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sxveme-2 · 4 years

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blueberry pancakes // bucky barnes

MASTERLIST

Description: A single mother. Juggling being a mom, a full time pediatrician, and a difficult ex who believed now would be the best time to finally be a father. A soldier ripped out of time. Ex-assassin turned superhero. Learning how to balance a new domestic life with handling demons of his past, while facing the trials of the future. a love story began over something as simple as chocolate chip pancakes with hidden blueberries.

Disclaimer: I do not own any original Marvel characters! All canon plots and canon characters belong to Marvel Comics and Marvel Studios. This is an original work. You may not publish it anywhere else

Status: Edited

Note: Takes place after endgame. I have elected to ignore Tony's death and Steve's leaving. Did not happen. Quick Reminder! My works are only published here, AO3 and on Wattpad, thank you.

Chapter One: The One Where it Starts

Warnings: N/A

Word Count: 1615

Being an adult in general is a wild roller coaster. Whether it be balancing bills, expenses, keeping a proper career, all together it was a stressful period. Going to the bank or answering phone calls was difficult enough. Seriously, what is with people and constantly calling? It’s so much easier to just text. Not to mention it keeps the incredibly anxiety ridden people at bay, and leaves them in a sane state of mind without worrying about anything.

That brings us to the protagonist of our story. Lily Briar Osborne. The 33 year old child of Abel and Alicia Osborne. She was the sister to two younger siblings, Rose and Cedar. Can you sense a theme with the children's names? Even Lily herself seemed to carry on that legacy with her own son. While balancing her busy work and just life in general, Lily mothered a young boy named Hunter. Hunter Osborne-Harvey. The eleven year old boy that was the result of a much too early marriage of two young kids who believed this was it, they had found the one. Well, that was not exactly the ending of their fairy tale. It instead involved a mistress, many trips to Grandma and Grandpa's, and a few too many shots in order to handle one another.

Lily was more-so a quiet girl. Definitely more of the silent type in comparison to the majority of people in her profession. She was a pediatrician, and the only time you really see her talk or even crack a smile, is when she was with the kids. She was always found making sure they felt comfortable. When the young ones were gone, she seemed to shut down. Giving straight and to the point answers. Not elaborating unless asked, and strictly sticking to just the facts.

Lily and Hunter had found home in a small colonial home in the suburbs of Manhattan, New York. There, they can be found in the company of a German Shepard named Joey, after the beloved sitcom, Friends. You could always find the small family laying in Lily's bed with the comedy illuminating the room around them. Every other Sunday and Saturday before Hunter's father came to pick him up for the weekend, they'd lay in bed before going out for brunch at Lily's best friends cafe further into the city.

Which is where the story began. a sunny Saturday morning in September.

-----

"If he doesn't like you, it's a moo point."

The two Osborne's laughed softly at the comment made by their favourite sitcom character. Lily's fingers gently ran across the arm of her son, creating a soothing rhythm as they watched the sitcom, his head laid comfortably against the pillows. The large dog laid spread down at the edge of the duvet where his breathing radiated gently through the room.

"Alright why don't you head in to get dressed and we'll go to Aunt Gen's cafe, hm? Sound like a plan kiddo?'' Lily's feather light voice cooed as her hazel eyes moved to glance over at her son.

"But I wanna stay home all day and watch friends." Hunter whined as he nuzzled further into his mom's bed.

"No love, I'm sure your dad has lots of things planned for the weekend. And we can watch more episodes when you're back tomorrow, okay? I promise." Lily sighed while lifting her pointer finger to her son.

The pointer finger promise was Lily and Hunter’s signature thing. Instead of making a pinky promise, which was the weakest finger, they used one of the strongest. to make the strongest promises. That is exactly what they would do. And they'd know that if they broke it, trust would be something that had to be earned back. And luckily for Lily, she trusted her son with her whole being. He told her everything, as far as she knew. Seeing as she wasn't in his head, who knew? Though he was very vocal about his distaste for visiting his father, and it did hurt Lily to hear the pain he felt. The separation agreement allowed Scott Harvey, Hunter's father, to have the young boy every other weekend.

