#fuck the fandom for making me avoid this show for so long it’s so good

[mathsbian]

@renthony

you know what, i am right and im tired of pretending i am not

[astralnymphh]

CALLING ALL FANFICTION AUTHORS!

please reblog this. i've talked about this twice before, but obviously not everyone has seen it. i am calling for anyone who writes fanfiction or posts about a certain game/show/universe in any connective manner to please, please- PLEASE, copy this memo below comprising links to supporting palestine, education on the situation in gaza, and a must-need for those who engage in TLOU tumblr; links regarding the creators (neil druckmann) zionism, and how the plot of tlou2 is based on the israeli occupation of palestine. i don't care if what you write seems "insignificant" or "small" in the grouping of larger fics. no. everything that is not related to palestine in any form NEEDS these links. because, when we stray away from reblogging, or writing up our own posts in support of palestine/sharing journalists stories/etc. even for a SINGLE piece of writing, we could be missing people who are unaware (which, shouldn't be the case atp, but..) and fucking especially because in these fandoms, fics are the most popular thing. not reblogs about palestine, unfortunately; there are so many fanfiction accounts who very clearly don't give a fuck about the whole situation, seeping in silence, posting fics during strikes, not taking accountability for it now, so on and so forth. please, for the love of all that is good- CALL THEM OUT! people gaining hundreds of notes, tens of reblogs, supportive comments on a post that completely disregards what is happening SO BOLDLY right now, should irk you. i swear, if i see one more fuckass "i didn't know!" apology from an author who is CONSTANTLY on tumblr, REGULARLY posting fanfiction, i'm going to fucking lose it. if you are on tumblr to begin with, being this active- you have time to reblog. actually, educating yourself and reblogging is way quicker than writing up fanfiction of any length. are you fucking kidding me? you are laughable. comical, not real, and i have nay an ounce of respect for you. ever. but besdies that; the memo. i want everyone to copy this, or make something similar. put this above your summaries, authors note, whatever comes before the writing. every post you make should link back to supporting palestine, cause you never know how many eyes it will reach. it could change a lot of things. on pc, i believe copying it completely will preserve the links, but i'm not sure if mobile will. again. do whatever you can to add it. don't be lazy. put this in ur masterlists/navigation too.

for all fanfiction authors:

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

for tlou fanfiction authors:

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

READ: this account stands with palestine, and so— i require everyone who interacts to educate themselves, and support/donate. READ THESE; 1 and 2, HELP HERE, BOYCOTT. silence is complicity, do not scroll past this.

DO NOT BUY THE REMASTER, TLOU2, TLOU1, OR ANY GAME FROM NAUGHTY DOG! neil druckmann (the creator) is a zionist. PLEASE READ THIS. AND REBLOG THIS.

you may add what is necessary, i wanted to keep it short for attention span sakes, and to avoid people skipping it entirely, and so on. i may edit these, fix up anything, but again, if you're using them you can edit them however. as long as you are linking anything in general, that is what matters. thank you, love from aestra. from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸

[healinghyunjin]

Blossom

Pairing: Kim Seungmin x Reader (fem)

Genre: crack, smut, fluff; historical!AU, magic!AU, fuck-or-die(ish)!AU, enemies(ish)-to-lovers!AU, 18+

Word Count: 6.5k

Warnings: swearing, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, outdated sexual norms/attitudes, public sex.

Author’s Note: After another ~long~ hiatus... I'm back! The premise of this fic is heavily inspired by a super old, now deleted AO3 fic I once read for a now dead fandom (showing my age here for you children lol). I love navigating these forced interaction scenarios - so please let me know your thoughts! Feedback and reblogs are love as always - and I now have a Ko-Fi that I would really appreciate contributions to as well (linked in my Bio)! Thank you for your support~

Summary: But what this ritual required of you, the High Sorceress, was not just some spellwork or incantations - no, this ritual involved you losing your virginity. To your King - to Seungmin. On the High Table. In front of the entirety of the royal court. 

You were sure you looked like a thundercloud - dark skirts swirling, white sparks crackling from your fingertips - as you stalked through the castle towards the royal chambers.

“Milady!” Changbin chased after you, your long-suffering knight trying his best to head you off. “His Majesty is in a council meeting right now,” he huffed out. “Maybe we can seek an audience another time?”

“I don’t ‘seek audiences’ from His Majesty, Bin,” the title grating in your mouth. “I talk to Kim Seungmin when I want to talk to Kim Seungmin - especially when he wants to pretend like I don’t exist.” 

You were laying it on a bit thick. But you were the High Sorceress. You had no insignificant amount of pride yourself, and nothing made your temper flare like Seungmin outmaneuvering you - exactly like he’d just done. 

You arrived at the heavy wrought iron doors of Seungmin’s private chambers and, with a swish of your palm, sent the doors flying open, almost rattling off their hinges. A tableful of lords turned around to gawk at you - but you only had eyes for the man at the head of the table. He leaned back in his chair, watching you stalk into the room with a barely concealed grin. “And there she is.” The faint note of humor in Seungmin’s voice made you want to wring his neck.

“Your Majesty,” you greeted in the frostiest voice you could muster up. 

Seungmin smirked. “You only use my proper title when you’re fit to rip my throat out, Lady Sorceress.” 

You ignored the barb. “We have an urgent matter to discuss, my lord.”

One of the old, stodgy lords piped up in a reedy, disapproving voice. “What can take precedence over matters of council and state, Sorceress?”

“Matters of national security, Lord Park.” Seungmin rose to his feet, making everyone else jump up to theirs as well. “Council is adjourned, my lords.”

You held your head high as the councilmen streamed out of the room around you, some barely bothering to disguise their resentment. Seungmin sauntered his way around the table, coming to stand right in front of you. You scowled as you inevitably had to tilt your head back just to look into his amused face. 

“You’ve been avoiding me, my witch.” 

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” you snapped back, cringing at how petulant you sounded even to your own ears. 

Of course you’d been avoiding him. Ever since he’d slapped those scrolls down on your worktable a week ago now, you hadn’t been able to think about him without flushing, let alone be in the same room as him. It would be for the good of the people, he’d announced crisply, looking so tall and prim and regal as he towered over you sitting on your little garden stool. I’m sure you won’t see any harm in it. You’d scanned through the parchment, ignoring the scribe’s careful translations to parse the ancient runes yourself. It outlined an ancient magical ritual to replenish the barrier wards for your nation if they ever fell - which they had. But what this ritual required of you, the High Sorceress, was not just some spellwork or incantations - no, this ritual involved you losing your virginity. To your King - to Seungmin. On the High Table. In front of the entirety of the royal court. 

Seungmin snapped you out of your thoughts with a brief “Ahem,” quirking a skeptical eyebrow at you. “I haven’t seen you in a week. Every time I’ve gone to your rooms since the day I gave you those scrolls, you’re conveniently ‘not there,’ and that poor fool,” he flicked a thumb over to point at Changbin, “is stuck trying - and failing - to make excuses for you.”

You shot a glare over at Changbin - he didn’t look sufficiently embarrassed of himself, but you would deal with that later. “Well, I’m here now, my lord. And I’d appreciate it if you could tell me how you unilaterally decided to add ‘Publicly Deflowering the High Witch’ to your agenda for this evening?”

You’d hoped to embarrass Seungmin, browbeat him - like you’d clearly done to Changbin, judging from the choking sound that came from next to you. But you’d underestimated your enemy. 

Seungmin sighed, clasping his arms behind his back. “Because we don’t have a choice in the matter, my dear witch. If you’d allowed me the chance to actually talk to you this week, I could have convinced you of that, and you'd have had time to prepare yourself. But - you didn’t, and so, I had to force your hand.” You shuffled uncomfortably under his piercing stare as he continued. “I know you translated the runes yourself - you know just as well as I do that this ritual needs to be done soon. Now, if we don’t want the Eastern Army taking advantage and invading us as soon as they muster up the forces. But unlike you, my lady - I don’t have the luxury to pretend like this problem will go away if I ignore it.” 

And that was exactly what you hated most about Kim Seungmin. He was smart and logical to a fault - enough so that he’d trained himself to not let pesky emotions get in the way of doing what needed to be done. You on the other hand… the less said the better on that front. 

Before you could snark something back at him or even just bristle up, Seungmin stepped away from you, rubbing his hands together. “Now that that’s been settled, I’m sure you have no more objections. Anyways, you have a busy afternoon ahead of you, Lady Sorceress. I’ve sent several maids to your chambers to help ready you for this evening - I’m sure you remember how exact the runes were in terms of preparation.” Seungmin wasn’t even bothering to hide his grin as he dismissed you with a wave of his hand, striding out of the room. 

That patronizing bastard. You briefly contemplated throwing a fireball at his laughing back - but being executed for treason wasn’t exactly the way you intended to go out. 

With a deep, soul-weary sigh, you turned on your heel to leave, resigning yourself to your fate. 

Of course, if you knew exactly how the rest of your afternoon was going to be spent, you might just have thrown that fireball at Seungmin and gotten it over with. 

After that useless showdown, Changbin frogmarched you back to your rooms, handing you off to an actually intimidating keeper - Chaeryeong, your personal maid. But, to your even greater chagrin, she wasn’t alone. As promised, an army of maids descended on you, all charged with different vicious tasks - stripping your skin bare and smooth with hot sugar paste; kneading various herbal, floral unguents into your skin before dunking you into cold and hot baths; brushing your hair out until it fairly gleamed in the fading sunlight. By the time you were passed off to Chaeryeong for her final inspection, you almost didn’t recognize yourself in the mirror. 

Chaeryeong clicked her tongue approvingly as she walked around you, tightening the laces on your virginal white chemise. “You finally look presentable, milady.”

You bristled. “Are you saying I usually don’t?”

“Last week I had to pull a twig out of your hair before sending you down to supper. There isn’t a single dress of yours that doesn’t have mudstains, milady, and you think a splash of cold water every morning or two is enough to care for your skin.” Chaeryeong looked scandalized.

You rolled your eyes. “Well, I’m glad one of us is satisfied with this situation.”

“You’re not?” 

“Why in the name of the Goddess would I be?”

“Sleeping with a man who’s young, tall, handsome, powerful, wealthy,” Chaeryeong giggled as she counted off each word on her fingers, “isn’t the worst thing in the world, milady.” She flicked you a mischievous glance as she smoothly slid to stand behind you. “Especially when the man in question has a major soft spot for you.”

You scoffed. “Kim Seungmin doesn’t have a soft spot for me, Chae. He can't even be in the same room as me without snarking at me - and I can't remember the last time he actually said anything nice to me.”

Chaeryeong’s fingers stilled in your hair as she stared you down in the mirror. “You really believe that, don’t you?” You arched an eyebrow at her in response. She let out a deep sigh. “For such a brilliant witch… you really can be dense.” She shook her head before reaching over to grab flowers to weave into your hair. “I hope you realize - the one thing standing between him and war is you. Most men - especially a King - would have just tossed you onto that table and had their way with you. And maybe they would have begged your forgiveness and understanding afterwards - maybe, if they were worried about you cursing them into oblivion. No one else would have spent a whole week waiting to try and convince you into doing this willingly.”

You opened your mouth to snap something back in your defense... and realized you had nothing to say. 

“See,” Chaeryeong murmured softly. “Sometimes it feels like you’re… willfully blind to His Majesty’s kindness towards you. He’s always treated you with respect - and made sure you’re treated with respect. I wouldn’t take that for granted, my lady - or ignore what’s behind that mask he puts up all the time.” 

As she put the final touches on your hair, you couldn’t help but reflect on Chaeryeong’s words. You had extraordinary freedom and liberties as the High Sorceress…but no, that wasn’t exactly right. You were given extraordinary freedom and liberties as the High Sorceress - by your King. If it wasn’t for his unwavering support for you - against the Council, against any and all reactionary forces - you wouldn't hold any of the power you did. Sure, he riled you up, jerked you around a bit - and you still hated just how easily he could outwit you. But you were being childish to fixate on that - to lose sight of the forest for the trees. 

“And here’s the final touch.” Chaeryeong sidled up to you with a long scrap of silk in her hands - your blindfold. “You’re not allowed to see His Majesty until the ritual starts.” Her quick fingers made short work of fastening it around your head - and being the jerk that she was, she put it on properly tight, making sure you couldn’t see a thing. “Maybe that’ll teach you to let yourself lean on him for once,” she mused, before pulling you up out of your chair with none too gentle hands. 

Chaeryeong, as always, was right. You were completely unmoored by the loss of your sight, limiting your magical abilities too. You were forced to rely completely, like a baby, on Chaeryeong to guide you through the halls to the oldest wing of the castle - and you only realized that you were in front of Seungmin when the two of you came to a sudden halt, a reverent “Your Majesty” coming from her lips. 

This was it. 

Chaeryeong subtly pulled you down into a curtsy, pinching you in the back to make sure you stayed low as she stepped away from your side. From the sound of her sharp footsteps receding down the hall and the lack of any other noise around you, you presumed she’d left - and you were now alone with your King. 

“You may rise.” Seungmin’s amused drawl sounded from somewhere high above your head. Disoriented by your imposed blindness, you stumbled a little as you stood up - but you were caught by warm hands encircling your arms, steadying you on your feet. “How low the high have fallen, hmm?” Such a tease, you thought. But the gentle tone of his voice, the circles his thumbs were rubbing into your arms… he was helping ground you, to put you more at ease - which only made you feel more guilty. 

“My lord,” you started softly - earning a harsh inhale in surprise from Seungmin. “I… I owe you an apology. My behavior earlier today - for this entire week - has been immature and not fitting for a ranking member of your court. Forgive me for my negligence.” You made to dip into a curtsy again - but Seungmin’s grip on your arms tightened, keeping you from lowering yourself. 

There was a heartbeat of silence before Seungmin responded, his voice more tender than you’d ever heard it. “I don’t know what prompted this… change, but - you don’t need to apologize. I knew we both knew this is what must be done, and I knew we were going to eventually do it - but that doesn’t make it any easier for you. You didn’t want this with me, and I know that.”

Why did that last statement sound a false note in your heart? You ignored it in favor of speaking out. “But I’ve spent the past week shirking my duty. You had to force me back in line.”

“And that is my responsibility as King, my sorceress. No harm done.” You could tell that he was leaning down closer to you, his voice loud and clear in your ear. “And remember - neither this kingdom nor I will ever forget this sacrifice.”

There was an oddly charged moment of silence after that statement - which was abruptly broken by the sensation of the ground suddenly falling away from under you. You gasped as surprisingly sturdy arms lifted you up until you were cradled against a lean, hard chest. “Seungmo!” You squeaked, the childhood nickname slipping past your lips. “S-since when were you strong enough to do this?”

There was a pause - you were positive that Seungmin had rolled his eyes at you. “Just because I don’t have bulging biceps like that bodyguard of yours doesn’t mean that I’m a weakling, witch.” 

“Well, it won’t be good to kick things off with you tripping over your feet carrying me in,” you muttered sulkily. 

You couldn’t hold back a shiver as Seungmin tsked, his warm breath ghosting across the sensitive shell of your ear. “Such disrespect for your king? Bold, given that you’re at my mercy for the next hour.” 

“Next hour? That ego of yours is still clearly giant.”

Seungmin let out a husky laugh. “It’s not the size of my ego you should be worried about right now, sweet.” You thumped a useless fist against his chest - even as your core involuntarily clenched and slickened.

There was a ear-ringingly loud blast of trumpets, followed by the creak of the gates to the ancient hall being pushed open. The murmurs and chatter of the crowd awaiting your arrival fell silent, an almost eerie hush settling in as Seungmin strode into the hall. Even with the enormous fire spluttering away in the ancient hearth, the room was always chilly; gooseflesh pimpled your arms, and you almost automatically burrowed closer into Seungmin’s neck for warmth - at least, that’s what you told yourself. The sharp raps of Seungmin’s footsteps against the flagstones came to a halt, and you were securely sat onto a hard surface - the High Table. Your sacrificial altar, you mused to yourself cynically. 

You jumped a little as you felt gentle fingers clasp your hands, giving you a firm squeeze. Those warm fingertips then ghosted across your cheeks, twining through your hair as they searched for the knot of your blindfold. Your heart was bounding in your chest, blood roaring in your ears as Seungmin leaned into you, that familiar, titilatingly musky scent of his flooding your senses as he worked to unravel the tight knot, until the blindfold finally came free. 

