#genuinely praying that he get killed in jail

[thesmokinpossum]

just got some really fucked up news (that don't affect me directly but still mess me up real bad) but I still have to work and do all my school work including my latin exam in 3 days so that's super cool i guess

[thorn-rosed]

there's something christian / catholic in all versions of my rosekiller. i dont care what earth this is, guys. you're having a deeply complicated relationship to god.

fallenangel!evan x priest!barty

Evan was supposed to deliever a message to some random priest. it was an honour to be allowed on earth as an angel, you had to be outstanding. The message read "dont trust those who dont even acknowledge the bad", and evan didnt really think about it too hard. But when events on earth were unfolding, he realized that God had been in his way the whole time. He was the one Barty wasn't supposed to trust. Luckily, Barty didn't give a fuck and from that day on, Evan wad filled by a deep hate by God. The almighty took Evan's whole life from him and tried to take away his one safety boat too. And this was supposed to be the one millions of people trust and love? No, Evan decided to never trust him again.

Meanwhile Barty never really lost his faith. Sure, over time he became bitter towards God, and the more he got to know Evan, the more he resented the almighty. Yet he still believed in the ground principles and teachings of the bible. When he hit rockbottom, Barty prayed to God because he knew no matter what, God would take him back. He didn't know how or if the entity ever listened, but he knew that if He did, He'd be there for Barty and help him. After getting close to Evan and occasionally consuming his blood, God would be able to communicate with Barty. This was the craziest turning point in his life. Now, everytime he prayed, he'd make sure god would listen and wait for answers and help. Barty knew that this relationship wasn't the way it was supposed to, he knew he should give more into it, but at the same time, there was no way he'd actually worship God. Getting advice? sure. believing his existence? Yes. But respecting it and active support? No. From week to week, Barty lost his trust more and more, and even though he'd never give it up completely, he dishonoured his extremely catholic family by breaking all the rules and not giving a fuck about morals.

vampire!barty x scientist!evan

Evan had never been religious, God was just a concept that people made up to feel better about themselves. But when he tried to summon a demon, his intention was to ask how the true god was like, so Evan could live and believe the truth. over time, his Catholicism increased steadily, despite the horrible things he did to others, he read and studied the bible, prayed and went to church / confession once a week. Because God was real, and even if Evan would go to hell for murder and torture, he'd get into the good parts of it, because trusted gods plan. He'd probably say smth like "Obviously i killed thay guy! Last night, god told me to do so, its all part of his plan!" and if someone said that was blasphemy, Evan would answer with "I'm allowed, im catholic".

Meanwhile Barty... you would say that since he's been to hell and is hyperaware of God's existence, he's catholic or at least satanic (after all he knows satan personally and can't talk to his hell-bestie on earth anymore) but no. He doesn't pray to anyone, and he won't ever start. He says he loathes God for taking his mother away from him and forcing him to be tortured all his life... At this point Evan doesn't know who Barty even is, so the whole time he's like "????". But they figure it out at some point :) Yet, it makes him genuinely angry that Evan is becoming religious because of him. Why would the love of his life pray to the one entity that hurt him so much? God and their opposite views on him are some of their only fight points. While all Barty sees in God is a fake saviour who is lying through his teeth, Evan acknowledges His flaws, yet praises him for the good things. He doesnt care about breaking the rules - he's thankful for not being in jail and he's thankful for meeting Barty.

They both arent near perfect and neither of them has a "healthy" relationship to God, but I don't think that's possible in any universe.

Summary

Both versions of Rosekiller has one person that is more religious than the other one. While fallenangel!evan x priest!barty built on religion and wouldn't be able to exist without both of them being religious, there is no technical need for scientist!evan to become religious. vampire!barty might've showed him that hell is real, but there was no "real" reason for him to convert to Christianity, read the bible and confess. He knew that no matter what he did, he wasn't ready to change his behaviour for anything or anyone and would end up in hell anyway. I think, for him God was like a parental figure that had been missing his entire life, and before vampire!barty met him, scientist!evan knew he'd get no answer and wasn't even ready to try and become religious. But now that he could get an answer through vampire!barty, who showed him spells for contact, he felt like this was everything ever missing. A neglected child finally getting attention from the parent it needed his whole life.

Personal notes

The reason for Christianity/Catholicism being the only religion represented is because it was one I grew up with and I know the most about, also due to most of my friends being Christian. I would love to see people headcanon the skittles/marauders as other religions too, I simply didnt want to give misrepresentation.

[justsalpals]

https://www.tumblr.com/justsalpals/751271185799675904/hes-an-afterthought-one-by-one-they-are-brought?source=share

ooh, rubbing my little hands together. I didn't think anyone was actually gonna go for this. hell yeah. guessing you just mean the whole post?

So! If I'm recalling correctly, this was written immediately after the finale. Post-episode is when I've always had the most luck getting eyes on a post, so I was in a bit of a hurry to get something out while there were still eyes in the tag. I knew going into the episode that Jace was nearly certainly gonna die and was looking forward to getting a good short angst piece out about it. Because that's how I roll.

The main inspiration was, pretty obviously, how we have no fucking clue what happened to Jace. He was being arrested, but then pushed into the lava? But the death was quick and jokey enough it could be argued to be a non-canon aside. But then again, shortly after all the shatter starred people were brought back to life! Does that include Jace? Why wouldn't it? The Bad Kids straight up do not know enough about this man to judge whether he was irredeemable and genuinely into it or just a brainwashed pawn. (The real answer, of course, is somewhere between.)

One thing is for sure: they don't talk about him ever again. Which I choose to interpret as them just fucking forgetting about him. (To be clear, I find this very funny. And in character for a bunch of teens who just saved the world again. They don't have bandwidth to think through every little person who's gonna be resurrected, okay?!) So, gods left to their own devices were told to bring back everyone who'd been shatter starred. I certainly don't see why Jace would be excluded.

But he is forgotten. His death was tacked onto the end, a joke to wrap up loose ends. And his resurrection is just as careless.

He is an afterthought.

Ooh nice one, Arson. Punchy! Depressing! This is our starting point, the tone setter. We're taking this and running with it.

Jace is brought back to life, and just. Left to his own devices. Not worth the effort. Yeah you helped try to kill a god and force the entire town to become an unwilling divine domain, but we legitimately do not care about you enough to even follow up. He's not a threat. He's not even enough of an annoyance to swing by and heckle with some jeering one liners. He's not worth it.

He's alone. Unmoored. Directionless. For the first time since Porter raised him from the dead, he can't feel that otherworldly anger that drove him.

His chest aches.

Was he not angry anymore? He should probably be angry, right? That's how villains feel after their plans are foiled, yeah? And I do believe that even before being brought back Wrong, Jace had a lot of anger he buried far down as he could. The shatter star didn't invent the anger, just stoked what was there already.

But that anger was the only thing keeping him upright for months. He wants to be angry now, wants to still have that drive and purpose, but he's so damn burnt out.

So where does he go from here? He's probably lost his job, and gets the feeling if he goes to check he'll just remind people of his existence and get thrown in jail after all. What's left? Jace being directionless is something I love to play with, and he's had all that direction and devotion ripped from his chest. What's there to do but grasp at ghosts?

So he goes to the gym. Probably doesn't even know why, just knows it was the last place he saw Porter.

Hey Arson, why the hell does he make a bunch of clones of himself?? That makes no sense. BECAUSE ITS A COOL VISUAL OKAY. The emptiness of the gym is Too Much. Summoning a crowd of yourself, but their eyes judge harsher than any outsider ever would.

He's lost in himself, and after so long he can't even figure out what it is he's feeling. He can't comprehend that he just misses Porter. And what way is there to speak with the man who would be god than to pray?

But Porter's not here anymore. Jace, alone forgotten directionless, has to figure it out on his own.

[deathsbestgirl]

gonna do one of my little rants because i simply can't choose, and i can't choose because they're all so different.

millennium: genuinely a perfect first kiss. it's a little tentative, not in that they hesitate but it's absolutely loaded for them. mulder makes the decision and scully turns toward him and it happens!! it's tender & sweet & intimate, as short and as innocent as it is. they're testing the waters and mulder's "the world didn't end" just kills me. they were afraid, but they aren't afraid anymore.

existence: oh my GOD. they are a family. mulder is holding william between them. they're having the conversation. william is mulder's and they're safe and they're so happy. it's sensual, there's no confusion or denial. "the truth we both know" makes me want to scream. it was such a heavy season with no lightness for so long. they earned this, they fought for this. they're back and they're together and they're whole and they're happy.

the truth: honestly their hottest & most intense kiss. they've been apart for months, both struggling so much. mulder didn't know if he could keep going, and scully has never been so desperate to see him. she already lost him once, and she prayed everyday for him to come back to her, and she found the cure so it would be her mulder returning. they're finally reunited though still separated by a jail cell & fake charges. scully cannot take her eyes off mulder, he kisses her hands & won't let them go, he needs to be touching her. skinner is right there and they don't hesitate and skinman is so awkward but he doesn't begrudge them this at all. you can feel their desperation.

scratchy beard: the casual intimacy of this kiss. i don't even have anything else to say. it's cute & sweet & funny and just normal!!! it's something so hard to imagine that we would get to see. it's in the privacy of their own home, in their bed. they're so isolated but they're together. it's their casual touches turned into a kiss. they're just a couple being a couple.

end of iwtb: so emotional. bordering on goodbye, but not yet. they don't give up easily, and not after all they've been through. they're both struggling, it's a comfort. it's a reminder. they are still them, they are still there. they still have each other to put their back up against.

okay then, we need a new kissing poll. We have established that the deleted Fight the Future kiss is the favorite by a wide margin, but what about canon-only kisses?

forehead kisses definitely count, because those two are just so very good at them. really curious to see which way this is gonna swing now all you ftf voters have to pick a different option ;)

[naughtyneganjdm]

I know you said you shouldnt but i actually would like to hear your whole opinion on lucille + yn from glc

Okay. Sure. But people don't always like the writer's opinion so if you don't like seeing the writer's opinion, don't read this because I'm fully supportive of people interpreting things how they want as people view media differently.

I genuinely believe that Lucille is the best person in Good Luck Charm (other than Evie) and is better than the character of Y/N. Here is why.

Lucille had no idea that Negan was with someone while Negan was cheating with her. The moment that she knew about Y/N, she was always kind to her. Was always trying to be friends with her. Wanted to help her find someone that made her happy. She suspected that Y/N was having an affair with Negan, but instead started a poly relationship with them in order to make them all happy and ended up falling in love with Y/N. So much so that Negan realized that the two of them were getting so incredibly close that he did his best to put a wedge between them. Lucille loved Y/N and Negan to the point she thought having another child with them would be worth it. The night Y/N showed up at Negan and Lucille's home after Negan didnt show up at the farm, when Lucille heard the commotion, it was Y/N that Lucille went to. She immediately told Negan to back off and went to her aid. She does not know what happened between Negan and Y/N, but when Y/N explained that her and Negan were having an affair for years, Lucille gave Y/N excuses as to why it was okay to make Y/N feel better. When Shane essentially raped Y/N, Lucille came over to comfort her and did the best she could to help her and convince Y/N that she deserved better. And when Y/N avoided her she went to her work because she still cared for her and wanted to know she was okay. Y/N has been lying to people telling them that everything is okay with Shane.

Now the negatives. She asked Y/N for help because her husband who she loves almost killed someone and would have gone to jail. Like Y/N, Lucille would do whatever it takes to save someone she loved, like she tried to do with Y/N when she started dating Shane. When Negan suggested in the last chapter that he didn't love Y/N, she immediately corrected him that he did. When he told her that Y/N was nothing compared to her. IN MY OPINION...I would not correct my husband on how much better his mistress was than me regardless of how much I like them.

Now onto Y/N. I think mostly she's a good person. She loves hard. She's willing to do a lot of things for the people she loves and she was definitely hurt. BUT, she knew that Lucille was a kind hearted, good person and she still had an affair with Negan for years and was praying that Negan would leave Lucille for her. When they were a throuple, she let Negan convince her that he was going to leave Lucille for her and she went along with it. She loved Lucille and she still was going to go through with it. She knows that Shane did something wrong, but essentially she is putting herself in a toxic relationship knowing that it's toxic even after Negan and Lucille begged her to help herself. She's lying to people and telling them that Shane is okay when he's really not. Let's be honest, everyone in this story just needs intensive therapy (did I mention I'm going into psychology?). Also Y/N is still incredibly loyal to Negan and never went into details what he actually did to Lucille.

The real problem is honestly Negan and Shane. But that's just my two cents.

[spirit-small]

It's over. Edgeworth is not guilty. What a Christmas this was. Gumshoe, in all his excitement, invited himself over for an impromptu celebration at Fey & Co, kind of forcing Edgeworth and Larry into it as well. Phoenix wasn't the most pleased with this, since he couldn't even participate without exposing himself to yet another bean. But as the night went on, the crowd thinned out, leaving just himself, Maya... And Edgeworth.

There's a quiet peace, but with a vaguely uncomfortable air of uncertainty permeating it. Despite having far more time to consider it than anyone else, Phoenix doesn't know what to say to Edgeworth, but he feels like he has to say something.

"Miss Fey, I simply have to ask," Edgeworth breaks the silence. "You must be a capable lawyer in your own right to have beaten me twice already. So why is it, exactly, that you risk Wright's safety just to have him by your side in court?"

Phoenix and Maya look at each other for a moment and burst into laughter.

"Edgey, Edgey, Edgey..." Maya pats him on the back, hard enough to cause him to sputter and cough up his drink a little. "Let me let you in on a liiiiiittle secret."

Maya looks around the room suspiciously and gets really close into Edgeworth's personal space to whisper in his ear, "Nick is the real lawyer."

"I... Beg your pardon?"

"Then beg." Maya says, sitting back into a more comfortable position, Phoenix in her lap.

"What? No, I- How could he possibly be the lawyer?!"

"Nick's the brains of the operation." Maya shrugs. "I'm the looks. And the muscle. And the wild card. I'd really be the total package, if I had a law degree."

"If you had a- What?! If you don't have- Then WHERE, pray tell, did you get that badge?! I suppose that's a crude forgery, then?!"

"Nah, this is the real thing. The genuine article. It belonged to my dead sister. She enqueaved it to me! Enqueaved, that's lawyer talk, right?"

"Bequeathed." Phoenix corrects her.

"Bequeathed! What did I say?"

"You said enqueaved."

"What does that mean?"

"I think you made that one up."

"That sounds like me."

"Can we stop this inane chatter? Are you two actually telling me that you've been illegally practicing law for the last three months?" Edgeworth has had enough.

"That's right." Phoenix nods.

"That is... You realize that that is insane, right? Wright, where did you even learn enough to do this?!"

"Also her dead sister. But it started with you, all those years ago."

"Have either of you considered the ramifications if you're caught?! And now that you've involved me, I may as well be considered an accomplice."

"E-Edgey... You're not gonna turn us in, right? I'm just trying to help Nick achieve his dreams! Plus, like, if we didn't do this you would be so in jail right now. You owe us this. And also money. My services don't come cheap."

"Your so-called 'services' should not have come at all! But... I suppose I am grateful to you," Edgeworth sighs. "I won't turn you in. But you need to either stop this, or go to law school. I can overlook your previous crimes but I cannot condone this any further."

"You got it, Edgey. I... Was kinda thinking we should stop anyway." Maya wraps her hands a little tighter around Phoenix.

"What? Why?!" Phoenix protests.

"Nick... Von Karma could've killed you. I thought he did, for a minute. It's too dangerous."

"I'm sorry, who could have killed whom?" Edgeworth glares at Maya.

"Killed is a bit of an overstatement. He kicked me against a wall. I don't think that's even close to 'too dangerous'!"

"Miss Fey...!" Edgeworth's rage is building.

"Oh, yeah, I got tazed, too. Don't worry, Edgey, I'm fine, thanks for your concern." Maya glares back at him.

Edgeworth grumbles.

"I'm tougher than I look, you two! I can handle the perils of a legal career!"

"More like an illegal career." Edgeworth mutters, silently laughing at his own joke.

"I just don't think it's a good idea! And you can't do it without me, so we're not doing it."

Phoenix sighs.

"I'm sorry... Nick..." She wraps her hands even tighter around him. "I can't lose you..."

He pushes against her fingers and she loosens her grip. He slides off her lap to sit on the other end of the couch alone.

"Wright. This is for the best. It's for your own safety." Edgeworth starts to reach toward him but quickly retracts his arm.

"I know, Edgeworth. I know."

"I'm sorry, but you can't keep doing this. You can't practice law, you're not even a real-"

"I know! I know I'm not a real person. I don't need you telling me that." Phoenix snaps.

"That wasn't what... Nevermind. Good night, Wright. Good night, Miss Fey." Edgeworth gets up and walks to the door. He pauses, briefly, to glance back at them, and then wordlessly leaves.

Maya sits down on the floor, facing the couch. She folds her arms up on the cushion Phoenix is sitting on and rests her head atop them, facing toward him. She gently pats him on the head with her fingertip.

"Wanna... Watch tv...?" She asks him.

".........yeah."

[nevermindirah]

I've been drafting and redrafting this meta post for weeks now. It's about to be 5781 and my country that was founded on settler colonial genocide and slavery and a deeply flawed but fierce attachment to democracy might go full dictatorship in about 6 weeks and it's time for me to post this thing.

All our immortals are warriors, all have been traumatized by war. But only three of them died their first deaths as soldiers in imperial armies. This fandom has already produced gallons of meta on Nicky dealing with his shit, because Joe would not fuck with an unapologetic Crusader. But there's very rich stuff in Booker and Nile's experiences and the parallels and distinctions between them.

Nile was 11 when her dad was killed in action - that was 2005, meaning she and her dad both died in the same war that George W Bush started in very tenuous response to 9/11. Sure, Nile's dad could have died in either Iraq or Afghanistan, or in a training accident or in an off-the-books mission we won't know about for a hundred more years, but he died in the War on Terror all the same. I had to look it up to be sure because Obama "drew down" the Afghanistan war in his second term, but nope, we're still in this fucking thing that never should've happened in the first place. The US war in Afghanistan just turned 19 years old. A lot of real-life Americans have experiences like the Freemans, parents and children both dying in the same war we shouldn't be in.

I know a lot of people like Nile who join the US military not just because it's the only realistic way for them to pay for college or afford decent healthcare, but also because they have a family history of military service that's a genuine source of pride. Military service has been a way for Americans of color to be accepted by white Americans as "true Americans" - from today's Dreamers who Obama promised would earn protection from deportation by enlisting, to Filipino veterans of WW2 earning US citizenship that Congress then denied them for several decades, to slaves "earning" their freedom through service in the Union Army and in the Continental Army before it. As if freedom is a thing one should have to earn. Lots of Black Americans have the last name Freeman for lots of different escaping-slavery reasons, but it's possible that this specific reason is how Nile got her last name.

Dying in a war you know your country chose to instigate unnecessarily and that maybe you believe it shouldn't be waging is a very particular kind of trauma. It is a much deeper trauma when your military service, and your father's, and maybe generations of your ancestors', is a source of pride and access to resources for you but your sacrifice is nearly meaningless to the white supremacist system that deploys you. That kind of cognitive dissonance encourages a person to ignore their own feelings just so they can function. How do you wake up in the morning, how do you risk your life every day, how do you *kill other people* in a war that shouldn't be happening and that you shouldn't have to serve in just so that your country sees you as human?

We see Nile do her best to be a kind and well-mannered invader. Depending on your experience with US imperialism, Nile giving candy to kids and reminding her squad to be respectful is either heartwarming or very disturbing propaganda. We also see Nile clutching her cross necklace and praying. From the second Christianity arrived on this land it's been a tool of white supremacist assimilation and control, but like military service, it's a fucked-up but genuine source of pride and access to resources for many Americans whose pre-Columbian ancestors were not Christian, and it's a powerful source of comfort and resilience. This Jew who's had a lot of Spanish Inquisition nightmares would like to say for the record that it's not Jesus's fault that his big name fans are such shitty people.

