cosmerelists

[cosmerelists]

Pros and Cons of Inviting Cosmere Shards to your Next Boardgame Night

So you want to invite a fragment of Adonalsium to your next boardgame night? You do you, but here are some pros & cons you might want to consider first.

1. Autonomy [Taldain; White Sand]

Pros: If you're good, Autonomy will respect you. You actually managed to complete the coast to coast railroad in Ticket to Ride? Autonomy is giving that a fist bump.

Cons: If you are bad at your chosen game, or even if you just have a bad night, Autonomy may simply kill you.

2. Preservation [Scadrial; Mistborn]

Cons: Preservation HATES it when the game progresses. You've been playing Risk for three hours now, and Preservation is still trying to get it to look like it did at setup. He's crying.

Pros: Preservation doesn't mind losing. He kinda likes it if his score stays at 0.

3. Ruin [Scadrial; Mistborn]

Pros: Ruin is not a bad loser either.

Cons: In fact, Ruin hopes that EVERYONE will lose. He's mainly in it to see everything burn. Do NOT play Pandemic with Ruin.

4. Harmony [Scadrial; Mistborn]

Cons: You are SO SURE that Harmony is trying to manipulate how you play.

Pros: H-He just put down a Scrabble word that can be pluralized one square away from the triple word score tile--is he trying to manipulate you into winning?! Does he want the game to be easy for you??

5. Honor [Roshar; Stormlight]

Pros: He will DEFINITELY not cheat.

Cons: He's just...a bit of a windbag, you know? He tells like the same six stories over and over again and always looks at you like he thinks he's changing your life. It's like--it's been your turn for five minutes now!

6. Dominion [Sel; Elantris]

Cons: Ugh, Dominion is the WORST winner. Laughing, mocking you, rubbing your face in it... It's like, cool it. We are playing Settlers of Catan.

Pros: ...It's actually very satisfying to beat her, especially at the card-building guide Dominion. Heh heh. Heheheheh.

7. Devotion [Sel; Elantris]

Pros: Devotion has a whole library of fun co-op games where everyone wins! It's delightful!

Cons: Just once you wish you could play a competitive game. With winners and losers. But you just can't take Devotion's round, moist eyes when you suggest it.

8. Endowment [Nalthis; Warbreaker]

Cons: It's not too bad of a con, really, but she is REALLY particular about what piece color she gets.

Pros: She always brings snacks! And she never asks for anyone else to take their turn or anything; she just likes to bring stuff!

9. Cultivation [Roshar; Stormlight]

Pros: You swear that playing with Cultivation has made you a better player. Yes, she kicks your butt at Checkers repeatedly, but she also seems to want you to get better at the game. It's kind of sweet.

Cons: You just wish she could be more...normal about win conditions. "Winner gets to pick the takeout place!" Normal! "And winner also has to pour a glass of water over their head!" Now it's weird.

10. Virtuosity [Komashi; Yumi and the Nightmare Painter]

Cons: Sometimes you like a game, and you'd like to try it again. But Virtuosity always pooh-poohs that idea. She only likes to try new games.

Pros: She's always really taken with the art on the game box. It's kinda sweet.

11. Odium, Rayse vessel [Roshar; Stormlight]

Pros: Odium understands and adheres to the spirit of the game, and he doesn't take it personally. When you block his Draw 2 with a Draw 2 of your own, he just shakes his head and comments that it's his own fault for agreeing to house rules.

Cons: Whenever someone loses, Odium insists that they be banned from game night forever. Sometimes you catch a cold look in his eye, like he intends to be the only boardgame player left at the end of this...but that would be crazy, right??

12. Odium, [spoilers-for-Rhythm-of-War] vessel [Roshar, Stormlight]

Cons: You thought you were playing by house rules Monopoly, you know, like everyone does, when all of the sudden Odium stops your brother from loaning you some money by calmly pointing out that it isn't allowed in the official rules. Suddenly you see that he has the Official Rule Book in hand. Many pages are earmarked. A chill comes over you.

Pros: Well, you agreed that if the Monopoly game lasted longer than two hours, then whoever was up at that point would simply win. S-So, at least there's an end in sight? Why are you so scared though??

13. Ambition [Threnody; Shadows for Silence]

Pros: Whenever someone gets eliminated from your weekly poker game because they run out of chips, Ambition insists that they stay at the table and continue having a role in the game. How sweet!

Cons: ...is what you would say, if the role weren't sitting there in silence, watching for any rule-breaking (like card counting or collusion). Ambition always says that the punishment for rule-breaking is...death. You know she's kidding.

You think she's kidding.

You might stop inviting her.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere characters as parents, perhaps? I was going to request them as single parents specifically, but I cannot imagine some characters not with their partners (shadolin my life)

Anyways please single dad kaladin and my life is yours

Sure, I can characters as parents and will include Kaladin!

I have Disneyland list for this Saturday night so yours sometime after that!

[cosmerelists]

If We Had Cosmere-Themed Chess Sets...

Now that I think about it, these might simply exist. B-But anyway, here's how I think a chess set could be constructed thematically from various Cosmere books.

[Spoilers! I wouldn't read these unless you've read the series mentioned in the title]

1. The Stormlight Chess Set

King: Elhokar. He is the king and also, and I say this gently, he doesn't do much or go very far, typically. Just like the king in chess! Queen: Jasnah. Is the queen...albeit at a different time than her brother is the king, but eh. Very powerful. Can move anywhere. Might be the strongest piece on the board. Bishops: Kadash and Pai. I just think they should be Ardents, and I picked my favorite two. Knights: Renarin & Adolin. Renarin because he should be the piece that moves in the most unique way. No one else moves in an L shape! And Adolin? Well...not gonna lie. I just think Adolin should be a horsey piece. Rooks: Dalinar and the Sibling. Dalinar because he needs to be a piece that is strong. That moves in a firm, straight line. That can do that castle move which is about protecting the king. And the Sibling because they are literally a tower. Pawns: Bridge 4. Main purpose was to be sent out to die, although if they make it allll the way across the board they can get a very special powerup and become one of the most powerful pieces on the board.

