#every time someone talks about feeling like theyre talking about My person
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pickled-flowers · 8 months ago
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Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone
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bare1ythere · 18 days ago
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I'm so tired of every small thing that my brain perceives as a social attack against me (which are 90% totally innocuous) making me feel like im being stabbed repeatedly in the chest. I feel awful, I can't handle this level of sensitivity anymore
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gmos · 4 months ago
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i feel mean saying this but i use neopronouns bc it suits my gender identity to use them. not bc i spend a lot of time online or care about "mogai" anything
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cavity-collector · 3 months ago
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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todayisafridaynight · 2 months ago
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Just a curiosity! Why do you reply to the asks mostly via tags?
Nothing wrong with it of course I just found it curious!
if i post a response that's more than two lines long i'll feel like an eighteen wheeler in a bike lane does that make sense
#snap chats#tbh im surprised its taken like six years for someone to ask this VJALKJVA but hi. i'll actually explain now#like unless it's an ask outright prompting me to type a lot- like asking for analysis or something of the sort#then i just feel better doing most of my talking in the tags since. i talk a lot LOL i dont wanna post a wall of text every time#thats just- how you say. A Lot VLEKKJ i want people to be able to scroll quickly if they aint interested#and yk with my rambling it is True And Honest Rambling cause i dont even be on topic for like half the tags sometimes#so if i can Generally answer something in the main text then im happier doing that: short and sweet and to the point#but yk. then if you do wanna read my extra thoughts theyre always down here and not five miles long by default#its also just a sense of. im always 'shy' about my personal thoughts LOL#like obvi i have em and ill post em down here but i dont wanna 'talk too much' yk what im saying#there's always the Read More button but that still feels too much like putting all my thoughts on the main post if that makes sense#in any case. i hear my cat meowing so i legally have to bother her now#my eldest sister's going. SOMEWHERE so we're cat sitting for the weekend- just in time for me to visit For The Weekend LOL#but yeah thanks for the question !!!!!! that is why i chat down here as opposed to the main body#the main body's always like A Header or Intro i like to think for my text posts but anyway. adios :]
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buppypuppy · 1 year ago
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#vent post essay ahead lol#having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad.#the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like#i mean im talking abou t me here obviously.#being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like.#it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help.#i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to#like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m#i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s#i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's#it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus#i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li#i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like#ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!!#because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know#and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like .#i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad.#my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik#my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine#makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS#it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well.#i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum#fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri#you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though#so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do#and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode#and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate.#i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day.#jane mary cry one tear
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nomairuins · 4 months ago
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i literally likw felt sick hust now bc i thought abt gay people and ive just realized as i was about to hit post that this sounds homophobic. it was pure envy unfortunately
#i need to have a gay moment or im going to die in real life. guys its so hard#mfw i never leave the house and im extremely closed off and distant from people and i never talk to anybody and im a shutin: When will i#meet my love.#ITS NOT GONNA HAPPENNN MY LOVE WILL NOT MATERIALIZE INSIDE MY STUPID GARAGE. PUNCHES THE WALL#also you may think connor youre not closed off you literally yap constantly about every single thought in your head. Yes. but thats to you#guys as a whole so it doesnt count#one on one conversations im so scared im like acat hiding under a bed. genuinely shaking crying#BUT I DONT NOT LIKE ONE ON ONE CONVERSATIONS I MISS THEM BADLY. i used to talk to online friends Everyday. and ugh. obvioisly.#i just like. idk. i wanna make friends but i feel like im so bad at being a person that its wah too much work to befriend me#i dont mean that selfdeprecatingly i mean like. i need the other person to make the first moves always which sucks bc thats a bad thing to#expect of someone but if i ever made the first moves i. well i just couldnt my brain would shut down its a whole thing. connor doesnt speak#unless spoken to etc. and again ik i yap on here#but thats bc this is like my diary. dms or discord or whatever Is a conversation.......sigh#but ya. and with time i think id warm up and be able to initiate congersation and reciprocate properly but thats a long time to make someone#wait. bc i also when ppl do reach out i like. im like . like w my old coworkers we were i think friends but i was like Im the only one who#thinks that they dont actually like Me so whenever they talked id be like Theyre just doing tjis to be nice or out of pity#which is a rude thought to have abt someone inknow but its like. idk .. im nonsensical#but it takes me a while to like. actually understand somebody is trying to be friends bc im obtuse as fuck#and im like Well theyre saying hello to me and amiling whenever rhey see me just to be nice or possibly bc they hate me <- stupid guy on 🌎
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termagax · 5 months ago
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random thought that i havent been able to get out of my head is dannie and arcade having the "what do you think we do. after all this is over." convo.
