#he says button like he doesnt know what that is and is reading it for the first time

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Transcript:

Machine, hit the slay button!

Audio source

[python333]

im in love with your content omg😭 your writing style is just chefs kiss

can i req a reader with the tf141 being on a mission and hearing an enemy say something in british slang and they just go "what did they just say.." in comms? like a reader who doesnt know anything about slang like not even that bars in the uk r called pubs (if im not wrong) and just nods whenever a private talks in slang, and their brain is just trying to figure out what they just said?

its just a really silly plot with a silly reader :3

pardon? — python333

— — — —

synopsis just as the req says, you know nothing about british slang and on a mission the enemy speaks british and you dont know what theyre saying :3

relationships platonic!taskforce 141 & reader.

characters cap. price, soap, ghost, gaz.

word count 2.6k

warnings 2nd person pov [you/yours/yourself], usage of c/n [code name/call sign].

note HI YES I LOVE THIS REQ!! i take every opportunity i can to make fun of british people so this is right up my alley!! tysm for the compliments hjfhdjskf recently ive been getting more praise on my works and it makes me so happy i love yall. again, sorry if this sounds a little rushed or if any parts are incoherent, i wrote this at 12/1am and im both more productive and write more nonsense at this time + this one is wayyyy shorter than ones i usually do because i didnt know what else to write for it so i apologize for that as well! this is pure fluff and humor (i like to think im funny) so enjoy!!

“—eah, and now we have to camp out here ‘cause he can’t be arsed to do it ‘imself, so I feel like we should have a chat with the others, see if they’re willing to leg it out of here with us,” An enemy soldier suggests to you, his British accent thick enough that you think it might be cockney.

You cross your arms to hide your shaking hands and nod in agreement, as if you understood anything he said, and put on the same shitty British accent you’d been using for the past five minutes you’d been talking to this guy.

“Yeah, yeah, totally,” You agree, clearing your throat before asking, “You know where the others are stationed?”

“You don’t?” He asks, raising an eyebrow at you suspiciously.

“Mate, all the orders I was given went in one ear and out the other,” You sigh, holding back a wince at your desperate attempt to sound more natural using British slang, “I just know I’ve got to stand out here and shoot the enemy.”

The enemy eyes you suspiciously and he takes a moment to try and read your face before he says, “I don’t think I’ve seen you before, actually. Which would be weird, if we’re in the same platoon, don’t you—” 

You sigh and quickly pull out the small switchblade you had hanging on your belt, stabbing the enemy in the neck before he can say anything else and grabbing him before he can drop to the ground, putting a hand behind his back as you half lead half drag him into a dark alleyway beside the building he was stationed outside of. 

You quickly set him down into a sitting position and take your knife out of his throat, tucking the blade back into the handle before adjusting it to latch onto your belt once again, letting out a frustrated huff as you stare at the now dead man in front of you. 

“[c/n], how copy?” Price’s voice crackles through on your ear piece. 

You push in the PTT button and lower your voice, “Copy, I fucked up a little bit. One of the guys was onto me.”

“You were there for five bloody minutes,” Gaz’s voice rings through, his tone both disbelieving and amused, “How’d he already catch onto you?” 

“The British are smarter than I thought,” You breathe out, standing up and looking around for a ladder to climb to get to higher ground before anyone spots you. You go farther into the alley and find an old, rusty ladder with rungs that look like they’d snap if someone sneezed on them too hard—perfect for climbing up.

You wrinkle your nose as your hand makes contact with one of the rungs but don’t say anything otherwise, instead wordlessly hauling yourself up onto the ladder. 

“Reminder that there’s three British people with you, currently,” Ghost’s deadpan tone crackles, his breathing heavy, as you can tell he’s whispering into his mic, “All of which are very smart.”

“I caught you reading the instructions on a box of tea bags the other day, don’t fuckin’ talk right now,” You grumble, slowly climbing up the ladder, hating the creaking noises it makes as you do. It sounds like it’s going to snap at any minute, and you try to go up as fast as you can, but one wrong move and you’ll easily slip, some of the rust that flakes off of the ladder enough to make you slip up. 

“They were circles,” Ghost says, exasperated, “I didn’t know if that made a difference.” 

“I thought British people were supposed to know everything about tea,” You roll your eyes, putting your hand on the next rusty rung up on the ladder. 

“Yeah, L.t,” Soap agrees with you teasingly, the wind hitting his mic, making it obvious that he’s running, “Thought ye Brits were s’possed to ken everything ‘bout tea.” 

You laugh quietly to yourself as you finally make it to the top of the building, the top just high enough for you to look at the few soldiers below and hear a majority of their conversations without them noticing you.

You get to the edge of the rooftop and pull the sniper rifle you’d been carrying around off of your back, glad to finally be back in your element rather than trying to get in undercover, and set it up. 

You pull the stand out and set it on the edge of the roof, and look through the scope of the rifle, lining it up so that it’s aiming directly at one of the soldier’s heads, specifically the one that was standing directly out of the entrance you originally were meant to try and get into—but doing this didn’t change much.

Regardless of if you got in or not, he would’ve died, and the others would’ve gotten in too. You getting in first was just meant to make it more efficient.

You press down on the PTT button on your earpiece as you look through the scope of your sniper rifle, keeping the aim on the soldier in front of the entrance, “The guy in front of the entrance is just standing still, so whenever you need me to, I can shoot ‘im down.” 

“I don’t think we need to get in just yet,” Price hums, “But maybe in a minute.” “M’kay,” You hum, taking your eye away from the scope, instead just looking over at the enemy soldiers. You lay on your stomach, leaning your head down a bit to try and listen in on the enemy’s conversations easier, trying your best not to make yourself too obvious.

The conversations were pretty boring and almost the same for every soldier you’d eavesdropped on, for the most part. Enemy soldiers joking around, talking about what they’ll do once they’re on leave—like they would be able to do that after you completed your assignment—and just some general team camaraderie.

The lackluster subjects of their conversations weren’t bad at all, no, in fact, you could care less what they talk about. 

It was their stupid accents you hated. 

Are you surrounded by British people everyday? Yes. Does that stop you from hating on the British everyday? No. Okay, maybe the accents aren’t stupid, but God, they had the thickest cockney accents you’d heard in your entire life, and it was making your eavesdropping so much harder, and had almost been the reason you were given away earlier.

They used slang words that you’re certain you’ve never heard before in your life, and used analogies that didn’t even make sense—you heard one of them use the words, verbatim, ‘Don’t get stroppy’. Stroppy? Stroppy? 

You narrow your eyes down at the soldiers below you, listening to a conversation they’d just started up. 

“—eah, ‘cause he can’t be arsed to do anything about it, so now we have to camp out here and wait for somethin’ to happen,” One of the soldiers scoffs, “I’m telling you, man, if I see that skull-masked bloke runnin’ ‘round out here, I’m legging it from ‘im immediately.” 

You draw your eyebrows together in confusion, but you stay silent for now. Isn’t that exactly what the other soldier said? Are they like a hive mind or something?

“You’re legging it?” The other soldier asked, sounding almost incredulous, “What happened to you chattin’ to some of the others about your loyalty and what not?” “All that’s irrelevant when the fuckin’ grim reaper rolls around and starts murkin’ people like he’s been doing for the entirety we’ve been here, mate,” The first soldier laughs, “You think I wanna be here when he does that?” 

“Don’t act like a prat about it, man—fuckin’ talking’ like you can outrun him.” “A prat? I’m not—” You tune out the rest of their argument and instead try and figure out what they were saying.

A prat? Legging it? Can’t be arsed? What the fuck? You push the PTT button on your earpiece and as quietly as you can, you ask, “I need some help. Serious help. Life or death situation.” Immediately, Price’s voice rings through, “What? What is it? What happened?” “The soldiers are British and I can’t tell what they’re saying,” You answer, ignoring Price’s relieved sigh on his end, “I need help.” “Jesus, fuck, don’t scare me like that,” Price sighs, taking a few breaths before continuing, “Alright, what do you need help with?” 

“Figuring out what they’re saying.” This time, you hear Gaz’s voice crackle through, “Well, you’ve got three British people here—tell us what he’s saying.” 

“One of the guys was talking about ‘legging it’ if he saw Ghost heading towards him, and talked about Ghost ‘murking’ people, and then the other guy he was talking to told him he was being a ‘prat’ about it and he got all offended,” You eloquently say into the earpiece, watching as the argument gets a little more heated. You can hear an amused huff from Ghost on his end and a scoff from Soap in return. 

“They’re just saying they’re gonna run away if they see Ghost because he’s been killing a lot of their soldiers, and the other guy said he was being a prat, which I guess is like…” Gaz pauses to think of how to explain the slang term before settling on, “Someone who’s kind of full of themselves, I guess. Or ignorant. Either or.” 

“They couldn’t just say that?” You muse quietly, still staring down at the enemy soldiers. 

“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that,” Price’s voice cuts through, “Go ahead and shoot the guy down. I’m ready to head in.”

“Got it,” You hum, quickly putting your eye back up to your scope and readjusting it a bit before quietly warning, “Shooting him now.” 

You pull the trigger and the enemy goes down immediately, and through your scope you can see the small twitching of his body as the other soldier starts to freak out.

You quickly aim the gun at his still-alive friend and shoot him down as well, silently congratulating yourself on your good aim and continuing to look through the scope, watching as Price runs in with Gaz and a few other soldiers. 

They struggle with the door for a moment and you sigh before pressing in the PTT button on your earpiece and quietly saying, “Price, Gaz, move away from the door for a sec.”

Wordlessly, they do as they’re told, and you take the opportunity to line up the gun’s aim with the complex electronic panel on the outside of the door and pull the trigger, shooting the most crucial part of the panel, causing it’s functions to disrupt and as a result, the doors open. 

“Thanks for that,” Gaz breathes out as Price kicks open the door, his voice cut off a bit at the end as he takes his hand off the PTT button too quickly in order to follow after Price. 

“Uh huh. Of course,” You say offhandedly, taking your eye away from the scope of your sniper rifle and listening to the loud sirens go off in the facility the others break into, and push yourself up so that you can sit up straight to properly watch it. You grunt as you sit up, stretching your arms out for a moment before letting them fall into your lap. 

“Are they in?” Soap asks, curious, his voice a little strained and breathy. There’s no loud gusts of wind coming through his mic anymore, and you look around for a moment, before your eyes catch on to him climbing up a ladder to get to the rooftop adjacent to yours.

