#even when he’s forgotten everything
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Kaneki looks very pretty on this page!
#he’s sweating over deciding a name aww#kanji and names are so important to him#even when he’s forgotten everything#his bed is so well made too#books sprawled across the room and his bed is still perfectly neat#does he even use it?#or does he just put a lot of care into making it?#there’s blankets neatly folded there#Kaneki is a neat freak when it comes to everything but books :3#he’s so cute#tokyo ghoul#kaneki ken
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I don’t think I can emphasize enough just how much Elementary understood the core of Sherlock Holmes’ character, and the kind of cases and people he is drawn to, right from the very first episode.
The pilot opens with a wealthy woman’s murder. The prime suspect is a man who is a patient of the woman’s husband, a doctor, for help with his mental disorder. The man is desperately trying to avoid any triggers that may cause him to become violent, as he has been in the past. The doctor decides to use this man as a tool to kill his wife to collect her life insurance. He manipulates both his patient and his wife, alters the man’s medications, and ignores the man’s pleas for help, in order to set a scenario that is guaranteed to trigger the man’s violence - resulting in his wife’s death and later his patient’s.
When Sherlock pieces this together, he confronts the doctor, which leads to this:
And that’s what drives Sherlock to confront the doctor directly. There’s no smugness in being right, or for figuring out who the murderer was and how he did it. Sherlock realizes that this man’s patient was just another victim - someone who desperately wanted and sought help, only to be mistreated. Sherlock Holmes in this adaptation cares so deeply about people, especially those who are denied help when they need it most, and we learn all of this from the very first case.
#elementary#sherlock holmes#sherlock#ive never forgotten this scene#how angry sherlock is when the doctor dismisses everything he is saying#and then just...deflates...#'and YOU took advantage'#that's not even touching on how sherlock is a recovering addict#and is following a case involving a man losing control when he so desperately doesnt want to#god this show. THIS SHOW.#i am BEGGING you all to watch this show
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Something I can't stop thinking about is that Snape began the series being perfectly okay
He was actually at his best. He'd spent ten whole years in Hogwarts without the Marauders and before Harry Potter walked in.
Of course it wouldn't have been easy for him to adjust, but he did. And I just can't help but think of those first months where the other teachers got to know him, and got to realise that this boy needed them, needed their help, and took care of him. I can't help but think of how they promised him that it's okay, it's over, everyone's safe and he's not what he thinks he is. He's okay.
Like, for ten years he would have been happy. He had friends. He had a job. He had a home. Hogwarts was his home.
And then Harry Potter came and everything went wrong.
Can you imagine, him seeing Harry's face for the first time? After so many years of actually being content and happy, suddenly he sees James Potter's face, Lily Evans' eyes. Suddenly he's reminded of Voldemort who will return now, and now he's got a ticking clock, a countdown warning him that that's it, time's up, everything you've built in these ten years are soon going to break. And then come the events of the first and second year. Okay, so they're chaotic and stressful, but it's fine, they're all stressed, they're all in this together.
Then it's Harry's third year.
And that's when everything falls apart.
Remus Lupin, one of his abusers and a serious gaslight, is here in the job he wanted, and acting like everything's fine between them while simultaneously disrespecting him and forgetting to take the potion and being a huge risk to them all. Sirius Black, one of the two main abusers, is on the loose. And no one is ever gonna believe him about Lupin, are they? Suddenly it's Lupin's home. Lupin's safe space. But what about Snape? Do the past 13 years mean nothing? It seems so. And in the end, he has a complete breakdown because it's all coming down.
Then comes the goblet of fire. Okay, normal, right? But then there's moody. And there's the visiting schools. And then there's Kararoff who will not leave him alone! And then...
And then Harry Potter comes with the dead body of a teenage boy, crying and screaming that Voldemort's back.
And now Snape knows that time is up and things only get worse. Everything happens after that, from spying to dealing with that wretched Umbridge who's trying to destroy the school.
And then...
And then he has to kill Dumbledore.
And that when it all ends.
All he built in the past 16 years....
All the promises that they'd never leave him...
That they'd always look after him...
That they know he's not that person he used to be...
That everything will be okay because he has them to look after him...
They mean nothing now.
He's not okay anymore.
