#please enjoy my sick ramblings about the gays

[ghostherlig]

i am very slow with writing atm with being sick and also my wrists are starting to hurt more now that it's getting colder- but here's some silly goofy random headcanons while im recovering!! (for johnny, kenshi, raiden, and kung lao) under the cut bc this really ran away from me- (collected over the course of this entire day as things popped into my brain, i apologize for the mass of words you're about to read :'))

johnny can play piano!! he has a grand piano that he really loves and he plays anything from classical to ost's to his own little tunes whenever he thinks them up- he has a recorder attached to it so he can remember them or maybe post his own song one day

(based off the previous hc) if/when kenshi is over/moves in he'll play at night and let kenshi listen in- but randomly johnny will transition what he's playing into the jaws or michael meyers theme and that's kenshi's cue to start running- because now the house is in hide and seek mode, and as soon as johnny stops playing, he'll be searching

kenshi used to play the violin growing up, but he dropped it once he was old enough and competent enough to commit himself to the yakuza- he can still remember some of the songs he used to love to play. he hums them from time to time and has been caught doing the motions of playing the violin before

kenshi loves animals but has an extra soft spot for cats and bunnies especially- he's a cat magnet in places where strays are common, they always flock to him (he for sure keeps catnip in his pocket when he can)

johnny loves his action and hero films but kenshi enjoys romcoms and horror- romcoms for the stories and drama, and horror films because the sound design usually slaps- he also can tell you what fruit or vegetable was absolutely destroyed based on the sounds alone

lao and raiden are way too good at Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes- raiden is on the manual while lao is on the bomb and they can crack the normal mode in like 45 minutes (they're a little slower when they swap places but they can still do it impressively fast (fastest speedrun time is sub 30mins)

johnny knows how to play mahjong after taking a role and having to play on-screen for five minutes- he wanted it to look authentic and thought "there's no better way than to actually play"- raiden and lao found out and now they're all trying to teach kenshi with specially made tiles with braille in the corners

kenshi is ridiculously good at poker- he brought a deck of cards with braille stamped on them and him and johnny played strip poker for a night- needless to say kenshi was smirking to himself as he switched his button up for johnny's

johnny can do pitch and diction perfect impressions of people he's heard talk for long periods of time- you can bet that a lot of his free time at wu shi was spent scaring his fellow champions by talking to them in liu kang's voice from behind a wall-

(based off the last hc) johnny only does it around people he knows well or as a party trick with different characters from pop culture- most often his power is used for evil though

raiden isn't a morning person and actually is super groggy in the mornings- the first thing he does on early days is take a cold shower to wake himself up

(based off the last hc) lao is a morning person and is usually the one to wake up raiden by ripping his blankets off of him- he's lucky he has survived this long, but he tells everyone that if looks could kill, raiden would have killed him long before he made it to wu shi

we all know kung lao eats for a family of five, but that man also naps like a divorced dad after an all you can eat buffet- he is OUT after he's done absolutely fucking up like five full plates of food

raiden really likes boba!! kenshi took him to get some after an errand run and he fell in love with the taro flavor- he also really enjoys winter melon and the regular thai tea

johnny always gets his boba with coffee- he doesnt really like tea flavors and no matter how many sips of kenshi's tea he has, he will always prefer his coffee

kenshi bought johnny a really nice espresso machine that he uses every morning- johnny didnt buy himself one before that bc he never thought he would enjoy making coffee at home and it was easier to just stop by the local cafe since they always had his order ready early- but he finds it really calming and really nice to slow his mornings down and make a latte before leaving for work

johnny, to return the gesture, bought kenshi a really nice kitchen knife since he knows the man really likes to cook- it sees a lot of use as it's a santoku that he basically uses like a chef's knife (it's his sharpest and most well treated kitchen tool, right next to his 8 inch cast iron)

kung lao owns maybe three articles of clothing with sleeves- all of them are coats for when it rains- oh and one hoodie that he stole from raiden that somehow survived when he went into his wardrobe and cut and hemmed all of the sleeves

when kenshi visits, johnny makes him coffee in the morning too but since kenshi doesnt always like the bitter coffee flavor he'll add some fun home made syrups- he has plain vanilla, but also has seasonal flavors like pumpkin spice, snickerdoodle, sugar cookie, white mocha, peppermint, etc.

kenshi LOVES mint chocolate flavored things- he especially loves the kitkat flavor and the pocky flavor, as well as ice cream- johnny CANNOT stand it, he's never liked mint outside of gum and even then he prefers cinnamon or clove gum (the first time kenshi kissed him he was confused bc he tasted like spices)

johnny keeps a jar of butterscotch candies on his desk for when he needs to brainstorm ideas- he finds he thinks better when his mouth is occupied (oral fixation haver)

(based off the previous hc) kenshi bought him some violet (the flower) flavored candy after he found out johnny always kept a stash- he also will refill the giant glass jar with butterscotch candies when he knows johnny is busy and will forget

(also based off the candy hc) lao and raiden also buy him hard candies- they get him ginger and lemon ones that johnny falls in love with immediately- he has two jars on his desk now, one for butterscotch and one for ginger

raiden really likes sketching and coloring- lao bought him one of those adult coloring books with mandalas and really intricate shapes and raiden finished all of it in like two weeks- he used to sketch in his free time and has an entire sketchbook dedicated to drawings of lao and his features (a lot of his arms, hands, eyes, and smile) it's hidden under his mattress

kung lao shaves his own undercut when it gets too long- normally cant let it grow out for longer than two or three weeks. sometimes, raiden will offer to do it for him so they can spend a bit of time together and just talk and be close <3

johnny definitely really enjoys washing kenshi's hair- johnny has a bit of a curl to some of his hair but he never uses the products he's supposed to or the methods he's supposed to when it dries- so it's pretty straight, but kenshi's is pin straight and doesnt tangle the way his does sometimes, so he really loves running his hands through it and has even convinced kenshi a few times to sit so johnny could put coconut oil in it for him

johnny loves coconut flavored things and purposefully buys ice cream bars that have coconut cream based ice cream- kenshi was unaware of this and was offered one and said yes thinking that it was vanilla- kenshi does not like coconut, so it was a very sudden and unpleasant surprise

kenshi cuts fruits as his way of showing love very often- he washes and cuts fruits for himself when he's stressed but preps it for others out of love and will often take apple slices, peeled oranges, cut melon (of any kind), or strawberries and grapes up to johnny's in-home office while he's working

johnny buys kenshi small gifts year round and goes crazy for the holidays and his birthday- he asked kenshi how he would feel if johnny bought him (technically them) a house back in japan- kenshi drew his line in the sand and capped johnny's gift prices at $2k per holiday/birthday (which he had broken before)

raiden keeps taxidermy bugs!! he always loved butterflies as a kid and his first framed butterfly was a gift from lao

please excuse any typos, it's later in the day now and my eyes are a little strained- i hope this was comprehensible, lol

[queerfortress2]

hii yall im currently having a tf2 fixation soo, can i please request platonic friendship hcs for medic and scout? ty hope you guys are having a good day 🩵

oooo, cute, first platonic req :) — mod engie

READER & MEDIC + SCOUT (SEPARATE)

MEDIC

you are forcibly his new rambling partner, i think he calls you to the infirmary, not because youre in trouble or sick (which is what other believe) but because he just wants to talk about a new discovery he's had

he usually tell the engineer about his fun little discoveries, but when he does he has to be professional about it (mostly). with you, he doesn't need to be! he can tell you how it is: usually completely deranged.

if you meet outside the base, god bless your heart. he will sneak you onto 2fort don't doubt him. you will somehow find yourself in that infirmary in one way or another. trust me you will

he also isn't shy to invite you in when the mercs are under. and by under i mean they passed out from the pain of being operated on! he will be half an arm into heavy's chest while talking to you about his day, peak professionalism right there folks.

because he enjoys your company i think you would also have to be friends with heavy, the two are attached at the hip (and lets be real, gay) so if you get to know him, you automatically get to know heavy.

which is great! because now you get to get out with them as well, how fun! ignoring how they're banned from most public places for various reasons. most of which being medics fault (and one of which being: THE DEVILS FAULT). who would've guessed a crazy mad scientist would be banned from most public spaces.

basically, if you cant ride or die with this man, good luck, because my god you might just die instead.

