#except generalized anxiety disorder i so have that

[autumnbell32]

My view every morning while I sit on my couch before I start whatever I have to do during the day. Not half bad.

Had to put the yellow mums on the table, as the smaller ones (lower right) keep getting blown off the table and and smashed.

I wish I could be content. I still struggle but I am way better than I was. I’ve lost 35 lbs and counting since getting off some of the heavier psych meds, so physically I am healthier (I guess…I’m always fucking tired). I can do my hobbies again, I’m making it to work, I have my own little place. But is that it for someone with a chronic mental illness? Is that all I can hope for? Will I ever be able to go back to my career again? Will I continue to hide, making myself as small and quiet as possible so as not to bother anyone? Will anyone see me again, in spite of that?

[duskrelyk]

got my blood test back!! shortly literally nothing i do matters

[queenrinacat]

I work in emergency medicine, and I can tell you that a sense of doom is something we take extremely seriously. A sudden, overwhelming feeling of doom is a symptom of an imminent heart attack. When I worked 911 on an ambulance and a patient reported feeling like the world was about to end, or like they were going to die, even without any other symptoms? We rushed them to the hospital as fast as we possibly could.

I'm saying this from a place of genuine care: if you are seeing ghosts or shadows or having nightmares... and sageing, eggshells, Crystal's, and psychics arent cutting it..

Please.. please... check for things like gas leaks, water damage, vermin. I'm not saying your house isnt haunted, I'm just saying that carbon monoxide poisoning looks a LOT like being haunted.

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

[flippinpancakes64]

Hi! So, this is my first ask ever (kinda nervous ngl), but could you please write for the cullens with a succubus reader who is their mate? Maybe they're more like a Jennifer's body succubus? Thank you! (I'm obsessed with your writing btw)

The Cullens with a Succubus! Mate

Omg I remember the first time I did an ask I was like 12 and I was so worried I almost threw up. And then I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder so

Anyway it’s been like four or five years since I’ve seen Jennifer’s body but I think I remember enough to do what you wanted.

For anyone who needs a rundown, a succubus is a female demon who visits men while they sleep to engage in sexual activity. Either during or after this, they kill the men by taking their energy or by eating them. The male form is an incubus, but mostly the same premise.

And thank you so much for the kind words! Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!

Edward:

Uhm he’s a little scared

He knows that you won’t hurt him

You have no reason to there’s nothing to gain from killing a vampire, it’s not like you can eat him and he doesn’t have any energy to offput

Doesn’t mean he isn’t a little freaked out

But after he gets over the initial terror he is intrigued

He’s never met a demon before

He’s a scholarly fellow as well, he wants to know everything about you

He is gonna have to ask that you find another way of feeding

He sees your hunting ritual as cheating so yall will need to figure that out

Alice:

Yes sign her up

She loves you

She is so entranced

She thinks you are so beautiful, and she thinks your feeding us is symbolic

And of course she’s not scared of you

She’s not gonna go with you when you feed

But she’s also not gonna ask you to change

She knows that that’s what you need to do, and at the end of the day you come back to her and those guys end up dead so

Jasper:

He’s met a succubus before

He used to think Maria was a succubus tbh

He is a little uneasy

But he gets over himself

Again he thinks it’s so cool that you’re so different

Obv he won’t join you for your hunting

That’s just dangerous for him since he’s trying to not drink human blood

And he doesn’t try to change you at all

Yk that twitter post that’s like “my bitch can do what she wants cause im scared of her”

That’s him

Rosalie:

Yes

100 times yes

She is a man hater (except for Emmett and Carlisle and sometimes Jasper and maybe Edward)

She’s a big fan of your work

And yes she wants to join you

She’s abstained long enough to not really feel the urge to drink from the men you kill

And she doesn’t care about the sexual aspect

She’s the one you come home to so ❤️

She might even have a couple of suggestions for you

“That dude there bumped into me on the street and didn’t apologize let’s go for him next

Emmett:

Yes one million times

We already know he has a thing for powerful women

This is right up his alley

And he isn’t concerned about you killing men, he’s already dead

And if you would have killed him while he was alive he would have died a very happy man

He might go with you sometimes just to laugh at the guy

And he doesn’t care about the sexual aspect either

Again, more of the “you come home with me so it doesn’t matter”

Esme:

She’s very curious

She’s never met a demon, nor did she ever think she would

She isn’t judgmental at first when you tell her about how you eat men

But then she learns about what you do to them beforehand

And yeah she views it as cheating

She’ll ask if you have to do that first, or if you can just eat them

If you can’t change then she will not date you sorry

But she will be your friend

Carlisle:

He has definitely met a succubus before

So he knows what he’s getting into

He views it as more of a necessity

Like he knows how you won’t/can’t change and he wouldn’t ask that of you

He’s very accepting

He won’t go with you tho

What you do in your free time is up to you

Leave him out of the ritual killing please

Vampire! Bella:

She’s a little weirded out

I mean she just learned about vampires and werewolves not too long ago and now there’s other stuff?

She’s over learning

But she thinks it’s super cool

She thinks it’s a bit weird that you have to have sex with them first

So you’re gonna have to explain that it’s not something you can control, it just literally doesn’t work if you don’t

So she understands

I think she’d go with you once or twice just to see what it’s about

But it won’t be a habit of hers

Overall she thinks you’re pretty cool

[yeaimsafiya]

CHAPTER ONE back from rehab

SYNOPSIS the beginning of a teenage girl named y/n who is fresh out of rehab but doesn't intend to stay clean.

FROM THE WRITER AHH IM SORRY IM LATE GUYS!! This is the first chapter I'm ever writing, I took some inspo from episode 1 but I'm going to have to cut each episode into fourths because I really don't want to spend a whole week trying to finish a whole episode and school work. But I hope you guys really enjoy this chapter as much as I did - Love you guys, Sapiyah <3

WARNINGS Lots of unnecessary writing, female! reader, mentions of drugs and drinking, strong sexual content, nudity, violence, adult content, adult language, scenes might be uncomfortable for some, some scenes might include mentions of mental illness'

SERIES EUPHORIA

CHARACTERS INCLUDED members of the bakusquad & dekusquad, big three(?), some characters of class 1A

NOTES MDNI! Ageless blogs will be blocked or removed.

Readers discretion is advised

Suddenly, the whole world goes dark and nothing else matters except the person standing in front of you.

You were once happy. Content.

Sloshing and swimming around your own private, primordial pool; Then one day, for reasons beyond your control, you were continuously and repeatedly crushed...

Over..and over.. again by the cervix of your mother, M/n.

