#boundary requests

[unwelcome-ozian]

Any tips on staying calm and grounded when talking to people about something they do that makes you uncomfortable? Every time I get into a conflict of “I need this person to change x behaviour bc it makes me feel unwell” I choke and my heart absolutely pounds and I almost cry. It’s really hard in a conflict to know if what I’m asking for is ok or if I’m being a horrible person. For example it’s things like “I don’t want this person to be touchy with me” or “I can’t sleep bc my flatmate is really loud at night”. When I try to approach people I completely dry out and immediately feel ridiculous and rude for ever asking them to make accommodations in my favour. Growing up I learned that my mere existence is painfully annoying to my parents and telling them I felt uncomfortable with something or that I didn’t want to do something I’d be ignored or punished. Now I can’t tell anymore wether I’m being reasonable or a complete arsehole. Also I feel that because of my DID and the trauma I’m already a very easily triggered person , so I might freak out about things others wouldn’t bat an eye at.

It is normal for trauma survivors to have difficulty stating their needs or making requests for things to happen, in such a way that aligns with their desires, because these actions might be tied to times of not having any power regarding having one’s needs met or protecting one’s boundaries in the past.  To help with remaining calm, it may be helpful to work both on grounding techniques to remain present, and also on preparing yourself for such discussions in other ways.

Using grounding techniques during a difficult discussion or when experiencing conflict can help to prevent an outburst, dissociation. and keep you in control of your emotions. A good way to do this is to stand up and walk around; this activates the thinking part of your brain. If you are seated, you can place your feet firmly on the floor and notice what it feels like. Other things that focus on your physical senses like drinking something cold or warm or holding/touching something cold, hot, hard, soft may also help keep you present.

Preparing for these kinds of conversations. by gaining understanding of what is within your boundaries and why your requests are valid. is also very helpful when anticipating having to make requests regarding your needs.  This may also be helpful in understanding which needs in which you have the sole say (like not being touched without permission) and which needs may involve the making a request and being prepared to negotiate and compromise (like when you are occupying a shared space).  Having appropriate expectations of how others may respond to your requests can also decrease the anxiety attached to the conversation.  Brene’ Brown is a good author and speaker regarding boundaries.  Some of her stuff is available online. Having a good. understanding of boundaries will decrease questions and anxieties about whether you are "bad" or your requests are "unreasonable", allowing the conversation to focus away from your self-worth and toward your goal of meeting your needs.  You are worth it. 

Also, assessing all of the ways you have power in the situation may also help decrease your anxiety and keep you out of hypervigilance when having the conversation.  For instance, in some cases, can you move away from or avoid people who are touchy?- not that you should always have to, but do you have the power to do it?  Or if a roommate is loud at night, are there any other ways you have power to improve your situation?- taking naps, noise canceling earphones, aiming toward getting a different roommate, taking advantage of times they aren't around to rest, etc.?  Again, these plan B choices may not be ideal, but considering them or activating them now, even before the conversation can help you feel empowered and increase your confidence in meeting your own needs.  If you can think of some ways that you still have power, then when you are making your requests to other people, you don’t have to feel like you are giving all of your power away and are just at  their mercy.  This can reduce hypervigilance during a conversation.

Finally, preparing to use assertive language during your discussion may also increase your sense of calm.  Two ways of addressing a situation that you would like to change would be as follows:

In the case of shared space:  Can we talk about ____________?  I need ______________.  (The thing you are doing) is preventing that.  Would it be possible for us to come up with some changes that will help us both get what we want sometimes?

In the case of personal space or physical space:  Can we talk about _____________?  When you do _________________ it makes me feel uncomfortable.  Instead, can you ______________________?  

It may help if you can write these statements out and have them with you during a conversation, even having the paper in your hand to help with grounding.  

Because taking steps of asking for your needs to be met is new, it may feel uncomfortable and may not go perfectly, especially at first.  Even failed attempts count as your taking your power back because you are trying rather than remaining powerless.  I hope some of this will help in your being able to stay more calm and grounded as you move forward.  