SCOUT

YOU ARE GOING EVERYWHERE WITH HIM

even the gas station. you are going as emotional support. you don't get a choice in the matter you are going with him everywhere.

at this point you might as well be surgically attached at the hip given you’re never seen without you other half

not that he’s unbearably clingy (he is) but also because in a mercenary group, a guy doesn’t have that many friends.

pros though! you have a new bodyguard, he would stick up for you on any occasion! even if he is lacking in the muscle department, he’s got the voice and speed to back it up.

also rambling partner, you guys stay up late talking to eachother loudly till someone complains and tells you to shut up and go to bed. its a daily occurrence of getting wayyyy too into the topic and beginning to get a little too loud. usually spy or medic coming in, terribly tired just trying to get some rest

you have to keep him in line with pauling. like really need to tell him what’s up. because literally otherwise he cannot get his shit together. it’s only a little pathetic to watch.

if your afab he is the type of guy to run to a store to get you pads but he is ALSO the guy to get lost in said aisle and you end up having to send someone else to find him. (ALSO THE IMAGE OF ‘what pussy size’ IS GENERALLY HIM FR — MOD MEDIC)

[samioli]

I humbly ask for your NaruMitsu headcanons. Please

OOOOH man. this is hard to think on the spot but ill try my best! SFW headcanons:

-Phoenix is Bi. He also experimented with larry in college, you cannot convince me otherwise fdsnjkdsf

-Miles is gay (in my mind) and also demisexual!

-phoenix has ADHD and BPD, Miles is autistic

-Miles either makes too little eye contact or too MUCH eye contact. no in between

-Miles may pretend to be indifferent, but he LOVESSSS phoenix's scruffy look during the 7yg. finds it v hot and wants to stim on his stubble

sorry i cannot think of anymore sfw headcanons JNDFKJNDSFJK

NSFW Headcanons

-I think they're switches, but I think Miles leans more into being submissive of the two of them. Just my opinion! and i think he can def be dominant, especially if phoenix wants that.

-going off of that, i think it takes time for him to be comfortable with that too. In my head, he's tried to hook up with other men in the past, but he always felt sick to his stomach when trying. He thought for a while if he was in control that would help, and i think part of him def wants to be in control when he's with strangers, but once he's with phoenix he learns that he can start to let go of some of that control in a safe, loving environment. and eventually he's like putty in phoenix's hands

-Once Miles and Phoenix start dating, miles at this point thinks he's asexual and "warns" phoenix, bc he's concerned it might be a dealbreaker. phoenix totally understands, tells him they never have to have sex if that was what was comfortable for miles, that he loves Miles as a person. miles is so smitten with this man

-Phoenix often checks in with Miles during like kissing and everything if its all okay, and one day when they're making out, Phoenix pulls back and asks him if he's okay--Phoenix with his hair a lil messy and his checks flushed and lips swollen. and miles is like. oh

-He feels himself actually WANTING to touch phoenix and make him look even MORE disheveled and he's just SO overwhelmed but in a GOOD way and he WANTs

i think it goes down like this:

Phoenix: "U-Uh, Miles? Should we, uh--hnghh--sl-slow down, or…?" Miles stops for a moment: "Would you like to stop?" Phoenix, sheepish: "W-Well, no, but what about you? Isn't this--?" Miles: "Wright. I'm quite certain if you do not take your trousers off right this second, I will surely explode." Phoenix: Phoenix, internally: ᴏʜ ᴍʏ ғᴜᴄᴋɪɴɢ ɢᴏᴅ ᴛʜᴀᴛs sᴏ ʜᴏᴛ

-once thats out in the open, miles is fucking KINKY. and a horndog. me and sapphirewine have joked that they're just going at it over and over again until phoenix runs dry bc miles is insatiable now that he feels like this

-miles def has some like, fantasy kinks. micro/macro. unrelastic kinks like that. cum jar who said that

-and phoenix is just a pure freak he's like YEAH SURE!!! WHAT ELSE!!!!! YOU WANNA BE THE NAUGHTY YEAST TO MY BAKER?

-they are so weird and i love them for it

-it gets to the point where its like they always "yes and" each other during sex. this is both good and bad. good bc they're in a loving relationship where they can trust each other and they're very similar with their kinks so they bond over that. Bad in the sense that they be having sex roleplay where, as sapph said once, "spilled milk on aisle 6 and grocery store employee" they'll somehow do it. i believe in them.

-they have very few limits i feel

-again. both good and bad dkfjndjksfn

my brain is getting sleepy so ill end it here but i hope you enjoyed my rambling!

[mx-ryder]

Some thoughts on Hazbin Hotel

I literally just watched HH this week, followed by binging Helluva Boss on YouTube right after. And my Dash is full of HH and HB stuff now. And the other day I saw someone posted their thoughts on the show, including one specific take that it falls right back under the typical "Sinners are bad but hey, we can fix them!" sort of trope. (I really don't know if I'll be able to find the post again, if I do, I'll reblog/link it here or something).

And hey, I'm not gonna argue that it doesn't, per se. I just think there's a bit more to it than that.

c.w for general religious trauma talk, SA mentions, drug use/abuse, alcohol use, addiction, gambling, probably other things I'm not thinking of

(Also please don't feel like you have to read this. It's literally just me rambling because I haven't been able to stop thinking about this topic all fucking day, so I wrote it down to get it out of my head. Obviously if you read it and want to comment/continue the discussion, feel free. Just please. Be respectful.)

Now.

All my thoughts on HH are very much colored by my past experiences with religion, US christianity, specifically. More specifically still, the sort of christianity that makes people believe that "home schooling" their kids, isolating and indoctrinating them away from anyone who might make them question it all, is the best course of action. I grew up bouncing from church to church, from home schooling co-op to co-op, all so my bio-mom could find the exact group to echo her own sentiments back at her.

Among the things I grew up believing were great ideas such as:

Sexuality is inherently disgusting, and something you should always be forcing down/avoiding/punishing yourself about. Masturbation, porn, sex before marriage, dressing "immodestly", and any sexuality outside of heterosexual were inherently evil and worthy of punishment. Sometimes that punishment was being assaulted, because really, she should've covered up, right? Girls, sometimes girls as young as 12-13 (if not younger) were villainized for wearing tank-tops and shorts, because they were causing the boys to stumble and immodesty was a moral failing on their part.

Drugs, alcohol, substances in general, are bad and wrong and using them, or heaven forbid becoming addicted, is a moral failing on your part. You are a bad person for consuming a drug, and therefore deserve to fall into addiction, houselessness, starvation, and/or abuse.

Poor people deserve it. Accepting help of any kind is leeching off good, hard-working people. Your worth as a person is directly tied to your ability to be a "productive member of society."

Any mental health issues are your fault, and are either because you don't believe in jesus hard enough, or because you're inherently broken and sinful and therefore unsaveable. There is no room for sympathy or empathy for anyone struggling.

There's a reason these are the same stereotypical archetypes you see in this sort of show. The queer sex-addict. The gambler. The "weirdo" who isn't like other people and enjoys "weird" things, or enjoys things "too much". Even just the party-girl character. Because these aren't just stereotypes. These are actual entire groups of people who are ostracized and vilified just for being who they were born to be, for making choices christians don't like, or for being sick.

And that brings me to Angel Dust. Who, by the way, I wish I could've been given a content warning about, because holy shit Ep 4 and Addict hit me really fucking hard. My friend recommended the show to me without having watched it, so I went in not expecting that sort of storyline to punch me in the gut out of nowhere.

Anyway! Angel Dust! Literally named after a drug. A gay porn star who flirts shamelessly with anyone and everyone, who proudly shows off his best films to his friends, who secretly hates his job, not because of the sex, as we come to find out, but because he's under the thumb of a fucking psycho who treats him like shit and actively physically, sexually, and mentally/emotionally abuses him. He's basically been trafficked, and hates that he doesn't have any say in what happens to him in front of the camera. It's a horrifying position to be in, and one that left me a little shaken up, tbf.

