#he can still get the same pair
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Just Bojan stealing Nace's clothes again
#he'd wear his freaking shoes if he could#but sadly they're a bit too big for him#but no worry#he can still get the same pair#i have a feeling all of Nace’s clothes are gonna end up in Bojan’s closet at some point#joker out#bojan cvjetićanin#nace jordan#the clothes sharing never stops I guess
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Y'know, I think I figured out why the Hells still feel like a new low-level party to me, even though they're level 13 and almost 100 episodes in.
I don't quite think it's the lack of conversations, or the fact half the party's plot hooks are big ties to past campaigns - though that definitely plays a part.
... Bell's Hells still primarily rely on quest givers.
Most of their goals are given to them and do not feel organic to the party, and constantly remind us that the Hells are pretty much never the most powerful people in the room. Which is usually something you see with a low-level party.
NPCs offering jobs is not a bad thing; it's a very common plot hook. Matt has been extremely skilled with using NPC quest givers in those two campaigns. Not only do they provide an obvious plot thread, but they can put the party in the path of others (say, the Nein running into the Iron Shepherds while doing a job for the Gentleman and everything that came of that). And the Hells had a solid start with it too - Eshteross was an excellent quest giver!
The problem is that Bell's Hells have never really not had a quest giver.
Maybe it's a byproduct of the more plot-heavy structure of this campaign? But while prior parties have felt like they decided on their course of action and what they prioritized, Bell's Hells feels less like level 13 (13! Level 13!) experienced adventurers and more like an MMO group clicking on the exclamation point over an NPC's head. Where does the plot demand we go next? Who do we report back to?
They're level 13.
At level 13, Vox Machina had just defeated a necromantic city-state to clear their name and Percy's conscience. And, you know, the Conclave just destroyed Emon. No one was explicitly telling the group to gather Vestiges and save the world (though Matt guided them there), and they were usually among the most powerful people in the room. They chose which Vestiges to prioritize, which dragons to tackle when, even if the over-all plot was pretty clear.
At level 13, the Mighty Nein were celebrating Traveler Con (another PC goal, I'll note) after brokering peace between two nations, accidentally becoming pirates and heroes of the Dynasty. The Nein regularly chose what to do based on personal goals, not grand ones. Though definitely smaller fish than Vox Machina at this level, they were very independent and gaining solid political clout.
While we're at it: level 13 is one level lower than the Ring of Brass, who had a huge amount of sway over Avalir. They ended the world, and also saved it, while in the grand scheme of things being only a smidge more powerful than Bell's Hells are now.
Can you really see the Hells wielding that amount of influence, when they're constantly being told what to do next?
The god-eater might be unleashed, so Bell's Hells have no time to do anything but what is asked of them. No time for therapy unless stolen from Feywild time, no travel on foot and late-night watches. They haven't even had time to grieve FCG. Percy was grieved in the middle of the Conclave arc. Molly was grieved when half the party was still in irons.
Matt is in the very unfortunate spot of not being able to give the Hells the same agency as the other two parties. Not only because of the world-ending plot introduced so early on; they are surrounded by characters they know (and the cast knows) are stronger and wiser than them - the familiarity of the past PCs and NPCs is to their disadvantage.
Why would the party reasonably ignore Keyleth's task that will help save the world and go off on a romp? Why would the cast when they know well Keyleth has to be sensible and with the best intentions in mind? The stakes are just too high.
It means that the Hells still feel like they're running errands instead of pursuing their own destiny. Their accomplishments are diminished as just being parts of a to-do list, and any stakes feel padded by several level 20 PCs/NPCs standing 5 steps away ready to catch them.
This isn't Bell's Hell's fault, nor is it Matt's. It could be amended, I think, if the Hells are really left to their own devices for a long period of time without support and shortcuts (like during the party split)... which would be really tricky to pull off at this point in the campaign.
They're level 13. They're big fish, but they're stuck in a pond full of friendly sharks, so they don't feel big at all.
