#anguish | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

doctrined · 2 months ago

Text

⠀ &͟&͟.

⠀⠀ LUCID DREAMS ⁎ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ 恋徒 ⠀ ֵ

“𝑅𝑈𝐿𝐸𝑆 𝐻𝐴𝐷 𝐴𝐿𝑊𝐴𝑌𝑆 𝐵𝐸𝐸𝑁 𝑆𝐼𝑀𝑃𝐿𝐸 𝐼𝑁 𝐻𝐼𝑆 𝑊𝑂𝑅𝐿𝐷. THAT IS.. until she came along and turned his world upside.” —- salem’s knight, a night of lucid dreams.

&. LUCID DREAMS: MEDIEVAL AU

• MDNI (Minors Do Not Interact)

• TW: Unrequited Love, Angst, Dark Themes, Hate-Love Trope, Drama, Emotional Manipulation, Self-Doubt, Violence, Heartbreak

• FIC INFO:

• Setting: Medieval Era AU, featuring a Princess and her loyal, yet conflicted knight.

• Themes: The complex, tormented relationship between Caleb (the knight) and the princess MC. Love and hatred intertwine as they struggle against their desires, promises unkept, and duty’s unyielding grip.

• Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance (with a slow-burn love-hate dynamic), Dark Fantasy

tags; @alevres @icedoatlatte29 @starlitfool @rcvcgers @puckpuckvt @jadeloverxd @spacenott @marina27826 @starkdarya @darkx143

synopsis: ❛ Greed. ❜

It was the first word I ever whispered.

The second was Kale, a name laced with the hollow sweetness of devotion, a name that meant everything to me. But greed festered in the spaces between the syllables, twisting it, twisting him. And when he showed me—it was never Kale. It was Caleb.

And then, the world showed me I could not love him. I should not love him. Not him. Not the boy I thought a brother, the one who recoiled from my touch, the one who despised me for loving him in the first place.

So, he became Caleb the loathsome.

They found him on the battlefield, a savior of war, a broken thing wrapped in glory. And the whispers—they spread like poison, a slow, suffocating venom in the halls of Galdoria.

And thus, the serpent came—the one that sank its fangs deep into my soul, feeding me venom that tasted like him. He was the poison, the hunger, the disease I could never rid myself of. The world told me I was broken, that I was nothing more than an empty vessel of desire, a creature to be gawked at by men, but never to be desired by the one I wanted most.

I wanted him.

I wanted him with a ferocity that burned me alive. That was my sin. To want what I could never have. To long for the one who could never see me the way I saw him.

He was everything I could not touch.

And yet—he was the only one who could see the hunger in my eyes and let it burn. He made me understand. He made me see the ugliness in the idea of us. He showed me that my desires were not innocent. That I, too, was tainted. That I was no longer a princess.

I was a woman who could want and be wanted. A woman who could be destroyed.

But the worst part is, he ruined me—destroyed me in the most exquisite way. His love, if it could be called love, came wrapped in agony, wrapped in pain, wrapped in devastation. He tore me apart, shattered the princess I had been, and put me back together, but not as I was before. Not as the woman I was meant to be.

But as something darker.

Something hungry.

He was the hunger consuming me alive. A man who wasn’t afraid of death, but feared me. A mute who only ever wanted her knight’s love, her knight’s first kiss, her knight’s first everything. And he did it, but only at the cost of devastation, ripping us apart, tearing my soul to pieces and piecing me back together like poetry.

And when the serpent bit me, when society turned its eyes away in disgust, it took my voice. It took my words. My tongue, my lips, my lungs—they were no longer mine. They were his.

It silenced me.

But in that silence, I found the woman I was always meant to be.

Not a princess. Never a princess.

A woman who could take. A woman who could destroy. A woman who ruled, not by the title I was born to, but by the hunger that consumed me.

Did that stop me from fighting back?

Did it stop me from pulling my knight from the clutches of war—dragging him to me, back to me, even when he rejected me?

Even when he rejected us?

VERSE O1. pagans surely bleed, and the sky bows in worship. surely the humans too.. can see the chaos in a mind numbed to pain. surely, a man such as him—-divine in utter power, seething with raw possession—could understand that I was the pagan. a ritual left undone, a prayer uttered halfway, a woman in dire need of his acceptance. but see, flowers wilt, the seas rage, and i, standing at the shore, watched his dark eyes swallow me whole. my lips burned while his remained untouched, my fingers ached whilst he only drew further and further away from me. so I ask myself—-do I rage? do I rage for the stars? or for the man who refuses to come to terms with the revelation of us?” —- CALAMITY, a princess on the run.

