#genuinely cannot believe that this has been in my drafts for a year and a half but I digress

[sbd-laytall]

Some miscellaneous panels about what it means to be a hero.

Amazing Spider-Man (1963) #50, Ms. Marvel (2014) #5, Daredevil: The Man Without Fear (1993) #4, Batman (2011) #32, Daredevil (1964) #13, Adventures Of Superman (1987) #505

[cheeseceli]

Skz meeting a pretty fan

Pairing: Ot8!skz × Gn!reader (individually)

Genre: fluff, just a tiny little bit of angst, headcanons

Description: their reaction to meeting a pretty fan during a fan meeting

Warnings: kind of love at first sight trope, delusional, some of them are dramatic, they are all idols, not proofread

A/n: the way it's been over a year that this has been in my drafts | daily click

Bang Chan

He was kinda of tired already so he was zoning out

When he sees you he is like "...oh"

He is so invested in your conversation

If you comment about the production behind the music he will be so happy

Genuinely loves when someone acknowledges his work so his eyes will shine and he will smile so hard while explaining everything to you

He is upset when you need to move on to the next member

Sees you laughing with the other members and he's like 🤨

Wonders what they did that managed to make you laugh that much

Lee Know

He would stare at you

You know when his mouth is open and you can see his eyes shining?

Yeah, that's him right now

You say hello and he would give you his nervous laugh before looking at you again with those stary eyes

I swear he is such a softie

Would listen to every single word that you say, you can tell he is paying so much attention

Autographs something for you and makes a funny drawing as well hoping you'd laugh

Side eyes the staff when they say the time is up

Even when you move to the next member and other fan is talking to him, he would still look at your direction sometimes and get so flustered if you catch him looking at you

Changbin

Starts small talk right away

Will 100% compliment you

You ask him an autograph and he wonders how bad would it be if he gave you his number instead

Like he knows he cannot do that

But maybe if he was sneaky enough...

Doesn't do it by the end but he low-key regrets it for the rest of his life

He will wake up one day after five years and be like "damn I should've given them my number"

And he will make that everyone's problem

The boys can't stand it anymore because they've heard enough about you by now 😭

Convinces himself that he will see you again one day

Hyunjin

He sees you before you see him, so he is panicking

Is looking at the line all the time wondering if you will want to talk to him

Asks han if his hair looks good before it's your turn to talk to him

No but fr, he can't take his eyes off you

When you start talking he is like 😯

You look and sound like an angel, he must be in heaven

Even after the fan meeting he can't stop thinking about you

If he's feeling bold enough, he will definitely flirt with you

Low-key forgot he was an idol and was ready to risk it all for you

Han

Might believe in love at first sight after your meeting

Compliment him once and he will get so shy

Like sir, weren't you the one flirting like two seconds ago🤨

Would feel so betrayed if he isn't your bias LMAO

He has like a minute and a half to convince you he's the best stray kids member and he WILL try that

And he hopes that someone will record his flirty antics and post it on tiktok just so he can find your socials

He will make all the boys stalk the internet to try to find you

"but you can't contact them even if you find their account, so what's the point?" idk bro but he wants to see you again somehow

Felix

SUCH A FLIRT

The moment he looks at you he is already trying to win your heart

Kinda forgot he was an idol pt.2

Except he didn't forget

He just doesn't care

He wants to flirt with you and that's precisely what he will do

Will even flirt through his autograph if he can

Uses any kind of excuse to make physical contact with you ✨

And side eyes the staff when they tell him it's time to move on

Like no it's not??

Seungmin

Actually pretty good at hiding his new crush??

The most normal one out here surprisingly lol

He will be able to cover it up as just "good mood" but let's be for real

It's because of you

Anyways

Will smile so much

If you compliment his smile (please do!) he will get shy but so so happy

Also steals glances when you go to the next member

He'll be talking to the next fan but ends up laughing because of something he heard you say to another one of the boys

The fan is like ?? but Seungmin is able to play it off

I.N

So dedicated to give you a good impression

If you tell him your favourite skz song is one of his solos (or that your favourite has that title because of his vocals) this man is in heaven

Forgot he was an idol pt.3 except he didn't forget

He just lowkey very lowkey didn't want to be an idol in that exact moment

Had it been on any normal occasion he would probably try to charm you over

But this was his job

He couldn't possibly get delulu over a fan 😭 although he was already midway to that

Ends up covering a song you said you thought would fit his voice

Sees the comments of the cover wondering each one of those were yours

Masterlist | you'll probably like: unrequited love

Reminder that this is all fiction, this does not represent the members in real life!

Taglist (open!): @yuyubeans @dandelions-143 @sleepyleeji @jinnie-ret @sheraayasherrecs

Dividers by @thecutestgrotto | Images 1, 2 and 3

[cosmerelists]

If Cosmere Characters Were Given Three Wishes From a Genie...

As requested by anon. :)

[A few of the jokes in this are WAT spoilers! They are marked in the entry title in case you need to skip 'em]

Cosmere characters have just rubbed a magic lamp and now they're being offered three wishes by a genie! How will that go for them?

1. Steris

Genie: There are three rules! Genie: I cannot kill anyone, I cannot bring anyone back to life, and I cannot make anyone fall in love. Steris: (Taking notes) Can I wish for more wishes? Genie: No. Steris: Can I wish for someone else to have more wishes? Genie: Also no. Steris: Can I cancel a wish in the future if I no longer want it? Genie: ...no. Steris: Can I modify a wish after wishing it? Genie: ...no. Steris: I see. Steris: My first wish, then, is to help you create an actual Wish Rule Handbook because that, I'm afraid, is a lot more than three rules. Steris: Let's get drafting! Genie: Why am I afraid

2. Kelsier

Kelsier: Three wishes? Amazing! Kelsier: First, I'd like to finally obtain the exact physical body I've been dreaming of all these years! Kelsier: Second, I'd like Scadrial to be utterly protected from the nefarious designs of Odium or any other hostile Shard. Kelsier: And third, I'd like Hoid to stub his toe every day for the rest of his life. Kelsier: Phew! That was way easier than what I've been doing! Kelsier: I can't believe I wasted hundreds of years on machinations, ha ha! Genie: ... Kelsier: What?

3. Szeth [Mild WAT spoilers!]

Szeth: (suspiciously) Wishes? Szeth: As in, things that I personally want? Szeth: What is this, some kind of therapy? Szeth: Away with you! Genie: H-Hey, if you want to wish for some therapy, it sounds like that might be kind of helpful for you? Szeth: Away, I say! Genie: Well, I tried.

4. Taravangian

Taravangian: [slams a 400-page tome down on the table] Taravangian: This is my first wish--it includes caveats for every possible loophole, bad faith interpretation, and/or unintended consequence. Taravangian: I declare that this whole book constitutes the sum total of Wish #1. Genie: ...Which is? Taravangian: I'd like Hoid to stub his toe every day for as long as he lives. Genie: ... Genie: That wish required 400 pages?! Taravangian: I like to be thorough.

5. Vin

Vin: I would like to always have the exact metal or metals I desire in my flask as soon as I desire them. Vin: I'd also like Elend to feel a surge of reassurance that yes of course I love him whenever he feels doubt. Genie: Two very fine wishes. What is your third? Vin: Hmmm.... Vin: Honestly, I just keep thinking that I'd like to be faster than a horse. Genie: ...Like, horses in general or one specific horse? Vin: Just...horses in general. Genie: ...It's not the weirdest wish I've heard today.

6. Adolin [WAT SPOILERS!]

Adolin: Oooh, I've always wanted the ability to point at an outfit in a fashion magazine and instantly have that outfit in my perfect size. Genie: Granted! Adolin: I'd also like Shallan to be brought here safely to Azimir if that's what she wants--like, please ask her first just in case. Genie: Granted! Adolin: ... Adolin: I would also like everyone to think I gave those wishes in the reverse order. Genie: Granted! Adolin: Wait, does that count as a wish?? Adolin: ... Adolin: No, actually I'm okay with that.

7. Azure

Azure: I would like to know where Nightblood is, please. Azure: I've been looking for so long! It's IMPOSSIBLE to find! Genie: [silently hands her a map] Azure: ... Azure: IT'S BEEN ON ROSHAR THE WHOLE TIME?!

8. Lightsong

Lightsong: You grant three wishes, huh? Lightsong: I can only grant one wish. And I have to die to do it. Genie: That's a tough break. Lightsong: Well, to be fair I live a life of luxury and worship, rather than being trapped in a tiny lamp. Genie: I appreciate that. Many people treat my abilities as frivolous, wishing for things they could obtain for themselves if they tried or for things they should never truly have. Genie: It is a genuine relief to meet someone who understands the true import of wishes. Lightsong: ... Lightsong: I was gonna wish for you to hand me that glass so I don't have to get up, but now it feels awkward. Genie: ... Lightsong: I'm just really comfortable right now.

9. Kaladin

Kaladin: [muttering to himself] Can't wish for all of my friends to be safe. They'd probably be magically locked in a room forever or something. Kaladin: I could wish for Oroden to grow up happy, but what if that means he dies if he gets sad or something? Or like loses the ability to feel things? Kaladin: I could wish for Moash to go back to how he was, but how could I take away his ability to make choices? Kaladin: It's too much! I don't want any wishes! Genie: Uh....granted? Kaladin: Did that count as a wish???

