cosmerelists

[cosmerelists]

Santa's Naughty/Nice List, Featuring Cosmere Characters

If Santa made a list (and checked it twice) to find out whether Cosmere characters were naughty or nice, what would that look like?

[Spoilers throughout! But nothing from Wind & Truth]

1. Adolin

--Did not cry --Did not pout --Killed a man Verdict: Naughty

2. Raoden

--Gave food to the hungry --Helped reform a whole town --Didn't let death stop him from helping out Verdict: Nice

3. Siri

--Obedient to parents --No pouting or crying --Mostly hung out with husband Verdict: Nice

4. Vivenna

--Nearly started a war --Nearly --Was not eaten by Nightblood Verdict: Nice

5. Nikaro

--Some pouting --Witnessed a small child in trouble and risked his own life to help said child Verdict: Nice

6. Tress

--Went on a journey motivated by true love --Helped each & every person she met --Sold a woman into slavery Verdict: Naughty

7. Gavinor

--Did not cry (really should cry more) --Pouted a little (does silently mulling over revenge count as pouting?) --Listens to his grandparents Verdict: Nice

8. Oroden

--Just a little guy Verdict: Nice

9. Lift

--Theft Redistribution of wealth --Spying Being curious & proactive --Swearing having impressive vocabulary for child --Theft while swearing Multitasking Verdict: Naughty Nice Naughty --KEEPS BREAKING IN TO ALTER LIST

10. Lirin

--Doctor --Will offer services to anyone --Never kills anyone! (Rare) Verdict: Nice

11. Kaladin

--Ripped a man's head off --It was just so disturbing Verdict: Naughty

12. Vin

--UNCOUNTABLE MURDERS Verdict: NAUGHTY

13. Wax

--UNCOUNTABLE MURDERS --But god told him to do it? --But UNCOUNTABLE (underlined three times) Verdict: Naughty

14. Wayne

--Charitable --Helped take down criminals --No murders at all this year (underlined three times) Verdict: Nice

15. Navani

--Invented a weapon of mass destruction (potentially god-killing / planet-killing) --Has not killed any gods or planets --Did stab a woman with poison --Woman was kidnapping her at the time --"Journey before destination, you bastard" = cool line --Swearing is bad though --I'm Santa Claus not Nuance Claus Verdict: Above my pay grade

[cosmerelists]

ok hi your lists give me life um I have a request please please please anything hannukah themed please please please also please please please have Kaladin cuz he’s so Jewish I can’t (I’m Jewish and all my faves are Jewish now MWAHAHAHAHA)

Hi, thank you for the request!

Unfortunately, I don’t have the cultural or religious background to know how to make good hannukah jokes! I’m sorry!!

But happy almost Hannukah!

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters vs. Wrapping an Oddly Shaped Present

It's a well-known bane of Christmas time: you've gotten somebody a stuffed animal or a tennis racket or a small, tasteful antique lamp...and now you have to wrap it. If Cosmere characters had Christmas or wrapping paper, how would they approach this unique challenge?

1. Siri

Uses way, WAY too much wrapping paper...but she gets the job done.

2. Vivenna

Carefully measures out the correct amount of wrapping paper...which is inevitably not enough, meaning that the paper doesn't quite meet in the middle. She has to cut off the extra strip of wrapping paper and tape it across the middle to finish the job.

3. Kaladin

Tries over and over again, but each time, the wrapping paper comes up short and can't quite cover the present. Finally, at the last possible moment (15 minutes before unwrapping time), he gives it one final try...and nails it.

4. Sebarial

Hires a professional gift wrapper to do it for him, loudly claiming that it's because he's far too lazy to wrap a gift by himself.

5. Kelsier

Wraps cardboard box instead. Inside the cardboard box is another, smaller box which is also wrapped. Inside that is, you guessed it, another, smaller box that is also wrapped. But if you keep going, you'll eventually get to the smallest box, inside which is a note, which says, "Look in your bedroom closet." The gift is there. The whole process takes 30 minutes and he does this every year.

6. Steris

Carefully figures out the exact geometric shape needed in order to properly and neatly wrap the gift. Nails it.

