#harasser and that she felt like she was in an abusive relationship with me because I asked for her help with something

[starkidlabs]

At this point it feels like I’m not even back at square one. It’s more like I’m at the lowest point my life can possibly get.

[inkskinned]

you found out today that a phrase you have used before was coined by an abusive man. this felt like getting your teeth taken out. it made you sick and sad and tired, but not surprised.

bad people tell you to be careful when you talk badly of bad men, that it could "ruin" a life. you had your life ruined by a bad man, not that it ever matters to them. your real life having real consequences is not valued as highly as the potential of his future.

this has always been a frustrating little mathematics problem for you. you've missed school and had to call out sick at work and had panic attacks that lasted for weeks. it stole sleep and food and friends from you. you cried in public, fucked your relationships up. and the whole time: your present has never mattered so much as the great what if! of his future. like - one life (your life) is already ruined, should we really ruin two?

so you live with the consequences and he doesn't, and that's just like, something you need therapy for. you once discussed this with one of your friends over coffee. she chewed the wooden stirrer, looked off into the distance. "once i became a victim, everything that happens to me afterward is automatically less interesting in the eyes of the general public. it is always about him. he changed my identity. to survivor. to statistic. meanwhile this whole time - i am a person."

you learned in college that three out of five of your favorite artists and authors were actually abusive assholes. these days, you are no longer surprised. oh, is that what was happening behind closed doors? of course it was, he was a "genius," and she was just a girl. you are talking about him in art history, so obviously his career was absolutely ruined, for eternity. that's what happens, right? they strike your name from the record and refuse to remember you? nobody really knows her name, but hey. that's what you get for being close to celebrity.

you got into an argument about it, which was a bad argument, because it made you cry. he said what, you want us to just ignore all the things this man did because he made a few women uncomfortable? and you'd balled your fists up and choked on it. later, in bed, you agonized over the response you'd been trying to articulate but never found the right moment to deploy: you are ignoring what any person could do if they weren't being fucking abused. maybe her talents far exceeded his and she was just never allowed to fucking use them. maybe we only see genius in white men because they purposefully fucking squash and silence any other people with talent.

but you'd cried about it instead of saying that, because you are the cost. you are the talent and potential that he took. you used to be brave and smart and clever and unafraid. like a lich, he stole years of your life.

quiet on set made you sad and sick and tired, but not surprised. unfortunately, one of the things he said was true: an entire network of people allowed it to continue. this is not news to you, because you have seen entire networks of people make the same fucking excuses when the same thing or-worse happened to you. and your particular story isn't even in hollywood. it was just a guy. it was still difficult getting people to stand up for you.

you and your friend wait in line for your coffee. like a standup joke, one man turns to the other and says "can't wait for every bitch to come crawling out of the woodwork complaining about harassment. it's another metoo." and you think - oh, that's the network. your boss tucks her hair back and whispers that while your skirt is cute, you're giving the boys the wrong idea. that's the network. when you'd told your "friend" about what happened, she'd said oh you must have misunderstood, that would never happen. and that's the network.

you woke up this morning panting, because years later you still have panic attacks. oh, it's not a network, actually, it's a web. and you, little moth: are you still surprised you're caught in it?

[sykoangels]

tw porn link

mentioning of a age gap (everyone is 18+)

a bit dubcon

the age gap between you and Logan is quite large but it’s quite nice. the maturity is something you noticed when you started fucking around with him. When you would have sex with people around your age it was never good. There was always something that wasn’t pleasurable it could be people couldn’t find the clit or even not being able to finish at all and just picking up the pieces after. But with Logan, it was different a literal complete 180 compared to everybody else she’s been with. Logan knew Y/N wasn’t getting treated right sexually he could see it in her eyes and how she walked especially around him. He saw the longing in her eyes, the unspoken desire for something more, something that would push her beyond the boundaries of her mundane sexual experiences. Their first encounter was electric. Y/N felt a spark as their eyes locked, and a subtle smirk played on Logan's lips as he recognized the raw hunger within her. This was also helpful for Logan in many ways. He was essentially training her to keep up with him well also fulfilling something inside of him. He was never the date younger or at all for that matter, yeah he would fuck around and do stuff with people, but he was never really the type to commit. The only reason why he committed to you is because putting past everything sexual he needed you mentally and emotionally and a bit sexually. You were like a drug to him a breath of fresh air. With this newfound relationship, Logan discovered you had a thing for breeding. Usually, he would act very animalistic during sex, and it turned you on him growling biting being rough was a part of the appeal, but Logan was always smart when he would fuck you constantly using a condom, even though you said you were on the pill. In his mind, he wasn’t ready for kids. He didn’t even like kids and he would be damned if you got pregnant, but in the back of his head, he wouldn’t mind you being pregnant or getting you pregnant.

One day you were riding him after he came home from a meeting you could see how stressed he was lighting one of his expensive Cuban cigars and mouth-harassing it like he did your clit that morning before work. You couldn’t help with staring down into his brown as you bounce on his cock, feeling it, hit your cervix, practically abusing it. Logan looked up at you while breathy grunts left his lips. “Get off…if you keep doing that I’m going cum and I don’t have a condom,” he says breathlessly looking up at Y/N. He almost looked pitiful, but this was one of his softer moments compared to other times which Y/N enjoyed slightly. Y/N eyes roll back as her walls pulse around Logan’s cock signaling she was close as well “It feels so good. I just want you to fill me up like the dirty whore I am. ” Y/N moans as she grips Logan’s muscular arms tightly digging her nails deep into them. Logan growled in annoyance and pleasure before holding Y/N's waist guiding her body on his cock. “ You want me to cream pie in you I didn’t know you were such a slut. This is why you like old men filling you up with cum making you a potential mother. Huh, tell me, sweetheart.” Logan hissed as he placed his thumb on her pink puffy clit rubbing in its circles. It was almost like a flash of light while cumming all over Logan’s cock But with it feeling the warm and full feeling of Logan’s cum filling up her hole and leaking out of her like some overfilled Twinkie. Y/N slumps down onto Logan’s chest enjoying the orgasmic glow as cum pools out of her. “ You’re just a cum filled slut, aren’t you darling?” Logan said kissing her forehead and holding her close to him feeling the warmth between both of them.

[busket]

gravity falls rant, cw sexual assault and harassment

seeing the gf fandom do a full 180 on billford is so odd to see and kind of infuriating because I had so many nasty rumors and lies spread about me in 2015-2018 because I liked them as bitter exes. a callout google doc was made and I never read it, but I know it framed me as a creep and an abuser. all because I thought a cartoon nerd and a triangle had a fascinating dynamic that was dark and compelling

in 2017 or 2018 someone sent like 70 messages to my curiouscat just repeating RAPIST RAPIST RAPIST RAPIST over and over again. I'd never even had sex at that point, and I had just cut my dad out of my life for actually being a pedophile and a rapist. so that was traumatizing! that really hurt me!

I also know it was because I had a NSFW account where i drew porn (i was an adult, i was clear i only wanted adults following me. and I still do draw nsfw, I'm not ashamed of that now but these folks made me ashamed of it for years) that included some porn of trans men, like Stanley or Stanford as trans men (NEVER together bc I've always been staunchly against incest or pedophilia ships) and these people framed me as a transphobe and a transmasc fetishist

well obviously I'm a trans man now and I didn't know it at the time but those drawings were a way to explore my own relationship with gender. I even look like Stan and Ford now, obviously i latched on to them as trans men because I wanted to BE them. but I believed it when people called me a piece of shit, I assumed all trans people would despise me too and I'd committed a horrible sin and it forced me back in the closet for another 5 years.

the people doing this were teenagers at the time, a few I thought were my friends/mutuals, and they made that part of my life kinda miserable. I was already miserable with other shit going on in my life. I ignored most of the harassment to make myself uninteresting and to avoid the possibility of becoming a lolcow but it involved anonymous messages both on tumblr and curiouscat, I even got a few emails just mocking me. even in 2019 when some people were like "oh yeah she's moved on to moomin, this is what her art looks like now, I can't look at it without thinking about how much she loves rape :/" which was NEVER true!!! I liked Ford and Bill as bitter exes but it was always consensual in my mind.

Anyway I don't ever expect or even want an apology. I'm sure they don't realize what an effect that harassment had on me during literally the darkest years of my life. to them they were just teasing a weird girl on the internet for fun, or very seriously warning their friends against whom they'd been lied to about being an abuser, but I was a closeted trans man trying to finish college, my home life was abysmal and abusive, I hated myself, i hated my body, my only friends were online, and when I'd log on for some escapism I was met with another message like "hey, you should block this person. they're saying some really cruel things about you on their account. I know it's not true but it looks like some people are believing it."

gravity falls was so important to me as a show since oregon is my home and it felt so authentic to my own childhood being interested in cryptids and going camping and visiting shit like the Oregon vortex as a child. but the fandom was the worst I've ever been in. it ruined my enjoyment of media online for years. so idk. I guess I feel somewhat vindicated but it would also be nice to get those years back and not be harassed and bullied online about something so stupid and unimportant

[ssnowiejo]

I’m just venting here.

I first liked joe because he seemed normal, like genuinely average (which is not a bad thing) I think It was nice to see someone like him in the entertainment industry, not your typical pretty Hollywood boy and it was working no one can deny that, that’s what was appealing about him and I know many people found comfort on that and I don’t blame them.

The whole situation with DC did disappoint me but I wasn’t surprised, he’s a man after all and as I said before I took him out of the pedestal a long time ago.

But what it genuinely bothered me so much was the behaviour of the fandom, many people felt disappointed on him and expressed their opinions just to be harassed by others in the fandom, just because they want to defend a MAN.

Poc and black fans expressed their opinions,their concern and at least to me they expressed how they often feel left out of the conversation and what was the response…telling them that they’re making a big deal, you bullied a girl to deactivate and called her the N-word just because she was calling Joe out (and also DC). You called fans who question joe behaviour crazy and that have a parasocial relationship but it’s you who treat him like the f messiah, a 30 year old man that can do no wrong, he’s just uwu chocolate button eyes and everyone is mean to him, Joe CHOOSE to be with DC, real or pr, he wanted to be with her, it’s clear he wants the fame, the money I literally saw that when he choose to work with marvel so stop acting like he’s an innocent lamb.

With that being said, he can do whatever he wants that’s on him, I don’t pray on his downfall and I never will after all I had a great time while it lasted, I cracked some jokes, I had fun…but I’m not gonna be defending him he is responsible for his own actions and if he ruins his image, his career it’s on him.

To anyone who felt deeply affected by this whole situation, poc/black fans, victims of abuse, people who find comfort in being a fan, I just want to tell you that your feelings are valid and if you want to talk you’re very much welcome here. I hope you all find healing, I know sometimes being a fan brings happiness and comfort but It can also be mentally draining, so I hope this situation encourages you to take care of yourself, put yourself first not celebrities, take yourself on a date, go to a nice restaurant, spend your money on a face treatment or spa.

[anti-catradora-collection]

TRANSLATING AND GIVING MY HONEST OPINION ABOUT THIS TWITTER THREAD:

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ DO NOT GO AFTER AND DO NOT HARASS THE CREATOR OF THE THREAD I'LL BE COMMENTING HERE. thank you.

"it pisses me off when ppl say they love enemies to lovers and then say that catra//dora is toxic.

like, ENEMIES is not when one person steps on another's toes and gets angry towards them"

keep reading under the cut:

yeah, "enemies" certainly is not when one person steps on another's toes and gets angry towards them. even google knows that. enemies to lovers is completely different from rivals to lovers.

however, c//a aren't enemies either. they have never been.

they were simply abuser x victim. and that's mainly because adora never really felt any hate towards catra. she even tried to make catra join the rebellion multiple times.

additionally, adora knew how to defend herself, but wouldn't do more than she needs.

catra, on the other hand, would relish on BRUTALIZING adora. she even tried to end the whole universe out of spite to adora, willing to kill them both in the process.

and let's not forget: catra did all this with a smile in her face, proud of being able to manipulate and control adora.

they were never mutual enemies. adora mostly viewed catra as someone to fear. most of the time, she felt powerless when the matter was catra. to be honest, even when the matter wasn't her, it's shown that she felt that way. damn, she even had a panic attack because of catra.

and let's not forget how catra and adora's fights are always viewed as "flirtatious/sexy" and, surprisingly (or not), they are always with catra on top while adora is unable to fight back for any reason (be it for an emotional or physical reason, temporarily or not).

the only exception for what i said above is this scene, where i don't even believe adora is being flirtatious (for me, she's simply being smug) and where she's not even talking to catra in person.

of course, there's times where adora physically hurts (or tries to hurt) catra back, but it's solely to DEFEND HERSELF/OTHER PEOPLE. catra takes advantage of adora's kindness cuz she knows she won't be able to cause the same harm as catra does.

NEXT:

"enemies to lovers is ALWAYS toxic in the enemies part. a relationship where you are the other person's mortal enemy is not even possible.we ship catra//dora precisely because they get to the lovers part, and when they get to it, there is no more toxicity."

I'm so sorry to break it to you, but C//A has been toxic before, during and after they were in opposite sides of the war. here is an example of this. catra always made it seem like it's adora who's always abandoning her, but it was catra's CHOICE to stay in the horde.

C//A relationship occurred on an existing pattern: adora accidentally says something that makes catra mad -> catra hits/insults her -> catra runs away, expecting adora to chase after her and feeling like she's rejected if that doesn't happen. it even happened while they were KIDS.

and let's also not forget about catra gaslighting and slapping adora in that one episode while she was going through another panic attack. "catra didn't know something was going on!!!" she literally had "flashbacks" about things that did happen and adora was clearly not okay.

catra could've been a good friend like glimmer was for adora in the hot springs episode, listen to her, try to help and properly calm her down even if she didn't know what was happening, but catra didn't. she insisted on her own view that everything was perfect instead.

catra also makes it seem like adora is the abandoner multiple times in season 5. like girl you're the one who literally abandoned her even in S5 plsss-catra CHOSE to stay in the horde, adora tried to make catra come with her since forever. catra was the one running away.

she even framed adora as being the violent one in their relationship with this scene:

"how am i supposed to fight my own friends?"

"it never stopped you before."

it's almost like catra wasn't the one always trying to hurt and murder adora all the time... lol.

NEXT:

"apart from the abuse that catra (and adora) suffered throughout her childhood AND her fear of abandonment, the only reason catra treated adora the way she did was because she suppressed her feelings in such an absurd way that she was even violent."

uhhh.. no?

you're telling me catra tried to kill adora multiples times and destroy the universe because deep inside her heart catra LOVED adora?

this is honestly giving me "he hits you because he likes you!" vibes. i bet if catra was a man, you wouldn't be saying stuff like this.

plus, shall i say something that may sound a bit... harsh:

THIS. IS. NOT. ABOUT. CATRA.

of course catra is traumatized.

of course catra is also abused.

of course all these facts helped building up catra's character.

but nothing justifies the way she treated adora.

"but catra was abused, she was raised in a harsh way, she doesn't know any better!" what about we stop making adora's abuse about her abuser...? everyone kinda seems to forget how catra was also a w4r crim1nal lmao. of course catra deserved love. but not in the way she got.

catra also needed to be held accountable for her actions, which she didn't. "she was brainwashed by horde prime which made her suffer a lot!" okay, and? catra also brainwashed and put adora into a lot of pain and that fact was never once brought up again.

i mean, catra literally was a gen0c1dal w4r crim1nal. she killed lots of people (including glimmer's mother). again, she tried to end the universe. she destroyed villages. she attempted to kill adora multiple times. was she even questioned about it?

no. the princesses immediately take catra in with them as soon as adora says "she's with us now". there was not even a proper discussion about it.

