#god i am so emotional over these kids
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something something adaine has always struggled with feeling like there is something wrong with her, that she is not enough, that she is wrong somehow. she starts making friends and tries to unlearn the idea that she is hard to love and not worth the effort. then there’s a boy who might have a crush on her, who seems sorry for what his party is doing, and she doesn’t know how she feels about it. but no, he was just using her, because why would anyone care about adaine abernant? something something
#dimension 20#fantasy high#adaine abernant#d20 fantasy high#d20 fhjy#dimension 20 fhjy#d20 fhjy spoilers#fhjy spoilers#fhjy#oisin hakinvar#i personally think adaine is aroace#but my god#i feel so bad for my girl#obviously the bad kids love her but what a terrible reminder of all her insecurities#someone give her a hug PLEASE#i am so emotional over this
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UGH GARROTH HAS BEEN ON MY MIND LATELY BUT MAINLY HIM IN MY REWRITE which i REALLY need to organize one day but. i feel like aphblr appreciates hearing about rewrites a lot so. ill just ramble a bit.
i accidentally made one of garroth's core themes in the rewrite fatherhood.
firstly, he was the most positive male figure that vylad and zane had in their lives. as he got older, he felt more and more protective of them, he didnt want them becoming like his father, the same man that garroth is the splitting image of. he cant repeat the sins of his father, he has to make them better.
but then vylad literally dies and zane becomes an evil priest. so great. he failed.
and then he has to be in an arranged marriage?? not cool. so you know, he fakes his death, so does his arranged marriage fiance, and now theres a huge war, and hes hiding in a run-down village with the help of his former friend from a neighboring village. and he becomes close friends with the lord's secretive wife. she doesn't go out much, she much prefers to stay inside and read her books.
and one day, it blossoms into more.
garroth hates this. a secret relationship with the lord's wife? but, he loves her. and she loves him. their nights are filled with conversations of guilt.
and then, she tells him that she's pregnant.
they stop seeing each other, she hides her pregnancy from the village, her husband is enthusiastic. he's unaware of what's going on, and nine months pass and their child is born, the citizens of phoenix drop blissfully living their lives, not knowing a future lord had just been born. an illegitimate child.
garroth can't care for his son, and he never even learns the name. she stops visiting him, and it hurts him.
but althroughout this time, a young man named zenix came across phoenix drop. probably around eighteen years old, no more than twenty. scarred and traumatized from something he never told garroth about.
and so, garroth takes him in, and treats him like a son. he trains him to become a guard and garroth feels content. he's finally succeeding at this. he's helping someone become a better person! he's an important figure in someone's life!
and during this joyous period of his life, the lord is killed, and his wife is missing. the village was never told about the child, and chaos erupts. garroth and zenix must take control of the town as people begin to leave. garroth mourns the son he never got to connect with.
one day on patrol, a lady runs into the village, seemingly insane and claiming that a weird hooded figure was watching her and so she chased them. garroth and zenix helped her out, and out of the kindness of her heart, decided to repay them by completely helping the village out. this lady who barely even had any memories, who couldn't read or write that well, who was still learning about the history of the world, had taken the struggles of the villagers and put them into her heart, channeling their frustrations into constant work to rebuild the broken village.
it's going well, until, all of a sudden, a villager is attacked in the night and is near death. she saves him, and garroth decides to investigate what happened.
and then he is shot.
by his "adoptive" son.
pain of all types soar throughout garroth's body. he failed again. whatever he did with zenix, it wasn't good enough, and this was his karma.
and yet, he lived. and the knowledge of his failures followed him around as he tried to do any action for months. he hoped it would get better.
then one day, aphmau discovers a child at her door. a baby, one that can't even crawl yet. she discovers a note; his name is levin. she cares for him and brings him around the village, and garroth, in spite of his previous failures of being a father figure, vows to help the woman he loves raise a child, that unbeknownst to him, is his own biological child that vylad saved.
garroth has his suspicions as levin grows, but brushes it off and takes it to be a coincidence. he helps zoey, an elf aphmau had become close friends with, raise levin when aphmau went on her journeys. he taught him how to call aphmau mom!
aphmau has a journey one day and that day turns into weeks. garroth and laurance, his closest friend, search for her and discover she has adopted a ghost child and found another guard. a guard the similar age of zenix.
garroth is hesitant, but warms up to dante, and he and laurance act like father figures to the young guard without intending to. it comes naturally for garroth; laurance just follows his lead. and of course, garroth helps with aphmau's new child. he's making a difference again, he's helping!
and then, an illusion fools him and he falls into a depression. it hurts. he shouldn't be like this, he is supposed to be strong. he is the head guard. yet here he is, letting his emotions get in the way.
he wouldn't mind if laurance and aphmau got together, but to see them do so in private? knowing very well his feelings for both of them? it hurts. they must know what they are doing, there is no other way.
a mysterious lady comes by and offers to help garroth. over time, his memory becomes blurry until he ultimately blacks out. he lacks any autonomy now and attacks laurance. he causes his closest friends to be transported to a dangerous alternate dimension... all because of his own emotions. and to make matters worse, that lady wasn't just someone to help. it was someone hired by zane. the first person he failed to save.
the lady is killed and laurance's words cut through the spell cast on garroth. he has no idea what is happening, but he knows its his fault. he did something bad. and when a portal appears, he urges for them to go on as he fights off zane. he couldn't leave zane there; someone had to stop him from escaping, becoming more powerful, or even achieving what is basically immortality.
the minute that passes in the dimension until his rescue is daunting. flashes into another world where he reunites with aphmau give him hope, but they stop. and he loses his faith. there is no more zane could gain from being in this dimension, if anyone were to open the dimension, they would easily be able to attack him, no unprepared person would dare to do such a risky thing.
and so, he lets zane hit him. a deep cut in the back causes garroth to scream in pain, and he's close to dying.
aphmau returns. she heals him in their world, and he lies about his intentions, and returns to fighting his brother.
little does he know, laurance and aphmau had a few too much to drink one night recently, and made decisions they regret. they won't dare to tell him until much later, they can't risk hurting him, especially in such a vulnerable moment.
the guilt eats them alive. it is worsened by laurance's growing shadow knight urges. they're becoming borderline uncontrollable. its a living nightmare. he can't imagine hurting aphmau, no. he loves her. and he realizes that if she keeps worrying about garroth, she will hurt herself.
he comes to a decision.
he finds a way to open the portal and saves garroth, but costing the lives of himself and zane in the process. garroth is unconcious; he sees a glimpse of laurance, but is unaware of his death until he wakes up. he doesn't believe it, he wants to run, but he can't. his body aches. he's trapped.
aphmau visits him once before retreating to her bedroom for the next few weeks. they both go silent. they couldn't imagine losing laurance, yet here they were.
as garroth gets better, zoey allows for people to visit him. and there, he sees dante for the first time.
he's gotten much older.
there's barely visible wrinkles and blemishes on his face. someone he viewed as a son has aged beyond garroth and it's hard to handle. was this how laurance felt?
and then he sees levin.
he gets it now, this was his son, and he missed his life too. he failed. it hurts all too much, how dare he let his emotions get the best of him. if he had just talked to someone, maybe everything would be okay now.
aphmau eventually drops the news to garroth once they both got better that she's pregnant, and laurance is the father.
he's not mad.
he's broken over the news.
not over the fact that the two people he loved the most got with each other, but the fact that laurance will miss out on seeing his own child grow up, the same way garroth had done with levin.
garroth makes another vow to aphmau. he promises to help raise laurance's kid. he will be there for them.
he won't fail this time.
#minecraft diaries#minecraft diaries aphmau#mcd#mcd rewrite#mcd aphmau#aphmau#aphblr#aphmau mcd#garroth ro’meave#laurance zvahl#GOD THIS WAS MUCH LONGER THAN I WANTED#but im feeling EMOTIONS over pixels#and its 12 am#but like ive seen no one talk about garroth or laurance seeing dante for the first time#like. hes older than both of them now#AND A FATHER#he's doing what garroth couldnt#even if he didnt know about one of his kids for years#UGH i made myself sad this way.#also im not reading over this rn so#if theres typos or doesnt make sense anywheres then oops
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A Case of Ladybug Luck: Masterpost
Hello there everyone, and welcome to the waiting room of Hell! I cannot believe it's been an entire year since I started this AU and I never made this. But anyway, below you'll find a list of every chapter of A Case of Ladybug Luck, along with the fic's summary! Feel free to ask me about it, this AU is genuinely one of my favorites! It's really angsty, lots of good stuff here!
I will be updating this frequently with content from across this AU! Currently I have the main fic and the what-if fic, but more ideas are on the drawing board! You can find everything below the cut! I will be leaving the summary for ACOLL here, anyone interested is more than welcome to shoot me an ask! Please mind the tags and warnings for each chapter, and enjoy reading! Summary: Marinette doesn't think she can keep living like this. She never told Alya her secret, and her life is in shambles. Adrien is the only one who has noticed and tried to help, but he isn't enough. Lila has them both trapped in a web of lies they can't escape from, and their friends are all taking her side, unwilling to listen to either of them. She's losing hope. At least...at least Chat Noir noticed. She still had her partner. But when an oppurtunity presents itself to Marinette, the perfect chance to get away from this hellish existence and start brand new, she takes it, leaving Paris to deal with the consequences of her actions...