7. Navani

Has her team researching the best ways to wrap gifts of this particular shape. In the end, Navani invents a whole new type of math while getting it done herself.

8. Dalinar

Simply hands over the gift, unwrapped.

9. Wax

Puts a fancy bow on the unwrapped present and leaves it under the tree.

10. Wayne

Does not wrap the gift, exactly, but does hide it somewhere which is kinda like wrapping it.

11. Vin

Has only just mastered the art of wrapping a square gift. Sazed takes care of it for her, and it looks beautiful.

12. Adolin

Just gives it a good, honest try--yes the wrapping is a bit weird looking and he uses a lot of tape, but it's done and you can really tell he did it himself.

13. Jasnah

Has never struggled to wrap a present of any shape in her life. She just does it. It looks amazing.

14. Shallan

Manages to wrap the gift in a way that makes it appear to be an entirely different gift--think "wrapping a tennis racket so that it appears to be a stuffed bear." Lightweaving may or may not have been involved.

15. Yumi

Uses lots of smaller pieces of wrapping paper to cover different parts of the gift, so that in the end it is all properly wrapped.

16. Painter

Uses bamboo-print cloth to wrap the present instead. Just puts the gift inside, gathers the edges of the cloth together and ties it off. Easy.

17. Tress

Her first attempt at wrapping an oddly shaped present is admittedly poor, but once she becomes the go-to person who wraps all oddly shaped presents for everyone she gets really, really good at it.

18. Lopen

Luckily he has this one cousin, see, who's just REALLY good at present-wrapping.

19. Renarin

Puts the gift into a box first so that it is easier to wrap.

20. Sarene

Uses a gift bag.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters as Mall Santas

Mall Santas are volunteers who spend time talking to little kids in malls so that the kids' parents can take pictures and the kids can "meet Santa." If Cosmere characters worked as mall Santas, how would that go?

1. Wax

Was very excited and created an elaborate backstory with Steris...which he'll get to use one of these days...

Small child: But how do you fly all over the world in just one night? Wax: Ho ho ho! It's because Santa has access to duralumin! Small child: Du..ba..lura? Wax: ... Wax: Ho ho ho! It's magic! Small child: Yay! Wax (to himself): It'll work on one of these kids...

2. Shallan:

Thanks to her artistic talents and lightweaving, Shallan turns herself into the quintessential Santa Claus.

Small child: Mommy! Mommy! I think that might be the REAL Santa! Mother (in a whisper): I-I think so too...

3. Lightsong

Grumbled about it at first but ends up having a really good time.

Lightsong: You know, Scoot, you were right. Lightsong: Doing this is good for me. Lightsong: It's so great to listen to requests that don't require my death! Lightsong: AND I can talk to children without having to steal their souls! Scoot: ...You really shouldn't talk about your divine duties that way, Your Grace. Lightsong: I'm just saying--this is VERY refreshing!

4. Szeth

Gets a little...too concerned about whether kids have been naughty or nice.

Nightblood: Sure were a lot of kids who cried after talking to you. Szeth: Mm. Nightblood: The parents also didn't seem super thrilled that you "made the naughty children face their darkest sins." Szeth: I simply spoke the truth. Szeth: If I see a small child pull his sister's hair and say nothing, what kind of Santa am I? Nightblood: ...The kind who doesn't make children cry? Szeth: Exactly.

5. Marsh

Is a...well, listen. He tries. But he's a scary Santa.

Marsh: ... Marsh: ... Marsh: I can't believe there are NO kids in line. Marsh: I hung ornaments on my eye spikes and everything.

6. Kaladin

Gets somewhat...invested

Small child: An' what I REALLY want is for daddy to come home! Small child: I know he's gotta keep us safe fighting but I really miss him! Small child: [sniffles] Kaladin: ... Kaladin (in an intense whisper): It will now be my sole mission to... Syl: (clears her throat loudly) Kaladin: ... Kaladin: I-I mean, Santa knows that your dad is working hard and will make sure he gets a very special present this year! Small Child: Yay! Kaladin: ... Kaladin: I know I can't save every child...but can't I save them all a little?

