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dreamwritersworld · 5 months ago

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His daughter (sully family x reader) part 3

Days went on and soon months went on and the two teens continued to grow a stronger bond. Jake had tried multiple times to make something out of their friendship but all siblings denied it was anything more than that. Neytiri slightly knew that it was becoming more however..

“…and he walked me to our Maui…Ao’nung is sweet mama, he’s perfect..my best friend!”

Neytiri saw it, she saw the love begin to form in Y/n’s eyes and voice as she continued to speak about Ao’nung and their small walks around the island. Being in a new area of course had the parents on alert, but for once Neytiri allowed it. This would be the first person Y/n genuinely talked to since their move, she felt as a mother she should let her be free for once. Neytiri realized that it would all go by calmly if everyone just settled in and got comfortable with their ways…who was she to tell Y/n to deny the leaders son whom was attempting to show her more of his world and perspective? At least that’s the excuse she held in her head, and when Jake questioned their relationship..she stayed quiet.

Everyone knew. The group of teens even knew.

“Where you going Y/n-“

“With Ao’nung Neteyam!”

“Oh..okay!”

In between the pause was a smirk shared between him and Lo’ak, teasing Y/n about her relationship that was waiting to begin. Everyone got comfortable in their steering bond waiting to become more, even Tuk!

“Wait! Wait sister! Can I come?!”

Kiri quickly got up to pull Tuk with her and Tsireya, wanting it to just be Ao’nung and Y/n.

“no..sh!…stop it.”

There was whispered protesting to Tuk’s request from Kiri but Y/n would never deny her baby sister even if everyone wanted her to.

“Come on Tuk! We can find some gems!”

Tuk ran like never before allowing Ao’nung to pick her up onto his shoulders. To the rest of the teens who saw their back facing them…they looked absolutely perfect. They were walking in the sunset, and without looking at their face you’d think they were a beautiful family..

At first it must not be denied that Tonowari and Ronal were iffy about the relationship and they too had denied it being “something”. However with a smile that wide from Ao’nung every time he came home after spending time with her … how much more can you deny it?

Tonowari and Ronal especially grew to accept the relationship. They saw Y/n prosper in their world and environment. She was good at that, accepting Eywa’s world. The strict parents didn’t deny or forbid Ao’nung from continuing to fall in love with Y/n…because they felt the same. Y/n was good with the people and she loved them every part of someone’s culture even if it wasn’t hers.

So there Y/n was sitting at the shore laughing with Ao’nung about every aspect of their world. It was obvious to Y/n that Ao’nung had some troubling parts of him, far to unserious and she was fine with that because she also viewed him as responsible.

It should be noted that although Jake knows they aren’t the top tier family anymore, he still treats his family as they were to be. He expected even higher expectations from them since he knew all of the island had their eyes on them. Jake was even told things by villagers about his daughter…

“Yes! My family is loving your guys culture and the ways of water.”

The group of men laughed at him.

“Yea we’re sure of that! Your daughter is settling in just fine with our future leaders! And so is your son! I’d say a little over friendly even!!”

Jake awkwardly laughed at this, trying to gloss over the fact that he just said that about his kids. Lo’ak had openly been getting friendly with Tsireya and that was fine because they were just kids it’d pass over…but Y/n? She could never do that. She was too gentle for that kind of position in this environment the clan would rip her apart since she wasn’t from there. Jake sat quietly next to the group of men who continued their conversation…he sat there brewing all these thoughts of Ao’nung and Y/n, they were just friends weren’t they?..

For the most part, Ao’nung was ok with her father not knowing because they were just “friends” at the moment. The group knew them as friends who had liked each other but they didn’t believe they’d admit it..until they did.

Y/n and Ao’nung happened to be doing chores together, trying to rush so that they’d have time for themselves. They were laughing in front of each other and suddenly they felt super close..close enough to kiss. And so Y/n did, she went for it and pulled Ao’nung forward. When they pulled away there was a moment of surprise from the both of them..

“Woah..”

“I’m sorry..I-i don’t know-“

Ao’nung interrupted her ramble before kissing her again and for the first time they finally embraced each other. They allowed what they denied for the longest to finally become true. Both of them went home with love and prosperity growing stronger within them.

The couple inevitably knew to keep their relationship underground, sure everyone speculated..but it’s nothing compared to actually being confirmed. The clan loved Y/n but it would all come down to their parents…most importantly Y/n’s parents…Their love would have to shamefully be kept a secret for the months to come..

But that secret was cut short…because what the teens had not known was that Jake had caught them when he passed by to drop off some supplies that Tonowari told him Ao’nung would need. It took everything in him to not stop them right then and there, he knew that he’d separate his daughter and Ao’nung for good if he just waited till she got home. And so it was tonight that Jake told Y/n that she should hang out less with Ao’nung because she clearly wasn’t doing the best in adapting to the island, it was a total lie considering what he said was the opposite. He said it though because he knew it’d bother Y/n and Jake believed she wouldn’t even argue against him this time…considering, she would be more concerned with her improvements…however she wasn’t. She knew her father’s ways and she tried to break out from his chain peacefully.

Jake was standing there furious and upset against the Maui, working on his weapon and cleaning them up.

“…you should see Ao’nung less. I’m requesting you to listen this once Y/n..they say you aren’t improving and you aren’t the best compared to everyone. It wasn’t like that at home with you Y/n.”

“This isn’t my home father-“

“It is now. You need to be careful with your words Y/n.”

Y/n sighed trying to go about it peacefully so that he would ease up on the idea of separating her and Ao’nung.

“…he’s just a friend sir-“

“Just a friend? Do you seriously think I don’t know what’s going on?”

“Of course not father, because there isn’t anything-“

“Y/n you spread another lie out that mouth and you aren’t seeing him anymore.”

The teen stood there, staring at him as he continued sharpening the blade. It was like he was scaring her heart with each sharpening, she had finally grew a real connection with someone and now Jake wanted to take that away. In that moment Y/n tried her best to hold the desperation in her voice low..

“…I’m sorry. I know that sometimes you think I lie and not be a good person. But…”

He continued sharpening harsher and ignoring her words

“I’m not lying. We’re just friends so…please don’t tell me that Ao’nung and I can’t speak.”

“I can say whatever I want to say to you Y/n! How could you?! You and Ao’nung are already seeing each other! I saw you two on the beach! I mean seriously keeping the biggest secret like that away from me?!”

Y/n gasped at the words coming out her father’s mouth and all she could do was let out a sob. He was ready to take whatever he wanted away from her…and he didn’t even care.

“Please. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I-I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’m ungrateful and I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wanted more..but please don’t forbid him from me…please.”

“Y/n! This conversation is over!”

Right then and there Y/n collapsed to the floor, crying and begging Jake to just look at her and feel an ounce of sympathy. If only Jake took a little bit of more time to realize the Y/n and Ao’nung were practically his own love story…except this time…it was someone who raised Y/n and whom she grew up to trust…that would ultimately betray her.

It hurts Neytiri to watch Y/n beg for more than just a book to live by, she was practically begging for love.

For that single moment Y/n heard ringing in her ears as she drained out everything just crying on the floor begging him.

“…Jake that’s enough.”

“Neytiri? Are you kidding me? She’s a little girl-“

“She’s your little girl yes, but to the world? She isn’t. In front of Eywa, she’s already growing up to be a women…allow her this Jake, Y/n can swear that they’ll remain friends during her training.”

The sigh Jake let out shower pure frustration at his wife’s needs..

“fine. Y/n I will allow you to be friends with Ao’nung but nothing more.”

Y/n looked up from her blurry hands, disparity and anger wash over her as she looks up to her father. An exhausted and emotional Y/n couldn’t no longer argue and instead shook her head to walk away.

She knew, he showed no signs of relenting no matter how much y/n argued, begged, or cried.

When it came down to who to comfort. For the first time, Neytiri chose Y/n. When her mothers skin touched her, she settled in it and fell asleep to the hand that was running through her hair.

In the early morning when everyone asleep but them, Neytiri decided to just ask the question. How was Y/n really..?

“My child is it true?”

“…is what true?..”

“That you want us to “let you go” as you say, that you feel almost “too tight”

“Yes, please. I want to at least breathe my own air. I love you mother but I cannot keep doing this to myself.”

Neytiri’s heart ached for the longest…she took a breath she didn’t even know she was holding. Y/n could see her mother struggling to understand or process the words Y/n has expressed, she couldn’t bare to be disappointed again.

“..you know im just tired of talking about it. im tired-“

“No. You can talk to Ao’nung Y/n please talk to him. Continue whatever relationship you have, but always remember that I’m here. Just don’t keep arguing with your father it tears my heart.”

“Ok…”

In the moment Y/n agreed happily but as they sat in the silence Y/n couldn’t help but get frustrated. She was upset that she agreed to not argue with her father anymore knowing it was something she could not keep. She was also upset that these arguments hurt her mother as well…

!🎀!

Feedback please! And what kind of plot twist would you guys be looking for?? If so, I don’t know if this is my last one, this is just for fun :) Again, js trying to find my way back🩷

Tag list: @ruyaas-world @neteyamyanw3 @elegantkidfansoul @adaydreamaway08 @luxiniary @venomsvl @ratchetprime211 @mushy-mushroom04 @alohastitch0626 @sillysillygyal

#Spotify #angst #jake sully x reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam sully #avatar loak #avater the way of water #jake sully x daughter!reader #neytiri

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zahri-melitor · 11 months ago

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Dick isn't Damian's Parent

Thinking again about the push to see Dick as parental towards Damian and the reasons it does not land for me (and is not my reading of the Dick!Bats era):

There’re a few points I want to establish up front:

Not every person who cares for or supervises a child is their parent or guardian.

Having the ability to set boundaries and consequences for a child is more persuasive of parenting but not determinative.

My fundamental determination is the ability to make decisions on behalf of the child and about the child, including in respect to boundaries and consequences, is what places a person in a parental position to a child.

If you have ever spent any time around parenting groups or online parenting forums, you have heard the debate over “the dad is not ‘babysitting his kids’ he’s parenting”. (My apologies for everyone who just experienced immediate war flashbacks) But while this traditional devaluing of what is expected from fathers in relation to active parenting of their children, it’s a discussion that at its core has an important kernel of truth: when is the person supervising a child parenting the kid, and when are they a carer? And in traditional divisions of childrearing, fathers did not do a lot of the hands-on parenting, leading to the ‘babysitting the kids for the wife’ joke. Because the guts of parenting: setting boundaries; setting and enforcing consequences; the day to day ‘keeping a kid alive’ work of food and clothing and medical appointments; of supervising children; of teaching rules and emotional regulation; of making care decisions on their behalf? A lot of that fell on the mother. (Even in that awful dynamic of the consequence of bad behaviour being ‘wait til your father gets home (as he’ll belt you)’ from a mother, she’s still the one establishing the boundary that was broken, and setting the consequence – seeing the father for discipline).

Fundamentally, the relationship between a superhero and their sidekick is not a necessarily parental one. It’s better framed as mentoring, particularly when there’s an adult-child dynamic in the relationship. Is Dick!Bats and Tim!Robin a parent-child relationship? No, even though Dick actually spends a chunk of their time teaching Tim skills and mentoring him (including housework! Actually a lot of housework! Dick cooks for Tim and gets him to help sweep and shows him how to do laundry).

‘Is Dick parenting Damian’ comes accompanied by a second question: is Alfred parenting Damian? Because I will happily argue that Alfred is doing the lion’s share of day to day childcare of Damian outside of costume.

If we define the period that Dick has effective custody of Damian as Battle for the Cowl to Flashpoint (given Bruce is only intermittently home between his return and Flashpoint), then we have a number on panel moments outside of things that are pure vigilante field decisions that should be considered in regards to ‘who is Damian’s parent’.

We have Alfred declaring that someone needs to take responsibility for Damian (as he won’t, step up Dick). However. Once Alfred has arranged the situation to his liking (aka he is not the Official Person In Charge of Damian), he…proceeds to act exactly like he always does in regards to anyone living in the Wayne household: he cooks their food, cleans their clothes, supervises underage members of the household during the day when other people aren’t around, tends their injuries, may send them to bed, is arguably educating Damian during this period if Damian is in fact receiving any formal education (Damian is not in school during Reborn), etc. This is actually a massive chunk of the day to day responsibilities of parenting. Now, that doesn’t make Alfred Damian’s parent: first of all there’s the ‘Alfred is paid to do this’ aspect of Alfred’s relationship with all the Waynes, which can never be overlooked, just like another family might hire a babysitter or an au pair or a nanny or a servant/’help’ to do a lot of the basic labour associated with raising a kid. Or that child might be in daycare or school where they are again under paid adult supervision. Secondly, Alfred very clearly is disclaiming his responsibility for making decisions on behalf of Damian. He is saying it is not his job to arrange education for Damian or to financially support him, or to set boundaries and consequences for Damian’s actions. He can and will enforce rules and boundaries others set, but he won’t decide what they should be.

Setting Boundaries and Consequences This is something I do agree Dick does somewhat, in regards to Damian. However I will point out he is…not great at it.

This is a major issue, as Damian is in desperate need of boundaries given his upbringing, even more than an average child his age, and his testing those boundaries is rarely reacted to in an adequate manner to make Damian feel safe while still enforcing consequences for bad behaviour. (This is a recurring problem for Damian as a character ever since his introduction, up to the present, actually).

There are a lot of children who have parents who are bad at setting boundaries and consequences. Ask any teacher or coach (or any parent about That Kid at playgroup). But it’s also a sign of someone who’s not actually parenting a child, particularly when there isn’t a more convincing argument for why that person is the ‘parent’ (such as legal responsibility as parent/guardian).