10. Venli

Venli: I wish for your freedom. Genie: ... Genie: As your first wish? Venli: Yup. Genie: Not as, like, your third wish after you obtain two other wishes? Venli: Nah. Genie: W-Who are you?? Venli: I'm a Willshaper, baby. Tumi: [hums contentedly]

[kuroposting]

Branching off this post a bit, specifically Sebastian as the big bad wolf, there was something I noticed from using google translate on chapter 107.

I cannot tell you if these are more accurate or not, I cannot read Japanese. I’m also fairly sure that there is no official translation of the special chapter following the murder arc, which is what I’m going to compare it to:

This part of Sebastian that seems genuinely impulsed to shield himself from these sorts of accusations and take pride (or at least find validation in?) the excuse that it’s all Ciel’s choice; Ciel knows his true nature, yet he still chooses to ally himself and depend on him anyway. I’ve never been able to decipher if it is Yana using Sebastian’s voice to tell the reader how we are supposed to understand their dynamic as a rule, or if it is truly Sebastian’s cope. She has said a couple of times that he is incapable of shame and he’s said that he’s incapable of emotions, and I don’t know, it could just be poor writing on her part- I never thought of him as having the same characterization as Ryuk from Death Note. He does not seem detached, and I don’t know why he has such a habit of being defensive or annoyed when he’s perceived as some sleaze with the qualities you’d expect from somebody who prides themselves on being, well, devilish.

It would be pretty boring if it turned out to just be Yana’s cope instead of Sebastian’s. For a manga that harps on Facing Truth vs Willful Ignorance to allow its most smug, nihilistic character to never be challenged with self reflection and still win in the end. I think Ciel has to constantly contend with it- more than even the readers have, since I still see the most popular takeaway from the Green Witch Arc to be “Sebastian doesn’t care, he only wants Ciel’s soul.” all these years later. I still have a post about that in my drafts that I’m struggling to condense. Basically, with themes like these, it’s all too reassuring to have a premise spelled out to you which 1. Gives you permission to victim-blame Ciel for the sake of having this premise and 2. Tells you point blank not to think twice about any of it’s characterizations, just take them at face value.

Rereading Chapter 35 on black-butler.net, there was a subtitle that I hadn’t seen before

I would appreciate it if anybody had more information on that, like if it was in the japanese version when it was originally published in square’s magazine, or something.

…

I think the true development is that Ciel continues to make strides in accepting himself and Sebastian for what they are, but that never has to dictate WHO they can become- what choices they can still make. Much like all of his servants and allies. No matter how far gone and irredeemable Ciel believes himself to be, he is still giving orders like this:

He is not descending into the depths of depravity, his humanity has resilience. It continues to expand, beyond his capabilities of even the earliest chapters. So much that it even extends to Sebastian.

Which I don’t expect to be something that Sebastian has no appreciation of. Going back to where I started, with chapter 107, some humility and compassion was all Sebastian was asking for.

[81folklore]

new years day - STYLES

pairings: harry styles x gn!reader (fc: none)

summary: harrys partner reminisces on instagram over the past 2 years of love on tour before the final show

authors note: i was listening to my sleepy taylor playlist and this song started playing and it took me back to all the love on tour edits so i had to create a smau for it.. i promise im working on the drafts i put on that poll!!

authors note 2: i used they/them pronouns when writing because nothing ever really specified readers gender so please imagine as you will!!

masterlist

yourusername has added to their story

*text on first photo reads: a couple of my favorite love on tour fits over the years💙*

seen by harrystyles, gemmastyles and 637,572 others

yourusername

liked by harrystyles, harry_lambert and 826,891 others

its going to be impossible to not miss this☹️

view comments

harrystyles: ❤️❤️

user7: oh i love them so much

user18: the support you show for harry is so lovely :’)

user73: im going to miss guessing what the styles will be wearing every night☹️

harry_lambert: so many outfits! so many fun nights!

yourusername: ahh ill miss seeing what youve put together for h

annetwist: ill miss seeing you so often darling!!

yourusername: you wont be able to get rid of us, promise🤍

yourusername added to their story

*text on first photo reads: and with that my final love on tour outfit is done💗* *text on second photo reads: bring on the finale🥹*

seen by harrystyles, annetwist and 752,174 others

yourusername

liked by harrystyles, lloyddddddddddddddddd and 1,118,592 others

tagged: harrystyles

theres glitter on the floor after the party, girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby…

i have never been as sad as i am right now writing that love on tour is officially over! this has honestly been one of the craziest experiences for everyone; myself, the fans and for you harry. being able to watch you grow as an artist and an individual on and off stage for the past two years has been an honor and i cannot thank you enough for bringing me on this incredible journey with you

the love i feel for you is one i struggle to describe, its a feeling of joy when i see you on stage, its a feeling of hurt when i see you at your lows, its a feeling of pure happiness when i see you being who you are. loving you is something so genuinely special and i cannot believe i am the one who gets to witness all of you, all of your life

love on tour is truly something that is one of a kind and the family you were able to create with it will be something that lasts forever along with the memories created these past years

i dont think i will ever get over being the one to see you achieve everything you have ever wanted, getting to be the one you come to after a show and just hug until your hearts content, getting to be the person you cry on after a show like slane or wembley where you just felt so overwhelmed by the love and support you received

i will thank you everyday for choosing me to be that person, to be the person you love, to be the person you have join you in this life youve created for yourself

thank you love on tour and thank you harry

i will love you both forever and ever❤️‍🩹

view comments

capitalofficial: im not crying you are🥲

harryflorals: we love you both💐

gemmastyles: 😭😭😭🤍🤍

harrystyles: 💗💗

user6: i need harry to learn how to use instagram properly i NEED to see his response😭

user89: sobbing and screaming

user35: they love him so much😭😭

harrystyles: baby the love i have for you is endless, thank you for coming with me on this journey and thank you for letting me love you. i love you so so much

user35: and HE LOVES THEM SO MUCH😭😭

user62: i feel sick they love eachother so much❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

yourusername added to their story

seen by user56, user77 and 916,473 others

*first story has the song ‘new years day’ by taylor swift attached* *second story text reads: ��*

[vii0so]

[BSD 120.5] Theory/Analysis

NOTE BEFORE READING: 90% of this post was written on the day of the chapter's release but got forgotten in my drafts. As I'm too lazy right now to read through and edit, expect things that: make no sense, are worded as if the chapter came out today or recently, stop in the middle of the sentence/incomplete etc. Also for some reason I added stuff not directly relating to the chap...I'm sure I wanted to lead into a bigger point but by now I have no idea what I was going for.

I realised it's almost time for the new chapter and that's how I remembered this was still in my drafts...

So I'm posting it more for me rather than anyone else (which I sort of already do anyway).

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Well well well...it's been another month so I'm here again to put my 2 cents in on this month's chapter.

I'm sure there's no need to say it but the following will contain spoilers for BSD chapter 120.5.

And as always with my long posts...expect me to sidetrack a lot.

This includes a deep dive into Fyodor's title as well.

Today's Topics:

Humanity & Fyodor's outlook

Fyodor's title

Fyodor's humanity

Ability Users & Humans

The page isn't with Fyodor

Thoughts on Fukuzawa's "death"

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Humanity & Fyodor's outlook

Today's chapter gives us a great insight on Fyodor's goal, or at least confirms the one we already knew of and bathes it in a new light. But let's first start with what his outlook on humans is.

"An unlearned outlook befitting of your short lives."

"Your" = humans "Short lives" = human lifespans

This is basically saying: "You haven't lived as long as me so you don't know/understand" Or better yet, "You will never have enough time in your short lives to learn like I did."

Fyodor in his immortal life has seen things, witnessed eras come and go, same with wars. He has had nothing but time to observe humanity and their many flaws.

He believes no one with a short life-span (humans) will understand his learned outlook.

Note: We don't know how old Fyodor actually is. I personally believe that he's over two thousand years old but I only have one small piece of unrelated evidence that supports this. Though, no matter the age, he has lived a long time, that doesn't change.

Fyodor looks genuine in this scene. The look of "acceptance". Accepting the fact that humans won't understand or change, no matter how many centuries pass.

Note: It should be remembered that acceptance does not mean compliance. Fyodor is the perfect example of this.

It honestly feels lonely. Trust me, I don't even like Fyodor but this is just depressing, even for the villain. Imagine your ability has made you pretty much immortal and you watch humanity make the same mistakes, have the same flaws, see them drive themselves to ruin multiple times and no one will ever understand you as they haven't lived as long as you. (Arguably, I'd say Dazai got close)

TLDR: Imagine living forever and watching humans ruin themselves repeatedly and having no one who will understand what you're thinking. That's Fyodor's life.

He lost faith in humanity a long time ago.

Anyway...on a different note (slight backtrack), our boy Atsushi seems to agree or at least understand that "Humanity cannot bear such enormous virtue." Based on his expression here and the panel.

It's like his expression is saying, "Damn, he's right, I've gone through so much to stop this but it's just way too much even for me (an ability user)." or something...idk honestly.

Atsushi is emotionally tuned in with the world so maybe he just saw Fyodor's expression and was like: "holy shi-" again, idk.

"Pure evil"...not like anyone has said otherwise about Fyodor.

His calm yet determined(?) expression when Fukuzawa tells him this shows that he finds what he's doing as necessary and planned.

What Fyodor wants is a world war. Specifically, one that will eliminate all ability users. Instead of getting his hands dirty, it'll be done by humans.