The take I'm mostly writing this based on is that Hazbin Hotel falls into the trite tropes of "rich white girl attempts to fix people who are below her" and specifically mentioned disappointment in how Charlie didn't try to argue that Angel Dust didn't deserve hell based only on his addiction or sexual past, but that she instead claimed that she could "fix him."

And I just . . . think that's a little bit of a black/white take.

For the first part, what would people rather she do? Put all her time, effort, influence, and power into trying her damnedest to help her people, who are being slaughtered by the thousands every year just because Adam is bored? Or sit at home and use all that time, effort, influence, and power to make rubber duckies like her father? She could just ignore everything going on, call it hopeless, give up, and ignore the suffering of her people. Would that be better? Would that satisfy this weird little "she's just a rich white girl with privilege" gripe?

Charlie is a rich girl. A princess. Someone with huge amounts of privilege, power, influence, etc. But you know what? She's also stuck in hell. She was born there, through no fault or choice of her own, and because of who her parents are, she is trapped in literal hell, with no hope of ever, ever ascending to heaven. She does not get a chance at redemption, because she was born to the wrong people. She is a young woman who was born into horrifying circumstances, living in a world that she frequently expresses disgust for (her frequent discomfort with sexuality, her disgust toward the cannibals, her dislike of violence, even necessary self-defense).

And she still loves her people and wants to see the best in them.

She would be completely justified in hating everything about hell, her life, the people around her, her parents, heaven, everything, really. She has every right to hate her entire existence, but she puts all that hatred for the system into her efforts to fucking do something about it. Why is that a bad thing, just because she was born into a position of power and authority??

And now on to Angel Dust.

Charlie never once makes a judgement call about Angel or his habits, his work, or his personality. She expresses discomfort with the sexual nature of his work (tbh wouldn't be surprised if she's a sex-repulsed ace), but she does not think he's a bad person because of his work. Nor does she think that he needs to stop doing his work in order to become a better/good person. When she tries to get him some time off, she's explicitly doing it because she wants him to have time to decompress and participate in activities at the hotel, not because she wants him doing less of his specific kind of work.

She never condemns his partying, either. She has a bar in her hotel! She defends him partying, right to heaven's face, because she knows everyone present has partied, everyone has enjoyed a drink with friends. There is no condemnation of his partying activities, and I don't think she ever makes it seem as though Angel needs fixing.

What I got out of that episode, watching Charlie passionately defending her friend in front of the worst fucking person in the universe, was that people do not need to be fixed, but some love and support can help them make better choices for themselves. Angel still has a good time. He still has his job (contract, y'know, but would probably be in the industry regardless). The only thing different about that particular night of partying is that he's out with people who care about him, and who he cares about.

Even Cherri, though she expresses some joking disappointment that he's spending so much time worrying about Nifty, doesn't actually seem that put out by it. She teases him a little, but leaves him to do his thing. And his thing is making sure his friend, who is less experienced at partying (and who is significantly smaller/more vulnerable than most other people), is safe and okay. His thing is defending his friends from an extremely dangerous person, at massive risk to his own personal safety.

And he didn't do any of this because he'd been "fixed" or because he'd "changed." He did it because, for possibly the first time ever, he has people around him who love and care for him, and who want the best for him. And who he loves and wants the best for in return. He said himself that he stays out of his mind on substances, allows himself to be drugged and assaulted, puts on this persona of care-free-crack-whore-who-only-thinks-about-sex, because he is trying everything in his power to dull the pain he's in. Because he doesn't believe he deserves any better.

And this, this is what Charlie is trying to show Heaven. She is trying to show them that there is nothing morally damning about alcohol consumption, or even drug use, sex work, or anything that makes Angel who he is. She's trying to show them that, with some love, care, and support, with a safe place to call home, with their base physical and emotional needs being met, people don't need to resort to the sort of destructive behavior heaven/Adam is condemning! People can choose to engage in these behaviors safely, consciously, and with people around them who want them to be safe and have a good time.

Then we get on to the idea that this entire episode ends on. Heaven doesn't know how people get there. They don't know what it takes to be "good enough" for heaven. Sera herself admits that Adam was just "the first soul in heaven," all but admitting that he's just there because he defaulted into it. (Though that does make me wonder, what about Abel? He would have died long before Adam, and considering how long Adam lived, and that there were plenty of other people around by the time he would have died, where were all those souls going??).

And Adam is the fucking worst! He is literally the worst, most selfish, violent, vulgar soul in the entire show, but he is allowed in heaven, for reasons no one even understands.

You know what the difference is between Adam and Angel?

Adam can't be fixed.

His behaviors are all destructive, not to himself, but to others. He insults, abuses, hurts, and kills with abandon. He made this weird, shitty deal with Hell and Lucifer because he wanted to murder innocent souls, because he was bored, and the rest of heaven doesn't even know about it. He has free reign to be an absolute piece of shit to everyone around him, damaging people left and right, and he will never face any sort of justice for it, because hey, he's already in heaven!

But Angel? Angel's behavior is all self-destructive. Again. He gets fucked up to dull his immense pain. He allows himself to be drugged and assaulted because he believes he deserves it. Because he's been told, for who knows how many thousands of years, that he's a whore anyway, so why shouldn't he be free to use for anyone who wants to take him? He has been beaten down, physically, emotionally, sexually, until he's a shell of a person who is struggling to find any reason to continue his shitty existence.

And he hurts only himself.

I mean, okay, he does piss off Husk sometimes, crosses boundaries/etc. But he and Husk pretty clearly fix that between themselves. There's no lasting damage there, and idk if anyone else noticed, but he stops that behavior pretty much entirely after that ep.

Angel is hurting. He is hollow, and hopeless, and trapped. And he does not need to be fixed, nor does Charlie ever attempt to do so.

All she does is reach out a hand, and say, "Hey, I see that you're struggling. This place is fucked up, isn't it? Maybe I can help."

Charlie is a flawed person. She takes her privilege for granted. She feels the immense weight of her choices, and the pressure of having taken responsibility for a people who may never want her help. She messes up, because somehow, she's endlessly cheerful and optimistic, despite her upbringing and the world she grew up in.

Charlie is flawed. But she's trying her fucking best. She isn't trying to fix. She's trying to help.

We all need some help, every now and then, don't we?

[siffrin-enthusiast]

hello designated isat mutual. i have decided that ten thousand (exaggerating) interests is not enough and i need to know everything about all of my mutuals' brainrots so i can share with them this joy. and also probably make more intentionally bad ms paint art

anyways the subject of this post: ultrakill. i know nothing about it and do not know where to start but i know... two people who like it (one being you and the other not being on tumblr to my knowledge). how would you recommend a silly such as myself to begin interacting with the game(? i assume it's a game. all i know is there's a dude, a certified guy even, named gabriel. and lore. i do not know the lore)

ofc please render this entire ask moot if you do not feel up to answering, i will feel no offense if you would rather not for whatever reason. pinky promise. thumbs up emoji

EXPLODES /POS FINALLY AN EXCUSE TO RAMBLE ABOUT ULTRAKILL,,,,

so. if you want to go in blind? go to the steam page and download the free demo. it lets you play the first layer for free to see if it's something you'd enjoy. while ultrakill hasn't triggered any seizures for me, it has been known to trigger people's motion sickness. it also features a...LOT of death (you killing hellspawn), blood (can be turned off though!!), and LORE!!!! i would recommend at least being a little bit familiar with dante's inferno to appreciate everything the game does with it (following it normally, following it too literally, completely subverting its meaning at times, just playing around with it!!)

ultrakill is designed to be a very hard, skill-based, bash your head into the wall for a few hours kind of game. there are assist settings to make it more accessible but you need to know if you play this game that you are SUPPOSED to suck ass at it for the first several hours until you learn how everything interacts (pro tip: learn how to use the coin gun properly. that thing has CARRIED me).

looking at letsplays (markiplier's is a personal favorite but also the VA of gabriel playing ultrakill in-character is incredible) and staring at all the art of these very queercoded robots and watching the insanity of ultrakill speedruns is also very funny, but obviously, spoilers.

go!! get into ultrakill!!! spread the gay robot and angel propaganda!!!!!!!