NEXT:

"as soon as she gets sufficiently comfortable in being vulnerable and admitting what she feels to adora, there's no reason for her to be violent because there's nothing else to suppress. the acception of her "true self" breaks the cycle of abuse and that's WHY +"

not gonna comment on it cuz i already said how catra has been abusive during the entire series - even after she has been rescued. "she was going through a lot" and adora was too. It just wasn't fair for catra to treat adora that way simply becuz "adora doesn't want mee! :(".

like, girl, this isn't about you. you ASKED adora to save the world but then you get angry when she decides it's something she NEEDS to do and states that no one else can do that. like ???

NEXT:

"they turn into a couple.

double trouble themselves tell catra exactly what she has been doing during all seasons to hide and deny her own feelings for adora. because these feelings made her feel uncomfortable."

excuse me, double trouble was also wrong about that. starting by the way they said "left you" while turning into adora when we know it wasn't what happened, there's also the fact that their speech wasn't only about catra's "feelings" for adora.

it was also about catra feeling abandoned and rejected by EVERYONE she knew: shadow weaver, scorpia, hordak... or are we going to forget the fact all these people were also in the scene?

but even the show itself tries to make it seem like adora was the abandoner only for the "just this once, stay" quote to make sense. another reminder: spop's writing is very far away from being the best.

NEXT:

"I would NEVER ship catra//dora the way i do if they haven't got a redemption and if the "enemies" part hadn't come to an end. at most, I'd think they have chemistry and potential for making out, but their healthy relationship is only possible due to their happy ending."

i don't even know what to say- this person lost me at "I'd think they have chemistry and potential for making out". why the hell do you think catra abusing adora would be hot, SPECIALLY in a scenario where they keep being "enemies"???? 😭

also, yes, they got a "happy ending". but at what cost?

catra lied to adora and insulted her even during her confession;

catra never really changed, this series simply tried to make it seem like she did (and failed to do so)

adora is now in a supposedly "happy relationship" with her own abuser and sister, while both didn't at least got therapy BEFORE that.

catra didn't need a romance with her victim in order to be happy. she simply needed time to HEAL, just like adora. "but can't they heal as a couple?" no. it just doesn't work like that. you can't love someone else without fully loving yourself first.

NEXT:

"that being said, catra is open to therapy with perfuma, already sees bow and glimmer as besties, says sorry with ease, happily participates on princesses hugs, isn't afraid to show love and care for adora. and that's when a good relationship is born."

catra may be "trying" to be a better person in canon, but she's far from achieving that. you all say "someone needs time to heal before turning into a better person", but then look at catra, whose "redemption arc" was up for half of the last season and applauds it as "the best character development ever". it also doesn't work like that. it doesn't matter how many times catra saves the world if she keeps treating adora like dirt while doing that (guilt tripping, insulting and beating her up, for example).

basically, saying "I'm sorry for everything" once doesn't mean anything if catra, herself, doesn't truly change.

the last tweet of the thread finished with the following sentence:

"kisses and go to therapy"

all i can say is: thanks, op. you too.

[lionlena]

Unforgivable mistake (JoelMillerxreader) Part 6

Summary: Reader is much younger than Joel and is in love with  him. One night, after arguing with Tess and getting drunk, Joel spends  the night with a reader, but in the morning he breaks her heart…  She  runs away from Boston hoping that she will never meet this cold bastard  again in her life. But almost six years later, she unexpectedly sees  Joel in Jackson. She decides to hide herself and her little secret from  this asshole.

Warnings: age gap (reader is about 28 years, Joel 58),  strong language, swearing, past trauma, bullying, attempted rape, memories of sexual abuse, unprotect p in v,  dom!Joel, Joel is asshole, ANGST, hurt, sadness and heartbreaking, sexual harassment, women abuse, violence, injury, sickness.

Part 6

"Mommy, you should kiss Joel."

You nearly dropped the laundry you were hanging outside when you heard what your toddler said. You looked at your son in shock.

"Where did that idea come from, honey?"

Teddy sighed and said, "Because Joel is sad and you always give me a kiss when I'm sad and that helps."

"Oh" was all you could say.

Joel had actually been sadder for the past few days. He was even more reticent and didn't even react to Ellie's taunts. You didn't know if it was because of your talk about forgiveness or the fact that Maria and Tommy were expecting a baby. Well, You thought that was good news, but did Joel was jealous? He had Teddy, after all. He got a second chance.

"Mommy."

You heard your son's impatient voice and realized that "Oh" wasn't considered a sufficient answer. You knelt down next to him and said, "I'm afraid it doesn't work on adults as it does on children. I think Joel might feel weird if I kissed him."

Teddy frowned. "Then hug him... You hugging Aunt Claudia when she's sad."

"You hugging him, and that's better than my hug."

Your son made a sad face, and you felt like you let him down. In his childhood mind, sometimes everything was so simple and you envied him that.

"You know what helps me when I'm sad?" The little boy looked at you curiously. "When you give me drawings and flowers. Maybe after I finish work at the stables, we can go to the meadow so you can pick flowers for Joel?"

"Okay, but if that doesn't help, promise me you'll hug him."

You sighed heavily and nodded your head.

At the stables, you were still thinking about what Teddy said. Maybe you should talk to Joel? He didn't really have anyone in Jackson except Tommy, Ellie, and Teddy... And you. He still had a strained relationship with his brother, and the children were hardly suitable for serious conversations. So everything was on you. And your two relationship has improved. When you saw him, you didn't just think about how badly he hurt you, but how he changed for the better.

You stopped brushing Jupiter for a moment and looked back to see your son, who was throwing straw into an empty stall. In fact, he lost most of the straw along the way, but he looked so cute. He wanted to help you, like his dad.

You were so lost in thought that you didn't notice that you were approaching to place where another horse had bitten Jupiter. The wound still hurt him, and though he was a nice horse, he reacted to pain like any other animal. He whinnied loudly and jumped up sharply. You managed to dodge the kick, but you staggered and stumbled. You hit your head on the post that was between the horse's boxes. It got dark before your eyes and the last thing you remember was your son's frightened scream.

*

Teddy knew he had to call for help. He ran out of the stable and began to run as fast as his little legs would allow him. However, he passed several people and did not stop. Even when someone tried to stop him. In his mind, only one person could save you.

"Joel!" he shouted as he saw a familiar figure.

Joel was just walking with Ellie to the dining room when he heard his son scream. He immediately turned around and knelt down to catch the kid who practically ran into him. He immediately noticed that the little boy was terrified.

"Teddy, what happened?"

He gently grabbed his shoulders and started looking for any injuries, but the baby boy seemed to be fine. Teddy struggled to catch his breath, tears streaming down his face.

"Mama," he finally choked out.

Joel was immediately overwhelmed by a wave of terror.

"What about mom?" He asked.

The boy barely spoke. "Ho… Horse... Kick" he said between sobs.

Joel didn't need any more. He looked at Ellie, who seemed as scared as Teddy.

"Stay with him. I'm running to her."

The girl nodded and grabbed the boy's hand as Joel ran to the stables.

*

When you woke up you felt a terrible headache. Your ears were ringing and your vision was blurred, but only one thing mattered to you. Your son.

"Teddy," you croaked.

You got up with difficulty. You felt like a newborn foal that couldn't catch its balance. You slowly took a step by step, sticking to the wall. As you were about to leave, Joel suddenly ran up to you. He grabbed your sides and held you tight.

"Y/N, what happened?"

You heard the worry in his voice.

"Jupiter got angry... I jumped back, but I think I hit my head on something hard... Where's Teddy?"

Joel stroked your cheek, then ran his hand over the back of your head and was relieved to see that there was no blood on his fingers.

"Teddy is with Ellie. He's fine. He's just scared."

As soon as you heard that, you felt your strength leave you. You stayed on your feet only because fear for your son was your motivation. Joel immediately lifted you up and said, "Okay. You need medical attention."

"No" you moaned and rested your head against his chest. "Just not Anderson."

Joel sighed. "Then what am I supposed to do?"

"Take me home and call Wanda. She used to be a nurse."

"Okay," he whispered and brushed his lips against your forehead, and you just closed your eyes.

*

An hour later you were in bed and listening to Wanda's instructions. Teddy was cuddling up to your side. He had stopped crying but was still very scared. Ellie was sitting on the edge of the bed looking at you with worried eyes. Joel stood next to Wanda and carefully listened to her.

"It's definitely a concussion. She should not move. Let her sleep a lot, rest, and drink plenty of water. Someone should stay with her overnight. If she starts vomiting, she may choke."

"I'm not going to vomit," you muttered. You were slightly annoyed that the woman was talking like you weren't in the room.

Joel just gave you an indulgent look and replied, "I'll keep an eye on her.”

When Wanda left, he came closer to you and stroked his son's head.

"Hey, 'bear cub', mum will be fine. Why don't you and Ellie go to the meadow and collect flowers for mommy?"

Teddy looked at you with those puppy eyes he inherited from his father.

"Will this help you, mommy?"

You nodded your head and he immediately jumped off the bed and grabbed Ellie's hand pulling her towards the exit. Joel was still staring at you.

"What?" you asked.

He bit his lip and muttered, "I was worried about you, I'm still worried about you... I don't know what I would do if something happened to you..."

You were surprised by his confession. You might even hug him if it weren't for the constant dizziness.

"I'll be fine and you don't have to do all this for me."

Joel stepped closer, knelt by the bed, and grabbed your hand.

"I'll take care of you and Teddy. I'll do whatever it takes to make you feel better."

You smiled slightly and nodded your head.

In the evening you were really surprised how well Joel handled the baby. You thought your boy would be very cranky after a day like this... And he was, but Joel made it. After he put his son to bed, he came back to you and sat in the armchair to watch you all night.

It was weird and embarrassing for you at first. You thought you wouldn't be able to fall asleep next to him, but his presence began to soothe you and you fell asleep.

*

Joel stretched out in an armchair and tilted his head back. He yawned and closed his eyes. He thought that nothing would happen if he took a nap for a while. Your sleep seemed restful. Before he could fall asleep he heard the patter of small feet and after a while, he felt Teddy climb into his lap. He opened his eyes and smiled softly.

"Hi, 'bear cub'."

The baby boy glanced towards the bed: "Mummy still sleeping?"

Joel combed the boy's curls. "It's night. She should sleep. Just like you."

The little one shook his head and looked at him, and despite the dim light, Joel could see traces of tears on the baby's cheeks.

"You were crying, baby. What happened?"

He pulled the boy to his chest and hugged him tightly.

"Will mommy die?"

Joel replied immediately. "No, 'bear cub'. Of course not. She'll be fine. That's why I'm here to make sure everything is okay."

Teddy nodded and murmured, "Tell me a story."

Joel frowned. "We have to go get the book."

"No," the little one moaned. "Your story."

"Oh. All right." He thought for a moment. "I'll tell you about the Boston Angel."

"That angel was pretty?"

Joel smiled and nodded. "It was basically she, and she was the most beautiful angel I've ever seen. She was also sweet and kind. Even though Boston wasn't a pretty place, she was always able to find something beautiful and show it to the children. She bent down to tie a little girl's shoes and gave food to the homeless dog, and she always smiled."

"And did she bake cookies like Mommy?"

"Yes. She was the perfect Angel, but she met the bad man." Joel sighed heavily. He didn't know why he made up this story about you two. He felt the little boy tugging at his shirt.

"And what did the bad man do?"

"He broke the angel's wings and made the angel sad."

"But why did he do it?"

"Because he forgot how to love and only remembered that losing someone you love hurts a lot. So instead of loving an angel, he preferred to hurt her." He stroked Teddy's curls. "But the angel managed to escape Boston, and then her wings grew back and became even more beautiful and stronger. So strong that they could carry her wherever she wanted."

Teddy yawned and asked, "And the bad man? Has he changed?"

Joel didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected such a question. He swallowed and replied, "He's tried hard to change and... I hope one day he'll be good and the Angel will see it."

You felt tears running down your cheeks. You woke up as soon as you heard your son's voice, but you were still tired and did not react. You knew Joel would take care of the boy. So you heard the whole story about Angel and you couldn't believe it. Joel thought you were asleep, so he didn't say all that just to win your favor.

There was silence and you guessed that Teddy had fallen asleep. You went back to sleep too.

*

Joel slowly got to his feet, holding gently the sleeping boy, but something was bothering him. The baby's body was too warm. He kissed the boy's forehead and wondered if you had a thermometer somewhere in the house. He gently placed the baby on the bed and carefully covered him with a blanket. He didn't even get out of the room before he heard a plaintive whine, "Joo."

He quickly returned to the baby and began to calm him down. "Shhh, I'll be right back."

The little one stretched out his arms towards him with another pitiful moan and began to cry. Joel sighed and took the boy in his arms, wrapping him in a blanket.

"It's okay 'bear cub'. Do you know where mom keeps the thermometer and medicine?"

The little one sobbed and pressed his face against dads shoulder, muttering, "Not sick."

Joel rolled his eyes. He realized that he had to fend for himself. And so he held the baby with one hand and searched the kitchen cupboards with the other. He found a thermometer, bandages, a hot water bottle, and medicines that he knew were not for children. He took the boy back to the room and took his temperature. He had a fever.

"Teddy, does your tummy hurt?"

"No," the boy moaned.

"And here?" he asked and touched the boy's chest.

"Only the head."

Joel frowned. He stroked the boy's back and said, "Stay here a minute. I'll check on mommy."

"NO!"

Teddy started crying and Joel panicked. He didn't want you to wake up. He quickly lifted his son and began to gently rock him in his arms and place kisses on his wet, hot cheeks.

"Shhh, shhh, 'bear cub', it's okay. We'll go to mom together, but you have to promise me you'll be quiet. Okay?"

The little one whined and nodded his head. Joel breathed a sigh of relief, though he knew he had a rough night ahead of him.

He carefully looked at you and was relieved to see that you were still asleep. By this time, the boy had already fallen asleep and Joel was able to put him to bed.

And so for the next hour, Joel wandered between your room and Teddy's room. Unfortunately, the boy woke up again and started crying.

"I want water," he sobbed.

"I'll bring you."

"Do not go!"

Joel sighed heavily and took the boy in his arms. The boy immediately clung to his body tightly. "We will go together."

Unfortunately, the boy was very moody. When he saw the blue cup of water, he wailed loudly and Joel started to panic. He didn't know what had happened and tried to calm him down.

"It's okay... Shhh, tell me what happened? Teddy, baby, 'bear cub'..."

And as if he didn't have enough problems, You walked into the kitchen. You heard your son cry and your maternal instinct was stronger than your dizziness. You staggered into the doorway and grabbed the doorframe with difficulty.

"Y/N" Joel gasped and immediately started walking towards you.

He wrapped his free arm tightly around your waist while the other still held Teddy, who was crying in his ear. Joel led you to a chair and carefully sat you down. He started rocking your son and you looked at the blue mug on the table and said, "He doesn't like that color. You have to give him a red one."

Joel breathed a sigh of relief and quickly grabbed the red cup. Teddy finally calmed down, drank some water, and fell asleep in dad's arms, but his behavior made you uneasy. You knew that such trivial things as the color of the mug only made him cry when he was ill.

"Joel, does he have a fever?"

The man reluctantly nodded. He didn't want to worry you, but he couldn't lie to you.