7. Vin

If you've read the Discworld books, think Death from Hogfather

Mother: D-Did you just give my daughter a pair of glass daggers?? Vin: Yeah. It's what she asked for. Mother: That's dangerous! Vin: ...Well, yes. They're daggers. Mother: What if she hurts herself?? Vin: Tell her to turn the pointy ends toward other people. [Small girl runs by, waving the daggers overhead and screaming] Vin: I think she already gets it.

8. Lift

She's one of the elves, not Santa, but she takes her role very seriously. And her role, as she's decided it, is to coach the kids in line.

Lift: Listen: talkin' to Santa is fun 'n' all, but it's not the REAL point. Small child: It's...not? Lift: Nope! You're tryin' to tell your parents want you want AND you're tryin' to be so storming cute about it that they can't possibly say no. Small child: But I thought Santa-- Lift: Just trust me on this. You gotta go wide eyes, adorable smile, and say "please" as "pwease." Lift: You got this, champ! Wyndle: I-I don't even know where to start...

9. Wayne:

Makes sure the kids get what they wish for

Wayne: Okay, folks, that was a productive day! Wayne: We gotta hit the stores SOON and make sure we get EVERY item on this list delivered! Guy dressed as an elf: You...you know you're not really Santa, right? Wayne: How can you say that?? Wayne: Don't you SEE my hat?!

10. Cultivation

Does not give the kids what they ask for...she gives them what they need.

Small child: And I want an axehound puppy! Cultivation: [solemnly pulls an item from her sack] Cultivation: For you I have...a stick that looks a lot like a sword. Small child: !!!! Small child: [shrieking with delight] Cultivation: Nailed it again.

[cosmerelists]

Hi! I know you’ve done Cosmere shards in board game night, but have you done which Cosmere character would be the best/worst to play a board game with?

Omg, look what has been in my drafts folder since Oct 20:

I guess this is my sign to finish it! 😂

Just as a head’s up, I have a Holiday Special series running until Christmas Eve, so your request won’t appear until after Christmas!

[cosmerelists]

😈

Hallmark Christmas Movies: But Make It Cosmere

Merry Christmas! I wasn't planning on doing a bunch of Christmas lists this year, but, well, the ideas kept coming! From now until Christmas Eve, I hope you'll enjoy a series of Cosmere Christmas Specials, starting with this one.

If you love a cheesy Hallmark (or Netflix or whatever) Christmas movies, then you'd probably enjoy these Cosmere-themed knockoffs too!

1. A Chouta Christmas

A high-powered Thaylen merchant woman goes to a small Herdazian town on business over the holidays. There, she meets a small-town chouta salesman who may help her find her Christmas spirit--and a Christmas romance.

2. Love, Really

In a series of love stories from all over Nalthis, various couples find love or heartbreak over the holiday season: a man who has reached the Third Heightening falls in love with a drab woman; one of the Returned Gods falls for a handsome petitioner; an Idrian widower cautiously begins dating again; and even the God-King himself might start dating his wife.

3. The Prime Aqasix Switch

When the Prime Aqasix of Azir meets a humble accountant who looks just like him, the two of them hatch a holiday plan to switch lives just for a couple of days, right before Christmas.

4. The Mistborn Before Christmas

A Mistborn man is magically transported to modern-day Scadrial by a witch, who tells him that he must complete a mysterious quest by Christmas day. In modern-day Scadrial, the Mistborn meets a young woman who has given up on romance--at least until she meets this dashing and powerful stranger from the past.

5 The Vacation

Two women--one from Elantris and one from Arelon--decide to switch homes in order to take a much-needed Christmas vacation. While living in each other's houses, they might just find themselves discovering new love along the way.

6. A Christmas Duke

On Lumar, a Duke's son is due to ascend to his father's position--only there are rumors that he plans to abdicate. He also has a reputation of being an irrepressible ladies' man. A journalist, determined to get the real story, sneaks into the Duke's mansion by posing as a gardener...but upon meting the Duke's son, she might just find love instead.

7. Cowboy Gentlemen

A woman in Elendel is determined to save her father's cowboy-themed bar, which is threatening to close: right before Christmas! Her plan is to bring in a troupe of sexy cowboys to perform...unaware that she also might be bringing in the cowboy of her dreams.