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mothlegs · 1 year ago
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i looove probably having bpd and at the very least separation anxiety
i looove having nightmares about having breakdowns and physical violence just to wake up crying, unable to fall back asleep and when i finally manage sleep i still wake up after about an hour, knowing i'll be stuck in that sleepless loop till i give up, all just because they're unexpectedly gone
i looove having motivation to do things to improve my future when i'm with them, and being suicidal as soon as they're unexpectedly gone
why is it too much to ask just to be told when they'll be gone? why do i get punished for having feelings? why am i never good enough for them?
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6mayhem · 1 month ago
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but i would give anything for just one day spent in the life i had when i was 15. it may not have been perfect but i felt like i belonged somewhere. and i didn't worry so goddamn much about the big picture
#sighhh i miss when my biggest worry was my crush liking me back#i was such a typical teenager in hindsight bc of that#it seems a lifetime ago but it was only 4 years#2 years since we broke up thats crazy. everything changed i built my own life from nothing#im a completely different person#figuratively and literally though i will not use that to excuse my past actions haha#discord was like my whole damn world my center of the universe talking to my friends on there the highlight of my day#we had plans we had goals we had all thse big ideas and things we could do in our free time#now we go days without really talking to each other#in 2020 i said 3 more years and then we meet irl now 2023 is over and i am sure i will never see you. i wouldnt want to see you#i guess adulthood caught up to all of us. okay. most of us#i am just so sentimental#things had purpose back then and i wasnt this afraid#and i loved them#and i had someone who loved me#its fucked up how you dont even realize it wont last forever until its over#i wish it had ended differently. the whole friend group.#sometimes i wish we wouldve stayed friends. but thats just hopeful thinking because in my heart i know there is no way#were too different and theyre too committed to fucking up everything they have always#it makes me sad. makes me think they truly dont feel like they deserve happiness. i am kind of that way too#but i dont complain about losing the people i push away. so thats how were different lol#and i also dont suibait my mentally ill followers every other day because of some drama that only 15 year olds care about#so in that regard thank fuck i grew up. but also. thinking of them reminds me of simpler times#when this petty shit mattered to me. it really doesnt matter to me anymore and i cant get myself to care about anything that happens online#maybe its time for me to leave the internet behind for good. i dont know what its doing for me anymore.#i dont have anything im excited about on my laptop anymore lmao i have to desperately cling for straws for things i could do#to avoid sleep and being alone with my thoughts
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irissuite · 2 months ago
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🥭🎴🎸♟️🤺
#on the off chance that you see this because i know i gave you my url before we broke up#and i know you don't use this site but maybe if you end up curious#i hope you know i still love you and i always will and i havent been able to have anything with the same flavours as i used to drink#when i was over there and there are so many things I'll never do again. i used to do things in threes because i thought#if i didnt then youd leave me but it didnt really help anything and once the worst happened i lost any of the fear associated with it#so there was nothing to spiral about.#ive picked more things up like how i cant touch peeble - the jellycat you gave me- without washing my hands enough that i know theyre clean#and i sleep next to him every night and talk to him like hes a person. and i used to have to type out everything to you longhand without#using autocorrect or typing suggestions because i felt like that created a sense of lack of effort. i undetstand a lot now how ocd fucked u#my relationship with you and my sense of love at all. i think I'd still do anything to have you back and ill find something to do to pass#the time but I'll just be waiting for you to come back and trying in the meantime to collect as much as i can do so i can never be unsure o#feel too inexperienced to settle down. ill feel happy and sure if you come back. ill wait#but if you find someone else do you think youll tell me? do you think its possible there's someone out there youll love more than me#it'll hurt me to have to settle for 2nd place#text
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thebigqueer · 2 months ago
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Your breakup really really reminds me of my first (and only) wlw relationship/breakup everything you're saying hits home a lot. You will get through it but tbh it's so hard to heal and it still grinds my gears when I think about her and how we broke up. Idk if that helps but I understand what you're going though
