#help I’m so emotional over them
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Tenderly, reverently touched
#help I’m so emotional over them#I just like the idea of Andrew being touched to be touched#and also having the trust of having his hands in his pocket#and fully trusting Neil to touch him openly#also this drawing took forever have pity#aftg#andriel#aftg fanart#Andreil fanart#andrew minyard#Neil Josten
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annie telling brady (in the stalag) how she wants to be a mother one day and he tells her that whoever that guy is will be one lucky son-of-a-bitch (not knowing it’ll be him) because they could die anyday (with sad soundtracks playing in the background) and i-
#coming up soon in the next few days !!!!!!#uh yeah hi i did NOT expect the prompt to go this way but i’m lowkey sobbing#bc annie has a NOT GREAT relationship with her mother at all#and annie saw exactly what she DIDNT want#and now …. brady is. RIGHT. HERE.#and all she ever wanted was to give her kids a better life with a good man#and he’s RIGHT HERE#but they could die anyday of the week#and she just wants something SO BAD FOR ONCE#AND SHES ALLOWING HERSELF TO WANT THAT#AND JUST I-#i cant do this someone help im emotionally just (insert the pic above)#annie x brady#honestly they’ll ruin me#(they’d be such adorable parents)#but genuinely i’m so emotional over them 😭🤲✨#silver bullets#mota writings#annie bradshaw
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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frida’s multiclassing reflects the people around them, just like they said that they place their faith in the ones they love, and i just absolutely adore that character choice. a fighter from inception, from construction; a rogue by necessity, out of survival; a cleric once they found their light, not born of the sun but born of laughter and the warmth of the hearth; a sorcerer touched by alien powers that seem more familiar, comforting, because of the hells and their strangeness, a gift used to reach out and communicate and calm. they’re just truly The Multiclass Of All Time christian navarro your MIND
#cr#cr3#cr spoilers#roll insight#frida#f.r.i.d.a.#i’m feeling so many emotions over frida not being even the slightest bit afraid of their new sorcery because of imogen#because seeing the hells made them this way and traveling with them showed them how to accept it#and then they immediately used it to soothe fcg and learn more about the nature of their mind#all to help… because they saw imogen’s power as beautiful and helpful and nothing to be ashamed of#i just. augugfhz h :^(
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I think another reason why I prefer rogue’s hair to be huge and untamed is because I think it fits her a lot more personality wise. rogue might be southern, but she’s never fit into that southern belle type of box. she was born into a cult, and then she was raised by terrorists, and that made a major impact on the way she deals with her feelings and surroundings. rogue can be incredibly violent and aggressive. whether it be threatening remarks or just actual violence she struggles a lot with having a proper response to certain situations. she has very extreme reactions, like her commitment to being self sacrificial to those who show her kindness, or the fact that a small disagreement can lead to her beating the shit out of someone
#in the end it all boils down to not having proper guidance#when it comes to regulating her emotions#she has such complex feelings and she can’t handle them#and obviously with time she gets a better handle on it#I mean rogue is an incredibly empathetic person it comes with her powers#she can quite literally understand what you’ve been through#but she’s been raised in unhealthy environment after unhealthy environment#that anger was just the correct response#violence was the correct response#if mystique wanted her to take care of something she would#and violence was rewarded you know#rogue got mystiques appreciation and respect#and so she uses violence as a form of love now#and she wants other to use it as a form of love for her#because it’s what she knows#I DUNNO LIKE AHHH SHE IS AN INHERENTLY ANGRY WOMAN#why do you think she gets along so well with Logan#idk I feel like I’m just saying a whole lot of nothing but I think it’s so interesting#and I think rogue having a wild mane fits who she is#she’s all over the place she’s a firecracker#her emotions are so extreme she can’t help it
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hey just a reminder that sometimes you have to accept that you’re going to have to have feelings without a filter, and you’re going to have to tell people that you care about them, and you’re going to have to start saying i love you. if you want affection and love and adoration you cannot close yourself off forever and ever. keep up your walls as you must to protect yourself but not forever. and if you feel like you can’t ever let them down then i’m sorry. i hope you find someone that makes you feel safe enough to start saying and feeling these things.