There are three prominent moments I can pick out around the early Dick and Damian relationship over Dick enforcing boundaries and consequences with Damian: the Red Robin #1 fight Dick breaks up between Tim and Damian; the Hit List fight in Red Robin #14 between Tim and Damian; and the War of the Robins situation in Batman & Robin (2011), particularly Dick’s reaction in #12.

In short: Dick is trying what’s commonly considered ‘gentle’ parenting, but fails to enforce any consequences for Damian’s actions. Let’s go through this.

Red Robin #1: this is the least parental and most big brother and ‘overwhelmed and just reacting’ of all three situations. In terms of what Dick does towards Damian’s actions: he tells Damian to ‘shut up’ after insulting Tim, twice; and grabs Tim to stop him punching Damian again. We don’t ever see whether Dick talks to Damian about his language or attitude (because it’s not a comic focused on Damian), but honestly this shouldn’t be considered parenting; Dick’s a frustrated older brother here breaking up a fight between two of his siblings. His focus is to the stop the fight and then attempt to continue the conversation he was having with Tim about the support Dick’s looking to get from Tim. The consequence of Damian’s behaviour is being told to shut up, which…eh. Unlikely to be effective in any way.

Red Robin #14: Again focusing on the situation that Dick walked into – he gets the story of what happened from Tim and Damian (we the readers know it wasn’t a full story, but Dick’s working with what they said). Dick then validates Damian’s feelings and sends him out of the room to recover while saying he’ll talk to Tim about this, and proceeds to work with Tim to stop the situation happening again (by talking through what Damian’s feeling with Tim, and then working with Tim to upgrade his password). Notably, while Damian has his hurt emotions recognised, Dick never points out to Damian that Tim should be able to expect for Damian not to snoop through a password protected computer file and it’s Damian’s own fault for looking and getting hurt. There are no shown consequences from Dick to Damian over ‘this is the result of you breaking a boundary (hacking Tim’s files)’. I again note this is in Red Robin, but that conversation does not say that Dick will come and talk to Damian once Damian’s cooled off. Dick’s actually managing to parent Tim better here on page than he does Damian.

The reason I’m not convinced there was any follow through from Dick to Damian in Red Robin #14? Batman & Robin #12 (2011).

Batman & Robin #12 (2011): in this issue we again see Dick stepping in to acknowledge Damian’s feelings, after Damian’s just declared ‘war’ on Dick, Jason and Tim to ‘defeat’ them and show his superiority as Robin (and take a trophy). They’ve just finished a boss fight and Damian offers to drive the other three back in the Batmobile. Tim and Jason extract themselves from this with the minimum level of politeness possible. Dick takes up the offer and at that point says to Damian: “you don’t need to try so hard, Damian. If you hadn’t noticed, kid, you’re already wearing the ‘R’ on your chest” and proceeds to hand Damian one of his escrima sticks as a ‘trophy’. This is again an example of Dick validating Damian’s emotions about a situation (feeling he needs to compete to be the best), but fails to provide Damian any boundary over his actions here. Damian gets to keep the ‘trophies’ he took from attacking his siblings without warning. He doesn’t get explained to him that this behaviour is unacceptable and why Jason and Tim have refused his offer to drive them home and left precipitously. Dick doesn’t talk out the situation with Damian and work through what he should do next time when he feels hurt or overlooked, and about how he should respect Tim and Jason’s boundaries and spaces.

This is a common failure point seen in parents pursuing gentle parenting options in the modern era. They acknowledge the child’s emotions over the situation (good!) but provide no follow through on why the situation arose in the first place and how to avoid it happening again (and in the case of bad behaviour, some level of consequence/discipline, even if it is ‘and that’s why your friend doesn’t want to play with you’ or a time out or an apology).

Really, Dick’s not setting adequate boundaries for Damian’s behaviour, particularly in terms of family/civilian behaviour not vigilante behaviour. And he’s definitely not holding Damian to consequences (outside of outraged yells of ‘Damian!’ or ‘Robin!’ at bad behaviour in the field) for his actions.

Decision Making Power

The main evidence of Dick asserting the power to make decisions on behalf of Damian during this period is over Damian being Robin. He ‘gives’ the mantle to Damian and sanctions taking him out as Robin. He tells the Teen Titans to take Damian on the team. Dick also chooses that they will live at Wayne Tower not the Manor. He does not really make any other decisions on panel on behalf of Damian during this period, as an individual outside the mantle (and within the mantle Dick can choose these things anyway, as Batman, as the original Robin, and as someone with a lot of authority over what a Titans team is). He states or jokes to Damian that the position of Robin is conditional (“I can still offer Tim Drake his old job back”). He accepts responsibility for being a carer for Damian when Alfred pushes it on him, but is frequently reactive rather than active in terms of making decisions.

And he does not exercise decision making power, he actively defers to two people he sees as having more authority to make decisions on behalf of Damian: Bruce and Talia.

Dick doesn’t question Talia’s right to walk in and arrange medical treatment for Damian after he’s been shot and his back broken. He also accepts Bruce’s decision to leave Damian in Dick’s custody after his return and not initially take over care as a decision Bruce has the right to make on both their behalf.

I’m aware of the panels far later on when Dick tells Damian he considered fighting to adopt Damian, but alongside being writer metacommentary later on rather than textual back in 2010-2011, it’s simply not something that would have been possible; for Dick to adopt Damian would have been a fight given that he had two living parents who legally were still considered fit parents for Damian. A custody dispute resulting in “actually the 10 year old is going to live full time with his older brother, who will have legal guardianship” would be something that required legal sign off from a judge, who in that circumstance would have concluded that both Talia and Bruce were unfit to have custody of their child. Now whether or not Talia is a fit parent for Damian is obviously up in the air (if you know about the LOA), but at this point publicly, Bruce has cared for Damian adequately: he took Damian in in being informed of his existence, he provides and pays for all of Damian’s needs, he pays for home supervision of Damian when he’s away (Alfred), Damian’s living in one of Bruce’s houses (the Penthouse)… the family law system is probably only going to have an issue with Damian’s education situation, and that can be clarified by either on page confirmation he’s either enrolled at a school or is being homeschooled, but there is no evidence of any abuse or neglect that would have a judge decide to remove parental responsibility from Bruce, or make it supervised only.

Conclusion:

Dick caring for Damian does not make him Damian’s parent. There’s the possibility inherent in that if Bruce had never returned and Dick had eventually made the moves to have Bruce declared dead, he would have taken over legal guardianship of Damian and learned to act more as his parent, but in the circumstances we see on the page during Reborn and up to Damian’s death, particularly with Dick’s immediate deferral to Damian’s biological parents, he’s better described as a carer for Damian, or part of the village it takes to raise a child. He has a lot more responsibility than your average older sibling does, or even a mentor, but he’s not acting in a way that suggests Dick believes he has the right to make all the decisions about Damian’s care and on behalf of Damian.

#dc meta #dick grayson #damian wayne

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disguisedcheezed · 2 months ago

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what made you like dirkjohn so much? like how did the ship pop into your head?

"how did the ship pop into your head?"

Okay. So, I just did some digging through my old abandoned accounts, and it turns out dirkjohn was my main reason why I read Homestuck in the first place. XD

They got me with their dumb looking faces and I thought I should just ship them because they're my favorites. And the fact that they were a blue orange color combo, which is the color combination I am very obsessed over, is just a mere coincidence that just made me like them more.

I don't even remember other shit from 2020-2022 because I was busy fighting for my life. �� I did knew that they had one interaction, so I just read the comic without expecting much of them as a ship but I loved them as their individual characters.

"what made you like dirkjohn so much?"

I don't just like dirkjohn. I LOVE dirkjohn. It's not even an exaggeration. I couldn't talk about dirkjohn(or just themindividually) without making poetry.

Anyway. The depressed weed boyfriends dirkjohn 2016-2019 shippers were right this. It was made sometime after the release of the snapchats where John is alone in his room for quite a while. And then there's other people who say like "of course they're being paired because they're the left overs of the kids ships", but what if it's like they were meant to be that way? What if they finally get to talk to each other and call out on each other's destructive behaviors? What is more romantic than being understood? Everyone else has figured out what to do with their lives.

Dirk helps John be grounded back into reality and tell him that there are friends that care for him. John tells Dirk to get out of his head, stop over thinking about the future and take care of himself. They inevitably take care of themselves by taking care of the other. They should take care of themselves for the other. And over time they get to share interest in watching animes, shitty movies and pranks.

The above is only showing "the good part" of dirkjohn.

"The worst part" ? Dirk and John were created in love of Everything, but they were doomed to be Nothing.

Similarities : They heavily mirror each other through almost all aspects of their lives.

Ex. (only a few. this isn't even the half of it.)

John: Rise up / Prince: Rise up

Liv Tyler / Lil Seb (puttin the bunny in the box)

Dirk sending gifts to his friends through a sendificator(red box) that helps/interacts with his friends physically(robots). John sends gifts to his friends through mail(blue box) that would give them their unique identity forever.

These conversations have the same vibe where they wanted to know what the other is really like apart from them knowing their adult counter parts:

In what aspect are they The Same? :

They hate themselves. Dirk dwells in it. John pushes it in the back of his head and doesn't want to think about any of it.

Dirkjohn Conclusion/Bare essentials: They effortlessly make the appeal themselves.

This is also why looking at HS^2 through a dirkjohn perspective just makes it a huge dirkjohn fanfiction. X

They ascend the need for a label in their relationship/any form of romance because of how intertwined they are to each other that they are a concept as a whole. (looks at the camera)

Dirk and John are the very threads of what makes Homestuck, Homestuck... Which means nothing.

End of ask mood moard;

My body is a vessel that collected every piece of Dirk and John's showed it back into the audience piece by piece and I will never stop doing it.

#which means nothing.... (inside joke)#asks stuff #dirkjohn #i forgot to correct so many parts because of the adhd </3 #dirkjohn manifesto

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james-a-b · 6 months ago

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the TATINOF experience

ok so. i've wanted to make a post about this for a While now; i feel like a lot of people don't really understand or appreciate how unprecedented TATINOF really was, and for me, watching it in Seattle in 2016, it was the best day of my life.

So here we go.

(I've put the rest below a readmore bc this is an 18 paragraph post lmao)

On March 26th, 2015, Dan and Phil revealed TABINOF via a trailer set in the distant future. The book itself was not entirely unprecedented- other youtubers had written and were writing books, but for the most part (at the time) these were either fictional works or serious biographies; TABINOF was a time capsule of Dan and Phil's youtube brand, and a glimpse into parts of their lives we hadn't seen yet. (For example; Phil's hamster breeding adventures) But tucked into the pages of the book in the trailer were a pair of tickets to The Amazing Tour Is Not On Fire. This was insane. No youtuber had ever gone on tour before, save perhaps for a few musicians; no one had done a stage show. No one knew what to expect.

And, as they asked the audience of each show not to share spoilers, most of us went on not knowing what to expect until we'd seen it ourselves.

I saw the show on June 18th, 2016, near the end of the US leg of the tour. I went in knowing three things:

There were set ways in which we the audience could participate: there was Crafty Corner, Weird Kid, Phone Support Hotline, and a 7 Second Challenge submission box. (I submitted art to Crafty Corner, and I was thrilled just knowing they'd see it)

The set was a giant microwave. What this meant, I could not imagine.

Everyone who'd already seen the show said it was incredible.

I remember having had a dream that I was at the show like a week before it actually happened, and I woke up just as the show was about to start in the dream because my brain couldn't come up with anything they might do onstage lmao.

I can't even begin to put into words how incredible the atmosphere was before the show even started. Phannies were lined up for two blocks outside the theatre, and I'd never felt so welcome anywhere in my life. The doors opened. I believe Cornelia was working the merch stand pre-show, though I don't remember for sure- I got a signed copy of TABINOF and then I took my seat.

The set was incredible, and the pre-show playlist was amazing. Everyone sang along to every song, and when Troye Sivan's Wild came on, everyone screamed. Seriously, if you've never looked at the pre-show playlist for TATINOF you should. Finally, All Star by Smash Mouth played. Everyone was singing along, and laughing because of course Dan put that in there, and then, halfway through the song, the music stops and the lights go out. Everyone screamed, and the opening sequence began to play on the microwave. I understand why they opted to edit that directly into the beginning of the recording, because it would've been a little difficult to see in the recording otherwise, but at the same time it hit so much better when it played directly on the microwave.

And then they came out on stage, and they were so much more awkward than I expected. Dan kept squatting slightly, like he was trying to be shorter, and Phil moved almost like a marionette. They said their hellos, and then they addressed the microwave being there, and the plot started to become apparent- Phil had microwaved his laptop.

I'm not going to get into too much detail on every bit of the show, because I've already written about eight paragraphs and I could write about twenty more going play-by-play through every aspect of the show, but that's not the point of this essay, so I'll attempt to keep things at least a little shorter than that.

The first truly unprecedented thing was when Dan said they were "having a bit of a domestic" when Phil said he couldn't get off the lion. This was the very first time they'd come anywhere near addressing the elephant in the room (their relationship) publicly since the V-day vid. Obviously, compared to the things they've said in 2024 (we've never fucked on youtube, etcetera), "we're having a bit of a domestic" is incredibly tame, but this was huge. Everyone screamed.

And then, shortly after, Phil started singing, and everyone screamed much louder. They did little songs all the time in baking videos or while playing the sims, but this was different. This was on stage, with a spotlight and everything. It was not a surprise to me when Dan cut Phil off; I thought the song was for sure a joke, that there was no way they'd come back to it (spoiler alert, they did).