You put up a good fight, but eventually lost, for the first time, but not the last.

You were born 3 days after 9/11, your mother and father spent two days in the hospital, holding you under the soft glow of the television, watching those towers fall over and over again, until the feeling of grief gave away to numbness.

And then, without warning, a middle-class childhood in the American suburbs.

|

You were sitting at the dinner table with your mother, M/n, and Father, F/n. But it appeared something else had gotten your attention, a set of numerous lights above the dinner table, in which you wanted to count.

"Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen.."

" What are you looking at y/n?"

"..."

"What are you doing? ..Y-y/n look at me."

"One, two, three, .."

"What are you doing Y/n?"

*cries*

|

"Id say she's suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder..."

Its not like you were physically abused..

"...attention deficit disorder..."

..Or had some type of clean water storage..

"..general anxiety disorder.."

..Or was molested by a family member.

"..and possibly bipolar disorder. But she's a little bit too young to tell."

So, explain this shit to me.

|

"Honey, it's just the way your brain was hardwired; Plenty of great, intelligent, funny, interesting and creative people have struggled with the same things you struggle with."

"Like who?"

"Vincent Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, and even Brittney Spears, your favorite!"

You haven't remembered much from the ages of eight to twelve. Just that the world moved fast, and your mind moved slow.

"Does anyone have an idea of what a perception might be?"

And every now and then, if you focused on the way you breathed...

You'd die.

"Slow down, just breathe"

Until every second of the day, you'd find yourself trying to outrun your anxiety.

"What's wrong Y/n?"

..And quite frankly..

"I'm just fucking exhausted"

|

Coming down to the kitchen, you could hear the small talk between your mother and younger sister, S/N.

"You said the doctor was in our network. How can he suddenly be out of network?"

"I can't afford it."

"Did you see that video of the girl who got acid thrown at her face?"

"What? No.."

"It's pretty fucked up.."

"Mom do you know where the tampons are?"

"In my bathroom, right under the sink."

And at one point, you'd make a choice of who you are and what you want.

"Alright Gia, let's go"

"Why do the co-payments cost $300?"

"Y/n did you eat breakfast?"

".."

"What's with the glasses?"

"What glasses?"

You just happened to show up one day, without a map or a compass..

"Attention students, we need to lockdown."

..Or to be honest, anyone capable of giving on iota of good fucking advice.

And I know it all seems sad but guess what? You did not build this system up, nor fuck it up yourself.

But then it happens. That moment where your breath starts to slow. And every time you breathe, you breathe out all the oxygen you have.

Then everything stops: Your heart, your lungs, then finally, your brain. And everything you feel, you wish, and want to forget, it all just sinks.

And then suddenly... you give it air again, give it life again.

You remember the first time it happened, where you were so scared you wanted to call 911. Go to the hospital and be kept alive by machines and apple juice. But you didn't want to look like an idiot, and you didn't want to fuck up everyone else's night.

And now overtime, that's all you've wanted.. those two seconds of nothingness.

You spent a good portion of summer before junior year in rehab. God granted you the serenity to accept things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

"Y/N," your sister yelled from afar, greeting you after your long leave. You smiled, and whilst running up to her, tried to continue the conversation with your younger sibling.

"Hey, Come here!"

"How are you?"

"Good, I missed you."

"I missed you too."

"Look at you, are you growing?"

"No."

Looking over, you see your mother standing by your family car.

"Hey," you yelled out to her, only to receive a small smile from her.

And with that. you knew it was your time to go.

|

"I'm very happy for you Y/n. You're about to start a brand-new chapter," Your mother says while driving you and your sister to school. You looked at her with a smile, then turned your attention back to the car window.

You had no intentions of staying clean. And yet, Jirou just moved into town.

"There's some new girl in town that I think you'll be friends with," Shoto said, with you standing beside him in his store.

"Who?"

"Shit, I don't know. She came in looking all punk rock and shit; So I'm thinking to myself, like, 'look like somebody Y/n would be friends with'."

Which was sort of a dead-on observation for Shoto, who's not normally revolving in the same direction as planet earth.

"So how long have you been back?" He asked.

"About five days."

"And how are you feeling?"

"I mean, ever since I gave my life over to my lord and savior Jesus Christ, things have been, like, really good."

"Word? That's what's up," You chuckled at his snarky remark, giving him a small smile.

"I'm fucking with you," you said whilst laughing, "It was a joke."

"Shit, hey, I don't judge," he defended, hands raising to just above his chest.

"But for real, is Deku in the back?"

"Are you serious?" Shoto questioned, seeming very disappointed in you.

"What, you think cause' I went to rehab I stayed clean?"

"I mean, ain't that the point?" he asks.

"Yeah, well, the world is coming to an end, and I haven't even graduated high school yet."

You gave Shoto one more smile before going to Deku, whilst Shoto stared at you the entire way there; There was a hint of sadness in his eyes, but since you were too busy looking for Deku, you didn't see.

You opened one of the doors of the refrigerators, leading you right to him with a bowl of fruit loops,"I thought your ass was dead," he said one he saw your appearance.

"And I thought you had Asperger's till I realized your just a prick," you barked back.

"This a fickle industry, y'all come and go. I'm just trying to stack my cash, pay off our mortgage," he said while pulling out a bunch of plastic bags out of a microwave.

"So what the fuck do you want?" You gave him a knowing look before he handed you needed.

"You sure you don't want to try something new?" He asks you.

"Like what?"

"2C-T-2, 2C-T-7, and 5-MeO-DIPT."

"I'm sorry I have no fucking idea of what you just said."

"It doesn't matter," he stated, "but this shit, is fucking lit."

"What is it?"

"N-diisopropyl-5-methoxytryptamine. It's a fast-acting psychedelic."

Got some similarities to LSD, but with, like, key differences. Not as visual as shit, but definitely a sense distorter.

"What's wrong?" That same dark purple hair girl questioned.

"I'm just so happy," you responded back.

"I don't know, this shits been going off in Tampa, and mad people like to fuck with this," Deku continued on with his descriptions with the drug.

"Okay. Yeah, why not."

"That'll be 120."

"Oh uh, Shoto said he'd spot me."

"Shoto doesn't spot nobody."

"Yeah, well, it's a post-rehab discount, so you should ask him."

"I will go ask him, cause' I know your full of shit."

Those were the last words he said before you walked out. Those were the last words you heard before you saw the same two boys in freshman year.

Bakugo and Kirishima.

