#help me this is so dumb

[girltheftauto]

[sesamestreep]

I really feel like one of the best details in “A Scandal in Bohemia” that I never see people fixate on enough is that the story starts with Watson stopping in to see Holmes at Baker Street on a complete whim, because he happens to see that he’s home (and Watson is now married and living elsewhere). Like he doesn’t send word first, he’s not invited, he just shows up and surprises Holmes. Which is not that weird but then Holmes is like “oh good, I’ve got a case anyway, you might as well hang out!” which just makes it funnier when the King shows up and is like “I’d really rather speak to you alone, actually” and Watson tries to leave and Holmes is just like “anything you can say to me, you can say to my best friend John Watson, and if you ask him to leave, I would consider it a grave insult, you would be my enemy and I will not help you ever!!” And the king is like “…ok” and just moves on.

like, that is crazy behavior. Holmes is talking about how there’s probably lots of money in this case, and then almost turns away the client for…not knowing who the fuck Watson is?? He’s not even supposed to be there?? He just came to say hi?? “It is both or none”… girl, GET UP.

[adhdandcomics]

whoever needs to hear this: if you got a disability, if you don’t know if you have something, if you ever think “it’s not that bad” if you have a thing about guilt, if you’re ill, Anything: listen. it is okay to throw things away.

you can throw it away. if it sucks and it stresses you the fuck out, if you just “need the right time to fix it” for the past 3 months. or years. if you loved it once upon a time but it makes you feel kinda weird and guilty now. if it’s a jacket youve reaaaally been meaning to mend and then donate. a jar of sauce that “all you have to do” is clean out to recycle but it’s been a week and now there’s a small colony growing in it. slowly shredding to bits fabric scraps you plan to use to fix something. busted picture frame. cracked mug. old shoes. extra box. an entire pack of granola bars that you hate so much but don’t want to waste.

life is already so goddamn difficult for us. i know you still care about recycling and the environment and sustainability. but it’s okay, i promise. sometimes you have to take care of your space. sometimes you have to cut your losses so you can actually have energy to recycle the next thing. get rid of the old shirt before it turns into a tornado pile of guilt under the bed. you’re not a bad person. you can throw this one away.

[hellogoodbyeitsme]

Damian walking past Tim's room to get water in the middle of the night hearing, "yes, I know. I know. You're excited to get to the bottom of this problem. I'm aware. I hear you, really I do. You make a good case. I would really love to work on it, too." and wondering who he's speaking to, only for him to continue, "but you're trying to be GOOD about your silly little human body right now. So get up. Go to bed. You need to sleep. Don't be an idiot. Come on. It's bedtime. For real. Let's go." so Dami peeks in, and it's just Tim talking to himself, growing more frustrated by the moment (though his tone suggests nonchalance). He's still firmly planted in the chair. He tried his best.

[paperglader]

they really put alicent in bridgerton blue on the reunion and genuinely expected me to think that she didn’t in fact march all the way to dragonstone to get wifed up? bfr

[plumkln]

WHAT NO WAY SATAN FROM THE HIT GAME OBEY ME?!?! IN A JIMMY FALLON INTERVIEW?!?!

[mari-lair]

posting this so I am forced to see it randomly and remember to take my meds

[clownsuu]

I give you an

A

A

Also I stole this ask just so I can post this fuggin weirdo I made smhh (I raise from the dead just to post an oc again LMAOAOAOAO)

Hopefully this will be my last one in a long while I can live with 7 fuggin wh characters HHFHFUDJSNKSSJ- well- technically 8 if you include Betsy-

But to keep it (somewhat) short and sweet- my loser- a ye ol Milkman- Zachary Milksop (chronically lactose intolerant) and Betsy (a lil mascot moo sentient puppet)

Another character made almost spur in the moment again (like Mari) though thankfully not another bUG, but just some average human smhh. He’s a really simple guy, a loser, is as interesting as normal milk— he’s just the ye ol milkman who delivers you that gud shid smhh— enjoyer of the finer things in life (lunchables). A lil flirty and charming (in possibly the cringiest way possible) however he doesn’t really seem to pick up anyone besides the local cows that constantly harass him (and eats his pants). He enjoys watching them though, from v e r y m u c h afar——

hes just kinda, “that guy”

Also Betsy- a very sweet woman! She always greets everyone and has the friendliest extroverted personality ever! Always the type to bring (albeit tiny) gifts for her favorite neighbors and always leads when talking to anyone. Not like she would allow Zach to say anything anyway, she hates his polyester guts (and only him smhh)

[nite-puff]

ummm….. so. the mondoblr server made a joke, and i liked it a little too much.

the kiyotaka ishimaru iceberg!!

of course, i wasn’t the only one who worked on this. big thanks to @pompadorbz @chinchillasinunison @mini-mecha-cowboy @cryzono and @ecogirl2759 for all the help, whether it be contributing entries or finding sources!! we had a ton of fun putting this together, and i hope you guys like it!

reblogs are greatly appreciated because all of these lovely people (and i) put a lot of work into this!! they deserve it!!

(under the cut will be a link to the document with all the entries and some links to sources for most of them. HUGE thanks to eco for popping the absolute fuck off and finding all these links for us!!! (and thanks to mark and @panicuriprince for helping us out towards the end!))

[puppydevilxd]

“attaboy” you say as you paint inside of my puppy cunt with your cum from behind, an arm wrapped firmly around my neck to hold me up and keep my back pressed close to your chest, your balls slapping against my clit as you breed me full. “that’s my good boy.”

