#fort kickass

[conarcoin]

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Davey: We’re never going to get this strike to work!

Jack: We can if certain people would help!

Spot: I’m sorry, are you addressing me? Because your authority is not recognized in… Fort Kickass.

[incorrectkakagaiquotes]

Tatsumi: You know I think we’re making some real progress Mirai: Where, in opposite world? We’re never gonna finish all this! Tenten: We could, if some people would help! Kakashi and Gai [standing behind stacked cardboard boxes]: I’m sorry, are you addressing us? Because your authority is not recognized here in Fort Kickass

[that-ari-blogger]

Adrift Is The Perfect Opening Number

The first I heard of Stray Gods: The Role Playing Musical, was Laura Baily and Ashley Johnson singing a duet in the Myth & Music: An Evening with Stray Gods livestream. The song was Adrift and it struck a chord with me (pun fully intended there), and I'd like to delve into why.

SPOILERS AHEAD

First up, the chorus.

"Like a boat, lost at sea with no sails, not a breeze I am drifting, cold waters with no star, to be seen"

This is a fantastic metaphor being set up, not just the lack of direction but the lack of ability to move. There is nothing stopping Grace from going anywhere she likes, except herself. She's just drifting.

The way this is sung also compliments this. I don't know much about musical terminology, but dwelling on the end of each few words (boat, sea, sails, breeze, etc.) creates a rocking sensation that shows the power of the waves. She is more influenced by external factors than her ability to do anything about them. She's adrift. The notes help this feeling, but I can't explain how because, again, music terminology ain't my forte.

This is also the first song in which you get to choose, and how you are introduced to this concept is fascinating. Grace begins feeling adrift, and the audience has no control, just like her. But then Calliope gives you some advice, and you make your first choice.

It is notable that the piece of advice that pushes you into making a decision is "there is no inertia in the ocean". But I want to highlight what you are choosing. In a song about being unsure what to do, you get to choose who you will be, charming, clever, or kickass. It's a neat way of tying the themes, the gameplay and the story together.

Now, here's a different take on this song. This is the opening of the Illiad:

"RAGE: Sing, Goddess, Achilles' rage"

This is the opening of the Oddysey:

"Sing to me of the man, Muse, the man of twists and turns driven time and again off course, once he had plundered the hallowed heights of Troy."

These are two of the Ancient Greek Epics that were handed down in oral tradition before Homer wrote them down in the form we know them today (more or less). And how do they open? They open by calling upon the muses to sing.

That's how Stray Gods opens as well, although not quite, and that's where the interesting thing lies. Adrift blatantly invokes the Odyssey with its suspiciously nautical metaphors, but it subverts the format. Instead of Grace calling upon the muse to sing, the muse just rocks up out of nowhere and calls Grace to sing. Grace goes on to become the muse, but she hasn't yet, and if you look at this song with that in mind, it's a neat twist of the expectations and I love it.

Next

[incorrectuksies]

henry: you know, i think we're making some real progress.

specs: where, in opposite world? we're never gonna finish all this!

crutchie: we could, if certain people would help!

albert, standing behind stacked cardboard boxes with race: i'm sorry, are you addressing us?

race: because your authority is not recognised in fort kickass.

albert: *high fives race*

[officialbruciewayne]

ooc. not gonna lie poetry is not my forte, but I did write a kickass limerick once, though I did mess up the metre (I hate scansion, gives me flashbacks to latin lessons)

anyways, here it is:

This neighbor I once had of no consequence Was blessed with more clothes than of sense She sunned in the nude Which some did find crude While I am myself on the fence

[ap-kinda-lit]

Goku: I think we're making some real progress.

Nappa: Where? In Opposite World? We're never going to finish this!

Vegeta: We could, if certain people would stop screwing around and help.

Raditz, sitting in a fort made of cardboard boxes: Oh, I'm sorry, are you referring to me? Because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.

[neverchecking]

Random little images that have lived in my head for the past few days:

Reader: I want a puppy

Time: We have Twilight

Reader: But whos gonna snuggle with me when I go to bed?

The entire chain: ME!

.....

Sky: *running after Reader* Its 3 in the morning! You need to sleep!

Reader who's refusing to sleep: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! *keeps running*

....

Wild: Wind does your pillow fort really need to be in the middle of the room?

Wind: Im sorry did you say something? Cause your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.

Reader: *pops her head out of the fort* Fort Kickass is eternal.

Wild: *surprised pikachu face*

-✨

✨anon!