TAGLIST: (send an ask or reply to add or remove) @urinejaeger, @saturxnn, @lv9su, @minnipe, @flamgosstuff, @lilrockzstar, @actfsgxcv, @lovebuggyboo, @russochild19, @iits-lexie, @mendez5657, @animatronicrat, @thirstygorl, @scrittynotfound, @pleaseleavemebelol, @thymebread, @cocojellie, @vxnanaaa-blog, @tn-johnson, @knotatwink, @hpttstears, @blackcatluna, @queennb-123, @nndntahg

All work is subject to copyright by © yeaimsapiyah as of 2024.

Do not steal, use or reupload my work without given permission or my consent. If so, you will either be blocked, removed, or reported.

[aydien677]

My own little Psychological Headcannons on the brothers.

A/N: oh my God this is a lot.

Warnings: lots of mental health stuff, like, lots

Ok so I believe Lucifer has ptsd of the complex variety, maybe Bipolar, anxious and severely depressed as well with possible BPD and definitely autism and he will definitely have oldest child syndrome. His brothers don’t appreciate him as much as they should and he seems to rarely ever get hugs since even though he is doing what he thinks is best for them they do their best to ruin his day. He feels anxious he isn’t doing good enough for his brothers and that they’ll get hurt because of this. He’ll blame yourself for everything bad that happens to them. He has a lot of pressure to do everything for your siblings and his needs were put last as his brothers don’t appreciate you as much as they should and even now he’ll put himself last and will overwork himself for his brothers often not eating or sleeping like he should. Whenever his brothers are threatened he will immediately go into fight or flight always choosing fight as if it’s been drilled into him that he doesn’t matter and his brothers come first. That’s why he’ll act tough because he feels guilty for being vulnerable because that makes him feel unfit to protect his brothers and they’ll think he is weak and leave him for showing some emotional vulnerability making him unable to protect them when they leave. He has also turned to borderline alcoholism to help relieve some of his stress and anxiety because he never actually had the time to get over his trauma and learn to take care of himself. Yet most importantly it seems that his brothers are his only will to live.

Then Mammons hyperactive Adhd is mostly what’s fucking him over because he can start something but will quickly loose interest causing it to fail because he can’t follow through and adhd can make you more likely to get addicted to things in Mams case it’s the casino but being the Avatar of Greed also plays a part because he feels like he’s missing something so he’s likely using possessions to try and fix it when he’s really just missing affection because he is used as an emotional punching bag by your brothers and this also caused him to have BPD, major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder. Since He is mostly used as an emotional punching bag which is not good for him and he hardly ever properly retaliates. This is because he wants to believe you all care but he has a hard time believing it making him even more depressed and anxious especially after Michael pretty much abandoned and bad mouthed him . Despite his grades He is very smart and it’s mostly just his adhd. This can mostly be solved by more positive reinforcement and accommodations for his adhd.

Levi has autism and anxiety and as the Avatar of Envy he is likely jealous of who he used to be but can’t explain that part so he’s just miserable and depressed but at least he’s more open about how he feels especially his anxiety. He really just needs someone to listen to him. Did I mention autism?

Satan is a walking autistic existential identity crisis and as the Avatar of Wrath he is mostly angry because he is confused about why he exists and it’s also why his main comfort is books because they explain things and he’s using escapism as a coping mechanism. He needs reassurance that he is his own person and not a carbon copy of someone else. It’s seen over and over that Satan loves books and that he believes Knowledge is power but he doesn’t have the knowledge of how he came into existence except for the fact he split from Lucifer.

Asmo is the healthiest with his self care but he has histrionic personality disorder and as the Avatar of Lust he is likely trying to Fuck away his feelings so to speak so he doesn’t have to think about it but then again his self care is also his greatest weakness since he believes that if people cannot see how pretty he is what else do they have to go by. His face is his mask and he thinks his mask is all people will ever see. They can't see what's underneath because he thinks that it does not matter.

Beel is mostly just depressed and his guilt likely forms as a pit in his stomach which could also be mistaken for hunger so as the Avatar of gluttony he tries to eat to get rid of that pit of guilt. Belphie is depressed and has inattentive Adhd and if you’re too busy sleeping you don’t have to acknowledge reality of loosing Lilith and his coping mechanism is pretty fitting for the avatar of sloth.

[itslouisan]

Q!Philza headcannons:

I woke up and well, I'm feeling silly wanting to talk about Q! Philza since in my opinion he is one of the most complex characters in the QSMP, but also after the confirmation he is the same Philza as in hardcore, EarthSMP and DSMP, with the only exception being origins SMP (despite me having a headcannon about it and a whole timeline where all of it ties together) I thought, why not just show some of my headcannons since I kin this bitch way too much to point of Insanity and he is my comfort character and streamer, shall we?

Under the cut for a LOT of Q!Philza hc:

• First of all Phil has multiple scars from battles, it's confirmed he used to go to wars and with all the lore of the DSMP, QSMP and so on, I imagine he has a lot of them especially in his back and arms with occasionally 1 or 2 near his eye

• Due to said scars he never takes his kimono/samue off, the only exception being intense training where he needs more body flow and lightweight and in serious fights for the same reasons, he probably feels too exposed, vulnerable and even "dirty" showing them off, traits crows also have (avoiding vulnerability that is)

• I'm just gonna brush it slightly on a CHARACTER (NOT streamer Philza) interpretation in his sexuality and gender, if you guys want I can go deeper into it but meh: he is bi and ace, more in the gray sexuality spectrum than anything and enjoying jokes about sex without actually needing to do it, he is a transmasc (FTM) and crowgender using he/him and crow/crow self pronuns. The fact I view him as bi and not as a straight ally (which I did before the QSMP) is due to the fact Q!Missa and Q!Fit were a thing, again I could talk more in depth about this but only if you want

• In my vision character Philza (once more ONLY character Philza) shows traits of having anxiety disorder, either social or just general and some traits visible in people with both ADHD and Autism, which makes me hc him as Autism level of support 1 (tiptoing around 1 and 2) and ADHD PROBABLY combined type (both inattentive and hyperactive)

• His safe food is avocado toast and any potato related food due to Techno.

• Has sleep issues due to constantly having nightmares of the events of the DSMP

• Has back issues due to spending MONTHS sleeping in a chair to watch over the eggs

• He doesn't necessarily views Q!Cellbit as a son, but I think he definitely likes Cellbit company and gives him a ton of advice seeing how Cellbit has massive need of a father figure to guide him through

• Paints his nails with Chayanne, Tallulah, Cellbit, Pac, Mike, Roier, Fit and Jaiden and uses this time to "fofocar" as much as he can with all of them.