[charalol]

LOVE IS SO MANY THINGS. I AM SICK OF PLATONIC LOVE BEING ERASED WHEN IT IS ONE OF THE MOST STRONGEST AND IMPORTANT LOVES EVER. IM SORRY. IM SAYING IT. When you get broken up with?! Your friends are there. When someone hurts you and you need to vent or even just share STUPID GOSSIP?!?! Your friends are there !!!! People like me who don't have biological family to rely on. Hell my closest friends are basically siblings to me. I literally call them siblings. Platonic love is so strong and important and it means so much. Yes romantic love is awesome. Yes familial love is awesome but the love that has the most impact on you? Platonic. Sorry. You'll fall in love platonically more than any other love.

Also. Hey. The only rules are the ones YOU set. I'm sick and tired of people saying you cant do "romantic" things with platonic relationships. Yeah sorry. I'm taking my friends on "dates". Yes we can hold hands. You want to kiss your friend on the cheek?! Go for it dude. The world is literally your oyster and as long as you both consent. WHATEVER !!!!!!!!

[a2zillustration]

(It's ok Yurgir will respawn in Avernus)

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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]

[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]

[divine0rdainment]

Operation Replace Lilith AU

Adam dies at the end of season one and ends up back in the begining, as in back to when he was in the garden after being freshly created. Lilith is also there with him. And in a panic, he runs off in to the deeper parts of Eden to clear his head. When he's come to realize what's happened, he thinks about life and all his regrets, one of those regrets being that he suffered a lot and got very little reward. Honestly, Lilith kinda got the better end of the deal, she got a husband, a kid, a long life, and in the end, she even got to go to heaven after making a deal! So even tho she did all this bad she STILL got rewarded.

While Adam basicly ate an apple because his wife asked him to, got sent to earth, starved alot, got hurt alot, lost two sons in horrible ways, grew old and died, went to heaven, got bored of heaven real quick, got condescended to by the angels (Cough cough SERA), became an exterminator, was constantly ordered around by Sera, and then DIED AGAIN FOR DOING AS HE WAS TOLD, AFTER GETTING THE SHIT BEAT OUT OF HIM BY LUCIFER AND THEN STABBED BY A BUG!!!

NO, he would not be doing that again. So he makes a plan, he is going to take Liliths place! He's gonna seduce Lucifer, be the one to go to hell with Lucifer, become a king beside Lucifer, and then later be welcomed in to hell like Lilith was after popping out one kid. (He'd figure out how that would work later. Probebly magic.) And then live happily ever after after by abandoning his husband and child like Lilith did, and live the good afterlife!

Plan made, he goes out and waits for when Lucifer shows up. Still ignoring Lilith of course, much to the woman's anger. She doesn't know what she did wrong, but it's making her mad that he won't even TALK to her. Also Adam is inventing things, like clothing out of Sheep wool, and strings and ropes and baskets and even figuring out how to make spices already. So the angels are a bit confused. They thought it would take humans longer to learn this stuff. But here Adam was, building a house out of mud, trees, and rocks, making an Axe out of a sharpened rock ans a long stick and rope.

Lucifer is so fascinated he actually comes down to visit Adam to ask how he figured out to make all this, and Adams plan starts. Too bad the only flirting Adam knows is very sexual flirting that an angel wouldn't get. And the fact that Adam keeps using slang from the 90s-2000s, and Lucifer doesn't understand half the shit he says! But he's trying! The real problem is, Lucifer seems to be the one doing the seducing by complementing Adam all the time for the smallest thing, and always touching Adams arms and shoulder and hair, and holding his hand without reason, and looking him in the eye like Adam holds the stars up himself. Fuck. Adam! Head in the game! You will NOT fall for Lucifer! This is your second chance!!! Your last chance to have the good life! You can't risk it by accidently liking him!!! Hell, your not even gay!!!

[lushpeonies]

and finally it seems my lonely days are through i've been waiting for you

[entomolog-t]

Stupid lowscale gt brainrot but like--

You know the "stranded on a planet with sexy 8ft-10ft tall alien men" monster "romance" trope???

Give me a story just like this but like humans are smaller because of higher gravity. Its nothing so severe that anything super off is noticeable at first. Similar body types, perhaps even the alien species is much more physically intimidating looking (especially if we're going to the ye old hunter gatherer/barbarian trope), maybe they notice that they feel really good on this planet, perhaps even they make the connection that they can jump a fair amount higher. To them its nothing crazy. Going from a 2ft vertical to a 4-5ft vertical is cool, but its nothing like the videos of walking on the moon.

The aliens however, notice something is off fairly quickly. With a language barrier there might be the need to physically pull someone out of harms way, try to direct them one way or the other etc... and humans?? Despite their size, they're *heavy.* Not as heavy as the aliens, but far too close for someone half their size. Watching the humans aid them in tasks is surprising, and they're quite impressively able to carry a fair amount.

Perhaps it takes a while for the humans to notice, and it comes as a shock. Be it something perhaps cute like playfighting, or something more severe like an actual physical altercation, it becomes apparent that the humans are leagues stronger than the aliens.

Some Local coffeshop employee Becky Smith of middle of nowhere USA is suddenly able to lift the equivalent of 800lbs and is now seen as some warrior class being and is just trying to live out her monster romance fantasy. Girly was looking for a fearsome warrior and somehow became it instead.

This is so silly and stupid but I love it and would PAY to read it.

[lorebird]

In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.