Now, I know that ability users get separated a lot from your every day average human but Fyodor's choice of words shows that he doesn't view ability users as humans at all.

Though, the way he uses the word "humanity" may be more as in those of the greater population, or just "The ones without abilities."

With [One Order] though, does "humanity" include ability users? In theory it should, and yet it doesn't seem that way.

Fyodor believes there will be peace if ability users are gone...Looks like he either has never seen a world without ability users or there's more to this plan than he's letting on.

"What...are you...? I can't possibly see you as human."

Fyodor has never once claimed to be human. Or at least he has never seen himself as human.

And he clearly separates himself from those with short lives (humans) as a different being.

He has been considered a demon throughout the whole series.

Now for my monthly: "Analyse the original Japanese even though I don't speak it."

Today's segment will mostly be my curiosity taking word form, so feel free to skip to the next part or enjoy.

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Fyodor's title

First off, I didn't manage to get the raws to see the spelling of the title. I only heard the spoken Japanese version in the anime, which was "majin".

[ Dazai says it around 12:33 in Season 3 Episode 8 ]

So feel free to interpret it as either [魔神] or [魔人] (both are pronounced as "majin" but have different meanings).

Due to the official translation calling him "conjurer", I thought that maybe it was [ 魔人 ] but the fact that the fan translation calls him "demon", points closer to [ 魔神 ].

Left: Fan translation (DazaiScans) | Right: Official English translation

When you break it down more into individual Kanji, you start to see the difference and similarities.

Both are pronounced as "jin" when in "majin".

[ 魔 ] / "ma" is in both [ 魔神 ] and [ 魔人 ]. And it's from "ma" that we get the more demonic/evil meaning.

So, in a way, even [ 魔人 ] could be seen as "demonic person".

[ 魔 ] / "ma" is in "majin" and "akuma"

Now, when Dazai was called a "demon" he was referred to as "akuma".

As you can see, [ 悪魔 ] is way more serious than [ 魔人 ] or [ 魔神 ] .

This obviously gets lost in translation, as both become "demon".

One instance where Dazai is being referred to as 悪魔 is in the 15 light novel and manga adaptation. For some reason, it's not in the anime.

I'm not here to talk about Dazai's humanity though. I just wanted to show the difference in seriousness of "demon" between the titles*.

*Correction, "Demon" is not Dazai's title. While he has been called as such, his only known title was "Black Wraith" (Kuroi Yuuki - 黒い幽鬼).

Yuuki [ 幽鬼 ] - ghost; revenant; spirit (of the dead); departed soul

Kuro [ 黒 ] - black (as noun) - Kuroi [ 黒い ] = black (as adjective)

So back to the topic at hand!

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Fyodor's humanity

Fyodor being referred to as "majin" instead of "akuma" makes a big difference even if both can be "demon".

In this chapter - as I stated earlier - we see Fyodor talk as if he isn't human. Akuma would refer to a demon - not human, but majin refers more closely to an "evil being", and if it's [ 魔人 ] it can especially be seen as a "demonic/evil human".

Therefore, Fyodor's title shows that he is human, no matter how much he separates himself and the rest of the ability users from the greater human population.

...Wait a minute...just remembered something.

I should have trusted my memory and checked the raws from chapter 120 earlier...it was literally only a month ago and yet I almost forgot Fukuzawa literally used Fyodor's title at the end of the chapter!

So Fyodor's title is [ 魔人 ]

[ 魔 ] for "witch", "demon", "evil spirit"

[ 人 ] for "person"

...Remembering this earlier would have saved me so much time ;-;

I will still keep what I wrote from earlier - my rambling about wether it's [ 魔人 ] or [ 魔神 ] - as I spent way too long on it and don't have enough mental energy to change it.

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Ability Users & Humans

(Specifically in the eyes of Fyodor)

Now that we know it's [ 魔人 ], I can analyse further into Fyodor's view on ability users.

In short, Humans are...humans, I won't go into the foolishness and ugliness of humans, because in life there's death just like there's pain in love, it's yin and yang. Basically: where there's good, there's evil.

人類 - mankind; humanity

異能 - unusual power; superpower; ability beyond that of humans

者 - person (rarely used without a qualifier)

I understand 者 as the user in "ability user"

So 人類 vs 異能者 = Humanity vs Ability users.

[Section Incomplete] - I remember wanting to talk about how Fyodor sees himself and then talking about how that shows how he views humanity and ability users. First off, he doesn't care what he becomes or is seen as. He is the type to "willingly become a demon for future peace" (at least "peace" in his eyes). I remember having a plan (in my head) for this section but...by now I've forgotten and are too lazy to continue it.

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The page isn't with Fyodor

This may sound strange since we see Fukuchi hold the page too but remember: we never saw them actually use/write on the "page" that we've seen. It's basically just a normal piece of paper.

Fukuchi claims the paper he's holding as the page. [Chapter 83.5]

There's no proof of it actually being the page though.

Fyodor offers the page to Atsushi [Chapter 119]

This was Fyodor's plan to show Atsushi that the page is there with them. So that he has no reason to question where the page is.

If you see an apple in front of you, you won't be thinking "I wonder where the apple is" but instead believe that it's right there.

I had a far fetched thought that maybe the page was with Fyodor in the prison and then made to be found by Sigma in the guise of the note claiming he needs help:

When Sigma picks it up, it looks like there are two papers.

And yet, when he shows it to Fyodor there seems to only be a one:

Now of course, this could just be artistic error or even mere perspective but I don't think so. Every detail is usually intentional.

So what's the second paper?

The page.

...possibly

"How did Sigma not realise?" I don't know...Maybe it's been changed to appear as a blank page somehow.

This would tie in with my theory from last update that Fyodor is in a rush to get to Sigma before he wakes up.

Atsushi thinks Fyodor has the page and that he'll have to take it off him (steal it) somehow. He has no idea that the page isn't even close by but instead in Meursault.

A lot of people think "How could Atsushi's day get any worse?"

Well...fight a literal god-like-level being who is controlled by a 2k+ old evil mastermind who wants to get rid of all ability users by manipulating the general public and then never even get the page that you were fighting for because you were being manipulated this entire time and the page was never there...

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Thoughts on Fukuzawa's "death"

First off, I don't think I've mentioned it in my theories so far but I don't believe that those "killed" by ame-no-gozen will stay dead. At some point, all of them will be alive again with no issues.

Anyway, Fukuzawa's "death" reminded me of Rampo after the "Kamui is Fukuchi" discovery. Is this a sign that we'll see him in the next chapter? ...probably not, but it did feel like a parallel, at least to me.

Also, I know last time I said "maybe next chapter he'll die" but no, this is not the death

Btw, this feels like a parallel to me even if it's not exactly the same:

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██████████ Complete!

Note: The following segment was written around a week after the chapter released.

The moment I finished reading the chapter (a few hours after it released) I started typing this immediately. So I've been writing this on and off for a week now...

First, I was tired IRL, then the next day was busy, and the next and the next and...you get it. I probably wrote most of it on the first day while tired so don't mind if anything makes no sense.

This must be the longest theory post I've written for BSD so far...

Should I stop doing long posts? Would you guys prefer short ones? I try to do one long post per chapter, but I feel like not many people read them, precisely because they're long. I like doing it like this as it's more compact (in my opinion) but if you guys would like me to stop the long posts let me know.

─────────────✧

To the people who actually read this post, if anything doesn't make sense or seems incomplete, it's because I wrote all this while tired (35% with a headache) and whenever i came back to write more I couldn't remember what I was trying to say...

It was in my drafts partially incomplete so since we're expecting the new update soon, I remembered this and posted it.

[dontcallthedoctor]

INTRODUCING SKITTLES!!!

HIYA, FELLAS!!! HAPPY 2025 AND A MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!!

Wanted to again apologize for the lack of- well, anything, really. Recently got a job that's been hogging up most of my creative time, but that doesn't mean I haven't been working on anything behind the scenes! I've got some Digital Circus stuff in the works I'd like to post soon, but first, I'd like to introduce you all to someone who's been frothing at the mouth to be seen :3

These are a handful of sketches of my OC Skittles, a character originally created and designed by my best friend Dezz (@dezzbutawesome on Instagram, GO FOLLOW THEM RAHH!!) a LONG time ago, way back in early 2020. The full-color and first two sketches are by them, while the others are by fellow fren and artist @cluelesscleo! GO FOLLOW THEM TOO!!!

(Note: this isn't super formal, I just kind of ended up rambling, so apologies if none of this is very well written or thought-out!!)

Skittles is my love-letter to characters like Peewee Herman, Ernest P. Worrell or Mr. Bean; comical, bizarre characters who have very childish personalities and constantly find themselves in crazy situations. The big difference ofc is that Skittles is a child, which should hopefully make the shenanigans he gets into all-the-more endearing!

Personality-wise, Skittles is kind, genuine, good-natured, golden-hearted, endlessly creative / ingenuitive, and always does his best to do the right thing. He's still a kid and can be blissfully ignorant at times as a result, but no matter what, his heart is always in the right place. He believes in the good in everybody, doesn't give up on them, and will always be there if you need him. Put short, Skittles is a true friend to the end <3

For the past four years now, I've been steadily working on a project called Skittles Goes to Jail with Dezz, my good friend @mikiib, and a handful of others! It's gotten as for as a seventh draft of a script, so if anyone's curious, reach out and i'll be glad to tell u more about it! There's a lot going on with this project so i'll elaborate on it more in a later post if you guys would like!