YEAH MAN ITS TOUGH OUT HERE FR!!! its not my first queer relationship but like something about this is genuilnely the most world-shattering romantic experience ive had cuz we went into this soooo head over heels for each other like we were literally moving SO fast. and at the time i was like is it ok for us to even be moving this fast (probs tmi but we were literally making out shirtless by like 2nd time we even made out) (probs not a big deal to most people but i experienced a LOT of new things with her that id never experienced befoer & the fact that i was so WILLING to do it so fast was what surprised me the most) but then i was like okk whateverrr i really like how fast we're moving. and i was like 'damn if were moving this fast & if im feeling so good it has to end soon right like theres no way life is going to let me just be happy w this' and then i was like 'no elts not think about it' and then what do you know 5 months later she brekas up w me. and neither of us did anything wrong but it was so random??? like i dont understand how one moment shes telling me how excited she is to spend the entire semester with me and then literally 36 hours later tell me shes not feeling an emotional connection but wont even give us the chance to work it out. i know she also broke it off for personal reasons but its like... this was something we could have TRIED to work out you know!!! maybe it wouldnt have worked in the end but literally nothing felt off to me at all & if id known she was feeling this way i wouldve done my best to make things better. the entire breakup was so sudden and honestly im really not mad at her because i know how nerve-wracking it is to be in your first relationship. i think its just that im really dispapointed she gave up on us so easily you know??? didnt even give us a chance to figure it out
#sorry you didnt ask for a rant but man im not even going to lie the main reason i even rant about this on tumblr is cuz its so much easier#than talking to my friends#not cuz theyre not kind & underestanding and stuff. i mean just generally ive always been better at saying things by writing anonymously#like i never cry on my friends but this was the first time ive ever done that and even then#every time i tell someone i broke up with her i generally dont feel anything i feel like im just retelling a story#other than that one time i cried on my firend#like its just so much easier ranting on tumblr than telling my friends. also if eel really bad ranting to my friends#cuz i know they care abou tme but also like how much of 'i want her back' are they going to take yk??#every time i get tipsy i start complaining about how much i miss her and these past few weeknds my friends have heard an earful of tipsy me#like i jstu dont wnat to burden them like that#but yeah anyway. i feel you anon this shit is so hard#and i feel like the other thing is when its a hetero-presenting relationship friends find it easier to be like 'fuck him / her!!'#and obviously thats not always going to make the person feel better cuz EVERYONE is complex but in a way its nice feeling that support from#friends. but my dating experiences have always been queer and i feel so guilty any time someone says 'fuck them! youre out of their league'#because like the thing about queer dating is i feel so much more understood and it all feels so much more intimate#and when you cant even get a 'fuck them' from your friends it just feels so alienating in a way#idk how to explain it#obviuosly if the ex is a cheater then its valid to be 'fuck them' but in my case none of them have cheated & theyre both very copmlex peopl#weve all done probelmatic things to each other yk#i think its just like. how am i suposed to get over her when our relationship doesnt feel like it should have ended at all#like it was NOT our time!!! NOTHING felt off or wrong or anything!! i thought we were really happy!!#i think she broke it off in part because she was afraid of the moment things went wrong but man this hurts much worse#cuz at least if things started going wrong it would make SENSE to break it off. but BEFORE things go wrong? this pain just feels unnecessar#anyway heres to hoping my insta stories trying to look hot convince her that she messed up and she should totally date me again#and well live happily ever after for at least a few more months#anon tag#asks
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greppelheks · 3 months ago
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I may have feelings for my friend................!!!!!!!
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isekyaaa · 3 months ago
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If you don't know me well and you've heard my opinions abt people talking shit, I probably seem like the person that enjoys talking shit about others. To which the truth of the matter is that I don't. Tbh, I feel I do something worse. When I talk about a person to someone else, I break them down from the bottom up by analyzing what makes them so irritating, but also what makes them so great, and I share that analysis with the person I'm talking to. It quickly escalates to bringing up a person's personal issues, traumas, insecurities, etc, and analyzing them under a lens.
