#also idk but i got sick help me | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rotshi · 1 month ago

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theyre so stupid Silly Ref:

#sonadow #shadonic #shadowxsonic #sonicxshadow #sonic x shadow #shadow x sonic #sonic shadow #shadow sonic #X-Files AU #ghghgh this is the last ref of this ep i promise maybe-#theyre so dumb i love them so muchhh #also idk but i got sick help me

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adhdandcomics · 3 months ago

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perhaps the most important question i’ve ever asked:

does anyone have tips for people trying to stop being chronically late to everything in the world that aren’t weirdly judgmental and aggressive or flat out lies

#when i tell you every single resource i’ve ever found or tried to get through or anyone i’ve ever asked #has been just so. mean about it #not even intentionally #not always at least #but there’s so much inherent shame tied to being late to things or being a person who used to be late to things #that i don’t think people can untie that from their ‘helpful tips’#it’s all ‘i used to also be a lazy uncaring piece of shit! you don’t have to be a horrible wretched loser anymore!’ and it’s like. okay.#you see how that’s not helping. right.#making me feel worse about it is NEVER helpful. i promise you i already have tortured myself over it FARRR more than any ‘on time’ person #ever had #this has been a comic i’ve been stewing on for ages as well but. well there’s of course the shame #idk it’s something that people are always despicably mean about bc fundamentally people who have never struggled with it #see it as a personal choice to be late #and as something one needs to just ‘try harder’ to fix. and that if you don’t #you inherently don’t care about other people’s time or even other people in general #and that feels horrible! it feels really bad!!#i mean i’ve got it from EVERYONE. disability allies. other adhd folks. disability resource offices #it’s something that nobody ever cares to acknowledge or try to accommodate for #bc time blindness and exec dysfunction are NEVER taken seriously as disabilities. they’re always always viewed as a personal failing #and i’m sick and tired of it. bc all this does is make people struggling with this Hate themselves #and worry endlessly that maybe they Are selfish and actually Don’t care about anyone else #there’s a bit too much here to keep in the tags i should really do the comic for adhd awareness month

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synthshenanigans · 3 months ago

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HAPPY [late] BIRTHDAY TO MY FAVORITE SONG ILY FINE IM FINE

pretend its fine im fine day & not 9/11 okay shuuuush it took a lot longer than i thought

[going into the photo looks better i swear. Also, close up & time it took below :}]

also add like 30 minutes for lighting i did in a sepearate art app.

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deerlisteners · 1 year ago

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thinking abt felix being protective of areadbhar and feeling entirely normal about it actually

#deertalking #feposting #few3h #ITS SO. LIKE THE WAY HES DEPICTED IN THIS GAME DRIVES ME CRAZY #like i haven’t thought this through i don’t have a point here exactly #i’m just thinking abt the screencaps here from the king awakens & him giving ingrid glenn’s spur & his support w mercedes & the cat #where mercie points out the cat likes him & he goes ‘well i can’t keep it. It’s practically a kitten what if it has parents that miss it’#not to even mention wildflowers for the future!!!!#like. ROLLS ON THE GROUND #it’s abt ‘i’m not immune to emotions you know’ it’s about it’s about #it’s abt how he feels like his emotions were disregarded since childhood (esp after duscur) so he pushed away the #sentimentality because he’s seen where it got his friends (revenge quests & death wishes)#but he can’t help but follow his friends down those paths anyway because he loves them so much!!!!!!!#like him acknowledging the spear’s importance to dimitri bc it’s all that’s left of lambert but ALSO #in that moment it’s all FELIX has left of DIMITRI. ykwim #like felix babygirl my beloved y do u think it makes u sick to see areadbhar in the enemy’s possession……..#he is just so hypocritical i adore him. he might be the character of all time to me #bro is trying so hard to b a lone wolf but was NOT built for that he was built to be loved and cherished by his friends #and so he shall be. thank you #um anyway idk what my point here was. i just like thinking abt how much felix loves everybody #someday i will make a coherent felix post. today is not that day #dmlxposting #dimilix #yknow what yeah.

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talkorsomething · 6 months ago

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I have Got to get more transgender

#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ #transmasc #trans ftm #transgender #i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever #so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL #it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks #such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also #or like. exist in general maybe #reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically #idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again #i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this #i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian #like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty #miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes #partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it #as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once #didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.