The chain being straight up OFFENDED at the question KILLS ME-

Also Sky getting cardio he hasn't gotten since his adventure HOGBF

ALSO ALSO WIND AND READER BEING MEACES FOHFBF

I love the LU Incorrect quotes x Reader typa beat sm <33

[ghostiewriter]

Seeing you are a Polin fan makes me wonder why haven’t you written a Bridgerton!Jiara AU I would sooooo read that

Also the lack of period Jiara is my roman empire istg so please authors all around the world hear my prayer🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

unfortunately, I am very shit at writing historical fiction aus😭as much as I would love to write a bridgerton jiara au (which trust me, I have IDEAS) it’s not my forte

HOWEVER your best bet for a kickass jiara bridgerton au would be @mariko-toda

[selphie-kairi]

Selphie: You know I think we’re making some real progress Kairi: Where, in opposite world? We’re never gonna finish all this! Selphie: We could, if some people would help! Tidus and Wakka [standing behind stacked cardboard boxes]: I’m sorry, are you addressing us? Because your authority is not recognized here in Fort Kickass

[yazzydream]

JJK Playlists: Yuji | Geto | Toji | Gojo

Tired As Hell (Itadori Yuji Playlist)

Somehow Yuji's playlist ended up hurting my heart, but maybe that's just because I know the context. Manga SPOILERS ahead.

→ [Spotify Link]

1. Heart ni Hi wo Tsukete ("Light a Fire in Your Heart") - 9mm Parabellum Bullet

Chosen by Gege Akutami. Oof, sounds like being trapped with Sukuna.

So light it aflame, light my heart aflame, so this'll never disappear again. Burn the loneliness, burn the secrets, won't they turn to ash, won't they turn to ash, see? You and I are stuck to each other, bound tightly together, we just simply can't be alone. You and I are stuck to each other, lying to each other, two tongues tangling up, deeper into the night.

2. Remember the Name - Fort Minor

First and foremost, Yuji is a kickass shonen protag.

This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name

3. Cursed - Codeko

Always feeling like I'm different Is there a cure for my condition, can't find one Cause I'm cursed Yeah I'm cursed [...]

///

I've learned to laugh at myself, But I'm getting tired as hell, I'm bad at asking for help, even when I need it Every day, it goes the same, Feels like, I can't catch a break I'll try again tomorrow

4. lies - Sion

Getting a mix of Sukuna toying with Yuji even while Yuji is just. suffering.

Tell me a lie I can believe 'Cause everything you say right now seems like gibberish to me (la, la)

///

Are you afraid that I would harm you if you tell me you would leave Na-na-na oh, leave, na-na-na Tell me a lie for my relief Could you stop being ruthless stepping right onto my deepest points?

5. Bring Me to Life x Just the Two of Us - The Gregory Brothers

A mashup that gives Evanescence a nice upbeat fluttery feeling. (Mashup is not available on Spotify so it's pure angst on the Spotify playlist.)

(Wake me up) wake me up inside (I can't wake up) wake me up inside (Save me) call my name and save me from the dark (Wake me up) bid my blood to run (I can't wake up) before I come undone (Save me) save me from the nothing I've become

6. Itadori - roseboi

7. New Invention (feat. Tessa Violet) - IDKHOW

Kenjaku made Yuji after all.

The girl is like an architect And I am just a new invention I am just a new invention I am just a new invention You've got to choose between your faces Feels like you're running out of holy places And now the room is getting quiet (shh) Oh, what a shame Nobody taught you how to read and riot Oh, bless my soul I'm losing control

8. bury a friend - Billie Eilish

Shibuya arc இ௰இ

Step on the glass, staple your tongue (Ahh) Bury a friend, try to wake up (Ahh-ha) Cannibal class, killin' the son (Ahh) Bury a friend, I wanna end me I wanna end me I wanna, I wanna, I wanna end me I wanna, I wanna, I wanna– What do you want from me? Why don't you run from me? What are you wondering? What do you know? Why aren't you scared of me? Why do you care for me? When we all fall asleep, where do we go?

9. Strawberry Fields Forever - Jim Sturgess

When Yuji regains consciousness after Sukuna wrecked Shibuya.

Let me take you down 'Cause I'm going to Strawberry Fields Nothing is real And nothing to get hung about Strawberry Fields forever

10. Happy Endings (feat. iann dior and UPSAHL) - Mike Shinoda

Did Yuji's grandpa put a curse on him? Why'd he get a hero complex? ┗( T﹏T )┛

Hey, at least in my mind I'm feelin' like I'm the hero that saves me There, I hold my head high Get everything right Delusional maybe If I'm pretending, why not write happy endings? Where I'm better than we both know I could be, oh Still, at least in my mind I'm feelin' like I'm the hero that saves me

11. overwhelmed - Royal & the Serpent

I say this playlist came out more angsty than I expected. It's all because of Yuji's subtle self-loathing post-Shibuya I've been picking at here.

I get overwhelmed so easily My anxiety creeps inside of me Makes it hard to breathe What's come over me? Feels like I'm somebody else

12. Would Look Perfect (feat. Rxseboy) - Powfu

Yuji, prone to loneliness. Despite Yuji being Yuji, a warm extrovert, ride or die friend, he doesn't appear to have really fit in back home?

See you with your friend group, lonely like I always am Gave a silent wave but, I don't think you noticed it Thinkin' of what happened as I continue my walk I grew up in this town, but somehow I'm feelin' lost Wishin' I was cool, why does everybody fit in?