You blinked your eyes open to mellow, golden light - and the sight of Seungmin standing over you, watching you carefully with a small, soft smile. The great hall was awash with candlelight, long tapering candles and sticks of smoking perfume burning all around you, throwing the faces of the crowd of onlookers beyond you into shadow - but bathing Seungmin in glorious, warm light. He looked impeccably regal as he stood above you in his smart black leather doublet and swan white shirtsleeves, his royal purple ermine-edged cloak clasped around his throat. His hair was up, brushed off his forehead, and the gold of his royal circlet shone out bright against the ink black of his hair - but the brightest of all were his eyes, warm and deep brown, steady and clear as he - your King, you truly felt down to your bones for the first time - held your gaze. 

Taking a deep breath, you let yourself fall back, the ancient stone of the table icy against your spine. While you couldn’t see any of the spectators surrounding you and Seungmin - the vaulted ceiling of the great hall the only thing in your line of sight - it felt like you could sense their gaze prickling across your skin, weighing you down. But before you could let your mind wander too far, Seungmin was there, leaning over you with those broad, square shoulders, blocking your sight of anything but him. You felt your cheeks flame as his hand came up to cup your face, and  your heart skipped a beat as he pressed a petal soft kiss to your forehead, breathily whispering into your skin. “It will be good, my sweet. Trust me.”

Maybe Chaeryeong was onto something… You searched his eyes, finding so much affection and reassurance beaming back at you that you blinked your own shut - before giving him a brief nod. 

He let his lips drag over to your temple, then down to your cheek, leaving open mouthed kisses in his wake as his lips trailed lower and lower, down your jawline, down your neck - and lower. Your mind reeled, your hands fisting the flimsy material of your gown. This was supposed to be brief and impersonal - you’d even readied a lubrication charm in preparation for the inevitable. But you should have known that Seungmin wouldn’t just do an adequate job like that. You were fighting for your life to stay silent as he added his teeth into the mix, working the thin, sensitive skin of your throat until you felt the sickly sweet pain of a bruise forming. His hand slid down from your cheek so he could softly thumb at the mark - his mark - marring your skin, and when he pressed down just right on the bruise, you whimpered - and watched as his eyes darkened to black. 

From there, he was insatiable. Your hands flew up to his shoulders at the swipe of his tongue against your hardening nipple; they desperately slid to clutch at his hair when he took it whole into his mouth, the wet heat tantalizing even through the cotton of your chemise. He palmed your neglected breast hard, the soft flesh spilling through his fingers. A whine finally tore itself free from your throat, and Seungmin snapped his head up to look at you, lips twisting into a triumphant smirk. “I thought you weren’t going to enjoy this, Lady Sorceress.” His fingers came up to tweak your nipple - hard - as he mouthed carelessly at your other breast, his eyes watching you hungrily as you writhed under his touch. The pleasure carried you away on a hazy cloud of lust, into the dreamland of dangerous possibilities. What would it feel like to have this dumb chemise out of the way, so his fingers and lips could traipse your naked skin? What would it feel like to have the heat of his bare skin pressed up against yours - the weight and friction of his hard chest crushing into your sensitive breasts?

Your attention was yanked back into the land of the living at sudden, discordant noise: gasps and murmurs, you quickly realized, rippling through your audience - for your King was dropping to a knee at your feet, hands sliding with promise up your legs under your chemise. You shot up onto your elbows, staring down at him in horror. “Your Majesty,” you hissed. “This is wanton.”

Seungmin arched an eyebrow. “I’d rather be wanton than have you in pain at my hands.” You felt a traitorous flutter in your chest. “And most importantly - when you have the kingdom’s most powerful woman laid out in front of you... you worship her.” 

Those large, long-fingered hands of his found purchase in the soft skin of your inner thighs, forcing them spread and keeping them spread with that hidden strength of his. He let out a small groan at the sight of your swollen folds, dragging a single, deliberate fingertip down the length of your slit. At the very first touch of his soft lips to your sensitive bundle of nerves, you choked out a moan - and startled as the candles around you all simultaneously popped. From between your legs, Seungmin laughed darkly. “Looks like I won’t need to ask you whether I’ve done a good job,” he said, the sensation of his breath and lips against your core making you squirm with stimulation. His hands slid up to your hips, anchoring you in place as he lapped languidly at your cunt, tongue flicking in and out of your aching entrance, nose rubbing up against your swollen little pearl. 

There was no chance in hell you could stay quiet any more. As a moaning keen spilled forth from your lips, your eyes flicked up to the shadowy figures in the crowd watching you. You’d thought they would be judgmental - critical, gossipy, as people always were in situations like this. Instead… there wasn’t a face you could make out that wasn’t flushed, expression glazed over. Seungmin slid his arms under your legs, yanking you down the table until the base of your spine rested on the very edge of the table, your core putty under his mouth as he supported your weight - and you watched as some woman in the crowd whimpered, biting her lip in response. 

Your head lolled back onto the table, and you started shuddering in Seungmin’s hands. 

“I guess I was wrong about needing an hour.” With a final kiss to your folds, Seungmin rose to his feet, leisurely wiping his mouth on the back of one hand, the other drifting down to the laces of his trousers. “I didn’t anticipate just how thoroughly you would enjoy my attentions, my witch.” Tease. His eyes danced with mirth as you whined in annoyance. You felt the blunt tip of him dragging through your folds, its weight catching deliciously against the tight ring of your entrance. “I’ll start slow,” he murmured, a hand coming up to brace himself above your head. And from the first breach of his length into your walls, you knew you were in trouble. 

“Big,” you gasped out. Seungmin let his free hand run loose over the flesh of your thighs and hips, kneading and caressing and soothing. “Relax for me, sweet - it’ll be easier if you let me in.” His voice was breathy and soft, eyes so warm - daresay loving - as he leaned in over you, covering your body with his. You gave him a small nod, breathing deeply and doing your best to let your body sink into the stone under you. As he carefully, firmly worked the rest of his length into your tight cunt, you couldn’t help but whimper, eyes squeezing shut at the deep, deep stretch of him, your spine arching off the table as your body contorted to accommodate him. “Beautiful,” he murmured, pupils dilated with lust. “Made to take me.” 

And as the sting and discomfort started to morph into the burning, insatiable stretch of pleasure, you were inclined to agree with him. 

“Let me know when I can move, sweet,” he asked, the flat of his hand rubbing soothing circles into your lower belly. “Please,” you rasped out - and the delightedly vicious grin that curled his lips in response only sent another surge of fire through you. Your limbs ached to twine around him, pulling him down into you, imprisoning him between your legs - but you were determined to maintain some public decorum. Seungmin made the decision for you though, salaciously bold as ever as he leaned forward into you, splaying your legs out wide, knees almost to your chest. He tested the waters with a rapid snap of his hips in and out - and the two of you stared at each other with wide eyes at just how deep it all felt in this position. Seungmin’s hips started rocking back and forth, almost as if on their own volition - almost as if they were enchanted - and your hands desperately scrabbled for purchase on the unyielding stone as he started pounding into you. 

Your hips canted up into his, trying to answer his thrusts with your own. And you were clearly doing something right, judging by his drawn out groans. “Mine,” he moaned. As he bore down on you, every thrust ground delicious friction into your bundle of nerves - and Seungmin’s hips were driving into yours at such a punishing pace that you were overwhelmed by stimulation. You were sure the two of you were making an absolute mess, the squelching sounds of him pumping into you only growing louder with every thrust. Just with his lips and nose and tongue, the friction and sensation and pleasure had all already brought you close to the cliff of your peak. You knew it wasn’t going to be much longer now before he dragged you over - but there was something positively strange happening to you. Your pleasure was merely riding the edge of some deeper, powerfully visceral sensation that had you gasping, shivering with every plunging stroke. But Seungmin, your ever-wise, your ever-aware Seungmin, had cottoned onto what was happening to you - and wrapping you tightly up into his arms, he only picked up the pace of his hips. “Let go, sweet,” he eked out. “I’ve got you safe, here - let go, my queen.” And before your mind could even process what he’d just given away, you felt yourself clenching up, eyes squeezing shut and nerves singing in pleasure as you hit your release - the pain of your fingers digging into the broad expanse of his back, the spasms of your tight cunt triggering Seungmin’s release simultaneously, spurts of his hot, thick seed flooding into your core, serving as a balm for your aching walls as he collapsed into your waiting arms. 

Before you could let the waves of pleasure carry away your mind with it, however - your eyes shot open at the gasps and shouts coming from around you. Gold - that was all you could see - a golden bubble encasing you and your King. Seungmin lifted his head up from where it was pillowed on your chest, a look of pure wonder on his face as the two of you watched the bubble slowly float and collapse inwards, coalescing into a glowing yellow orb hovering above all of your heads. The hazy whorls of incense and candle smoke in the air took on a bright golden hue - before it all whooshed outwards in a rapid gust of wind, rattling the windows of the hall as the orb and its golden mist exploded out into the sky . You recognized the magic for what it was - the largest, purest barrier charm you’d ever witnessed. 

You and Seungmin had pulled it off. A giggle of delight squeezed out of your chest, and you let your gaze snap back down to the man resting on his elbows over you. Seungmin was watching you with a small, mysterious smile, panting slightly as he tried to catch his breath. And as you looked back at him… you felt a wave of emotion wash over you, as powerful as if the ground had literally shifted under your feet. An almost unbearable fondness filled your heart as you beheld him - your King, your protector…your lover. 

You had been right about one thing - there would be no going back from this, at least for you. But now you found yourself wondering… why was that such a bad thing?

Ignoring the shuffling footsteps around you as your audience slowly started to disperse, you let your arms wrap around Seungmin, relishing the feeling of his muscles bunching under your touch as he slid his arms in turn around you, helping you to sit upright. His dark eyes were fixed on the place the two of you were joined as he slowly extricated himself from you, the feeling of his sticky seed trickling out from between your legs strange and foreign. That ever intelligent, searching gaze then slowly scanned your body, looking you over head to toe as he tucked himself away in his trousers, before his eyes fluttered shut. Seungmin let out a slow exhale before blinking his eyes open again - and you were startled to see that professional mask of his slide back into place. 

“Up you go,” he murmured, arm sliding around your back as he helped you off the table, supporting you as your legs quailed under your weight. With a few deft pulls, he unfastened his cloak, wrapping it around your shoulders instead. You were thankful for the warmth it provided - and the coverage, you realized, as you noticed the servants hovering at a respectful distance from the two of you. “Give me a second,” Seungmin said before turning away to address his valet and knight-at-arms. 

One of the maids stepped forward, a fan in her hand to put out the few lingering candles. Before you could even hesitate on what to do, she dipped into a low curtsy, bowing her head - to you. “Your Highness,” she breathed out, an almost reverent look on her face as she glanced back up at you. Awkward with the unfamiliar courtesy, you smiled hesitantly, tilting your head at her in acknowledgement. 

How had you misjudged this situation so badly? Part of your hesitation leading up to all of this had been because you’d thought that you’d be made out to be a slag - no better than the King’s kept woman. Why hadn’t you appreciated the power inherent in this? With the spectacular care with which he’d pleasured you, with the demonstration of your magic in front of the whole court, Seungmin had marked you - just as he’d told you with those hungry eyes - out to be the most powerful woman in the kingdom. 

You snapped out of your thoughts to see Seungmin making his way back to stand in front of you. You frowned to see that mask of his still in place, a strange awkwardness in his manner as he addressed you. “I can help you back to your rooms now. Or,” he turned to gesture behind him, “one of the servants can take you if you prefer.”

You arched a critical eyebrow at him. “Could we go to your chambers instead?”

His eyes widened for a second, before you watched understanding wash over his face. “Ah yes, that was careless of me - there’s too many stairs to get back to your chambers. You can rest in mine as long as you need.”

Wrapping an arm loosely around you, he let you lean on him as the two of you walked out of the hall. His rooms weren’t too far away, the royal chambers taking up a significant portion of the ancient wing of the castle. But an awkward silence reigned over the two of you, Seungmin stoically looking straight ahead as you limped along beside him. 

Something had clearly changed in you - because for once, instead of being the reactive fool you normally were, you saw the situation - and his reaction - for what it actually was. Seungmin was taking his turn to be the awkward overthinker - a role he’d grown out of once he’d become King… except when it came to a few specific things he couldn’t stay purely rational about. The things he cared about the most, the things that mattered most deeply… in this case - you. 

You sighed. You’d probably need to gift Chaeryeong a necklace or something after all of this was over. 

You bided your time until Seungmin finally shut the two of you into his chambers. He’d turned away to lock the doors behind him - and startled when he turned back around to find you standing right in front of him. As you stared up at him, watching his lips twitch in discomfort… you came to a shocking realization. 

“You never kissed me,” you breathed out, even more surprised as you said it. He’d kissed you literally everywhere else - but he hadn’t touched your lips. You gazed up at him with wide eyes. “Why?”

Seungmin shifted uncomfortably. “It felt too…intimate.”

What? “You took my virginity - in public. We unleashed a magical force field together,” you deadpanned, trying to get a laugh out of him - and failing, as Seungmin continued to look at you stoically. “I’d say that’s pretty intimate, my lord.”

He shrugged, hugging his arms around him and hesitating for a second - before bluntly, in Seungmin fashion, getting to the heart of the matter. “The reality is that… freely given sacrifice, prophecy, whatever you want to call it - I took something from you that you didn’t mean for me to have.” It was a testament to Seungmin’s poise that his voice stayed even, his eyes stayed steadily on you as he spoke. “I wanted you to have something - a part of you - you could still give away of your own will.” He sagged heavily into the doorframe, finally breaking eye contact as he trailed off. 

Poor baby. Your heart fluttered. “That is… quite thoughtful of you, my lord,” you choked out, taking a small step forward. Then another. And another, inching towards him. “So - that means it’s alright with you for me to do this, right?” Reaching up, you twined your arms around his neck, pulling yourself up onto your tiptoes to press your body into his. His hands reflexively grabbed your waist, steadying you even as his eyes widened in surprise - before fluttering shut as you pressed your lips to his. 

His mouth was divine heat - soft, pliable against yours. He gasped as you nipped at his lower lip, and you seized the chance to lick into his mouth, deepening the kiss until your head was whirling, ignorant of where you ended and he began. 

When you finally pulled away for air, his lips chased yours for a second before he caught himself. You giggled, beaming up at him. “How low the high have fallen, hmm?”

Seungmin let out a low warm laugh, such fondness in his eyes that you couldn’t help but shy away. “I have much, much lower to fall still, don’t worry,” he murmured as he bent down over you, his hair falling into his eyes as he smiled. In a single, smooth movement, he flipped the two of you around so he had you pinned up against the wall, his body pressed firmly into yours. 

You cleared your throat. “Y-you really like having me against hard surfaces, don’t you?”

He shrugged, focus elsewhere as his fingers busied themselves with the laces of your chemise. “Seems like it’s the only way to keep you good for me, witch mine.” You whined as his hand accidentally grazed your sore, tender nipple, the sound making his eyes snap back to yours. A dark, wicked smile curled his lips before he crashed his mouth back onto yours, long fingers working your breast deliberately, possessively. You responded with enthusiasm, tangling your own fingers into his silky hair, until the spell was broken - for you at least - by loud noises from outside his chambers. 

You pulled away from his lips with a loud smack. “What’s that?”

“Never mind that,” he rasped out, pulling you in tight against him. “Worry about it later.” Your breath hitched as he nosed his way into your neck, pulling at the loosened neck of your chemise to expose your collarbone for him to feast on. 

Steeling yourself, you pushed your hands firmly against his chest. “Seungmo, I want to worry about it now.” He groaned, rolling his eyes, but let you go without a fight, releasing you from his embrace. Turning on your heel, you tugged him along to his balcony. The sounds had seemed to come from the royal gardens, which were sprawled right below Seungmin’s chambers. Pulling your cloak - his cloak - more tightly around you, you stepped out onto the balcony - and froze, as an astounding sight brought the two of you to a standstill. 