And then there was the 7 Second Challenge bit, and Reasons Why Phil Was A Weird Kid, and Uncle Dan's Phone Support Hotline, and the PINOF 75 bit. And it was all weird and crazy and amazing. But the next thing I really want to focus on is Fanfiction Live.

Fanfiction Live was... absolutely insane. My show chose cowboys on the moon, and the script they wrote for it was.... so undeniably gay? Like. "Should Phil draw Dan like a French girl"? Are you kidding? This really happened???? They wrote this in 2015. Four years before they came out. This was so far beyond unprecedented. This was unthinkable.

And then, immediately following this insanity, they began Smashing Plates and then they were like "IT'S DIL" and by this point i was hoarse from screaming but when I tell you I screamed...

And then Dil said all those things about Dan feeling like nothing he did was worth anything, but that it meant a lot to Dil and to the audience, and that Phil felt like he had to change who he was to please others but that we appreciated him for who he is... I melted. It was a moment of such genuine honesty, and they'd saved my life, and I loved them so, so much.

And then Phil started singing again, and Dan didn't stop him, and Dan started singing too, and the song was so them, ironic yet genuine, and I was out of my mind because I couldn't believe they were Singing On Stage like that, like, they were youtubers. Not professional singers. No one asked or expected them to go that far. But they did it.

it was the best day of my life.

#phan #mine #dan and phil #tatinof #the amazing tour is not on fire #phil lester #dan howell #sorry i yapped so much lol i get really passionate about tatinof

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imagrindylow · 9 months ago

Text

Argumentative

Percy Weasley / f!muggleborn!Reader 8.1k Words Content Warnings: 18+ Explicit Content; oral sex, fingering, sex, angst, alcohol use. Summary: Just married, you and Percy set off on your honeymoon, but everything seems to be going wrong.