2. The Mistborn Era 1 Chess Set

King: Kelsier. Yes, the game is supposed to end if the king dies. No, Kelsier-King does not play by the rules. Queen: Vin. I mean, she's a Mistborn, which to me is parallel to being the piece that move in any direction as far as it wants. Very powerful. Bishops: Hammond & Dockson. Stand on either side of the queen and king. One can only move on black squares, and one can only move on white, which symbolizes how Ham & Dockson are on the same side but rarely see eye-to-eye. Knights: TenSoon & Marsh. Knights make hard turns as pieces, and these are characters who are always making hard turns: TenSoon from one side to other, from one body to another (and yes, I gave him the animal piece. Sue me). And Marsh from human to Inquisitor to, uh, Death I guess. Rooks: Demoux & Spook. I can't tell you why rooks read as "true believers in Kelsier" to me, but they do. And I kinda like these two as a pair. Pawns: The Skaa army that Kelsier tries to recruit. Sorry to those men.

3. The Mistborn Era 2 Chess Set

King: Harmony. Can't do much himself, but does direct the other characters. If he gets killed (shattered), the game could be over for Scadrial. Queen: Wax. Harmony's sword. Can zoom all over the place killing other pieces. Bishops: Steris & Marasi, as the resident believers in Survivorism. Knights: Wayne & MeLaan. Yes, I'm realizing that I see kandra as the little horsey pieces, I guess. And the knights can't move straight. And neither Wayne nor MeLaan are straight either. Rooks: Ranette & uh...Marsh again? Am I forgetting someone? Why are there so few characters in Era 2? A-Anyway, Ranette and Marsh definitely make sense because they're both, uh, support characters. Ranette making weapons. Marsh dropping info. And the Rooks are there to support the king! Pawns: All the kandra. Pawns of Harmony, every one. Bleeder is the really angry one determined to make it across the board and get promoted.

4. The Elantris Chess Set

King: Raoden. As a dead guy trapped in Elantris, Raoden doesn't have a lot of moves he can make. But dang is he really good at doing a lot with a little. Queen: Sarene. Sarene, on the other hand, has a LOT more freedom of movement and she uses it. Bishops: Hrathen and Dilaf. Hilarious to have them on the same side as Raoden and Sarene, I know. But listen. They gotta be the church pieces. Knights: Galladon and Karata. Since knights trace out the letter "L" and the Elantrians need to draw symbols in the air to do magic, I thought...wait. I swear this made sense in my head. Rooks: Kiin and Eondel. Kiin because the rooks kinda look like they're wearing a crown and Kiin was due to become king, and Eondel because he's the guy who has the strong private army. Pawns: I think it would be fun if the pawns were people with the Shaod, since they could become really powerful but they aren't currently.

5. The Warbreaker Chess Set

King: Siri. Not only does Siri spend the whole book being shuffled from one room to another (like the king can shuffle one square at a time), but a major plot point is Keep Siri Alive when the other side tries to kill her, so. Queen: Susebron. I do want Siri and Susebron to be king & queen, and it just works better this way. Once he gets his powers figured out, he's an all-powerful sort of guy. Bishops: Lightsong & Blushweaver. They're literal religious figures. Knights: Vasher & Vivenna. Mainly because they're warriors. Rooks: Parlin & Llarimar. I know Llarimar should be a bishop because he has the hat, but I like the Returned gods as bishops. So I made him the rook--and Parlin too (as soon as I remembered he existed. Sorry, Parlin). They're both there to support/protect another character. Pawns: I think they should all be soldiers from the Lifeless army.

[cosmerelists]

@jellybeanzrock Sorry it's been forever! I looked and looked but couldn't find the post I was thinking of where someone else already did this, so I think I'm just gonna do my own. It may take up to another week, but I've started it!

Have you ever done cosmere characters at Disneyland? (Or any amusement park really)

Absolutely love your lists! :D

Thank you! 😊

I haven’t, mostly because I think somebody already did? I remember seeing a post about cosmere characters at an amusement park although I don’t remember if it was everyone or only stormlight.

Does anyone know the post I’m talking about? I’d have to see if it’s done or if there’s a new angle for me 😅

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters with Tamagotchi

Tamagotchi are little virtual pets: you have to feed them (but not overfeed them), clean up after them, and give them attention. Or else they die. How would Cosmere characters feel about having such a device?

1. Shallan

Shallan: Hey, my tamagotchi is doing pretty good! Shallan: I think I might be a natural, despite never having had one as a kid. Pattern: Never had one? What do you mean? Don't you remember the oth- Shallan: SURE LOVE MY ONE AND ONLY TAMAGOTCHI

2. Vin

Elend: Hey Vin...is your tamagotchi cleaning up its own poop? And feeding itself? Vin: Ha ha, yeah! Elend: But...how? Vin: Oh, I discovered the secret backdoor the Lord Ruler apparently created that allows you to make your tamagotchi do stuff for itself. Elend: ...but of course.

3. Raboniel

Raboniel: Die? No, my tamagotchi has never died. Raboniel: Sometimes I do get busy and then it reincarnates into a new body, but that's hardly DYING. Leshwi: I'm not sure that's the intended lore... Raboniel: Any day now the insanity will start to show...

4. Sibling & Navani

Navani: I can feel you staring, Sibling. Sibling: I don't like it. Sibling: It's trapped on that little screen. Navani: It's not actually sentient. It's a pretend pet. Sibling: Like I'd trust a human to know the difference!! Sibling: ... Sibling: It's cute though. You better take good care of it, just in case. Navani: Dont worry; I will.