In addition to Goes to Jail, i've got many, MANY more stories in mind for Skittles and the other characters in his universe, including Skittles and the Wedding Ring, Skittles and the Vandiver Party Train, Sweet and Sour Skittles, Skittles Spaced Out, Smells Like Teen Skittles, and Secret Agent Skittles to name a few!

For some basic information da boi, Skittles is a preteen axolotl boy. Due to his age, He suffers from both rhotacism and lambdacism, meaning he cannot pronounce his R's or his L's very well. He also speaks in the third person, so instead of saying "I wanna go to the park!", instead, Skittles would say "Skittles wants to go to da park!"

Skittles was born many millennia ago in the Outerverse, a kind of universe-between-universe. His parents, perceived as axolotls to us, are divine, all-powerful beings that govern all known universes and protect them from outside threats.

When Skittles became of age where he would normally join his parents in governing the cosmos (around eight years old in human years), they found him unfit for the responsibility. In response, they gave him a perceivable appearance and sent him to Earth, hoping that the exposure and independence would mature him. In the meantime, they would watch him from afar, keeping track of his progress. Whenever they felt he was ready to take in his rightful responsibilities, they would simply summon him back.

On Earth, Skittles' mortal appearance is as you see in the sketches; a cutesy pink anthropomorphic axolotl! As part of his parents' doing, he has no memory of who he is or where he came from. He knows he has parents, but doesn't know where they are. All he knows is that he just kinda- exists now :3

Skittles lives in quaint cute suburban house with his pet woollybear caterpillar Kenneth, whom he cares for very deeply. He spends most of his free time doodling and surfing the web, but he also attends first grade at the Melissa Seafort Elementary School! Most of his classmates think he's either weird or annoying, so he doesn't have many friends his age at school.

[graysparrowao3]

2024 Writing Year in Review

Thank you @darkurgetrash for the tag! What a nice way to round of the year and usher in creativity for the new one. Some no pressure tags and an open invitation <3 @lizziemajestic @captainsigge @lostinforestbound @velocitross @alpydk

Words posted (on AO3, not including Tumblr posts): 156,191

Words unposted: Between the 4 WIPs ongoing, the total words unposted within drafts currently is 7,903. Huh. Not as much as I'd have guessed. Tragically, it appears I do have to actually write the damn things as they appear to not be writing themselves.

Total word count: 223,513

Fandoms: Baldur’s Gate 3. Specifically Rolan, Cal, & Lia and Rugan/Aradin centered, with a smattering of other people's Tavs/Durges and their love interests.

Highest Kudos: The Night at Last Light Inn, a Rolan/m!Tav one shot.

Highest One-Shot Hits: Also The Night at Last Light Inn lol. People like to see Rolan having a good time. It was also posted at the beginning of the year at a time with more activity in general.

New things I tried: The Rugan/Aradin stuff was genuinely supposed to be a one shot where I tried writing something far more angsty and explicit than I'd ever done before. I really enjoyed it, but did not like leaving angst without exploring the underlying root of destructive and painful behaviors and emotions and finding a way to resolve it. Knowing what I do irl, this tracks. Based on the characters I thought it might not be received well, so I'm very grateful to everyone who gave it a try and saw what I was trying to do with it and gave me the confidence to keep going, including the encouraging feedback from @octoberskiies @threerattsinatrenchcoat @fangbanger3000 @lizziemajestic @vera-king-hrfl

@crowwolf @faerie-with-a-knife @forget-me-maybe @lemonsrosesandlavender @benicemurphy amongst others <3 Without community it wouldn't exist at all.

And now I'm in so deep I can't see the light any more. Hooray!

Fic I spent the most time on: Technically the one that's been sitting unfinished since the start of the year is What if...Everything Went Wrong, but though The Northern Bastards is technically a series, it's been pretty all-consuming my life lately so I think it has to win.

Fic I spent the least time on: Probably Brew, love? It was just an idea that gave me a chuckle so I threw it out quickly, but I still think it's a fun little thing.

Favourite thing I wrote: The first half of the year it was The Elturian Prodigy, which is the Rolan, Cal, & Lia fic in my heart. I took some space from it after disheartening feedback as though I always want to grow this fic stuff is something I do because it brings me joy, so for this present moment it's How To Keep a Man and Lose a Devil, my eternal thanks to @crowwolf for the suggestion to write it, I cannot wait to get the rest of it out it's turned into a real passion project!

Favourite fics I read this year: I tried to fit as many as possible during the recent BG3 fic celebration event all month, (see the BG3KudosCember posts for fics and tags!) and still have so many to read, and even that feels still woefully inadequate. Cannot believe there is so much creativity and fun and talent out there that I took so long to discover.

Writing goals for 2025:

Don't stop. Don't give up.

Get ongoing works as completed as possible.

Have more patience. Slow down and listen when you know it doesn't quite feel as you want it to be.

Believe in yourself. It's not too late.

New works for 2025: I'm hoping no new fandom works until I'm more complete with the ones I have ongoing. We'll see lol.

Thank you for all the amazing, creative experiences, and hope the next year brings what everyone needs from it. Happy new year! 🎉✨

[paigetics]

so. full disclosure.

a while back i poured my heart into a fic for a gift exchange—not just as a participant, but as an organiser. i wrote thoughtful comments on every single entry. i made a countdown where i gushed about fics from the last exchange because i genuinely loved them and believed in the creators, and because the fandom had turned into such a toxic cesspool of hate that i wanted to do something—anything—that felt like joy. so i gave it my all.

the recipient never ended up leaving a comment on the fic i wrote for them. it hurt more than i expected—not in an entitled way (maybe in an entitled way?), but more in that quiet, sinking way where you realise you’ve invested too much of your happiness in other people’s actions.

after that, i pretty much stopped replying to comments on my fics unless i forced myself to sit down and do it. i stopped making ones of my own on other people’s fics. then i stopped reading other people’s fics. then i stopped writing fics, beyond oneshots i could finish in a single setting. the whole thing utterly drained my motivation for writing and dampened my ability to engage with other people's fanworks.

and then i wrote my first odypen fic. and people replied—not just to the fic, but to my replies. they wanted to keep talking. i’ve had a half-joking post in my drafts for months about how we should be having conversations in fic comments, because it’s so fun to obsess over this stuff together, right where it’s living and breathing. and the lovely people who commented on find the beginning just… did that. not out of obligation, but out of love for the story and the characters. that energy—curious, generous, invested—was everything.

all this to say, uh. thank you, for giving my fic a chance. i cannot tell you what it means to be excited about writing again without feeling neurotic or anxious about the numbers attached. or what it's like to be excited about reading other people's fics again. i genuinely do not care how many people end up reading bury the sea, because it was so fun to write for something new that didnt have all that baggage attached to it, and the people who have been following it so far have healed something in the writer in me that has been a bit broken for years.

[fazball]

I want to start this with why You should listen to Me about this :^3! Hi, I'm Chip and I have had a special interest in Minecraft roleplay since I was about 9 (assuming Aphmau's Minecraft Diaries was truly my first mcrp) and that would mean I have had this special interest for Nine Years and I'd like to think I know what I'm talking about.

Now onto what I actually want to talk about! I feel that Minecraft roleplay is simply not explored as much as it truly could be. There is so little of this genre, at least compared to things like let's play series and challenge videos, and it is so baffling to me that a game like Minecraft, an open-world sandbox game with little to no actual canon, would not have a surplus of content like this! Of course recently there has been a significant uptick in content like this because of the DSMP, and I am honestly overjoyed about that, but before this there has been almost nothing? Now obviously I cannot know every single mcrp series ever created, nor have I even watched every series I've seen come on my recommended, but I can confidently say there is a lack of content! Specifically a lack of intentional content.

There are so many series/servers that are completely non-rp, but include things with jokey moments where they allude to things in the past as if it was serious and affected their MC character, or are half-and-half. What I mean by half-and-half is that the series is not actually called an rp (or even just not intended to be and slowly became a thing that regularly happens), but there are many moments where there is clearly a story that everyone is following in some way. I think a good example of this is Hermitcraft, of course I have not seen every single Hermitcraft episode and cannot say if its always been like this, but, for example, in season 7 (which I have fully seen a few creators series) there is a semi-clear story with occasional rp moments, but it is still just a normal SMP. I honestly love servers like this as it's hard for me to actually sit down and watch something that could be considered a show, but the amount of wasted potential is so upsetting to me!!!

There are even many series and SMPs that have no rp at all outside of jokes and the push is from the fandom surrounding it. I unfortunately don't have an example from off the top of my head, but they do exist trust me!!!! I think I could, once again, loosely say Hermitcraft as the creators tend to be involved in the fandom. There are a few moments where they did not consider something as a story moment, they saw fanart or someone talking about it in a more serious way, then they bring it up! I love this aswell, I think it's so fun!!! (if i am completely wrong about this do not point it out :( simply believe me)

You could make any story you'd ever want, you have literally anything at your disposal and so little people actually go for it. In a game where you can: customize your character, literally build (and even specifically retexture) the world around you, have others join you as a character in your story, or make your own NPCs and dialogue, you could genuinely make any story you could ever want and I encourage everyone to dip their toes into it. If you have ever thought of making a story, try using Minecraft. I'd say it's even the perfect place to start.