Nile is a good person trying to do her best in a fucked-up world. "Her best" just radically changed. Her access to information on just how fucked up the world is has also just radically changed, because everything's so fucked up a person needs a lot of time to learn about it all and not only does she have centuries but she won't have to spend that time worrying about rent and healthcare and taxes, and because she now has Joe and Nicky and Andy's stories, and because she now has Copley's inside scoop on just what the fuck the CIA has been up to. Like, I want a fic where Copley tells Nile what was really behind the brass's decisions that led to her experiences on the ground in Afghanistan, that led to her father's death, but also I Do Not Want That.

Nile was 19 when Alicia Garza posted on Facebook that Black Lives Matter. She grew up in Chicago well before white people on Twitter were saying maybe police violence against Black people is a problem. She knows this is a deeply fucked up country, and she put on her Marine uniform and deployed with her team of mostly fellow women of color, and maybe she and Dizzy and Jay marched in the streets between deployments, maybe they texted each other when a white manarchist at a protest sneered at one of them for being a Marine. Nile's been busy surviving, and she knows some shit and she's seen some shit but she hasn't had much time to think about what it all means. Now she's got time. And Joe, Nicky, and Andy are willing to listen. (Is Copley willing to listen? I could see that going either way.)

Booker might also be willing to listen. The brilliant idea of cleaning up the rat Frenchman so that Nile can have millennia of emotional support and orgasms sent me down a Wikipedia rabbit hole, and holy shit do Booker and Nile have a lot of shared life experience as pawns of imperial wars. Obviously Booker is white and a man and that makes a very big difference. (Though G-d help me, Booker could be Jewish and France was knocking its Jews around like ping-pong balls in the 18th-19th centuries. Jewish Booker wouldn't make him any less white but it does add a shit ton of depth of common experience: military service as a way for your country to see you as a full member of society who matters, because who you are means that's not guaranteed.)

Booker was hanged for desertion from the army Napoleon sent to invade Russia as part of his quest to control all of Europe. We learn in the comics / this YouTube video that Booker was on his way to prison for forgery when he was offered military service instead of jail time. While we don't know how he felt about the choice beyond that he did choose soldier over inmate, it's unlikely he thought invading Russia was a great idea, given he tried to desert because Napoleon like a true imperialist dumbass didn't plan for how he was going to feed his army or keep them from freezing to death in fucking Russian winter.

I find it very interesting that the French Empire was at its largest right before invading Russia and fell apart completely within a few years. My country has been falling the fuck apart for a while now - see aforementioned War on Terror, growing extremes of economic stratification in the richest country in the world, abject refusal to meaningfully deal with climate change that US-based corporations hold the lion's share of blame for - but between Trump's abject refusal to meaningfully deal with the coronavirus and strong likelihood that he'll refuse to leave office even if a certain pathetic moderate I will hold my nose and vote for does manage to earn a majority of votes, ~y~i~k~e~s.

Our only immortals who have never known a world before modernity and nationalism happen to have been born of wars that were the beginning of the end for the imperialist democracies that raised them, and I think in the centuries to come that's going to give them some very interesting shit to talk about.

Nile's a Young Millennial, a digital native born in the United States after the collapse of the USSR left her country as the world's only superpower. She's used to a pace of technological change that human brains are not evolved to handle.

Napoleon trying to make all of Europe into the French Empire was a leading cause of the growth of European nationalism and the establishment of liberal democracies both in Europe and in many places that Europeans had colonized. Booker's first war produced the only geopolitical world order Nile has ever known and I just have so many feelings ok. Nile the art history nerd is probably not aware of this, and why would she be? This humble meta author is, like Nile, a product of US public schools, and all they taught me about world history was Ancient Greece/Rome/Egypt/Mesopotamia and then World War 2. Being raised in The World's Only Superpower is WEIRD.

Nile the Young Millennial is used to the devastating volume of bad news the internet makes possible. But she has absolutely no concept of a world where the United States of America is not The World's Only Superpower. In order to get up in the morning and put on her gear and point guns at civilians in Afghanistan, she can only let herself think so much about whether that American exceptionalism thing is a good idea.

She's about to spend many, many years where the only people who she can truly trust are people who are older than not only her country but the IDEA of countries.

She's got time, and she's got a lot of new information at her disposal. But there comes a point where my obsession with her friendship and eventual very hot sex life with Booker just isn't about sex at all. Nile needs someone to talk to about the United States who Gets It. Booker the rat Frenchman coerced into Napoleon's army, and Copley the Black dual citizen of the US and UK who's retired from a CIA career that he half understands as deeply problematic but half still believes in hence his mind-bogglingly stupid partnership with Merrick, are the only people on the planet Nile can talk to honestly about, and really be understood in, all the thoughts and feelings and fears and hopes of her experience as a US Marine.

And one more thing before I go get ready for Rosh Hashanah: Orientalism was a defining element of the Crusades and that legacy is painfully clear in current US-led Western military activity in Afghanistan, Syria, Israel/Palestine, you name it. Turns out memoirs by French veterans of the Napoleonic Wars are full of Orientalist language about Russia as well. I am maybe/definitely writing a fic where Booker spends his exile reading critical race theory and decolonial feminism and trauma studies monographs because he can't be honest with a therapist but maybe he can heal this way and become the team therapist his own damn self. I just really need him to read Edward Said and Gloria Anzaldúa and then go down on Nile, ok?

[potato-an0n]

Hi, so I came across Escapism from Steven Universe and this question came up "what if this was what Hange was thinking throughout s4 as commander that lead to her fate in ch 132?" (or at least, that's what she convinces herself to think). Especially when Hange would say "I'm tired."

AO3 link here

I guess I have to face

That in this awful place

I shouldn't show a trace

Of doubt

"I'm saying the next commander of the Survey Corps, will be you, Hange Zoe," Erwin announces.

Hange looked at him shocked and a bit unsure.

"Eh? Me? But I don't understand.....do I even have the qualifications to even lead a whole military branch? Is there anyone else you could've picked? Like Armin!" Hange says, feeling unsure if he made the right choice choosing her for this role.

Erwin shook his head and gave her a serious look.

"Hange, you are more than capable of taking on this role. You have a brilliant mind, the experience of leadership, you're calm under pressure, you trained with the Scouts the longest therefore our soldiers know and respect you. I have great faith and confidence you'll lead humanity to victory."

"Oi, Hange."

Hange snaps out of her thoughts and looks around her office to see Levi standing at the doorway, making his way towards her desk.

"Oh Levi hi. Sorry, I've been caught up with all this paperwork. It's a lot more work than being a mad titan scientist researcher," Hange says letting out an exhausted chuckle. Levi knows that look all too well, so he lets out sigh, went in front of where she was sitting and leaned back against her desk.

"When was the last time you slept? Or bathed? You smell like shit, not like that's new," Levi commented. Hange chuckled a bit at his usual sarcasm. "Good to know you're still your usual grumpy, clean freak self," she says as she lets out a sad smile but then returned to a frown when she felt the stress get to her.

"Hey Levi, do you think....maybe Erwin made a mistake? That maybe-"

Hange felt him grab onto her shoulders and looked into his eyes in shock.

"Listen here four eyes and listen well, if anyone can take Erwin's place it's you. I don't know who told you or if someone said anything, but the Scouts need you! Paradis needs you! We need you...." As Levi finished his little speech, he felt Hange face planting into his chest. He sighs and rub his hand over her greasy head.

A few minutes has passed and Hange wasn't saying anything. Levi was starting to get concerned.

"Oi, you better not be asleep!"

Hange grumbled a bit," but I feel so comfortable right now, just a few more minutes please."

Levi pushed Hange's shoulders back away from his chest, "tch, not with your hair all gross and filthy, go take a shower."

"But the paperwork-"

"Will still be there when you're done, plus you need a break."

Hange pouts but gives in, "fine." However, an idea sparked in her head as she got up, so she gave Levi a mischievous grin and he knew exactly what that meant.

Before she could say anything, Levi found a towel and threw at her.

"Don't even think about it!"

Hange bursted out laughing as she took the towel off her head and left. She didn't notice Levi softly smiling to himself when he heard her genuinely laugh for the first time in a while.

--

But pulled against the grain

I feel a little pain

With Eren grabbing her by the collar screaming if she has a plan, the whole island doubting her leadership, trying to figure out Eren and Zeke's true plan, Levi being away technically babysitting Zeke, and the sudden rise of the Yeagarists, it was all too much for her handle, not to mention, she’s still grieving over the loss of Moblie and Erwin, but here she is, locked up in a jail cell with the remaining 104th squad, Niccolo and Onyonkapon.

After hearing more about the Yeagar brothers' plan to enable the rumbling, she was furious! 'Are you fucking kidding me?! Mass genocide?!!!’

After all the sacrifices, all the countless lives risked just to keep him safe, it all leads up to this. She needs to get out of here and come up with a plan to stop this.

Luckily, she and everyone else were able to get out of jail, only for her to stumble upon a lying body in the grass, who happens to be Levi.

Panicked, she ran straight to him and felt his pulse, praying to God she’ll feel a pulse, but she did and allowed herself to relax a bit.

“I have no idea what happened, but we’re lucky, our number one threat here is all bloodied up,” Hange heard Floch said.

“Lets shoot him in the head!” a Yeagarist exclaimed.

“He’s dead,” Hange announces after hearing the Yeagarists wanting to kill Levi. ‘Like hell they’ll lay one finger on him.’

“He got caught in the explosion of a thunder-spear point blank range. I’ve seen similar accidents during training, but beyond external wounds. Internal organs would be ripped into shreds and death would be instant,” Hange tries her best to convince Floch, but he doesn’t buy it.

“I can also take his pulse. Let me check,” he says eyeing her suspiciously.

Hange looked at him in panic and had to think quick. She spotted the river next to her and quickly dove in.

That I would rather do without

She emerges from the water with Levi in her arms. She laid him down and began the CPR procedures.

“Come on Levi! Don’t die on me please!” She screams as she continues giving him CPR. Tears were falling down her face and when she felt hopeless, Levi started coughing up water and Hange flipped him to his side as he catches his breath.

When he was able to breathe a little bit easier, Hange wraps her arms around his neck and starts bawling her eyes out. “Thank god you’re alive!”

Levi turned to look at her, caressing her hair as he laid back on the ground to allow his body to relax a bit, despite the pain he feels on his face and hands. As he feels Hange’s sobs die down, he felt her head get heavier on his chest. He smiles and quietly whispers to her “thank you” as they both slip into unconsciousness.

I’d rather be free

“I’d rather the two of us just live here, right Levi?”

Free

“If we keep running and hiding.....where will that get us?”

“Oh, so you heard me talking to myself?”

Free

“I know you four eyes. You won’t be able to stay out of the action.”

‘Fuck, he’s right. Looks like that dream has to wait I guess’

“You’re right.....I can’t.”

Hange’s voice cracked a bit as a tear slides down her cheek.

I’d rather be free

There’s no way the plane will take off in time, and the colossal titans are close!

"The plane! It won't take off!" Onyonkapon exclaims.

"We don't have much time left! The rumbling is getting closer! We need to hurry!" Hange hears someone yell.

"I'm doing the best I can!"

More panicking ensues as Hange is thinking of a plan.

"Your death is the only way the Alliance will survive and save the world."

'My death?'

"You've been suffering for so long Hange. The sudden responsibilities of being commander, while on top of that, grieving the loss of Moblit and Erwin. Don't you want that all to disappear?"

"Wouldn't you rather be free?"

'I can't....'

"It's either you die or everyone else dies."

"What will it be Hange? You have until then to decide."

Hange gripped her hair and gritted her teeth, frustrated with the stressful situation situation she's placed in. The voices in her head, everyone panicking outside, and the sound of the rumbling, it's driving her crazy, she feels her head is about to explode.

'Wouldn't you rather be free?'

'Sacrifice.....myself.....'

Hange takes a look at the colossal titans coming closer, and the plane is still struggling to take off. 'This is the only way huh?'

She thinks about whether she should go through this or not, knowing she'll be leaving the Alliance behind, leaving Levi behind.

They only had each other left. She wanted them to live together when this was all over, but looks like that won't be happening, after all, he did say they couldn't.

"What's the point if we just run and hide?"

"I know you, you won't be able to stay out of the action."

'You're right, Levi. I can't.......we can't....I'll do it.'

After Hange formed her suicide plan, she went to the deck to find the Alliance. She appoints Armin as the 15th commander of the Scouts and headed towards the colossal titans, until she heard footsteps following after. She didn't need to turn around to know it was Levi.

“You understand. It’s finally here, you know? I want to look as cool as possible right now, so please, just let me go will you?”

'I'm sorry Levi."

She waited for his response, scared of what he might say. She saw Levi coming close to her, eyes loosing his color. They look so cold and dead. He raised his right fist and bumped it onto her chest, where her heart is.

“Devote....your heart.”

Hange felt herself about to cry with the way her lips are quivering. Before she could think about changing her mind, she took off, but not without saying one last thing to him.

"Wow, I never heard you say something like that before!" she says as she tries to maintain her positive aura, but who was she kidding?

She ran towards the colossal titans, and flew up in the air with her ODM gear.

She looked below her, feeling their heat.

‘Is this what you wanted right?’

She took a deep breath and smile sadly.

“Titans.....are truly wonderful.”

'I hope you'll forgive me.'

Free

All the emotions she was feeling right now, all that anger, pain, sadness and despair, she let all out as she knocks down every colossal titan one by one.

"What are you really doing this for? To save the alliance or yourself?"

Hange paused for a minute to look at the plane that looks like it's about to take off.

'Am I?'

"Are you?"

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt her cape catch on fire and spreading throughout her body. 'Fuck....well, there's no stopping now.'

With what little strength she had left, she kept fighting, screaming out her emotions with angry yet sad tears spilling out of her eyes as she slices as many colossal titans as she could until she couldn't anymore, falling to her death.

Free

She wakes up to a plane noise, and sees it flying in the sky.

“The plane!” she exclaims to herself.

“It took off,” a deep voice said.

Hange turned around and saw Erwin, Moblit, Mike, Nanaba, the rest of the veterans, and even Marco and Sasha was there to greet her.

“You did your duty well,” Erwin says with a proud smile.

Hange was still in shock to see everyone again, but lets out a soft smile as Erwin helped her up.

‘But, I just got crushed by-‘ she pauses herself and decides to meet up with her comrades to tell them everything, only for the moment to pass by in a blink.

"There's so much to talk about...I don't know where to start..."

"We have all the time in the world," Erwin says as he reached out his hand and helped her off the ground.

From here

(If you want to stop here, you can, but I'm a sucker for happy endings and I also have my own speculations with how love is perceived in AOT that I want to write about or why Ymir chose Mikasa to be the one to decide the fate of the world pretty much, and i was think 'how about both eremika and levihan both be living proof that love isn't a like shackle or something to be a slave to?' and this whole thing I wrote is basically like a test for Hange, if she genuinely wanted to kill herself or actually did die not just for humanity, but for the Alliance to survive, also I kind of wanted Hange to have a bit of a conflict with what she really wants. Anyways, this got a lot complicated to write than I thought so hopefully, it's not too messy)

--

“So this is it then. This is how the great 14th commander of the Survey Corps Hange Zoë dies.”

Hange opens her eyes and sat up, only to see nothing but darkness. She swore a moment ago she was telling her fallen comrades about what happened after the battle to take back Shiganshina.

She stands up and walks around trying to find anything that can help her figure out what’s happening, but it’s no use.

“What’s going on?! What’s happening?! Where am I?! What are you?!”

Suddenly, she’s no longer stuck in what looks to be a dark void. There’s somewhat of a galactic sky above her, sand beneath her feet and in a distance this light that’s in a form of a giant tree. 'Am I in paths?'

She turns around and sees a little girl with blonde hair, eyes closed and a frown staring at her.

"I assume you must be Ymir Fritz. The original founder of the titans."

“Indeed I am. And as I stated earlier, you're Hange Zoë, 14th commander of what's left of the Scouts and leader of the Alliance. Everyone views your death as a noble sacrifice for humanity, but is it really a sacrifice for humanity or was it something more personal? Perhaps, even a little selfish?”

Hange gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. She did not want to deal with this right now, but deep down, what she's implying might be true.

"What are you trying to say? I had no other choice. They all would've been dead! This was the only way!"

"Even if it meant leaving that Ackerman behind? You did say you wanted to live with him when all of this was over. I envied what the both of you had for each other. You both could've been something more if you stayed. You say you sacrificed yourself for humanity's sake, but I sense there's a more selfish intent. I could tell in the look of your eyes you didn't truly want to die, perhaps because you had strong feelings for that Ackerman. But he wasn't enough....wasn't he? Your desire to free yourself from your responsibilities as commander and grief were much stronger."

Hange felt anger surge into her veins, so she grabbed Ymir by the collar and looked her in her closed eyes as she gritted her teeth in anger. However, in the back of her mind, Hange knew Ymir was kind of right about her. She did had a selfish reason, she was tired, and frustrated. She couldn't handle the responsibilities that just kept on coming, along with learning the politics and general information of every new country discovered and having to rely information from the Marlayans that showed up, along with the books Grisha left in the basement.

The more paperwork and planning she had to do, the more she started loosing herself. Everyone saw it but didn't say anything, that included Levi, but she couldn't blame him, she was too far gone. There were so many times she wanted to die, but stopped herself every time.

'Not the right time. They still need me,' she would tell herself. It wasn't until Eren started getting rebellious and the rise of the Yeagarists that really pushed her on edge. She felt so hopeless, and was lost. When Eren started provoking her in the cell, it was a sign to her that she wasn't meant for this position. She lost control of the situation and felt it was her fault. Hange felt that she wasn't useful anymore, even if they've managed to save the world and prevent Marlay from attacking Paradis.

However, without her sacrifice, the Alliance would have died with her. She didn't want to drag them down with her when they had a chance of saving humanity and living a peaceful life after the war. Even if it meant abandoning her dream of living a peaceful life with Levi.

She calms herself down and lets go of Ymir.

"You're right about one thing, I did have a selfish motive. I wanted to be free from the responsibilities and the grief I've been feeling while I was still alive. I know I'm a coward for wanting to die, but that's not the sole reason why I sacrificed myself. Not only me, but the Alliance and the rest of humanity would've been killed because of the rumbling the Yeagar brothers started! As much as I wanted to stay for Levi, I wanted him to experience a life of peace, same with the Alliance. And even if that means sacrificing myself, and giving up my future with him just so he and everyone else can live a better life after this war, then so be it." As Hange finishes her long speech, she started feeling tears streaming down her eyes.

Ymir just stood there, looking at Hange with her eyes still closed. It was silent for a bit, and then Ymir spoke up, "Very well then."

In a blink of an eye, the two appeared on what happens to be the top of Eren's spine in his founder titan form.

Hange looked below them to see the Alliance fighting past titan shifters and more titans forming. She already picked up that it was probably Ymir's doing. 'Looks like my sacrfice was worth something.'

"Why are you showing me this?" Hange asks suspiciously.

"Your friends succeeded into coming here to stop Eren from flatting the Earth with the rumbling. Everything is all going according to Eren's plan," Ymir explained.

"Why are you willing to help Eren? What is his plan really? And why is he doing this in the first place?" Hange asks, super confused on what's going on.

"You'll see if he succeeds or not. It's all up to what Mikasa decides."

"What does Mikasa have to do with any of this?"

Ymir doesn't respond and turned into some sort of a pig creature. Hange looked at her shocked and is really confused of what's happening. 'What the hell?!'

The pig creature took off and went to search for Armin. Hange sighs, knowing she can't do anything, but watch it all unfold.

'What's your true motive, Eren? And how does this connect to Mikasa?'

She winced a bit when the Alliance were struggling to keep up with the fight, and was itching to go in there and help, until, she saw something fly by. ‘What is that?’

Her eyes widened with joy when she saw Falco’s titan.

"Oh my god! HE HAS WINGS?!!! HE CAN FLY!!!! OH MY GOD THAT'S SO COOL! I CAN'T TOO- oh right.....I'm dead....." Hange sighs and continues watching over the Alliance.