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guinevereslancelot · 5 months ago

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i should be able to call in sleepy to work

#so so unbelievably sleepy for the past week straight what is going on w me lol #all day long im so sleepyyyy #i keep going to bed early but its not helping #i haye calling out of work tho #i only did it once when i was literally puking and miserable and could not physically come in but i tried i got up and started getting ready #but it just wasnt happening #and then i requested time off for my eye surgeries and did my second one yon friday #it got approved at the last second and i felt so insanely stressed and guilty for taking time off for a necessary surgery lmao #idk how im going to use my vacation time bc its the use or lose kind but they really dont want u to use it tbh #also its combined w the sick time so when i tried to request the day off it showed it in the negative like you cant do this lol #but i requested it anyway #but i think that means i wont have any vacation timer left after all my surgeries #??#or something #its confusing which i think is the point to make people take less time off lol #this has been a shitpost

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pleasedontcareaboutme · 2 months ago

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i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

#you know it's funny #i still feel this way but the moment i wrote this #on tiktok one of my friends that was there for most of my times followed my secret tiktok account and #the friend that i lost last year checked my account and #i hope she fucking knows how much that means to me #because i always felt like she hstes me but i still deeply feel she cares abf me and silently looks out for me and i feel so sorry #bc in the past 4 days she has checked my account multiple times and idk man #i truly feel like she sees that im struggling i appreciate it a lot #but i could never tell her that because what if im wrong and also #i dont fit in that friendship anymore #but im still really greatful #for checking up on me even like this #*most of my life #noticed a typo #idk anyways i just really needed to scream this into the void. I didn't want to be so sad today. i just scrolled instagram to numb myself #all day. but i got off my phone it was terrible. idk. i feel im not sure i can get my shit together by monday #im sick of having to fall apart and build myself up every fucking day man. and each day i literally wake up telling myself affirmations #trying to convince myself that its oka #it will be okay at least when u are home at night. wait for that moment everyday but. im tired of waiting for night to be happy man.#i have 30 mins to either post that fuckin video and make a fool of myself bc i told myself i need to post it on the 19th. but idk man. Im #terrified it will only disappoint me. people will make fun of me. idk man. its not that funny is it. or is it? how pathetic i am for clingi #g to the only hope in my life like a fucking abandoned dog man. but what can i do. i dont want to depend on you so much. but then who shoul #i depend on? if i depend on myself im just gonna kill myself man.idk. my grief is getting worse day by day. i still practice guitar everyda #hoping that maybe you will come back or something will come back. maybe mywill to live will come back? maybe the Instrument will play a not #that I can depend on? i dont really know what im looking for thats the worst. living is uncomfortable and dark. even when im smiling with m #friends i feel lost.there's something i feel like they know and i dont. when they could name their favorite colors in kindergarten i alread #knew something was different abt me.its really isolating.not having a clue of who am i.i keep saying im finding myself more and more but tb #i still in a way like im always wearing a costume. i wonder how naked id have to be to find myself. sorry for word vomitting.it maybe helps #anyways acchan i miss you.this world feels really stale without you.i wish I could truly show how much I love you with my words or life but #i dont really think it makes a difference.my voice really doesnt matter that much in the end.maybe im too much

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hal-o-ween · 3 months ago

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Aging user base post incoming, but in the last week I have had to buy both eye drops and nasal spray for my allergies because decongestant allergy medicine alone isn't enough anymore. One of my cup holders in my car is basically a medicine cabinet at this point between those and my lactaid

#on the bright side nasal spray kicks in so fast and i will never have to endure an itchy eye again thanks to eye drops #but yeah i think my allergies are getting worse anyways as i get older (makes sense if im anything like my dad in that regard)#but i do think part of the problems it's giving me now are like. related to when i had covid a couple years back #because yeah my dad has really bad congestion but idk if he gets the same shortness of breath and subsequent chest pain i am #but between the medicine and nasal spray i think ive got that under control now #i also ordered myself some fun cloth masks that will go with a lot of my favorite shirts #just because like. masks help with allergies on top of keeping you from getting other people sick #and i figure i should probably invest in some reusable ones at this point. and if im doing that then i can get fun ones

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crows-of-buckets · 4 months ago

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Its the middle of the night and instead of sleeping I keep thinking about Aviae and Anders's dynamic ougaggga

#dragon age #oc: aviae surana #like. they have ~10 year age gap give or take #i think little four year old aviae saw anders and just decided she was going to follow him around #because she refuses to cooperate with literally anyone else anders gets stuck with babysitting duties #(he acts like he hates it at first but he really doesnt. although he doesnt appreciate the extra attention from everyone else. makes it #harder to plan escapes yk)#sometimes i worry im overindulging in these two being so family like. then i remember that i can do what i want and avi is my oc so #anyways. anders teaching her to read and write because shes FOUR and so so little and doesnt know how to do hardly anything #and as she gets older aviae decides to specialize in spirit healing because of anders #(he acts wounded when shes better at it than he is but in honesty hes just so proud of her)#they have a very sibling dynamic and it makes me sick to think about. in a good way though #i think as aviae got older she started trying to help anders with his escapes #she probably assisted at least a little bit with the escape after karl. even if it was just distracting someone lmao #anyways. they are so very special. to me #worldstate: mage rights #i may be cringe but i am free. idc <3 #i think the idea of anders and surana/amell beinh close before awakening is neat idk #aviae and anders dynamic is funny becuase like. the tiny little elven mage who you watched grow up is now your boss and is also the you kno #hero of fucking fereldan. crazy #my ocs