#critical role#campaign 3#bells hells#cr meta#critical role meta#the percy's conscience thing is half a joke. i love him but man he rlly went there just for the Vengeance. this isnt about him tho#to quote burr: we rlly spent the entire campaign on imogen and orym's backstories and everything else is sidequests#it's just. god. the constant hand-holding paired w the fact there's no TENSION from the fact they're taking the orders#the Nein were allergic to quest givers partially bc they rightfully didn't trust them. But the cast and audience trusts Keyleth and co 100%#it feels like you could put any other characters in this group and Of Course they'd still do roughly the same things on a macro scale#i love Orym and Liam's intent behind the character. but i. think it all boils down to his strong connection w Keyleth ;;#because of Course he'd reach out when things got bad. and of Course they would turn to her for advice.#the other three parties mentioned could Say Things and they would get Done. kinda iffy for the Nein but they could still boss ppl around#who can the Hells delegate smaller tasks to? ask to spy for them? deal with arcane batteries? no one! Because they ARE the small guys!
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I did not mean any offense with my last ask I just wanted to know how good of a friend you are to Starflung Bandana. Is she a Kirby level friend?
hmm, i'll step in. starflung here (not starstruck, who we'll leave outta this one) but bandee can't answer this because he'd never consider categorising his friends this way. his relationships with each of his friends and loved ones are unique and individual and resonate with him in a way that is incomparable to each other; every one is irreplaceable and inimitable!
that said.... absolutely not. kirby is utterly singular to everybody who knows him. nobody is a kirby-level friend; not to bandee, not to anyone.
#also bandee is clearly in love with kirby next question#(platonic. mostly. hate having to put this but too many folks just don't get it. if you're aroace and get it you can say they're in love.)#anyway i think everybody has a mental illness shaped like kirby of the stars. he is The Guy of all time.#bandee and starstruck are close but it's just not the same. nobody could ever be like kirby for anyone but *especially* for bandee#not even if bandee were paired 'romantically' with someone else. it's still kirby number 1 at the end of the day. am i getting this across.#*starstruck* on the other hand...#my art#bandana waddle dee#asks
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has anybody else thought about how jk could easily manage sofia's parts of slow dance or is it just me?
#jikook#bts#everybody is working to insert jk in who where i just don't see it (other than the seven parallels)#and not talking much about what i see as WAY more obvious nods most especially in rebirth#like jm sings about wanting to be worthy of someone - maybe someone who just became a huge SOLO global popstar?#and mentions 'real love' - what was the name of that chapter in the bangtan book again?#and the feminine pronouns not present it's just the nebulous 'you' that in jimin songs often stands in for 'army'#(and one very specific 'fan' who has said he is ALSO army)#it's the 'i wanna be with you'#the answer for jk's 'i am still' with its unspoken additional 'still with you' layer#and then we get slow dance and we're back to the nebulous 'you' - on an island he-#oh wait what was that about a pair that traveled to an island? and filmed some stuff there that we'll see soon? hm#the reason this set me off though is the lines about 'cancelling my plans' to live to 'the tempo of our favorite song'#the falling deep into lines etc etc#because we know what happens when those two get together - they lose track of time everything else fades away#it's why they haven't done lives. why 'you and me' are 'up all night' why jm knows that as soon as jk is around#his self-discipline will crack and he'll fall into the pattern he tried to head off by separating from jk while making face#and we *know* jimin wrote on this song#frankly if he *hadn't* gotten a female feature everybody would be JUMPING on this song as a jikook anthem#the inclusion of sofia works perfectly - like hammering the pin back in a grenade#but i was reading those lines and thinking how high she went and going who else could sing this ...?#huh. who do we know of who can sing *anything*? and who has a range that can hit and blend with jimin's perfectly?#so. i dunno. y'all do your delulu the way that works for you and i will do my delulu my way lol#personally i think the eyes in the mv look like a screenshot from the love wins all mv but that's only me#i think the parallels with seven work more#and speaking of parallels (there are so many) i think this album was built to ensure jm is on equal footing with a certain someone#it's the commerciality of it - as though jm was like we will be together in this as well#when he seems not to be super interested in global domination but still 'special' enough to be on the same level with his love
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The Big Three of Failtopia for the new ship bingo