Eventually, the events played out as it should and as Mikasa took the final blow (cutting Eren's head off), suddenly Hange ends up in front of Levi who's slumped against a giant rock and behind are their fallen comrades. 'Where did they come from? Ymir has to stop doing this...'

She takes a good look at Levi and can't help but feel sorrow. She regrets not being mentally strong enough, and not being a part of the fight, even if she did her part, but she doesn't regret doing what she had to do in order for everyone to survive.

It still hurt her that she couldn't be there for him physically, and experience what life would be like at the end of the war. She wasn't ready to move on, but she had no choice, this is the last time she'll see him again. She put on a sad smile, and saluted him as she and their comrades slowly faded away.

--

It was dark again and Hange couldn't see a thing. 'Not again.'

"Hello?!" she calls out to into the void. No response.

"Anyone here?!" she calls out again. Still no response.

'Am I in hell?'

"You should know by now this is not hell," a familiar voice says in a distance.

'That voice.....it sounds....familiar.....'

"Hange, it's me, Eren."

Hange's eyes widened in shock. "Eren?! What the hell is this? What's going on? Why are you doing this?!" Hange responds in anger.

The dark void suddenly transformed into some sort of starry night, galactic scenery. She's back in paths except, Eren is standing in front of her.

"I know you're upset. You remember our conversation back in the forest right? Where you and Levi settled for the time being."

Suddenly, the conversation started playing like a film in her head and she shouldn't have listened to him.

"In order for the Alliance to succeed in stopping me, you must sacrifice yourself by fighting the colossal titans."

"You've been suffering for so long Hange. The sudden responsibilities of being commander, while on top of that, grieving the loss of Moblit and Erwin. Don't you want that all to disappear?"

Hange grits her teeth as anger flows through her veins and punched Eren in the face.

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! This was your plan all along?! All of these deaths I've experienced throughout my years in the Scouts.... my death......it was your doing all along?! OUR COMRADES EREN! AND 80% OF HUMANITY!!! I hope you're fucking happy because your plan fucking worked!"

"I know, I don't expect you to understand, but I brought you to apologize for the things I've said to you when you locked me up in the cell and in paths while you were in the forest was uncalled for, so I'm sorry about that and I haven't really given you a proper thank you either. For teaching me how to use my titan powers, and being like our second parent...same with the captain."

"Thank you? Seriously? What the fuck Eren?! You just destroyed 80% of humanity and committed mass genocide! This will take more than a mere 'thank you' and sweet talk to make up for all the cruel things you've done!" Hange says with anger in her tone.

"I understand you're angry, but I did this in order to free the world from titans. For the Marlayans to stop seeing us as 'devils' rather, I set them up to be heroes. Actually, it was more thanks to Mikasa's decision to kill me that convinced Ymir to left the curse of the titans."

Hange calmed a bit, but is still fuming with anger, 'what the fuck is wrong with this guy?!' However, she is curious about something, "I have a question though. What does Mikasa have to do with this? Why her?"

"That's something I'm not so sure either. The only person who knows is Ymir Fritz herself, however I do have a theory." Before Eren can continue, he walked towards the tree and motioned Hange to follow.

She hesitantly followed him into the tree only to end up in what looks to be a snowy mountain with these greenish blue light waves in the sky.

"The Northern Lights," Hange whispers in awe. She's read about them before, but seeing it in person was an experience, but she's starting to get distracted. "What's this theory of yours?" Hange asks getting straight to the point.

"I assume you know the true story of Ymir right?" Eren asks.

"Yes, you told me in paths back when Levi and I were camping out in the forest. Ymir was not actually the goddess cults worshipped her to be, she was a slave to the Eldian king. 2000 years ago, Ymir Fritz set a pig free and was caught. As punishment, the king set her free, but was hunted by his soldiers. One day, she stumbled upon this tree for shelter, but fell and gained the powers of the titans, thus she becomes the founding titan. She then went running back to the king despite him doing the cruelest things to her, and bore his daughters, Maria, Rose and Sina. She then sacrificed herself for him when a surviving Marlayan soldier threw a spear at him, and the king forced his daughters to eat Ymir in order to gain her powers and here we are now. Am I missing something?" Hange sarcastically asks.

"No, and good to know you remembered. I encountered this in paths when I met her, that her submission to the king, must be because she was in love with him, as hard as it is to believe in, but that's the true reason why after all this time, she continues to submit to him. For 2000 years, she's been in pain, a slave to love wishing for someone to set her free from it. She kept waiting, and waiting until finally the person arrived. And that person, was Mikasa." Eren finished explaining, but Hange was still confused.

"Hold on, so you're telling me it was all because Ymir was in love with her abuser? You've got to be kidding me....but after listening to that, I'm guessing that Mikasa killing you, despite having feelings for you is the result needed in order for Ymir to lift the curse am I right? Ymir needed to see proof that you just because you love someone doesn't mean you're a slave to them, and Mikasa killing you but still loving you was proof of that," Hange said and paused for a moment before asking a question that's been on her mind for a bit, "just wondering, did you love her too?"

"I still do. As much as I want her to be happy and be happy with someone who truly deserves her, I don't want her to move on from me," Eren says as he's tearing up. "I didn't mean anything I said to her, nor Armin. I told Mikasa that I've always hated her when that was the biggest lie I ever said in my life, but I needed her to hate me so she can kill me. I remember when you said you wanted to run away with Captain Levi and live together in the forest, I wanted to do that with Mikasa. I wanted to abandon everything and spend the remaining years I had left with her in the mountains."

"Well that makes two of us. Those Ackermans are strong aren't they? Then again, they don't call them humanity's strongest soldiers for nothing," Hange coldly chuckled a bit.

"Yeah, they really are," Eren agreed. "By the way, were you and the captain dating? What's your story with him?"

Hange sighs, she really doesn't want to talk about it, especially to Eren of all people at the moment, but since she's technically stuck in here, might as well entertain him.

"Our relationship is......complicated to say the least. We don't have a label, and we didn't need one. We knew we love and cared for each other, why do we need a label for it? At the end of the day, we're just Hange and Levi. However, I believed after that night in the forest together, I started thinking about our future. I thought to myself, 'what would life be like for me and Levi if we decided to settle down here?' I wondered if Levi ever felt the same way. Instead, he snapped me out of reality, reminding ourselves that we're soldiers first, and he was right." Hange paused a bit to wipe her tears only for Eren speak up.

"How did you first meet?' he asked.

Hange started reminiscing the moments and memories she had with Levi. She told Eren how Levi, Farlan and Isabel joined the scouts and how he almost stabbed her when she first approached him because he thought Hange about their plan to kill Erwin at the time. She went into some detail about how the deaths of Farlan and Isabel impacted him, how Hange handled it and how their relationship with one another grew. 'I miss him so much.'

"Do you still love him?" Eren asks.

"I never stopped loving him, even if it meant parting ways with him just to save humanity from the destruction you caused and also freeing myself from my personal baggage. It hurts that we can't be together, but I don't regret my decision. As long as he's alive and not alone, even if it meant I'm not there, then I fulfilled my duty. That's all I ever wanted, " Hange answers.

"I see. That's all we needed to hear."

"We?"

Suddenly, the atmosphere changed, they were back in paths. Hange was now faced directly at the tree with Eren and Ymir standing on both sides of the tree.

"Mikasa isn't the only Ymir chose. It's obvious both you and Levi have something special that could blossom into something more, and you both could've ran away together, but you didn't, instead, you gave that up to ensure him and the Alliance would save humanity and finally live in peace, while Levi gave you up because he knew you wanted to be free, so he let you go. We can't bring back someone from the dead, but there is something I can do."

Suddenly, the light from the tree grew even brighter and before she could react, the light engulfed her body as she felt herself fading away from paths.

--

"Hange"

"Hange!"

"HANGE!"

Hange's eyes instantly opened as she woke up in a cold sweat and heavily panting. She looked around the room she ended up in and saw that she's in a bedroom.

"Oi, four eyes, how long will you be staring at the wall for?" a familiar grumpy voice asks.

Hange turned to her left and saw it was Levi sitting next to her. The right side of his face was scarred and his right eye turned white. She looked down at his hand to see it was holding hers and his two fingers were still missing. Suddenly she felt tears coming down her right eye, leaving Levi confused and worried.

"Hange? What's going on-"

Before Levi could finish his question, Hange instantly wrapped her arms around him and buried her head onto his shoulders, sobbing her heart out. Levi, despite being confused, stayed silent and held her close, comforting her as she cries.

A few minutes passed and he felt Hange's cries die down to sniffles.

"So, you want to tell me what was that all about?" Levi says.

Hange pushed herself back up to wipe the tears from her face.

"I missed you so much Levi! I'm so sorry I left you behind. The truth is, I did want to kill myself back there, at least, that's what I thought I wanted. I guess what I really wanted was for you and the Alliance to survive and live in peace once the war was finally over, but when I saw you against the rock, I couldn't help but feel sad. I wanted to be with you and we were so close, only for me to die at the last second. But where am I? What is this? I thought I died, did I die? Are you dead as well? I swear to god please tell we're-"

"Ok, one thing at a time four eyes. First off what do you mean died?" Levi asks. Hange was genuinely confused, "Didn't you see me die when I was fighting off the colossal titans? There was no way I was going to make it."

"Hange, did you hit your head or something? Or just somehow forgot 3 years worth of memories?"

"THREE YEARS?!!" Hange exclaims. 'Have I been asleep for three years?'

"Hange what has gotten into you? Was your nightmare that bad?"

Hange was so confused at what's happening, was she dreaming this whole time? Or sent to another universe of some sort- wait a minute.

"Hey Levi, where are we?" Hange asks attempting to stay calm.

Levi looked at her concerned and a bit nervous that she might be going crazy.

"Our bedroom? In the house we've living in ever since the war ended. We found an unused cabin near Odiha. Hange, are you sure you didn't hit your head last night?" Levi nervously asks as he grabs her head to examine it, seeing if there's any bruises.

"No I didn't! It's just that, one moment I was watching you guys fighting titans on top of Eren's spine, and then I was with our comrades seeing you for one final time, only to end up in paths with Eren and Ymir standing next to a tree and then suddenly, a bright light appeared....wait a minute," Hange mumbled to herself.

"We can't bring back someone from the dead, but there is something I can do."

'Is this some sort of dream or am I actually in an alternate universe... wait, did they send me into an alternate universe where I didn't die?'

"Oi, four eyes!"

Hange snapped out of her thoughts, theories still developing in her mind.

"Levi, what happened back when the plane couldn't take off in Odiha 3 years ago?"

Levi gave her a really confused look, but answered anyways.

"I saw you running out of the deck and overheard you appointing Armin to be the 15th commander of the Scouts. Those brats knew about your suicide plan so they convinced you into letting them help you take down as many colossal titans as they can to buy time, and you caved in. Luckily the plane took off in time before you and those brats started getting exhausted. I assume you know the rest."

'So, they did send me to an alternate universe. The one where I didn't die....'

"Sorry Levi, it's just that, in my 'nightmare' I fought those colossal titans alone. I burned to death and got trampled on. To be honest, back then, I did want to die. I thought being free from my responsibilities as commander was what I really wanted, that death would set me free, but it didn't. Instead, I started feeling more regret that I left everyone I care about behind, that includes you Levi, but even if I realize that now, my death was inevitable. Either I go, or you guys die with me, and if my sacrifice was the price, then so be it."

Hange felt Levi pull her close and felt his hand caress her hair.

"We're here now Hange. It's all over, we can finally rest and live the life we've always dreamed of. And for the record, you were a great commander, without you, the world would've been flattened."

Hange eyes glistened with tears when heard that. She leaned in closer to Levi's embrace, taking it all in.

They stayed in each other's arms for a few minutes until they heard knocking on the door.

"Must be Gabi, Falco and Onyonkapon, maybe you can explain to them your dream. Can you get my wheelchair?" Levi asks as looks for his shirt and pants on the ground.

"You're in a wheelchair now? Awee Levi, is age catching up to you?" Hange asks teasingly.

"Just get the goddamn wheelchair Hange! And for the record, I permanently broke my left leg saving your guys' ass three years ago," Levi grunted.

Hange went to get his wheelchair that was lying against the wall in front of their bed, and helps him sit.

"You should change or at least fix your hair," Levi suggests.

"Do I have to?" Hange whines.

Levi glares at her and Hange rolls her eyes and pouted.

"Ugh, fine," Hange grunted.

As she made her to way the bathroom to get dressed, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and she felt genuinely happy to see her reflection. A reminder that she's alive, and she can finally experience a peaceful life with Levi and the Alliance, not to mention, traveling around the world.

"Hey Levi!" Hange calls out.

Levi was about to wheel his way out of the bedroom to answer the front door, but paused when he heard Hange calling him.

"What?"

"I'm so glad to be alive."

Levi was kind of stunned with the sudden out burst, but he found it endearing and didn't care, as long as she's happy.

"Me too, four eyes."

[an-absolute-travesty]

Secret Santa fic!

Heya @all-eternity it was me all along! I hope you enjoy this :) very much looking foward to actually being able to follow you after this without looking sketchy lmao

Also shoutout to my lovely beta reader @keepersandqueens as if I don’t talk about Salas enough here lol

Warnings: underage drinking, drinking in general, hangover, drugs/medication mention (not abused, basic over the counter stuff dw), mentions of vomit (not described)

Pairings: Kam, background marelinh, ex titz

About: Kam coffee shop college au 

Word count: 5,205

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added or removed): @cadence-talle @ruewen-and-rising @lemontarto @a-lonely-tatertot @clearlyvacksen @percabetn @sewersewersewercouch @everyonehasthoughts @imaramennoodle @enbies-and-felonies @blxckh0les42​ @rainbowtay-11 @callas-starkflower-stew @impostertamsong @appalyneinstitute1 @stars-and-splendor @anna-without-an-e @mistythegenderqueermess @we-have-no-bananas-today @we-wont-dissapear @jadenightthewriter

Tam stumbled into his first 8 am class, anxiety making his heart feel like it was pounding out of his chest and stomach doing backflips.

If he could survive bouncing between foster homes, a short stint at juvie, and worst of all high school, he could survive college.

Well he thought he could until he saw a familiar person right next to the only available chair in the room.

God fucking damn it.

"Hey Bangs Boy!" Keefe waved him down, causing a scene. Tam had no option but to sit beside him, both because of the lack of chairs and the fact that everyone was now staring at him.

Not a great start.

"What a coincidence! I notice you still haven't taken my suggestions on your hair, I'm telling ya' you'd get all the girls and or guys and nonbinary pals with a man bun." Keefe looked smug at the fact he'd be able to taunt Tam for another semester, minimum. Tam was already making a mental note to check when he could swap out of classes.

"Keefe, if I knew you were going here I would've just gotten myself back in jail, oh wait, you were the one who got me in there in the first place." Tam shot him a look, praying that he'd suddenly develop superpowers and shoot lasers from his eyes.

"Hey, just because I came up with the idea...and helped with some of the execution, doesn't mean I'm responsible for you trashing your parents house. Besides, you were only in there for like 3 days max before you got out," Keefe said, shrugging as if 3 days in jail was no biggie.

"Most peaceful 3 days of my life," Tam sneered, turning back to the front of the room as the professor walked in.

"Good morning class!" the prof turned to the white board, writing his name. "I am Dr. Harding," he tapped it for emphasis.

The class was silent.

"And you say good mor..."

"Good morning Dr. Harding," The class said in unison, they all sounded tired and bored.

This wasn't going to be fun.

~*~

"Grande ice vanilla latte for...Hen-are-y?"

The man shot Keefe a look as he grabbed his coffee.

"Henry." He dropped a tip in the jar, fifty cents. How generous.

He had come in before, and never left good tips. Keefe made it a game to pronounce the names of anyone who wasn't a college student and left bad tips wrong, no matter how much they came in. It was a wonder he hadn't been fired yet.

As he turned preparing another drink, the bell at the top of the door rang. He ignored it at first until he heard a quiet, "Fuck," come from behind.

"Bangs boy!"

"Why are you here?"

"I work here obviously," Keefe walked up to the counter. "Now, what'll it be?"

Tam sighed. "Iced caramel macchiato with two extra shots of espresso."

"Size?"

"Venti."

Keefe whistled thinking about how much caffeine that was as he wrote down "Bangs Boy" on the cup.

"Alright, that'll be 5.75, may I ask why the insane amount of coffee? I believe I remember you saying caffeine makes you anxious in high school."

"Yes, but it also helps me focus, and I have a quiz tomorrow I haven't studied for."

"Fair enough," Keefe said, going to prepare the drink. "It'll be ready in five."

Tam nodded, walking off to the side and scrolling on his phone. Keefe made the drink, occasionally sneaking looks over at Tam. He didn't seem to notice, thank God.

Soon after, they finished the transaction.

"See you at class," Keefe said, he was trying to be genuine, but it came across more taunting.

Tam grimaced, muttered "Thanks for the coffee," and walked out the door.

~*~

The class fell silent as a disheveled Dr. Harding walked in, a pack of gatorade in one hand and bottle of tylenol in the other. He popped one as he sat down.

"Hello class it seems today I have the worst headache imaginable, just give me about 5 minutes of silence and we will go over your assignments."

Keefe leaned over to Tam's desk.

"Well, we know what he got into last night," he whispered. "Heard the bar on the corner of 5th was giving out two for ones for professors."

"Isn't that place run by the alumni?"

"Exactly. Gotta thank Alvar tomorrow, Fitz said it was his idea."

"Wait Fitz goes here too? Why did I not-"

"Boys!" Dr. Harding practically yelled. "I am tired of the racket." He put his face in his hands where his elbows rested on the desk, bald spot showing to the world.

"We were whispering!" Keefe made a 'what the hell' sort of gesture. Tam glared at him, hoping he could communicate 'I will kill you myself if you say another word' with just his eyes.

"Sencen, do I look like I care?"

Keefe winced a bit at the use of his last name. That was something Tam could understand.

"Look, boys," Dr. Harding stood up and turned to the chalkboard, writing something down. "If you all like talking so much, you'll love this next project."

He walked to the side, revealing the board, that read '10 page essay, due the 25th'

"With the person next to you, you'll be writing a 10 page essay on um...the importance of keeping your oil changed in your car. You'll then present it to the class. It's worth 25 points."

A student raised their hand.

"Luka?"

"Sir, I thought this was a psychology course?"

"It is. You are all excused."

With that, he left the room with his tylenol and gatorade in his arms. The students glared at Keefe and Tam as they all got up, muttering amongst themselves about the pure bullshittery of it all.

"So..." Keefe said, slowly standing. "Does the library tomorrow at 3 work? I have work until then, so it can't be any earlier."

"Yeah, sure." Tam promptly walked out of the classroom as fast as possible, he didn't know why but his anxiety was spiking. He tried to tell himself it was just because he was a useless gay that didn't know jackshit about cars, yeah, surely that was it.

Just a useless gay.

~*~

Tam waited at a table in the library, it was 3:05, Keefe was late.

He didn't know what else he expected from him, he always seemed to do stuff like this. At the same time, Tam didn't have the energy to be particularly mad at him. This was going to be the stupidest essay ever written in the history of man, might as well put it off.

The library door slammed open, and in came Keefe. He balanced a large stack of papers and books along with four drinks. He stumbled over to Tam and practically threw them down on the table.

"Sorry I'm late, I thought it would be nice to, like, get you a coffee, but I didn't know how much caffeine you wanted, so I got one decaf caramel macchiato, one normal, and one with an extra shot, and also hot chocolate for me."

He sat down in the chair by Tam, as if getting three different coffees for someone you were forced to do a project with was totally normal.

"Um...thanks, I-I can pay you back-"

"Don't worry about it." Keefe turned to him and smiled, bright and friendly. Tam was frozen. "Okay, now it's car time." Keefe turned back to the desk.

"Yeah."

They were silent for a while as they researched, Keefe going through his piles of papers and books and Tam on his laptop like any sane person would.

Tam finally worked up the nerve to talk.

"So um...this is out of nowhere, but I think you mentioned Fitz went here?"

"Oh, yeah." Keefe put down the absurdly large textbook that was set up in front of him. "He's my roommate, he uh thought it would be best not to tell you after everything, I guess."