~Josha

[konigsblog]

i need to write a soapgaz threesome where they're both owners of a bar, and let you stay afterwards because you're too drunk to walk yourself. who knows, maybe they'll have their fun with your drunken self for letting you stay after hours... :(

[yayll]

Hiii i hope you're feeling better soon :(( I was wondering if I could request a Dazai x reader fic where the reader has PTSD? Specifically, the beginning of autumn kind of triggers her (sorry if it's a confusing i dunno how to word it lol) Could it be fluff/comfort? Btw I love your writing style so badly so pls tweak the idea if you think it would work better! And no worries if you'd rather pass :33

hii angel i genuinely am sorry that this took me a while! (work and life happened a little more than usual, GOT SICK and barely had time to sit down and write.) it was so ivover but i am fine now thank u so much bub!

i REALLY hope you like this and that it's what u wanted, i've never written someone w PTSD before and i was just rlly hoping i didn't mess this characterization up for ur request ahhh. i had such a nice time writing it and i rlly wanted to explore the impact it could have around reader and dazai and him going out of his way even if it could be a little goofy and sappy to make u feel at least a little better even if u can't talk abt it.

i love uuuu thank u again! <3

~ a little something about Dazai noticing harmful patterns and loving you through them ~

He's been watching you sit by the window for the past half hour as you stare at what seems like the beginning of the new season outside. You were quieter than usual, more withdrawn and jumpy, which could only mean that you weren't sharing something with him- or rather having trouble processing something to the point where you didn't realize he could tell something inside you was on high alert.

Dazai would rather die than see you in such a state, especially during what's supposed to be such an exciting time of the year that's full of the things you usually love to do. Whatever is impeding you from enjoying the leaves falling has to be dealt with the most delicate of methods, but especially with love. If you taught him anything about the past haunting you to the point of mental distress, something he suffered bouts of every now and then when memories made days grow dark, it's that all you need is one person to truly witness you. Just like how you've seen the ugliest parts of him time and time again yet you still look at him with all the stars in the sky, stars he consumes like a black hole waiting to be filled.

Luckily for you, he has an arsenal of things he can try to soothe you with, because he wouldn't be a good detective AND boyfriend if he didn't keep all those context clues in his pocket for a bad day. Mainly though, he was just completely attuned to your every need. You are his happiness, and your wellness isn't up for debate: It's mandatory. He stands up from the loveseat with a deep exhale as he walks over to you, his lips curled in a lazy smile as he tests the waters to see what you could need from him without asking.

"You know, if you stay any more still I could probably paint you like one of those fancy paintings. What do you say, be my model?"

You look over at him from the window, and he can visibly tell you haven't been at ease lately. He suddenly realizes he's just fallen even more in love with you. That there is nothing in this world that could ever let him see you as anything but his heart.

You murmur, a faint smile decorating your serene face.

"Mm, I'm not sure. I don't think I could pose for that long, you know? It would probably be hard to catch my likeness, heh."

He clicks his tongue and rolls his eyes with a playful smirk. Oh how he wants to lean in and worship your likeness with his loving touch, but he decides to take it easy on the physical affection for now, not until he knows you're feeling up for it. He can be a good boy, something he usually isn't.

"Well, I wouldn't mind being the brave young knight who tries~ Shall we take this outside for better lighting?"

You instantly don't give him a good reaction to that. You shrug, seeming conflicted and unsure of yourself, but unable to really bring yourself to explain with words, something uncharacteristic of you.

No problem! Dazai thinks to himself. If you don't want to go outside, he can bring outside to you in the comfort of home. He'll enhance your safe space, and tailor it to just what you need. He hums, tapping his temple in an exaggerated manner as if he were thinking really hard and when he sees that it gets a small giggle out of you, he knows he's on the right track.

"Hm, I know what we should do instead. Wait here, angel.~"

He disappears into the hallway and you sit there as the sound of cabinets opening and rummaging around fills the air. You smile to yourself, and shake your head at the mental image of Dazai becoming a tornado to find whatever he's looking for right now, hoping he doesn't make too much of a mess. You fidget with your hair, twirling it in between your fingers as you take a deep grounding breath while you wait.

A moment later, he comes back with what seems like art supplies and a ton of mini candlesticks.

He knows you're intrigued when you tilt your head in confusion, but then again that's probably just the confusion... Dazai sets down two canvases along with the candles, flashing you a mischievous grin. If you couldn't process your feelings through words, art was always there! You look over the activities he's laid out for you both, awaiting his silver tongued explanation.