#lolaa.txt#little thing about emotions.#i’m not affectionate. not really.#im a deflector and i laugh off affection and love a lot#and all it has ever done for me is push away people who want to help me so so badly.#and it’s a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps .#and i go back so often.#today my boyfriend said he missed me and that i was pretty when i woke up and i told him i was going to never speak to him again#because i cannot accept these things and it so so hard to say that i appreciate it#but i know i know he needs to hear it and he needs to feel appreciated yknow?#and im working on it im trying so hard#especially when you have been fucked over for saying your feelings in the past. it’s hard. it’s so hard. and i’m sorry#just. tell your friends you love them. tell people when you’re excited or happy.#smile when you get to do fun things. laugh at jokes! scream and yell and cry and hit things and grin and be out there#numbness will not fix what problems you have. it won’t.#it’s comfortable but you can’t have love without discomfort sometimes#sorry about all this i’m just . i’m having a bad day and it’s really hard today to be open to everyone#so this is my try#i am upset. and i miss my friends. and i love my mom and i am also mad at her because i am frustrated with the world right now.#and i am tired but because its tiring to force myself to exist and feel#i need to relearn how to be a child about it#and that’s okay#that’s all ; sorry for the long tags. thank you for being here
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going insane over the fact that happiness and care and concern and love is underneath every interaction between newt and hermann in pacific rim
#HEAR ME OUT. they’re introduced and newt and being a groupie and behind him hermann is all huffing and rolling his eyes and shaking his#head but he’s Not Angry. no. he jumps to defend newt albeit in a somewhat mocking and sarcastic way BUT THE THOUGHT IS THERE. and then when#hermann is rambling on about numbers being the handwriting of god newt is in the background smiling and laughing and making silly#hand motions and yes the hand motion was a bit mocking BUT THATS THEIR WHOLW THINF. anyways i’m not done. when newt drifts with the kaiju#and pentecost is there talking to him and hermann and newt r yelling back in forth u can hear the unease and shakiness in their voices and#especially the frustration in hermanns. he’s frustrated abt newt risking his life and is worried abt that which translates out in anger.#and yeah maybe he’s salty abt being proven wrong too lmao. BUT CONTINUING ON. stacker could have just told newt to go to hannibal chau and#he would have done it. but instead they watch the film of him on HERMANNS computer as HERMANN controls the computer to look at the film. if#thé film was shown it was for a reason. newt doesn’t seem like the type to need reassurance abt chau before he goes. he was willing to die#for his trash drift. and stacker gave him the card and info so there’s no need to do anything else. the video is most likely there for the#viewers but it needs a reason to be there in the show. hence my reasoning that HERMANN asked to see it out of concern for newt who would be#doinf this alone. hermann demanded to see some proof to reassure himself. stacker having the card on him makes sense. him having that bulky#tape doesn’t. meaning hermann pressured him into leaving getting the tape and coming back to show him. anyways one more bit. so the drift.#hermann is clearly scared out of his mind and thinking abt the impending triple event. yet he still drifts with newt he does it to protect#him to take part of the neural load. and it takes a toll on hermann it makes a big enough mess of his brain that he ends with him bleeding#and shaking and sweating and coughing and throwing up. and he knew it would take a toll. he knew it would be a lot he’s seen the jaegers.#he’s seen what happens. he knows it will be rough. he knows it’ll be much worse for him who wasn’t drifted then for newt who has. yet he#still does it to help newt and to show his care and trust and concern and love and THEYRE DRIFT COMPATIBLE U DONT UNDERSTANDABLE HOW#EMOTIONAL I AM OVER THIS FUCKING OVER THEM#anyways one last thing. the way that they full body slapping each other on the back bear hugged when the throat collapsed (they were behind#herc and tendo so it was a little hard to see. i missed it the first time) in pure adrenaline happiness before we see the quiet tender hug#when they know everything is over for good (for now at least) when it’s time to celebrate when it time to think abt their drift and their#bond and their relationship and their LOVE. i’m so ok abt them rn actually#toad.txt#i wish i wrote this in a keep reading bit and not the tags now. anyways#pacific rim#pacific rim spoilers#newton geiszler#hermann gottlieb#newmann
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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Back at the house with knots in the wooden ceiling. :,)
When I think of jorvikpov and MC’s cottage I think of the knots in the ceiling and the lonely moon shining through the window. It wasn’t always that way. I stayed in this house for the first time in winter 2022. Late at night I would look outside at the moon and stars & then up at the ceiling, just barely illuminated in the pale blue moonlight, and I would feel something still half undescribable. A deep longing for something I couldn’t place and yet the feeling that I was right at home. I think that’s the feeling jorvikpov is made from.
