#especially so close to Christmas
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Spoons
I did some cooking today.
Nothing that fancy. But both lunch, and dinner.
It felt good. It felt really, really good.
And after dinner. I laid down. For two hours.
You know how it is.
And then. Not only. Did I not shower. As planned.
But also. I brought in. A folding chair. To the bathroom.
So that I wouldn't. Have to brush. My teeth standing.
You know. How it is. With us spoonies.
And I still taste garlic in my mouth.
And I still feel. Good.
Tomorrow, we will see.
#I am very worried I will Deeply Regret this later on#especially so close to Christmas#but it felt so good#I guess it's about finding a balance#it might be less the cooking and more that I skipped my afternoon rest/rests
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god restrain me from sending a giant FUUUUUCCKKKKKK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU to the police officer from my case
#mel.txt#bitch is fucking charging me a $200 ticket for driving too close to the car in front of me#FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUUUUUU#I ALREADY HAVE TO PAY FOR THE INCIDENT BC IM TBE ONE WHO HIT FROM THE BACK#AND YOU FUCMING KNOW IT YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT PIG#AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IM 22 AND BROKE#FUCK YOUUUUU#ALAO YOU WERENT FUCKING THERE FUCKING ASSHOLE SO WHY IN GODS NAME DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BLAME#FOR SOMETHING YOU COULDNT EVEN FUCKING SEEEEE#ESPECIALLY BWCAUSE THE DUCKING USELESS CAMERAS IN THIS CITY DONT RECORD WHICH YOU FUCNING TOLD ME YOURSELF#ALSOOOOOOO#I WAANT FUCKING TOO CLOSE TO THE CAR IN FRONT OF ME HE FUCKING STOPPED OUTTA NOWHERE ON A GREEN LIGHT AND THE ROAD WAS WET AND MY CAR DIDNT#BREAK AT ALL IT JUST FULLY SLID BUT I WAS A FUCKING SAFE DISTANCE#BUT HOW WOULD YOU FUCNING KNOW IF YOU WERENT EVEN FUCNING THERE GARBAGE SHITFACE PIG#fucking acab#mr fucking z bonds i wish you a very awful christmas and a worse new year and a very FUCK YOU AND DIE IN A HOLE OF HUNGER
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Having unasked for little acts of kindness as your primary love language is an entirely different kind of cursed existence
#eden rambles#mini vent#I love doing small things for people to make them happy#especially drawing something for them or giving other small gifts#but it has also lead to me feeling so terribly unloved‚ especially around this time of year#since Christmas and my birthday are close together#and I know it's not reasonable and that I can't expect people to read my mind and I do know people do love me#but. christ. why do I always have to explicitly ask for people to do nice things for me?#why does nobody seem to know me well enough to do things I would appreciate without me having to ask for it?#I know this is just The Mood and sleep deprivation talking to some degree and that it's not reasonable to keep getting upset over this#but man. this is exactly what I mean when I say I feel like the least important/loved one in a group/family/whatever#people say you have to do the things that you want people to do for you. put out the energy you want to receive etc#but it just feels like I'm giving and giving and giving without ever getting much - if anything - back#and I know that nobody expects me to get everybody around Christmas and birthday gifts and whatever but it just seems like the right thing#I know this is a me problem just so we're clear#and yes I know that even saying this is going to ruin everybody's mood. which is exactly why I've sat on these feelings for 2+ years already
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All in a Row
Summary: Shiho never expects anything for her birthday, or any holiday. Shinichi wants to change that.