13. XO Tour Lif3 - Lil Uzi Vert

All my friends are dead, push me to the edge All my friends are dead, yuh, push me to the edge All my friends are dead, yuh, all my friends are dead, yuh

14. Fight Again - Chica, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

15. Occult Phenomenon - Paranom, Aztech, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

16. Your Battle Is My Battle - Chica, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

17. Learn The Lesson - Kasper, Aztech, Hiroaki Tsutsumi

JJK season 1 OST

18. Kimi wa Dekinai Ko ("You're a Useless Child") - Kikuo

Yuji to himself.

You are a useless, useless useless child The most useless child in the whole world

///

La la la Monster, ghost, invisible human A vase, an urinal, being truant With a dry mouth, under your breath You utter slander Let's listen to the monotone squeal Yet months and days pass and pass You're a child with not enough time nor brains Now it's too late, you're mentally retarded You cute child, good child, you belong to me

19. Boys Will Be Bugs - Cavetown

Back before he realized he was just a cog, Yuji was the typical teenage boy.

I'm a dumb teen boy I eat sticks and rocks and mud I don't care about the government And I really need a hug I feel stupid (stupid), ugly (ugly) Pretend it doesn't bother me I'm not very strong, but I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs

///

Just turned 14 And I think this year I'm gonna be mean Just turned 14 And I think I know everything Just turned 14 And I think this year I'm gonna be mean Just turned 14 And I think the world revolves around me Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now, and I'm very scary I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate

20. Two Face - Jack Daniels

A little more literal with Sukuna.

Lately, I've been talking with a ghost He tells me all the places I should go He makes me paint my face so that I know That I'm not the only person in my soul He tells me that a monster lives inside And when it gets too angry I should hide 'Cause if I were to try to pick a fight I would barely stand a chance and I'd die

21. Nosedive - BoyWithUke

I was thinking of Nanami at first, but the vibe was more from a young adult. Well, Yuji's bound to have picked up some things from him.

We're all grown up, we're all so lost Nothin' has prepped us for this life It's like we don't know why Nosediving from the high

22. idtwcbf (friends) - BoyWithUke

Regrets on Megumi, what happened, etc. There's also an asura/mythological vibe I'm digging.

I just wanna stop, had enough, out of love and out of luck I don't wanna give a fuck about my feels, dulls enough Emotionally uninvested, resting for the day to come Try my hardest not to run away from everything I've done But I'm looking back, ignoring facts I see two moon, but walk six paths Inside my head, I'm going mad for you (Oh, oh)

23. A Better Son/Daughter - Rilo Kiley

Yuji, his feelings, and his mom.

Sometimes in the morning, I am petrified and can't move Awake, but cannot open my eyes And the weight is crushing down on my lungs, I know I can't breathe And hope someone will save me this time And your mother's still calling you insane and high Swearing it's different this time And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her And that God never blessed her insides Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things Crawl back into bed to dream of a time When your heart was open wide, and you loved things just because Like the sick and the dying

24. Hope - XXXTENTACION

Tired but hopeful.

Said I wanna die, yuh No, I'm not alright, yuh I might start a riot I'm so fuckin' tired, yuh So what's up? What you say? Feelin' good, I'm feelin' great Tired of the fuckin' hate Stackin' cheese all on my plate So outside of my misery, I think I'll find A way of envisioning a better life For the rest of us, the rest of us There's hope for the rest of us, the rest of us

25. Shake It Off - Taylor Swift

Wasn't sure to include this. Honestly, you can't forget that even after all the misery Yuji goes through, in the end he pushes through with his unrelenting ability to shake it off.

But I keep cruisin' Can't stop, won't stop groovin' It's like I got this music in my mind Sayin' it's gonna be alright

26. Stressed Out - Twenty One Pilots

Ugh, that scene where the first-year trio is just hanging out and Nobara spills coffee on Gojo's shirt-- then the hard cut to Nobara dead is devastating EVERY TIME.

Wish we could turn back time

To the good old days

When our mama sang us to sleep

But now we're stressed out (oh)

27. SAD (Clap Your Hands) - Young Rising Sons

Continuing on a more upbeat tune. Todo coming to Yuji's help in Shibuya.

If you're sad and you know it And you don't want to show it Clap your hands If you are sad, that's okay You can clap it all away Just clap your hands Come clap your hands We're all a little sad

28. mercy - KING MALA

Aaand back to the self-hatred. Because things just got worse post-Shibuya.

I've been getting so tired Starting so many fires I always find a way to burn Now I'm begging for mercy From everyone that I've wronged I've done more harm than I thought

///

I'm begging mercy Is there any good inside of me?

29. Antarctica - $uicideboy$

With blood and whatever Drag you outside, let you rot in the weather I don't think I can explain any better I'm $carecrow the Terror I live for the lesser, my birth was an error I am the lord of loneliness I'll hold my breath, just spoke with death He said he hopes for the best Told him I'm roping my neck Then I woke up choking from the hole in my chest

30. It's Alright - Mother Mother

It's hard to pick out just a few sections of the song, so really the whole thing is just... perfect for Yuji. I can imagine the scene post Higuruma vs. Yuji trial.