A Case of Ladybug Luck:
Arc 1: End of the Line
Chapter 1: End of the Line
Chapter 2: Last Night in Paris
Chapter 3: The Butterfly Effect
Chapter 4: Perfection's Shattering
Chapter 5: The Illusion of Living
Chapter 6: Cat's Cradle
Chapter 7: Spotted Trouble
Chapter 8: Let the Masks Fall
Chapter 9: Mastermind's Confession
Chapter 10: Aftermath
Arc 2: Liar Liar...Fauxfire
Chapter 11: Investigative Journalism
Chapter 12: Kind Stranger
Chapter 13: Fault and Forgiveness
Chapter 14: Thawed out Hearts
Chapter 15: Shopping Therapy
Chapter 16: Felix
Chapter 17: Remembrance of Gold Part 1
Chapter 18: Remembrance of Gold Part 2
Chapter 19: Marching Far Away
Chapter 20: Dearest Family
Chapter 21: Burn Our Bridges Down
Chapter 22: Ashen Ghosts
Chapter 23: Liar liar...
Chapter 24: Fauxfire
Arc 3: Tying the Noose
Chapter 25: It's Always Sunny
Chapter 26: Reunion
Chapter 27: Family Secrets
Chapter 28: Argos
Chapter 29: Ryuko
Chapter 30: The Rising Storm
Chapter 31: N/A
Chapter 32: N/A
Chapter 33: N/A
Chapter 34: N/A
Chapter 35: N/A
Chapter 36: N/A
Chapter 37: N/A
Chapter 38: N/A
Arc 4: Shadowmoth's Final Attack
Chapter 39: Shadowmoth's Final Attack Part 1
Chapter 40: Shadowmoth's Final Attack Part 2
A Case of Ladybug Luck: What If?
Chapter 1: What if...Chloe chased after Marinette?
Chapter 2: What if...Adrien ran away from home?
TBC
More projects TBA
#miraculous ladybug#a case of ladybug luck#ao3 fanfic#miraculous fanfic#masterpost#yolo's masterposts#adding that tag cuz i have more aus to make these for#marinette dupain cheng#adrien agreste#angst#like...a lot of angst#bit much innit?#emotional damage#i am not kidding#my readers are traumatized#so am i tbh#details details#you don't make good angst without crying over your own scenes#but yeah feel free to check the au out#also podfics / art / fanfic of my fanfic / comics/ other fan projects of any kind are very very welcome!#to know that my work has inspired someone to make stuff is amazing#it seriously would be the greatest thing ever#anyway yeah#i have another 10 chapters of this hell to write as of editing#and dear god#nobody is ready for this#just ao3 things#hope you enjoy#hope i don't finish this au in a nursing home#anyway i'll see myself out!
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i feel like a part of my soul has been ripped from my chest and i dont know why.
#is this a bad time to mention i dont even believe in souls?#i really dk why.#no this isnt abt jiro somehow apparently having a loving family#(ok like. at least 1/4 of it is BUT STILL. NOT THE POINT)#(part of me feels awkward abt it bc just. huh? youre telling me. this guy. that i basically am the irl version of. has a loving family???)#(/j and all but just. idk part of me feels awkward now? it just. a guy who blew himself up for most of the same ideals i have)#(gets to have the one thing i yearn so very hard for. everyday of my life. but can never have.)#(ill get over this in like. 2 hours. hopefully. most of thats just shock anyways.)#just. for the past some days. besides a couple things and people. hurt and love havent really. made me feel much of anything#like being cared for by actual ppl even online. yeah. it still does but#even my fantasies don’t entertain me anymore#oh god am i becoming lopt. save me fuck#UNLESS this means i get mason as my bf. then hell fucking yeah (kidding kidding kIDDINGG i dont wanna be lopt. please.)#but srsly. usually i can envoke some sorta reaction from myself if its brutal enough#but. nothing.#id assume that im over doing it usually. but i havent in a good while#maybe this is some what where my art/writers block is coming from#whatever this hell is.#time to go on a spiral of mildly depressing and somewhat cryptic posts (cryptic if i didnt info dump in the tags that is)#why is it so hard to confront issues when you dont even know what the issue is?#i just. wanna be able to make myself feel something.#not in a “i have no one but myself” way for once. just. i dont wanna have to rely on others for my emotions#i want to feel a pang of hurt. yet it feels so empty. i dont want to harm myself. i just want to feel it.#anyways ig.#ig im gonna just sleep#which tbh im growing to hate bc like. i feel all i do is sleep. i sleep to avoid how much my own body hurts. i sleep to ignore my issues#i sleep to ignore the fact i keep forgetting to respond to people even though ik i have to at some point. i sleep to avoid the dread of not#getting anything done. i sleep just because im bored.#and im tired of sleeping.#but. it feels worse awake. my body hurts. my mind hurts. it all just hurts.
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i finished. catching up. ha. haha.
#OH MY GOD#OHHHHHHHHH MY GOD#WOAH. woah. going through uh. what the kids these days call Emotions#so many times they went through the horrors.. and they continue to do so... AUGH#I am going through second-hand horrors on behalf of them. what#who said that#anyway#woah haha#craaaaazy am i right#ohhhh my god...#i need to sleep. and process this#i reread from picture perfect arc so it was A Lot#i am soooo awake rn though. dear god#favourite is still kou love that guy. god does he suffer#jshk is sooooo good and for a reason#and the art is so amazing as well!!!!#sumire and hakubo's relationship also. their last moment was engineered specially in a lab for me to Think About for a Long Long Time#i'm still screaming in my head over Everything btw#ALSO the latest chapter. woah okay haha so you're just gonna do that to me huh#or in other words: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#okay it's almost 3am so I'm going to sleep goodnightttttttt#rrrramblings
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i look in the mirror. hello pretty boy. would you like to get stabbed
#random thoughts#he looks eager though he's clearly been sick.#enter enter enter enter the person who poet poetry people never-ending defending paradigms made to be broken#glass ceilings much too high make your knees buckle when you stare at the reflection so reflective of something that just makes sense#this plays a familiar song in my mind i used to pick garlic flowers let me do it with you by the seaside#pick the poet technical and other issues ensue#and i am doubled over screaming everything i feel for you#never hatred only love though i could hate so many people#people-pleaser undefeated and they said “take me to your leader”#as if i remember where that comes from but i am god now#i am everything and anything and nothing all at once#and i make people sick#most especially myself#sometimes it makes you wonder if i do it on purpose#i'd like to be an alcoholic like my father rather like he was#because he's doing well and i think he tries but i say this just because#i'm just a kid and i know nothing about the world of boys and girls#i am a mechanical emotional vampire who will crack your head open#upon the rocks of a beautiful tuscan beach and the lord of the flies at sea#he called to me and called me simon but i think we're out of reach#petticoats are for children and i used to be just 39#that is not my age it is a number and a color#i associate it yellow because it used to be my favorite and i'm playing in the sand#i was 39 for a while but i care not to share the rest and everything is just a mess because i lie awake at night#wanting my hair back and a lover that will hold me#though the people need to be held so i will hold them by myself it's never me#but it always is i'm selfish even my mother says so#that's enough i'm overloaded sensorily overdosing#as we release ourselves we find it harder asking for help#no you don't need it all you need is to shut up and count to 12
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One of my brothers is moving away to college today + I have to skip therapy, so it’s a lot of… a lot. a lot.
#he was just a baby! he was just a little kid I carried around and took care of!#no nope. not gonna get into it right now. I WILL cry. it’s not even 6am and I do not need that right now#and I don’t really know if therapy today would really help#if I got into it I’d just start crying in front of this nice dude for an hour#though yeah… might be nice to.. I dunno… just talk about it.#I am always simultaneously ‘therapy is good’ and ‘what’s the point in talking about it?’#so maybe I do need that person that’s like ‘this is your time. just fucking talk.’#but also right now it’s like… talking about it won’t take me back to when my brother was little and far off from leaving#blegh…#whatever. anyway. it’s gonna be a sad day. I’m gonna cry A LOT. I’m gonna be alone in this apartment and just sooooobbbbbbing#and then keep this inside for another week before I can go to therapy and talk about this bc god forbid I talk to a family member about it#ok now it’s 6am. I think he’s leaving in about 4 hours. it’s cool. it’ll be cool. 😎 I’ll just miss my bro so dang much#but maybe I’ll walk down to the dollar store and stock up on snacks and I’ll get blasted and fatter and try to stay positive#uggghhh#I’m too emotional#time just keeps moving for us all. to my dismay.#’time is the fire in which we burn’#you can ignore this#I don’t think I’ll ever have kids. I’ll never have kids. and being there. with him. with my brothers. that was the closest I’ll ever get.#and it’s over… so… 🤷🏻♂️… it’s just done… they’re grown. and I’m still here. I don’t know what else to say…#but that’s life. they’re doing their thing. I’m happy for them and I want them to be happy too. I’m just a big crybaby#IAN!… stop typing!#just making myself sad at this point#it’s fine. it’s fine. I’m fine. I’m cool. everything’s… cool 😎#this isn’t important#text
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i figured it out i cracked the code
#ive always related romantic relationships = emotional stability#even though im literally a divorced parents kid#so i kept going into relationships thinking ''this will fix me his will make me feel better im sure im sure nothing will go wrong with this#bc its always sold as his happy ever after#so i always thought that for me to have someone i can always rely on and count on and love i had to be in a relationship#so now that im realizing wait shit i dont like this kind of relationship#im also realizing wait shit! i need to learn how to get emotionally fulfilled in a way im comfortable with!#and thats like a whole ride#god man i . am not excited to overshare this i think im gonna hidr it deep within my soul#tumblr doesnt count none of you even know what i look like#thats why i got so sad i ended the relationship bc i thought oh my god im losing one of my bestest friends#and i couldnt handle that i got sad that i made him sad by accidentally leading him on and then finding out im aromantic#which is like not my fault but also technically it is so i have tot ake responsability for it and get over my sad ass#and move on ! and give importance to what i care about ! to the people i love and cherish! to my friends!!!#i need to learn to love them i guess#i am way too melodramatic for this i need to leave. i need t stop.