idk what Season’s Big Three you were referring to, so I just kinda did all five in one batch lol
Plus a bonus EriBoat one for @decimal86 under the cut
#‘hey Rose why do you mark some of the spaces with conflicting opinions for some of the ships?’#nobody’s asking that probably#but it’s cuz I have A Lot Of Thoughts on certain pairings#I like almost all of these!#Roseyawn’s the only one I don’t really have a complete liking for in a canon setting#Failica’s a little iffy#but I can def get behind EriBoat a lot more than just Failica#ALSO SOMETHING SOMETHING C!FAIL IS *NOT* DAN#but everyone knows that already#I haven’t really seen many people be weird about the line between C!Fail and Dan with EriBoat like they do with Failica#(ignoring how that might be cuz not as many people ship it)#but still. I like it more#Marion’s good but idk if Orion would really commit to a romantic relationship#cuz yknow. ‘dead’ wife#if it’s Marion + Mrs. Oopsie polycule it goes hard#man I think a lot of ships for this fandom can be improved with polyamory#or QPRs#anyway!!!!!!!!#these thoughts are all subject to change#soooo yea!!#failboat#failboat miitopia#failtopia#ask the octo#not tagging the ships (I’m lazy)#OH ALSO RPF PEOPLE DNI PLS#and if Dan is legit uncomfortable with EriBoat then ya gotta respect that#same with Failica#but he hasn’t really said anything on those two ships (and has encouraged Failica in the past)#so until he expresses his opinions on people shipping C!Fail nowadays I say. ship it with caution (AND DONT BE WEIRD) this goes for Gex too
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...
#finished mid season#and its like#they really are pairing off everyone huh#bUT LIKE OK#fIRESKY????#im still like#suprised how wholesomely sweet they are#ryan and karina are also very good?#he took her to go see her friends....he apologized....he called her the best hero.....whu...hime......#the other ones tho.....hmmmm....#like i guess bison origami is ok#the shirtless scene did a LOT of the heavy lifting#kid kat is cute but also makes me feel like im watching tiny tots or something#black and white tho.....#i.....i dont care 😔#its like if tiger and bunny where more annoying and had NO sauce#i think they have some fun moments with the rest of the cast but#i think because they didnt get a proper intro focus theyre misisng build up#ryan got the movie and its fun watching him switch partners and also interact with barnaby without the tnb break up#hmmmm idk#tiger if he didnt have emotional intelligence and bunny if he didnt have his stage persona#also like#in the end t&b 2.0 have to have to same character arch beats#black has to take a hit for white to trust him#white has to have a moment where he loses hope and get proven wrong#blah blah blaj#whatever small moments they have reconciling and getting along wILL NEVER BE mid season 1 dinner party where bunny keeps glancing at tiger#and follows him outside so they can talk about their dreams under the stars and street lights#and bunny gives tiger a smile when he finds out what tigers biggest wish is......#😑 anyways i need to draw barnaby in love again excuse me
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josé olivarez / yves olade (alt. version) / cab calloway / oscar romero
#twedit#sceoedit#tw#sceo#HI TEAM. I FEEL CRAZY#scott mccall#theo raeken#so its the first scene with scott and theo. scott recognizes theo but doesn't instantly trust him. scott is coming off of s4#he needs people to be good because he knows he can be bad. there has to be redemption because he needs to be redeemed#his own goodness doesn't feel inherent and so believing in the good of others is how he can believe in himself#he worries love is violence. he still can't trust theo on sight.#he trusts him by that scene in 510 where he says his friends have left him and theo says he can get them back for him.#theo is why he has lost his friends. theo has made this happen. theo has made scott love him so he can best hurt him. love is violence#and then the hug which breaks scott open. the skepticism on his face vs the way he clings to theo with his chin pressed into his shoulder#face half hidden in the bulk of theo. the way his chin falls onto theo's shoulders the same way when theo impales him#the way theo nestles closes in both gifs. the way both are acts of violence in different ways.#so we have the doubt and the trust in the first set and the act that finally made scott fully trust theo#and the act that fully destroyed that trust in the middle#in the last pair we have theo back in the position where he needs scott to trust him. scott wants to. the slow rebuild of their trust#bc now theo is vulnerable and scott cannot help himself! he can't. but he still tries. there's only love and violence#and then the scene that shows scott is willing to trust him again. theo at scott's back with claws raised.#theo standing still instead of walking toward or walking away.#scott looks to theo and theo looks away. but he raises his claws for scott. the violence we must do#the end is the real beginning#(also with the yves olade quote that's not the one in the book but it is a version circulating! and it worked for this!! so!!!!)