Final messages!!!! If this all sounds like word vomit, thats because it is! I don't tend to make large posts like this and even struggle to make comprehensible paragraphs, I literally started talking about this on my Twitter account then drafted all of it in a personal discord server. Anyways, thank you for reading if you got this far!!! If you'd like any mcrp recommendations let me know, I will warn you that most of my favorites are Old and aren't the greatest quality Or could be considered a complete normal series. I just love mcrp so bad and it's my longest lasting spin, and I hope there are others who share this!!!!!! Okay goot bye :^3 thank you again for reading if you did

[redr0sewrites]

Hey so I just saw your post about writing about Alastor. And firstly I just wanted to say (As an Aroace person) that its really sweet of you to try and not misrepresent anybody.

Now what I'm about to say may only apply to me but this is my opinion on what you can do.

I personally see no problem with you writing Alastor in sexual or romantic stories because he IS a fictional character, and not a real person. However I understand your views on not wanting to hurt anybody or change him so here are some little tips.

Aroace people can come in different forms and styles (In a simple way of putting it.) Such as me, personally. I do not have the desire to be intimate with anybody ever or at all, or get into a romantic relationship with anybody. While others may be just Asexual (or aroace but we will just say Asexual for simple terms) and is willing to have sex and enjoy it.

Asexuals is defined by someone having little to no desire or feel the need to get intimate with anybody, however they can have sex. There are different types like acespikes and such but I'd just suggest sticking with the basics and to not over stress about it. Some asexuals like the pleasure themselves, while others may prefer to pleasure their partner.

I think that this is all I can really tell at the moment, because I have been aroace for only about 1-2 years now, but asexual for 3-4. And as said before, this is just my views on some info if you want some help, while others may feel differently, and that is perfectly okay.

So overall, I believe you should do whatever the fuck you want because its your blog and its a fictional character. But not wanting to misrepresent is also okay, and you can research if you want to. Or if you just don't feel comfortable writing stuff like that, that's perfectly fine and don't let anybody make you feel like you can or cannot.

Much love <3 have a great day. (I wrote this on two hours of sleep so I'm sorry if its shitty)

aaaa tysm for the feedback!! i've recieved sm positive commentary and information and im so so grateful for anyone who has replied to my previous post!!!! ur all so sweet and im genuinely so grateful. once i finish up the rough draft i'll prob send it to a few aro/ace people who offered to be beta readers for their insight, and im just so excited! <3333333

[spacexseven]

Inspired by the wonderful work of Tuna, and prince fyo and the numerous contributions of 🌺 with this ask and this ask + 🩹 ask

Links bc tumblr nerfted this once:

For prince fyo: https://www.tumblr.com/spacexseven/716304129101905920/ik-the-royal-au-is-my-ida-but-i-wanna-hear-more-of

🌺 1: https://www.tumblr.com/spacexseven/715673822625513472/im-the-possibilities-are-endlessss-like-at-first

🌺 2: https://www.tumblr.com/spacexseven/715545715174146048/this-is-not-a-request-but-like-im-rambling-my

dazai 🩹: https://www.tumblr.com/spacexseven/716312685221920768/tuna-tuna-princes-and-knights-you-are

Excellent Pieces and excerpts from the first fic:

“the maids that giggle about how weak he looks. even the other nobles don't hide their insults, spreading rumours that tarnish his reputation and drag his name through the mud though they knew nothing about him.”

“ as far as you're concerned, his highness prefers working from the shadows. he isn't as popular as the other princes, nor does he have any offensive skills to show—his influence is weak and his demeanor mild.”

“ He liked watching you leap up and put your life before his, even if the slightest scratch you received in return would lead to the complete annihilation of the person who planned the attack.”

“ He liked knowing that you had already dedicated your life to serving him. and if letting you believe he was weak would mean you coddled him even a little more, he didn't mind keeping up the appearances for a little longer.

“ but the charade had to end someday, and as he observed the look of admiration and surprise from you, who was witnessing him for his true nature,”

🦄: Okay! so this was a major inspiration for the rumors section of royal au. I liked the idea of rumors both by the public and more fabrication for power. I took some of the ideas presented in this concept fic and Used them for the au, especially with the Dazai and Fyodor section. Most of the princes have some drama in their lives and are considered black sheeps by the royal court of the kingdom. Fyodor was and still is one of the most ominous and dangerous of the princes, but he isn’t omniscient. The plan for “this” Fyodor is vague because I wanted to make space for any future installments or ideas expanding by anyone who wishes to add more thoughts to this au (feel free anybody!). However, something that was previously done in the drafts of the aus was him not being completely human (as the rumours say). The finished piece i sent you was running with idea that Fyodor might’ve be a homunculus of some kind, similar to Albedo (Genshin Impact) or a clone situation like Chuuya (underrated aspect of his lore) — or the fact that Fyodor might be a regressor or a transmigrator like Sigma. I also thought briefly in older drafts that Fyodor was a demon king who died and reincarnated every hundred years to attempt and restore his glory but fails as he get thwarted by a holy knight, but I didn’t want to put the Knight Darling into the ringer (Dazai does that for me).

on the princes:

🐟: chuuya my beloved :( cannot believe darling killed him bfr!! and the fact that he was genuinely trying to warn them about dazai </3 chuuya feels a lot more human than the others (ironic bcs of the 'imposter' rumors lol) but i cant help but wonder how different things would have been if darling followed chuuya instead of dazai…

okay so first: “ chuuya feels a lot more human than the others ” — YES! Thank you, this was on purpose and I'm glad I was able to properly showcase it. Chuuya is the most human and down to earth out of all the unhinged princes, but he still has red flags that don’t get shown because he dies early on in most timelines for being a slightly better human.

however, In some early drafts: “Chuuya is pretty to look at, and you wouldn’t have minded waking up next him if you didn’t know about the rotting lookalikes that lay chained to the chamber’s of his manor.” Uncanny valley “Chuuya.” my beloved + Draft! Dazai: “It’s a nightmare that you live between both reality and delusion. You lead each fair maiden and gentleman — sacrifices — into the maze and watchas Dazai lets the chain go off Akutagawa. The screams that follow always haunt you as you close your eyes”. The og drafts had awful royalty dazai that hunted people for sport since some of those “rumors” held some truth + plus cursed! aku. As you know by the previous answer, Fyodor has also gone through multiple different ideas, but frankly just thinking about an ambitious, always wanting and scheming human Fyodor is already enough nightmare fuel as it is.

Okay, So if darling followed Chuuya, Darling would end up dying. Chuuya is cursed by “something” that actually consumes anybody that takes the place of a “lover” by chuuya sides. As long as Chuuya doesn’t think about anybody as a “lover” the curse won’t affect them, but the moment Chuuya falls in love and starts fantasizing about Darling it always ends up with them dead. Rip Darling. Because of this, Darling never really gets to be a personal knight to Chuuya via Sigma intercepting and making sure Darling at least gets to live for a couple of more years.

Sigma is always working around this, and at the knight pledge event chuuya was out because his winery had been spiked and burglarized. Sigma is a good prince who’s acting like a guardian angel for Darling. So Darling would probably go for it (50 - a no for guilt of the past, but 50 - for yes for redemption) but it’s unlikely since Sigma will do anything to ensure darling’s survival. Sigma is always in bcakground, stressing and gathering more trauma with each loop he fails.

And yes, this the curse is somewhat of an open secret, and Dazai did have Chuuya Killed off partially because of this. He noticed Chuuya Attraction towards what is “his” and didn’t need the danger attached to it to possibly harm darling so chuuya had to go. (and if that information came from a certain jester attached to the hip of the fourth prince — well, he merely heard it from someone who told someone else about the rumours)

Chuuya was also aware of the possibility of a fellow “imposter” but didn’t know which prince it came from. All the princes have suspicious and secretive origins. Chuuya was searching for a fellow “outsider” as he saw himself be. rip chuuya. however, he is pretty unhinged later on when he gets to live longer.

🐟 : I love prince dazai :((( even if hes a little bit scummy i adore him and his terrible ways <3 love the idea of him picking out a weapon for darling and engraving his name onto it before giving it to them like a constant reminder of whose grace they're under ahh the thought of him avenging everyone who hurt darling even after their death is soo yummy loosing his mind bc the guilt and the way he failed to save you is eating him up. (also the line; a different monster will lead you astray is soo mmmm)

Thank you! I genuinely had a lot fun writing for the Dazai part, lowkey got converted to the Dazai base via 🩹 and their dazai asks. They really fueled a lot of Dazai’s character when I went to look back to see how Dazai would act and behave. You mentioned how Dazai would feel about breaking his darling, and even if in this au Dazai is slightly Yan (more scummy and unhinged than full yan (for now)) that did inspire me to make him the “first love that betrayed” trope in typical manhwa otome isekai. Chuuya would contrast him by being the “green flag” of the duo. The collar asks also came into play because I was super duper close to writing Dazai collaring the Knight as a sign of ownership before backpedaling into a dagger. I’m a coward Tuna. I love it when in media Lovers use or push away their beloveds and lose their mind when said beloved dies by their accidental plans backfiring or going the wrong way than what they expected. its so good watching them lose their minds be it self destructing or destroying everyone else.

And yeah: a different monster will lead you astray - I loved that line and i had to rewrite some aspects of the au to fit it! im glad it stood out of you too!!