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i worry a lot about some transfems and its not me trying to be like "im better than you" or some shit its bc some of them remind me of me when i was a kid and new into being considered a girl/woman and being really naive thinking people would treat me better than they would- like i knew people were gonna be shitty but i wasnt prepared for the sheer amount of dehumanization and being reduced to just a sex object... idk... I just want some of you out there to be careful...
#ik its hard to convey tone and emotion through text but i do really worry.#im sure people have felt the same way about me being new into being considered a guy too. Ik i wasnt prepared for how emotionally distant#guys can be. and how like. atomized we all are and how a lot of guys only know how to interact with the world through violence and#being a dick and .-. basically how a lot of guys are just bullies. idk.#i think if we have experiences that we think we can help others by sharing them and maybe preventing them from making the same mistakes#as us then we should share them yknow. idk.#for me at least it does in some ways feel like im a little kid again learning what its like to navigate a new social setting.#like i didnt realize how much playing pvp games with cis guys suck and ppl who grew up with that are just like. 'yeah. thats just how it is#im literally playing wow rn and playing on a pvp server and i literally never attack anyone sdhjdshjvvfd and ppl are just like.#dicks for NO REASON. im LITERALLY RUNNING AWAY. ugh#i get it dude! this is the only way you can feel like you have a big dick but cmon. you gotta accept the truth some day#^and having to learn to talk like that has been something ive had to adopt from dealing with cis dudes. fun#some transfems i want to grab by the shoulders and shake and be like 'DO YOU KNOW YOU'RE BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF'#with a desperate plea in my gaze#'I WANT TO PROTECT YOU BUT I ALSO KNOW PPL HAVE TO LEARN SOME SOCIAL SHIT ON THEIR OWN BUT BY GOD ARE THERE#SOME THINGS I REALLY DO NOT WANT YOU TO HAVE TO FUCKING LEARN ABOUT THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND#IS UNFORTUNATELY LIKELY TO HAPPEN TO ANY WOMAN'#why am i becoming a parent. i need to stop. problem is i care too much about people in spite of what ppl might think .-.#i worry so much thats why i yell at ppl online bc i dont want them to get hurt or do something to fuck themselves over idk.#i just... dont express it the best way. like a gym coach or something 🤦#i really am Dad Vibes now huh. how do i stop myself from becoming a dad. i dont even have kids.#well. i have a cat. the eternal rebellious teen. but still#i need to stop expressing my care and fear through anger. its not great. ppl misinterpret me too much w it. but im not mommy enough to#sugarcoat things and coddle people if i feel like thats whats happening. so idk.#i realize this might sound patronizing and im not trying to be at all. to transfems with more experience this is like 'duh' to them probabl#but I'm more talking to the young transfems I see online who seem like they dont go out much and i dont blame them at all for it#its fucking scary out here. especially as a woman. esp as someone alt righters fetishize. and im sorry.
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How do I get outta the wanting to actually kill myself era and get back to the “kms jokes being a funny haha joke and not a warning sign” era. I am. So fucking tired.
#there’s an alignment chart for this#what’s the one#low energy low emotions or smth and the box is like ‘mom would be sad’#I once again sound insane and rediculous#don’t call the police guys (not yet)#LIKE ACTUALLY OK ITS 1 AM I NEED TO SLEEP#but like. how do I get out of this rut I’ve done this before#like it’s so weird it’s like#istg one week I’m running the damn world and the next I’m the shittiest emo kid ever#god i just#I need this to be over
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Dude, can’t She just be mature for one second? You’re 15, going on 16. If someone asks you to do something with a polite please and you FUCKING MOCK THEM????????
Then you’re The Problem. But she’ll never realize that because Everyone enables her behavior And puts her on a pedestal cause she’s the “exceptional” child.
Cause she’s the Child That goes to school everyday, the one who barely argues and asks questions, the one who’ll do unfair Chores nd SHIT in other words, she’s pathetic and a people pleaser and I CAN’T STAND people pleasers …
Especially when they aren’t aware of they’re people pleasing. I could get past it if she was doing it to manipulate someone, But because She doesn’t want to be a burden?
Bitch, Have You Seen me? I am Like The biggest burden to my family. What you do probably won’t matter to the things I do.
What you do wouldn’t make a difference lol. It’s Not Like u’ll get kicked out in a year like me, because you’re the exceptional child. Always have been, always will be.
God I can’t stand My sister Most times, why does she have to be my FP/EP…
#stfu.001#tw rant#tw abuse#I’m upset over it Can You Tell#if somebody asks you to turn off the light POLITELY and you MOCK THEM… girly.. seriously?#but let me guess this’ll be my fault and she’ll only want to cut me off at 18 more than ever#when I’m not mentally insane I am so amazing to her. I would kill myself for her if it’d meant she’d love me#I give her time out of my day to make her laugh and smile and experience emotions like a human being#ones that I can barely experience.. and she hates me?#are you actually fucking kidding me lmao?#god I wish I could just stop being attached to her#sometimes I find myself wishing I was an only child but I’d be upset if that happened now#though she wouldn’t be upset if I disappeared today lol#crazy shit huh
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playing dmc1 with my earbuds in (but on low volume bc they're being weird) while my roommate and her shitty bf argue. i feel like i'm recreating the very specific experience of some child of divorce out there
#how do i tell her she needs to break up with him immediately. posthaste.fuck it funny post over rant incoming tw emotional abuse i think#nyarla dni#(<- roomie and nyarla have met and i don't wanna air roomie's drama to ppl who know her w/o her consent. anon internet ppl only)#listen i'm normally for gentle advising and that's probably what i'll do since i don't want to stress her out but oh my fucking god what is#his problem. he's constantly putting her in these weird no-win situations where the only right answer is to never be upset or disagree or b#wrong on accident or be misunderstood by him and to tell him everything she's feeling so she's not 'playing mind games' but if she says wha#she's feeling he'll interrogate her and badger her with the same questions over and over again insisting she's unreasonable until she gives#in and says she's sorry with an attitude he likes. i fucking don't like him. and a lot of this is observations from today. the day after sh#GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT AND BROKE HER NECK. WHAT THE FUCK.#it's like he expects to be treated like a king on one of the worst days of her life and when she's upset he's like OH. OH I GET IT.#and lectures her on having attitude and taking things out on others when she's literally not even doing that. not to an extent that matters#anyway. like. there's more productive ways of dealing with that. where you don't treat them like a bad kid for getting overwhelmed#he has made her cry multiple times today. i have been around multiple arguments and fights and he's just genuinely. awful i hate him#hell the first argument i overheard *i* was in tears by the end (luckily they left soon after bc i had to run to the basement laundry#dungeon to bawl my eyes out because 1. i can't handle confrontation 2. i've never seen roomie cry and 3. she just seemed so hurt and tired)#anyway he just left again after a fight because. god this is so dumb. she told him to move while they were sleeping in the same twin bed#(remember she's in a neck brace) and he fucking. left the room for an HOUR bc he thought the only thing that could POSSIBLY mean (as he#insisted) was for him to get out of here and then when she was like oh hey i'm sorry i didn't mean it like that he decided to spend the nex#half hour of his short time on this earth chewing her out for not giving him a lengthy explanation while half-asleep as to like. why he#needed to move (she wanted to grab smth) and apparently he sat in the chair by her bed for like 10 mins before leaving so he probably saw#her fall back asleep. and then he got pissy when after he left she didn't pick up her phone when he was calling her? even though he knew sh#was asleep?? she didn't even know he was gone. fucking. i need to get him away from my roomie YESTERDAY#look. miscommunication happens. i'm not saying he's an asshole for wanting things said clearly. i am pro-saying what you mean.#but if every time your gf tells you what she means you make it into a 30 minute lecture (no matter how small the slight and w/o examining i#you're actually right or not) she's not gonna wanna fucking tell you if she doesn't think it's worth the argument. especially if you never#let her rest until she concedes. apology isn't enough. clarification isn't enough. she has to say how wrong she was and beg and GOD. UGHHH#and he's always on about how she hurts his feelings. a gust of wind could hurt his feelings. he's constantly berating her manipulating her#and then he's like >:( see that hurt my feelings you can't hurt ppl's feelings. you're disrespectful. HE"S THE WORST I FUCKING HATE HIM#look sometimes adversity reveals the truth of a person and this just amplified his shittiness so much. mr OH i slept in a HOSPITAL and it#was so bad... you can't be in a bad mood bc i've been doing the bare minimum and you need to prioritize MY feelings rn. also i won't leave
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Sitting here crying because not a single damn thing has gone right for me since I sat down at my desk is.....not what I had on my bingo card for this evening
#endsinger's fatalistic bullshit is getting to me i think 💀💀💀💀#stupid thing to cry over i know. but.#sucking at this game even momentarily just inexplicably fucks with my head so bad#idk. i am both the inconsolable crying child and the adult trying to help the kid figure out what's wrong at the same time#the autistic social struggles + emotional dysregulation absolutely kicking my ASS lately#and this coming right after the high of successfully creating my first mod in less than 24hrs? i am suffering looney tunes curses i SWEAR#the epic highs and lows of my meager existence#anyway. now i will try to gpose and maybe calm tf down#and stop thinking about the.....all the Anxieties#i have like 8 different doctors i need to see and my kitten needs booster shots and i keep tipping sideways into walls when i walk and#AAAAAAAAAA#god have mercy on my poor stupid soul because i am losing my entire mind#anyway bye that's enough oversharing for one night lolololololololol
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Of Oblivious Minds (3)
Pairing: Azriel x Reader
Summary: You're positive Azriel is in love with Elain. It seems so obvious. But Cassian is laughing at you and suddenly nothing makes quite so much sense anymore.
