#had a very bad mental health day | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

baronessblixen · 3 months ago

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Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

#had a very bad mental health day #neither my run nor the weather helped #but it will pass ❤️#and i got this pic out of it #autumn #fall #mine

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lewmagoo · 1 year ago

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goodnight my loves 💋

#had a very bad mental health day #just trying to survive these next couple weeks #🥲

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syn4k · 1 year ago

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to be, or not to be (romanticization of the inevitable)

#ray's tag #keys' art #undescribed #skeletons #ok to reblog #the skeleton model that i traced for this was provided by the incredible kiku @kikunai whom you can find right here on tumblr!#so uh. This is a piece about chronic fatigue although the original idea i had for it drifted a bit as soon as I started coloring the linear #(i really enjoy shading and lighting things and got a bit carried away here but i stand by my choice because this is my favorite thing #that i've ever drawn)#anyways. i often feel especially lately with school being back in season that my bones are leaden with this sort of. weariness. theyre heav #it weighs on our mental health and energy a lot and although there's a couple of reasons we have been given for it #that doesn't remove the fact that this is still a thing that affects us in a very real way day to day although we are good at masking it.#often i come home to find that i do not have the physical mental or creative energy to work on things i really want to #especially project: nexus which i feel extra bad about even though i can't help it because i just started it so recently #it is a mild to moderate struggle to make it day to day and i just. wanted to represent this somehow #my original concept for this was a skeleton with some black goop gunk whatever leaking from its joints #but as i started adding the cracks and coloring them gold (a personal touch; kintsugi is a concept that is very dear to us)#i realized that the focus here was less on the condition itself and more on the body that it afflicts.#so i put it into a spotlight.#ironic i know since very little people acknowledge this irl or even know it exists at all but i added rim lighting. I added color gradients #I colored the lineart and made it all fancy and even added a flare for the head to get the point across that even at its core; disability i #a performance. this is not implying that disabilities are fake in fact this is the opposite of that. i wanted to show that with disabilitie #especially i think in my personal opinion the invisible ones #we are all masking at least a little bit during the vast majority of the day. humans are social creatures and it is only when we are alone #or with someone we deeply trust where we allow ourselves to be who we truly are without fear and even then that can be rare #so i wanted to show this bit of the soul in as broad a limelight as i could. idk this is a really abstract piece and i dont know if anyone #will even get it but it matters to me at least. and even though we've been largely bedridden for the past week i think that's okay #we will get it figured out. all of us. okay? okay. i love you. i fucking love you. we are going to fucking make it #(also the xes over the eyes are because i thought they looked cool they have no deeper meaning at least i think they dont #actually i think they do but i cant put it into words idk. Art is subjective assign your own meaning i'm gonna go get a shower)

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iwanttobepersephone · 2 days ago

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Emergency!!!!!! I need some cute Halt O'Dad thoughts!!!!!!! Now!!!!!!

#I'm being so genuine rn my mental health is currently very unstable my happiness tomorrow very well may rely on this #I had a good day today but got some very bad news that ruined my night #and if I don't fall asleep thinking about something cute I will not have a good morning tomorrow #which in turn makes it very hard to have a good day #and I would like to have a good day #so I'm crowd sourcing Halt O'Dad scenarios #could be anything #the smallest of ideas ever #it'll work I promise #rambles #ranger's apprentice #rangers apprentice #halt o'carrick #halt o'dad

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isa-ah · 6 months ago

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making a fursona is fun but getting to retire an old traumatized time capsule of yourself and make a new, happy, grown version of yourself is so fuckin nice.

#chocolate milk had very short hair and a very bad attitiude. very sad and angry guy #lovely belle is cheerful and bright with a cane and long hair like me =')!#growing my hair out and finding out its actually really wavey and curly was magical #and its so integral to my health getting soooooo so so so much better mentally and physically #bc for most of my life my hair was grey and kept very short and got insanely frizzy if it grew out #right up until our wedding i was buzzing my head consistently but after i realized what the root of my health issues was #my entire life changed!#my body type changed my my face shape changed my hair color changed i wasn't in 8-9 level pain every day anymore #lifes GOOD now i feel insanely healthy. id always assumed i was going yo die young and never know why #but instead im going into my 30s flourishing in a way ive never experienced in my life #AUGH making a new fursona was so needed and im so happy w the design #sorry to gush it's important to look around and recognize how far youve come! sometimes! so!