🐟: i love the comparison of fyodor and dazai, how darling 'chooses' fyodor this time bc they see dazai in him...also very curious that his death was overwritten in their memory hmm i wonder why. i think maybe the fact that fyodor was weak and seemingly defenseless except for his words and his charm, unlike dazai who always seemed to be dangerous to everyone, was what ultimately attracted darling this time? maybe they want to believe he would need them more than dazai did, and wouldn't betray them after all?

Yes! Darling likes feeling needed. They also were looking for someone they deemed as good natured (🫠 yeah…) and they found it within Fyodor. However Darling is very unreliable and actually went with Fyodor because he’s filled with rumors to brim like Dazai and is unconsciously searching for pieces of Dazai in anothers and immediately ignores the red flags and pledges their loyalty and support to Fyodor. They know deep down that it’s their past going to repeat itself but it feels familiar and so much like dazai. They need to feel like they won’t be thrown away and Fyodor doesn’t have as many allies or any true allies that have enough political or physical power, so maybe Fyodor will hesitate with throwing them away unlike Dazai.

(Darling is really going through it. They have abandonment and trust issues.)

Fyodor and Darling are using each other and exploiting their weakness but it's also depressing because they’re getting closer to each other than anyone else before (rip sigma). Fyodor likes the fact that Darling needs him and depends on him. He starts leaving some blindspots open because he knows Darling will cover them. There was a situation in which darling got poisoned and all hell broke loose. Darling doesn’t recall this as they were astral proejecting via poison, but they remember a “weird dream” where fyodor was nursing them back to health before an odd jester would come at night and babble about a life in “Yokohama?” 👀

Fyodor killed the og “sigma” because he was useless and cruel, someone who was unnecessary and incompetent in every manner. In return by sacrificing the soul of the crown prince, he would get “an all powerful and amazing ally that would bring anybody to their knees.”

and… he got sigma.

anyway to mister sad isekai himself!

🐟: i love love love prince sigma. seriously he'd be pretty good at it, with his dedication to his post, if not because of his general insecurities. i wonder who's really pulling the strings here, fyodor, nikolai or someone else? im really curious about nikolai's part in all this...sigma realizing he and darling are connected by fate and death and all else is insane!! makes for a great development. because now not only does his life (and return to life) depend on them, it's in his best interest to keep them by his side. seeing them work for fyodor hardly eases his mind, however, because he knows the fourth prince has something else planned, and maybe he already is aware of sigma's connection to darling...?

Crown prince sigma is one of my faves in this au. He’s very dedicated and attempts to be somewhat of a neutral party as the crown prince and avoiding conflict with his rival princes.

THEY ARE (somewhat unfortunate) SOULMATES!!! Sigma is doing his best while navigating his whole isekai life experience and is going through it x100 because the one person he loves can’t stay alive. It doesn’t help in some timelines darling manages to get hitched be it the princes or some randoms (see: ex-prince candidate and former archduke turned scholar fukuzawa, scholar apprentice ranpo, rival scholar and poet poe, investing nobleman fitzgerald, ex-prince candidate and wandering plague doctor yosano, royal detective and ex-consort candidate ayatsuji, consort candidate tsujimura, Poet and court lady Kouyou, commoner turned errand boy atsushi, that one weirdo novelist conman who disappears and makes really weird face (sigma got conned by oguri in a timeline and keeps a grudge and it grows worse when you and oguri get together), and the list keeps going on and on. darling is a popular suitor who pulls people in by their whimsical and depressing hopeful desperation for a place to belong and feel needed in.)

Sigma does keep knight darling close and he struggles with reputation since his memory grows fuzzy with each timeline that keeps happening. Is he the hated crown prince or the glorious king? Sigma doesn’t know.

Darling did ran away only once with Sigma. It was the quickest death for both because all that sigma remembers was a coat and booming laughter turned into anguish sobbing.

and now, drumming sound: about our dear jester and favorite clown man, Nikolai knows more about the time shenanigans than Fyodor. and from all the little bits and pieces i have been throwing around in here, you can already tell that Nikolai isn’t a good person in this cursed au.

He isn’t happy about it, but Nikolai personally kills knight darling in all the timelines. He won’t allow it to be done by any other hand, it has to be his own hands that take their life. so why does he kill darling? because darling is his sk darling and can’t stand a life where they’re “confined” to another.

yeah, buckle up because its gonna get weird. my brain likes making everything complicated and nonsensical.

Nikolai recalls a life where he fell in love with a serial killer. In this life, their relationship in a city, yokohama, and culture and jobs are different. He is happy and free with his beloved. He even has a dos-kun! Happy, happy, happy! He can’t recall how it happend, but sk darling dies, and then Nikolai dies. his memories blur after that. he can’t remember anything after sk reader’s death.

He’s reborn in a world where only the powerful get chosen and rule.

The original crown prince candidate that stepped down to become a mere royal jester. oh the drama! His name is forgotten, only to be linked back to a jester and few nobles who share bare minimum of similarities. The suprise he feels is all to real when he meets a baby version of prince fyodor. It hit it off like always and it all comes coming down when that prophet comes into his life.

A prophet, who only appeared in the original and first timeline because Nikolai is always careful with making sure in snapping his neck before he can arrive to the palace and utter those cursed words.

“A knight born on the day of origin of the kingdom with the past of hunter will lead the kingdom and the future king to prosperity as long they blossom by the side of their true king. the world will wither and break if the tyrant king takes the throne.”

Among the hundreds of people and millions of citizens, only one person who was found to have signed up to be knight. Among the thousands of people it could’ve been it had to be his beloved.

The look that Fyodor gave him when Nikolai fell to knees and laughed like madman is one that Nikolai will never forget — especially the confused and scared look that darling had which contrasted and rivaled the annoyed, confused, and slight murderous look that all the other princes had.

It was a bloodbath and the worst timeline. His darling was treated more like a prize than a person and watching them wither away, killed something inside him. It was awful to watch darling lose their freedom and be confined to a place to ensure they keep the prophecy into the “proper road.” lest it becomes a tragedy. They take darling’s freedom away and with it, something breaks inside their mind and something else stirs inside. something awfully familiar. However this Nikolai is kinder and even has a far better sense of “morals” as this Dos-kun comments. So, naturally he does his best to save his beloved even if it always end in futile death. People grow desprate when they’re cornered and neither darling, nor Nikolai are any different than them.

It ends with Nikolai holding you each night as you weep miserably for him to end it all. Eventually, the treatment of being seen as a prize and tool for the princes and members of the court take their toll on you, and you simply stop talking.

In another world, Nikolai committed many, many awful crimes, and who would ever say that Nikolai can’t simply do it again? nobody. And so nikolai drowns himself in red and magic that resembles his old ability.

(what nobody else but Nikolai knows in the distant future: Every time darling wakes up from their dreams, they feel less hopeful for something. they notice the way people move, speak, and sometimes they feel so vex for magic users who are simply so.. so, so, so boring! they have abilities why do aren’t being creative with them?)

It didn’t matter how hard he tried but his plans always seemed to fail even with outside help.

In the original timeline that his darling lived: the world ends with a familiar grin painted on their face, even the kindest and most patient of people grow tired and apathetic into brutality after facing so much. they dance together as the world gets destroy and Nikolai wakes up once again.

and again. again. again. againagain-

it’s rather easy for someone already toeing the line between delusions and reality to lose their minds when they’re stuck in a bizarre time loop.

Nikolai isn’t sure what is causing the time loop, but he is aware that only he is able to properly recall it. until he arrives of course.

The he bumbling, buffoon, arrogant, and downright idiotic crown prince sigma is trying his best. an anomaly is occuring and Nikolai is losing it. He tried everything. he’s killed the princes. destroyed the kingdom. cursed the kingdom. saved the kingdom. acted as the king. married his darling, and yet everyone still dies no matter what he does.

Sigma remembers too. His darling is remembering as well, but it’s different. Instead of standing by Nikolai side… darling always seems to be pulled by sigma, and that is perhaps the final straw that breaks the camel’s back.

This Sigma who almost broke and brought back some sort of relief to darling, but it wasn’t him. it wasn’t nikolai who was next you.

(why can’t they see that he’s saving from the awful imprisonment that has been placed on them? they’re so caged into a loop that doesn’t change no matter what they do. and even if does change if darling gets with sigma, Nikolai can’t and won’t accept that. it wasnt love at first sight the first life and neither in the second one, but they eventually got there, didn’t they? So in this 100000th life Nikolai will make sure the two you get the proper life you both deserve)

I’m sorry if this all confusing.

and to explain the whole drafting idea, ahhhhhh here: okay to explain just how unhinged and confusing this au became i give you the backstory that came into existence via your birthday in 2 hours and 34 minutes.

