#go to hell bastard

[maeamian]

Part of the reason that Republicans are so desperately acting like they will never lose again is because they are deeply terrified that this is their last real chance to win. The big orange dipshit came in and gutted the party of everyone who wasn't a loyalist, which left it full of nasty little gremlins who have gaping voids where charisma and human decency is supposed to go.

They still hold a lot of power, but if we stop them this year the next presidential election may not be the Most Important One Of Your Life™, that's not a guarantee or anything, but if they don't win here and now their future looks grim, this dipshit is the only guy they have left and he's extremely diminished and has his brains leaking out of his ears at this point. We can beat him into the ground.

So that's what we're gonna fucking do. We're gonna break these fucking fash. They will crash upon us and we're gonna break their fucking necks. When they come for us they will lose because they're fucking losers and we have each other's backs which is something they fundamentally are incapable of comprehending.

[stephaniebrownslover]

OMGGGGGGG I HAVEN'T SEEN THIS ONE EITHER AND I'M SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR THIS

I'm the sweetest girl in town; so why are you so mean? Nina 'the Killer' Hopkins in Creeped PT 2: PURPOSE

PT. 1: K-12 — PT. 3: NEW MESSAGE

General disclaimer: This AU is an amalgamation of headcanons, fanon, canon, and the occasional rewrite. There is an overarching story that HEAVILY strays from their canon stories. TW for toxic relationships, murder, violence and self-harm. Please take care of yourself and only engage in content you can handle.

PURPOSE

❥After Nina attacked Claudia, she was forced back online. Back to her recluse lifestyle, hiding away from everyone she could. She didn’t want to be seen anymore. Having her social life torn away from her once again hurt. Watching her father’s face morph into disappointment in her high school’s office hurt. Receiving hateful messages from peers again hurt. 

❥Her online friends were still there, thankfully. It was interesting, actually, the news they bought her. The same day she attacked Claudia, there was a brand new true crime case. She huddled beneath her blanket and called them for comfort. She stayed up until 5am researching this case, listening to her friends jokingly say that the case could’ve been Nina's crime. It happened the same day, right? 

❥His name was Jeffery Alan Woods. She was 16 now, and he was a year younger than her. New information was still unfolding as the weeks went by, but this 15 year old boy really fought back. She sympathized with him upon learning about his story. He was troubled and bullied like her. He just wanted to be happy too, right? Live a good life with his brother, have fun at school, make friends. But boys at his school bullied him for it. It wasn’t fair at all to him.

❥Nina really could have been him. She watched hours of interviews, scoffing at everyone who implied he was evil. He was defending himself. Why didn’t they help him when they could have? If they stepped in, he wouldn’t have had to go so far in protecting himself. He had to do it. They failed him. Just like everyone failed Nina. 

❥Nina found Facebooks, Instagrams, and even year books. She spent days scouring the internet, compiling every possible photo she could find of Jeff. He was such a cute kid, she thought! He seemed so sweet in his 2009 Christmas photo, sitting politely with Santa. She saw his older brother, Liu, in several photos. She began researching Liu obsessively too, but he was often kept on the backburner. His interviews were few and far between, as he tried to fade into obscurity. His rare public appearances always mentioned forgiveness. Liu seemed to be the only one who saw humanity left in Jeff, just like Nina did. Why did everyone have to turn him into such a monster? 

❥Nina was able to find Liu’s address in a matter of days. Now she wanted to find Jeff. 

❥She was thrilled everytime a new murder happened. Whenever it was traced back to Jeff, she was overjoyed. Criminal sketches began getting released, and Nina hung them all on her wall. God, the smile was cute. And it was fun! He was just as eccentric as her. She began drawing the smile on her face with makeup, sending it to her online friends and posting selfies on the internet. She received a whole slew of hate comments demeaning her for idolizing this killer, but they didn’t understand his story like she did. 

❥Her mental health deteriorated rapidly. She did the bare minimum to scrape by in school. She never left her room, save for a shower once a week. Christopher brought meals to her, even if his little hands had to cook them himself. He didn’t like being in Nina’s room, really. The photos of Jeff littered the walls and the floor was filled with clothes and empty bottles. Regrettably, Christopher stumbled upon some photos of crime scenes which left him with nightmares.