A/N: Happy Holidays fellow CoAi shippers! I wasn’t planning on writing a thank you gift this year, but I started one and on Christmas Eve I woke with some motivation to finish it. Call it a Christmas or (Shiho’s ?) Birthday miracle
Posted on ao3 as always <3
#CoAi#shinshi#all in a row#christmas fic#I know her birthday hasn’t been confirmed but I went with Christmas Eve for this one#I don’t have a December birthday but growing up in the states I feel bad for anyone who has a birthday close to Christmas#I make it a point to do separate presents for my friends and make the distinction#birthdays have always been magical to me and I think everyone should be celebrated on their special day#I’ve been down about this ship as per usual especially in the winter months but I do treasure the friends I’ve made#it’s just disheartening for me and it doesn’t help that I’m so picky#there will be an extra posted later cause why not since I finished it
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#vent in tags#im so close to getting this job#and i hate how much i desperately want to tell my family#like why the fuck do they deserve to know anything that's going on in my life?#and i get mad at myself for that impulsive want#but then i remind myself that it's okay to want that#it's not my fault that they've hurt me or been such a shitty family#and it's natural to want our family to be proud of us#no they don't deserve to hear about it before we're ready#especially if i don't actually get the job and they'd get to witness one more failure to throw at me#but i shouldn't be mad at myself for wanting them to be proud#that said#if i Do get the job i'm still gonna wait to tell them until Christmas#they'll eat that shit up#that was always the plan. it's just the not telling them i'm 2/3 interviews in to a really nice job that i'm struggling with
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#had a bit of a weird day -#stayed at home because been in a lot of pain b ut also my emotions have been all over the fucking place#think i'm stressing myself out as we get close to christmas#assignments and then christmas which... the past two years has involved family drama and like we just don't need that this year especially#after everything my mums been through with her health and just#i think i've been slowly building all that up?#i've been taking the evening to read a book that i found though about mindfulness and healing and it's actually connecting which feels so..#nice??#maybe i'll do some painting too#; ooc
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I was very good at the mall and did not go into HomeSense or Purdy's or Laura Secord and now I am on my way home where I will snuggle with my kitties and eat a pork bun :)
#i stuck pretty close to my planned shopping list is what i'm getting at#me going into a homesense is very dangerous because I loooooove little home decor things so much#i'd walk out of there in inescapable debt with more plates and baking accessories than i can carry or store#and the other two are VERY good quality chocolatiera#*chocolatiers#especially purdy's. purdy's is SO good#but i can't afford to blow money on fancy chocolate rn!#i'l wait til after christmas when everything gets marked down lol#mod post#shopping
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Final procedure is today and it’s going to be a big one. I’ve been really nervous and a little all over the place, I apologise for being inconsistent lately
Once it’s done, it’ll be done and I’ll be focusing on recovery and hopefully I won’t be in pain anymore
#I’m trying to stay positive at the moment while my nerves are a little frayed and I’m kind of scared in all honesty#it’s nothing life threatening but it’s going to be a bit more mentally taxing especially so close to Christmas but it’ll be over soon#Autobimbosis
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Holy shit I just got a wedding invite from my cousin I haven't seen in 7 years
#like. its next September#i super appreciate the far in advance notice#but i am so shocked to get this??#our family is super messy so we just fell put of contact#i dont even now how he got my address#i dont even have his phone number#i think ill go#is it weird to send a Christmas card back now?#i have his return address on the envelope#murphy speaks#this feels. oddly more domestic than my usual antics#i dont usually have contact with my extended family#especially not on that side#we were close as little little kids#like. under 7#his older brother knocked my tooth out (accident we were wrestling)#bleed all over his moms white carpet#i remember that really well
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im missing have pet rats a lot right now so here's all the rat patooties ive had over the years
top row were my first 2, bean (white) and pooka. i got bean for free with pooka since they were siblings and he had to be neutered which im so thankful for bc i can NOT deal with massive rodent balls. pooka was my heart rat (like an ultimate favorite, the rat that stole your heart). bean was so lazy, an absolute unit and pooka was very sassy she only liked me
when pooka died i got poppy to keep bean company. she was a dumbo and so so cute. she also had half a tail and a sort of club foot but she was so sweet. the most polite rat i had everybody loved her.
i didnt have rats for about a year and was like "im not getting rats again any time soon" and then someone brought 2 little babies to the cat shelter me and my mom used to work with and i was like well i have to take them. i named them leliana and merrill hehe. i have like no good pictures of them they're all blurry bc they did NOT stop moving ever. merrill was so itty bitty her whole life at first i thought something was wrong bc leliana was so much bigger than her but she was eating fine just tiny.
#i miss my rats!!!!!!!!!!#im not in a place to have rats again but ugh i miss those little creatures so much#especially at this time of year idk why i just think of them a lot#i think its bc i spend a lot of time alone after my work closes for the season so it was just me and the rats#and on thanksgiving and christmas id make them little plates of what we were having for dinner#my mom got them their own little stockings#actually in tears thinking about them AOUGHHHH#my pics#rats
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the silent night of the batman — batman #219
(ID in alt!)