5. Yumi

Akane: Wow! How many tamagotchi do you have, Yumi?? Yumi: Mmmm, I think I'm up to about 15 or so, why? Akane: How do you take care of so many?! Yumi: So many? I mean, I check in one each of them every 75 minutes or so, go through their needs & wants in turn, and then the cycle repeats. Yumi: Is it...hard? Akane: ... Painter: Trust me--don't even try to understand it.

6. Renarin

Renarin: It's nice that it has meters for hunger, happiness, and training. Renarin: You always know exactly what it wants and needs, just by looking. Rlain: Would be nice if people were more like that. Renarin: It would be so nice!!

7. Adolin

Adolin: You're such a good buddy, little Shelldon! Adolin: You're going to grow so big and strong! Shallan: You sure talk to your tamagotchi a lot, huh? Adolin: Ha ha yeah, I do! Adolin: ...I lowkey wonder if I talk to it enough if it'll turn out to be secretly alive, like Maya. Shallan: ... Adolin: P-Probably not though!

8. Lightsong

Lightsong: Ugh, it's just so NEEDY Lightsong: Beep beep! Feed me! Beep beep! Love me! Beep beep! Clean me up! Lightsong: Why don't you try WORKING for a living, you little leech! Lightsong: ... Lighting: Scoot, I am giving you SO many chances to jump in with a cutting remark about me and you're not taking ANY of them. Llarimar (perfectly seriously): I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Your Grace.

9. Lift

Wyndle: ...another one died, huh, Mistress? Lift: Yeah. Wyndle: I-I think you're overfeeding them. Lift: Don't be silly! Eating will make them stronger--I bet I need to feed them MORE! Lift: The deaths of Tama, Eggy, Gotcha, Omelet, and Togepi will not be in vain! Wyndle: ...You remember them all?!

10. Kaladin

Dalinar: Kaladin, we need to talk...about your tamagotchi obsession. Kaladin (eyes currently glued on the tamagotchi): What do you mean? Dalinar: You're bringing it to all of the meetings. You use Stormlight to lash it to you when you fly. Syl told me you wake up multiple times a night to check on it. Kaladin: Listen, the last three all died, but THIS one is going to make it. I can feel it. I just need to keep my eyes on it at all times. Forever. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I don't know if tamagotchi are for you.

[cosmerelists]

Are Various Cosmere Characters a Cat Person or a Dog Person?

Sanderson was once asked whether Kelsier and/or Marsh would be a cat or a dog person, although not everyone was satisfied with his answer (@zephyscosmere). So, inspired by that post, I thought I'd deliver my own headcanons about whether various Cosmere characters would be a cat or a dog person if, you know, such animals existed in their part of the Cosmere.

(I should mention for full transparency that I am 100% a cat person. Will that affect my headcanons? Probably!)

1. Adolin: Dog Person

Not only is Adolin a golden retriever, but he would also have a golden retriever, and he would play approximately one thousand hours of frisbee with it per day.

2. Sadeas: Cat person

I simply cannot shake the image of Sadeas & Ialai plotting together...but also there is a big white fluffy Persian cat with them. If that's wrong then I don't want to be right.

3. Shallan: Cat Person

I'm torn on this, and I'll be interested to hear what you all think. But I feel like when Shallan was essentially on house arrest for most of her life, she had cats, and that they kept her company in her room and napped while she was drawing. And although cats therefore remind her a little bit of a bad time in her life, it wasn't the cat's fault, and she still likes them.

4. Hoid: Cat Person

Hoid is 150% a cat person. I can't even really explain this. I just feel it so strongly in my soul.

5. Vin: Dog Person

I mean, I kinda hate to say this, given that the only actual dog Vin ever bought she also killed immediately. But Vin is kind of canonically a dog person, given her relationship with TenSoon.

6. Hrathen: Cat Person

I'm realizing as I write this that I associate "plotter" with "cat person." But again, I can see Hrathen with a cat. I can see the cat sitting on his shoulder, looking somehow just as arrogant as Hrathen himself, and hissing at Sarene.

7. Kaladin: Dog Person

As much as Kaladin himself is a cat, he would nevertheless be a dog person, I feel. He'd be tromping through Hearthstone as a child with his loyal dog by his side, and as a Radiant he'd give his dog goggles when he needs to fly it around.

8. Gavilar: Dog Person

Gavilar only likes things that are very loyal to him.

9. Moash: Cat Person

Cats have definite boundaries, and if they don't like you, they let you know it. I feel like that would resonate with Moash.

10. Vivenna: Dog Person

This is just instinct, like my "Hoid is a cat person" headcanon. But I feel like Vivenna--and especially Azure--is a dog person.

11. Elend: Cat Person

I think Elend reads thick tomes with a cat on his lap. I also think Vin is cat-like, and that Elend likes her.

12. Vasher: Cat Person

I just think that since Vasher is a prickly misanthropist, that he would like to have another, smaller, fuzzier prickly misanthropist on his side.

13. Tress: Dog Person

[SPOILERS INCOMING!! WHOOP! WHOOP!] I think if your boyfriend has spent any time as a rat being terrorized by cats, you kinda have to be a dog person rather than a cat person.

14. Jasnah: Cat Person

Weirdly, the logic here is the same as it is for Moash. I think Jasnah would appreciate a cat's autonomy and unwillingness to pretend to like people.

15. Painter: Cat Person

He's an antisocial artist. I mean, that says "cat" right?

16. Lightsong: Cat Person

I've said in a previous list, if there were any justice in this world, Lightsong would have an incredibly spoiled Persian cat with him at all times.

17. Breeze: Neither

I don't think Breeze wants fur of any type to get on his clothes.

18. Allrianne: Dog Person

Specifically, one of those dogs you can carry around in your purse and which has a pink sparkly collar.

19. Steris: Cat Person

Cats have rules and strict schedules. Steris would appreciate that.

20. Wax: Both

In the Roughs, Wax had an immaculately fluffy cat who sat on his shoulder and kept primly grooming itself. In the city, Wax has a wonky-looking mutt who slobbers a lot. Wax loves them both.