Lily was lucky enough to have primary custody. Mostly because Scott was never a fully invested father before the divorce, so the court had no issue granting Lily the majority of the custody. But of course, Scott could come by whenever to see Hunter, as well as if he had something planned, he could pick up his son. But...Hunter wasn't the biggest fan of his father.

Neither was Lily.

Lily and Scott got divorced a few years ago when Hunter was a ripe 7 years old, and now he was 11, and still lacked the father figure he longed for. In those 7 years, Scott never really put an effort in. and hunter was a smart kid, and already harbored a distaste for the distant nature of his father. and it annoyed him, and Lily, that all of the sudden, after the divorce, Scott wished to be the great father he never was before. Despite his many attempts, it never worked out well for him.

"Promise." Hunter smiled gently and wrapped his pointer finger around Lily's, before sliding out from underneath the white duvet that covered the two of them, startling the dog that laid at the end of the bed.

As Hunter left the room, a small sigh escaped the blonde doctor's lips. She hated these days, when Hunter had to go visit his father. But she knew it was important for a child's psyche to have at least a relationship with their father. Picking herself up as well, Lily heaved herself into her closet. She picked out a white spring dress with blue baby's breath designs splayed across the entire piece of clothing. It was a tank top strap, and it was the end of summer and a small breeze danced through her window. She slid a blue jean jacket over her arms before stepping into her bathroom to complete her basic routine.

After she pulled her hair into a pony, lily stepped out of her room after calling Joey out and down the wooden stairs to the main floor, where Hunter sat at the front door with his backpack and Converse on. Lily couldn't help but smile gently at her punctual son and felt proud of how she had raised him. And how he had grown to be a self-sufficient boy who was also able to ask for help when need be.

"You gonna get the pancakes again today kiddo?" Lily wondered while stepping into her ballet flats and ruffling the fur on Joey's back before opening the white door for her son.

"Aunt Gen keeps putting secret blueberries in them and acting as though they're chocolate chips. I don't trust her anymore."

-----

Lily and Hunter stepped out of the silver 2019 Honda passport, the two Osborne's took a deep breath of the muggy New York air. Hunter stood by Lily's side as she paid for the parking spot they were lucky enough to grab in the busy streets. She slid her arm around the boy's shoulders, before leading the two towards the fairly busy cafe her best friend owned.

Genevive Fairchild. Lily's best friend for close to 20 years now. The two had met during their highschool orientation back in 2005. Gen was the extroverted hippy with conservative parents who disagreed with their child's decisions and mannerisms. She was always wearing what was to become her signature dreadlocks with golden decals littering her hair. Baggy shirts with fishnet cardigans and ripped jeans, the necessities to embody Gen. She entered the school loud and unbothered by others opinions or thoughts on how she acted or what she wore. But somehow, she was taken with the quiet blonde who kept her opinions to herself, hands tucked behind her back.

Lily hadn't changed much in these twenty years, much to her parents dismay. Her parents were elated when their timid daughter brought home the boisterous and carefree Genevieve. Lily's parents were the same as Gen, unbothered and one with the Earth, no real care about people's opinions. Her father was a botanist and her mother a conversationalist. Plants and crystals littered the eco friendly home of Lily's childhood in the rural area of Long Island, New York. To see their studious, goody-good, daughter who wore knee length dresses everyday and cardigans, to bring home such a carefree spirit, was a breath of long needed fresh air for them.

Ever since then, the two were inseparable. Lily even made her the godmother of Hunter. They both had keys to each others places, and nothing ever seemed to get in between the two of them. Other than those many years Scott wreaked havoc on their friendship. He kept Lily under some sort of spell, no matter how many times Gen attempted to convince her of the terrible manner of their relationship. Eventually, Gen gave up on the fight. until the young chocolate skin girl caught her best friend's husband getting it on with some girl at a party Gen was invited to.

And that was the end of that marriage. Gen stayed with lily almost every night while everything was happening. And when her or Scott couldn't get Hunter up to Lily's parents, Gen would take him. Make sure he wasn't too focused on the broken state of his mother.