8. Hot Stick

In the cold Frostlands of Roshar, a woman places a magical scarf on a snowman...unknowingly bringing one of its arms to life. This newly human (and super hot) former stick may just be the flame she's been looking for...only there won't be any actual flames involved. This hot stick HATES fire.

[cosmerelists]

Hallmark Christmas Movies: But Make It Cosmere

Merry Christmas! I wasn't planning on doing a bunch of Christmas lists this year, but, well, the ideas kept coming! From now until Christmas Eve, I hope you'll enjoy a series of Cosmere Christmas Specials, starting with this one.

If you love a cheesy Hallmark (or Netflix or whatever) Christmas movies, then you'd probably enjoy these Cosmere-themed knockoffs too!

1. A Chouta Christmas

A high-powered Thaylen merchant woman goes to a small Herdazian town on business over the holidays. There, she meets a small-town chouta salesman who may help her find her Christmas spirit--and a Christmas romance.

2. Love, Really

In a series of love stories from all over Nalthis, various couples find love or heartbreak over the holiday season: a man who has reached the Third Heightening falls in love with a drab woman; one of the Returned Gods falls for a handsome petitioner; an Idrian widower cautiously begins dating again; and even the God-King himself might start dating his wife.

3. The Prime Aqasix Switch

When the Prime Aqasix of Azir meets a humble accountant who looks just like him, the two of them hatch a holiday plan to switch lives just for a couple of days, right before Christmas.

4. The Mistborn Before Christmas

A Mistborn man is magically transported to modern-day Scadrial by a witch, who tells him that he must complete a mysterious quest by Christmas day. In modern-day Scadrial, the Mistborn meets a young woman who has given up on romance--at least until she meets this dashing and powerful stranger from the past.

5 The Vacation

Two women--one from Elantris and one from Arelon--decide to switch homes in order to take a much-needed Christmas vacation. While living in each other's houses, they might just find themselves discovering new love along the way.

6. A Christmas Duke

On Lumar, a Duke's son is due to ascend to his father's position--only there are rumors that he plans to abdicate. He also has a reputation of being an irrepressible ladies' man. A journalist, determined to get the real story, sneaks into the Duke's mansion by posing as a gardener...but upon meting the Duke's son, she might just find love instead.

7. Cowboy Gentlemen

A woman in Elendel is determined to save her father's cowboy-themed bar, which is threatening to close: right before Christmas! Her plan is to bring in a troupe of sexy cowboys to perform...unaware that she also might be bringing in the cowboy of her dreams.

8. Hot Stick

In the cold Frostlands of Roshar, a woman places a magical scarf on a snowman...unknowingly bringing one of its arms to life. This newly human (and super hot) former stick may just be the flame she's been looking for...only there won't be any actual flames involved. This hot stick HATES fire.

[cosmerelists]

If Cosmere Characters Had YouTube Channels...

As requested by @queenfishiethemagnificent :)

If YouTube existed in the Cosmere and was suspiciously similar to our YouTube, what kind of channels would Cosmere characters have? In order to answer this question, let's look at the titles of their three most popular YouTube videos!

1. Rock: Cooking Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Making Stew: But Each Member of Bridge 4 Gets To Add One Ingredient!"

"Making Stew: Cold Weather Classics"

"Making Stew: Huio Is In Charge And I'm WORRIED"

2. Kelsier: Unboxing Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Opening Pokemon Cards: Hoping For Something Super Rare!"

"I Found These Mystery Boxes At An Abandoned Mall: What's Inside???"

"When You Buy From This Store, There's ALWAYS Another Secret!"

3. Eshonai: Travel Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Visiting Kholinar: What You Need To Know"

"The Reshi Isles Were AMAZING"

"What You Don't Know About Visiting the Shattered Plains"

4. Shallan: Art Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Getting High And Painting STRAIGHT From The Unconscious"

"Can Painting Predict the FUTURE???"

