#healthy assertiveness

[chillizabeth777]

🌞

[dukeofthomas]

I hate the insistence in pushing Jason into the batfamily.

If he doesn't wanna go to dinner, he doesn't have to. If he doesn't wanna hang out with them, he doesn't have to. If he doesn't want to see them, he doesn't have to. If he doesn't even want to contact them, he doesn't have to.

It's so annoying to read fic and always see it presented as his Family Knows Better. Jason is just being silly by not realizing how much they love him and he just needs to let them break into his home and comms and life because they want him there.

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[daughterofanarcissistwoman]

[awkwardandeccentric]

So because I am the worst and enjoy angst

Do you think that Stolas ever had “lay there and stare at the wall” moments with Blitz?

Being so scared of rejection, would he maybe not use the safe word even if every fiber of his being is screaming at him to?

And he knows from personal experience that it may not be heeded, regardless? And he can’t handle Blitz doing to him what Stella did?

[reinen5astro]

●ARIES NORTH NODE [Rahu]+ LIBRA SOUTH NODE [Ketu] ●

~ A FULL GUIDE + ADVICE 💕 ~ The North Node [NN] and South Node [SN] represent our life purpose or life lessons throughout our lifetime. It's like a tug of war between what you already know [your comfort zone [SN]] and what you need to learn to get happier [something out of your comfort zone [NN]]. Your SN also represents negative thoughts, habits, and patterns that you find difficult to escape. However, you must avoid embodying the extremes of your North Node. ~ REMEMBER: Just because your NN will help you become more fulfilled in life doesn't necessarily mean you should abandon all factors related to your SN. It's important to find a balance between this tug of war.

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ARIES NORTH NODE [ANN] + LIBRA SOUTH NODE [LSN]

Let's describe you first!......

● [LSN] You had mastered the art of compromise and your relationships with others in your past life/early life. However, now you often find yourself conceding to others 'demands/needs' even if it goes against what you want to do. And even when you try to assert yourself you find yourself giving in to others. You tend to put others first, to your own detriment sometimes.

● [LSN] You often anticipate judgment. You believe that what others say about you says more about who you are than who you think you are

● [LSN] You want desperately to feel accepted since you've spent a lot of time feeling as if you aren't normal. You feel incredibly unprotected in this world, so you often go around looking for someone to save you [partnership, institution, job].

● To put it bluntly, Libra South Nodes often have a bad case of imposter syndrome. You're afraid that other people will think that you're trying to be more special or above everyone else, so you seek something to camouflage you in order to make yourself seem 'normal'. But sorry to say this,😔 no amount of social validation will ever heal you. YOU MUST seek it within yourself

● [LSN] You may find yourself terrified of being alone because you feel as if you aren't normal, so you feel that if you were to ever drift off from society, you would become "crazy", or people would think of you as such.

● [ANN] Something that is cute though is that Aries North Node's people are obsessives. You are obsessed with weird things that no one else ever thinks about. Whatever you're obsessed about, you don't want anyone else to know about it. This is because you want people to like you and you think that if people knew about what you liked then they wouldn't like you. TAKE PRIDE IN IT!!

● [ANN] It's hard for you to be in an argument with others because you always think you must change another person's mind to "win". You also find arguments frustrating because there may have been repressed conflict in your home life. Because of this ANNs have a hidden yearning that there will be an end-all conflict that ends all conflicts.

...The trouble with this is the end all conflict will never come. Fighting never changes anyone's mind either. It's disappointing but it's reality. Believing that escalating conflict leads to your victory is what traps you!! ❤️

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--- Takeaways ---

● You will learn and grow when you realize that you don't need anyone to validate your obsessions. You don't need to change anyone's mind. You don't need a final showdown with your boss or partner or friend [that you sometimes find yourself fantasizing about]. You don't need revenge to feel safe expressing anger.

• What keeps you trapped in this cycle of fear is that you're SO good at conflict. When you fight you win because you're so good at looking at things from every angle.

• [ANN] What you're trying to figure out is when to fight and when to walk away. What heals you is walking away from a conflict that you can win. [I know it's hard!!] You will never grow when you win because it just keeps fueling the same scarcity under the competition mindset. You grow when you reclaim your own space and nurture your creativity and joy. You grow when you create safety by choosing when to have conflict and when to not.

● NN in Aries gives you the life challenge of exerting your personal will and developing the inner confidence and courage to act in your own self-interest sometimes. Your life journey is discovering "Who am I without you?"

• [LSN] What feels natural to you is pleasing others but with your ANN, what you really desire and where your fulfillment lies is in doing your own thing, according to your own impulses, without being limited by the input of others.

