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trashlie · 3 years ago

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ILY FP 180

Me to me: Ashlie you have a post IN WORK right now that you have been mulling over for the last two weeks it’s NEARLY COMPLETE maybe you should finish that up because you have 3 others swimming in your brain?

Also me: I HAVE GOT TO SCREAM INTO THE VOID ABOUT 180 WHILE IT’S HOT AND FRESH WHO’S READY TO TALK ABOUT PARALLELS AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Alas, I am nothing but predictable and very true to myself, so my current post will have to take the backburner so I can yell into the night about this recent FP episode. Because LISTEN, I have FEELINGS! And I know you guys do, too! Parallels? OH WE GOT IT. Character development? IT’S THERE. Whether or not you ship Nol and Shinae, it’s a REALLY good one. And that’s it for my teaser, I’m trying so hard not to spoil anyone hahaha.

I’ve had nearly 24 hours to mull over this one, so if this post comes out longer than usual (and frankly, who is keeping track anymore) I can’t even apologize, but I WILL do my best to try to be at least coherent.

Compared to the almost palpable relief, the giddiness of things acknowledged leading to it, episode 180 is intense, with tension bubbling right to the surface. On a superficial level, it even seems almost scary - this version of Nol we have only come to know in secret, hidden away from his friends - with how different Nol is compared to Yeonggi. But something we must always remember is that context is important and that’s going to be a big theme of this overview for me. Context and perspective.

I get the feeling that Shinae definitely did not expect Nol to stick around, even though it’s what she wanted. When she made that point to “talk to Minhyuk” about Nol, it was with the hopes that he would overhear and come follow, but I think at the same time, it was the only way for her to attain closure. Though she wanted him to come, I think she also expected him to run away again and didn’t really consider what it would be like to face him - face to face, not calling down from the balcony - after saying such exposing, vulnerable things.

Like I noted in a previous post, Nol choosing to join Shinae on the balcony (and by literally climbing up there no less) is a pointed decision on his behalf. He’s given the opportunity to run and instead he decides that no, he is not going to run. Tonight, he is going to face Shinae. And he does. And I think it’s important to note this because it frames their entire interaction in this episode.

Taken aback by Nol’s unexpected choice, Shinae finds herself embarrassed, I think. She probably feels exposed for the things she said - she literally sang praises about him lol but it’s easier to say those things when he’s not there to react, right? Saying things to his back when she doesn’t have to FACE him. But now she has to - they sit beside each other with the weight of all their reveals and confessions hanging between them. Shinae’s confession of caring, of him being a dear friend, Nol’s confession that she is special she is important, his decision to return instead of run away. It’s so MUCH for two people who guard their hearts so much, who struggle to be open and reveal what is in their hearts.

I think Shinae also carries some unaddressed anger - anger that he lied, that he DID walk away, that he was never going to tell her these things, anger that she cares and thought he didn’t. There’s a lot of warring emotions going on, for both of them, I think.

In her embarrassment she retreats into her shell, falls back on old habits of shutting down and putting up her guard. I love the absolute irony of it - that she lured him to come back, and when he did, she balks at it. She didn’t plan this far ahead, she didn’t think she’d get this far!

And that’s the thing. Nol knows this about Shinae, both because he can read her like a book and also because they are SO alike. They’re both so stubborn and terrible at expressing their feelings, especially the kinds that leave them so exposed and vulnerable. I think he, too, is teeming with the things revealed, the things exposed. That he never realized how much Shinae cared almost makes me laugh, considering the entire interaction in the rain, but knowing the way Nol views himself, I see why it’s still something for him to take in, especially in light of what she overheard.

I’m going to take a moment to really highlight this, even though I don’t think we need it. Nol hasn’t had many genuine relationships in his life. Dieter, Soushi, and Shinae are, probably, the only real friendships he’s had. We’ve seen time and time again the way Nol reacts in shock to the things Shinae notices about him, the details she picks up on, and her stubborn, unrelenting care about him. It’s so foreign to him, both something wanted and something dangerous. To let himself care about someone is to endanger them and weaken himself. And yet, here he sits with a friend he’s struggled to keep away from - who literally only was able to keep his distance by presenting himself as a monster and revealing his betrayals/lies and even THAT barely worked. Likewise, Shinae’s closest friend is Minhyuk, and we know that while their love is deep and honest, it’s a bond like family, something organic that bloomed out of Minhyuk’s protective nature and their shared interest. This, though? Uncharted territory. Their friendship is so shortlived at this point and moreover, they don’t really KNOW much about each other? Everything about the importance of their friendship is so emotionally connected and charged. They are important to each other for what they’ve gone through and things they DO know they share in common and how they gravitate towards each other for that. Shinae knows (or at least, believes) innately that Nol has a good heart, that his deeds came from a good place. It’s the same way Nol knew that Shinae needed someone to pull her out of her shell. To cajole her.

And again she needs it.

Nol has made the decision to do as she goaded him into doing. He didn’t run away. He’s facing her. But now that he is, SHE is the one running away, closing herself off and then literally trying to get up and leave. She made this big fuss about what he means to her and wanting to see him again, but once he’s there, her walls are up and lol she’s just bluffing her way through. “I don’t need you here anymore.” “I’ve always enjoyed the quiet.” “I’m out of here.”

Through their conversation, Nol doesn’t look at her. He looks away from her but she’s the one who keeps looking at him, falling into his traps. He plays her like a fiddle - once upon a time, Shinae really DID want to get away and avoided him but now? Now she’s not. He calls her out on her bluff and she’s ready to escape except he grabs her wrist, pulls himself up.

Ordinarily, I don’t like when a guy grabs a girl’s wrist, because often it’s either possessive or denies her agency. But in this case, I don’t think it’s either of those, though it does lean into the agency thing. But I’ll get to that. Something I didn’t realize at the time of reading until someone else brought it up was the way this parallels episode 11 when they met at the bakery following the party where Nol was drugged. It’s a STRAIGHT UP PARALELL. Nol grabs her wrist to stop her from running, says “Yeah, right. You can’t fool me.” He holds her hostage even as she DOES in fact, scream. The whole time, she’s trying to get away from him, fully intends on running away. In that scene, Nol (as Yeonggi) does, indeed, deny her her agency, roots her in place.

But here I think it’s more like... he’s done what she wanted. He returned, he decided not to run away. But if she does, what does it resolve? Especially with him on the eve of being locked away, there’s no other opportunity for them to clear the air. Though she said she got what she wanted - closure - it’s not what they mutually want. Even the way she tells him that with this closure she’ll be able to move on... probably. She’s not even certain of it. Because deep down she, too, wants to reconcile but she’s just not good at navigating this. It’s one thing to say those things to a retreating figure, another to actually discuss it, together, face to face. But if not now, then when? She’s so good at running away!

The parallels man! THE PARALLELS

“Hey let me go!” “If I do you’ll just run away again.” / “Let me go!” “If I do, are you going to run away again?”

Unlike the first time, I think Nol knows Shinae doesn’t really WANT to run away - it’s a reflexive habit of hers, it’s an act of self-preservation. He doesn’t maintain his grip to control her, but because he knows that if he DOES let her walk away, if he does nothing, then nothing changes, then this all stays the same, then he goes away for four months and nothing is truly resolved.

In that same regard, we have ANOTHER parallel. In episode 103, Shinae confronts Maya about the cake she made - clearly with the intent to apologize to her - and the undelivered apology. She pushes and pushes and pushes until finally Maya breaks and admits that yes, she made the cake for Shinae, that yes she felt bad. And that’s what Nol is doing, too. Much like with Shinae and Maya where they NEEDED to have that conversation, they NEEDED to address it and each other, Nol is pushing a conversation that has to happen now. The contrarianism of Shinae saying all those things to lure Nol out only to balk and try to run - he wants her to be honest with him, because he’s trying to be honest, too. I looooooove how she uses that line lol that the world doesn’t revolve around you because he’s caught her in her bluff lmao

“Let me go or I’m going to scream.” “Then do it.”

In episode 11, she did just that. In episode 11, she actually wanted to get away, she was actively trying to avoid him. Bu she isn’t here. And Nol knows it. He dares her to scream not because he wants to scare her or make her feel threatened, but because he knows she won’t do it.

Like earlier, this entire conversation takes place without Nol once glancing at Shinae. Until he dares her to scream.

Only when he tells her to scream does he look over at her and they make eye contact - really intense eye contact, where he holds her gaze unyielding, calling her on her bluff and challenging her to be honest. If she screamed, I’m sure he’d let go. Nol’s grip isn’t with the intention of denying her any agency. If she truly wanted to escape he’d let her, but he knows better, and so does she, because she doesn’t scream, and it’s not because his gaze is so intense and intimidating that she gets flustered.

“You don’t have to look at me that intensely... geeze. It’s making me feel weird...”

Something of note is that this is Shinae’s first real interaction with Nol - not Yeonggi, but Nol. While yes I think it’s safe to say that her encounter with him outside of his school was her first brush with Nol, it was such an emotionally charged, desperate, messy situation wherein he himself waffled with his own feelings of concern, apology, and need to exit their lives. This is a totally different thing - a version of her friend who isn’t propping up their conversation on jokes and blanketing things he doesn’t want to discuss. In this moment, everything is on the table. Nol is challenging her to be honest with him, to face him the way he’s facing her, to stop running away like he has.

And she folds, spectacularly.

Shinae’s weak resolve crumbles and her honesty finally comes spilling out (though, notably, she looks away from him when it does; I told you guys I’m on to something with truths spoken when not face to face lol) revealing to Nol why she wound up letting him in. And as she does, another spot of vulnerability reveals itself: her scar.

This is SUCH a good moment for them! I love it to DEATH! Nol has revealed that he feels like the universe is punishing him - that bad things happen to him no matter what he does, even if he tries to fight back, he feels like there is no end to it. And because of it, he has internalized that he’s bad, because the only people who need to be punished are bad people. The use of punishment is so very key, because even though we already know Nol thinks of himself as the bad guy, it’s a mindset that he’s internalized from his inability to escape the terrible things.

But Shinae throws it back at him, because he isn’t the only one plagued by a trail of unjust scenarios. He’s not the only one who fought back and got screwed over. He’s not the only one who has been unable to untangle himself from a series of bad luck no matter how hard he tries. But unlike Nol, Shinae doesn’t think it means she’s a bad person (anymore) or that she deserves what happens.

“Sometimes people are just born into bad luck and you just need to accept it. But all that... doesn’t mean you’re bad.”

Shinae knows (or at least believes) that Nol is not a bad person. That he is someone who couldn’t help but come to care for the people he was aiding in a quest for his own absolution. That he’s a person who saw a girl who had locked herself away and convinced her to open up, to give people a chance, that he gave her the push she needed. She knows that Nol has, at every opportunity, done his best to help her. And even if his intentions are selfish, it doesn’t entirely negate the goodness of it.

Nol is complex, like all of our characters: selfish, good, and bad. But the experiences Shinae has shared with him have revealed that though Yeonggi was not entirely real, Nol still isn’t the monster he thinks. And she knows it, because she’s lived the same life as him. Abused simply for who she is, where she comes from, the family into which she was born. Looked down on for things she cannot control. She has been viewed as violent for reaching a snapping point (and given how closely their lives mirror each other I am STILL inclined to think that Nol’s altercation with Kousuke was also him driven to a snapping point).

I think he’s seeing this, too. Nol has been given a lot of clues about Shinae’s life, without her ever coming out and confessing to any of it. He saw the eviction notices at her apartment, knows that she’s been going through financial troubles, he knows that her dad is her only relative and that her mom is out of the picture and her only grandparents died before she was born, that her sister is LITERALLY stalking her. Shinae’s trauma goes deeper than Nol had first thought, and with that knowledge coupled with her reveals that she, too, has been dogged by shitty circumstances, I think he’ll be able to see more of himself in her and hopefully see her as someone he can open up to, when he’s ready. More than that, I hope that Shinae’s reveal will help him to reframe his own traumas, because if Shinae is not a person who needs to be punished by the universe, doesn’t that mean the same for him? MIRRORS, man. MIRRORS. It is time for him to see himself in Shinae, and maybe even learn to forgive himself.

And they CONTINUE to mirror each other right to the very end, when Nol reaches out to touch Shinae’s scar. Isn’t it funny, how in the rain she allowed hm to brush away her tear, cupping her face but because this is her scar, her most vulnerable of vulnerabilities, her most secret of traumas, she reacts IMMEDIATELY - just like when she dared to call Nol by his real name. Unlike Nol’s, Shinae’s scars are physical, but just like Nol, she does not freely give people a pass to know them. She’s always very conscious to keep her scar hidden. Nol has been able to see through the flimsiest of Shinae’s masks, but the one thing she keeps heavily under lock and key is her scar, the physical manifestation of her worst betrayal, the worst time she was burned.

The irony of Nol knowing that he reacted so strongly to Shinae using his name and still touching her scar does not miss me lol. Does he not consider how personal it is? Is it because he knows how personal it is? His reaction when she swats away his hand is not surprised - in fact, he looks wholly unaffected, kind of like he expected it to happen? Or maybe it’s just enough surprise? Idk. I mean, clearly he broached something very private and personal, but from a narrative standpoint, I kind of love that moment, because now they’ve both bared something very vulnerable to each other. Each are now aware of these little exposed pieces of anguish and pain.

And the way he questions it! “Was this punishment?” Using that term, still. Punishment, for a thing she never did. Punishment. For trusting the wrong person? For being hopeful? Referring to it as punishment feels like such a shared experience. In fact, by referring to it as punishment, I think it negates the flippance of “accident”. An accident implies something faultless, a thing that occurred that the other party didn’t mean - and I still don’t think Alyssa meant Shinae harm or expected her to fall and get injured but it still had grave consequences. Shinae could have died! She could have suffered some kind of brain damage. It’s a physical scar she carries of the time she tried to be someone’s friend and was badly burned. It wasn’t an accident, but a punishment for hoping for something she wouldn’t get.

Idk I just. I love that? Just like Nol is going to jail for a crime he didn’t commit, a punishment for his existence, for daring to think that he could have friends, that maybe things could change, that there was a chance for things to go well. In neither case did either of them actually do anything wrong, but they both carry the heavy burden for it regardless.

When Nol remarks that he never knew she even had a scar there, it’s the second time in that period that he’s noted something he didn’t know about her. “I didn’t know you felt that way about me.” There’s so much that Nol and Shinae don’t yet know about each other, and despite that, they are still SO drawn to each other, bonded by their shared experiences and an emotional connection. And idk I love THAT, too? Because so much of their friendship until now has been a mess - one pretending, one trying to shake him, chasing each other back and forth. FINALLY they are facing each other square on and FINALLY they are going to face each other as equals, get to know each other as equals. Nol, acknowledging that he’s no longer pretending, will hopefully open up more, share more, as she does the same. And though addressing her scar is definitely an invasion of privacy, it’s the beginning of just that - sharing and revealing and getting to know each other. The bond they’ve already forged is clearly really hard to break, so it’s only natural that the getting to know will follow, because the important part is established. That connection, that importance, the level of care. Nol isn’t calling out the scar to be insensitive - he’s already revealed that he cares about her, that she’s important, so seeing something like that probably is appealing to that part of him - to the part of him who can never help getting involved in her problems, who knows she can take care of herself but “that won’t stop me from caring”. He WANTS to know, to share, though I’m not sure she’s ready (or at least not ready to reveal the WHOLE thing).

There is so much yet for Nol and Shinae to learn about each other, but first they have to resolve their current issues so they can start over in a better way. On equal footing.

Before I close this rambling mess off, there’s something else I’d like to touch on - at the very end, Shinae says “Nobody is allowed to touch that”. Now, prior, she also emphasizes don’t you ever do that again, but we’ve also seen instances in the past where nobody is used to allude to Nol. “Nobody... it’s nobody Kousuke.” And we know that Kousuke is the one who reduced the affectionate nickname Nol’s mom gifted him to null, to nothing. It feels like this might be one of those little tricks of quim’s “we know you’re the true heir”, “it’s nobody Kousuke”, those little moments where something is laden with another meaning, a bit of foreshadowing.

Don’t get me wrong lol I know that’s completely conjecture and I’m not saying that for sure it’s alluding to anything, but I do think this episode is really laying some groundwork for potentials. I’m always stressing how much of the story so far feels like a foundation set for Nol and Shinae, fostering an environment where it’s possible for them to grow into people who could become lovers. I’m not saying that that’s exactly what this is - at the very least we know it’s setting the stage for an enduring friendship. I can’t help but be curious to see how Nol and Alyssa will interact following this, given that their last interaction was that argument about Kousuke and where Nol would rather be. Does he count Alyssa amongst the friendships that became real? He never did mention her, and he didn’t know Shinae was listening in, so he has no reason to leave her out. I guess there’s also the whole possibility that he knew his friendship with Alyssa wasn’t pretending at some point - and yet his relationship with her is? Idk I want more insight to that!

But again, it just brings me back to the foundation that’s been laid out for Nol and Shinae. At this point, they truly are the two characters with the closest bond - prior we believed it to be true but now it’s actually real, they are taking those steps and starting anew. There’s a lot of tension, but I think that’s largely because of her defensiveness and the things they need to discuss yet, and I’m hoping they have the opportunity TO do that. The way the episode ended feels PRIMED for someone (Minhyuk, or possibly Dieter) to interrupt - compromising position, looking like they’re fighting/being antagonistic? Imagine Minhyuk coming to check on Shinae and see what’s taking her so long and find her with Nol, like that. GOD. It would be one way to break the tension for sure... but it would also put an end to that conversation and I’m really hoping that they get to finish. Quimchee rarely does what I expect, so I hope that if the cliche choice is to interrupt them and leave this conversation unfinished, we’ll be blessed and that WON’T happen. Because we all know Minhyuk would not respond well to that. And god we don’t even want to get into Dieter walking in to that, gah!