#severus snape#pro snape#professor snape#i had this thought and cant stop thinking it#like snape must have actually been happy before the events of the book#like this was his home and they were his friends#they'd looked after him#but then as the series goes on all that slowly crumbles away until its all gone and he's alone and hated again#and like shit got serious for Harry after cedric died thats when it really hit the fan#but for snape? it ended after book TWO#and I'm just imagining that he'd managed to forget about it all#by the time Harry arrived Snape had even forgotten about voldemort lily harry james everything#like blanked it out because this was his life now#but harry walked in and suddenly he remembers and he's back to the past again
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'Cause that's what us, we mere mortals, do. We die. And sometimes it's not pretty. It's ugly and it's messy and it's painful.
#warehouse 13#wh13edit#mine:photoset#pete lattimer#myka bering#don't look at these i have fully forgotten how to color#but BARK BARK BARK HELLO....... I LOVE PETE#he's the sweetest man in the world and he would be right up there with peter bishop if they didn't keep handing him the idiot ball#what is it about fictional dudes named peter#but waaaaaah i love them so much these two are everything to me#more shows should have ride or die besties who know each other so well but who are disgusted by the idea of sleeping together#like ten and donna (even though i know that pete and myka DO get together in the end) (we'll see how i feel about that when i get there)#plus i know they're not gonna kill myka because there's a s5#even if it is only 6 episodes#i'm so emo about these two. cannot believe i only have 8 episodes left of the entire show#also unrelated but shoutout to when i was presenting something to the entire marketing team a few weeks ago including the CMO#and i referred to christmas as 'the big c'#everyone was very quick to be like 'oh kyle honey no that is NOT what that means' SORRY MA I GOOFED UP
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just watched all the way through john fuhnaffs recent theory and like godd he really is cooking he truly is onto something but like. the idea that Cassies dad did all of thos important stuff and is connected to the mimic and built mxes and did all this shit is like. what do Gregory and vanessa even have to do with anything anymore at this point
#like when ruin came out everybody thought they built mxes to lock away the thing that abused them and that was#their way of fighting back after they were free so they could secure that they can live normal lives#and it made perfect sense#and also was narratively satisfying#but now this technician guy did it all and gregory and vanessa just went down there and trapped it with concrete and thats it#like. can they do anything plz#its just so weird#why dont they want them to do important stuff#they wont even let vanny do anything anymore its just a guy wearing vannys face#i know that the hw2 candy cadet stories and the ggy hints are trying to tell us hey. we havent forgotten about them#but also im just. not thrilled about 3 entire releases building up the mimic and cassies dad and it taking at that point#at LEAST over 3 years to get anything with a chance of gregory and vanessa#like when sb came out in 2021 and got into it believe it or not i kinda expected the characters in it that were main characters to idk#be in the story and do stuff#its just annoying#theyll come back someday but the way theyve handled things where itll take probably 3.5 years at least to give them the time of day is just#urgh#anyway john fuhnaff is a great theorist i love him#he has such real takes hes so chill about everything too#and the way he said 'im totally open to that happening' about sotm and tftp being copy paste 💀💀💀#so true man#discourse
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Red Hood Characterization
This is really long so I'm putting a cut here, I've been thinking about Jason Todd's character motivations and the question of whether or not his actions are based in a Moral Code (I don't think so, not to say he's without any morality) and I talk about that in more depth here.
I saw someone say on here that Titans: Beast World: Gotham City was some of the best Jason Todd internal writing they'd seen in a while, and I've been a Red Hood fan for 8 years or so now? pretty much since I read comics for the first time, so I went and checked out and I thought it was good! The way the person I saw talking about it as if it was rare and unusual made me wonder though, because as well-written as i thought his stances on crime were, there wasn't really anything in it that went against the way I conceptualize Jason?
