#and it’s a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps . | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vaguehotels · 1 month ago

Text

hey just a reminder that sometimes you have to accept that you’re going to have to have feelings without a filter, and you’re going to have to tell people that you care about them, and you’re going to have to start saying i love you. if you want affection and love and adoration you cannot close yourself off forever and ever. keep up your walls as you must to protect yourself but not forever. and if you feel like you can’t ever let them down then i’m sorry. i hope you find someone that makes you feel safe enough to start saying and feeling these things.

#lolaa.txt #little thing about emotions.#i’m not affectionate. not really.#im a deflector and i laugh off affection and love a lot #and all it has ever done for me is push away people who want to help me so so badly.#and it’s a slow change. slowwwww. the tiniest steps .#and i go back so often.#today my boyfriend said he missed me and that i was pretty when i woke up and i told him i was going to never speak to him again #because i cannot accept these things and it so so hard to say that i appreciate it #but i know i know he needs to hear it and he needs to feel appreciated yknow?#and im working on it im trying so hard #especially when you have been fucked over for saying your feelings in the past. it’s hard. it’s so hard. and i’m sorry #just. tell your friends you love them. tell people when you’re excited or happy.#smile when you get to do fun things. laugh at jokes! scream and yell and cry and hit things and grin and be out there #numbness will not fix what problems you have. it won’t.#it’s comfortable but you can’t have love without discomfort sometimes #sorry about all this i’m just . i’m having a bad day and it’s really hard today to be open to everyone #so this is my try #i am upset. and i miss my friends. and i love my mom and i am also mad at her because i am frustrated with the world right now.#and i am tired but because its tiring to force myself to exist and feel #i need to relearn how to be a child about it #and that’s okay #that’s all ; sorry for the long tags. thank you for being here

3 notes · View notes