I think the more unexpected thing is for Shinae to drop her guard a little and for them to recover from that tension themselves, to resolve the lingering issues before Nol goes away. Someone on reddit said something along the lines of if this moment is interrupted, it will be like a sneeze that doesn’t come to pass and I agree.

#I Love Yoo #ILY #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Shinae Yoo #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #it's going to take EVERYTHING in me to not leave a novel of spoilers here in the tags lmao #let me instead just shout: PARALLELS PARALLELS PARALLELS!#MIRRORS!!!!!!!!!!!!#CALLBACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!#FOUNDATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i have so many feelings about this episode #which is better? 151 179 180?#ALL OF THEM #I love every moment that they have character development together every moment that their relationship grows #real growth!#GOD I LOVE THEM

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martianbugsbunny · 2 years ago

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OUAT Thoughts Pt.20--Episodes 20-21

I have watched through S2E21; spoilers DNI. Also, spoiler warning for anyone further behind than I am.

—Nailed it! Lo and behold, there is drama about the beans.

—Snow White telling a random stranger *wink wink* about how Regina saved her as a kid is terribly sad. I despise Regina for making that lovely woman so unhappy.

—Has Snow been vibing with Robin Hood? I hope we get to see some of that eventually. Maybe Marion and Snow were friends.

—The Maleficent beast is disgusting. I hate it *truly hateful* *horrified* *screaming in the corner*

—The teardrop potion! Gosh that’s freaky.

—Wendy is a fink. She promised Bae she wouldn’t open the window, and then what did she do? SHE OPENED THE FRICKIN WINDOW!

—This is possibly the most appropriate level of malevolence ever attributed to Peter Pan. He’s creepy. He steals children. He uses them as child soldiers to fight pirates. Also, I’m pretty sure he kills Lost Boys every now and then (but don’t quote me on that one, because I don’t know if it’s from the source material or from an adaptation). Either way, Peter Pan is one of the most disturbing mothertruckers to ever exist in a fairy tale.

—Lol they put an army hat on the dog :)

—I hate both Tamara and Owen. I’m supposed to; I’m supposed to see them as fanatics, and I do. They must be among the most boring, soulless people walking the planet, because for many of us the idea of magic is a beautiful thing. Now, granted, I don’t know what I would actually do with a world of magic, but it’s not like humans never do evil things with the world as it is. Magic is the escapist fantasy of many. It’s an idea that brings a spark of otherworldly joy into our lives. Magical or fantasy worlds have brought me a lot of comfort and inspiration over the years. I can’t even comprehend despising the idea of magic so much that I would be willing to snuff out every single piece of it that showed up.

—Also, that’s another thing. Keeping magic out of our world at the gate would be one thing. Wiping it out when it already exists is a different one entirely. Especially considering this means killing a whole town’s worth of people. No matter your opinion on magic, what Tamara and Owen are doing just isn’t right.

—Lacey is so trashy. She disgusts me.

—But I think I understand now why Mr. Gold is with her. He can’t have Belle, but he can have the woman who looks exactly like her. And, I’d like to believe, he’s still holding out a tiny bit of hope that she could be Belle again someday. His turn back to darkness is both displaced anger about his situation with Belle/Lacey, and the fact that this is the last guy who needs an enabler. Darkness is frankly easier, and Mr. Gold is still afraid of the hard work it would take to be a good person again. He does alright when he has loved ones to keep him on the right track (although he still has the occasional slip-up) but with an enabler, with someone who actively encourages him to be his worst self, of course he’s not going to choose good. Not to mention, he’s so desperate for any remnant of Belle, he wouldn’t risk losing Lacey by trying to be good, even if he wanted to.

—I’m also pretty sure Rumbelle can’t be endgame at this point. Even if Belle does get her memories back, she’s going to be appalled with herself and disappointed in Mr. Gold. Or maybe, just maybe, her getting memories back will involved Mr. Gold doing something genuinely heroic, and that would make them a bit more plausible as a couple. Either way, they’re gonna have a lot of work to do.

—On the bright side, this lil romantic misadventure has given me proof that Mr. Gold is factually the kind of man to help his lady put a necklace on. That is quality boyfriending right there.

—I refuse to believe that Bae is dead. It just can’t go down like that.

—At least he and Emma finally got honest about their feelings. It took them bloody long enough.

—Emma still isn’t being honest with Henry though. I get that it’s a complicated situation, but she promised him a couple of episodes that she wasn’t going to keep him in the dark anymore, and now she’s trying to do exactly that.

—Charming is being a great father/husband right now. He’s there for Emma in her heartbreak, and he’s there to support Snow in her troubles with/about Regina.

—I think I may have to apply the rule of “hoes mad” to anyone who’s still acting like what Snow did was cold-blooded murder. Looking at you, Regina. Cora was ready to kill Emma, Charming, Mr. Gold, Snow, or Bae. Several of those people had swords pointed directly at Cora at varying times. It was a very twisted form of self-defense.

—I appreciate how hard Snow is trying to fix her heart. Maybe saving Regina will help…but then where would the drama be?

—Regina is getting worse. Trying to kill everyone and abduct Henry to the fairytale world is intense even for her. Although, maybe she’ll do better now. At the end of episode 21, she seemed a little more tame.

—You know what, I don’t think it would even surprise me if Lacey stabbed Mr. Gold with the *magic dagger*. And now I get to panic about that for a while. YAY!

#once upon a time #ouat #Snow White #regina mills #Robin Hood #wendy darling #baelfire #Peter Pan #tamara #Owen #Emma swan #Henry #lacey #prince David charming #belle #mr. gold #rumbelle #anti laceygold or whatever #martianbugsbunny reviews

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bestworstcase · 4 years ago

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What are your opinions on the whole "Cassandra is a toxic friend for Rapunzel" or "Rapunzel and Cass's friendship was a toxic one" statements?

so.

first of all, “toxic” is one of those buzzwords that gets tossed around on a lot in online spaces and as always with those, i think it’s important to clarify precisely what i mean. the formal definition of “toxic relationship” as phrased by dr. lillian glass, who coined the term, is:

any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.

toxicity in a relationship doesn’t necessarily stem from abuse (although all abusive relationships are toxic; rectangles and squares, etc). sometimes, it’s just that two people aren’t good for each other, or don’t mesh well, or have other things going on that make it so they can’t do the work necessary to build a sustainable relationship. regardless of the root cause, though, all toxic relationships:

- create persistent stress, unhappiness, discomfort, anxiety, anger, malaise, or resignation, instead of creating joy,

- may catalyze or exacerbate mental health issues of people trapped in them,

- make communication between participants difficult or impossible,

- warp interpersonal boundaries within the relationship, and

- have a detrimental effect on attachments outside the relationship.

so with our term defined, do cass and rapunzel have a toxic friendship?

yeah.

but—and this is the controversial part of my Opinion™ lol—it’s rapunzel, not cassandra, who’s the toxic friend.

as i see it, there are two major problems here:

#1: rapunzel has no respect for cassandra’s boundaries.

one idea i see expressed an awful lot in both cass-fan and cass-critical circles is that cassandra isn’t good at communicating her feelings, desires, or needs and frankly... no. i used to kind of nod along with this, but i increasingly just do not agree that this is a general trait of hers.

consider her behavior in season 1.

in before ever after:

CASS: You can’t let Eugene see you!

RAPUNZEL: What? Why?

CASS: He can’t know anything about last night! I told you, Rapunzel, if it gets out I took you outside Corona, I’m done for.

RAPUNZEL: But I trust Eugene.

CASS: Well I don’t. [beat] My Dad will have me taken off princess detail. We’ll never see each other again.

cass states a boundary plainly and directly, and explains her reasoning so that rapunzel will understand why it’s so important to her that rapunzel keep their excursion a secret.

in what the hair:

CASS: Raps, I told you, we can’t tell anyone about that night!

RAPUNZEL: Um, Cass, I think the secret’s pretty much out.

CASS: Yeah, yeah, everyone know’s the hair’s back—but if anyone found out I was the one who snuck you out when it happened, I would be sent to a convent. Literally a convent.

RAPUNZEL: Well... I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No, no, no no—as far as he knows, you... just woke up that morning with long hair.

RAPUNZEL: But Eugene is my boyfriend! We tell each other everything!

CASS: I know this is a lot to ask, but I can’t risk it. Please, don’t tell Eugene.

again, cass is upfront in asking rapunzel to keep this secret from her. she even acknowledges that she’s asking a lot from rapunzel, but her livelihood and home are dependent on this secret staying secret, and cass spells this out as clearly as possible for rapunzel.

then, when eugene tries to guilt-trip rapunzel into telling him the secret, cass cuts in to emphasize—again—why she doesn’t want him to know: “I don’t trust you. You have a big mouth,” a statement she backs up with multiple examples just from the week or so since BEA.

and later in the episode:

RAPUNZEL: This isn’t right, Cassandra! I have to tell Eugene.

CASS: No! Rapunzel, I want to trust you. And I trust that you trust Eugene, but I don’t trust Eugene, and if I can’t trust Eugene, I can’t trust you, and you’re just going to have to trust me. [beat] Trust me, that logic tracks.

the gag of course is that this is not an especially eloquent way of stating her point, but the reasoning here does in fact track: cassandra’s safety depends on keeping their excursion secret, and she doesn’t trust eugene’s ability or willingness to protect her by keeping the secret, therefore she is asking—really, begging, at this point—rapunzel not to tell him.

cassandra’s communication on this point is always crystal clear. she empathizes with rapunzel’s discomfort keeping the secret from eugene, she understands why rapunzel feels that way, and she repeatedly and clearly asks rapunzel to prioritize cassandra’s safety over her own discomfort.

and rapunzel refuses. in the final scene of what the hair, rapunzel checks to make sure that cassandra isn’t paying attention, then tells eugene the truth. his gut reaction is to cheer because oho cass is in for it now, and of course raps shuts this down—but she doesn’t care that she just betrayed cassandra’s trust. she’s just relieved that she’s no longer hiding anything from eugene.

now, we don’t get to see cassandra’s reaction to this, but cass is standing right there, and even if she didn’t hear rapunzel telling him the secret, she would certainly have heard eugene crowing about getting her into trouble. there is no way she doesn’t realize what just happened.

it’s not brought up again in the next few episodes, so we can assume that cass simply decided to let it slide. rapunzel doesn’t mean any harm, after all, and she got eugene to promise not to spill the beans. it is what it is. cass just has to hope neither of them tell anyone else.

and this brings us to the next time cass tries to establish a boundary with rapunzel, in challenge of the brave.

now in this situation, there’s no danger to cassandra. she just wants to participate in the challenge and she’s simply not keen on the idea of competing alongside rapunzel.

but... remember what happened the last time cass laid down a boundary with rapunzel? not just any boundary, but a boundary about something that was a significant and immediate threat to cassandra’s safety? remember how carefully and clearly she explained herself to rapunzel, how she pleaded for rapunzel to protect her by keeping the secret—only for rapunzel to glibly do the one thing cass begged her not to do?

in challenge of the brave, cassandra knows that rapunzel won’t listen to her stated boundaries even when cassandra’s whole life in the palace is at stake. and the stakes are not that high with the challenge, not by a long shot, so what does cass do when rapunzel tries to tag along?

RAPUNZEL: I wanna sign up!

CASS: You mean compete?!

RAPUNZEL: Let’s do it together!

[excited kid babble]

CASS: That would be fun... but I’m not so sure that’s the best idea...

RAPUNZEL: I’m brave! And I’m always up for a challenge!

CASS: But th- the thing is, the Challenge is by invitation only, so you can’t do it. Oh, man, ughh, rules are rules!

RAPUNZEL: Aw, okay. But you can always count on me to cheer you on!

first, cass drops a large hint that she really is not enthused about the idea of competing in the challenge with rapunzel. she’s clearly hoping that raps will pick up on her disinterest and back off on her own (and if rapunzel were more socially astute, she probably would, because cass is... not subtle).

but when this doesn’t work, instead of saying outright that she wants to do the challenge by herself, cass scrambles and makes up a lie to prevent rapunzel from entering. why? well, rapunzel didn’t listen to her when the stakes were “i will be sent to a convent,” so she has no reason to think rapunzel will listen to her when the stakes are “this is just something i want to do by myself.”

this happens again when rapunzel is making cass uncomfortable before the challenge begins; in contrast to BEA/WTH, cass is visibly uncomfortable being open about her feelings with rapunzel now, so she says “Why don’t you go find Eugene in the stands?” instead of being direct about what she wants.

now of course, all this falls apart when rapunzel discovers the lie and decides to sign up for the challenge at the last minute. cass reacts quite badly to this, with her frustration and hurt feelings bubbling up more and more throughout the challenge. but like, at this point, what is she supposed to do? rapunzel is in the ring. she’s going to be in the challenge whether cass likes it or not, and when rapunzel first enters, cass tries really hard to grit her teeth and be a good sport about it.

she just... can’t, because the challenge means too much to her. it represents her life outside of being rapunzel’s servant, and rapunzel joining in and effortlessly succeeding at things cass has trained hard for feels like rapunzel taking that away from her.

all of which eventually culminates in... this:

RAPUNZEL: Wait, stop! We’re supposed to be friends!

CASS: A friend wouldn’t be so oblivious, Rapunzel. You have no idea what this contest means to me! I mean, you’re a princess, you’ve got nothing to prove. To you, this was just a fun way to blow off a Saturday, but to me, it was a chance to show everyone that I am more than just your lady-in-waiting. And just when I thought I might get even the slightest bit of respect... Never mind.

cass spends the whole day bottling these feelings up, but when she does finally snap, she is able to clearly and succinctly express what her problem is. and though this isn’t explicitly stated, it seems likely to me that cassandra didn’t say any of this earlier because she assumed rapunzel wouldn’t care. when raps says “I respect you, I look up to you!” cass is visibly taken aback.

and this is super important!! because rapunzel listens. even though cass tried to brush off her own feelings, rapunzel sees what her problem was, understands her, and immediately offers her a true, heartfelt apology. this matters to cass. this is why she lets go of her anger, and why she’s able to gracefully accept rapunzel’s victory a few minutes later. she’s not just seeing that rapunzel really does care for her, she’s also seeing a marked change from how rapunzel treated her in BEA/WTH. she’s seeing a signal from rapunzel that rapunzel DOES care about her boundaries after all.

like with the BEA/WTH incident, this leads into the next time cass expresses a boundary with rapunzel, in under raps.

in under raps, the stakes are super high again: cass is a key player in a dangerous game of espionage with an insurgent who’s going to attempt to steal top secret information that would put all of corona in danger if it fell into the wrong hands. and cass is doing this on top of all her duties as a lady-in-waiting and a maid, during an obnoxious holiday that she’s not a fan of in general, so she’s pretty damn stressed.

anyway, at the beginning of the episode, cass is very open about how she feels about the day of hearts, and when rapunzel tries to “fix” this, cass makes her disinterest clear—first politely, and then more pointedly when rapunzel doesn’t take the hint: “I don’t have time right now. You two have fun though, okay?” → “Will you just stop, Rapunzel?” and, when rapunzel continues to push:

CASS: Look, Raps, I get what you’re doing, and I appreciate it, but I’m fine.

RAPUNZEL: Cass, no! Something is clearly wrong; you never wanna hang out, you keep disappearing, you don’t even want to beat up Eugene!

CASS: I’m dealing with... some stuff. Stuff I’m not ready to share–but when I am ready, you’ll be the first person I go to. Trust me.

here, as in BEA/WTH, cassandra has no trouble articulating what she wants from rapunzel. she doesn’t elaborate on exactly what’s going on, but she is upfront that 1) there is something, 2) she’s not ready to talk about it, 3) she’s planning on telling rapunzel once she’s ready, and 4) she wants rapunzel to stop pushing in the meantime. and... unlike in BEA/WTH, it seems like cass actually trusts rapunzel to listen to her because she’s taken to heart the way rapunzel apologized in COTB.

except... once again, rapunzel ignores her clearly stated boundaries. she’s too curious about what cassandra is up to to wait until cass is ready to share, so she follows cass and spies on her, taking the choice to share out of cassandra’s hands. then, despite recognizing that cassandra is not keen to be open about her relationship with andrew (rapunzel notes to eugene that cass seems “shy” about it), rapunzel decides to push for even more:

CASS: A double date?!

RAPUNZEL: Yes! They’re four person fun-machines!

CASS: Rapunzel, I appreciate your enthusiasm. I really, really do, but I- I’m not at a place where I wanna go public.

RAPUNZEL: Which is why I’ve come up with an itinerary of private activities for us.

CASS: [sighing] But we really aren’t that serious yet.

RAPUNZEL: No problem! We’ll keep it short and sweet, then!

cass is withholding some information here—but it’s information that really needs to be withheld. state secrets and intrigue on this level is not something you go around casually telling your friend, especially if that friend has a history of revealing important secrets.

that issue aside, though, cass is once again very straightforward here. she doesn’t want to go on a double date. she doesn’t want her relationship with andrew to be made public, because it isn’t serious. but every time cass draws a line, rapunzel modifies her proposal to “accommodate” the reason cass gives for saying no (don’t want to go public? that’s fine, we’ll do private activities. you’re not that serious yet? okay, we’ll only do a few casual things) instead of just accepting the no, until cass relents.

it’s also worth noting that when cass relents, she agrees to dinner—but rapunzel acts like she’s agreed to everything on the itinerary, plus a hot air balloon ride. when cass says “This double date needs to end now,” and “As soon as the balloon touches down, I’d like to be alone with [Andrew],” Rapunzel tries to protest: “But we haven’t even gotten to the tandem horseback ride yet.”

and finally, after all this, when rapunzel interrupts, putting both herself and cass in serious danger and enabling andrew to get away with the journal, cassandra has no problem telling rapunzel how she feels:

CASS: You know, after the exposition debacle, this was my big chance to prove to my Dad I have what it takes to be a guard. But you messed that all up, Rapunzel!