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i am begging on my hands and knees for jon matteson and bryce charles to sing a song together. since i first watched npmd, every single day without fail i have thought about their harmonies together in hatchet town (“if he gets me next i could be three” and “fits the bill, he fits the bill”) literally the sickest harmonies in the entire show, i turn into a little gremlin every time i hear them. their voices sound SO good together it actually makes me a little ill. my favourite song my favourite line my favourite harmonies, their voices blend perfectly and i am so desperate to hear them sing a duet to hear them singing together again pls pls please pls pls pls. pls.
#the ‘if he gets me next i could be three’ harmony is something else#nobody understand what that line does to me and the indescribable joy i am filled with each and every time i hear it#give me a song where they sing together doesnt even have to be a full duet ill take anything PLEASEEEE#and dont let me be the only one who feels like this i know some of u bitches get the same crazy chills i do on those lines#hatchet town best song and i will die on this hill#only a little bit insane about them like a normal amount i promise#bryce said this was her favourite harmony to sing in the whole show as well and i felt SO validated when i heard that#they are both such incredible performers and have such fantastic vocal abilities it just makes sense to pair them together#please#im asking soooo nicely bestie starkid pls pls pls pls#and they sound so good in every single version both live and studio absolutely unparalleled talent#also i think corey is also singing on the fits the bill line but my point still stands it sounds gorgeous#corey can join them too actually. bryce charles jon matteson duet with a corey dorris feature#i would drop silly amounts of money for it#ok i think im done i can shut up now#sooooo much brainrot from this musical#npmd#nerdy prudes must die#hatchetfield#bryce charles#jon matteson#starkid#tilda rambling
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another rio and dice plot parallel i like is that they both had mics before chuuoku chose to redistribute them
#vee queued to fill the void#they’re both illegal mics in that sense lol#like i was wondering if the deep shit dice got into with underground casinos was him trying to get his hands on the mic#…….ack i think i forgot to reblog that post of that getting confirmed by me i need to do that 😖 but anyway#cause like if we again assume dice left home at 18 he may have been too late to get his own mic when the mics were just given out#but i’m sure the waves those mics had made in that short period of time would have made plenty impression#on top of it being a weapon he probably watched otome take control of the nation with lol#i still think it’s a lost opportunity that rio’s prototype was one that had a the built in kill switch like the others lol#like yeah that’s just how deep in production rei had been with the mics since the beginning but man lol#but knowing rio’s mic also had the kill switch simultaneously tells us how much foresight rei was working with#like what other reason would you build in remote deactivation if you didn’t anticipate needing to use it lol#i really do wish rei and rio could talk pls kr let me get my dream pairs drb so we can get rio and rei in the same room—
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n*loth is literally a demon i mean iHold on YAAASSSSS!