❥Nina wouldn’t even look at him when he brought her dinner. Her bloodshot eyes were glued to her screen, cackling away at forums about Jeff, or curled up sobbing and begging Christopher to get the fuck out of her room. 

❥Nina took one of her weekly showers halfway through her senior year. She was in there for so long, and the shower had long been turned off. Christopher needed to use the bathroom. First, it was a timid little knock, asking if she was almost done. She said to wait, so he did. He asked again, and she said to wait. It happened again and again until he was banging on the door, whining and telling her to get out of the bathroom. She was being so annoying, always doing her makeup for hours at a time.

❥That’s what he figured, at least. He didn’t think anything of grabbing his mom’s card and using it to unlock the door, just like he’d done several times before when Nina was hogging the bathroom.

❥He screamed at the sight. Nina sat on the edge of the bathtub. She was in her underwear, blood smeared all over her figure. Her biceps, stomach, and thighs were littered with hundreds of shallow, messy wounds. Nina threw her head up, big doe eyes widened in horror. Similar to the shallow cuts across her body, there were jagged scars across her cheeks. Blood bubbled and rolled off her chin, mixing with tears and snot. A foul smell came from her before he realized she had repeatedly thrown up into the tub. 

❥"GET THE FUCK OUT" was all she could manage, but Christophers cries brought him to his mother’s room. Nina desperately threw back on her pajamas, rushing to turn on the shower and make up any excuse she could.

❥There wasn’t really a defense for any of this. 

MISSISSIPPI 

❥February 13, 2015 Nina was sent to her grandparents home in Mississippi. It was her 17th birthday, right before her graduation. Her grandparents were retired and strict. Unlike her parents, they had all the time in the world to focus on Nina. They heavily monitored everything she did. Kept track of her location, her card, her friends. Made sure she put vitamin E oil on her scars and concealer before going out. They made her get a job working with their friend’s niece. Nina didn’t connect to anyone. She simply filed in and out of work and school, finishing up whatever had to be done and barely scraping by at graduation.

❥ Her grandparents barely permitted a gap year, but she began working full time. She got better at putting on a clean, sweet persona for them. She’d often come home and ramble to her grandparents about work, receiving firm advice to stay away from anyone causing Nina trouble. 

❥They couldn’t monitor her internet access the same way, though. Nina spent the next year obsessively researching Jeff all the same, but she kept it all contained to her laptop. Hundreds of hours of information compiled into thousands of different files. She had grown quite notorious in true crime communities, with her username being littered about several forums. ‘Nina the Killer’ was a silly but fitting screen name. 

❥She grew incredibly close to new people, all of which just as infatuated with Jeff. They all shared similar stories of being beaten and bruised their entire life, constantly daydreaming to exhibit the strength Jeff did that fatal day. Nina felt seen, for once. 

❥There was an especially interesting guy online. He went by Mark, and would email Nina very often, always asking her about her thoughts on Jeff’s latest move. Asked Nina for advice on how to kill his parents, too. She’d ramble on about several methods, and would completely melt when he praised her creativity. How sweet. He even spent time encouraging Nina’s curiosity on Liu, someone the community often disregarded. But Nina was fixated on him as well, just to a lesser extent. It felt so good to have someone care about her interests like that. Someone who engaged and encouraged her morbid thoughts.

❥A year went by. Her grandparents were so proud of her, genuinely believing she was getting better. They gave her a beautiful 18th birthday party, and quickly began registering her for their local community college. They wanted to keep her on this great path.

❥Before she could even select classes, Mark messaged her with a new rumor. Jeff was allegedly in Alabama. Only a state away from her. 

❥It was crazy, and it was unrealistic, and she should have dropped it. There was no fucking shot she’d meet him, right? But…

❥Nina Hopkins was pathetic. She rummaged through her grandparents' belongings one night, grateful for their poor hearing. She stuffed everything she could into a few massive suitcases, including her grandparents' cash. After withdrawing all her savings, she hopped on a train.

COINS

❥Nina stayed in Tuscaloosa, Alabama. She began working two jobs, waiting tables at a dingy little restaurant and at a Hot Topic in the local mall. It was difficult for a while, staying in dingy motels before she could finally find a cheap apartment to rent. 

❥She got along with most of the people she worked with now. The year with her grandparents genuinely helped with her rapidly deteriorating social skills, and it seemed everyone liked Nina’s spunk. She was chatty, sweet, and very pretty. Tips always found their way tucked into her back pocket. 