AN: I wrote this specifically for @ellivenollivander but if anyone else is aching for a Percy Weasley reader insert fic, then by all means, enjoy. Love you Elli! Thank you for always being down to simp over this nerd with me ❤️

~~~~~

Percy Weasley was very familiar with the concept of muggle honeymoons, it was something you had gabbed about with great anticipation ever since he had proposed to you two years ago. He knew very well your expectations to fly – not on brooms, mind you – but on a plane, to somewhere warm.

Though he didn’t quite understand the allure of traveling by way of crowded plane to a faraway destination when floo powder or portkey were so much easier and more convenient, not to mention much faster. But he could put aside his reservations if it would make you happy, and he knew that this would.

As a muggle born, you had no knowledge of the wizarding world until you received that special letter via owl, the letter that would change your perception of the world as you knew it. Boarding at Hogwarts for the better part of seven years had you fully immersed in the magical world by the time you had graduated, but integrating was slow at first, and there were many aspects of the muggle world you grew up with that felt just as magical as the wizarding one.

Going home to your family after graduating and spending time with your muggle relatives, you found yourself missing some muggle traditions and technologies, so even though you were now marrying into a pureblooded wizarding family, you were keen on sharing some of those things with your husband to be, and so, although he didn’t understand it, he’d gladly go along with it for you.

The wedding was beautiful and had gone off flawlessly, with use of very minimal magic since a good number of the guests consisted of your muggle family members. Aside from your parents and siblings, no one was any the wiser that the family you were marrying into were magical, even with your new father in law’s insatiable curiosity for common place muggle things that was apparent as he spoke with nearly everyone in your family at the reception.

Percy was nervous the morning leading into your honeymoon. He was a planner, through and through, someone who liked being in control of things and being the one to keep things orderly. He was filled with anxiety as the two of you waited for a taxi to head to the airport. You’d done every bit of the travel planning and no amount of guaranteeing your husband that you knew what you were doing seemed to calm him.

“I don’t understand why we need this little book to travel as muggles. The wizarding way is so much more streamlined.” He said as he thumbed through the pages of his very first passport.

“Of course the wizarding way is more streamlined, when you’re the head of the transportation department,” You said, a sharp exhale of a laugh leaving your mouth. “But this is… more about the experience.” You told him. “Just try to relax and enjoy the ride.”

You knew that this would be easier said than done for Percy. Bracing yourself with your hand at the small of his back, you leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek in reassurance. He let out a deep breath through his nose as his lips curved into a little grin, his stern face softening a bit, just for you.

As the taxi parked on the street in front of you, Percy loaded the car boot with what was, in his opinion, far too much luggage. One enchanted trunk would have made much more sense to him, but you informed him how suspicious that might look should your luggage be chosen for inspection. These muggle policies sounded too strict for him, but he held his tongue and reminded himself that you were the expert in this department.

The taxi ride to the airport started perfectly ordinarily, the radio broadcasting a football game, the cabbie very passionately reacting to the plays as they were announced. Though, when the driver asked Percy about his opinions on the match, you had to elbow him in the arm to keep him from mentioning Quidditch as the only sport he had any interest in. Your husband was flush with embarrassment, and couldn’t get out of the taxi quickly enough when it arrived in the drop off lane outside of the airport.

The taxi ride was the easy part. Percy had thought he was familiar with large crowds, working at the ministry of magic, but nothing prepared him for the scene inside of the airport. Droves of people everywhere, rushing between terminals, queuing up for security screenings and swarming the food court. Despite the masses, it seemed like everyone knew exactly where they were supposed to be. Except him. He gave you a look that said ‘are you bloody serious’ as you took his hand and led him to the check in counter.

The whole process of checking in, checking bags, and going through seemingly endless security queues took hours. Hours you’d accounted for, or at least, you thought you had… But at every step of the way, there seemed to be a holdup that you hadn’t been expecting. By the time you’d both made it through the final security checks, your flight had already completed boarding, and through the window at your terminal, your plane could be seen taxiing to the runway, preparing to take off.

The sudden contrast between the two of you currently standing still - you staring out the window in silence - versus the rushing and darting through the crowds only minutes prior, tipped Percy off to the fact that something was now off.

“Is everything alright? Was this just one of those ‘hurry up and wait’ situations?” He wondered, shifting his weight as he scanned your face, puzzled.

“I wish it was.” You say, nervous to actually explain the current predicament. You knew your husband very well and you knew that missing an important flight would certainly put him into a terrible mood. “Don’t be angry…”

“Oh dear.” Percy said, letting out an exasperated sigh, his entire head lolling to one side in annoyance as he looked at you. “Just tell me.”

“We missed the flight.” You said and your lips pulled into a tight line, holding your breath, as you nervously watched the look of disbelief wash over your husband’s face.

“You cannot be serious.” He said, shaking his head, physically biting his bottom lip to keep himself from spouting out ‘I told you so’ about why traveling magically would have been the better way to go.

“I’m sorry, that family in front of us at security, they held everything up, but I’m sure we can get another flight soon. I’ll take care of it, okay? I promise it’ll work out.”

Percy nodded, but remained silent, stewing in his head, remembering that if he had nothing nice to say, he best say nothing at all. He gestured towards the nearest gate desk for you to lead the way to a solution.

Your husband stood behind you, his arms folded in front of his chest as you spoke to the woman behind the desk, and rebooked your tickets to the next flight. It would be a few hours, but your thoughts were all of relife - things could have been much worse - and now the two of you had time to grab a bite to eat and relax from the hectic morning rush. So, that’s what you did.

Following lunch, Percy delved into a book he had in his carryon bag. It was easier for him to not vent his frustrations at you when he had another outlet for his attention, and realistically he knew that making a fuss wouldn’t help anything. There was nothing to be done but wait for the next flight. You sat at his side flipping through a magazine as the time slipped by.

Second time round, the two of you were more than ready, boarding promptly when your group was called, finding your seats on the plane and getting comfortable and ready for the flight. With the travel plans back on track, Percy was in a much better mood now.

The flight was smooth, and beautiful. Percy took the window seat, and you delighted in watching his expressions as he looked out over the clouds, much higher up than he’d thought was conceivably possible. When he turned back to meet your eyes wanting to share this with you, you knew he understood now - why you’d been so insistent. The sights were better than that any broom ride he’d been on had afforded him before.

The flight was several hours, and though it was only late afternoon, both of you slept a fair amount, neither of you having gotten a great nights rest the night before… Anticipation for you, anxiety for Percy. But now things were falling into place, and after a long and well deserved nap, the two of you woke up to the sensation of the plane landing and pilot’s voice over the intercom giving the local time.

Having missed your initial flight, your checked bags were not on the conveyor amongst the rest when you deboarded, and instead the two of you made your way to the baggage claim counter when you anticipated your luggage being held in an office somewhere, awaiting your arrival. And such was the case, for your luggage, at least. The stuffy and uninterested woman behind the counter could offer no explanation as to why Percy’s luggage number was not pulling up a result in her system. She said that they’d contact the number on file if it turned up. If. The word had your husband chewing his cheek while the woman disappeared back into the office to grab your bag for you.

“Brilliant.” He said, his voice thick with sarcasm as he stood beside you as you waited to the side of the counter for the woman to return. “Just bloody brilliant.”

“It’s just clothes and toiletries. We’ll stop quickly and grab you a few outfits and some things and it’ll be fine. You have your carry on with your documents, yeah? It’ll be alright.” You assure him.

“Toiletries… clothing… my wand.” He said, becoming progressively more agitated as he spoke.

“Oh…” You mutter, looking at the floor, a pit in your stomach as you remembered that his wand had been carefully packed away in his checked bag.

“Oh indeed. Pick up a new one at the resort, shall we?” He asked sarcastically and let out a deep sigh, his arms crossed in front of his chest. He was struggling to keep his voice at an acceptable level to be speaking to his wife with.

“It’s just a week… I’m sorry.”

“An entire week that I'll feel like I'm without a part of my body.” He says, shaking his head.

The office door squeaked open and the clerk reappeared, with your luggage in tow, and you took the handle from her, pulling your bag alongside you. The woman informed you both that she double checked for Percy’s missing bag, and as her computer system indicated, it was not in the holding area. She offered up an apology for any inconvenience before returning to her post behind the desk and moving on to the next customer in her ever growing line.

“That’s it then? We just have to hope they’ll call you? Absurd.” Percy said, following you away from the counter and towards the lobby, his exasperation clear with every breath he took.

“I’m sure they’ll find it. Just… calm down. It won’t help things, you being angry.” You tell him, squeezing his hand in yours as the two of you make your way through the crowded airport, him pulling your luggage in his other hand.

“No, I suppose it won’t.” He said, letting out a long breath in an attempt to calm himself. “Let’s just go and replace my things, and get to relaxing at the resort.”

You nodded in agreement and led him through the airport and outside, where the two of you caught one of the circling taxis waiting to collect arriving travelers.

You were itching to get to the resort the two of you had chosen for your honeymoon destination, but the first stop was to a nearby shopping center to replace some of Percy’s things that had been lost by the airline. The two of you divided and conquered, with him heading to one shop for toiletries and you to another, grabbing him a few outfits and swim trunks. Being in a tourist town, there was no shortage of cabs around, shuttling vacationers between the resorts, shops, and restaurants. Despite being able to catch a ride easily, and the ride being short, Percy had never wanted to apparate somewhere more in his life. The cab rides, being ‘part of the experience’ as you’d put it, were just tedious to him. While finally on the way to the resort you assured him that this would likely be the last cab ride for the week, as everywhere else you’d go on the trip would be walking distance around the resort. This knowledge made him smile. He could do without the small talk to cab drivers.

The cab dropped the two of you off at the front entrance of the resort, you walked as you dug through your bag for your wallet to check in with, and Percy followed alongside you with your luggage and shopping bags in tow.

The plus side of having missed your initial flight, you were desperately looking for plus sides at this point, was what would have been yet another long line at the front desk during prime check in time now looked like it should be a quick and easy process. The lobby, while still rather crowded, mostly consisted of vacationers heading to and from the many on site restaurants or simply cutting through as they made their way to other amenities. The check in line was short, and before you knew it, the two of you were in front of a receptionist.

“Good evening, checking in?” The woman behind the desk asked, looking at you from over the rim of her glasses.

“Yes, the last name on the reservation is Weasley.” You told the woman and she began typing on the computer in front of her.

She looked at the screen, puzzled for a moment, before asking, “Can you spell that name for me please?”

You do, and watch as the receptionist double checks the information on her screen against the spelling you’d provided her, growing concerned when she didn’t speak up for what seemed like too long. You glanced to your husband and you could see on his face that he was as concerned as you were.

“Is there something wrong with the reservation?” Percy asked.

“The system shows you’ve already checked in. Did one of you perhaps complete the online check in form?” The receptionist asked the both of you.

“No, neither of us.” You answered without needing to check with Percy, who would have learning to navigate the muggle internet at the absolute bottom of his to-do list.

“It shows that check in was completed at 11:42 AM today.” The woman said.

“We were still traveling at that time, it wasn’t us. We’ve had a crazy day, missed our first flight, and had to replace luggage. We weren’t here at that time, there has to be an error in your system.” You tell her, doing your best to keep your tone even and calm, doing all of the talking because you knew Percy would struggle with resolving this kindly after the day he’d had… though you wouldn't have been able to blame him at this point.

“I’ll have a member of our staff go check into the problem for you right now.” The receptionist assured you both. “Please, feel free to drop your luggage with our bell service team and take a look around the resort, we’ll call you shortly when we figure this out.” She said, and confirmed your contact number on file.

Without much other choice, you give her a nod and you and Percy head over to the bell service counter, where another member of the resort's staff greets you, accepts your luggage, and tags it with your name and phone number. The man took your luggage and shopping bags into a secure room just off the lobby to hold until your room situation was smoothed over.

As you and your husband walked away from the counter together, you turned to him, taking his hand and running your thumb over his knuckles softly. “Shall we get a drink while we wait?”

“Absolutely. It’s a necessity at this point.” He replied, his signature little smirk on his face, glad you’d proposed the idea. But behind his grin you could see that he was drained, not only from travel but from the emotional tax of every little mishap that had been piling up all day.

Taking a look around at the directional signs around the lobby, the two of you headed to one of the resort's several bars to rest some and unwind while waiting for a callback from the receptionist.

The bar you’d found yourselves in was a large and brightly yet tastefully decorated space with an airy atmosphere, the exterior walls open to the beach and offering a beautiful view of the nighttime sky and of the ocean. It was crowded, but open enough to not feel cramped or uncomfortable, which was a welcomed feeling after spending much of the day either in the back seats of cabs or strapped into the plane’s seats.

Percy ordered a whiskey while you opted for a fruity, frozen drink that made your husband shake his head in amusement at the sheer size of the thing as it was placed in front of you.

“I’ve got to admit, as long as it took to finally get here, I can appreciate the offerings. It’s lovely, isn't it?” Percy said, then took a long look out through the open air walls at the moonlight reflecting off of the gently rolling waves.

“It is.” You agreed. You’d wanted to say more, to whisper into his ear how you’d hoped to lay alone in the sand with him that night, under the stars, but your thought was interrupted when your cell phone buzzed. Knowing it would be the receptionist in the lobby, you answered, and stepped away from the bar to a quieter area to hear the woman better.

You listened to the woman on the other end, your stomach sinking as she explained the situation. Another couple, with an incredibly similar last name, was unfortunately assigned the suite attached to your reservation, thanks to an error by a new employee who failed to thoroughly check the identification of the other party when they’d shown up earlier that day.

Any other day, any other trip, you’d have been much more inclined to forgive such an error. But this was your honeymoon, and you’d booked a very well appointed suite for the occasion, which, to add further insult to injury, the resort would be unable to match with another suite.

The only other suite on offer was the one the other couple had booked for themselves, surely a nice room by anyone’s standards, but not the honeymoon suite you’d been looking forward to. The receptionist apologized profusely for their error. She let you know she’d already issued a partial refund for the discrepancy of the suite prices, and offered recompense in the form of free meal and drink credits, which you accepted, before ending the phone call so you could further ruin Percy’s day with the news.

When you returned to your seat at the bar beside your husband, his glass of whiskey was almost empty, for which you were thankful, as it would hopefully lessen the sting of the news.

“Was that the receptionist?” He asked you as you slid into your seat and took a long sip of your cocktail.

“It was.” You say and sigh in exasperation. “A newer employee accidentally checked the wrong couple into our suite. Apparently they had a very similar last name.”

“Are you serious? Bloody hell, the incompetence! How difficult is it to check someone’s identification?” He asked, his voice raised slightly, not at you but at the situation. He shook his head and downed the rest of his whiskey, sliding the empty glass towards the edge of the bartop and nodding to the bartender, indicating his need for another.

“I know,” You say and watch him sip his fresh drink. “They credited us for some food and drinks, and refunded the cost difference between the suites. And I’ve been assured that the other suite is still very nice.”

“Of course they said that, they aren't going to tell you one of their rooms is anything but nice.” He said with an eye roll, not completely satisfied with how the resort staff had handled it all.. “They couldn’t have upgraded us?”

“She said there was no other availability. But, that suite is ready, our bags are getting dropped off there now. We can go get the key cards and make our way there.”

“Soon.” He said and sipped his whiskey, fully intending to take his time to enjoy the drink, hoping that by the time he hit the bottom of another glass, the buzz would dampen the blow of the downgrade.

“The suite will be nice. The resort is nice. And we’ve got each other, which is what matters most.” You say, meaning every word, and sipping your quickly melting cocktail. You give him a soft and reassuring smile. “I just don’t want to see you angry.” You tell him softly.