As the two pushed open the door to the cafe, they were greeted with the fresh smell of coffee and pastries. That is, before they were practically being tackled by the woman earlier mentioned.

"You two will NOT believe who is here right now."

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virdityshattred · 4 years

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[ Muses ] Name: Micheal age: primitive creature: Archangel height: Tall, towers over others. Varies based on context. Titles: Prince of heaven. Judge of souls. who most faithful. Holy savior [ via ending the war in heaven]. Defeater of wicked. Brother. reputation: Machiavellian chess master. Big intimidating leader who is always victorious in every single battle and makes all their foes cower and beg for atone. Fc: { In the present} Kit Harington { Pre war} Gaspard Ullie Education: Learned to fend for themselves as a child self taught combat and stealth,discovered weapons and takes an instant interest in them it becoming quickly apparent to them this may be a better tool for survival. Studies olden magic and how to wield it. Knows elemental magic. Observes the heavens inside out and everything about the newly built world because was genuinely curious. Reflects on past mistakes as to have current wisdom. Temper: Has a firm calmness built up over centuries unsuspecting often gets mistaken as being ‘ tame’ in reality is simply focused. Knows when to strike and when to not. Not quick to anger their rage comes when it comes when others least suspect which tends catch others off guard. Volcanic like rage and aggression. As a child wasn’t obedient to God but only quietly observes on and off quiet, very fierce. Before the war was more stern then they’d be later because was in training to learn to lead. In the present temper is essentially the same expect has perfected their calmness more. Wings: They don’t shine like everything else in the heavens they’re dark grey and tend to be lost before it. Feathers are not white they’re light grey and has no shine at all. They are wide like other angelic wings but just looks alien next to the modern world. Abilities: Angelic strength and typical abilities healing etc natural talent to hold fire and control it. Knows how to summon olden elemental magic [ thunder and lighting, the rain and the sun ] to restore balance. appearance: appearance: Their true form is an image of God in all their splendor.Their grace is comfortingly warm as a guardian yet fearsome an appearance, akin to a dragon/ lion and watchful knife like eye which towers over others, their flame benign and radiant. Until anger arises. Awe inspiring sight,Warmth to aid them in times of need and feel extra protected. As they cradle the angels who remain loyal to heaven and are so willingly to fight for them upon the battlefield, as well as off of it. Their warmth giving them peace to lull them off to an eternal the warmth giving them peace, lull off to an enteral rest. Before swearing blood thirsty vengeance. Fears: Shadows, puts him a bit on edge but stands strong. Confined spaces and darkness. Was a bit afraid of heights as a child. Likes: Swords, has an extensive collection of weapons. Reading books in their spare time. Beauty, has a great appreciation for it. Music. Fair play in everything, is the one to break up fights. Practice duel. Dislikes: Demons. Humanity on and off it depends. Sore losers. Being seen as all together prim and proper. Mistreatment. Being underestimated but uses that as an advantage of course. Background: God spent many ages learning their purpose as the writer of life and death and fate, they craft worlds some which they deem excellent for their sharpness. Others they despise for their flaws the structure isn’t as sharp as they’d thought despite careful thinking. Wrong wrong wrong. They craft strange fearsome prototype creatures and destroys the weaker. Wrong wrong wrong again. After so long they watch their own creations thrive and the weaker crumble of natural causes and comes to truly understand their own purpose. Eventually they craft another another world which compared to the others shall be much brighter. In a flash of bright light they craft a divine paradise within the celestial space, among the other planets which is a home to their other creations. They get bored and start to crave to craft a new kind of creature they smile at the thought, an image of the stronger creatures a creature which shall represent themselves for all they are. Their new creation does not turn out the way they’d thought necessarily. They do not shine before the new world their voice is out of tune. However they do see the strength akin to their prototypes that being the only reason they hold faith in them and decides to call them Micheal and gives them a conscious and puts them to the test. Micheal had been brought into a world full of deprivation and is rough around the edges, the balance between light and dark is still rough. It’s full of strange creatures and beautiful things as well as dangerous. The one strange about the child which God notices that Micheal instantly builds instinct for survival at observing how rough their world may be. They encounter the creatures favored by God several times which only confirms to them; the world is a very cold place, their innocence ripped