❥Her favorite coworker was a girl named Natalie. Natalie was the opposite of Nina. Tall, lanky, with long straight hair and a mean expression. She knew how to stand up for herself from the start. Natalie didn’t let her anger boil over until she made horrible decisions, not like Nina. The speed at which Natalie would get difficult customers off Nina’s back was startling. She was protective over all the girls in the restaurant, but especially little Nina.

❥Natalie was an odd one, too. Nina could tell. She saw tiny scars littered on Natalie’s cheeks, always covered with foundation, but never fully hiding them away. She usually wore a medical eyepatch over one eye. This only drew Nina to her all the more, until they eventually began getting lunch together every now and again. Nina was 19 by then.

❥Nina would nonsensically ramble about this boy she met online, earning a raised brow from Natalie. 

❥It was the same guy she met on a forum about Jeff the Killer, Mark. The one who always came to Nina for a hypothetical murder method. The one who shared gross, gorey images that he ‘found online.’ The one who told her that Jeff was in Alabama. Recently, Nina had been making plans to meet Mark. She shared this with Natalie.

❥But Nina had no clue Natalie knew Jeff. They were quite close, actually, living in the same damn abandoned farmhouse. Natalie caught lazy glances at Jeff’s phone, and she was quick to connect the dots. 

❥”Don’t fucking meet him. You’re being stupid.” Natalie was blunt, as usual.

❥”You’re so dramatic, oh my god. It’s not like I-”

❥”I said don’t.” Natalie was insistent. Nina never listened to good advice.

PT. 3: NEW MESSAGE

[wizardemotions]

the question came to mind of "in your ship, how might the larger/stronger party pick up or carry the smaller one?" and these were the answers i came to

[ohbother2]

OKAY SO-

Alastor lost his cool and flipped his shit immensely when Lucifer showed up - why would that be? and why wedge himself between Lucifer and Charlie? Why would he react so viscerally when his literal main-competitor for retaining his rank and respect is Vox, and Vox openly antagonises him first, trying to drag Alastor's reputation through the mud in his broadcasts

Alastor remains cool, calm, collected, and in doing so completely surpasses Vox's attempts

in many ways, Alastor is unflappable. Always smiling, always a step ahead, always the most powerful and domineering in a room

and then- Lucifer shows up. This short statured, rosy-cheeked, rather pathetic excuse of a man

he waltzes in to the hotel, a fumbling over-excited mess, the least threatening a person could possibly look in hell, barely reaching Alastor's waist

and yet, he outranks Alastor, he could over-power him easily, he is the predator

and Alastor simply cannot handle that

Alastor may be furious that such a week-minded, emotionally unguarded man ranks so far above him with no way for Alastor to even attempt to gain the same status

so what does Lucifer lack? what is the one thing Alastor can have that he can't?

a relationship with Charlie

his anger is calculated, he finds what hurts Lucifer, he finds his weakness, he grips onto it with both claws, and he drags it in front of him, mocking the fact that, yeah, sure Lucifer may outrank him, but in his daughters mind? one of the few things Lucifer can't control? Alastor has the power, has the lead - in all manners of 'power' and 'influence' that Lucifer cannot control, Alastor makes sure he knows he is on top - he is Charlie's favourite, he succeeds where Lucifer has failed her

regardless of his motives, he has been there for Charlie, and Lucifer hasn't, and that's all that matters

but why does he have this deep-rooted need to prove himself? why can he not accept that he is still the second most powerful in that hotel?

his need for power, for dominance, for control is shown again when Husk confronts him in the hallway

'big talk for someone who's also on a leash'

this time, Alastor doesn't even bother targeting Husker's, insecurities, his weaknesses

he drags him down the hallway chained at his neck, teeth gnashing and positively enraged

there's no typical Alastor intelligence or cunning behind this action - it is pure unadulterated rage, it's a: I can kill you, and I will

killing husk would be useless - Alastor obviously has a purpose for him, that's why he's been kept alive and the other overlords haven't, killing him would get rid of any leverage Alastor had, it would get rid of Husk full stop

Alastor has been gone for 7 years, and now he's back, supporting a cause he doesn't believe, forced to wander around the hotel halls and haunting its residents instead of freely roaming Hell