"You know when I want to be the little spoon but I don't say anything?"

You laugh softly, and nod.

"Mhm, you get all moody and weird."

He nods back, a half smile on his face as he rests his hands on his hips. He wants to tell you that the only reason he even knew such intimate luxuries is because you showed him that he's worthy of it, of being loved, but he doesn't say anything. He lets the sweet memories between you swim through his mind as fuel for the day he's trying to create for you. His voice sounds more like he's talking out loud now, lost in a thought..

"You make me moody and weird. You also make me want to grab your soft little face and just..."

He then snaps back to the moment, and his tone picks up.

"... But alas, there is no time to waste! Come, sit, I'll get the other things ready.~"

He zooms off to the kitchen, and your heart softens at how much he fusses over you, though you also hope you aren't being too much. You know he'd hate to hear that, so you simply sit down and look over the supplies you had honestly forgotten you had.

Dazai makes tea, because he knows it helps with your fidgeting and you like how the mug feels in your hands, he also begins to set the candle sticks all over the living room, lighting them one by one. You flash him a look of faint concern.

"Feels like Dracula's castle. You sure this is safe, Osamu?"

He simply grins impishly.

"It's called 'mood lighting', cutie. There is an atmosphere to be created!"

"Yeah, and possibly a wildfire."

"Boo, you're no fun. Besides, that sounds like a problem for future us. We live in the moment."

Dazai would never risk your safety and you know that, which is why you don't push the topic any further.

You two settle in, the candles illuminating you both with a warm flame that feels more comforting than you'd like to admit, you feel yourself becoming more immersed in the random little doodles and brush strokes you create as you both talk for hours about literally nothing while sipping on your tea. Nothing feels nice, for once and Dazai can see it in the way you slowly become less and less tense. So mindful, so beautiful.

After you fill your canvas, you set it down, and peer over at Dazai's.

"What'd you paint?"

He smiles sheepishly, and hides his.

"Not finished yet. No peeking!"

He stands up and in one swift motion, runs outside, while leaving you bewildered at the spontaneity of the situation. A few moments later, he runs back inside, huffing with his arms behind his back. He sits back down on the floor with you, criss crossed. He grabs his canvas, and puts something on it as he slowly unveils his work to you.

It's a single crisp leaf he must have plucked from the grass when it fell, the orange and reddish hue placed on the canvas that shows a cartoonishly painted tree as well. He murmurs, eyes trained lovingly on you but with that familiar playful tone.

"I wanted you to get a little air. It's good for one's mood, you know."

You slowly take the leaf, and twiddle it in your thumb as you begin to smile to yourself. You mutter back.

"The weather changes, moods change, it's so overwhelming sometimes..."

He slowly leans in a little closer and places a hand on the small of your back, inching you closer to him too. He wants to distract you from those thoughts affecting you, but it's getting harder when all he can think about is how much you affect him. He whispers.

"My mood never changes, you're the most precious thing I have ever seen all year round."

You look up at him, your eyes communicating what you feel, and he picks up on it with a silent confirmation. You hold each other's gaze for a long quiet moment and when you feel ready you lean into his chest, nuzzling into him. He envelops you in a hug that feels like the remedy you've been searching for this whole time, and it almost brings you to tears. You don't know it also does the same to him. He gives you a soft squeeze and leans down to your ear, his warm breath feeling like the way life is supposed to feel. You mumble, your voice slightly muffled against him.

"Thank you, Osamu. Love you."

He smiles at that. To be something so soothing to you, to be of use for once in his life, it's a feeling that he could never describe. He'll have to find the words when he covers you in kisses from head to toe later, when he makes sure you feel the full extent of his devotion to you through thick and thin. He exhales deeply.

"Change of season, change of mind... It doesn't matter to me. It's still you. It will always be you."

[allastoredeer]

MINORS DNI WITH MY BLOG

This is an 18+ blog and until you are 18+ I do not want to be talking, reblogging, or being @'ed for NSFW content from any minors.

1) I am extremely uncomfortable with that, don't do it. At all. Ever. Never ever. No.