“It’s been a day, yeah? It’s been one thing after another, after another. I think I’ve got a bit of a right to be less than chipper.”

You exhaled the faintest breath of a chuckle, shrugging your shoulders and sipping your cocktail to keep from escalating his frustration with your own sass. Aside from the airline losing only his luggage, you’d been every bit as affected by today's parade of misfortune. But it was still your honeymoon, and you didn’t want to encourage his pissy mood, whether it was warranted or not.

Instead, you finished your drink, as he finished his. You could tell he was stewing in the silence, in anxious anticipation to see your new suite for the week. You led the way back to the lobby, where the same woman from before was waiting behind the counter to greet you both. She apologized again, as she gathered your room keys and tucked them into a brochure about the resort. She gave you directions to your room, and the two of you made your way there.

Your luggage and shopping bags were in the entryway of your suite when you opened the door. You were excited as you looked around. Though it wasn’t the exact suite you’d planned on, as promised, this one was beautiful and would surely make for a perfect home base for your honeymoon. The bed was large, with soft linens and many plush pillows. Atop the table was a basket containing a bottle of wine, chocolates, other little snacks and various goodies, along with a card from the check in staff which once again offered apologies. It was a nice gesture.

The room had many of the same amenities as the one you’d initially booked, the most notable difference being the lack of the private infinity pool on your private terrace, which was admittedly pretty disappointing. But in your usual fashion, always one to balance out your husband’s moods, you focused on the positives.

Finally able to relax and enjoy, you skipped right over to the bed and tossed yourself onto it, landing on your back, letting out a content hum as you sank against the soft bedding. “This is nice, practically perfect.” You said and gestured with your finger for your husband to come to you, and he does. His eyes shifted around the room while taking it all in. He nodded in agreement with you, that the suite was more than acceptable, even if it wasn't your first choice of the resort's options. He climbed up on the bed beside you and let himself collapse with a deep groan at the instant comfort, truly worn out from the long day of travel. He laid an arm across your abdomen, pulling you to him at your waist for a cuddle while you flipped through the brochure the woman at the reception desk had given you.

“The pools and hot tubs are open til midnight.” You inform him, shooting him a grin with a glance that - had his eyes been open - he’d have seen was absolutely devilish.

He hummed in acknowledgement, his eyes still closed and his glasses askew with the frame pressing against the mattress where his head rested.

“Let’s go sit in the hot tub and order one more drink, it’ll be relaxing.” You suggest.

“I’m already quite relaxed, right here.” He muttered, one of his eyes peeking open at you while his hand at your waist pulled you a bit closer.

“Percy.” You whine his name, a pout on your lips that he could picture perfectly without even having his eyes open.

“Darling.” He mirrored your tone, a smirk curling his lips, teasing you. But when he finally opened his eyes and looked into yours, your puppy dog expression tugged at his heartstrings and broke his resolve and he relented. “Fine.”

You were giddy as you rolled towards him, kissing his nose with a triumphant smirk. Tired as you were as well, you were more excited to explore the resort and enjoy the atmosphere it had to offer. To listen to the waves and smell the warm and breezy salty air.

You sprang up from the bed as though you hadn’t spent the entire day becoming gradually more jetlagged, and extended your husband your hands, wanting to pull him from the bed as well, which he allowed.

You dug your swimsuit from your luggage while Percy looked through the shopping bags for the hastily purchased replacement from the shops from earlier that evening. This process seemed to serve as a reminder to him that he was without his initial luggage, still not having heard from the airline. If he’d looked grumpy about getting out of bed after finally lying down, he was only more so now.

You started changing before Percy had even gotten to the large glass doors to your terrace to draw the curtains.

“No one was going to see.” You chuckle.

“They won’t now.” He scolded, though his eyes told you he knew you were likely right.

Once the both of you were changed, you gave the map inside of the resort brochure another onceover, and the two of you headed out the front door to your suite, and began making your way to the closest of the resort's several pool areas.

For being so late in the evening, the pool area was still quite occupied with other couples. Thankfully though, both the pool and hot tub were sprawling and spacious, and it wasn’t difficult to find a place to sit together in said hot tub after making a stop at the poolside bar to grab one last drink for the evening.

Between your whispered voice and the ambient music playing through hidden speakers mixed with the landscaping around the pool deck, the other couple seated nearest to you were out of earshot and were quite preoccupied in their own intricacies.

You sat closely beside Percy, your thigh pressed to his, and his arm around your shoulder, each of you with a drink in hand. Finally. It felt like after all of the bumps along the way in your travel, you were now getting to truly relax and enjoy your husband after a tense day. You were feeling your cocktail and it was obvious by the way Percy’s lips brushed your neck below your ear as he spoke that his inhibitions were unusually low as well. He punctuated his soft whispers into your ear with kisses to your skin, the feeling giving you chills even in the steaming water.

You turned your head towards him so that his lips grazed yours, and he set his drink down, bringing his now free hand to the side of your face, pulling your head closer as he deepened your kiss. You felt a rush of desire flow through your veins at his public show of affection, as this kind of behavior was so rare for him. You ran with it though, relishing how carefree and in the moment he was being, and you kissed him back with fervor.

Long forgotten was the fact that the two of you weren’t alone. Whether or not anyone was watching didn't matter. Your only thoughts were keeping up with the pace he was setting, the way his mouth captured your quickening breath, and the warm taste of whiskey on his tongue as yours tasted his. Your pulse raced against his palm as he held your face at your neck, keeping you close. You felt his teeth at your bottom lip, sending you out of your mind with desire at the intensity of his kiss. You let your hand fall from his shoulder, sinking through the bubbling hot water and settling on his lap, where your fingers found him at attention, grazing against his erection beneath the water and out of view. He gasped with the contact, his inhale of breath parting your kiss for a moment. With intention this time, you palmed over his length, groping him over his swim trunks with a devious grin on your face, leaning in, wanting your lips to connect again.

The last thing you were expecting after such a passionate moment between the two of you, was for him to lean back, away from your advance. In a split second, Percy seemed to come to his typical senses, realizing rather suddenly that the setting was inappropriate for what was happening between the two of you.

“Are you out of your bloody mind?” He hissed, looking at you as though you had three heads, while moving your hand off of him under the water.

You quickly glanced around, making sure no one had been paying attention, before looking back at your husband, confused and rather hurt by his sudden change in tone. “No? What’s wrong? It’s fine, no one’s paying us any mind.” You say.

“It doesn’t matter!” He snipped, his voice hushed and cold. “You can’t do that to me here, there’s people around, are you insane?”

You didn’t have the words for a response, your mouth hanging open, still surprised that he was even complaining right now when he had been the one to kiss you in such a way. You were convinced he was overreacting. You were just being cheeky. It wasn’t as if you were going to climb onto his lap and fuck him in the hot tub for all to see.

Although, you couldn’t say you hadn’t at least fantasized about it.

It wasn’t until he grabbed his drink from the side of the pool deck and downed it, then started exiting the hot tub, swiftly wrapping his waist in a towel, clearly intending to head back to the room, that you understood you’d really upset him, whether you’d meant to or not.

“Percy, please! I’m sorry!” You said as he began walking away, while climbing out of the hot tub yourself. You grabbed your towel and your drink and headed after him, catching up with him quickly. Not wanting to argue as you made your way all through the resort, you bit your tongue and walked swiftly, keeping up with your husband until the two of you made it back into your suite.

“Percy, look, I didn’t mean to upset you, I was just trying to have a bit of fun.” You try to rationalize, setting your drink on the counter of the kitchen while trying to dry yourself off.

Your words seemed to fall on deaf ears. He dried himself off, grabbed a pair of boxers and a t-shirt from the shopping bags near the dresser, as well as the toiletries he’d picked up, and headed into your suite's bathroom, shutting the door behind him. Moments later you heard the shower kick on, and you were left alone in the living area of the suite to stew in your feelings on the matter. You’d never meant to upset him, and now he wouldn’t even listen.

You sat wrapped up in the plush resort towel at the table off the kitchen, and waited for him to come out, wanting a shower yourself before changing and laying down for the night. You were scrolling your phone anxiously when he finally emerged from the bathroom some time later, steam from his shower wafting out of the door with him. You looked at him with pleading and sorrowful eyes, even if you didn’t think you’d done something to justify this reaction from him, the last thing you wanted was for your brand new husband to be upset with you on your honeymoon.

He strode across the room towards the bed and sat on one edge, his curls damp and laying against his forehead in a way that made you just want to push your fingers through them. You followed and sat down beside him.

“Please don’t be angry with me. I never wanted to upset you.” You said softly. “I was just being cheeky. I thought you’d like it, with the way you were kissing me… But I wasn’t going to push things any further.”

He shook his head. “That wasn’t cheeky, it was inappropriate. Not only that, but you knew I didn't even want to go to the hot tubs tonight in the first place, I’m exhausted. I wanted to relax. You just pushed, and pushed, like it was all about you.”

You looked at him stunned, realizing this ran much further to him that you’d even realized. You felt terrible, and the look on your face conveyed as much. “I’m so, so sorry Percy.”

He nodded, and took his glasses off, setting them on the bedside table beside him, signalling to you that he was more or less done with this conversation, and going to sleep. You got up, so that he could lay in, and he shut off the lamp closest to him. Not wanting to make anything worse at the moment, you grabbed yourself lounging clothes to change into, and headed into the bathroom for your own shower and to get ready for bed.

You took your time in the shower, thinking about what he’d said. You had not expected to have your first argument as a married couple on the very first day of your honeymoon. You stayed in the bathroom, and in your head, for longer than you’d anticipated, and when you came out dressed for bed, Percy appeared to be asleep. You shut off the remaining lights around the room and climbed into bed beside your husband, your weight shifting on the mattress beside him making him stir. You were aching to scoot close and wrap him in your arms, pull him against you, bury your nose in those curls… But his words still sat heavy in your mind… Scared to push anything more on him, you turned the other way and closed your eyes.

Your sleep was fitful that night, with an absence of dreams. When you awoke late the following morning, your eyes fluttered open to see that Percy’s side of the bed was empty. This was not an uncommon occurrence for the two of you. He was frequently early to bed and early to rise. Earlier than you, anyway. Still, you couldn't help but wonder what kind of mood you’d find your husband in this morning. You sat up and rubbed your eyes, looking around the room. You didn’t see him.

Pulling the covers back, you flipped your legs out of bed, and got up, peeking out the curtains to your terrace, checking for him. Nothing.

“Percy?” You called as you headed to check the bathroom for him. There was no answer. Door was open, room was empty. Where the hell had he gone?

Your husband didn’t own a cell phone. Despite his own father imploring him to get one (mostly for his own curiosity rather than for practical reasons) and despite the fact that you had one, it wasn’t a purchase he ever felt was worth making. You had no way to contact him to figure out where he’d gone. You scoured every surface of the suite for a note, and came up empty handed. Your mind racing and concern growing by the minute, you got yourself dressed and ready quickly, and headed out into the resort to look around for him, hoping maybe he’d just headed to check out the included breakfast offerings.

This was not the way you’d envisioned exploring the resort - searching for your husband. The resort was sprawling and took a good amount of time to walk through. You spent the better part of an hour walking the common areas of the resort, the restaurants that were open for breakfast, the coffee shops, gift shops, and even walking the pool decks closest to your suite, though his swim trunks were left hanging in the bathroom where he’d left them the night before. You’d explored and searched for so long, you were fairly confident that he’d be back in your suite by the time he returned. But he wasn’t. You resigned yourself to waiting for him, anxiously. You were quite worried, and thinking about what could be going on made tears prick your eyes and threaten to spill. Was he still angry? Surely not angry enough to leave without a word. Right?

You’d lost track of the time you spent pacing nervously, picking at the skin around your fingernails, your thoughts spirling, when you heard the door lock beep and the sound of the electronic lock switching open. You stopped and stared at the door as your husband walked through it.

You rushed to him, stopping just short of bumping into him.”Where the bloody hell have you been, percy? I’ve been so worried! Where were you?” Despite being relieved that he was back, your face contorted in anger.

Percy was clearly shocked at your outburst as he entered the suite, his eyebrows knitting together behind the bridge of his glasses. “Well, good morning to you too.” He said, somehow having the audacity to question your reaction to him arriving back.

“Your phone rang while you were asleep. Airline called, said they found my luggage! So I went to the lobby and caught a cab and I went to pick it up. Bell service will be here with it any moment. As though I couldn't wheel my own luggage to our room” He said and chuckled a bit, then added, “But, they were quite insistent.”

You were flabbergast. How was he so nonchalant? Did he truly not realize the tizzy he had you in? “So you just left? You didn't think to wake me, or, I don’t know, maybe leave a note?” You scolded him.

“Well, no, you were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you up and bother you. Can you blame me? You’re rough in the mornings if you’re disturbed.” He said. “Though I suppose it didn’t cross my mind to leave a note. But it wasn’t like I was gone that long.”

“Not that long? Percy, I woke up to an empty bed and an empty room after you’d gone to bed upset with me! I was really worried!” You vented, your eyes feeling watery again as you explained the extent to which your thoughts had spiraled in his unexpected absence. “You were just so upset yesterday over every little thing that happened, and then last night you said I just pushed and pushed you… I thought you were still angry with me. I thought you’d left.”

Percy took a deep breath in and let out a sigh, and you could tell he understood now, at least enough to apologize. “No! No, no, no.” He said, his tone much softer than you'd expected it to be, even with the remorseful look on his face. He came to you, wrapping you in his arms and resting his chin on the top of your head. “I’m not angry, and I'd never up and leave like that. That’s a promise.” He said, and kissed your forehead. “I’m sorry that I had you worried.”

A knock at the door of your suite interrupted your thoughts. Percy released you from his embrace to get the door, knowing it would be the bellman with his luggage. A moment later, he was dragging his suitcase into the room, then locked the door behind the bellman as he left. Your husband returned to you, taking you in his arms arn rubbing your back gently as you wrapped your arms around his waist.

“I am so, so sorry that my mood yesterday and our little spat last night made you think I’d left in anger this morning.” He said softly, speaking his words against the top of your head while he nuzzled into you. “Yesterday was rough, getting here and all. I was tired and aggravated, and I took it out on you unfairly.”

“And I’m sorry for pushing you so much. I should have listened when you said you were tired and wanted to stay in bed.” You apologized as well.

“You’ve nothing to be sorry for though. You only wanted to spend time with me… and to love me, on our honeymoon. I was being a bit of a bastard. You don’t need to apologize.” He said, pulling back from you slightly and tilting your head up to make eye contact with him. He rest his forehead against yours. “Could you forgive me? I’d like to make it up to you.” He whispered, his breath hot on your skin.

“Of course I forgive you.” You said. His heartfelt apology had you feeling much better, the tension you’d felt since the evening before finally melting away, you relaxed against him, your head against his chest as you hugged him tight.

“Please, let me show you how much I truly appreciate you. Let me take care of you.” He said, his neck leaning down to the crook of your shoulder as he spoke, you could feel his lips against your neck.

You tilted your head up and he met your lips with his, his large hands moving to either side of your face and holding you gently as he captured you in a passionate and tender kiss. Your kiss never broke as he walked you backwards, back towards the bed, guiding you slowly until the backs of your legs were against it. His hands slid down your body, groping your curves until his fingers grazed under the hem of your t-shirt. He raised the garment up , your lips only parting when he pulled the top off over your head. He cast it to the floor and his hands moved down to your hips.

His long fingers gripped at your flesh needily and his lips dragged down your neck and along your throat leaving kisses as he made his way to your collarbone. His teeth grazed your skin there, and you moaned, his breath giving you chills as it hit your kiss dampened skin. Your fingers worked into his curls, cradling his head to your body as his mouth trailed lower. His tongue pressing against one of your nipples as his lips wrapped around it while his fingers teased the other made your knees weak.