Wherever you looked - below you, around you - every single plant and tree was in abundant bloom. Regardless of season, of age - fruit and flowers were everywhere, swinging in the breeze, littering the ground. You turned to Seungmin in shock - only to see him looking back at you with loving, wondrous awe. “That’s all you,” he murmured, brushing a fond hand against your cheek. “My powerful, mesmerizing sorceress.”

You flushed. “No, it’s not.” You stepped closer to him, wrapping your arms around his waist. “It’s us.” You tiptoed up to press a kiss into his cheek - and promptly hid into Seungmin’s neck as whoops and cheers rang up to you from the gardens below. 

Seungmin laughed, tucking you into his side as he led the two of you back inside. “Well, you know what this means,” he said.

You quirked an eyebrow at him. “What?”

Shooting a dazzling smile your way, he caught you up in his arms once again, the heady sensation already warm and familiar to you - before peremptorily throwing you onto his bed. 

“The fate of the flora of this kingdom is in our hands, Lady Sorceress.” He intoned in a faux serious voice - made only the more ridiculous by the sight of him crawling on all fours towards you on the bed. “We have crucial work to do, milady - and we must start posthaste.”

You threw your head back in laughter before wrapping your limbs around him. “Yes, my lord - let’s start immediately.” 

Fin.

~

[If you made it all the way here... please comment, reblog and give me feedback!! My Ko-Fi is also linked in my blog if you're able to support :)]

[god-i-hope-so]

Tips for younger Bucktommy fic writers who're looking to write an accurate characterization, especially when it comes to Tommy (and this post is also for the people who think everything goes too fast with no build-up between Buck and Tommy):

Dating when you're in your 30s and 40s is very different. When you meet a decent person you're attracted to and with whom things go (very) well the first few times you meet, things can go very fast in a very simple way. You know yourself better and you know others better too. So the dating phase can be very short and things can move on to being a real couple and moving together quite fast (if that's what both want). Also, things go even faster when it comes to queer people. In short: less bullshit, more straight to the point.

Love != passion. Of course, it's a generalization but the "passionate" phase of the relationship doesn't last as long as when you're younger. The passion is still there but it's not burning hot, explosive, in the face of the world, "look at us how we loooooove each other", it's more tender. You can have a passionate relationship but it doesn't show the same way as when you're 20. Passion becomes like a slow cooked dish with rich and deep flavors, instead of the rush of an energy drink and 5 coffees in your 20s. Also, it doesn't mean Buck and Tommy can't fuck nasty.

We care less, about a lot of things. Again, it's a generalization and I'm also writing this with what we know about Tommy and Buck. Unless Tommy is hiding his game very well, his personality is pretty clear to me. Look at the date. It was a failure for Tommy, as a gay man who fought his own demons, and others, for years. Yet, he decided to be kind about it. Because in the end, it's not the end of the world. It hurts, sure, but that wouldn't be the first time and he didn't make it only about him. It was also about Buck not being ready. The coffee date was also a good scene. Tommy is almost nonchalant, open. I'm borrowing Ryan's words when he said "whatever happens happens". Tommy went through enough shit to not give this situation the drama that can be easily avoided. And it paid off.

Pouting, sulking, active display of real jealousy, acting like a child (and I insist on the "like a child" because adult can sulk, obviously) = NOT CUTE. AT ALL. I get that the infantilization of adults is very common in fandoms so younger people can relate, and because fic writers often write older characters with younger people in mind as references. But it's not a thing in real life, and when it happens, it's not "normal behavior". Of course they can sulk and pout, but not the same way as a young person would. It's a lot more subtle. Also, in the case of Tommy, he's been shown being very good at communicating what he wants and doesn't want. Buck will dance around the matter more, his frustration would probably show with him being agitated or anxious, being reckless too, because he's just like that, but not Tommy. Make them talk about their issues, even if they go through a period of frustration and miscommunication. Tommy should be the kind of man who will encourage Buck to grow and be better at sorting and understanding his feelings in a mature way but without treating him as a child.

Again, all this could help for an accurate characterization. Anyone is free to write the characters the way they want, go full OOC if you want, it's your fic. This post is just giving some tips!

[garoujo]

HOW LONG THEY LAST DURING NNN — GENSHIN IMPACT

feat : scaramouche, diluc, childe, al-haitham + kazuha

♱ warnings — f!reader, how long they last during no nut november, teasing, degradation, some grinding, not proofread. / note. this is the last fandom 4 the nnn hcs ! hope u guys enjoy <3

・✶ ｡ﾟ SCARAMOUCHE — NOVEMBER 12TH

it was your idea at first and as much as scaramouche didn’t want to do it, you know you had him when you told him he probably wouldn’t be able to anyway — his pride not letting him back down from a challenge that he was so hellbent on winning. he was stubborn, would never let it known just how much you had an effect on him (even though you could tell) but when you had first proposed the challenge, you never told him it was going to be easy — afterall where’s the fun in that when you could up the difficulty with a little teasing. you’d be going without him too afterall.

scaramouche had done pretty good at avoiding you this far, brushing you off with grumbles under his breath — he wasn’t stupid, he knew that you were trying to get him to give in, so selfish despite the way this was all your idea in the first place. but he’s not as invincible as he may think, he still had his limits and with enough effort you noticed a few cracks were beginning to show.

“pathetic… could barely keep your hands off of me.. are you that eager for my touch?” scaramouche breathes unsteadily from where he’s sat at your side, eyes narrowed over at you as you palm and stroke at his clothed cock — deliberately pressing your hand against it when you’d leaned in to show him something and now he doesn’t want you to fucking stop. the almost smug look on your face makes his blood boil, but he’s much too consumed by the saccharine squeeze of your fingers around him to think up a snarky remark right now. instead you feel him throb before he chokes on a whine and lets you trace your fingers beneath his waistband. “barely two weeks in and you’re getting all worked up, hah—have you always been this weak? hmmfff—“

・✶ ｡ﾟ DILUC RAGNVINDR — NOVEMBER 18TH

kaeya had mentioned it to diluc in passing while he was at the tavern, drunkenly rambling on about how his dear brother is too whipped to stand a chance and your boyfriend is much too stubborn to let the cavalry captain rile him up — so he decides he’ll show him. he warns you in advance, makes sure to fuck you until you can barely walk the night before and it does take his mind off of it for a few days, that’s it though until his cravings for you return with a vengeance.

but diluc knew he was in danger when it comes to you, knows he can’t resist you which is exactly why he’s been taking up more shifts at angels share — coming home late at night with a press of his lips to your temple and leaves before you wake up with the exact same goodbye. he missed you, but he knows he wouldn’t stand a chance if he had you sending him those pretty looks that make him feel so fucking weak.

this is why diluc knows he’s fucked when you visit him at work, his cock already hard as soon as he catches a glimpse of you coming through the tavern door and he has to swallow the groan he feels kick at his chest when you blink at him over the bar. “did.. ugh, did he put you up to this?” he grunts as he presses you against the desk he has hauled up in the back room, his hips flush against yours as his large hands grab and rip at your clothes — so eager to undress you and ease the throb in his cock that only intensifies with every grind of his bulge into you. “it’s true, i can’t deny what you do to me afterall, sweetheart.”

・✶ ｡ﾟ CHILDE / TARTAGLIA — NOVEMBER 21ST

as if he would ever pass up an opportunity to test his limits, plus childe is always looking for an excuse to be able to tease you, and himself considering he’s told himself this’ll help him get stronger. he actually does a lot better than you thought, even goes as far as to make it harder for himself — letting his hands smooth along your body, touching something he knows he can’t have as he bites down on his bottom lip and feels his cock fucking leak against his slacks.

but maybe childe had gotten a little too cocky, worked himself up a little too much until he was wound up tight — particularly ruthless when it came to training new recruits or seeking out fights with whoever looks at him the wrong way. that’s when his facade had slipped, when he’d been particularly riled up after a fight — still high on adrenaline when he sends you a hooded look, one that’s still a little wild as he approaches you quickly, like he’s a wild animal who’s finally caught a glimpse of his pray.

“oh, come on now. aren’t you gonna beg?” childe grunts from where he’s pressing himself up against you — his chest flush against your back as he lets you feel the way his cock is uncomfortably throbbing between you both, begging for the much needed friction that he’s too eager to chase right now. “i’ve been quite formidable, don’t you think?” he’s breathing hard as he stuffs his face in the crook of your neck, rutting his hips into you while his hands squeeze at your hips. “so then amuse me.”

・✶ ｡ﾟ AL-HAITHAM — 1ST OF DECEMBER

al-haitham lasts the whole month, if you were to ask him how he’d did it he’d probably drone on and on about the preparations he’d taken, the science behind it and how easy it was for him. but you know that he’s lying to some extent, even when he was pretending to be oh so focused on the book he was reading you weren’t blind. one quick look over your shoulder wouldve let you see the way his sharp gaze was only focused on your hips and ass, bulge prominent as he lays back in his seat with a low hum. “tell me now, is that all you’ve got?”

but as much as al-haitham was smart he was still human, and there was a few times he couldn’t help but fight the carnal urges to reach out and grind his cock against you — do anything to feel the tight squeeze of your cunt around him like he yearned. he’d made sure to fuck you a day before the challenge began, getting it out of his system before the inevitable purge but even just being in your presence had him in a constant state of being so fucking needy.

so you almost jump when al-haitham basically slams the door to your bedroom open just as the last day in november ends, his steps are heavy and he can feel the throb of anticipation straight through his cock as he approaches you — fingers gripping around your jaw to tilt your face to his before he’s kissing you fiercely. “well would you look at that, told you i could do it.” he grunts as he looms over you, already pulling at your clothes before his own follows — groaning with the slightest graze of his cock along your thighs. “well now sweetheart, i think i’ve earned a reward.. don’t you?”

・✶ ｡ﾟ KAZUHA KAEDEHARA — NOVEMBER 14TH

kazuha honestly didn’t think he’d be able to do it, he was entirely addicted to you and your cunt but the team were placing bets and he’d been a little tipsy when he’d agreed and didn’t want to be the first one to lose afterall. but it’s just as hard as he imagined it would be, he can barely even look at you without his gaze becoming heavy, cock twitching and begging for him to reach out to touch you, to have you and take you like he desires but he also can’t stand the chuckles from the surrounding crew.

that is until you’re finally both alone for the first time in two weeks, kazuha had went out of his way to make sure this didn’t happen but he couldn’t stand not giving you the attention you deserved, it only taking a particularly pretty look from you to have him crumbling. but he should’ve known this would be the outcome when you decided to take your place pressed up against his side, arms wrapped around his waist so tight he can barely breathe — but that’s probably due to how much he needs to cum right now.

“now would be the best time to rest well.” kazuha breathes, low and ragged as his chest expands with each inhale he takes and he’s sure you must be able to tell the effect you’re having on him right now. but his words only seem to draw you closer, your fingertips resting against his thigh to squeeze at the skin — close enough to have his hips twitching before he whimpers and clenches his jaw. “ah.. i see, you are relentless.” your fingertips only crawl closer and he can’t stop the way his hand rests over yours instinctively to hold you there, letting you palm and stroke at his cock before he cums in his pants with a long and low whine.

© 2022 garoujo. please do not copy any of my layouts or writing and translate or repost onto any other sites.

[anonymouslosersworld]

Thirst

Fandom: Obey me shall me date

Characters: Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beezlebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, and Barbatos.

Genre: Smut (M)

Prompt: Mc/reader gets into a magical mishap and ends up being hit by an uncomplete/incorrect spell that amplifies their desire. Their desire being a certain someone.

Mammon

You have always recognized how attractive Mammon is. His beautiful tan, firm chest, and his complimentary white hair. His tsundere personality was frustrating but adorable.

But right now his looked absolutely delicious. You could feel your mouth watering just by looking at him. you had been feeling hot and needy for a bit but you didn't want to impose on Mammon when he had company over.

but if you really had to blame someone it was mammon. He knew you found him irresistible when he showed off his demon form. You wanted to pounce on him at that very moment. but his stupid company was taking your mammon's attention for too long and they weren't taking the hint you wanted them to leave.

You bite your lip as you zero in on his abs that lead into his pants hiding the thing you wanted to take a peek at and jump for a good old time. But him having company was making you miserable, the shower you had taken earlier wasn't helping as much as you thought it would.

Your hair was still dipping wet as the droplets were falling to Mammon's black shirt you had taken hostage. It had been hours since you got hit by the spell and nothing had happened. But you found yourself in a certain mood, craving him.

Your face felt hot, in fact, your entire body felt hot. You knew what would calm you down and you were going to get it.

" Mammon~"

" Hang on Treasure."

If Mammon had bothered to look, he might have avoided, the entire situation but Mammon wasn't known for being all that smart. Being denied yet again made you angry, so it was finally time to take what you wanted, what was yours.

"I grow tired of waiting." In an instant, you were on mammon's lap pinning him to his own sofa pulling his hair to his side, and leaving his neck open. The air was thick in tension, It was hard to even swallow.

Mammon looks at you in shock, he almost mistook you for a demon. The look on your face was serious and intimidating. Something he wasn't serious about. "I own you Mammon, you are mine!"

Apparently, a demon reclaiming their stake in their partner. Mammon couldn't lie it was hot but a little embarrassing done in front of the company. well, a company he didn't want but still.

"dismiss them. Now."

"tre-Ah~" Mammon moaned as you bit into his neck " w-wait. ~hmm, fuck!" you had begun unbuckling his pants and started rubbing his cock through his pants. All while leaving hickey's on his neck.

"Leave," you demanded, " It appears Mammon needs to be reminded who owns him."

The company of witches was watching you guys, frozen until you had to address them and they booked it to the door. they knew one thing. Never and I mean Never get in between to get/stop anything done with demon biology including and not limited to claiming or reclaiming in this case between demons.

'" N~No wait! go~oh~ gotta do something. s-stop!"

"you say that but you spreading your legs, trying to wrap yourself around me."

Mammon had not realized it until now but his chest was already marked up and his nippled erected from you teasing them with your fingers. His pants were already off and the witches left had basically left a dusty figure of themselves trying to get out of this room.

His cock was fully erect ready from your teasing, the witches had left two hours ago. you had already made edged him twice and had made him cum over his pool table while you pegged him and made him stain his couch from riding him.

" y/n please~! I'm yours!"

An 8-in vibrator was stuffed deep in Mammon's ass massaging his g-spot while you had stuffed his cock into your hole. The thudding of his bed hitting the wall was heard through the house as well as his pleads. Mammon's hands were pinned to his own headboard. He wasn't able to touch you in all this time.

"Don't worry Mammon as soon as you get milked out of all your cum. I'll leave you alone"

Leviathan

Levi was an interesting case, very interesting. He knew you would be affected by your spell and it made him nervous. There was no way that you didn't want a yucky otaku like him but he couldn't provide anything you were interested in. Yet you were still around. you kept fidgeting with something and wouldn't let him see it. You didn't let him see it not even as the thing absorbed him.

He had every right to be nervous.

Levi's wrists were held by a pair of slimy tentacles while another pair kept his legs spread apart. He could feel the slime trail around his body. The same tentacle that had duplicated into 8 different tenacles, who were now playing with his body as you thoroughly enjoyed yourself looking at him get fucked by your tentacles. Levi was stunned, his body defiled and explored. All he could do was be open-mouthed while his eyes rocked to the back of his head.

"Ack~! Hmm~!"

"so pretty," you say as you cup his cheek, "and your all mine! no Ruri-chan to keep you away from me."

"AHh~"

Levi's face burned red at your words and actions.

The sounds of the tentacles fucking into his now sloppy hole and the other two tentacles rubbing and squeezing around his two serpent cocks. The splatters of his cum drenched the floor, it didn't help that you made your tentacles intertwine with his tail and mess with the most sensitive parts of his tail. He was so glad you stuffed another of your tentacles into his mouth his throat was so sore from all his moaning and declarations of his love to you. He found it a little comforting the rhythm of the tentacle throat fucking him at least it shut him up.

"I can't wait till I fuck you levi. I love you ♡."

Levi was losing himself to the pleasure you brought to him. LOved that you were claiming him. Fucking him so aggressively.

There was still a sting of pain from where you smacked his ass.

This was just like his favorite Hentai.

Satan

The library is for the pursuit of knowledge and is supposed to be quiet.