RAPUNZEL: Well, ugh, maybe if you had told me what you were planning, I wouldn’t have messed it up!

CASS: I couldn’t count on you not letting anything slip!

RAPUNZEL: Hey! I can keep things to myself!

CASS: Oh, yeah? Kinda like when you told Eugene about the night we snuck out?

RAPUNZEL: How did you know about—

CASS: Or when you told your Dad about those rocks I showed you?!

RAPUNZEL: I had to! He was gonna—

CASS: And how’d your mom find out who ate her last chocolate truffle? Hm?

RAPUNZEL: I turned myself in! The guilt was just—

CASS: Look, Raps, you’re my best friend. But you’re a sharer. It’s in your nature. And I’m fine with that, but you’ll have to be fine with respecting things I want to keep to myself.

RAPUNZEL: Even if those things have life-threatening consequences?

CASS: Okay, in my defense, no one’s life was really threatened until you showed up.

RAPUNZEL: ...You’re right. Alright, tell you what, let’s make a deal. I’ll understand you keeping some things to yourself, if you understand that when something’s bothering you, I’m gonna want to help. You’ve got my back, so let me have yours.

CASS: I suppose I can live with that.

notice... three things here.

first, not only does rapunzel not apologize, she blames cassandra for her own behavior. cass should have just told her everything from the get go—then she wouldn’t have needed to push, pester, and spy on cassandra to figure out what was going on and she wouldn’t have burst in and ruined the delicate sting operation cassandra was handling. in rapunzel’s mind, the problem isn’t that she didn’t respect cass’s clearly stated boundaries—the problem is that cass didn’t tell her every single detail about why she had those boundaries.

second, cass explains exactly why she wasn’t forthcoming: rapunzel has an established pattern of spilling important secrets, including important secrets, including secrets that cass expressly asked her not to share with anyone. cassandra didn’t just arbitrarily decide to keep the truth of her “relationship” with andrew a secret—she made a reasonable decision based on her estimation of rapunzel’s ability to keep her mouth shut. an estimation informed by rapunzel’s past behavior.

and third, rapunzel offers cass a “deal” that boils down to, “i’ll accept that you have boundaries if you accept that i am going to push them.” (she phrases this in a nice way, but based on her behavior in this episode and in future episodes, it is clear that by “help” and “have your back,” rapunzel doesn’t mean “i will back off if you tell me to back off, but i’m always willing to lend a hand if you ask.”) and cass accepts this.

and... that’s pretty much where the girls stand for the rest of s1-s2. big brothers of corona and to a lesser extent freebird are other episodes where cass lays down a boundary and rapunzel disregards it either in the name of “helping” or because it’s about something she just really, really wants to do. and cass continues to get frustrated and have angry outbursts in response to this behavior, but it never, ever changes.

[i have mentioned this before but the argument that cassandra is a bad friend to rapunzel in s1-s2 because of how “mean” she is, how “cranky,” how she “snaps” or “yells” at rapunzel, or “bullies” her, etc—what this argument ignores is the fact that, with the exception of the time in BEA when she’s panicking over real danger, cass always leads with soft boundaries or polite refusals, escalates to harder, blunter statements when rapunzel ignores her, and snaps/yells/gets angry in response to rapunzel transgressing those more firmly-stated boundaries. cass is not the aggressor in these situations.]

#2: rapunzel can’t or won’t see the power she has over cass.

this disregard for cassandra’s boundaries would be a huge problem on its own, but it’s compounded by another: cassandra is rapunzel’s servant. rapunzel is cassandra’s boss. and not only is rapunzel cassandra’s boss, she’s also the princess of corona. she is a queen-in-training.

their friendship does not, and can not, exist on level ground, because rapunzel has a HUGE degree of authority over cassandra’s life, and at the end of the day... if rapunzel wants them to do something, cassandra can’t say no. her choices are “do what rapunzel says” or “refuse direct orders from the princess of corona.” cassandra is well aware of this—painfully so, at times—and rapunzel is not.

let’s talk about rapunzel and the great tree.

context: cass had her lifelong dream of joining the royal guard within her grasp at the end of s1. she had just commanded a successful battle against an army of automatons and played a key role in rescuing the queen from her kidnapper. had she chosen to stay in corona, she could have gotten everything she ever wanted.

instead, she chose to accompany rapunzel on her quest into unknown territory, and the king himself charged her with keeping rapunzel safe during the journey. she takes this duty as seriously as able, but she is undermined constantly and her efforts to steer the group away from dangerous, unnecessary detours are, without exception, ignored. and, because the rest of the group is composed of adventurous people less risk-averse than cass is (and without the burden of responsibility for rapunzel’s safety weighing on their shoulders), cass becomes the group naysayer, the joyless stick-in-the-mud trying to ruin their fun. even rapunzel starts to see her that way, brushing off cass’s concern for her safety at the beginning of RATGT.

this is not a nice position to be in. on top of the boundary problem that has been present since s1, cass is now under a lot of pressure, her friends aren’t treating her very well, and she’s stressed out and unhappy.

RATGT is when all of this comes to a head. adira—whom cass feels, not without merit, has supplanted her as the protector of the group, as rapunzel’s confidant, and as the voice of reason—tells them they must go through the great tree, even though a dangerous enemy (one who already almost killed them, and one whom adira has just admitted she was once affiliated with) lives inside it. cassandra says this sounds like a bad idea to her, and once again, rapunzel overrules her advice.

they enter the tree. adira reveals that the tree once belonged to zhan tiri, and although she assures them the tree is harmless, they still end up in mortal peril twice: first because of the withering incantation, and second because of the giant carnivorous flower that tries to eat eugene, lance, pascal, and maximus. they press on, and after an exhausting hike, they make it to the top of the great tree. adira suggests they camp for the night, cass says no way, that’s a terrible idea. and... well:

RAPUNZEL: Cass... We could use the rest.

CASS: Rapunzel, this place almost got us killed an hour ago.

ADIRA: And thankfully, I was there to prevent it.

CASS: You stay out of this, Adira!

ADIRA: I think you should calm down.

CASS: You know what I think? I think you’re playing us. I think you led us here on purpose, and for some sick reason, you wanted Rapunzel to find that incantation and read it.

RAPUNZEL: Come on, Cass, listen to yourself—

CASS: Rapunzel, I’m telling you right now, we need to get out of this tree, but more importantly, we need to lose Adira before she gets us all killed.

RAPUNZEL: I can’t do that, Cass.

CASS: What do you mean you ‘can’t do that’? Of course you can! Are you that obliviously naive that you can’t see—

RAPUNZEL: ENOUGH, Cassandra! No one is getting rid of anyone! Is that clear?

CASS: ...Yes, Your Highness. I’ll keep first watch.

now... this is absolutely not cassandra’s finest moment. she’s upset and acting paranoid and yelling at adira because she’s exhausted, she was drained by the withering incantation an hour ago, and this is six months of frustration and unhappiness all coming to a boil at the worst possible moment. and this is not rapunzel’s finest moment either, because she’s also exhausted and stressed and reacting emotionally to cass’s outburst. neither of them behave well in this argument.

but the key thing to takeaway here is not that they’re both acting irrational and distraught, but that this is the moment when the other shoe drops.

rapunzel is a princess who grew up powerless. not only is she unaccustomed to wielding power, she barely grasps that she has it at all. and while cassandra, her servant, is keenly aware of the class chasm between herself and rapunzel, rapunzel’s ignorance of it—or at least, willingness to ignore it—enabled them to become close friends. it gave cass a level of comfort with rapunzel, and once they were outside of corona, those boundaries got fuzzier.

until rapunzel pulls rank during this argument.

when rapunzel screams “ENOUGH, Cassandra!” the whole group is visibly shocked and uncomfortable. lance even grimaces. cassandra lets go of rapunzel’s arm and retreats like she’s been stung. no one says anything, no one steps up to defend her—not because she’s in the wrong, but because she crossed the line and directly challenged rapunzel’s authority. and she can’t do that, because rapunzel is the princess, and cass is her servant. and rapunzel is willing to use that authority to shut her down.

that is what makes this moment so painful for cass. when push came to shove, rapunzel treated her like a servant, not a friend.

but rapunzel... doesn’t understand this. she’s confused about why cass got upset and why cass reacted the way she did during the argument. so when she goes to try to patch things up, she doesn’t actually apologize, and she completely misses the core of why cass is hurt:

RAPUNZEL: So... Earlier. That got awkward, huh?

CASS: Huh. Which part?

RAPUNZEL: I know it’s been an unusual day...

CASS: You know it’s not just about Adira, right? I mean, she’s a jerk, and I can’t stand her, but it’s just... Since when did you stop trusting my judgment?

RAPUNZEL: Cass. You are the closest thing that I will ever have to a big sister, but I’m not that naive girl fresh out of the tower anymore. I am going to be queen someday, and I can promise you I’m going to make decisions that you’re going to disagree with. And I need you to be okay with that. ...Well... I better get some rest. I’m on the next shift.

rapunzel doesn’t just not apologize for pulling rank while shouting cass down in front of their friends. she tells cass i am the queen, i will make decisions you don’t like, you need to be okay with that. and i think it’s worth noting that this is how cass reacts:

cass sort of slumps while rapunzel is talking, but when rapunzel says “I need you to be okay with that,” cassandra pulls herself up, squeezes her eyes shut, and takes a deep breath. and then she makes herself smile.

it’s not a happy smile. it’s not a cheered-up, feeling-better smile. this is the smile of a woman who just opened up to her best friend about one of her deepest insecurities and got told that her feelings don’t matter, her friend is the queen and she just needs to deal with it. so that’s what cass is doing here: she’s sucking it up and dealing with it.

is this the message rapunzel wanted to send? no. but what rapunzel doesn’t get is that her friendship with cass doesn’t exist separately from her relationship with cass as a queen to her servant. any pretense that it could shattered the instant she pulled rank. so while rapunzel is trying to speak as one friend to another here, cassandra responds as a servant.

and now let’s talk about rapunzel: day one.

cass, of course, gets burnt in the great tree, but that in and of itself doesn’t have anything to do with the question of whether this friendship is toxic or not. the only thing to bear in mind is that, while using the incantation during the battle in the great tree, rapunzel says two things to cassandra: “I got this, Cass, go!” and: “I can’t... control it!”

this is important because, in RDO, rapunzel only remembers (or acknowledges) the first of those statements. it’s possible that she genuinely forgot admitting she couldn’t break herself out of the incantation, and it’s possible that she’s selectively choosing to focus on telling cass that she was fine and to get out of the tree as a way of alleviating the guilt she feels. which one is not really important. what is important is this:

rapunzel blames cass for getting injured in the great tree.

in fact, she’s is angry at cassandra for getting injured in the great tree.

RAPUNZEL: I get why Cass is mad at me. She told me not to use the decay spell back at the Great Tree, and I did, and she hurt her hand. But if she had just listened to me and stayed out of it, this all could have been avoided! And I feel like we could work things out, but she refuses to talk about it! [...] I’ve gotta find a way to get her to talk to me.

and

RAPUNZEL: It’s okay if you’re mad at me. I’m mad at you too. I told you that I had it under control, and you didn’t listen.

so... this is the dynamic at play here.

first, rapunzel constantly disregards cassandra’s boundaries in general. cass knows this.

second, rapunzel insists that it’s all cassandra’s fault that she got injured, because rapunzel either doesn’t remember or won’t acknowledge that her saying “I can’t control it” is what prompted cassandra to grab her.

third, immediately before cass was injured, rapunzel pulled rank to shut cassandra down in an argument, shouting at and humiliating her in front of their friends. a few minutes later, when cass opened up about her hurt feelings and insecurities, rapunzel reiterated that she is in charge, and cass just needs to “be okay” with that.

and fourth, rapunzel is making cassandra’s pain—her physical pain, and her hurt and angry feelings about having been horrifically injured by her best friend—all about rapunzel. rapunzel wants to talk things out so everything can be okay again and she can stop feeling guilty about what she did to cass, and the fact that cass isn’t ready to talk about it doesn’t matter because rapunzel wants to talk about it NOW.

[sidebar: “We can’t just push this aside and forget it like it never happened!” lmao season three would like to have a word with you.]

what... exactly is cass supposed to do here?

if she says she doesn’t want to talk about it, rapunzel will pester and prod and wheedle her until she snaps. if she gives rapunzel the cold shoulder, as it’s implied she’s been doing, rapunzel will manufacture a situation where it’s just the two of them alone together so she can back cass into a corner and make her talk about it. if she does what rapunzel told her to do—i.e., be okay with decisions rapunzel makes as queen—by saying things like “Look, if you feel that way, then it’s fine. We’re good,” rapunzel will refuse to accept that and continue to bug her.

and if rapunzel, her boss, the princess, has decided that the fault for cass’s injury lies on cassandra’s shoulders... and if the last time cass opened up about her feelings with rapunzel, rapunzel effectively told her to just deal with it... why would cass want to subject herself to this conversation?

she literally does not have a single good option here. every choice available to her sucks.

i think this is why we don’t hear rapunzel apologize at the end of RDO; why the resolution is cass saying “i’m still angry, but i’ll get over it.” she’s still doing what rapunzel told her to do in the great tree: trying her best to suck up her feelings and be okay with rapunzel’s decision.

i don’t think cass is lying at the end of RDO. she really does feel sorry for using the wand, she really does intend to get over her anger. but i also think she is holding a lot of stuff back because she no longer feels safe expressing her true feelings around rapunzel. this is not s1 cass, who was comfortable spontaneously expressing and explaining her boundaries and frustration and pain to rapunzel. this is a cass who has learned that her feelings don’t matter to rapunzel, not really. that rapunzel is more invested in “getting along” than in actually making sure cassandra feels better.

so she turtles up and toes that line as much as she is able.

and that is where the toxicity in their friendship comes from.

rapunzel means well. god bless her, she really, truly does. and she really, truly loves cass with all her heart. all she wants is for cassandra to be happy. absolutely none of her behavior towards cass is malicious or intentionally cruel.

but she is a nineteen year old who was raised by an abusive, narcissistic kidnapper and was then, less than a week after escaping that environment, dumped into a position of enormous authority with zero preparation. she doesn’t know how to have healthy relationships. her relationship with eugene is healthy because eugene is an easy-going, well-adjusted guy who is on equal footing with her and who doesn’t have any qualms about letting her in on his private thoughts or feelings and who is both willing and able to gently help her correct course when she inadvertently veers into yikes territory.

but cassandra has baggage and the hard personal boundaries that come with it. and cassandra is rapunzel’s servant, with all the restriction and limits that implies. for rapunzel, trying to be cassandra’s friend is like trying to climb a mountain when she’s just barely learnt how to crawl. she has no fucking clue what she’s doing and she is not equipped to handle it.

i think cassandra gets this, and that’s why she gives rapunzel so many chances, why in s1 she tries so hard to help rapunzel understand where she’s coming from. but it doesn’t get better—in fact, it gets worse. (a lifetime of behaviors absorbed from your abusive “mother” do not disappear in a year’s time.) and it destroys cassandra’s mental health, makes her miserable, leads her to repress her feelings more and more throughout the tail end of s2, and leaves her wide open for zhan tiri to take advantage of in the shell house.

at the same time, the very fact that none of this is intentional or malicious on rapunzel’s part means that this is a relationship that can be repaired. rapunzel understands cass a lot better in s3, and she’s made huge strides in healing from gothel’s abuse. the whole moonstone/zhan tiri debacle ends up being a giant reset button on their relationship: they still love each other deeply, but they’re effectively starting over from scratch, and they’ll be taking it slowly by dint of cassandra leaving corona. their only contact will be via letters for the foreseeable future, which will (a) give cass time to get her head on straight and figure out what she wants to do with her life, which she desperately needs, and (b) give rapunzel some much-needed practice in being patient, not prying, not letting her nosiness lead her to step on cassandra’s boundaries, etc. and in leaving corona, cass also left her servitude to rapunzel, so they can finally approach each other on an equal footing.

#rta #cassandra #rapunzel #this got SO LONG and i would apologize but i'm not. sorry #tangled-dreamer-97

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johaerys-writes · 4 years ago

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Fic Writer’s Round Up: 2020

I was tagged by wonderful friendos @in-arlathan, @noire-pandora, @faerieavalon, @pinkfadespirit, @tevivinter, and @serial-chillr! Thank you so much, it was so interesting to see what you've been up to this year <3

2020 was a ride from start to finish and I considered not doing this at first because frankly, I wasn't particularly happy with my output this year, but I decided to give it a go and I was pleasantly surprised! This year has had a lot of ups and downs for me and there were plenty of times when I had a hard time putting words on the page, while others I couldn't stop. I've written primarily for Dragon Age and The Song of Achilles, and a little bit of Castlevania. In the below breakdown I've included all the fics I’ve written solo, both my published stuff as well as those that I plan on publishing in the near future (for my lengthier works, I’ve only included the chapters written in 2020):

Aran belongs to @oftachancer!