It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not a monster, just a human And you made a few mistakes It's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay You're not gruesome, just human And you made a few mistakes It's alright Ooh, it's okay Ooh, it's alright, oh Goddamn I throw a brick right through the window My life ignored the signals I'm high and drunk on ego, can't see straight So I just feel my way around and I'm touching and I'm grabbing Everything I can't be havin' I am broken down in shame

31. Kaibutsu ("Monster") - YOASOBI

Wanting to be stronger and not succumbing to darker feelings.

Over and over again, I sink my teeth Into my weak self Because in this world riddled with mistakes I want to make sure you can smile I don't want to lose anyone anymore And that's why I want to get stronger, even stronger So that I can stay myself I just want to protect you - and that's why I'm running, running, running So that I can overcome the "me" inside myself

32. Kaikai Kitan - Eve

The very first JJK OP. Yuji-coded.

Can't you see I'm a mess? This is the current, pathetic me Just a dead corpse that achieved nothing, go on and ridicule me Yet I quit just running away from everything before my eyes Repeatedly depicting the fantasy in my mind Go to the far side of your imagination Exorcise the darkness, exorcise the darkness Once the veil of darkness descends, that's our cue After the tit-for-tat, leave all the circular battle front line And such nonsense away Don't stop yet, it hasn't ended yet To search more keenly than anyone else for the truth bred in the streets Now only imagine my future being cursed with a curse Running and falling I'll embrace this pain that won't disappear The world is quietly waiting For this moment

33. Itsuka Dokoka de (Someday, Somewhere) - KUCHIRORO

Second song chosen by Akutami. Long, winding, and whimsical. Not available on Spotify.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Slender: Please come out

Toby and Ben hiding in a pillow fort: Your authority is not recognized at fort kickass

Gummy Worm Anon

YELLLLLLSSSSSSS YES AND THE FORT IS PROBABLY IN THE MOST INCONVENIENT LOCATION

[giggle-bee]

Pillow Fights with the Demon Brothers (gn!MC)

(Because I can)

Lucifer

You must be joking. Asking him for a pillow fight?

He knows you often get bored when you’re sitting in his office, and he appreciates the company. You had gotten done with your assigned council work a while ago, but he could tell you were getting restless

You were currently situated upside down on his office couch, your legs resting against the back of it and your arms dangling off the seat.

He makes a mental note to come to a stopping point and pay some attention to you, taking his eyes away for a second

This, was his first mistake.

A red throw pillow hits him square in the face and drops onto his papers.

Oh, you’re on now.

It would be wise of you to run, but you know that won’t get you very far with a demon lord on your heels.

You wanted a fight and you’re getting one. But it’s gonna be more him pelting you with pillows and mercilessly tickling you until all the boredom is gone.

Mammon

the second you saw the luxe car in his room your eyes bugged out

three words

drive in movie

This concept is new to Mammon, but he sets up the projector in his room and positions the car center stage

When he texts you to come to his room, you assume that he needs help with Charms and Curses again, but to your surprise, he’s propped on the hood of his car with the biggest proud smile on his face

He shows you how the back seats are down and they’re filled with fluffy blankets and plenty of cushions and he picks you up and drops you into the comfy space, wrapping you up and making you warm

Your favorite movie plays in the background of your favorite company but after a while, you start to get a bit restless, moving around a bit

Mammon, being a cuddle monster, refuses to let you wriggle around because he’s comfy, so you decide to persuade him a bit

you start lightly bonking his head with a squishmallow, and he instantly throws a cushion at your side in retaliation

From then on, it’s war

The nice organized little fort turns into an all out battle field and you and Mammon almost roll out of the car several times, pillow fight turning into play wrestling turning into a tired truce with you both falling asleep in the comfort of the destroyed fort

In the morning, all of the pillows are on the floor and some of the stuffing is strewn across the car

Sometimes when he’s cleaning it, Mammon finds a stray down feather in the crevices of the trunk and he thinks of you

Levi

you already know that being with Levi means many late nights staying up and playing games together

You two both have wrecked sleep schedules that don’t line up at all

So you’ll both be delirious on energy drinks at 4am playing the new Demon Racer game and you wanna get more comfy so you take a pillow of the top of his pillow throne

he gets obviously offended because “that was essential to the structural integrity MC”

he gets more jealous over you stealing his pillow than actually wanting to have a pillow fight

the pillow fight is you fighting over the pillow

If he accidentally touches you he will get super nervy bc this is Levi

You’ll have to reassure him

and bring in some pillows from your own room to create a kickass blanket fort to spend the night in

if you stay up until breakfast racing the adorable demon beside you, that’s future you’s problem

Satan

he wants to cover you in kisses and pillows

you play a silly game of trying to push him off while he stacks more pillows on, much like his books

you can’t really have a pillow fight in his room because one wrong move and the book towers come tumbling down