I think maybe I’m beginning to understand what it is I long for. What it is that feels like home.
It makes me emotional that jorvikpov is coming to an end, but I think I’m ready. I think it’s time. I think when I’m done, it’s going to have changed me not in ways I wanted or expected it to but in ways I desperately needed and in all the ways it ever could.
When I’m done, I will be ready to let it go.
#mine and jorvikpov MC’s journeys are in no way the same#but in many ways they mirror one another#and run along parallel tracks#I think mine will be over in the same way and at the same time as theirs#and then we will keep living our separate lives. like a friend you knew for a time#I will not know what they do in their after#I can only help them reach the ending they deserve. like they have done for me#and yes it is soon. scarily so.#it’s becoming hard not to post specific dates and numbers#and I’m realising that there are things I’ve written about for the very last time#and it’s. hard. to not go on main and be emotional about it but i AM#but i know there are people that read it and i never want to say right out what’s coming or what’s not#I want all of you to be as delighted to see the story gradually unfold as I was when I felt it fit into place#and as I am every time a new chapter is written#also when I’m done and have posted everything expect a really long emotional post#because I WILL be emotional#I’ll probably cry a little tbh#z talks
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Recently I was at a meet-up-thing for a-spec people and one of the older ones who organise these meet-ups said in the course of a conversation “well I’m ace and whatever sort of attraction I might feel every time a full moon aligns with the bloom of a special flower won’t shake my understanding of myself, I’m secure enough in who I am to not let that shatter my picture of myself” (that was a very loose quote but I think u get what she meant). And I just found it so funny cause she said it like it was a ridiculous thought to herself, that something small like that could impact herself so much because she’s obviously very at piece and secure with and in her asexuality and while I’m also quite sure of myself in that regard nowadays, there was a long period of time where a random maybe-attraction could definitely make myself question my whole sexuality all over again so that ridiculous thought was and in parts still is a reality to me. And I think this really beautifully shows how self-discovery is a process that we’re all taking at our own pace but that can “end” at some point where we can still be open to new feelings and realisations but where we can have found a way to self-identify that makes us be secure in who we are and where the path of self-discovery is less a daily shattering of our perception of ourselves and more a stable ground we can be free to make new experiences on.