This kinda plays into a larger question I've been thinking about for a while with Jason though, which is that, do people think that the killing is part of a fundamental worldview that motivates him a la batman, and that worldview is the reason he does the things he does?? Because 8 years ago i was a middle schooler engaging with fiction on the level that a middle schooler does, so I simply did not put much thought into it beyond "poor guy :(" but ever since I actually started trying to understand consistent characterization, I don't really see Jason as someone who's motivated by a moral code in his actions the way batman or superman is!
tbh my personal read is that he's a very socially-motivated guy, his actions from resurrection to his Joker-Batman ultimatum in utrh always seemed to me like every choice made leading up to his identity reveal was either a. to give him the leverage and skill necessary to pull off his identity reveal successfully, or b. to twist the knife that little bit more when he does let Bruce find out who he is. Like iirc there's a Judd Winick tweet like "yeah tldr he chose Red Hood as his identity because it's the lowest blow he could think of." And I think that's awesome, I think character motivations rooted so deeply in character's relationships and emotions are really fun to read! I also think it's where the stagnation/flatness of his character comes from in certain comics, because if his main motivation is one event in one relationship that passes, and he is not particularly attached to anything in his life or the world by the time that comes to pass, it's a little harder to come up with a direction to go with the character after that, because there isn't much of a direction that aligns with something the character would reasonably want? But I do think solving this by saying "all of the morally-off emotionally driven cruelty he did on his way to spite Batman was actually reflective of his own version of Batman's stance that's exactly the same except he thinks it's GOOD to kill people" isn't ideal. To be fully honest, it seems to me like he never particularly cared one way or the other about killing people to "clean Gotham of crime," he just did everything he could to get the power necessary to pull off his personal plans, and took out any particularly heinous people he encountered along the way (like in Lost Days.) Not to say I think the fact he killed people keeps him up at night anymore than everything else in his life events, I just never really thought he was out there wholeheartedly kneecapping some dude selling weed or random guy robbing a tv store for justice.
Looping wayyy back to my question, Is this (^) contradictory to the way he's written/the overall average perception of the character? Because like I enjoyed his writing in Beast World i have zero significant issue with anything there, I just didn't believe it would be a hot take, like yeah, that is Jason. It's been a while since I've read utrh and lost days, but I don't think my takeaway directly contradicts either of those too bad iirc. Idk all this to say I think Jason killing and being alright with killing is an obvious and objective fact, but i guess i've always seen it as more of a practical tactic than a moral belief, and I think taking the actions made during the lowest points of a character's life where he is obsessively focused on this ONEEEE thing and trying to apply it as a Motivating Stance to everything he's done after that, doesn't really follow logically for me.
#edit: i am so so open to discussion and disagreement on this but please try to have something substantial to say. god bless!#like ofc jason kills but to me it was less “everyone I've ever killed deserves death objectively”#and more “when people are dead they stop doing things like heinous atrocities and trying to kill me"#i don't even think he wanted the joker dead (only) because he thinks he objectively morally deserves death#although the joker is one of the most extreme cases possible and he if does think that he's VERY justified#i really do think it was just about bruce#and wanting bruce to avenge him to show he loved him and he mattered and wanting his dad to give him security#all the killing was about the clown and everything with the clown was about bruce#i've NEVER forgotten the bit in lost days where he has the joker tied up at gunpoint and doesn't kill him#i think if it was only about a moral greater good situation he would have taken him out then and there#if you disagree i'd love to hear why provided you can be civil and not an jerk#also if you disagree PLEASE PLEASE put screenshots and comic issues if possible#i'd love to check them out and form my own stance on them#just know that if you say like. battle for the cowl. or the Tom King batman annual or something i probably won't care too much#comic characterization is ever-changing and inconsistent i truly believe that the best thing to do is just read the important stuff#and try to form your own stances from there#because there's never gonna be 100% of comics involving a character that align with each other perfectly and that's just a given#jason todd#red hood#dc comics
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I’m currently binging house and I’m already on season 4. I’m just saying I think a poly relationship could’ve saved Amber, Wilson, and House.
I mean not saved in the traditional sense that it would’ve actually worked out because we all know it def would’ve ended in flames. House doesn’t share well (he’s too jealous and possessive of Wilson to handle a poly relationship), Amber is the exact same way, and Wilson is too passive not to crack under the duel attention. But it would’ve been entertaining to see at least
#if they went the poly route it would’ve ended in house being whiny and demanding he dump the cutthroat bitch#Wilson would put up a fight for a while bc he does care about her#maybe he would’ve even cut off house for a little bit#but in the end he would’ve chosen house just like he always does#he would’ve broken it off with Amber and sulk about how house ruins everything good in his life#then give him the biggest brown doe eyed smile and ask him to dinner#and all would’ve been forgotten until the very next day when they got into another argument about something and one of them brings it up#it would’ve been so messy and toxic and I would’ve loved to see it#truly a missed opportunity#house md#gregory house#james wilson#amber house md#hilson
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youtube
I don't listen to pop often, but when I do, it's the good stuff.