I don't know if you noticed the ~50k words of deleted stuff, but that was an entire arc that I wrote for A World With You, but decided it wasn't good enough so I scrapped and rewrote it. Those long gaps between updates this year? Yeah. That was it. I normally don't include deleted scenes in my overall wordcount but I decided to add this out of spite because it was a lot of hard work and it may or may not have had me sobbing into my coffee once or twice. Anyway. MOVING ON.

I also co-wrote A LOT with my friendo @oftachancer this year! It all started with a Modern AU one-shot of Aran and Tristan as college roommates, which then derailed into an epic adventure of about 250,000 words (placeholder title: Never Let Me Go) as well as a prequel of about 180,000 words of the boys before they went to college, which is currently being published on AO3 (Playground Love). We also published a smutty one-shot for Kinktober (Tea and Corsets). I love those boys so much, and I’m excited to write more of them. I have also co-written a few scenes for the Band!AU @oftachancer and @midnightprelude have been working on, which has been so much fun and I look forward to writing more! So, total wordcount for co-written stuff is approximately 445,000 words, not including a couple one-shots that we’ve written and posted on Tumblr and I’m too lazy to track down now, or others that haven’t been published yet but will soon!

New Things I Tried This Year:

Co-writing two massive, novel length fics was definitely a first, I had a lot of fun world-building with @oftachancer, and it gave me the opportunity to develop some of my OCs that had been lurking in my mind for a really long time. I also started writing for a new fandom, TSOA, and that has definitely been a highlight in my year. I grew up reading the Iliad and ancient greek myths, and to see them brought to life was very rewarding. It has also been a lot of fun finding ways to integrate ancient greek lore in my works, I really love it!

Fic I spent the most time on: A World With You, although Playground Love and Never Let Me Go are close seconds!

Fic I spent the least time on: To Build A Home. I wrote it in only a couple sittings after finishing Season 3 of Castlevania because I had so many feels! Chapters 1 and 2 of High-Flying Birds were also written on my phone in less than an hour, because again I was overwhelmed with feels after finishing The Song of Achilles.

Favourite things I wrote: I am really proud of everything I’ve written this year, especially since it was such a stressful year and writing gave me a much needed escape! But I'm going to choose a few highlights, purely based on the satisfaction they gave me while writing, and how often I've gone back to reread them (does anyone else do that?? Lol): Viper in Tall Grass, because I enjoyed the heck out of writing in the Witcher Universe. Chapter 2: Thorn, from High Flying Birds, which was one of those scenes that practically wrote themselves and I still like the way it turned out. Lastly, Chapter 28: The Prodigal Son and Chapter 29: In Water Waist Deep from AWWY. They were both really challenging to write but in the end they were worth it and I personally feel it’s some of my best writing yet. I always get emotional when I go back to reread them.

Favourite Things I Read: I’ve read a lot of published fiction this year, but not near as much fanfiction as I would have liked! I mentioned some of the fics I’m currently reading and loving in this post, but I’m going to make a more detailed fic rec post soon, so keep an eye out for that!

Writing Goals for next year: My primary goals for 2021 are to finish AWWY and High-Flying Birds so I can start working on some projects I’ve been wanting to post forever, but apart from that, I have no goals other than to have fun writing, and perhaps participate in more fic exchanges and challenges!

This post is terribly long (I’m usually rather quiet unless someone asks me to talk about my fics, and then I can’t shut up lol), but I want to thank every single person that has liked, reblogged and commented on my work, you guys are the best and there’s nothing like a comment or a thoughtful tag to make me want to create more!

I also want to give a special shoutout to @solas-disapproves, @in-arlathan, @midnightprelude, @tessa1972 and @oftachancer for being the lovely, inspiring people that they are, and for gifting me with wonderful fanart or fanfic this year that made me want to melt in a puddle, as well as to @tenmeooo-thefangirltrash for translating High Flying Birds to Vietnamese! (Check it out here) Thank you all so much, your friendship and support has meant the world to me ;w;

I’m sure that everyone has done this already, but I’m still going to tag @pikapeppa, @schoute, @schattengerissen, @zuendwinkel, @elveny, @fandomn00blr, @dafan7711, @dalish-rogue, @jeannedarcprice, @nug-juggler, @kittimau and @lavellanvibes for art or writing, because I always love seeing what you’ve been up to! If you’ve made it to the end of this humongous post, please consider yourself tagged, and tag me back so I can see your work too!

CHEERS, AND ON TO 2021!! <3

#fic roundup #dragon age #dorian pavus x trevelyan #pavelyan #the song of achilles #patrochilles #tsoa #castlevania #trevor x sypha #dragon age fanfiction #johaerys writes

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years ago

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June 17: 1x23 The Omega Glory

Watched the very uneven episode “The Omega Glory” today. Upon some reflection.. I think I have seen it? But I think my last rewatch ended abruptly after “By Any Other Name” so it might have been some time ago.

Anyway, it was... something. Decent, I might even say good, until the last 10-15 minutes and then it just went off a cliff? That’s how I’d summarize it.

Sulu, my beloved. I’ve missed you.

Kirk knows where all the ships are. I mean, obviously, but I love to hear it.

Phasers on heavy stun huh?

It’s so weird to be on a different ship. That looks like the same ship. It’s so empty and haunted looking.

With creepy crystal remains of bodies everywhere.

“These white crystals... are the crew.”

Something was thirsty!! Perhaps... a water vampire? Perhaps... a former McCoy girlfriend?

(Honestly having watched the whole ep...they could have expanded this intro longer. It was creepy and mysterious. Then cut the last act.)

Oh no, they’ve been infected and now must quarantine. Sort of. I guess.

...Oh no, is this Vietnam? Again?

“Our old enemy, Vietnam.”

My mother suggested the disease might be communism and I don’t think that metaphor tracks through the whole episode but you know what.. anything’s possible.

I don’t like this whole “you can’t leave the planet or you’ll get sick and die” thing. Too familiar.

"I may never be able to leave this planet but I have a worse problem: a colleague may be breaking a rule."

Says the man who has frequently violated a directive that has never been referred to as Prime before.

Kirk is getting very mumbly. That’s his serious voice.... bu it’s also his Denny Crane voice lol.

Like bio warfare in the 90s? TOS really thought the 90s was going to be the dark ages, didn’t it?

Only 90s kids remember...

Spock bursting in with a wounded man, just bringing the drama, as he does.

He’s not even listening to McCoy. Rude.

Spock absolutely 100% would have killed Captain Tracey on instinct as soon as Kirk is threatened.

Sulu’s in command? I love Captain Sulu but where is Scotty?

Kirk is so good. Clever, strong, smart. Knows all the regulations.

Tracey’s so dumb. “They’ve eradicated disease and live for hundreds of years!” Man, have you considered that they are...aliens? And their life spans are simply.... naturally longer than human life spans? And even if you could isolate the serum, it might not work on humans?

And his master plan is to isolate their immunity and bottle it for profit. It’s our old enemy... capitalism and the exploitation of intellectual property.

A fight scene!

“The pointy-eared one stays.”

Another fight scene!

Spock is watching all of this, and you know what, I feel like he’s not upset about it. It’s just like Pre-Reform Vulcan. Perhaps some... Amok Time flashbacks? “Damn, I wish that was me.”

Peanut gallery Spock.

“I wish you could teach me that.” / “I have tried.” Omg where is my scene of Spock trying to teach Kirk the nerve pinch?

And then that look Kirk gives him.

I don’t get the point of this scene but it amuses me that as soon as McCoy sees the pretty girl, he feels better.

A post-apocalyptic alien world... a very interesting concept. Like you could do a lot with that idea imo.

“That’s our worship word [freedom too.” Umm.... questionable.

Damn bitch, that was cold. Just knocking him out like that.

Damn yankee.

...Yankee and Communist dammit.

McCoy’s not even surprised to see Kirk and Spock out of jail.

Nature created a natural counterbalance to the biological disease. Where is OUR natural counterbalance, I ask?

McCoy sounds extra Southern rn. It’s all the stress.

I really don’t think Shatner gets enough credit for his subtlety. His face when McCoy explains the whole situation...

Oh he's mad now. "You've hurt Spock for nothing! Oh yeah and also killed thousands but MOSTLY THE SPOCK THING!”

Whereas Tracey really doesn’t seem to care about anything but war for its own sake. He knows now that his master plan for immortality was nothing the whole time...but he still needs to call those Yangs.

In other words, another once-reputable figure of authority now gone mad.

Kirk’s voice is so casual when he’s talking to Uhura and Sulu, you feel like he’s gotta have something up his sleeve. He can never hide when he’s really upset about something.

...Apparently what he had up his sleeve was his crew knowing regulations and then another full body tackle. Fight scene 3!

"My need for attention is vital.” Same, Spock.

This is a very attenuated and unbelievable connection Kirk is making but he’s Kirk so I’ll assume it makes sense that he’s putting it all together so fast.

Alternate Universe: Vietnam canon-divergence lol.

For anyone keeping track, this is right about the point where the episode goes off the rails.

YOU’RE A ROMANTIC, JIM. Well he’s right about that at least and he should say it.

Oh no, an American flag.

Cloud William, chief and the son of chiefs. That’s continuity of government for you.

(Also pretty hilarious that this society is supposedly So American with our exact flag and Constitution and everything... but they’re not a democracy.)

I really don’t want to believe that “under God” is still in the pledge 200 years from now.

"You're confusing the stars with heaven." Kirk thinks he's being called an angel.

The absolute mishmash of meaningless, referent-free words here. America. Native Americans. Communists. The flag, the Constitution. God. Angels. Devils. What???

Like how can they both be flag worshippers AND...believers in God? Who is their God? Alien George Washington?

So rude to call Spock Kirk’s “servant.” That’s his space husband!

Is that a literal picture of Spock as a demon in their.. Bible?

I can’t even follow this anymore.

“You command him.” I mean...yes, that’s how the military works.

“He has no heart.” Wow, rude.

“His heart is different!” I stan one (1) Southern Doctor.

I feel like Spock is just... not having this at all. His face loos like he’s thinking what I’m thinking.

Oh no is that the CONSTITUTION??!

“Kill his servant” wow Tracey is obsessed with Spock, isn’t he? I guess everyone in the Fleet knows about them and their special relationship.

Spock is even amused by the knife at his throat. His eyes say "I am distressed--but fascinated!"

A FOURTH fight scene? And here I thought Kirk was going to recite the Constitution.

“I’m open to suggestions.” He’s just as worried about Kirk as McCoy is, bu the doesn’t show it.

...Yep, he’s being telepathic again. Not really in line with his usual telepathy but okay. Alien magic is flexible.

Okay I have a JD and I can confidently say there is nothing about good defeating evil in the Constitution.

And now this alien guy is immediately ready to make himself a “slave.” That seems problematic. What happened to the holy word “Freedom”?

Wow, Kirk's in a bad mood. "You can't pronounce your own holy words worth shit."

“This is only for the eyes of a Chief,” he says and Kirk just pushes him away.

Spock literally turns Tracey around for Kirk’s big final speech like “Listen up, bitch, my boyfriend’s talking.”

Is this the 4th of July episode?? Feels like there should be canons and fireworks going off behind him rn.

Idk, the words of the Constitution can't be so unique and unprecedented if a WHOLE OTHER ALIEN CIVILIZATION just came up with them, too, on their own, like monkeys typing Hamlet. (Given the timelines here... they probably did it first too lol.)

"Liberty and freedom need to be more than just words." Like what does that even mean in this context? Sounds nice but it’s very hard to put into the context of all the rest of this.

“And uh be nice to the Kohms,” after most of them (?) were probably just killed.

I really was into this until the last 10-15 minutes and I think there were under-explored concepts that could have taken the fever dream of whatever that bizarre-o fever dream at the end was. The abandoned ship. The leftovers of bio warfare. The whole weird and under-explained concept of immunity. The tragedy that so much was destroyed,, including but not limited to the whole Exeter crew, for no reason. What happened to Tracey to so destroy him--was it just greed? What about the “Prime” Directive? Is it important or not. They just leave at the end after (as Spock pointed out) doing quite a bit of their own meddling, even though meddling is allegedly the worst. Also, we know almost nothing about the Kohms at all. The “American” society clearly wasn’t democratic. Were the Kohms literally Communist?

I’m willing to accept a certain degree of alternate Earth scenarios--like Miri (though imo that was not a necessary component of that story) or Bread and Circuses, but this was too much. TOO unbelievable. And frankly unnecessary. You could do an allegory for alternate-Vietnam, and it would be just as clear but even more effective. There wouldn’t be any distraction in the form of “what the fuck is that flag doing here?”

There is a potentially incendiary concept here, which is the same one I thought of reading about actual COG plans--certain aspects of the Yanks’ culture survives, but with absolutely no meaning attached. They have a Constitution but they mispronounce all the words. They have this tattered flag but it has no other meaning. They’ve turned the symbols of the government into a religion, but they don’t practice any of the civil aspects of it--they have chiefs, not democratically appointed leaders, for example. Like, COG asks “what IS the country, and how do you make sure the country endures no matter what?” This was an opportunity to show the worst of that: the country continues to exist as symbology only--incredibly strong symbology, but only that--and all of the actual values that were supposed to be stored with that symbology have disappeared. Similarly, their hatred of their enemies endures. It’s lauded in the ep as their attempt to get “their land” back but what if it’s just war for its own sake, as Tracey seems to be engaging in? To tell that story, especially in the 60s, against the backdrop of Vietnam, and with the references to bio warfare and nuclear warfare, could be powerful. And I know TOS can work in metaphor and comparison. It doesn’t need to bring out a literal fucking flag.

Honestly, it was like they had one good, classic, sci fi story but it didn't fill 52 minutes so they tacked on the American Pride 4th of July Propaganda Extravaganza at the end.

It really felt like the lesson was “America good” lol.

I liked the concept of the post apocalyptic society in the aftermath of bio warfare as a cautionary tale for 1960s America, and I'd be up for crazed snake oil salesman Starfleet Captain (or...whatever his rank was) if it were a bit better explained. But the rest of it....

It also... could have been kinda incendiary with the idea that the Constitution and flag are religious symbols... I mean some people do treat them that way and I've always found that, first, blasphemous, and second, bizarre in such a hyper-Christian country. But I feel like instead of digging ito that, they just tempered it with "But also they're Christian, as you can tell by their drawing of devil!Spock, for some reason."

Idk, this story could have been complete with out the whole weird “Vietnam AU” back story or alternately it could have been a biting commentary about what defines America, and about whether or not our symbols might be more enduring--or even more important to people today??--than the laudable but more complex and difficult ideals that underpin the country’s founding. Are the words of the Constitution just gobbledy gook? They are if you don’t live by them, and America has always struggled to do that. It definitely would struggle even more in the aftermath of an apocalypse.

...I’m more annoyed now, thinking about the possible sci fi story that could have been...

Anyway next is an ep I’m fairly sure I haven’t seen, so that should be fun.

#the year 2021 #2021: star trek #star trek tos

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skinks · 4 years ago

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hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

#long post #films #this is like bill hader being asked to pick his fave comedies and he gives a 4 page list #he has such good taste though ahhahbfhfhfhh lemme talk with him nonstop about movies while i ride him. thank you

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hocusposies · 5 years ago

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SCARED YET?

summary in which the reader takes her study partner on a ‘date’ in the hopes of him truly revealing his honest purpose

pairing nolan holloway x werewolf!reader

authors note the last time i wrote a nolan oneshot was in 2017.... yikes

warnings lol, angst, 2% fluff (not really)

Rightfully, he should have known better. To be alone... in the dark... with the very person he was afraid of. But you knew that he had some sort of preparation— all thanks to the spidey senses. He had to be ready for when things got bad, if things got bad. Considering the perdicament he was in, things going bad could’ve simply been you getting angry. Your face turning red and smoke coming out of your ears. Not even the glowing amber eyes or the sharp teeth that would erupt from your gums.

You and Nolan have been studdy buddies since he started going to Beacon Hills High. He was your partner in chemistry— which he was terrible at, so he asked if you could help him out. You, being the kind and friendly person you were, you obliged pleasantly. Until the fighting began. Nolan always tried to evade the fighting to not seem included, but you knew he was. It didn’t take a scientist to know that he was crazy. He stabbed Corey with a pen for crying out loud. After that, you just knew he was making his way to you. Nearly every person you hung around had some supernatural ability— wolf or chimera. Plain and simple: you were next.

Even with all the bullshit happening, you wanted to keep the tutoring sessions going. You needed all the proof you could get to make sure he was coming after you. And you got just that when your allergies began to flare up at a study session. He made his way to bathroom, and you started digging through his pockets to find a small ziplock of wolfsbane. It was open in his pocket. Not only did he get all the assurance he needed, so did you.

So you invited him to a private spot in the woods. Many of her friends had already been to it in their lifetime, but he’s never been. It had the perfect view of the moon almost every night. It was mostly rock than grass that led up to a cliff structure. The first time you shifted, this was the place the beast led you to. Therefore, it was the perfect spot to throw the truth in his face. So you picked him up in your obsidian Toyota Camry, and found a spot on the edge of the wood. Grabbing his delicate fingers, you dragged him into the tree line with a grin on your lips. He couldn’t tell if the toothy smile that was painted on your face was malicious or playful. In your grip, his hands trembled and the look on his adorable face explained why. He was nervous— his heart was thumping loud in your ears. It was almost annoying. You kept shooting looks over your shoulder with reassuring eyes.