Lilith has also been gone 7 years - and she isn't yet back

Alastor just so happens to appear at the hotel mere moments after Charlie tries to talk to Lilith, marching into the foyer and wedging himself into the project with a showman's flair

he is chained, he is chained to that infernal hotel where he doesn't belong - he cannot be redeemed, he doesn't want to be redeemed

he is chained to Lilith, and by extension he is chained to Charlie

and in his eyes, he is powerless, so utterly and infuriatingly at the mercy of those above him, and that simply won't do

so what can he do? what can a man, whose greatest desire is power, who's biggest insecurity is the power and status he wields over others, do to reclaim some semblance of that power? how can he usurp Lilith? how can be make this soul-bond beneficial to him?

he can win Charlie over - he can replace her father in the process, he can mould her as he sees fit, he can play on her need to view the best in everyone, in the need to create friendships and her insatiable ability to care for those around her

he cannot get to Lilith, he cannot match Lucifer, but he can have Charlie

and he's nearly got her

and when he does? who's to say her naivety, her trust, the relationship he's intentionally crafted with her, leads her to strike a deal with him in a moment of need? when the angels attack, when the hotel begins to crumble, when heaven commands her to stop her efforts? why wouldn't she strike a deal, in her mind, he's as caring as a father figure, and a man who's been there since day one unlike either of her parents

she shakes his hand

he has her soul

he has Charlie, and he has Lilith, and he has Lucifer

there's nothing they can do, and isn't that really what power is? not raw-strength, not magic, not status, but the ability to control those who others may believe to be above your own station?

he's forced to the hotel, he's chained down and unable to grab for more power - if Lilith is preventing him from earning it himself, well, he can always just force her to give it to him

all it takes is one hand shake.

the cherry on top? he get's to show Lilith it's her own desire for him to be at the hotel that has allowed him to ensnare them all

[mothdogs]

Fucking obsessed with this manga and Ultimate Dad Senshi

[sforzesco]

decimus wanted to wind cassius up a bit just to see how he would snap

uhhh. what else. you know!! caesar was collecting (and discarding) a new generation of romans, operating a new kind of roman imperium. political manipulation. "good" governance. conspiracies are forming in reply.

the collage art is all public domain/open access stuff from the met collections!

[lovesickeros]

☆ even the gods bleed [ pt 2 ]

{☆} characters furina, neuvillette {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, multi-chapter, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings none {☆} word count 1.9k {☆} previous [ 1 ]

This had to be a punishment of some sort – some kind of divine punishment.

She was bored out of her mind just watching the sleeping body – she hadn't blinked once in the past five hours, her eyes were really starting to hurt. Yet they still hadn't moved so much as an inch since she sequestered them away to the only place she had known to be safe.

But it'd been almost a week since then.

The only solace she found was that Teyvat had seemed much less hellbent on collapsing in on itself like a dying star.

That counted for something.

Not much, but something!

..Even if their position was no better then it was a week ago.

There was, after all, still the issue of what to do about the false Creator – the actual imposter – and the Archons following them like blind lambs. The other Archons wouldn't listen if she tried to reason with them, and it would only risk the life of Divine One if she spoke of their location to anyone else.

She also was pretty fond of having her head still attached to her shoulders.

So she avoided them all together. Partially because she wasn't sure she wouldn't have a breakdown at the sight of them..she'd never been a fighter, and fighting an Archon? Easy pass.

Instead she was forced to babysit the sleeping Divine until they woke up while Neuvillette handled taking care of the nation and dealing with the other Archons – and by extension the false Creator.

Really though, she would almost think them dead if not for the subtle rise and fall of their chest.

Though..this also left her with a lot of time to herself. A lot of time to think.

She really didn't like it.

There wasn't a lot to occupy her mind and what little there was only distracted her for a scant few moments before her eyes drifted back to the Divine like she was locked in their orbit, unable to escape.

She closed the same book for the twelfth time – she kept count – and returned it to it's meticulously designed place within her bookcase. A low, barely audible huff of frustration escaped her lips before she could bite it down, her stare boring a hole into the body of the Divine One with a sharp intensity she rarely showed.

She was tired, bored and constantly on edge, fearing that at any moment someone would find out about their presence here.

That, at the drop of a hat, she would be powerless to stop the greatest tragedy of her time play out before her eyes.