• Doesn't like tea but uses it to calm down and heal injuries anyway

• Definitely Cellbit top costumer in his coffee shop and actually talks with Cellbit about brewing techniques (reference to their original duo name being "coffee duo" and irl Phil loving coffee and Cellbit too)

• Has a hardcore heart and Wither rose tattoos in each of the inside of his wrists.

[alexandraisyes]

This is a flag I found for ASPD. There's an entire archive of support flags for people with different kinds of Cluster B Disorders. I just really like this version.

Antisocial Personality Disorder can be disabling and is considered a social disability. Depending on the psychologist it’s also considered an emotional disability like ADHD or Bipolar.

This may not make sense at a glance, but there’s psychologically found logic behind this.

People with ASPD have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Chronic Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder GAD).

The disorder also tends to be comorbid with Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DDD), as well as some psychotic disorders like Brief Psychosis Disorder and Schizophrenia. although these last two aren't as common.

There's also a chance for people with ASPD to have overlapping traits from other Cluster-B Disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD). And many people with ASPD struggle with impulse disorders. Common impulse disorders related to ASPD are as follows:

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED): Characterized by recurrent outbursts of verbal or physical aggression that are disproportionate to the provocation.

Kleptomania: A recurrent urge to steal items that are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.

Pyromania: An impulse control disorder characterized by recurrent and deliberate fire-setting behavior.

Pathological Gambling: Persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior that leads to significant distress or impairment.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder): An irresistible urge to pull out one's own hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss.

Many people with ASPD also struggle with addiction and may be fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, binge eating, and social media because these are quick endorphin fixes that help us feel something due to the inherent nature of ASPD to be numb almost 24/7.

It's extremely rare for someone with ASPD to get disability aid. Which probably sounds ridiculous, when you look at this massive list of issues. A large part of it is our society. People tend to see someone who has a label that is synonymous with Sociopath and Psychopath (there's a difference between the two) and immediately want them in jail. And it doesn't matter how long they've known that person, or what their relationship is. (I got dumped last year when my ex found out I have ASPD and almost disowned during Christmas when I told my dad. The only reason I haven't been being that he thinks it's a demonic issue that can be "cured with prayer".)

On top of that, our psychology system isn't built to handle someone with a personality disorder like ASPD (or even NPD). I get told a lot "You're really self-aware." Which is basically them saying they aren't going to help you. Of course I'm self-aware if I'm going into the therapist's office for advice (at the least) and actual help (would be great), but I get turned away because if I'm "self-aware", so I should be able to figure it out. This isn't an issue that pertains directly to ASPD, it's also one that affects every disorder that's hard for a neurotypical to understand.

This is more personal. Feel free to read this in a mildly irritated, but not very much, tone of voice. Preferably a tired scholar from Skyrim, that'll make my day.

I cannot function in today's society. I can't hold down a job, and I've tried time and time again. I get a few months in and I hit a wall and my mental health goes to shit. I had to quit my last job for my physical safety because I got bored with just life in general, to the point I was seriously considering sticking my arm in a fry vat.

I haven't even managed to get a proper diagnosis because I don't have health insurance, and I have so many false disorders on my medical diagnosis sheet from my narcissistic father bullying my long-term therapist into giving me damn near every disorder except for ADHD and Conduct Disorder (I was below the age of 18, but it would have helped me in the here and now with securing the diagnosis I need for medical reasons.) Growing up several doctors I worked with wanted to get me set up for an ASPD diagnosis and my father told them no. And because of where I lived I had no say in it, and even if I did my father was abusive, so goodbye to ever speaking up for myself.

On top of that, I'm a woman. There's a severe gender bias in ASPD, as well as the fact that women with ASPD are reportedly less likely to be physically aggressive and more likely to be mentally aggressive, so our symptoms show up slightly differently than the stereotype. And don't even get me started on the stereotypes. Plus women are more likely to be studied for comorbid disorders than psychologists even considering ASPD. This is the same shit autistic women struggled with.

There's a massive underreporting in the female ASPD populace because of this, and a lot more masking going on because everything gets chalked up to "she's just a bitch" or "hormones". There's also just not enough research done on females with ASPD to understand how it may be different from a male with ASPD.

I'm tired. I've been fighting for a year to get people to recognize me as an individual who deals with ASPD. Every time I run into threats of being abandoned (which is horrible, considering I was abused and then abandoned by my biological mom, then put in foster care for the next 4 years), or the road block of "You're a woman. Are you sure you don't have BPD? That's the female disorder." Or just getting tired of the uphill slope. I only have so much stamina, and sure I have a lot of spite for the world, but eventually that's going to run out too. And then I'll probably kill myself.

The suicide rate in general is less than 2%.

The suicide rate for people with ASPD is 23%.

[morskisir]

The public is VERY interested in your Sniper thoughts. Please, I need them. Phobias? Eating habits? Can he dance? *Should* he? Is he aware when he makes direct eye contact he looks scary af? Is he good at poker or does he not even play?

You are one of my strongest followers o7 THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTIONS!!! I will answer them all individually below.

Phobias?

If we're talking about proper phobias and not fears in general, then he doesn't really have any? UNLESS you count social phobia, which, yeah, he's got that. (I would like to clarify social phobia and social anxiety disorder are different things but he's got both of them, so.)

Social phobia is like, specific social situations that will continuously bring you anxiety/fear. The shit that will have him shaking every single time is a person genuinely trying to get to know him. Even a simple question such as "What's your favourite colour?" could set him off into a state of anxiousness. He LOATHES conversations like that, he wants to be left alone, he's not anyone you should pay attention to, he's not interested in doing this, go away. His fear of being known past the point of "professional assassin" is deep and greatly impacts his life. What the fuck are social relationships am I right?

Another social situation would be: phone calls! You can imagine how nice it is for him to only be able to call his parents when he isn't visiting them at their home in Oz. <3 It's the fear of I cannot see this person and I don't know how they're really reacting to this. He already isn't the best at reading people's faces, phone calls are just another level of hell.

2. Eating habits?

MEAT. MEEEAAAAT- if he could get away with only eating meat the rest of his life he fucking would. Alas, meat doesn't give your body all of the fuel it needs. Heartbreaking. (Not for me I dislike meat sdgkhdskg)

He will still insist on having meat in every fucking meal, and do not, do NOT make a steak that isn't at least a little bit raw. This guy's an animal. Give him his blue steak or he'll think your cooking is shit.

Anyways, I wouldn't say he eats a lot. He eats enough, I guess. Cunt's just running on a lot of coffee + a couple of cigarettes. He's more addicted to caffeine than tobacco.