As you neared the private location, you stopped in your tracks. “Close your eyes.” You sweetly ordered, swinging his side to side in front of you. His blue eyes darted around nervously. He though you were gonna try something. His lack of faith in you, kinda hurt— however, his assumptions were way too early. “Um, w-why?” He stuttered. A giggled erupted from your throat in a faint condescending manner. Your eyes narrowed as you stepped closer to the taller boy. “Because... what you’re about to see, I want it to be a surprise.” You moved your shoulder enthusiastically. His heart preformed an additional thump, that definitely caught your attention. “C’mon, Nolan. I don’t bite.” You shrugged. After a little coercion, he obliged covering his beautiful eyes. And for a moment, you missed the innocent glimmer inside of them. Biting your bottom lip, you pulled him with both of his hands.

“No peeking!” You laughed, as watched his eyes flutter under his lid. Even before the bite, you were always pretty sturdy on your feet, walking backwards over tree roots and rocks were too easy. A small smile creeped onto his thin lips. As you approached the open and windy space, the waxing gibbous moon shined brightly into your eyes. The pressures of the approaching full moon weighed heavy, but you were tame enough to resist— even in the situation you were in. “Are we there yet?” He asked, snapping you out of a daze. “Uh, yeah. Open up.” You plastered a smile onto your lips, plastically. He, of course, didn’t notice. His wide oceanic eyes blinked open, his eyes scanning the place. You had already pre-decorated— if what you did could even be counted as pre-decorated. You placed a quilted blanket on the stone floor, held down on the corners by rocks. Beside it was a cooler of drinks and snacks. You weren’t sure if he indulged in the irresponsible acts of underage drinking, so you brought soda as well. The fact that you out of a bit of effort into the whole plan, confused you but... whatever, right?

His lips fell agape, as you led him to the wide blanket. “Wow...” he muttered, his eyes barely leaving the horizon of the city and the glowing moon. “Right,” you muttered, launching your arms into the blue cooler. “You wanna beverage? We got orange Fanta, 7up, Coke, and if you want something a little stronger... beer and whiskey.” You offered with a persuasive smile. He anxiously nodded, folding hands in front of him. “Yeah.”

“Which one do you want?” You clairified for the overly nervous boy. “Oh,” he laughed, scratching the back of his neck. “I’ll have the b-beer.” You nod, reaching into the ice, and threw him a can. He caught it fairly well, sitting onto the quilt. You grabbed a little bottle of whisky to, downing it in one sip. It’s not like you could get drunk. But you didn’t want him to drink alone. “So, Nolan Holloway, what’s your story?” You asked formally, leaning back on your arms. He shrugged taking a sip from the beer can. “I don’t really have much of a story...” his mousy hair, hung over his forehead in the attempt to mask his gleams blue eyes, but they were no match. Even though you knew there was some sort of ulterior motive, he was adorable. And whatever he was doing seemed out of his character. “Very funny. Everyone has a story,”

You’re eyes squinted at him playfully, before you spoke once more. “I’ll tell you mine,”

“I moved here when I was eight, my mom was just getting out of the military and was working on her nursing degree. Made a few good friends; Hayden, Mason— new them before they were all big and bad.” You laughed as nostalgia took over. “Fast forward a few years... my grandfather dies— creates this big divide in my family... really sucked. I would isolate myself to get away from the arguing, sometimes even rebelling.” Your eyebrows deepen. His eyes soften, as he puts down his beer. “Then my freshman year arrived, ugh! All the drama... it wasn’t tasteful. Then, something happened to me...” you were starting your path to confrontation, and it was gonna be hard for him to get out of it. It was about time for him to know it was all a trap. “Something that changed my life forever.” Your eyes bored deep into his. Fear began to echo throughout the pair, causing a smile to graze on your lips. “I was bitten by a stranger— or a stranger at the time.”

His eyes were practically bulging out of his head. His heart thumping in fear. You, still, just leaned comfortably on your back supported by your arms. A giggle fell from your lips. “Or did you already know that?” Your voice small, but menacing. He stood up abruptly, trying his hardest to not make eye contact. Following his actions, you stood to your feet slowly, crossing your arms over your chest. You could assume, he wanted to get the hell out of dodge. “Nolan, remember last week when we were studying kenetics? My allergies were beginning to flare up... and when you went to the restroom, I went through your jacket, and I found wolfsbane. Opened... and in a tiny little ziplock.” You slowly started to approach him, with a calm, attractive face, but you were radiating heat. His bottom lip fell between his teeth as you backed him into a tree. “What were you gonna do? Sprinkle it around my room?”

“I just needed to know!” He exclaimed.

“Why? Frankly, who I am is my business, is it not? I’m not gonna go around trying to find your weaknesses and use them against you!”

You lightly shoved him into the tree, causing a sigh to fall from his lips. You were only inches away from the boy. You could feel his nervous breaths on your nose. “I’m sorry... I just had to! She had to know for sure.” His eyes casted down to the ground, past you. Pure disappointment was painted on your face, and it seemed to break the boy down. “Who?” You demanded. “I can’t tell you, or she’ll kill me. They’ll kill me.” A sigh left your lips, as you backed away slowly, looking at the boy you kinda liked with distaste. “Well, its seems to me that you’ve chosen the wrong side.” His eyes began to water at your words. You started pacing while his back was stricken against the tree bark. He trembled, shutting his eyes tightly. “Tell me this... are you scared yet?” You chuckled.

“No, I-I’m guilty.”

You looked at him with some-what soft eyes, but they quickly hardened. “I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, or anyone, but I still was following through with their plan.” He slowly stepped away from the tree. Alarmed, you glared at him, keeping up your defenses. “I’m in too deep, y/n, and I’m sorry.” You cocked your chin upwards, with deepened brows. “Is that supposed to help me forgive you? There’s always a choice, Nolan. And if you need that defense of protection... I know someone who can help.�� you rolled your eyes, referring to yourself. “But these are my people that are being violently conspired against, and I’m not about to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.”

“I do wanna be helped. I wanna be helped by you.”

“Then, show me.”

#nolan holloway #scott mccall #stiles stilinksi imagine #liam dunbar #dylan o brien #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf #mason hewitt #theo raeken #hayden romero #chimera #true alpha #hunters #allison argent #nolan holloway imagine #tyler posey #derek hale

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ray5244 · 4 years ago

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Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are many common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the weight loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once read somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head too often you are going to lose your hair....

Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my exercise routine should be

Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have been physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you walk that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However, for someone who has been physically active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of what "intense" is.

If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy schedule you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It might not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have positive health altering effects.

Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand

Weight Loss Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please download my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while eating whatever I want

Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down." There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it is going to come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our weight.

This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in balance if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a workout routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have high cholesterol.

Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would say this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good.

Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals is a good way to lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat fewer times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small meals during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a tendency to over eat during other meals of the day.

Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not lose weight while eating at night

Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you WILL gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still will gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The truth is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever I am hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. During those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get some, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. I allow myself to get some, however, WITH MODERATION.

Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until I lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I honestly believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions before. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove myself to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. Once you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of God, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight.

Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose weight faster

Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and stuffing your face. However, if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in you actually not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories"

Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping meals will help me lose weight

Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry and will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. Think of a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our body, we need to keep it fueled constantly.

Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, it runs in my family!

Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tendencies for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't believe that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily those who directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, politics, education, etc. are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary meals cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods throughout your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame it on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however, you ALWAYS have a choice to change.

Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard

Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world.....once you have trained yourself to do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing great, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back to your old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, looking for a new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like change. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage us from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight"

Weight Loss Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight

Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, now on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Depriving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As has been mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the best things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my arteries were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However, I know that those aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not giving up my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of excess weight.

Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger

Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we could blame "hunger" for it. In fact, this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It might have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not an indication that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of stress, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of satisfying your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example, if you live a lonely life, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause by being hungry.

Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work

Weight Loss Truth: There goes that word again...DIEt....those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get of it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you can lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some added weight as a bonus

Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin

Weight Loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even fear the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't expect perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's light......

Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed

Weight Loss Truth: The great Henry Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right.'"......It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... you fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep trying. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian......they DO NOT go hand in hand.

Click here for more information: https://linktr.ee/ray5244

#weight loss thinspo sexy cozy flat stomach lace goals skinnny lose weight body goals cute not mine thin collar bones thighgap

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xellandria · 5 years ago

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tw: death

My father died sometime last night. My mom woke me up at around 4:20 (blaze it?), after she found him, ran around in a panic for a bit (her words), and called 911. I’d only gone to sleep a couple hours earlier, and neither of us had checked on him until then (he went to bed much earlier than the two of us ever do) so it’s hard to say when it would have happened; we might learn more later, or we might not. I’m not actually sure how much more information we’ll get—or want, really—when whatever examination happens happens, or if there will be an examination/autopsy/whatever. All I know about that kind of thing comes from media, and it’s always convenient for media to have an autopsy.

About nine months ago, he was out on a hike and slid down some scree and hurt his back in some way. Prior to the whole pandemic, he’d been going through all sorts of various treatments and tests to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it, but he’d been in pain for a while. Supposedly it was at least getting a little better with time—mom says he hadn’t taken his pain meds for the last fifteen days or so—but it was definitely there, and he hadn’t been exercising much (if at all) as a result, and gained a lot of weight from the inactivity.

About a week ago, he started coughing and having trouble breathing, and apparently was having issues sleeping as well. He called his doctor about it yesterday, and they had him go get tested for Covid. The results for that won’t be back til Mondayish, but it’s sort of a moot point now, I suppose. Well, partly moot—if he tested positive, mom and I definitely have to be a lot more nitpicky about our own health. We’ve not been going out except as absolutely necessary, but I can’t help thinking that we did go to Walmart and Costco on the 16th and while he was wearing a mask of some sort on that trip, his mask procedure was not the best and that was about a week ago. That’d be a little fast for Covid symptoms I think, but maybe?

I don’t know. I wasn’t hearing much about it (we’ve been on different tracks for the past week so I haven’t seen much of him) but when we were talking to various relatives about an hour ago, mom seemed to imply that it was a lot of trouble breathing—which makes me ask why he didn’t do something about it if it was really that bad, but that’s not something I can or should ask at this point; I can’t ask him and giving her more to agonize about or regret is absolutely pointless (I still beat myself up on bad days for not being sterner about getting Emmett to a vet when I knew he wasn’t fully right, and he died like five or six years ago at this point; I absolutely do not want to inflict that kind of thing on my mother about her husband, for god’s sake, and I didn’t push harder for my own health and safety when I was having heart issues last year until I finally caved and went to the ER; I could have made that trip a lot sooner too instead of fucking around with my doctor half-ignoring me and limply running tests for six months).

Because it’s just me and mom out here on this coast, we’re probably not going to have a funeral. Things would probably be different if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic (his sisters might want something, I don’t think we thought to ask), but they can’t come out here and we can’t go over there and neither of us really want to deal with it. She knew his preferences (at least for disposal—he wanted to be cremated) so we’ve got that under control, at least.

I’m sure it’s partly shock, but I definitely feel guilty as hell that I’m glad that the pandemic is giving us a good excuse to not have a funeral. Maybe he would have wanted one? I don’t know. I know my own preferences (only if my survivors need it for themselves; I don’t believe in ghosts or anything like that, but the idea of death and corpses and such spooks me something awful and funerals and burials and such are obviously the worst for that) and mom was the one who said no when I asked her if she wanted one (though maybe I should ask again when we’re both less shocky). If the dead do exist beyond death in some capacity, I hope he understands that it’s not that we don’t love him... but that’s a lot of money and time and mental energy for a lot of pomp and circumstance that doesn’t make... well, I was going to say “doesn’t make anybody feel better” but someone must get comfort from that kind of thing, even if I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone who has.

There’s a lot of unknowns right now. Dad was the one who handled all the household finances and I know he never went over it all with me, and I got the impression that he and mom never got around to it either (though we both mentioned that it was something we’d been thinking about, it’s obviously too late now). Mom’s worried about the taxes, and what bills are on auto-pay and all that, and it’s going to be a nightmare to go through his computer and phone and make sure all that stuff is handled... but that’s not today’s worry. I mean, I almost wish it was—it’d give me something to do now that we’re done talking to the EMTs and the police and the people from the funeral home and calling the relatives (and before I work up the nerve to call his old work friend, who is the only other person I can think of that deserves to know), but it’s also not something to walk into with two hours of sleep and a broad-but-vague understanding of how to access the data, but not what to do with it.

I haven’t cried yet, and I feel guilty about that too (though again, I’m putting it down to shock). Cat death/injury is so triggering to me that I burst into tears nearly at the mention/thought of it, but my own father is gone and I’m just sitting at my computer, typing out a lengthy essay about how I want to consider myself a piece of shit for it, but I know it’s all part of the process, etc. etc. I remember when my parents woke me up to tell me my maternal grandmother had died, I definitely cried then (and was angry) so I know it’s possible for me to feel things, or was at one point. I’m sure the depression isn’t helping (and the fact that I think my med dosage may not be good enough anymore).

I’m sort of glad for the pandemic too, for the social distancing and masks that all the strangers that came to our home at 4-6am were wearing because I haven’t taken a shower in a couple days and I am disgusting and unshaved, but hopefully they didn’t notice. At least they didn’t comment on it in my hearing, so I can maybe hopefully pretend.

Anyway. I’m currently distracting myself by writing this out, but there’s not much more I want to say at this point. I’ve posted out of my guild’s raids indefinitely for the moment (it was the first thing I did after I got out of bed while we were waiting for the EMT, and the second was tweet about it; my priorities are so fucked, y’all). I don’t really know whether I’ll be able to stay on top of D&D—it’s only once a week, it’s a much smaller group of people who are much less likely to make some sort of unthinking or triggering remark (frankly, the idea of listening to my guild leader and some of the non-raiders talk about their jobs as doctors/upcoming medical practitioners is absolutely not what I need in my life right now, and I can’t tell 19+ other people to watch every word that comes out of their mouths or from their fingers above and beyond the guild rules because it might make the baby cry (or tilt her off the face of the earth)... but I can probably get away with asking only four other people to do that) and it’s not like we’re doing much where there might be schedule conflicts. I’m gonna have to tell them for sure (well, Naha knows cos he follows me on twitter, and Kattii might cos she also follows me but I’m not sure if she keeps up with her timeline, but I don’t think the others do). I should definitely not isolate myself entirely—I don’t know a lot right now, but I know that’s a real bad idea no matter how depressed I was before this happened—so I may keep the D&D up.

I’m not sure if I should go to the Sunday Jaina runs or not, since I won’t really be part of the prog team and shouldn’t take mounts out of the mouths of people who will actually be around. I already felt kinda guilty about going to last week’s when I’d posted out of raid for mental health reasons (and had missed the week before’s entirely for same). I dunno. I’ve got a day and change to think about that one, and what I want to do with myself.

Oh, and M+ is a thing too isn’t it, fuck me. I dunno. If I do Jaina and I do D&D, I should probably at least do the M+ too; it’s only one or two runs a week even if it has been stressful because we’ve been scrambling for a filler every week for a few months now (Intol’s been wrapped up in the whole pandemic thing on his side of life, and none of us have had the time or energy to find a consistent/reliable filler until he’s ready to come back). At least I have a good excuse to not be the one scrambling for that weekly filler anymore, eh? lol :T That’s also a small group size so that should be all right. Jaina will be touchy for the larger group size reason too actually, now that I think about it (although I can probably get away with not being on discord for most of the run).

I dunno. I’m rambling now, and now I’m also rambling at Naha in DMs so maybe I should stop rambling in at least one location.

#xellafail #tw: death #just in case you needed a second trigger warning #god today's a day and it's only been five hours #actually five hours is a lot more than I thought it was gonna be #so there's that I guess lol

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billyboyblue · 5 years ago

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Superbat and #20 for the writing prompts, please. 😁

Wasn’t sure if you wanted the Fluff or the Smut 20 so i flipped a coin. lol. I could always do the other if that’s the one you meant! haha.

So sorry if this isn’t smutty like at all. lol. I’ll actually continue this later with the sexy parts, promise.

Superbat~ Fuck you/ I’m up for it, if you are.

***

Clark was raised right. He was polite, always tried to be considerate of others and their feelings. Never said anything if he didn’t have anything nice to say and always helped with the dishes after dinners. That’s how his mama raised him and he was quite proud of his down home attitude. He couldn’t help his Kansas smiles and twanging lilt when he was comfortable and relaxed.

Well he was not comfortable now. He was most certainly as uncomfortable as a person could be. Bruce was practically fuming, the only tell of which was his ticking and clenching jaw, which, to the rest of the league might as well have been a neon sign spelling out Batman’s absolute lack of patience.

“The entirely of the mission rests on this reconnaissance. Perhaps sending the most inexperienced, loudest, most destructive member isn’t the brightest of ideas.” Bruce said as he continued to stare Clark down from across the table. His lips were curled into a smirk and Clark was seriously considering how hard he’d have to blow to knock him out of his chair while still seeming like an accident. a thought he immediately felt guilty over.

Though the look in Bruce’s eye said he knew exactly what Clark was thinking anyway.

“I can hear a whisper from miles away. I think I can handle a dinner party. Gothamites don’t actually have a trademark on those do they? Seeing as it’s all the elite do in this town.”