"He has a fever and a headache, but otherwise he's fine. He doesn't cough, he doesn't have a runny nose. I've been looking for some medicine for him, but I haven't found anything."

You sighed heavily. "They're over. I was going to go to Anderson's, but... You know."

"I know. If he's not better by morning, I'll go with him to that asshole."

You looked at him scared. "No... I can't do it."

He came closer to you. "Hey, I said I'll go. You will stay. Everything will be fine. I'll take care of everything and now I'll put the little one to bed and come back for you."

"Put him in my bed. I want him close and try to put cold compresses on him to bring down the fever."

Joel nodded and did as you said. He put Teddy in your bed and then came back for you. He wrapped his arms around you to take all your weight. Once you were in bed, he returned to the kitchen and fetched a bowl of cold water and a small kitchen towel. You watched as he knelt by the bed and gently touched Teddy's forehead.

"You have to change the water in a while."

"I know," he said and smiled slightly at you. "Don't worry. I'll be here all the time."

You sighed and closed your eyes. You carefully cuddled up to your little one and hoped that the baby boy would recover by the morning.

Unfortunately, Teddy still had a fever in the morning, like you, he didn't like the idea of visiting Anderson. He cuddled up to you and looked at Joel like he were a traitor. The man reached out to him, but the toddler consistently ignored him.

"Come on, 'bear cub', everything will be fine."

Ellie, who had already come to you, also tried to help. "Teddy, the doctor will just examine you. I and Joel will be with you."

You knew you had to intervene. You gently pushed him away from you and kissed his nose. "Honey, you know Joel will always protect you. Go with them. Mommy needs to stay in bed."

The little boy finally nodded and let Joel take him in his arms.

"Bunny" he sadly whined.

Joel kissed him on the head. "We're going to get your bunny."

After they left, you looked at the teenage girl. "Ellie, make sure he doesn't do something stupid. And I'm not talking about Teddy.”

The girl shrugged. "Okay, but I'm not promising anything."

You fell back on the pillows and closed your eyes. Your head was still spinning and you knew you had to rely on Joel.

*

The atmosphere in Anderson's office was so thick that could have cut it with a knife. The two men stared at each other with pure hatred. Eventually, Ellie intervened. She grunted loudly and muttered, "I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend all day here."

The doctor snorted. "Put him on the table. I'll listen to his lungs."

Teddy immediately moaned plaintively as he was separated from his dad's body. Joel looked at him sympathetically. He kissed his forehead and whispered, "It will only take a moment."

Teddy hugged the stuffed bunny tightly to him. Anderson looked at the little boy irritably and hissed, "Should I examine him or the stuffed animal?"

Joel clenched his jaw. He felt his head start to ache. He'd had a really rough night and was losing his patience with this prick. He carefully took the toy out of his son's hands and tenderly said, "Ellie will take care of your bunny for a while."

Tears welled up in Teddy's eyes, but he nodded and watched as Ellie gently hugged his toy. Meanwhile, Anderson, without any warning, pulled the boy's T-shirt up and held the cold stethoscope to the child's body. Teddy squeaked and jumped. Only Joel's quick reaction saved him from falling off the table.

"What are you doing?" he growled.

Anderson shrugged. "It's not my fault he's as weak as his mother."

And that was enough. Joel handed the boy into Ellie's arms and gently pushed her towards the door. "Wait with him in the corridor."

Ellie nodded her head. She herself was furious with this asshole.

As she disappeared through the door, Anderson hissed, "What, are you going to break my nose again?"

Joel smiled in a way that made Anderson uneasy and he took a step back. Joel pulled a knife from his belt and lunged for the doctor. He pushed him into the chair and with one hand squeezed his throat so that the man couldn't scream.

"No, I'll do something much worse to you," he growled from the back of his throat. "Now listen to me carefully. You will treat my son as your most valuable patient."

Anderson's eyes widened in shock. "Teddy, this is your..."

Joel laughed. "Yeah, and you'd better think it over." He slid the knife into the doctor's crotch. "You have body parts that are not needed. Without them, you'll still be useful."

Anderson swallowed and nodded. "I will be gentle..." he squeaked.

Joel nodded. "All right."

He opened the door and took the boy in his arms. He smiled and kissed him on the head. "Come 'bear cub', Mr. Anderson will be very nice now and apologize to you for hurting you."

He looked at the doctor suggestively, and the man nodded. "I'm sorry Teddy." He started heating the stethoscope and said, "He can stay in your arms while I examine him."

The rest of the examination went smoothly and Anderson was kind and gentle. When he had finished, he said, "Everything seems fine. Did something stress him out?"

Joel frowned. He wasn't sure if Anderson didn't know about your accident or if he was pretending. "Yes. He had a lot of stress yesterday."

The doctor nodded. "This fever, it could be a stress reaction or a mild cold. I'll give you pills, for him. Give him half now, half tonight, and half tomorrow morning. The fever should go down."

*

When they got home, Joel told you how the doctor's visit went. Of course, he skipped the part about the knife threat but you guessed something had happened when your son said, "Mr. Anderson was a bit rude, but then Ellie and I left and when we came back, he was already nice."

You looked suggestively at Joel, and he tried to avoid your gaze at all costs. Then you shot a disappointed look at Ellie. "You were supposed to keep an eye on him."

Ellie shrugged. "This as..." Joel grunted significantly. "This fool, he deserved it."

You shook your head and hugged your son as he began to fall asleep. You didn't really care what Joel did. All that mattered was that he got Teddy's medicine.

*

After three days, you finally felt fine. You weren't dizzy anymore and you didn't lose your balance. Your son's fever has also stopped. It was evening when you got up and decided to eat something. There was an unusual silence in the house. It was still early, but Teddy was already asleep, tired from the impressions of the last few days. But where was Joel? He took care of you all the time and you were impressed with how well he handled everything.

You walked into the living room and saw him sleeping on your couch. He looked so peaceful and you didn't have the heart to be mad at him for falling asleep in your house. You guessed he was dead tired after two nights of watching over you and Teddy. Plus, you knew your sweet little son turned into a little monster when he was sick. One minute he wanted juice, the next he was spitting it out and crying that he didn't want juice. And maybe he got it from you. Well, maybe, just maybe, you had Joel bring you a glass of cold water, and after five minutes you decided it was too cold and asked him for hot tea. And he, without whining, without a grimace on his face, obediently went to the kitchen. So yes, he had a right to be tired. You grabbed a blanket from the armchair and gently covered him. Then you crouched down at his face and felt that old sentiment. Joel's hair always looked as soft and fluffy, as your son's. Made to be combed with your fingers. And before you could stop yourself, your fingers had already sunk into his gray curls.

Joel blinked his eyes and you quickly pulled your hand away. He looked at you and started to move, but he was very clumsy.

"Sorry... I'll be up in a minute," he mumbled.

You shook your head, put your hand on his shoulder, and said, "You deserve to rest, sleep."

You saw how tired he was and that he was still half asleep, so when he spoke you weren't sure if he was aware of it.

"I wish I could have looked after you while you were pregnant."

You sighed heavily and understood. That's why he was sad. He wasn't jealous at all that Maria was pregnant. He was sorry because it reminded him of what he had lost and made him feel guilty.

"You're taking care of us now. That's enough," you whispered.

You ran your hand through his hair again and he closed his eyes and purred like a cat. A slight smile appeared on his face, and you thought maybe your son was right. Your touch really made Joel stop being sad.

A/N: Okay, so yeah, I messed up the timelines about Maria's pregnancy. I just forgot to mention it before, and it suited me perfectly here. Doctor Google told me that children can have fevers because of stress.

Part V

Part VII

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[am-i-the-asshole-official]

(😶 so I can find this later)

AITA for telling someone to move on past rude comments? This happened a while ago but I'm curious about Tumblr's thoughts. TW: SA

I (29M) was part of a gaming group online and got along fairly well at first but I was getting frustrated with Sara (early 20sF) as she was very negative about basically everything. I stayed with the group because my then boyfriend John (mid20sM) played with them and we had been friends. There were three other people in our group, Mike (late20sM), Anne (early 20sF), and Luke (early 20sFtM).

We had invited a new person to our group and he had gotten along well with us but made some inappropriate comments to Anne (his comments were "I can see your character's nipple lol" when Anne posted art of her character and, when Anne said she "was ready to rumble" for an in game event he replied "I'll rumble you.") Anne said she did not like these comments and we asked her what she wanted done. She said not to remove him from the group but tell him to stop so the new guy was told to stop. He apologized, said he never meant to make Anne uncomfortable, and immediately stopped the behaviour.

Sara and Mike frequently complained in a private discord channel about the new guy and called him a predator. Any time new guy interacted with a female identifying person they talked about how he needs to be watched since he was likely to harass that woman too.

I told John I was frustrated as Sara had run off several potential new friends to the group already, people who had done nothing inappropriate but she just felt were cringe. I told John what I wanted to say to Sara and he said I could say those things. I ended up pointing out that new guy apologized and stopped the behaviour so what else can we ask of him? If his actions are too far then why are we keeping him around? It looked like Sara was trying to run him off and we should either get rid of him or drop it because we had resolved it as a group. Sara said she was very good friends with Anne and that Anne was crying everyday due to the triggering effect this man had on her. I said that we could remove him if Anne wanted it but she needed to ask it or else it was Sara's decision and not Anne's. We ended up having a massive blowout fight and Sara said I was a sexual abuse enabler among other insults.

I would later find out that Luke, Sara, and Anne were all SA survivors (I did not know this at all before) because John told me I need to learn to talk about rape and tore into me for saying the things he said I could say. John would also learn that neither Anne nor Luke felt particularly triggered by new guy and neither were crying like Sara had said.

My offline friends, some of which disclosed they were SA survivors to me, all think Sara was trying to be overprotective of her friends and that nothing I said was really out of line but I'm curious about Tumblr's take. I'm no longer part of that friend group or relationship (the relationship had multiple reasons it ended).

So, was I the asshole for asking Sara to stop complaining about the new guy?

What are these acronyms?

[nimbusalba]

Neil Gaiman, my thoughts and my love for good omens

I already said something about all this deal with Neil Gaiman yesterday in another blog. But I still have Things To Say, so here it comes (with links to all the info):

Here is the article (thank you @procrastiel)

Here is a link to the podcasts for free (thank you @queermarzipan)

Here is the Xitter post with the accusations podcast thingy (thank you @embracing-the-ineffable)

Here is the transcript of the first podcast episode.

The Main Thing I Have To Say:

We need to separate the author from his work (and with this I’m not speaking only about Neil Gaiman). While we might not agree with some things about the author's life or thoughts, that doesn't mean we can not keep enjoying their work, as long as that work is not morally unacceptable, obviously. Let’s take the example of one of my favorite tv shows of all time (other than good omens): Buffy The Vampire Slayer (and with this I’m showing my age here, ahem). Buffy is a magnificent show, a wonderful exponent of feminism (strong female protagonist and secondary characters), diversity (one of the main characters is a lesbian), critical thinking, death, love, inner strength, battling your own demons… As we all know, accusations of harassment against Joss Wheddon appeared in 2020 and a lot of his work was left behind. I agree that knowing that the creator of something you love is an abuser breaks your heart. But that doesn’t mean that you have to stop loving that show, that it stops being a great work of art or that you should feel bad for still liking it. Buffy the vampire slayer is still one of my favorite shows and I still rewatch it from time to time (not on loop as I do with good omens, but that’s another problem). And why? Simply because in that show a lot of very talented people worked very hard to make it great, not just Joss Wheddon. And I appreciate it even more now knowing that the actresses and actors (and rest of the crew)  in the series didn’t have as good a time filming it as they should have. 

My take on this story:

I’ve already said that my first impulse is always to side with the victims in these cases, because they rarely lie and the accusations tend to be proven true in the end. In this particular case, for the time being, I’m waiting for developments, as the information that has transpired is fishy, to say the least. I’m not defending Neil Gaiman either, mind you. Maybe tomorrow we will find another 20 people accusing him of abuse. I don’t know him nor pretend to know what he’s done in his life. For the time being, as I said yesterday, this looks to me like consensual sex between consenting adults. That shouldn’t be news to anyone, even if the practices in themselves are not your kind of kink. It’s not on to have sex with someone who is working for you, of course, but still in this particular case that’s not exactly what’s happened. The woman in question (Scarlett) was a friend of the family, not strictly a worker. They already had a friendship relationship before turning it into a sexual relationship and a working relationship on top of that. With this I’m only trying to say that it doesn’t look like she felt forced to have sex with him in order to keep her job and she has said that the sex was consensual. The other victim has also said that even if she didn’t particularly enjoy the sex it was also consensual. 

It looks like both victims were pretty young when the relationships took place. It's true that younger people can have problems when it comes to place boundaries, and an older or more experienced partner could take advantage of that. It is also true that later in life, when that person is more experienced or has had time to think about things, they can think about what they did and feel uncomfortable with it, even though it didn’t feel wrong in the heat of the moment and they said nothing then. But, as far as I know, that's not sexual assault.

This looks to me as something that’s been designed to hurt Neil Gaiman’s public image. Maybe he’ll come out of it without any criminal charges, as he has already offered his help to the New Zealand police and they have refused to interrogate him for the time being, apparently because of lack of proof yet. But his public image has been tainted, not only because of the accusations, but because anyone who has their sexual life exposed and discussed publicly suffers a great deal of humiliation, even more so if their sexual practices are not exactly mainstream. With this I’m not implying that BDSM or any other kink is wrong, as long as it is being played by consenting adults. No judgment here, everyone has their own kink, and I don’t care as long as they don’t harm anyone (or if they want to be lightly harmed).

Keep also in mind that one is innocent until proven guilty and in this case there is not a lot of proof yet and the place the news is coming from is suspicious, to say the least. Wait for developments (and see).

Conclusion

So keep loving good omens, I know I still do, keep enjoying it, writing fanfic, drawing amazing art, writing metas and discussing about it. Because this show is still a brilliant show, in which a lot of very talented people worked very hard to make it the wonderful work of art that it still is and we shouldn’t dismiss all that work because someone wants to hurt one of the authors. 

(Edited because of wording)

[fudanshidoublevision]

“Nostalgia”.

(A Double Vision x Reader fanfiction for Children's Day.)

⚠️ C. W: Mentions of unhealthy and abusive relationships, abusive households, neglect, implied (but not toooooooo described) bullying and harassment, depressive thoughts, LOTS of reminiscing and reflection, death, dubious living conditions. It's implied Reader has only a PRESENT mother and a family. With who Reader ended up with is left ambiguous on purpose and up to you but I'm letting you have the “sweet good ending” with whoever you end up with. Swearing but not too heavy. Talks about suicide. Emotional dependency and such. If Reader posses an ability isn't discussed or even implied.

It's odd how so much can change in what seems...nothing, out of nowhere. The fact that so many time has passed is scary. Some things in our lives had changed, evolved, stayed the same or just died.

I never thought that I would become an adult, I never had so much expectations in life, honestly.

I never thought I would make this far.

Even if I was only rotting in one place and doing nothing, something my mother said that it couldn't be even considered “living”. I was just trying not to do something I could regret forever instead of digging up too much in my thoughts, I just laid there not thinking or even feeling anything.

I think she never realized that I wasn't living, that we weren't living rather that i— we, were surviving.

But for some reason you always stayed.

Even when I stopped acting like myself. Even when everyone I used to care for just, disappeared from my life because I wasn't putting an effort into taking care of our relationship. Even when I became the worst version of myself. Even when I didn't deserved anything or anyone in my life.