2) NSFW content exchanged between minors and adults is, you know, illegal. So if my boundaries isn't a good enough reason, then pls don't interact with my blog so I don't get in trouble.

It's not okay.

Thank you.

[boxesforsys]

Do not interact userbox for systems! Click for quality, and leave a note if you save/use

[Text: Do not interact if you automatically believe persecutors are misguided]

[skidcd-megamix]

i!!!! love!!!!! your!!!! art!!!! so!!!! much!!! :D

THANK YOU!! I LIKE UR OC!! I DREW SUM QUICK FANART AS A THANM YOU

[strawberripine]

Are we allowed to make roleplay accounts of like rolling ghosts and other D&D campaigns you make?

(Of course keeping in boundries)

that’s all good with me!! :) whether you’re role playing as ocs in universe or as npcs played by me is totally okay, only thing i’d say is if you’re planning on rping as player characters (i.e. charlie in rolling ghosts or alice in limb by limb, just as examples) make sure the creator who originated that character is comfy with it!! <3 (also of course use the appropriate tags and such, have good roleplay etiquette!!)

[wodania]

Whenever someone tags my art of siblings with incest ships an angel doesn’t just die, but they brutally plummet from the earth and they are lit on fire and they go splat on the pavement in front of a large crowd of innocent bystanders. Don’t tag my art of siblings as incest.

[good-beanswrites]

0306 ship fic? 👉👈

So. I usually don't like writing sappy ship things because 1. my aroace ass isn't great at it and I'd rather leave that to the more skilled fanbase, and 2. I like exploring elements of a developing relationship other than physical moments. However. However. I was hit with Fluff Beam while writing this, so first kiss with Mappi fic be upon ye :')

“Won’t you kiss me, Fuuta-kun?”

He tipped his head back with a drawn-out noise of exasperation. This wasn’t a new or surprising question by any means. He always hated when it came up, though. He waved the mixing spoon in the air.

“Don’t you ever get tired of all that sappy romance stuff? You’ve asked me enough times…” And each time, I have to endure the pain of lying to you. “Can’t you see I’m busy? Helping you, for that matter!”

He used the spoon to gesture to the baking supplies cluttering the prison’s tiny kitchen, flinging some strawberry filling in the process. Mahiru had started a batch of cupcakes in celebration that her arm had come out of its sling, only for it to start hurting halfway through from the overuse. If Fuuta had known that yanking the bowl away from her would volunteer him to finish the whole project, he would have thought twice about it. He still would have done it, of course, but he’d at least have thought twice.

Fortunately, Mahiru was a good teacher who hovered over his shoulder to explain each step in great detail without ever sounding patronizing. Unfortunately, it became more difficult to deny her request when she leaned so close, continuing to pry.

“Isn’t that the best reason? You’re being so kind, Mahiru should return the favor.”

“No, you shouldn’t have to 'return' anything! I’m doing this because I…” he swallowed. “Because I think you’re an idiot for going and getting yourself hurt again!”

“Oh, don’t say that, Fuuta-kun!” She giggled, not sounding hurt at all. She never did.

“It’s true!” She was indeed an idiot, the way she kept pestering him for something more. As usual, her mind had flown somewhere far outside of reality. Whatever she was picturing between her and Fuuta was nothing but one-sided romance. She was the one that warmed the room when she came in. She was the one who created butterflies in stomachs and blushes in cheeks. She was the one that made any of this feel like anything.

Fuuta, on the other hand, knew he brought nothing to the table. If she thought he was kind, it was all in her head. If she viewed him as attractive, it was definitely nothing but her fantasy. And now, if she anticipated him being a good kisser, it was just another delusion she’d lost herself in. As usual, she needed someone to save her from such delusions. That, at least, was the one good thing he could do for her.

“Just forget it, will ya? It’s not gonna happen.”

Behind him, Mahiru said nothing. He finished stirring in the final ingredient. He turned to ask her what came next, only to discover the most heartbroken expression he’d ever seen on her. She sniffled.

“Mappi!”

“I-I’m sorry. I was too much again, wasn’t I? I understand. I know… I know anyone would be afraid to kiss me.”

“Afraid? I’m not afraid!”