Recalling his lips from your body for just a moment to breathe, Percy pulled his own shirt off up over his head and tossed it aside. He pushed you gently back, laying you down onto the mattress and he tugged at the waistband of your lounge pants, pulling them down and off in one steady motion along with your panties. He shed his own bottoms just as swiftly and parted your legs with his hands before crawling up onto the bed in between them.

His arms wrapped around each of your thighs and he kissed from your stomach, down below your navel, taking his time and driving you wild with anticipation while he appreciated your body with his mouth. You were already breathing heavily when his tongue finally ran over your clit, swirling around it in gentle teasing circles, holding off on giving you the pressure you wanted from him while he further built up your desire.

Your body was buzzing with excitement as you watched his face between your legs. He looked up, grinning at you for a moment and removing his glasses, setting them aside on the bed before disappearing between your thighs once more, this time going in with purpose, his lips encircling your clit and sucking on you, making your body convulse. Your fingers sank into those auburn curls of his, running affectionately through his hair as he pleasured you. The tip of his tongue flitted against you expertly, and he adjusted his position so that he could slip his fingers into your dripping and ready heat while he ate you out.

He sucked at your clit while his fingers curled inside of you, working your most sensitive spots in tandem and making you moan his name and grip his hair tighter the closer to orgasm he brought you. He was thorough and determined to make you cum before taking an ounce of pleasure for himself, and he knew exactly how to bring you to that edge. He let up with his mouth, rubbing you inside vigorously now with an intense pressure that soon had your walls pulsing and tightening around his fingers. Your breath was reduced to shallow gasps and your hips rut against his hand as those waves of pleasure ran over you. He pulled his now sopping hand out from between your thighs and he returned his tongue to your slit, tasting you deeply before he crawled his way up your body, his head hung low and trailing more kisses along your skin as he worked his way up to your lips.

You could taste yourself on his lips through his kiss but it was no deterrent for you. One of his hands made their way back to your face as he kissed you fiercely and the other gripped his length as he ground his hips against you, lining himself up before pressing himself into your heat with the most contented groan. He held you tight, much of his body weight leaning against you as he took up a slow and intentional pace. Your lips stayed connected to his, your hand gripping his curls and ensuring it so, savoring your combined taste on his tongue. Your other arm wrapped around his shoulders, nails grazing his skin and making him shiver as he fucked you.

His pace remained slow and deliberate, it was clear he was intending on taking his time with you, building himself up slowly and wanting to enjoy you for as long as he could before finishing.

Your eyes closed in pure ecstasy as he continued on, his hips thrusting against yours, every one of his movements deep and calculated, until your body was once again writhing beneath him and his motions started to falter as he approached his climax as well. He bit against the side of your neck, your walls clenching around him as your second orgasm hit and it pushed him to finish as well. You could feel his length twitch inside of you while he came, emptying himself while buried deep within you. He laid his body gently to your side, his arms encircling you as the two of you caught your breath together, coming down from your shared release.

In this moment, everything was perfect. You’d practically forgotten why you were upset with him earlier after the way he’d just loved you so thoroughly. You really did feel entirely taken care of.

“I’m glad yesterday is behind us now.” He said breathlessly. “I promise we’ll enjoy every second of the rest of our honeymoon, even if we don’t leave this bed. I love you.”

“I love you too, Percy. Today’s the first full day, we’ll make it count from here.” You replied, after taking a moment to get a full breath.

“Sounds like a plan, love.”

#percy weasley #percy weasley x reader #percy weasley x you #percy weasley fan fiction #harry potter fan fiction

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lilbagdermole · 1 year ago

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Hello! It's always great to meet another Taang shipper!

What do you love most about Taang?

I hope you have a great day!!!

Hey!!

Oh, it's so nice to see that Taang is still loved by so many people (and it's always really nice to see active blogs about them ^^)

What do I love most about Taang?

I love their dynamics. They bounce off each other almost harmoniously, because they are opposites in so many aspects of their lives: beliefs and morals, elements, backgrounds and childhoods. They clash and struggle and are far from perfect, yet, no matter how big the storm, how complex the disagreement - they always reconcile, they always listen to one another, they always learn and grow and strive to become better people. They respect one another so much to work around their oppositions and thus balance and understand one another in ways that no other member of the ATLA cast can replicate (with Aang and Toph).

And though they are natural opposites, they still have so much in common if you delve deeper. Aang and Toph are the youngest in the Gaang - and share the same love for teasing and joking; they share a very deep connection with the the original benders of their respective elements (Toph with the Badgermoles and Aang with Appa); they both runaway from their homes at a young age because of paramount expectations; both are masters of their bending - even inventing a new form/bending style at 12 years-old (air scooter and metalbending).

Aang represented all Toph needed in her life - freedom, loyalty, companionship and a friend. He saw her beyond her perceived weakness and never underestimated her capabilities as an earthbender and his potential master. He taught her to trust and confide, understood her when no other person did and soften the hard edges that she'd constructed to protect herself from her suffocating reality. In a sense, Aang was a breath of fresh air in her life.

Toph, on the other hand, represented all Aang needed - stability, confidence, strength. Aang, being the Avatar, had been coddled and protected by almost everyone - Katara, Sokka, admirers, etc. He wasn't Aang, he was a symbol - a symbol of hope and peace. But Toph didn't care about his divine-like power, didn't care that everyone around him praised the very ground he stepped on - in Toph's perspective, Aang was Aang. A kid just like her and she treated him as equals; never afraid of pushing him to further his growth; she taught him to stand his ground, face his enemies head on, become a stronger, confident bender. She was the ground that anchored him to the mortal world and made him feel normal.

It's also poetic, in the finale - Toph is in the air whilst Aang is mostly on Earth. And, may I add, that at the end, whilst Zuko and Katara ultimately did teach him plenty so he could face the Firelord, Aang's preferred bending style, that was not his own, was Earthbending. The element that had once stumped him, frustrated him; the hardest element to master, his opposite... and now, he used it to protect himself, to shield and fight. He used every technique Toph taught him - rock armor, crushing earth, even seismic sense... Toph ultimately saved Aang during the Finale.

I can go on and on about them, but I'm in the midst of writing a dissertation on Toph and Aang's development and potential in ATLA - so I'll save most of my thoughts for that whenever I get to completing it.

And... let's be honest. Aang and Toph together just look so beautiful. They would be the IT COUPLE in ATLA - their canonical height difference should be reason enough to stan Taang. Avatar and The World's Greatest Earthbender... come on now! And it would just fit right - Aang as an adult would have to travel the world and Toph would gladly travel alongside him since she doesn't have a "home" (Aang is her home); and, as adults they could built Republic City from the ground up whilst also balancing raising a family... UGH! IT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD!!!

#lilbadgermoleask #taang

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livelovesimallways · 3 months ago

Text

"Such A Thing"....Pt. 2

(Previous)

*after talking for a while* "As you can see, even though every experience is different, the willingness to meet and share aspects of their lives is what truly helps both parties. And again, you are the parents so you ultimately decide the route you want to take. We just strongly encourage openness as it helps adoptees cope. So if you have anymore questions, please don't hesitate to ask."

"I do have one...How was your experience reconnecting with your son?"

"Umm..." *lets out a deep sigh* "It was tough for both of us. If I could go back, I would have never chosen for it to be closed. I believe that's what hurt him the most. It fueled that feeling of abandonment and caused the question of why?"

"Wow, that hits close to home.” *shakes his head* “I get it now.”

*attempts to look sympathetic* “So your family never told you why she had to leave?"

"Nope. I don't know anything about her. Not even her name. It's interesting that you said she had to, I always assumed she just left. I guess this line of work changes the way you think."

"It does. Plus, these decisions don't come lightly. It didn't for me." *gets interrupted by a knock on the door*

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt. I'm just checking in. Moses your wife had a list of questions. I'm sure I was being interviewed." *laughing* "So did Moriah help or?..."

"She definitely did."

"Oh good. I hope she told you all about her son as well. Their story is just so touching. She even has pictures from when he was a newborn until about three months old. Why don't you show him?"

“I’d rather not. Today was pretty heavy.”

“I happen to think it would help.” *stares at her* “You show everyone that comes through these doors. It’s always appreciated.”

“Okay.” *looks nervous as shit*

*Moses' silence speaks volumes*

"I can explain. Please let me explain. Janice can you give us a second?” *pleading*

*puts the picture down* "You should vet your employees more thoroughly. That baby she's holding…. is me. I have a similar one with just my father...Same outfit, same blanket, same balloons, same room."

"What???" *in shock* "Is he saying you're his birth mother?"

"Yes...but I can explain."

"Explain???" *turns to Moses* "I am so sorry for this, Mr. Muse. If I had any inclination, I would've..."

"Oh that's bullshit!" *cuts her off* "I told you there was a conflict of interest and you still pushed!"

"You're his damn birth mother! Nobody would ever assume that's what you meant! Then after that, you lied! You've been lying...for years!"

"I only lied to help other families. People tend to be more open when they can relate. I didn't hurt or hinder, it only made things better. No one would've ever expected him to come through these doors." *looks at Moses* "I am so sorry. I know you probably have questions. I really thought your family would have at least let you know something. I didn't want to leave, but my life at the time was very unstable. It was no place for a fifteen year old let alone a baby. I knew you would be safe with your dad, so when I was forced to move hours away, I left you with him. The next few years I thought of trying to reach out, but before I knew it, I was pregnant again. Miles died and I didn't want to complicate your life anymore so, I stopped. And look how you turned out? You have the life of your dreams."

"What about your family, Do they...?"

"My husband does but my children?...Absolutely not. Just like with you, it would've complicated things. Even with them being adults now."

"I guess you carved out a nice life for yourself as well." *smirking to hold back rage* "Well, look, I'm sure my wife is wondering what's taking so long." *gets up* "I'm gonna head out. We won't be coming back so you two take care."

To Be Continued........

#black simblr #sims story #teeleah #moses #IYLIML

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yanderecrazysie · 1 year ago

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Can I request a yandere akaashi keiji with a darling who is as smart as he is but he didn't know that since she acts like she is dumb or something

The minute I saw this, I knew it’d be fun to write.

Also, I think it’s fascinating to think: what if a yandere fell in love with a personality you were faking and not the real you?

Title: Expectation

Pairings: Akaashi Keiji x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes,

Summary: To everyone, even Akaashi, you’re lazy and not the sharpest tool in the shed… but maybe that’s just what you want them to think.

expectation

/noun/

a belief that someone will or should achieve something.

Expectations are a fickle thing.

If you work too hard, achieve too much, you’ll end up being expected to do the same in every category for the rest of your life. You’d watched too many kid geniuses crumble under that very pressure in adulthood to say that was a good thing.

But you? You’d figured out the secret to it all.

Just play dumb.

If no one expected much out of you, then wasn’t that the best case scenario?

When you put forth the smallest amount of effort, everyone was surprised and impressed. When you failed? No one batted an eye.

Why put all that pressure on yourself when there was a better way?

At least, that’s how you saw it.

Akaashi walked alongside you, talking idly about the science competition going on between the different chemistry courses the university had. He didn’t go too far into detail, since he knew you wouldn’t understand. You weren’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, he’d learned that since day one of meeting you.

But that’s how he liked you.

Maybe a part of him enjoyed the superiority of being more intelligent than you. A sense of power surged through him every time you got that confused little look on your face.

But there was always something more to those expressions. Like some deeper emotion lurked under the surface. It always bothered him that he couldn’t figure out what it was.

You smiled, “That sounds fun! Which one is chemistry again?”

There it was again. The way one side of your mouth quirked upwards as though you were enjoying a joke that he wasn’t a part of. The way your eyes slid a little to the left, as though you were trying to avoid making eye contact whenever you spoke.

The little details that made him wonder if you were lying to him.

To anyone else, to even him at first, you seemed so genuinely airheaded. Blissfully unaware was the term he once would have used to describe you.

But lately, he wasn’t so sure.

You made him second guess everything he was feeling, in a way. In another way, it was enticing, like a secret the two of you almost shared.

There was a mystery behind your actions, he could sense it. And Akaashi loved a good mystery. He had always been good at solving them and he’d be damned if the best one walked out of his life.

His obsession with you had been overrun by an obsession with uncovering what was under that dumb smile you plastered on your pretty face. He felt like he was going insane, fixating on such a little aspect that might not even exist. It could be his imagination and yet he couldn’t let it go!

Who were you really? Akaashi thought he’d known you so well, even though you had just recently become friends. He had been convinced that he knew you better than you knew yourself.

Now? He wasn’t sure he knew the first thing about you.

What’s worse, he had no idea what you thought about him. You insisted silly little things like “I love everyone” and “You’re so nice, Akaashi”, but is that what you really believed? You seemed so guarded when you said things like that… he couldn’t tell anymore.

He wanted to rip his hair out in frustration. You were nothing like he’d initially thought and he couldn’t tell if he loved or hated that.

You weren’t nearly as dumb as everyone thought, but acting like you were was a useful tool. It attracted boys like Akaashi and wrapped them around your pinky finger. You’d tricked countless men into buying you things and doing what you wanted, all while thinking they were the ones to come up with the idea.

You’d thought Akaashi would be the same as them, but he really just gave you the creeps. While you pretended to sail past the red flags, you were actually very prepared. Every conversation recorded, every meeting place teeming with trusted friends, and every word scrutinized.

He was clearly in love with you, so you decided to drive him away. There was no way you could reveal that you were actually fairly intelligent, not when you’d worked so hard to earn the reputation as an airhead. So you settled on giving him hints, until you could tell that he was ripping himself in two over it.

Strangely, he hadn’t been driven away quite yet. You assumed that, if his type was “dumb and pretty”, he’d be turned off by a smart chick, but so far you’d been unsuccessful.

Maybe you didn’t understand just how deep his love went.

Or maybe you’d find out when he resolved to make you as dumb as he wanted.

#yandere #yandere haikyuu #haikyuu!!#yandere one shot #one shot #yandere x reader #yandere akaashi #akaashi keiji

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teamfreewill56-blog · 8 months ago

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Can you rank the hashiras and reasons why?

This ask took way longer than I thought it would, I believe I overthought the question and then it took me a while to really think over the hashira and choose. And putting it into words took longer than I expected.

@plutonianmoons I interpreted this question as who do I rank in terms of favorites and why, if you meant it in another way shoot me another ask and I’ll respond. I’m going to start with the list so that those who don’t want to know my reasons don’t have to go hunting for where their favorite hashira is.

Kyojuro Rengoku

Uzui Tengen

Mitsuri Kanroji

Muichiro

Shinobu

Sanemi

Iguro

Giyuu

Gyomei

Kyojuro Rengoku

I feel like this will come as a surprise to absolutely nobody lol. He’s my favorite character after all and probably my favorite of all time. I hopefully have been able to sprinkle my reasoning of why I love Kyojuro so much throughout my posts so I will try not to ramble too much. Though, not repeating myself is kinda impossible haha.