"That's fine," Tam shrugged like he didn't care. "I'm over it."

He was, really. They only dated like 2 weeks, sure it ended with a...pretty big fight after Fitz claimed he wouldn't be able to date someone who had gone to jail and Tam reminded him it was his best friend that got him in there in the first place, but he was still over it. There was still something bothering him, nothing to do with Fitz himself but...something. He just couldn't put his finger on what.

"Alright, I'll take your word." Keefe shrugged, setting his giant book back up in front of him.

Tam felt the need to start talking again, but didn't. They were mostly silent for the next 40 minutes or so, just researching and the occasional word exchanged between them.

Keefe checked his phone.

"Shit," He got up. "Work emergency, I gotta go. Same time tomorrow?"

"Yeah that works."

"Chill, see ya' later."

"Bye."

Keefe waved (with a wide grin Tam would've called idiotic in high school) as he went out the door.

Tam found himself with a smile on his own face, he quickly stopped, hoping no one saw.

~*~

Keefe hurried into work, pulling his apron on as he saw the absurdly long line and a panicked Marella frantically making coffees behind the counter. She sighed with relief when she saw him.

"Thank God," She said as he stepped behind the counter with her. "There was a scheduling error, Forkle's useless at that stuff."

Mr. Forkle, their well-meaning but often mistaken manager, was out of town at the moment. The fate of the Starbucks rested on two college kids, what could go wrong.

And so they went, Keefe taking orders and Marella fulfilling them until there were no more to serve.

Marella, quite literally, threw in a towel she had wiped her face with. Promptly going to the back, presumably for her break. Keefe followed her.

"Alright, I think you can probably go back to whatever you were doing before this now if you'd like," said Marella, inspecting the small braids in her hair in the nearest shiny surface.

"Nah I was just doing a project with Tam for Harding's stupid class, he's probably left by now, I might as well rack up some overtime."

Marella turned back at him, clearly caught off guard at the name.

"Tam? As in my-girlfriend's-brother Tam? As in you-had-a-massive-crush-on-in-highschool Tam? As in dated-Fitz Tam? As in you-got-him-in-jail-"

"Yes! Yes! Why does everyone remind me of that, it was one time."

"When you get someone in jail, people tend to remember," Marella went silent for a second, thinking, before looking Keefe in the eye. "Wow, that must be awkward as hell, I mean seriously, if I were you I'd straight up file a restraining order just to avoid him. Maybe move to another country. I hear Estonia is lovely this time of year."

"Eh, it's not as bad as it seems. I mean it was awful at first, mostly because I tried to resume right where we left it on the taunting front, but I think it's ok now."

"Hm. Well good luck with that," Marella turned back to go to the front, but Keefe grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Uh, actually I need your advice on something. It has to do with Tam."

"Shoot."

"Well I was thinking of maybe, I don't know, asking him out or something? Look, yeah, it's an awful idea but is it 'he never wants to talk to me again' awful or 'he attempts to strangle me' awful?"

Marella looked him up and down, eyes uncomfortably cold, as usual.

"I mean, no hetero, but despite your annoying qualities you're a decent looking guy. Plus Tam's, like, super anxious according to Linh, so maybe he'll be too awkward to say no. You can probably squeeze at least one date in there."

"Wow, thanks Mare," Keefe mumbled, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, I try. Also don't call me Mare."

"Alright Ella!" Keefe called as the front door's bell rang, signalling a new customer. Marella went off to take care of it, unable to respond she growled back at him.

~*~

Tap tap tap tap tap.

Tam glared from across the table.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

Keefe looked up, muttered a simple "Fidgety" and went right back to it, tapping his pen against the table. Tam said nothing more.

Keefe had been quiet for this entire meeting, something highly unusual for him.

"Ok, seriously dude, what's up? I haven't seen you this quiet literally ever."

He only seemed to get more fidgety at this question, his bouncing leg shaking the library table.

"I...um..." he looked down, running a hand through his hair "I have a test I need to cram for and no one to study with and keep me accountable. Y'know, ADHD issues."

Tam didn't overthink for once in his life but the moment the sentence was out of his mouth he regretted it.

"I have a test too, maybe we could study together?"

Keefe smiled his annoyingly charming smile.

"Sounds good."

"Good."

Tam quickly looked back down at his computer, trying to look like he was still doing car research when in actuality he was processing he just actively offered to spend more time with Keefe Sencen.

If Linh found out about this he'd never live it down.

He didn't think he cared.

~*~

Dr. Harding walked through the classroom door, clearly much less hungover than his last appearance.

The students waited, would they get an apology? Any sort of remorse?

"Alright, who wants to read first?"

Apparently not.

Keefe raised his hand with too much confidence for what their essay looked like. Tam gave him a confused look. He had his scheming face on, never good.

"Mr. Sencen!" Keefe winced at the use of his last name by the doctor. "What an amazing start, it's only appropriate. One of you boys come up and present."

Tam gave Keefe a look of 'do you want me to do it?' Keefe just smiled and got up from his chair. This would either be really good or really, really bad. Tam was all too familiar with the scheme face.

"Doc, I did depart from the source material a bit here, hope you don't mind. And I use 'I' because Tam had no involvement in this, he deserves full points for his essay."

Keefe cleared his throat, the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Doctor Harding deserves to get fired: an essay. (And it's only been a week!) Paragraph one, his drinking problem-"

"Sencen! Back to your seat now. I will see you after class, or I will not see you in my next class, understand?"

Keefe gave a thumbs up as he sat back on his chair with a thud.

A few minutes later, in the middle of another student's essay, he passed Tam a note with his loopy handwriting.

"The amount of comebacks I had for 'see me after class' is absurd but if I get kicked out there's no way Elwin is helping me pay tuition a second time."

Tam tried not to smile, certainly failing, as he wrote his response.

"Yeah I think the time you talked back to Miss Cadence she wanted to expel you. Lucky Principal Alina had a thing for pseudo-dad Alden."

"Oh God I haven't talked to him in a whiiiiiile."

"?"

"You haven't heard? Yeah, he sorta found out like ALL his kids were ell gee bee tees and freaked out. Della found herself a new gf though!"

"Sounds like a lovely extra punch in the gut for a queerphobe."

"Yep. Honestly I recommend looking through his Facebook sometime. Just a million rants about how the gays destroy everything, great entertainment."

"Duly noted."

At that point it seemed like the doctor started to take notice of their note passing, and they stopped quickly. Tam wouldn't be surprised if he did the whole high school read in front of the class thing with the way he had been acting so far.

Tam was 100% sure tenure was the only thing keeping this guy's job intact. Apparently being a drunk asshole wasn't near enough to get a person out of their position. He tried to ignore the professor's annoyingly smug face for the rest of the class.

~*~

Keefe sat in his usual spot at the library, Tam sitting across from him, his brown eyes dancing across the textbook page and lips mumbling along the words. He didn't have much to do, often finding himself just staring at Tam, quickly looking away if he seemed to notice.

Eventually he sighed, sitting back.

"Ugh, this test is in a week and I have so much other crap to do, I'll never get this all memorized by Friday."

Keefe silently thanked his brain for managing to get around the having to study thing. Yay, photographic memory!

"Oh, uh, well I'm free to study more tomorrow if that would help? We could do, like, flashcards or something."

Tam seemed to repress a smile. He did that a lot. Keefe always noticed.

"That's okay, I'm sure you have better things to do. The Starbucks is always pretty packed."

"Eh, sometimes you have to get away from Marella. She's mean to me."

"Not just you, once she told me if I ever made fun of Linh's cat's name again she'd make me cut off my own bangs."

Keefe nodded sagely. "The shorter you are the closer to hell. That's why you're worse than her."

"Hey!"

Tam flicked a stray rubber band at Keefe.

"I'm at least 2 inches taller than Marella...we measured."

Keefe thought up about 12 inappropriate jokes he couldn't make before flicking the rubber band back.

"Two inches only counts in roller coasters, none of which you can ride."

Tam stuck his tongue out before returning to his studies. Unlike Tam, Keefe didn't hide his smile.

~*~

Tam strolled into the Starbucks that Friday morning, no longer surprised to see Keefe working the counter. He could barely hold still in line as he thought about the amount of cramming he'd have to do in the next few hours.

When he reached the counter, Keefe said nothing, just busily worked making a drink.

He stuck it right out at Tam.

"One venti iced caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso because you have a test today in political science and still haven't studied everything and also a muffin because you probably haven't eaten today. On the house. Good luck with the studying."

Tam froze.

"I- um- th-thaks. Y-you too...sport."

Oh, you fucking idiot.

He quickly scurried out of the Starbucks with drink and muffin in hand. Wow, he had screwed that up.

But...

Keefe...

He...

He remembered his order and that he had a test and that he forgot to eat when he was stressed holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit-

Okay, deep breaths Tam, you got this. You can totally handle a frustratingly cute guy showing care for you this is fine...

Not fine, not fine, gotta tell Linh.

He called Linh with no forewarning. Despite the fact that she was currently across the country at a different university, and it was about 3 am for her, she picked up. He barely let her get out a groggy "Hello?" before explaining everything. She only seemed to think a moment before responding.

"Hm. Well it's good to know that college is going good for you. Do you need advice or comfort?"

"Yes."

"Well, first of all, everything's gonna be okay. And I know that doesn't help much but just try to remember we're eighteen, and it's not the end of the world. Second of all, try to ask him out or something. It doesn't have to be framed as a date, like Marella and I got together on a walk in the park, seriously it can be anything."

"Thanks Linh."

"No problem, also can you hug Marella for me?"

"If she doesn't try to kill me first, yes."

"Nice. Okay go do what you gotta do, also don't wake me up at 3 am again or else I'll sic Purryfins on you, I had just gone to bed."

With that she hung up and Tam continued on his way, still trying to not completely freak out.

~*~

Keefe stared blankly as Tam walked right out of the door. Marella appeared by his arm.

"So, how'd it go?"

"Well, he called me 'sport'."

Marella inhaled through her teeth.

"Yikes. Comfort, advice, or distraction?"

"Distraction, please." Keefe replied, absent-mindedly preparing a cup for the next customer.

"Uh, well I meant to ask you what ended up happening with that ass of a teacher, but I got a bit distracted at your attempt to woo Tam-"

"Hey I said distraction not reminder. But basically I just got a slap on the wrist because, and I quote, 'Your father is Cassius Sencen! He wrote half the books we use in this class, I'm sure he can straighten you out!'"

"There's absolutely nothing papa Sencen could do to make you straight, I'm pretty sure he tried that, and it obviously didn't work."

"He actually tried a few times and it most definitely did not. Lucky he doesn't have my number anymore or else I assure you he'd keep trying."

Marella laughed.

"Well, moving on from grade A assholes, I'm supposed to tell you there's a party tonight. I'll have to send you the address later, I have it on my phone though, I am told there's gonna be booze, so I'm going."

"Eh, I'll probably go. Just to get my mind off everything."

"Thata boy." She lifted her phone. "And my shifts over in three, two, one, and I am out of here! See ya' tonight Hunkyhair."

"That's Lord Hunkyhair to you."

She just rolled her eyes and clocked out, leaving Keefe to deal with both the customers and his own thoughts.

~*~

Tam sat in his dorm room alone, constantly refreshing his grades for the possibility that his 70-year-old professor would post the test results at 1:30 am.

His roommate was gone for the weekend, actually he was gone most of the time. Tam didn't think they'd even had a full conversation before.

He jumped as his phone began to ring, a call from Keefe of all people. He hesitantly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Tam! Tam Tam Tam Tam Tam" Keefe's slurred speech was too loud for a phone call, Tam held his phone a bit away from his ear. "...fuck wait why did I call you..."

There was a long pause, neither said anything.

"Oh yeah! I needed to tell you something...but uh I uhm I forgot what it was."

"Keefe, where are you?"

"At a paaaaaarty, well, actually just outside a party because it was hot in there, but now it's cold out here so uh yeah."

Tam sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, send me the address, I'm coming to pick you up. Wait right there and don't move."

"Okie dokie."

Tam heard a thud sort of sound and the rustling of grass from the other line before Keefe hung up and soon after got a message of his location.

After 20 minutes of walking in the cold, Tam came up to what seemed to be a frat house with Keefe sitting on the lawn in criss-cross, patiently waiting in short sleeves and basketball shorts, way too little clothing for the weather. His ruddy face smiled as he saw Tam approach.

"Tam! I remembered what I was going to tell you." He stood up, face falling right after. "Oh no wait I forgot again. Ooh! You need a drink."

Keefe grabbed Tam's hand, pulling him towards the house. Tam stayed in place.

"Hey, let's get you home dude."

Keefe pouted.

"I don't wannaaaa."

He slouched down, pulling on Tam's arm like a child having a tantrum.

Tam pulled him back up to his feet.

"C'mon, if you go to your dorm without fuss I'll buy you ice cream tomorrow."

Keefe seemed much more ok with going along with Tam with the ice cream deal. He pulled off his own coat and placed it around the very drunk boy, he didn't complain.

Keefe began humming some annoying song from the early 2000s that was playing from the house earlier as they walked back in the direction of the dorms.

Suddenly, Tam remembered something.

Fitz was Keefe's roommate.

Shit.

"Hey uh do you think Fitz is at your dorm?"

Keefe nodded confidently.

"Yep! Said he was gon' study. Wouldn't come to the party because of his 'reputation' or whatever."

Around reputation he did exaggerated finger quotes, nearly knocking Tam's jacket off his shoulders.

"Hm...in that case let's go to my dorm, ok?"

Keefe shrugged, apparently willing to go along with most things in his current state. Thank goodness Linh had made Tam bring extra pillows and blankets to college, he could sleep on the floor and just hope Keefe didn't get sick on him in the night.

It was ridiculously hard to lead Keefe back to his dorm. He tried to pull down his pants halfway there and Tam almost had to carry him up the stairs but soon enough they got there. He sighed with relief as he led his inebriated friend into the room.

"Okay, you can stay here for the night. I'll sleep on the floor."

Keefe plopped himself down on Tam's bed laying flat for only a moment before sitting up with a snap and a look of realization in his eyes.

"OOH! I remember what I was gonna tell you again!"

"Oh?" Tam said playing along, expecting him to forget again.

He patted the spot next to him on the bed, Tam continued to play along, sitting next to him.

"So Marella said that I should just tell you this, and it worked for her, so I'm gonna. And uh and you have to promise to listen 'cause I'm not sayin' it again."

At this point Keefe grabbed his face with both hands, staring right in Tam's eyes and squishing his cheeks.

"You're listening right?"

Tam nodded, mostly to shake Keefe's hands off his face.

"Okay."

Keefe took in an over dramatic breath as if he was preparing to preform in the Olympics before getting another grin on his face.

"I really like you."

"You really like me?"

He nodded mumbling "mhm".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I like you. Like, like like you."

"Like...as a friend?"

"I said I wasn't gonna repeat myself. As a booooyfriend." At this point Keefe fell back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. Tam's cheeks were burning.

"How long have you liked me like that?"

"Mmmm..." Keefe seemed to ponder for a moment, "Prolly high school."

"Oh um...good to know. You should get some rest. I'll be down here if you need me."

"Alrighty."

Tam shut off the lights and Keefe started snoring quick. Tam could only stare up in the darkness, unable to sleep.

~*~

Keefe woke up that morning in a room he didn't recognize to a killer headache and dead phone.

He turned to the side, seeing a pile of blankets and pillows with a large gatorade, bottle of tylenol, and a note next to it. Suddenly last nights memories came flooding back.

Oh, shit.

He scrambled out of bed, headache and nausea hitting him harder as he stood up.

Despite the fact his head was spinning, he picked up the note from the ground and read it.

Hey, meet me at the reservoir around 6, we need to talk -Tam

F. U. C. K.

Had he really said all that stuff last night? Surely it was a dream, right?

Oh God.

He gathered his few belongings, plus the things to help the hangover, and left the dorms as fast as possible. Only having to stop once along the way to throw up in one of the campus trash cans, hopefully no one would notice.

Keefe didn't have anything to do and he really didn't want to face Fitz so he went about his day in last nights clothing. Then again, it was a college campus. Someone walking around with rumpled clothes carrying a gatorade probably wasn't that big of a deal for most people. By 5:30 he sat impatiently in the empty park where the reservoir was located, it was colder closer to the water.

Just as promised, at 6 o'clock he saw Tam approaching on the horizon.

~*~

Tam was damn near a panic attack as he walked around the park attempting to find Keefe. Eventually he found him, sitting on a bench still in his clothes from last night, face once again ruddy from the cold. He sat next to him wordlessly.

"So," Keefe started.

"So," Tam replied, looking down at his lap.

"Tam I-" Keefe turned to face him. "I'm sorry about everything last night, I probably just made everything super awkward. Not to mention it's a giant violation of the friend code to even have a crush on your best friend's ex-"

"Yeah, about that."

"What?"

"You're gonna maybe kill me for this but uh," Tam pulled on his bangs. "I sorta talked to Fitz about it, I figured you wouldn't and apparently I was right. He said he was okay with it as long as we were ok with it."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Tam sighed, "Perhaps."

Keefe once again wore that shit-eating grin of his.

"Can I hear you say it?"

"Why don't you have to say it?"

"Already said it last night! Your turn now. Why did you take care of me while I was drunk?"

Keefe stared at Tam excitedly waiting for the answer. Tam sighed.

"Because I love you, little shit."

"Ooh you said it-"

Tam smashed his lips against Keefe's, both quickly melting into it. After only a moment they pulled away.

"Agh, you taste like gatorade and vomit."

"Well you taste like salt so really what's worse."

"Definitely the vomit."

Despite this, Tam leaned back in. This kiss was a moment longer than the last, and when Tam pulled away Keefe chased it.

"Ok, look I'm sorry but you look like shit Keefe you have to go change." Tam removed his jacket, throwing it around Keefe once again and helping him up from the bench. Keefe laughed.

"Yeah, you're right. Ooh now that we're a thing you need a new nickname!"

"I do?"

"You do, how about 'Bangs Boyf' ooh or maybe you can be my 'provoked partner' or my 'snappy spouse' my 'agitated accomplice' perhaps."

"Do you just have these ready and prepared for any situation?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets."

"You aren't Houdini, you're an 18-year-old boy that currently reeks of frat party."

"Eh that's basically the same thing. I've seen some 18-year-olds at frat parties preform tricks Houdini could never dream of."

Tam sighed dramatically. "It's a good thing you're pretty, you know."

"Hey!" Keefe jokingly shoved him.

For the first time Tam's smile wasn't repressed.

[dakotafinely]

Mud dogs find out about some off the smol's powers (like 3llies weapon summoning, marie's feral/demon form, ect.) What kind of chaos ensues?

(also thanks for answering my first ting!)

Of course! Sorry it took me so long to answer this one! I’ve been... existing... but I finally have enough time and motivation to answer this! So let’ s go!

3llie: Weapon Summoning

The first time 3llie summons a weapon it’s when the gang is running from the police.

The smol’s weren’t supposed to be there, but Loathsome noticed that they always found a way to show up. But his mind wasn’t on scolding them right now.

It was on escaping the barrage of bullets and keeping the smol’s out of the line of fire.

3llie had begun panicking. Especially after Mickey actually got hit. Letting out a curse as he gripped his side. He lagged behind on accident. 3llie looked back. The police were gaining on him. She had to do something, anything.

She didn’t hear Dastardly scream at them to come back as she charged toward Mickey in a blind panic. The desire to keep him safe the way he would them to strong to resist.

Mickey had flinched away. Eyes closed tight as he saw a police officer charge at him with no mercy. Intent to harm clear across the yokai’s face. He fully expected a hit or another gunshot.

There was a beat of nothing. Mickey’s eyes snapped open. Staring at the large aqua green shield being carried by a very tiny child. 3llie looked back at him with tears in their eyes. Clearly scared and relieved all at once.

The shield was large. Looking similar to that one show Mickey began putting on for the kids whenever it was snack time. What was it called again? Steven Universe? No, that didn’t seem right. Whatever, he’ll think of it later.