“Well, I mean,” she lowered her head, strands of hair falling over her eyes. “Given my record with boyfriends, it really wouldn’t be smart to fall in love with me, hm?”

“You callin’ me stupid?” The question came tumbling out before Fuuta realized the confession embedded within them. Mahiru’s head snapped up, the prior mist in her eyes made them shine with excitement, now.

She opened her mouth to point out the obvious. Fuuta shoved a spoonful of strawberry filling between her lips, panicking.

“Tell me if that needs anything else!” He turned on his heel, slamming the bowl down on the counter.

He took a measured inhale. Then an exhale. He squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m not scared, you know? I… I would really want to. T-to kiss you, I mean. But if I did, it’ll only prove to you that you don’t really want this.” He turned. “It’ll only make you more upset, and I’m not the – agk!”

Mahiru cupped his cheeks and brought him down to her lips. He made a little strangled sound as he was pressed back into the counter. At that moment, Fuuta had a total of three trains of thought before his brain fried like an overheating computer and went blank.

The first: Holy shit!

Second: I’ve never done this before. God, am I doing this right? What am I supposed to do with my hands? Or my mouth? Should I keep holding my breath? I’m definitely not doing this right.

And third: Holy shiiiiiiiit!

When she pulled away, rosy-cheeked and smiling wide, Fuuta’s arm instinctively reached up to hide his face. He was painfully aware of the burning across his skin, surely turning him a mortifying shade of red.

“Well?” She asked, seemingly oblivious to the state she’d reduced him to. “That was proof enough for Mahiru! What about Fuuta-kun?”

“I-I, well. You –" You tasted like strawberries. “You’re damned lucky no one was around, pulling a stunt like that!”

Mahiru waved the comment away with a fluttery hand gesture. “I meant, what did you think? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

He scowled at her. “I… I don’t know!”

Mahiru considered the statement. Rather than realize that, for the first time in his life, Fuuta was rendered entirely speechless, she took it at face value. “Well, then, I suppose we’ll just have to try again~”

“Wait, wha–?”

[kechiwrites]

YOU SAID YOU WANT CAPTAIN PRICE STUFF?? welll sheeeit idk, price giving you a ‘goodbye’ before the mission the best way he knows???? 😩😩😩🥺

Oh Captain, My Captain.

captain john price x reader

synopsis: your husband gets deployed, you get some dick. it's the natural order of things.

cw: afab!reader, no pronouns + gendered language, anal, like a lot of it, married people being freak nasty as they should, cunnilingus, established relationship, fingering, my blatant disregard for spellcheck or grammar, no use of y/n ever, mdni (seriously...stop.)

an: gotta get my yayas out somehow, i can't believe i havent written about him or soap yet. quick someone bring me a soap idea too. thank u so much my angel Val, this sparked joy in me fr. also price is 40, no i dont take criticism, the cod team told me, my uncle works at nintendo.

I'm obsessed with the facial hair, unfortunately. And I just know he's loud. Like really loud. Like, no, never in public, because you're getting found out, loud.

Him saying goodbye goes much like it always does. It's customary at this point; he gets deployed, you're worried about your husband dying in some secret op in the middle of nowhere, you ask him to leave you a creampie to remember him by. As if he won't be back to fuck you into unconscious when he returns. You promise him a night of his favourites. Pussy and ass.

Between the mustache and the way that man groans into the lips of your pussy, getting eaten out by Price is literally a heavenly experience, a brush with God, feels more like a treat for you, but by god does the Captain get into it. He likes it best when you lay back, lower half hanging off the bed, with him on his knees between your thighs, your legs over his shoulders and his slicked up thumb rubbing so insistently, ardently at the furl of muscle below your cunt.

You know what, in fact, you're hard pressed to remember a time you and John fucked where his hands haven't drifted down your back to grip at your ass, pulling the cheeks apart to toy with you, dragging the roughened pads of his fingertips over where he's split your pussy open on his dick, up, over your taint before playing with your rim.