You always stayed, Vernon.

You were my ride or die since the fateful day that I saved you.

Well, I didn't do much really, I didn't really saved you, I just prevented something that any other living being with morals would want to avoid to happen, right? I was going through your same situation after all... Hah, we both had to endure all of that until we finished school together. I know so well how it feels to be hopeless, everyone ignoring what they are doing to you, everyone watching, yet no one doing something about it.

I always thought that you would never had ever wished or even desired to make others feel like that. But, for some reason, you ended up being just like them.

I believe that I'll never understand why you changed so much or if you were always like that, I was aware of your strange behavior and dependency on me but I never thought much of it because that's how you always behaved around me. Heh, I ignored every single red flag and warning that was thrown in my face just for the sake to hold onto you, because you were someone dear to me, someone that always had been there for me.

You were the highlight of my childhood and my teenage years, even if we kinda drifted away in the latest. You were even there when I was the grown, sad and miserable version of the kid you used to know.

Is it bad that i still hold dearly and warmly those moments we had as kids? Like the days were everything in my household...just was horrible and I didn't know where or to who run to, somehow I always ended up in your house, you always opened the door to me, no matter what or why.

Your own home seemed so cold from the outside and on the inside but...when we were together, everything just felt warmer.

...Or the times were you used your abilities to save our asses or just to escape to somewhere, anywhere, when I was locked down in my own room and you were so lonely and bored in your cold and empty house.

Go to anywhere we wanted, as long as no one of our parents got to know that we were running around the streets like not-so-sneaky rats. Hell, even your very-dangerous use of your ability saved us from being late to class. We could have done better things with it but we were young and really, really stupid.

When I used to ride my bicycle, you had to steal my seat and I had uncomfortably sit on the center bar but quickly forgot about that because anything with you just felt right, your presence used to make me so happy and I tended to forget everything, we used to have so much fun with such mundane and stupid things. When we used to drive that crappy bicycle to a concerning speed just to feel like we were flying like those heroes we used to adore and we used to imagine we were.

The times me and my family celebrated your birthday because you were like another member in my family. You were like a brother to me.

Or the times you bought me any silly or meaningless thing that I wanted to me for my birthday because you knew how much that day it used to meant to me. And how much you it meant to me your presence...and your gifts, hehe.

Nostalgia is a powerful drug.

In times like these, i look fondly at the times that you were there by and with me, even when I was talked down, thrown, dragged and abused to my core when we were “living the best and important part of our lives”.

Even if you were being neglected by the ones who were supposed to be protecting us and left alone by your own devices, money being thrown at you like that could compensate the hole they left behind.

We could only hold each other in silence because talking about it brought so much pain to our little hearts and heads.

I'm glad the two of us made it out, together. I will always be grateful of that but nothing good seemed to last in our lives since we started to became more mature.

You changed or more like, you just became the true version of yourself.

Maybe it's an exaggeration but whoever was talking to me with your voice, while using your clothes, saying things only you could only ever knew... That wasn't you, i refused to believe that was you.

Someone else stripped you down from your humanity. Of what made you, you.

But, no. That was you, with the same stupid face, the same idiotic and cocky attitude of always, your signature dimples and that mole in your face but you insisted, no, forced me to call you “Double Vision”.

For some reason, that silly and simple nickname i used to call you by stopped to came out of my mouth.

“V”.

Vernon.

Now, you were only Double Vision and nothing else, the person I used to know, gone and forgotten to do things I never thought you could be capable of doing. Not like I was innocent or had a squeaky clean historial, we were partners in crime, after all.

I was scared and just wanted to, stop. You were more erratic, territorial, temperamental when it was about me. You didn't wanted me to engage with anyone, even if it seemed that you trusted the other members of the Night Crew.

You didn't, you never did.

When we argued in front of everyone because you wouldn't let me go, that day someone died, because of me, because of my fault.

Seeing you taking the life out of someone that just wanted to be on my side, for you to let me go and being unable of doing something because I...just didn't know what to do, I was scared.

I had to force myself to accept the so-harsh truth.

The person I used to know.

You.

Was long gone and he will never come back.

Or just the the version I used to know, I'm not sure if you were genuine with anything about yourself with me, since we were kids.

Was it everything a lie? Were you just holding back until the day I was completely alone and with no one or nothing but you to drag me down with you, no matter what or who tried to get in between?

Even if you did all of this out of the selfish desire of having me all by yourself, some part of me can't quite forget you or stop thinking about you.

Since the day I could escape from you and stay with someone who felt...love for me, I began to forget little by little of you but for some reason, a part of my me doesn't want to forget you.

It hurts me deeply, to think of you. I feel a heavy pressure in my chest and my heart, when I remember you. That you exist and that you used to mean so much to me.

Things could have gone better, right? Is it wrong for me to think that things could have been different, if something, anything, was slightly different when you weren't trying to cut an arm, a finger or take one of my eyes just to have me by your side?

I wish I could only save and stay with the happy memories we made together but the person in those memories doesn't look like you at all, that's not you.

I miss you my dear bestfriend, sometimes.

But I wish we never had met each other.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・。.・゜

AUTHOR'S NOTE???

WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO PUT AN AUTHOR'S NOTE......? Doesn't matter, right?

Thank you so much for reading! And happy children's day! Even if you don't celebrate it today or don't, at all. I hope you enjoyed it! Any type of criticism is welcome...but, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, don't be so hard on me, okay? Be gentle, please.（┬┬＿┬┬)

English isn't my native language and I mostly write only for myself all these years and never shared my writing but I'm trying to learn and get better everyday! Don't think so lowly of me. ᶘಠᴥಠᶅ

I kind of wanted to write something fifty percent wholesome and fifty percent angsty. So, I just had this monster in my head nagging me to write something about childhood, memories and the horror of growing up. And, woah! What a day to post this. Plus, ABOUT DOUBLE???? SIGN ME UP, BELOVED MONSTER IN MY HEAD!

I used my own headcanons to write this thing, that's why Reader calls “V”, referenced to my first post ever. I double (HEHE), triple, quadruple checked if this had any mistakes, so wake me up if there's a mistake I missed, thank you very much.

I have 13 drafts about Double that will stay in that cold and deadly place.....

Anyways, I stayed up all night writing this because of that horrifying monster... I NEED to go to sleep.

Double haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa????? I love you!!!!! ♡ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ

[gor3sigil]

Detransition - My Story

[CW for Domestic Abuse, S*xual Abuse, Social Detransition, Misgendering, Alcoholism]

Recently, I watched “I Saw the TV Glow”, and it blew me away.

The ending really made me want to tell a story that happened to me.

Between the end of 2020 until the end of 2021, I detransitionned, mostly socially as I hadn’t started transitionning medically at the time. I did so because of many factors, and I never really wrote about it in details or reflected on it deeply as it was a very hard time for me. But I think that I now have enough hindsight as to why it happened and how it affected me to be comfortable sharing.

So, 2020 was a crazy year for everyone. I was in a T4T poly relationship, living with my partner of almost 5 years and started to go out with another trans dude. Long story short, because this isn’t about this, but I got into a physical altercation with my living partner during quarantine after years of emotional and verbal abuse, financial manipulation and isolation. I had to flee and live with my boyfriend for almost 8 months after leaving. And it was hell on earth.

I tried to not make a big deal out of what happened, but the fact of the matter was I had no place to call home, I was separated from my cat because she couldn’t live with us as my boyfriend’s place was a one room student flat and we struggled to live both of us here, and I had very little money due to not being able to work because of Covid.

What happened next to me leaving was constant harassment for weeks, the people whom I called friends siding with my abusive ex, and I felt so defeated. I couldn’t go back to my local trans community out of fear, and the community that I still had I struggled to trust again. I was supposed to start HRT before Covid hit, but it was cancelled. I got so much shit for just telling my story because so many people treated it as “slander” to accuse a trans woman of abusing me. I had receipts but never showed them, to protect her and myself. While she hurt me, she still was in a vulnerable position and it was out of the question to put her in danger. Let’s just say that I didn’t receive the same treatment in return and got lied about, harassed and bullied by people who thought she could do no wrong.

I started to totally lose trust in the community I used to feel safe in. And one day, I met a cis man. I talked to him, we got a coffee, he invited me to his place later, he got drunk and SAd me.

Two weeks passed, two excruciating weeks during which I felt so far away from everything and everyone, I coped by smoking a lot, I was in a deep dissociative state. I was disgusted, I felt so betrayed, I felt like I had no safe space. I still can’t explain why I did what I did, but after these two weeks, I still had the hoodie he handed me to go home, and I decided to meet him to give it back and talk.

He gaslighted me, using the fact that I was mentally ill to prove that I must have imagined what happened, and I believed him.

Meanwhile, I started getting nasty comments from my boyfriend and his friends for going out with a cis man.

Let me say that again.

My boyfriend was not upset that I was putting myself in danger, that I was starting a relationship with someone who had abused me, that I was in deep distress and not trusting anyone from my community anymore so I basically ran the other way, in the polar opposite way, with someone who treated me like a woman and called my desire for top surgery “mutilation”. What he was the most upset about was that I was going out with a cis man.

I became a running joke.

And when I told him that I had slept with my new boyfriend, he told me that I had “slept with the enemy”.

We had a two weeks break, after which I broke up with him for good. I had my own flat, and I was so fucking traumatized about what had happened with my ex and the vitriol I received for my new relationship that I decided it was enough. I was trying so hard to fit in my local trans community, that barely supported me when I got abused, and now what was left of it shat on me for going out with a cis man, it was the last straw.

For a year, I was having the most isolated relationship I ever had.

J, my new boyfriend, was my world. He told me that I thought I was trans out of fear. That it was a lie. That I just was scared of being abused again so I decided that to become a man was to be safe, but it was not. That all I felt was internalized misogyny I could work on, find my inner feminine self again and be happy as a woman. And I believed him. Oh, how I trusted him. I was not even in my mid twenties yet and he was in his early thirties, he must know better. I started using my deadname and feminine pronouns again. I bought dresses, skirts, even wore make up on occasions.

For a year, I killed myself. Slowly but surely. I was a full blown alcoholic, the relationship was becoming more and more abusive and isolating, I spent most of my time with him, most of the time we were drunk, most of the time things weren’t consensual, and it became my new normal.

I was retraumatizing myself. Relieving things I lived in the past because I felt so betrayed.

I had no friends left, the only one I still had didn’t hear about me until the end of my relationship with J. One time I saw her in the street, I was drunk, and J corrected her when she called me “he”. Said it was “she” now. And I said nothing.

We were in a poly relationship, and after the one year mark, after a few traumatizing hookups with random dudes on Tinder, I found my current partner. And when I started to get treated like I deserved to be, I started to snap back. I started fighting back when J acted out, I started seeing the dark place I was in.

Two things made me realize how bad I had been lying to myself.

The first one was a TikTok trend, the one with the song “My Little Dark Age”. The first time I saw a trans man doing this trend with photos of him being himself, then going back to the closet, and in present times, out. “Just know that if you hide, it doesn’t go away”. I sobbed uncontrollably for hours after seeing it.

The second one was one time, drunk, with my partner, I was telling them about the “time where I was trans”. And I was telling them about binders, and offered to show them how it was when I was wearing it. I had thrown away everything I had related to being trans in a cardboard box. I took it out and put it on. Looked at myself in the mirror. And burst out in tears. My partner hold me while I said in between sobs: “how could I do this to myself ?”, “it feels so right, why does it feels so right ? I though I’d be happy as a woman !”. And I cried and cried and cried.

Two weeks later I changed my name again. 2 months after, I broke up with J.

I wanted to tell this story as a cautionnary one. I know that I failed myself. But I can’t help but think that I was also failed in a way. By my community, by the spaces I was in both online and IRL. I am not blaming the individuals. This isn’t about “detransition”. This is about care.

This is a reminder to care. To be kind.

I don’t regret what happened. It’s part of me now. But sometimes I can’t help but wonder how things would’ve turned out if, instead of making fun of me for going out with a cis man, my then friends would’ve asked me kindly why I decided to go out with him. What changed in my mind between the night he SAd me and now. Or just offered a shoulder to cry on. What would’ve happened if I had been offered support for the trauma I was going through, if I hadn’t been told that in the end, J had won, he “have gotten what he wanted”.

“Why is it always so easy for cis men, to get what they want ?”

And in these statements, I became an object. A “want”. And I think that’s one of the main reason I lost every ounce of trust I had left in people who swore they were on my side and had my back.

You may not understand why people make some decisions. But please, before any politics get involved, remember than whose around you are people. Human. With complicated and sometimes conflicting feelings. Flawed. And worthy of your understanding.

This is about not letting politics and theories make you forget to care for one another, to protect each other, and to be here. It can change everything.

[jqmalikhsgib]

planets aligned

note: this is for my plus size readers! as a plus size woman myself, we deserve more representation!!!

one

you groaned as your alarm goes off. you reach over to slam your hand against the machine, but you couldn’t find the button. you frowned with your eyes closed until you felt someone turning in the bed.

you turned slowly to find your ex boyfriend cuddled up to you. you remember the events of last night. both of you had got really drunk, talking and laughing about the past. you remember the paparazzi yelling at you when you left the club that night, holding hands with trey.

you groaned once more before getting up and finding your clothes scattered all over the bed. quickly grabbing them, you rushed to get dressed before leaving his hotel room. you put on your shades, knowing the paps are most likely waiting for you outside.

when you spot them you groan once more before walking out the building.

“yn! yn! yn!”

“yn, what does this mean for you and trey?”

“are you and trey back together?”

“she we be expecting a wedding soon?”

you ignore every last question. thankfully your best friend was outside waiting for you. you didn’t even have to call.

you hop in the car quickly before she drives off and hands you a coffee. “you’re a lifesaver!”

“none of that. what were you thinking?! trey? seriously? you went home to him of all people?”

you frowned. you knew exactly why she was upset. trey had cheated on you for the whole two years you were together. he was a dick and mentally abused you for half of your relationship. he’s the reason why you’re so insecure about your body. for so long, many people have called you fat, you never really battered an eye. when trey did it, you became shy, closed off, started wearing baggy clothes, quit multiple modeling jobs, you became super depressed. your best friend was the one to pick up the pieces. if it wasn’t for her you’d probably end your entire career and move back home to your parents house, who cut you off until you come to your senses and quit this modeling nonsense.

of course if you let that happen you’d let them win. besides, you were a very successful model! you earned way too much money and had millions of women who adored you to pieces. you were one of the few faces to plus size and bigger women who struggled with their confidence because of bullies and internet trolls who had nothing better to do than harass a woman for being comfortable in her skin.

you enjoyed your career and your fanbase. you weren’t about to let some loser like trey or your parents take this way from you.

“i know, fariah, i know! i wasn’t thinking. i was drunk and horny. trust me, im kicking myself already.” you sigh.

“you better be lucky i explain to your date that it was an idiotic mistake and it’ll never happen again. he agreed to still meet you.”

you shook your head aggressively. “absolutely not! im not going on a date with another one of your boyfriends, friends. they’ve all been a total disaster, fariah. i have no idea jason had friends like that. you seriously need to tell him to hang out with better people.” you state.

“confessions? they’re more like jason’s brothers, friends.”

“that explains a lot then! jason’s brothers a dick.”

“come on! one more date, please? if this one turns out to be a dick, no more!”

“fine! what’s his name?”

“preston.”

“he sounds like an asshole! but i’ll give it a shot! no more after this, though! please?”