Word count: 2.3k
Warnings: Azriel's POV (it's a warning here), angst
a/n: I am blown away by all of you and your support!! I really love writing for this fandom omg. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy ♡ Let me know what you think!! I'll get the next update up soon!
Part 1, Part 2, Part 4
~~
Azriel was losing his ever-loving mind.
A few weeks ago, everything was fine. Not optimal, but fine.
He knew his mate, and that was more than could be said for most of Prythian. But even more than that, he could love her from afar. He could make small remarks and catch the smiles they would elicit. He could send his shadows after her on her walks home, protecting her even though she had the entire Inner Circle looking out for her wellbeing. He could buy the ridiculously expensive pastries she loved and stock the kitchens with them, listening for the small gasps she let out each time she found them.
He could talk to you, listen to you, love you in his small ways, even if it wasn’t the ways in which he longed for.
Because it wasn’t the right time yet. You hadn’t felt the bond for yourself.
So, yes—admittedly, Azriel had not been in the most optimal position with you. But it was leaps and bounds better than the purgatory you were subjecting him to now.
He mulled over his current reality as he sat opposite to you at the dining table. He had had to snag the seat from Mor, ripping the chair from her hand in an uncharacteristic show of aggression, and you hadn’t so much as looked up from your plate. He would’ve rather fought for the seats beside you, but Rhys and Cassian had been sitting before he even entered the room. So now he fought for your eyes and was too far away to offer any lingering, accidental touches.
Not that you would reciprocate either.
You were avoiding him, and Azriel was at his wit's end trying to decipher why.
His shadows had relayed dismal reports, only whispering the words sad and alone and contemplative into his ears each morning. He could have guessed as much, if the display of emotions he had tried to comfort you through all those days ago told him anything.
But Gods, did they really tell him nothing, because you hadn’t spoken to him since.
“—that is certainly something to consider. Y/n, would you be open to the job?”
“Hm?” you hummed, and Azriel watched as your eyes flickered over to Rhys in one abrupt movement. “Sorry, what?”
Rhys raised a brow lined with humor, and Azriel realized he hadn’t been listening to the conversation either. “Helion has extended an invitation to the Night Court—for diplomatic relations and all. It’s mostly a weekend stay for show, but he has quite an extensive library. Feyre and I went last time so it would only be fair if—”
“Yes,” you nodded, the most emotion Azriel had seen on your face in days blooming into a joyous array. “Of course, I would love to go. Are you kidding?”
Rhys chuckled. “I figured. Helion has been quite eager to get you to come as well. Seemed like the perfect time.”
Azriel didn’t miss the way the High Lord’s eyes shone with something other than mirth as he looked closer at the scholar… as he inspected your facade the same way Azriel had been for the past week.
“When can I leave?”
Something in Azriel scratched to a halt. “She’s to go alone?”
Feyre offered the spymaster a soft smile from the other side of the table. “If she wishes. Helion’s invitation was open-ended.”
“Take the vacation, I say,” Mor piped in, wine glass raised in a solitary toast.
“Or… you could take me,” Cassian grinned beside you, jostling you in a playful grip.
You sent a scoff his way. “Aren’t you banned?”
“No, actually. I’m banned from Summer Court, which is completely unrelated.”
A short laugh trickled from your lips. It wasn’t a full one, not like the ones Azriel was so used to—the ones he basked in—but it was a laugh, nonetheless.
He felt the way his eyes seemed to follow the crescendo of it, his blinks in time with the sweet sound.
He committed it to memory.
“Right, well let’s keep you away from neighboring courts as much as possible so we can avoid a repeat of that, okay?”
Something like a grin fought at the side of Azriel’s mouth at your quip.
Cassian prattled on. Something about unjust rules or ridiculous high lords—Azriel wasn’t paying attention. He was too caught up in you and the way you were so close to meeting his gaze.
“Perhaps she shouldn’t go alone,” Azriel spoke up, interrupting his brother’s spiel. You still didn’t look at him, instead turning to catch Rhys’s response.
“Azriel, I can assure you this is a safe visit,” Rhys offered. He knew. Everyone seemed to know but you. “It’s hardly even business. It’s more of a vacation. I’ve been shoving century-old relics in her face for the past few months. She deserves time to herself, don’t you think?”
His High Lord was speaking in code. A terrible, frustrating code that really meant, “give her some distance.”
Azriel had had enough of distance.
He nodded his head all the same.
And then, despite all odds, you looked at him.
You looked at him and it was as if the air had been knocked from his lungs. As if he had been wrung out and stretched thin and every bone in his body forced him to sit up straighter. You were looking at him and Azriel couldn’t conceptualize the way the spectrum in his chest moved so quickly from utter relief to the brink of desolation.
Because you looked at him as if you were broken. A sad—such a sad—smile graced your face, one he had never had the displeasure of seeing before, and he wanted to wipe it away. He wanted to kiss it from your face with soft touches and reassuring whispers and that was startling for Azriel because he usually kept his overwhelming urge to kiss you at bay.
“I’ll bring you back a souvenir,” is all you said. Such simple words to accompany an expression that sent him reeling.
“Thank you,” he replied, with the most sincerity he could muster.
And then he held your gaze as it became downcast. He craned his neck to catch every last second of your eyes as they turned back down to the table.
It was hours later that Azriel found himself in the townhouse, boots creating an indent in the office carpet. Rhys sat just feet away from him, leaning back against the desk, waiting for the Shadowsinger to erupt.
“I would like for you to position your spies further into Autumn. I know you have a few that have integrated into the court, but I need more intel on Eris and his plans.”
“Of course.”
“You can take out any currently residing in Day. Just for the next week or so. With y/n going, she can report any happenings.”
A muscle in Azriel’s jaw jumped. “Would that be wise?”
Rhys stared back at his brother, expression giving nothing away. “Why wouldn’t it be? Do you not trust y/n’s word?”
Azriel’s wings were taut against his back. In truth, he hadn’t felt relaxed in days. With you leaving, that tension would surely pull him into thin compliance.
“Obviously I trust her word, Rhysand.”
“Rhysand? What have I done to earn your grievance?” the High Lord asked, crossing his arms over his chest, still the perfect picture of calm.
Azriel was a juxtaposition before him as he clenched his hands and replied, “You already know.”
“Do I know? I’m not sure you’ve been clear or honest with anyone. Y/n especially.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Rhys bent at the elbow and rubbed a restless hand across his jaw. Azriel ignored the movement in favor of holding eye contact with the High Lord. Azriel was being stubborn, he knew that, but there was no other way to be.
He needed to be consistent and reliable. He needed to be a pillar for his family to lean on, and you were part of that. He wasn’t going to take that away from you—to be selfish and call upon a mating bond you hadn't even been made aware of yet.
He wasn’t going to squander your friendship in the hopes of something more.
There was a chance, no matter how much the prospect pained him to consider, that you wouldn’t want the bond. You had never hinted at wanting more with the spymaster, so there was no telling how you might react to the cauldron blessing you with a union. You could reject it, and with it would go your friendship.
Just the thought sent ice through Azriel’s veins.
Truth be told, he had never shown you many signs either. When the bond snapped months ago, it had taken time for Azriel to come to terms with the truth. He had ruminated on it amidst many sleepless nights, watched you from a new perspective over many dinners, and contemplated the path that had led him to you.