He likes stuffed animals more than pillows

Especially cat ones, you got him a cat squishmallow for Christmas and he never sleeps without it

So he obviously wants you to come snuggle with him with the squishmallow

But it’s like that one “my boyfriend and his 4 foot mareep”

you wanna be the cat squishmallow

and so that’s what you fight over

And he’s a stubborn little shit so even though he obviously wants you in his arms, he doesn’t want to give in (takes that from Lucifer)

But once the three of you are in harmony, it’ll be the best cat nap you’ll ever have

Asmo ft. Solomon

you know a sleepover is gonna include these two

As much as Asmo would love you to himself, Solomon decided to invite himself over, he’s not gonna miss any of the action

Asmo’s sleepover is probably what you’d expect, facials, nails, gossip, and of course, pillow fights

It’s all fun and games until Asmo’s beautiful face gets hit

Then it’s war.

magic is being used and Asmo is in his demon form and Solomon’s eyes go white with the pillow army he’s psionically controlling

You are caught in the middle of their battle and get pummeled by their pillows

And that is when they both realize you’re there

And Asmo starts fretting over you while Solomon collects the pillows and arranges them how Asmo likes them

Y’all watch a chick flick and get some nice beauty sleep

Beel and Belphie

you already know the twins are gonna pull you up to the attic for naps

Especially belphie, he loves to cuddle with you, calls you his dreamcatcher

But when Beel is thrown into the mix, the two love to fight over you, playfully of course

Pillow fights are very common, belphie has so many pillows it’s unreal

In fact, he has a separate closet filled with them that avalanches when you open it (you learned this the hard way

Expect lots of tickle fights and play wrestling that makes you all tired enough to fall asleep in a pile of blankets

They are not afraid to fight you too, you better hold your own

It’s quite easy to best belphie, but beel is another story

he won’t ever hurt you, but that doesn’t mean he won’t challenge you to a pillow fight

he lets you win bc he’s a sweetheart and dramatically falls back

you’ll have to revive him with the promise of hellfire newt chips

overall 10/10 sleepovers with these two

[pettyshippen]

This is What I Call, the Start of Season 3 of Libertys Kids

Sybil Ludington

I first learned about her from Rejected Princesses and have fallen if love with her. She’s like Arya Stark.

Funny because Sarah and Sybil would have a Sansa and Arya dynamic

James is a natural horseman now

Sybil straight up ready to kill

‘I’m so proud of my daddy who has a target on his head’

“But why aren’t you fighting?” Imagine Sarah heard that and said “Listen bitch,”

Sarahs ballgown should just be solid pink

Of course Arnold sees Sarah right away. Thank goodness she has a chaperone. I bet Mrs. Adams knows he’s kinda flirty with her and keeps an eye on them.

“I had hoped our paths would cross paths again Ms. Phillips, away from the field of battle” GOD why aren’t they waltzing while he’s saying this, that would be intense.

In fact their entire conversation could have been discussed while they were waltzing but that would take the animators way more work.

Imagine Benedict starting his passionate rant while dancing and then dancing

Sybil gotta be starting shit for no reason

I bet Sarah and Hannah would bond tho.

“I’m coming” “Like hell you are”

Sybils eager af to fight

She’s that girl at school that would punch the bully for me

The last shot of the entire city on fire before the dramatic music plays 😱😱

They just shot a fucking cannonball at a house

Sneaking out to go report hell yeah

Imagine getting to storm into a place on a horse. Kickass.

Once again, Sarah stalks Arnold into a danger zone

The horse even went into the water

It’s like that scene from home alone

Stupid af but it worked

Arnold is done with this army shit. He worked hard to earn that rank.

“I’ve come to think of you as like a daughter.”

“He’s destroying himself with his own bitterness and anger.”

I feel like Sybil would be mean af to Sarah just because she’s British and Sarahs doing her best to stay civil and in control. And then James would yell “Enough Sybil! She’s my friend!”

Lafayette Arrives

The drag episode 💄

Course Bens surrounded by bitches

Instant connection between Henri and Lafayette. You know he’s gonna adopt this child.

How old is Henri supposed to be by now? Thirteen I’d say. He should be growing.

Henris like I adopted this French guy

I need a dramatic retelling of Lafayettes drag escapade

LiberTAY

Lafayette would be the most anticipated

Why is Henri allowed in Congress

Wtf just a second ago ya’ll didn’t want him

What if politicians gathered for meetings in bars?

Lafayette is an America fanboy

They’re like ewwww it’s French

Omg he’s coming this way

Pretend it’s chicken and dumplins

RETREAT CALMLY

Ben is cunning af

We’re French but we’re American Yay

The Hessians Are Coming

Those girls aren’t the Schuyler sisters are they

Those laughs are not believable

No, they’re German girls

When he’s an asshole but his horse loves you

Here he goes ranting again.