Right now he scooped up 3llie, slithering away while 3llie tried her best to just keep the shield up.

Marie: Demon form

Loathsome was just out shopping. Marie wanting to get out of the house, joined him.

He was to busy worrying about keeping her safe. After the incident with 3llie’s reveal of powers. He was afraid people might start hunting down the kids with intent of using them for their own gain.

But he was fairly sure Marie didn’t have anything like that. Which is what worried him the most.

If the girl can’t defend herself against any yokai, then he had to be at the top of his game.

There was this guy, someone forgettable to Loathsome. Though the feeling was not mutual.

He approached in the market place. Seeing Loathsome hand Marie a brightly colored lollipop. The yokai thought he had the perfect leverage.

Marie yelped at the rough tug. Lollipop falling right out of her hand at the tight grip. She probably would’ve been calm had she not seen the panic on Loathsome’s face.

Loathsome never panic’s, time to scream bloody murder.

No one else cared, used to many different types of screaming children in the market place. Believing it was just another child having a tantrum.

She began crying as the stranger scooped her up. Running off before Loathsome could take her back.

There was a chase. Marie crying and reaching toward Loathsome the whole way.

The yokai eventually found a dead end in an alleyway. Begin to foolish to truly look where he was going. He ran straight into the wall.

A yelp and a curse as he dropped Marie. The man broke his nose. Badly

Blood dripped onto the girl as she tried to resist the smell. She’d gotten pretty good at it but the adrenaline rushing though her veins had other plans.

Loathsome arrived a second to late. Watching Marie tear into the man. Leaving nothing unscathed as she ripped him open. The demon side of her eating till it was satisfied.

When Marie was licking her arms clean is when Loathsome finally snapped back to reality. This was a child who at any moment could’ve killed him.

Yup, this was fine.

Hey, at least it eased his worry about her not being able to defend herself.

Zoe: Weapon Summoning & Telekinesis

The boy’s knew in advance about Zoe’s weapon summoning. After Loathsome returning from the shopping he asked all the kids to tell him if there was any powers they had.

She had genuinely forgotten to tell them about the telekinesis

Maybe it was because they never truly had the hang of it. It was pretty easy for Zoe to practice weapon summoning with 3llie during playtime. Though that had to be stopped because it was “Too dangerous” Dastardly said.

Telekinesis was something she never often used or thought about.

There was a rival gang. Out for revenge. Not against the mud dogs, something none of the group would’ve even cared about.

Dastardly was just trying to get the kids home. Walking them home from the park.

The building next to them exploded. Sending the smols far enough off that they were safe from debris. Plus Zoe and 3llie summoning protective armor for the group instinctively.

3llie had begun corralling the others to a tree nearby for Dastardly to find them at. Already knowing Loathsome and Mickey would be on their way. The explosion close enough to the house it would make them come to check on the group.

Mia was checking for injuries, having begun carrying around band-aids just in case. As none of the adults were ever good at remembering at one particular item no matter what.

Zoe was looking around for Dastardly, the yokai having not been flung as far as they had. Still within the derby. Her eyes caught him barely crawling away from a large chunk crashing down near him.

He didn’t see the one flying straight toward him, even larger than the first. It’d kill him instantly.

Zoe called out to him, urging him to move. But the rat’s ears were still ringing from the explosion. Body still sore he was mentally debating just laying there. Until he realized Zoe was yelling, running toward him.

He tried to tell them to stay put. But he couldn’t even hear his own voice.

He noticed the shadow getting larger above him at a rapid pace.

Whole body turning as he watched the boulder come down toward him. Eyes shutting at the last second. Simply praying his fate was quick.

Nothing, slowly the ringing stopped as he heard the cackles of flames, just tiny enough to make him slowly open his eyes.

It was inches from him, barely hovering above him that he could reach out and touch it.

“D! Get out of there!” “Come on!” “Are you okay?”

The voices made him whip back to reality. Looking over to his kids. Most standing by a tree far enough from the disaster he felt a piece of relief over him.

Then there was Zoe.

Hands up braced, face scrunched up in concentration, staring right above him. Fully focused on the debry that was seconds away from killing him. It took a moment to click. That she was the thing holding it up. He scrambled out from underneath it toward them.

As soon as he was safely out from underneath it. Zoe dropped their arms with a relieved sigh. Looking up at Dastardly with concern. While Dastardly looked back down at her with amazement.

This kid just saved his life.

Mia: Nothing, just a sneaky little thing

The boys sat in a jail cell. Not really caring about their predicament or what punishment would await them for their most recent failed heist.

No, their minds were on the kids.

“What do you think they’ll do?” Dastardly finally spoke up. Finally looking up after staring at the stone floor for hours. Loathsome shrugged

“They’ll make it I’m sure. They survived without us before.” He tried his best to keep a calm form. But his insides were completely jumbled. He was an anxious mess, just hoping the kids would find someone kinder, safer then they had been for the group.

“But, they shouldn’t have to,” Mickey spoke with a bite in his voice. Something rarely heard by the other two. They perk up. Mickey was curled up, anger clear in his eyes despite the fact he didn’t meet their stares. He was glaring at a corner, as if it was the corner’s fault the kids were now alone.

“No kid should ever have to...” Mickey trailed, Dastardly and Loathsome sharing a glance. All of them knowing exactly what was on the Eel’s mind.

“Well, then let’s find a way outta here,” Loathsome said, trying to get the trio’s confidence back “we’ve done it before!”

Before the other two could protest. A grate popped out from above them, falling in the center of the floor.

A tiny head with long hair pops out. Grinning at the group.

“Come on! We gotta get outta here before the poice realize what’s going on!” Mia speaks with mischief in her eyes.

“Kid, what’re you doing?” Dastardly asks, standing up. Just in case Mia falls straight through.

“Breaking you out! Silly!” Mia can’t help but giggle a bit at the question. Unaware the trio was having a silent panic about the kids while being.

“How’d you even... I thought you said you had no powers?” Loathsome said confused, remembering Mia telling him she was the only one without any special powers. Could she have forgotten hers like Zoe had?

“What, I don’t,” Mia said with the small shake of her head “Cops are just dumb and these vents are easy to navigate with a map!” with that, Mia put a hand out, unfurling a map of the vents above them.

“Though it’s pretty yucky in here,” Mia comments as the trio looks at the map in surprise. Now she slowly pulled herself out, the trio all moving to stop her from hurting herself. Dastardly gently placing her on the floor.

“Where are the others?” Loathsome asked as she walked over the cell door. Pulling out a hair-clip and a nail file. Beginning to fiddle with the lock.

“Marie is distracting the entire group of dum-dum’s with this realllllyyy lonnnnng story,” Mia spoke absent mindlessly “3llie is sitting in the ice cream shop with Zoe down the street. We stole some of your money to get some by the way.” Mia comments looking to them to give a tiny shrug. The trio looked at each other as Mia popped open the cell door.

“I- how do you know how to do that?” Dastardly asked with concern, none of them taught her that. Mia shrugged.

“Got bored, learned it on YouTube.” Mia states, before gesturing for them to come along with her.

“I think we’ve got...” Mia thought for a moment “3 more minutes before Marie will be done with her story. Come on I think the map showed an exit this way.” Mia lead the trio out the back door.

They went around the building, blindly following Mia in a state of shock as she brought them to a small ice cream shop. The joyous shouts of Zoe and 3llie waking them from their state.

“I... how’d we end up picking the weirdest kids off the street?” Loathsome leaned over to Dastardly as the group of smols talked excitedly with Mickey. Marie having joined them not moments later.

“Not sure,” Dastardly replied “but I think we’d be the ones lost without ‘em” he jokes.

Not me taking this to the absolute extreme. I hope you liked it, I had fun writing it! I think I had the most fun with Mia’s though not gonna lie just “this powerless child, but not weak child” is my fav kinda thing to do. Thanks for the ask! Sorry again for taking so long to answer it.

[baalzebufo]

🔫😃 give us them monster au Majima deets I dare you /hj

I'm invested, I wanna know stuff, like; What was the interaction between Kiryu and Majima like after the reveal? How did Haruka find out? Was it because she lives with Kiryu or did Majima tey to keep her oblivious to it as long as he can because no.?

I WANT THE DEETS AND I WANT EM NOW

(ya don't need ta do nothin if ya don't wanna, take yer time, I just wanna show excitement with this :>)

THANK YOU for the interest I am constantly excited to talk about things and will 100% share what deets I have

(Update: this got... WAY longer than I anticipated. So im putting it behind a readmore. sorry for the wall of text I got very passionate suddenly!!)

disclaimer: I have very little solid 'canon' established and 99% of this will be stuff I make up on the spot cause thats just how I do these things

So, in my head this all takes place after the events of the first game- Kiryu's been to jail, gets out, 10 billion yen drama ect. I think it would be peak drama if Majima accidentally let slip during the fight at Shangri-la that he isn't human, he got so hyped up on the idea of a 'fight to the death' with Kiryu (which, lets be honest, was probably a bit of suicidal ideation on his part because he wanted Kiryu to utterly destroy him) that he couldn't control himself and Kiryu gets an eyeful of claws and teeth and horns. But because things are so fucking manic during that point in the game, Kiryu deadass writes it off as a weird hallucination/'this might as well be happening' because he has WAY too much going on.

it's only after the games finished and Kiryu settles down, decides hes going to adopt Haruka and is trying to get his affairs in order when he's like. Holy Shit What Was Up With That.

Majima hasn't shown his face around him since because he becomes convinced Kiryu seeing that means hes going to despise him and/or try to kill him so he crawls into his hole to mope about it and Kiryu has to genuinely jump through hoops trying to find where he is. He was concerned! Eventually he gets in touch with Nishida who is equally worried about his boss (he knows Majima's secret but is sworn not to tell anyone) so he just. quietly tells Kiryu where Majima is living right now and prays it wont come back to bite him in the ass

He goes, Majima initially attempts to be like 'haha you hit your head pretty hard down there-' and write it off like that but Kiryu is nothing if not persistent and eventually he has a little meltdown about it and finally just shows him. Majimas been in a super weird mental state since Shimano died and hes just like, at his breaking point, so he figures 'fuck it, if Kiryu hates me, whatever' at that point

OBVIOUSLY Kiryu doesnt, hes just like. dude are you okay

they have a long ass talk about it and what happened and it all sort of culminates in an awkward love confession because turns out wow you two REALLY care about each other, huh!

Majima also shares that hes only really still in the yakuza because he feels like its the only place he belongs, that a monster like him doesn't deserve anything resembling a normal life. its that conversation that starts him on the path to realizing he's not happy there tbh

Im SEVERELY rambling at this point but. after a lot of emotional catharsis between these two they promise to try to make something work. majima considers leaving the yakuza, and kiryus going to make a home with haruka. and while hes not ready to join them properly, just yet, he's... thinking about it. in the meantime, he's heard some cool stuff about construction as a business, and he's lookin' into it.

they kept it from Haruka for a while, mostly because Majima is super not comfortable showing people. He didnt spend a lot of time around her because he still felt guilty about the kidnapping thing, but eventually Kiryu pushes him to try to apologize properly and make amends. Haruka is obviously suspicious of him but, I think shes got a good judge of character when it comes to if someones being earnest, and its clear Majima wasn't acting of his own volition. (She blackmails him for lots of ice cream as an apology.)

Eventually she picks up on the fact they're hiding *something* because of how like, furtive Majima becomes when he stays with Kiryu and how he's almost never actually around, especially since he loves being the center of attention otherwise. So they brace themselves for it all to come crashing down when they tell her.

It honestly... goes fine. Maybe its just cause she's a kid and was way more willing to believe monsters exist, but it's not quite the 100% world-shaking revelation. It does set them back a bit and there's a lot of convincing that 'not all monsters are evil', but eventually she settles on. 'he's not scary. he's just kind of weird.' and you know what? majima will 100% take that.

(also she thinks its funny how he purrs when you touch his ears a certain way. he's like a big weird puppy.)

okay goddamn this post got long enough as is but. thank you again for the interest I have... so many words in my brain about this. Ideally id love to write a proper fic but im really not great at structured writing like that- it takes a helluva lot of a work compared to just infodumping into a big nightmare post like this. One Day.

I mad appreciate any and all interest though! Like, at its heart this is a hurt/comfort kinda au, and my end-goal is for Majima to realize being a monster doesn't mean he doesn't get to be happy or that he doesn't deserve to be treated like a human. it is vitally important to me that these two old sad men be happy together and build a better life lmao

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Spider-Man Movie Villains

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, he does whatever a spider can. And what do spiders seem really good at? Amassing huge quantities of hatred and animosity! True to the wily arachnids that inspired him, Spider-Man has quite the impressive gallery of foes, one that I might say rivals Batman as the greatest in comic book history with how colorful, crazy, and creative they are. Even villains derivative of one another, like Hobgoblin and Green Goblin or Carnage and Venom, manage to carve out unique niches that help make them fun and memorable.

And thankfully, these qualities usually translated pretty well to film! I’ve talked about how good Mysterio, Vulture, Kingpin, and Prowler are before, so now it’s time to cover the others all in one fell swoop! From the Raimi trilogy, we have Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Harry Osborn, Sandman, and Eddie Brock/Venom; from the Andrew Garfield duology, we have Lizard, Electro, Rhino, and Harry Osborn again; and leftover from Into the Spider-Verse we have Olivia Octavius, Tombstone, Scorpion, and that film’s brief take on Green Goblin! Oh, and why not throw in Riot from Venom while we’re at it, because he sucks way too much to get his own Psycho Analysis.

Motivation/Goals: A lot of villains are motivated by the classic motivation: revenge. All of the Green Goblins manage to have this as a main part of their actions, making them remarkably consistent and very easy to discuss. The Norman of the Raimi films wants to take out his anger at being frozen out of his own company, and his son wants revenge for his death, while the Harry of the Garfield films wants his vengeance because Spider-Man wouldn’t help cure him of his otherwise incurable disaease that would kill him (a fact made worse because Spider-Man is his actual best friend, Peter Parker, who is coldly condemning his pal to death). The only one who doesn’t really fit is the Spider-Verse take on Green Goblin, and that’s more because he has extremely limited screentime and spends all of it fighting Peter and being scary as hell.

Eddie Brock/Venom is a very interesting case as both halves of the character are motivated by different reasons. The symbiote half is, of course, motivated by the fact that Peter has tried to rid himself of it via using a church bell to kill it. Eddie, on the other hand, has the most absolutely hilarious motivation ever: He wants Peter Parker to die because Peter exposed him for submitting fraudulent pictures to J. Jonah Jameson. Eddie literally breached journalistic ethics but apparently Peter’s to blame for exposing his literal, actual crime! And he prays to God for Peter to die! This version of Eddie is cartoonishly hilarious.Finally, we have Max Dillon, AKA Electro, who is lashing out at a world that did nothing but belittle and demean him, giving him a far more sympathetic motive for revenge.

Kurt Connors is an interesting halfway point between the Doc Ocks and the villains above, because he is not really evil and his whole transformation came about for altruistic scientific reasons, as he tested his serum on himself because they were going to test it out on the public without consent. While the serum drives him mad, he initially only goes after those who were going to use his formula with people as guinea pigs.

Interestingly, the two Doc Ocks contrast each other. While both of them are doing evil deeds for scientific reasons, Otto Octavius is being forced by his tentacles and genuinely wishes to make the world a better place otherwise. Olivia, on the other hand, is a gleeful sadist who doesn’t care who she hurts as long as she can get some sort of scientific knowledge from it.

Sandman is interesting case because his motivations are entirely sympathetic and despite being the man who killed Uncle Ben, it was entirely accidental and he always regretted it. He only ever wanted to get money to save his daughter. It’s really hard not to sympathize with a guy who turned to desperate measures because the American health care system sucks even in a universe where a dude dressed in a bright red suit swings around New York.

Then there are all the rest. Aleksei Systevich, AKA Rhino, is just a criminal, and has barely any screentime to establish a motivation beyond that. This is especially hilarious because the ads really hyped this guy up, only for him to get maybe five minutes of screentime, with most of it at the very end of the movie before the credits (we don’t even get to see his final battle). Tombstone and Scorpion are basically just lackeys for Kingpin, with little established beyond that. Scorpion almost shows up entirely out of nowhere, just popping in for the fight at Aunt May’s house and then the final battle. And then there’s Riot, who just wants to start a symbiote apocalypse on Earth.

Performance: Willem Dafoe, Alfred Molina, and Thomas Haden Church as Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, and Sandman in the Raimi trilogy are, in a word, iconic. Dafoe brings a gleeful, cackling hamminess to the Goblin that perfectly suits him and manages to steal every single with how delightfully, cartoonishly evil he is combined with some hilariously chummy moments with Spider-Man. Molina as Ock goes in the opposite direction of hamminess, where instead of making Octavius cartoonishly evil, he gives him this air of gravitas to the point where he somehow manages to make this villain with giant metal tentacles that are controlling his mind come off as sophisticated and serious as Hannibal Lecter. Church meanwhile just looks eerily perfect as Sandman, as if he were ripped straight from the comics and put onscreen, and then of course there’s how well he manages to sell the emotional moments of the character.

The Harrys are a rather mixed bag, sad to say. James Franco and Dennis DeHaan aren’t really bad actors, but they unfortunately have the problem of living in the shadow of the actor who played their dad (Franco) or being in a really awful movie with a terrible script (DeHaan). Franco at least makes up for this by being hilariously, cartoonishly evil to the extent of his dad in the third Raimi film, but DeHaan unfortunately falls rather flat. Topher Grace as Venom is a choice that seems baffling until you realize Raimi cast an actor like this on purpose because he hates Venom so much he didn’t want to give him any dignity.

Jamie Foxx as Electro seems odd at first, but I feel it’s actually a great casting choice, and despite how unbelievably stupid the script is, he’s actually able to do a fairly good job. If his character was in a better movie, he’d probably get a lot less flak (and he’ll be getting his chance soon enough, apparently). Overall, he’s the best part of the Garfield films. Rhys Ifans and Paul Giamatti as Lizard and Rhino are serviceable, but neither film they’re in really gives them much to work with. Giamatti at least gets to steal the show with his brief scenes by being an absolute ham, but Ifans is sadly a bit forgettable in his role (though not for lack of trying on his part).

Now onto the Spider-Verse ensemble! Considering how I gushed over her delightful performance as the Wicked Witch of Westview in WandaVision as well as the fact she is solely responsible for me resurrecting this series from its long hiatus, it should come as no shock at all that Kathryn Hahn as Olivia Octavius is just perfect. Controversial opinion, I know, might get some flak for this hot take. Jorma Taccone as Green Goblin, Joaquin Cosio as Scorpion, and Marvin Jones III as Tombstone all do well for what they’re given, but it’s clear most of the love among Kingpin’s henchmen was given to her (and Prowler, but he got his own review where I talked about how great he is).

Oh, right, Riot. I forgot about him. Riz Ahmed, who plays the human villain Carlton Drake I forgot to mention because he’s incredibly boring, is a really good (and sexy) actor. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get to be quite as good and sexy as an actor like him should be in his dual role. In an interesting subversion of how things usually go, he ends up being rather bland compared to the hammy, bonkers hero. This was Tom Hardy’s show, and no one was stealing it from him.

Final Fate: The Raimi films were all made during a time when, if your name wasn’t Magneto and you were a superhero movie villain, you were dying, a trend I’m certainly glad is finally starting to die off. Thankfully, Green Goblin manages to stick around and posthumously influence Harry, so in his case it’s not so bad. Harry and Doc Ock both manage to overcome the darkness in their hearts at the end and sacrifice their lives to help save the day, while Eddie dies after becoming such a simp for the symbiote he leaps into it while Peter is blowing it up. With Sandman, Peter actually has a touching reconciliation with Sandman at the end, forgiving him for the death of Uncle Ben before Sandman dissolves into dust and floats away on the breeze. And no, this is his power, not Thanos’ snap reaching across time, space, and dimensions; Sandman actually gets out of these films alive.