“cross my heart.”

you’d been at the restaurant you were suppose to meet this preston guy. it had been an hour since you’ve sat down, waiting. you roll your eyes, realizing you’d been stood up.

finally getting the courage to sit up and head to the bar, you ordered a drink. you were extremely embarrassed. you felt like everyone was staring at you.

in that moment you decided to give up on love and just stay single forever. every guy you’ve dated had been boys men who clearly had commitment issues or simply just assholes who didn’t know how to please a woman.

your sex life was completely sad and dull. most men just wanted to get off. they couldn’t care less about making another woman cum. it had been a while since a man has made you orgasm.

that wasn’t the biggest issue, though. you were just tired of getting your heart broken. you’d let someone in, they show you love and affection for a few weeks, suddenly they act like you don’t exist. it was exhausting!

you wanted—needed something more.

“penny for your thoughts?” you turned. you were about to tell the guy to leave you the hell alone but, he was none other than eddie munson.

you remember having multiple corroded coffin poster on your wall back home. you loved corroded coffin! your parents hated listening to them. they were into classical music and never understood why you listened to such ‘trash’ music.

you didn’t understand why you liked them either. you weren’t much of a heavy metal fan, but they sounded amazing. not to mention, eddie was your celebrity crush. he was handsome with his long dark hair, leather jacket, the multiple rings he’d wear, the guy-liner, most importantly, the tattoos and piercings. god, he was the most attractive man you’d ever seen.

you were ten when you started listening to corroded coffin. eddie was twenty-six. now you were twenty-six and you knew he was in his early forties.

but eddie was still handsome as ever. though today he didn’t have long wavy hair. instead he had somewhat of a bold cut. it suited him, honestly.

he definitely had more muscle on him, his facial hair was coming in slightly, he dressed a little more the same, currently wearing a black sabbath t-shirt. he looked amazing.

“you okay there, pretty girl?”

pretty girl?! holy shit!

“uh—yeah it’s just—you’re eddie munson.”

eddie chuckles. “that’s correct! but you’re yn yln! everyone adores you. including my daughter.”

“oh? she a fan, huh?”

“yeah! all she talk about is you. ‘daddy, yn posted another photo!’ ‘dad, yn commented on my post!’ ‘oh, yn is going to paris. could we go too, daddy?!’ she likes you more than me.”

yn giggles.

“well she should adore you! i use to listen to corroded coffin all the time growing up. my parents hated my ‘loud ass music’ but i couldn’t get enough. i still listen to you guys when i need to just feel, you know?”

“hmm, i completely understand, darlin. so i take it you’re a huge fan?”

“you’re kiddin right?! absolutely. i had the biggest crush on yo—” before you could stop yourself, you groan.

eddie smirks. “yeah? was crushin on me hard, sweetheart?”

“god, please tell me i can rewind that and start over?”

“don’t think that’s how that works, baby. but if it makes you feel any better, im crushin on you now.”

suddenly the room gets significantly hotter. eddie runs his hands against your cheek. “i got a hotel room right above the restaurant. why don’t we head up there?”

you hum as eddie grabs your hand and you both head to the elevator.

the very next day you woke up to another alarm. immediately getting deja vu you shot up. when you turned you heard the bathroom door open. when eddie munson walks out he had a towel wrapped around his waist and he smirks at you.

“good morning, baby. slept good last night?”

you blush when you think about the events of last night. eddie had made you cum a number of times. you lost count after three. he’d been the best sex you’ve ever had in a long time. and the aftercare, fuck! he was such a gentleman. your brain soon starts to fumble though. you knew this was probably a one time thing.

eddie hasn’t dated since his ex wife died, leaving him with a daughter to raise on his own. you didn’t expect anything else from him.

“yeah! it was great.”

you give him a fake smile before looking for your clothes. once you found them, you got up and started to put them on. eddie frowns.

“what are you doing, baby?”

“i get this was a one time thing. i don’t wanna waste anymore of your time. im just gonna head out.”

“hey! first, you don’t need to go, okay? second, i had a great time with you, and lastly, who said anything about a one time thing?”

“i just assumed you wanted me gone. i don’t know. most guys expect me to leave right after. guess im use to it.” you shrugged your shoulders.

eddie shakes his head. “those are little boys, darlin! im a grown ass man, alright! i definitely wanna keep seeing you. maybe take you on a few dates, get to know each other better, possibly start a real relationship, baby.”

you smiled widely. “yeah?”

“mhm! now take that goddamn bra off and let’s me order some room service and possibly fuck you some more, yeah?” eddie walks over to you and kisses you passionately.

“okay!”

“good girl.” he smirks as you shiver.

[mamuzzy]

THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ACTUALLY OPPOSING KAL SKIRATA part 2.

HIS FAMILY FROM THE PAST - Continuation

I've got a couple of response from @mysticaltora8276 and I decided that Ilippi's and Kal's relationship deserves another round to talk about because that's what the original post was about.

What you will find here now: - Dissecting Kal's and Ilippi's relationship even more but now with quotes from the books. - Me confirming the existing misogyny integrated into Karen Traviss' mando lore (I never doubted. I just wanted to find my own answers in this debate instead of choosing existing sides). - No. I still don't hate Kal. You can still love a character while not agreeing with their actions.

More under the cut.

One of my interesting observation about the antis and "critical thinkers" that while they think they are protecting the women of Repcomm with claw and blood, they are the ones who write them off as "cardboard characters with no soul and own will".

Starting from Ilippy. I thought I emphasised enough how badass was for her to divorce from Kal when she felt she can't adjust to this lifestyle, and wanted to protect her children from the warrior's life.

And it suddenly clicked.

Holy shit, it's 2024. Divorcing from your husband is not a big deal anymore!!!! CAN YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVE THIS??? O_____O

(this wasn't a sarcasm.)

Today, divorcing from your husband when you are abused, or neglected, you fear for your children, or bored or you realize after years of marriage that you just don't click is totally a normal thing today and doesn't come with social stigma anymore (in better places). You can even get an official distancing-order.

But people often forget that it wasn't always like this. And remember when these books were written. Hard Contact came out in 2004.

I can't talk about other countries, only the post-soviet ones, but in the 80's-90's, it was still considered shameful for women to initiate divorce from their husband, no matter whether she was treated bad, the whole neighbourhood knew she was treated bad, relatives very much aware that the wife was treated bad. They blamed women for not putting up the whims of the husband. Blamed by women and men as well.

Hungarian poetry is actually full of ballads, how the wives were forced to kill their husbands to save themselves from abusive relationships or forced marriage because divorce wasn't an option: it was, but then you were shamed by your whole community. Shamed by women and men as well.

One of the other thing, that really changed is the time when you get married. Today is also considered normal to marry and have a kid at age 30+, while couples of from my parents generation usually married at age 18-19. And Kal and Ilippi also married rather young, which is also the part of Karen Traviss's mandalorian culture, but can be a mirror about old generational couples of real life.

I looked up the definition of misogyny (my own experience is one thing but I'm not going to traumadump here):

Misogyny (/mɪˈsɒdʒɪni/) is hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women or girls. It is a form of sexism that can keep women at a lower social status than men, thus maintaining the social roles of patriarchy. An example of misogyny is violence against women, which includes domestic violence and, in its most extreme forms, misogynist terrorism and femicide. Misogyny also often operates through sexual harassment, coercion, and psychological techniques aimed at controlling women, and by legally or socially excluding women from full citizenship. In some cases, misogyny rewards women for accepting an inferior status. (From wikipedia)

In this definition, IN OUR HUMAN EARTHLING STANDARDS keeping Ilippi in lower social status as a wife in a secluded place where she was expected to raise their children and wait for her husband without any other option (they lived in the middle of nowhere, no neighbours, no cities around for her to spend time or work or getting friends), yes, it is misogyny.

Only Ilippi had options: embracing the mandalorian culture and became a warriorwife, asking Kal to teach her, maybe joining him later.

ASSUMPTION HERE: I don't think Kal really knew how to handle a non-mando girl. I don't think they really talked about their future as a mando couple. Ilippi worked as a waitress and probably at that time it was a good idea to be a wife of a mercenary. Two young people met, fell in love, and later they realized, their expectations hadn't met. I don't think Ilippi was really interested becoming a fighterwife just as Kal wasn't interested leaving the mercenary life and his own culture behind. But also: here is the confimation of mando couples marrying young from Order 66. But also that Ilippi first found Kal and his profession attractive in her eyes.

Their serious arguments started when the possibility came up that Kal wanted to bring the children along with him.

This is a snippet from True Colors when they talk about the responsibilties of a mandowife.

Ordo is making a (rather sexist) joke, so how reilable this information can be is very much debatable. If he says it's nothing hard for a jedi, than it is probably very hard and tiresome for a civilian like Ilippi.

SPECULATION: I can imagine that sometimes Mandowife gets up, now it's her turn to go out and make some money and the husband stays home with the children. -> But because the conversation above it can be interpreted many ways, it's hard to say what exactly was their duty.

Before you kill me for using mandowife here mandoWIFE there instead of riduur...

One of my problem with Karen Traviss' Mandalorian lore, that the whole culture and social expectations were supposed to be completely gender neutral. Can you handle yourself as a warrior? You are a mando. That's it. But here, there are inbuilt gender expectations and roles. -> By the definition of the misogyny above, this is one, because mandalorian women are still bound by the stereotypes of the patriarchal role of a women in a heteronormative family.

Ok, back to Ilippi.

Now this is the first scene Ilippi first mentioned in Triple Zero. I fail to see how she was treated bad by the narrative or Kal or Jango.

Ilippi decided this life is not for her. Ilippi didn't wanted the mandalorian life for her and for their children. She didn't want to assimiliate. She realized these people are wackos and she has to get out as soon as possible before Kal really take their children to war. And she did.

This is how their divorce went (Order 66)

Ilippi was never deprived from choices. She literally took the kids when Kal was away and Kal returned to an empty home. If she was really held in lower social status, and her rights and feelings weren't respected at all, Kal could have go and forced her to come back without her consent. Or simply do honor-killing like many cultures and religions do in real life where misogyny isn't just making sexist jokes (like the Ordo conversation), but the whole family will actually hunt you down for leaving your husband.

Kal respected this choice. Does he deserve a praise for it? Probably not. This is how it should be: respecting others.

But also this confirms that Kal never stopped supporting financially his family.

And lastly I wanted to add this one because I really loved this conversation:

Kamino was the point were Kal actually cut himself from his family entirely. Not before. Kal had a chance to reconnect with his biological children when he got the news from Jango (though it's debatable, my speculation is that Kal would have been killed if he had left Kamino before the contract's end). He choose the Nulls and the commandos under his care.

But this is also interesting that in the Mando culture when your wife is divorcing from you, you, the husband are to blame: a switched-mirror to the formerly mentioned real life example of how divorcing from your husband is shameful as a woman. If you fail as a parent, as a husband, you fail as a human being.

ABOUT THE CHILD SOLDIER DEBATE: if you need the author to spoonfeed you with the narrative that explicitly condems the existence of childsoldiers, the problem is not with the media, the problem is with you.

IN CONCLUSION: Ilippy is still a fucking badass. Kal loved his family. Kal respected Ilippy and her choice. Real life misogyny integrated into the mando culture spotted which is - obviously - affected Kal too.

HOOOOooooooOOOooOoooOoly shit, that was a ride. Because I partially touched to topic about his sons, I think my next post will be about Tor, Ijaat and Ruusaan.

If you actually read through all this blurb, in one hand KUDOS TO YOU, on the other hand, you can expect something like this from me when I actually start to my blogging about the books.

[theratisbackanditsinyourkitchen]

not to cause drama or anything but I HATE SCYTH ASMR! (Tw fictional domestic abuse, and fictional abuse of power)

Hate is a strong word, and my feeling might be a little over the top but, I do wanna talk about some of his stuff. I was a big fan of his when his first V vid was made. I joined the discord and followed all his posts. And then he posted a video that happened to have domestic violence in it, MASSIVE TRIGGER WARNING FOR THAT PAST THIS!!!! this vid has the listener character “cheeky” (I will not be calling her that cus that’s is a cringe ass nickname btw) and V, the romantic interest training, then after some flirting (one sided on V’s part, I’ll get into this later) a cargo truck full of scientists drives by! V quickly gets into the trunk and kills everyone in there, the listener character tries to stop him from killing what she think is an innocent person, he kills the guy in front of her, and then throws her out of the car, chokes her, talks about how he’s going to kill her and pin her death on the people in the cargo truck, and then says “how about one more kiss before you go” before letting her go. He then afterwards explains that the reason he killed all of them, was because of some in story lore about werewolves. It’s explained that what they did basically caused a werewolf to go feral and become evil and kill people. So obviously! These scientists who were probably forced by the government to do this, deserved to die! That makes sense! Anyway the moral of this vid was that the listner character should always listen to V no questions asked! I hate this vid for a number of reasons. The biggest one is the number of comments sexualizing and romanticizing the fucking horrible and traumatic abuse this listener faced, even bigger then that was the fact scythe audio fed into it.

The worst comment (trigger warning, victim blaming)

As you can see, scythe not only condoned this behaviour, he feed into it. This comment makes me sick. I accidentally watch this video without reading the description and became very triggered at the video. (this is not scythe audios fault, I must make this clear) seeing people make jokes like “I asked to be choked but not like this” and talking about how the listener character deserved and even enjoyed the attack was and still is repulsive.

The relationship between V and the listener character was also extremely abusive, but it was always shown as loving, or something like that. The listener has to stay with V and basically do whatever he asks (including kissing and I assume sexual favours) or be tossed to the streets to be picked up by either the evil shadow government or the actual government. Both wanted her dead. So, she’s trapped staying with a man who threatens violence if she doesn’t follow his every whim, who sexually harasses her daily, who diminishes her trauma, and who treats her like trash, just so she doesn’t her tormented and eventually killed. My issue with this isn’t the fact he’s an abusive ass hat, my issue is that instead of giving him any actual character growth, V was given orphans. He was made into an adopted dad to a shit ton of orphans cus he has ZERO REDEEMING TRAITS OTHER THEN HOT. Scythe audio must have realized this guy was his money maker and realized he had to make this guy actually redeemable if he wanted to have him to keep Marlon him money. Anyway it was unconvincing cus right after introducing the fact there were cute kids in the equation, he dropped the domestic abuse.

Another thing, less about the videos and more about how he interacted with fans. His discord sever had rolls for age! They specifically had one labeled “16 and under”, now, I’m not against having minors in asmr fandom spaces, but having minors especially such young ones in a sever he made? It just felt like a weird choice, especially seeing as he had and still has, and I’m going to say it bluntly, porn up on YouTube. Now you can say “but the video said 18+!” We all know that has never ever stopped a minor from doing anything. With this said, a large amount of his fandom was under 18, I’ll give him this, I don’t think i ever saw Scythe interact with an under 18 fan, but he knew they where there, he knew they watched his content. And yet knowing this, he wrote stories that glorified domestic abuse as a way to teach your partner how to fall in line he wrote stories glorifying the horribly toxic relationship that was V and the listener character. This type of thing affects kids greatly, especially if they have no clue it is abusive. Even in the video with the domestic abuse the description says “this may be triggering to listeners in regards to domestic based violence” not “Trigger warning, this video contains Domestic abuse!” It says it more like “it’s kinda domestic abuse, but only if that triggers you”

In Redacted, the description will always tell you what to expect. “Gaslighting, manipulation, toxic relationship” he will make sure you know that a toxic relationship is toxic, he makes sure your aware that the abuse shown, isn’t love. The most scythe does is say “well V is a villain! He’s not a good guy!” And yet her tries to make him redeeming so people like him.