3. Can he dance?

No. I don't know if Australian schools did this, let alone in his time, but if they did: he would skip every single P.E. class where they would do dancing instead of just chucking some ball around. He is SCARED he doesn't want to be in such close proximity with someone else hksdgkj (except Spy) (who said that) He doesn't have interest in learning how to dance, either. If he's drunk and you somehow get him to dance you'll see a horrible, non-existent dance move.

4. Should he?

No. Spy would beg to differ.

5. Is he aware when he makes direct eye contact he looks scary as fuck?

Yes and no. When he stares at someone on purpose to scare them away- it works! It's reliable! He's aware of the power that stare holds! He just doesn't realise he kind of always looks like that. The Stare(tm) is simply even more intense. There is a great darkness in his eyes........... /ref

6. Is he good at poker or does he not even play?

He can play it! He's only really decent at it- it's not his thing. Only really learned how to play it through peer pressure. (there is lore to this, but uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh)

Scout begs Sniper to play with him and he very begrudgingly accepts because no one else does hdsghj. He is very bored and would rather read his tracking books, but he cannot escape the ADHD. (You call out the smallest act of sympathy he just did and he'll beat the shit out of you)

^ Scout when he wants to play poker

[lucent-roase]

Why I Think Willow has OCD

(i've done a lot of reposting lately so i'm just going to reply to this instead of my previous post about it)

explanation is below the cut, i just wanted to address a few things beforehand. there will be a few triggering topics when you go on.

before anything else, Willow has extremely good neurodivergent representation in general. clearly unmasking in front of her friends, succeeding in the plant track because she learns differently than others, and of course, she (arguably) hyperfixates on flyer derby. those are pretty surface level symptoms that i'm sure everyone knows, but there are other traits (belonging to the entirety of the neurodivergent spectrum and also specific to OCD) that i will go into throughout this post.

Willow’s anxiety. one of the interesting facts about OCD is that many scientists consider it to be a syndrome rather than a disorder (for reference, obsessive compulsive disorder) because it consists of so many other disorders such as anxiety, depression, different EDs, amongst others. furthermore, Willow’s is debilitating. she defaults to blaming herself in almost every situation, even when she gets more confident in ASIAS. nothing stops the nagging feeling that she made the mistake, set a bad situation into motion. she thinks back to everything she did and she excuses everyone’s actions except for her own. in ASIAS, like i mentioned, this is so prevalent. Willow is constantly doing the right thing, for her team and everyone in it. she’s hopeful and she pushes her teammates to be their best selves. she helps Hunter, and he initially pays her back with jail time and the promise of leaving her friends and family forever. that situation was entirely in Hunter’s hands, and he would have picked up a few other students to join the emperor’s coven anyway. but Willow blames herself for everything. she shouldn’t have asked Caleb to join her team. maybe she shouldn’t have even made the team in the first place, her old teacher was right. she put many people she cared about in danger. until she can “redeem” herself by helping everyone back to safety and hear Hunter indirectly apologize for putting them in that situation himself, she’s in her head about it. with the distraction and confirmation of being of help to those she “messed up” with and that she didn’t really even mess up, she was able to go back to her charming, typical self.

similarly but also slightly different, she regrets her actions immediately after doing them, assuming she’s at fault and kind of gets hyper focused on it. when she, Gus, and Luz get caught animating the house, it takes her a moment to remember that she can grab the root they’re hanging from and completely save their asses from dying. lots of OCD people tend to second guess their own judgment and actions. this can show up when police are called, and trying to find someone. someone with OCD might believe they committed a crime even if they were just, say, reading a newspaper. another instance is if someone talks in a different tone than usual, triggering anxiety and leaving because they think they have done something wrong and that the person who talked differently doesn’t want the person with ocd to be around them (sorry, that was a mouthful of words). this is similar to when Willow gave Hunter that picture of him and Flapjack, causing his eyes to widen and just stare at her. for all we know, he could have just been taking in her nice words and gesture. she shut down and fled the situation as to “not bother” Hunter anymore.

Willow also has her “out of sight, out of mind” mindset. i would argue that this is compulsive behavior. when an OCD individual has intrusive thoughts, such as “___ will die in twenty minutes from now,” they are typically convinced that it will happen. sometimes, partaking in some sort of ritual will ward off the thought or almost counter-convince the person (this will generally sound like “if i turn the light switch on and off 6 times, that car crash won’t happen and everyone will be safe) (also, that’s why people with OCD are usually stereotyped to always be cleaning—rituals like needing everything lined up in the right order are common). Willow’s “out of sight, out of mind” and “i can do this” is similar to an OCD ritual, especially because her thoughts are sometimes dangerous (to her wellbeing). when the polaroid of her and Amity came up, she immediately told Luz her motto. thinking about her old best friend might have sent her into a downward spiral, because it would have reminded her of how she "wasn't strong enough to be Amity's friend" and how badly she had ruined her life. i also believe that the vines that she had created were very representative of intrusive thoughts. they were literally eating her up, and they wouldn’t go away until she let her emotions out, and actually facing how badly she felt.

i can assure you that some of these are far-reaches but i really felt represented by her throughout the series, especially the vine scene in For the Future. it felt so realistic no matter how much magic was being used.

uhh, i’m bad at conclusions, thanks for coming to my ted talk!

[phoenixyfriend]

Guide to Writing OCD Characters

DISCLAIMER: I started writing this post nine years ago, which is also when I started working on it. I do not remember everything I planned to add, nor have I actually reread it because the awkward horror of Reading My Own Stuff From Almost Ten Years Ago is real... but my mental state has not changed that much since, in regards to the hyperawareness of contaminated surfaces and distrust of others, so it’s probably still fine.

Everything under the cut is from back then, and has not been edited. I have not reread it.

Or rather, a guide to writing one type of OCD at moderate severity. But more on that in a minute.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental illness that is defined by the repetition of actions or mental patterns in an attempt to stifle anxiety. These actions and mental patterns are generally sorted into obsessions and compulsions, as the name suggests. Obsessions can take the form of a reliance on a certain number or color, e.g. the computer’s sound/volume must be set to a multiple of ten, I’ll feel more comfortable on a street that is a multiple of twelve, I want these random numbers I have to add up or multiply into a square. Compulsions take the form of a need to perform certain actions, often a certain number of times, e.g. repetitive hand washing, itemized destruction of small objects, etc.