#two christmas transcripts in one week?? who am i...#this actually is a lil late but he leaves the gcpd at 6 am on dec 25th and its 1 now so. its close enough.#and sorry i am a sap i love the idea of batman making things better. that his image and promise of him encourages people to do better#like its a comic book ofc gotham can never be saved and that's part of her doomed charm but in my heart???#the billions he pours out for charities and the foundation and different benefit programs?? the life he dedicates to protecting others??#i like to think it does make a change. especially as other heros join in and help too :)#just rattling my emotional support bat by the neck and demanding he sees his life has had a positive impact and that everyone around him#isnt doomed to die or be depressed and that he doesn't make more dangerous criminals and that people love him and are thankful for him and#c: batman | i: 219#crypt's panels#batman#posts from the crypt#transcrypts#bruce wayne#jim gordon#also theres an updated version of this with Oracle and Supergirl where its revealed they handled every single call to the fire department or#to the police for 24 hours to give jim and bruce hope and like#might have to post that one as a late christmas present because im obsessed with it
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Trying to keep a lid on it but. Yeah. Literally don’t know what’s it like to NOT be platonically neglected IRL my whole damn life, only that I know this One Person doesn’t deserve to be at the epicenter of it anymore than I deserved to have been at the epicenter of theirs a year ago now.
…why am I like this. Why are we like this.
#tiger’s roar#…but like. good god. someone being Actually Genuinely KIND and insisting they DO like my company and want my friendship#(and is arguably mutually attracted and THOSE feelings of mine and what I’m picking up from them just won’t DISPELL already)#just. really stirs the muck. gets at that emotional constipation in my brain’s grease trap#then having TWICE now having Activities Suggested and THIS Time in FRONT of people then like…never following through?#all but thinking aloud with planning to witnesses things that sound less like hanging out and more like a date#and then just…not doing it?#when the Reality is Apparently Too Busy?#us fighting earlier this year over quality time essentially#when all I want is to have like. maybe an hour or two once a week or once a month#to enjoy someone else’s company. get a fucking REPRIEVE from my life#that’s…that’s it? nothing grand. just have the time found where it can be without causing strain?#I’m actually NOT a romantic even when I have romantic feelings? they just make me yearn for basic contact all the more#I’ll always be ‘too platonic’ within a romantic relationship so no it’s never going to be an ‘expectation’#MAYBE the one with unrealistic expectations is the guy who watches romance films and struggles with AllorNothing thinking perhaps?#and…yeah. trying to not feel resentful of their time spent this summer with existing friends when apparently not working 20+ hrs a week#in addition to their own research and god knows what else#…because it feels like there’s no space for me. and probably never will be. and I have never been ‘cool’ a day in my life#sure I own it as an adult. especially a 30s adult.#but having people recognize me as kind and supportive and easy to talk to 1:1 (my group aqauaintance/casual friendships SUCK)#but. basically never getting to keep any of them as friends? quickly ditched? treated like a used bandaid?#it…gets to me alright? like I only exist as Catch/Treat/Release but for people#which sure. the friend I’m angry at HAS been frustrated about me deserving better. looks at me like I’m christmas.#and I’m now fairly close friends with their beloved sibling. and despite things having THE Worst Start Ever their family seems to trust me#…but…it’s just…think I deserve better? think I’m worthy of your esteem and respect? think I’m kind and approachable?#want me to feel safe and relaxed enough to be myself? then just…do better.#ask when I’m available to kill a few hours then…follow through on that. that’s it.#not all the time. and my ‘expectation’ is to always be either neglected or used and feeling jaded about it#just…a repreive. for both of us. that’s it.
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@beatingheart-bride
"Morwen and Rowan," Callahan reminded him, reaching down to ruffle the boy's black hair as he elaborated, "The Morrison twins, some of the most beautiful girls in the whole county-their folks owned an apple orchard, which they inherited and ran like a well-oiled machine: Between our cows and the milk and butter and cream they provide, and the huge apple orchard, we collaborated on making lots of baked goodies to sell, as well as making plenty for holidays and get-togethers."
As both brothers produced their wallets containing several photos of their wives and children (and there was no denying the wives were twins, with identical flaming red hair and matching freckles; the only difference was that Rowan wore her hair shorter than her sister), Randall wrapped a loving arm around Emily's waist and kissed her cheek as he accepted a glass of iced tea, asking in a low voice, "Everything okay?"
Even though he could tell his wife had been crying a little, something in his gut told him that, despite that, she was alright. There was something in the air he picked up on, a sense of ease, a sense of comfort when she and his grandparents had returned to the attic. He didn't know for sure what they discussed down in the kitchen, but he had a good feeling that it had been an enlightening and comforting conversation, one that put hearts and minds at ease.
"Whoa..." Lon was gaping at the pictures his uncles had produced, Erika similarly staring in wonder at both their grandaunts and their cousins-it boggled their minds, to think they were the latest in a long line of twins!
"You got any siblings, June?" Colin asked, June shaking her head as she took a sip of tea, saying, "No, I'm an only child myself. And so are Mother and Father."
