#he’s a desperate dude

[jesuistrestriste]

https://x.com/mitsybitzy/status/1874738815077904476?s=46&t=oY926O_azsr0obp_vsHH7w

art

cw: certified leg humper ! ! ! ! honorary thigh fucker ! ! ! beware ! !

[cozylittleartblog]

valentines newsletter ???? ?? HELLO ???????? ?????? ? ????

[kettlefire]

Bullets & Babies. (Dpxdc)

This was not what Dan had planned for the rest of his life. When the old stopwatch released him from his prison, Dan had a specific idea in mind.

He wanted to go out into the world. Visit every place he never had the chance to before he had decimated it in his own timeline.

Honestly, what's so wrong with just wanting to sip mai tais on a beach?

And Clockwork, for the vagueness he could muster, barely told Dan anything about what was happening. Being told he needed to take Danny and Ellie somewhere safe and protect them until the time was right wasn't exactly much information.

That also didn't explain why two babies were shoved into his arms. It didn't take a genius to figure out who was who.

The little dipsticks still make it easy to tell, even in their less than helpful age. Dan was going to argue. He really was. Barely holding the infant Danny and Ellie by their legs. Almost like a gross piece of meat.

Except, before Dan would utter a single complaint, he wasn't in the Clocktower anymore. Instead, he found himself in a fully furnished two bedroom apartment.

An annoying green sticky note lay on the coffee table. A note that Dan had immediately burned up in his hand. It only added fuel to the boiling anger Dan felt.

"Good Luck :) - CW"

Dan made a vow that the next time he saw the snakey little bastard, he was going to clock him straight on the nose. Screw if it got him tossed back into that thermos.

He wasn't a goddamn babysitter. He didn't have a clue how to handle babies, let alone take care of them for an undetermined time period.

Dan was still seething with anger when baby Ellie had started to cry. The wailing only grated on his nerves more. Of course, baby Danny had to chime in with his wails.

It took annoyingly long for Dan to figure out what was wrong. Ellie needed a diaper change, and Danny was just crying because she was crying.

Dan still muttered curses on Clockwork's name as he did the job. Listen, he might be a monster. He might have destroyed a whole world in a different timeline. He might not have had any qualms in killing children back then.

But that was forever ago, okay? And there was one thing killing a child quick and moving on. It was a completely different thing to let a child sit in their own filth and suffer.

That's how Dan found himself building a life in Gotham City. He tried to set Danny and Ellie up in a daycare, but the two squirts just had to still have their powers.

Living in a shady place like Crime Alley made it easy for Dan to locate a shady babysitter. Now, of course, he didn't hire some random off the street. He did his due diligence and made sure that the two would be in relatively safe hands.

And really, the tiny squirt of a drug runner was nothing against Dan. The kid just needed cash, and Dan had plenty of it. Even if he didn't obtain the cash in the best way possible.

It didn't take long before Dan made a name for himself on the streets. Nothing too crazy, mostly muscle for higher. He tried to keep a low profile, he really did.

But when you take a bullet for a client, word gets around. Apparently, dedicated bodyguards were far and few between. No one needed to know that Dan only took the bullet because he really wanted the second half of the money.

Or that a bullet was nothing for someone like him. He was healed up and back to work the next day. It really was easy money, and Dan would not trade it for a cashier job. He'd rather still be in the thermos.

It took a few months before Dan finally felt like he was killing this. He had a good system. The teen drug runner (now ex drug runner, Dan really out here turning around lives) would watch the kids whenever Dan needed to go out.

Dan had a good flow of jobs and cash coming his was. Danny and Ellie were both healthy and happy. Dan had even caught Danny's first assisted steps on camera, not that he was proud of the little twerp or anything.

Ellie was more of a mess. Her powers kept acting up whenever she got emotional. Not that it was that hard to just ghost baby proof the apartment.

Dan was absolutely killing it at this whole single father of two thing. His days started becoming more routine. He made sure to put effort into making sure the two kids hit the milestones they needed to.