OCD is not the same thing as OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder). OCPD is what most people assume OCD is. OCPD is a mental illness that is defined by a need to control one’s surroundings to a degree beyond what is reasonably expected and feasible; this is the perfectionism disorder, to put it bluntly, and it’s not something I’m at all qualified to talk about beyond explaining the difference between OCD and OCPD.

OCD can generally be separated into the following categories:

Checking

Contamination / Mental Contamination

Hoarding

Ruminations / Intrusive Thoughts

There are also others, but these are the most common. The DSM-V also describes OCD as the point at which obsessions and compulsions:

Consume excessive amounts of time (approximately an hour or more).

Cause significant distress and anguish.

Interfere with daily functioning at home, school, or work; or interfere with social activities/ family life/relationships.

I, personally, have a moderate variant of OCD that is primarily centered around contamination/mental contamination. I’m going to list off a number of my symptoms, mental patterns, and coping methods that can be used as a general guide for writing a character with OCD. If you have OCD, I would not suggest reading this list, because it may cause something to trip in your brain and cause new symptoms (it’s happened to me before).

There is always a logical pattern. It may not make sense to you at first glance, but it makes sense to the person with OCD.

The phone. I mainly use my phone on the subway, so my brain immediately tracks the germs’ journey from subway pole to hand to phone to bag, and unless I clean my phone and bag up at some point with a Clorox wipe or hand sanitizer, I will refuse to touch it unless I have some way to clean myself immediately afterwards or it’s an emergency.

When I come home with groceries, I will wipe down the boxes and bottles with a Clorox wipe as soon as possible (with the exception of feminine hygiene products). I generally get groceries as soon as I get off the subway, so my brain tracks germs from the subway to my hands to my groceries, as well as assuming that there must already be germs on them from other people touching them.

Prior to starting to use the Clorox wipes on my groceries, heating up bread (because I put bread in the freezer because it lasts longer that way, a quirk that actually has nothing to do with my OCD) required me to wash my hands at least twice because my brain focused on how the germs were still on the outside of the package. Once I opened the bag, I had to go wash my hands in order to take the bread out, put it on the plate, and start heating it up. Then I had to close the bag and wash my hands again. If I didn’t finish the entire can of pašteta or tuna or whatever, I had to repeat the process to get more. You can see how this could be irritating, but the brain literally will not shut up about the germs and contamination.

Any part of your pants is considered dirty after the first five minutes. Any part of it. The undersides have touched your shoes and the bus/subway seat and the upper sides have touched the undersides when you crossed your legs. The belt has been dirty since the first time you wore it and the belt loops on your pants have picked that up, but the pockets and zipper and everything in that area is also dirty because that’s the part of your pants that you touched when you pulled them up in the bathroom before washing your hands.

The same goes for the hem of your shirt. You touched it with dirty bathroom hands before you washed them. The hem of your shirt is off limits unless you plan on washing your hands or using copious amounts of hand sanitizer in the near future.

That line about your pants getting dirty because they touched other parts of your clothing that were already dirty? That applies to everything. Especially coats and shoes.

You do not trust anyone that says they just washed their hands. You smile, shake their hand, and then use hand sanitizer as soon as they turn away. Chances are they tripped one of your own contamination lines without realizing it.

Like touching a door handle. Most people consider that an everyday thing. I will do whatever it takes to avoid touching a door handle unless I have immediate access to a sink and soap, especially if it’s a bathroom door handle, because those are nasty and a lot of people don’t wash their hands.

Hand sanitizer is a godsend. It’s a massive coping method that makes it ten times easier to get things done because you aren’t running off to teh bathroom all the time.

Certain parts of your environment are designated as ‘safe’ zones that you don’t touch unless completely clean. The upper half of the bed and the pillow are big ones. Everything else, not so much.

Neatness is helpful but it’s not an immediate necessity. So long as things stay in their own area, even if the garbage needs to be taken out or there’s blood stains on the floor, the brain compartmentalizes that into “not touching my hands or face and as such is okay to ignore for the time being.”

[aspd-culture]

Sorry ig in advance since you get questions a lot but got curious about a few things

1. Is it normal for pwASPD to view unbeneficial relationships as chores? I know I, a likely prosocial, when I don't see the benefit in a relationship, I have to view it as being a chore to continue it.

2. If a connection is established between harming others and being harmed, will a pwASPD, for lack of a better term, be able to mimic empathy or remorse?

3. Do you know if pwASPD and another comorbid disorder, if the other disorder causes already low or fragile self esteem (like another cluster B), can seem like they don't have ASPD?

These are mostly for project research but also out of curiosity because I can

Nothing to be sorry for!!/gen

1.) Oh yes. So very, very much yes. And honestly, it's even worse than a chore - more like if a dead-end job decided to stop paying you but you'd go to jail if you quit. If you've ever seen a kid stuck dress shopping with their mother on TV, that's the way I would like to act through every single interaction with an equal part useless and annoying but unavoidable prosocial irl. Every single non-Exception prosocial is that coworker you hate who won't leave you alone./hj Joking aside, not all prosocials are actually that annoying actually. So it kind of depends; sometimes it's fine at least for me.

2.) Yeah, I'd say so. This goes differently for all of us, but for the most part "connection formed" would probably go in the direction of an Exception, and that's where some symptoms of ASPD are lessened for those of us that have them. That includes often having some degree of effective empathy and/or a desire to work on cognitive empathy with them in particular (I use them as practice to make the necessary use of cognitive empathy less annoying with non-Exceptions). Ditto with remorse for some pwASPD, though for me in particular that depends on the Exception in question. Some still do not bring out remorse in me for whatever reason. This is a good place to note that actually, since I don't think I've mentioned this elsewhere. Exceptions do not all have to be the same even for the same pwASPD. Two friends may have different symptoms they alleviate vs don't affect vs worsen, and of course platonic vs sexual vs romantic Exceptions often vary in that as well. For me and a few other pwASPD I've met, this may also occur with some groups of people who aren't Exceptions but cause an Exception-esque response. For me, kids get that as most do other people struggling with mental health disorders beyond just depression and anxiety (nothing easy about those two it's just in our current world most people have those). If I hurt a kid's feelings, 25/10 times I am going to cry with them or force myself not to. And that will vary for each pwASPD based on how much social neurological development was completed before it was fundamentally changed and started developing antisocially too. Some of us have more empathy than others, or more remorse than others (and vice versa) in general, so that'll impact those situations too.