from them quickly bit by bit. The way they do interests God very much, they pop in on their first angel occasionally to get a close up look. The small archangel flinches away from this overwhelmed by their light and real size compared to themselves. Micheal quickly becomes very sensitive to their creator’s presence and as to defend themselves struggles to make an effort to predict when they’d pop in on them with intention to avoid them. They learn their moods inside out in the most precise way possible, learn their energy thrumming all around them. But God is everything in heaven. Micheal ends being with a tendencies to have fits of insanity/ frustration for wanting to escape God. God smiles for of course they’d been right, they’d held faith in that Micheal is strong and perhaps could potentially grow more so. [ not that they literally already knew] However they decide Micheal isn’t good enough for their world. Micheal isn’t a normal ‘ angel ‘ as the term doesn’t exist yet. They are a ‘ non angel’ [ define: designed to be angelic, doesn’t know it because their mindset is different. They don’t care about being good but does it out of faith.] They wanted an ‘ actual’ angel this one is too fierce. They craft another who shall be a gentle form of light they are bold and cunning, their voice is sweet and melodic instead of loud and commanding when they sing all comes to listen or stops what they are doing and takes time to listen. God calls them Lucifer. Micheal doesn’t know how to feel about this brighter one still not being a fan of light. It overwhelms them but passively accepts it. God gives them to Micheal to raise them to prove responsibility. Micheal gladly does instantly holding a vast amount of love for their new kin but doesn’t know it. Micheal teaches Lucifer all the wisdom they’d learned and provides them with everything they’d possibly need. They teach them the essentials of the structure of world they’d been brought, teaches them how to fly always willing to bend over backwards for their beloved sibling etc. Lucifer points out that they aren’t going all of this for responsibility alone. Other angels come into creation in which Micheal finds it hard to open up to them, Lucifer is their first friend and their entire world for so long. Lucifer motives them to open up to others and treat them just in the same way they’d done with them. In due time a new world is crafted which the creator calls Earth and declares it as something of a playground for their creations. It’s very strange to them of course, an extensive world full of planets and such which are still being developed. At the same time is subtly similar to their own home. The creator was subtly training their first angel to lead. They gave them to task to keep everything in order alone, make all the decisions etc. They’d chosen to act as a ‘ neutral big brother’ the one who breaks up fights etc. [ Note: I acknowledge garden of Eden but I’m time skipping over it to make things more simple. yay for originality ] Earth comes to be populated by strange new creatures the population is called humanity, it is ordered by the creator that all the angels. “ Respect them in the highest degree and aid them” This creates conflict in the heaven among all the angels. Some instantly dislikes humanity feeling they’d corrupted Earth which is loved by many. Others don’t mind them so much them and accepts them for what they are. Micheal continues to being the ‘ neutral big brother’ and only know has to step up a bit more as the conflict progressively becomes more and more. Micheal’s heart is very wide for being driven by ‘ selfless compassion’ however is Lucifer they are the most concerned about knowing them inside out. It pains them to know there is. The one thing that pains them the most is the knowing there is nothing they can do, nothing that can be said. Lucifer just as they’d already known does rise in the war Micheal fights them ferociously it’s all they can do they can do to treat them fairly. Lucifer is skilled but just not as much as them therefore reason why Micheal has the advantage and conquers them in the end. Micheal does not blame Lucifer for rebelling they only blame humanity for it thus becoming part of their reason for conflict about their feelings for humanity. It takes Micheal an enormous amount of power and energy to cast down their beloved kin as well as their own siblings. Micheal collapses onto their knees needing a minute, all around them they hear the other angels crying out in sorrow at the loss of the morning star and the others. At the same time hears the joyful cries appreciative of being freed of their sufferings during the war they sing out. The combination is very loud and Micheal is very overwhelmed. “ sancti salvatoris. Ave sancti salvatoris!! “ [ Holy savior hail holy savior in Latin ] Micheal now more firmly understanding the crown they wear proudly embraces it with the plan the in mind to be the best leader they can be. They know their own purpose and fate and intends to follow that. Make the world a better place beyond the heavens to the best of their ability therefore develops into a benevolent leader while keeping their role as ‘ neutral big brother’ [[ Head canons] Hc: They’d never been obedient to God only an observer. Father like son. Hc: Their rage shows in three levels

