#fuck Andrealphus

[hill-art02]

"Andrealphus isn't incestuous towards Stella he's just saying those things because he's in the closet"

Look at him! The closet is glass, and even if that's true, he could've objectified any woman who's unrelated to him, but no, it has to be Stella, his sister, for some reason!

What were the writers thinking?

[yasmiralotta]

Yeah. They both are valid in how they are feeling. But Octavia was a bit unfair to Stolas here. But, she is not wrong to feel hurt either. Like, there is no bad guy here, except for Stella and Andrealphus.

So I want to address something.

Octavia: “You had a choice and you chose him.”

I am of two minds: she’s 17. She’s going through a traumatic situation. She’s emotionally stunted because of the way she was raised.

She also told Stolas, to his face, in front of Blitz, that he should have let Blitz be executed.

I don’t hate her for this. Not at all. Teenagers are notoriously self-absorbed and you add some privilege/entitlement to that, a dash of trauma, and you get the inevitable consequences.

And also

She’s not an innocent little girl who’s done nothing wrong ever. She’s 17. She knows what she’s saying.

She said, to Stolas’ face, in front of Blitz and co., that he should have let Blitz die.

She’s speaking from a place of hurt and betrayal.

She’s also in the wrong for that. And I hope with time and perspective, with some maturity to understand that her father is flawed and traumatized and doing his best between a rock and a hard place, she will apologize for that.

[anemicjellyfish]

I remember a post a while ago about how we don't see Stolas doing his duties very often. (I can't remember who posted that; if it was you and you'd like me to tag you, then please tell me!)

Like, we saw him do the Curse at the Harvest Moon Festival. And we get a glimpse of his gorgeous study in Look My Way. There was even a brief moment when Stolas checked the Grimoire in The Circus.

But we don't see him go to Earth. We don't see him reading the prophecies told by the stars. And we can't really grasp the magnitude of his responsibilities as Prince because the show hasn't yet told us what all his title entails.

I'm betting there's a very good reason why we haven't seen that.

And I hope this messy dramatic bird is in for a rude awakening when he realizes that he really does get to have everything that he took from Stolas. (At least until Octavia comes of age, depending on how they'll write that.)

[beanthebugboi]

Just when I thought "I'M THE CHUPRACADUPRA" was peak animation..

We got "here's an idea- you could shut the fuck up"

Jokes aside tho, this episode had. SO much. Ramble under the cut in case anyone wants to avoid spoilers but hasn't blocked the tag for it :)

soooo You'll Be Ok was definitely foreshadowing, I'm so glad the "this song means that Stolas is going to die at the end of the season" theory was wrong but STILL. VIA'S REPRISE BROKE ME. The angry heartbroken "when you're gone I'll be okay" AJFKHSJHDJAKHAJSH

Stolas beating the shit out of Andrealphus MADE MY DAY that was fucking hilarious and 100% deserved (speaking of Andrealphus, istg the animation for him keeps getting better.. like, bouncier? More cartoonish than the other characters?)

STOLITZ KISS STOLITZ KISS STOLITZ KISS YIPPEEEEE this is what I've been praying for since all the way back in Full Moon. And the dance at the end? Absolutely adorable, I love Blitz standing on the railing to reach Stolas lmao (reminds me of an animatic I saw a while back, where he was standing on tables)

Millie is pregnant?? Are we gonna get an m&m baby??? (has anyone designed a fanchild yet bc I wanna see what y'all think they'll look like)

HELLHOUNDS HAVE FULL DEMON FORMS APPARENTLY? I thought it was only sinners (or maybe just overlords) and above? Does this mean that other lower-ranking hellborn (imps, succubi, etc) have full forms too?

I love the whole concept of Sinsmas- m&m (lovingly) fighting like heavily weaponized cats was adorable, and Loona's snack stash was 10/10. Although now I wanna know if/how the Sins themselves celebrate? I was hoping we'd see more of them in this episode, maybe even a Lucifer cameo.. but in retrospect that would have been too much, given everything else that happened in the episode.

Anyway, Stolas crying over Via felt like getting stabbed in the heart but other than that I absolutely LOVED the episode, what a way to end the season.. anyone know when season 3 starts?

[sir-mister-man]

helluva boss alignment chart 2: electric boogaloo

[scenecipriano]

Lucifer: Alright I’m going to take a 1,000 year nap, Satan you’re in charge.

Satan: I am going to rule with an iron FIST-

1,000 years later

Andrealphus:Sire, my super hot sister has been betrayed by her husband because he’s been fucking an imp and letting him to the human realm for months.

Satan: *spits out his coffee*

[uselessalexis165]

FUCK HIM UP, BIRDY BABE!!!

[the-irreverend]

I know he's a bit of a tool, but come on, anyone who insults Stella to her face deserves at least some appreciation/respect.

P.S. Also, I can't get enough of his sexy-ass voice.

[mandareeboo]

Oh, god, he has no custody of Octavia now? He lost the rights to his own daughter??

[atrociousgargamelitis]

Glad to see Stolas's gaydar is on fucking FLEEK still

[kakyogay]

Sinmas bro...