I. “ I FUCKING BLED. and so did he, that I was certain of. ”

chapter two:

CHAPTER ONE

Ravenous thunder latched on in mere desperation to cling to the raging source of the downpour. As far as desperation went, I believe we all had a moment in life. A rarity where you must beat all odds for a miracle, for a hope that clung to life. Was your desperation clinging to something more meaningful? A new country? Love? Or maybe… an adventure? I don’t know what you struggled for, I don’t know the… desperation your heart hides nor the pain you swallow at the tight clench of your jaw and the sweep of your gaze tucking away an anguish one cannot decipher. But this was mine. I ran to chase away my misery. It came in the sweet, forbidden coveting of a man who just failed… to see me. It’s pathetic, the lies we chase, the demons we hide under our beds. The skeletons in the closets are worst, but dare I say, catching my breath as thunder poured its wrath onto me, slowing my steps. My legs ached, my chest constricted, and my tears, not a single soul could see, streamed down my cheeks with rain drowning them in fresh rainwater. But I pushed until my eyes caught sight of his carriage. It was obsidian black with a king’s symbolic sword displayed on the back. Everyone knew who it belonged to, no one needed a reminder, because that was him. The man, the myth.

“CALEB!” Was that my voice? Unrecognizable, torn and seeping with sadness, it broke through the rain. I don’t know how he heard me, much less the carriage rider, but it stopped, so did my heart when he stepped out. Relief was instant, but so was regret, anger, hatred because how dare he leave me behind? How dare he pretend I was nothing but a mere soul who’d meant nothing, who was of no value? Yet, as the distance ceased, and I pushed until my vision blurred, at the last drag of my breath, a grunt sounded by my ear. Arms caught me first thing before I crushed against his taut chest. Still solid, strong, and warm. My desperation was the sling of my arms winding around his neck, a choked sob wrecking past my lips. Just as words of hatred eased past my lips, his thudding heart uttered what his lips failed.

“I hate you.”

“I know.”

“If you knew, then why must you do this to me? Do you find it amusing? Is my misery…” And I cried, for the first time, pathetically, miserably because I was desperate for him, desperate for his love. Even as he crushed me into him, holding me so tightly as if I might vanish before his eyes. I’d like to believe promises meant something to people. Promises, of course, brought hope and at the same time, held the power to mend the broken. So, I thought the one I loved would always stand by my side and love me, truly love me the way that I had surrendered my soul to him. I was wrong, so wrong. I thought I meant something to him just because I willingly allowed my soul to tether, and to bind my heart to his. I loved him, loved him until my lungs ached and burned for his lips to cease that burn in the pit of my belly. Instead, my lover left me stranded. Affairs were the worst, cheating lovers, and liars, nay? But mine chose duty over me, and I watched him, helplessly untangle my arms from around his neck. Not a word had formed on his tongue, yet heat, the one betraying ache of insanity, remained infused, glaring at me, telling me to believe, to know he felt the same.

Did he feel the same, though? Did you, Caleb?

Instead, violet eyes bore into mine with a hardening gaze, soft as a puppy’s, and pleaded. Pleaded for what? My mind raced, the clatter of my teeth chattered as cold seeped in, dread followed, and I shook my head, staggering a step back.

“S—so that’s it? You’re not even going to acknowledge our feelings? What we both feel?” My voice sounded foreign to my own ears, making me cringe, but did it matter when my heart was being slaughtered, torn mercilessly? And there was nothing but silence from him.

Complete and utter silence.

“Caleb—”

“Don’t.” He cut in sharply, his voice rough and thick with emotions, betraying his usually controlled demeanor. It broke me.

Still remember my earlier words? About desperation. Well, this was the grave I dug with my own two hands, without mercy. It was ruthless, the way he watched me, stepping back, willing me to return to the castle. What cruel fate, no—what a cruel lie I’d fed myself, thinking I was strong enough to love him, thinking the first words forming on his tongue would be of love. Nay, I watched him turn, get back in the carriage, the relentless rain never once ceasing, even as it soaked us both. It never stopped for me. How much hope had garnered in this heart of mine? Ached for his love, aching to be the one to fill those cold, distant eyes with a mischievous glint.

Everything hurt. My lungs burned with thirst to quench a hunger I no longer understood, my hands trembled, but worst of all, I remained where I was, rooted, watching as the sky took sudden pity. It slowed its rage, and light flecks of drops grazed my cheeks where tears numbed, no longer streamed. Yet, was it a lie? Because at the jutting of my chin, lifting to the sky, a fresh pool of them gathered at my eyes, and I wept with laughter, empty inside. I stood there, abandoned, watching his carriage disappear into the misty horizon. My heart ached with the heavy weight of abandonment, but there was something else too—something darker. He hadn’t even tried to look back.

I lingered in the rain, feeling each droplet fall upon me like another weight added to my already fragile heart. With every beat, I could almost hear his silence.

#love and deepspace #lads mc angst #mediveal #la knight #love and deepspace caleb #caleb x mc #caleb x reader #lnds caleb #caleb x you #angst #heartbreak #dark romance #hatred #anguish #ongoing

69 notes · View notes