Neuvillette would have scolded her for being so petulant, especially around the Divine One, if he were here.

But he wasn't.

He was out running her nation, instead.

And what was she doing? Nothing!

She grit her teeth, nails digging harshly into the palm of her hands as she took a deep breath – now was not the time to think about that. She had..much more pressing matters. Sulking and letting her thoughts spiral helped no one, least of all herself.

Yet her attention was caught by a harsh inhale, the rustle of fabric – were they finally waking up? She was exhausted, but it all vanished at the sudden drop of life within the otherwise deathly still body of the Divine.

Her eyes followed the subtle twitch of their fingers, watching as their brow furrowed and their features twisted in something almost like..pain.

..She wasn't ready.

What was she supposed to say?

Should she even say anything? Would that be considered impolite? Does she wait for them to speak first? Should she kneel? Bow?

She doesn't get much time to find her own answer before their lashes flutter, chest heaving with every strangled breath. Every single thought vanishes from her mind the moment she meets their eyes.

For a long, silent moment she thinks that her heart must have stopped.

Their eyes glow like the cresting of the sun over the horizon, painting the world in hues of gold – yet it also reminded her of the dipping of the moon below the waves, casting the briefest, most gentle of lights upon the world engulfed in darkness. In the depths of their eyes was the birth and death of stars in the infinite cosmos – glittering stars in a sea of empty, blank space that left her feeling lightheaded and breathless.

Beneath the splendor is a spark of recognition in their eyes so vibrant it was like a shooting star piercing through the dark night sky, leaving nothing but the wonder in the eyes of the observer as the only proof it ever existed – brilliant in it's beauty, however brief.

It is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen.

"Focalors?"

The lilt of their voice nearly made her knees buckle beneath her – euphoria so consuming it left her feeling she was starving swallowed her whole, her mind blanking in a moment of utter bliss. It was..an indescribable feeling that she doubted she could ever hope to put into words – not in a way that could properly express it, try as she might.

She swallowed the words that threatened to spill from her lips – she couldn't make a fool of herself. Not in front of them of all people. She'd never forgive herself.

"Divine One," She rasps, clearing her throat and covering her mouth with a hand to mask both her nervousness and the small smile that creeps across her face. She quickly regains her composure, hand resting on her hip as she puffs out her chest with every bit of pride she can manage. "I am sure you must be confused, but worry not– your most loyal acolyte has seen the truth!"

The silence is deafening.

She opens one eye, peaking at the bewildered and almost distraught expression of the Divine.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

That..she was not prepared for. Surely they knew who they were! Surely they knew. They had to– she's been praying to them for as long as she's breathed, she's dedicated every hour of her life to living up to their ideals, they can't just–!

"Lady Furina?"

Neuvillette, thankfully, spares her the embarrassment of having a meltdown in front of the Divine, the gentle rap of his knuckles against the door making her and the Divine pause, the soft lull of his voice soothing her nerves and yet setting her on edge at the same time.

"Neuvillette." She clears her throat again, her steps hurried as she marches to the door and pries it open none too gently, a forced smile pulling at her lips. She wastes no time tugging the man into the room, shutting the door behind him with a short huff. The silence is, somehow, even worse then before as the three of them stare at each other in absolute exasperation.

Neuvillette, for his part, manages to get his act together with a sharp clearing of his throat, bowing so low even she looks unnerved. She steals a brief glance at the Divine, and she's taken aback by the uncomfortability twisting their features into a grimace.

Their expression is schooled back into one of empty apathy when he stands back to his full height, but she saw it – she knows she did! Did they not like their worship? Were they not respectful enough? For a moment, she feared the Divine would smite Neuvillette down on the spot..but they just stared at him like he was a ghost.

"Why aren't you killing me?"

The defeated, resigned tone combined with the way their voice cracks makes her heart ache in her chest – it feels as though her entire world is crumbling down at her feet, and she cannot explain why she feels such emotions so strongly, but it is suffocating. It is almost as if Teyvat itself is weeping, bearing down upon her shoulders like a heavy weight.

She feels the urge to weep herself, but she powers through, gritting her teeth long enough for Neuvillette to take his place at the side of her – though it feels more like their – bed, kneeling like he was going to pray.