Now, I get that this was over 2 years ago, scythe audio could have totally moved past this weird glorifying abuse thing, who knows! I mostly wrote this as a vent cus my friend reminded me he existed. Anyway if you made it this far have a nice day. If you where or still are a scythe fan, tell me what you think of all this (without being mean please) if you happen to be scythe himself block me I don’t want you near me. Anyway have a nice day!

[ben-talks-art]

Trapped and Dreaming Freedom

So I've been reading these two webtoons lately about female leads stuck in very toxic and unhealthy relationships (while being aware of it), and I'm loving every second of it!

If you know me, you know I just love a badass cool female lead and I also love seeing characters stuck in very difficult situations and watching how they use their brains and/or skills to get out of it, and both comics excel at these aspects!

First series is "Trapped", a comic about this taxi driver who got tangled by accident with a vampire who develops an obsession with both her and her blood after she manages to outsmart him a couple of times, something that hasn't happened to him in years.

It feels very "Tom and Jerry" with both characters trying to get the upper hand on their relationship, and you would think it would be super one-sided but vampires actually have quite a bit of annoying rules on how they work that severely limit their freedom and our female lead exploits as many of them as she can to make him eat sh*t! It's just glorious!

"Dreaming Freedom" is... somehow less dark, and at the same time way darker of a series.

It's not as violent or gory but it deals with more realistic problems that hit closer to home for some like school bullying, abandonment, harassment, family abuse, and so on.

The premise is that our female lead teams up with a guy that has the power to use dreams to affect people in the real world, and they use this ability to get revenge on all the girl's classmates that harassed her, but the more our female lead does that, more the male lead gets obsessed with her and we later find out that he has some serious anger issues making him extremely dangerous.

Our lead basically goes from "I can use him to get payback!" to "Oh my God, I'm the only thing that's keeping this dude under control and away from people!"

It feels like you're being handed a living knife that you just pray won't run out of control or turn itself against you. It's so uncomfortable but at the same time so thrilling!

While I really don't like when unhealthy relationships are glamorized and used to send some kind of "Oh, he's kinda dangerous... But at least he loves you, so it's okay, right?" message, I do like it when the unhealthiness of the relationship is the focus AND is painted as a problem that needs to be fixed.

I like how both female leads always call the male leads on their bs and keep them in check whenever they start going too far, and it's fun to see how they use them whenever they're backed into a corner by the antagonists of the stories.

Also like the themes these series explore, about how when you keep dealing with people that act like monsters you see yourself slowly turning into a monster yourself and start to attract other monsters as well, eventually making you question how far can you go? How far should you go? Can you get back from it? And so on.

But most of all, I like that both series make sure to show that these "bad boys" were their last freaking options. Not the first, not the second, but the very bottom of the barrel. They went to them only after they felt they had no other choices and were sure that nobody else would take their side.

This isn't just "Oh, I went to him because he's a hot bad boy", this is "The world turned its back on me so I'm gonna use the only cards that I have left."

They basically made a deal with their devils and now the fun is watching to see how/if they're gonna get out of it.

This is how I like to see problematic relationships. You don't paint them as something normal or something good, you paint them as a hardship that needs to be dealt with and use it to do clever commentary on the worst aspects of humanity so we can learn how to be better and as a source for good and intense drama to make us worried for the main characters and invested in seeing them get out okay.

[cialovesklopp]

𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓 ➺ k.mbappé

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 — hiding from paparazzis by dyeing your hair and visiting your boyfriend’s match as well as meeting his found family is always fun

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 — kylian mbappé x amara imani (oc)

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 — 9.1k

𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 — king of my heart [taylor swift], bébé [dadju]

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 — this chapter contains misogyny, sexual harassment, verbal abuse, cheating, mental health issues, toxic relationship, gaslighting, physical abuse (don’t really sure if it really counts as that but i think it does)

𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆 — for anyone experiencing anything similar than what amara did, no matter how bad it is, i always have an ear free and there are several organizations that help people in situations like this. just remember that you’re not alone in this 🫶🏾

i also apologize for the timeline but beginner’s mistake: i forgot to install a timeline so some time marks shouldn’t make sense, just ignore it ☺️ and the ending feels a bit rushed because i was scared of it becoming too long

taglist: @lorarri @locedes @aechii

masterlist

𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

she was tired of waiting. sitting on the couch, her phone in her hand while the other was busy nervously tapping on the white furniture, another yawn escaped her lips.

the dim yellow light shone on her, highlighting the eye rings underneath her eyelids. that certainly did not help keeping her awake when even her mirror reflection was screaming fatigue. yet she stayed awake.

even if she wanted to go to bed, she knew her mind wouldn’t let her sleep. she would be destined for another sleepless night, spend with her rolling and turning around in her bed. why couldn’t he just send her a message, small text that he was fine?

she was used to him not answering her calls sometimes or ignoring her on purpose. but evan had never left her that long without a sign of life. and that definitely worried her. especially because she didn’t want to fight with him.

another attempt to reach him failed as she was sent again straight to voicemail, the lump in her throat only getting bigger. she leaned back, her head making contact with the soft pillow as she let out another sigh. she didn’t even remark her eyelids closing or her hand letting go of the phone in her hand as she fell asleep. exhausting had taken her over.

although she didn’t sleep long. the turning of the doorknob and a person stumbling in instantly woke her up from her light sleep. her view was still a bit foggy as she blinked rapidly to get a clear view on the scene in front of her.

a quick glance at her phone told her it was one o’clock, reminding her that she had spent four hours waiting for her boyfriend to come home. four hours without any sign of life.

finally accustoming to the light, she was met with the view of her boyfriend, completely drunk, as he grabbed the commode next to him for stability. the long midi dress hung on her heavily as she stood up, walking towards him.

“where were you?” she demanded, anger mixing his worry as she took in the sight of him. “i was worried, you didn’t call. not even a little text so i know you’re alive. who knows maybe you were hit by a car or something. one life sign was all i needed from you!”

“just leave me alone amara,” he drunkenly slurred, slapping her hand away from his chest. “we were at a party. you know how john can be sometimes, he was in a mood to party.”

“and you couldn’t be bothered to tell me that? instead i had to sit here and wait because my mind was so worried about you. don’t you see how fucked up that is?”

“i’m sorry, just let it go.” he muttered, trying to move past her but amara was adamant on not letting him leave till they finished this conversation. especially because it was occurring so often those last few weeks. why was he so determined to go to bed though? why was he in such a hurry to get to the bedroom?

as he tried to move past her, amara felt her heart sink at the sight of his untucked shirt. she felt it break when the lingering scent of perfume she didn’t recognize made it to her nose and knew it belonged to a woman. but what shattered her heart into pieces, where she thought she’d never be able to glue them together was the significance of her realization. what it truly meant.

“you slept with someone again, didn’t you?” she asked him quietly, trying to maintain her composure.

the way he avoided her gaze was enough of an answer for her. she didn’t need to know more. no words could describe the disgust she felt when she met his eyes full of guilt.

“it wasn’t supposed to happen. i just had a lot to drink and john was telling us to let loose so i did, but i swear i didn’t mean to end up with her —.” he stammered, his voice slightly faltering.

“in bed?” amara inquired sarcastically, a pit of burning anger building up in her stomach. “no, instead you probably fucked her in the bathroom.” she retorted, swallowing heavily. “you promised to me! i can’t believe you would humiliate me like this again!”

she truly wanted to believe he could change. that his casanova days were over but she was met way too often with disappointment. and even though she could see the weight of his actions in his eyes, it had happened too often for amara to believe that his emotions were truly real. “i didn't mean to hurt you," he whispered, his voice low.

“you promised the last time that you wouldn’t cheat on me again. you said it was the last time.” she cried out, not able to hold her anger back any longer. “they think i’m stupid because of you. because of the way you painted me — that i’m the stupid girlfriend who is too weak to leave her cheating boyfriend. you made me… made me look like some dumb bimbo. again.” she yelled at him, her voice quivered with pain and trauma. “i can’t believe you would hurt me like this again.”

there was a heavy silence as amara brushed her tears away. “i’m leaving,” she said quietly, blinking away her tears. “i can’t do this anymore. i forgave each time, i accepted your promises, believed in them but this is not continuing. i’ll be leaving in the morning. i just… can’t do this anymore. i gave you so many chances and my heart can’t anymore.”

she tried to move past him, brush him off as she was about to walk past him but something held her up, more specifically evan grabbing her hand violently.

“evan stop it and let go of me.” she demanded swiftly, “you’re hurting me.”

“then start listening to me,” he replied to her, only tightening the grip on her hand. “i said i’m sorry about cheating. you’re just overreacting and playing miss diva again.

“i’m not overreacting evan. i waited the entire day, i called, i texted and you couldn’t even give me one sign of life. instead i find out you cheated on me and god knows how many times you have done that already. and everytime i forgave you but i can’t anymore. i don’t wanna be that stupid girlfriend anymore. all i ever needed was your support, not your constant humiliation.” amara croaked, her voice full of emotion.

he didn’t let go of her wrist but he didn’t apply more force to it either. and as amara looked into his eyes, she was surprised by how much she couldn’t recognize him.

“i only cheated because you made me, gave me no other choice,” he said dismissively, staring her into the eyes. “i love you so much and all you do is push me away. always so distant and putting your career over me. i never cheated because i don’t love you but because i’m desperate.”

her heart was beating quickly as she listened to him. she wasn’t sure what she was hearing. how could he possibly justify his actions by blaming her? the accusations left her feeling defenseless, tears of frustration welling in her eyes.

“i loved you and you knew that. don’t you dare pin this on me. i can’t anymore. all this disloyalty is too much for me.”

she hoped he would let her go now but he had other plans. though amara wasn’t sure whether he would even remember this conversation the next morning with the amount of alcohol he probably must have drunk. but he didn't back down; instead, he continued to pile on the guilt, especially because he just knew what to say. "you pushed me away," he insisted, his tone accusatory. "i was just looking for someone who would appreciate me because you never gave me your time. maybe if you had spent more time with me, i wouldn’t have cheated on you all those times.”

this must be a dream or at least she wished it was. how could he blame her for his mistakes when all she ever did was love him. be loyal to him. had she truly failed him that much?

“no one will take your side if you leave me,” he muttered, his voice making amara shiver. “i’m the reason they know you. who knows amara imani? but they know evan henderson. so who do you think they will believe?” he asked her, his free hand brushing over her cheek. “the white man who has been in the society his whole life long or his black little slut who’s just a bland copy of Beyoncé and Taylor swift? why do you wanna make it so hard for you? you have everything you need with me, love, money, success.”

“i love you and i know you love me too. why do you want to destroy this?” he whispered, playing even more into his manipulation. he knew all her weaknesses, how to manipulate and gaslight her and he seemed pretty satisfied with him when it seemed to work on her. all he needed was just a bit of self-doubt to win her back. and he had always known the right words. “i promise you, this will never happen again.” he let go of her wrist and even though it wasn’t very recognizable on her skin, it was clear that there would be a bruise. he lifted her hand, pressing soft kisses onto the bruised skin, his thumb brushing gently over it. “i didn’t meant for this to happen. you know that right? it was a stupid mistake.”

she swallowed the lump that formed in her throat, nodding as she tried to keep her tears down. it was a mistake, she repeatedly told herself, trying to calm herself down. he didn’t mean to.

it wasn’t the first time he had hurt her but he had been doing so good since the last time. it hadn’t been long enough ago for her to forget it but enough time had passed for her to put herself together. it should have been a sign for her, a sign to leave when her mind was glad, it wasn’t as bad as the last time. that this time it had just been her wrist. and in addition, she loved him.

“we can fix this, put ourselves together again.” he continued to whisper, his hand looking to intertwine with amara’s. “i’m all you need. just me. and you don’t want to lose me, do you? we can work through this, you and me.”

looking at him incredulously, she pulled her hand back and walked quickly past him, brushing his shoulder in the process. her feet had a mind of her own as they brought her to the guest room, amara knowing that she couldn’t sleep in the same bed next to him. even breathing became hard when they were in the same room. how was she supposed to stay here? it was a mistake, she continued to tell herself as she climbed into bed, the pillow getting wet due to her tears that were rolling unstoppable. he won’t do it again.

she searched for solitude, hiding in the guest room though she wasn’t alone for long. her eyes closed instantly as she heard evan’s footsteps approaching the door to the guest room. she couldn’t talk to him anymore, she wouldn’t make it. she turned around, her body facing the wall as she tried to act as if she was sleeping. she would confront evan tomorrow, if he even remembered what had happened tonight.

her body tensed as he let himself fall into the bed, joining her.

“i told you i was sorry,” he slurred drunkenly. “amara please.” he begged again, his words clearer now. his hand brushed down her cheek and amara begged he wouldn’t remark the wet surface of her face or her tears that were still rolling down. “you know that wasn’t me. you just provoked me and i snapped but i promise this was the last time.”

“please just leave evan. you probably won’t even remember this tomorrow.” amara murmured tiredly. “we’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

but instead of leaving and going to bed, he started to press sloppy kisses on her neck, moving up and down.

“evan go,” amara demanded, trying to push the male away but he wouldn’t budge. instead his hand travelled down further her body, stopping just above her thigh. “please stop. i’m not in the mood.”

“i just wanna apologize,” he muttered into her hair, his kissing moving up to her cheek. she struggled to push him off of her, disgust in her eyes as she felt the budge in his pants growing bigger.

when his hand was about to slip under her sweatpants, amara saw red, taking every of her strength and willpower to push him off of her. “i said stop evan. leave now.” she demanded him angrily.

his eyes grew dark again, amara watching as his expression grew cold. “this is exactly the reason why i cheated on you. you always push me off.” he yelled at her, ignoring the way her body flinched. “why won’t you sleep with me anymore?”

“all i want is to apologize to my girlfriend and she won’t even let me touch her.” he began, purposely hoping on making amara feel bad. “i know i messed up and i’m really trying my best but you have to let me.”

he leaned close to her. “i love you. you know that right?” he asked her softly, amara nodding. she truly loved him. as naive as she was, she of course believed every word he said, falling down into his trap again. “and you don’t want to lose me, do you?” he whispered into her ear, his hot breath making contact with her skin. he started pressing kisses down her neck again as she spoke words into her mind, knowing exactly just how to manipulate her. and nearly everytime it seemed to work.

“… you’re my girlfriend. you’re supposed to make me feel good. and then i’ll never have to look somewhere else again. because you’re all i’ll ever need.” he told her sweetly, a sort of guilt rushing through her heart.

so when he started to slip his hand under her sweatpants again, she just let it happen. he was all she had.