"Forcing Kaladin To Draw Horses With Me"

5. Nikaro: Art Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Painting Bamboo With My Eyes Closed"

"Painting Bamboo With My Feet"

"Painting Bamboo But Every Five Seconds Yumi Sets Off An Air Horn"

6. Rysn: Product Review Channel

Most Popular Videos

"If You're Going To Buy One Fabrial This Year, Make It This One"

"Do Not Miss Out On This Levitating Chair"

"Accessible And Cute Outfits For Wheelchair Users"

7. Chiri-Chiri: One of Those Pet Channels

"Chiri-Chiri Eats A Gem!"

"Chiri-Chiri Loves Being Pet!"

"Chiri-Chiri is HYPER Today!"

8. Yumi: ASMR Rock Stacking Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Rock Stacking To Help You Sleep"

"Let's Stack Rocks Together"

"Stack Rocks To Achieve Peace"

9. Adolin: Fashion Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Hottest Styles of The Year: Review"

"Creating Outfits From Every Decade"

"My Friends Design My Outfit: Everybody Picks One Thing For Me To Wear"

10. Siri: Fashion Channel

"Picking A Dress: The Others Will Be BURNED!"

"How Many Pounds of Material Can I Wear?"

"Making My Hair Match My Dress"

11. Navani: Educational Science Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Simple Fabrial Experiments For Kids"

"I Designed Rocket Boots"

"Forcing Kaladin to Try Out My Worst Designs of the Year"

12. Tress: Educational Science Channel

Most Popular Videos:

"Sprouter Experiments: Do NOT Try These At Home!!"

"Powering Bottle Rockets with Zephyr Spores"

"I Grew Verdant Vines Into a Little Buddy!"

13. Steris: Longform, Well-Researched Videos Channel

"The Ascendant Warrior: Myth Meets History"

"Ten Real-World Disasters And How To Be Prepared"

"Why Are The Outer Cities Angry?"

14. Vin: Uh....let's call it a "Trying Things Channel"

Most Popular Videos:

"MIXING ALL THE METALS: WILL I SURVIVE???"

"Which Allomantic Metal is the Most Delicious?"

"Help Me Choose a Dress for the Ball"

15. Szeth: Uh...let's call it a "Trying Things Channel"

Most Popular Videos

"Letting My Followers Choose Everything I Do Today"

"Letting Dalinar Choose Everything I Do Today"

"I Was Going To Let Nightblood Choose Everything I Did Today But It Was A Huge Mistake"

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Protagonists as Villains

As requested by @idontknowanametouse :)

Let's talk about what Cosmere protagonists would be like if they decided to play for Team Evil!

[Spoilers for book series mentioned in titles--but no Wind and Truth spoilers included]

1. Kaladin [Stormlight Archive]

What turns him evil: I think Kaladin could honestly go down a Moash road, where he decides to take justice into his own hands and punish people who have hurt him, his friends, or What's Right.

What he'd be like: Abso-storming-lutely terrifying. Imagine a Pursuer-esque figure, but it's Kaladin coming to kill you. I mean, you'd die. He once ripped a guy's head off by lashing it to the floor. He never loses a fight. He wouldn't sneak up on you assassin-style, either. He's blowing the front door off its hinges and entering like a glowing Angel of Vengeance to MURDER you.

2. Vin [Mistborn Era 1]

What turns her evil: I can see a few possibilities: like she does take up the power in the Well of Ascension and becomes the new Lord Ruler, or Zane is just a lot more persuasive than he is in the original. But I'm gonna go with "Ruin gets to her so completely that she becomes his agent."

What she'd be like: Vin already has some...villain-esque actions in the original, like when she pretty much slaughters an entire Keep with Zane. But always in the original she was doing it to protect, and she had friends to give her moral and emotional support. But if she was Ruin's, then she really would be a Natural Disaster Made Flesh, bringing Utter Destruction and Ruin to the whole world. Like, she's taking down whole cities single-handedly.

3. Shallan [Stormlight Archive]

What turns her evil: Listen, Shallan already kills a lot of people. We know this, and we still love her. But perhaps she gets a little too into killing people and just goes straight serial killer.

What she'd be like: You ever seen Hannibal? I'm seeing the most beautifully artistic but horribly deranged Murder Sculptures. You know, where she's killed someone and but then turned their corpse into Art.