[cosmerelists]

Sure! I'm going to take this as a list request :)

BUT I'm going to not use anyone on OP's list, just for an additional challenge. Here is my totally separate Avengers-style super hero team: 1. Vin

Vin is like the Incredible Hulk, insofar as she can come in and rain down great swathes of destruction. But for good! Mostly!

2. Steris

Somebody needs to organize and command the team, and I think Steris is an excellent pick. She will keep the team together, figure out how to best use their abilities, and also handle the press.

3. Adolin

Adolin is incredibly handsome, personable, and the token member of the team with no actual superpowers, ala Hawkeye. He's extremely capable in battle, and excellent for public image.

4. Navani

Somebody needs to build the flying ships and the power suits and the, uh, planet-destroying weapons. And who better than our resident mad scientist?

5. Susebron

I mean...he's at the tenth heightening, is essentially immortal, can invent any Commands he wants, override other Commands, Awaken pretty much anything... I like the OP's idea of a Superhero Wizard, I'm just going with Susebron instead. He also fills the role of "team member who is also a god on his planet."

6. Wax

Not only is he both heroic and an excellent killer fighter, but he's also a very good investigator, politically influential, and heroic. He and Navani WILL figure out what the bad guys are up to, you can trust in that.

7. Leshwi

We need somebody who can fly--which I know Vin kind of can, but Leshwi can not only fly herself but also lash others with her. Plus, she's functionally immortal and has more experience than everyone else combined.

Crosspost from the Cosmere subreddit, but I want to hear what the Tumblr users say as well. (particularly @cosmerelists if you have time)

[cosmerelists]

Mansplain, Manipulate, Manslaughter / Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss: Cosmere Style

I suppose it's a tumblr meme, really--dividing people up by whether they are the "mansplain/manipulate/manslaughter" type or the "gaslight/gatekeep/girlboss" type. Here are my takes!

[SPOILERS FOR STORMLIGHT & for MISTBORN ERA 1 / SECRET HISTORY!]

1. The "Unification" Bros

Mansplain: Gavilar

Remember when he mansplained Eshonai's own gods to her

Manipulate: Sadeas

This is a man who knows how to politically maneuver.

Manslaughter: Dalinar

Blackthorn era. 'Nough said.

2. The Kholin Ladies

Gaslight: Shallan

Sometimes she gaslights others. Sometimes she gaslights herself.

Gatekeep: Jasnah

You can be her apprentice...if you prove yourself first.

Girlboss: Navani

What else do you call snagging TWO warlord tyrants and toxic yuri-ing yourself into almost single-handedly ending an occupation?

3. The Shard Trio

Mansplain: Honor

He who sends visions to explain stuff to you.

Manipulate: Cultivation

She who gives you a cursing/blessing pair to make sure you end up exactly where she wants you to be...more or less.

Manslaughter: Odium

He who is preparing for a cosmere-wide war.

4. The Other Shard Trio

Gaslight: Ruin

"Yes! It's me! Your brother speaking in your head!"

Gatekeep: Preservation

"Look, I'm trying to keep you away from the Well of Ascension for your own good!"

Girlboss: Sazed

"Yes. It's me. Holding two shards at once. What, like it's hard?"

5. Vin & Her Boys

Manipulate: Kelsier

Yes, yes. He likes killing too. But ever since dying, he's really been going hard at the manipulate business.

Mansplain: Elend

This man is sure that explaining philosophy to someone will have an effect somewhere.

Manslaughter: Vin

Vin is mowing down entire armies. And she'll kill your dad too!

6. And Finally...Types of Investiture

Manipulate: AonDor

As far as I understand it, AonDor can do pretty much anything...as long as you manipulate those aons correctly...

Mansplain: Awakening

You do magic by giving commands to objects. Better hope you get the wording right...

Manslaughter: Hemalurgy

I mean...you get your power literally by killing people, so...

Gaslight: Forgery

You rewrite an object or person's history. It was always like that! Ha ha shhhh...

Gatekeep: Stormlight

Need more power? Sorry, those are locked behind oaths! Hope you find the right words soon!

Girlboss: Allomancy

Is there anything more girlboss than swigging some metal shards and suddenly being able to fly? No oaths, no checks, no equations...just eat some metal and become a boss!

[cosmerelists]

Have you ever done cosmere characters at Disneyland? (Or any amusement park really)

Absolutely love your lists! :D

Thank you! 😊

I haven’t, mostly because I think somebody already did? I remember seeing a post about cosmere characters at an amusement park although I don’t remember if it was everyone or only stormlight.

Does anyone know the post I’m talking about? I’d have to see if it’s done or if there’s a new angle for me 😅

[cosmerelists]

Magazine Headlines You Would See in the Rosharan Grocery Checkout Lane

There you are, standing in line at your local Rosharan grocery store. As you wait, you can't help but see the racks of magazines. You'd never buy any, of course, but some of those article headlines on the front cover sure sound interesting...

1. Better Houses and Plants

Exclusive: Singer Secrets For Bigger Harvests Fresh & Delicious Meals from Soulcast Ingredients Tower Fashions: Straight From Urithiru

2. Populace Weekly

Lyn Exclusive Interview: "When I realized I had to leave him." A Real Fairytale Romance: Shallan Davar on Dating a Prince Yanagawn the First: Inside the Imperial Miracle

3. Male Health

[Nothing but pictures of buff men doing exercise]

4. Great Housekeeping

How to Keep Your House Spick & Span Without Parshmen 10 Plants That Can Survive the Everstorm Navani Kholin: How Women Can Have It All

5. Chic

Adolin Kholin: Paint Your Shardplate To Perfection Looking Radiant With The Knights Radiant Jasnah Kholin's Eternal Elegance

6. Good Appetite

10 Stews To Keep You Warm In the Weeping 8 Spicy Meals To Woo Your Man The Sweetest Treats That Won't Bust Your Waistline

7. Alethi Geographic

Why Greatshells Matter Shattered Norms: The Men Who Read Santhid: Monster of the Deep

8. The Conclavian

The Lost Island of Aimia: Truth & Lies Inside the Dawnchant Nohadon's Way

9. Popular Artifabrians

Fabrials that Will Change Your Life Navani Kholin: Real Genius The Future is Fabrials

10. The Rosharan Enquirer

The Alethi Queen is Dating an Alien!! SADEAS MURDER COVERUP REVEALED Cheating Adolin Exposed! "Maya Is My True Love" A House of Murder and Lies: Davar Family Secrets Revealed!