Hc: Their rage shows in three levels. 1: They are standing perfectly still yet the ground seems to be burning to ashes, as they are just starting to get angry. Similar to a volcano showings of eruption. 2: The ground continues to be burnt to ashes now splitting open in places as it violently shakes. A bitter taste in the air / surroundings. With every step they take the ground sizzles under their feet as a result of their angelic power combined with rage. 3: Rage which is murderous and blood thirsty. Subtle but is similar to God’s wrath, their grace is comfortingly warm as a protector, now it burns with intent to get vengeance for either themselves or for those they hold dearly. Intention to destroy the criminal who dares to harm those they care for. To scour the world of sinners who commit in similar wrongdoings as to assure nobody else suffers in the same way. The flame is blood red and burns multiple times hotter then it ever did before, now an inferno. God both smiles at it but also can’t help but cringe. Head canon: Micheal doesn’t execute for unnecessary reasons. They have diverse techniques of doing that. It all depends on just what the crime is really. They’d fight with all their might to conquer their opponents, fiercely determined to win, once they do. They don’t stop there they’d chop away parts of their the one they are fighting, sometimes ignores the begs for mercy sometimes they don’t. They’d go out of their way to humiliate them firmly set upon vengeance than eventually relents and makes sure those who’d been wronged are given proper justice. When it comes to those they greatly care for are ill treated their murderously vindictive nature takes domain entirely they won’t listen to anybody. Their flame has reached the point where It's more of an inferno, it burns a hundred of millions times hotter than before, to the point where it's impossible for one to sustain within the heat. They don’t care what it will take to to assure the criminal falls. No mercy. Once the foe does fall they’d go out of their way to scour the world of those similar. --- Name: Lucifer age: primordial