• Although you try to assert yourself you seem to continually give in to others. You need to ask yourself, how can "I act" in my own self interest and still "please you"? Because unfortunately acting in your self-interest fully without caring about others at all, will not make you fulfilled either.

• On the good side though, your Libra South Node can help you to think before acting!!

• [LSN and ANN] This inner tug of war will eventually teach you that indulging in your own wants and desires with no regard for others is just as bad as always putting others first. The challenge of this life's theme is to find a healthy balance between selflessness and selfishness.

• Relationships may be challenging because you [LSN] instinctively gravitate towards friendships, partnerships, lovers, and marriage. But in your need for harmony, you tend to go along with whatever your friend says [especially when young]. Still, there will come a time with the ANN will come to the forefront and you'll rebel, get angry, seek your independence, and go your own way. [I have an ANN and LSN and trust me, I experienced this, and my "rebellion" didn't go well. I would get angry at every little thing because I was suppressing my anger so much before. It just made me more unhappy, and I felt so alone and alienated because nobody understood that I was trying to get my point/needs across, and they weren't listening to my WORDS. It just came across as aggressive I guess; it made me look crazy. So, work on yourself and try to skip this step of the process 😭😭, I don't know if it can be skipped though. There will come a point where you're so tired of being used, or of no one being considerate of you. You need to learn the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness though, and you also need to learn to walk away from a fight that genuinely has nothing to do with your values. Still, I do notice that I have in fact gone my own way after that, and I now pick and choose my battles which brings me peace and a sense of safety. I'm much happier now, and I'm working towards self-confidence. So it's a part of the process don't worry 😘]

• The secret to successful long-lasting relationships is creating a balance in your life between time doing your own thing and time invested in making your partner or friend happy.

• The irony is once you learn to love and trust yourself enough to confidently "go it alone", you'll draw appropriate people into your life who will support your independence 😊😊❤️

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------- How To Grow ------

• Steps to freeing yourself from past behavior patterns [LSN]:

1. Recognize you don't need another person's support or approval to exist. You have the right to feel as you feel and to act independently of others.

2. You must recognize you have value before anyone else will. You must also understand that being honest and assertive isn't harmful when done correctly. Once you realize your worth you can begin building healthy selfishness and live an authentic life

3. Detach a bit from your need for harmony in relationships. Learn the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness. Determine what is or isn't worth fighting for/about.

4. Make your needs known. When you stop catering to everyone else's desires and practice open communication, you free yourself and others [individuals you're close to may not even realize their unconscious part in directing your life]. If you make your needs known correctly, and the person reacts defensively, then that tells you that they aren't good for your path.

5. Write a list of your life values. Then write another list of the values you want your dream friends to have. As well as the values you want your dream partner to have. And make a list for your family as a bonus too. This will help you to discern when to create a conflict and when not to because it makes no sense to cause a fight over something that doesn't even compromise your values. For example, let's say your current friend keeps on lying to you and you wrote that you value friends that value honesty [in your friend list] and that you value honesty in your life values list, then, of course, it makes sense to speak up or end the friendship over it. But let's say your friend hasn't answered your texts and you didn't write anything about that in your values lists, then is it really necessary to cause a conflict over it?

6. Self-discovery is the gift of an Aries NN ❤️❤️

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I hope this helps 🙏 💕. I also have this placement and it was such a step out of my comfort zone when I decided to go down the journey of my NN. I hope that one day I can finally learn to put myself first and discover myself. And honestly, I take such pride in this placement, because it's such a beautiful journey. So ya, if you want to feel more fulfilled and I guess less used, TRY to work towards your Aries North Node. But remember not to become too selfish, balance is key 😊❤️.

Side Note:

Yes, as an Aries North Node, my obsession is astrology LMAO. I'm so scared to talk about it, cause whenever I do I can see them getting bored or zoning out, and it makes me so disappointed. Also, I truly do anticipate the judgment 😭, its such a Libra South Node thing. This is further amplified because I have an Aquarius Chiron in the 3rd House, I'm really not imagining it, people aren't listening 🥲. But ya, I love astrology with my whole heart and I hope that by focusing on myself and my development more, I can attract people who will actually listen. At least there is hope too, since the 3rd House gets better with time, meaning my Chiron will get better with time, phew.

Sources:

[archersgoon]

"i'd do it for you. i'd do a good job" will always be the most worrying froi statement of all time. fucking hell

[gemwolfz]

awesome doodle collection yaaay

[cool-missy-v]

I am no longer accepting the things I can not change. I am changing the things I can not accept. -Angela Davis

[sensible-tips]

Mindful Monday

9 examples of what honoring your personal boundaries can sound like.