I'm not crying no never queen never cry

[stoletia]

ANDREALPHUS in Mastermind ( 2x11 )

[anemicjellyfish]

He is the absolute worst, I want him in every episode

[murderluv23]

Stolas and Vassago are best friends. I take no criticism or notes. My man really went "Slay, King!" the millisecond Stolas was about to burst into song during a fucking legal trial. If that doesn't scream wholesome theater brat buddies, I don't know what does. That was too cute. Please, I need them to hang out onscreen. I love Vassago. What a cutie.

He also gets massive points for calling Andrealphus on his bullshit and respecting Stolas enough to request he's actually present to speak for himself. Plus their interactions are hilarious. Need more of them, too.

[hiemaldesirae]

The Hazbin Graduate’s Guide to Homicide (3)

HAZBIN'S MIDSEMESTER STUDENT REPORT Student: Vox Vanhal Supervising Staff: Professor Enoch Leviathan Sponsor: Not Applicable To the Board: Vox Vanhal may be one of the most brilliant students this school has seen in decades. In all my years of teaching at Hazbin, I have never met a student more insanely ready to learn and apply their skills- due in part, of course, to said student's own possible insanity. I mean this in a jovial way, of course, but I will admit that when young Vanhal's true identity was revealed to me that my first thought was along the lines of 'is this student insane?' Whether or not my student's reason should be called into question is something myself and my fellow professor Asmodeus have discussed in length, but there is one thing that we can definitively agree on: If there is any one student in this school who I would choose to place my bets on, it would be Vox Vanhal. There is nothing more to say at this time of report evaluation. Sincerely, Professor Leviathan.

May God's blessings be with you now and at the hour of our deaths, Amen.

[ 1 ] / [ 2 ] (<- read these first for context and more murder academy radiostatic content!)

Though Alastor may have thought that Vox was much more knowledgable in how Hazbin's Institution for Homicide worked, the truth was, Vox was still fully flying on the seat of his own coattails.

He had no damn clue what he was doing still, and although it'd been two weeks since he'd arrived, part of him still felt like how he did when he'd first arrived: hesitant, scared, not knowing where to go or what to do besides the want to make his boss suffer as he killed him.

That level of animosity might sound strange to anyone not a Hazbin student or alumnus, but it was perfectly normal for any student enrolled in the academy to have such feelings. After all, there was quite a rigorous process involved in the application, and for Vox, this application process (and what led to it) was perhaps more intense than most.

There had once been a time where Vox had dreamed of becoming a Hollywood starlet, one who lit up the silver screen and was blessed by hundreds of thousands of cheering, dedicated fans who would fawn over his every move and action. He'd wanted to follow in his mother's footsteps, at one point. But after taking on his first roles in Carmine Studios, the glamour of Hollywood had shattered like fine glass.

"Miss Vesper! Would you please look over here for a second?"

"Miss Vesper, when is your next movie coming out?!"

"Miss Vesper, is it true that you and your co-star on Anna Karenina, Valentino Vega had an affair-?"

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck! That- fucking bastard!" Vox rushed into the privacy of his and Val's shared apartment, slamming the door behind him as he collapsed into the couch, head cradled in his hands. He couldn't even begin to start detailing the number of ways he'd wanted to fucking butcher and rip apart his boss.

Andrealphus Goetia was no stranger to the spotlight, naturally. One of Hollywood's top directors, the man had been an influential cornerstone in the history of movie-making, a real legend to light the days. But behind that picturesque platinum reputation laid a monstrous piece of shit.

It had been a complete accident that Andrealphus had found out about Vox's identity.

Vox himself hadn't even really planned out what to do about himself at that point, only that he'd known that the dresses he wore on screen were far more suited to his best friend than they were for him. Knew that the copious amounts of makeup flattened on him everyday made him feel more like a clown than a princess, that it was the most uncomfortable feeling to have to sit and play the pretty face for the audience's sake.

But he persisted, telling himself, one more year, one more year til my savings account has enough to supply Val and I with a comfortable life and we can leave.

But of course- of course Andrealphus had to ruin it for him.

The man had found out and immediately proceeded to blackmailing Vox with the information, holding things such as promotions, media gossip and rumors over his head. And now... now... Vox stared down at the script he held clutched in his hand, his knuckles turning white as he grasped it with an iron grip.

"Dieser verdammte bastard," Vox muttered under his breath.

Though he'd never loved the spotlight that came with his first taste of fame, he had loved acting. Had loved being adored for his skill, applauded for the emotions that he could evoke in crowds of people and the way he could twist people's hearts. He had wanted to be one of the best, a household name.

And now, he stared down at the script for a movie that Andrealphus knew would tank his reputation. It was absolute bullshit. The plot was held together by thin strings and a bit of glue, despite being an adaptation of one of the past decade's best selling books. Not only that, but the moment he left the safety of the apartment once more, he would also have to contend with the rumors that were steadily piling against him and dragging his loved ones and friends into it too.

All this, because Vox had refused to sleep with his shitty boss.

He could still hear the fucker's voice- come on, don't you wanna say that you got a piece of me? I'll even leave out the part about you being a transvestite, darling, just the fact that I got a piece of you is enough.