Satan panted heavily as your hand kept rubbing him in a constant motion. His eyesight was completely covered with his own tie. The cheap cat hair band squeezes his temples from the previous fuck session on one of the library tables. Your legs keep his thighs from closing as his hips rock with the motion of your hand. Satan bites his lip as you apply pressure to his tip.

His own shirt ripped open and clung to the sweat of his body. The buttons scattered across the library floor. His chest was marred with your love marks all over him.

"me-meow"

"good kitty," you say as you loom over his semi-naked body "can kitty cum one more time for me?" your fingers gripped satan's chin as you looked at him.

He shook his head. His own body now aching and cock sore.

"hmm? I guess I did milk the kitty well huh? maybe you'll give me a litter?"

Your hand rubs his stomach

"you'd look amazing full of babies."

Asmodeus

It was a little hard to sometimes tell who was egging on who put all of Asmodeus's followers now knew that there was a reason why Asmodeus was so enticed, charmed, and just utterly smitten by you. The entire day you kinda just loomed around asmo, keeping him company as you messed around and did stuff for his blog. It wasn't until a certain live stream that the effect really kicked in.

"O-ooh Fuck!~"

Asmodeus' legs clammed shut around your head. His back arched and his hand was gripping your head and his sheets. Your tongue was deep into him and your fingers had a tortures stead pace making him go crazy.

" Fuck yess! The way you show your love for me... it's enough. hmm~ to make me t-there!"

He had fucked demons, humans, and tons of other species but he could never ever get over how passionate you were when you decided to claim him over and over again. The red hand prints on his ass cheeks from when you fucking him doggy-style still stung. You kept making him melt with climaxes over and over again.

"I'm going to go f-fuck crazy!"

you raise up from eating asmo's cunt, leaving your fingers still fucking his hole."

"I want you to. I want you to be crazy over me as I am over you. " your lips connect as he tastes himself in your mouth. His legs wrap around your waist. Stopping you from going back down on him.

"fuck me, I want you close."

A lot of people including the prince of devil-dom just knew how down and lustful your claim over asmo was.

Beelzebub

Beel wasn't so sure why you wanted to be on his lap but still didn't deny you as all you ended up doing was snuggling up to his chest and ensuring you were cuddling while he sat on his bed. All he knew was that the spell just amplified your desire and if it was in his capabilities he would do it.

Your hand caressed his biceps and muscles as your nose was nuzzled into his chest.

"I'm hungry Beel." your tone was sultry as your hand played with his hair while the other was placed beside his body. he somehow knew it wasn't food.

Your hands push him down as you straddle him. Your hands slipping his sweater off his body. Your hand grips the edge of shirt of his shirt.

"~n-ngh! d-does this make you feel full?"

"hmm! so full.~"

You directed your intertwined hands on your stomach. you fingertips touch as you smile at him before making him feel your lower stomach.

"can't you feel it beel, you fill me up. s-s~oh nice." You make his fingers trace the bulge that his cock made on your stomach. HIs blush intensifies as the whimper gets stuck at his throat. Beel hips stuttered as he felt his stomach tightening but he ignores the feeling to hold your hand.

Beel has always been a romantic at heart.

Belphegor

"y-y/n!~" belphegor whined as his held your shoulders.

"hmm? what do you need princess?"

"t-this is emb-raah~ssing!~"

"awwe but you like it when I'm fucking your tight little hole sweetie."

Belphegor's back was killing him as you had folded him into a mating press and fucking his cock int that position. it made him feel so weak as you zip tied his hands and placed it onto you neck while you fucked his cock.

"nngh~" the machine you placed on his hole worked hard against his hole making sure to hit his spot. The grip you had on his balls nearly made him cream . The marks you left on his thighs woke a fire that started the whole thing in the first place. Your hand moves grips his thigh and forces his thigh to open.

"A-ah!" Belphegor moans as you smack his ass for not keeping his legs open. His cock throbbed within you as he spread his legs a little more.

"Be a good boy Belphie or else i'll have to punish you ."

Belphegor shook his head no, as he wrapped his legs around you waist.

"n-no. Make me come please!"

Diavolo

Diavolo felt responsible for what happened to you. He decided to personally watch you as you kept insisting you were fine and if someone had to watch you then you insisted it would be him.

He always felt like he missed a lot of crucial social stuff due to his royalty and barbatos. But thanks to you he wasn't missing getting fucked dumb inside the student council room on lucifers desk.

Diavolo's hands gripped your hips as you rode his cock. The things on lucifers desk were scattered on the floor as DIavolo was laying on the desk.

There was a vibrating dildo up Diavolo's ass, and nipple claps on his chest. Your sultry gaze seduced Diavolo and made him feel butterflies in his gut. The lipstick kisses roamed his body, some of them were hickey's.

You leaned down and held Diavolo's head to kiss him as you rocked your hips into your spot. Your kisses suck the soul out of him, well if he had one.

Barbatos

Barbatos was tasked to keep an eye on you by Diavolo. So for the duration of the said spell, he was to be taking care of you making sure you didn't escape your room as you previously had. Knowing that the Seven demon brothers were weak towards you they knew that Lucifer and his brothers would end up caving. The angels were out of the question due to the very fact that apparently, you had a very VERY strong corruption kink towards SImoen and Rapheal. That seemed to have a strong effect on them. Solomon was also out of the question due to some...incident. Which made him the defacto caretaker as Barbados wouldn't cave.

..or everyone thought.

"a-aah~!"

Barbato's gloveless fingers clenched your sheets as he loomed over your bed. Your panties stuffed into his mouth to keep him from being too loud. Barbatos top clothes were pushed past his shoulders and loosely flowed around his arms around his elbows/arms.

"Shh~ Barbatos the young master might hear you.~"

"hmm~!"

"unless of course, you want him to know?

Bsrbatos eyes widen as he raised his head from your bed when he felt your lubricated fingers go even deeper.

"Your so wet, do you like it that much hm~?"

Barbatos tail tightened its grip on your arm and shoulder as your finger begins to pick up speed to abuse his weak spot. He gasped as the toy you had wrapped around his cock began to massage his balls trying to seduce him into yet another orgasm. Barbatos curses his legs as they began to tremble. He blames it on his old age and works for his now weakening knees.

"The poor young master is going to hear you~ He's going to find out you fell astray from his orders," you whisper into his ear

His back arches even more as you curl your fingers within him, repeating the motion before kissing his neck. You add yet another finger in him. He was well aware of your knee placed between his legs as he spreads his legs wider so that your fingers glide easier into him.

" He's going to know that you fed into my desire for you."

"N-ngh!~"

"That you offered yourself up to me."

The firm grip on the base of his tail makes his legs give out almost begin enough to make him cum.

"O-oh!!~"

Barbatos bites down on your panties in order to quiet himself as he cums. Your tongue swirled around the swell of his tail. Your mouth sucked harshly as his hips stutter from his climax. With a pop, you release his tail.

" You poor, pretty little thing."

[utilitycaster]

I saw you reply to an ask saying Tiberius player sucks, but I never saw anything about conflict between the cast. Granted I didn’t join until campaign 2, so did something happen to make them kick him out?

I'm going to link the iconic r/hobbydrama post because I think it's genuinely excellently written and a thorough rundown, and please note that I also started with Campaign 2 so this is mostly secondhand for me. The tl;dr is that the actor for Tiberius immediately began hogging the spotlight inappropriately, avoiding things that might put Tiberius at risk thus screwing over everyone else, cheating on dice to make his character seem cooler, and ultimately in the course of one episode dominated the conversation and tried to bypass a core aspect of Percy's arc and said something sexually inappropriate in-character regarding Vex, Laura's character. He left not long after. If you watch the early C1 episodes it's very much stated as him needing to leave for personal reasons (he was also I believe legitimately dealing with some health issues), but it became clear later he'd been asked to leave.

It later came out that the actor had been hostile a few times while on the show towards fans in inappropriate ways, was frequently hostile and abusive towards many people afterwards, and stole and scammed from his own crowdfunding and employees regarding a spinoff of Tiberius's adventures.

For a bit of background, the vibe when I started Campaign 2, at least while avoiding most of social media, was pretty neutral even though Matt had definitely said some stuff that indicated this had gone badly, and TVTropes (look, I was trying to avoid spoilers and at the time it had episode-by-episode updates) honestly seemed to have been written by fans of Tiberius and was pretty sympathetic towards him. If you're not experienced with D&D or are listening by podcast it is hard to tell how bad things were until episode 27 (his final one and the one where the conflict is really apparent), especially if you have no other baseline for the cast. Tiberius's heroic death that comes out in 1x64 was, I believe, arranged by Matt to be fairly respectful, and coupled with the cast's requests to respect everyone's privacy I think it just wasn't much of a point of discussion during C1, though I could be wrong. The crowdfunding scam news came out right when C2 was in its early episodes, and I think that's when the fandom started to become more aware.

Anyway if you watch early C1, I think it is worth it despite him (and honestly while the actor sucks the character was a good concept and would have had immense potential in the hands of someone who was an honest and generous D&D player, particularly if the fall of Draconia was pre-planned even before his departure), but as many other people have said, if you haven't seen episode 1x27 you do not know what the cast looks like when they're actually fucking angry at someone. Like even when they've been upset with each other it's been a "talk it out" situation, rather than that.

[dropoutconfessions]

This is a SUPER spoilery confession so here is your warning to scroll if you want to avoid nsbu, neverafter, acoc, and trw spoilers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So I don’t know if this is the case with all of Brennan's campaigns since I've only seen and finished the forementioned ones, but one thing I've really disliked about all of them are the endings. Not like the final episodes, but the last ten minutes or so, where everything is wrapped up in a neat little bow. Which is what I don’t like.

Brennan has a trend of making the endings really sweet and sugary. I know it’s comedic, but c'mon, the characters get their happy ending immideatley.

For acoc and neverafter, which are the darkest and grittiest Brennan-led campaigns so far, the cartoonishly happy endings feel especially jarring. He and his players like to explore deep and complex themes and conflicts with his players during the game, but as soon as we hit the epilouge they speedrun the last remaining chunks of character development and everyone lives happily ever after, very literally. It’s a little bit easier to buy with nsbu since the whole campaign is a crackshow but the pattern continues nonetheless.

Which. I get that that’s the point. They’re comedians at the end of the day, and they can wrap up their stories how they want. But... would it hurt to have just a liiittle bit of bitter with the sweet? Like, does everything have to wrap up neatly? Brennan goes out of his way to make sure everything is absolutley prefect in the end, which is probably really nice for the players, but imo flattens the story to the ground.

I think acoc is the worst offender, for a couple of different reasons, one being the amounts of unresolved trauma that was within the group at the end. Just a line like "it takes time and a lot of trial and error, but the Rocks does stay together as a family and get a little better at loving eachother each day" would have gone such a long way instead of: yup everything is fixed and they’re all happy now. Also revivification is suddenly possible, tf is that about. And also! The campaign started after a "happy ending" and showed how everything didn’t automatically fix itself after the war was won. Why stop there? Why not carry that over a little bit to the end?

Ok this became a bit more of a rant post than I intended. The endings don’t have to be tragic, I just think it’s good to leave a story on the '...', whether it will continue or not.

And, personally, i do like a little tragedy. Shoutout to The Ravening War

As a fellow tragedy girlie, I completely get that, fucked up ending me beloved. I do think D20 has a couple things blocking it from doing it right every season

Seasons with heavy themes of tragedy are emotionally tough on the cast. By the end of Neverafter and A Crown of Candy (especially ACOC), the whole cast was fucking tired and stressed out of their minds. In Adventuring Parties for ACOC, Lou straight up admitted that he picked up smoking cause of that season, and Siobhan and Emily were in tears on camera. By the end of it, it's likely that's all they wanted.

The themes of Neverafter lent themselves to a non-tragic ending given the pcs won. The whole culmination of the story was the pcs getting free will, which means their victory meant they all got their wish. They literally gave everyone the ability to give themselves a better story, it's hard to make that tragic without cheapening their victory.

And the same goes for A Crown of Candy. The campaign ended with Liam basically casting Wish. Generally, a DM does Wish fuckery when there's more campaign, if you're pulling that shit where it goes wrong at the end of a campaign during the wrap up when you have no plans for a sequel? You're an asshole.

And speaking of sequels, tragic endings make people smell sequels in the water. If a campaign's epilogue has a bit of tragedy in it, it typically lights the fandom up for a sequel. And it definitely happens with d20 shows, given how much speculation there is for a Fantasy High Senior Year. Generally (probably to avoid rabid fandom) they avoid sequel bait, especially with A Crown of Candy. Ravening War is immune to a lot of these factors given it's a shorter season so there's less emotional wear and tear, the story was designed to possibly end poorly, it's a prequel so sequel bait isn't an issue, and the players honestly remained pretty fucking powerless on a world scale the whole time because they were never supposed to deal with the largest problems of the world.

But yeah no, in general, I'm not super big on the epilogues either, the last one Intrepid Heroes one that I really liked was like, Starstruck or Unsleeping City II.

[takaraphoenix]

Four months into my Teen Wolf renaissance and I am kind of fascinated by the way my interaction with it changed and shaped with this current rewatch of the show, the shift in priorities.

I used to monoship in this fandom. There was Sterek and nothing else.

Now I'm juggling multiple ships and my first ever poly-ships for this fandom. Which is a delight, because I'm a polyamorous person first and a writer second so to actually have poly-ships in this fandom sparks a whole lot of joy for me. So does generally having multiple ships, because I've always been a multishipper.

It's interesting though, that with these multiple ships, it has become very clear to me what's my actual most important dynamic for this fandom. Because it doesn't matter what the Stiles ship is, it doesn't even matter who the pack Alpha is and what pack we're talking about, I need Boyd and Erica to be alive and to be in Stiles' pack. These three mean the fucking world to me, they're the core. The pack around them may change, the romantic ship for Stiles may change, but those two are alive and together and beautiful and Stiles' pack.

Other things, I am much more flexible on. There are characters I don't particularly care whether they're portrayed as good friends or bad friends, but if a fic goes outta their way to keep Boyd and Erica alive just to have them be bad to Stiles, I am out of that story faster than you can look.

Jackson is slightly more negotiable. He's still very important to me and I prefer him to be in the pack, but there is also something appealing to him being in London and him and Stiles building a long-distance friendship after the Nogitsune, that phone calls and texts might make it easier for Stiles to talk about what happened, that the Nogitsune trauma and the kanima trauma bonds them. I prefer them to be pack, but they don't have to be, as long as they are still friends. If I have to see Jackson post season 2 sticking around and being pack, just to then be a bully to Stiles, I am also out.

Like. I do fully understand that all three have, you know, more or less antagonistic pasts toward Stiles. I also understand fics that just turn everyone aside from [romantic partner] against Stiles for max angst. It's just that these three? These three hurt me to read as bad friends.

The more I write and read for the fandom, the more important does Alpha Peter become to me too. Even outside of romantic Steter, it just... feels wrong to me when he's a beta even more wrong when he's Scott's beta ngl. There is so much healing, redemption and hope in the idea of Peter as an Alpha who gets to rebuild the Hale Pack and keep his family's legacy alive.

Used to be Derek for me, but the more I think about it, the... unhappier he seems as an Alpha in canon and the fonder I grow of the idea of him getting to be a Right Hand. Of him getting a second chance with a Hale Pack but without the burden of having to try and be the Alpha. (I do still love writing and reading Alpha Derek though, especially when it's Sterek. But if I had to pick a favorite Hale Pack dynamic, it'd have to be Alpha Peter and Right Hand Derek.)

Now, out of this list, Peter was the only real surprise. Even back in 2014, when I first got into this fandom, I preferred my Berica alive and as friends with Stiles and I liked my Stackson brOTP.

But genuinely the biggest surprise to me is how much I latched onto Spark Stiles, because this was something I used to actively avoid. I used to think of that as nonsense. I mean, come on, that was one episode and canon moved on from that, how did you grow that attached to it.

Somehow, this rewatch, I just feel very indignant about the fact that they really gave Stiles magic for one episode and then did jackshit with it. What the hell. After ten years, I finally understand why the fandom couldn't let go of that.