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 3 months ago

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honestly it's been really healing being back to actively contributing things and writing out thoughts on tumblr the last week or so, because while twitter tends to be easier for me to write out Thoughts on without getting overwhelmed, the environment in the twitter fandom circles i'm interested in is not only infested with antis but cliqueish in a way that is caustic to the fucking soul if you try to express a thought that's more than three sentences long--a hundred times over if you're autistic in slightly the wrong way--and it's incredibly reassuring to come back to an environment where the very kindest and most inclusive people toward you are not clearly thinking the r-slur the entire time they interact with you lmao

#whosebaby talks #took an incident of just open petty cruelty the other day for me to finally go #you know what all of this is doing a huge number on my self-esteem and scrupulosity and social anxiety and mental health overall #sometimes it pays to hold out and give the benefit of the doubt #when your knee-jerk reaction is to think something Must Be a Sign of Shitty Intent; bc often it will turn out that wasn't the case at all #but unfortunately sometimes it turns out people are in fact just being shitty in exactly the way you thought they were #and at the *very* best you are incompatible in such a way that if they don't have bad intentions you're just never going to be able to tell #or well. not even necessarily bad *intentions*; just shitty behavior that's harmful to you regardless of whether they mean well #sometimes you just gotta accept that even if neither of you *is* being shitty it's not worth your peace of mind to never be able to confirm #and it's better to just save both of you the stress and not try to pursue that.#it fuckin sucks when it's people you think are cool and really want to get to know; it's a hard lesson to learn; but it's the way sometimes #......and then sometimes the confirmation you finally get is that yeah okay this is some bullshit #and not in a way that can likely be communicated past; no matter how much effort you make to be kind; clear; and mature #and being publicly humiliated for carefully trying to yes-and some clarification on meta of mine #which was being used in ways i was deeply uncomfortable with; and had had no warning would take the turn that it did #and which was contributing to the original post gaining traction in the first place #all targeted in ways pretty much tailor-made to hurt someone with specific issues they had seen me talk about + acknowledged #was just. yeah i think i'm done here lmao #i am Not someone who takes down meta once posted #so the fact that it was bad enough to make me delete an entire thread really says something lol #anyway. lots of other context there; and i appreciate that in some ways the person was genuinely trying to be kind; but i'm. yeah.#that shit Hurted Extremely; and made me realize that while i'm not the *most* well-socialized or articulate or approachable #there is just something in the water over there and no amount of The Problem Not Being Me would have mattered #and the nice asks/replies/comments i've gotten both recently and during hibernation make me feel warm inside; thank y'all <3 #the salt files #bullying cw #ableism cw

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heybaetae · 10 months ago

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hi

#hi #i am just popping on here for a second bc i’m not in the mood to be back yet but my queue is getting quite full #so i think i might have to unpause it soon #maybe tomorrow idk yet #just a heads up in case i seem active again i’m not really i just had a lot of stuff piling up 😭#it will be a Huge shuffled mess so patience is appreciated!!#i apologize if you’re waiting on me but thank you for waiting regardless #please keep using my tracked tag for your creations #i will be back for real eventually #my mental health is quite terrible lately i still need time #it’s about to be a year since the last time i saw my sister before she passed so like. my grief is going through a crazy stage #i’m still not getting a ton of sleep #my brain is just Bad things all day #it’s all just really sucky but i’m trying to do my best 🙃#i hope you are all well i miss you #i will respond to messages at some point too #there are very few which..well it puts things into perspective and validates certain feelings ig lol #it’s all good that’s something i’m working on internally #hopefully i get there #bye again for now 💕

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penisbilt · 9 months ago

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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now

#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL #really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us #ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great #extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore #the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog #its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow #i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating #i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one #i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it #theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget #anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by #there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad #cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now #maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that #im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away #ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free #i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20 #i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her #but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more #maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know #because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before #i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years #i dunno. i dont know #anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process #the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months #the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time #when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move #just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend

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rustycottoncandy · 8 months ago

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I somehow made it through the school day running on one hour of sleep