This is an unhinged au because it’s actually an sk au in disguised, and i throw you the utter nonsense this au started off with: originally an ability user got the dropped on sk reader and some of their suitors and they woke up in a hazy like dream world where they played out the storyline. This idea then spinned out of control into an isekai au with sigma dying via getting murdered by sk reader and nikolai (they were on a date) and sigma waking up in a parallel universe. It got more derailed into a sigma isekai horror plot with an omniscient nikolai who remembers all the timeline and is attempting to bring back his “darling” (see: sk reader) via terrible time loops and mind breaking them. Something about soul swaps and sacrificed people with a literal devil! Nikolai and an uncanny valley, not human, creature being reborn into prince! fyodor. It was meant for more horror and yan centric, but I also wanted more mushy and fluffy vibes (wow wasn’t fluffy through the angst??/joking) so i decided to give more redemption and background to the characters instead of having a purely outsider horror pov.

so does draft! nikolai kill darling for them to “turn” into sk darling?? yeah kinda but nikolai also loves this kinder aspect of darling so he conflicted and mourning it. and then it went into the world end and darling having to meet their proper soulmate to save the world, but nikolai doesn’t believe in soulmates but im freedom and choice.

this au spiral from the first idea into multiple different aus in a matter of minutes since i wanted to give you something fresh and new instead of any of my backlog stories or unfinished wips for your birthday. It literally got out of control and I had to revise and rewrite until I found it worthy enough to get sent out as a present for you.

None of my ideas are though out. i think about i once and write before putting it in my notes and never checking about it in months. I think you’re far better about this than me. most of my things are wips. we’re both doing our best and wishing you luck and happy days to come!

my brain is a little hamster ball that spins and ends up everywhere and anywhere.

I’m so so sorry Tuna about me rambling in the ask box. I just had a really wacky and fun time writing this concept for you - 🦄 (Tumblr pls don’t nerf this)

you know the first time i tried answering this my laptop crashed and because of that i will be trying to keep this reply concise TT i think it may be the size that it couldn't handle </3

quickly before we start. i need to take a moment and say Wow because this is 3k words in an askbox and if that number isn't surreal i think the fact that you took almost 3 hours for the original ask is?!?! absolutely insane. that is an astounding amount of dedication and i suddenly feel a little shy and i wish words could encapsulate how much joy this brought me. (after all, i am a reader before a writer, and who doesn't enjoy getting to see such wonderful ideas?) so much respect to you and thank you so so much, really. it's amazing to see what you have and i'm really so honored to be able to see and respond to it like this :)

fyodor lore...i think regressor fyodor may work, in which case i believe he will be the first to realize that he's not the only one who remembers his past lives. maybe this could work into why he's so involved with sigma and darling, despite them not having any reason to be connected w each other. it must be irritating to know that both sigma and darling play a role in his plans, because they become an unpredictable variable now. sigma, at least, remembers a lot of his deaths and lives, so the only way fyodor can rein him in is by keeping a close eye on him.

darling is an anomaly, though, since they don't appear to remember more than the first life with dazai. based on sigma's Many deaths, I'd suppose there are more where darling has experienced, but can't remember, for some reason or another. i'm inclined to believe a certain prince with an affinity for magic may have something to do with that, or perhaps it's the new court jester whose gaze doesn't seem to leave darling...except, that's not even their first life, is it? they've probably lived a hundred more without knowing. which is crazy...

i like to think there was a life where darling stayed by fyodor's side forever, but even as he achieved his plans and became king, there's nothing that changes. he just wakes up to see darling in their ordinary uniform with their ordinary weapon, and no sign of the sword he gave them, but the hope that he could win them over again is all he needs to try again. maybe the memories linger, and sometimes darling walks past fyodor's room only to suddenly remember a time when they were knelt by fyodor's bedside and huh? when did that happen?

the cursed aku thing reminded me of the minotaur story </3 poor aku i'll save you </3 (adds him to the list of Characters I Will Save)

chuuya's curse is...interesting. i doubt he'd be able to live long with a curse like his, because how does he know it only kills a lover he has? what if he believed it may kill anyone by his side? so, if there's any one who doesn't die, he might begin to believe that they aren't entirely loyal to him, hence why they weren't dead yet. eventually the loneliness and paranoia gets to him and he's just destined for a tragic end either way. the greatest mercy for him is a death before he learns the true extent of his curse. but chuuya is really clever, so i guess it's inevitable that he does realize what his curse is. either way, it's a miserable existence. :(

because fyodor easily views everyone else as pawns, i don't think he'll be so upset at the idea of darling using him to satisfy whatever feelings they have. maybe they hope to learn why dazai betrayed them by working with fyodor, if only to satiate their own curiosity. it doesn't matter, anyway, because fyodor ensures that once darling takes the pledge to put fyodor's life before theirs, they would only have eyes for him.

(and… he got sigma. i'm crying about this line. come on fyodor, it doesn't get better than sigma :>)

omg...sigma...all his lives are angst-coded. him having to watch his literal soulmate fall in love with some less than favorable people (but it's worse when darling falls for the actual good ones, the ones he knows will keep darling happy. it hurts because he knows he can never give darling that content lifetime with no worries about crazy jesters and cunning princes). at the very least, he hopes to break the curse so at least one of you could be happy.

ultimately his role has always been for another; a replacement for the previous crown prince, a pawn for fyodor, and now, he exists as darling's counterpart in this strange revival/death thing, but he doesn't really mind when it concerns them. for once, he plays the role of the protector, of the one in charge, and they aren't privy to his plans. and he knows his intentions are pure, his role in their life will always be of their own benefactor. he's the one who makes sure they don't go hungry in the lives they're imprisoned or banished, and he's the one who ensures darling and their partner live well in the lives they leave the palace. he's the one who stops them from getting too close to chuuya, and tries to ward off fyodor's watchful gaze (unaware of his knowledge), and desperately attempts to keep nikolai away. but after all this, he cannot ask them to pledge their life to him, not after knowing the cruel end darling will face by doing so.

this nikolai twist is Insane. Like woahhh where do i go from here?!

i think nikolai carries a lot of resentment at himself (and the world) because of how his life w sk darling ended. why didn't he save them? why did he end up here? how did things turn out this way? and he's more infuriated that the once free and unreadable soul, bloodstained and calculating, that lured him in and trapped him all those years ago became...this other person, this foolish, compassionate knight of all things. it's quite ironic. darling still kills now, but not because they can, not because they want to, only because they have to for whichever pathetic prince they've decided to serve.

and it's horrible because here, darling has never done anything to warrant such a cruel fate, but they've been subjected to a painful life as long as the stupid prophecy exists. he wonders, bitterly, if this is their past catching up with them, punishment for a crime they don't even remember committing.

but as the lives turn by and everyone takes notice of darling, nikolai finds himself starting to learn more about them, too. he learns that their eyes burn with the same silent fury when anything irritates them, that their lips curl in the same way when they notice something amusing, and that they're still just as dedicated to their work, whether it be murder or serving a prince. and i think. nikolai feels some guilt for starting to like knight darling, who's more compassionate/warm than the original sk reader. maybe he feels like he's betraying them by doing so, because he may have 'reverted' back to his 'original' state, but darling is entirely different where it matters. this darling doesn't understand his ideas and thoughts, they would never approve of his crimes, and worst of all, they don't even care for him.

not once in their many lives did they spare him more than a single glance, except when he killed them to reset the timeline. and each time, they looked at him like they didn't understand, like they couldn't recognize him. but when sigma came in and started helping, darling recalled those moments. even when serving fyodor, they seemed to remember their past. but not with nikolai.

he's not sure what's worse; falling for someone who will never understand him, or having someone not even remember a single moment after spending thousands of lives together.

[duchessofostergotlands]

just listened to the pod and although i agree the william doesn’t HATE women’s football, a lot of your arguments relied on “whataboutism”…. like sure the late queen or charles didn’t go to support their patron sports team, or the prime minister didn’t go either, but that doesn’t absolve william. you downplay the importance of his attendance but also stated he’s the reason you even know about some female players. but anyway, i also think he should definitely step down from the FA presidency - it involves too much passion for a “neutral” figure head

I can understand why you've interpreted it that way - to the point where I already had most of this answer prepared in my drafts - but it's inaccurate. I can only speak for the things I said in that episode so if you have a problem with something Grace said you can talk to her (she'd be happy to argue with you and tbh I think it's pretty telling about your view that you chose me to message and not Grace...) but that segment of the episode has two parts:

Why I don't think it's a big deal William didn't go and

Why I'm upset by the general narrative from the public and press

There were only two reasons I didn't think it was a big deal that William didn't go. I can show you my notes if you refuse to believe me.

The work he does for the England WNT and the men's national team is not drastically different now. It's not the same situation as it was in 2022 when William had done absolutely fuck all for women's sport and we both criticised him extensively. The players themselves have spoken repeatedly about the support and engagement they feel from him and

It's Australia. It's 10,000 fucking miles away. Spending tax payer money (from all four nations of the UK) to send a leader in climate change to Australia for what is effectively 5 minutes of work celebrating England is frankly absurd and I genuinely cannot fathom why anyone ever thought he'd go. Especially as it risks inflaming tensions given no one has been to Australia since the change of reign. If you listen back - I don't know, maybe you skipped over this bit, maybe you chose to disregard it - I clearly state that the problem wasn't that William didn't go to Australia it was that he didn't prepare for the fact he wasn't going to Australia. We both stated that he should have done more to support the team but he should have done it from home.

So if you can tell me where the whataboutism is there that would be grand as those were the only two arguments I made.