#starrytalking#just to be clear she obviously spoke about her own experiences and I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean to invalidate anyone who would be really#unsettled after experiencing something that makes them going into questioning all over again#also that wasn’t the main topic of that conversation it just briefly came up#and I found it funny in what different stages of questioning and self-identification we are#so it was funny but also cool to see how open she is about her asexuality and how safe she feels in it#like the older people at this meet up honestly make me so emotional because I’m not even out to most people I know and these people are out#there living their lives and being openly ace and organising meet-ups and holding speeches and being in YouTube videos#it’s honestly so so cool to see that!!! and that’s exactly why representation matters! because it makes me believe that asexuality is real#and that my feelings are normal and valid which is super helpful at times where my head tries to tell me that it’s all just on the internet#which isn’t true but it kinda feels like it but with these meet-ups and friends of mine also being aspec and storylines like Isaacs in#Heartstopper I can feel more secure of that :)))#asexual#ace#aroace#aspec#lgbtq+#queer#thoughts#representation matters#self discovery
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oh yeah we were also wondering why we flock to media with dead kids that haunt the narrative both figuratively and literally and uh :) yeah we know why
#child death tw#rowan seemed so much older when we were kids#but realistically she was barely like 14#maybe even 12 or 13#Jason Todd chara and asriel. them mfs from fnaf and maria#they’re dead kids but at the end of the day they’re all apart of someone else’s story#and a lot of them come back. in one way shape or form#with the exception of maria they all come back wrong and hurt and twisted by their deaths#but still deserving of love. still craving it more than anything#being a vessel for someone else’s opinions. barely even themselves#rowan died. and a part of us died with her#that was probably uh.. yknow. That guys last real time being here#cheri took all the stuff as kid. all of it happened to them but buddy boy was still kinda around#and then rowan died and then. She did too#and then Jay had to take over for years and then cheri came back but didn’t know they were cheri until#like they were 17 because they just repressed repressed repressed#and obviously those are very shallow views of those characters#but to a hurting kid who resonated so much with them they were everything#I have no clue why I’m so introspective tonight#but my friends do call me the emotion guy so#I guess it means something. but yeah something died in us when rowan died#but something was also born. rowan was a person. a little girl who should’ve grown up and that’ll never change#but I think this year is the year that we learn to let her go#im happy i got the chance to know her when we did#I hope she’s a fucking butterfly or something really cool like an alligator if her next life#also we already knew why we flocked to this media because duh. but like it helps to know which part of us needs more healing#who needs a therapist when you have me ;)
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There always seems to be one kid who just screams like a tornado siren, all day long, at any given opportunity. Like, kid, I love you, you are precious and deserve all the happiness in the world; but please for the love of god shut up. There are people trying to learn here and you’re not helping them or yourself.
#I don’t like being harsh with people in general but if one child is raising the tension in the room to a fever pitch every single day#making it incredibly hard for the kids who are trying really really hard to focus when they already have focus issues#and because I know this specific kid gets absolutely spoiled rotten at home and is allowed to do whatever they want#you know… sometimes it helps to show the kid how they sound to others by demonstrating the obnoxious nature of The Scream#because when the parents do Jack Shit about teaching their kid discipline and courtesy; you have to be a parent in their stead#But do NOT continue to scream. You are an adult with adequate emotional control. Screaming should be be done EXTREMELY sparingly#and only utilized for demonstration purposes or to stop a brawl; not for bullying or intimidation#Don’t do a JoJo Siwa and TRY to make kids cry even though you may get stressed enough that you want to escalate on purpose#Again: you are an adult with adequate emotional control; don’t escalate unless the overreaching plan is to deescalate#if eliciting a startle response will stop harmful behavior and “snap them out of it” for long enough for you to get through#or if they just need to let all their emotions out at once so they can lose enough of that high energy to think critically#then sure#but you have to guide them back down very carefully and calmly; it’s a precise science#Don’t be mean about it; be genuine in your feelings and don’t go overboard. Genuine ≠ mean unless you’re evil#Or if you don’t feel emotions very strongly (like I do) then react like a “normal” person. Lie about being angry or sad if it is appropriat#Again: Your goal should not be to get the kid to do what you want; the goal should be to get them to feel good enough#so they are ABLE to do it in the first place#And the goal should also be to show them how their actions affect others if they are not aware of it#“Teach a man to fish” and all that. Don’t always check them; get them to check themselves#If a kid hits another kid when they’re angry at something completely unrelated; then 1.) redirect destructive behavior#and 2.) walk them back over to the kid they hurt and say:#“Look at [name]; look how sad you made them. [name] didn’t do anything to you#It’s okay to be angry but we CANNOT hit people when we are angry because it hurts and makes them cry.” Works great#Always remember there is a power imbalance inherent in EVERY child-adult relationship and NEVER abuse it#And if you’re not patient or emotionally stable enough to work with or have children; then don’t. Please don’t.#Children are not cute little dolls to play dress-up with; nor are they perfect angels; nor are they your personal stress ball#Having children is NOT A GAME. They are PEOPLE who will grow to be your age one day and everything you do affects them#Sorry I’m just tired of all these parents who shove iPads in their kids faces so they don’t bother them. You’re giving them an addiction
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I can’t believe I started this AU five years ago as a silly joke and now I’m absolutely feral over it.