Your lips twitch into a smile at the sight of him completely clueless to your presence and you press your PTT button to talk. 

“Yeah, they’re in,” You say, watching as he finally gets to the rooftop, “Didn’t you hear the sirens?” 

You can see Soap’s eyebrows furrowed together in confusion for a moment, and he looks around for a moment before finally seeing you on the rooftop directly next to his, and he looks surprised for a moment before a grin splits across his face. You see him press the PTT button on his mic as well. 

“I did, yeah, just wanted tae be sure,” He says into his mic, looking right at you as he does, “It’s a surprise seeing you here.” 

“Imagine how I feel,” You muse, almost to yourself, before looking away from Soap and speaking up, “Ghost, you don’t wanna join us on the rooftops?” 

“Absolutely not,” He replies almost immediately, making you huff out a small laugh and Soap’s grin grow, “I’m perfectly fine on the ground.” 

“Where are you?” You ask, scanning the area around you for Ghost, “I feel like I haven’t seen you this whole time.” 

“I’m just behind the facility,” Ghost hums, voice still a low whisper, “I’m gonna be heading in once Gaz and Price make it to the second floor to clean up the first, in case there’s anyone left.” 

“You’ve been behind the facility this whole time?” Soap’s voice cuts through, surprised by the fact. 

“Mhm,” Ghost hums. 

“It’s a bit boring back there, innit?” Gaz’s voice crackles through, his voice a little breathy, “You can sweep the first floor, by the way. Should be nobody left, though. Pretty sure all the soldiers were just faffing around, not doing much.” 

“Fucking faffing around?” You ask incredulously to yourself, though apparently your voice is loud enough to make Soap chuckle. 

As if he can read your mind, Price’s voice comes through, “Faffing around is just doing nothing or doing nothing particularly productive, [c/n].” 

You sigh and push your PTT button this time, talking into your mic, “You couldn’t just say that, Gaz? You had to say something silly like faffing around?” 

“It’s not silly,” Gaz says, his frown audible, “They were faffing around.” 

“Jesus, fuck,” You breathe out, laughing lightly, “It’s totally silly.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yeah it is.”

“No it’s—” 

“I just want one day where you two don’t start up stupid arguments like this,” Price’s tired sigh comes through, “Just one day, I beg of you both.” 

“Aw, Captain, we were just faffing around,” You whine playfully, the misuse of the slang making Soap cover his mouth with his hand to muffle his laughter and you hear Ghost groan into his mic. 

“That is absolutely not how you use that,” Gaz says, though you can hear some laughter in his voice—from your very non-British accent saying British phrases, you presume, a small grin gracing your lips at the thought. 

“It sounded natural to me,” You lie straight through your teeth, shrugging even though only Soap can see you. 

“You’re insufferable,” Gaz groans, making you laugh quietly, “Never use British slang again, please.” 

“What if I get a British accent? Will that fix it?”

“Nothing can fix what you’ve said today, [c/n].”

“Well that’s dramatic,” You scoff, “I’ll learn British just for you guys.” 

“Holy shit, please stop talking,” Price’s exasperated voice interrupts the both of you, “You’re both insufferable. Drop it.” 

“… I don’t think I will,” You say defiantly, making all three British people in the same voice channel as you groan in unison, the sound sounding like some sort of middle school choir trying to sing in harmony, “I’ll use Duolingo or something to learn it.” 

“British isn’t a language you learn, you muppet,” Price grumbles, making you snort. 

“Muppet?” 

“It’s someone who’s dumb and clueless and can’t take a hint, like you,” Ghost defines, “And Soap, most of the time.” 

“Daen’t go draggin’ mae into this,” Soap’s voice quickly cuts through, “I haven’t said onything.” 

“Uh, yes you absolutely did, earlier, remember?” Gaz argues, ignoring Price’s protests for him to stop arguing, “About Ghost being stupid with the tea thing?” 

“Oh, I’ll have you all know—” 

“Ghost, don’t start—” 

You listen as the once casual, teasing conversation turns into an argument and chuckle quietly to yourself, knowing that they’d be arguing about this until you all finished your assignment.

[cloudysarts]

Hi there!!

I want to say that your “Mabel’s muse” Au concept has absolutely called my attention, Bill mentions multiple times (Dipper and Mabel’s guide to mystery and fun and TBOB) how he likes Mabel’s personality and wanted her to be his ally…sooo the idea of an alternative time where he decided to approach her and where she trusts him and considers him as her friend is absolutely full of potential

I just think about how many stuff would change and how bill would be a little more genuine with her as he for once isn’t pretending to be an all-wise being and having to constantly rise the ego of Genius minds…instead he just has to party with a teenager whose idea of fun is quite similar to his…he doesn’t have to be the “supreme being” for once just a silly fella in order to earn Mabel’s trust

Also about how some episodes would have to take a completely different route:

maybe “Mindscapers” wouldn’t even take place…because I doubt that Mabel would trust a Bill if he went inside Stan’s head

Bill possessing her during the “sock opera”episode instead of dipper

Also don’t get me started on “the last Mabelcorn” episode. All the angst and horror that Ford would feel when he finds out about the whole friendship with bill situation reflecting himself on Mabel and probably Dipper being the one who search for the unicorn hair while ford tries to convince her that Bill isn’t trustworthy

I apologize for my rant but I seriously love your idea and sorry if it’s a bit confusing English isn’t my first language

I hope you have a nice day and thank you for reading this silly thing!!

first of all, your english is great!! second of all, i am SO sorry it took me so long to respond to this ask, it just made me so happy that i wanted to take my time to craft a response!!!!!! :DDDD (context: for people who don't know what my 'mabels muse' au is, you can check it out over here!)

you are practically SPOT ON with my ideas for this au!!!!!! but i'm gonna briefly run through all the things you brought up!!

first of all, yes, absolutely!!!! for bill, partner-ing up with mabel was a very nice change of pace. he likes stroking the ego's of genius', just for his own amusement, but he doesnt get the THRILL of just getting to PLAY very often!! he's a very childish being, at the end of the day. he enables mabel's selfishness, while getting to indulge his own, silly passions right alongside her!! and obviously, mabel LOVES being enabled <3 i imagine most of the dreams he gives her would make any normal persons eyes bleed

as for your episode ideas, you're mostly right!!! :) mindscaperers does, in fact, NOT happen in this au. in my head, i imagine gideon trying to summon him, only for an 'I.O.U' to appear where bill should be. he's busy hanging out with his favorite pre-teen!!! so gideon skips straight to his backup plan, aka, gideon rises ^^

for sock opera, i'm still on the fence a little bit. one of the reasons bill is hanging out with her at all in this au is because, unlike in the regular timeline, this bill actively wants stanford to be brought home. the reason mabel is important to him, is because he can see timelines where she presses the button in not what he seems, and keeps him from returning. in his mind, he has the greatest shot of success if mabel doesn't press it. in this au, she doesnt even hesitate to trust stan, because she has another, trustworthy voice in her head, yelling DON'T PRESS THE BUTTON. its 2v1! ANYWAY, the reason any of that matters for sock opera, is because he wouldnt have any need to possess anyone, because he has no interest in smashing the laptop! BUT.....i can see him doing it anyway. i figure, most likely, he gets mabel to (willingly) let him use her body, so that she can work on her sock opera while her body sleeps. i just imagine a bill-possessed mabel up at 3 am, covered in hot glue and googly eyes as he tries to work it out shjdkfhjsdkf. but......honestly, he probably destroys the laptop in the process :) just to fuck with dipper <3 not that dipper ever finds out its her. he has no idea that mabel was ever possessed/has no reason to suspect her, because at this point, he still doesnt think bill is real. that is....until the last mabelcorn.

IN the last mabelcorn, mabel reveals to ford that she does recognize bill, and that he lives in her brain! she says it really excitedly, at the table, while dipper kind of just rolls his eyes about it. to her, its vindicating, because it's the first time anyone has ever acknowledged bills existence. but to ford, its HORRIFYING, because he knows it isn't just a coincidence. he knows he has to do something, but he doesn't know what, right away. this is where our ideas differ a little bit, because i think that mabel still WOULD be the one retrieving the unicorn hair! ford just didnt tell her what the hair was for. ford sends her off, because he wants to brainstorm a way to get him out of her head, preferably without hurting her/her memories. he also plans to bill-proof dippers mind in the process, just in case mabel is too far gone already. the events here happen basically the same (with minor tweaks), but instead of dipper suspecting that ford is evil/bill-possessed, this is where he finally learns that bill is real at all. ford tells him about his backstory, and explains the REAL reason he sent mabel out to get the unicorn hair, etc etc. he loves mabel a lot, but hes not sure how to go about dealing with this situation yet. its not HER fault she trusted bill, but he knew that if he just tries to tell her hes evil, she wont believe him. shes known 'her muse' longer, and as of right now, he's never lead her wrong. just like what happened to him in the past...

i wonder how mabel would feel if she only heard the end of that conversation...

(more of this au here and here!)

[mattsturnswife]

𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐈𝐍 𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐓!

"matt babe" i say turning to look at my boyfriend as he picks up my suitcase . he turns to face me with a toothy grin, i proudly smile back at him before interrupting our moment. "we gotta check out of the hotel now, come on lets go to the elevator." I grab matts free hand and switch my purse to the other hand.

as the two of us walk down the hallway and into the elevator i feel matt grip my hand tighter. once we step inside theres a loud crack, but we have no choice to ignore it since the stairs werent an option. i quickly press the button. "its okay baby were gonna be okay" i kiss his shoulder trying to comfort him. "i know i just hate these stupid elevators." he says softly looking down at me. "its okay this ones gonna be safe." i tip toe and ruffle his hair, he gives me an annoyed look in response.

"only a few floors left" i say looking back to matt. "thank god, this has to be one of the slowest elevators ive ever been on." i laugh at his reluctancy to like the elevator and just grab his hand in response.

suddenly at floor 4 the elevator stops, i smile and move a little to the side assuming someone was about to step in. after about thirty seconds the door never opens. "uhh what the fuck" i say confused. "y'n." matt calls for my attention, "i think the elevators stuck.." i say reaching my hand out for matts shoulder. "y/n what do we do-" matt says panickedly.