3.) So this depends on what you define as "seem like they don't have ASPD", though it won't be self-esteem that affects that. Generally I'd point that more in the direction of NPD. But yeah, looking at the symptoms of ASPD, there are a few specific disorders that cause someone who very much has ASPD to not be diagnosed and/or believed both professionally and personally. In personal relationships, it's honestly just not being a serial k*ller that will get most to think you don't have it. Professionally, you're looking at disorders that cause social problems (such as autism, SAD - social anxiety, and GAD - generalized anxiety), impulse control (ADHD mostly), emotional instability (bipolar disorder, IED - intermittent explosive, ODD - oppositional defiance, and yeah your other cluster b PDs). There are others that make a whole lot less sense imo to get in the way of an ASPD diagnosis too. Schizophrenia comes to mind, with some professionals thinking that it's just... so many episodes of psychosis that it starts to look like ASPD which, don't even get me started on how much of a medical failure it is that I have heard of that specific thing happening. But mostly, it's going to be the ones I listed previously. None of these are mutually exclusive with ASPD, but they have symptoms that overlap with or mimic ASPD's, and so you'll have genuinely good professionals who are trying to avoid over/misdiagnosis where it applies to a *very* stigmatized disorder, and you'll have lazy ones that don't care to try and pick out which it is if not both. That will all just depend on the pwASPD's presentation of symptoms. I had more than one professional refuse to believe I had ASPD, and my (very lovely and dilligent/gen) psychiatrist was also leaning to just diagnose autism until I said some line about the reason I try for social interaction not being because I want to but because everyone has to to be able to get what they need in life. Once she realized I see it as an irritating requirement to associate with other people - even ones I kind of like - she quickly turned on that and diagnosed both. That's why it's important to speak openly and with as much of the mask removed as possible without getting yourself in trouble. They will try and avoid labelling you with something like this unless they are 1000% sure because of its connotations and the social and professional implications of having ASPD. It is very possible to pick out which is which or if it's more than one with overlap in regards to any set of comorbidities even outside of ASPD, but it takes a lot of work for that to be done properly especially if you're still masking in front of them.

I have no issue with anyone asking just out of curiosity by the way. Seriously like I guess I see why some people feel weird about it, but genuine interest is the reason why disorders get looked into, researched, and potentially normalized and accepted. There is nothing wrong with being interested in any topic as long as you're respectful in your interactions with sensitive subjects, and this ask was completely respectful, so I'm happy to answer it./gen

Plain text below the cut:

Nothing to be sorry for!!/gen

1.) Oh yes. So very, very much yes. And honestly, it's even worse than a chore - more like if a dead-end job decided to stop paying you but you'd go to jail if you quit. If you've ever seen a kid stuck dress shopping with their mother on TV, that's the way I would like to act through every single interaction with an equal part useless and annoying but unavoidable prosocial irl. Every single non-Exception prosocial is that coworker you hate who won't leave you alone./hj Joking aside, not all prosocials are actually that annoying actually. So it kind of depends; sometimes it's fine at least for me.

2.) Yeah, I'd say so. This goes differently for all of us, but for the most part "connection formed" would probably go in the direction of an Exception, and that's where some symptoms of ASPD are lessened for those of us that have them. That includes often having some degree of effective empathy and/or a desire to work on cognitive empathy with them in particular (I use them as practice to make the necessary use of cognitive empathy less annoying with non-Exceptions). Ditto with remorse for some pwASPD, though for me in particular that depends on the Exception in question. Some still do not bring out remorse in me for whatever reason. This is a good place to note that actually, since I don't think I've mentioned this elsewhere. Exceptions do not all have to be the same even for the same pwASPD. Two friends may have different symptoms they alleviate vs don't affect vs worsen, and of course platonic vs sexual vs romantic Exceptions often vary in that as well. For me and a few other pwASPD I've met, this may also occur with some groups of people who aren't Exceptions but cause an Exception-esque response. For me, kids get that as most do other people struggling with mental health disorders beyond just depression and anxiety (nothing easy about those two it's just in our current world most people have those). If I hurt a kid's feelings, 25/10 times I am going to cry with them or force myself not to. And that will vary for each pwASPD based on how much social neurological development was completed before it was fundamentally changed and started developing antisocially too. Some of us have more empathy than others, or more remorse than others (and vice versa) in general, so that'll impact those situations too.

3.) So this depends on what you define as "seem like they don't have ASPD", though it won't be self-esteem that affects that. Generally I'd point that more in the direction of NPD. But yeah, looking at the symptoms of ASPD, there are a few specific disorders that cause someone who very much has ASPD to not be diagnosed and/or believed both professionally and personally. In personal relationships, it's honestly just not being a serial k*ller that will get most to think you don't have it. Professionally, you're looking at disorders that cause social problems (such as autism, SAD - social anxiety, and GAD - generalized anxiety), impulse control (ADHD mostly), emotional instability (bipolar disorder, IED - intermittent explosive, ODD - oppositional defiance, and yeah your other cluster b PDs).

There are others that make a whole lot less sense imo to get in the way of an ASPD diagnosis too. Schizophrenia comes to mind, with some professionals thinking that it's just... so many episodes of psychosis that it starts to look like ASPD which, don't even get me started on how much of a medical failure it is that I have heard of that specific thing happening. But mostly, it's going to be the ones I listed previously. None of these are mutually exclusive with ASPD, but they have symptoms that overlap with or mimic ASPD's, and so you'll have genuinely good professionals who are trying to avoid over/misdiagnosis where it applies to a very stigmatized disorder, and you'll have lazy ones that don't care to try and pick out which it is if not both. That will all just depend on the pwASPD's presentation of symptoms. I had more than one professional refuse to believe I had ASPD, and my (very lovely and dilligent/gen) psychiatrist was also leaning to just diagnose autism until I said some line about the reason I try for social interaction not being because I want to but because everyone has to to be able to get what they need in life. Once she realized I see it as an irritating requirement to associate with other people - even ones I kind of like - she quickly turned on that and diagnosed both. That's why it's important to speak openly and with as much of the mask removed as possible without getting yourself in trouble. They will try and avoid labelling you with something like this unless they are 1000% sure because of its connotations and the social and professional implications of having ASPD. It is very possible to pick out which is which or if it's more than one with overlap in regards to any set of comorbidities even outside of ASPD, but it takes a lot of work for that to be done properly especially if you're still masking in front of them.