#Keep your head up nothing lasts forever#Here's to the damned to the lost and forgotten#It's hard to get high when you're living on the bottom#Just wait everything will be okay#Even when you're feeling like it's going down in flames#Funny thing about this song#I first heard it when we were homeless and we would go to Sunoco for the free wifi so I could work#(I was working remotely even then)#And this song was always on the radio#And it helped. It helped.#I knew it was just a stupid pop song but it HELPED#I know this is probably sacreligious#But it's not the hymns that God has ever used to speak to me#Occasionally but not most the time#He has used the secular songs#He has sent them my way for the first time when I needed them#He put them in my head#He still does#And it HELPED#Anyway I thought of this song the other day#And I thought of it again tonight because a character I was writing was singing it#It still holds up#Anyway#Nattering into the void#Youtube
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Theoden's Favourite
Going off the books, I'd say Theoden's kids are ranked accordingly;
Eomer
Merry
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Eowyn
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Theodred (kid dies and he says nothing about it)
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Idis, the daughter cut from the first draft.
#LOTR#Lord of the Rings#Theoden#Eomer#Merry Brandybuck#Theodred#Eomer is his sister son#he values him and takes pride in him and doesn't hesitate to call him his heir#when dying in battle his last wish is to see him again#his healing climaxes with their reconciliation#Merry he knows only for a short time and he instantly wins Theoden's affection#he respects his courage and his heart and his learning#and treats him with courtesy and warmth#Eowyn Theoden is neutral-fond#she serves him silence and does everything that's asked of her#she's very usedful but he doesn't think of her much beyond her uses#when he doesn't have need of her she is forgotten#only when dying do we get a sense that maybe she mattered to him#doesn't know what he had until he lost it#Theodred dies estranged from Theoden#Theoden doesn't mention his death or show any grief#nor does Tolkien refer to his grief or suffering at his passing#not even as something hidden#and just poor Idis
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the fact that we get to watch percy and annabeth’s relationship develop while knowing how they end up at the end of the series has me shaking like a dog. the boy who drools in his sleep is going to become one of, if not the most powerful demigods and he’s going decline godhood for the girl that pushed him in the lake to prove her theory and they don’t even know it yet
#oh im sick in the head. and yes one of the major reasons he declines to be a god is bc of the promises he made to luke and ethan that#unclaimed children wont be forgotten again and the gods have to claim them before a certain age but he also tells athena he did it for#annabeth which makes me want to beat my head into a wall#and the part of him thinking abt when he thought she was gonna join the hunters. and how her reaction to him declining made him feel like h#did the right thing oh im SICKKKK#they don’t even know they’re gonna hold up the sky for each other and come away with matching gray streaks#they don’t even know she’s gonna fix his armor straps again. they don’t even know how they’re gonna have their first kiss#they don’t even know annabeth is gonna take a knife for him without even knowing#that it was going to hit his achilles spot just because he would’ve done the same for her#they don’t even know annabeth is the only thing percy remembers even if the memory is vague#and nameless after hera wiped his memories and put him in camp jupiter#they don’t even know percy is gonna fall into hell with annabeth because he’s not losing her again. as long as they’re together#god im gonna KILL MYSELF THEY ARE EVERYTHING#god theyre best friends theyre soulmates theyre everything#r.txt
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I actually like the last chapter. I think the ideas are very good. I have my qualms on how some things were managed, as I always do, but I think shonen authors get tangled in the expectations of a shonen to the point it jeopardises their writing, often even when they're not lacking in skills