"Divine One," He offers a hand with a quiet rumble of his voice, the words slipping off his tongue like honey. It's like trying to soothe a stray cat..though she'd never voice such comparisons of the most Divine out loud. "I..we mean you no harm. I swear on my authority as the Iudex of Fontaine and Chief Justice that you are safe with us."

The skepticism she expected, but the reverence in which Neuvillette must convince them – or perhaps they are simply so tired that they simply did not care any longer if it was all some ploy to drive a knife between their ribs. She didn't expect them to actually place their hand in Neuvillette's.

He didn't either, judging by the way he visibly brightened – not that they'd notice, but she did.

..Not that she could really blame him, her heels clicking against the floorboards as she shifted her weight to the other foot with a nervous energy that was practically bursting at the seams, more then a little jealous of the attention he was receiving. She was the one who found them, she was the one who stayed with them the entire time..but he gets all the attention?

How unfair.

"O-of course! We would never lay a hand on our creator," She adds, her voice a little higher pitched then she would have liked as she placed her hands on her hips, puffing out her chest and brushing off the sting of jealousy. "Least of all I– your most loyal, most devout acolyte!"

She felt baffled when she heard the sound of their laughter, her shoulders hunching and her cheeks flushing on mere instinct – she was expecting mockery, but the look in their eyes, still dulled by a pain she cannot even begin to imagine, made her hesitate.

..It was, perhaps, the most genuine thing she'd heard from them ever since before the hunt began.

She wasn't sure why her heart hurt at such an idea, but it was enthralling to see the beginnings of a half hearted smile on their lips.

For a moment, her mask of theatrics was forgotten as she stared at them in a mixture of awe and adoration– and though she didn't look at Neuvillette, she could imagine he must've shared such an expression.

Had she any doubts that they were her Creator, that they alone were the most Divine..they would wiped clean now. There was no mistaking the way the world itself seemed to grow clearer as they glanced up at her like she was worth something.

For a moment, she realized how cold the false Creators gaze had been now that she has felt warmth so gentle it almost made her knees buckle beneath her. It felt like a pale imitation, now.

Nothing could compare to the warmth that spread through her body at the mere semblance of a smile upon their lips. She didn't even mind if it was her they were laughing at anymore, she just wanted to hear them laugh again.

She'd make a fool of herself, if she had to.

She'd never felt so..ravenous for such a thing, but just the briefest glimpse was addictive.

She simply couldn't help herself from striding across the room and clasping their free hand in her own, her smile wide enough to unnerve as she leaned her weight onto the bed. For a moment, she considered pulling away at the way they startled, but her mind was made up by then – there was no going back.

"Again."

[serpentface]

Don't get too attached

[blue-rose-soul]

For hazbin hotel au: what if alastor arrives at young age? Let say an incident which both he and his ma die at same time but because of his heritage, he got sent to hell, forced to survive in the streets until he meet Charlie and the rest of the hotel residents. How do you think will happen if he meet Lucifer?

Oh, so an AU of the AU? Sounds fun! Let me think...

Well, my first thought is that Alastor's demon form would be fairly different, since it's so closely tied into the manner in which he died. Buuuuut... I really like him as a deer demon, so I'm going to handwave that away. I'm also going to have him keep his powers associated with radio, despite him not yet having become a radio host, with the justification that listening to the radio shows together with Nicaise and making her laugh by perfectly imitating the radio man's accent were such fond memories for him they carried over to his demon form.

Ultimately, this version of Alastor still becomes the Radio Demon. But unlike the Alastor who died as an adult, nobody knows what the Radio Demon looks like. He's a mystery, known only for his radio broadcasts and striking down Overlords from the shadows. So when this little red kid with deer ears shows up on Charlie's doorstep introducing himself as the Radio Demon, she and Vaggie are understandably skeptical.

That skepticism dies when he blasts Sir Pentious's airship right out of the sky.

Alastor still brings in Niffty and Husk - two of the only people who know who the Radio Demon really is - still fixes up the building, and still acts as the facility manager. But everyone involved in the hotel keeps his identity a secret, at his request.

When Lucifer arrives at the hotel, he's in sheer disbelief that the hotel's manager is this tiny kid. Never mind Alastor frequently pointing out that he's around a hundred years old now. That doesn't really clarify anything for Lucifer who's several millennia old. He's less of a condescending jerkass to Alastor at first, seeing him as a kid, but Alastor doesn't take kindly to being treated like a child. So Alastor does what Alastor does and prods under Lucifer's armor. He starts throwing himself at Charlie, hanging off her arm, acting like a precocious kid and interrupting Lucifer's attempts to bond with her while shooting the King of Hell smug looks.