"hey hey its gonna be okay." i quickly start to comfort him. "but" he starts to drop my bags and picks at his nails. "matt hey its gonna be okay." i grab his hand and let him play with my rings as i use my other finger to press the big red button reading 'EMERGENCY'

"im gonna facetime nick to help calm you down okay? there should be people coming" i feel his fidgeting with my hand pick up the pace. "okay thank you i love you." i hug him briefly before picking up my phone and calling nick, but he doesnt pick up. "fuck its okay matt" i say trying to make the situation better. i kiss his temples and lean into his body as he plays with my hair.

after a few minutes of just holding eachother silently breathing we feel the elevator stark to shake lightly and matt grips me tighter. "woah its okay! i bet that means they are trying to open it." i say kissing his jaw from above me. suddenly the elevator shakes alot and matt's breathing starts to pick up. "matty its gonna be totally fine" i pray briefly in hopes that i was right.

"HELLO?" i hear a mans voice yell from the other side of the elevator. "hello?!" matt yells back sounding a little timid. "yay matt someones here!" "hello! can you open the door?" i shout back to the man outside. "yes ma'am give us about 30 minutes can you hold off till then?" he asks while the elevator starks shaking a bit more. "Yes thank you!!" i shout back and grab matts hand and drag us both to the floor.

"just thirty minutes thats not that bad?" i ask matt looking into his eyes. "yeah i guess" he rests his head against the wall with a bang "isnt there a gym here?" i ask trying to cheer the pouty boy up. "oh my god your so right there is, matt says pulling out his phone to play pokemon go. "lets fight it together yeah?" i ask while copying matts actions. "sure babe" he gives me a toothy grin and kisses my cheek while we both wait out the current situation.

© mattsturnswife - reblogs are always appreciated

p.s

ve had this in my drafts for a month and ive never been stuck in an elevator so idk how accurate this is also i got a lil lazy at the end oops! - cora

[mxqdii]

hey! i love love your work, and i was wondering if i could request a chris sturniolo x fem!reader?

maybe reader is also a well known influencer, or an actress or something of the sort, and there’s rumours about her and chris being together that they haven’t really confirmed?

but they are dating and she’s on live one day and he calls her like an intimate pet name, or just overall says something that shows they are in fact together and like the comments on the live just go crazy and stuff and shes like telling chris she’s on live or whatver

im so sorry if this doesnt make sense 🙏🙏

stop bc i requested pretty much this same thing to another author (on wattpad) a few months back, so when i read this request it was such an "i made it" moment (i love u sm, you're just like me fr fr)

baby - c.s

pairings: chris sturniolo x reader

summary: chris accidentally calls reader 'baby' while she's on live, revealing to the whole world that they're dating/

warning(s): fluff, reader calling chris bro 😔

not proofread

i'm sitting on the couch, watching tv, bored out of my mind.

then an idea hits me, i could go on live!

i used to go live a lot with the triplets, but only on their account, so it would be fun to go live on mine.

i open instagram and click the live button, watching the stream fill with thousands of people

"holy shit that's a lot of people" i say with a nervous laugh

"uhh i guess i'll answer any questions anyone has! so feel free to ask anything!" i add, smiling

i read through the comments, lots of them asking where the triplets are

i can't help but notice seeing a few asking if me and chris are dating.

fortunately, those allegations are true! but we've decided to keep it quiet for, just for now.

still, there’s only so much one can hide from the public

and although me and chris haven't said anything, i think everybody knows anyway.

people can see our glances, our gestures, how close we are, it's all pretty obvious.

i answer a few questions like my favorite singer, when my next video is coming out, podcast stuff with the triplets, and just some other various topics.

suddenly i hear the door unlock, looking over at it, but not really caring.

maybe i can get whichever triplet that is to join my live.

chris walks in and i smile in his direction

"hey baby" he says and my expression immediately drops.

i look at him, PALE.

(absolutely terrified to look back at the screen)

"what?" he says, walking closer, i turn my head to the screen, anticipating my death.

i let out a sigh of relief seeing the comments

@ssturniolo BABY???

@strniolo AWWWWWWWW

@lvrsparadise GOODBYE I LOVE THEM.

@ellieswifie this is such a chris and y/n mistake 😭

@lavieenvalentina i'm so happy for them i'll cry

(shoutout to everyone tagged ILY<;3)

as i'm reading the comments, i smile, chris hovering over me reading them too

suddenly he hugs me from behind, squeezing me tight

"chris!" i say laughing

"let me go bro" i whine

"you did not just call me bro" he says, immediately stopping

his death glare makes me laugh

"consider it payback for you calling me baby on live" i say laughing

(him clearly not amused)

"okay fine fine im sorry, guys it's all okay he's not my bro please let me redeem myself" i say joking on the last part

me and chris stay on live for another 30 minutes, answering questions about how we got together and just stuff about our relationship.

"bye guys we love you!!" i say, ending the live

i close out of insta, putting my phone down with an exhausted sigh

"so?" i mumble, anticipating chris's response

"so? so nothing" he say's with a smile and i face palm

"chris! we just told like, the world that we're dating" i laugh

"yeah, and i'm happy about it, like honestly i can't think of a better way it could've happened" he says

we both look at eachother and burst out laughing

"we're a little interesting thats for sure" i say

"i can't believe we tell the world we're dating ON ACCIDENT and then you start calling me bro" chris says, making me laugh harder

"i was nervous! im sorry!" i yell with my hands up in defense

"yeah yeah, it's fine" he says, wrapping his arms around me

"bro" he adds on

"chris i swear to god-"

TAGLIST:

@strniolo @stargirlv0id @annaisabookworm

[titan-senpai]

hiii! i read your valentino smut, and i hate him with every bone in my body, but i absolutely loved it. i was maybe hoping you could do some husk smut? i love him sm and i feel like he doesnt get enough love 😭 thankss so much and stay safe <3

𝐀𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐜𝐤. 𝐇𝐮𝐬𝐤 𝐱 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

[ Inspired by the song : Greedy, OR3O ft. Swiblet ]

Let's say before he made a deal with Alastor he owned the most famous casino in Hell . And Y/N being a gambler in their past lives decides to visit the place. placing risky bets adrenalin flying. catches a certain cat's eyes, what they didn't know they slept with the most famous casino owner...

Warning; Cursing, Intoxitaded, influenced by alcohol, alcohol use, NSFW, Smut, gambling [GN Reader!]

More of my Hazbin/Helluva content? Check it out here!

A/N; I LOVE HUSK, WE LOVE HUSK MWA MWA <3

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Walking in the so-called 'Most famous casino of Hell' as I showed the guard outside my reservation on my phone as he nodded letting me in. taking a look around the casino it looked like any normal casino? "Would you like a drink dear.." a waiter said i nodded as he gave me a drink on flame. "is it your first time here?" he asked looking how i was looking around. "yeah i guess, i haven't gotten time to come here.." I sighed. "We'll be in luck because the casino has no end here! Live your life to the fullest here my dear.." he smiled before waving goodbye as i smiled walking to a poker table.

Taking a seat as the person behind the game handed everyone cards. "Let's begin.." Succubi said, as I picked up my cards looking at them. Seeing it was a low hand. One said "Bet" as the person set 10 poker chips. "Call,"the other woman said. I thought for a second, "Actually.. Raise you to 30.." I said with a smirk as I placed my chips. "I'll raise it to 300.."The woman said in full confidence.. "Fold.."the man said next to me. "I play by my own rules..Call you to.."I smirked.. "A soul." I smirked as she gave me a fear look in the eye "Not any soul.. My own one." I looked her dead in the eyes. "Fo-o-l-d.."She said, trembling. I laughed as I felt the adrenaline kick in as I placed my cards on the table. as the succubi gave me their chips. I smiled as I asked the waiter to get me a drink.

Hearing footsteps behind me as a certain person walked to me wearing a suit taking a seat next to me, "That was quite an impressive young one.."He smiled as he ordered the waiter. "You want something to drink dear? My treat?" I smiled, "I'm good, I'm waiting for my drink." He fixed his tie "Those are cheap drinks.. I've got the good stuff. '' I didn't care at this point. I wanted to have some fun anyway so I nodded as he placed an order.

An hour passed by as I was a bit tipsy and so was he. "Woa.. careful doll.. Wouldn't want your pretty/handsome/Gorgeous face to get hurt.." without thinking i kissed him as he held my face. I didn't know how long that kiss was but he pulled away. "Let's take this upstairs?" he signald people as they led us through the crowd to an elevator. I stood there as he scanned a gold card and clicked the gold button going all the way to floor 666.

He held me as the doors opened revealing a gorgeous penthouse with a painting of him. "Woaaahh" I smiled looking around as he helped me to his bedroom as i took a seat on the bed. his lips connecting with mine both desperate for each others touch, "R u sure you want this darlin?" He smiled taking off his blazer and undershirt. "Yes.."I moaned as he attached his lips on my neck as he took my clothes off. Soon he took his boxers off revealing his Grey cock with white freckles leaking with pre-cum my insides desprate for him just by looking at it. pushing his cock inside as I let out a pornographic moan. "Holy Shit-.." Husk said as he grunted in my shoulders. slowly pushing his entire cock inside as my face showed pure bliss. finally it was at his base. "Oh my... you're taking my like a champ.." he smiled as he pulled out not fully just keeping his tip inside as i finally could breath before i could react i felt him push it in with power letting out a moan pushing my head on the pillow. The air out my lungs knocked right out as he sped up my eyes rolling even further now as I had my first orgasm, my hands reaching for him as he bent down still pounding it in me as my arms started to cling onto his back, my nails scratching him. "Right there!"I cried as he grunted going faster soon his movements became sloppy and started slowing down. "Where do you want me.." he said looking at me with a tired look. "inside.. inside please.." I whimpered. as he sped up reaching his own orgasm as he painted my insides white. his head going back from the pure bliss as i reached my own after he came my eyes shutting as my body shook.

pulling out as white liquid dripped out of me. Standing up as he got me a cup of water. sitting up taking the cup drinking water as he sat next to me. "Thank you for this.." He smiled laying back down. gulping down the water. "No thank you.. I've never got your name sir?"

"It's Husk, it's a pleasure meeting you."

[irishmammonagenda]

PLEASE MORE MICHAEL CONTENT I AM ON MY KNEES BEGGING U CRYING PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLESASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEA

-yk who 😞

i do know who😈😈‼️‼️‼️

i love writing michael sm heehee anyway thanks for the ask pooks 🫶🫶🫶

grma <3

Unsane Uncles-An Obey Me x Reader

Summary: Michael realises some shocking news, has a crisis, as per usual, chaos ensues. Word Count: 1.5k Warnings: nothing I don't think, for anyone that doesnt know, i headcannon michael as lucifers twin, this was written with my 'Death is a Debatable Thing' Au in mind, but it can be read as a stand alone <3

post dividers by @saradika-graphics

The café was quaint, quiet and out of the way. It had been ages since you'd last visited the Human Realm. The soft sounds of chatter and cutlery clinking created a calm atmosphere. Well calm for the most part.