The other villains actually get off easier, as most of them go to jail. From the Amazing Spider-Man films, DeHaan’s Goblin and Rhys Ifan’s Lizard both end up in prison, and it’s safe to assume that the villains of Spider-Verse are going to jail alongside Kingpin. Octavius was hit by a bus, sure, but considering how popular she ended up being it would be really dumb to have that actually kill her. With Electro and Rhino though, it’s really ambiguous, the former because he’s made of electricity and the way he was defeated means it is possible he survived, and the latter because we never actually see the outcome of his battle with Spider-Man. If the film they were in was actually good and warranted sequels, we may have found out what their true fates were, but at the very least Electro is moving over to the MCU alongside Molina’s Doc Ock.

Oh, right, forgot Riot again. He dies.

Best Scene/Best Quote: I’m combining these this time just to make it easier on me, because in at least in a couple cases the two are the same.

Green Goblin has a lot to choose from, to the point where it’s easy to cop out and just say every scene he’s in is amazing. I’ve always been fond of his chummy chat with Spider-Man on the rooftop, or the scene where he terrifies Aunt May, or the scene where he attacks the parade and vaporizes the board of directors with pumpkin bombs.

Dock Ock is easy: the train battle. This might be one of the best action scenes in any superhero movie ever, and since he’s the villain in it, it almost goes without saying..There’s a reason this scene is singled out so often.

Eddie Brock and DeHaan Goblin actually have their best scenes also be their best lines. Eddie praying for God to kill Peter Parker and DeHaan!Harry screaming “YOU’RE A FRAUD, SPIDER-MAN!” after Spidey refuses to give him a life-saving blood transfusion are just so absolutely hilarious and memorable that you can’t hate them.

Aside from the powerful forgiveness moment at the film’s end, I think it’s really indisputable that the best scene from Sandman, and perhaps the Raimi trilogy as a whole, is the scene of Sandman’s creation. Words really can’t do it justice, so just watch:

Electro’s best moment isn’t even actually part of the movie, unless you want to count his rendition of “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.” No, his is from a Tumblr post, proving definitively that Electro’s power can not be contained.

For Olivia, I’d say either of the reveals for her are great. You can go with the twist that she’s the Doc Ock of Miles’ universe, or the twist that she might have fucked Aunt May. Either way, you can’t really go wrong.

The rest of the villains… yeah, I’ve got nothing. At least with Rhino you can say his entire time on screen was fun, but the rest? Nope. They’re kind of just there.

Final Thoughts & Score:

Green Goblin

Where to begin with this guy? He is everything I look for in a great villain: he’s hammy and cartoonish, he can be terrifying and threatening when he wants to be, he has a ridiculous yet memorable costume, every word out of his mouth is hilarious and memorable, and he’s played by an amazing actor. It’s hard to dispute that Doc Ock is the best villain in Raimi’s trilogy, but Goblin is definitely the most fun. If you thought he’d get less than a 10/10, you thought wrong.

Doctor Octopus

Aside from Green Goblin, Doc Ock is Spidey’s most iconic and memorable foe, nd this adaptation of him does not disappoint. By making him a more tragic and somewhat anti-villainous figure and putting him in the hands of someone as awesome and talented as Alfred Molina, they managed to make such a cartoonish villain retain that comic book silliness while still being a legitimately imposing antagonist. I suppose it helps that a director who knows how to balance silly and serous like Raimi helps. It’s absolutely not a shock that the MCU wants to bring Molina back, because really, I can’t see anyone making the dubious doctor nearly as cool as the 10/10 performance Molina gave.

Harry Osborn

Franco’s Harry has an interesting arc, but one that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense under scrutiny. Frankly, his descent into villain is handled well but when he actually gets to be a villain in the third film, things fall apart.. But at any rate, he gets to be cartoonishly hilarious while he pettily ruins Peter’s life, so I think a 3/10 is warranted just for how goofy he is.

Eddie Brock/Venom

For the longest time, I hated Eddie Brock, but loved the Venom symbiote for its fantastic design… A design hampered by the fact Topher Grace keeps sticking his face through the symbiote and talking in his normal voice. But then one day I remembered Eddie literally prays to God for Peter Parker to die, and I realize that as crappy as this version of Venom is, he’s undoubtedly hilarious. A 3/10 mainly because of how hilariously bad he is, though the design of the symbiote is unironically great. Shame Grace kept sticking his face through and that Raimi hates the character.

Sandman

Sandman is a villain who deserved a better movie. Sure, Spider-Man 3 is fun and funny, but a character with this much depth and emotional weight deserved a film of the caliber of Spider-Man 2. At any rate, he adds a bit of class and dignity to the proceedings, and Thomas Haden Church really nails it. He’s a 9/10 for sure.

Lizard

Lizard is just a very boring villain, which is a shame because Lizard is not a boring villain in the comics and other media like the cartoons. I don’t really know if he was the best choice for Spider-Man’s first outing; I’ll at least give him that he’s a more inspired choice than doing the Green Goblin again, but that doesn’t score him higher than a 4/10. As boring as he ends up being, that library fight was pretty cool and had a great Stan Lee cameo, so I can’t say he’s the bottom of the barrel.

Electro

Electro is a villain who desperately deserved a better movie. While his backstory as a nerdy fanboy who got kicked around by the world is nothing new, or fresh, or original, Jamie Foxx manages to make the character work fairly well even though almost everything around him is unbelievably stupid. The fact he managed to make “Don’t you know? I’m Electro” sound cool and badass is a testament to his skill, and thankfully he’s coming back in the MCU in some way, so I guess Electro’s power can not be contained to a single movie. Still, this iteration only manages to get to a 6/10, because while all the elements of greatness are there, he’s hampered by the abysmal writing.

Rhino

Paul Giamatti certainly looks like he’s having a blast here. His attitude is almost infectious, but alas, his time is too brief to bring any great joy, and his jarring appearance out of nowhere at the end of the film certainly do him no favors. Still, Giamatti keeps Rhino from sinking any lower than a 5/10.

Harry Osborn

This Harry is just a joke. His arc makes no sense, his actions are unbelievable, and he ends up looking like a really poor Warwick Davis Leprechaun cosplayer. The only thing of note about him is that he’s a Harry who becomes the Green Goblin before his father, something that doesn’t happen very often, and that’s not enough to score this loser higher than a 2/10. Not even killing Gwen Stacy makes him any more impressive, and that’s a real shame.

Olivia Octavius

Olivia Octavius is widely beloved by just about everyone who sees the film.. myself included. This is just a really fun, clever twist on Doctor Octopus, and it’s the sort of character you really hope gets a Harley Quinn-level break into becoming an iconic character across multiple forms of media. Kathryn Hahn’s fun performance and the wonderful design and fight sequences really make Olivia a 9/10.

Tombstone

Tombstone is a villain you might actually forget is in the movie, which is a damn shame. He’s an albino black man, a badass bodyguard, and has a striking design, but he gets a single line of dialogue and is tasked with bodyguarding a man who not only has cyborgs under his employ, but who murdered Spider-Man with his bare hands. Tombstone ultimately feels really superfluous, which is a shame because around the same time Into the Spider-Verse came out he had a very memorable and well-liked appearance in the Spider-Man video game. It’s a real shame but I gotta give this version of Tombstone a 2/10.

Scorpion

Scorpion has a lot of problems of Tombstone above, but he makes up for a lot of his flaws by having a really cool and striking design. Does it really make him a great villain? No. He’s not particularly well-characterized and he’s really just there to look cool and give Olivia backup. He’s a 4/10 at best, saved from being lower only by his awesome look. Looking cool really can get you far in some cases.

Green Goblin

Out of all the really minor villains in Spider-Verse, this version of Norman might be the best. His role is tiny, only appearing during the scene where the Peter Parker of Miles’ universe gets killed, but his battle with Spider-Man is what sets the entire plot in motion. His cool and terrifying design definitely help make him stand out enough to earn at least a 6/10.

Riot & Carlton Drake

Look, there’s a reason I kept forgetting these guys. They’re not memorable in the slightest. Venom may be a fantastic work of art, but that’s because Tom Hardy kills it in his dual role as Eddie Brock and the Venom symbiote. Drake is just a boring corporate villain, the kind I hate talking about and the kind I’d only ever even bother mentioning in a review like this. And Riot is just a generic Big Gray CGI Monster for the hero to have a final battle with. Neither of these two are particularly interesting, and neither deserves more than a 2/10.

That’s it, right? There can’t be any more villains, I must have covered them all. Well, not quite. There’s one more character who is most certainly an antagonist and who I really, really want to talk about. And you’re absolutely not going to believe who it is.

You ready?

Psycho Analysis: Emo Peter

“Now wait,” you may be asking, “Emo Peter? Really? How does he count as a villain?” Well, as Schafrillas pointed out in his video on Spider-Man 3, Emo Peter is actually the antagonist for much of the second act. Peter, influenced by the symbiote, becomes a raging jackass and hurts and alienates everyone around him by being a colossal douchebag, not to mention how violent he gets as Spider-Man. This is very much an extreme case of the hero’s greatest enemy being themselves, because literally, Peter’s enemy in the chunk of the movie with Emo Peter is his own overinflated ego

Motivation/Goals: I mean, at the end of the day, it’s still Peter. He still wants to do the typical Peter Parker stuff, he’s just a jackass while he does it.

Performance: It’s Tobey Maguire busting loose and getting to act like an absolute doofus. There is literally nothing about this that isn’t amazing and I’m sorry if you can’t see it.

Final Fate: Peter eventually comes to realize that maybe the symbiote making him act like an egomaniacal tool is not a good thing, and so rebels against it, ultimately leading him to the roof of a church where Eddie Brock is praying for him to die and, well, the rest is history.

Best Scene:

Best Dance Move:

Final Thoughts & Score: Emo Peter has gotten a bad reputation over the years, but Schafrillas’ video really made me rethink why. As he puts it, Emo Peter comes off not as someone cool, but as what a loser thinks a cool person would be (which makes him still a loser). It seems fairly likely that the audience isn’t supposed to be rooting for Emo Peter or finding him cool, but instead finding him insufferable, ridiculous, and funny. We’re supposed to be laughing at Peter’s egomania, at his absurd and hammy showboating, not cheering him on and desiring to emulate him.

And that ultimately makes it more satisfying when Peter overcomes his ego and decides to rid himself of the symbiote. It might seem like I’m giving Spider-Man 3 a lot of credit here, but even Sam Raimi half-assing a movie wouldn’t leave things completely devoid of underlying brilliance. Emo Peter isn’t a villain in the sense that he’s some superpowered antagonist, he’s a physical representation of the negative impacts of fame and ego on Peter. This is Peter letting go of what makes him a hero and just reveling in being an absolute jerkwad to everyone around him.

I love the memes as much as everyone else of course, but Emo Peter is also a pretty clever symbolic foe. But even though I’m giving him an 8/10, we all know the real reason why he’s scoring so high:

Ok, but that’s it now, right? No more Spider-Man villains? Well, maybe for now. But don’t forget:

There’s gonna be Carnage.

[6mommymilkers9]

Honey Bees

Pairing - Castiel x Reader

Triggers - N/a

Summary - Sam and Dean cheer up their little sister, seeing she isn’t herself after Castiel claimed himself ‘God’, leaving his true family behind.

The Winchester brothers could feel the sadness radiating off of their little sister, anyone could. The look in her eyes, the fake smile, the strain in her voice. It was always there; it never left.

People may have asked what was troubling her, well I’ll tell you. This all started because of one man, an angel really named Castiel. They were lovers. It may sound strange, but their love was surreal.

That all changed when Castiel grew power hungry, changed for the worst. He wasn’t the confused, timid angel Y/n knew anymore. He was now ruthless and vile. Something she never knew he could be. Though it showed when the Winchester siblings had found him, he was no longer an angel of the lord, pleading their lives for Castiel to leave them be.

They were lucky he did. He wasn’t so kind to others. Murders happened all over the globe, each one with Castiel claiming he was now ‘God’. This wasn’t the real Castiel and it pained the female hunter.

This led her to sit on the couch, staring at what was to be playing on the television, but she wasn’t truly paying attention. She was wrapped in her mind, like she was in a jail cell, locked.

Sam, however, was sitting at the study table, having a clear view of his sister, a frown on his face as he shut his laptop, looking over at his older brother. “Dean, look at her. She’s been like this for months. We need to do something man.”

Dean sighed as he glanced over at Y/n, then to Sam, giving a slow nod. It killed him to see his little sister like that. She used to be so full of life, happy. Now she was just a broken soul in a meat suit, ready to be dragged to hell.

“We’ve tried Sam. Nothing will help, you know that. The only time she does anything is on hunts, and that’s only to get emotions out!” Dean spoke, making sure he wasn’t loud enough for their sister to hear.

He got up from his seat, Sam watching his movement, opening his mouth to say something, but closed it, not able to come up with anything except excuses.

The tallest hunter then got up as well, dusting his layers of flannel before walking along side his brother, seeing he may have had a plan. If he did, he just hoped it was a good one.

The air felt thick, almost as if you could cut it with a butter knife as they approached the girl, Sam clearing his throat, making the female Winchester look up, a faint expression of a smile on her face.

“Look, you’ve been in the bunker too long Y/n. Come outside with us, I wanna take you somewhere.” Dean said, his voice soft, fearing he may break her.

Y/n sighed, unraveling from the blanket she had wrapped around herself, standing up as she nodded, looking at her brothers. “Fine; lets go.”

Sam and Dean gave their sister a smile, walking along side her as they left the bunker, allowing the sun rays to hit what exposed skin they had, the rest hidden by the classic layers of flannel each of them wore.

They all spoke very little as they walked, Y/n keeping quiet, but enjoyed the time with her family, well, her only family.

Dean soon stopped at a small clearing not far from the bunker. It was quite nice. An area with flowers of all colors, not a single other person in sight. “We’re here.” Dean spoke, patting his sisters shoulder.

This made Y/n smile, walking over to the bed of flowers, sitting down as she watched the honey bees do their job of collecting pollen.

Y/n and Castiel used to always do this, mostly on their little dates they used to have. It brought Y/n back to a memory as she watched the bees, seeing one had landed on her finger before it flew off.

“Cas you have your own!” called, the female hunter, giggling as Castiel looked over at his lover, giving back her ice cream cone, chocolate covering his stubble. “What? You’re ice cream looked better.” He spoke, giving the female a small smile as he looked down at his own ice cream, eating the last bit of it.

She rolled her eyes as she took a bite of her now half eaten ice cream, smiling at the sugary flavor. She studied the flowers around them, seeing bees fly past Castiel and herself.

She giggled once again as a bee landed on Castiels nose, making him freeze for a moment before it flew off to a flower.

“Hey you got a little-“ she started to speak before she shook her head, grabbing a bit of her sleeve in his fingers, leaning over to wipe the chocolate that was on the angels face, making him smile softly. “There. Now you don’t look ridiculous.”

He chuckled lightly, pulling the woman close with his arms, kissing her forehead lightly as he admired her every feature. “I love you Y/n.” He said, voice soft and confident.

The female looked up, giving him a toothy smile that sparkled in the light, making them look brighter than they were. “I love you too Cas.” She replied, pulling him by his trench coat, giving him a proper kiss, the ice cream long forgotten.

She gave a small, genuine smile, her brothers now sitting on either side of her. “Thank you guys.” She said, pulling them in for a hug. They happily hugged her back, Dean ruffling her hair some, causing her to laugh.

“Of course kid. We’re your big bro’s , we’ll always be here for you.” Dean said, making Sam smile as he laid an arm on Y/n’s shoulder, looking at his siblings. “Deans right. You’re stuck with us.”

In the first time in a long time, Y/n gave her brothers her iconic toothy smile, glancing between them as she looked back at the bees, smiling at the fond memories of Castiel. Praying he would come back like the angel he was before; to come home.

“I would have it any other way.” She said, pulling a flower from the ground, twirling it in her palm. “I wouldn’t know what to do without you dumbasses.”

Sam and Dean chuckled as they looked at the flowers with their little sister, watching as the sun stayed bright and the air cool. “We know.”

[meowdymista]

Van der Driscoll Pt 7

Part 6 - Masterlist

Part 8

This is a bit of a filler chapter, which is stupid for the ratio of original wording to in game script ratio. Next one will be more engaging, I promise. Also sorry for the long wait; I took time off from writing last week because it was my birthday, and then England swept into a second lockdown so it’s been poo trying to prepare especially in work because I process somms for small-medium businesses but whatever. No one is getting much for Christmas this year lol

****

You find, much to your relief and Arthur’s annoyance, that Sean’s chaotic charm and energy swallows everyone’s attention over the next few weeks. He’s loud, boastful and brash: The Irish Terrier as Arthur and his adopted fathers call him.

You can’t help but find his totally unapologetic nature comforting. Whilst washing shirts, you overhear him get Molly to admit she considers him no better than a chimney sweep from the local bog - and immediately crucify her for it, calling her “snotty nosed” and a “right little madam”, much to her dismay. After the weeks of dirty looks (despite little to no actual confrontation), Sean brings a breath of fresh air. With him nearby, you know exactly where you stand and whether anyone in the vicinity is plotting against you.

“Please, Y/N,” groans Arthur into his hands one evening. “Please tell me you ain’t makin’ friends with that bastard.”

“Why?” you ask, genuinely surprised. “Isn’t he like a little brother to you?”

“Yeah, but not in a good way.” He moves his hands to give you a look of despair. “What’s wrong with Lenny? Or Tilly? Or Mary Beth?”

“Karen’s fun,” you muse, earning yourself another groan.

“Always with the loud drunkards,” he grumbles.

“Mmhm, and what was it Dutch said? When you go missing he checks the saloon, and if you’re not there he checks the jail?”

“Shurrup.” He wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you onto his body, grinning as you protest, laughing.

“Don’t play innocent - Hosea’s been telling me stories!”

“Ahh, don’t go listening to him. He spins stories for a living, and anyway I was a kid in most of them.”

“And the stories I’ve heard from Lenny?” you smirk, still fighting despite it proving futile with you laughing so much. He growls, peppering your exposed skin with kisses as you wrestle playfully.

You cry out when a flailing limb makes contact with one of your swollen breasts. Arthur immediately releases you, watching you with concern as you try to rub out the punch without swearing.

“Y’alright?”

“Fine,” you huff. “Just sensitive is all.”

“I’m sorry - shouldn’t be playing so rough with you when you’re… in the way tha’ you are.”

“It’s fine, Arthur,” you repeat firmly, staring him down. “I’m fine. You didn’t knock my stomach, so we’re fine. Like I said, I’m just sensitive.”

He hums doubtfully.

Following a shootout with the Pinkertons and the law in the middle of Valentine, Dutch had ordered the camp out of Horseshoe Overlook and ushered you south east into the state of Lemoyne. On the other side of Dewberry Creek, Arthur and Charles had scouted a hideout chistened Clemens Point. Arthur hadn’t been the keenest to tell you that story, but you had weaseled it out of him.

Micah had recommended the dried out river bed, but when Charles and Arthur had arrived to scout it, there was an abandoned camp nearby, complete with a dead body. Whilst trying to assess the location’s risk to a group of outlaws should they move in, Arthur had moved some crates to find a woman with her two children.

“I guess I saw you,” he mumbled sadly, avoiding eye contact. “An’ the mess I might leave you in one day.”

You rubbed his shoulder patiently. “What happened?”

“I told ‘em to go ‘cause we needed the land.”

You were confused by the guilt still plaguing him and told him so. With a heavy sigh, he described how the girl translated her mother - that their father had been kidnapped and how it took Charles insisting otherwise to convince him to go look.

“So it’s really thanks to him we found this place,” he says gesturing at the open space bordered with woodland and lake.

If anything, you prefer this new destination to Horseshoe Overlook, and not just for the absence of bad memories. You love the sense of freedom swimming gives you: how it makes you weightless, how easy it is to tilt your head back and listen to the low rumble of the earth and water. You also enjoy that the road is more than a stone’s throw away here. A wanderer would have to purposely go out of their way to discover the camp, to hear the noise or see the light of the campfires. Clemen’s Point made you feel safe, even with the occasional canoe sailing by with a wave.