[cosmerelists]

Magazine Headlines You Would See in the Rosharan Grocery Checkout Lane

There you are, standing in line at your local Rosharan grocery store. As you wait, you can't help but see the racks of magazines. You'd never buy any, of course, but some of those article headlines on the front cover sure sound interesting...

1. Better Houses and Plants

Exclusive: Singer Secrets For Bigger Harvests Fresh & Delicious Meals from Soulcast Ingredients Tower Fashions: Straight From Urithiru

2. Populace Weekly

Lyn Exclusive Interview: "When I realized I had to leave him." A Real Fairytale Romance: Shallan Davar on Dating a Prince Yanagawn the First: Inside the Imperial Miracle

3. Male Health

[Nothing but pictures of buff men doing exercise]

4. Great Housekeeping

How to Keep Your House Spick & Span Without Parshmen 10 Plants That Can Survive the Everstorm Navani Kholin: How Women Can Have It All

5. Chic

Adolin Kholin: Paint Your Shardplate To Perfection Looking Radiant With The Knights Radiant Jasnah Kholin's Eternal Elegance

6. Good Appetite

10 Stews To Keep You Warm In the Weeping 8 Spicy Meals To Woo Your Man The Sweetest Treats That Won't Bust Your Waistline

7. Alethi Geographic

Why Greatshells Matter Shattered Norms: The Men Who Read Santhid: Monster of the Deep

8. The Conclavian

The Lost Island of Aimia: Truth & Lies Inside the Dawnchant Nohadon's Way

9. Popular Artifabrians

Fabrials that Will Change Your Life Navani Kholin: Real Genius The Future is Fabrials

10. The Rosharan Enquirer

The Alethi Queen is Dating an Alien!! SADEAS MURDER COVERUP REVEALED Cheating Adolin Exposed! "Maya Is My True Love" A House of Murder and Lies: Davar Family Secrets Revealed!

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Fake-Dating Pairs That Could "Plausibly" Happen

As requested by @room-temperature-orange-juice :)

Sanderson doesn't seem to go for fake dating all that much. But here are some scenarios that could TOTALLY happen if he did want to incorporate some fake-dating comedy into his books...

1. MeLaan & Marasi

The Scenario: Well, they obviously need to go undercover to solve a case, perhaps to a ball or a party or a wedding where it makes the most sense to pretend to be a couple

MeLaan (currently in a woman's body): All right. Let's do this! Marasi: U-Uh, MeLaan? Are you sure that's the...best body for this operation? MeLaan: Shit, you're right. Hang on! MeLaan: [Returns as a much more voluptuous woman] MeLaan: Now everyone will know that you can pull. Marasi (deeply red): T-THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT

2. Kaladin & Szeth [Rhythm of War spoilers but NO WAT preview spoilers]

The Scenario: Well, we know that Kaladin and Szeth will be going to Shinovar on a mission. Let's say Szeth needs to explain why he's brought a stone-walker into his homeland. The obvious explanation is that they're dating!

Shinovar authority figure: D-Dating?! Why would you date a stone-walker?! Szeth (expressionless): I like tall men. Kaladin (equally expressionless): He likes it when I hit my head on things. Szeth (still expressionless): Though I love him deeply, I do enjoy a good instance of head trauma. Shinovar authority figure (muttering): Is double "Truthless" a thing?

3. Charlie & one of those princesses

The Scenario: Rather than driving off all of the eligible princesses by being as boring & gross as possible, Charlie finds one who is willing to play along.

Charlie: T-The truth is, I already have a woman I love. The Princess: Really? Charlie: Yeah, but my dad doesn't approve of her... The Princess: I know how you feel. My father also doesn't approve of the woman I love... Charlie: ... The Princess: ... Charlie: ... The Princess: ... Charlie: Five-year engagement? The Princess: At least!

4. Lyn & Renarin

The Scenario: Fed up with her parents being all judgmental because she dumped Kaladin Stormblessed, Lyn decides that she HAS to bring an awesome date to her family dinner--and who better than a Brightlord, a Radiant, AND the king's son?

Lyn: Don't forget to bring up that you joined the 4v1 duel before Kaladin. Lyn: And how you took down a Thunderclast! Lyn: Storms, if you just smile occasionally, I bet that'll make them forget about Kaladin... Lyn: ... Lyn: Honestly, I think you might just be a better catch than Kaladin. Renarin: I'm gay, though. Lyn: Heh, well I didn't say you're a better catch for me...

5. Kaladin & Elhokar

The Scenario: Imagine that, during the infiltration of Kholinar, that part of their disguises involve Elhokar (disguised as a lighteyed woman) being the wife of Kaladin (disguised as an ugly old man).

Elhokar: Mmmm...I don't feel that I would go for a man with eyebrows like that. Shallan: Brightlady, please! Surely you can pretend that beneath his rough exterior, he has a good heart. Kaladin: ...pretend? Elhokar: No, no. I definitely would have insisted that he at least groom better. Can you make his eyebrows at least a bit neater? To sell the illusion? Or, do we have time to stop for nose-hair trimmers? Shallan: What if I just make his cheekbones a bit sharper? Elhokar: Mmmm...okay, yes. I could see myself marrying him. Kaladin: CAN WE PLEASE GET GOING

6. Wayne and Ranette

The Scenario: Wayne begs Ranette to fake-marry him.