Creature: Archangel height: A foot shorter then Micheal titles: Light bringer. Son of dawn. Morning star. Prince of light. Bringer of dawn Education: Raised by Micheal who’d originally been given the task to smash down their boldness. Micheal tries but can’t bring themselves to do that for they’d already deeply loved their kin already at creation. It’s not their bold they are bold. They teach them all the basics of survival teaches introduces them to weapons, not necessarily as a tool of survival. Instead teaches them stealth and physical combat. Provides Lucifer with all the wisdom they’d possibility need and advice. took an interest in magic when was young and learns light manipulation and air. Temperament: Has a unpretentious calmness towards the world can be mistaken being tame. Micheal quickly learns to become savage as a child to for survival, they are the same way except via being very eager to impress Micheal by learning weapons etc and to express their undying love for them. can have a bit of a melodramatic/ diva like attitude. Stubbornly persistent and refuses to listen to anyone, only trusts in themselves ‘ holier then thou ‘ attitude. Can be stern not afraid to be harsh. Softer attitude compared to Micheal’s rough one. wings: Pristine white wings which have a gentle glow about them in order to balance out their brightness, their feathers are beyond words soft. They land in flawless pattern with their brightness as well. A true work of art. Abilities: Blessed ability to wield the sun to bring the dawn, blessed ability to bring back plants after they wilt and mold them into something different; gifts given to them because the creator favors their shine. Talent with using thin blade knives. Appearance: Slim figure their own light superbly outlines it golden sun kissed long hair that trails down their back in perfect length from their wings. Gentle light blue eyes with a glint of sun behind them which makes them fierce showing the power. When they move every step they take falls into perfect harmony with the previous one, perfectly rhythmic. Fears: Darkness and being alone. Feeling unwanted. Thunder puts them a bit on edge. Failure but won’t ever admit it. Likes: Seeing others happy. Dancing. Knowing they are genuinely needed and loved. Blades. Resting. Star gazing. Gardens. Dislikes: Feeling on the spot due to pride will fight to not admit things. being underestimated, and being infantilized. [ Head canons] Hc: Feels that wearing anything at all is unnecessary because of their brightness, would rather parade themselves about the heavens to everyone at all times. Micheal doesn’t approve they thew together a sheet like outfit, sheet like dress thing. Lucifer isn’t having this because it’s useless and has a habit of just randomly having ‘ naked time’ every chance he gets. Hc: Is called ‘ Prince of light’ not necessarily because of their brightness but instead because at creation, the creator gave them a set of things to create with having taken interest in them. They crafted the power of light while God is light Hc: Other then playing music and crafting it. Their other favorite thing to do is lay in the grass within the secret gardens of the heavens and muse idly about just about anything. Hc: God won’t let them die. They won’t let their beauty fade with time, they have far too much potential which is worth while. If they did happen to die they’d fade into a simple but beautiful flower than rise again like a like a phoenix. --- Name: Gabriel age: Primitive, third eldest to Micheal and Lucifer creature: Archangel height: Medium, one foot shorter than Lucifer. titles: Messenger of heaven. education: Learned stealth and weapons, physical combat from Micheal all the essentials. Learned music and poetry from Lucifer softer feelings that isn’t a bad to be bold and that mistakes are okay, introduced beauty to them etc. Learns from experiences as well gaining wisdom. temper: Mild mannered calmness attitude towards the world but can be short and lacking in patience despite all efforts, very critical of others and outspoken which is explosive when they loose their composure. Hard working, prone to being a workaholic. Kindly, considerate, arrogant but tries to keep it under control. Has a solider like attitude, though can be mischievous at times because Lucifer influenced that in them. abilities: Talented in physical combat, skilled with using thin blade swords but has a preference for knives. Typical angelic abilities healing etc. Skilled in knowing what to say, has always had a bit of a knack for it. appearance: Has a slender yellow figure with five arms has two heads of a dog joined together their a soft shade of gold which shimmers with the essence of hope. Their wings are both pristine white with tinges of light gold. three long thin dog tails and five eyes. Seven dark blue eyes one on the tip of their left wing the other on the right side of their neck two upon their thin face another upon the tip of their right wing and another and an eye which parts of their true form but is apart from it and floats in perfect movement with it, an eye which floats above their the top dog head and the other in front of the second. Has long dragon like claws. On Earth: [ fc: Jake Gyllenhaal ] ( side note: on Earth my angels take on an image’ which isn’t possession. It’s more of a disguise if anything] likes: Books and learning, also to read fairy tales in their spare time, listening to music, spending time around family. The color dark green, admiring nature being a reason they love their job. Seeing others happy. The general feeling peace. dislikes: Disorder. Most of humanity, not all just certain humans. Infantilization feeling vulnerable put on the spot due to pride. Bigoted people. Being late. Know it all people. Bad manners Personality: Earnest, Dignified Good-natured, neat would rather remain neat then make a make a mess of things. Can be prim at times. Organized Passionate, perfectionist. Judgmental, Perceptive. Stubborn, self critical. heroism, Prideful. Can seem humorless but does have a sense of humor can be a bit bashful about having one, private. Loyal. [ Head canons] - Hc: They struggle between being gentle and serious and balancing the two out, has always been conflicted about it. Hc: They have a mild mannered calmness towards the world but can be very impatient because often before the war, God would send him to deliver the word to prophets but they’d be rather too stoned or bigoted to actually listen. Which is why they can’t stand bigoted people. - Hc: Has always idolized both Lucifer and Micheal but after the whole mess with the war, it becomes hard for Gabriel to not dislike Lucifer to not turn away from them entirely. Does have inner turmoils about this, they did betray heaven but doesn’t care if they did well if they did forsake them personally. Gabriel does care about the fact that Lucifer did betray their family. They do live in the shadow of Micheal’s glory, it’s not theirs for the taking instead chooses to be passive and keep their head down and not make a mess.