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daz4i · 1 year ago

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started looking for apartments like as a haha goofy thing to pass the time (and bc i wanna move out soon so may as well) and Hm. found one that seems almost too perfect for its price. like the only downside for me is that it's not in a neighborhood i wanna live in but it's still considered a good area, and it's the neighborhood i grew up in so i know the area well (like literally, 2 minutes walk from my old house) which is a bonus. one of the sites i found it on said the owner also signed some guarantee thing? which is a good thing apparently ig idk real estate terms. i kinda wanna go look bc i'm scared someone else will take it lol but i. am too scared to take any step there. Sad!

#i looked through like 5 different sites and this was the only relevant option to my needs btw #i could maybe go for a higher price but :/ i don't wanna rely on my parents TOO much #i'm still gonna need their help for this price but like my disability funds thingie can cover it as is too (it'll just be tight. yknow?)#for an apartment with an elevator that's still a sick price tho. an ac in every room? and it allows animals. damn #the location thing is. like i said it's a good neighborhood. but it's also religious which for me is... uncomfortable #(this is one of the reasons my parents were eager to move away from there actually)#still the public transit there is relatively good and within walking distance. so. Hm #I'd say it's sus that no one took it yet but it was posted today. within the last few hours even. bc the site said january 3rd #idk ig i'll talk to my parents abt it tomorrow maybe. see if they can help me with making calls too. hm #anyway sorry for the ramble i just got hit with a wave of emotions with no name i needed to turn somewhere outside of myself

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psychojetcocktail · 5 months ago

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do you ever have stuff to do but the bone ache gets you?

#iancu realness #idk what illness i have but i would rly like to find out #i cant do shit help me #i feel weaker than a rice noodle rn #and also i think i got sick again

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kavehater · 9 months ago

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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness

#There’s this specific part of the song #It srsly alters my brain chemistry #Anyways #i hate tumblr sm #Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm #No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much #Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely #Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D #The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it #The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc #To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th #Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious #And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei #It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking #To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I #Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia #And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games #All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car #Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke #Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon #Like me go mad with all these things #Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily #Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable #Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more #Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻

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zemnarihah · 10 months ago

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sorry but like if my schedule isn't given to me until two weeks in advance sometimes not even then i feel like i should be able to call out w no penalties like.... a week in advance. but at my job even if i request time off MONTHS in advance it's not always guaranteed. like that is literally enough time for you to hire and train someone to cover for me. it's actually insane

#i'm sick rn so like. it's not like getting the schedule ahead of time or anything like that would help me rn but. i wouldn't CURRENTLY have #a strike on my record from calling out for an event i literally requested time off for um. more than 3 months in advance?#if i could fucking. get guaranteed time off. literally all i want is to be able to request off like. 3 months ahead of time. that's totally #reasonable but if a bunch of people also want it and request it 6 months ahead of time... i'm not getting it #but i just feel like. idk we have a huge company and so little time off availability? i swear only like 4 ppl can request off on one day #before we start getting waitlisted. anyway idk it's not like #the attendance policy is that strict like if i called out now i wouldn't be at risk of getting fired but i would be getting like some #additional disciplinary action. so because i feel like vaguely okay enough to work i AM but i fucking probably shouldn't and it's definitely #going to take way longer to get better bc i'm constantly talking on the phone with a sore throat. idk man it's just frustrating i've been #frustrated forever abt how hard it is to make any plans around this job but it's just extra frustrating rn bc i KNEW. if i called out for #that concert bc they wouldn't give me the time off and then i got sick or smth later and couldn't call out bc of it i would be so pissed...

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pepprs · 1 year ago

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mutuals i got myself into a situation so sticky i don’t even know how to describe it (edit: *describes it* lol). please send thoughts of successful escape my way lol