4. Tress [Tress of the Emerald Sea]

What turns her evil: It's hard to imagine Tress being evil, tbh...but, I mean, she does sell Crow into slavery to avoid the same fate, so there's something there. I'm gonna say that either the Sorceress does kill Charlie or Tress believes that he's dead, and she turns totally to the dark side.

What she'd be like: She already plays with hugely destructive powers and captains a Pirate Ship--plus her crew is actually loyal to her. She'd be what Crow wanted to be.

5. Yumi [Yumi and the Nightmare Painter]

What turns her evil: I mean...Yumi faced religious abuse for like thousands and thousands of years. She took it pretty well, all things considered, when she found out. Imagine if she didn't...

What she'd be like: Yumi is, like, the most invested being in the Cosmere. She's nigh unkillable. And she likes to stack things.... In this case, mountains upon mountains... of skulls.

6. Adolin [Stormlight Archive]

What turns him evil: I think Adolin could break from the combination of (a) finding out his father burned his mother alive and (b) killing Sadeas with virtually no consequences. Maybe he figures that if his dad can do all that and still be a beloved political figure, then he might as well do whatever he wants too.

What he'd be like: Adolin is great with people. As a protagonist, this makes him the sort of guy who makes friends easily, remembers everyone's name, and wins over even people determined to dislike him. Evil Adolin takes those skills but goes straight manipulator. He's winning people's trust only to poison them with lies, turn them against each other, make them think he's the only one they can trust. And if manipulation doesn't work, well, he can always challenge you to a duel...in a dark hallway with nobody around...

7. Sarene [Elantris]

What turns her evil: She just gets tired of not being in charge, considering that she's smarter and more strategic and just better than the men actually in charge...

What she'd be like: Honestly, Sarene would be a fantastic Evil Vizier, the real power behind the throne who is actually controlling everything for her own evil whims. I can see her doing it to Iadon, but that's almost too easy. I know in canon they love each other and are actually good 'n' all, but imagine her controlling Raoden from the shadows and tell me it's not kinda cool...

8. Marasi [Mistborn Era 2]

What turns her evil: She gets the Bands of Mourning...and decides she's never gonna give them up.

What she'd be like: Ultimate Power Marasi would decide that SHE knows what will keep a society happy and healthy, and that's her control. I see her creating a terrible police state where everyone's actions are very tightly controlled and every infraction is punished...but only because she wants what's best for you, you know?

9. Jasnah [Stormlight Archive]

What turns her evil: I mean, remember Jasnah's Philosophy Lesson to Shallan where she baited out some robbers and then murdered them in Cold Blood since they were hurting people and no one else would do anything about it? Now imagine that Jasnah takes it upon herself to fix all societal problems through whatever means are necessary...

What she'd be like: Jasnah could be a sort of Vigilante, who makes sure that "bad people" and "political problems" are dealt with swiftly and murderously. Like imagine the Urithiru coalition of monarchs, only Jasnah's is gonna assassinate you and replace you with a puppet if you're not persuaded by her arguments.

10. Spook [Mistborn Era 1 / Secret History]

What turns him evil: I mean, Spook had a lot of voices talking to him--first Ruin, pretending to be Kelsier, and then Actually Kelsier. And the voices were always pretty darn pro hemalurgy. I'm not 100% sure Spook wasn't evil by the time he was in charge...

What he'd be like: Spook suggests in his book that old people should let themselves be killed via hemalurgy to make sure their powers get passed on. Think that, only it's not a suggestion and it's not just old people and oh my god Scadrial is Hemalurgy Power Planet now.

11. Navani [Stormlight Archive]

What turns her evil: She just gets lost in the sauce, the "sauce" in this case being Scientific Advancement and Discovery.

What she's like: I see her as an Evil Scientist who is simply making terrible weapons of mass destruction more or less because she can...and no longer worrying about the consequences.

12. Ulaam [Tress of the Emerald Sea]

What turns him evil: Listen, he TRIED asking people politely for their organs and limbs after they died, and NOBODY ever said yes!

What he's like: Let's just say he got tired of waiting. And asking.

[cosmerelists]

This blog will avoid Wind & Truth spoilers until Jan 9

At that point, they'll be tagged with #wat spoilers.