The rest was about the general narrative - as I said in the episode - and has no impact on my standpoint on William's decision in any way. It wasn't about William at all from my perspective, and what I said was entirely about the undercurrent of bigotry in the criticism of William. I am a Scottish woman and I don't think it's wrong that I find it upsetting when people believe English women matter more than anyone else. See the disparity in the reaction to William not going to Australia vs the reaction when Welsh people spoke about his lack of support for their team. At least he actually wanted the English women to win!! Whether you care or not, it is a problem that William got crucified for not going to Australia, and yet Welsh or Scottish people (and tons of other groups) get crucified for just politely asking for him not to want us to lose. In the course of a conversation about football and the public reaction to inequality in William's support, it is natural that a Scottish woman would mention the fact that the public and the press have shown nothing but bigotry towards us for the entire 17 years William has been President of the FA. It's natural that I would mention that even if William's support for the English women's team could be better, the public and the press treat the English women's team a million times better than they treat the Scottish or Welsh or Australian women's teams. If now isn't a good time to discuss it because it's "whataboutism" but every other day of the year is also not a good time to discuss it because it'll lead to a public hate campaign by the press and the public, when exactly is the right time?

So I don't consider it whataboutism because I was not saying that William's choice was any better or worse as a result of my point. I consider it a related conversation about my personal issues with the fact that people are claiming on social media to be holier than thou because of their standpoint in this while at best deliberately ignoring and at worst actively celebrating other, worse, forms of inequality. If you consider that whataboutism I truly don't care, because I'm right.

[lostcitysystem]

Man it’s been a hell of a week.

Found out on Tuesday that I will no longer be homeless!! I have a place to live!! I’m so excited and I genuinely can’t believe the journey this has been.

As a vulnerable person living in the UK, living off of what little money the government decides to give me, I (stupidly) assumed that it wouldn’t be too hard to find a place to live. Since June of last year I have sent off at least two applications a day for viewings and contacted landlords that live more than two hours outside of my city. That’s around 420 applications (minimum) that I have sent just to get the most basic housing. That might not sound like a lot and some people may think I’m just whining because housing is hard to come by these days and everyone is struggling. I have had two viewings in that time. Two. Out of four hundred and twenty. One of which was the flat I’m moving into soon. The call with the landlord/estate agent would be completely normal and fine, they’re happy in fact to have applicants for a place that has visible black mould in the photos. And then it would get to the stage where they ask about my finances. I state I’m not in debt and that I’m going to be paying with government benefits (which fully cover rent and bills and other expenses). Complete silence, until they ultimately tell me that they can’t accept that as a form of payment or the flat has gone to someone else (but when you check, the place is still on the website, just sitting there).

I cannot describe the pit that would form in my stomach every time I had to tell an estate agent that I’m on benefits. The shame and sadness I felt every single day, at least twice a day. The consensus it seems across the UK is that people on benefits are just scam artists who make it so that the working man has to pay for them to live a life of luxury. What luxury do I have? Sleeping on the floor at my friend’s house for seven months, feeling like the worst person on earth but there’s nothing I can do because no one will accept my ‘form of payment’. What are people in my position genuinely supposed to do? I can’t work, at all, not even charity work or part time. I can barely leave my bed most days because I’m so depressed and psychotic. “Oh but you could work from home”. I can’t even focus on a screen for more than an hour because I’m so unwell. “Oh but it’s illegal for them to deny you a place to live just because you’re on benefits”. Do you genuinely think that stops them? “You could stay with family”. What family? The ones who abused me until the age of 18?

I’m sorry this is such a rant but I’m so sick of this perception of people on benefits living the good life and taking it easy. It’s hell. I wish I could work. I wish I could wake up in the morning, get up and go somewhere. But I can’t. My doctors say I can’t. Three psychiatrists have said the same. But I’m the problem with society right now. I’m bringing down the economy and making it so hard for everyone.

This will probably stay in my drafts but I just can’t keep it in anymore.

[deep-space-lines]

Have you ever wanted to draw something but you fought due to your skill level at the time you decide not to do it

Honestly I don't think there's been a time in my life where I haven't experienced this. There's a file on my ipad I've had on the backburner for like probably over 4 years now; there's a really clear image in my head of a poster showing the detailed anatomy of an astronaut from the perspective of aliens who believe the spacesuit to be part of its body, and every time I come back to it, I keep saying I'll do it later because I just can't pull it off yet :') so yeah the struggle is real

That being said, I've personally found that apart from just 'don't draw it and let it haunt you for years until your confidence improves', there's two solutions that work for me

1: Just draw it the best you're able now, with the knowledge that it might suck (in your eyes) but there's no rule that says you can't come back and re-draw it a few months or years down the line once you've learned more, if you still want to. It can be super frustrating if you have a really concrete awesome image in your head that you know you can't execute the way you'd like, but treating it more like a rough draft than something that has to be perfect the first time around can help get around this. Genuinely I think about this post all the time now, I think it rewired my brain chemistry as an artist. Just accept it'll look bad, who give a shit!!!! If you draw the rough draft now, it'll either turn out better than you expected, or you'll figure out what you struggled with for next time. Either way you'll at least temporarily get The Image out of your head and satiate the Art Beast.

Which leads into...

2: Figure out if there's a specific aspect of the Thing that intimidates you the most and put some time into low-stakes practice with the skill that's blocking you. Usually it's gonna be something like perspective, anatomy, rendering/painting, struggling with dynamic poses, etc.

Starting a completely new skill from scratch sounds intimidating, but you're not starting from scratch, and if you sit yourself down and give it some dedicated practice, you WILL see improvement within the same day. Keep it up for a week or a month and you'll have learned a lot. If it's dynamic perspective, tell yourself "ok I am GOING to learn how to draw with perspective" and mess around with references, look up tutorials, draw other art pieces with perspective until you feel like you have a somewhat decent grasp of it. If it's anatomy or dynamic poses: (once again, cannot stress enough) use references. Trace and then copy references until you get a feel for the shapes (AdorkaStock is really good), practice figure drawing (Quickposes, Line of Action), watch Proko because they have really good videos on these things (1) (2) (3).

'Practice makes perfect' is simultaneously very correct and very unhelpful advice, but if you've got a good grasp of the fundamentals of art, picking up specific, individual skills to a 'good enough' level is not nearly as time-consuming and frustrating as trying to just get better at 'art' as a whole. It can be really good motivation tbh (at least for me), to have an image of something I want to create and telling myself "I am going to intentionally practice [indoor environments]/[perspective]/[faces]/[painting with unrealistic colors]/[insert specific skill] for a few weeks until I feel confident enough to draw this thing".

anyway sorry that was so long. idk if this is any help, just my personal experience

[wosopatri2]

Hey queen

Yes I would love to see more photos, you can post whatever u like :) Just be careful posting the city u currently live in, idw you to have a repeat of your old situation. The architecture there is beautiful and stunning, I hope to see some of it in person someday.

Babes just a question what about me have off American 😭I mean to be fair you know nothing about me but it genuinely made me giggle that you thought I was American. Not going to say exactly where I’m from but you’ve gone completely in the wrong direction geography wise. There’s no accent? At least I think. I will say I’ve developed an odd way of talking from my friends mixed accent at Uni.

Glad to hear that ur hanging on, maybe try to find new things to do to distract yourself? I remember you said you were interested in basketball, do u follow any of it? Heard the wnba draft just happened maybe u could distract yourself with that. Either way, proud of you for going one step at a time, im sure you’ll get over it.

Omg I’ve actually been so off the grid with football idk what’s going on anymore. How’s Pere’s tactics going? Cause I too am shitting myself over the fact that his tactics have to play Chelsea. Genuinely still remember the tears I shed last year when we lost to them. At least we made a come back? Idk if we will learn this time tho….

I cannot write short messages for the life of me, I just start typing then boom a whole essay appears. Oops. Love you anyways, xoxo

Hey love :)

I’ll definitely keep posting more photos then, thank you for hyping them up like that, seriously. And don’t worry, I’ll be careful about posting anything that gives away where I am now, I learned that lesson the hard way. But yeah, the architecture here is actually super beautiful in its own way. Less flashy than Barça, but old and full of character.

I’m still laughing at this cause I don’t know, your tone, some expressions, and maybe just my brain inventing backstories, it gave me “east coast liberal arts student trying to survive” vibes. Turns out my brain invented lore for you and now I’m being called out. I love that, you’re such a mystery. But I am now reimagining your whole accent and way of speakin cause my brain can't let it go.

Also, you mentioning basketball made me smile, yes I’ve been following women’s basketball for a really long time. I actually used to play pro and don’t get me wrong, it still excites me, especially watching the new talent come up i'm in love with Paige i think she's the perfect player tbh… but I’ve followed it so closely and for so long that the spark just doesn’t hit the same anymore. It’s like seeing something you love from a distance, still beautiful, but it doesn’t set your brain on fire the way it used to. Maybe it’ll come back though.

Football-wise, don’t even get me started. Pere’s tactics are both bold and terrifying, and if they are doing great is not his job but because Barça is the best team in the world, his management of minutes is horrible (this last matches he's been doing that okay but still... I don't like to judge a season until it's over but I don't like what he has done with this team). Facing Chelsea again....I have war flashbacks. I still remember that loss way too vividly. I hope this time we’ve actually grown and won’t collapse under pressure. I believe in the players, but I’m also keeping one eye half-closed just in case it turns into a horror show again. Just really hope they don't score a goal here cause defense this year is being wanky so hoping for a 2-0 Ewa, Aitana, Caro or Alexia please I know they don't like Chelsea (specially Aitana) so I'm hoping for them🙏🏽🙏🏽

And don’t worry about writing long messages, your “essays” are literally a highlight of my day. It feels like catching up with someone over coffee even if we’re both in the middle of a mental breakdown and a pile of things to do. I love reading them, always.

Love you lots ♥️