Kyojuro resonates with me so deeply, and even I don’t fully understand why. One reason I think is because he makes me feel….seen. His struggles and grief and pain, and how it came about, a lot of it I can relate to, it hits very close to home for me. And seeing what he goes through and how he dealt with it, its helped me to see and realize that my own experiences and feelings are valid, and its helped me process things I haven’t been able to, even with years of therapy. He isn’t just a ball of sunshine who hides his pain, that’s such a gloss over. He IS a flame, all his feelings make him burn, his anger, righteous and otherwise, his love of his family, his comrades, of his hobbies, the way he devotes his all into everything he does and how so many of his actions are driven by love and compassion and that that’s what drives him to be so duty-bound. He’s someone like many of us, has gone through grief and pain and so much and because of his situation didn’t get to have it addressed or dealt with, he just figured out how to live with it. I love how he isn’t Mr. Positive, if he is confronted by something negative, by someone’s hurt feelings he addresses it, he validates, and yet he’s not perfect in doing that either, because with some people he can’t address it even though he wants to. I love brave he is, standing up for others but also facing criticism and cynicism and hatred again and again and being so certain of his creed and who he is that he doesn’t let those things infest him, he burns them up immediately. I love how much he loves Ruka, how even though he lost her at such a young age he never resented her but kept her with him always. He thought of her, shared his memories of her, she touched every aspect of who he grew up to be and he never forgot that. I love that even though he is stubborn he isn’t unyielding where it matters. If he makes a snap judgment and realizes it he will change it, will he always? No probably not because just like everyone else that’s going to be different from situation to situation. I love how even though he was told he could never be a Hashira and that he should abandon it, that he didn’t. He worked and worked and worked and he accomplished it. I love how warm and welcoming he is to others, that even though he can sit there stiff as a board he does things that make you know he’s paying attention, the way he invites the Corp member from Mugen Train episode 1 to join him, the way he pats the seat indicating he wants Tanjiro to sit right next to him. The way he gives Senjuro his complete attention and focus when they are talking about emotionally difficult topics. I love how he is honest when he easily could lie to try to spare feelings and yet he is so careful and mindful during those times too. I love how freaking intelligent he is, and that it’s subtle. That it’s not just book intelligence but he’s just actually intelligent. The conversations he has, the way he breaks down what’s going on around him, the choices he makes when he acts. The questions he ponders and asks himself and tries to figure out the answer to. The fact that when Shinjuro told him he didn’t have what it takes to become a Hashira, the way that he thought about that question and pondered it and came to his answer---he could have just got upset and hurt and focused on those feelings, but he didn’t, he delved into it and found his answer. I love his expressions, and I know people joke that sometimes there’s not a thought going on behind his eyes but I disagree, I think he looks like that cause his brain is thinking of so much at once. I love how he has a bunch of shared traits with the other Hashira but in a way that’s uniquely him. I will cut myself off here because if I don’t I’m never gonna stop lol.

2. Uzui Tengen

One of the reasons I love Tengen is I was so surprised by him, I thought I was going to hate this man’s guts--especially after his introduction to the boys. But instead it was just character beat after character beat of why I would and do like him. You look at him and its like “oh he’s the wild one” but he actually isn’t. He had a lapse of judgment and was rushing when he kidnapped Aoi and wasn’t thinking straight but he also got talked out of taking her pretty easily. I don’t like that he slapped her butt, and I think its still a weird thing for him to do but its in there and I’m sure his wives and Shinobu got on him for that whole incident. But after that we see quickly that he’s one of the responsible ones, and like Kyojuro he really really cares about people and their safety, he sees and acknowledges the boys as boys and does his best to take care of them and watch over them while at the District. Of course, he doesn’t do it perfectly, but he does a pretty damn good job. I love that he actually verbally acknowledges to them that he made mistakes and he put them in danger and owns his poor behavior and decisions. I love that once Zenitsu gets taken he instructs Tanjiro and Inosuke to leave and gives them that important wisdom that surviving isn’t a loss and it isn’t failing. I love that he doesn’t try to shoo the boys off once they are in the fight, he adapts and lets them help him. And even though he lets them stay he consistently is making moves to protect them during the fight and trying to take as much weight off them as he can. He is aware of what the boys’ states are in the midst of the fight and tries to finish things quickly and change the battle to keep them safe. I also love his dynamic with them--he absolutely understands how teenage boys are and how they work and he lets them be boys in his presence without letting them do something terrible. Inosuke gets overwhelmed and starts trying to headbutt people and just rampage in his anxiety? No you don’t boar boy back over here with me. Zenitsu wanders off and starts getting enticed by the women? Boy don’t you even think about going in there I will carry you by the collar through the whole place. His dynamic with Zenitsu is so fun, because they bicker at each other and he teases him like a guy who is 10+ years older than their younger brother would. I love how Tengen truly loves his wives, and that he doesn’t love them all in the same way or show love in the same way to them all. He knows his wives and treats them as his individual partners. I love how calculating but also wild he is in his fighting. His fight with Gyutaro and Daki was such fun to watch.

3. Mitsuri Kanroji

I love how Mitsuri allows herself to feel all her feelings, how once she stops pretending to be who and what she isn’t, our Love Hashira wears herself completely on her sleeve. And she isn’t ashamed of it or prideful about it. In her fight against Zohakuten she starts out confidently attacking him, jumps right in there and saves Tanjiro and her character beats are so good, she’s freaked out about how big Zohakuten’s dragons are and yet immediately turns her attention to Tanjiro with a smile, confidence and warmth. She sets him down and tells him to take a break, praises him and tells him she’ll take care of it. When Zohakuten calls her a “shameless tramp” she shows such a genuine reaction of shock and upset and I can’t help but adore how honest she is in showing her feelings and being able to show multiple feelings at once. She isn’t arrogant when confronting Zohakuten that first time, but even then, she doesn’t stay dwelling on the fact that he insults her she is ready to go and move to attack once Zohakuten strikes at her. When the dragons start dodging her and moving faster she doesn’t hide her feelings of nervousness, she shows her panic but she doesn’t stop attacking or give up, she just freaking adapts and keeps going, seriously goes “can I take on this many at once?” AND THEN JUST DOES IT. She gets smacked point blank in the face with a sonic blast and instinctively defends her whole body by tensing it up. I love how her confidence isn’t iron-clad, insults, harsh words and reactions, they all hurt her and she doesn’t ignore them but tries to deal with them the best way she can, even if sometimes its the wrong way like she does when she becomes more reserved after finding out Shinobu’s reason for being a Slayer. I love that instead of being ugly or mean to the person who is ugly or mean to her, she honestly defends herself and feels her feelings without trying to hurt the other person. I love how she wants to have a husband but also wants to help people love themselves and once she becomes a slayer these two things no longer conflict for her. She loves people and trusts that one day she’ll find a good man in the Corp to marry. I love how genuine she is with her acceptance of people. She genuinely accepts Tanjiro and Nezuko and treats Nezuko like a younger sister, hugging her, singing with her, playing with her, and protecting her. The fact that she sheds tears of joy seeing not only that Nezuko is alive but also talking--there’s no doubt she loves these kids. Her love for people as individuals is so strong: even though Genya is mean to her she wanted to talk to him, when she saves the Village leader and he makes a flirty comment she teasingly chides him. And in both instances she could have gotten really angry but didn’t. Nor does she call Genya names or anything, and she talks about him kindly when he’s brought up later. I love how Mitsuri actually is willing to do the tough things, but isn’t shy about saying how she feels about it. I love how she never actually hated the things that made her different, she always cherished them, but it just took her a little while to reach her full acceptance. I love how much she has in common with Kyojuro and that in some instances you can see it and it doesn’t have to be brought up. Mitsuri reminds me a lot of Sailor Moon’s Usagi and I kind of love that.

4. Tokito Muichiro

Muichiro is part of my little brother baby trio. Comprised of Muichiro, Genya and Senjuro. I love how well this amnesic child does deadpan humor and yet in the same breath can be so RELENTLESSLY sassy. Like I’m sure Tengen thinks he is the sass master but Muichiro would DEVESTATE HIM. His sass is sharp and clever and our little Mist Hashira knows how to time his humor beats perfectly and in the optimal way to jab his opponent. The way that he’s passive-aggressive while he has amnesia, without meaning to be is also really funny. Karate-chopping Tanjiro, holding his nose to make him wake up, like Muichiro really is going for the fastest route here.

I also love how fierce he is, like yes Muichiro was taunting Gyokko but he was not messing around in his fighting and you could see it in how he moved. Plus the way that he came at Gyokko from within the mist and then minced him into sushi? So hardcore.

I adore how he isn’t bitter about having amnesia, like, he could very easily and rightfully be angry and upset and hold those feelings but he doesn’t. Instead, he focuses on trying to remember things but also not let it stress him out if he can’t. I love how truly kind and gentle he is, even when Yuichiro was being mean to him and aggressive, Muichiro didn’t return that. He loved and cared and respected every member of his family. He admired all of them.

I love how his motives to originally become a swordsman were so pure and kind-hearted and that he wanted to help people the way their parents taught them. I love how when he regained his memories he was able to revisit those memories and realize that his brother did love him, that he was worried and scared and just a 10-year old trying to take care of his only remaining family. I admire so much that he was able and willing to think about his past and realize that the way he thought about his brother was wrong and not the truth. His relationship with Tanjiro is so adorable, like hands down Tanjiro is his favorite person and the favoritism and kindness he shows Tanjiro after he gets his memories back is so cute it’s like that aggressive best friend who is nice only to their bestie and just a terror to everyone else.

5. Shinazugawa Sanemi

There are so many wonderful, devoted big brothers in Demon Slayer and Sanemi is one of the top for me. We can tell in Genya’s flashbacks that Sanemi was completely committed to his role as provider and caretaker for their family. He loved and respected his mother and he loved his siblings and Genya trying to support him and stand with him back then meant so much to him and you can tell. Even after what happened to their siblings and mother, that devotion stayed, Sanemi just had to go about it differently.

I think the way he acts towards people is understandable although not justified, like many other characters he was completely unaware of demons before his family got slaughtered and unlike Gyomei, Giyuu and Tanjiro his family got slaughtered by his own mother and he killed her not realizing it was her until too late, and then had to deal with the realization that he killed his mother as well as having the brother he fought tooth and nail to protect curse him and things just got worse from there. Yes, Sanemi isn’t the only one who has lost comrades but he is one of the few slayers who has to wonder if a demon showing up is because of him and not the other way around. He never hated Genya for the things he said when their mom died, he was never bitter towards him. He loved him and knew his little brother well enough to know how kind hearted and sensitive Genya was and that’s why he was so harsh because he was so scared of losing Genya too and of Genya going through the traumas he had. Scared enough that he was willing to maim him if it meant getting him out of the Corp. And more than willing to let Genya hate him forever. I mean seriously, think about the mental and emotional will power you’d have to conjure up to be able to look at your younger brother who is pleading to talk to you and make the decision to try and blind him and keep insisting you’re not family. I don’t agree it was the right thing to do but the fact that he could even bring himself to attempt that geez.

Not to mention hearing Genya had eaten demon flesh probably scared him because that kind of makes Genya a demon and if he goes out of control someone would have to kill him. I think his rage is understandable, I think his anger initially at Nezuko and Tanjiro is very understandable and it’s shown on his face when he looks down after Nezuko rejects his blood. This demon rejects human flesh, why couldn’t my mom? Why did I have to kill my mom, lose all my siblings and lose my remaining brother, lose my best friend, but this kid gets to keep his sister who is a demon? Would anyone else in his shoes respond differently? I really doubt it.

I love how he’s like the unexpected wild child of the Hashira---not completely unexpected I mean look at him--but the fact that he just pulls an Inosuke and just picks fights with people left and right and he really seems to enjoy his fights but he’s also not ignorant about it. He is aware of what’s going on and he is calculating and strategizing and he’s so -adaptive- like Sanemi will try literally anything in battle if he thinks there’s even a hint it might work. The fact that he knows how to be annoying and cocky to his opponent but isn’t arrogant in his fighting (exception being his fights with Giyuu I think) is a refreshing take on this type of character. Sanemi doesn’t think he can beat everybody, he doesn’t think he’s invincible but that’s okay with him because he still wants to try it regardless. And like Muichiro he knows how to push those buttons and he has such fun doing it and honestly, I have so much fun watching him antagonize his opponents.

6. Obanai Iguro

I love Iguro’s design. I love that he could have just hated people and cursed them because that’s kind of what you’d expect from someone who’s own family treated them the way the Iguro clan did to Obanai. His family sliced open his face, tried to sacrifice him to a demon and then cursed him for surviving when it backfired on them. He had no social interaction until he was friggin 11 with anyone outside of his messed up family. I appreciate how honest he is about his reasons for being a demon slayer. He isn’t doing this to be noble or because its the right thing. He wants to try to purge his family’s tainted blood from himself by killing demons for others, knowing he can never truly purge that blood but at least its -something-. I love how even though he was hurt all for the sake of a snake demon that he doesn’t hate Kabamaru (check spelling) and he treats that precious white snake so well and that Kabamaru isn’t just a decoration but his partner. I appreciate how even though he doesn’t know how to tell Mitsuri he loves her verbally---he’s constantly showing it. Writing letters back and forth with her, sitting with her and just letting her eat as much as she wants, giving her socks that match her eyes because he knew she was uncomfortable at first with her uniform. When she starts trying to explain how she got the Demon Slayer Mark and its all gibberish and he just face palms---not even upset just like “my poor wife she’s doing her best”. The way that he gets jealous of Tanjiro being buddy buddy with Mitsuri is so funny because its so stupid and yet he has Muichiiro’s petty streak, just listing off all the Corp members “crimes” when Tanjiro is like “did these people commit some sort of crime?” I love how he changed his mind about Tanjiro and he was -such- a good battle partner with Tanjiro when it was just the two of them for a bit. The fact that he got right between Tanjiro and Muzan’s Akira-like jaws knowing that would definitely kill him, he didn’t go to pin Muzan he went directly to save Tanjiro from getting swallowed.To me it seemed so clear that in this final battle Iguro accepted Tanjiro and supported him, they worked as a team and Loner Iguro is good at it I can’t wait to see him in the new anime content.

7. Kocho Shinobu

Shinobu is also kind of a typical anime girl but I still like her. Short angry girl is a pretty common trope but she does it well. I love that she is biting and vicious with a smile on her face, kind of like what you expect from the stereotypical mean rich girl, but you can tell that’s also not Shinobu because she will -actually- mess you up in a heartbeat. I love that she’s not a “mean girl”, she loves her friends and her butterfly girls and she cares a lot about people and she’s not ashamed of being a “healer”. I love that instead of writing herself off, “I’m small and therefore can’t fight the same as everyone else” she figured out a method that worked for her, and it is probably one of the worst ways a demon can die---it’s definitely the most painful. I love how one way she showed Kanae her love for her was choosing to always smile even though she’s never actually happy. That it’s not forced positivity, and Kanae wasn’t asking that of her. But it was “My sister loved my smile, so I will continue to smile for her.” I love how she is constantly stepping in to show support to the characters. Talking to Kyojuro before he left, confronting Mitsuri about her starving herself once she found out about it, encouraging and showing happiness for Kanao starting to speak up for herself and being a sort of mother figure for Inosuke where she cared for him but was also able to discipline him in a way that no one else really could. I do feel like her best interactions are when she’s with Zenitsu, Douma and Giyuu but it could just be that I find those moments with her to be the most fun and entertaining.

8. Tokito Giyuu

Giyuu’s is kinda funny because he’s typically the type of anime character who is my favorite in a series but compared to the previous 7, yeah he’s here. I do love that he’s a tried and true introvert, like he is a devoted Hashira but at the same time gives off the Shikamaru vibe of “Gosh I’d rather be at home”. I enjoy that even though he has a bond with Tanjiro that doesn’t like cure him of his introvertness, he still gets overwhelmed by Tanjiro sometimes and is just like “no, not today” and tries to split. I love that that’s not really attempted to get fixed, that’s just how Giyuu is and that’s okay. He still has moments of joy and sass and all the other feelings but there’s no “we need to heal Giyuu” thread in the story besides the side story of everyone trying to get him smile/laugh. I will always be saddened by the fact that he for the longest time didn’t feel like he was a Hashira and just wrote himself off but I also kind of like how the Hashira weren’t suddenly like, “That’s crazy, we love and accept you Giyuu!” But by the end I feel like he was mostly accepted, particularly by Sanemi which was nice since those two were almost like unspoken rivals it felt like. His scenes with Tanjiro and Shinobu are the best to me, because he obviously cares about Tanjiro a lot while he simultaneously just has no idea what to do with this kid unless he’s fighting alongside him. I love his dynamic with Shinobu, its not one I usually love a lot but theirs is so much fun and Shinobu really brings out Giyuu’s sass and sarcasm which is fun to see especially with him doing it deadpan. I appreciate Giyuu’s struggle as a character because I feel like its one that a lot of us can relate to and its nice to see him accept and grow comfortable with himself as the story progresses.

9. Himejima Gyomei