Because!
Because for Felix it’s like, what if you’ve never been able to trust a single emotion you feel because you can’t be sure if it’s your own or if it’s someone else’s that you’ve mistakenly collected into your subconscious? What if you’ve never been able to trust a single emotion someone’s felt about you because you can’t be sure if it’s what they actually feel or if it’s your own that you’ve mistakenly projected onto them? So you resolve not to feel at all, to train your mind and body until you’re more a weapon than a person, and set yourself on an arrow-straight trajectory, always moving forward. But how do you stay the course when the only person who has made you want to feel is always there, footstep for footstep, urging you along? What truly scares you more, that they don’t mean the things they say, that the devotion they claim to feel is just a resonance of the feelings they inspire in you? Or that they do? You are a weapon, now. You are only capable of inflicting pain. But for a weapon, you do so fear the fresh wound’s sting.
Because for Sylvain it’s like, sometimes you become the thing you fear the most simply by trying to run away. You were born to prove someone else’s point, to provide validity to a interplanetary thesis. Raised by one parent to triumph in a war that ended before you were even born, by the other to carry the banner of a legacy. Little thought was given to your wishes. You sit squarely between two worlds, a human tether, but what—or who—is it that tethers you? You’ve loved him for so long, now. It doesn’t feel the same, loving anyone else, no matter how many times you’ve tried. So what will you do when he leaves, when he abandons you to the emptiness you’ve been trying to drown in the depths of your feelings for him? When it is only you, left in the dark. Without the legacy, without the future that was chosen for you. Who do you become, then?
Because.
#girl help I have been lost in my feelings over this for so long#10k and six different word documents and I don’t even have a single coherent scene because#it’s all just thoughts and emotions and outlines#I should give up and move on but#screaming shaking crying#it’s felix nearly starting a war after two minutes of accidentally glimpsing the chaos inside dimitri’s head#it’s mercedes so full of guilt for abandoning her own brother that she follows felix across the galaxy to be someone he can lean on#and it’s sylvain#sylvain retiring from starfleet at the age of 23 due to an injury that Felix inadvertently caused#one that should be fixable but isn’t because it’s more than just flesh that’s damaged#and having to live a life that’s his alone and not a product of his parent’s influence#and all of them still ending up back on the deck of the uss faerghus because their love for dimitri is so complete#I’m going to delete this in an hour when I’m less emotional#I need a tag for this au so you all can block it#tactility: a primer
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Re-reading Bleach’s Arrancar arc, and… god I want to give Orihime a shoulder to lean on and cry on. Just… gosh the poor girl… she can’t catch a break :’(
The moment she has self doubts about her own abilities (a very understandable and normal teenaged thing!) she has an even more stronger insistence to be stronger, and just when she’s about to get a tremendous improvement in her abilites, the bad guys show up (specifically Ul//quiorra) and basically coerces her to join the arrancar because the value her abilities. That refusal would lead to the deaths of her friends, and as a pacifist who doesn’t like violence and wants to keep her friends safe, it’s understandable that such an offer is VERY HARD for her to decline.