[cosmerelists]

I finished Wind and Truth!

The first Cosmerelists post about it is queued for Jan 9, so a month from release date, and I don't plan to have any spoiler-y posts until then. And I'll keep tagging with #wat spoilers for...a long time beyond that, probably, just in case. I hope that gives people enough time to read it if you plan to, and some reassurance that this blog should be safe for a while. :-)

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters as Teachers

As requested by @little-cute-pink-horrible-being :)

If Cosmere characters were teachers, what would they teach & what would it be like?

1. Jasnah: History teacher

Let's just say that she has, uh, high expectations of her students.

Jasnah: Anyone can memorize facts and dates. Jasnah: You all will do that, of course, but you will also learn to draw conclusions from those facts, track historical trends, and maybe, if you work hard, you can come up with a theory of your very own. Bravest student: Uh, miss? We are seven. Jasnah: I do not tolerate excuses.

2. Hammond: Philosophy Professor

He has a hardcore group of students who are huge fans of his.

Student 1: Hey, you're in Professor Hammond's class? Student 2: Yeah. Student 1: Isn't he the guy who wrote that book So What if the Poor are Genetically Destined to be Poor? Revolution is Still the Answer? Student 2: That's him. Student 1: And that's why your an anarchist now, huh? Student 2: Listen, he's pretty persuasive.

3. Elend: Political Science Professor

Elend, a Political Science professor at a university, is the sort of teacher who assigns a LOT of reading.

Elend: Remember: politics is for people. Even when the people you serve suck. A lot. Student: You...sound like you're talking from experience? Elend: You have no idea.

4. Shallan: Art Professor

She mainly teaches drawing and painting classes.

Shallan: You all need to decide what your art means to you. Shallan: Whether it be capturing a moment or representing a person's essence or seeing into realms not normally discernable to human eyes--as long as it's art from your soul, it will be right. Student: What, uh, was that last part? Shallan: Art should be from your soul? Student: N-No, the part before that? Shallan: Anyway, everyone start drawing!

5. Painter: Also an Art Professor

I mean, it's literally his name.

Painter: The key to art is repetition. Painter: When a Nightmare is staring down at you, you don't want to be hesitating over what to draw! Student: Professor Nikaro, please, we've been drawing bamboo for a week! Painter: ...I'm not sure what the issue is?

6. Sigzil: Science teacher

Sigzil is one of those general science teachers you get in middle school.

Sigzil: Remember: the key to science is...? Students, as a chorus: Writing things down! Sigzil: That's right! Sigzil: Now let's see what's the heaviest thing we can stick to the wall using glue--last year we managed to stick me to the wall for a couple seconds! Students: [cheering] Sigzil: ...I'm better at this than I would have expected.

7. Wayne: Theater Teacher

Wayne teaches theatre at a high school.

Wayne: Acting is all about not acting. Wayne: You gotta just be the person. Wayne: Understand their past, embody their present... Student: ...wear their hat? Wayne: Exactly!

8. Kaladin: Also a Theatre Teacher

Look me in the eyes and tell me that Kaladin doesn't understand drama.

Kaladin: [talking to an school administrator off to the side while the class watches] And you can tell the school board that the next time they want to cut funding to the arts, I will be there. Kaladin: I will be there at every meeting where even a word of funding reduction is breathed. Kaladin: I will haunt those meetings, carrying pictures of my kids doing their plays and being happy. Kaladin: And I will make them look me in the eyes if they dare to vote to take that away! New student, hesitantly: Performance art? Student: Nah, he always talks that way.

9. Sarene: English teacher

If only because I don't think they have dedicated fencing professors at most places.

Sarene: English is not simply about reading books--it is about learning to think and interpret information. Sarene: You can take the skills you learn in this class and apply them very widely: to understand the news, to read between the lines of what a person says to you, to craft effective rhetoric to get your own way. Sarene: Read everything. Sarene: Remember: you cannot defeat an enemy unless you understand your enemy. Student: ...enemy? Sarene: Don't worry: you'll have enemies when you're older. Student: Yay?

10. Navani: Engineering

Navani would be an engineering professor at a college.