#purrs #delete later #i SONT understand anything about retirement or insurance whatever and basically imightve signed a contract for smth i didn’t understand #fully and im so scared lol. and i feel so bad bc im stupid and i don’t understand anything and no matter how much peopel #xolain it to me i don’t understand it. i feel like a stupid silly naive little girl rn LOLLLLL i feel so sick #it’s probably fine and not that bad and i didn’t do the wrong step but im freaking out. not just bc of the money situation but also bc they #have to do a. medical exam on me to see how much i would have to pay or whatever 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 wtf #im making it sound like a big bad scary freak thing isigned up for when really it’s not i don’t thin&. it’s just dividend lige insirance but #i don’t understand what any of it means and apparently other stuff is better. idk anything about retirement i only got into this stupid #situation because i had a mandatory retirement selection for work and ididnt understand anything so i scheduled a meeting with a retirement #counselor person to help me figure out which option would be the best for me and he was really nice and helped me a lot but then he started #saying he could help me w additional retirement stuff if i wanted to see what the options were and i was like sure and then he told me abt t #this thing and had me fill out / sign the application in that same meeting to ‘get the process started bc it takes. a long time’ even if i d #decided to pull out later it would be a good thing to get the ball rolling asap if i did end up wanting to do it. but i didn’t understand an #anythi ng and i went along with it anyway and now i might’ve fucked myself over so bad. except i probably didn’t but i feel so bad. bc he wa #was so nice and genuine but maybe he was just trying to sell me a product bc he gets a commission from the insurance company which i he told #me wheni asked him if im getting his help for free. i feel so stupid and guilty omg #and also i signed up for my first credit card but the interest rates are really high which i didn’t realize. and i can’t log into the bank a #account for some reason liek it says my acc doesn’t work. and hr fucked up my pay so i haven’t gotten a time sheet for like 2 pay periods an #and im getting retroactively paid in august but it’s just one more fucking thing and i haven’t gotten the chance to pick new benefits yet #and idk if i can / will bc of my stupid pay situation like i literaly don’t exist in the system rn apparently. i fucking hate all of this i #hate adulting i hate it i hate it i want to explode and hide forever and cry a lot. and my bank account isn’t even my own rn and i don’t und #understand anything about mony or insurance or benefits or credit cards or anything. im so overwhelmed FUCK

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bugflies00 · 10 months ago

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hate when people go Ooooh no your friends aren't annoyed with you thats just your brain being mean Brother i have eyes and also ears i might be oblivious but when we're 2 hours into hanging out and ive managed exactly 1 time to talk without having to be asked to shut up and my friends are clearly on edge to the point of snapping when i ask where the dishwasher is and when they explicitly go "i forgot how overwhelming and loud you are" thats not my brain making up shit theyre clearly annoyed like

#when people online just give blanket statements like Nooo youre not annoying Yes i Am annoying very clearly when this is a reoccuring thing #what i dont get is when people say like. well why dont you just tone it down. like you think im PURPOSEFULLY likethis????#brother this is the toned down version bc i know my friend's already tired & overwhelmed so im trying not to make too much noise #the worst thing is like they suggested we watch ranboo and thats a bad idea cause then i got excited and like idk i think i jumped or smth #and then that was overwhelming so then we switched to . ithink it was fundy #whos obviously great too but like #idk like i was trying not to react too loudly but then i got excited abt watching ranboo so that didn't exactly help #cause then we can't really watch stuff i wanna watch the most bc like i know i wont be able to contain the fucking. mouthing along and shit #or like tapping my feet idkk #and fucking again this is the toned down version from how i act when im like home alone this is like extra Im Trying To Be Quiet #and it doesnt fucking work because i dont fucking know how to be quiet im so sick of it #cause its clearly not my friend's fault like they get super overwhelmed quickly (also bc theyre autistic) like they cant help it #and it makes them snap sometimes . a lot. point is its not their fault its my responsibility but fucking hell #anywayyyy who want me😁#alex.rambles.txt

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mothram · 1 year ago

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youtube

#diana's music diary #good morning #i slept early #it was nice #very cozy #I only slept like 4 hours though cause I had to get up for a delivery... also I'm posting this a couple of hours after waking...#as is becoming usual for these... I've been kind of vibing to music pretty much...#anyway yesterday was good but so exhausting... played lethal company with friends like I'd said which was really fun!! was a little bit of #process getting my bearings in it since I'd seen maybe one second of gameplay before but after a day or two in game I picked it up I'd say!#I mostly just ran away when I saw something scary but I tried scanning a monster and it opened the door which made me scream once ahaha #after that I was a lil tired but we ended up having a session of the project moon ttrpg I'm in kind of out of nowhere #it was short but v fun to play Frei again he kind of completely shut down the distortion singlehandedly which was surprising considering he #has no combat capability.. incapacitated them and read its mind which helped us figure out what we needed to do to resolve the distortion #-peacefully! my partners character did the actual resolving cause Frei is terrified of going near anything as gross as that distortion was #(it was a giant gross greasy burger monster. who was just bob from bobs burgers. he ended up in a polycule with linda and teddy after.)#Frei also read my partners characters mind a bit and maybe upset him a little by mentioning his daughter (her character is divorced lol)#anyway yeah... I was tired after both of those so I kinda got in bed and passed out quickly while listening to music...#idk what I'll do today I'm a bit sore still and I'm v sick and tired rn so I'll probably just relax a bit...#let's make today nice and cozy and good... love u friends thank u for reading <3

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