Comfortingly enough did my favorite thing not change in the past ten years though. Give me Pack Mom Stiles or give me death. That's still the best damn thing this fandom ever did, in my opinion, and whatever the ship or the pack or who the Alpha is, Stiles is Pack Mom.

But it is interesting to see how my own interaction with the story and the characters has changed over the past decade and on this third to fifth watch (depending on what season we're talking about. I've seen the first two seasons more often than the rest).

[narwhalandchill]

how are we feeling about this project amber update

assuming this is in relation to childe bc who the fuck else JWDJWJKDJKW anon im so sorry if not. also so so sorry for how out of hand this got. i am simply unwell about him.

But! Well. there certainly are thoughts

(obviously 4.6 datamine of arle SQ and her voicelines; This Will Not Spoil Anything Abt The Main SQ Plot, i only discuss the relevant parts. also some p Heavy negativity towards fanon ooc at the start youve been warned dont @ me)

(i mean i didnt even read anything of the SQ but The scene w childe so idek the main plot of the quest rly either lmao. tho go at ur own risk if u wanna check the dialogue out; its the 2nd quest log but it does hint at the greater story)

TLDR: how i feel abt his appearance in a vaccuum? quite solid despite the briefness, actually. accounting for the way fanon is 100% likely going to be reading into this and turning it into the Lets Infantilize Ajax Even More 2024 championship? conflicted.

in other words; a certified labyrinth warriors moment - theyve expanded on childes character in a very interesting and quite a compelling way and while i Do like the potential in what im seeing from hoyos end theyve also done it so that its going to be misinterpreted to hell and back by fanon so i kinda have an immediate jaded love-hate moment going on JJWJDKJDKJWJDWKJ

its literally just labyrinth warriors flashbacks - that event has some of my ALL TIME favorite insights into who ajax is and how he views the world and himself but when the event came out all everyone cared abt was to warp it into baby boy stuck in scawwy paper boy dungeon dehumanizes himself by calling himself a weapon and doesnt love himself he is such a sad trauma meowkitten 🥺🥺so yeah

bc like lets look at this properly for a bit; okay he went back to fontaine to look for skirk still somewhat injured and waa waa my 286 month infant baby cannot Make decisions like that!!!!!11! which is to say. i am tired of him getting this shit every time.

is it smart of him to get on the move immediately with just the bare minimum of rest? no. do i like that hes straining himself before proper recovery? not particularly no. do i feel the particular need to psychoanalyze this grown man and feared warrior whos 100% survived Way Worse in Way More Extreme Situations for it? hell fucking no.

while not at all the course of action a medical professional would approve of. from childes POV its perfectly logical hes priorizing going back for skirk when its literally the FIRST TIME shes showed up in like. a Decade. when hes been looking for her all this time are you kidding me 😭😭😭 but fanon must keep fanoning for their widdle baby girl so what does a hater like me know

anyway. seething and venting over im gonna try to avoid bringing up how much i hate this kinda infantilization of ajax now im sorry for bringing it up so much on ur innocent ask anon KJWDJKWKJDJDKWJKD. neutral discussion moment. i Promise

so it seems that theyre going for the pulcinella-is-shady-about-ajax (and prolly his family) angle for good and like. personally for me as long as the only real source of that claim was scara (a cynical edgelord who doesnt believe in non-exploitative human relationships, mind you) i was rather skeptical towards just instantly drawing that conclusion, but well. with the scene in arles AQ it appears to be sth theyre building towards

i actually really fucking loved that scene bc while theres outsider perspectives (scara obvi; and even arles line for him has that vibe. and ppl still take that shit face value 💀💀) and a lot of fandom assuming childes like. completely clueless and naive and ignorant towards the potential risks involved with trusting pulcinella. this is actually a very clever demonstration of quite the opposite? and showcasing how despite his aversion towards schemes and lies hes still intelligent and knows the kind of people hes dealing with when it comes to his fellow harbingers

like. childe has a negative opinion of arle based on what pulcinella has told him about her because at face value many of her deeds are in heavy conflict with his values of loyalty and family. and because he does not have the further context behind her actions and what the HotH under her is really like. Obviously hed hold a very hostile and wary view towards arlecchino

(ESPECIALLY when with all this biased intel hes still going to run into kids from the house!!! and then hes going wtf? these are good kids. what the hell is that knave doing with them??? blink twice if you need help i will start a civil war for yall like thats how he is with kids!!!!)

so YES. pulcinella has given him if not false then at least misleading intel based on the political tension between himself and arlecchino and the wider HotH. and childes taken that at face value! sure! he is close with pulcinella of course he would!

BUT. THEN. he returns to fontaine and seeks arlecchinos help looking for skirk. and observes her behavior and modus operandi for himself as well as the kids. does he go "nah she must be just hiding the crazy evil shit i would never distrust pulcinella" and leave it at that when reality doesnt completely match his expectations?

NO. because when offered the opportunity through the traveler asking about the HotH childe immediately capitalizes on the opportunity to prod for answers and see if pulcinella is lying to him!!!!

and hes so fucking smart with the way he does it too???? i LOVE his intelligence. the entire thing is so simple yet elegant; it Completely relies on his reputation as the kinda gullible harbinger whod Never scheme or hide Anything to indirectly affirm or deny his suspicions. he doesnt Need to Pretend to care about the possibility of arle betraying the kids bc he genuinely does!! and when she pushes back against the accusation he doesnt Need to fake admitting to her that well, actually, its all just rumors so he could be completely wrong. and so on. like he navigates the entire thing so effortlessly. and whats the end result?

childe has Confirmation of pulcinellas possible ulterior motives in action AND that arlecchino is a much more reliable ally than he initially assumed. all the while appearing as just The Straightforward 11th. like obviously id need to hear it voiced first to be sure but in text it v much gives the impression hes almost kinda just. playing up the threats towards arle and being "dumb" on Purpose?? to get the answers he wanted out of arle without appearing like hes fishing for anything particular. and i just hhhhhhhhhhh

i love when he does this so muchhhh!!!!!! 😭😭 he doesnt need to become some machiavellian schemer to be able to strategize !!!!!! he avoids scheming bc he Dislikes it not bc hes incapable of it like this has Always been the case Since Liyue AQ and i love whenever they show that side of himm . my Beloved

so anyway. while i do still think the like "pulcinella is bad and has his family hostage" is still kind of a generic plotline and i hope the writing regarding the whole thing wont ultimately turn out to be sth That simplified and black and white. its p clear theyre doing Something with pulcinellas motivations and as they are. im Really glad theyre letting it show that childes not just some completely passive party being manipulated in this all. he Is thinking abt this stuff and his position among the harbingers. ig we shall see where it goes - not the greatest fan of the concept still, but canon text supports it becoming a thing way more than when it was just scaras word we had for it. hope theyll surprise me positively w how they go about it!

then briefly for the rest uhh

also loved arle and childe just shittalking the rest of the harbingers it was amazing. i wasnt expecting this kinda dynamic between them at all but its great lmao. also i wanna see childe hang out w the HotH kids

as for project stuzha; so we dont really get anything solid on it other than being summoned back to snezhnaya for it is apparently a Big Deal. but still very interested. let my man have his endgame significance Trust

childes appearance was obviously v brief ultimately but that was clear from his leaked linecount to begin with - i am pretty satisfied with what they seem to have done w him. like its not The Best but also i wasnt expecting his lore to get some massive expansion in another harbingers SQ . the worst i feared was that it was just going to be a flashback of arle returning his vision which did Not happen so massive W. i am super hyped to hear this scene voice acted proper and happy to see him again, i really hope he gets to appear at least once more in an interlude or dains quest or something before going on hiatus again but idk if thats too much to ask LKKWJDJWDJWD

also: i am never changing my namecard after this patch drops. oh my godddddddd its So Fucking Beautiful 😭😭😭😭

But. Yeah. lots of good stuff. unfortunately lots of it will get misinterpreted and fanon will get obnoxious about it. but i still love getting to see him again and i am speedrunning that namecard day fucking one mutuals and/or followers in EU please add me (UID 711090267) ill need coop buddies for the world bosses

thank youuuuuuu for the ask i hope this monstrosity of a monologue doesnt scare u off 💀💀💀

[everythingwasnormalhere]

actually I've been thinking about it and kenny is so disability-coded???

like, even without my chronic pain headcanon, if we only take the canon material, he's incredibly disability-coded and im not sure why nobody's mentioned it before

Ok so, first thing first, south park isn't exactly known out of its community for having the best rep of... anything, actually, but anyone who's watched the show knows it has some of the best disability representation of any piece of media. Jimmy and Timmy, neither of their characters revolve around being disabled - they don't even make much fun of it! (It's south park, they have to make fun of everything). Their characters are complex, not because they're disabled, but because the writers didn't want to make them revolve around that. And if you don't believe me, please just watch the fucking show or at least their episodes (this is however not about them so I won't say much more about them, there's some pretty cool posts on this site that talk about this in more detail if you wanna read more though)

Now, onto Kenny: Kenny is a pretty cool guy. Fandom favorite, well-known even by people who don't watch south park. And besides how he's incredibly cute (like, c'mon, you heard his little "woohoo!"?), the reason why he's so famous is simple: He dies in every episode.

(well, not every ep in the latest seasons, but at the beginning he did and that's enough for me)

You might be thinking, "hey Loki, that's cool, but I have no fucking idea where this is going". And I'll tell you: his constant deaths actively avoid him doing stuff. Dying makes him spend less time with his friends, he can't take part in their shenanigans, he's generally unable to do things due to dying 24/7. Like, hell, he spent a whole season not hanging out with the guys because he was too dead for that! His friends substituted him, and he's still less-there since that happened.

This means: the impairment 'has a substantial and long-term adverse effect on their ability to carry out normal day-to-day activities'

(because he can't carry out normal day-to-day activities when he's, you know, fucking deceased)

Also, as Kenny himself says, "'Pretty cool'? Do you know how it feels like to be stabbed, to be shot, decapitated, torn apart, burned, run over? It's not 'pretty cool' Kyle! It fucking hurts!". His deaths cause him actual, physical pain. And guess what's a disability criteria?

You guessed: they have a 'physical or mental impairment'

(it "fucking hurts", I think that's physically impairing enough)

Also, his deaths have slowed down for the last few seasons, sure, but they still happen. And this is important, because they'll probably keep happening for the rest of his life - and if not, they've already lasted long enough anyway:

A 'substantial adverse effect' means more than just a minor impact on someone's life or how they can do certain things. This may fluctuate or change and may not happen all the time.'Long-term' means either:it will affect them or is likely to affect them for at least 12 months it's likely to last for the rest of their life It can still be considered long-term if the effects come and go. For example, a fluctuating condition might affect someone for a few months at a time with other times when they're not affected.

So, yeah. Kenny, canonical Kenneth McCormick, legally qualifies as disabled. But what makes him such good rep? He's still a well-loved character, not only in spite of his disability (yes, I'm calling his deaths a disability, sue me), but also because of it. Kenny is a pretty cool guy, he's cute, he's silly, he's a goddamn perv but really respectful about it too, and he dies in every episode which is actually hilarious. And about the perv part - fuck yeah, disabled character who not only isn't asexual, but is canonically the first in his friend group to do (consensual) sexual things! He's also canonically pretty desirable, he's the 7th in the List after all (and he's not just there for the girls' benefit like Clyde, Kenny is poor asf which means they genuinely find him desirable, and probably could've ended in the top 5 had it not been rigged). He's such a cool guy, and he's also disabled, and we love him for it.

Not to talk about Mysterion & PK, whose literal powers are the things that disable Typical Kenny - which, yeah, it's a bit of inspiration porn, but it's also a huge "fuck you" to god on Kenny's side. And it's not like "hey, I rose over my disability!", the moment in which Kenny talks (complains) most about it is actually when he's playing Mysterion - or it is in the show, at least. He was given bullshit, and yet he used it on his own benefit, but that didn't make the struggle disappear in his usual life - he's still disabled, no matter how much he uses it in his own favor. And we all love him for that.

I think he's actually awesome disability rep, mostly because he's accidental representation, and yet can (and in my opinion should) be read that way. Kenny McCormick is a beloved character everywhere, and he's also canonically disabled, and I love him for it.

[autismasgore]

i'm leaving the fandom

so i already posted about this on twitter with a shorter explanation but after a long while of being in the undertale fandom, i've decided to distance myself from it. i'm not sure if i'll ever make a public return on any of these accounts, but for now i've decided that i feel this is what's best for me mentally.

i'm kind of surprised i haven't already, to be honest, but i guess for a good while i was able to focus on the passion and love i had for the game. nowadays, i've been finding it harder and harder to interact with the fandom as a whole - for a multitude of reasons really.

many of you are already aware i went through a stalking incident over asgore discourse, which lasted from late 2019 to 2023. it was the most traumatizing years of my life, and i don't even remember a time where i actually felt at peace with myself during those years. the only time i remember being happy was pouring all of my focus onto undertale even harder, just to try and cope with what was going on. it didn't help that at the time, my abusive family was blaming me for being stalked and telling me i was just doing this all for attention and that i loved the "drama" of it.

i really didn't want to do this, because it feels like such a huge betrayal of everything i've loved for so long (hi, i'm autistic and undertale was my special interest, in case you haven't noticed yet LOL) but at this point i associate too many traumatic memories with undertale, specifically the fandom.

since getting more into steven universe and browsing the fandom casually it made me realise just how toxic the undertale fandom is as a community right now. i mean, let's be real, it's always been this way, but i feel like it's gotten a whole lot more worse lately - more insane.

it honestly felt like such a huge breath of fresh air to go into a fandom tag that Didn't have any toxic sludge or people discoursing about liking certain characters (cough Asgore cough) and whether or not that makes you a bad person. it felt like total whiplash, seeing people discussing a show they liked and sharing fanart instead of seeing constant discourse about it.

i've also been seeing a lot of my friends go through absolute fucking bullshit lately, and it's honestly really stressful because it felt like my stalker incident was becoming a more popularized and public sentiment in the fandom. which... honestly is scary to me. people are becoming more openly hostile, more openly insane with their accusations. i've been trying to remain hopeful and optimistic about the fandom, but the more things that have happened, the less hopeful i feel.

i don't want to be in this sort of community. i don't want to be in a community where people feel glee in hurting others, tearing other people down and slinging around serious accusations because it makes them feel powerful.

i want to be in a community/fandom that makes me feel actual joy, and not a constant source of stress.

there's also another reason why i decided to distance myself online rn as well, and it's not really related, but it was enough that i feel incredibly uncomfortable going by the name "pixie" rn.

last year, a youtuber i knew decided to put me on blast and straight up called me an abuse apologist and that i should be avoided at all costs, all bc i quietly distanced myself from posting publicly about the situation and decided to avoid jumping to conclusions.

i don't entirely blame them, since there's definitely things i feel i could have done better, but a lot of what they said was already privately resolved between us, and they left a lot of that out in order to paint a false narrative about me. i mean they literally had saved hundreds of deleted posts from my deleted old social media accounts. i know this because they've done this before with other people. i also know that this comes from a place of hurt and anger, they're lashing out at a community they felt hurt by, but their way of coping with it isn't healthy.

because they had thousands of followers, i started getting a ton of harassment, from people saying i wasn't trustworthy and calling me an abuse apologist, and even private nasty dms i don't really want to get into.

i didn't say anything at the time bc i was worried i'd come across as attention seeking/manipulative but. i became straight up actively suicidal after this. i was convinced nothing was going to ever get better for me and that i was an active danger to everyone. my mum ended up dragging me all the way to the city literally just to buy me the macbook i wanted in order to try and cheer me up, and even then i felt so depressed that i felt like i didn't have anything to look forward to. honestly the only thing that really kept me going was my friends privately supporting me.

to put it short, it felt like a repeat of my stalker situation and i don't feel comfortable going by pixie anymore because i associate so much trauma with that name right now. i feel like so many people who don't have good faith intentions know me as that name, more than people i'm friends with.

i don't even know if i'll ever post on social media ever again, or at least not in the way i used to. if i do end up making a new social media with a new rebrand, you won't hear from me about it. i want to be more private now.

tl;dr if you're still reading this, thank you for sticking by me for so long. this ended up being a lot longer than i anticipated, but i think i'm done with the name "pixie", and i think i'm done with the undertale fandom for now.

i know i'll be able to move on into a better place once i move forward to this chapter.

thanks for the memories.