God. If only.... if only he could see that bastard's face when he crushed his fucking skull in between his hands. He wanted to see Andrealphus' stupid face contort in revulsion and terror when Vox finally did the deed, wanted to bathe in the the fotze's inbred blood. He'd do anything for the chance to just kill that piece of shit-

"Amorcito?"

Val's voice makes Vox jump on the spot, quickly shifting to hide the script from view. His friend comes around the corner, eyebrows furrowed with concern, and it's this that makes Vox break his composure, a single tear falling down his face as Val frowns, taking a seat next to him on the couch. "Voxxy, amor... tell me what's wrong."

And because he can never keep his mouth shut when it comes to his best friend, Vox tells him everything. Val nods along, pauses at the right moments, all of that stuff that friends do when they're trying to let you know that they'd rip apart your shitty boss if not for the law.

But- and perhaps this is something that Vox knew deep down to be true anyway- Val was a bit different in that aspect. He'd met the man under... less than legal circumstances, after all, and he knew that Val was the heir to quite the illustrous cartel career.

So when Valentino stops him with a firm hand on the shoulder and hands him an application paper for Hazbin, telling him to think it through, Vox barely takes even a second glance at it before filling it out.

Now, two months later and sitting in the auditorium of Hazbin's famed Music Hall, Vox doesn't find himself regretting the decision. Sure, it's a bit lonely without Val's supporting presence by his side, but the students he's met so far have proved to be some of the friendliest people he's had the pleasure of knowing: ironic, considering the kind of school they're studying at. And he's even managed to make a friend! Not that bad a start, altogether.

Vox absentmindedly doodles on the edge of his notes as Professor Leviathan's soothing voice lectures them on the importance of a proper alibi. "If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, but it has an airtight alibi, it is...?"

"Not a duck," the auditorium echoes back to the professor, who nods, looking satisfied with the class's response. "So, then! The first step to alibi making is...? Miss Velvette, perhaps you'd like to answer this one for us?"

The girl sitting beside Vox shoots up in her seat, looking as if she'd just fallen asleep and was awoken by the professor's question. "Uh... the..."

After a moment of silence and stuttering, Vox takes pity on the girl, sliding Velvette over a slide of paper that she squints at before reading. "Make sure you're in a different place from the crime?"

"And how would I do that?"

"I... uh. Use an accomplice...?" Velvette stutters.

Professor Leviathan shakes his head, looking disappointed. "Not quite. One thing you will have to learn at Hazbin's is that you should never rely on any other person to carry your deed out for you. No hiring accomplices- after all, paid personnel's loyalty is shaky and they have no honor code preventing them from taking you to the police- and absolutely no committing crimes as lovers, unless you can guarantee that neither of you will be snitching. Would anyone else like to take a try?"

Vox raises his hand hesitantly. "Move the crime scene or otherwise obscure the culprit?"

Professor Leviathan snaps his fingers, "Yes! Absolutely. One of the best ways to make yourself an iron clad alibi is, if the pope is shot in the church at midnight, make sure that you are seen halfway across town in the bar at midnight; so drunk that you cannot even leave until your wife comes to pick you up at two- and no one will suspect you, even if he was actually killed right outside the pub and moved to the church instead. By moving the crime scene, you can make yourself an ironclad alibi. Obscuring the identity of the perpetrator and making it someone who couldn't possibly be you also works splendidly. After all, if the police believe the murderer to be a six foot tall adult man, then the actual perpetrator, a four foot tall young woman, would be able to pass by completely unnoticed. Thank you for that input, Vox. Now, onto the actual creation of such an alibi..."

When class ends, Vox is the first to leave his seat and head for the door, intending on leaving and getting to Track with Professor Satan as quick as possible when someone stops him in his tracks with a firm grip on his shoulder.

"Hey. Vox Vanhal, right?"

"That would be me, yes," Vox turns to face the person he's talking to, only to be met with the young woman that Professor Leviathan had called out in class earlier. "You were... Velvette?"

"Yep, that's me," the chipper young woman responds. "Listen, I know you don't know me at all, but I really need to get through this school year. Like- look, okay, I'm in a little bit over my head right now. I still want to go here and do what everyone here does, of course, I'd love to just go and plunge a damn butcher's knife into my cunt of an ex-friend's neck, but... well, you saw how I did back in class- look, what I'm trying to get at is I need someone to help me. And you're like, Leviathan's star student. So- I don't care what I have to do, I'll-"

Vox holds up a hand to stop her.

"I don't need you to do anything for me, unless you've got any tips on how to kill my boss and make him suffer during it. But I'll help you with whatever you need to study during your courses. Just..." He pauses, taking a moment to think out what he's about to ask. "Could you teach me how you did your makeup on your own?"

Velvette blinks, clearly not expecting that response. She laughs, a shrill, sharp bark and grabs his hand to shake it firmly. "Yeah, 'course I can. So, do we have a deal?"

"We do," Vox smiles. "Pleased to make your acquaintance."

[teyvatairconditioningco]

Okay so as soon as I realized EVERYONE got a new chat I kind of started zooming through them until I found him and started crying

I'm never going to recover