[tforjatp]

Just a daily reminder that most Stranger Things fans are fucking repulsive and make me sick 🫶🏻

*this is such a ramble, enjoy 🤭*

Since Noah came out, you guys decided now was the time to be so fucking BOLD and it’s genuinely disturbing. Y’all don’t know how to act when someone comes out, especially when it’s someone you find attractive, and it’s honestly dehumanizing and disrespectful. Stop sexualizing Noah, in any way shape or form, you know what i’m talking about. Stop saying the homophobic shit about Millie, no one likes the joke anymore (as if we ever did) and we all know that’s it’s just you guys behind the device shoving your own homophobic agenda onto him. And of course, my favorite, stop using LGBT language to “identify” Noah if you aren’t LGBT. Don’t call him girly pop or anything like that. Cmon now. He’s just gay. You guys are acting like this is some HUGE FUCKING THING and are literally freaking the fuck out. It’s okay to be proud of him. We’re all proud of him. Just stop being offensive while you’re doing it. 🫶🏻

And this last one gets its own paragraph cuz y’all just make me absolutely SICK. As a Noah girl myself, you guys have GOT TO FUCKING STOP CRYING AND SOBBING AND WHINING ABOUT YOU “NOT HAVING A CHANCE WITH HIM ANYMORE”!!!!! It’s seriously so fucking embarrassing. Stop making his coming out about yourself. Not everything is about you. And sorry to be the one to burst your chronically online bubble, but you weren’t gonna date him anyways 🤭 Can’t believe I even have to say this.

Probably going to delete this later because it’s just a huge ramble, but I had to say something. Please just learn to be respectful.

[anonymatt1]

You're a sick piece of shit pedophile

oh hey! my first piece of actual anon hate!! that's neat :3

i'm going to answer this with a level of respect it probably doesn't deserve, since i doubt you'll take anything i write seriously (if you read it at all). bunch of text below if you'd like to read my ramblings

the first thing to remember about kink spaces, is that everything we do is between consenting adults. if you're practicing kink safely, then everyone involved would've been fully informed on what is happening, and agreed to take part. i don't make very many original posts, so i can only assume you either followed me or visited my blog. if you were on my blog, then you would've clearly seen that i reblog potentially triggering subjects and kinks. if i distressed you with any of the posts i've reblogged, i'm sincerely sorry. i want my blog to be a place people can come to and enjoy if they so wish. but i also believe if you go reaching into a spider nest (looking through a blog that posts things that might trigger you) then there's not much i can do to help. all of this is to say, we are here to play pretend and have fun. if you don't like what we're talking about, please leave!

the next thing is people's perception of the term pedophile, and how it's weaponized in our society. i won't deny that there are people who predate on minors because they're attracted to them, but if you look at the people who have abused and sexually abused minors, the most common thing they share is that they have a position of power over the child(ren) they abuse. this could be anyone from a parent, to a religious figure, or just a coach. another enlightening fact on this is that only around 20% of men who have assaulted underage boys are gay (i found this stat here, Sexuality of Offenders. unfortunately they looped bisexual men in with straight men for some reason, but i seriously doubt it would significantly change that number). then why do we so heavily associate pedophilia with CSA (child sexual abuse)? this is a question that i'm not well read enough to answer, but there are plenty of others who are dedicated to helping keep children safe that can expand on this. i'd recommend looking into it, as it can be a very enlightening experience.

if you read this far then thanks for bearing with me, and i hope this makes sense 😅 there's probably more i could go on about, but i feel that those two things are some of the most important things to cover.

[metaltea]

Been playing Baldurs gate I see! I'm also obsessed with it currently

What's your party layout? Like which companions do you like to bring, have you changed their classes, etc. Also are you romancing anyone? 👀 wink wonk

(warning for rambling cause I am not normal about this game, I am not normal at all-)

Also warning for spoilers in general kinda

iosjeferijgvierjgv8erjvgoerhg0rehg0rejgre I'm like 30-something hours in and only just now found out I just completed act 1- I THOUGHT ACT 1 WAS OVER AFTER I COMPLETED THE GOBLIN CAMP 😭😭 Which isn't a bad thing cause that just means the game is way longer than I thought, more to enjoy.

I just changed my class from fighter to bard cause I was getting sad always leaving Karlach and Lae'zel out since I didn't need another guy doing heavy hits up front. That plus I was sick of never getting any advantage on persuasion checks. Not sure how I feel about it just yet since I haven't had much experience; I'll def miss my cool armor ; - ;

(fyi I didn't change their classes but adjusted their builds so they'd be more efficient, for instance Asterion basically can't lose at unlocking/disarming a thing cause he has so many advantages now)

Anyways I currently have Gale, Asterion and Shadowheart (was Karlach but brought in Shadowheart since I was curious too see if there'd be any unique dialogue in the Shar temple I'm currently in)

I keep switching out Gale and Wyll, I love them both and am tryna like get an equal amount of both BUT i don't rlly need more than one mage/socerer/whatever at a time ya feel.

The flaming gay va- I mean Asterion is almost entirely just there for unlocking things and disarming traps, man's an absolute twig in a fight 😭 I also like sending him up front to scout out the area in dungeons since I believe he has better perception. Also he was reminding me of someone for so long and I finally remembered what

Karlach is my tank currently, she deals a majority of the heavy damage and I just love her in general so I like to keep her whenever possible (can sub for Lae'zel but idk I don't like her that much?? At first I did but now she's just getting into fights with everyone willy nilly ya know??)

Shadowheart is strictly there for protection and healing. I HATE THIS BITCH SO MUCH!!! (sorry to all the shadowheart fans out there) Just to me she's so "oh the goddess likes me and not you, guess I'm better than the rest of you uwuwuwu" like bitch shut the fuck up please.

As for romancing, not sure?? I know you can technically be poly in this game so I'm tryna romance as many ppl as possible without locking myself into anything (I just had to brutally reject Wyll by just turning away my face from kiss bc apparently it's smash him or break his heart and no in-between, also I looked it up and he's monogamous so I rlly would lock myself into it and I don't want that, EVEN THO HE'S SO SWEET AND LOYAL AND WHOLESOME AND I WANNA H*G AND H*LD H*NDS WITH HIM, FUCK YOU GAME-)

I'll prolly play the game again in a couple months when there's a mod that lets you simultaneously romance everyone cause my RPG self is a SLUT and wants to form the ultimate polycule in any game I play. Everyone is too loveable not to.

Buuuut in the meantime yea I'm just tryna rizz everybody (aside from Wyll cause game is like ok no kiss?? No romance fuck you little dwarven WHORE) up.

If the dil- I mean Halsin is romanceable, I'm absolutely gonna h*ld h*nds with that man. That beast. That guy with GIANT HUGGABLE PECTORALS MMMMMMM. Also the fire queen goddess suprem- I mean Karlach is I thiiiink going pretty steady?? Haven't had any new dialogue options for a while but I think we're in a kinda flirty zone currently so that's good. God she's so wholesome and wonderful, I love her with my entire being and soul. If anything happens to her I will exterminate all life on this planet and then myself.

As for Lae'zel?? I think she was a very much smash or pass person cause when I turned her down at the party she hasn't had much more to say to me sadge (which is fine cause idk like I said she's just been grating on my nerves) Not sure about the others, it's kinda hard to tell, especially with Gale. Maybe cause I've been rizzing other ppl, and I've heard he's also monogamous, wehhhhh (which is valid but c'mon let a bitch dream of polycules and giant sleepovers with a hundred blankets and everyone forming the ultimate cuddle pile around the tiny dwarf who will never know a cold night again)

[mxdnxghtraven]

So, Who Dis?

Hey! Name's Phoenix, I'm 20 and use he/him pronouns. I'm currently in college studying photography with the intention to work with/for non-profits and human rights orgs to tell the stories of people who have been harmed by the system in one way or another via photography. Photos describe stories far better than words, and I love leaning into that in my work.