i mean it 😒😒😒
#text#nlvs very universal love story i believe from n*loth POV it can be read as a normal romance if you ignore all the concerning shit he's -#- thinking. but from t*lvas POV and 3rd person it's an actual horror story (deserve)#but tbh not even t*lvas is as scared as the 3rd party witnessing all of it happen . if there was a 3rd parttyyy. omg. so sad#anyways enough about them..... i wanted to talk about drawing ✍#i think traditional art has a lot of power to kick you to improving especially if you're trying it for the first time after a really long -#- while (Meee) and it doesn't feel as 'consumeristic' as digital art feels to me#cus anytime i sit down to draw something digitally 9 times outta 10 i'll just be trying to out-do myself in the way i execute an idea#in terms of colors or composition or anything i can do#such a tryharddd iUUugh but in traditional i turn my brain off and live the same life and share a brain with my pencil. and nothing feels -#- boring. or like 'i already drew this 😑' i'll just be chilling#but @ the same time it might stunt me because of it's comfortability#i mean idc but still i can get better in many ways && i want tu ......#to Be honest it feels like i can only do 'Cool' ideas digitally and traditional is for stuff that is 'easier'#but it is indeed freeing#i love u-god bbbbbbbbb#i mean not like i do art studies a lot cus i don't think it's something i need at this very moment i'm happy with where my art is#but @ heart i will always! Always be a tryhard#like look at what i can doo (speaking to mirror)#my nelothian narcissism ......? Huh#i love adding -ian to pairings and names now
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Tumblr, I am disappoint. A couple of years ago a sizeable chunk of you history nerds were nuts for The Longest Day in Chang'an and now, when I finally managed to finish it (it was AWESOME; one of the best shows I've ever seen, full stop) I come online and find
A) WHY DID NOBODY WARN ME ABOUT GENERAL GAN SHOUCHENG and
B) WHERE IS ALL THE THIRSTY GENERAL GAN CONTENT?! Now, I know that cdrama fandom is pretty chaste and that in much of Asia, perving is something you keep private and I can respect that. Ok. Cultural differences, I'm cool with that. I'll keep the lewdz to my Pillowfort.
But still! Look at him! A hot baddie with stupendous amounts of guyliner and a carefully coiffed Beard of Evil, he gets a scene like this, and there's no chaste and ladylike swooning or oohing or aahing, even?!?!
#grouse has a side crush#only about 10% of what i feel for connie bc it's a human and not a god i'm crushing on here#but it's still pretty ooooh#it's like someone put fadl and lau in a blender#and served me with kinda the same level of angry horn i have for baz#that kind of situation#i'm not even tagging this appropriately bc i fear i'll get yelled at by someone bc this is tumblr#and i'm keeping the pervy tags to pillowfort#but#uh#hi#i need help#so tell me if there's content#i'm fine with even gen fic if there's fic#the actor keeps changing his name too so this isn't making things any easier#i know he got into trouble some 10+ years ago or whatever but i understand dude reformed and made a comeback#but when china cancels you they want you to stay cancelled#which hardly motivates anyone to reform now does it?#so idk if this guy's even working anymore#also tan qi is so badass i can't even ship her with him#i mean normally i'm all about throwing a goodie to be glomped by the baddie and making them enjoy it despite themselves#but it's be too ooc for her#having said that if it exists in well-written form i may consider reading it#otherwise i want him back in s2 thanks#just so tan qi can rip his eyes out#as nice as his eyes look with all that guyliner#oh god i need to come up with a lady oc to pair him with bc he's too hot to leave without#so maybe lin jiu lang has a hot bored wife and she sees the handsome general pacing the courtyard#like an angry tiger ready to pounce#the longest day in chang'an
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hi snap !! ^_^
in your opinion as the minedai guy, are mine's feelings for daigo reciprocated? or do you think it's more one sided
Its inarguable that daigo genuinely cherished mine as a confidant and a reliable ally. he valued mine not just for his stalwart loyalty, but how despite (or perhaps because of) that loyalty mine was prepared to disagree with daigo and not just be a self-serving yesman only after money or a semblance of power like other members of the tojo; because of mine’s readiness to risk going against daigo despite his position, daigo saw mine as someone who genuinely cared not just for him, but for the tojo clan that meant so much to him
When it comes to romantic feelings though, its never going to be as cut-and-dry as we’d like (unless you’re mine. Unless you’re a raging homosexual like mine.), so i can never- with confidence- say a character has romantic feelings for another (AGAIN. Unless You’re Mine). At the very least, it’s safe to say mine was more explicit about demonstrating that love, or at the very least he was given more chances to show how much he loved daigo, so it’ll always look one-sided going off of what we have so far <- delusional
If we want tho, we can have some fun with the franchise and implications and all. after the events of Y3 via an RGGO story, daigo visits the bar he and mine would frequent. Inside, the bartender brings up a special bottle of alcohol daigo was meant to share with mine, though because mine’s, daigo declines drinking it. Ultimately, he decided the bottle should only be opened if mine was there to share it with him, otherwise it would be pointless
I bring up this moment For Giggles because in Y7, kashiwagi the bartender weaves a similar story during nanba’s drink link. The story goes that he keeps an expensive brand of alcohol on his shelf because he wanted to give the bottle to his lover, though she died before they got the chance to share it and keeps it in honor of her
Obviously, the story’s just a silly front to trick people into coming in- but it is Dually funny considering the parallel to the mine/daigo situation..