The library and the internet became his best friend. His home bookshelf was just filled with parenting books. Dan might not care about the little parasites, but he wasn't going to half-ass the job either.

Because that's what this was. Just a job. And Dan always completes a job.

Things were going great until they weren't. It was supposed to be a simple job, Dan was just escorting a massive shipment of drugs. His job was to just make sure the supply landed safely, that's all.

Except, his babysitter had to call off for the first time ever. Leaving Dan with a job he needed to do, he already got his first payment. And two babies with no one to watch after.

It probably would have been smart for Dan to have a backup sitter. But this is his first time, okay, sue him for not planning ahead.

So yea, maybe it's not smart to bring along two babies on a rather dangerous escort job. Maybe it is a little weird seeing a massive tank of a man with two babies strapped on his back, and a semi-automatic in hand.

But Dan had made a name for himself. Despite the strange glances, no one said a word about it. Things went smooth from there.

No hiccups. No attempted jacking. Nothing. Which was a little strange for something like this. Keeping Dan on high alert. Despite that, the few guys that were along for the job all seemed relaxed.

The drop-off went just as smoothly. Unloading and reloading the boxes into a new truck. Dan was getting close to being done, he just needed to watch the truck leave unbothered for him to get his second payment.

The two twerps were surprisingly calm throughout it all. Barely so much as sneezing, still dead asleep in the holders. The calmness only put Dan even more on edge.

When the sound of squealing tires broke the calm night air, Dan had moved fast. Dislodging Danny and Ellie, tucking them away inside on empty shipping container.

It might not have been ideal, but Dan figured that was better than getting into a gunfight with the two still on him.

Even if Dan had managed not to get hit, and the truck drove off in his view seemingly safe. That's all that mattered. If this helmeted freak wanted to go after it, that's fine.

Dan did his job. He was getting paid regardless if the shipment made it to its secondary location. They only hired him for the first half. It's on those idiots if they lose it.

He was certain that Red Hood would take off after the truck once Dan stopped giving cover fire. He was just muscle for hire, there was no reason for Red Hood to stick around.

So when Dan made his way back to the shipping container. He was determined to pick up his kids and head back home for a much needed shower. Maybe take a week off work and just relax.

He was not prepared to find that annoying helmeted freak standing over a sleeping Danny. Or, even worse, holding a giggling Ellie. The girl's hands running over the smooth surface of the man's helmet.

Dan didn't even need to think about it. He reacted instinctively, gun raised and aimed directly at Red Hood's chest.

"Put the twerp down. Now."

Maybe Dan's tone comes out a little more protective and angry than he intended. Again, it's not like he really cared for the useless babies. His reaction was solely because it's his job to take care of the two.

That anger and need to protect had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he had been moonlighting as their father. He was not feeling fatherly feelings, he was not.

Red Hood had moved just as quickly as Dan had. Even before the words left Dan, he was staring down the barrel of a gun. Unlike Hood, Dan didn't have protection against getting his brains blown away.

Dan totally did not notice the way Hood had shifted his position. Ellie was out of any direct line of a gun, shielded slightly behind Red Hood's own bulk. The still sleeping Danny now behind Hood's legs.

Dan absolutely did not notice it. He had no thoughts or feelings about seeing the vigilante instinctively protect the two babies. His babies.

The two men stood there for a moment, guns aimed and tension in the air. A brief stalemate that felt longer than it was. Dan had no intentions of lowering his weapon until those two twerps were by his side again. And it was clear Red Hood had a similar thought.

That was until Ellie decided now was the time to start wailing like a banshee. Her tiny fists knocking against Hood's helmet. And she didn't stop there. No, that would be too simple.

Ellie chooses then to suddenly float out of Hood's grasp, heading straight for Dan. Because that's what Dan needed right now. Not just Red Hood knowing about the two kids. But now also knowing that at least one of them was a possible meta.

Dan was going to kill Clockwork.