So, why am I writing then?

This has been my coping mechanism and one of my primary creative outlets since high school! Most of my work from that time was primarily poetry, but I dabbled in my fair share of short stories. Istrucpolis is one of my brainchildren from that time. I started it during my senior year!

Current Projects (as of September 2024)

I'm permanently swimming in WIPs (*sigh*), but I love working on multiple projects at once, so here are all of my current brainchildren :) I've started drafting stories aimed for an 18+ audience so minors get out LMAO

Istrucpolis: Dystopian post-apocalypse city but if it was elven, because why not. Debating if I will continue this one (discontinued).

-

IMPORTANT: Book sneak peek/intro

-

Power & Inequality: A series of standalones inspired by songs, academic discussions I participate in, and my work in my internship. Making use of my background in song analysis, human rights/social justice, storytelling, and documentation. Continuing this throughout the summer and beyond as inspiration comes to me.

Take Back What's Yours - Includes song link

-

Cozy: A series of standalones that I wrote on a whim either while sick or very tired. Enjoy my emotional half-delirious ramblings.

Cozy III (idk why tumblr is acting up)

-

Flight: A deep dive into the life of one very angsty trans-man, Aaron.

Needy (18+ age gate, connected to Flight)

-

Little Things: A several-post series that is based on true events. Also a deep dive, but Silas instead! Poor gay boy is in for quite the journey.

Hurt (it's doing it again vdfbfdb)

Worthy II (sexual implications)

Really?

[tiffanylamps]

ɪ ꜱᴛᴀʏᴇᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ

ʜᴀɴ ᴊᴏᴏ ᴡᴏɴ & ʟᴇᴇ ᴅᴏɴɢ ꜱɪᴋ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴇᴠɪʟ ʟᴏᴠᴇ, ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀꜱᴛ

Where to start?? Love, At Least by @l-tyrell is probably my favourite Beyond Evil fic out there. Not only is it just outstanding, with on-brand characterisation, beautiful pacing, and gorgeous one-liners that I could only dream to achieve one day but it is also just so up my street. Historical gay drama? Uhm. Yes, please, and thank you.

I have been chatting with Cay about L, AL ever since she first posted about wanting to write it in the BE tag. It has seriously been such an honour to discuss plot points and just word-vomit my opinions at her and have her not once get sick of my ramblings. Also, I get snippets before the rest of you (she says, oh, so smugly), so I'm the luckiest reader here.

L, AL is currently 20 chapters long with over 100K words, and I don't believe enough people on this site are losing their minds over it. So, I decided that a piece of fiction of this calibre deserves its own poster. My design doesn't do justice to the thought, planning, time and effort Cay has put into her work. But I hope it interests you enough to check it out if you haven't yet. You won't be disappointed!

Cay, thank you for writing L, AL. What you have achieved should be praised and celebrated! You make writing 100K look easy, even though I know it wasn't. I'm so excited to see where you take the story next and if it's what I think it is... Well, everyone is in for it 👀You're honestly such a kind, considerate, and downright hilarious person who is seriously blessing us with your work. On a more personal note, thank you for always being so encouraging and thoughtful! 😊🙌

Some design notes: Yes, my poster's design is inspired by the Warriors of the Dawn poster. What can I say?? That design fucking rocks- how could I not do a homage? lol. Here we have jwds, Han Ki Hwan, Joo Won's mum, Yu Yeon, lotus flowers, the throne, smoke and fire and just all levels of drama. Yeah, I can only see the parts I don't like but I'm not going to keep playing around with it.

Additional note: The Korean text says, "I stayed for you" (or as best I could translate it), which is a line taken from chapter 14.

Anyway, I'm going to go now. Enjoy the fic!!

(fuck tumblr for messing with the image quality)

[papuhater]

Gotham Jervis getting male friend that he really get along well. After some time they both starts to mutually grow feelings and it's surprisly friend who makes first move.

"Jervis, I know that you're looking for Alice and me being guy automatically exclude me but I need to tell you... I really, REALLY like. Just, wanted you to know."

And please don't leave on cliffhanger, I might actually strangle you-

Boyfriend or boy who is a friend

pariring: gotham!jervis tetch x male!reader

a/n: the title's a joke due to the fact that i'm questioning if i'm bisexual leaning torwards women or a lesbian

summary: jervis gets a male friend and he gets the gay sickness (the author has it too and is planning to ask her girl-friend out ), and he has homophobia( not sm but internalized but he yells at the reader some shit) but it gets resolved

=) ok this man? he has never had anything romantic.

=) i just know it.

=) and you? you are his "collegue" in the life of crime, just a pawn to get alice,

=) why is he caring about you?

=) maybe it's that you don't betray him, maybe that you actually show care for him, or maybe you're his friend.

=) it's weird at first, but not used to hanging out or stuff agter heists, he is used to people leaving after getting what they wanted.

=) familiarity hits, and well, he stops thinking it too much, and just enjoying spending time with you, tea time, rhymes! and just sitting rambling. i feel he really like rambling about many things

=) and you would just stare at him with all the attention in the world, starry-eyed.

=) the jokes during heists began occurring more frequently, in one heist you almost died but he hypnotized the person behind the gun, he didn't even have to think about it, it was just jervis' instinct to protect you, suddenly, when you began your teasing about how he saved you so quickly, he just laughed it off and responded with a

"okay fine, i actually have some care for you."

'loosing you scared me to death.' he wanted to scream

=) jervis is confused.

=) suddenly small hugs that felt normal continued to feel normal but the warm rise in his cheeks became evident and he was confused and scared.

=) his mind began wondering if his alice could be you?

=) it could be you, but wouldn't it ruin your friendship?

=) he seemed lost in his thoughts, during tea time, you noticed that, and you asked if anything was wrong, and he just seemed more jumpy that his usual "paranoid" persona.

"No, uh, I'm fine."

"Dammit jervis, you aren't 'fine' you have been acting all weird, and not talking about it, you know you can talk to me if you want to."

and you reached to his shoulder, but he didn't know that , your hand got closer to him and he thought you were going to grab his hand and he quickly pulled his whole body off

"NO!" you flinched at the sound

"What's your problem?" you spat out

"Why were you going to touch my hand?"

"No! Jervis, jeez what's happening?"

"I dont know!" he threw his hands up "I'm not sure, you suddenly seem different every time I look at you! I feel confused about you! complexed!"

"why? what the hell?"

"BECAUSE I LIKE YOU."

=) and just like that, you could hear a pin drop in the room, when he dropped that bomb, he just remained quiet, with his flushed exhausted face, until jervis expected a reaction of you. you just remained stone cold;

'jervis....likes me back?'

=) while you were lost in yout thoughts, jervis left the room, quieter than usual.

=) when you finally became concious of his feelings, you stood up and looked for him everywhere, knowing that you fucked up big time. you found him sitting in the roof.

"Hey Jervis" He looked over to you, as if expecting something "I wanna talk about what happened-"

"I know you don't like me back, it was just-"

"But I do like you back, Jervis, I was scared you didn't."

=) so the cat was out of the bag, and well you both talked it out, and well, now you have a bf!!!

=) so handholding is necesary and also tea parties :)!

[disdaidal]

So... I watched s4 vol 1.

My favorite things about this season:

Eleven + Hawkins lab + 001. Like, holy shit. We're finally getting back to that s1 mood with this stuff, and I'm just loving it. Jamie Campbell Bower? 10+.

Hopper in a Russian prison. That fight with the demogorgon? Fuck yeah.

Will and Mike moments. We getting a gay Will yes? Yes please? I know the Duffers probably won't do it, but I found Will's reaction and jealousy towards Mike so adorable and yet also kind of sad at the same time.

Dear Billy episode. Very Max-focused and got a glimpse of our boy as well. Lots of feelings from that one.

Less Karen, a little more Ted. My man Theodore never disappoints. Good for him.

Eddie & Argyle. I actually enjoyed their scenes a lot. Vol 1 was quite heavy and depressing overall, so they brought some much needed comedy & spice in it.