And then he had regretted. Cauldron had he regretted.
The feeling still lingered, a reminder of each woman he had taken to his bed before you. All of the fae that had meant nothing, and even the ones that had boarded on something, he wished he could do away with.
Because you had been privy to them all. He knew you had witnessed a few late-night trysts, and even worse, that you had watched him pine after Mor for a century. It all seemed so frivolous now; it all paled in comparison to you.
And the absolute worst part of it all is that he knew.
He knew how easy it would be to fall in love with you from the start, so he pretended not to notice.
He threw himself into impractical longing and meaningless lovers and he pretended that it didn’t hurt to look at you.
The bond had only cemented his foolishness.
He hardly had a chance with you by the time it snapped.
“Late night then, Az?”
You had teased him over breakfast just days before the bond had snapped for him, a small smile on your face as you lounged at the table early in the morning. At the time, Azriel had bit the inside of his cheek and reeled in his snarkiness. He had avoided your gaze, avoided the robe that barely covered your nightgown, and made himself toast in silence. He had already coaxed the blonde fae out of his bed, and he hadn’t needed a reminder of the woman he had been imagining all throughout the night.
Because that had been something else he opted to ignore—that he pictured you, imagined you, at all times.
It snapped three days later. He had been accompanying you through Velaris. “Shopping for fun,” you had said, “and I hate to go alone.”
The only thing Azriel had taken home that day was a gaping hole in his chest and the knowledge that lying to himself had brought him nothing but pain.
The months following were different.
Everything was different.
But for you, he had come to the grim realization, nothing was different at all. He was still Azriel, your friend Azriel, who was secretive and private and cared from afar. You still pictured him as a man who chose his lovers based on convenience and quick practicality even though he hadn’t so much as looked at another woman since your emotions began flowing through his chest.
Gods, your emotions. They were so positive, so addicting, he could sit back and live his days through you until the end of time. You had so much unrestricted joy coursing through you—so much curiosity and delight. Part of Azriel dreaded the day you did recognize the bond; it would dim the connection to you.
That day in the library had been the first time the bond had chafed against his lungs. He had felt the earthquake beneath his feet and thought nothing of it, but then your fear punctured his being and he had run so fast his wings ached.
And then you started having nightmares, ones he couldn’t fix, and Azriel began to feel like he was losing you. Like the bond was withering and eroding within him and you along with it.
“How long, Azriel?” Rhys’s voice cut through the air with a harshness.
The shadowsinger breathed through his nose, jaw tight.
“Tell me. Tell me how long you’re going to keep this up for.”
“You don’t understand, Rhys,” came Azriel’s low reply. “None of you do.”
The High Lord scoffed. “Right, because I had it so easy with Feyre. Az, mates are complicated—”
“Don’t,” Azriel breathed. A dangerous shakiness accompanied the word.
“Explain it to me. Help me to understand how—”
“There was nothing for you to lose!” The rise of the shadowsinger’s voice sent Rhys into silence. “There was nothing! You hadn’t known Feyre for three centuries—hadn’t known what it was like to see her cry over worthless males or laugh until she was doubled over. You didn’t have time to memorize the sound of her voice or understand how it felt to lose that small piece of her. Because she won’t even talk to me anymore and—”
Azriel cut himself off, moving for the first time since he entered office. He paced, the motion of his feet doing little to dispel the tension from the air or from his body. Azriel tugged a hand through his hair, his shadows following the aggressive pull and weaving through the strands.
“How long?” Rhys asked again, but this time, Azriel knew that he was asking a different question. One that even he himself had avoided answering.
The shadowsinger paused. His next words were tainted and his voice cracked.
“I think forever.”
Part 4
#azriel x reader#azriel x you#azriel acotar#azriel shadowsinger#azriel fanfic#acotar fanfiction#azriel#azriel angst
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You Make Loving Fun
Summary: You buy tickets to Fleetwood Mac for Javi's birthday. After a few drinks, Javi ends up having a little more fun than he intended.
Pairing: Husband!Javier Peña x Wife!Reader (no use of y/n)
Word Count: 6.1K
Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (wrap before you tap) oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, paise kink, creampie, aftercare, implied? breeding kink (I think it's illegal for me to write if this isn't in the warnings somewhere) drinking alcohol, Javi gets absolutely HAMMERED, talks of having more kids and stopping birth control, Drunk Javi wants to tell anyone and everyone how much he loves his wife, Drunk Javi being sweet and happy and so in love because that's what he deserves
A/N: If you're anything like me, you've spent WAY too long looking at all of these photos of sweet Pedro at a concert, and of course, my brain automatically went "THAT'S JAVI GETTING WASTED AND HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE" and now, here we are 🤷🏼♀️ I feel like Javi would be a very happy/affectionate drunk post-Colombia bc he is so happy just to be having fun and enjoying his life and that makes me ✨emotional✨ Also, thanks @itsokbbygrl for ruining my life by realizing the ring Pedro is wearing in this picture is on his RING FINGER?!?! 😩
Can be read as a standalone or as a part of the Never Too Late Series!
“I feel to fucking old to be doing this.”
“To do what? Go to a concert? I hate to break it to you, Jav, but there are, in fact, no age limits at concerts. What, are you worried security is gonna try to kick you out for being too old?” You giggled, looking over at Javi next to you in the bathroom, finishing fixing his hair and adjusting his shirt.
“I know, I just haven’t been to a concert in so damn long. Definitely not since we’ve had the girls.” Javi sighed, running his hand through the dark curls of his hair once more before turning to face you, still finishing up the last of your makeup in the mirror.
Although you had intended for your Fleetwood Mac tickets to be a surprise for Javi’s birthday, trying to coordinate around your schedules and 3 little girls had made spontaneous date nights much more challenging than they used to be when you first met. But, with Chucho needing no incentive to babysit his granddaughters, you and Javi were excited to have a night out just the two of you, getting to enjoy your favorite band together, singing and dancing the night away to celebrate another year of Javi getting older.
“Well then lucky for you, you’ll be the hottest dad at the concert.” You smirked, sassily tilting your head towards him to prove your point, your reaction just enough to snap him out of his self doubt, Javi joining in on the laughter as he stood behind you, grabbing your waist and placing a soft kiss on the bare skin of your shoulder next to the strap of your sundress.
“Good thing I’ve got a fucking hot MILF of a wife to go with me then, huh?” Javi grinned, the kiss he had left on your shoulder now slowly starting to creep up your neck and collarbone as his hand reached down to grab a handful of your ass, making you squeal in surprise. “I know you picked this dress out on purpose because you know it drives me fucking crazy. God, you look good.”
“Javi! You better stop or we’re gonna be late to dinner before the show!” You scolded, giving him a playful jab to his stomach, only making him tighten the grip on your ass even firmer with his other hand coming to join his first.
“Hermosa,” He cooed, gently turning you around to take the mascara you had in your hand and set it on the counter before cradling your jaw in his palm, forcing your gaze up at him, “I know you. And you and I both know damn well you at least put enough a little buffer time into our plans for us to have sex before we left. Am I wrong?”
Well, he caught you there, because he most certainly was not.
“Maybe…” You replied sheepishly, overdramatically rolling your eyes at his statement, only making his boyish grin spread wider between his cheeks, “Okay, but seriously though, we do have to be quick, because I don’t want to- Ah! Javi!”
You couldn’t help but let out a little shriek of surprise as Javi suddenly lifted you up, setting you down on the bathroom counter and caging your body under his, his arms planted on either side of your hips as his mouth crashed into yours, tongues and teeth dancing in a hungry and desperate clash.
“I promise I won’t take too long. But I can’t help myself when you look this good, mi amor. Eres tan hermosa (You’re so beautiful). You’re gonna kill me in that dress, Momma.” Javi hummed, his hands now gripping the meat of your thighs and sliding down your legs to bunch up the skirt of your dress, hiking it up as he sank down to his knees in front of the bathroom counter.
You could already feel the damp patch that had begun to grow in your underwear as Javi hooked his fingers around the elastic of its waistband, tugging the fabric down your legs and letting it fall to the bathroom floor, revealing your pussy, already wet and aching for him.
Javi settled himself between your legs, draping them over his shoulders as his fingers slid through your folds, collecting your juices before beginning to circle at your clit with the pads of his fingers, peppering kisses along the inside of your thighs as you whimpered in delight.
“J-Javi, please, baby.” You moaned, fingers tightening around the edge of the countertop as his thumb replaced his fingers on your clit, his middle and ring finger dipping inside your already weeping core, curling just slightly as he began to pump them in and out of you.
It wasn’t long before his thumb was replaced by his mouth, the flat of his tongue licking a broad strip across your cunt, the new sensation sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body. No matter how many times Javi had gone down on you, it never failed to surprise you how goddamn good he was at it, memorizing every twitch and gasp that made you fall apart in the best way possible, and tonight was no exception.
His slow, long strokes began to quicken, circling his tongue around your clit with the perfect amount of pressure as his fingers worked in tandem, curving in just the right place to press against your g-spot and begin to build the arousal swirling in your core.