You can, however, remember the first time he'd sank the red, leaking tip of his dick into said ass. He'd been patient, kind, generous with loosening you up, continues to be so. Letting him in where he likes it best is an arduous process. That night, after a short, gruff talk about boundaries and limits, and a kiss on your wedding ring, he spent the two hours before the act, sucking at your clit with military precision, sliding his fingers in and out of your messy cunt, until you came. And then he did it again. And again. Until you were soft and pliant and fucking delirious. When the time came, it'd been pressure and pain that with time and so much effort, eventually devolved into sin soaked pleasure. His cock is thick, blunt tipped and brutal, so the Captain had to work you open in long, languid strokes, while he pawed at your midsection, keeping you in place, hands steady and sure. You're just getting used to push and pull of him thrusting into your ass when he comes, huffing and moaning into your shoulder, while he blankets your back, his facial hair tickling at your neck and shoulders. Even with his voice muffled against your skin, he's noisy, groan tapering off into a whimper and a sigh as he grinds against you, filling you in the most unfamiliar way.

I figure goodbyes with Price go a little something like that.

i write "mrs. captain john price" on my lisa frank notebook in pink gel pen. also i think his dick is like thick in a scary way, like average length maybe less, but obscenely thick. :)

support city girls, reblog what u like.

[tikara]

Sometimes I miss actively participating in fandoms, but sometimes I see things that remind me how these days I find myself having a better time just keeping to myself and the small handful of people/groups I trust while still tossing some art out there publicly every so often.

[uncanny-tranny]

This whole "you're responsible for your triggers, nobody else >:(!" argument is weird to me because it's like... we know that ultimately, we are in charge of our trauma and our trauma responses, and I don't think everybody genuinely thinks that they have no agency over how their trauma can impact their life and the way they navigate it. So it's weird to me when peoples' first response is to remind us that our trauma is only up to us.

To me, it comes across like people are upset that traumatized people and people with triggers have boundaries related to their triggers and that it would be an asshole move to be like "fuck your boundaries! I do what I want around you!"

It is completely understandable if you're not able to accommodate somebody's triggers, but you don't have to put up a veneer of putting the blame on everybody else. It's okay to have conflicting needs, and that isn't really anybody's fault. Just move on, and don't engage with that person. There doesn't always have to be a Bad Guy in every situation.

[boxesforsys]

Various userboxes for systems/collectives that don't use collective they/them! Click for quality

[raziraphale]

"why do I have to call the help desk for IT issues why can't I just reach out to you directly every time" bc I'm a real human person with a specific job that isn't your personal assistant. hope this helps!

[abyss-boxes]

[TEXT ID 1: “Please avoid discussions of war and death around this alter”]

[TEXT ID 2: “This systems disorder and disability validity is NOT up for debate.”]

[TEXT ID 3: “This user AAAA” (A’s repeated until it goes off-screen)]

Some self indulgent assorted boxes :))

REBLOGS OVER LIKES

Credit appreciated but not required!!

[chronicallyflaming]

Boundaries about asks and art and other things!

Art rules:

No sexualizing the actors! Especially tim sutton. He doesn't like getting sexualized it makes him uncomfortable.

No NSFW like s3x or anything of that sort but kisses of the neck or face are fine just no full body or people doing the devils tango.

When I draw, I don't go super detail on the background so don't expect me too.

Once again, I. WON'T. SEXUALIZE. the actors, they are human beings and I will respect boundaries! Nobody! Not troy, Joseph, or tim. None of the actors!

So kisses of the neck are okay, and requesting like non-nsfw shirtless art is fine (if you really want me to).

I will draw any ship you want me too, but I'm not super comfy with drawing big NSFW shit, so don't ask me to draw people having s3x/the devils tango.

-

Things I will draw happily!

Sfw

Kisses to the neck (THAT ARENT SUPER NSFW) and to the head in general!

I will draw people smoking cigs. But no vapes.

Anatomy

Any ships are okay.

Only drawing appropriate art of the actors since I respect boundaries.

-

By the way, I won't draw your oc' or any other people's.

-

My boundaries.

Don't sexualize me or my ocs.

Please credit me if you use my art as a pfp or cover, like anything. I work hard on this stuff.

Don't make a hate speech about me, really any hate speech or something.

-

You can ask me things about au' I make and stuff, that's totally fine! Just don't be super super weird about what you ask.

THINK BEFORE YOU ASK OR REQUEST.

-

Fandoms:

Marble hornets

Everyman HYBRID

Slenderverse

Creepypasta