Charlie finds it a bit weird given Alastor usually acts more like an adult, but she does think it's kind of cute so she allows it. Lucifer is furious. He frequently refers to Alastor as, 'that damn brat,' and casually picks him up and teleports him to other rooms of the hotel for 'a time out' and generally treats Alastor like he's a nuisance, not a member of the hotel staff.

And then... Alastor's parentage comes out.

Lucifer is just as awkward with the childlike version of Alastor as he is with the version who died as an adult. That awkwardness just manifests differently. He keeps trying to make amends by treating Alastor as though he's an actual kid, lavishing him with gifts, inviting him on trips, so on and so forth. Alastor really doesn't think he should have to decline a trip to Lu Lu World more than once. Charlie tries to step in on his behalf, but she's not so great at dealing with Lucifer's awkwardness either.

One of the most insulting gifts is a pet, similar to Razzle and Dazzle, who is supposed to keep Alastor safe.

Alastor explodes.

He died when he was ten and he's been keeping himself safe ever since then, thank you very much! He was strong enough and clever enough to become one of the most feared Overlords in the Pentagram, all without ever showing his face once! And it's been over a hundred years since then! If Lucifer wanted to be his dad, he's about a century too late!

Unfortunately, one of the downsides of being stuck in a child's body is that sometimes his adult emotions are too big for it. All the anger and frustration comes out as tears, which only makes Alastor that much angrier. Lucifer tries to offer comfort, to pull Alastor into a hug, but Alastor melts into the shadows before Lucifer can even touch him.

[danwhobrowses]

What's this? My skin, cleared? My crops, watered!? My heart, soaring!!??

Callowmoore softness, comfort and sleeping beside each other my FUCKING BELOVED!

[vaggieslefteye]

HAZBIN HOTEL (2024—): Season 1 ↳ Alastor being fake vs. Lucifer being real.

[katasstrophy]

michael kaiser is one of those millionaire fuckboy bastard athletes who’s all smug and “i’m a man who’s got very specific taste” but it’s just women who literally could not give a single shit about him shut up you know i’m so right for this

yeah sure he fucks around that’s easy practically a piece of fucking cake for him but as soon as you click your tongue at him in rejection like he’s an insignificant little ant you can crush with pin-point precision under your heels? he’s infatuated. borderline obsessed and insufferable in his pursuit of you. he’s so pathetic he immediately commits himself to you, literally physically can’t bring himself to take some new fling to bed because all he wants is you, you, you, you’ve ruined him he’s lovesick he’s insane.

[gingermintpepper]

The amount of insane nonsense I have in my drafts is directly proportional to how much of a pain in the ass it is to collect the references to explain my interpretations.

Yes I am looking directly at you 'Apollo of Mousike' post I have been writing for almost a month now. Yes I am also looking at you Brittany Broski greek myth podcast episode I have been timestamping and doublechecking to make sure my quotes are correct. Yes I am also looking at you 'Traditional Kitharody and the Mystery of Apollo's (and Orpheus!) Dresses' post. No, I do not know when any of these will be finished, I have a writing speed of soured molasses, thank you so much for asking.

[basils-dreamhouse]

i swear way too often i see people going "the main character of this kids media doesnt use an extreme amount of violence when handling its villains so clearly that means theyre someone who thinks all villains are redeemable even if theyve committed tons of warcrimes!" Like no just because steven universe and sonic the fucking hedgehog dont KILL their villains outright (and even that's debatable sometimes) doesnt mean theyre frolicking in the fucking fields with them

[mettywiththenotes]

Tomura holding up a charred cookie to the camera with the caption "Baking my dead sensei into a burnt cookie because killing him once was not enough"

[miodiodavinci]

the latest in a long line of D&D characters ! ! ! please meet outis, my archaic warforged paladin ! ! ! they were originally built to find patterns in chaos and help guide travelers through hazardous places where rules are few and far between, though a recent expedition gone awry seems to have put an end to its career

even still, they're still on a journey to some place far, far away, though no one seems to know where—least of all outis w

doodle of how we usually end up drawing them in the ms paint session notes below the cut w