[mansplainmanipulatemalewife]

I keep being genuinely surprised when I see other people play disco and get frustrated that people are so reluctant to cooperate I get stonewalled by Elizabeth and I’m like go girl give us nothing

[unwelcome-ozian]

Any tips on staying calm and grounded when talking to people about something they do that makes you uncomfortable? Every time I get into a conflict of “I need this person to change x behaviour bc it makes me feel unwell” I choke and my heart absolutely pounds and I almost cry. It’s really hard in a conflict to know if what I’m asking for is ok or if I’m being a horrible person. For example it’s things like “I don’t want this person to be touchy with me” or “I can’t sleep bc my flatmate is really loud at night”. When I try to approach people I completely dry out and immediately feel ridiculous and rude for ever asking them to make accommodations in my favour. Growing up I learned that my mere existence is painfully annoying to my parents and telling them I felt uncomfortable with something or that I didn’t want to do something I’d be ignored or punished. Now I can’t tell anymore wether I’m being reasonable or a complete arsehole. Also I feel that because of my DID and the trauma I’m already a very easily triggered person , so I might freak out about things others wouldn’t bat an eye at.

It is normal for trauma survivors to have difficulty stating their needs or making requests for things to happen, in such a way that aligns with their desires, because these actions might be tied to times of not having any power regarding having one’s needs met or protecting one’s boundaries in the past.  To help with remaining calm, it may be helpful to work both on grounding techniques to remain present, and also on preparing yourself for such discussions in other ways.

Using grounding techniques during a difficult discussion or when experiencing conflict can help to prevent an outburst, dissociation. and keep you in control of your emotions. A good way to do this is to stand up and walk around; this activates the thinking part of your brain. If you are seated, you can place your feet firmly on the floor and notice what it feels like. Other things that focus on your physical senses like drinking something cold or warm or holding/touching something cold, hot, hard, soft may also help keep you present.

Preparing for these kinds of conversations. by gaining understanding of what is within your boundaries and why your requests are valid. is also very helpful when anticipating having to make requests regarding your needs.  This may also be helpful in understanding which needs in which you have the sole say (like not being touched without permission) and which needs may involve the making a request and being prepared to negotiate and compromise (like when you are occupying a shared space).  Having appropriate expectations of how others may respond to your requests can also decrease the anxiety attached to the conversation.  Brene’ Brown is a good author and speaker regarding boundaries.  Some of her stuff is available online. Having a good. understanding of boundaries will decrease questions and anxieties about whether you are "bad" or your requests are "unreasonable", allowing the conversation to focus away from your self-worth and toward your goal of meeting your needs.  You are worth it. 

Also, assessing all of the ways you have power in the situation may also help decrease your anxiety and keep you out of hypervigilance when having the conversation.  For instance, in some cases, can you move away from or avoid people who are touchy?- not that you should always have to, but do you have the power to do it?  Or if a roommate is loud at night, are there any other ways you have power to improve your situation?- taking naps, noise canceling earphones, aiming toward getting a different roommate, taking advantage of times they aren't around to rest, etc.?  Again, these plan B choices may not be ideal, but considering them or activating them now, even before the conversation can help you feel empowered and increase your confidence in meeting your own needs.  If you can think of some ways that you still have power, then when you are making your requests to other people, you don’t have to feel like you are giving all of your power away and are just at  their mercy.  This can reduce hypervigilance during a conversation.

Finally, preparing to use assertive language during your discussion may also increase your sense of calm.  Two ways of addressing a situation that you would like to change would be as follows:

In the case of shared space:  Can we talk about ____________?  I need ______________.  (The thing you are doing) is preventing that.  Would it be possible for us to come up with some changes that will help us both get what we want sometimes?

In the case of personal space or physical space:  Can we talk about _____________?  When you do _________________ it makes me feel uncomfortable.  Instead, can you ______________________?  

It may help if you can write these statements out and have them with you during a conversation, even having the paper in your hand to help with grounding.  

Because taking steps of asking for your needs to be met is new, it may feel uncomfortable and may not go perfectly, especially at first.  Even failed attempts count as your taking your power back because you are trying rather than remaining powerless.  I hope some of this will help in your being able to stay more calm and grounded as you move forward.  

~Josha

[safe-haven-safe-place]

[wraithsoutlaws]

you know dagger comes back to the wraith compounds after a frustrating or perhaps even Boring day and just decks the first guy he sees without saying a word because he wants to start a brawl for the ~enrichment~

[artisticdivasworld]

Unmasking Gaslighting

Recognizing, Protecting Yourself, and Overcoming Its Effects “Gaslighting is a subtle form of emotional abuse in which a person or group makes someone question their sanity, memory, or perceptions.” – Robin Stern In the realm of psychological abuse, there exists a particularly insidious tactic known as gaslighting. This blog post will explore the concept of gaslighting, its meaning, its…

[zemnarihah]

much to think about.