Michael sat on the chair opposite to yours looking quite frazzled. His white button down rolled up to just above the elbows and a few of the topmost buttons undone. His long golden curls done up in a messy plait, nonconforming strands coiling around his unusually antsy face. Long dexterous fingers wrap around his coffee mug, he brings it to his lips and takes a sip before setting it down with a little too much force. You watch the scene amusedly.

“I just- I don’t know what to do!” he runs a hand through his hair, looking up at you with stressed, ruby red eyes. "I mean?- Is it too late to give my congratulations?!...Or a push present?!"

You bite your tongue to keep from laughing, the Archangel notices. "This is serious MC! I am the worst uncle ever!"

You tilt your head, "Did you not think it was strange when the brothers first fell that Satan just kind of poofed into existence?"

Michael gives a thoughtful look, before making a 'meh' face and shrugging his shoulders. "I kind of just thought Satan was a low ranking angel that fell with the actual memorable ones, and that I had just... never cared to learn his name before he fell."

"You didn't ask?" You take a sip of your warm drink, revelling in how satisfying the hot liquid felt when it hit the back of your throat and warmed you up from the inside, especially as it was fucking baltic outside.

"Yes." Michael smiles sarcastically, "Because taking a trip down to the Devildom straight after the Celestial War to ask about the demon who kept biting people and snarling would've gone great for me."

"Touché." You grin. Michael's expression falls back from sarcastic to strained, his gorgeous features bathed in stress.

"But seriously MC! I've missed out on centuries as an uncle! That's so many birthdays! Luke must think I'm a deadbeat! I already act like I'm a divorced dad with visitation rights because I can't visit very often!"

You snort. "I don't think Luke knows."

Michael sinks into his seat, "Oh thank Father."

He stays there for a moment, the soft golden glow of the café lights on his dark skin so similar to the aureate ambiance of the Celestial Realm that you almost forget that you're back in the human world. He flutters his eyes closed, a hand over his brow in what can only be described as a himbo-ified imitation of a sickly Victorian woman saying something along the lines of 'Woe is I!" after finding out poor people actually have feelings. What a fucking drama king. You hold back a snort. Michael groans before swinging back up like a jack-in-the-box, his usual cheerful yet cheeky smile on his handsome face, he joins his hands together as he rests his arms on the wooden table, as if completely oblivious to the complete 180 he had turned. "So! MC, have I ever told you about the time Lucifer ran into a glass door in the Celestial Realm?"

You shake your head, grinning mischieviously, "I don't think you have!"

Hours Later, down in the Devildom, in RAD's royal library, Satan sneezed. He paused for a moment more before folding his handkerchief up and putting it back in his pocket, making a mental note to wash it when he got back to the House of Lamentation.

He groans, arching his back and stretching his arms out in an attempt to weave out any knots in his muscles. He'd been in the library since school had ended. Still unable to shake the feeling something was going to happen, Satan got up off of his chair, packed his books away, and made the journey home.

Walking alone through the cobbled streets of the Realm was calming and peaceful. Halfway through his siúl suaimneach, he comes face to face with a gathering of the stray cats he'd normally feed.

The Avatar of Wrath coos at them, hunkering down and reaching into his bag for some of the cat treats he'd normally kept in there. "Aww..." He mutters, speaking in a baby voice to the cats, scratching an old tabby's fur. "You've gotten so big, Purrsephone!" He scritches underneath the young cats chin, smiling as she purrs and remembering fondly when the cat was just a small kitten trailing behind her mother like a second, small adorable shadow.

As he pulls out the bag of treats onehanded, the symphony of meowing reaches a polyphonic crescendo, cats and kittens of all shapes, colours and sizes scramble towards Satan with more purpose now, all meowing for food. He chuckles, indulging the felines, petting them as they nibble and chew on the kitty treats.

Unbeknownst to the Avatar of Wrath, a good quarter of a mile away from where he congregated with the cats, a certain Archangel and his accomplice stood hiding in an alleyway.

In the shadows of the alleyway, Michael was clumsily putting on his batman mask. He already had a matching batman suit and cape on, you however were much more serious, and were dressed up as Robin.

"Michael." You hiss exasperatedly. "You seriously can't think that sneaking up on the Avatar of Wrath is a good idea!"

Michael merely waved you off with one hand, his other carrying his 'surprise for his most favouritest nephew in the three realms' as he'd deemed it. "Besides MC is worst comes to worst, you can just pop out!"

You nod. "Good point. "You face breaks into a grin matching Michael's, "This is going to be fun to watch."

Michael goes to say something before you both hear footsteps, your eyes widen. "Oh shit...he's coming..."

Quickly you dart behind the dumpsters, Michael moves to the wall of the alleyway. Holding his breath as he listens to the footsteps of a certain green-eyed demon.

After having petted the cats, Satan got up and begrudgingly left them in order to continue his journey home.

Lost in his thoughts, he can't help but feel as if something is watching him, thinking its just his imagination, he walks on. Who would be stupid enough to sneak up on the Avatar of Wrath?

An idiot in a batman costume apparently.

Satan jumped as the lunatic hopped out from the alleyway, hands behind his back.

"Psst! Kid!" The stranger in the batman costume says, ruby red eyes that reminded him of Lucifer staring at him. "I have a surprise for you!"

Satan's tail whips around his legs, on the defensive. "I'm not a kid." He says coldly. "And what surprise?"

"Heeheehee." The strange man giggles, before taking his hands away from where they were behind his back and revealling a small tiny little kitten, fur as dark as night, with an emerald green bow wrapped loosely around its little neck, having been jostled, the tiny creature meows in protest, big green eyes blinking sleepily. Satan's harsh, mistrusting glare softens as he looks at the kitten, moving to take it out of the strangers hands before his eyes narrow.

"What's the catch?"

"The catch?" 'Batman' says indignantly, as if Satan had gravely offended him. "The catch? How dare you! There is no catch! Can't an uncle give his nephew a present to make up for millennia upon millennia of missed birthdays?!"

Satan blinks. "It's March. It's nowhere near my birthday. And Uncle?" Green eyes narrow again. "I don't have any uncles."

The stranger sticks his tongue out. "Blah blah blah. You are just like your father. Take the fucking cat or I'm telling everyone that you're secretly Lucifer's son."

A vein pops on Satan's head. "Excuse me?!"

The stranger chuckles nervously upon sensing Satan's wrath bubble like magma beneath the surface of his skin, ready to boil over and erupt. When Satan's eyes flashed dangerously the stranger spluttered out. "Oh shit....! Uhhh....Cat Attack!!!" That was the only warning Satan got before the tiny kitten was shoved gently but firmly into his hands, his eyes immedietely softened, the rage slowed down from a boil as he looked into the soft innocent eyes of the kittykat.

He looked up at the stranger, who in his frenzy, had lost his batman mask. Ruby red eyes and golden curls tied in french plaits and tucked into the rest of the suit greeted him. Unholy fuck. Was that Archangel Michael.

The Archangel grins at him, "Enjoy your gift! Tell Lucikins I said hi! Oh and also the cats a girl, you can name her! Come visit your favourite uncle soon! Byebye!" Michael shouts to him, before he turns around, and fucking books it, sprinting away from the Avatar of Wrath at a speed that could rival Mammon running from Lucifer.

Satan stood shellshocked by the whole ordeal having acquired a tiny kitten and an uncle who needed to be institutionalised.

He grinned down at the kitten, "I'm gonna call you Dorcha."

Judging by the small creatures tiny meow, he'd gamble that she liked that name.

A/N: im so sorry this is so short, ive been busy w irl stuff, but this was a fun ask <3

also dorcha is sort of pronounced 'door-ah-ha' but you sort of say the 'ch' with your throat, idk how to explain it, but it means 'dark' 💗💗

siúl suaimhneach (shoe-el soo-ehve-neyak, except dont pronounce the 'ch' as a 'keh' and pronounce it liek gutturally!!!) it means 'peaceful walk' but suaimhneach can also mean tranquil or quiet

[weaselthing]

OKAY REMADE RAINFOREST FLOODS INTRO POST. YOU WANT TO LEARN SO BAD

rainforest floods is an ocverse made by me and @jamescarpenterhooper. its about a waterpark in new mexico and all the horrible people and circumstances it has born witness to. oooo you want to click the read more button so bad PLEASE IM BEGGING

i'll try to keep this as brief as i can so as not to waste your valuable time but just know theres so much i wont be covering here.

rainforest floods is the name of a waterpark that was established in 1971, but dont let that fool you! theres been shit going on for sooo many years beforehand. meet these freaks

^these are the founders of rainforest floods! i dont know how exactly to explain it. patrick and joanna are married. patrick and phillip have had an affair going on for over ten years. which happens to be about as long as patrick and joanna have been married. how strange. anyway

IMPORTANT: for some fucking reason patrick sets a curse on the park that makes it unable to close. KEEP THIS IN MIND FOR LATER BECAUSE IT IMPACTS A LOOOT.

patrick has a favorite little guinea pig among his employees whom he has been trying to teach how to run the park because one day he wont be able to run it anymore. and eventually when 1976 rolls around she gets the chance to do so!

SUUUUUUUUUUE you love her. she takes over the park in 1976 and manages it until 1990. shes a little bit my favorite. she actually does a much better job of managing the park!

but things cant be great forever. in the year 1986 something a little bit crazy happens. one of her employees, bruce krelborn (remember him), is a lifeguard at rff during the summer. just before closing on august 7th, a young woman (remember her too) comes to the park to go on one of the waterslides. but there arent any rafts!!!! oh no!!!! so bruce goes to ask sue about getting more rafts but sues like Um its fine.that doesnt matter.

so then the woman goes down the slide and she gets flung off and dies because she didnt have a raft. and then sues like OKAY.WELL YOU HAVE TO COVER THIS UP NOW. BURY HER RIIIGHT HERE. so he does. and the death is still covered up to this day. surely this will have no long term consequences.