"The closest thing I had to siblings was my dance troupe," Josephine admitted, with August chuckling, "It did feel like she had several sisters, and they were all quite protective of one another-I was a bit worried I'd have an uphill battle, winning them over when Josie and I began our courtship! Fortunately, we all got along very well."
#((i get it! as i said before in our dm conversations; a lot of my family lived out of town; and some out of state))#((so the only times we'd really get together was for my birthday parties when i was really little))#((or for major holidays like thanksgiving; christmas; and easter! so in a lot of ways they were like strangers to me too))#((and so i was very shy around them growing up because i saw them so seldom!))#((so i do also like the idea of the pace/burke families being very close/tight-knit; and august and josephine))#((moving into the mansion to be closer to their family-i just like the idea of them being very close))#((especially with how death kept them all apart for so long-in the afterlife; living at gracey manor together))#((they really do have all the time in the world together; and everyone enjoys that time spent in each other's company!))#((they're able to live closer together; dine together; spend time with one another))#((but the mansion is so spacious enough that they also have room to spread out a little))#((and have a little breathing space; giving them a chance to practice hobbies and get to know their neighbors))#((it really is the perfect place for everyone!))#outofhatboxes#beatingheart-bride#V:Two Worlds; One Family
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gabby: "i wanna be detailed to arson" 🥺
boden: "why? why do you wanna leave me?!" 😠
gabby: "i-i'm pregnant!" 😨
boden: "GABRIELA DAWSON GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!! OH MY GOD!!!!" 😃💖
#carly lb cf#chicago fire#4x02#chief boden#wallace boden#gabriela dawson#THE COMPLETE 180 HE DID AFTER SHE BLURTED THAT OUT WAS SO CUTE OH MY LORD 😭🤧💗#he was SO OFFENDED LMAOOOOO#like 'my baby wants to leave me? why? what have i done?'#ONLY TO LIGHT UP BRIGHTER THAN A DAMN CHRISTMAS TREE#cause his baby is having a baby bye i have to walk off a cliff now#i hope we get a similar parallel for chenford one day#except i imagine it going a little differently where tim approaches grey in his office solo#vehemently requesting he pull lucy off active duty and reassign her w/ scott wrigley (from 1x02) since she's carrying his baby#(much to lucy's dismay at first even though she knows he's only looking out for her and the baby)#he's wanted children for SO. LONG!!! you can't tell me he's not gonna be the most overprotective papa bear there is#okay i gotta stop making this about them god this is a cf post#but i also can't help but feel giddy and kicking my feet at the thought of even grey doing an excited lil dancy dance behind closed doors#you know he'd be just as over the moon as tim what with how long they've known and worked together#he knows tim has always secretly wanted kids so badly and he's gonna be SO HAPPY for him when he finally has one of his own#especially with lucy oh my god!!!!!!!!!#okay i'm done making this about them now i swear
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As someone with an extremely hyper-religious mother who forbid us from celebrating Christmas because she denounced it as "evil pagan rituals, we don't know when Jesus was born", I have no idea when Christmas is. Like genuinely, is it on the 24th, the 25th, the 26th or the 27th?
I know there's like, pre-Christmas and then Christmas (is there post Christmas?).
Anyone mind telling me about it? I honestly don't know much about the holiday.
#It sucked so bad#Especially when close family would give me stuff and exchange stuff and I wasn't allowed or able to give them anything#And everyone is always so happy#And it just feels so hollow to me because we use to sit in silence on those days#We would sometimes barbecue the day after Christmas but it doesn't feel the same#My dad has been doing his best to celebrate Christmas after the divorse#I love him and the effort#But I think we both deserve better#We were both screwed over so fucking hard
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god I’ve become a retail therapy girly
#I’ve had a shit few days and my solution to that has been to order things online#I just ordered some nail polish (in my defence it was on sale and came with a free additional bottle)#and like. really I work so that I can afford to do shit like this (I still live at home so my bills are mostly car and school related)#and I like getting things that bring me joy! shopping is fun!#but I also feel guilty buying shit for myself#especially this close to Christmas (even though I know nobody is buying this nail polish for me so if I’m gonna get it I have to buy it)#idk. Part of me knows that even if I like. Waited until my next pay check so I didn’t feel as silly about it#I still would have wanted those polishes and would have bought them anyway#bc I’ve already been considering them#so better to get them cheaper and get a bonus item#but still. even though I am in my era of fiscal irresponsibility I am self aware enough to feel bad about it#I should start going to therapy again instead of just buying shit#that would be better#and cheaper#however. that requires me to talk about my feelings! and buying nail polish means that I get happiness and cool looking nails!
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