Diana’s smile at the head of the table was poorly hidden and Arthur’s gaze shooting back and forth between them was barely ignored. Barry’s wide eyed stare was probably what should have clued Clark in that he needed to calm the situation, but unfortunately that went completely ignored.

and how do you expect to infiltrate the star lab systems? Or retrieve the data that the techs received from the Galwat system? If we’re dealing with intergalactic meddling on earth we need to know what they have and how they plan to use it. Do you have a complete understanding of how to hack a level seven security system? because with Victor off world we’ll need someone who can do that the old fashioned way. Or was your plan to simply punch the keyboard until it spilled the beans?” Bruce wasn’t even looking at him anymore. He had already turned to Barry, who was still wide eyed and half scared of the tension.

a tension Clark could feel in his shoulders now. That Bruce still thought of him as a muscle headed small town good boy was more than a little infuriating. Also just the tiniest bit insulting as he thought that he and Bruce had been on the up and up lately. getting along and working together well enough. It was frustrating that he’d somehow gotten knocked down a peg or two on the Batman Respect list.

and frankly, after a year of working together you’d believe Clark would make some leeway in that respect. From Clark’s side, working wit Bruce was amazing. he was focused and supernaturally prepared for just about anything. He was organized and his detective skills were simply unparalleled. his grouchy moods were almost comforting to Clark now, if Bruce was grumpy all was well in the world. That is until recently.

Until recently Clark would have been at the top of the list for this recon. he wouldn’t have been questioned as he volunteered. Until recently Bruce would have looked at him and nodded once in agreement that Clark was the best choice for the mission. until recently, Clark had felt that the moments of trust and companionship had become more solid and sustainable between he and Bruce. Apparently he had been mistaken.

The infinitesimally short instances of something else. Of something unspoken and deeper and much hotter than the casual banter that usually filled their interactions were also snuffed out. Now when Clark’s eyes strayed down to Bruce’s lips, he more than often caught them curling in distaste.

And now that barely simmering distaste was spilling over into League business and a heart stung Clark was over it.

“You know what, Bruce?” Clark spoke, voice steel hard.

“Okay, everyone out!” Diana announced before he could continue. Barry was gone before she finished her sentence but Arthur made no move whatsoever to move. Until Diana bodily dragged him by his ear out of the hall half cackling,half protesting.

“If you’re going to continue, be quick. I-”

“Shut up! You stop talking right now.” Clark interrupted, raising his voice by a piddly margin. The fact that Bruce obeyed was momentarily surprising but he continued on. “Now I don’t know what you got caught up that bat cave of yours but i’m just about tired of it. You’ve argued against me going on just about any mission in past two weeks, and you have been keeping me on watchtower duty for just as long.

“I don’t know what i did to lose your trust, or your confidence, but I’m done sitting on the sidelines hoping i say the right thing that day to get you to smile at me like before. To get you to laugh at my stupid jokes. Or hell even to get you to roll your eyes at me. Anything that makes me visible to you,because it’s so much worse Bruce. it’s so much worse just not being seen.”

Bruce stared after the outburst. his breathing was even and his heart, Clark could hear, was steady as a drum. He’d barely reacted at all and that more than anything made Clark finally lose it. His mama forgive him.

“Fuck you, Bruce.” he turned to walk away in a huff when Bruce answered.

“I’m up for it if you are.”

Clark was frozen, back to Bruce and mind racing. he couldn’t have heard right, right? Bruce hadn’t actually propositioned him like this. Like an awkward bar pickup artist. That couldn’t be possible. He turned back around slowly and was not surprised at all to see Bruce leaning back in his chair. Calm as you please. The man was infuriating.

“Tell me you were joking.” Clark says before taking a momentous step closer.

Bruce tracked the step like hawk but simply looked up at him as he’d simply been commenting on the weather.

“Bruce.” Clark warned as he took another carefully tracked step clooser,

Bruce only looked him up from head to toe, eyes raking over him and pausing in the most titillating places.

When Clark finally came to stand in the vee of Bruce’s thighs, breath coming too fast and shallow, hands awkward and hanging at his side he wished to god the man would say something else. Anything else. Anything to prove Clark wasnt about to make an ass of himself.

But Bruce said nothing. His eyes were half lidded and his hands were curled on top of his thighs but his mouth, un-smirking, unsmiling, remained stubbornly closed. So when Clark reached out. So slowly and so carefully it was as if the air itself would shatter.

HIs thumb traced just below Bruce’s full wet bottom lip. Bruce’s eyes razor bright and tracking his movements unbelievably close.

He tried one last time. “Bruce, if you want me to stop, you’re going to have to say so.”

When Bruce’s eyes shined with want and his lips followed his thumb and bit down just wantonly enough to make Clark’s knees go weak he knew there was no going back.

He hauled Bruce up by the back of the neck and inhaled his obscene groan as their lips clashed. Bruce tasted like mouth and mint and Clark couldn’t decide what he wanted to focus on most. Bruce’s hands, spread over Clark’s chest were hot and his fingers were long and strong as he pushed Clark back onto the table.

Bruce’s smile when they separated was so light and almost carefree it stole Clark’s breath faster than the kiss did. when Bruce fell to his knees, cowl still up and cape spread out behind him Clark realized suddenly where they were again and his breath stuttered.

Big blue eyes ticked up to meet Clark’s and just as he always seemed to, it looked like Bruce knew exactly what was passing through Clark’s head, and he found it amusing.

When he felt the hot nuzzle against his crotch, Bruce’s breath warm through the fabric of his uniform he lost it completely. he didn’t finish off but only just.

“We are not having are first time where Arthur eats corn dogs by the dozen. My quarters. Now.” Clark said, Bruce’s face in his hands, looking up like some kind of perfect fantasy. he didn’t wait for agreement; he’d told Bruce he wouldn’t be stopping for anything after all. Clark picked bruce up, threw him over one shoulder and blurred into his room. “and i’m going on that mission.”

Bruce’s laugh as he bounced off the bed was loud and free.

#superbat #manny!writes #Clark Kent #superman #bruce wayne #batman #more fluff than anything #lols #smut is incoming i promise

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kvndeathmusic · 5 years ago

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my favorite records of the 2010s pt 1 (the less great stuff/honorable mentions)

Neither this post or its followup are going to be in any particular order, however all the records I talk about here are, in my opinion, not as good as the records i will talk about in my part 2. they’re all fantastic but these ones slightly a little less fantastic than the ones in my “top 10″. none of this is based on stuff like 'influence' or whatever other critics base their lists on, this is solely how much I enjoyed these records. And keep in mind, I'm only human, I havent listened to a good lot of records I've heard others describe as top 10 worthy, these are just records I found and that I resonate with. long post ahead.

Vacation - Bomb the Music Industry (2011)

If you asked me what my favorite band is i will either say bomb the music industry or jeff rosenstock, but considering those are pretty much the same things it doesnt matter lol. While Vacation isnt a perfect record, it is one I love. It lacks some of the ska elements that I love about earlier BTMI records, but at the same time, it is the first record where Jeff’s “””solo””” career sound starts to form in tracks like Sick, Later, Hurricane Waves, Everybody That You Love, Everybody That Loves You, and Vocal Coach. And these tracks are all fantastic, especially the absolutely explosive opener Campaign For a Better Weekend. Where this album suffers in my mind is the fact that it exists as a weird hybrid middle ground between BTMI and modern Jeff Rosenstock, it isn’t really ska like old BTMI and it’s not quite to the same standard as the tracks on We Cool?. And some of the songs are just, not as good as the others, like Why, Oh Why, Oh Why (Oh Oh Oh Oh), which is washed out almost entirely in reverb, and tracks like Savers feeling barren and missing additional instrumentation. But fuck man I can not dislike this record or just call it “ok” because despite this I still listen to this record a lot, it’s so catchy and fun and Im a bit too chronically addicted to btmi.

Reflektor - Arcade Fire (2013)

i dont really get the hate/mixed feelings others have with this record. there’s so many good tracks dude!!!! sure theres a bit of a slump in the middle and it doesnt reach the same emotional heights as their previous records you gotta be ignorant to overlook this records strengths. while i do like The Suburbs more than Reflektor, man i just vibe HARD with some of these tracks; the title track, We Exist, Here Comes The Night Time, Normal Person, Awful Sound (Oh Eurydice), Porno, and ESPECIALLY Afterlife. Plus the cover art is cool and I like it. However Flashbulb Eyes is one of the worst tracks Arcade Fire has ever put out and I hate it immensely. And while far less offensive, tracks like You Already Know, It’s Never Over (Hey Orpheus), and Joan of Arc are just kinda boring and/or uninteresting. Now granted, I'm extremely biased when it comes to Arcade fire in general unless were talking about the trainwreck that is Everything Now. I started listening to Arcade Fire just before Reflektor came out, and I have a kinda sentimental attachment to the record. ill explain the feeling more when i talk about The Suburbs. anticipation oooooo.

good kid m.A.A.d city - Kendrick Lamar (2012)

i might get crucified by some for not putting this in my top 10, but whatever come at me i guess. gkmc is a fantastic record, but i do think the ending is weak, which is why it’s here instead of in the top 10. i mean, let’s be real, Real is a mediocre track, and while Dying of Thirst is an important track to the whole narrative of the record, it feels way too long. almost everything else about this record is fantastic, from the beats, to kendrick’s nasally flows, to the overall structure of the record spinning a tale of a young man battling demons both inside and out, and his eventual redemption. even if i find this record at times to drop pace, it really is flawless otherwise. it felt like a disservice to put this in the 20-10s, bc it’s a good record, but i had to make some compromises and this was one of them.

RTJ2 - Run The Jewels (2014)

el-p and killer mike are a perfect duo, and the tracks they make together are always total bangers. and for me, RTJ2 is the best overall, with RTJ3 in a close second. it’s hard to put this on the lower half of the list, some of the tracks just don’t work as well as the others, but despite that there’s not really any tracks i hate or dislike on this record, minus maybe crown. the pure aggression in the opening track Jeopardy sets the tone for an aggressive yet highly focused record. This is some of the best rap out there right now if you want some music to fuck shit up to.

Pure Comedy - Father John Misty (2017)

This record is both hilarious and extremely bleak. Josh Tillman is a master of satire and sarcasm, and Pure Comedy is the peak of his songwriting skills. The title track is one of the best tracks of the decade, period. And he keeps up the momentum on the following few tracks. The main problem with this record is its weaker second half, but even then it’s criminal to suggest that those songs aren’t good regardless. And despite the bleakness, the one line that sticks in my head after all this time is the line this album fades out to: There’s nothing to fear.

Knife Man - AJJ (2011)

Continuing on the trend of folky, satirical, and bleak records, Knife Man is AJJ’s defining record (next to their debut LP). AJJ blends loud, punky anthems with quieter, folk tracks that touch on sensitive issues in a way only AJJ manages to get away with. And there’s some genuine heart mixed in as well, with the final track Big Bird always striking a chord with me. However, I do feel the record is, let’s just say, padded at times in my opinion. Still, I can’t deny how much i enjoy tracks like Gift of the Magi 2, Hate Rain on Me, The Distance, and Skate Park. Speaking of which when I saw AJJ live recently they played none of those songs and that kinda sucked but hey it was like $20 I can’t complain. And speaking of not getting what I wanted...

You Won’t Get What You Want - Daughters (2018)

It was hard choosing between this record and their 2010 self titled record, but in terms of the overall narrative and variety this record shines through. If there was a number 11 spot in this unorganized list this would probably take that spot. It’s noisey, it’s abrasive, and it’s like nothing you’ve heard before unless you’ve listened to Daughter’s previous records. Tracks like The Reason They Hate Me are catchy in the weirdest and most unwelcoming of ways, Less Sex sounds like a long lost Trent Reznor NIN track, and Guest House is a masochistic and gut wrenching finisher. Fantastic record aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

We Cool? - Jeff Rosenstock (2015)

It’s obvious that I had to include this record somewhere on these list. It’s like a more refined version of the sounds that Jeff experimented with on Vacation. Definitely more punk than ska, but still some of those roots still shine through, especially in the track Nausea. Some of Jeff’s best songs are on this record, from the loud opening tracks Get Old Forever and You, In Weird Cities, to tracks dripping with bittersweet and moody lyrics like I’m Serious, I’m Sorry and Polar Bear or Africa. The main reason this record is on the back end of the top 20 is because the deeper cuts on the record do not match the energy and heights of the best tracks. Tracks like All Blissed Out, The Lows, Darkness Records and Beers Again Alone don’t feel like they belong and stick out a bit. They remind me more of the material Jeff put out on his 2012 EP I Look Like Shit. Mind you they aren’t bad tracks, but I’ll be honest I skip them often when listening to the record because i just wanna get back to the good good stuff.

Sports - Modern Baseball (2012)

Sports is one of the best pop punk records ever, if you can even consider it as such. It’s like a blend of emo and folk punk, and it works so well. A good majority of this record is on my main shuffle playlist. Is it pushing boundaries? Not really, but tracks like Re-Do, Tears Over Beers, and See Ya, Sucker are undeniably catchy and memorable. I NEED MODERN BASEBALL BACK TOGETHER RN. There’s not really anything that wrong with the record, besides maybe lacking in variety, but at 30 minutes, it’s a record that feels nostalgic even on a first listen, and continues to feel that way even after numerous re-listens. Speaking of nostalgia...

The Suburbs - Arcade Fire (2010)

Some background, when I was 13 (circa 2013), I only really listened to whatever my parents put on for me. From my mom, I “inherited” a taste for classic pop and 80s new wave. From my dad, I got metal and hard rock. The first time I made the conscious decision to listen to a record fully, based on my own curiousity, was when I sat and listened to Sgt. Pepper in the summer of 2013, which broadened the scope of what I thought music could even be. And later that year, the first band I got into after The Beatles? Arcade Fire. When I think of my early teens, the memories are set to this record. I remember listening to Ready to Start in my brother’s old hot ass car while driving to the local fair with some friends on a chill fall night, eating tons of junk and staying up past midnight back when doing that was edgy and cool and not a symptom of my depression.

If I was judging this record solely by its best tracks, it would easily be in the top 3. But I couldn’t place it in my top 10 because, frankly, some of the deeper cuts are lacking. I can’t say I like Deep Blue. I really don’t like Rococo. And Half Light I kills the pace of the record. But man, that title track, Ready to Start, Modern Man, Empty Room, Half Light II, Sprawl II... these songs defined my early teen years. I still tear up listening to the title track. Sure I have to skip a few songs when I re-listen, but I can’t place it any lower or my heart will break. It existing outside of the top 10 already hurts. And that’s all that’s left now. The top 10.

But first, some random honorable mentions that didn’t make this list:

Sound & Color - Alabama Shakes

Black Star - David Bowie

Saturation II - BROCKHAMPTON

Melophobia - Cage the Elephant

Teens of Style - Car Seat Headrest

How to Leave Town - Car Seat Headrest

Daughters - Daughters

Sunbather - Deafheaven

Bottomless Pit - Death Grips

Year of the Snitch - Death Grips (should be on this list tbh)

Doris - Earl Sweatshirt

I Love You, Honeybear - Father John Misty

Helplessness Blues - Fleet Foxes

Plastic Beach - Gorillaz

Boarding House Reach - Jack White

POST- - Jeff Rosenstock

S/T - Joyce Manor

Firepower - Judas Priest

ye - Kanye West

KIDS SEE GHOSTS - KSG

You Were There - Kill Lincoln

Flying Microtonal Banana - King Gizzard

Infest The Rats’ Nest - King Gizzard

No New World - Mass of the Fermenting Dregs

Bury Me At Makeout Creek - Mitski

Puberty 2 - Mitski

Unsilent Death - Nails

Itekoma Hits - Otoboke Beaver

Morbid Stuff - PUP

A Moon Shaped Pool - Radiohead

RTJ3 - Run the Jewels

Angles - The Strokes

To Be Kind - Swans

Undertale OST - Toby Fox

Scum Fuck Flower Boy - Tyler, The Creator

Igor - Tyler, The Creator

Weezer (White Album) - Weezer

nightlife - yuragi

#music #2010s

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loseweighthacks101-blog · 5 years ago