(also semi important to note: sue had a weird favoritism thing with bruce in a similar way that patrick had a weird favoritism thing with her. #cycles)

in 1990 sue decides shes done with this shit and tries to burn the park down and get out of dodge. but unfortunately THE CURSE prevents the park from actually being destroyed. so it looks completely burned from the outside but on the inside its pretty much fine. awesome!

in 2004 two shitheads decide to start the park up again. THEY DONT LOOK LIKE THIS YET I JUST DONT WANT TO PUT IN THEIR 30S IMAGE

"hey bruce krelborn?? that name sounds awfully familiar" YES that is because just a few paragraphs ago he was the lifeguard that had to cover up that poor womans death! he's back now! and also hes like mean and jaded or whatever. the faggot on the right also worked at rainforest floods in the 80s but he wasnt involved in that at all and he is completely oblivious to the fact the coverup is going on despite the fact that one of his employees is the ghost of the woman that died.

also bruce and andy have horrible awful toxic yaoi together and theyre also not dating or anything. what do you get when you combine "insane need for control" (bruce) and "insane need for validation" (andy). and dont say macdennis because thats different. barely.

WAIT WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT THE GHOST??

THIS IS KELSEY shes so awesome oh my god. she cant leave rainforest floods its part of ghost logic. trust me when i say she would leave if she was able to. her and bruce have crazy insane dynamic. when bruce first started reopening rff kelsey didnt recognize him. but he recognized her but didnt tell her he did. so they were actually friends for a little bit before kelsey found out it was the same guy. and now shes mad at him.

THE THING IS kelsey could probably find it in her heart to forgive him. but the thing thats keeping her a ghost is the unfinished business that came from her death being covered up. and shes so scared of actually dying that she cant let go because what if thats the thing keeping her around. LOL.

-> LEARN MORE ABOUT HER HERE. PLEASE READ THSI <-

ok theres like two other employees they dont matter as much

yay jeff and vincent. jeff is normal vincent is Weird. theyre kinda like pim and charlie smiling friends if charlie thought pim was stupid and annoying and pim was a little conspiracy freak. theyre fun i like them. theyre the only ones we're not THAT worried about doing themes and motifs with and even then.

onto side characters now.

^this is kelseys love interest aww. she doesnt have a name dont call her anytihng call her [REDACTED] or unnamed girl. its spoilers. dont worry about it. shes crazyyyy love her. its fun bc she dresses 80s inspired and kelsey died in the 80s so its like wooaahh

and thats [REDACTED]'s brother kyle who is always getting tormented by the staff at rff. he is cursed so that no one outside of his family will ever remember him so its not like they have a vendetta against him theyre all just freaks.

GINGERRRRR she's jeff's girlfriend and shes awesome. her and jeff do bits together theyre funny silly. theyre also kinda high school bullies that never got the chance to bully people in high school so theyre just kind of mean. but at least they dont have septic tank yaoi unlike SOME people

IS THAT IT THAT MIGHT BE IT. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS PLEAPLEASPELAEPLALSPELAS PLEASE GO TO @rainforestfloods ITS OUR COLLABORATIVE TUMBLR BLOG WHERE WE TALK ABOUT THEM AND WE WILL BE ABSOLUTELY JAZZED TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE ABOUT THEM. PLEASE.

okay bye thats it i hope im not forgetting anything. ooooh you wanna go to waterpark soooo baaaadd

[thornswoggled]

yori is fumiki and heres why: my manifesto

or: wait, we werent all on the same page about this?

i should have written this when i first read chapter 98, but im only getting around to it now. this is less me trying to convince you, the reader, and more hoarding all my collected thoughts on why yori is absolutely fumiki, if its a red herring its a silly one, and if he isnt or if its left ambiguous forever i will eat crow. here we go:

before i start let me say most of my evidence is the way yamazaki frames him visually rather than solid "proof." comics are an artform, theres a reason things get framed the way they do, and her artistic choices in ch 98 (i feel) are meant to serve as a big blinking neon light that says "you should be feeling this way about xyz right now"

iic, there were rumblings of "the young auditor" being fumiki as far back as his introduction in ch 51 due to to his unique ability:

which is essentially a refined version of fumikis innate ability to keep fae away. we know yori is part of a "family business," and it seems appropriate that with the proper training, he would be able to freeze fae in their tracks rather than simply ward them off

unfortunately this is where "evidence" ends and "vibes" begin

chapter 51 didnt get adapted into what was otherwise a pretty faithful adaptation in season 2, and i understand why - theres a lot going on, and this chapter is fairly out of left field. but theres one other quip that got left out of season 2:

this is a one-off thought that wouldnt have been difficult to include in the anime. imo, i believe this line from ch 62 didnt get animated because we hadnt met fumiki yet like we did in the manga. now, onto more recent chapters... (under a read more because this is going to get pretty long)

chise and yoris first meeting is framed in a very purposeful way. in chapter 98, elias is preoccupied with ousting all the outsiders so that he and chise can be alone, stuck on the idea that "christmas is for family only:"

and three pages later, who do we meet?

im really struck by the way chise and yori are drawn together here. personally, i dont read this as "chise is meeting a new unimportant side character," this is "the strings of fate have pulled us miraculously back together again"

waiter! waiter! can i get an order of drifting sakura petals and sparkles with this panel? am i waxing poetic here or do you see it? the way theres no background drawn here, no other characters, even in later pages when we know elias is standing right behind chise, he doesnt get included in frame so that its just the two of them:

while im at it, can we appreciate how theyre wearing the same outfit? black pants and a hip-length dark coat/sweater with oversized pockets, a collar, and six left-sided buttons. yoris dark gloves also evoke chises cursed arm here but i dont want to risk looking like a maniac any more than i already do. i mean... dude, look at them, theyre matching

speaking of matching, lets pop back to 51 for a sec

both yori and chise have canine familiars! actually, it looks like yori might have multiple - look at all those pokeballs i mean bamboo tubes in his coat. if my memory serves, we didnt know yori was japanese at this point, but everyone assumed so because of the appearance of this familiar... which was another log on the "this might be fumiki" fire

fun fact: this little dude is almost certainly a kuda-kitsune, which were said to be kept in tubes and summoned by a soothsayer, who could use it to perform curses, or tell the past and future

and the drama with which we find out his "name":

"i bet you were expecting me to say fumiki, huh. good luck im not giving you that this early you have to work for it." as far as aliases go, "ri" could be derived from "hatori," but neither of the kanji in "fumiki" can be read as "yo," so its probably just random

after yori leaves, we get another repetition of "christmas is for family," which at this point feels like yamazaki is leading us to water and dunking our head in it:

i think its awfully convenient that ruth was absent for chises exchange with yori. do you think he would have been able to smell that theyre related? or whiffed the kuda-kitsune in his coat?

right after this, too, we get this line from elias which i have been thinking about a lot:

theres a few different ways this could be read, so im not married to any one interpretation, but it could be foreshadowing "if chise decides to pursue a relationship with her estranged family, what will i do then?" as gabriella would say, "i hate to be a third wheel"

given what we have seen of yoris aloof personality, i have to imagine there will be drama if/when the reveal is made. sadly i can picture him actually pushing chise away if she tries to reestablish a relationship with him

now! that is pretty much where my thoughts end, but i do want to share questions/doubts i have:

if yori read all of simons reports to determine he was an unfit observer, there is no way he doesnt know chises full name. i wonder whether he had any reaction to it? he may assume that its just a coincidence. i briefly wondered if the hatori name was an invention by yuuki, until i remembered that the family chise stays with in the OVA also has the same name. unless yuuki was adopted by another family like seth...? dont mind me, im going pepe silvia mode over here

have i mentioned i talked about yuuki before in another theory post? take it with a grain of salt, i already got proven wrong on one front now that jasper has been introduced

will yuuki be reintroduced if fumiki is? i desperately want chise to get that closure, but this scene from ch 42 has a sense of finality to it, a sort of "you will never get to resolve things with your father or see his side of things" stank:

... actually, now that ive mentioned the kuda-kitsune, can we look at this thing again?

another word for the kuda-kitsune is "izuna," which is read in modern japanese as "weasel." could the critter whos watching yuuki here come from the same place as yoris familiars? yuuki leaves his family immediately after this - getting summoned maybe?

okay, okay, let me stop myself here before i start looking like im ranting and raving. can we talk about the mail, please, mac? ive been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, ok? "pepe silvia," this name keeps coming up over and over again. every day pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. pepe silvia! pepe silvia! i look in the mail, and this whole box is pepe silvia!

if youre a fence-sitter, what are your thoughts? do you think we just dont have enough evidence yet? inquiring minds want to know

[hijackalx]

ASTARION SFW HEADCANONS:

yall he would be so embarrassed by how vampires are portrayed in the media. like enraged 😭😭 he feels like they make him look like a joke and would refuse to watch/read anything with vampires in it bcz nobody ever gets it right. but if modern day tav DID ever get him to watch twilight with them he would be like shrinking into his shirt from secondhand embarrassment AT FIRST but i feel like he would eventually get invested LMAO like u know how dads stand in front of the tv and get stuck there bcz theyre too interested lol that kind of vibe

sooo hedonistic and materialistic like he loves all things luxurious, chocolates, expensive fabrics, comfortable furniture etc. he does NOT want to settle for anything less. but this also means he expects the same for tav 🥰 but he's kind of messy too? like it makes sense with being materialistic bcz eventually youll have lots of clutter. his tent has all kinds of unnecessary shit

hes lowkey sentimental. LOWKEY THOUGH he would never admit it. like if tav ever gave him something like idk, a necklace they found or something and said it made them think of him he'd literally keep it forever and ever. dont call him out on it tho bcz he'll get defensive af 😔 HES SUCH A BABY

tav and him will argue A LOT but thats because he purposely pushes ppls buttons. (nsfw mention) its like foreplay to him and if u read the nsfw section youll see why lol

so sooooo jealous but only if he feels like youre getting too close to someone else. like initially i dont think tav sleeping with someone else makes him jealous bcz of his backstory like he doesnt rlly view sex as something that only happens between two ppl that love each other and thats what would bother him the most. and i think hes only open sexually bcz hes conditioned himself to be that way, like maybe after a while of being with tav it really would start to bother him if they were sleeping with other ppl and he'd eventually want to be exclusive.