The new location lifted everyone’s spirits. So much so, Dutch dragged Arthur and Hosea out fishing. They returned hours later - singing and surprisingly sober - with deputy badges and a boat load of fish. Whilst the shiny badge continues to earn Arthur a lot of gib from you and everyone else in camp, Dutch insists the news is beyond fantastic.

“We are inaugurated in the local law!” he cries during one of his many speeches. “Hiding in plain sight!”

Still tired and snacking throughout your waking hours, you are relieved to find your morning sickness has passed its peak. Whilst you feel like your veins are popping out of your skin, Arthur insists your stomach is beginning to curve. You accuse him of an overzealous imagination until you try (and fail) to button the jeans from your past life as an O’Driscoll and your shirts that still fasten offer little to no breathing room.

“Think a trip to town is in order.” You jut out your bottom lip, demonstrating the distance between the buttons and their corresponding holes as your lover looks on laughing.

“I think you might be right.” You don’t resist as his fingertips tilt your chin up to plant a kiss on your lips. “Let me go see if Pearson’s got a list and we’ll head out. Think they’ll do another couple hours?”

“Don’t really have a choice,” you grumble, stealing Arthur’s worn blue shirt from under the cot. You can hear Sadie and Pearson bickering even from the edge of camp, so it doesn’t surprise you when Arthur’s tone cuts through the noise.

“-ain’t cooking work?”

Looking over, you see Arthur has taken the expostulating Mrs Adler aside. You look away quickly - there’s no reason to ruin an acceptable day by agitating her enough to start shouting at you too. Her and Pearson have been at each other’s necks since she’s pulled herself out of the worst of her depression, almost as though he has become the target of her grief.

You focus your attention on preparing the cart. A trip to town means a trip for supplies, and with so many mouths to feed, horseback wasn’t a viable option.

"How are you, Miss?"

You turn around, surprised at being addressed directly by someone other than Arthur. Seeing Kieran’s familiar pastiness relaxes you a little. As an ex-O’Driscoll himself, you trusted him the most not to stab you after Arthur and the little boy, Jack.

"Fine," you reply flatly, brushing out the tangles of the shire’s mane.

"We ain't really had much time to talk since we was in Tall Trees a few months back, have we?" You hum in response, trying not to flash any amount of flesh by moving too much. The poor boy was skittish enough. He immediately begins to help you, being the horse fan he is.

"I never even suspected a thing, Miss,” he gushes. “So I bet you anything Ol' Colm won't have neither."

"So you two were close, huh?" You barely contain the sarcasm.

He shrugs off the question awkwardly. "Which feller was you again?"

"Well I must’ve been good if you have to ask." You feed the shire a carrot, avoiding eye contact. "I was Thomas," you admit quietly. The following silence is prolonged. Doubtful.

“Thomas Donoghue?” You shrug your shoulders. “So you were friends with Paeder then?”

“Peter?” You respond coolly. “Never knew him.”

He opens his mouth as if to argue, but Arthur is marching across camp, shouting back over his shoulder to Mrs Adler. Spooked, Kieran bolts to a safe distance, doing nothing but look on as Arthur helps you up onto the back of the cart.

Acknowledging you with a sneer, the other woman takes her place on the bench up front. “So I’ve graduated from choppin’ vegetables to shopping?”

“Shut your goddamn mouth…” grumbles Arthur, reins in hand as the cart moves off. You give Kieran a small, apologetic wave farewell, but it’s difficult to contain the relief of your companions’ timing. Paeder was a private matter, and one which you had no desire to discuss out loud. You’re sure the shaky man meant no harm, but some things were better buried.

“You cooled down then, yet?” Arthur asks the widow, distracting you from your thoughts.

“I guess,” she grumbles. “And I ain’t no scullion! And I sure as hell ain’t takin’ orders from that sweating halfwit!”

You can almost hear his eyes roll. “Well I guess we all gotta do our share, princess.”

“Where’s that letter?”

“Oh, you reading his mail now?”

Sadie throws him a dirty look. “Robbing and killing’s ok, but letter reading’s where we draw the line?”

You stifle a smirk as Arthur pulls it from the inside of his coat, knowing he’s been had. “Here.”

“Dear Aunt Cathy-”

“You are somethin’ else…”

“I haven’t heard from you in some time, so I prayed to the Lord above that your health has not deteriorated further… bla bla bla… s’boring… Oo! Wait a sec, listen to this! Since we last corresponded, I have travelled widely, making no small name for myself.” You all laugh out loud. “Before you ask, I am still yet to take a wife, but I can assure you it is not for lack of suitors.” Arthur barks out laughing again as Sadie giggles. “He ever actually talked to a woman he ain’t paid for?” she asks in disbelief.

“Look, we’re all hiding behind something.” Whilst his tone advises the limit of fun has been reached, the smile is still audible.

“And what’s this? Return to Tacitus Kilgore?”

“Oh that? That’s Dutch’s idea. All mail to be sent to the same alias. Whenever we set up somewhere new, Strauss, he heads into town, tells them to start expecting mail from a Tacitus Kilgore or whatever they changed it to… Here, gimme that back. We got work to do.”

You all sit quietly as the cart rolls into Rhodes. The locals watch you, wary of the unfamiliar faces, but you keep your head high. Strangers smell weakness. It’s better to come off aloof and avoid trouble than to present as vulnerable and be beaten down at every turn.

“Ok, here we are.”

“So what’s the plan?” Mrs Adler points a pistol at the side of the building, squeezing one eye shut as she gauges the iron sights. “I shoot the shopkeeper, while you-?”

“No! You insane?”

“Well I thought we was outlaws…?”

“Outlaws! Not idiots!" he hisses, pushing down the gun as he looks around for any witnesses. "We rob fools that rob other people! These people- they’re just tryna get by! So you head on in there, and you buy us some food to eat. And no guns.”

“Are you sure?”

“This time.” The two of you share a look again as he helps you down. “There’ll be plenty o’ time for killin’ soon enough.”

“What are you doin’?”

“I’m gonna go check the mail, nothin’ exciting.”

Sadie shrugs and saunters off. Arthur sighs and shakes his head, touching your arm. "You gonna be alright?"

"Here's hopin'."

"Any trouble, holler. Stay outta her way best you can though, alright?"

Knowing that his concern lies with your companion's open hatred for anything remotely O'Driscoll rather than your ability to defend yourself, you nod. Blowing him a cheeky kiss, he waves back at you with a grin as you enter the general store.

"-flour, oats, salt, eggs, apples if you have them..."

"Sure, not a problem,” responds the shopkeeper as he begins to gather the goods. “Big family, have you?"

"Somethin' like that." Mrs Adler barely spares you a glance as the titter of the doorbell announces your presence. "And you sell clothes?"

So Arthur had explained to her your purpose for the journey. You're flattered, if a little bewildered at this kind gesture. From the looks she’s been giving you, you’re surprised she has buried the hatchet of your past so quickly.

"We do. Not the widest range of ladies fashion, I'm afraid."

"That's alright. I'll look at everything you got."

"Of course, Mrs…?"

"Kilgore," she smirks, turning to bat her eyelids at you. You realise then that her request is completely unrelated to you. Why wouldn’t it be? You’re not the only person that has been swept into the Van der Linde gang with little more than what you were wearing on your back. From Arthur’s story, she escaped with nothing more than her wedding ring and her nightclothes, so it’s only natural that she is also in need of a new wardrobe. "What? You don't even trust me to handle the shopping by myself?"

"You're not the only one in need of new clothes, Mrs Ad- Kilgore." You force a polite smile at the sales clerk whilst Mrs Adler browses the shelves dully. "What are the biggest sizes you have in stock? Any maternity wear by chance?"

"Ain't many women round here makin' babies," he sighs, pulling out a few options. You can feel Sadie's eyes burning past you at the pile. "You're best tryin' Saint Denis or ordering outta the catalogue. There's a tailor in Blackwater I heard is pretty good for that sorta thing, but it's quite the journey-"

"Too far for me, I fear." You flick through the pages as Mrs Adler leaves to try a few things on from the pile in front of you. Writing a quick list with estimated sizing, you purchase the largest button up shirt and skirt for sale. The trousers will have to wait for another day - you know investing twenty dollars in a pair that you'll breach the waistline of in a matter of weeks is a luxury you can't especially afford right now.

Mrs Adler on the other hand spares little expense with a sturdy pair of jeans. Finally out of the cumbersome skirts, her whole character changes and suddenly you feel the same pit of dread you did when faced with a full camp of spitting Van der Lindes all those weeks ago.

Intimidated, you step outside whilst she settles the bill. You take a short wander up the main road, taking in the familiar buildings with apathy. Who would have thought you would end up here again? Now you’re not so apprehensive about your life span, you can see how rundown this dusty crumbling town is. The few shops that are open have seen better days, and the best kept building is the bank. You feel your skin crawl as you spot the large parlour houses on the horizon. Of course this place is struggling to survive - anywhere that profited from slave labour deserved to rot. Part of you hopes it’s slow perilous march to abandonment continues: it would be disappointingly merciful to see a place be lost to one good shoot out.

“I’ve birthed foals with more strength than you!” Mrs Adler’s cursing sinks your stomach as you navigate your way back to the store where a man is helping her load the cart. “Hell, my sister’s newborn had more strength than you and he came out bright blue!”

“I’m trying.”

“Try harder!”

Spotting Arthur, who is strolling back himself, fills you with relief. The shopkeeper walks back to the porch, checking the list before walking back. “I think this is everything,” he says, swinging the sack of salt on the cart.

“Thanks… here, take that for yourself, okay.” She flicks a silver coin and he catches it out of the air, scowling.

“Thanks,” he spits.

“Well, give it back then! Jesus! I didn’t ask for his goddamn help..." She pushes the sack on more securely to stop it rolling off when the cart moves. “OK, get on. I’m about done here.”

“Why don’t you drive?” suggests Arthur coolly after making sure you’re sat safely amongst the supplies. “C’mon lady, get a move on.”

She scowls as she takes the reins. “I like Sadie, not lady.”

“I know. So you get everything?”

“I think so.”

“And some… new clothes, I see?”

“Don’t start,” she sighs, the heat returning to her voice. “I can wear what I damn well want. Like I told you, my husband and I shared all the work. I wasn’t some little wife with a flower in her hair baking cherry pies all day.”

“Yeah, I don’t doubt that. You sure look the part now. Won’t be long before you’re smoking cigars and playin’ the harmonica.”

“I’ll have you know I used to love playing the harmonica before… well… my house and everything I owned got burned to the ground.”

“I know... I’m real sorry. About what you… you know. Maybe I’ll keep my eye out for another one.”

“I don’t want no pity,” she snaps. “Just… treat me equal and know… nobody’s taking nothing from me ever again.”

Arthur hums in comradery. “Just don’t kill the camp cook…”

A horse gallops up alongside you. “Hey there! What are you folks up to?”

“Just heading home,” says Arthur casually, adding a quiet “keep it cool, Sadie”.

“You’re in Lemoyne Raider country. You need to pay a toll to pass through here.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?” The hairs on the back of your neck prickle at the anticipation of conflict. You realise with a sinking stomach that you’re completely unarmed. “How about you pull over right now?”

“Pull over?” he repeats incredulously. Your eyes scan the bags and boxes around you. There has to be something here that can double as a weapon of some kind.

“That’s what I said.”

“Hey!” calls Sadie coolly. “How’s about this?”

A pistol cracks and the Lemoyne Raider cries out in pain. She ushers the horses on with a Go, go, go! as Arthur stands up, drawing his revolvers and firing. You duck down as bullets fly over your head, your hands scrambling for anything that could be of use.

“What the hell was that?” cries Arthur furiously.

“They was gonna rob us!”

“A new pair of pants and you think you’re Landon Ricketts!” He curses loudly as more men run out in the road ahead.

“I’m gonna run this son of a bitch down!” she shouts, pulling the wagon over one raider and off the road.

“Well you wanted to see some action, lady, now you got your wish!” Arthur slings his longarm from his back and shoves it in your direction as he continues to fire. You can see more men coming out from between the trees and you take aim, knocking them down one by one as Arthur clips off any extras over your head.

“You alright there, Sadie?” you shout over the gunfire. Arthur is still firing behind you, but she’s out of your line of sight from where you’re crouched behind sacks of grain.

“Of course! You think I can’t handle these fools?” You don’t retaliate and you can almost hear her voice aim at Arthur. “Told you I could shoot a gun, didn’t I?”

“I don’t remember asking you to prove it,” he grunts, tossing you extra ammo just in case. The last bastard is fleeing south down the dirt track. You take aim, but he’s out of range.

“Yeah you run, you goddamn coward!” screams Sadie before taking a steadying breath. “I think we’re good here. Nice shooting. I’ll drive us back-”

“No! Pass those reins here!”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve caused enough trouble already.”

She doesn’t find grounds to argue, instead looking back at you, her face straight and unreadable. “We showed those bastards, huh?”

“Remind me not to get on your bad side,” Arthur scowls.

“They was clearly plannin’ to bushwhack us!” she argues, facing forward again.

“You did good, but that’s a lotta mess to make near camp. Hope it don’t bring anyone sniffin’ around.”

“Are you gonna tell Dutch?” she asks mockingly.

“Maybe… if he asks. But, maybe not.”

“So who did they say they were? Lemoyne Raiders?”

“Yeah, somethin’ like that. Who knows… Anyway, don’t you go ribbing Pearson about that letter.”

“How dare you? I wouldn’t dream of it!”

“Riiight, you wouldn’t…”

“I have travelled widely, making no small name of myself…”

Arthur laughs. “I won’t be giving you no mail to post any time soon, that’s for sure.”

She chuckles too. “I just wanna peak in that journal of yours. The mind boggles.”

“Not a chance…”

“You didn’t get yourself killed then, Miss Adler?” calls Pearson, strolling over smugly as Arthur pulls up near the horse station.

“Not quite,” she responds truthfully.

“Well, I’d like to say I missed your refined conversations, but I’d be lying.”

She accepts the box shoved into her chest without complaint. “I… I enjoyed myself out there.”

“Yes, we err… Mrs Adler did ok!” He holds up his arms and lifts you down gently by your waist.

“At shopping?”

“Yes, at shoppin’...”

The double meaning doesn’t go unrecognised by Sadie who thanks him with genuine gratitude.

“Don’t mention it. I would ride with you again, Mrs Adler, if you will ride with me.”

“Maybe,” she laughs. “If you prove you can handle yourself.”

“Well, they say I lack finesse, but I ain’t afraid of gun smoke.”

“We got this, Arthur. You’ve already done me a big favour today.” Turning to you with a smile, Arthur accepts the repeater you proffer. It’s best to remain unarmed for now - there’s no need to risk one of your lesser fans finding an excuse to regard you as a threat. “Okay, Miss High and Mighty. And… nice pants by the way.”

“You okay there, Y/N?” He wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you in close to his side. “You manage to find something too?”

“Just about,” you admit. “Had to put in an order. How long do you think we’ll be around here for?”

“Until we can’t most likely. Everything alright? They didn’t catch you or nothin’, did they?”

“Of course not, Arthur.” Your weak smile is genuine and heartfelt at his concern. “I’m not above shouting when I’m shot.”

“‘Course not.” He rubs your back, leading you back to your shared tent. “You gonna try them on, or what?”

“Nah, I figure I might as well make the most of still being able to fit in this stuff, even if it’s only for a few more days.”

He laughs, pulling you into a big hug. “Fair enough.”

From under his arm, you spot the rousing attention of Herr Strauss nearby. You nudge him in warning, but it’s too late.

“Ah, Herr Morgan! How are you enjoying yourself out here?”

“Well enough, I guess,” he replies gruffly. “And you?”

“Well, it turns out the pursuit of freedom is not a cheap business. Not for us, and not for some of the locals.”

“Sharking, already?”

“I prefer to call it banking.”

“You ain’t the one handing out the beatings,” snarls Arthur.

“No, but I am the one feeding the women and children in the camp,” he retorts. “What choice do we have, Mr Morgan?”

Arthur sighs. “Ah, I don’t know. Well, come on then! Tell me who…”

You stop listening as Strauss reads off a list of names, and only tune back in to hear Arthur ask how many he expects to be able to pay.

“With enough encouragement, both of them!” he chuckles, his black eyes twinkling from behind the round spectacles.

Sighing, Arthur returns to where you’re sat on the camp bed. “I’m sorry, darlin’. I’d best be gettin’ on.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You stand up to kiss him. “The gang comes first.”

He grimaces at that, but doesn’t dispute it. You give him another kiss for good luck and wave him out camp before dropping the flaps, not missing the glare of bitterness from Sadie across camp.

[dongboner2999]

Strangers ch. 42

Yoongi confronts your attacker, and you awaken from one nightmare into another.

Pairing: Idol!Yoongi x Actress!Reader

Word count: 1.9k

Genre: fluff, angst, idfk

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“What? Who the fuck are you? Get out of my house before I call the police!” The redhead reaches for the door in an attempt to close it, but Yoongi’s hold is too strong. He’s been waiting for this moment for two weeks– and he won’t let the opportunity slip away.

“You don’t know me, Seoyeon? And here I thought you were a fan.” With his free hand, Yoongi reaches up and pulls down his mask. Seoyeon’s sneer falls in an instant, replaced with the look of utter shock and adoration that Yoongi knows so well.

“Yoon-Suga? Wait, oh- oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my-” Seoyeon’s eyes roll up into her head and she keels over backwards, hitting the floor with a heavy thump. 

Well, that was quick. Y/n fainted too, Yoongi remembers, when she first saw him. Looking at the fallen girl, part of Yoongi wants to feel sympathy for her. After all, she’s a fan. 

But then he remembers Y/n shaking as she told Yoongi what the woman in front of him had done to her. He remembers every time he saw his friend flinch at a light breeze, the tremor in her voice when she explained that scar on her leg, and his own fear at finding Y/n’s bloody coat in the river.

All because of her. And so Yoongi lets himself into the house, quietly closing the door behind him as he waits for her to wake up. 

It had taken D two weeks to find Kang Seoyeon’s name and address from nothing more than the photo Yoongi had gotten off of Lisa’s laptop. Only now, as he stares at the woman’s motionless frame, Yoongi wonders if she really could have been capable of hurting Y/n like that. She’s pretty, petite, and vaguely reminds Yoongi of a pixie. 

Another minute passes before Seoyeon begins to shift groggily. “Wha…”

“I’m not helping you up,” Yoongi says shortly.

Seoyeon’s head snaps up, her piercing eyes capturing Yoongi’s own. “Suga. Suga! It really wasn’t a dream?” She scrambles to her feet, reaching forward, and Yoongi suddenly feels as though he’s about to be eaten alive.

“I knew it,” Seoyeon whispers reverently. “Cap said you’d come to me. We’re meant to be.”

Y/n’s right– she’s psycho.

Yoongi feels darkness pooling in his heart, and loathing bubbling to the surface. “I don’t care what you think is meant to be. But there’s someone I do care about– and you deserve to rot in prison for what you did to her.”

“I- what… oh!” Seoyeon lowers her arms, an eerie smile growing on her face, much too wide to seem genuine. “You mean Y/n?”

Yoongi growls– a low, animalistic rumble– as he takes a step closer. “You tried to kill her.”

“But- ah,” Seoyeon seems to wince at the cold fury in his voice. Good. “I did it to protect you! Y/n thinks you belong to her, but you don’t!” Faster than Yoongi can react, Seoyeon’s hands shoot out and grab Yoongi’s shoulders with a grip forceful enough to hurt, the smile never leaving her face. “You belong to me, to us, Suga! To ARMYs!”

Shit. She’s stronger than he expected. But perhaps… 

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” Yoongi says, lacing a note of authority into his tone. Unbelievably, Seoyeon’s grip loosens, and Yoongi uses the opportunity to push her hands away from him. 

I don’t belong to anyone,” Yoongi continues forcefully, watching Seoyeon seem to shrink before him. “And nothing gives you the right to hurt her!”

Seoyeon pauses, and the house is dead silent for an eternal minute. “Nothing?” She begins snickering– quietly at first, but soon enough she doubles over with laughter. “You really don’t know what’s going to happen to your pretty little girlfriend, do you?”