Navani: Your job, students, is to get this ball through that window high up on the wall. You can do it any way you want. Student: I'm immediately seeing: trebuchet. Navani [nodding sagely]: Go with your heart.

11. Pattern: Math teacher

...Listen, I'm not saying he's a good math teacher.

Student: [staring gloomily at their test] Friend: That bad, huh? Student: Mr. Pattern wrote "Mmmm delicious lies" all over it! Friend: So...you failed? Student: Yeah...

12. Raboniel: Chemistry Teacher

She may seem strict, but she actually quite likes kids.

Raboniel: ...And that, students, is how you build a very effective chemical bomb. Students: ... Raboniel: Any questions? Bravest student: Uh, miss? We are seven. Raboniel: So...basically adults, right? Wait, how fast do humans age again? Teacher's aide: [whispering frantically] Raboniel: ...I may have made an error.

[cosmerelists]

I love reading your lists! They're hilarious!

Have you ever done "what would cosmere characters' youtube channels be like"?

E.g. Rock would have a cooking channel where he only makes stew, and a video title of his might be, "Testing a new stew recipe with Bridge Four" or something

I don't think I've done this--it's a cute idea! Sure!

H-Here's the thing, though.... from Dec 15 - Dec 24, I have nothing but Christmas lists because I couldn't stop writing them. So I only have three free slots left until the Xmas list frenzy begins.

I have two requests ahead of yours so I *might* get yours in, but if not, it may not show up until post-Christmas, just as a head's up!

[cosmerelists]

Hello! What do you think of a list of how stormlight protagonists would be as villains? Love your posts!

Oh, what a great idea--sure!

There's one ahead of you that I'm hoping to have ready for Saturday night, so yours would likely be next week sometime!

[cosmerelists]

My Earnest Hopes & Dreams for Wind and Truth

Happy Wind and Truth Eve everyone! I just wanted to send out into the universe all of my hopes and dreams for this book--maybe a few of them will come true.

This post is safe if you've read through Rhythm of War! No WAT preview spoilers. Does refer to fan theories about WAT if that matters to you.

PLEASE do not put any Wind & Truth spoilers in the tags or notes of this post as you read!

Kaladin lives.

Kaladin lives and is happy.

There's a really cool Kaladin fight. Maybe two.

Kaladin & Szeth have to fight someone together.

Leshwi has a significant role.

There's a really cool Leshwi fight.

Adolin is NOT Odium's champion.

Adolin lives.

Shallan lives (I'm not super worried about her for whatever reason but I couldn't just include two of the three, you know?)

Rlain & Renarin romance.

Rlain & Renarin romance that isn't like tragic or awkward or anything. I request warm & fuzzy plz.

Shallan & Thaidakar meet.

MeLaan cameo.

...I notice the MeLaan cameo.

Rock returns or at least is in the book somehow.

Kaladin hits his head on a doorframe in Shinovar.

Navani invents something cool.

Navani thinks about Raboniel.

We get the third Bondsmith.

The third Bondsmith isn't human.

We find out that there are more than five Radiant oaths (pet theory that I want to be right about)

Hemalurgy gets used.....I know that would be bad but I think it would be interesting.

Hemalurgy doesn't get used on anyone I care about!!

Shallan doesn't incorporate Radiant.

Maya cure.

The theory that Shallan's mother was a Herald is confirmed. I think it's a cool theory.

Bondsmith powers used for a fight. I think it would be cool.

Satisfying Sanderlanche.

Kaladin meets a sheep. Or a dog. Or BOTH.

I don't cry too hard...

[cosmerelists]

helloo! huge fan of your lists! i had a fun idea, though i'm unsure if you have already done it.

what would each character's order be if they all got swapped, and why?

Hey thank so much! 😊

Is this what you mean? https://www.tumblr.com/cosmerelists/744334409016213504/hey-radiants-if-you-had-to-join-a-new-order

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere r/aita posts

Example:

AITA for ordering a group of children to be executed?

I (89m) ordered a choir or children to be executed. I had requested music, but they were distracting, and it was impossible for me to get any work done. My caretaker (90f) told me that executing children is wrong, and I can’t make any decisions anymore today. So AITA?

I did this twice! 😄