“I learned it from school lol” “Who needs to go to school to build forts”

“Are you trying to sway the Hessians into leaving us?” “I’m a reporter jackass”

“I’m not a soldier, I’m a musician” Yeah like how Tom was not a soldier but a scientist

“Your witness is dead so you’re guilty”

Another victory for Arnold that will be ignored

James and this German dude had to puss next to each other for weeks.

“You guys are cannibals” whut

Will both of you stop acting like dicks please.

That’s more like it.

Arnold gets screwed over so much

That poor little german boy. Of course he didn’t want this James.

Arnold marching into battle shamelessly without permission.

Arnold saved James life without knowing it

Yeah we all quit

Sarahs reaction to Arnold having his leg shot is not realistic at all. L

Polish guy said go to school

Oh his name is Gunther

The last line of this episode did not age well at all.

Valley Forge

Arnold (the ARNOLD) is in this!?

Oh look mini log cabins

Von Strudel really came in on a sled like the white witch

“No meat! No meat!”

RIP Aaron Carter. This poor kid.

So its like diet bread

I can feel the cold

Girl went outside in the cold after being outside for stays

Where did the gust of wind go?

I love Lafayettes loyalty

Imagine having to poop outside in the snow

Bare ass exposed to the snow cold

“Corporal, yell at him for me.”

“How can I appreciate what you don’t have?”

Henri would definitely become a soldier in the adult version of the show

Henris the mascot. I need him in an eagle mascot costume now.

Imagine an eagle sports mascot fighting a king george mascot.

This dude is obnoxious

Ok now not so much

Omg Franklin sent Von Strudel

George Washington being a dad

Slide to the left. Slide to the left. Cha cha real smooth.

Sarah why aren’t you more worried

Allies at Last

Here comes Peggy Shippen

Nice dress Ben

That excited little barefoot leap on the cold concrete ground

Smart move on James and Moses

So without Ben or Moses around, that would put Sarah in charge. Since she’s still loyalist I’m sure she welcomed Andre at first

“The less I say about her, the better.”

Sarah, are you dancing with tory guys at these balls? I bet you are.

And now she wants Andre and Peggy out and I don’t blame her.

Oh look, hats

Oh no Moses the white guy your name is on the list

“I’m suddenly in the mood for English tea” petty Ben

Why are they telling Sarah all this stuff, she’s friends with Americans

Poor Henri being laughed at

“Have you forgotten that you are English?” “Not in the slightest.”

But Moses seems like such a nice guy

SIGN A PUBLIC OATH OF LOYALTY

“This is because I’m Jewish.”

Pop off White Moses

Oh you motherfucker

Oh now you wanna sign it

“A lot more people will have to stand up for equality to come true.”

And now France is their ally.

[skyguywrites]

[marley/diego] “Everyone leaves eventually.”

“Yeah, well, suck it up,” Diego told her, fixing Marley with a glare that told her he wasn’t about to entertain her woe-is-me act. Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t an act, but he wasn’t about to sit there and baby her. She’d been through a lot, he knew that, but he also knew she needed a little tough love here and then. He was no good at the whole advice thing, and he knew she’d probably run a mile if he started holding her hand and pulled a Poppy on her. Words weren’t his forte, but he wasn’t about to let her trash talk one of his favourite people. 

Wrapping an arm around her shoulders, he pulled her into a lazy headlock, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. 

“People fuck up, kiddo. They leave and they’re assholes, but sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they stick around, even when they think you’re an enormous pain in the ass,” he teased, releasing her with one last squeeze.  

Gently he tipped Marley’s chin up, silently imploring her to catch his eye. 

“You could literally stomp, kick, scream and beg me to leave, and I still wouldn’t. I’m not going anywhere, Marls. Neither is Harlow, and neither is Ivy. Despite our better judgement, we all think you’re kinda kickass.” 

[popculturebuffet]

Clone High President's Day Special Review: (Escape to Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand and Episode 2: Election Blu-Galoo) (Comissioned by WeirdKev27... wesley)

Tonight, on a special presidents day review of clone high

(Clears throat)

WAY WAY BACK IN THE 2000'S TWO FUTURE SUCCESFUL COMEDIANS TOOK SOME FAMOUS GUYS AND LADIES AND MADE THEM INTO A CULT CLASSIC COMEDY

NOW THE SHOWS GETTING A REBOOT NOW IT'S GONNA MAKE IT IF IT TRIES BUT UNTIL IT GETS RELEASED IT'S TIME TO LAUGH SHIVER AND CRY WITH THE ORIGNIAL CLONNNE HIGGGHHH YEAHHHH…

Honestly i'm suprised it took me this long to clone high, nor that I did our presidents say special last year and never even thought of this as an option.

In case the intro wasn't clear enough, for presidents day we're looking at one of the best shows MTV ever made, Clone High, a 2002 animated comedy about a bunch of clones of famous historical figures made into clones back in the 80s who are now teens living through a giant parody of teen dramas both at the time and in the past, with most of the episodes modeled after your various teen drama tropes which having watched a few (Degrassi, 90210 (both versions), Secret LIfe of An American Teenager) made it hilarious to me, as it matches the genre point for point while also adding in it's own zany looney tunes humor.