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Top 15 Weight Loss Myths

There are plenty of common weight loss myths that people live by when it comes to their health. It is difficult at times to separate the fat loss myths and fact from what is true. Many sound true while others are just laughable. I once examine somewhere that if you drink water at night that you are going to gain weight or that if you scratch your head labor you are going to lose your hair.... Weight Loss Myth # 1 The more weight that I have to lose the more intense my own exercise routine should be Weight Loss Truth: Although having an intense workout routine is great, there are a few things you should consider: the first being that will everyone is at a different level when it comes to their fitness and how much intensity they can actually handle. If you have ended up physically inactive for a number of years, an intense work out for you might be, walking half a mile a day. After you go around that half mile you notice that you are sweating bullets and that you are tired. However , for someone who has been in physical form active for many years, walking half a mile can be done without a sweat. Everyone has a different definition of precisely what "intense" is. If intense for you is working out for an hour a day, but due to life's busy arrange you only have time for 20 minutes a day, then those 20 minutes will go an extremely long way. It may possibly not necessarily be classified as "intense", according to your definition, but those little cardio moments will have confident health altering effects. Fat Loss Myth # 2 Stress and weight gain do not go hand in hand Losing weight Fact: This is one of those "laughable" myths. To learn more how stress is adding lbs. to your life please get my free E-Book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight" Weight Loss Myth # 3 I can lose weight while taking in whatever I want Weight Loss Truth: Sir Isaac Newton once said " What goes up must come down. inch There are natural principles that govern our lives. If you throw a ball up in the air, it will come back down. You can sit on your couch and imagine and visualize that the ball will staying afloat in the air, but natural principles teach us that it will come down. Same goes when it comes to our excess weight. This is one of the most common weight loss myths out there. It is illogical to think that your health and weight are going to be in stabilize if your nutrition consists mainly of twinkies, chips, and donuts. Sure you can burn it off just by exercising, but most people whose diet consists of mainly junk food are probably not disciplined enough to stick to a fitness routine. I do know a few people who, from the outside, look like they are in good shape, because they are not "fat, but who have excessive cholesterol. Just because I feel sorry for crushing the hearts of so many twinkie lovers out there, I would claim this. You can eat junk food, cookies, chips, ice cream, pizza, burgers.... All of those "soul satisfying foods", but it surely should be in moderation. Anything in excess is never good. Fat Loss Myth # 4 Skipping meals constitutes a way to lose weight Weight Loss Fact: There are numerous studies that show that people who skip breakfast and eat a lower number of times during the day tend to be a lot heavier than who have a healthy nutritional breakfast and then eat 4-6 small foods during the day. The reason to this might be the fact that they get hungrier later on in the day, and might have a trend to over eat during other meals of the day. Weight Loss Myth # 5 I will not shed weight while eating at night Weight Loss Truth: You can over indulge in food during the day and not eat a single thing at night and you should gain weight. As is the fact that you can starve yourself during the day and eat all night long and you still might gain weight. The key here is balance. If your body is telling you that it is hungry then perhaps you should listen to it. The reality is, that over eating, while not exercising, will cause you to gain weight; no matter what time of the day that you eat. Whenever My organization is hungry at night, as is my habit with other meals during the day, I try to select something that is usually natural in nature. Something like fruits, vegetables, or I might even make myself a fruit smoothie. At the time of those moments that I am craving ice cream or something sweet, I allow myself to get a few, and DO NOT feel guilty about it. Many people who are overweight live their life in guilt and shame. As i allow myself to get some, however , WITH MODERATION. Fat Loss Myth # 6 I'm not acceptable until such time as I lose weight Weight Loss Fact: The person who doesn't feel acceptable because they are fat is because they are not acceptable to help themselves first. The way that you think others view you is based on your view of yourself. I genuinely believe that one must become emotionally fit before becoming physically fit. I have gone through these self-limiting emotions in advance of. Once I realized that I was ALREADY ENOUGH in the eyes of God and that I had no need to prove average joe to anyone or to receive external validation for my self-worth, that made all the difference for me. As soon as you accept yourself as who you are RIGHT NOW and realize that you are already enough in the eyes of Goodness, you will not feel like you are not acceptable because of your weight. Weight Loss Myth # 7 I need to cut calories to lose pounds faster Weight Loss Truth: Cutting your calories down might be a great thing, if you are drastically overeating and filling your face. However , if you are eating proportionally then cutting calories might have an aversive affect. If you are cutting high fat calories and are starving your body, then that will lower your metabolism, or in other words slow it down, which may result in that you not losing any weight at all, even if you are "cutting calories" Fat Loss Myth # 8 Skipping dinners will help me lose weight Weight Loss Fact: Skipping meals may actually cause you to gain weight! You will become too hungry but will eventually have to eat. This will knock your metabolism off track and will eventually slow it down. See a car running low on gas (food), if you do not fill it up, it will eventually stop working. Same goes for our own bodies, we need to keep it fueled constantly. Weight Loss Myth # 9 I think I have genetic weight gain, that runs in my family! Weight Loss Truth: Can someone say E-X-C-U-S-E-S? I will not deny that there might be tastes for heavy parents to raise heavy children who will remain heavy their whole lives, but I don't think that there is actually a "fat" gene or DNA out there. What we do inherit from our family, primarily people directly raised us, are our views and beliefs. Your views about food, money, religion, state policies, education, etc . are based upon how you were raised. If you were raised in a home where the primary ingredients cooked where fried foods, then you might have a tendency to continue cooking and eating fried foods across your life. If that is the case then you might be a little heavy around the waist. The easy thing to do is to blame the application on those who were in charge of your upbringing, however , you ALWAYS have a choice to change. Fat Loss Myth # 10 Eating healthy is too hard Weight Loss Fact: Eating healthy is the simplest thing in the world..... once you have trained you to ultimately do it. How many times have you placed a goal to lose weight or to "eat better"? The first few days you are doing terrific, eating all kinds of foods which you normally wouldn't eat. Then something funny started to happen, you went back for a old habits and behaviors. This has happened to you in other areas outside of your health. It could be with making money, buying new job, or in your relationships. Creating a new habit takes time because our brain's do not like switch. Change to the brain is dangerous. Anyways, if you would like to learn more about how our brain attempts to sabotage people from creating new habits then please download my free E-book, "Psychology of Releasing Weight" Fat burning Myth # 11 You have to give up your favorite foods to lose weight Weight Loss Truth: What would a world without the need of chocolate and without pepperoni pizza be like??? I think it would be a torturous world to live in!! lol, today on a real note I completely disagree with this myth. You are definitely able to eat your favorite foods. Starving yourself of this kind of pleasure is not fun, and quite frankly you probably WILL eat it anyways. As may be mentioned before, the real key is moderation. If you are a steak lover, then perhaps it might not be the preferred things to eat it every single day, but perhaps once or twice a week. Those who know me personally know that I LOOOOOOOOVE roasted chicken wings with pizza. In a perfect world where I wouldn't gain any weight and my blood vessels were clog-less, I would love to eat it several times per week, well more like every day. However , I know that people aren't the healthiest of food choices so I have it about 2-3 times per month. I am not abandoning my favorite foods, I am just eating it in moderation so that it doesn't catch up to me in the form of pounds. Fat Loss Myth # 12 Overeating is caused by hunger Weight Loss Fact: Nice try there. If only we're able to blame "hunger" for it. In fact , this person we call hunger has nothing to do with you OVEREATING. It'd have something to do your body telling you that it is time to "fuel up" and that it needs food, but that is not symptomatic that one should overeat. What causes many people to overeat are different reasons. One of the main ones is feeling of pressure, depression, loneliness, anxiety, fear, and other down grading emotions of that nature. Many times food can be a means of pleasing your needs. You might be actually getting your needs met through your foods. For example , if you live a lonely lifetime, and aren't very happy, then food could perhaps be a means of you feeling happy and comforted. There are many other articles that I have written on this subject but suffice it to say that overeating is NOT cause when it is hungry. Weight Loss Myth # 13 Only drastic diets work Weight Loss Truth: There goes that phrase again... DIEt.... those "drastic diets" are only good for quick weight loss and rapid weight gain once you get from it. These drastic diets range from the "cookie diet", lol.... All that way to "the water only diet"..... I am sure you may lose weight while on these DIEts, however the weight will be gained right back and usually with some increased weight as a bonus Fat Loss Myth # 14 I am too fat and too far down the road to begin Weight-loss Fact: A long journey begins one step at a time. It is natural to expect instantaneous results and to even worry the road ahead of you; especially if you are extremely overweight. The secret here is to make SMALL incremental changes. Don't hope perfection because that will lead you to disappointment. You are never too far down the road to where you cannot see the sun's lightweight...... Weight Loss Myth # 15 I can't do it, I have tried many times and have failed Weight Loss Truth: The great Holly Ford once said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't- you're right. '"...... It is 90% mindset, and 10% actually getting off your butt and doing something about it. You fall down, you get back up.... people fall down again, you get back up again. If you have tried to lose weight in the past then it is time to keep intending. Discouragment is to losing weight as is a piece of fried chicken to a vegetarian...... they DO NOT go hand in hand.

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marvelmymarvel · 6 years ago

Text

In This Mess?

Johnny Martin x Wife!Medic!Reader

Synopsis: Martin was struggling, you could see that. When you find out that you’re pregnant, you think things will go smoothly. But he is not one happy daddy.

Trigger Warning: Sadness and Angst (Shocker)

A/N: This has a happy ending, calm down. ;)

He was struggling to keep his cool around the men. He was struggling even harder to leave the frustrations at the door. He was being short with you, and you didn't appreciate it. But you loved him. Which is why keeping you being pregnant with his child a secret was hard. You only found out a month ago, while you were in Foy, but it didn't matter to you. That one month felt like years.

His attitude caused you two to cease in... activities. Which you were silently thankful for, you thought as you looked in the mirror at your belly. 4 months pregnant and yet you were able to hide it under a large jacket and no one thought differently. If anyone asked, you’d just brush it off as a little extra weight. What they didn't know, wouldn't hurt them. You heard a door slam and you pulled down your jacket quickly as you heard Johnny climb the stairs two at a time. You looked at yourself once more, seeing that you hid the growing belly, you turned back to the door just in time to see him enter. “Hi honey” you whispered out shakily, today was the day, you told yourself. You were going to tell him. He nodded at you and headed towards the bathroom. Your smile faltered as you inhaled shakily, he wasn't in a good mood. This wasn't a good time.

Would there ever be a good time?

“Johnny” you called out firmly, it seemed to mask the shakiness of your voice, but not the shakiness of your body as you walked towards the bathroom. “Y/n” he started softly as he gripped onto the countertop. “Johnny I really need to talk to you-”

“Y/n not now” he growled but you kept pushing. You needed to get it out.

“No Johnny I really need to talk to-” His hands slamming down on the counter made you jump back as you shut down. “Y/N” He screamed out as he turned angrily towards you “WHEN I SAY NOT NOW, I MEAN NOT NOW.” You watched him wide-eyed as you backed up against the door frame in fear. He realized you were afraid of him, but at the moment he didn't care as he pushed past you and into the bedroom. You looked at yourself in the dirty mirror. Standing up straighter, you reminded yourself who the hell you were. Turning in the doorway, you stormed after him.

“Now you listen here you fuck” you snapped out at his back, making him stop in his tracks. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as you began to feel the anger pulsing through you like electricity. No one talked back to Johnny and got away with it.

No one but you.

“I frankly hate the way how you fucking treat me like I’m nothing more than one of your men. News flash ASSHOLE, I’M YOUR FUCKING WIFE, AND YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TREAT ME AS IF THIS BABY AND I ARE UNIMPORTANT TO YOU” you didn't mean to scream, but you lost your cool. By the time you caught your breath, you realized what you just said.

Shit.

He turned slowly to face you. His face hard and angry, but there was something else, you just couldn't read it. “Excuse me.” he snarled out and you just scoffed at his idiocracy. Unbuttoning your jacket, you ripped it off before lifting your shirt angrily. Pointing to your stomach you spoke up finally “This is your baby. Johnny. If you don't want it. FINE. I’ll leave you. I have no issue with it, considering you treat me as if I’m disposable anyway.” you snarled lowly before leaning forward. He just looked at you wide-eyed as he processed what you just said. He did hear you correctly. You snorted angrily before storming to the door, “Fuck you” you snapped out but before you could get out the door he grabbed your wrist. You expected pain. Coming from Johnny, that would be a stupid idea as he never hurt you and never would. Instead, it was soft and gentle, like the Johnny you married.

“In this mess?” he whispered out shakily. You turned your head to him sharply, he saw the tears forming in your eyes and he knew he hurt you in ways unimaginable. He let go of your wrist a little bit but not fully, showing you that you were in control of this situation. While he was the man in the relationship, you called the shots. If you wanted out, he would grant it, but not without a fight. “Which mess, Johnny? The war” you began as you ripped your wrist out of his grasp.

“Or our marriage?” you whimpered out shakily as the tears fell over and down your cheeks. He backed up and sat on the bed with a blank expression. The truth was, he didn't know how to fix this. How to fix you. “How can I fix this?” he whispered out before looking up at you. You raised your eyebrows before laughing coldly, you were trying to act like this didn't hurt you. He saw through you and you knew that. Your demeanor fell and you just let out a broken sob as you slid down the door that your back was pressed against. You were broken in ways that you didn't know how to fix. The only one that knew how to fix it.

Was Johnny.

As you cried into your knees, he got up cautiously. Approaching you, he sat down carefully. “I can’t take back the way I’ve treated you, y/n” he whispered out as he looked down at you before scooting closer. “But I can change it” he choked out as tears formed in his eyes at the thought of losing you and the baby. He wanted a kid, especially with you. Now? Not so much. But a baby was better than nothing he guessed.

“Can we try again?”

Those 4 words hit your ears like a beautiful melody. You just wanted him back. You lifted your head out of your knees and looked at him beside you. You saw tears falling down his cheeks as he leaned closer to you. “I’m not perfect, Y/n. But my love for you has never changed and it never will” he whispered out as he cupped your cheek in his hand. “Johnny” you whispered out, you weren't necessarily fighting him off, but you didn't know if you could believe it.

“Please don't leave me” he whimpered out as his hand traveled to your stomach. The touch was warm and welcome. It made you feel at home. “I can't lose you or the baby. Please let me try again” he begged anxiously as you leaned forward and pressed your head to his. Nodding against his forehead, he broke down more as he cried into you. You loved him and this baby needed him. Your marriage wasn't perfect. But you still loved him.

Even in this mess.

A/N: I don't know how this was, let me know I tried lol

tags:

@hell-itwasyou @desired-love-

#johnny martin imagine #johnny martin imagines #band of brothers imagines #band of brothers imagine #band of brothers

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cowboyguts-moved · 6 years ago

Note

tell me about your new ocs ^^

so any and all artwork i show you is done by @shit-stains (:

everyone listed is from a made up oregon beach town called Mystic Overhang infamous for its creepy bottomless lakes and a cliff that leans over the pacific called Mystic Overhang. the town is full of mysterious happenings and unexplained missing persons and something downright evil is going on under their noses..but more on that another time ha ha. the story takes place in 1989. and i just realized this is basically just IT but i didn’t exactly mean for that…they definitely are not plagued by a killer clown.

Church Shelton (my oc) is 17/18. His mom had him too young and didn’t want to have to raised him, frankly, so she ended up leaving him on the stairs of a synagogue. His biological family is Jewish even though Church doesn’t grow up with religion and didn’t even know he was Jewish, because Josiah (Jo), tristan’s oc, was about 2 years old when he and his mom came by and saw a baby crying on the steps and the boy wanted to keep him and name him Church because he thought it was a regular christian church and… it’s cute. And through a ton of convincing and considerations, his mom agrees to care for Church and adopt him. Its a simplistic way of putting it, but there’s a lot that goes into it. He and Jo grow up as brothers and Jo takes such good care of him (: sometimes he has to be a parent to Church even though he’s only two years older, especially when their mom gets UHHH murdered during a robbery in their own house… ……….and they come home and find her at about 12 and 10 years old and Jo makes the decision that they’re not going to tell anyone and risk him living with his father and Church being placed in foster care. so they run away and become street kids for 4 years. When they’re older, 14 and 16, they get caught for stealing when they weren’t careful enough and the social workers put them in foster care, seeing as Jo’s dad is very unfit. They stay there until Jo aged out at 18 and got guardianship of Church after getting them a place to live, that’s a long complex process as well… and was obligated to care for him and provide income and stuff and they live together, just them two in a trailer, for awhile.

Church’s whole thing is that he loves to read and write. He reads so many books and he’s not great at first and is in remedial classes, but then he advances a shit ton with how hard he tries and how much he wants his love for English to succeed. Uh he has narcolepsy!!! Meaning he has a lot of daytime sleepiness, falls asleep frequently in the day and has bad insomnia at night and this hinders him a lot. In some cases his narcolepsy comes with cataplexy, this is when he has muscle weakness/paralysis caused by strong emotion like excitement and laugher. His brother Jo helps him a lot through that. I theorize that it happened because of a natural immune issue he has, which was most prevalent when they were living on the streets.

Church is really funny and sweet and sarcastic. He’s such a cute boy and everyone in their town LOVES him just cause he’s so charming. he gets really cynical and depressed sometimes and can be mean when he wants to be, however and it’s his biggest downfall. He’s a bit of pyro he loves to set shit on fire. Oh, and he has a southern accent (: he loves to eat too, he’s always down for snacks. He’s bisexual but he doesn’t really call it that, he doesn’t take much note of his own sexuality, he does what he does. He works at an amusement park most of the time and has to put up with Jo constantly coming to his work when he gets lonely and riding the roller coaster he’s operating. Then when he graduates he goes to University of Oregon and has a bit of a big depressive self destructive path he follows and ends up overdosing on drugs on what of his partying nights, he self harms by being uncaring and his many intrusive thoughts about his mother dying and his huge fear of not seeing the world and being too dumb and poor to get an opportunity to really live. He’s put in the hospital and goes to rehab and Jo is there with him every step of the way. He’s so sweet and caring and worries about him but Church is a little belligerent sometimes. He wants to get better and be better for everyone and himself, and he does through a long emotional school break. He doesn’t end up going to his previous college again but he transfers and gets in the Columbia in new york for his English degree (: he lives in an apartment with his boyfriend Mason.

Church is white, 5′7 and he’s stout and chubby. He’s got green eyes, freckles, a piggy nose, big sunburnt cheeks, and auburn hair, mostly shaved into a curly mohawk. and he got a fat ass and killer thighs.