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌

amara.imani posted for close friends only

𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚.𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢

liked by k.mbappe, liyah_clark and 121 others

amara.imani went red for the day, those paps are never gonna catch me 💋

view all 56 comments

liyah_clark slayyyy bestie

k.mbappe that meme 💀

amara.imani i was tempted to use one of you and a turtle but i decided against it

k.mbappe and i thought you were nice. I’m keeping your tacos now

amara.imani i’m sorry. please bring me tacos

graceywood take care of you and please come back home in one piece

amara.imani yes mama

iamcardib you go girl, those paps will never see it coming

kyliejenner omg i love the red on you, i might dye mine too

amara.imani you def should, king kylie era returning?

justineskye how could you dye your hair without me? where was my invite?

hudson_music does that mean i get the day free since you’re not here?

amara.imani sure, just don’t get too drunk. i’m at the studio tomorrow

charles_leclerc wearing the right color. have i actually managed to make you a tifosi?

amara.imani a proud teamlh supporter till i die, try to convince liyah

charles_leclerc i asked her and she told me if i ever tried to make her switch on lewis again, she’d dump me

amara.imani the only right response

liyah_clark i just said that i support you and only you but i will never become a tifosi, sorry babe

liyah_clark but you could always change to merc if you want to see me so badly in your colors

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄

730 days had passed since that accident. 730 days ago she had made the worst decision of her life by staying with him. giving him the knowledge that she believed everything he said. two years had passed since she had allowed evan to take her sparkle away.

at first, amara didn’t even know why she thought of that memory today. it had been months that she hadn’t thought back of evan and their toxic relationship. and then she had thrown a glance at her phone and knew the reason why. it had happened on this date, two years ago. two years ago, he had managed to take a part away from her.

no one truly knows how hard it is to get out of a toxic relationship till they are caught in one themselves. outsiders will say, ‘just leave,’ not knowing how hard that can be. because no one truly knows how to escape that situation.

books with instructions to that don’t exist. so how is one supposed to know what to do? no one tells you what to do when your boyfriend lays his hand on you for the first time. the rational side of your brain will tell you to leave but do you listen? of course not. instead you try to justify the action because you’re telling yourself, why else would he lay his hand on you unless you had done something wrong?

and that’s the way the circle begins. he won’t lay his hand on you but small gestures are enough to know that he was close to hurting you again. grabbing your wrist a bit too tight, his fist almost making contact with your skin… soon you’ll find yourself happy that it was only your wrist that suffered under his anger.

no one tells you what to do when you don’t know how to leave him. you expect friends to notice your changed behavior but they’re all too busy, profiting from your misery. encouraging you to stay in that toxic relationship because it was good for them. they don’t care about the abuse you receive, whether it’s physical or mental. and the friends you know would have probably helped you, they are already gone because you pushed them away. so now you find yourself alone in an abusive and toxic relationship with nowhere to go and no escape system.

of course, the abuse is always equated with some good or else leaving would be too easy, wouldn’t it? for every mean word, a bouquet of flowers. for every wrist held too tight, a nice diamond necklace would find itself in front of you along with a smile, a smile promising that it would never happen again and yet both know that it was a lie. but still, your brain starts to forget the bad side. and whenever you find yourself close to leaving, your brain will ask you “why are you leaving when it’s good at the moment. he didn’t mean to. he loves you”.

amara had quickly realized how easy it was for an outsider to judge an abusive marriage, relationship, friendship. but they didn’t know the work that hid behind it. the exhaustion and manipulation. the betrayal of trust your brain won’t want to admit. it was a whole cycle and finding a loophole in it took more strength than one would ever admit.

as humiliated and betrayed as she had felt in that moment, amara was glad he had left her. had cheated on her publicly. it had given her the loophole she had been looking for the entire time. and it had come at a good moment too, one where he wouldn’t be able to manipulate her into staying like he had done so many time. but she still preferred to never talk about that period of her life again. it was over.

today she would be focusing on kylian the entire day. the reason she was even here. if someone had told her one year ago that she would be standing here, excited to watch a psg match, she would have called the psychiatry to inform them that they were most likely missing a patient. and yet here she was, ready to cheer on her boyfriend. her excitement was palpable as she sat in the vip lounge, eager to witness him playing in action on the field.

she had been so keen on finally watching him play live that she had even dyed her hair red and donned a stylish pair of sunglasses to not be recognized by any cameras or paparazzis that were present. even though the two were clear where they stood with each other, they did not want to share their bliss with the press yet, preferring to just live in their own bubble before any articles caught up to them.

the stadium buzzed with an electrifying atmosphere, fans donning their team's colors and waving flags with passionate fervor as screams were heard from everywhere, overtoning the commentator of the match. kylian had not exaggerated when he had told her that playing at home was always another vibe. the energy was contagious and amara found herself close to singing with the commentators but she refrained herself from doing so, not wanting to stand out. she was also impressed by the dedication of the supporters who poured their entire heart and souls into cheering for their beloved team, some even making huge trips just to come support their team. needless to say, this would not be her last match.

sure, maybe paris didn’t have as much of an history as liverpool had, and maybe they didn’t have their own fan song that had carried through the history of their club but they had supporters amara guessed. and she loved the atmosphere here.

lost in her phone, checking messages and replying to some instagram messages, amara only looked up again when the crowd erupted into a thunderous roar, announcing the arrival of the players who came walking out from the tunnel. her eyes were fixed on him though.

despite thousands of fans around her, yelling and chanting his names she managed to drown out the noise around her as her eyes searched his. the way he looked at his fans, standing majestically on the ground and the way he held himself, so confident and mesmerizing — she couldn't help but feel an overwhelming surge of pride knowing that she was there to support him.

even though he wouldn’t recognize her, amara drew kylian a discreet air kiss from stands, her way of wishing him good luck which he acknowledged with his typical smirk. it was her secret way of letting him know she was there, supporting him wholeheartedly. she felt connected to him in another way today. last time he was in her world and this time she was a visitor in his.

watching the match, amara couldn’t contain herself from yelling along the fans for every foal or occasion the blue players had, her heart pounding with each near missed chance for a goal. she cheered with unrestrained joy when kylian opened the score with a beautiful volley that landed immediately in the net, the goalkeeper having no chance. and even though she facepalmed seeing his new celebration, her grin grew wider as she watched him draw a heart with his fingers and then fire an arrow in her direction. of course the crowd went wild, looking around frantically to find the person he had just dedicated a goal to.

the crowd calmed down again when the whistle blew, indicating the break and amara was able to get away from all the screams for a quick pause. as much as she enjoyed the game, it had been a long time that she hadn’t been out again in public and even less to a big event like this. but she couldn’t have known that the second half contained just as much surprises as the first one.

sitting down again, this time armed with a bottle of coke, she watched with excitement the second part of the game, hoping for it to be just as thrilling as the first one— even more, she was hoping for another goal of him. and amara was not disappointed. fifteen minutes into the second half, the ball found kylian again who put it again into the net, dribbling his way into the surface for a quick finish. she braced herself again for another of his ridiculous celebrations, surprised when all he did was just lift his shirt so the public could read what was written on it. and upon reading it, amara was glad she had finished her drink a long time ago because the french striker had written boldly across his shirt: told you so. and she knew it was directed at her. she wanted to hide behind one of the chairs, smiling hardly but she was also painfully aware that if she acted different now, everyone would know it was for her and she wouldn’t dare to imagine how that could turn out for her.

as the final whistle blew, amara felt happy and kind of sad. for the two hours that she had been here, she had been able to drown out everything. forget about her problems because here they didn’t matter. she clapped happily as the crowd began to disperse, knowing her day was long from being over. she waited a few minutes before standing up, thanking the security men for escorting her to the changing rooms. of course only after showing him her badge that kylian had gotten her for vips.

she grew a bit self-conscious as she received several weird stares while walking towards the players changing rooms but she tried to ignore them all, focusing instead on kylian’s amazing match and all the things she’d tell him.

amara hesitated at first, unsure whether she should enter immediately as her worries took over her thoughts but she was able to block them out quickly. with all her confidence, she strutted over to the door, knocking three times before opening it and entering. taking a few steps, she was instantly met with kylian, currently changing as he took off his jersey.

“hey superstar. how does it feel to be mvp?” she teased, flashing him a playful grin as she made her way towards him.

he turned towards her with a cheeky smile, amara’s eyes not leaving his defined abs. his arms immediately engulfed her as he pulled her in for a hug, savoring the scent of cherry and vanilla that was immediately picked up by his nose. “amara? i can’t believe you actually came. and your hair? why did you dye it red?”

she laughed, throwing her head back in joy and twirled one of her extensions. “i promised you i’d be there, didn’t i? and as for my hair, told you those paps aren’t gonna catch me.” she replied sassily.

he chuckled playfully, shaking his head at her sass. “so, what did you think of the match? don’t even try to lie, i know you enjoyed it. especially my two goals,” he smirked. “comment t'as trouvé mes célébrations? kinda cool, don’t you think?” — what did you think of my celebrations?

she rolled her eyes, matching his sarcasm. “i loved them,” she retorted. “you just had to do it, didn’t you? because of you, gracey will scold me tomorrow since your new celebration,” she trailed off, looking at him pointedly, “will attire a lot of media attention. especially that second one.”

he shrugged, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "didn’t you say that any publicity is good publicity? besides they’ll probably forget it in a week.”

she laughed again, knowing he had a point but that still didn’t make her any less annoyed. “fine but don’t say i didn’t want you when the paps start camping in front of your apartment.”

“i already spend more time at yours than at my own so it’s fine.” he replied sarcastically. “that way, you won’t steal any secret tactics.”

she faked a dramatic expression, putting a hand on her chest. “oh my gosh, you discovered my plan. the only reason i actually dated you was to steal all the secret tactics and sell them to the highest bidder. but then again, your tactics aren’t really worth much.” she joked, shrieking when kylian attacked her hips, tickling her there.

“i dare you to say that again,” he demanded jokingly, resting his hands lastly around her waist, pulling her closer. “we talked about this amara.”

“i know, i know.” she repeated, rolling her eyes. “we don’t compare psg with liverpool. i know that. now come here,” she said, purposely annoying him before pulling him in for a kiss.

they were immediately caught in a passionate kiss as amara wrapped her hands around his neck. every kiss still felt like their first one, fireworks still exploding in her stomach whenever their lips met.

“you were great,” amara whispered against his lips, smiling as she leaned in to connect them again. though they never made it since the door suddenly opened and the couple was caught like a deer in headlights when the rest of his teammates came in. there was a moment of silence before one of his teammates (amara didn’t know who) started to yell.

“MAIS LE GARS, C’EST KYLIAN AVEC UNE MEUF!” on of them yelled and amara stared down, luckily not blushing. — guys, it’s kylian with a girl

“and she actually seems nice. remember when he dated chloe, that stuck-up bitch.” another one commented, his teammates agreeing.

“eh, je suis toujours la.” kylian retorted annoyingly. — hey, i’m still here

“COME ON KYLIAN, PRESENT HER TO US!” several of his teammates screamed, some even jumping up and down which made amara smile. it warmed her heart to see how thrilled they were to meet her.

“le gars, this is amara imani, the singer, you—“ he began but amara cut him off immediately, rolling her eyes.

she arched an eyebrow, looking at him incredulously. “bro, they didn’t ask you for a cv of me.” she cut him off sassily before looking at the boys who were watching them confusingly. “i’m his girlfriend.”

“what?” all of them exclaimed which made kylian smirk, probably boosting his ego.

neymar (amara immediately recognized him because of liyah’s huge footballer crush phase) was the first to grin widely and to approach her. “hah, i already knew. i was the first person he told,” he bragged. “it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person. eu sou um grande fã de sua música.” — i’m a big fan of your music.

“obrigado. i’m a big fan of your skills too.” she replied, her accent standing out as she replied to him in portuguese.

“you speak portuguese?” another of his teammates asked (amara hating herself for her short memory because she was sure she had seen him play today).

she nodded, smiling shyly. “i speak several languages. next to english and french, i also speak spanish, igbo and a bit portuguese but mine is a bit rusty.”

“that’s still more than his last girlfriend.” another one hollered. “sergio ramos, delighted to meet you. it’s a good thing you speak spanish, now we can bitch about kylian behind his back whenever we want.”

a mischievous grin appeared on her face while this time, kylian rolled his eyes. “you do know i speak spanish fluently right?” he asked them but they both waved dismissively.

the next one to present himself was marco and even he had some difficulties, believing that kylian had actually gotten the girl. “it’s kinda weird having you standing right here. who would’ve thought kylian’s game was that good? never in thousand years i’d have believed that. also my wife is a big fan of yours. even dragged me to one of your concerts.”

she just laughed, sending kylian a playful wink before turning her attention back to marco.

one by one they introduced themselves, some not able to contain their excitement due to them being big fans while others had difficulties with believing that had actually managed to get himself a girlfriend who was none other than amara. and since this were incredible news, presnel (as amara had learned) couldn’t keep himself from facetiming the whole french national team just to keep them up with the happenings. it didn’t ring long before several faces started to pop up on the screen of presnel’s phone.

“MES FRÈRES, NOTRE BÉBÉ A ENFIN UNE COPINE!” presnel announced excitingly, waking everybody’s interest and capturing their attention. — my brothers, our baby finally has a girlfriend

“ATTEND, KYLIAN A KEN AVEC UNE MEUF?” antoine retorted confusingly, probably speaking out loud what the other members of the french team were thinking. instead of answering, presnel just shoved the phone in amara’s face who smiled awkwardly. “EH, MAIS C’EST AMARA IMANI.” — wait, kylian bagged someone?

— eh, but that’s amara imani

there was a shockwave growing through the participants of the call, all too stunned to speak.

“where is amara? i wanna see her too,” a little voice said in the background and a girl showed up next to antoine which amara assumed was his daughter. she waved shyly at the screen, causing even more chaos.

"KYKY SORT AVEC AMARA IMANI! Comment il a réussi avec sa grosse tête de tortue?” paul exclaimed amusingly as amara laughed too, nearly choking. — kylian is going out with amara imani! how did he manage that with his big head of a turtle?

“QUI S'INTÉRESSE QUELLE TÊTE IL A? IL A PÉCHO AMARA IMANI!” ousmane disregarded his friend’s comment quickly and looked at amara who had taken pleasure in watching the team react to the news. “can i have tickets for your next tour? the last one was sold out way too quick before i even had a chance." — who cares what head he has? he pulled amara imani!

“kylian, if you don't bring her to the next team event, don't even bother showing up.” aurelien threatened jokingly.

amara nudged him slightly to catch his attention. “your friends are funny. i didn’t know they were such big fans of me.”

he leaned down to whisper in her ear. “i told you, they were going to love you.”

“AMARA, JE T’AIME. JE T’AI TOUJOURS SUPPORTER, MÈME QUAND TON EX DE MERDE RACONTAIS DE CONNERIES SUR TOI!” jules then yelled over the phone making amara’s heart even warmer. — amara, i love you. i’ve always supported you even when that shitty ex was saying bullshit about you.

“je suis tellement ravie de faire connaissance avec vous et ça me tient à cœur que vous êtes de si gros supporter.” amara told them happily, genuinely touched by their warm welcome. — it’s been a pleasure getting to meet you and I’m touched that you’re such big fans of me.

kylian, who had finished changing and had finally dressed up, placed himself next to amara, his hand instantly wrapping around her waist. he placed a few soft kisses on her neck which sent tickles down her entire spine.

“stop that,” she muttered under her breath, smiling as she tried to hold kylian’s head away from her neck though that turned out to be very complicated as he had his arms wrapped around her waist.

“fine,” he replied, his lips pressed to a pout. taking a bit pity on him, she turned his head, pressing a soft peck on his lips.

“heh, il y’a des enfants ici.” yelled presnel and neymar amusingly put his hands over marco’s eyes while the couple separated quickly making everybody present laugh. — hey, there are children there

“j’ai toujours cru que le vrai amour de kylian, c’est le foot honnêtement.” paul revealed jokingly. “c’était la seule chose qu’il faisait.” — i always thought football was kylian’s true love — it’s the only thing he ever talked about

“bah apparemment, tout ce qu’il faut faire c’est ressemble à un ninja turtle pour draguer des meufs célèbre.” jules replied in the same tone as paul and amara wasn’t able to retain her giggle watching kylian’s face scrunch up. — apparently all you need for famous girls to come after you is to resemble a ninja turtle

“vous êtes chiante,” the french international striker pouted again, wanting to hide his face in amara’s neck again but she pushed him off. — you’re all pain in the asses

the entire team erupted in laughter, taking joy in watching his demise and him being all embarrassed. but of course they all meant it well. and amara understood quickly that they were a bunch of adults with the mindset of children, wondering truly how their coach was able to keep up with them.