#I think the nothingness‚ the absence‚ the moving on despite everything‚... is a good if heartbreaking idea#and we do see snippets of it throughout the entire manga‚ yet I think it is mostly lacking in execution#I like the quiet ways in which we see the characters mourn. How Megumi laughs at the letter‚#how Shoko muses about how Satoru should have let her take care of Geto's body‚ the faint smile when Megumi agrees‚#how Shoko quits smoking again‚ Yuuji giving this person hope and a second chance‚ making a reference to him not being executed‚#and giving Sukuna too a chance for him to take one day a different path#All those are very good ideas and all those are very moving quiet ways of grieving. But. It feels in general so lacking#There's so much of everything else in contrast‚ even things that have way less importance narratively than this most of the time‚#that it feels lacking. Especially with how one has to dig to find these things. There's so much that could have been done with the same idea#And done so much better. But the idea is good. The absences are good. The quiet presences are good.The nothingness is good if bitter and sad#But it could have been written better#I also think this ending with Yuuji apparently knowing about Sukuna‚ his lies‚ his little hint of softness‚ the potential second path‚...#makes even more believable why he'd try at all to offer him a second chance. And I love that Yuuji knows him and I love that he still...#leaves the door open for that second chance to occur at some point. Trusting that Sukuna would walk that other path next time#And I love that without openly acknowledging Gojo he demonstrates that he hasn't forgotten him in his acting#How he gives that guy a second chance‚ how he jokes about him not getting executed‚ how he wants to make sure people‚ 'problem children'‚#don't get left behind. He doesn't mimick Gojo in his power but in this flippant but caring aspect and thus he's not forgotten#I do like this. It's heartbreaking. Gojo's desire to be forgotten is bittersweet as it's in a way a desire for... normalcy and humanity#To be surpassed. It goes well with how Gege says Gojo can do anything and thus why he does nothing‚ not even hobbies‚#to leave something for the future generations and not being another wall in their achievements#Gojo's desire to be forgotten is in line with the constancy of his writing when it comes to being drunk on his status#and yet resentful of his loneliness. It's a mix of being left behind and not being left behind#For being left behind and forgotten would mean he is more like the rest. Just another step forwards#And he'd have done what he wanted to achieve. Sorcerers can't stop a long while to grieve but Yuuji takes his words and actions#into consideration and steps forwards. Does the same. Fulfills Gojo's expectations. Walks towards the future. And that's the legacy Gojo#wanted and not going down in history as a legend or the strongest. He was just a teacher. Like Yaga was. He was not even the principal#Just a teacher. His role‚ the role he chose for himself‚ has been fulfilled. Now all this could have done way better#Something of Yuta and Megumi given their dynamics with Gojo would have been good. But I guess Gojo's 'at least one' works well#with Yuuji being the one doing the work. Yuuji was also ontologically alienated since birth and still he too remained cheerful and flippant#despite being so lonely so I guess the final parallel is intentional. But it could have been managed better still. The idea is good though
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thoughts in the tags. genuine reflection of the season so far. not with any malice. more slightly sad resignation and a reminder to feel joy.
this is just a tv show after all <3
#i have been biting my tongue so hard i've tasted blood all season and i just need to reflect for a sec#y'all are being so vindictive this season and i don't get it? buck being tommy's first was obvious from the get go and no tommy is not a ba#character or person and no the relationship wasnt bad#it was there for buck to feel safe and to feel queer joy#tommy protecting his own heart is not negative either and buck will go on in his bi journey with the safe joyful memory even though he#wanted more#like this was not about neither buddie or bucktommy#this arc was about BUCK and the beginning of him being himself#i enjoyed the tommy time and i'm gonna enjoy whatever happens next and i obviously would love buddie endgame#but i BEG you all to just embrace joy and stop souring this experience for yourself and each other and us who are just enjoying Everything#i'm sick of this pissing contest no one even knows the territories anymore cuz it all just stinks#the bullying the sniping the 'i never lose' bla bla bla#like aren't you all tired#this is not coming from a higher than thou place. but i observe and i see you all. and i'm just? yk remember when we all just wanted buck t#have a nice relationship while we had to deal with taylor? YALL REMEMBER TAYLOR?!#has this really been so bad? we literally live in a world where buck kisses men#or have you forgotten the joy we felt when that happened#my point is several things can be good at the same time#the bucktommy was good for buck's queer development and the buddie signs are good for OBVIOUS reason#just a little reminder there is joy in most things#you can obviously feel whatever you want to feel but just.... remember joy#ok bisous#ANYWAYS eddie in tighty whities ey. crazy
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i have to admit i think about mark blackthorn in "tales from the shadowhunter academy" at least once a week