[mediapiays]

https://www.tumblr.com/mediapiays/761093636217864192/if-14-year-old-me-could-navigate-the-absolute?source=share

Oh, absolutely. I've seen a few of these stories of poors ex-taekookers who fell for all the lies and manipulations other taekookers create and they spent years in that fandom believing and agreeing with them, and worst of all, spent all those years hating Jimin. But now they finally saw the light and feel so very sorry for all the harm they caused Jimin.

Every time I see one of these stories all I can think is "What a fuking idiot". And that's exactly what I think of this person. And honestly? Fuck them. They were a full adult who fell for shit that's so obviously false you don't even need to be an adult to see through it. They purposefully avoided official content and let themselves be surrounded only by other taekookers and their lies. They put themselves in that situation. Call me mean but that person is an idiot, plain and simple. And you don't get to be an idiot who spent years hating an innocent person than expect me to feel sorry for you once you finally realize you were being stupid.

And taekookers aren't even as convincing as people give them credit for, the people who believe them are just stupid. Their videos are clearly edited and lacking context and most of it is just short slow-motion clips with on-screen text consisting of some wild interpretations of what is essentially two guys making simple eye contact with each other. Nothing they say makes any sense if you think about it for more that three seconds. They constantly contradict themselves and change what's true and what's a lie at the drop of a hat. To them Jungkook or Taehyung briefly mentioning the other in a livestream it's definitive proof they're not just dating, but are straight up married. (Taekookers even have a date for their marriage and the number of kids they've adopted. I wish I was making this up).

Like, for fucks sake, taekookers main narrative is that Hybe is forcing Jungkook to pretend to be in a fake gay relationship with Jimin (who apparently is on Hybe's side and is also evil) to hide his real gay relationship with Taehyung.

A gay relationship to hide another gay relationship.

Gay relationships that are between idols.

Idols, people who are often forbidden by their companies be in even straight relationships.

All this happening in South Korea.

Famously homophobic South Korea.

Hybe deciding that this is somehow a good idea.

Jungkook and Taehyung putting up with this for over a decade despite having had the chance to not resign or at very least change their contracts not once but TWICE.

Jimin, Jungkook and 𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 Taehyung being good enough actors to convincingly and consistently pull off this extremely elaborate and long-running lie.

All this going so far it culminated in Jungkook being forced to enlist with Jimin in the 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘺.

All of this for what is not even the most popular ship within the fandom.

And the reason? The reason for all this convoluted mess? Who knows, definitely not taekookers.

I'm sorry, but you believe this you're a fucking idiot. Unless you're are a child, not even a teenager, I'm taking 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 a child, than you shouldn't be naive and stupid enough to believe this shit for literal years. And the fact that most of these people are actually middle aged woman with husbands and kids. Sincerely, what the fuck?

No, these ex-taekookers aren't some poor little naive babies who got tricked by the actually bad taekookers. No, anyone who believed this bullshit did it because they WANTED to believe it. Some part of them knew deep down it is all bullshit but they ignored that part because they liked believing it's true. They found pleasure and satisfaction in believing these things and they were selfish enough to let that be more important than showing basic human decency towards a man who's only crime is threatening their fantasies.

So no, I have no sympathy for taekookers of ANY kind. Not the 'nice ones' and not the 'reformed' ones. They can all go to hell for all I care.

i have nothing else really to say anon because you practically read my mind. it also emphasizes how people in stan spaces really don't think for themselves and is basically a hive mind.

[dum1s-writings]

Well, hello! It's nice to see an active total drama writer in here! I love this show so much and the fandom is like dead 💀

So, I had this idea...

It could be headcanons or a fic/one-shot, whatever you feel like the most!

But, what about the reaction to the TDWT crew to Chris bringing his niece with him?? Like, the reader is just a sweet 19 y/o teenager who looks for their safety and actually cares about them??? (Total contrary to his uncle lmao).

It doesn't have to be with one character specifically, most like how they would react overall to the reader wanting to protect them from Chris (AND PLEASE MAKE THE READER PROTECT CODY FROM SIERRA I BEG U)