May I remind people that Orihime at this point in Bleach is a teenaged girl attending high school. Who just a few months ago almost saw her best friend die (they’re okay but they’re not the same person anymore), had a near death experience herself, and also saw the person she has a crush on be violently defeated in a battle he wasn’t prepared for.
Arrancar arc is really just… Orihime and the horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day :(
#I was really emotional when typing this up..#the momen she considers getting stronger urahara comes around and well intentionally#says that she should sit this fight out because her combat abilities are a liability#LIKE ITS WELL INTENTIONED… but the dude explains it so horribly it just adds to orihime’s self doubt#and she vents this to rukia who LOSES HER SHIT. rukia is like ‘HEY WITHOUT YOU I’D BE DEAD’! and she’s right!! and she trains with orihime#after orihime’s fairy friend gets fixed!! and it’s like!!! FINALLY!! she’ll get the time to shine on the battlefield!#but the arrancar saw that and went ‘hey… what if we stole this human and kept them as our medic? it’s a piece of leverage over#that ichigo guy :) we win either way and they can’t stop us. it’s a foolproof plan!!’#and they coerce her to join them by threatening the lives of her friends and it’s like!!!#then taking advantage of an emotionality vulnerable orihime is like.. genius storytelling#it’s a consequence of the characters not allowing orihime stand on her own in a fight. they try to protect her so much that they end up#losing her in the end anyways as she joins the bad guys. obviously this is a coerced betrayal. the enemy threatened#the lives of her friends in exchange for her to go with them. so of course!! she’s going to follow their instructions to save her friends!!#I don’t think orihime is THAT naive I think she’s more kind than naive. she wants to see the best in people even if they are her enemy#she did that a lot in the soul society infiltration arc#i think her real weakness is that she’s kind to a fault but the fact she chooses TO BE KIND even in the face of evil gives her#so much character and personality to her. she’s a good person who wants to do good and to be better; to help OTHERS BE BETTER!!#hi I’m normal about a fictional character sorry…#bleach spoilers
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#day 4847362 of having to be the emotional pillar for people (which to be clear I’m perfectly happy to do) and help them work through their#problems and them being triggered by something going on in their personal life or someone looking at them wrong and taking it out on all of#us and forcing me to be the doormat and apologize for something I didn’t do#but meanwhile I can’t say that I’m triggered by the constant swearing and sex jokes and have to take an hour after social events to calm#down and stop panicking about the state of my own morality because that makes people feel bad#or better yet we turn my discomfort into a joke#(which I’m willing to admit I participate in because I’m not comfortable expressing my own discomfort)#two more days of this (in person) surely I can survive yes?#but I can’t help but feel like I’m constantly being taken advantage of because I’m so easygoing and so desperate for people to like me#anyway sorry rant over I’m just so exhausted and discouraged
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I think tomorrow I’m going to go back to the y and politely insist that I be the only person on my account and that they remove any connection to my family, if the same woman who was mean about it today is there I could potentially ask for help from someone else but there’s no reason for my abusive family to be connected to me on that account just because when I was 14 I was on an account with them, I made her aware that I’m not in contact with them and that I am worried about them finding me and she said it didn’t matter because they weren’t even active members and they don’t give out member information which I think should be a given but it’s not really the point
#I’m really trying to let this go I promise I am but her calling me by my abusive mothers name has really done some damage#I sent a help request on the website to try and resolve it and they said someone would likely be in contact within 72 hours but even that#just feels like too long to be connected with them#I wish I had gotten a permanent protective order when the worst of it was going down so that maybe I could have that to show people as a#reason I don’t want to be connected with them but I didn’t even really know that was a thing at the time#I’m sitting here with the kitten and even that’s not making it better and I know I shouldn’t be so emotional over this but it hurts#it’s like abuse and trauma are ghosts that follow you and you can’t ever get away it feels kind of hopeless#I’m really trying to get over it I promise
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