Naturally such a wholly weird premise.. didn't really take off and MTV canceled it the first excuse they got, but it's spot on humor, great voice acting, fun animation and brilliant premise and satire meant the show got the cult following it desreved.. and eventually came back by popular demand as it's creators ended up becoming two of the biggest names in animation, making the lego movie, the lego batman movie and Spider-man INto The Spider Verse into massive hits. While it's return is still cooking, and sadly coming to HBO Max, which at the time was a big HELL YES from me, now has me worreid they may prevent us from getting more than two seasons.. though given Paramount is both behind the series and could easily bring it to plus if it's popular enough, i'm not too worried. So while we wait , we can celebrate with the clones of two dead presidents mr. b, as we dive into the first two episodes of the show: Escape To Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand and Episode 2: Election Blu-Galoo. So come under the cut with me for some angst that's entertaning.

Escape To Beer Mountain: A Rope of Sand

From the outset what the series is is clear.. not just from the throughly kickass themesong that perfectly fits the ti me, but from it's characters, who are easily recognizable both to anyone even casually aware of history.. and anyone whose seen at least one teen drama or movie: You have Abe Lincoln (Will Forte who would show up in pretty much everything this duo made after this), as our bland protaganist who wants to get with the popular girl Cleopatra (Christa Miller), your standard rich bitch popular girl and his only friends: Joan (Of Arc) (VA Legend Nicole Sullivan) , a moody goth who hides her fairly obvious crush on him, and Ghandi (Micheal McDonald), a wannabe party animal whose desperate to fit in. Basically the David Silver of the group. Rounding them out is macho jock rival JFK (Chris MIller himself doi) who genuinely thinks his clone dad was "a super macho stud who conquered the moon".

To get the elephants out of the room quick.. yes casting the white Miller and McDonald was a mistake and one the reboot hopefully avoids, though I would like to see much like say central park or x-men 95, the two actors get other parts in the series. They just don't need to play these two. I accept it to a point as of the time and the industry, as we're only three years out from it being standard to match a characters race to their va every time, but it's still something to not dance around either: They screwed up, their not doing it again in the reboot decades later, so I won't be that hard ont hem.

Speaking of the reboot while it has leaked.. I haven't watched it. I saw a screencap or too because people reblogged it without being considrate that you know.. not everyone WANTS to steal from creators who have waited for this a long ass time, and woudl rather wait. I'm fine if say HBO Max fucks up and puts it on the platform itself early (as it did iwth the first ep of close enough ) or the creators air the episode at a public event for consumption (As seen with owl house and again close enough), but I won't cover something nor talk about it till offical release and won't watch it unless it has been released in some offical capacity.

Now that's out of the way, the episode is dammingly spot on and it's telling teen dramas haven't changed THAT much. I mean I still hope for that degrassi reboot but this show shows the only real change would be diffrent music, though the use of music of the time, while likely why it took till this year to finally stream on paramount+, really helps sell it. It had been a while since I watched these two eps, having not watched the series since breaking out my dvds a few years back. And yes I got that lucky as I found it at fye for only 15 or 20 bucks nearly a decade ago and have held tight to those two discs ever since. It's even the canadian dvd complete with teletoon ads. It's glorious.

But from the "sexy teens' moniker flaunting sexualizing teens despite the characters being underage (though most teen shows sidestep this by hiring older actors and actresses it's still weird and creepy), to the music, the delviery is spot on, with most of the deliveirs sounding just like a teen drama's overdramatic yet whispery way of doing things.. yet saying rediculous shit. It's essentailly the animted euqilveant of airplane, taking a dramatic overblown genre and throwing all sorts of weird shit in, in this case from the premise down. While the plot of Abe and Ghandi trying to get beer for a party so Abe can take his shot with Cleo is pretty stock the fact it's abe and the party dude clone of Ghandi of all people trying to have genghis kahn fake his way into buying beer… and failing horribly that nails it, or having JFK Boiled down to his most embarassing and sexist traits, being mad at cleo for kissing abe later.. while making out with someone else. The cast is all time greats, so it's no shock they pull it off great.

The plot itself is again pretty stock and by the num bers teen pilot: Abe and Ghandi try to get beer but end up getting nonalcholic, Joan tears up at Abe kissing cleo but ultimately tries to push her towards him, Cleo ends up with JFK but hints she still clearly likes abe, and now you know the plot. Oh and Joan tasers Ghandi for ignoring the teen ine she set up. It's just mixed up with various clones from two elvises one pre addiction and svengaling by col parker, one post, a teacher whose half sheep and voiced by a literal and figurative dick, and the local nerd being george washington carver who made his own little peanut sidekick, along with just general madness such as the principal sending Cleo to the maze of death, Ghandi going out a 30 story window and the two best characters in the show.