As much as you (and Javi, for that matter), would have loved to have taken your time and let him eat you out on the bathroom counter for hours, the both of you knew you were on a time crunch, but not enough of a crunch to stop Javi from making you cum at least once before he fucked you.
The pressure of his tongue on your sensitive nub became more and more, before latching his lips to suck at your clit, your cunt clenching in anticipation around his fingers as you writhed beneath his touch, moaning his name as you felt your orgasm begin to build.
You couldn’t help but let your hand shoot down to his head, your fingers burying themselves in his thick, brown locks, with absolutely no regard for the time he had just spent fixing his hair in the mirror just a few minutes ago.
“Javi… Oh, shit. Fuck, more baby, please. P-please, I’m so close.” You moaned, looking down at Javi with what you were already sure was a wrecked expression painted across your face.
You could practically feel Javi’s smug smirk pressed against your cunt before pulling away to respond. “Give it to me, pretty girl. Wanna taste you all over me when you soak my face.”
Before you could reply, your jaw dropped open and face scrunched in pleasure as Javi dove back in, burying his face in your cunt, each press of his tongue became more firm and precise than the last, feeling your pussy begin to flutter as you clutched tighter around the edge of the counter, trying to keep from screaming out in pleasure and raise any suspicion. But as your legs began to tremble and your heart race, teetering on the brink of collapse, it was taking every ounce of willpower you had left to make that happen.
Fuck, Javi. Fuck, I- fuck- I’m gonna, I’m gonna-ahhhhhh.” You whimpered, feeling your orgasm crash through you, pleasure radiating in your veins as you fell apart, losing all inhibitions to keep yourself quiet as you threw your head back in all consuming bliss. With his fingers still buried in your cunt, gently working you through your high, Javi shot back up, his mouth engulfing yours in an electric kiss to try and capture your ragged moans that had been coating the walls of the bathroom, the tangy taste of you still lingering on his lips.
”That’s it, baby girl. Fuck, you’re so perfect. Love this pussy so fucking much.” He groaned, reaching down to frantically undo his belt buckle, his fingers working rapidly to undo the metal clasp before pushing his pants and boxers down his legs, letting them pool in a pile around his ankles.
Still coming down from your high, your breath hitched as the tip of Javi’s cock ran through your folds, coating his length in your arousal before slipping inside you. You couldn’t help but gasp even harder at the new sensation of his fullness inside you, cockhead already kissing your cervix as his hips flushed with yours.
Javi’s hands began to wander up your legs, pushing your dress up your thighs until he got to your hips, digging his fingertips in the soft fabric as he thrust in and out of you, mouths melding together as one.
“Fuck, you feel so good, Hermosa. So fucking wet for me, taking me so well.” Javi moaned, nipping at your ear as his pace became faster, fucking into you in the spot he knew made you lose all control, silently smirking at the pathetic whimpers that were escaping your lips.
Javi buried his face in the crook of your neck as your legs began to instinctively lock around the small of his back, bringing him closer to you with each thrust. You could already feel that all too familiar tingle building at the base of your spine once again, wanting to feel every inch of him you could deeper and deeper inside you before you came.
With the way the hairs at the base of his cock were brushing against your clit, you knew you didn’t have much longer until your orgasm was about to crash though you, finding yourself grasping fistfuls of Javi’s shirt for dear life as you mumbled incoherently.
”O-oh shit, Javi. Fuck, F-fuck, don’t stop baby. Please, don’t stop.”
You could practically hear the hum of satisfaction deep in Javi’s chest feeling your cunt clench tighter and tighter around his cock, his firm grasp of his hands on your hips holding you in place on the counter as he pounded into you.
”C’mon Osita. Cum all over me. Give it to me and I swear I’m gonna fuck you so full of me, I’ll be dripping out of you all night.”
“Yes, fuckfuckfuck, please, Javi.”
“Is that what you want? You gotta be a good girl and cum for me first, baby.”
That was all it took for you to break before you could feel a wave of pleasure rushing through your body, euphoria running through your veins as you came, crying out Javi’s name like a prayer as he started to chase his own high. His thrusts became frantic and sloppy, his brows furrowing in focus to hold out just a little longer until your body melted into his in your blissed out state.
“That’s it, hermosa. I love you so much. I- oh shit- I’m close, too. F-fuck, I’m gonna fill this tight little pussy so full of me that it- oh fuckkkkkkkk.” With a few more pumps, a moan escaped from Javi’s parted lips as he came, spilling himself deep inside your walls. The warm mix of his spend and your arousal dripped out of you as his cock softened, whimpering at the loss as he pulled out, but catching your muffled moans in his mouth as his lips met yours, cradling your face in his palm.
Through your heavy breaths from heaving chests, you and Javi both couldn’t help but smile and laugh to yourselves as your foreheads rested against each other, quietly whispering “I love you” to each other in sync, your bodies slumped together in a blissed out heap on the bathroom counter.
”Fuck, you’re so hot. I’ll never get over it.” Javi smirked, biting down on his lip after giving you another quick kiss, rummaging through your bathroom cabinets to pull out a washcloth to clean you up with.
”Takes one to know one, Peña.” You giggled, letting out a content sigh as you let your head fall back, closing your eyes for a moment before looking over your shoulder to see Javi, and behind Javi, the clock that you both had very much not been paying attention to in the midst of your antics.
”Oh fuck…”
“Already did that, mi amor,” Javi teased, running the washcloth under the warm water of the sink, “What’s wrong?”
Without saying a word, you gestured to the clock hanging on the bathroom wall with a defeated shrug, Javi turning around with a quiet laugh to himself, shrugging his shoulders right along with you.
“You’d think after how long we’ve been together we’d start giving ourselves even more time than we think to leave for things, huh?”
“You would think, huh?” You giggled, accepting defeat that the two of you would most definitely not be making it to your dinner reservations that you had planned before the concert. “Sorry, Jav.”
“What do you have to be sorry about, cariño? Fuck, I get to have amazing sex with my beautiful wife before we go see our favorite band, what a horrible birthday night so far.” Javi teased, giving you a reassuring nudge that you had nothing to apologize for. “I think the real question is…”
”Is what, Mr. Sarcasm?”
“What size fries do you want with your McDonald’s Coke and McNuggets for dinner?”
“How did you know I was gonna say we should get McDonald’s for dinner?!”
“Because Osita, I swear I know you better than I know myself.”
After some quick touch ups and a call to Chucho to say goodnight to your daughters before you left, you and Javi were on the road, happily enjoying your McDonald’s and taking turns picking your favorite Fleetwood Mac songs to jam out to, spending your ride debating what songs they’d play, reminiscing about the songs you loved, and singing at the top of your lungs, to the point you were positive you would have no voice tomorrow.
While you hadn’t been able to keep the concert itself a secret, the one thing you had been able to hide from your husband was the fact that you had managed to get not just good, but great seats for the show. If Javi had known how much you’d spent for him on his birthday, he would have insisted on finding cheaper tickets, but if there was anyone who was deserving of getting to see his favorite band from an incredible view, it was him.
From the moment the two of you had entered the venue, you had your tickets peeled to your chest to keep them from Javi, reassuring him that you knew where you were going, much to his dismay and insisting that working together would help you find your seats quicker.
After a few minutes of wandering and secretly maneuvering to the right section of the stadium, you had finally found where you belonged, excitedly pulling Javi along behind you towards your seats.
“Baby, not that I don’t trust your navigation skills, but I feel like we’re down way too far in the stands. ” Javi questioned, his hand in yours as you dragged him through the crowd, looking back and forth between your ticket stub and the stadium rows to find your spots.
“Not to burst your bubble, Jav, but my navigation skills are as on point as they ever have been.” You smirked, crossing your arms over your chest before handing him over your tickets, his face stunned and in shock as he read the small stubs of card stock, realizing you had absolutely led the both of you to the right place.
”Happy early birthday, Javi. I know the concert itself wasn’t a surprise, but I hope that these seats are still a good one.”
“Osita… Baby, you can’t be serious…” Javi’s jaw dropped, eyes going wide in shock, convinced you had to be joking or playing some sort of prank on him.
“Serious as a heart attack, Jav.”
Javi stood there speechless, tears welling in his eyes with an awestruck grin on his face, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug before peppering your face with kisses, making you giggle and squeal in delight.
“God, I love you so much. Thank you, Hermosa. This is… fuck, this is absolutely incredible. Thank you. I don’t- this is way more than I deserve. Thank you so much.”
Your heart swelled at the boyish grin spread across Javi’s face as he looked out at the view in front of him, knowing that if you could give your husband the world in his pocket, you would in a heartbeat, but to see his excitement over some seats at a concert would do just fine.
“You’re so welcome, baby. You do deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone I know. You are the most amazing, wonderful husband and dad. If I could get you up there on stage with Stevie Nicks, I would, because that’s what you deserve.”
“I think the last thing anyone needs is to hear me even attempt to sing.”
“The girls love it when you sing to them.”
“That’s because they don’t know any better. Give it a few more years and I’m sure they’ll be begging me to stop.”