#(( reference ))

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mysaldate · 5 years

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On the topic of BSD mental issues..

Because a lot of people in this fandom just LOVE to bestow their own mental problems on characters and even go so far as to claim not a single BSD character is mentally alright, I went on a little rant to debunk this bulshit of a claim. If you’re one of those who support the “everyone is mentally ill because I said so” theory, don’t even bother reading this, please, and save us both the time.

If you do read, however, please keep in mind those are just my opinions and analysis and why I personally find the claim that everyone is mentally ill bulshit. You’re free to believe what you want but I’ve had multiple people come spurting out insults at me simply for not believing every single character is mentally diasbled.

First, our beloved ADA Atsushi - He's actually doing really well. Sure, he's not 100% ok but we were given no serious childhood trauma impacts (except for flashbacks that don't really... do anything to him mentally except for motivating him to do better which is, you know, not a sign of mental illness), he doesn't have self-destructive tendencies, he doesn't feel like he owes the society anything but he doesn't slip to nihilism either. His motivations are humane and sane and relatable. I mean, if anyone told you your friends would be in mortal danger if you stay with them, wouldn't you try to get away from them too? Dazai - Ok, Dazai is far from stable. He still handles his issues surprisingly well though and his constant suicide attempts are really played off as a joke, which is not the best way to handle them but it takes a lot of seriousness from it and kind of makes it hard to believe it's what he actually wants to do with his life. Especially since there are times where he goes out of his way to make sure he stays alive (Dead Apple being just one example). Kunikida - Arguably one of the most stable characters in the show. Some people claim he has OCD but have you ever seen an actual OCD patient? His love for schedules and hard time when they can't be kept is something that runs in my family and nobody has ever been diagnosed with OCD. People need to realize that having your life planned out is not a mental illness. Yosano - I'm a little more benevolent about Yosano, especially since she has a more psychotic side to her and she seems actually damaged by her childhood but I stiil stand my point that she is doing extremely well for someone who supposedly has a mental illness. It's almost as if the "insane" side of her was purposedly overblown for comedic purposes. Ranpo - I know a lot of people say he's autistic but I don't agree with that hc. Why? Well, I have a classmate who's not autistic and she's exactly like him. She's smart, almost genius, has great deduce skills and brilliant crime-solving abilities (tested multiple times with Black Stories or whatever that game is called in english) but she is unable to live on her own. She knows close to nothing about real life, skills used for everyday functioning and as for public transport, she only learnt how to use it recently and she's almost 19 years old. I also have an autistic friend who specifically said he'd find it insulting to hear that Ranpo is supposedly autistic. Tanizaki - I'm not sure what to say here, Tanizaki is a normal guy. Nothing special about him. He's willing to go great lengths for his little sister but I think anyone with younger siblings can relate to that. At least anyone who cares for their younger siblings. Kenji - Go on and tell me how Kenji of all people has a mental illness, I dare you. And if you pull out his cheeriness, you're obviously just too depressed to fathom that some people might actually enjoy life. Fukuzawa - Again, one of the most stable characters in the series. Say what you will but he's not unstable and his ability to stay calm at almost any situation except for when his kids are in danger is just further proof of this. Kyouka - I'd say she might have issues. My afforementioned autistic classmate pointed out that she feels autistic to him so there's that. Also her childhood visibly screwed her over. However, she's still surprisingly stable and normal despite all of that so while she might have some issues, they are greatly balanced by her strong will and natural personality. Naomi - I wouldn't say Naomi is 100% ok in the head but not to a point where I'd claim an actual mental illness. Sure, I'm not a doctor but nor is anyone who diagnoses her with whatever it is they diagnose her with. Haruno - And exactly what is wrong about Haruno? She's cute, positive, cheery, hard-working and supportive. And she gets scared in situations that invoke this. Literally NOTHING weird.