They are Principal Cinnamon Scudworth, voiced by Lord and his best friend/possible husband and robot butler Mr. Butlertron, played by Miller, and while everyone else does well, Lord and Miller steal their own show as these two are essentailly the Perry the Platapus and Dr. Doofensmirtz of the early 2000s': two scene stealing characters squared away int heir own wacky subplots that rarely seriously impact the main plot, or more Doofenschmirtz and Norm but semantics.

Scudworth is the principal employed by the board of shadowy figures to make these clones into super soldiers… a plan that dosen't quite work as each clone has baggage from their original, a nicely implimented bit that adds some depth: Abe feels stuck in the shadow of his far more confident clone father, Joan became a goth entirely because she isn't sure she can be hers, Ghandi became a party animal because he's entirely sure he can't, and JFK and CLeo are stuck on the suprfical beauty of their selves. i'ts nicely done. Scudworth meanwhile plans to make a theme park.

Really though Scudworth's just there to be thrust by the board or his own stupidity into various shenanigans while Mr. B helps him out and it is glroious. I could watch a whole show of these two alone but honestly they fit perfectly here, their weird over the top antics perfectly fitting the world and contrasting how straight everyone else plays this very stupid world. Scudworth is a cartoon villian in a teen drama high school and his out of placeness just makes him that much more delightful.

For this episode Scudworth has to write a report on being a teen and after a failed interview with joan and sending her to the maze of death, which again everyone is so used to Joan getting dropped in from it dosen't even faze Ghandi, inflitrates the party.. and ends up beaten as a pinata as "Cloney Student'. It's just a taste of what he'll get into, but it's one of the best parts of an already stellar pilot. Escape to Beer MOutnain is hilarious, nicely paced and just PACKED with jokes with most having aged well. Only one or two didn't really work like Joan calling a masculine elanor rosevelt "him" and her oggling joan as she walks away, which is just.. eugh…. but overall the episode is fantastic and if you haven't watched the show, go check it out.

Episode Two: Election Blu-Galoo

And the second episode.. is even better as with the premise out of the way, the comedy ramps up further. It also gives JFK more to do. He was funny enough in the first episode, coming back to wash his hands, grappling with gay dads, and after Cleo leaves to decide who she wants he offers Abe a nacho for no real reason. But this episode really lets him shine as the oversexed idiot we know and love.

In this case Cleo wants to still be Student Body President, but for some reason Clone High has term limits, so she enlists JFK as her maleable pawn to shadow govern the school. Abe runs because he thinks Cleo is into JFK because he's a good leader, and runs on the issues before that sputters out entirely in the face of JFK campaniging soley on his abs.

This one has a scudworth plot impact the main plot a bit more than usual, as Scudworth , hard up for cash for his evil plan since the board outright refuses to give him money( Just for fun i'm going to keep saying no until you hang up…" ). Enter the X-Treme Blu Trio, three totally rad execs who spend the episode screaming nonsense..e xcept for their third and best member X-Treme Bob who instead says things like "I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM!" and "MY SON WON'T EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYE ANYMORE!". Their played by the Scrubs trio of Zack Braff, Donald Faison and Sarah Chalke, who all did this for a free as a favor to producer Bill Lawrence of Spin City, Scrubs and Cougar Town fame. And as a fan of Spin City and Cougar Town I love his involvment and most of these actors. Faison in paticular did a LOT of rolls for the show, including George Washington Carver.

At any rate Scudworth gladly sells out and naturally blows it all having only seen 2/3 of MC Hammer's behind the music and concluded money is endless, while the three sellout goons approach abe to do stunts and promote their brand. He and joan fall out, he eventually comes around after extreme blu (just blue housepaint and pancake batter) nearly kilsl Ghandi, it's all pretty great.

Naturally what makes the episode are the jokes, with some all timers. Some I can't really recitie here but one that really gets the teen drama and is clearly parodying dawsons creek has Abe and Joan on seperate docks starring compelatively.. only for it to reveal their on docks right next to each other, with Abe leaving with an utterly nonsense speech on their friendship ending that Will Forte somehow gives as if he were a teen hearthrob "You know what hurts the most? This nail I stepped on". It's pure poetry and if you want to get someone into the show, this is the easiest way.. that or showing them any second of scudworth, but this gets the point across more.

We also.. get a song from Marilyn Manson which at the time was a funny way to bend his image.. but now comes off as "Yikes we accidently had a sexual preadator on our show! ", ditto for Andy Dick but he mostly plays smaller characters while Marilyn Manson's role is a pretty big cameo and thus sticks out more and is harder to overlook. It makes the once utterly hiarious gag of JFK calling him "Scary Andgogyns White Guy" far less funny.

Even with this unfortunate cameo that is no way the shows fault, this episode is still spectacular and that goes for the series as a whole. If your remotely intrestd in this series go watch it, it's on paramount+ and if you don't have that i'ts on mtv.com for free. So check it out before the revival, the series is well worth it and is easily one of the funniest shows i've seen. I forgot just how constant and excellent the jokes were since i'd seen the series last but it's comic genius and was a sign of things to come from this duo. Thanks for reading.