“What they know won’t hurt ‘em,” you laughed, giving Javi a playful shrug, “Also, the other part of this gift is that I am driving us home from the concert, so you can have as much fun as you want.”
“Baby, you don’t have to-”
“I can and I will,” You sassed defiantly, cutting Javi off before he could oppose your offer, “You always drive so I can have a good time, and you deserve to have time to let loose, too. So, with that being said, I am going to go get us drinks. Drunk Javi is one of my favorite Javi’s and I don’t get to see him very often. Okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Hermosa. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jav. Now, what do you want to drink?”
“Surprise me.” He laughed, giving you a quick kiss and a subtle smack on your ass as you walked past him to make your way back to the concession stand. “Drunk Javi is really one of your favorites?”
“Absolutely. Drunk Javi loves to dance. Drunk Javi also gets very sweet and a little handsy, both of which I am more than okay with.”
A few drinks deep and the opening bands finished, Javi, or better yet, Drunk Javi, was having the absolute time of his life. For as fun and goofy Javi was at home with you and the girls, it was few and far between that the former DEA agent found himself intoxicated out in public with a case of dancing shoes and uncontrollable giggles.
“God, I’m having so much fun. Are you having fun, Hermosa? You’re the best wife ever, you know that?” Javi grinned, wrapping his arm around your waist as he pecked a sloppy kiss onto your cheek before taking another sip of his beer.
“Glad to know you don’t have a secret wife who you like better than me.” You teased, giving him a little nudge and giggling at his drunken state, a little surprised when all of a sudden his face turned serious, setting down his beer to cup your jaw with his palms and forcing his gaze on his.
“Baby, you know I would never ever do that, right? I literally love you so much. You and the girls are my whole world. I think I would rather die than be with anyone else besides you. No, I know I would rather die than be with anyone else. You are literally perfect.” Javi pleaded, his concerned, big, brown puppy dog eyes making your heart melt.
“Yes, Mr. Dramatic, I know you would never have a secret wife, but thank you for your very adamant confirmation.” You giggled, pressing up on your tiptoes to give him another kiss, washing the worry away from the concerned furrow of his brow. “You are such a goofball. I love you so much too, Jav. I promise, I’m not going anywhere either. Well, actually, that’s a lie. I do need to go to the bathroom before Fleetwood Mac comes on, but I will be right back.”
“Okay, mi amor. I’ll be right here when you get back.” Javi nodded adamantly, knowing in his drunken state he would be taking his job of not leaving your seats very seriously until you safely returned.
“I know you will, Javi. I’ll be quick, okay? Need anything when I’m gone? Besides another drink?”
“How did you know I was gonna say I needed another drink?” Javi asked in complete shock, like you had just showed him the world’s most inconceivable magic trick.
“I’d say the almost empty bottle was a good clue.” You winked, giving his arm a little squeeze before shimmying your way through the row of seats and up the stairs to find the nearest bathroom and concession stand.
Normally, Javi wasn’t one to strike up small talk with strangers just for the fun of it, but with his lowered inhibitions, he couldn’t help but find himself turning to the group of women seated next to him to kill the time before you came back from the bathroom.
“Have you guys seen Fleetwood Mac before?” Javi shrugged, finishing the last bit of beer at the bottom of his bottle.
“Yeah, we’ve seen them a few times! They’re really good live!” One of the women responded, her friends nodding in agreement.
“I’ve seen ‘em before too, but this is my wife and I’s first time seeing them together. She got me the tickets for my birthday, but she surprised me with how good these seats were. She’s amazing.” Javi beamed, subtly nodding his head to the music playing in the background between sets.
“Awh, that’s so sweet!” One of the other women chimed in, the three women laughing to themselves at how drunk and awestruck Javi was over you.
“It is. I hope they play Everywhere. It’s our favorite song by them. We played it at our wedding when she walked down the aisle and I bawled like a baby. She looked so beautiful. Who am I kidding? She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Like, ever.” Javi’s grin was growing wider by the second, staring off into the distance as he rambled on about you.
“Oh my goodness, you are so cute. She’s a lucky lady.” The women smiled, incredibly entertained by everything Javi had to say.
“No. I’m the lucky one.” Javi responded, stone cold serious as he pointed to himself, finger poking his chest. “Have you seen her? She’s so pretty. And she married me! And on top of that, we have a family, too! Can you believe it?!”
“With how in love with her you seem to be, I 100% can. How many kids do you have?”
“3 daughters. Lucy is 5, Elliot just turned 3, and Harper is 7 months old.” Javi counted on his fingers, holding up 3 to represent each of his girls. “I love them so much. Being a dad is like, the most coolest thing ever. And she’s such a good mom. They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Hey, Chatterbox.” You laughed, gently tapping Javi on the shoulder, trying not to startle him as he turned around, beaming from ear to ear at your presence. “Here is your drink and- oh!”
“Osita! I missed you.” Javi swallowed the rest of your sentence in his mouth with a strong kiss, pulling away to greet you with a goofy grin, followed by a confused frown. “Wait, where did you go?”
“Oh boy, we’re gonna have to pick some Gatorade and Tylenol up on the way home, aren’t we? I was just going to the bathroom, remember? And to get you another drink, silly goose.” You giggled, holding out his beer for him.
“Oh shit. I should probably go to the bathroom, too. Do you think I have enough time to go? I don’t wanna miss anything with you!” Javi questioned frantically, realizing he definitely had not utilized the bathroom to the extent he probably should have.
“You should be fine, babe. The lines were pretty short, so if you hurry I’m sure you’ll be back in plenty of time.” You reassured him.
“Phew, okay, I can go fast, no problem. I’ll be right back, hermosa.” Carefully taking back his beer as he handed it off to you, Javi quickly scrambled through the crowd to follow the path you had just returned from, leaving you laughing to yourself and shaking your head.
“We just wanted to let you know, your husband is absolutely adorable.” One of the women furthest away from you piped up, catching your attention.
“Oh, um, thank you?” You replied, tilting your head in confusion.
“That man is utterly obsessed with you. I think he had more nice things to say about you in 30 seconds to a group of strangers than any of my exes ever did combined.”
“Girl, not to mention he is handsome. You are one lucky woman. Who knew it would take a stranger in love at a Fleetwood Mac concert to once again raise the bar for men.”
“Wow, uh, thank you. That’s really nice of you. I’m not gonna lie, he’s pretty darn great.” You blushed, trying to keep your smile from spreading too wide at their compliments for Javi over his affection for you.
“Of course. We won’t bother you anymore, but figured you’d like to know that your man is still head over heels for you. Enjoy the rest of the concert!”
“Thanks, you guys too!” You smirked, your eyes darting down towards your feet to hide the red glow of your cheeks, your heart bursting with warmth from the fact that even in his drunken state, you found yourself falling harder and harder for Javi every day.
Suddenly, the lights around the stage began to dim, the roar of the crowd overtaking the stadium, signaling Fleetwood Mac were only moments away from taking the stage. Instinctively, you peeked your head behind you through the crowd to look for Javi, relieved when you saw his broad figure hustling down the stairs, waving at you with a goofy grin the whole way.
"I was worried I was gonna have to come find you before the show started!” You sighed, grabbing Javi’s face and giving his cheeks a playful squeeze before giving him a quick peck on the lips.
“Osita, you know I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
Any high hopes that you had for the show were surpassed, and then some. The band played all of your favorites, the both of you singing and dancing along, probably making complete fools of yourselves, but you couldn’t care less.
You were particularly impressed with Javi’s over dramatic stomping and air drumming to “The Chain” to kick off the show, having to grab his beer to keep it from spilling all over himself several times throughout his performance. Although incredibly offbeat, Javi's enthusiasm made up for any drunken lack of rhythm throughout the song.
The both of you couldn’t help but shout along to “I Don’t Wanna Know” at the top of your lungs, painfully off key and obnoxiously loud, Javi reaching down to grab your finger, wrapping his hands around it to use as his own makeshift microphone for the entire duration of the song.
During “Landside”, you found Javi standing behind you, chest pressed to your back and arms wrapped around you as you swayed back and forth, gently wiping your tears and choking back his own as he whispered in your ear how lucky he was to build his life around you and your girls, mumbling something about how if any of the girls get married and pick this song to do a father daughter dance to, he’d be an absolute mess.
By the end of the concert, you and Javi were both exhausted, giving every last ounce of energy to “Go Your Own Way”, the crowd erupting with thunderous applause as the show came to a close, lights flashing and confetti exploding from the ends of the stage in an array of bright colors in the same way your heart felt like it was exploding with joy from the incredible time you had with Javi.
Over the cheers and hollers, Javi leaned in, cupping your cheek in his palm, the other arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to his chest, capturing you in a kiss that seemed to make time stop and everyone else disappear, feeling like in that moment, no one else existed but the two of you.
“I love you so much, Osita.”
”I love you too, Javi.”
“Tonight was- Oh shit, hold on,” Javi paused, letting out a long, low burp, a signature Drunk Javi move, placing his hand over his chest and letting out a long sigh before speaking again, “Sorry, that felt good. Wait, what was I saying again?”