Anyways, have a nice day!!! <3

~~~The Nice McLean~~~

I fucking love Total Drama!! I firmly believe Leshawna should've won the first season. I'll try to add my least favorite characters from World Tour to avoid being biased.

Warnings: Chris McLean, Sierra's stalker behavior, attempted manipulation from Alejandro, Duncan being kind of an ass, does Cody being a crybaby count? I'm making it count.

Pronouns: They/Them

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright contestants I have another surprise for you." Chris looked at the tired teens. From behind Chef came another teen. They smiled and waved to the other teens.

"Another contestant?" A few questioned simultaneously.

"Oh hell no. Their mother would kill me." Chris slung his arm around them and tugged them close. "This here is -Y/N- McLean, my nibling."

"Heya," their smile got bigger "I hope we can get along."

Everyone was too shocked to speak for a moment. Sierra was trying so hard not to flip her shit. Chris McLean's nibling was actually in front of her.

"So you're related to Chris?" Harold finally asked.

"Yeah. My mom is his sister." -Y/N- answered truthfully.

"Think of -Y/N- as a co-host. Another Chris of sorts." The older man smirked. "They'll keep an eye on you famous wannabes while I can't."

First of all we'll get the obvious out of the way, the cast fucking love you, after getting to know you. Obviously at first learning you're related to the devil host, Chris McLean, they immediately thought this season would be twice as torturous. But give them a couple of days or weeks and most of them would willingly jump from the plane for you. The others may take some time.

I'll start with the ones that take no time in becoming your fans:

Cody: for him the moment he saw you give a genuine smile was when he trusted you. Having dealt with Chris's shit for so long made him aware of a real and fake smile. Also when you demand Sierra leave him alone? Oh yeah he likes you even more now. Expect a lot of clinging, as much as he can, crying for one reason or another mostly Sierra and excessive praise for the small things.

Lindsay: my sweetheart, so pretty so.....not traditionally smart. She saw you looking super nice in your outfit and that was it. Anyone with fashion choices as good as yours are definitely trustworthy. Please become shopping buddies after the show is over.

Owen: this big lug. He really tries to see the good in everyone. More often than not he's wrong. But he's genuinely happy he's right about you.

Sierra: she knew about you before anyone else. Obviously she's going to trust you from the get go. You're related to THE Chris McLean. That trust may or may not waver...TBD. Either way watch yourself around her. Keep a close eye on your belongings.

The neutral ones who need a bit more time are:

Noah: he just doesn't trust easily. Take no offense to it. I think only Owen was lucky enough, being an actual giant ball of sunshine and stupidity. Perhaps if you sneak him some Noah-Safe food he'll trust you faster.

Gwen: poor girl has been scorned by the world so often. It's left her with a few trust issues. Maybe stick up for her and watch some good horror movies together. Reassurance is the key, she was painted as a bad guy from the beginning. Let her know she's more than that and it's okay to admit she did wrong. Help her move past that.

Leshawna: this bad bitch (lovingly) knows her worth. She wants to make sure others know it as well. Don't talk down to her and hype up her plans and ideas and she'll consider you worth her time and respect. Also keep Alejandro away from her. Please. My queen deserves better.

DJ: he's a softie and a Mama's boy. He does want to trust you. But after his failed restaurant with his Mama it might take some time. People in power never helped him or his Mama. In fact he wonders if they were sabotaged. Help him find ways to "reverse his curse" and he'll definitely trust you, also maybe offer his Mama a job as a chef, especially if it's a higher position in a private kitchen.

The ones who just straight up dislike you and take a long time to like you are:

Alejandro: his family caused him so much trauma. He doesn't trust ANYONE. He may act like it, nodding to your advice and being nice. But alas tis all a front. He's really just waiting for the perfect moment to betray you. When that time comes and goes and you're still nice to him? Yeah....you may have started chipping away at his walls.

Heather: the queen bee. The head of every group project. Highschool taught her to look out for herself. So did the first two seasons of Total Drama. She'll bitch at you and talk shit about you "behind" your back. Just brush it off and continue being nice and you'll win her over, eventually.

Courtney: the Type A Psychotic Crazies and debate team caused Courtney to believe only Courtney can help Courtney. She'll refuse to trust you and judges those who do. In fact it's not until she's kicked off will she finally trust you. Maybe meet up after the show and talk to her, she'll apologize to you and own up to her wrongdoings.

Duncan: the runaway delinquent. The hardass he is doesn't trust you, purely because of your last name. Chris ruined his life, more than he himself could have. Being stalked no matter where he went for 2 years put him on edge. Abolish Chris's stupid "must always sing" rule and his opinion on you might change.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hopefully this works. I didn't know what to do for most of it. I was winging it big time.

[sharonisthebettercarter]

billy butcher and addiction--

felt there's a need for a good and proper analysis for this fucker (as well as i can manage, maybe throw in a bit of a rant on poor fandom etiquette, 'three laws of fandom' are an oldie but a goodie lol) so here we go i guess--

i wanna start by saying this is a full scope character deep dive (sortaish?? best i can do take it or leave it--lol i might go further in depth on specific scenes or whatnot later, i'm longwinded but i'm tryin' to condense as best i can for this, aaaaaaaaaaand long long post ahead--) that def includes elements solidly confirmed in dear becky and probably leans more on comics billy overall, but def does intertwine and interlock with show billy (as they are essentially the same, garth ennis' own words went something like 'he's a perfect billy butcher' lol)

i'll try to avoid spoilers (??) for the most part like dear becky, but there are some things that may need more context (there is quite a bit of in the show that works well enough to represent anyway but i guess we'll see how this goes, i may end up talking more about the show elements and how they parallel with comics billy anyway)

i also think it's worth mentioning that there's a lot to billy (especially in the comic) i feel fandom either ignores, dismisses or doesn't want to acknowledge, or just doesn't notice.

whether from personal bias/prejudice, desire (fitting billy into that 'alpha's alpha' toxic masculinity 'dom top' fever dream 'mold' so to speak, probably--no, definitely the *worst* way to interpret and easiest way bungle up his character, it completely misses the fact that billy has built *that* 'daddy approved' version of himself as a *facade* to *hide* his own shame and insecurity, and he is *so* much more complex than that nonsense (and genuinely uncomfortable and unhappy being that way-beyond the subtle guilt of a constant high). can we talk about the ways in which fandoms promote and perpetuate toxic masculinity--what, no time we'll be here all week?? oh, okay. jesus fucking christ that is exactly as bad if not worse than the maga chud interpretation and unironic worship of homelander--), lack of personal experience/familiarity, understanding--fuck it, even lack of education in media analysis or reading comprehension (if not both), and *especially* being pro-censorship/americentric/*stuck* with purity culture blinders (or even some part of them lingering)

all of those can def make media (and characters like billy) that isn't 'cookie cutter america-approved' fairly difficult to understand or accept (i guess??)

i've seen so much listed to hell and back in attempts to describe comics billy. 'he's a piece of shit' *YES*. 'he's just wish fulfillment for the author's hatred of superheroes' *no*??? let me not get into the complete hypocrisy of someone who writes or enjoys fanfic--the epitome of *wish fulfilment*--unironically complaining about other authors doing this and thinking it's a legit complaint. how does *anyone* read the entire story and come to *that* conclusion???

did you even bother reading the comic? no, i don't mean glossing over it with a completely closed mind while actively ignoring and dismissing everything important put in front of you and designed to make you think because the blood and guts or other is too distracting apparently, i mean *actually* reading it thoroughly and making an effort to think about what's being presented and why, waiting for the drop *instead* of jumping to judge (as is the american way)

and to some degree, i get it. i wouldn't say this comic is the easiest to digest (especially if completely unfamiliar with many of the themes presented, even the show has sparked some ass takes and interpretations) there's also plenty of common misconceptions, one in particular about garth ennis 'hating' superheroes. this is actually not true, what he hates is how the superhero *genre* has bottlenecked the comics industry and what is more likely to see success in it (and as a fellow creative, i completely understand how frustrating that would be, his main interest is actually war stories)

it's def one thing to say, 'nah, i don't vibe with the style' or 'it's not really for me/my taste but it's fine if others like it', i get that, satire and horror aren't for everyone. honest critique is fair even.

but it is a whole 'nother thing entirely to pretend your own personal tastes are *the only 'correct' creative law* and then *vehemently* oppose or hate something an artist created and denounce, harass, or fuck--dehumanize the people who enjoy it, if not the artists who work(ed) on it.

i'm sorry, this is a tangent cause it's def not limited to the hate the boys comics or ennis gets *at all*, it's especially prevalent in *literal* kids media like teen titans go where the thing in question is simply put--*NOT MADE FOR THE SHITHEADS NONSTOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT* when they can literally, *LITERALLY* just *accept* that they weren't the *target audience* and move the fuck on with their day, happy as can be. *instead* of shitting on something *or the people who like it* to make literal *children* or other people feel bad about liking it.

it's one thing to try and educate people or have discourse and discussion, it is another entirely to *bully* them over something so *stupid* as *fiction*.

i especially have a problem with this shit when i have *several* artists tell me that they don't feel *safe* or *welcome* being themselves, liking or creating what *they* want to make in a fandom *because* of the fandom attitude and normalization of *hate* within that fandom.

i *thought* fandoms were supposed to be about *love* so what the fuck is this human tribalist false dichotomy bullshit??

and of course, that's not always the case. there is also an unbelievable level of respect that is given to fanartists and fanfiction writers, and that is *beautiful*. 'don't like, don't read'. *PERFECT*. curate your own content, complain or rant in your own spaces--you're entitled to an opinion, but *accept* that it still has a right to exist and other people still have a right to love it (and aren't wrong for that, opinions cannot be objective), *even if you don't like it*. just don't engage then, it's that simple.

now extend that level of courtesy to the people, artists and writers in the industry.

no, i'm not trying to shut down criticism of media, proper critique is how we learn and grow and understand better and in turn *create* better. yes, they can fumble the fucking bag too, especially when adapting something from a source material and--like *some* fanfic writers out there--think they can do it 'way better'.

but the people in the industry? who bend over backwards, going on strike in some cases, breaking their necks to work on and create the things that we *love* and latch onto?

they're people too. and whether the thing they make goes *exactly* how we want or not, however you feel about the money in the entertainment industry (which they see barely a dime of if those fucking strikes and constant mistreatment are any indication), they don't deserve to be treated like scabs.

that mentality of 'not my personal taste = universally bad' and 'anyone who disagrees with my opinion is wrong' is fucking gross and *extremely elitist*, just straight up announcing how pretentious, obtuse, willfully arrogant and ignorant, and *lacking in self awareness*--the number one easiest way to be the *shittiest* kind of artist/writer/critic--you are. it is *exactly* like cishet white men complaining about something being 'bad' because it's 'woke' or has anything *besides* a cishet white man for the protagonist.

*god forbid something isn't tailor made specifically for them.*

swear to gawd, i got a list of different bullshit and circle jerking i've seen all across different fandoms for different reasons. no i'm not mad at any one person in particular, just a little salty from recurring problems and gatekeeping (ghoulfucking-GHOULFUCKING OF ALL THINGS I--I CANNOT) if not straight up bullying (does it really make a bitch feel *so* much better to try and hurt other people for liking what they, and let's be honest, are not willing to give the time of day?) in fandoms. (the complete audacity of people to complain about a media being 'childish' or 'bad' because 'insert nonsensical trivial bullshit here that holds no weight because it's personal taste if not flat out wrong and not actual critique' and then turn around and throw the biggest fucking tantrums about it--let me not get into the whole sharon carter debacle jesus christ--)

same shit. different pile.

also, fuck me. i keep *forgetting* that genuinely valid critique (*not* personal taste/opinion, proper critique pertains to things like techniques used, composition, narrative consistency and plot holes, goals of the artist/writer, accomplishments of those goals, etc.) is something that needs proper education and understanding all on its own which not a whole ton of people get or even know, which just goes to show--i'm a dumbass too. (but i won't deny that plenty of 'critics' are full of shit and *know* this but use their 'personal taste' as 'critique' *anyway* because... they enjoy being complete assholes and discouraging other artists i guess.)

y'all, take a class or two in art critique and literature analysis. you'll learn all the cool lingo (to later forget if you're like me~), and maybe (hopefully) walk out with a bit more of an open mind wanting to encourage more art in the world, even if you don't personally like it. take a moment to *listen* to differing opinions in their *entirety* and you might even gain a new perspective.

*no one* should be ashamed to ask questions or admit they don't know or understand something and fuck the people that would make you feel that way. *we can and should help each other.*

but stagnant or hostile fandoms with no self awareness and perpetuated elitism circle jerks? *really* fucking shameful, regardless of the form or where they are.

ANYWHO--

ugh, fuck. okay. i think i'm done with that tangent, back on topic--

BILLY BEAN~<3

and i want to reiterate that *again*, dear becky *does* confirm pretty much everything i'm going to discuss here tho technically speaking, nothing is spoiled here as it's just reiterating what is implicit (if not stated outright) throughout the series.

as far as dear becky goes, it's a good final gut-wrenching piece to the series and i loved it, but it definitely leaned on more of 'tell' instead of 'show, don't tell' (no duh in context, but probably because the rest of the comic did the 'show'--very well imo but it still flew over peoples' heads and made them misplace their brains--i'm sorry, i've just lost so much patience for the lack of reading comprehension and media literacy, but honestly? ennis is genuinely too good at knowing how to spark a strong emotional reaction in readers. and can we talk about the dense mofos that *make* authors have to 'tell' just to confirm something that is heavily implied--what, no time? oh, fuck, fine.)

OKAY--

addiction.

what about it, and why am i mentioning it. well. because if it's not clear by now, william butcher is an addict.

and it is one of, if not the core element that drives him to do what he does.

not becky or becca. not justice.

addiction.

and i don't mean traditional substance abuse (though he admits there has been as much in his life, especially with alcohol, his drug of choice is a bit more complex and maybe not so easy to spot on the surface for those unfamiliar with addiction).

in the show, we even see him mention that he's 'done 'em all' and there's *nothing* like temp v--and it's because temp v *amplifies* his *addiction* to the highest level it could exist on.

something else to note, there's a ton of stigma and widespread (ableist) misconception surrounding addiction still (which may be part of why people may not want to recognize it in billy), but it is absolutely a clinical mental disorder and people who suffer from it should be treated as *medical patients*, not reduced to violent criminals and scumbags. (fuck you drug war and prohibition, you are the root of organized crime and you're racist as shit.) it's also possible to become addicted to *anything*. and i mean *anything*.

if you can repeat a behavior and your brain no longer cares whether or not that behavior is causing you harm because there is a *compulsive* urge for that *repetition* or a specific result from it? that is addiction. money, anger, pain, violence, self harm, attention, love...

you'd think the last one might be okay, but it's not. it's an easy way to get caught in the infinite loop of an abusive relationship, just with promise of it. no delivery necessary.

but it doesn't have to be drugs that cause addiction. hell, gambling addiction is a thing all it's own that can get *incredibly* severe.

and listen, too much of *anything* can be horrible for you. fucking coconut will give you the runs if you eat too much that shit is *not* fun pun intended--

i digress.

in billy's case? he's actually addicted to two i just listed.

violence. and self harm.

i mentioned before that what drives billy has next to nothing to do with what happened to becky or becca.

there's a common misconception that, at the end of the day, billy does have some level of good intent behind his actions, and to a degree this is true in the *complete reverse* of what people often assume, and this is proven repeatedly in both the show (with just what we have seen) and comic (where its laid out too heavily to ignore).

setting aside the fact that there's *never* a good 'rEaSoN' to commit or even attempt *genocide* (EVER. i have ZERO patience for the constant apologism of this bullshit, SWEAR TO GAWD FANDUMB--) and billy's genocidal tendencies on their own, the idea that 'he goes after homelander for becca' or 'justice' has been completely debunked.

'justice is not vengeance'

something to always keep in mind.

but... in the first season? hughie called him out on this.

butcher calls him a 'disgrace to robin's memory', and hughie--bless his little heart, responds with 'i think i'm doing this *for* her.'

it's an interesting response, because hughie is essentially saying--

'you'll *die* for this woman, but that's not what she would have wanted. i'm going to *live* for robin, and for *annie*, because *that's* what she would have wanted.'

and he's absolutely right. billy loved becca, would have died for her. but he refuses to listen and *live* for her.

the group therapist too even before hughie. she literally laid it all out, front and center in the clearest way possible, 'it's a defense mechanism', and then butcher had his little meltdown just before telling hughie about becca, everything he can, including *using* other peoples tragedies and his own *specifically* to manipulate hughie and try and make sure *starlight* can't *save* him from what butcher is trying to turn him into.

*so that hughie stays stuck on his reason to die, instead of finding one to live.*

in the second season, *becca* herself calls him out on this, multiple times.

'you put me on this pedestal but i never knew how to save you'.

'--i didn't come to you, i went to vought--.'

and that's just it, becca (and becky in the comic) is *intimately* familiar with billy's *addiction* and the underlying mental health issues he *wouldn't address*. she didn't tell him what happened even after the shock of it because she *knew* that it would just become a reason for billy to *give in* and be his worst self to a degree where she would *lose him* regardless of what she felt or asked for from him.

she felt she had to *suffer in silence* to *protect him* from *himself*, something that ends up *destroying* her.

becca wanted to *save* billy, but more importantly, she wanted *him* to *save himself* because she *believed in him*, *so much*.

'i never wanted that for you.'

she doesn't want billy to drown and suffer or cause harm in his own hatred and addictions. she *loved* him so much so, that she was willing to *drown herself* if it meant she could save *him*. she loved him *too much*.

billy's mum too, even tries to help in her own way. (she is much less aware of billy's activity in the comic, but we'll come back to her. for the show, this was likely in response to seeing the news about *stillwell*, something his dad fucking *praised* him for)

'--that he wouldn't have this hold on you--'

billy's actions are almost entirely driven by the *addiction* his father forced on him. on doing the things that would make his 'daddy' *proud*. and the thing is, he's *fully aware* of this.

he constantly *says* that *becca* is his 'reason', that she was his *cure*, but she's the *excuse*. his *new addiction* and *self medication* (also billy, you fucking cunt you *know* what you do and have no leg to stand on when it comes to self medicating--)

both in the worst of what he does and his rejection of addressing his own traumas, and she is *unwilling* in this endeavor. she never wanted this hate to consume him, she never wanted all of this death with her name as the signature, *she never wanted billy to be his father*, much less be something much worse.

he even admits as much in the third season when he hallucinates lenny who tells him his actions would 'break becca's heart'

billy responds something along the lines of 'becca's dead, it doesn't matter what she thinks'. (a line presented in the comic even more harshly, but it drives the point home perfectly.)

when he sees lenny again in his nightmare--

'i'm not that bastard--.'

'come off it billy, you always have been. cause anyone who's ever loved you, you end up gettin' 'em killed, don't ya--.'

'--the last person on god's green earth tryin' to stop you from bein' a monster, and what do you do? drag him down to your level... when he dies... and he will... then no can stop you.'

OOF OUCH OWIE--. the lenny stuff hits so damn hard but it represents *perfectly* what butcher's own *internalized beliefs* are.

mallory calls him out on it literally every season.

'--but billy! not the others!'

'it's like asking a cockroach to not be a cockroach--'

'--because it wouldn't stop with just homelander--'

'this was never about ryan or becca, it was always selfish. the hate inside that you want to let loose on the world.'

'--i was wrong... you are your father, always have been...'

and then there's billy's subsequent impulsive reaction to push ryan away, and *be his father*.

but hell, even in gen v when mallory is speaking to shetty.

and truthfully, billy was even showing *withdrawal* symptoms at the beginning of the third season.

billy himself, even *self punishes*, picking fights he knows he *won't* win as a way to counterbalance *and* satisfy his own addiction, infinite loop. vicious cycle.. (ooh i will def be coming back to the big one here--), and we see this in one *HUGE* way, and in many many smaller ways, but even in the more literal sense of going to bars, starting trouble, and laughing or smiling when he's getting beat the fuck up or *losing*.

it's even highlighted in the show, billy *seeking out violence* and conflict whether he should or not, *especially* when unnecessary. getting his own face busted up and smiling because of it is something that happens multiple times in the comic (even on accident in one instance), and is def given a place in the show. it's easy to pass off as billy simply being a masochist (which is def true lmao he does admit as much), but there's also more to it than that and it goes hand in hand with his *addiction* and--

what he thinks he deserves.

billy *hates himself* so *severely* that he actually *does not believe* that he is capable of the *good* that others, such as lenny, becca, his mum, and hughie are willing to *see* in him. he *completely* believes it when others say that 'he is his father' (internalizes it, struggles with it, and frequently acts on it).

he puts on a show. bravado, posture, and 'confidence'. and he's so good at putting on that front, that he can fool himself, even for a moment. and those that believe it will even *enable* him. and the people he feels *nothing* for? again, he maintains the front. he lives his life *masking*, *faking it*--so fucking hard. homelander could never--

and it's not even necessarily the result of toxic masculinity. don't get me wrong, he def has some issues with that lingering (y'all, if you have *say* you're an 'alpha' and posture out your sweet little ass off 24/7, you're def *not* an 'alpha' lmfao), but it's more so his own *trauma* that forces him to *cling* to that.

but when he *loves*, and he loves *deeply*, he completely rolls over and shows his belly like a kitten<3... when he was with becky, he was happy and comfortable, and all of that *ridiculousness* just melted away completely... he didn't feel any need for it because he felt *safe*, because this constant *insecurity* and feeling of being *threatened* all the damn time looming overhead had suddenly cleared up with becky there.

it's not even so much that billy doesn't feel fear. he might not traditionally (at all if his amygdala is damaged), but considering the fight or flight response, billy's *default* setting literally *is* that *fight* response. he's the way he is because he is *always* afraid and he's been conditioned for it to manifest itself as *rage*.