My least favorite things about this season:

Forced Stancy. Seriously? Gimme a bucket. Cause I'm gonna barf. Their relationship was probably like my least favorite thing about s1, and didn't s2 Nancy specifically tell Steve he's bullshit and their whole relationship is bullshit? So what is this shit? If they're gonna get engaged or married in s5, I'm not gonna watch it. No fucking way. I was feeling sick enough watching them the first couple of seasons, and that alone was torture. Give Steve the girlfriend (or boyfriend) he deserves, let Nancy sort her shit out with Jonathan, and let Steve and Nancy just be friends. Please. I'm begging you. Anything but this.

Speaking of Jonathan, he was very lacking this season. I really enjoyed his teamwork and relationship with Nancy in the previous three seasons, and he was my favorite character in s1. I don't know what's happened to him season by season, but I'm so disappointed in him. Like he's just a stoner now? Lying and thinking about dumping Nancy when he used to support her and confront her when something didn't feel right? Okay. Whatever. I'm so disappointed.

Steve was... kind of lame this season? Besides The Dive episode, I feel like he barely even stood out from the rest of the group sometimes. And he's still largely being treated like a cheap comedy relief who apparently lacks brain or something like that. Also his relationship with Dustin was... I don't know. They've always been kind of mean to each other but this season, I felt like they were on a whole new level of mean. I don't know what to think of that.

Robin was such a klutz. I mean... s3 Robin was smart, witty, sarcastic, a little bit mean sometimes. She even cracked a secret Russian code. Now this season, she was somehow just a clumsy lesbian who kept rambling nonstop and seemed just... really... kinda dumb and cringey, too, I dunno? And the way she keeps pushing the Stancy agenda this season, along with Eddie, and trying to make friends with her, though I recall her calling Nancy a priss to Steve last season. Right. Make it make sense bro.

Doctor Brenner. Nothing in this show stays dead, except Billy, Barb and Bob, apparently. What are you doing back man? How are you even back? Go away. Haven't you caused enough trouble already?

Honestly I'm really happy we got even a small glimpse of Billy in vol 1. At least he wasn't completely forgotten.

[kakagaibouquet]

not a question but I literally love ur acc! I relate so much with your kakagai posts and you seem like such a friendly and funny person. You r the reason why I started drawing again on my acc (Naruto) and I really thank you for that!:)

omgosh if this isn’t the best ask i’ve ever received!!!

i’m so so flattered that you enjoy my content and that you’re inspired to start drawing again! i’m just another person who happened to fall down this old gay ninjas hole (whose girlfriend got sick of hearing her ramble about them) so i have to dump my thoughts somewhere. i’m very new to this tumblr stuff (which is ironic because i work in tech) so i’d love to become friends! please feel free to reach out because i love talking to people about kakagai and just naruto in general :-) thank you again tho this ask made my day!

[13uswntimagines]

Her Mess (Christen x Reader)

Request: Christen x reader where reader is younger and in college and reader meets the team

It was safe to say that you had always been a bit of a mess. You would argue that you were an organized mess, but Christen would disagree. If the gay mess you turned into the first time Mal had ever introduced you to her was anything to go off of. Yes, you were a mess, but you were her mess, and she took great joy in helping to keep you on track. 

From the very beginning, she had helped you with your schedule. Made sure you ate and gave yourself time for studying and soccer. She never overstepped, she was your girlfriend not your mother after all, but she was definitely the organized one in your relationship. 

It was why the prospect of traveling without her was incredibly daunting. She was already at camp with the rest of the national team (who you would be meeting for the first time) and you would be meeting them there with Mal after the two of you finished finals. To say you were nervous was an understatement. It was your first call up, and though your girlfriend and best friend had assured you it would be fine, you weren’t so sure. You had quadruple checked the list of things Christen and you had made, but even as you left the plane you were sure you had left something important. You were going to meet the team and you didn’t know if you were supposed to be meeting Christen too, or if you two were going, to be honest. 

You sighed, running your hand through your messy hair, before slipping your beanie back on. Your knee jumped up and down impatiently, and you bit your lip. You didn’t like waiting. Why did this car ride have to be so long?

“Do I need to call Mama Press or are you going to chill out on your own?” Mal said finally, her hand coming down to still your leg. You grinned sheepishly at her. 

“I just-... What if they don’t like me, and what if they’re weirded out by the age difference?” You rambled, your fingers tapping on the car window. 

“You’re like the funniest person I know. The team is going to love you! And I’ll be honest, It was a little weird at first for the person who was like my sister to be dating someone who was basically my mom. But after watching you two together, it’s obvious that you were made for each other,” Mal said softly, her hand running soothing circles on your thigh. You frowned. 

“What if she doesn’t want to tell them that she’s dating me because she’s ashamed of the age difference?” You asked softly, staring intently at your lap. Sure, Mal was cool with the age difference now, and so we’re your parents, but you knew that there were a lot of people out there who weren’t. Plus Christen was the Christen Press, and you were just a disorganized rookie. 

Gentle fingers tilted your chin up, and your Y/e/c met Mal’s brown.“Christen is a lot of things. I don’t think ashamed is one of them,” 

You nodded, returning your attention to the city passing by. You loved Christen, and you hoped that Mal was right. 

******

Most people would hate getting off a plane and stepping directly into practice, but you were grateful for it. The field was your happy place, a place you didn’t have to think about all the what-ifs. A place where you could simply showcase your skills. 

By the time you and Mal made it to the locker room, it was nearly empty. (Barring your girlfriend, who had stayed back to give you a tight hug and kiss, and Tobin who just sent you a small smile). 

“You ready for this cutie?” Your girlfriend asked, settling down on the bench beside you, nudging you with her shoulder, and placing a kiss on your pink cheeks. 

You stuck your tongue out at Mal who made a gagging sound. 

“I think so,” You shrugged, rooting through your bag to find the last items of your gear, things you were sure you had put in this morning. Your eyebrows furrowed as you shoved your shin guards aside in search of your socks. 

“Is it true you have the sprint record for UCLA?” Tobin nudged your other side. You nodded, not taking your eyes off of the contents of your bag. Had you been paying more attention, you probably would have freaked out that the Tobin Heath knew who you were. 

“Don’t forget the juggling record either,” Mal added, smiling. You had quite the reputation for putting defenders on their asses, and it was going to be entertaining watching you work your magic with the national team. 

“Damn,” Tobin mumbled wide eyes. She was going to have to call dibs on you for the scrimmage. You barely spared her a glance, groaning as you continued to dig for an item you were beginning to fear wasn’t in your bag. You took a deep breath, trying not to panic. Of course you had forgotten something important on your first camp with the national team.

Christen rubbed your back, her head tilting to the side as you ignored one of your heroes (your hero being her best friend was something she found immensely entertaining), her hand coming up to rub your back. “What are you looking for my darling,” 

“I forgot my socks,” you huffed, shoving your bag to the floor pouting. Christen’s lips ticked up slightly as she leaned in to kiss your pink cheeks. 

“That’s alright. I have an extra pair for you in my bag,” 

Your blush deepened as you took the extra pair, slipping them on your feet. You nodded in thanks, she simply winked in return. She knew you’d forget something. You always did. 

******

Meeting the team was an… experience. Kelley had immediately jumped on top of you, squealing about a new baby to corrupt before she was pulled off by Alex. Ashlyn and Ali had argued with Becky and Alyssa about who was going to be your team moms. The youngins had bombarded you with so many questions that it felt like your head was spinning. But through it, all Christen’s hand remained firmly in yours. 

Standing in line, waiting for the forward vs defender drill to begin was a surreal experience for you. You watched with a keen eye as Mal went first and nearly navigated the ball past Becky. You kissed Christen’s cheek before she went and cleanly got past Kelley. Tobin took the next spot, pulling a clean nutmeg off on Abby. You were going to have to one-up her. 

You took a deep breath, trying to settle your nerves, waiting to see which defender you would be up against. 

“You good kid?” Megan asked, bumping your shoulder with her. You blinked, fighting the urge to squeal that The Megan Rapino was talking to you. 