Ranette: [looking at Wayne with a mixture of horror and pity] You said you weren't gonna do this anymore, Wayne. Wayne: No, no! Don't you get the wrong idea here! I need you to marry me and then divorce me horribly so you get half of my money in court! Wayne: Please understand--I've tried everything to get rid of this money. I'm desperate here! Wayne: Please! Ranette: ... Ranette: I get to divorce you horribly? Wayne: You better eviscerate me in court! Ranette: ... Ranette: Might be right therapeutic, actually. Wayne: You're such a good friend!

Moash & Kelsier

The Scenario: Moash realizes he's going to be reunited with his former Bridge 4 friends and makes plans accordingly.

Moash: Yup. This is my old Bridge 4 uniform, but now it's dyed black, because I'm new & evil now. Moash: And this is my new boyfriend Kelsier, who's just like you, Kaladin, only he survives MORE and actually FOLLOWS THROUGH on killing the king. Kelsier: Lord Ruler. Moash: Whatever. Moash: So as you can see, I don't even miss you guys AT ALL. Moash: ... Moash: What do you think? Will this make them jealous? Kelsier: ...I think we need to practice your speech a bit more.

[cosmerelists]

The Favorite Food Show of Each Order of the Knights Radiant

I do love a good food-based show, like the ones on Food Network or the Bon Appetit youtube channel before it imploded. So naturally I wondered which show the various orders of the Knights Radiant would like best. The result...is this.

[Previously we've seen the Knights Radiant play boardgames, go to musicals, have sleepovers, have fandom jobs, and be birds]

1. Stonewards: Cutthroat Kitchen

Cutthroat Kitchen is a show where contestants can bid money to give each other silly disadvantages (involving a LOT of spreaders, for some reason). You get to keep the money you don't spend at the end, if you win.

Honestly, I think the Stonewards would be good at being on this show, not just watching it: they'd naturally just accept every disadvantage thrown at them without ever harming another player, prove to be really good at putting up with any and all "torture," and then win in the end.

It's the Stoneward way.

2. Edgedancers: Diners, Drive-ins and Dives

This is a show about discovering greasy spoon restaurants and giving them attention for their great food. I am not only saying this because of Lift either! I think there's a sense of bringing attention to restaurants that might, uh, otherwise be forgotten or something. Look, it makes sense in my head.

3. Truthwatchers: Reverse Engineering with Chris Morocco

This was (is?) a Youtube channel with Chris Morocco on Bon Appetit. He's blindfolded and present with a dish, which he can smell, taste, touch, but not see. He then has to try to reverse engineer the dish based on his initial investigation. I think the Truthwatchers would dig a show like that, about investigation, trying to figure out the truth...

4. Bondsmiths: Chopped

On Chopped, contestants are given a basket of four ingredients that are...unusual or hard to put together, and then they have to make a coherent meal out of it. Doesn't that sound like something a Bondmight would like? You gotta unite the four ingredients into one coherent whole.

5. Elsecallers: Good Eats

This is a show hosted by Alton Brown, and it's basically a quiet informational show about food, its history, ingredients, which kitchen gadgets you really need, etc. It tries to take a scientific angle toward everything as well. I just think it would suit the intellectual Elsecallers more so than some of the wilder Food Network shows.

6. Skybreakers: Iron Chef

I haven't watched much Iron Chef, but it is a one-on-one battle between a contestant and one of the current Iron Chefs, who are a board of, like, really good chefs. And they have a signature ingredient and each have to make a dish which then gets judged by a panel of judges. Somehow this formal cooking battle feels like something that would appeal to the Skybreakers.

7. Dustbringers: Kitchen Nightmares

Now, this one I've never watched, but I know it's a show where Gordon Ramsay goes and yells at restaurant owners who are really bad at maintaining their restaurants. I get the sense that it's the fun kind of chaotic disaster, especially if you like to see people who are bad at things get called out on it. For all of these reasons, this feels like a show a Dustbringer might enjoy.

8. Willshapers: The Great Food Truck Race

Per the webpage I found about this show, it's all about "adventure" and "new challenges." It's a show about new food truck owners who travel to new towns every week and then try to sell their food and complete various challenges. That sense of freedom and adventure seems like something the Willshapers would be really into.

9. Lightweavers: Cake Wars

I think the Lightweavers would enjoy any of the many shows about elaborate decoration and presentation, so I picked Cake Wars since I think that's what it's about. They'd probably also like those "Is It Cake?" shows as well, to be honest...

10. Windrunners: The Great British Bake-Off

I have no real justification for this. I just want to imagine Kaladin and the rest of Bridge 4 bundled up in blankets, snacking on sweet treats (for the women) or whatever they can scrounge up that is vaguely similar to a sweet treat for the men (fruit?), watching a purely wholesome show where the worst thing that ever happens is somebody messes up their bake (we don't talk about the Baked Alaska incident).

I just think it'd be good for them.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters: What Type of Halloween Candy They'd Be

Happy Halloween! Last year, Cosmere characters dressed up. This year, I'm going to compare them to candy. Who knows what will happen next year?

Anyway, here's what type of candy I think each of them would be!

1. Szeth: Jawbreaker

Yes, this is a joke about his bald head.

2. Elend: Nerds

Yes, this is a joke about how Elend is a big nerd.

3. Siri: Skittles

They are a rainbow, just like Siri's hair!

4. Shallan: Three Musketeers

One candy. Three musketeers. Shallan.

5. Ham: Tootsie Pop

The tagline "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop" is a quasi-philosophical question that we as kids really felt was important. Ham loves debating shit. My wife says no one will remember this slogan because it's from the 90s but I was a kid then and I'm doing it.

6. Vin: Warhead

It's a weapon of mass destruction in candy form.

7. Kaladin: Kit Kat

A candy made to be broken in half. The tag line (from the 90s again probably shut up) is "Give me a break." But no one gives Kaladin a break. He just gets...broken.