we see bits of his love come through in a few moments he has with people he has genuine care for. (the way he loves his mum and she instantly calms him down is genuinely so sweet.)

but it's always gonna come back down to 'daddy dearest'.

because of him, *billy is afraid of living*.

and--

his father. *is proud of him*.

billy is *just like him* or *everything he wanted to be* as a *man*, or at least is compelled to *project* this on the surface. and everything in *billy* that *is* his father, *just like him*, is *everything* that billy *hates*. so it manifests into an *intense* self loathing and spiraled addiction that magnifies the worst of what his father *forced* on him.

he *doesn't want* to be *his father*, but he feels, and fully believes that *he already is*. his self hatred is another form of *hating his father*, because *he is that man's legacy*.

so *billy* doesn't *believe* that he deserves love or goodness or care from other people (a parallel we see in homelander, presented a bit differently.) so he 'doesn't care'. makes excuses to not care (about people in general, if not just the very *prominent* antisocial tendencies), or leave, or push them away, lashing out to give *them* the excuse to leave him, because he is *afraid* and in his own mind, *unworthy*.

he's *afraid* of being loved, of *losing* that love, of *hurting* those he loves. he is *afraid* of being his own father.

but it's all he's ever known, all he's ever been *conditioned* to be. intoxicated, ever present, it's this terrible thing that destroys him but he *can't* stop. *addiction*.

and what better way to protect those he loves than to keep himself as *far* away from them as possible? than to *make* them hate him. than to do the *wrong* thing, to *disappoint* them. self sabotage. self punishment.

he can't stop himself. he deserves it.

lather, rinse, repeat.

so what does that mean for homelander, or even the reason he goes after homelander? the *real* reason.

'there must be *some* good in him because homelander 'must be' this 'ultimate evil that *must* be stopped', right?

not really. he's a symptom of a much greater evil, but he was never the root of it. if billy really wanted to solve the problems at hand and get *justice*, he'd go after *vought*, NOT homelander.

homelander is not even the real villain in *billy's* mind, in all actuality.

what homelander *is*?

temptation.

he is... the *ultimate* final high for billy. in terms of addiction to both *violence* and *self punishment*.

he doesn't actually go after homelander because he wants to 'stop him' or even kill him. not really. there are times billy starts a fight *expecting* to *lose*, *wanting* it. homelander *is* one of those times to the most intense degree that billy could find. and he even senses this when they first meet--unnecessarily, privately insulting the man because why?

because he feels *threatened*. because he feels *insecure*. because if homelander is *truly good*, even with *all that power*--

then billy has no fucking excuse--

it is, in essence, the same exact reaction that lex luthor has to superman. forcing himself to *challenge* him because of a *constant* sense of *fear*. (except lex *is* afraid of dying, so 1000% a huge coward lmao--)

but~, when he finds out homelander is *bad*?

homelander is billy's *failsafe*

to stop the person he feels is the most terrible evil of all *and* to set the world on fire in the process. a way for billy to kill two birds with one stone. compelled by his addiction to *chase* this ideation relentlessly.

homelander is to billy--his ultimate end, self punishment, a death wish, a *suicide attempt*.

and a way to *unleash his hatred onto the rest of the world*, *to make it burn*, even after his death. (this would be why despite many many MANY warnings to *not* push homelander *because of the catastrophe this will ultimately instigate and the loss of life this is bound to result in*--billy does not give a shit about the potential consequences. he welcomes them--)

if homelander were a *nuke*, billy would want to *launch* him. right now, homie is more like the *demon core*, incredibly dangerous and in some instances lethal, but not *yet* explosive.

billy *wants* the *warhead*.

it was why he got *so excited* at the *chance* of homelander offering him 'scorched earth'.

the man read billy like an open fucking book, and set the bait--

y'all, in other words, homie straight up went to billy's house and offered *crack* to the *crack addict*--fuck yeah he's gonna take that offer!

homelander never actually perceives billy as a real threat *at all* (safe to say, this is the main reason he doesn't kill him. there's a bit of personal complex combined with the deals/blackmail/request involved, but this would also be why he doesn't *hesitate* to 'kill' billy at herogasm. he genuinely gives no fucks about this poor man or his many anal complexes and daddy issues beyond the mild entertainment he gets from him and just how *easy* it is to read billy or rile him up. maybe a *dash* of novelty being found in billy's obsession with him. i'll go into the homie side of things in depth maybe someday soon lol but for now--)

and here's the thing, homelander isn't the *only* failsafe. he is simply the *ultimate failsafe*

included in all the possible bad habits billy has is pawning off his *responsibility* and personal accountability, even his *will to do good* onto others.

i mentioned before that becca (becky) was like a new addiction for him. and she was. in a sense, billy was using her to self medicate. she loved him, gave him love and made him feel good, no pain, no shame--but also no pause to think about that pain, self hatred and self doubt and actively address it. she was a way to not worry about his own *goodness* because she was an *easy* reason for him to *want* to be good.

and something important to note?

billy feels that he has *cheated* on becca/becky *since* the day she left/died. (there's a whole ass deliciously intricate story there but i'm trying to avoid the spoilers lmao. kind of a freebie hint i guess.)

lenny and hughie similarly make an effort to *hold butcher back* and reach out to him. (everyone does honestly, but not everyone is so successful with it). and butcher lets them, but *also* removes the agency of his own choice in the matter.

he doesn't just *let them* make him *good*, he doesn't believe he's capable of stopping himself on his own--but he believes in *them* because they *are* good, *truly good*.

hughie all on his own is *another kind of failsafe* and lo and behold, even calls butcher out on this by the end of the third season (theme is prevalent in the comic a lil different but again spoilers lol):

'i don't think you want to do this. i think you want me to stop you.'

*ding*ding*ding*!

nail on the head, hughie... butcher does not believe he can stop himself. so he sets up *failsafes* to do as much.

and let me just say, it is *unbelievably* shitty of him to do that, to pawn off the responsibility of his own behavior, whether good or pure evil onto other people. but i get it. and it fucking breaks my heart for him.

because *that* is addiction. it feels like mind control. aggressive compulsion. you feel ashamed, and hate yourself, and don't care if you hurt yourself or even others. but you keep *hoping*, *wishing*, *leaving a breadcrumb trail* so that *someone*, *anyone*, will come along and--

*save you. from you.*

and when you stop believing in yourself, in your own willpower to fight against this *thing* that just completely *destroys* you from the inside out... without *anyone* on your side, what else is left to do but to numb the pain?

i was able to recognize billy's addiction right off the bat because i've *been* to a lot of the places he has been. including the addiction. and he makes me so *fucking* mad because it's like seeing a version of myself *still stuck*, *still lost*, *still trapped* by my own issues and self loathing, and all of the abuse i've gone through--

and the biggest fuck up, the biggest *abuser* is me.

i can't *escape* me. *no one* can escape *themself*.

that fucker breaks my heart to pieces because *i have been there*, and i know just how fucking hard it is to *be* there, just how much harder it is to *get out* and start to *learn*--*who is it you really wanna be? who are you without this drug?*

and something he even says in the comics on a few occasions is--

'i'm not really here, i'm somewhere else watching this happen'

asserting that he *truly* believes that he has *no control* over *what* he is. (in contrast with homelander, who feels the weight of something similar but more literally in some regard, and in relation to so many other aspects in his life with the world around him.)

billy butcher *is* the *true villain* of *his own story*

of his own making.

he's not after homelander or even vought. he doesn't blame society or even his father at this point. he blames himself. and he's *given up* entirely on fighting himself. he's looking for his *overdose*.

*that's homelander*

ain't that a kick in the head...

it's part of what makes their relationship and dynamic so incredibly electric and titillating. it's got nothing to do with becca or becky.

butcher sees homelander as an easy way out. as a way to control the narrative, *maintain his own*, and *stop the bad guy* without bringing someone *good*, like *hughie*, down to his level.

he *sees* the parallels, a kindred spirit. he *knows* the potential. and he wants to be the *spark* to light all that *gasoline*.

because then it won't be his fault anymore. his *guilt*. he'll have passed on his *curse*.

likewise, he actually goes after supes in general for a similar enough reason, and it ties in with why he *doesn't* go after vought directly.

billy actually *likes* the status quo. to a degree, *needs* it, *needs vought*

because *vought* is the *creator* of his *supply*, feeding this addiction. and we hear billy say this in both the comic and show--

'with great power comes the absolute certainty that you'll turn into a right cunt.'

and billy actually believes this--about himself.

when he says it about other supes and even his intense hatred of them, it is a *projection* of his own issues and what he believes to be true for himself (that he would do the absolute worst thing imaginable given the opportunity). and in a way, going after them is in some ways a metaphor for stopping and destroying himself, hating himself, as much as it is a way to maintain his addiction.

and--

maintain the narrative he has built--that he is the true villain.

and if that's the case, well... it takes a *hero* to stop a *villain*, right?

but also--y'all remember that scene in the suicide squad where polkadot man imagines everyone as his mum? how he imagines starro as his mum?

yeah, that.

that's basically billy. every fucking supe, including starlight, and kimiko, and let's *really* not talk about what this means about him sleeping with maeve in context with his 'supe=daddy' issues, but even the person he sees in the mirror. *all of them* are *his father*.

listen, i'm not kidding. billy's daddy issues are seriously severe, so fucking bad, i--

his actions aren't for becca or becky or ryan or justice. even he *knows* that's bullshit and admits as much (which just makes fandom denying it that much more fucked). but they're not even *just because* or because he's genocidal, antisocial, or anything else. he *does* want someone to stop him. he's sane enough to recognize his actions for what they truly are *behind* the mask.

billy's actions are a volatile and violent *cry for help*, because he never learned how to *ask*, or even how to *believe in himself*.

he never truly learned that *he never had to be his father*, and he didn't *need* becky or becca, lenny or hughie to *be good*.

i actually think billy's greatest magic trick is convincing even the audience and readers that he is a *total*, complete piece of shit. and don't get me wrong, he is *def* a huge, massive, incredibly rank and ripe piece of shit--.

and y'all, i'm sorry if you believed him and got played like a damn fiddle, him and homie def throwin' in some hard balls--

but he's also still human. he also still needs just as much if, honestly? maybe even more, fucking *help* than homelander. which kind of draws back into their parallels. the tomfoolery of fandom might have you believe that billy is less complex or more put together than homelander, but their situations go hand in hand and the evidence suggests (if not confirms) something quite different.

billy's plight and even goal in some sense is *convincing the rest of his world that he is a monster*. driven by the addiction his father gave him. enabled by the world around him.

homelander's? it's actually the complete opposite. his struggle is with *his world convincing him that he is a monster*, and in turn, against his own instincts, *growing* into that role. when in reality, he never got the chance to decide for himself, it was decided *for* him a long long time ago.

'i think, therefore i am.'

'i can, therefore i must.'

however, *our actions cannot define who we are, because we can choose our actions*. good or bad are not something you inherently *are*, they are something you *choose to do*.

it paints what in turn becomes quite the brutal and tragic picture when these two forces meet. homelander and billy are both of the mindset that they *don't have a choice*.

and this bit is a bit more of a personal thought, but regarding billy's mum, she was *becky*. she was sweet, and kind, and cared for her family more than anything. *it didn't matter what she suffered, she was willing to drown if it meant saving the people she loved*.

as much as i adore how cute becca and billy were, i don't think she would have saved him.

i think the implication is that she would have either 'drowned' trying and become his mum, history repeating itself in a vicious cycle as billy spread his disease to any child they could have.

or that she would have lost her mind. and in turn *become* the person billy spread his disease to, if not another enabler for him. if not billy's choice of drug, maybe she would have taken up something else and eventually overdosed. i would even say the show implies this outcome with both becca and hughie, as the more butcher pushes--the more worn down they get.

if you put enough pressure on someone--they break.

becca was *good* for him. but billy was so, so fucking *bad* for her.

it begs the question of whether or not billy *is* right, if he really is this monster, *fated* to become his father in the worse of ways. of whether or not it's too late for him.

he's certainly not 'normal' or 'right' or 'good' or even an 'anti-hero'. at best, you could maybe call him an 'anti-villain', he is meant to be the deuterantagonist.

it def doesn't help that every time he has the *chance* to do the right thing, *someone* goes and enables him, gives him a reason to do the *wrong* thing.

fucking maeve in that last episode of the third season. but she's def not the only one, and def not the only time. (and yes, if it wasn't clear enough, being completely fucking indifferent to killing *thousands* of people to go after *one* fucking guy is in fact, the *wrong* thing to do.)

butt.

rewatching the scenes with lenny and billy's reaction, and even the final fight, showed something of a *possible* silver lining.

billy *enjoys* rejecting his father. actually pretty fucking greatly if we're being honest. generally speaking, it's when he *rejects* his father and everything that man represents that billy is at his *happiest* (lmao the epitome of an unfulfilled submissive sweetheart and bratty bossy bottom~<3<3<3)

there's a moment, where soldier boy says something along the lines of--

'--fuck you. you're weaker than he is.'

in regards to homelander. it's sort of glossed over, but this is billy's reaction to essentially being called a 'disgrace' so to speak by a toxic 'alpha male'.

y'all see that? it's a smile. lmao a smirk.

this is a moment where billy is protecting *ryan* and keeping his promise to becca. it's a moment where billy is *doing the right thing*, all on *his own* (mostly lol i'm sure there's a roundabout way to justify it in his head). and i think that's key.

it's not just a moment he's proud of himself and has a legitimate fucking reason to be proud of himself, (oh btw, we shoulda *all* been proud of billy in this moment), it's a moment he's *breaking through what his father made him* and his own *addiction*.

and he's doing it *selflessly* and--*without setting that responsibility on another person*.

so we *know* he has it in him, he always has. even becky *in the comic* kept trying to convince billy that *he is capable of good without her*. and again, we actually saw this in the second season when becca and ryan were reunited and billy *changed* his plans, *for becca*, instead of doing the selfish thing and selling ryan back to vought.

but if billy doesn't believe it himself...

i don't think billy is right about himself. but it is very *very* difficult for someone to *correct course* so to speak, once they have their *core beliefs*, lay out their own destiny and start along a *self fulfilling prophecy*, something him and homelander *both* do.

enter ryan.

and suddenly (lol probably in part due to reading dear becky lol), there was a bit of... not so much new, as *confirmed* perspective in play after that rewatch, something to *look* for and ponder in regards to *why* ryan may have been added for this story, a question in mind--

'would it be wrong of *ryan* to want to save his father?'

was it wrong of becca or becky, hughie or lenny, even his mum, to want to save billy?

how would *billy* even begin to answer such questions?

a different answer for the two would be a clear hypocritical bias (which lol i would not put past billy, but i also wouldn't be surprised if he maintained consistent thinking by answering *yes* to both)

. . .

y'all...

i still can't say i'm particularly optimistic about things turning out alright for either gent or ryan, butt~<3

garth ennis literally made the saddest, most pathetic, deliciously sweet, perfectly precious, extra emo tsun tsun baby boi ever, and put him right under our noses.

some a y'all fucking sneezing all over him, straight up sleepin' on all his *best* bits. how are we not utilizing billy butcher *properly~<3<3<3*????

;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[flowerflamestars]

the rolling in the graves reread thoughts/ favorite lines/moments:

Chapter 1

"He thought, some nights, of walking into it." "Himself, Autumn-gutted and war-torn: the trees might as well swallow him whole." -- AAAAHHHH my poor forest baby T-T

Lucien contemplating starting a forest fire.

Eris contemplating if Rhysand has a domesticity kink.

"He didn’t want to be alone, in this strange body of his." *cue more screaming* "Blending where he didn’t belong had been Lucien’s whole life, of course he was subtle." T-T

Lucien, sun drunk, losing his shit. Nesta walks in while he's naked and absolutely nothing sexy happens and I love it.

Lucien's longing for home including the sound of Eris's real laugh and his dogs.

The last summit. The image of Feyre in the most obscenely eye catching dress possible insisting that she didn't want attention. And the fact that people were probably still gossiping about the fact the Nesta and Elain hadn't been there.

“Feyre was busy stealing me.” Someone please rescue my fox baby

The Night Court is afraid of Jurian.

"Nesta Archeron lived, and no on in this court wanted her living."

"That Lucien wanted, horrifically, to be touched. To reach out, to all that fearsome strength, and touch."

Chapter 2

Rhysand trying to call in Eris and Eris being like "Ha, ha. no We're doing this my way." A way which includes every diplomatic formality he can muster and the IC having a whole ass dinner/meeting just to bitch about it. (Azriel keeping his mouth full of alcohol to avoid having to talk to anybody.) Elain making off with the whole cake.

The Laugh That Changed The World.

Cassian scowling at the sight of Nesta being genuinely happy in someone else's presence how dare.

I'm suddenly having thoughts about the fact that what changed everything between them was Nesta's genuine unbridled laughter and one of the things Lucien misses when he thinks of 'home' is Eris's genuine laughter. (not meaning to imply Lucien's having any sexy thoughts about his brother. Maybe a representation of Lucien wishing the people he cared about were safe to feel and express such laughter. Words hard. Thoughts not wording good. I think I remember "Lucien missed his terrible, awful brother" from a snipit)

"She was so fucking gorgeous, and utterly unable to ask for what she wanted. It seemed possible she’d never had the chance." *screaming again*

"Nesta opened her eyes and showed Lucien pure, molten silver fire."

“Absolute authority and eternity should mean something.”

“He pulled away?” Lucien just sounds so, so offended that Cassian pulled away. Like, this dude, this asshole, could have all the Nesta bites in the world and he pulled away. Lucien just trying to reassure Nesta that the biting thing is natural and being like "You can bite me when ever you want" and also being like "Please bite me. please please pretty please."

"Nesta Archeron was not easy, but Lucien thought Andras would have liked her too." T-T

Feyre and Rhysand insisting that humans were under their authority and then proceeding to not really give a shit when Lucien tries to tell them about them.

Feyre only caring about Lucien going to see Elain.

"There was no question as to whether Elain would be present- she did not seem to use her magic for anything but to avoid him, and Lucien couldn’t blame her. There were only so many awkward conversations one could have with someone magic and tradition insisted you want, where absolutely no spark lived- and it remained easier to just go, than fight Feyre."

“If you smell like blood, it’s usually mine and you’re much, much happier.”

Feyre buying Elain a house and painting it completely in nursery colors. Elain and Nesta repainting the rooms Elain actually uses.

“Someday,” Lucien said, leaning down to kiss beneath her ear, “I want you to fuck me.” I think I speak for the whole Lucien fandom when I say that we all want to see Lucien get pegged.

“Do you think,” Lucien asked, “Elain will ever tell Feyre?” “What? That she’s about as romantically inclined toward you as she might be” “A chair? A hunk of stone?”

“For three people obsessed with fucking each other, It is staggering they’ve never managed it, in half a millennia.”

Lucien finding Cassian's fixation/obsession with Nesta uncomfortably familiar. What other man might we know of that's over-controlling and possessive of his powerful wife. gee I wonder. (not)

"You hate it.” “What I like doesn’t matter.” *rage*

"Choking on pollen, stupid Spring cravats, cutting out pieces of himself until there was nothing left. He didn’t need to like Ceylon velvet. Itchy lace. Stag hunts with dogs and horses and arrows, when Lucien had fought wyvern with his bare hands as a boy. He didn’t need to like Tam’s rules or the courtiers jokes, the endless pale fucking roses- Until Lucien had talked himself into walking after Ianthe in that cave, let Tamlin flay him to the bone for disloyalty-" *more rage*

“It matters. Your husband should care to know.”

"But Feyre just laughed, wine glass jaunty in her grip, and admittedly blithely to bumping up against all their shields- Rhysand hadn’t even taught her to keep her magic to herself. Just that power, power, was hers. For the having, and taking." *rage again*

"The North had enough men who used emotion as an excuse- enough faeries in this whole fucking world, who’d made anger a haunting."

"Nesta folded her cheek on top of his head, one of those not quite right, even for High Fae, motions that snuck into her mannerisms when no one was watching, like she didn’t have joints. That Lucien got to see." *That Lucien got to see. That Lucien got to see. THAT LUCIEN GOT TO SEE*

"The sword of a Queen if he’d ever seen one, blade imbued with screaming, forest-fire wild wrath and beautiful for it."

"Lucien had done worse things than say yes, for the hope of belonging." have we rescued our fox baby yet? I think we need to rescue our fox baby.

"One of the things about Feyre that both charmed and wore, as time went on, was that she saw love in an utterly human way. Childlike. Rhysand was her soulmate- her only interest, her sole desire, the best she’d ever have. Lucien had wondered, more than once, if they were even friends."

To Feyre, love was an ending, happy. To an immortal- to perhaps, Nesta Archeron, smiling at him sidelong, it was an open door."

"She would have burnt the sky. If they hadn’t sought out to humiliate her from the start, hated Nesta human before she ever found a power than could cleave forever- she’d set fire to the world, for those she loved. But not for herself. None of them deserved her."

“Earlier. I am usually happier. You make me happy.” *excuse me while I sob*

"All fire wanted, was to be free. To burn."

“You owe me.” Lucien Vanserra said, burnt bright and alive for it, beloved of this place where he’d never been, “So help me.” It would take a High Lord you said? Pardon me, I'll be right back. I'm gonna go traumatize my dad/give him a heart attack.

ANYWAY, lovely story is lovely. I deeply, dearly love all the non-sexual intimacy. The cuddling! The "That Lucien got to see". The *flailing gestures to whole fic* EVERYTHING.

so, anyway, reread hearts <3 <3 <3

(I really need to figure out how to do emojis on my laptop keyboard)

this has filled me with delight and joy!! and fully reminded me how much I love this story <3

thoughts thoughts thoughts: you're poking at one my favorite through-lines, which is that it is an AFFAIR, a sexy sexy affair and they're going at it like crazy, a thing they are both pretending is The Only Thing Happening, when in reality it is...maybe the least important aspect to their relationship from either of their perspectives?

(despite the desperate horniness)

Eris actually shows up next chapter, and continues to be pure comedy.

No, but the laugh thing IS something- Lucien hasn't felt safe in. forever, really. A very, very long time. He's not at a point where he dreams about that for himself. He wants the people he loves to be safe. He's so, so, so deeply sad but he lets himself actually be mad beyond belief over other people. Fox babe IS burning it all to the ground on his way out.

And he just. god, he loves SO HARD.

Enough to reveal that he does know about his secret birthright and just completely shatter Helion's heart in the process, along with committing himself to a full-scale Autumn rebellion, if it gets Nesta out. With the hope that maybe, MAYBE, she'll want to help him...with all that.