“Hm, excited!” You smiled, biting your lip as Sonnett took her place at the front of her line. Sonnett was good, but you were better and your desire to make a good first impression meant that you were really going to have to put on a show. There would be no better partner for the dance you had planned. 

“Think you can best Sonnett?” Carli smirked, tapping you the ball. 

“Definitely. Cant let a Cavalier get one over on me,” You winked, beginning to juggle the ball. Yeah, this was going to be fun. 

******

��Holy shit, how are you so fast,” Emily panted, catching up to you after you’d made another shot at an unsuspecting Alyssa Naeher. It speared just past her fingertips, making the goal rattle as it made contact with the net. 

“I ate lots of fudge striped cookies when I was younger,” You nodded, wiping the sweat from your forehead and heading towards the sidelines for your water break. From the time you were little you had believed wholeheartedly that the cookies made you run faster. 

“Fudge stripped what?” Emily asked, her eyebrows furrowing beside you. 

“Made by the Keebler elves. They’re magic,” You shrugged, glancing around for the greenbottle with your name on it, entirely unaware of the odd looks the team was giving you and the loving smile your girlfriend was sporting. “Where did I put my bottle?” 

“It’s over-“ Mal started, only to be cut off by Christen’s elbow being lodged in her ribs. 

“Take mine babe,” She laughed, passing you her bottle. You nodded in thanks, squirting the liquid into your mouth. What would you do without her? Mal smirked over your head at the green-eyed forward. Maybe part of your forgetfulness was her love of coming to your rescue. 

“Sick ball skills Ducky,” Tobin clapped you in the back. 

“Thanks!” You squeaked, the stream of water missing your mouth and spraying Christen in the chest. “Oops,” You giggled. 

“If you want me to kiss you, you did it have to get me all wet, you could just ask,” She winked and you felt heat wash over your cheeks, all your previous confidence evaporating. 

 Mal covered her ears and shook her head fast. “Please don’t answer that with the comeback you’re thinking of,”. You smirked, shaking your head. You wouldn’t force her to bear her best friend and her team mom flirting. 

“Hmm, I love your kisses,” 

Christen giggled, wrapping her arms around your waist, and pulling you into a quick kiss. You pulled away when the team wolf-whistled, burying your face in your girlfriend's chest. 

“Told you she wasn’t embarrassed,” Mal said, patting your back. 

“Yeah, how could she when you put everyone on their ass,” Sonnett cackled. Your groan was muffled by your girlfriend's soft skin. Her fingers found their way under your chin, coaxing you out of your favorite hiding place. You Y/e/c eyes met her green ones. 

“You thought I was embarrassed?” She asked softly, and you gave her a slight nod. How couldn’t she be? She was the Christen Press and you were just a bumbling college student who would lose her head if it wasn’t attached to her body. 

“You’re you, and you have everything together, and I’m me and I forget everything,” You mumbled, shrugging. 

“Well, I love you, even when you forget stuff. Plus, You look really cute in my clothes,” She kissed your nose and your cheeks before landing on your lips. You smiled into the kiss, enjoying the way her soft lips felt against yours. 

It didn’t matter that you were younger. You would prove yourself to be an asset to the team and Christen loved you. 

“Did they forget we’re here?” Emily’s whisper read followed by a slapping sound and Lindsey’s voice. 

“Way to ruin a moment Sonnett,” 

Yes. You were a mess, but you were Christen’s mess and you’d fit right in. 

[cattles-bians]

exes au part 12

post directory

obsetress: don’t ask why i had this thought because i couldn’t tell you but

obsetress: jamie wakes up in the middle of the night one night and is like “i... had a dream. about vi”

obsetress: and dani’s like “ok baby” and just nuzzles deeper into her pillow and jamie’s like

obsetress: “no, dani, a... a dream”

obsetress: and dani’s like “oh. oh” and is immediately wide awake and bright eyed

obsetress: and is like “was it any good?” and jamie is just. already flushed so red and flushed deeper and dani just hums

em: sighs wistfully

em: i also love that something compels jamie to tell dani Immediately

em: oh the perils of begrudgingly being friends w ur gfs ex

em: jamies like um. no see i can see all these different things my brain mashed together and WHY i had this dream and danis like ok but that wasn’t my question....

obsetress: jamie finally throws up her hands “of course it was”

em: jamie: And You Can’t Tell Vi She’ll Be Insufferable

obsetress: dani, very plainly, at brunch the next morning: so vi

obsetress: jamie looks like she’s going to have a heart attack and dani lets her sweat and then just smiles sweetly “i like those sunglasses. are they new?”

em: jamie what’s the problem (nothin. indigestion)

obsetress: dani very smug n thinks she’s very funny

obsetress: (she is a little funny)

em: one of jamies many ‘oh that’s why they dated’ moments

obsetress: “fookin sick, the both of ya”

em: idk why you had this thought but i’m GREATLY amused

obsetress: skskksksks right

obsetress: jamie explaining her dream to dani in great detail afterwards

obsetress: dani sitting there nodding and hmming “oh that sounds like her. no, she wouldn’t do that. now THAT she would be very good at, you’d like it”

em: i need a moment

em: jamie thinks the dark hides her massive fucken blush but it Doesn’t

em: dani can feel her heating up

obsetress: jamie “i don’t ask you to do this” dani “you’re not stopping me”

em: dani critiquing jamies sex dream is such a fucken funny concept sjdhdkhdkdhdkc

obsetress: RIGHT

obsetress: i’m dying

em: dani: oh no that’s OOC

obsetress: she wouldn’t have a riding crop jamie, it’s 2021, not 16—

em: jamie: it’s a wet dream do u really think it’s gonna have beta readers and a three act structure

em: dani hums

obsetress: dani: well did you enjoy it

obsetress: jamie: i— dani: did you?

obsetress: jamie mumbling yeah

em: jamies like i’m gonna interrogate dani next time, see how she feels- but she forgets dani is incapable of feeling shame

obsetress: like dani wouldn’t just launch into a ramble

---

em: viola

obsetress: fuck

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: to jamie, specifically,

em: to jamie specifically andhdjhdjd

em: once again ironic jamvi has turned, in my brain, into ‘yes and....’ jamvi

—-

obsetress:

obsetress: jamie sending this to viola n vi's like

obsetress: she doesn't get it because she's convinced her taste is immaculate

---

em: anyway this is ooc even for exes au but i keep thinking abt like. jamie tryna crack how old viola is (she cant be 34 im 30 it doesnt make sense) and going through her fb timeline like. 'aha! motivational quotes. gotta be late 30s' and danis either like

em: danis either like 'you have a notebook where you write down all the quotes you like baby' OR shes like haha ok thats fair (posts another motivational quote on her fb)

obsetress: god i love that so much

obsetress: both of those dani responses are

obsetress: honestly porque no los dos if we're already going ooc

obsetress: i do think the first bit "gotta crack it she can't be 34 i'm 30 it doesn't make sense" is in character fwiw

em: obviously i was inspired by ur post in the milf channel abt viola always saying shes 35

em: big brain

—-

obsetress: this is literally just. exes au rebecca

obsetress: down to the caption

obsetress: vi and rebecca patiently staging like full photoshoots for each other every time one of them wants a pic otp: i'm not high maintenance, you're just low effort

---

em: bold 2 say that we don’t think about jamie and vi tho

em: gotta keep some sorta. presentation of respectability

em: they absolutely couldn’t date tho

obsetress: lmao ikr

obsetress: yeah no they'd kill each other

obsetress: now just thinking of silly circumstances and um

obsetress: rebecca's out of town and dani's flying back from some iowa thing jamie couldn't get away for to go with

obsetress: and viola's like "oh, just stay at ours, it's closer and i'll get you a car"

obsetress: and just like

obsetress: imagining the two of them cohabitating at vi's for a night

em: jamie sneaking around at night tryna find the bathroom and runs straight into vi in a face mask and a dangerously low dressing gown Again

obsetress: the parallels to canon

obsetress: im giggling

obsetress: walks straight into her path

em: opens a door. sees something she doesn’t want to see. immediately turns and walks away

em: god the face mask would make her look like the lady in the lake

obsetress: yeah

obsetress: vi wants to go out to dinner, jamie's just like "i'm already getting up early to go to the airport, can't we just have an easy night in"

em: what did i say before. that thing abt if ur friends w damie you will inevitably walk in on them

obsetress: god yeah

em: flip of that.

