me more of a headache#i have bad health ocd stuff also so i keep thinking im faking for various reasons anyways#i feel like thinking about this is going to make it reality even though i start thinking about it bc im feeling it#i keep trying to just make myself normal and not experience any of these symptoms bc i feel like i can control it (i cannot)#it’s only with nausea stuff bc it all surrounds emetophobia i know i can’t like stop a sore throat or something but this comes out of me#i could just not#sorry for talking way too in depth about my diseased body and mind#i had a super strong stomach as a kid like went 7 years or something without vomiting and then this shit started idk if the way i do it is#normal??? like this sounds so stupid but i feel like im subconsciously forcing it to happen bc idk how it’s supposed to be and it doesn’t#feel as bad as it should be#i think the fact it’s happening at all is bad but it feels like im being overdramatic#anyways yeah ive been feeling like shit lol i hate this stuff bc while i have the actual physical stuff i also start getting ten billion#mental problems about it as well#emetophobia#vent
0 notes
Text
talked to the national career service today it went a little like this
“have you had a job?” no. “work experience?” yes. “can you remember the name of the company?” no. “can you remember the year?” no. “can you remember what duties you had?” no. “are you well organised?” no. “do you make plans and stick to them?” no.
“well no one can say you’re not honest! 😆”
what if i set myself on fire. what if i just laid down and died right here right now .
#guy who isn’t good at anything can’t remember anything has no work experience . suffering#am i not supposed to answer questions honestly#i keep asking that question and people keep telling me no and every time it surprises me#sorry i don’t wanna work in a museum so i spoke my mind. am i to be crucified?#suicide ment#(hyperbolic)#your daily dose of idiocy#‘its not about lying it’s about presenting the truth in a positive light with the right words!’#okay. i don’t know how to do that either. and right now i’d rather set myself on fire than learn. hope this helps 👍
0 notes
Text
sometimes Im like ughh what gender am I? and then I see butch lesbians and im like ohhhh👍 Got It
#text#their gender. I want it#there is something about lesbian masculinity that speaks to the core of my soul#like.. the way they present themselves is how I want to present myself. but in a boyish kind of way. but like#not like the way society views a man. I want to be viewed as a man in my own way & what being a man means to ME#im not societies man. im my own crafted soul-changing type of man#but im still not a guy. hope this helps👍!
1 note
·
View note
Text
fun sunday afternoon plans my dbt workbook arrived + I have a lecture on adhd + seasonal affective disorder to watch that I signed up for a while ago. maybe either of those will tell me how to survive this winter without killing myself 👍
#its the same dbt book ive used before but i only had a pdf before.. its much easier to navigate/use a physical copy#some of the techniques did help me to reduce bad coping mechanisms significantly last yr. so worth giving it another shot#i dont rly respond well to therapy unless its self administered bc i cant talk to ppl abt my problems + dont trust what they say anyway#its just easier independently in a written format. theyre my issues i got myself into this shit so i can get myself out of it. or not#wish i could at least exercise today but i think it is a chest infection im coming down with. so im not sure i physically can#its painful enough breathing as is. making some lemon honey ginger tea tho so hopefully thatll help#man. the fucking Misery. i hope i make it through this one. sooner rather than later preferably 👍#.vent#.diaries#i have a book on bpd as well. i dont think i have bpd myself but some of the interpersonal issues ppl w bpd have are similar to those-#i experience so just curious whether itll have any useful advice for managing emotional instability/insecurity in relationships
2 notes
·
View notes