#snap chats#tl;dr - i dont know <3#THE LONGEST NON ANSWER OF MY LIFE LMAOOOOOO#in my heart of hearts i want to believe daigo loved mine the same but i wanna stay within reason to what my eyeballs see#the Y7 story is probably the best indication of daigo loving mine depending on how serious you wanna take it#cause evidently kashiwagi in the story is reflective of daigo#and though kashiwagi’s story was a lie he was still playing the role of a mourning lover#a pretty funny coincidence dont you think…#itd be one thing if The Saved Bottle story was something frequent in rgg#but its really only these two instances i can think of#either/or i always like it when pairings are ambiguous or ‘noncanon’#so whether that hard confirmation comes or not ill be happy#also y4 will always be daigo’s widower moment to me. its just too logical#daigo doing all this dumb shit cause he misses his wife so sad so true can we get five likes#DAMN I HAVENT TYPED AN ESSAY IN NINE YEARS LOL long as hell post bye
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back on my bullshit
and by bullshit i mean "rewatch MCD for the millionth time in a row and resist the urge to make an MCD OC"
i have yet to succeed in my bullshit.
#minecraft diaries#*makes another MCD Oc for the nth time and pairs them up with garroth*#he's my special baby boy#latest MCD oc is Skyen. they have a fantasy version of permanent photokeratitis and is the one who discovered Garroth outside of PD back#when he first ran away. and they were ✨Roommates✨. smth smth Garroth never shows his face to anyone but Sky and yet Sky is the only one#who can never see him. their blindness concept is admittedly ripped straight out of an old SkyArmy deviantart comic i read way back when.#they can technically 'see' except thats relative because they can barely see past their nose IF they hold their hand up to their face and#block out the light. they wear a bandana around their eyes and unlike AARON has an actual REASOn for it bc if they dont they get really bad#headaches and their eyes hurt due to being really sensitive to the light. they were taken in by an old man who lived in PD and taught them#how to deal with their blindness and essentially daredevilled their ass (also ripped off the SkyArmy Comic). they're still blind as fuck th#so while the heightened senses and training helped. they still like. need help with stuff they normally wouldn't if they had their sight.#they left PD to go traveling after the Old Man died when he and garroth were 18-19 and returned sometime after Aphmau became lord.#WHEN that is. i have not decided. there are a lot of options available for their return but im leaning towards 'before Donna's wedding but#AFTER garroth gets shot'#Skyen refers to Garroth as 'my friend' affectionately and Garroth does the same. they return to living with one another after skyen returns#and one of the first things they do is sit down with garroth and trace his face to feel if anything changed. which there has.#Skyen 🤝 Laurance: Blind Buddies!#Skyen helps Laurance adjust to blindness and lends him one of their bandanas to cover his eyes. Laurance jokes its because nobody wants to#see his eyes. Skyen dryly tells him that when he inevitably gets sand in his face he'll be thankful there was something to protect#his eyes against it. can you tell that i've thought a lot about this
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the thing about me is that I have this need to pick up every angel on supernatural by their scruff and place them into an enclosure that will allow them to, if not heal and become better, than at least to be petty and vindictive in a way that causes less death and destruction and is just kind of annoying. which I would argue is also good for them. let angels make choices where the consequences of their actions are non-existent rather than world-ending. teaches them free will in a safe, healthy way.