I will probably get a lot of hate for this one, but oh well. Unlike the other Hashira where I do like them on some level, I don’t like Gyomei at all. If you pushed me I guess I would say his extremely impractical weapon? But like, that’s really reaching. I feel like the only reason I don’t immediately forget about him is because he’s massive and is always crying with his hands in prayer stance. He’s a monk but like in name only. Maybe its just because there wasn’t enough time but I can’t think of a single time where Gyomei showed monk behavior besides saying “Namu Amida Butsu” and Genya mentions that the mantra he used fighting the Emotion Demons was something he learned from Gyomei but nothing past that. Even his crying seems to be more of an at-random thing and not a “he’s feeling deep or spiritual emotions”. We never get an explanaton for why he cries all the time and then suddenly doesn’t cry during his fighting and gets all….macho? I guess I would call it. But yeah look at that conversation between him and Tanjiro at the boulder, if those are spiritual teachings they are not good ones…so to me he doesn’t practice what he preaches, but we also aren’t really shown what he believes spiritually.

My biggest issue with him is his attitude towards children. He was bitter and mistrustful towards children after the demon attack because the TRAUMATIZED FOUR YEAR OLD didn’t express gratitude for him saving her life. Children struggle with expressing gratitude period, especially that young, they definitely aren’t going to be thinking about expressing gratitude after going through watching you bash another adult’s skull in.

And because of this he believes that children “Are pure and innocent. Weak. They lie easily…are casually cruel…and selfish.” Children are this way unless they are taught correctly, adults are this way even if they ARE taught correctly. Children’s brains aren’t fully developed at four years old, and yeah, Gyomei doesn’t know that science but seeing as he was raising other kids there, he should understand kids better than he does. Children lie easily because at that young of an age the worst thing that can happen to you is getting in trouble, so you lie to avoid it. You have to be taught how to deal with that properly. Children are not “casually cruel”, they don’t understand that their words and actions impact other people’s emotions and feelings the way that adults do they have to be shown and taught it, just like everyone else. That’s not something that just comes from predisposition. Children are selfish? So are adults, and children don’t become selfless unless they are shown and taught it. Gyomei went through this trauma too, so I don’t blame him for his knee jerk reaction being upset at the child, but the fact that afterwards he stayed upset and decided that children are all these things, and staying upset that she didn’t show gratitude? That’s ridiculous.

#demon slayer #kyojuro rengoku #flame hashira #demon slayer mugen train #rengoku kyojuro #flame pillar #set your heart ablaze #mitsuri kanroji #iguro obanai #muichiro tokito #giyuu tomioka #shinobu kochou #sanemi shinaguzawa #anon ask #hashira rank #sorry this too so long buut i have been going through a lot and there was a lot to write #my opinions

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blueberry-lemon · 1 month ago

Text

The Sites Behind Us

Cohost, the indie blogging + social media platform, is shutting down.

It’s sad, because I really liked using it.

While my two years of using it were brief, they also happened to land at the moment where I needed it most. These two years have kind of been the crossroads of two different impulses pulling at me:

The impulse to post, scroll, and be seen online

The desire to want to pull back and retreat from social media, metrics, timelines, and algorithms

Not only do these two things contradict each other, like a terminally-online tug-of-war, but they were also both complicated for me personally over these two years.

I think it would be fair to call Cohost “one of my favorite online platforms”, especially if we’re considering the design and feature set. It fit really nicely into my routine.

On the other hand, I can’t say much about the community, personally. I don’t know anything about the staff, and I almost never surfed around the tags. I stuck mostly to my own little bubble, and only browsed the “gamedev” tag and “indie game” tag to find posts to signal-boost on my alt account, Indie Games of Cohost.

I’ve heard stories of arguments, targeted harassment, defensiveness, toxicity, racial bias, and white privilege expressed across the platform. I believe all of those things 100%. And while I have nearly endless sympathy for small development teams, it’s still frustrating to see failures in properly preventing people from being exposed to that on the site.

It sadly doesn’t surprise me. Not in the sense that “we should accept these things as inevitable when people talk online” but rather that it seems that nearly every attempt to make a social media platform has failed to build in the proper level of diversity of staffing, precaution, and moderation that would be necessary to prevent things like that from festering.

The next time someone attempts to make an online space like this, I hope that they’ll take note of those failures and do better. I wish everyone could have had the same positive experience that I had, even though that clearly didn’t come to pass for a lot of people.

As I said, the feature set and general design was very much up my alley. Cohost was pitched by many as “social media with less metrics”, and thus with more space to be yourself, act like yourself, and breathe. There are subtle differences that have a lot of impact: no “Likes” metric on posts, no “Followers” metric at all, no “Follows you” badge to know whether people were your mutuals or not.

It wasn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it was definitely mine. It had a lot of the convenience of a social media platform (optional comment sections, optional reblogs/shares, the ability to see everything displayed in a handy timeline you can scroll down) without a lot of the aspects that I’ve found detrimental to my focus, confidence, and mental health.

As a bonus, Cohost let you use CSS within your posts. This led to people (with better coding knowledge and patience than me) making some really creative posts that “broke the mold” of what you’d expect to see. It was refreshing because most online platforms have a pretty firm grip on what your “piece of content” is allowed to look like, aesthetically and structurally. There’s been a big drive to try to iron out what posts look like and make them consistent, such as having everything on a platform use the same font or be the same size. It was nice to have a place that didn’t play by those rules.

It was essentially more like a blogging platform, before LiveJournal and Tumblr became bloated with a bunch of more grabby features. It was a place for experimental and long-form posting, as opposed to the machine gun fire of sites like Twitter, TikTok, etc.

It also felt like, at least on my own personal timeline, that it was more about posting stuff than about reblogging an endless stream of stuff. Which is huge for me. There is something about the concept of the retweet/reblog/share that kind of opens the flood gates on most people, letting out an endless stream of “content” that is impossible to ever fully digest. I’ll admit, I’m not a huge fan. I like hearing from people individually, rather than always seeing posts passed along from strangers.

I think a large part of why these things appealed to me specifically is because of my shifting relationship with using the internet.

My impulse to post, scroll, and be seen online

I started posting on the internet when I was around 10 years old.

I went to message boards, webcomic hosting sites, and browser-based online RPGs.

After a few years of that, I found my way onto deviantArt. A few years after…Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr. A few years after…Discord.

For better or worse, “posting” and “scrolling” became central to my identity. I word it that way not out of pride but mostly just to be blunt. If you’re a very indoor internet kind of person, you can probably relate.

When it comes to the question of “Why do I spend time online?”, there’s always been two strands of my DNA. One was built on socializing, being myself, and meeting new people to talk to. The other was built on creative hobbies like drawing, animating, and writing.

So, in a sense, posting and scrolling had always felt foundational to how I lived my life. It felt like a necessary part of connecting with others and discovering who I want to be. Likewise, it felt like a necessary part of expressing myself, learning to draw, learning to animate, learning to make games.

From a purely skill + career standpoint…posting and scrolling are directly responsible for me learning to draw, learning different image/video software, getting commission work, and getting jobs and opportunities.

So in that way, that impulse has been beneficial to me. That’s…probably true? Mostly.

But I have more reservations about it now than ever before.

I’m particularly unsure about the 10-year span stretching from 2010 to 2020, where I was most immersed in Twitter and Tumblr.

On one hand, I’m proud of what I did, directly as a result of my impulse to post and be seen.

I created a webcomic, Soul Symphony, that ran for 5 years and 450 pages, telling a story from beginning to end

From around 2015-2017 I was posting 4 or 5 new drawings to Tumblr per month, usually in full-color. My skills, confidence, and follower numbers were quickly climbing as a result of that consistency.

I ran a charity fanart zine that helped me connect with a bunch of really cool artists and helped raise money for clean water

Posting stuff to Twitter and Tumblr was kind of my creative outlet even outside of college (where I majored in Illustration and Animation) where I could truly do what I wanted to do without worrying about what professors would think

I made new friends and mutuals with different people who clicked with me

All of this was born out of a desire to get attention on the internet. It was driven by an engine of posting and scrolling. It was, for better or worse, driven by the fuel of social media metrics.

As proud as I am of those things, and as much as I know they made me who I am…there is a voice in the back of my head.

“What would life had been like if you’d logged off more?”

That’s probably dramatic, but it’s something I wonder. Would things had been any different if I had played outside with the neighbors more? Or stayed after school more? Or joined clubs in college?

Maybe I could’ve made different connections, or learned different things. Maybe I’d be better at making friends and keeping them. Or maybe my motivation to be creative simply for creativity’s sake, as opposed to getting obsessed with online metrics, would’ve lasted a few years longer.

Maybe I wouldn’t have burnt out.

Even as I get older and think more about “hanging out with people IRL” as the solution for all of these thoughts…the pandemic came along and made that complicated. It’s hard to feel confident and safe going to a local board game shop to learn a TCG, or throw a bunch of get-togethers, when COVID hangs over it all as a potential outcome.

It’s sad, almost funny, to see my pattern of art-posting since the pandemic started. Every time I’d sign up for a new platform (restarting on deviantart, or Misskey, artfol, Bluesky, other platforms I’m probably forgetting, even Cohost itself) I’d do the same thing. I’d start posting some of my favorite drawings, to help get myself set up and see if people would start following. Inevitably, these favorite drawings would be from like 2016-2019, what felt like my “heyday” of constantly growing and experimenting. I’d throw them out into the void, get a few Likes, get a few followers, and then…I’d just feel empty.

For lack of a better phrase, my mind had become too poisoned by the metrics over time. I had slacked off on actually drawing, for its own fun and for improving. I kept hoping that by porting my archive of old art over, it would bring in a flood of followers and reignite my passion for drawing.

It hasn’t really worked.

I’ve been burnt out on drawing, and short dopamine boosts from online strangers has barely put a dent in bringing me back. If anything, the experience of just sending my PNGs to a couple of personal friends and them responding with “cool!” has been more motivating.

If you’ve ever had interest or experience in being a freelancer artist online, you’ve probably internalized a lot of rules for posting.

Post consistently and often

Re-post and bump your post a few times so that people see it in different timezones

Write good captions on your pieces that capture your persona or encourage people to share or comment below

Be smart about tagging

Jump on trends, draw fanart of popular franchises, do memes

Build up your follower count, and then try to see if you convert any of those followers into commissions, merch sales, or Patreon subs

There’s nothing inherently wrong with doing any of those things. But they definitely don’t have any correlation with “getting better at the craft” or “enjoying yourself and fulfilling yourself.” They’re a necessary social-media strategy. It’s tips on running a business.

Though if I’m being honest…there WAS something fun about being in the thick of it.

There was something energizing and electric about pumping out fanart and shotgun-blasting my work onto social media. There was something satisfying about getting commission requests. I think a big part of it was also that I ENJOYED using Tumblr and Twitter at this time. Yeah it was annoying sometimes, and yeah there was weird people on there sometimes, and yeah you had to kind of dodge through “weird discourse” and “overwhelming re-iteration of US politics” and all sorts of stuff, but the thrill on being on there and being a part of it all was fun and intoxicating.

I kind of miss those days.

But I don’t know whether I have the stomach or interest for all of that anymore.

The desire to retreat from social media

As I get older, social media is starting to taste a little weird.

It just doesn’t taste right anymore.

It doesn’t feel “fun” and “exciting.” If anything, it’s like getting a jolt of energy and attention. It’s like hooking myself up to a validation machine, or a convenient way to scroll through endless distraction.

I don’t know if it’s because social media changed, or if it’s because I’ve changed. Maybe this was the reality all along, and the people who stayed off social media from 2010 onwards were the smart ones. Maybe it’s all fine and I’m just too grumpy and sensitive now. Who knows.

Regardless of the reason, there’s a flashing light in my brain that goes off every time I find myself scrolling one of the major platforms. It’s telling me “get out of here, get out of here, this isn’t a good use of your time and energy, this might be bad for you.”

By losing my interest in major platforms like Twitter and Tumblr, it has also changed my style of posting. And by changing my style of posting, I’ve also changed what I get out of the internet and what I use it for.

Which has meant a sharp decline in me sharing art and a sharp decline in me drawing, period.

During my time on Cohost (and starting this blog), I’ve made a pivot towards writing as my outlet. It’s been a nice change of pace compared to drawing, animating, or making comics. Because of the souring taste of Twitter, I’ve also gravitated more towards long-form writing instead of little thoughts shot into the timeline.

That’s been fun, though it also comes hand-in-hand with an expectation that “less people are going to take the time to read this.” It provides less boosts to my ego and motivation, which is hard to adjust to. But on the flip-side, there are benefits. By being longer and slightly less convenient to stumble on, it kind of guarantees that anyone who took the time to read the whole post really digested and gave you benefit of the doubt.

I think that difference is worth keeping in mind, when putting stuff online. There’s a big trade-off between “This is easy for people to discover, comment on, and share” and “This is more off the beaten path, but the people who do look at it will maybe appreciate it or give it more thought.”

I’m at the risk of repeating myself, as I’ve already written my thoughts on the importance of solitude, minimizing distracting technology in my day-to-day, and being mindful of my time and decisions. I want to reform my habits, and go touch grass, so that my time online feels more enriching and interesting rather than the sludge between every idle minute.

All of that to say is that Cohost was a fitting transition period for me, as I’ve been more mindful of online platforms and how they affect me. Cohost gave me something between my previous 10-year phase (hooked straight into Twitter and Tumblr on a daily basis) and wherever I go next (reading blogs via RSS feed, browsing Neocities and Nekoweb, and continuing this blog site.)

I always feel like I’m rambling and sounding crazy, because I’m way too online for the offline normal folks, and I’m way too anti-social media for the folks who are super online. That said, I’ve noticed something surprising after it was announced that Cohost was being shut down. While some people on my timeline are linking to places where you can follow them next (like Bluesky or Mastodon), I’ve also seen a number of people who are like…“I’m not sure if there’s going to be a place where you can follow me going forward. I’m not sure if I’m interested in trying ANY social media again. I may make a blog or a personal site, but if I don’t…I just won’t be online in the same way anymore.”

Never before, when I’ve seen posts of people saying they’re leaving an online platform, have I seen so many people say that there might not be a fitting place to jump to anymore. This might just be the end of the road for posting and scrolling for them.

It goes without saying that the sites and apps we use help shape our habits.

I used to dutifully check message boards each day after school at a desktop computer. Eventually I got into a habit of posting drawings onto deviantArt, and checking for new drawings from the people I liked following one-by-one. The web was something to sort of dive into, a place to explore and express myself and discover something interesting.

After Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr came along…a lot of our habits changed. That doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It changed our capacity to find and connect with other people, at the cost of encouraging constant scrolling and constant posting. As much as I hate the companies that create those platforms, it’s also on us to reflect on these changes and talk about them, and be responsible for our own behavior.

Every site and app has the potential to shape our behavior and our expectations. Sometimes for good, sometimes for bad.

For me, my impulse to want to scroll and post over and over is something within me. It’s not tied to any particular site or platform, it was there all along. It’s something I have to get over, or find a way to control so that it doesn’t control me.

The idea of not posting, not scrolling, not being seen online constantly…it feels like oblivion to me. It feels like a loss of identity and purpose and…existence? It’s like a tree falling in the middle of the woods with no one around to hear it. Does it matter if I’m an “artist” if nobody sees it and acknowledges it? Posting is a desperate way to reaffirm that I exist, you exist, we see each other.

That doesn’t need to be a fact of life, it’s just a quirk of my own perception. Something that I need to reflect on, and pick apart.

I hope on whatever sites we end up on next…I’ll feel seen, and you’ll feel seen too. Even if our metrics stop being in the “hundreds”, and drop down to being in the “severals.”

#blog #blogofkylelab #cohost

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