[lighthouseas]

no you don't understand. when byler kiss i need them to be gasping into each other's mouths and holding onto each other for dear life. i need them to be shoving each other into things and knocking things over because they're so desperate to be closer. i need them grinning like idiots against each press of lips. i need tears. i need forehead touches. i need hands running down each others' bodies. i need

[sallymew4]

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOURE DOING RIGHT FUCKING NOW

EVERYBODY SHUT UP IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[marimeeko]

The bakugou crumb of him asking Deku if he still had the ember...when everyone is worrying over Ochako....

I'm sorry but that made me laugh because he has the most brainrot of all of us

[jovialoddity]

Professor Puzzles has trapped any of his students in the TV dimension?

I imagine it will be some kind of punishment after failing his classes, and what better punishment than British TV or watching 10 hours of paint dry.

He has definitely THOUGHT about trapping some students in the TV Dimension. Specifically the ones that are extremely disrespectful or actively slacking off. Only reason he hasn’t is that he’d get in MASSIVE trouble with the school, and PuzzleVision hasn’t become popular enough to be a backup job so he’s gotta stick with GMU until then.

If he can tell that a student is genuinely trying in his class but just happens to be struggling, then he would try and give them some pointers on how to improve on their work. It’s the passion and the effort that matters most, after all. But if someone’s failing because they just don’t care about putting in any effort, then he’s mentally throwing them into Camp Crystal Lake lmfao.

[lnkedmyheart]

People saying Dazai has done more for Sigma than anyone else when my man has been constantly risking his life to save people since before leaving the mafia. He risked his life (and the city) to give Chuuya a choice at 16, he tried to risk his life for Oda in dark era, he risked his life and actually flat lined in Dazai's entrance exam, he risked his life for the agency and got shot, he risked his life during dead apple and has been super gentle with Chuuya after every use of corruption barring the fight with lovecraft, he is now risking his life for Sigma. I am sorry but Dazai has always been a normal person with severe mental illness exploited by his environment and those around him till he was left feeling inhuman and desperate for death. He has been trying again and again and I hate ya'll for acting like this is the first time he's been nice or self sacrificing since the series started.

Edit: it wasn't DEE it was 55 minutes where his heart stopped and Yosano healed him. I mixed that up somehow.

[turtleblogatlast]

I still think about how Leo’s ideal day out for the fam’s venture into the Hidden City was basically just an effort to get some rest and relaxation because boy does he never get that ever.

[gastlygallows]

Making fun of Elon and celebrating Luigi are two things tumblr and 4chan are united on

I'm feeling a 4chumblr rekindled romance in 2025 mark your Bingo cards

[gambeque]

therapy sesh

[awkwardrocker]

The funniest part about George's meltdown today is that it was wholly unnecessary.

All he had to do was come out today and go, "I said my side of the story in the stewards and obviously Max didn't take kindly to that but what's done is done and we'll move on."

But instead he tried to go scorched earth and it made him look so much worse.

[catsdrinkmocha]

Oh to be an author trapped in your own story as an infant who's later going to be canon fodder, spending your whole second life growing in this fantasy world of your own making only to meet another person in a similar situation as yourself and then arguing about who has the worse fate out of the people you both are now, while knowing its not going to change your situations and unfortunate forseen fates (all this while their husbands are confused in the background but nodding encouragingly)

[cairafea]

stupid dungeon meshi au where laios is an unexplainable eldritch monster thing that constantly eats anything he can get his hands on. everyone in the party treats him like a slightly disorderly raccoon. everyone outside the party gets a fastpass to heaven from just seeing him.

[helluverse-rewrites]

Sinmas honestly feels like a White Elephant gift. The whole show feels like a White Elephant gift at this point.

Honestly out of spite I might finish up my rewrite of the Goetia family and the Full Moon deal just to have something better than.. whatever the hell it is that we got here,

👏👏👏👏👏👏 DO IT!!!!!!!

[xxplastic-cubexx]

ohhh i just know magneto is so pathetic in bed constantly asking charles if he’s making him feel good and charles just praising him like 😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌

THIS IS WHAT I LOG ON TO THIS WEBSITE FOR 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️