#I went to sleep at 5am yesterday #not by decision though - or not fully at least #i was feeling very shitty so I tried drawing to calm myself down but it didn't work and I ended jp just getting worse #Nobody at home was awake ans I couldn't talk to any of my vontacts because again they were all asleep #and I really needed to talk to somebody so I ended up reaching to a Mental Health helpline #I thought of reaching out to a suicide prevention hotline at first but I didn't because I wasn't going to #nor thinking of #commiting suicide.#I didn want to do something pretty bad which I was trying to distract myself from doing but not kill myself #eventually I found a general mentak health helpline and texted a woman through there at early 3am/very late 2am #we talked for two hours. she was really nice and helped me calm down and gave me advice on what to do if that happened again #it was 5am when we stopped talking and I had to wake up at 6am so I didn't sleep much #I really appreciate whst she did she helped me a lot - she also offered to call my parents but I said no because I didn't want to worry them #and she understood she was really nice people behind these kinds of things are like wingless angels #I've been able to take short naps between classes and a considerably long one after an exam but I dtarted the day on 1 hour of sleep #AND SURVIVED IT yippee #my stuff #vent

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ai-the-broccoli · 2 months ago

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aaghh I hate health anxiety ocd (or whatever you call it), it's literally doing nothing other than contributing to make my health worse

... wait actually, does anyone have like, tips/advice for that kind of thing? I really think I need some help with this one

#i (ai)#ocd #vent cw #I also have like severe decision paralysis + procrastination issues so that's great #like. being so scared that i have to choose for something to eat that is nutritious&healthy AND affordable AND eatable #that i delay my eating by many hours every other day (+ combined with many other reasons like general awful schedule)#is not in fact the amazing health plan my instincts apparently think it is for some baffling reason. fucking hell #I consistently have all sorts of digestive system issues and I'm plenty underweight. tbh my adhd meds prob also dont help with this part #....on that note I have severe anxiety with spending money (which I have very little of) too. lmao. just great #during the lockdown years my contamination ocd spiked very badly and it still hadn't fully recovered now #and it was/is really godawful harmful for my physical and mental health alike. like this was worse before but even now it really screws wit #my hydration habits. also its always my top consideration/anxiety to think about 'god would the toilet hygiene be bad'#whenever theres any option for me to go anywhere. so I avoided nearly every possible activity/event/social event I could avoid #that require leaving home for half a day or more. and I freak out badly whenever anyone comes to our home to visit for fear of contaminatio #some family friends used to send kids over to our place for dinner montly-ish & that was always my worst anxiety source for the month #I always dreaded the night terribly and it was awful experience. urgh.#gdi I wish I had less types of ocds like why am I cursed with so many annoying things at once lmao #...anyway ugh. i hate how my parents is about me getting sick/ill/any sort of pains etc. always jump to blame me at once #now I don't even want to tell them about it but I have to and they'll often force me to do chores as usual and/or never stop talking about #how it's so totally my fault for having awful schedules and bad habits etc that I'm sick & that I'm making excuses or whatever the fuck #that i'm an adult its my responsibility etc etc #anyway sorry and thank you if you've read this far lmao

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stillfruit · 4 months ago

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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!

#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this #i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked #so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage #could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better #my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real #otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking #spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc #what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active #so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible #without spiking my hr to zone 4 #so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything #i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards #outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is #i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me #based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not #some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works #but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again #because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now #i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog #but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less #i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis #so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important #this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty #shit talking

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thats-a-lot-of-cortisol · 5 months ago

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Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do

#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working #im gonna fucking riot #im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating #i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing #but i want to do SOMETHING #i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time #or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again #if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still #i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK #is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW #i legitimately dont remember #personal #jay rambles #mental health cw #depression cw #im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks #im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours #which i cant afford atm #i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention

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castielafflicted · 1 year ago

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distinct possibility that things are going to start to get very bad for me in a few days because of medication reasons </3

#zeph posting #my birth control refill got denied bc i hadnt had an appointment in too long but i had no idea about that ahead of time #and i just took my last dose #i scheduled an appointment and the guy says they probably will do another refill since its a few weeks out #but! its not a sure thing #and i wont know until at the latest thursday #and so !#this is the thing that keeps my mental health stable even moreso than the mood stabalizer #and also makes sure my physical health doesnt get horrifically worse for like 10 days a month #over 10 bc i have to recover too #so ill either be fine! or have to wait until like january 15th before i feel okay again #this is very bad to happen at christmas bc i have to be around people and do things #so i just. god if they dont give me a refill #if u see me say im posting from the ER after christmas its bc i dont have them and got suicidal </3

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eastofedean · 6 months ago

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8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)