8. Wayne: 100 Grand

First slogan: "Tastes so good it's almost illegal!" Second slogan: "That's rich!" Wayne: likes to steal, like recreationally, but not like in an illegal-illegal way. Then he gets Super Rich. Look, it makes sense in my head.

9. Steris: Homemade caramel apples

Steris doesn't do anything halfway. The caramel is homemade too.

10. Lift: Sour Patch Kids

I think Lift would be a candy with "kid" in the name. You know, because she's never going to grow up.

11. Renarin: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups

The slogan I know is "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's." And Renarin is a guy who likes to go his own way.

12. Leshwi: M&Ms

Hard outer shell (=crab lady) + delicious cholate interior (=Leshwi is sweet) and then there's slogan about how it m-melts in your m-mouth not in your hand.... Ha ha did it get hot in here or is it just me?

13. Dalinar: Twix

It's a candy that is a BONDED pair. I tried.

14. Adolin: Lindor Truffle

I felt that Adolin should be chocolate: solid, dependable, comforting. But, like, a fancy chocolate. Rich. Higher quality. That sort of thing.

15. Raoden: Snickers

Slogan (current, for once!): "You're not you when you're hungry." And, you know, as a person with the Shaod and an all-consuming hunger...

16. Moash: Candy Corn

People who hate candy corn: "Candy corn is the WORST thing to have EVER happened in the UNIVERSE and anybody who likes it is PROBABLY SICK AND TWISTED."

People who like candy corn: "It sucks! I love it so much."

(I like candy corn.)

17. Kelsier: Everlasting Gobstopper

My original joke: Because it survives forever!

My current joke: Holy shit I really thought this was a real candy but apparently it is a fictional candy from Willy Wonka that was later made into a real candy? Only the fictional candy really did last forever but of course the real candy doesn't; it's just a story.

That's somehow even more Kelsier.

18. Nale: Floss

There's always the one house that hands out floss, to remind the children that life is not about fun candy, it's about Responsibility. That's Nale.

[cosmerelists]

Favorite Video Game Genres of Cosmere Characters

As requested by @thesternest :)

1. Silence

Silence: Don't know why, really, but I like casual games, games that are just like real life. Silence: Something about doing your daily life, but in game form--very relaxing. William Anne: Uh, mama? I think "Silent Hill" is a survival-horror game. Silence: It is? How so?

2. Marasi

Marasi: [Looks around nervously] Marasi: I...well, I like first-person shooters. Marasi: I-I just like to pretend I'm in the Roughs, like Wax! Marasi: I don't want to be Wax in real life or anything, but...it can be fun in a game!

3. Dalinar

Dalinar: In real life, war is a terrible necessity. Dalinar: In games, war is fun. Dalinar: ... Dalinar: I like tactical RPGs.

4. Vin

Vin: Huge fan of platform games. Vin: Jumping from ledge to ledge, controlling my speed and trajectory, occasionally swinging from hooks or managing double jumps... Vin: It's just like moving through the city as a Mistborn! Elend: Your high-score is RIDICULOUS, Vin! Vin: I'm also REALLY good at it.

5. Yumi

Yumi: I wasn't allowed video games for a long time, but now that I can play them... Yumi: [eyes sparking] I've become a HUGE fan of visual novels! Yumi: It's like Seasons of Regret, only *I* can be the one making the choices!

6. Leshwi

Leshwi: Like many Fused and Singers, I find myself quite taken with Rhythm games. Leshwi: Now that it is no longer appropriate for me to fight the Windrunners, I do like to challenge them to Dance Dance Revolution instead. Kaladin: OH COME ON I DEFINITELY HAD THAT Leshwi: I always win.

7. Steris

Steris: I used to think games were a waste of time, but then Wax introduced me to these construction simulators. Steris: My city is a paradise with excellent infrastructure, logical layout, and plenty of greenspace. Wayne: You should try to mod that makes a tsunami hit your city! Steris: Oh please, I beat that mod yesterday on my first try.

8. Navani

Navani: Recently, I've gotten into Tower Defense games. Sibling: I can defend myself, thank you very much.

9. Vivenna

Vivenna: Love a good roguelike. Vivenna: It's something about trying it over and over again until you're perfect. Vivenna: The victory is sooo sweet when you've worked hard to achieve it, dying many times. Siri: Oh me too!! I especially like Hades--the art is AMAZING. Vivenna: (scoffs) You mean a rogue-lite? Siri: I'm telling you--you should try one! Getting powerups in between runs is pretty sweet. Vivenna: Hedging out a difficult victory after hours of blood, sweat and tears is also fun! Siri: If you say so...

10. Lightsong

Lightsong: Soooo addicted to Candy Crush. Lighsong: Can't even tell you why. Llarimar: Perhaps your divine eye is drawn to the bright colors. Lightsong: Whatever makes you feel better, Scoot.

11. Adolin

Adolin: Lately I've become completely engrossed with life simulators. Adolin: I make my character get up, make breakfast, go to work, go on dates, learn the piano... Adolin: WHY IS IT SO ADDICTING?? Shallan: This may be a sign that your actual life is incredibly stressful and the allure of a simple, daily life is drawing you in? Adolin: No, that doesn't sound right... Shallan: You want to date a bisexual vampire? Adolin: ...That could be it.

12. Rlain

Rlain: I'm quite taken with these cozy farming games. Rlain: You just build a nice farm, meet the villagers, explore around. Renarin: Rlain, please, it's been six hours! Rlain: Just one more day...

13. Tress

Tress: I've been enjoying survival games! Tress: It's fun to gather and cook and build a base! Tress: A little bit unrealistic, because the rain doesn't make anything explode, but I guess they wanted to make it easier than real life, not harder.