also he cares abt tav so much. like he pretends like he doesnt but if they freak him out enough theyll see just how much he worries abt them and wants them safe 😭❤️

love language:

giving = words of affirmation. he loves to call tav pet names and comment on how good they are at things and how good they look etc. he LOVESSS it especially if tav responds to it in any way (physically or verbally) bcz he also loves to tease lol. also dare i say physical touch? like just innocently touching tav all the time. this i feel bcz he (spoiler???) rlly enjoyed the hug during his confession scene and also wants to hold tav's hand after. (end of possible spoiler) like he'll prolly do little things like rub tav's back or caress their face randomly while theyre talking to him lol all very sensual tho hes a very sensual man

receiving = words of affirmation and physical touch lol both in the way i described before. i dont think he would like tav teasing him tho most of the time he gets genuinely pissed off 😹😹😹 hes just a lil short tempered

apparently hes 5'9 but i dont know where thats coming from lol i dont get that vibe he looks pretty lanky i would say between 5'11-6' is more realistic like lets be honest a 5'9 man lured back all those victims for cazador? be so fucking for real 😭😭 also decent muscle tone not scrawny but not SWOLE

ASTARION NSFW HEADCANONS:

lets go girls and gays 👯 for starters i dont really see him enjoying being submissive at all like u had to roll a 15 to even get the mf to say 'please'. i think this is especially because he hates having his autonomy taken away from him but he has a controlling personality in general (he was deciding ppls fates as a magistrate before cazador 🧍🏼like HELLO what the fuck was that 😹😹) . he likes to call the shots BUT i dont think hes selfish (kinda feel like hes a giver lowkey?? are we feeling the service dom allegations ??) he just withholds what tav likes until they do what he wants or theyre good for him. he always remembers to reward them tho 😇

he LOVES BRATS (hence the arguing mentioned before) !!!!!!! theyre his absolute favorite like theres something abt putting someone in their place that turns him on so much. theyre also so fun. he usually does it by being mean and degrading them tho lol. but once they submit to him hes so soo sweet. theyll also get bonus points for calling him something that implies hes above them (daddy, sir, master) but he wont make them. he prolly likes to see if he can make them do it voluntarily for an ego boost lol.

hes sadistic in the sense that he likes to “hurt” tav but not in extreme ways. he likes them too much for that. like he'll pull their hair and choke them (bite them) or something but he wont cause them horrific pain if u catch my drift. i still feel like hes into seeing them cry tho lol like if they go to him for a shoulder to cry on he'll try to act sympathetic but he'll also pop a boner HELP HES THE WORST

takes forever to cum like bro ��� I GOT RUG BURN ON MY PUSSY !!!! also has a very attractive pp probably 6-7 inches? like its textbook perfect. upwards curve. pink tip. shall i go on.

he wont do this to a one night stand but if he likes tav enough he'll want to mark or claim them in some way. like leaving bite marks and bruises EVERYWHERE or even cumming inside them.

also not as kinky as u would think like keep ur questionable kinks away from this man he will judge so hard. MAJOR kink shamer. in short no u cannot piss on him lmao leave peepaw alone

aftercare with him depends. at first its rlly cold and u get corny rehearsed lines and he cant wait to go sleep by himself 😭😭😭 BUT after he catches feelings hes very attentive and will help tav clean up. also will prefer to stay with them until morning.

[missmeinyourbones]

Hiiiii L!!! Congrats on ur milestone bby!! It was so hard to choose a prompt I was stuck on so many of them but I’d love to see ur take on the prompt “weird, but fucking beautiful” with Touya<333

WEIRD, BUT FUCKING BEAUTIFUL (t. todoroki)

a/n: bad communicator dabi, reader has a birthmark, descriptions of skin and scarring (???) angsty undertones but ultimately very soft (like dabi), i love u oz

L’s MIDNIGHTS EVENT!

There's a lot that Dabi can't say.

He thinks his lack of verbal charisma was wired into his brain and decided by the stars above from the very moment he was born into this world.

It's not for a lack of feeling, he likes to justify. In his head, Dabi has said what he would deem to be Shakespearean things about how much he loves you—but when it comes time to turn those thoughts into syllables from his lips, they never sound nearly as nice.

Something Dabi is good at, he likes to think, is admiring you. It comes natrually, he doesnt need to think about it.

He loves learning about your body, finding out new things about your skin and shape and self. Enjoys learning how you like to be touched, how you like to be loved without the words he can't really say. He thinks that must be how people in love feel, a bit foolish but willing to sit in silence just to catch a glimpse of something worth while.

Having crawled out of bed and whined about your soreness from last night, you search the room for your discarded jeans. And Dabi does what he does best and watches you.

He appreciates how your skin stretches and bounces when you bend down to grab your pants. How it pudges by your hips and tummy when you shimmy into your jeans and fasten your zipper. He likes how your arms flex and arch as you button your bra around your torso—and he loves how your tiny little birthmark on your back contorts with the normalcy of it all.

It's moments like these, horribly mundane and, for a lack of a better word, boring, that make Dabi realize just how lost in you he actually is. The way you exist, ridiculously regular and undeniably human, makes him want to cry, sometimes. He doesn't think you realize how special that is, to be normal.

Your irritated tone interrupts (what you don't know to be) his sweet introspection.

"Would you stop that?"

You see the smallest twinge of a smile from the corner of his mouth when he plays along.

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that," he watches you shrink beneath his heavy gaze.

"Like what?"

You raise your eyebrows at him, in a look that reads nothing but annoyed, and he allows himself to huff out a sound of amusement at how easily aggravated you get sometimes.

"Oh come on, don't be pissy," he teases, but you choose to ignore his taunt and continue getting dressed.

He continues to watch you twist into your shirt, and he's grateful it's sleeveless as it leaves the pretty little imprint beneath your shoulder within his sight. He watches you catch his eye a few times, sees how you grow more irritated with each and every flicker of his stare on your skin.

When you (not so) gently scoot past him to collect your phone from the nightstand, he's quick to wrap his fingers around your wrist and guide you closer to him.

With a scowl on your face, you let him. His hand finds your chin, turning you upward to look at him, pout and all.

"Hey," he whispers with a bit of an edge, one he doesn't mean to have but has accepted as a part of him. When you flicker your eyes over him, he softens his bite a bit, "Talk."

After a sigh or two, your response comes shy, flushed.

"I don't like when you stare at me like that," you whisper against his palm and he can feel the heat of your cheeks flooding with embarrassment.

"Feels like you're making fun of me or something."

"Making fun of you?" his face frowns in genuine confusion. "The fuck are you talking about?"

Not sure if he's fucking with you or not, you take a beat to read his expression. He's serious, for once—you can tell there's no ill will in his furrowed brows and slightly concerned eyes.

Eventually, you deflate and state the obvious, "You're looking at my birthmark."

…Yeah?

"And?" he decides to say instead.

"And I hate it," your voice becomes a bit more strained, "so stop looking at it."

Genuinely confused at the sudden tension between you two, Dabi shrugs and loosens his grip on your jaw, leaving his hand gently ghosting your skin instead of holding you in place.

He sounds a bit critical when he scoffs, "What's there to hate? It's a birthmark."

"It's gross and weirdly shaped and ugly."

And he can't but wince at the pure irony of your words. Because you're always the first person to kiss his scars, trace their growing and scaling patches, and remind him that they're beautiful because they're his.

And here you are, loathing something as measly as a barely noticeable birthmark for the sole reason that it's yours.

He wants to tell you what you tell him, that it's beautiful because it's yours. That he wants to trace it with his tongue and see its outline when he closes his eyes.

But Dabi isn't that poetic, so he settles for shrugging and using his free hand to reach out and touch it.

As his calloused thumb skims the mark, he hums to himself in thought.

"Was thinking about how it's kinda shaped like a mushroom."

He smiles a bit when your eyes roll at his statement. Your skin heats up again when you weakly remind him that, "It's weird."

"Yeah," he merely agrees with a soft nod, "but it doesn't make me want you any less."

Gently, he takes the pad of his thumb and lovingly swipes it across your bottom lip, caressing the skin and attempting to let his touch say what his words can't.

And you know, he knows you know. Because even though Dabi isn't great with words and can't say what he means, what he feels, that doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. He feels it more deeply than anyone you've ever known.

In the softness of the moment, you cock your head to the side and gently bite down on the length of this thumb. It's unexpected but doesn't hurt, and Dabi knows you well enough to know what it says. Thank you. I love you.

He nearly blushes at the intimacy, mumbling out a sarcastic, "Fuckin' ow."

"Don't be a baby," you choose to gently kiss the spot you sunk your teeth into, "that didn't hurt."

It didn't, he thinks. I liked it.

Again, his tongue betrays him, "You're so weird."

Allowing yourself to lean into his touch, your voice taunts him a bit. "But that doesn't make you want me any less, does it?"

Dabi chooses the easy way out and simply kisses you, and through this tongue gently prodding at your bottom lip, you know his answer.

No, it doesn't.

[hurthermore]

Haaiii i wanted to come here to express how much i love A Misconduct of Love, bbygrl had me reading until 2am when i had work at 10 today 😭😭😭 i work at a library and im pretty much in the computer lab the entire day (which is exactly where i want to be because i have sweet F-A to do in here, so you're fic has taken me🩷🩷🩷) literally sitting at my little desk, kicking my feet and twirling my hair reading Alastor fawn over Reader even if his intentions are slightly ill-intended AKSHSODJWI only slightly, but I support Alastor's wrongs 🩷🩷🩷 i dont know if you listen to Will Wood at all, but I was listening to his song Vampire Reference in A Minor Key, all the while conducting my own little delusion of your Alastor having this push-pull relationship with Reader. Where its already established how crazy they are for each other, but Reader has yet to leave her vile husband (its the roaring 20's, so it's not like she's really in a place to divorce him anyway, unforch, but that does make their affair all the more enticing) (also im totally and entirely disregarding NY in this scenario btw, lemme be delusional xoxo) and I can see Reader like. Drugging her husband every night to make him drowsy and crash before he can force her into anything. Then she sneaks off into the night where she finds herself at Alastor's doorstep, and he welcomes her with open arms. Being the gentleman he is, he'll encourage her to share her feelings, how her day has been, what that disgusting husband of hers has been up to and more importantly, did he hurt her today? Is she okay? If shes harmed, he'll do his best to take care of her, console her before leading her into a soft and slow, passionate kiss. One that Reader's been desperately craving and she reaches out to hold his face. He's pulling her in and leaning her back into the couch until he's hovering over her. They're groping each other and Reader, desperate to be loved in a way thats meaningful, reaches for Alastor's collar first. Her fingers are clumsy but determined as shes releasing the buttons on his waistcoat. This certainly isnt the first time this has happened, but Alastor remains pleasantly surprised everytime she initiates first, but that doesnt mean he'll giving her the satisfaction of pleasuring him first. No matter what, its always his utmost duty to treat her until shes had her fill - until shes begging for him to finally be inside her, and god knows he could never deny her. With Alastor, she wants it all. She wants his everything and anything he is willing to provide her. Dare she say, she wouldnt even mind if she ended up pregnant with Alastor's child (i have a breeding kink IRL, and I strongly believe, after falling into bed with Alastor so many times, she'd develop her own breeding kink with him as well) 🩷 they'd become addicted to each other, and it'd be even sexier if she did end up pregnant by Alastor, falsely allowing her husband to believe its his child until both Reader and Alastor reel up and incenerate his ass together 🩷 (burn his ass alive in that horrible, awful house shes been forced to live in for the last year. And listen tearfully as Alastor begs her, genuinely and tearfully begs her to come live with him. Be his wife and let him love her the way she deserves to be loved. And they can be happy together, they can build a beautiful life together with their little one. He genuinely cannot live another day without her, and she feels the same🩷)

.....sorry for writing essentially my own fanfic of *your* fanfic in your inbox, you can delete this if you want!! You have me romanticising at my job today, trust that I will be thinking about Alastor and Reader for the rest of my afternoon xoxoxo ilu 🩷✨️

AHHH TYSM FOR ENJOYING MISCONDUCT!! I also LOVE this so much, unfortunately it’s not where I plan to take misconduct sorry.