#this is still about Zachariah to be clear#it’s about all of them. I’m putting them all in such nice enclosures. with so much enrichment#but mostly this is about Zachariah. just kind of want to put him in an actual office and watch him whirr away. maybe he prints things.#stands at a water cooler and makes awkward small talk.#I don’t know what happens in offices. what do I look like. I don’t think he does either really. he just likes the aesthetic#he’s constantly cosplaying and it makes all the other angels slightly uncomfortable like. Okay Zach We Get It. This Is Your Businessman OC.#Can We Please Go Back To Talking About How To Stop Castiel From Breaking Containment For The Fifth Time This Month.#(my integration of old and new angel rebellion canon is per s5 all angels have the capacity to rebel. and many do. often. and are punished#for it. and also per s8 Cas just does it the most because he is so sooo annoying <3#also maybe because a combination of factors like. Anna is his boss for a lot of that time and she goes lighter on the reprogramming because#she’s already having doubts. and then also he’s paired with Uriel always. they make each other question things. but they also work#too well together for Heaven to separate them. the cost isn’t so high (yet) just toss them in the brain cleaner after each assignment#and they’re still useful.)#sorry this was supposed to be about Zachariah.#his enclosure has fax machines in it. he likes them. you know. the same way most angels like radio towers. he *likes* them.#spn#Zachariah spn
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Is there a word to describe the feeling of eldest children born in like 1998-2003 who’s childhoods are just marked by the housing crisis and the depression and always being broke and parents who were always struggling to get by, who never went on vacation and never got nice clothes or new toys or are out… who have siblings five or six years younger who don’t really remember any of that,
and now things aren’t as bad and they got all the toys you wanted and the vacations and the parents who were able to say yes to getting takeout or buying a comic book, not because they are the favorite but because life is different and things are better now?
Because I’m not mad at my parents, I’m not mad at my brother, and I’m glad things are better, but fuck I feel like I lost so much of my childhood to being really really broke, and things are ok now but I still want parts of my childhood back, i wish mom would buy me comic books and toys and yeah I’m in my 20’s and it’s ok I’ll live with never having any of that or I’ll buy it for myself, but watching my step brother pick out prom clothes that ARENT from Salvation Army for $20….
It’s just making me feel something I didn’t know I felt- I don’t hold it against him or my mom, but I want that too even though I’m grown I want to at least be offered that
#fuck I didn’t even get to go to my senior prom#and I only went to my junior prom because I was the yearbook editor#idk idk idk#i’m emotional#I would never wish that upon anyone#but I want toys? I want Chinese takeout on a weekday that’s not a birthday?#I want to be able to ask for nonsense at the grocery store and not see my mom since??#strawberries were a very special treat I’d only get once in a blue moon#and now they are just in the fridge and no one else has food insecurity#or is anxious about wasting produce so you eat it all as fast as you can like I still do today#he doesn’t have the mentality of make your shoes and clothes last as long as possible because you won’t get new ones#I wore the same pair of adiais sneakers I got secondhand from Salvation Army#every day for three years- they were my only pair of sneakers#I wore through the soles and filled the holes with hot glue#and it wasn’t just that pair- I wore through the soles of three pairs of convers I can think of - like walked straight through#and now… he’s not worried? mom isn’t worried#and I’m glad- I’m glad he doesn’t live that way but like… I still do#it’s just surreal
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The con I’m going to is literally tomorrow-started today technically-but instead of thinking about getting prepared n shit I talk to two of my friends separately about new!ryoma and I’m being hit with the emotions again AOAGAHA
I need to write a essay about him so fucking badly but how do you WORD about Ryoma Nagare.
#meg text#shorter ramble this time because last one was too long#I don’t feel like tagging getter here though#but god… new ryoma… (flips over a table and sobs)#new getter made me immune to angsty media at the cost I’m internally depressed#”meg aren’t you almost done with a fic where he comes back and heals” YES BUT THATS A FIC#I can pretend it’s canon all I want but I’m not one of those “discards canon” people#canon still means something to me even if I pair up two guys who probably wouldn’t be healthy for each other#also yea despite writing fics it’s not the same as essays#I can make a story where it’s clear I analyze ryoma by putting him in different situations and forcing angst into him#but explaining what's in canon itself is so AAAAAAA#I have other stuff to do but this fucker always gets into my head
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