14. Shallan

Shallan: It has to be MMOs for me. Shallan: I like a game where I can do pretty much anything I want. Shallan: Advance the story, collect every type of mushroom, fill in the whole map... Shallan: Plus, I like leveling every class and giving each one their own outfit and personality. Veil: You named the rogue after me, I see. Shallan: It's a compliment.

15. Kelsier

Kelsier: There's only one type of game for me: and that's a game where the name of the, uh, game is survival. Kelsier: And I especially like it when you have to survive as a team. Kelsier: Especially against great odds--like lots and lots of real-life players. Kelsier: Yup, yup. Kelsier: It's all about Fornite for me.

[cosmerelists]

The Lopen Rates Memes

As requested by anon. :)

1. Horse Plinko

Lopen: Now, this one I have to rate highly, yes? Because of my dear friend Kaladin, who is very strong and brave, sure, but fears horses. If Kaladin saw this horse bouncing, bouncing, bouncing down the pegs and into the fire, perhaps his fear would simply melt away the way a Passionspren melts away when they see Gaz coming. Lopen: I give it a 13.2. Sigzil: ...on what scale? Lopen: You cannot understand the Lopen's rating scale, gancho.

2. Expanding Brain

Lopen: See, this one is just showing what happens to people who spend time with the Lopen. Lopen: First they feel a spark of inspiration, and then their brain starts to expand, and soon they are fully enlightened. Lopen: Happens all the time. Lopen: This one is a solid 11.5.

3. Live Slug Reaction

Lopen: Slug? What is a slug? I've never heard of such a thing. Lopen: Should be something that people know about--live crab reaction. Lopen: Live Kaladin reaction. Lopen: Live Rua reaction. Rua: [makes rude gesture] Lopen: See? Now THAT'S applicable in many, many situations. Lopen: This one barely cracks a 7.

4. Crab Rave

Lopen: Now this is a meme that people can relate to, sure. Lopen: Whose brain is not, occasionally, full of dancing crabs? Lopen: I give it a 12.12--not quite as good as the 11.5, but a bit better than the 13.2.

5. Goncharov

Lopen: Lighteyed meme if I have ever seen one. Lopen: Lighteyes love to believe in complicated things that aren't real, yes? Lopen: Of course...we are all lighteyed these days... Lopen: ... Lopen: I guess I have to give it an 8.

6. Spiders Georg

Lopen: I am a generous and magnanimous man, sure, so I will ignore that nobody knows this "spiders" you are talking about. Lopen: I showed this one to Sigzil and he nearly smiled. I think "outlier" is a funny word to the Azish. Lopen: Change "spiders" to "cremlings" and perhaps it would be a winner. Lopen: Yes in the end even a generous man like me cannot ignore the spiders thing. Lopen: I say 4.8 but only because Sigzil kind of liked it.

7. Breaking News Supernatural

Lopen: There is something about those two lighteyed men. Lopen: I want to believe in their love, sure, because the Lopen knows and believes in love. Lopen: And yet the mood I get is "live slug reaction" and not "crab rave" at all. Kaladin: ...please do not start talking solely in memes. Lopen: What do you think this research is for, Gancho?? Lopen: It is a 3. It makes me sad.

8. Loss

Lopen: [holds up his right arm] You know, I had only one at first. Lopen: [holds up both arms, the left one slightly bent] Then I regrew my second! But, did you know--at first it was just a little shorter! Lopen: [straightens both arms fully] But luckily, just a little more glowing, and now both of my arms are the same length! Lopen: [Keeps right arm up but stretches out the left one] I can even point up and to the left at the same time! Lopen: Yup, yup, the loss of my arm sure was tough. Kaladin: ...and this has what to do with memes? Lopen: Just saying that this one is my favorite!

[cosmerelists]

Novelty Souvenirs You Should Pick Up On Your Next Trip To Scadrial

If Scadrial had a thriving interplanetary tourist economy, I bet they'd sell these novelty souvenirs. So next time you stop by, be sure to pick these up!

1. A Soonie Pup

Of course! Soft and classic--perfect for your kids, your niblings or just for yourself.

2. A Novelty Vial of Metal

They have different vials for each of the Mistings plus a slightly bigger and more expensive one labeled "Mistborn." As you shake your Novelty Coinshot Vial, you feel some doubt as to whether that's really metal or whiskey inside--it kinda looks like colored water and glitter. But hey. You can clip it to your belt and it does make you feel cool.

3. A T-Shirt That Says "I Survived The Pits of Hathsin And All I Got Was This Stupid T-Shirt"

The looks some residents give you make you suspect that this shirt might be in poor taste. Whoops.

4. A Glow-in-the-Dark Mistwraith Window Decal

Perfect for Halloween, you think! It's a Mistwraith window decal, and all of the bones inside the illustration glow green.

5. A Hemalurgy Pincushion

This is DEFINITELY in bad taste, but it makes you laugh. It's a little pincushion shaped like a human and when you stick pins in it, well...hemalurgy.

6. An Ashfall Snow Globe

If you shake it, you can watch the black glittery swirl around the tiny buildings of Luthadel. It's...maybe a little bit depressing actually.

7. Some Mist-lets

They sell Mist-versions of a lot of things--there are Mist-hats, Mist-scarfs, Mist-socks, Mist-jorts...but you kinda like the bracelets (er, Mist-lets) with all of the fun wrist tassels.

8. Feruchemy Earrings

Much like the Novelty Metal Vial, you're not sure these chunky, copper-colored earrings are real copper (you expect not, given the price) but you do think they look cool. And they'd match so well with those feruchemy bracelets over there...

9. A Coffee Mug That Says "I Don't Need a Soother; I Have Coffee."

There's another that says, "I Don't Need a Rioter; I Have Coffee." After some thought, you get the former for your brother.

10. A "Disasters for Dummies" Book

It tells you what to do when faced with various disasters, from being caught in a snowstorm to being caught in a flood to meeting denizens from a previously unknown culture in the south. It says it's written by Steris Harms. You buy two.