His beautiful big dumb brother Jo Shelton (tristan’s oc) has a story that is obviously parallel to church’s, but i think it’s important to mention that he’s kinda slow, slow thinkin’ and a bit hyper…and an asshole to everyone but the ones he really loves like church, he’s as sweet as he can be with him. he loves working on cars and he has a beautiful truck that he put a lot of work into..that is until he crashed it horribly while drunk driving after he got into a fight with church when church was in the hospital recovering from his overdose. and he got mild temporary brain damage… so…and then had to spend 6 months in jail for a DUI. that really fuck him up for a good while! and that’s a huge dent in their lives.

but anyway lol… he also loves to meet chicks and do speed dating.. and he hooks up with a wide variety of girls, he’s not picky at all and doesn’t believe in types, he just loves dominant women. he does have one important stable girlfriend for awhile named Rosa that he met at his grocery store job! he spilled spaghetti sauce on her white shoes (: and they were truly in love and dated for 3 years until it became dangerous for her to be with him because one of her weird ass fuckinnnn dangerous ex boyfriends got out of prison and she didnt think he would be safe if they remained together and it’s devastating for him and hinder him for a good while. he kinda fills that void by becoming a big brother figure to church’s biological sister Jude, who is 12 and in need of good old fashion josiah guidance. jo has that natural dumb dad vibe to him. (by the way..church’s mother reenters church’s life very briefly and that’s why jude and church meet and jude eventually lives locally to the boys because she moves in with Her real dad.) Later jo works at a mechanic shop and his ultimate goal is to open his own! uh also haha important detail..jo struggles with his sexuality and on the low meets up with dudes in alleys and lets them smash cause he’s a big bottom so. and he has sorta of thing for someone he met in the mess of foster care, just one of the kids he hung out with in passing, and his names Riley and they meet up later on when they’re older and fuck around a bit.

jo is 6′3 and he has golden honey hair and blue eyes and he’s freckly and has some beauty marks on his face. he’s pretty darn hairy..and he kinda smells. he’s a real country bo. he’s super skinny and hes got huuuge hands!

here’s jo and church (:

Mason Uley (mine), Church’s boyfriend, doesn’t meet church until he’s 22 and Mason is 13, and is a rich boy who’s siblings all died in one way or another…JDBSJD he’s the only child left and he is very neglected by his parents because of their coldness and grief and little regard for caring for their last kid. They’re never home and they ignore him completely which leaves him in search for attention in all sorts of wrong ways and he acts out. He does motocross at the local track. He loves rap music and is very embarrassing about it considering he’s very white..he loves flexin’ with that name brand clothing and shoes and wears skate shirts even though he doesnt skate which is a big smelly whatever but in general he’s a big poser. but its fine because we love him and its apart of his charm. He has a slight limp because at 13 he shattered his ankle and it never healed right. He loves Church very much and they’re SUPERR gross and lovey, their dynamic is so adorable, as you can imagine his goofy ass and church’s more dry sarcasm. He wants to be an architect and goes to college for that at Columbia later. He’s smart and has a very dry kind of humor and he hates Jo until he’s forced not to because of their mutual love for Church. He’s 1000% gay. He has blond hair and he looks like a 90s heart throb and Jo affectionately calls him “faggot” more than his name.

i dont have a Current drawing of mason all i got are old ones that tristan doesnt really like l o l

Okay……….. and then there’s Lewis. he’s 18. His full name is Aloysius St. Lawrence (AL oh wish iss) (mine), and he grew up in a deeply religious cult in northern California where many Horrible things happened to him that I’ll spare the details on but he’s a very traumatized boy and i thinkg about the complexity of him trying to come to grips with it and learning how to live with the immense pain he was dealt with! so. it’s really fun.

he was born with a sorta Purpose, his dads family started this commune, and the dad wasnt at fault, he’s not malicious he’s really sweet and a bit slow and is often mistreated, he’s forced to have relations with lewis’ mom, who was sort of a nomadic runaway girl perfect for procreation after she got caught in the entanglement of this commune business in california. theyre both really young when they have lewis and his twin sister, lewis being prime because he’s the Male. lewis grew up believing all kids in the commune were his siblings and so he never realized the one girl he’d see all the time was his biological sister. so bascially they take lewis from the mom, say he’s not only her child but the communities child, just how it is with all kids, and she betrays the commune in a way i havent figured out and goes beserk because obviously everyone there is insane and shes exiled and lewis, all the while has no idea shes his mother. so great childhood… full of hard labor and sleeping in a room with rows of beds and dreaming about a woman and not knowing why, not knowing its because shes your mom (: haha

In 6th grade he’s finally allowed to go to a school with other boys because before this he was homeschooled and his world was reduced to the confinements of his commune. He goes to a spooky and prestigious boarding school in southern Oregon and wears a uniform. The place is really huge and brick and creepy but it feels like paradise with this freedom he finally gets to some extent and he’s learning how to function as a regular boy, although he finds it kind of impossible.

CHRIS!!!!! Is his roommate at this boarding school in 6th grade. Chris is a very goofy lovesick boy who believes heavily in the energies of the earth and charging his crystals his hippie mother gave him and he paints his nails black and pushes the rules of the dress code every single day and tends to break it completely. He’s a punk who loves to piss adults off. He was forced to go there by his very strict abusive father and there he meets sweet sweet Lewis (:

Lewis has never had a friend like Chris and he doesn’t know how to successfully keep one and it’s a really stressful emotional cycle of enduring the weekends at the commune and coming back to school and to Chris amongst all the happy boys that lead mostly normal lives. Chris sort of realizes that he has feelings for boys in this time and has strange urges to hold Lewis’ hand and kiss him and stuff, but he refuses to truly acknowledge his feelings about who he is. but he does, in fact, hold his hand and Lewis lets him and they’ll just hang out for hours in their room holding hands and talking about silly stuff. They come to be really close and mean a lot to each other, chris invite him over to his house on the weekends and lewis sneaks off with him, risking being punished because he didn’t go back with one of the Father’s or Brother’s of his commune. Chris and lewis are very adorable and they play with makeup together in chris’s room and eat snacks and explore mystic overhang and chris teaches him about the ways of modern life. in 7th grade they grow apart when they don’t share a room or anymore and Chris gets involved with different people, starts smoking weed and eventually gets with a guy in 8th grade hhhh… and Lewis focuses really hard in class and it’s sorta the end of that.

When chris gets expelled in 8th grade they don’t see each other anymore, the only departing thing being chris’s journal that he gave to lewis before he was escorted off the premises, and in it is filled with entries about him. this journal was taken and destroyed at his commune by one of the Fathers when it was found, though :/ so yes, Lewis goes back to the commune because they plan on keeping him homeschooled for high school but there’s a group of 5 kids and 3 men from the commune that are heading to Nebraska around the time he’s 16, and they force lewis to be the 6th child that accompanies them in their trip. once there, he’s kept in a creepy abandoned house, hardly set up for living in and he’s living with these other children, like an odd family that has to function around one another, him being the oldest of “siblings”. he finds out eventually that they’re there for a weird ritual/sacrifice thing.. probably the most horror-ish horror element i developed for him thus far, its frankly insane and disturbing and theres a lot of layers and rituals they must do and humiliating tasks they must do all for a Grander godly purpose. the sole purpose of it is to reach ultimate redemption in heaven after a sinful life ahahahaa.. so basically the whole time they’re there, they’re trying to accumulate sin by being unloving, disciplinary, neglectful, …uhh…and lewis kept in a dark room, only candles and daylight light the house and they’re severely mistreated and malnourished. Lewis runs away at 18…but, through constant mistreatments of his body he ends up having gangrene in his left leg and has to have it amputated above the knee by a doctor he meets whom he has to give a Favor to as payment because he doesnt have money. and he gets a real shitty wooden prosthetic that isn’t comfortable at all and its not healing right, it’s a bit botched actually.. and he has crutches and that’s how he gets around. He goes back to Oregon to the town Mystic Overhang that Chris is from because remembers the town name vaguely, not even who said it or when he heard it, but he goes there because he doesn’t know many towns, so he decides to settle there and he makes a living prostituting for awhile at an area called Mouth’s Edge. he sees Chris again when Chris pays him for a bj l o l. and Chris recognizes him even though chris is coked out of his mind because he had a really rough night and got his shit kicked in by his dad… and Lewis almost shits himself because someone from his past is back and he’s really paranoid and weird about it cause he just blew one of his only friends he used to have. and he wants Chris to fuck off, but eventually Chris keeps coming back just to talk to him and see what he’s been up to and stuff, cause he still feels this familiar need to protect Lewis that he had back in middle school. He’s very consistent about seeing him and does every single night even when Lewis is working. lewis’ love for him comes gradually, even through chris is in love with him pretty much instantly. It takes a long time for Lewis to want to be touched and held but he lets people do it anyway, including chris, it’s an unhealthy thing he obviously needs therapy ha ha. they don’t officially date until an entire year later

lewis is very sweet boy he’s shy and he has trouble making eye contact. He’s really smart and loves to paint! That’s what he wants to do with life. He’s not gay per se, he doesn’t really feel much romantically unless someone, anyone is kind to him and patient and reeeeeeeally really consistent or else he would probably never fall in love, but any gender has the potential with him. He loves 40s-80s music so much and dances to it really dorky when he thinks no one is looking and Chris has sooooo many records. he loves to rollerskate! and he’s really good at it. he’s pretty damn masculine, more so than chris. and he’s strong (: and he wears ugly clothes that he finds in dumpsters. eventually he gets enrolled in college for art and sees a therapist he grows to love like a dad to be honest.. lewis he dyes his hair a lot (: it’s naturally golden but at first when he’s prostituting its short and purple and then grows out very long and then he cuts it a lil and dyes it pink..orange..etc etc. he’s a hard worker and he gets a job at the Junkyard where he meets his best friend Cody (:

This is Lewis :) he’s white, 5′4 and he’s soft but strong and handsome and he’s got golden eyes and hair and he’s sweet n freckly.

Chris Russell (tristan’s) is 19… chris is greek and pakistani from his dad and white italian from his mom. he grew up an only child with them in an upper middle class environment because his dad … i don’t even know the legit title but he buys and sells properties for a fancy shmancy company. his mom is just a kindergarten teacher and that’s not a killer wage but. he’s very close to his mom he loves her to pieces, she’s a big stoner hippie (:. his dad on the other hand has always been really disciplinary and cold towards Chris, his dad is straight up abusive though, so there’s no excuses being made for him, but at first he didn’t do it just because he felt like it. he was just raised learning that it was the only effective way to discipline your kid and that it was the dynamic that Worked the best. Chris is a little problem child though, and not so much when he was a kid! he was so sweet and all he wanted to do was wear his mom’s makeup and clothes. he wore clips in his curly hair and pretty skirts and he loved music and being a mama’s boy and he loved her cooking. he loved reading and writing. but he was still abused by his dad, especially for his natural femininity. and as Chris got older he was such a rebel. he’s a mouthy, snarky, blunt little shit that never behaved or was cowered into doing things as his dad wanted. it wasn’t like he wasn’t afraid to get hit or anything but he didn’t show it and constantly provoked it. that’s in his teen years though especially

chris goes in and out of depression and mania constantly after middle school. he’s doing drugs, just weed at first but he’s always always high and he’s a big loner until he meets his Boys in 10th grade (: mikael ben and kylo. his parents divorce when he’s 15. he tries to convince himself he’s not gay and he gets with a girl but the ordeal is humiliating and she spreads the rumor that he was so bad at fingering her and touching her boobies that he must be Gay and so he retaliates by making photo copies of her nude pictures and spreading them. chris has questionable morality. you GOTTA know that about him.. he has problems and he can straight up not be a good person sometimes but overall he really is one and we be loving him or whatever. and he evens out in his 20′s and 30′s so it’s fine. HFSFSS but yeah! after awhile it’s sorta easy just to come out, and then he gets cocky and his gayness bleeds through everything he does. he starts dressing more effeminate again and he fucks around with a lotta guys and is really stupid about his recklessness. he gets into cocaine and gets so fucked up he doesn’t know who he’s banging half the time he just parties and is a big smelly butthead. and around the AIDS crisis no less… dumb ass. by some miracle he doesn’t catch anything or get anything so… this all happens, the worst of it anyway, when he’s 18 and stuff after he has this weird hook up relationship with Mikael his friend and our other OC hsdhbsd. and then he kinda just Takes himself off it after he bumps into Lewis again and goes through his withdrawals and smokes a ton of weed, i mean he’ll never quit that, its fine.

he loves to skateboard! he loves reading and writing. he aces his english classes and was in AP his whole life in that subject. he’s a big debater and critical thinker in those classes and the teachers love him and hate him for that. he writes in his journals constantly and he wants to be a writer someday.. he loves drag. he has a whole persona. her name is Crystal Balls. he’s really fuckin good at it too, he’s good at makeup and tucking and dressing up and caring for his wigs. he’s a big major faggot. he’s a top! even though everyone in the world does not think he is (: he’s a big top. and he can be masculine when he wants. he has masculine body language and a manly voice and he’s a big stoner skater but he can turn on that faggotry whenever he wants and its especially apparent in his Crystal persona. he plays piano and is very good at it (: he’s bipolar clinically but does not take meds (: he self harms as a result of his polarizing emotions and his home life. he’s the horniest emo anyone will ever meet and legit is addicted to feel-good stuff and has a really addictive personality in general. so weed, food, sex, Lewis, etc. he’s really insecure and he thinks he is BUTT ugly but high key he’s the hottest OC either of us have like he’s just gorgeous that’s all there is to it. and he’ll go back and forth from Damn im fuckin hot to holy fuck i look like my dad i want to wear a ski mask everywhere. its mostly the latter though (: he hates his dad and hates that he looks so much like him. the only thing he likes about himself is his big dick and his legs that are straight up chick legs

here’s chris heh

Cody Glorymoon (mine), Lewis’ best friend, is 20 and she’s very pretty and she has delicate features but she’s big tomboy and works for her dad at the junkyard. she’s a ginger and she’s very tall and slim and she’s a little rough and cynical but she’s super soft and loving and smart. and she cares for lewis so much that she’s a little in love with him at one point and it hurts her to be that way because she’s having her own sexuality and identity crisis and shes knows they can’t be together. she hates chris…because the girl chris used to date and spread her nudes was her sister and she’s extremely protective of her sister because they grew up very close and had traumatic experiences being put through frequent pageant shows and training as little girls? their mom was a piece of shit and eventually dumped them on their dad who previously was kept away from them. she also, in general, just doesn’t like chris and his personality. he’s a huge douche to her. until she softens for him in later years when she sees him a lot because he’s her best friend’s boyfriend. chris actually needs her help pretending to be his girlfriend in order to please his dad and keep him off his back so he can see lewis on the low… and she does it because she’s the only girl he knows that tolerates him enough and would do it for him and she comes over for dinner and other events hsdfjsdf its really funny watching chris pretend to like her. they grow closer this way and become real friends even though they always have this love/hate dynamic.

heres cody and cody giving lewis a smoochie

here’s some gay and lesbian solidarity between chris and cody

Mikael Taylor (tristan’s) is 19 and one of the boys in Chris and Lewis’s friend group. He’s a foster kid who has really long hair and smokes too much weed because if he doesn’t his adhd gets the best of him. He and church have an on and off thing for quite a while until they break up and church moves away and gets with mason, although mikael is sort of crazy in love with church whether he likes to admit it or not, he’s always sorta waiting for him and mason to be Done even though it takes a long ass time, he really misses his opportunity with him the beginning. He likes to fuck and be with all kinds of different people, though, and commitment is definitely a fear of his (hence the on and off thing with church). He’s really sweet though and he loves lewis to death. Hes funny and outgoing and cool and Everyone likes him. Everyone. He’s got a cool septum piercing and one of those gum piercings right under the lip as well. He’s also huge gauged ears and he wears a beanie and hawaiian shirts with dad shorts and socks and sandals (which are like the only shoes he owns). He’s half native american and half caucasian, he sleeps a lot and he has a huge thing for milfs. (chris and ben’s moms especially)

mikael is 6′4, and pretty lean and has got some muscles. he’s got sharper features and he has green eyes and gross facial hair wispies

Benjamin Jacobs (tristan’s) is 19 and is another one of the boys from the friend group. He’s a big, heavy jock who really enjoys theatre and foootball. He’s from up north, so he has an accent thats quite strong and pretty cliche. He’s got pretty short blonde hair and freckles spread across his soft cheeks. He’s quite angry most of the time and he can be very loud, especially with chris whenever chris is being himself and annoying the shit out of him. He does have a temper but he tries his best to control it around lewis. Oh yeah and he also loves lewis a lot (: he lives in a really nice suburban neighborhood and his home is loudly occupied with his mother, dawn, who is your classic 80’s rhode island mom complete with the big poofy curls and the hoop earrings, and his two brothers and one sister. He has a man cave which is the entire home basement that he and the boys all hang out in 24/7, filled with beanbags a television, a pool table and a blow up doll named Patrisha that chris drew a penis on. Again, he hates chris. ALSO he’s in love with kylo’s sister named Leslies and he pines for her 24/7

ben is big chubby and blond, he’s 6′1 and hes so hot i think he’s so hot bro. he’s juicy he’s a thick quarterback with blue eyes

Kylo Cavillo (tristan’s) is the last member of the boys group. Kylo is a sweet Hispanic boy with vitiligo who has a hard time expressing himself. He’s very excitable and he falls in love with people very easily… he has this weird crush/obsession with chris that’s not talked about within the group much but it can be more than obvious at times even though he denies that he’s gay. He and lewis get along very well and he loves him a lot, they both were deprived of a lot of the modern things like certain tv shows and games and phrases and ways of doing things so they’re able to bond on that fact. Kylo lives at home with his mother and father, who is a big part of the Mystic Overhang Tiburón’s (a gang) and he owns their family restaurant called El Baño HHHDSF which kylo comes to take over himself when he’s older. He has three sisters and he is the youngest of all siblings, so he grew up with girls his entire life and definitely has some femininity to him. He’s very sweet and innocent, though, and means well with all his endeavors. He likes to grease his jet black hair back and wear gold chains with his baseball jerseys and blue jeans. OH he also has epileptic seizures and it’s very scary but mikael knows well how to deal and handle them when they happen because he has experience both with his foster siblings and kylo himself because mikael knew him the longest!

and here’s mister kylo, he is very small about 5′1 and skinny, he has big pretty expressive brown eyes and lil cute mustache and unibrow (:

#ocs #lewis #church #chris #mason #jo #abuse #self harm #drugs #cody #kylo #mikael #ben

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