I have no issue with anyone asking just out of curiosity by the way. Seriously like I guess I see why some people feel weird about it, but genuine interest is the reason why disorders get looked into, researched, and potentially normalized and accepted. There is nothing wrong with being interested in any topic as long as you're respectful in your interactions with sensitive subjects, and this ask was completely respectful, so I'm happy to answer it./gen

[lunastral]

Tulip DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder) flag ✨

PT: Tulip DPD (Dependent Personality Disorder) flag [Sparkle emoji]

[ID: two almost identical flags, the one on the right having a divided sun symbol representing the dependent personality disorder. The colors of the horizontal stripes are pastel/desaturated, and are in the following order, top to bottom: purple, peach pink, orange, yellow, and green /End ID]

DPD Symbol by @/revenant-coining, and also credits to @/dependencypersonality for the idea of the tulip being representative of DPD, very thoughtful! Those two together made something click in my brain.

I wanted to make my own take on the DPD flag, seeing as how much it affects my life. I wanted it to be full of meaning and hope for a better future while acknowledging it isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

Stripe Meanings:

Purple: Darkness when without the guidance of others, being lost in the dark.

Peach pink: Depended person, being dependant on them. (Can also represent the love one feels for them, though not necessarily)

Orange: Anxiety, Feeling anxious and stressed when forced to make own decisions

Yellow: Hope for a better tomorrow, new beginnings (rising sun rays)

Green: Growth, constantly trying to be more independent and growing as a person. (Recovery)

As you can see, the majority of colors (3 out of 5) are warm, and the orange is centered. This is because orange is associated with anxiety and cluster C pds are the "anxious" ones.

The colors are in negativity to positivity in meaning, atleast to me. Going from feeling lost and depending on someone, to anxiety but being a bit more independent, having hope, and finally being in recovery and healing,

I chose to use the theme of sunrise colored tulips for two reasons: firstly, the DPD symbol is a setting/rising sun. Secondly, tulips and flowers in general are seen as a "needy" because of how fragile and sensitive to various factors they are, so they depend on their gardeners to stay alive and healthy

I used common tulips colors, except white and the darkest purples to keep some harmony in the color pallette and to maintain the sunrise/sunset theme.

[redsrooftopprincess]

ASK RULES

Okay, I've been getting asks, so it's time to talk RULES...

I'm currently accepting Headcanons only. I only have enough room in my brain (and my schedule) for so many fics and I have a lot that I really want to write)

ALSO, The Bruiser has agreed to answer questions, so feel free to ask away.

General Rules

I'M NEW AT THIS. The only experience I have writing is poetry that I don't think I was really great at, so please bear with me while I learn what the hell I'm doing. It's so much easier to write what's already in my head than something out of someone else's, AND I'm going to do my best.

Please be patient. I am a grown up that has to do grown up things and for some reason casually writing stories about giant anthropomorphic reptiles falling in love with you isn't financial sustainable. I promise I will get to you as fast as I can.

I write for my own turtles. Visually Bayverse, but a combination of multiple generations and my own headcanons.

I'm down to try most genres, angst and silly fluff are my favorite, I will write NSFW, but that takes me a little while longer because I'm really insecure about my writing. 😅

Mental health - this is a touchy subject for me, as I don't feel comfortable writing for conditions I don't have personal experience with. The ones I am comfortable writing for are: OCD, Depression, Anxiety, Autism, ADHD, Dissociative Disorders (not DID), Bipolar I & II, and Maladaptive Daydreaming

No Anon NSFW asks. No exceptions.

No Turtle x OC. If you're not in my head I can't write for you specifically, sorry.

One at a time! I wont be writing polyam (especially NSFW) until I'm a bit more comfortable writing for ONE partner.

As is probably evident, the Bruiser is my guy and I will always have the easiest time writing for Raph. I'm fully open to writing for the other boys, but...

No Donnie/Leo/Mikey smut - fluff okay - This may change as I get more comfortable writing, but they've been like brothers to me for so long that writing smut for them just feels weird.

NO List:

Human AUs

Food Play

Pet Play

Non-Con

TCEST

Yandere

Abuse/Toxicity from the boys

NSFW Minors

Bestiality

All of these are subject to change & be added to. As I said I'm new at this so idk what all I can and can't handle. I also am fully within my rights to delete requests that make me uncomfortable.

That's it for now! I guess be gentle? 😅

[inamindfarfaraway]

It's both funny and increasingly annoying to me when Hatchetfield fans associate Bill with Blinky, the way Paul is associated with Pokey and Ted with Tinky, but leave out Alice. She was there in Watcher World too! Her eyes were also purple! She was also controlled to try to kill her family! There is no way you can think of “Watcher World” without remembering Alice's equal involvement in Blinky's scheme.

I'd argue that she's a much better fit for Blinky's special human. He forms a grudge against her for insulting and disobeying him ("Fuck you, Blinky", "You'll be sorry"), just like Pokey's fixation on Paul because he defied him. She has a theme of watching going on herself, in contrast to Bill's naivety and obliviousness: being perceptive enough to notice the creepy, suspicious elements of Watcher World; trying to use observation as a tool to control Deb's behaviour, Blinky's modus operandi (though I personally like to believe that Deb didn't actually cheat and Blinky was tricking her); and having a connection with social media in general, which Blinky is thematically similar to and embodies the worst, most harmful elements of. She's deeply self-conscious, concerned with her reputation to her peers and has an anxiety disorder. She’s always worrying about how people see her and feels pressured to act in certain ways by that, which is exactly what Blinky wants in his prey, just like how Linda is Nibby's ideal hungry Honey Queen. She's interested in theatre and wants to be a playwright, to write shows where people will passively watch characters struggle and suffer for their own entertainment. Blinky creates live plays too - he even proudly says “Welcome to the show!" when the father and daughter's duel begins. She knows how to manipulate people by showing them what they want to see, giving her script draft a tragic ending for the queer main characters that's more likely to get it accepted in the discriminatory industry, when in fact she wants to change the ending once she has more power.

And she alone defeats her Lord in Black. Pokey assimilates Paul. Tinky breaks and owns Ted. Nibbly consumes Linda. Wiggly completely enslaves Linda and leads her to her death, and Wiley is unshakeable from his allegiance to him. But Alice? She overcomes the mind control, pushes through her panic attack, shoots Bliklotep in his all-seeing eye and goes home with her dad. And lets go of her independent issues with perception and image by putting down her phone.

She is so much like Blinky, and so much his perfect victim. Except that she wants happy endings. For the characters in her stories, for herself and for the people she loves. And she has the strength to make them come true. She's Blinky's equal and opposite. The hero to his villain. She can do everything he can, on a human scale, but she believes in happy endings.

I know the fandom likes the 'CCRP eldritch horrors’ favourites gang', and that is fun. But give Alice the respect she deserves! I see her as Blinky's Ted while Bill is his Pete; also a valued toy, but more by proxy than in his own right.