“That you had a lot of fun. I think it’s time that we get you home, cowboy.” You couldn’t help but snort at his impressive display of flatulence, wrapping your arm around his waist as you walked with the flow of the crowd departing from the stadium, hand patting his hip in reassurance.
It wasn’t until you began to try and travel up the stairs and through the sea of concert goers that you realized just how drunk Javi was. While wrapping your arm around his hip had started off as a sweet gesture to help guide him in the right direction to leave, you began to worry that you were going to have to try and keep him up until the two of you got to the car.
Thankfully, your humming, happy as can be Javi made it to your parking spot, breaking free of your grasp to race to your car, tugging at the driver’s side door with profound confusion at it’s locked state.
“Hermosa! The car is locked! How are we gonna get home if we can’t get in?” Javi fretted, tugging harder at the door handle.
“I have the keys, baby, don’t worry.” You laughed, reaching into your purse to unlock the truck’s doors, sending Javi stumbling backwards as the driver’s side swung open from his last tug at the handle. “Also, you are on the wrong side there, pendejo. I’m driving home, remember?”
“Oh fuck, you are! I was gonna say, I think I’m a lil drunk. I probably shouldn’t drive.” Javi grimaced, quickly scampering to the other side of the car as you unlocked it, laughing as you watched him squeeze into the passenger set that was clearly set for your stature and not his.
“I think you might be more than just a little drunk, baby.” You corrected, clicking in your seatbelt and firing up the ignition, peeling out of your parking spot.
“Yeah, I’m a lot a bit drunk. I’m sorry, Osita.” He pouted, slumping his face in his hand, elbow resting on the center console.
“Jav, why on earth would you possibly be sorry?” You frowned, wondering what Javi had to apologize for.
“I’m sorry I’m so drunk and now you have to drive me home.”
“Baby, I’m glad that you decided to get drunk. I wanted you to have a good time! Number one, you’re always driving me home whenever I wanna have fun and number two, it’s your birthday, and you deserve to let loose and have as much fun as you want to. Don’t apologize, okay?” You smiled, gently grabbing your hand in his and giving it a little squeeze, instantly flooding his face with relief.
“Okay. I’m sorry I talked to those ladies sitting by us earlier while you were going to the bathroom, too. I was just trying to be nice. I just wanted to tell them how excited I was to see Fleetwood Mac with you, and how beautiful and amazing and perfect you are, and that you’re the best wife ever.”
“I know Jav, it’s okay. I didn't even think twice about it. They were very sweet, and said you had lots of nice things to say about me and the girls. It was very cute.” You smirked, lifting your interlocked hands to your lips to plant a kiss on his knuckles, giving it an even tighter squeeze of reassurance in the process.
At this point, Javi had practically melted into the passenger seat, limbs spread out as wide as he could to try and get comfortable, tilting his head towards you with a mischievous grin and sparkle in his chocolate brown eyes.
“You know what we should do when we get home?” Javi asked, now biting down on his lip to try and subdue his smirk.
“I don’t know Javi, what should we do?” You responded back mockingly.
“We shoulddddddddd....” He paused, dancing in his seat in excitement.
“We shoulddddddd, what, baby?” You sighed, laughing to yourself at his drunken goofiness.
“We shouldddddd throw away your birth control and make another baby when we get home tonight.” Now Javi was full on beaming in an ear to ear grin, raising his eyebrows at you as he crossed his arms over his chest, trying to find any way to warm you up to his intoxicated acquisition.
“Javi! We talked about this!” You scolded, giving him a playful slap to his chest, doing nothing to wipe his stupidly wide smirk off his face. “4 kids is a lot of kids. At least one of us can have a spare hand with 3, even if we’re outnumbered. I think 3 is the magic number, babe.”
“I knowwwww, but making babies with you is like, the best thing ever. If you asked me to list my favorite things to do, that would be number one, no question.” Javi protested, convinced that this argument alone would be enough of a selling point for you.
“Believe me, you’re not wrong, Jav. It’s a ten out of ten pastime, but even if I stopped taking my birth control tonight, I don't think it would happen, ya goof.”
“Crazier things have happened. Maybe we'd just get really lucky. Our daughters are so cute. I know it’s unfair to say because they’re our kids, but like, we make some cute fuckin’ babies, Hermosa. What if we made another super cute baby? Just like, one more?” At this point, Javi had broken out his signature pout and big baby cow eyes, looking at you like a stray puppy who had been kicked to the curb.
“Another adorable baby means I’m gonna have to build up my immunity to those sweet, sad, puppy dog eyes even more, and I honestly don’t know if I’m strong enough. I don’t know how all 3 of the girls ended up with your big brown eyes, but I hope you know it’s killing me slowly because of how frickin’ cute they are.” You sighed in defeat, knowing that your willpower with 3 sets of Javi’s mini-me’s was already low enough, let alone adding a 4th pair to the mix.
“Soooooooooo it’s a maybe?”
“Oh my god, you are so bad, Javier Jesus Peña.”
“That’s not a yes or a no, Osita.”
“....Maybe. But don’t get your hopes up, okay?”
“So we’re not not gonna make a baby tonight?”
“Javi, I love you, baby, but with how much you’ve had to drink, I don’t think nature is going to give you enough grace to even let that possibility play out.” You snorted, gesturing down to his crotch, making him roll his eyes.
“Okay, that only happened one other time!” Javi sloppily pointed at you, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Yeah, when you were absolutely hammered after Steve’s 40th birthday party and wouldn’t let me put you to bed until you could prove to me that you did not, in fact, get whiskey dick, to which you fell asleep with your hands down your pants sitting in the guest room chair, unable to prove your point.”
“That was not my proudest moment, I will admit that. Most of the time, I’m pretty good at sex, though.” Javi retorted, trying to bring himself back from your last point made.
“Yes, Jav, you’re very good at sex.” You agreed, patting him on the leg and rubbing his thigh.
“So good…. That we should make another baby tonight when we get home.”
“Oh my god.”
“I’m just saying!”
“Jesus Christ, you goof. I think when we get home, someone needs to drink some water and get into bed. I love you very much, but that’s about as far as we’re getting tonight.” You laughed, rustling the messy curls of his hair as he leaned his head to rest against your shoulder.
Javi sat silent for a moment, watching the headlights of the cars flash through his window, staring into the serene darkness of the clear night sky, the familiar warmth of his body pressed against yours in a comfortable calm. It was almost as if you could feel his eyelids beginning to droop, slowly closing while his sleepy state washed over him as he nestled against you. And while in that moment, the air between you hung quiet, you could hear the silent agreement that if given the choice, there was nowhere else you’d rather be than right here, right now, with each other.
“Hey, Hermosa?”
“Yeah, Jav?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
“....Enough that we should make another baby tonight?”
“Javi!”
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The more I learn about John Constantine? The more I am certain you COULD just... dump Danny on him.
Like... literally.
Full on, sack of unconscious potatoes, "here ya go, deal with it, here's an unconscious royal teenager!", Dumped in his arms/lap at some shitty hole in the wall bar, by Suspicious Supernatural Forces, DUMPED on him. Like? Yep. It's a Tuesday. Guess he's NOT getting to finish this beer.
And you know what?
Knowing the crowd Danny runs with? They'd at least... SORTA try and explain what's happening? Instead of play the fun ol "HOT POTATO! Think fast, Constantine! Figure it out!" And run shpeal that he normally deals with. Thoughtful, really.
Don't get him wrong. It's still BULLSHIT. But at least he has a vague idea of WHY he's holding an unconscious, heavily bleeding, half-divine-but-not-really half human, teenager.
Fuckers left a few sticky notes.
THANKS.
He just LOVES patching up actively radioactive wounds while trying to translate... what is this? Mesopotamian? Who writes out their emojis in Mesopotamian?! "Smiling face emotional picture" my ASS. Still...
Kid in way over their head, hunted by damn never everyone for trying to do the right thing, AND grappling with their recent lose of a decent chunk of their own humanity? Oh and now he's KING of a whole spankin new Realm!
Fuck "Realms". Nothing ever good comes out of "Realms".
And APPARENTLY? His VIP returning customers spot under the Bus has been reserved! Because he's the kid's "Gaurdian". Why? So the nice Goverment stooges in suits will come knocking on HIS door first, of course.
......he'd be more pissed about that one if he wasn't REAL interested in what those bastards had to say for themselves. Meddling with forces they shouldn't be touching. Provoking God only knows what. He fucking KNEW those storms weren't natural.
Just? John getting handed a Suspect Youth. Press X for doubt and Sus. Okay... then give him back. No! Fuck you, says local Laughing Magician, I don't trust you EITHER.
Danny wakes up to the... VERY? Ngl? Intense(tm) stare down of... holy shit, are you an Actual Angel? (Yes. He is. Better hope you're not secretly evil or he's gonna bring The Smiting) Then the world's ACTUAL greatest Detective, who is a chimpanzee, offers him expertly made tea and the cheap take-out John brought with him.
He is in Space.
It's still not the weirdest morning he's ever had. But it's getting there.
@the-witchhunter @hdgnj @hypewinter @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull
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