#rambles#sometimes if people are really lucky i'll share my analyses with the person themselves#that's really fun#oh how i would love someone to do this to me#or if someone did this to me behind my back i'd hope the person they talked to shares their findings with me#one thing thats true abt me is that i always treat people the way i dont mind getting treated (even if they dont like it)#but my opinion of talking shit is like.....#the line between talking shit and venting can get extremely thin#tell me this#your friend has a coworker that is constantly causing problems for your friend. this person is friendly but utterly incompetent#this coworker piles more work to do on your friend's already stressful job. added onto this this coworker always lies to sound competent#your friend cannot stand their coworker. they can't stand listening to this person or even hearing them breathe#everyday they vent about them to the point that it devolves into getting irritated over the tiniest things#here's the question. is your friend talking shit or are they venting?#are they a bad person for getting so irate?#the thing with talking shit and venting is that regardless of what is said it will always be hurtful to the person talked about#but also sometimes there are very good reasons why a person may get upset and feel the need to vent all the time#should we operate under the fantastical belief to always see the good in everyone and accept everything they do?#should we act like we should always like everyone we talk to and never speak bad about them?#is it wrong to share these charged feelings with someone you trust that would never share it with others?#should you feel upset when people feel the need to vent about you?#or do you think theyre talking shit behind your back?#do you expect everyone to like every aspect about you? and that they should share every gripe they have abt you?#tbh i dont care what ppl say abt me 'behind my back' bc no doubt i do things that bother them#i don't view them as a bad person for doing that#granted there are verified shit talkers and..... ngl those people are fascinating#no doubt toxic but also kinda refreshing to be around? they're very honest but also very.... accurate?#they can point out your deepest insecurity in a second#you can learn a lot abt the human psyche through observing them#theyre the kinds of people whose actions and lifestyle i dont condone but in short spurts theyre pretty fun
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holdingcaulfields · 1 year ago
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good fucking god im so anxious
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calling-the-angels · 4 months ago
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It's a narrow-minded view of what "oppression" looks like and turns the conversation into a competition about who is more oppressed or who is "actually" oppressed... with the added disgusting wish for someone to face MORE abuse because of their sexual identity. 🤨😒
It's actually depressing that in this day and age, we still have queers drawing lines in the sand of the LGBTQIA+ community instead of recognizing that we're all standing on fucking SAND and the tides are awfully threatening right now...
“I wish asexuals were as oppressed as they say they are.” = “I refuse to educate myself on how allonormativity negatively affects acespec people and how they are harshly treated (*abused) in an allonormative society.”
#lgbtqia+#asexuality#asexual#asexuality is valid#ace community#ace space#lgbtqia community#tw acephobia#tw abuse#queer#queer community#lgbtqia+ community#allonormative abuse looks like every GODDAMN person being obsessed with someone else's lack of interest in sex#and running their little mouths off online about how being acespec is just an excuse for not getting laid#instead of listening to ace people explain their own experience with sexuality and seeing the common threads of the acespec community#namely that we just don't give a fuck about sex and we'd like to stop having that questioned every time our sexuality is brought up#fucking over it fr 🙄😒#(if i could stop having my parents constantly asking about my love life and when theyre getting grandchildren that would be nice)#(especially considering that theyre never getting any from me... go bother my other 4 siblings about it for fucks sake!)#<-and hey guess what? that is what i consider to be abuse as an acespec person#why the fuck should i have to constantly fend off weird innuendo questions from family and doctors and coworkers#instead of them hearing “i dont want to talk about my love life and i dont want to have kids” and just... accepting that? why is that hard?#not wanting kids isnt an ace thing but its a me thing tied to my asexuality so thats why i mention it#especially being a cis woman everyone is obsessed with when im popping out a little crotch goblin#saying shit like my “clock is ticking” as if im supposed to feel som biological imperative to have sex and have kids#newsflash... that biological urge does not exist for me!#sorry i got off on a tangent but these things are so intrinsically linked for me#for people to not see that incessant questioning as abuse really ticks me off
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