But don’t apologise for writing this! I loved it and I kinda wished more people would write things like this for misconduct it makes me so happy sksks

Ty for taking your time to not only read misconduct but write all of this! I’m working hard to try to finish the next chapter!! 👉👈

[satoriberry]

niko ikki crushing on you!! :>

❥ summary: headcanons with a pining niko [requested by anon]

❥ pairing: niko ikki x gn!reader

❥ watch out for: nothing!! just cute stuff with some crack + reader is oblivious asf btw not proofread

- let me preface by saying that i love this guy so much

- ok lets start

- you're a student at his school and you just happen to catch his attention

- maybe it was your charm, maybe it was the kindness that you treated everyone with unconditionally, but whatever it was, it pulled on his heart strings and made him a sucker for you

- you're just so perfect and beautiful and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA <- representation of his thoughts about you

- everytime you walk past him, he just feels the urge to turn around and pull you into his arms but he can't because no.

- that's not how real life works

- even if you're not in the same class as him, he'd still try to find where you're hanging out in the school so he can sit far away and.....observe you.

- he does that a lot. his afro allows him to hide his eyes so you wouldn't tell whether he was staring at your or not

- doesnt have the courage to talk to you directly, but whenever he can, he tries to join conversations with mutual friend groups. he gets to hear your voice more closely :)

- he's an avid anime watcher (canon) and what he watches is influenced by his current life status

- so when he falls for you, you bet your ass he's watching all them cheesy shoujo anime where the male love interest is a suave, cool hottie so he can project onto him

- but at the same time, he feels so cringe because he thinks you'd definitely see him as some kind of weird loser with no social life

- tries to understand you by piecing together stuff his friends and classmates say about you, like favourite colour, food, celebrity, movie etc

- buys merch of your favourite band in hopes that it'll catch your attention and you'll walk up to him to talk :(

- he's bad at dropping signals and thinks that the most subtle gestures will attract you. they don't. you're too fucking dumb.

- his friends tease him for that a lot

- "bro, doodling their favourite character on your notebook will not make them notice you" "shut the fuck up, you don't know shit."

- seriously, he's so romantically inexperienced and doesn't know how to go about it

- during a particularly windy day, his bangs flew up and revealed his eyes when you were sitting on the rooftop (him alone and you with your friends). he ran off from embarrassment but left behind the book he was reading

- later that day, you walked up to him to return his book and while doing that, you slipped a complement about his eyes and how they were cute

- he screamed into his pillow when he got back home.

- but!!!! he can now talk to you!!

- buys your preferred candy by "accident" and gives it to you because "he pressed the wrong button on the vending machine"

- loves the little smile you wear when enjoying it ♡

- started to give you little acknowledgement nods when crossing each other in hallways. his brain melts when you nod back with a grin

- he daydreams about you a lot and even does that dreamy sigh thing with his cheek against his palm

- he....

- he has a manifestation journal and sporadically writes affirmations with your name in them...

- anyways.

- wants to invite you to soccer practice so you can watch him pull off sick tricks but doesnt know howwww >:/

- asks his friends to say good stuff about him so you can think he's cool

- "yeah niko regularly helps at a cat shelter", "he tutors my brother every sunday", "ive seen him adopt strays"

- at some point they started to say some ridiculous things so he had to force them to stop 💀💀

- watches your mannerisms closely and subconsciously copies them

- the way you open your drinks, tap your feet against the floor to make sure your shoes fit right, pop your neck in specific directions

- when he realizes what he's doing, he buries his face in his hands and lets out a high pitched scream with his face turning into a dark shade of pink

- gets really mushy when thinking about you, writes your name in hearts a lot

- turns into a mess when you're cheerfully talking to him about something you like

- once caught you napping in the library and took it upon himself to sit next to you and make sure nothing bad happens

- by the way that's a lie because nothing that bad could've happened and he wanted to gaze at your calm sleeping figure

- literally squealed as he watched you softly adjust your head on your arms

- so. we can conclude by saying that niko is really awkward when it comes to you and he has some pretty unorthodox methods of expressing his feelings, but he never loses hope that, maybe one day, you'll see him in the same light (he's a dumbass that can't see you already do)

[transmasculinizing]

HIP HIP HOORAY! THE COUNCIL HAS SPOKEN USING THE LANGUAGE OF HEART BUTTON. iv permission to be annoying!

so this has been brought to my attention after seeing the reaction to the new robin movie announcement. elseworlds has really fucked up dc fans understanding of how adaptations work im so serious.

im not saying this bc elseworlds stories r bad. quite the opposite i love these comics (batman n dracula trilogy u changed my brain chemistry ily bbgrl) no im entirely talking about elseworlds as a brand. i am talking about how these stories r marketed bc it has done irreparable damage im thinking.

so the thing about dc? they want u to know what a characters whole deal is. batmans real name is bruce wayne and hes a rich orphan who protects gotham city. superman is an alien whose planet blew up and he landed in kansas as a baby where he was given the name clark kent and was raised on a farm then he moved to metropolis to become a reporter. these characters have a certain way they hav to be and their stories r supposed to be. if ur adaptation of the story strays to far from this no problem we'll just label it as elseworlds. except not really they dont always do that.

case in point: the new robin movie that was literally just announced and doesnt even have a trailer yet. yeah well theyre making jason and dick around the same age. people cant be normal about this. "oh this will be so many peoples first introduction to the characters and this isnt how theyre supposed to be!" calm down. this is an all new version of the characters we havnt seen before. the point of an adaptation is not to be identical to the original. at that point just read the original. what do i mean by this? well-

another large franchise i love is godzilla. literally the only thing the godzilla movies and shows have in common is they have a giant lizard in them. you dont need to know what this guys whole deal is to call yourself a fan. do i highly recommend u watch the original 1954 movie and learn a bit about the history of the franchise if u got into it through some of the more recent godzilla media? yes but obviously i cant force u to do any of that. a lot of these movies straight up do not take place in the same universe. theyre different godzillas. one godzilla isnt "destroying" peoples perception of what godzilla is because its different from the original movie that has a completely different godzilla.

none the less before people jump to conclusions i want to make 1 thing clear: learn the rules before you break them. there have been changes made to the story before that i think r disrespectful to what the 1954 movie originally was. its easy to skim past if u dont know the characters history. for example in godzilla king of the monsters 2019 (and im not dunking on u if u like the movie bc i do also. that doesnt mean im not above criticizing it however) they have the only Japanese character get killed off by using a nuclear weapon to awaken godzilla.in this usamerican adaptation.of a movie that was made.as a metaphor for the bombings of Hiroshima.yeah that is a major yikes.

so yeah this is what i mean when i say learn the rules before you break them. it can be obvious that u either dont like what ur adapting or missing the point or just straight up havnt watched or read it none the less one adaptation doing things differently doesnt automatically mean its disrespecting the source material.

i think dc really shoots itself in the foot by making it so you have to know what every characters whole deal is and if u stray to far from that its labeled elseworlds. then when something isnt labeled as elseworlds fans get pissed at how inaccurate it is. monsterverse isnt marketed as "an alternate universe where godzilla is a million year old alien" its just godzilla. now u could say comparing this to godzilla is unfair because hes barely a character. hes a giant lizard and directors r supposed to play around with him like a barbie doll. so heres another comparison that ive already made a bunch

in mainline tmnt idw comics the turtles r reincarnated from a bunch of kids in medieval japan. this is not in any other version. in mutant mayhem the turtles go to school. this isnt in any other version. adaptations usually flip back and forth on if splinter is mutated hamato yoshi or hamato yoshi's mutated pet rat. the 4 main turtles personalities vary widely depending on adaptation bc "leader, angry, smart and funny" arent personality traits so much as they r quirks. depending on how old someone is they might have a different idea of what the lore of tmnt is if they arent super into the franchise and only know the show/movies/comics they grew up with. this is really not a big deal at all. two people having different ideas of what a character is like bc they were exposed to them from different adaptations is not as big of a deal as dc fans pretend it is. before the the tim burton movies a lot of peoples perception of batman came from the 66 show and that 1 is.very different from how the average joe would think of batman today. and that wasnt the end of the world either! again people can and should learn the history of these stories but complaining about how bad a version of the story a newcomer might like is bc its not like the one u like isnt going to make them wanna look deeper into the franchise. we should be calmly approaching these newer fans and giving recommendations and reading list if they show interest in a character or story

like literally there is a lot of criticism u could make about yjtv but it boils my blood how much bad faith criticism iv seen that can just be summarized as "this is not how this character should be". because i guess there r just definitive versions of characters now

look im not even saying if an adaptation is different u still have to like it. i actually hate a lot of adaptations bc theyre different from what i like. but the opposite is also true. there r adaptations i like bc what they do differently. something being different doesnt automatically make it good or bad is what im trying to say so now that brings us back to elseworlds.like not sorry it shouldve stayed dead.not the stories just the name elseworlds. i really dont like dc bringing back elseworlds. the whole concept just feels creatively limiting. these are just different continuities and should be treated as such. there being a certain way a story should be written and having to warn people if u stray to far away from that story and getting yelled at if u dont is what i mean! do u see the issue here am i making sense

[toxicanonymity]

Brothel - Dicks

The brothel, aka real housecreeps, is a meta reality show about the Joels and other blorbos. Normally everything is smooth sailing, but we mostly air the drama.