obsetress: oh GOD

em: god they would argue about dinner

em: bicker about EVERYTHING

em: dani and rebecca both make the married couple joke

em: jamie goes pale

obsetress: wait sorry i just went back to tahirahs insta post and like

obsetress: katie parker commented and was like "i love these shots of you" and she was like "thanks luv " and i'm like

obsetress: why does this....... still track........... with exes au...............

em: perdy is always a little too flirty w vis paramours

obsetress: always! except dani for whatever reason

obsetress: she's just scared of dani

em: Please

obsetress: rebecca's like "i don't see what the problem is. she can do what she wants, but you trust me, don't you?" "of course i trust you" rebecca shrugs "that's it then, isn't it?"

obsetress: anyway vi huffs n crosses her arms n pouts a little bit and is like "well i don't want her to"

obsetress: rebecca is endeared and uses the opportunity to her advantage like the top leaning switch she is

em: dani rebecca parallels: always dtf

obsetress: perdi and vi fighting and vi's like "are you even gay? or do you just want what i have?" and perdi is like "does it matter?"

em: are you even gay perdi nahdkdhdkdhd

em: perdi is like you KNOW about jamie and viola crinkles her nose bc she forgot about that and she’s starting to respect jamie as a person

obsetress: djflakdkfjldkadjLDJFLSKDFJLSDKFJx

obsetress: i screeched

em: viola: you only MET jamie because i hired her for landscaping you fucking-

obsetress: just thinking about perdita watching jamie working on some property sweating in a tank top and Deciding

em: bringing out some lemonade etc

em: haha you look parched

obsetress: smiling widely, turning on the charm

obsetress: jamie is very attractive and very swoonworthy, but perdita 100% only goes for it because she refuses to let viola have one (1) thing

obsetress: and that extends to lesbianism

em: viola's like no this is normal right. siblings competing. rivalries etc and danis like uh i’m an only child and jamies like uh i raised my brother

em: they don’t know how to tell her sure it happens but it’s also extremely fucken weird vi

obsetress: jamie: you have to tell her dani: why do i have to tell her jamie: you tell her everything dani: i don't tell her–– ok, i tell her most things. i'm not sure i want to tell her this though jamie: why not dani: she's not... she's not gonna like it jamie: So You Might Be A People Pleaser,

em: jamie: i can’t tell her. she’s only just forgotten the perdi thing. what if she remembers i’ve

em: in depth character study of viola and perdi’s fucked up rivalry

em: violas like goddamn it do i have to fuck jamie to get even

obsetress: i––

em: she decides against it

em: jamie is none the wiser

obsetress: she Considers it tho

em: jamie would die on the spot if she knew

obsetress: weighs the pros and cons

obsetress: the best part is like

obsetress: this is all post-danvi and pre-damie right so when dani n jamie see rebecca and vi at that video store

obsetress: viola's like wait.

obsetress: wait

obsetress: dani ending up with the hot gardener her sister fucked because she has bizarre jealousy and possession issues is really just the cherry on top of a shit sundae

em: the funniest part of all our very tangled lore is like

em: none of it contradicts bc it’s even funnier when it’s Extremely Ugly And Messy

em: because lesbians are just... like that

---

obsetress: exes au au where viola did fuck jamie, the video rental shop scene is 100 times more awkward

em: don’t think about it don’t think about it dont

em: i am thinking about it

em: jamie has to deal with having been railed by all three of them instead of just the two

em: it feels very uneven to her bc rebeccas a doll, dani, u don’t understand, and ur only running into one ex,

obsetress: talk about the mortifying ordeal of being known

obsetress: "wait, that's your ex?" "yeah" "dani" "what" "dani" "what" jamie's voice is hushed but a lil pitchy and a lot panicky "i think i fucked your ex" "you think?" "i fucked your ex" "you fucked her or she fucked you? because i'm sorry, baby, but i really don't think––"

em: sorry, baby, but i really don’t think-

em: SCREAMED

obsetress: that might be my fave lil bit i've ever written adlfkjasdklf

em: dani being a little too interested in jamie getting railed is like. everything to me

obsetress: jamie's already big blushing

em: a little secret between hannah obsetress and em cowlesbian but i am So thinking abt it

em: patreon exclusive exes au au

[em edit: you can imagine how long this lasted]

obsetress: no one is happy about this situation except dani, who is delighted

em: after, jamie's like. what did u mean by u don’t think that...

em: puffs out her chest

em: i could have-

em: danis like yeah but i know u didn’t did u

obsetress: dani clayton ilu

em: danis like um

em: completely unprompted bc dani ‘finishes a conversation 5 hours later’ is really funny to me

em: danis like i did tho

em: jamies like can you DROP IT

em: she’s SMUG

em: she’s so pleased w herself

obsetress: in bed with the lights off jamie's pulling the sheets up and closing her eyes afterthought

obsetress: just a happy lil hum and an "i did, though"

obsetress: and jamie knows IMMEDIATELY what she's talking about

em: dani never lets jamie live it down

obsetress: never!

obsetress: they'll be washing dishes one day "hey baby?" "hmm" "you slept with a landlord"

em: oh um. flipping the whole ‘experienced jamie virginal dani’ trope everyone loves but

em: i love the idea of dani being like hey jamie did u ever- and jamies like (grumbles) does it matter

em: dani is mentally applying a gold star to her chart

obsetress: ksdljfskdfjlsdjflksdjaf

obsetress: the gold star

em: at this point dani is absolute just tryna tease jamie so she’s like oh well when- and jamies like ok i get it

em: jamie Pretends not to be a little interested

obsetress: meanwhile vi and rebecca very matter of factly swapped stories the first day they Realized

obsetress: vibecca swapping stories and their stories complimenting each other so well that they're like well. hmm

obsetress: glad those two found each other

em: two praise kinks u say

em: ok sorry one more thought i’m thinking abt like

em: jamie staying over (idk if this is before or during damie) and viola and perdi are having yet another spat on the phone and violas like

em: no you ALWAYS do this, whatever you think you’re doing with rebecca-‘ and she barely hears some muffled sorta ‘oh, sorry, remember jamie-

em: and jamies doing the maths. hmm

em: jamies like actually i refuse to examine this further. self care

em: brings it up with dani later and dani LOSES her shit laughing

em: haha jamie you got willoughby’ed

obsetress: SCREAMS

obsetress: you got willoughby'd

obsetress: how does one get willoughbyd asking for a friend

em: yeah same asking for a friend

obsetress: dani, gigglesnorting: wait, you hooked up with... with perdi?

obsetress: (dani hates perdita because viola hates perdita and it is a deep seated hatred she refuses to unlearn)

obsetress: a loyalty strange and enduring, despite it all

em: to be fair perdi is the Worst

em: all of these characters i love to make sympathetic and then perdi is where i draw the line akdhdkhd

em: it’s funnier if she’s awful

em: like a viola that never gets therapy

obsetress: lldjfkaskldfj god same

obsetress: it's too good

em: danis like wait hold on. lemme get a pen

em: makes a silly little chart

em: if the fandom tries to make jamie into a shane the l word character i will simply take that and make jamie mortified abt her uh. well! a pretty girl is nice to her and she forgets how to behave

em: jamie's like oh sure like u don’t have embarrassing flings- and danis like yeah but i don’t interact w them on a daily basis jamie

em: also i didn’t fuck perdi

obsetress: skskskflsdflks

obsetress: "you did fuck perdi though, right? because that just be embarrassing, jamie, if she had been the one who..."

em: skgsdjhdkdhdk

em: jamie grumbles something abt pillow princesses and dani like

em: CLAPS her hands in glee

obsetress: jlsdjflkJSDFKJSDFJ

obsetress: GOD

obsetress: she's immediately pulling out her phone to text vi

em: jamies like why would u message her sister that u freak n danis like oh no theyre very open with each other it’s uh. hmm. anyway

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content