“soo… how long have you two been dating?” aurelien asked them curiously, amara and kylian exchanging some looks.

“we’ve known each other for about seven to eight months but we started seeing each other a month and a half ago and have been officially dating for two weeks.” replied amara.

“si ça dépendait de moi, on devrait sortir ensemble pour sept mois maintenant.” kylian threw in jokingly. — if it were up to me we’d be dating for seven months now

“donc tu la fais attendre un peu?” presnel inquired, mischievous glint sparkling in his eyes as amara nodded proudly. “ça va le gars, il est complètement parti. un vrai simp.” — so you made him wait for a while? — guys, it’s official. he’s completely gone, a true simp

“wesh, ta gueule,” kylian retorted sassily, blushing slightly. — shut up

“est-ce que kylian t’embêtes de fois avec tout son bavardage de foot?” jules asked next. — does kylian annoy you sometimes with his constant talk about football

amara nodded swiftly, a loud sigh following. “yes he does. il y a des fois où je suis fatiguée et je veux seulement rentrer me coucher mais monsieur a décidé de mettre un match. et il commente toujours à côté.” amara complained. “but i love that about him.” — there are times where I’m just tired and all i want to do is sleep but mister here decided to put on match. and he always comments on it on the side

“you can never stay mad at me,” kylian whispered seductively into her ear and amara hummed, the two losing themselves in their own world again.

“eh, les amoureux on a pas encore fini.” presnel reminded them loudly. — hey lovebirds, we haven’t finished yet.

“j'espère que tu lui a appris quelques pas de danse parce que ton copain est tellement nul en danse…” paul trailed off making amara laugh. — i hope you taught some dance moves because your boyfriend is so bad at dancing…

kind of embarrassed, she admitted shyly. “ce même lui qui m’a appris à danser le slow. donc je peux te rassurer.” — actually, it’s him who taught me how to dance a slow so I can reassure you he definitely got better

“you don’t have to be embarrassed amara. we have tons of embarrassing stories about kylian. like one time” ousmane trailed off, thinking of the best example. his face brightened up immediately. “LE GARS, VOUS VOUS RAPPELER QUAND KYLIAN NOUS A FORCER À ÉCOUTER TOUS SES CHANSONS?” he yelled excitingly. — guys remember when kylian forced us to listen to all her songs

“ah oui, on se réveillait avec ta voix et on s’endormait avec ta voix.” — yes, we always woke up with her voice and fell asleep to her voice

“t’as toujours était son crush célébrité. donc on a rien dit quand il nous forçait à écouter tes chansons.” antoine explained to her and amara looked at kylian who tried to hide his embarrassment. — you’ve always been his celebrity crush. so we never said anything when he forced us to listen to your songs

“hey, don’t be shy. i find it adorable that you had a crush on me.” she replied sweetly. “that’ll be great leverage in the future.”

they started wooing, leaving some teasing side marks that guaranteedly boosted his ego. as if it needed any more growing.

“well, i have a question.” said antoine, already looking forward to teasing his teammate. “est-ce que kylian a aussi d’endurance au lit qu’au terrain?” — does kylian have as much stamina in bed as on the field?

nearly choking on his saliva, amara patted kylian’s back hard and reached for his water bottle so he could calm down.

“how do you answer that question?” amara inquired slowly.

“bah, nous on veut savoir comment est il est au lit. est-ce qu’il se vente des ses talents comme il l’aime faire souvent ou c’est vrai?” ousmane inquired. — well we want to know how he is in bed. does he exaggerate about his talents like he often does or is it true?

“i…” she looked at her boyfriend for some help but he just smirked, pointing at the screen where his friends / teammates were all looking for an answer. “oh my god, i don’t know how to answer that.”

“it’s a simple yes or no question.”

she sighed, glaring at kylian for leaving her in this situation before answering, “well, we’re fine off the pitch. ça ne manque de riens.” — we’re not missing anything

“eh mais attends. donc c’était toi qui lui a sucée le cou quand il est arrivé à l'entraînement avec un grand suçon?” presnel exclaimed shockingly. — wait a minute, so it was you who sucked his neck when he arrived at training with that huge hickey?

she shrugged dismissively. “je viens de dire que rien nous manque au lit.” she retorted sassily, sending them a playful wink that made his teammates yell again while kylian pulled her closer to him. — i just told you, we’re not missing anything

“kylian t’a intérêt à ne pas la perdre.” antoine threatened him lightly. — kylian, you better not lose her

“don’t worry, i don’t plan on doing so.”

it was loud and crowded in the club. even though neymar had rented the vip space for them, they were still able to feel the excitement and atmosphere of the crowd downstairs. the music was good though and amara found herself enjoying the mix the dj had put on as she watched the people dance.

the initial thought had actually been to go home but the team decided to go out and celebrate together after such a hard-fought victory where they had played beautifully for the first time in a long time. after the call amara had wanted to go home but when the team had invited her to tag alone to celebrate their victory and also get to know the others (such as the wags) she had accepted immediately, wanting to be integrated as quickly as possible.

they had gone home quickly to change before joining the squad outside of some fancy parisian club that they had apparently frequented very often and were fond of. amara had traded the red-blue jersey kylian had gifted her for a simple gray silk dress that sparkled in the light with every step that she took. how they had managed to escape the paparazzis, she’d never know. but she looked pretty so actually she wouldn’t mind being photographed right now.

kylian had immediately complimented her when she had come out of her bedroom, sporting the gray dress with her red hair tied up in a high ponytail. he was in awe of how she let the most simplistic things look beautiful, even when she put minimal effort into it. the entire night his eyes had not left her even when he was talking to one of his friends, his eyes had not left his girlfriend which amused his friends greatly.

he was also very happy of how well she got along with the other girlfriends and wives. he knew her friendship circle wasn’t very big and the only real friends she actually had were liyah and grace (where she always assured him that they were enough) but yet she was willing to put herself out there and make new contacts. perhaps he hadn’t given her enough credit when she had announced to him that she was coming back.

with the excuse of wanting to get himself another drink he was able to leave the conversation and rejoin his girlfriend that was waiting at the bar for her own drink. he surprised her from behind, putting his hands around her neck which startled amara at first but she relaxed quickly once seeing that it was kylian.

“t’es tellement belle,” kylian whispered in her ear, intertwining their fingers and amara leaned into his body. “i hope you’re having fun.” — you’re so beautiful

she nodded, taking a sip from her drink that had just arrived. “merci mon cœur.” she replied softly. “and i am having fun. jessica and sarah are sooo nice.” she replied, pointing to the two women who sat a bit away from the dance floor and were talking. “we have even planned some shopping dates already.”

“that’s amazing ma belle.”

the two stayed in their own bubble for a while, the comfort of the other being enough. amara had never truly realized how safe kylian made her feel especially when they were somewhere that was out of her comfort zone. he made sure she felt welcomed, safe. he didn’t abandon her like she was used to when she was dating evan and hung out with some influencer barbies.

talking with his teammates had also shown her what kind of supporting system kylian had, which she found was a privilege. talking from experience, she knew exactly how hard it could be when you were left all alone without any kind of support and how hard it would be in some difficult situations. and the french national team had immediately accepted her, welcomed her the moment she had introduced herself as kylian’s girlfriend.

truthfully, that she was someone’s girlfriend again felt a bit weird to her in the beginning. after finally learning to be alone, she was again someone’s girl. but this time she had said because she wanted to and not because someone had coerced her into accepting. and the way kylian had asked her whether she wanted to take another step. so calm, patient and genuine — she’d have been a fool to say no.

“do you get flashbacks?” she asked him, her eyes traveling across the club. “from the first time we met?”

“a bit. just that it wasn’t a club and you’re not as drunk as you were that night.” he laughed.

the two seemed inseparable with their bond evident to everyone around them. they didn’t even go back to their friends they had left with the excuse to get a drink. instead they stayed at the bar, laughing and talking while watching the people around them. only when the tones of dadju’s bébé came out from the speakers did the two leave their places to join the dance floor. kylian less willingly but then again he would do anything to see her smile.

as they swayed to the rhythm of the song, the rest of the the group couldn’t help but be marveled by how much in love they actually were.

“look at them,” presnel said to the group, pointing to the couple dancing to the song. “one could think they’ve been dating for a year. there’s no way they’ve been dating for only a month.” he exclaimed, the group watching as kylian muttered something into her ear and amara threw her head back laughing.

“wouldn’t be surprised if kylian got down on his knee right now,” marco added, grinning widely, “just watching them is enough to make someone sick. they’re acting like a couple on their honeymoon.”

“well, she was his celebrity crush,” neymar added, matching marco’s expression. “our boy has game. he’s definitely head over heels for her.”

“and she is for him.” sarah chimed in, taking place next to her husband.

the group watched with fond smiles as the couple danced on the dance floor. they probably didn’t even notice people staring at her, that much they were caught in their own world. they stared into each other's eyes, smiling as they swayed to the music. the song they had originally got up for had finished long ago but the two couldn’t bring themselves to sit down again. except quick drinking pauses (that mostly consisted of amara ordering a drink while kylian announced himself as the dd) their feet were glued to the crowd. and in addition to that,

as the night wore on, the number of drinks amara had downed became higher too. luckily for her, this time she wasn’t an emotional drunk but more like a fun and energetic drunk. she would be lying if she said that she didn’t enjoy kylian whispering sweet things into her ear the entire night or dancing with her new friends the moment the dj put on some quicker music.

knowing his girlfriend was tired though after some time, he made his way over to her, pulling her closer as he inhaled her scent.

“we should go home now, don’t you think?” kylian muttered softly into her ear. “tu n’arrives même plus à tenir,” he laughed, watching his girlfriend’s drunken state. — you can’t even stand properly anymore

“but my new friends… i haven’t finished dancing with them yet.” she pouted. “sarah was telling me a story.” she slurred him drunkenly.

“je te promets que sarah va venir demain pour te raconter le reste de l’histoire,” he tried to compromise, already bidding goodbye to the group who had immediately understood after seeing amara’s state. and they weren’t the only ones. marco and jessica had also already left, jessica having drunk just as much as marco. — i promise you sarah is coming tomorrow to tell you the rest of the story.

wearing a grumpy expression, she intertwined her hands and followed kylian outside, who had already called his driver. as kylian led amara to the car where his chauffeur was waiting for them he couldn’t help but reminisce about the night they had met for the first time. it felt nostalgic remembering how similar this situation was to how they first met. only difference was that this time, instead of nearly falling asleep, amara was full of energy, happily skipping around as they marched towards the car.

as they settled into the car, amara’s head rested on kylian’s shoulder, her gaze wandering out the window into the city lights that blurred past. his eyes were filled with love, watching her snuggle against him.

“you remember that night?” amara’s voice broke the silence, her words slightly slurred yet laced with fondness. "when you saved me from probably being kidnapped even though i was such a bitch to you. and now we’re here again.”

he nodded, pressing a gentle kiss on her temple. “i had to google myself to prove to you that i didn’t have any bad intentions. and you were so sarcastic that night.”

“well, it’s a good thing that you’re so stubborn,” she replied cheekily. “imagine if you had actually walked away.”

“i probably wouldn’t have been able to do this,” he leaned in and softly pecked her lips.

as they arrived at amara’s place, kylian carefully helped her out of the car, he walked her through the door as her laughter echoed in the night air, not able to stop himself from falling for her all over again. walking through the gate, they continued their playful banter and inside jokes, kylian enjoying her funny drunk-self.

the only moment where silence was present was when the couple found themselves in the elevator, standing face to face. that was also where the alcohol truly kicked in, not only for amara but also for kylian. before they even knew, the couple was making out, and only stopped when the elevator rang, signaling them that they had finally arrived at her apartment.

she stumbled through the room, her words slurred and laughter infectious as she entertained him with drunken anecdotes and witty remarks. while amara told kylian a drunken story about her first time on tour, the french striker helped the singer change into her pajama and carefully tried to do her skincare. (and kylian will forever brag to anyone who’ll hear that he perfectly applied moisturizer and toner.)

it would probably count as one of kylian’s biggest achievements that he managed to not only put a drunken woman to bed but also have her occupied enough that she didn’t recognize that he had left to change himself. he slipped secretly into her bed, getting comfortable next to her as amara cuddled into his chest continuing her rambling about god and the world while kylian found his comfort just listening to her.

all of sudden, a brilliant idea struck her as she listened to kylian’s heartbeat.

“omg kylian i have an idea for a song!” she exclaimed loudly, giggling. “quick, i need paper, please. avant que ça ne quitte ma tête.” — before it slips away from my head

her boyfriend chuckled affectionately, a wide smile plastered across his lips as he stood up to get her some paper. for some people it would seem stupid to listen to a drunk person but she could ask him to do the most dumb thing ever and he'd do it as long as it puts a smile on her face. that was love — sacrificing yourself in the most stupid ways just to see a smile on your partner’s face.

he hurriedly fetched a notepad and pen which she grabbed from him and even though she lacked any other surface to put the paper on, she started scribbling the lyrics on the paper.

“so you’re just going to write a song now.”

“yes.”

“in your state?”

“yep.”

the room filled with a poignant silence as she wrote the lyrics to the song. in the end it turned out to be a process of not only her but also kylian. he gave advice and listened to her while she sang some of the verses to him she was insecure about or when she didn’t find a word that fit enough to describe a feeling. he felt a profound sense of admiration and love for her as he watched her work.

finding comfort in his warmth that his body extended to hers, she looked him deeply into the eyes, staring behind his pupils and into his soul. "well, you know you kind of own my heart. you’re actually the king of my heart."

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐏

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌

𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚.𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢

liked by beyoncé, liyah.clark and 32.732.195 others

amara.imani mon amour, je t’aime — my third studio album, i spent hours and hours trying to be the best version of myself to not only give you my most proudest work but also to make myself proud. this album is the result of love, passion and devotion, endless love that i received and that fueled me to write this album. thank you to my fans, who stood by me during the highs and lows — this album is also for you

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liyah.clark YOU OUTDID YOURSELF, it’s so much better than what i could have imagined, i’m crying happy tears 🫶🏾

graceywood this was all you, you put everything into this album and it paid off so much, it’s beautiful and i couldn’t have been prouder to be your agent

beyoncé this album is an entire masterpiece, very happy that i was able to be a part of this

cardi_b girl, you slayed, one of the tops this year

username amara imani really took a pause, came back and dropped a musical masterpiece

username the way this album has me on a chokehold, been listening to it the entire day

username this album is a work of art, a true album, the renaissance of good music after all this shit people bring out today

charles_leclerc congratulations amara (liyah forced the entire grid to listen to it the entire day)

amara.imani thx charles 🤎 (omggg, lewis hamilton listened to my music)

charles_leclerc should i be worried about this obsession you and amara have over lewis?

liyah.clark babe, it’s lewis hamilton, please stay in your lane

username why did this album bring me to tears, like she sounds so in love it made me cry

username she never sang about evan like that, that man must be really special to her

versace the entire versace family congratulated you to the release of your new album, you did amazing — donatella