It’s as though Yoongi’s blood has turned to ice. “What?”

“Ooh, you don’t know! Well, Cap said not to say…” Seoyeon pretends to think. 

Yoongi grinds his teeth together in frustration; he knows he’s being baited, but if Y/n’s in danger… “Tell me.”

Seoyeon’s eyes are blown out as she stares at Yoongi, licking her lips. “I’d consider it a favor. I’d be willing to do you a lot of favors, you know. I’m… very good at favors.”

Yoongi’s stomach lurches. He doesn’t want to know what Seoyeon would do to him. “Don’t give me more reasons to call the cops. I could have you arrested.”

Seoyeon laughs again. “For what?”

“Attempted murder isn’t enough?” Yoongi fires back. “You nearly killed Y/n, you bi-”

“There’s no evidence. No one saw anything– I’m untouchable.” Seoyeon advances menacingly. “But you know who isn’t? Y/n.”

Yoongi opens his mouth to– he’s not sure; Question? Yell? Threaten?– when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He winces, unwilling to tear his eyes from the predator before him. Still, it could be Y/n– and Yoongi’s been worrying over her condition. He places himself between Seoyeon and the door before answering his phone, eyes never leaving hers.

“Yes?”

“Yo, Gloss, that girl you got me tracking down with the shitty dye job?”

Oh, it’s just his old friend. “D, I’m busy, let me call you later.”

“Nah, man, you gotta hear this. You’re gonna like it.”

Seoyeon stands motionless before him. Yoongi’s time before his driver bursts in is almost up and he hasn’t gotten a confession. “Fine. What is it?”

“Remember that photo of you and your girl that went viral a while back?”

How could he forget? The infamous picture from that night got him and Y/n into the whole publicity mess and changed their relationship forever. 

“I was tracking Seoyeon’s IP address and digging through her socials… dude, the original photo came from one of her accounts.”

Yoongi’s blood turns to ice as D continues: “A bunch of these ARMY girls have backup accounts, and this one’s hers. You’ve got a stalker, my man.”

Could it be true? Had Kang Seoyeon followed Yoongi to the hospital and found Y/n? Were her injuries and trauma his fault?

Yoongi swallows, feeling the wave of anxiety almost drown him before he pushes it away. Not now. 

“Thanks for letting me know,” he manages.

“No worries. Yo, what’s wrong? Are you-” Beep. Yoongi hangs up and shoves the phone into his pocket. “Now, where were we? Oh, right. You were going to tell me everything you know about Y/n and anyone that could hurt her.”

Seoyeon laughs, a pitched, wild noise. “Excuse me? Who said I’d tell you anything?”

Yoongi barely has to lean forward until he’s so close that Seoyeon needs to tilt her head up to look at him. “I did.”

Yoongi can hear her breath catch, practically seeing the wheels turning in her head. If she’s truly as obsessive as he thinks she is… 

After a pause, Seoyeon grins. “Fine. Cap’s gonna hate me, but fine. I’ll tell you everything, and just in case you think I’m bullshitting, I’ll show you I mean business… for a price.”

Yoongi blinks. Is she bluffing? Could Y/n really be in danger? Am I in danger too?

“So? What’ll it be?”

Y/n. It’s for Y/n. But is it worth it?

~~~

“Help! Help me!” A garbled, genderless voice yells.

“I’m trying!” You cry, running through the empty streets. The voice echoes around every corner. “Tell me where you are! I don’t know how to help you!”Suddenly you trip, falling hard. The pavement has turned into your bed, your legs tangled in the sheets.

“No one needs help from a traitor,” the same voice says from inside your head. “A liar.”

You struggle to rise, but your mattress seems to envelop you, pulling you in, and instead of soft sheets and down you’re surrounded by ice, unable to find purchase.

“I’m not a liar!” You scream, scrabbling for grip as the ice rises past your shoulders. Goosebumps erupt on your flesh and you begin shivering violently, the only movement the ice will allow. “T-t-tell me ho-w to f-find you!”

“Find me?” The ice finishes swallowing you whole, the gaping chasm closing above your head. You know you shouldn’t be able to breathe but your chest still rises and falls with the desperate action. “All you have to do… is look in a mirror.” The ice beneath your feet disappears and you’re dropped into the yawning darkness. You blink and the area is suddenly flooded with light. You’re in a jail cell, empty except for a large mirror. You feel something dry and sweet in your mouth, and when you glance at the mirror… 

Lisa stares back at you, a pastry between her teeth. You spit it out, reaching forward. Lisa mirrors you, her hand outstretched.

“Where are you?” You murmur, watching as your words escape Lisa’s mouth. Suddenly her lips in the mirror curl into a smirk.

“I’m right in front of you. I always have been.”

“No!” Your eyes fly open, your heart thundering. You clutch at your chest, feeling as though the hand is holding your very being from falling to pieces. Fumbling for your phone, you wince at the bright screen before noticing the time. 4:00– well, it’s longer than you’ve managed to sleep all week. You groan at yet another nightmare, falling back onto your pillow with a sense of defeat. You hate this fear within you, but what can you do? Lisa’s gone and the redhead may have gotten to her. The detective told you not to worry, but how can you not worry? And now your mom is cutting you off, and you might have to drop out, and Lisa is gone, and it seems like the only constant left in your life is Yoongi.

Yoongi. You chuckle hollowly, falling back onto your pillow. He’s the least consistent person you know, but at least he’s always been there for you.

Ignoring your stomach’s rumbling protests, you close your eyes and turn over, praying sleep takes you again.

And take you it does– sweet, dreamless sleep captures you and when you blearily awake again it’s with sunlight streaming through your windows. It must be late in the morning already. Your phone buzzes obnoxiously with what sound like dozens of notifications.

Maybe I should just delete Twitter, you muse defeatedly as you flip over your phone, scrolling mindlessly through your mentions. Right away, you notice something strange:

@bangtan_thotyeondan: yo I hated on @yourname at first but tbh that was a brutal move by #SUGA :(

@armyteez23: I told @queerqueen this would happen! @yourname deserves better umu

@captainkookie21: I told you @BTS_twt @yourname

@dduddudude: Y’all feeling bad for @yourname when the bitch had it coming all along

@bangtan-news: (1/3)BREAKING! #SUGA announces the relationship with @yourname is OVER! A thread:

@bangtan-news: (2/3)In an exclusive interview, #SUGA discussed the break from @yourname and his new girlfriend, @seoyeonnie-loves-bts! 

@bangtan-news: (3/3) @yourname has not released a statement on the situation. Stay tuned!

Your jaw drops. The relationship is over? New girlfriend? What... what happened? You click on the linked profile and check @seoyeonnie-loves-bts’s most recent post– it’s just a photo with a heart caption.

You suddenly feel sick. The- it- it’s… 

“You.” You whisper, all blood draining from your face. “You. And…”

The photo is of a beautiful redheaded girl. Her. She’s beaming, fingers interlaced with those of a very familiar man. 

You stare into Yoongi’s eyes in the photo, trying desperately to see something that isn’t there. You struggle for a second to form words, barely able to breathe. “You.”

[asgardianthot]

Flesh And Bones – Part 10 (End)

Sam/Bucky Soulmate AU

Series Masterlist

A/N: I can’t believe this is over? It took me a while, but I made sure I was happy with every chapter and I think I love how this story turned out. I’m emotional, don’t mind me, this series meant a lot to me so I will be weeping in a corner from now on. Please enjoy, and thank you so so so so so so much for reading, from the bottom of my heart.

Warnings: mentions of suicide

Words: 2739

Bucky woke up surrounded by a sense of warmth. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was Sam’s face, sleeping next to him with pouty lips resting against the back of his hand. he was sleeping on his belly rather adorably, and as Bucky contemplated him with amazement, the events that led them there came back to his mind. The discomfort in his chest made him remember the shot wound he had received from the rogue Hydra agents he had killed. The wound wasn’t anything he hadn’t endured before, physically speaking, so he wasn’t in too much pain.

As much as he could have spent the following minutes focusing on remembering how he found his way back to Sam, Bucky was too hypnotized by the man’s peacefulness. He ran a finger across Sam’s cheekbones, and the latter responded by opening one eye. It took him a few seconds to fully come back to earth, then he ran a hand down his face to rub the sleepiness away.

"Hey." Sam mumbled.

"Tell me I didn't just faint.” Bucky pleaded jokingly, yet found a confirming smirk on Sam’s face and let out a defeated groan, “God, that's embarrassing."

Sam propped himself up on his elbows and lied back against the bedframe in order to accommodate the both of them. He helped Bucky ease into his torso, handling him with extreme care until the brunette head rested on Sam’s chest.

"Your adrenaline wore out when you found out I was okay.” Sam explained with deep fondness, dropping a kiss to his head, “You moron."

Bucky recalled the events. Sam was so worried, while he was so confused as to why the wound hadn’t affected Sam.

"Told you I healed fast." Bucky flaunted with a bit of a smug.

Sam smiled, "That, you did."

"What about-?"

"Nat's taking care of it.” he interrupted his partner before he could struggle to find the words, “Aside from you, it went pretty well.”

As a matter of fact, a lot of the agents they tracked down had gotten away, but the team gathered a bunch of information and arrested many people willing to rat each other out. Just as predicted, Hydra wasn’t what it used to be; they were barely surviving, so, cut off one head and the guy watching will desert to save his own. Sam, on his part, was usually more of a merciful man, and he didn’t enjoy the hero talk, nor the morality of the gig. He didn’t pretend to have all the answers. But when it came to Hydra, it was a lot more personal. He became more relentless. Therefore, after seeing the organization who broke Bucky for seventy years shoot him, he wished for nothing but pain and jail for them. He hoped, deep in his bones, that every agent in that base got what they deserved.

However, right there in bed, with Bucky safe and sound, and in his arms, he was able to let go of that hatred. Because nothing mattered more than Bucky at that very moment. He forgot all about the raid, and the information procedures Natasha was supervising, and he just held Bucky.

"No one's ever cared so much about me, Buck." He admitted.

What Sam couldn’t go past was the fact that Bucky was dying, and still the only thing he cared about was Sam’s ghost pain.

"They should." Bucky stated easily.

"I mean… I'm usually the one taking bullets."

"My point exactly.��� Bucky raised his voice a bit, and crooked his neck so he could look up at Sam’s face with seriousness, “I want you safe. I know you can take care of yourself a whole lot better than I do, but... If I gotta take another bullet, it'd be for you. And I'd be praying you didn't feel it."

Sam couldn’t even fight back. If Bucky was willing to put himself out there for him, then Sam couldn’t stop him. After all, partners take bullets for each other, and they were so much more than just partners. Perhaps, one day ago, Sam would have rejected the idea. He would have told Bucky he was being senseless and reckless, but now, he understood. He would do anything for Bucky, too. This time, all he thought about was how immensely lucky he was for having Bucky in his life.

"You know I love you, right?" Sam asked like he was deeply worried that Barnes might not know.

Bucky smiled up at him playfully, "You're my soulmate."

"Yeah, but besides.” Sam continued, giving Barnes love-eyes, “I think I'd have fallen for you even without the bond."

Bucky reveled in how pretty that sounded, and contemplated the thought.

"Yeah, me too.” He concluded.

The injured man stretched up his body to plant a kiss onto Wilson’s lips, yet the second they met, he felt the pain in his torso. He winced with discomfort, but also with embarrassment at the realization of what a bad idea that was.

“That was so stupid.” Sam mocked him although there was nothing but sweetness in his tone.

Over all, he was amazed by how much he loved that idiot. Bucky, on his part, laughed at himself and lied back on Sam’s chest.

“Let’s forget I did that.” He proposed after groaning with the movement, “Good thing you can’t feel that anymore.”

“You think it’s for good?” Sam wondered, tiptoeing around the topic that had been just brought up, “Like Tony said, the physical bond’s over?”

Barnes thought long and hard, but he couldn’t come up with any factor that would confirm that theory entirely. He didn’t know why the bond would cease now, of all times; perhaps because they needed it to cease in that base. Perhaps because they truly controlled it all along and just managed to do it willingly. Perhaps it was a random event, or perhaps merely a one-time thing.

“Maybe.” He said truthfully, “I think we got this under control, so whatever happens…”

Sam filled in the silence, “We got this.”

“Yeah.”

-

After the proper amount of time, Bucky’s flesh healed completely, and Sam took the opportunity to incentive him to go outside more. It started out as a midnight walk, a trip to buy donuts –which became a discussion about whether or not that was a date-, and ended as a jog in the park. The latter, however, wasn’t too enjoyable for Bucky, but it got him to love running with Sam, so they agreed on jogging at night every once in a while.

That was the scenario, both of them in sweats and jogging side-to-side throughout the empty bride. It was perfect, having that as a couple, while being away from the public eye for the most part. This time, unfortunately, there was a dreadful surprise on the edge of the bridge.

Usually, Bucky forced himself to ignore the bystanders, hopefully becoming invisible to them, but this specific person came too fast and too strong into the couple’s peripheral vision: they were standing on the high edge, staring down.

It didn’t take a single more second for the heroes to react. When he got closer, Sam stopped on his tracks to avoid startling the jumper, meanwhile Bucky, lacking much social tact, ran towards her decisively.

"Hey, hey, get back down." He commanded her, struggling to conceal his desperation.

He looked up at her and saw a frightened young girl, crying her eyes out as she contemplated her next step.  He stretched out his hand to her tentatively, and as much as he wanted to grab her arm and yank her away from the edge, he figured that could possibly make it all worse.

"Don't.” He pleaded, “Don't do it."

All he could think about is that she seemed too young to give up, whatever reason it was that drew her to that decision. She had so many years ahead of her to turn her life around, he found it hard to believe that she would even think about ending it for good.

"Please, just leave." She sobbed, missing eye contact.

"I won't until you get down from there.” Bucky raised his voice to a more stern demand, “If you try to jump, I'll stop you."

The threat brought more sobbing to the girl, who covered her face with her hands and trembled into them.

"Why, cause I got my whole life ahead of me?” she yelled with rage, “My soulmate died. She's not getting a second chance at life, I'm not getting a second chance!”

Barnes took a sharp breath and approached her slowly.

"I'm sorry." He expressed genuinely.

The girl looked down at him and for a second, Bucky saw something in her face, like she recognized who he was, but didn’t say anything. She simply shrugged it off and looked down again.

"Why would I live an entire life without a soulmate?" she asked barely above a whisper.

"You don't know that for sure."

"Yes, I do!” she burst once again, “She was the one, now I'm alone forever!"

"No, it doesn't work like that.” Bucky said firmly, finally captivating her silent attention, “The bond... it makes no sense, at all. Don't make a choice like- don't make any choice based on that, ‘cause nothing's for sure."

The way he spoke made it sound like his opinion on the bond hadn’t changed from that day before he found out he had a soulmate; he wasn’t a fan, and the technicalities of it never made any more sense to him, not even after going through one himself. His tone, however, convinced the girl a little. She looked behind Bucky and found Sam standing there, keeping his distance from the tense scene, with a cellphone in hand and expectancy written all over his body. He was frozen, and trusting Bucky to be capable of saving her all by himself.

She sniffled and returned her glance to her savior, "How do you know?"

"Cause it didn't make any sense for me either.” He confessed like he was letting go of a weight from his chest, “At any point. And yet, here we are."

The word ‘we’ made her glance at Sam one more time. This time, when Bucky offered his hand, the girl took it, and as she cautiously stepped down from the edge, Bucky shot a quick glance for Sam to make the call. She didn’t need the Avengers, she needed 911 and her parents.

-

She was taking off the blanket the ambulance gave her, when her mother, who ran to hug her hysterically when she showed up, began guiding her to the car. The last thing Sam and Bucky saw of the survivor was a jacket being wrapped over her shoulders and a car door being closed. The pair remained there, sitting on a bench in waits of the girl to be driven home, safely.

"You did really well." Sam spoke finally, the second their job there was done.

Barnes ran a hand down his face, exhaustedly.

"You think so?" he mumbled.

Sam pressed a kiss to his temple, "I think you're ready to be a hero again."

Bucky let out a soft laugh, matching Wilson’s proud smile.

"I didn't know this was on the contract of being an Avenger." Bucky joked.

"It's not. That's why you're better than an Avenger."

The words hit Bucky, and all he could think about is that being an Avenger wasn’t his ultimate goal. His role model wasn’t Steve, nor Wanda, no matter how much he admired them; the person he thrived to be like more than anything was Samuel Wilson.

Before the bond, before everything, any time Sam would come back from his jog at the park with a gloomy face and tell whoever was in the common area that yet another desperate soul had injured themselves in front of him, Barnes would listen. He would see the disappointment in Sam’s eyes when he said he didn’t get to the stranger in time, and Bucky wouldn’t understand why Sam thought avoiding self-inflicted physical harm was more important than calming them down afterwards. Eventually, he understood Sam viewed the talks and advice and comfort as the least he could do, because that was who he was: a sensitive, responsible hero.

"You do these kinds of things all the time.” Bucky remarked, “At the park. You reach to people."

As a matter of fact, Sam had reached him. And in the end, Bucky thrived to be like Sam, because in his eyes, Wilson -and not the Falcon- was the biggest hero the world had ever had, and everyone should want to be just a little more like him. But Sam, he believed it had been Bucky who really reached out, in his own unique way.

He sensed the warmth of heart coming from his partner, and his tummy did a small flip.

"You're about to say something real cheesy, aren't you?" he teased Bucky.

The appellee grinned, "Maybe."

As much as Wilson pretended to be too manly for cheesiness, hearing Bucky’s sweetened words awakened something in him he didn’t think he could enjoy. So he nodded, truly expectant for the ‘cheesiness’.

"Go ahead."

Bucky shook his head and looked down at his feet.

"No, I was just thinking... how you're, you know... I wouldn't have done these things without you.” Barnes admitted, a little shameful, but making sure he sounded confident in his declaration, “Taking care o' myself, getting out of the compound... shit, saving someone."

Sam took in the compliment, yet humbly as ever.

"You just needed a little push.” He nudged his partner’s shoulder minimally.

"Or a hero.” Bucky corrected him, this time staring right into Sam’s eyes, “For me to look up to."

Somehow, the thought of Barnes seeing him as a role model made Sam crumble. It made him feel so wonderfully loved, because in his eyes, the strongest, most resilient person on earth was still that man sitting next to him. And finally, he internalized the utopic notion of being adored by the person he adored, which he had to force himself to accept as a reality. He was his hero’s hero.

"You and me, both." Sam replied with devoted eyes.

Sitting on that bench, and slowly beginning to cuddle closer to the other as the chilly night air caught up to their bodies, both of them felt the particular adrenaline rush that one feels when contemplating the fragility of one’s heart. Usually, when a heart is so drawn to another, the poor thing hangs by a thread of futile stability; if the other person leaves, said heart would crumble into pieces, and it is precisely that fear that sinks into the intensity of romance. It is what we call being terrified of losing a loved one.

However, moments later, as if they could sense the other’s soul and connect through them, they both settled into a peaceful sensation as they remembered that if all went well, they would be together forever. That was the whole point, right? The mutual understanding. The bond. The fact that, even though their flesh was no longer sewed together, they still had each other’s names carved into their bones.

In the end, pain is still such human extravaganza. Nobody does aching from love, or the lack of it, better than humans. The pain parade of romance is something so deeply rooted into the dumbest parts of our brains, that that must be the reason behind soulmates. So, indeed, it is only logical for such a cruel universe to bond love and pain so tightly. But it is also a vital human necessity to turn that pain into something beautiful. Something comfortably joyful. Something easy.

Because no matter how difficult loving can be, it is such a human trait to turn that same love into something soothing.

At first it comes like a tingle, a small pinch or even the ghost sensation of a scratch, and hopefully, it transforms into a healing factor. Something like a comforting hug, or a little push. Some needed and given bit of space, a little blind faith, an honest talk, a first-aid kit, or even a box of donuts to replace unspoken words. That is all we have, after all, and it is who we are: comfort, warmth, and human connection. Without it, all we would have left of existence would be pain, and flesh, and bones.