#'helen julian livia tiberius drusilla octavian. and emma. you see? i have not forgotten. every night no matter what has happened during the#day no matter if i am torn and bloodied or so bone-tired i wish i were dead-#i look up at the stars and i give each star a brother's name or a sister's face. i will not sleep until i remember every one.#THE STARS WILL BURN OUT BEFORE I FORGET.'#'there is nothing wrong with ty but he is different and the clave hates all that is different.-#they will try to punish him for being who he is. THEY WOULD PUNISH A STAR FOR BURNING.'#'[tavvy] is so little. he won't remember dad or m- or his mother. he's the littlest thing. they let me hold his hand when he was born and-#his head fit into the palm of my hand. i can still feel his weight there even when i cannot grasp his name. i held him and i knew i had to-#support his head: that he was mine to support and protect. forever. oh but forever lasts such a short time in the mortal world.-#he will not remember me either. maybe drusilla will forget as well. i do not think so though.-#drusilla learns everything by heart and she has the sweetest heart of us all. i hope her memories of me stay sweet.'#'jules. my artist. my dreamer. hold him up to the light and he would shine a dozen different colors. all he cares about is his art and-#his emma. he will try to help helen of course but he is still so young. they are so young and so easily lost.'#'“helen julian livia tiberius octavian. and emma” mark whispered his voice low and revered. one simon recognized from the synagogue-#from the voices of mothers calling the children from all the times and places he had heard people call on what they held most sacred.'#“are you here to save me?”#i was unwell when i read that#i think about that quote so much#also also there's more#“i might as well be dead for all the good i am to my brothers and sisters.”#SOMEBODY SEDATE ME#honourable mention to simon's response: “'oh mark blackthorn what are they doing to you?' simon whispered.”#also “all that is good and true is lost.”#aaand#ok i am done now#have a nice day<3333#tales from the shadowhunter academy#tftsa#simon lewis#simon lovelace
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Rereading the dialog that is said during suppressions. Abel specifically says 'Loved Ones' as he speaks about those in the upper layer's demise and their struggle and urging to stop as continuing on is futile. Abram says 'colleagues'. 'Coworkers'. He does refer to them as 'Friends' once as well. But every other dialog is about Carmen or generalizing and saying 'everyone' rather than specifics. It just feels odd a bit to where he uses less strong terms when referring to relations with people and then afterwards only refers to Carmen by name rather than those still existing beside him. Even when it was stated by a facet of A and others (I can only remember Hokma off the top of my head. It may be only him which would make sense) refer to A having seen them as specifically 'Loved Ones'. Which is a far stronger showing and expression of emotion to those around you.
It makes me think of how he, Abram, expressed his desires, the desire to die [see: 'sink'/'sleep' for he explicitly refers to death consistently as slumber and when bringing the dead back 'waking them up'] and stop, in that moment. He constantly brings up, in general terms, self punishment and Carmen. Guilt that is carried with Carmen. Memories of her death, her passing. Of how she left without a smile. Of how she can no longer bask in the warmth of the sun she loved to do so frequently. Yet only of Carmen in name. Never anyone else or specifics of people, generalizations when referring to others and referring to them all inside a group, as a collective. Them and then Carmen. Focused on only that. On the fact he cannot move forward. Urging to just shut the eyes and to simply Sink. To Sleep. To die. It reminds me of when one goes ahead and becomes so interlaced with suffering and grief and despair that one simply stews inside of it, spiraling down further into that single train of thought. Holding onto the image of a dead and deceased one. It feels as if, in a more crude way of saying it as I cannot formulate a different way currrently at the moment, searching of 'justification' and a fitting reason to commit suicide. [I say Justification as what I really mean to say a 'fitting reason', that reason and end seeming to Be the Only way to continue, or lack of continue, at that point to him.] Rather than saying the names or specifics of those around him, of his loved ones still inside those metal boxes, he becomes enveloped in grief and only on Carmen. Abram's mistake which he fixates the most upon. Holds deep guilt for. Blames himself for. Saying he drove her to her death. That he is leaving her behind [I didnt save the exact quote but it was generally that]. When those inside the facility are people he also so clearly values and wished to bring back as well he, at this moment, primarily focuses on Carmen. Even when he does address the others it's in a more brief manner, having two pieces of dialog on the Sephirot specifically and it only relating to his Faults relating to them than the people themself when he speaks of Carmen in a more in depth manner. Perhaps it's still the wish clinging of to not hold trust in anyone. But it feels reminiscent to