Collect calls SPOILERS

brothel master list

Oh no, a producer leaked a copy of the dick HCs and raider Joel just sent me a dick pic with a ruler for scale, claiming I shorted him. I stared at it for a good 60 seconds, then left him on read. Now someone's knocking at my bedroom door. I ignore it and respond to the pic instead. "Sorry 😬"

Raider, muffled outside my door: Think ya might need a better look. (I don't answer) Can I at least talk to ya?

I put on my robe, begrudgingly let him in, and try not to look at the bulge in his tactical jeggings.

Raider: Production told me to take it up with you.

Me: Tell me you didn't send pictures to production. (Raider is silent.) That's sexual harassment. God damnit, in the middle of your PR tour?

Raider hangs his head and seems sorry until he unzips his tactical jeggings and that's the only reason he was looking down. I'm tempted to make him jack off just because, but I shake my head no.

Raider: Be a good girl for me and it'll be over quick.

Me: are you regressing back to March over this? Don't talk to me like a reader, and don't come in here taking your dick out.

Raider nods solemnly, and I sheepishly add under my breath, "unless I tell you to." The toilet flushes and I nervously look toward the bathroom.

Trouble walks out, fully dressed, buttoning his shirt.

Trouble, to Raider: Didn't I tell you to leave this shit alone, man?

Raider: Pool house, huh? You live in the pool house?

Raider sticks his head into the bathroom and sees there's a big, lavish bedroom connected on the other side and the bed is made. Trouble mouths to me, 'want him to leave?' and I shrug like Idk what to do.

Raider: Can you give us a minute, man?

Trouble: I think you should leave, Raid. I get you're upset but don't bust up in here at 6 in the morning.

Me: Neither of you are leaving.

I put Trouble in the cuck chair, Raider sits on the bed, and I sit down at the vanity to finish talking to him. His pants are still open but I'm not looking.

Me (attempting to be comforting) Hey, anything more than 7" is a waste anyway.

Trouble (7") nods.

Raider: this ain't about sweet pea.

Trouble: that's your issue, man.

Me, to Raider: You're the biggest one either way, why're you pitching a fit over less than a centimeter?

Raider and Trouble look at each other. Trouble shakes his head at Raider like, don't say it.

Raider: We know about him.

Oh, shit. Trouble sighs. I play stupid.

Me: you know about who?

Raider: Jojo.

Me: He doesnt have an HC.

Raider: He has a bulge.

Me: I haven't even seen his dick.

Raider: You've seen his dick print.

Me: How do you--

Raider: All I'm askin' for is accuracy, that's it. Ill do ya a dick print if ya want.

Me: Lemme talk to my dick consultant (@jazziepascal ).

Raider: What'd I do? I used to be your emotional support Joel. Your mental health Joel.

I realize maybe he could've helped me through this month if I spent more time with him.

Me: You still are, c'mere.

I open my arms for a hug. We embrace, but his dick is still hard so it's awkward. After the hug, Trouble is making a face like he wouldnt mind being cucked, but I clear my throat , adjust my robe, and dismiss both of them.

-----------------

Later that day, the men gather in the kitchen. They're huddled around the table and you can't see Night Walks, but they're all talking to him. You can see balled up pieces of paper on the floor and and on the counter there's an open ream of printer paper and an open tub of vasoline.

Thighs Out: I think you've gotta really slap it down.

(loud smack)

Thighs Out: There ya go. Your turn, slasher.

[ghostherlig]

i am very slow with writing atm with being sick and also my wrists are starting to hurt more now that it's getting colder- but here's some silly goofy random headcanons while im recovering!! (for johnny, kenshi, raiden, and kung lao) under the cut bc this really ran away from me- (collected over the course of this entire day as things popped into my brain, i apologize for the mass of words you're about to read :'))

johnny can play piano!! he has a grand piano that he really loves and he plays anything from classical to ost's to his own little tunes whenever he thinks them up- he has a recorder attached to it so he can remember them or maybe post his own song one day

(based off the previous hc) if/when kenshi is over/moves in he'll play at night and let kenshi listen in- but randomly johnny will transition what he's playing into the jaws or michael meyers theme and that's kenshi's cue to start running- because now the house is in hide and seek mode, and as soon as johnny stops playing, he'll be searching

kenshi used to play the violin growing up, but he dropped it once he was old enough and competent enough to commit himself to the yakuza- he can still remember some of the songs he used to love to play. he hums them from time to time and has been caught doing the motions of playing the violin before

kenshi loves animals but has an extra soft spot for cats and bunnies especially- he's a cat magnet in places where strays are common, they always flock to him (he for sure keeps catnip in his pocket when he can)

johnny loves his action and hero films but kenshi enjoys romcoms and horror- romcoms for the stories and drama, and horror films because the sound design usually slaps- he also can tell you what fruit or vegetable was absolutely destroyed based on the sounds alone

lao and raiden are way too good at Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes- raiden is on the manual while lao is on the bomb and they can crack the normal mode in like 45 minutes (they're a little slower when they swap places but they can still do it impressively fast (fastest speedrun time is sub 30mins)

johnny knows how to play mahjong after taking a role and having to play on-screen for five minutes- he wanted it to look authentic and thought "there's no better way than to actually play"- raiden and lao found out and now they're all trying to teach kenshi with specially made tiles with braille in the corners

kenshi is ridiculously good at poker- he brought a deck of cards with braille stamped on them and him and johnny played strip poker for a night- needless to say kenshi was smirking to himself as he switched his button up for johnny's

johnny can do pitch and diction perfect impressions of people he's heard talk for long periods of time- you can bet that a lot of his free time at wu shi was spent scaring his fellow champions by talking to them in liu kang's voice from behind a wall-

(based off the last hc) johnny only does it around people he knows well or as a party trick with different characters from pop culture- most often his power is used for evil though

raiden isn't a morning person and actually is super groggy in the mornings- the first thing he does on early days is take a cold shower to wake himself up

(based off the last hc) lao is a morning person and is usually the one to wake up raiden by ripping his blankets off of him- he's lucky he has survived this long, but he tells everyone that if looks could kill, raiden would have killed him long before he made it to wu shi

we all know kung lao eats for a family of five, but that man also naps like a divorced dad after an all you can eat buffet- he is OUT after he's done absolutely fucking up like five full plates of food

raiden really likes boba!! kenshi took him to get some after an errand run and he fell in love with the taro flavor- he also really enjoys winter melon and the regular thai tea

johnny always gets his boba with coffee- he doesnt really like tea flavors and no matter how many sips of kenshi's tea he has, he will always prefer his coffee

kenshi bought johnny a really nice espresso machine that he uses every morning- johnny didnt buy himself one before that bc he never thought he would enjoy making coffee at home and it was easier to just stop by the local cafe since they always had his order ready early- but he finds it really calming and really nice to slow his mornings down and make a latte before leaving for work

johnny, to return the gesture, bought kenshi a really nice kitchen knife since he knows the man really likes to cook- it sees a lot of use as it's a santoku that he basically uses like a chef's knife (it's his sharpest and most well treated kitchen tool, right next to his 8 inch cast iron)

kung lao owns maybe three articles of clothing with sleeves- all of them are coats for when it rains- oh and one hoodie that he stole from raiden that somehow survived when he went into his wardrobe and cut and hemmed all of the sleeves

when kenshi visits, johnny makes him coffee in the morning too but since kenshi doesnt always like the bitter coffee flavor he'll add some fun home made syrups- he has plain vanilla, but also has seasonal flavors like pumpkin spice, snickerdoodle, sugar cookie, white mocha, peppermint, etc.

kenshi LOVES mint chocolate flavored things- he especially loves the kitkat flavor and the pocky flavor, as well as ice cream- johnny CANNOT stand it, he's never liked mint outside of gum and even then he prefers cinnamon or clove gum (the first time kenshi kissed him he was confused bc he tasted like spices)

johnny keeps a jar of butterscotch candies on his desk for when he needs to brainstorm ideas- he finds he thinks better when his mouth is occupied (oral fixation haver)

(based off the previous hc) kenshi bought him some violet (the flower) flavored candy after he found out johnny always kept a stash- he also will refill the giant glass jar with butterscotch candies when he knows johnny is busy and will forget

(also based off the candy hc) lao and raiden also buy him hard candies- they get him ginger and lemon ones that johnny falls in love with immediately- he has two jars on his desk now, one for butterscotch and one for ginger

raiden really likes sketching and coloring- lao bought him one of those adult coloring books with mandalas and really intricate shapes and raiden finished all of it in like two weeks- he used to sketch in his free time and has an entire sketchbook dedicated to drawings of lao and his features (a lot of his arms, hands, eyes, and smile) it's hidden under his mattress

kung lao shaves his own undercut when it gets too long- normally cant let it grow out for longer than two or three weeks. sometimes, raiden will offer to do it for him so they can spend a bit of time together and just talk and be close <3

johnny definitely really enjoys washing kenshi's hair- johnny has a bit of a curl to some of his hair but he never uses the products he's supposed to or the methods he's supposed to when it dries- so it's pretty straight, but kenshi's is pin straight and doesnt tangle the way his does sometimes, so he really loves running his hands through it and has even convinced kenshi a few times to sit so johnny could put coconut oil in it for him

johnny loves coconut flavored things and purposefully buys ice cream bars that have coconut cream based ice cream- kenshi was unaware of this and was offered one and said yes thinking that it was vanilla- kenshi does not like coconut, so it was a very sudden and unpleasant surprise

kenshi cuts fruits as his way of showing love very often- he washes and cuts fruits for himself when he's stressed but preps it for others out of love and will often take apple slices, peeled oranges, cut melon (of any kind), or strawberries and grapes up to johnny's in-home office while he's working

johnny buys kenshi small gifts year round and goes crazy for the holidays and his birthday- he asked kenshi how he would feel if johnny bought him (technically them) a house back in japan- kenshi drew his line in the sand and capped johnny's gift prices at $2k per holiday/birthday (which he had broken before)

raiden keeps taxidermy bugs!! he always loved butterflies as a kid and his first framed butterfly was a gift from lao

please excuse any typos, it's later in the day now and my eyes are a little strained- i hope this was comprehensible, lol