when a person tries to push themself and gain 'courage' to commit suicide. Of focusing only on the guilt and regret and the mourning of one already gone, who was so near and dear whom he did all of this for in the first place his desire only stemming from her and not the project itself, especially one who also killed herself, to go ahead and die as well. Perhaps it's not even an active thing he does in his mind. It's just become so overbearing that he has now gotten stuck in that never ending loop. Using far more stronger language of the woman dead and gone who he wishes to rejoin than of those currently alive and near to him, making them feel far more distant than they actually are mentally – at least in relations and connections wise. Depression does tend to tear down what one feels towards their loved ones and how they process and view relationships causing for people to exhibit such a thing by feeling distant in a room or alone with a loved one nearby as commonly known – and physically. I'm not saying that's 'totally what it is' or the sort. More of that reading it over again just reminded me of such a thing. Nothing revolutionary but more ramblings to process it all after it ended
#lobcorp spoilers#lobotomy corp spoilers#abram lobcorp#abel lobcorp#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#[LCorp]#All the tags needed I think. I cant really do much else but do small words today or anything else more mentally straining than idle thought#Ill likely be better tomorrow. If not then the tomorrow after. If not then that day afterwards#that makes it sound daunting.... itll be ever so slightly marginally better after i have ice cream i think. there. more easy#back to lobcorp though... i always was struck with how abram speaks and describes things#yes the obvious far more gentle and softer language when describing death when everything else doesnt shy away from calling it what it is#but also the disconnect with how he says things and the reality of it in a sense...? more of contradictions at least#hard to describe rifht now. him saying carmen left leaving nothing behind when her nervous system is still There#of the abnormalities that have snippets of her even in A's perspective being bloodbath and the snow queen#of how the facility was built underground due to the grief A felt. the company that mourns her#shes everywhere yet nowhere at once. yet she left so mant things behind. from memories and hope to scars#'faded' 'forgotten' shes here. shes here.#stepping into the bathtub to they wouldnt feel any guilt and the abram saying it was His Fault [cant find exact quote i paraphrased it]#sorry for not providing exact quotes as well im not motivated to do much... at all.. cant find it in me besides general loose thoughts#[Musings]
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I'll be happy if I can sleep at least
#brain is so damn loud ughfhfh#I'm overthinking everything#I have a doctor's appointment in 2 days and I'm praying he re-prescribes my sleep aid......#I don't feel ready to come off it yet even though I have been taking less than before#my brain is still so overactive at night#I have found some things that help me but other times I just get overwhelmed#I'm sorry I just don't want to be awake and anxious all night when there's so much on my mind#my clothes aren't coming until after Saturday and I'm gonna try to go out on Saturday morning#and all my current clothes look bad on me#I've been trying to keep cleaning and it's overwhelming :')#everything just feels impossible you know?#like I'm sick of trying to get help from people irl and no one actually wanting to help#doctors treat me like a freak#therapists tell me not to come back#I don't have much of a support system and I'm realizing now that my friend is a shitty person#I just tolerated her for longer than I needed to but it's become so obvious lately what kind of person she is#I don't feel good about my looks and I feel like I've forgotten how to socialize#I'm just nervous all the time#sleepy meds are kicking in now though
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sorry guys i watched a video and now im thinking and. i felt an obligation to put techno back on my blog after. almost two years?
#haunted ecosystem#i used to watch all of his videos when they came out. id drop everything to watch his streams.#he was THE reason i really got into writing fic. i still dont think i can stomach finishing 1kpc. even now. it feels wrong#i dont know when i last posted about him but. i just. its probably been like two years proper. i know i sometimes reblog fanart of him#but. i dunno. this post is just kind of me putting a little closing statement. honestly i feel sick and its. i mean.#this is the kind of emotion i turn into writing. i might write? i dont know yet. we'll see. i just... man. i miss him.#but im of the belief that nobody truly dies until their name is uttered for the last time. until their memory is forgotten.#and in that sense i think he's going to be living on for a long time more. nobody forgets that kind of impact for a long while.
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