Next up is our dear Port Mafia Akutagawa - No denying it, Aku has serious issues. Again though, he's doing far better than most people with similar problems but that could just be due to him letting his frustrations out via murder. Chuuya - No issue found here. Sure, he's a little short-tempered but that's about it. A lot of people are short-tempered without being mentally ill. And he could be portrayed with some serious issues due to his origin and past. Gin - Do we even know enough about her to diagnoze her? All we know is that she's silent, a little shy and that she's always on odds with Tachihara. Make me a diagnosis from that. Higuchi - Aside from her massive crush on Aku, there's nothing weird about her. She probably picked the wrong job but she's willing to work hard anyway to earn her place there,, which is not exactly typical for people with mental illnesses. Hirotsu - STABLE PERSON. Just... what else is there to him? He is literally the voice of reason who commands the black lizard solely because he can actually keep them under control. Geez, there is literally nothing linking him to any mental problem! Kajii - This guy's got issues, no denying it. And I won't even say he could do worse because obviously he could but he's fairly close to being the insanest (is that a word?) he can get. Kouyou - Oh look, ANOTHER completely stable person. I mean, come on, she's been an executive since Dazai and Chuuya were 15, that's seven years. Clearly she couldn't hold her position if she weren't stable. Not to mention, we saw her being stable in stressing situations so. many. times. Elise - She's an ability. No comment. Mori - Yes, he has his issues. But he's the hypercompetent Mafia boss who stayed in charge for a very long time already and there's no sign of anyone overthrowing him any time soon, nor planning to because he's just a great leader, something he couldn't be if he was mentally ill. Oda - Do I even need to elaborate on this? Oda is very probably the sanest person we got, one who sees the wrongs of his past and does his best to overcome them and repent, all of which goes without him being depressed or self-loathing in the slightest. Randou - This has been talked about a lot. Randou is sensitive and impulsive and sometimes acts on emotions rather than rationallity. None of that makes him a mentally ill person. It just makes him a person, a human being we can all relate to. Ace - Ace is a selfish human being who thinks too highly of himself and is manipulative and abusive. Is that a problem? Yes, obviously. Is that a mental illness? Not necessarily and more likely no than yes. He does things for his personal gain and everything went his way for far too long for him to expect it to go any other way. And as we all know, power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutelly. Q - Does anyone really think Q is sane?

Now for the group that so many people dislike it’s honestly sad, the Guild Francis - Francis is, first and foremost, a very loving husband and father. He goes on this insane mission to Japan to obtain a mystical object he believes is real but never got any deffinite proof of. Is he naive? Perhaps so. And after he loses, he gets depressed and broken because he finds out his wedding ring disappeared, probably because his wife did something. That breaks him. And honestly? He has every right to break down. It's understandable and human and it does not make him mentally ill. Louisa - While yes, she is very shy and some argue she has some sort of anxiety disorder, all of this can be explained by the fact that she's practically a child. She's 18 dammit. Who could leave their home country at 18 only with an organization of older people, who also all seem very sure of themselves, while having no combat ability and nothing to really bring to the table? If she were mentally weak, there's no way she'd go looking for Francis after his fall, it's actually more likely she'd hurry back home, probably with tears and fear of being arrested if she were to stay in Japan for longer. Margaret - Name me one thing that makes you think Margaret of all people would have a mental issue. One thing. Most of her screentime is her being a vegetable. And while that is certainly a health problem, not a mental health one. Nathaniel - Hey, he was completely ok before meeting Fyodor. Being religious is not a mental health problem and f you if you say otherwise. John - Again, nothing unstable about John. He's not even that selfish, doing what he can to support his family and even picking up the remainings of the Guild to keep the people together and give them new hope because, y'know, hope is very important to people. Lovecraft - He's not even human. You can't apply human mental health logic to him. Herman - We've seen him for how much... 2 minutes total? And even from just that, he seemed like a calm and composed guy. No sign of mental problems whatsoever. Mark - He's hyper, that's what people say at least. But is he really? Kind of hard to believe when all we've seen of him is two scenes of adrenalin rush, one scene where he tries to lift the spirits of his coworkers and one scene where he just decides to go back home because this adventure is obviously over. No sign of mental illness here either. Lucy - A little more visible traumatic impact than with Atsushi and some abandonment issues, which are completely understandable and relatable. Not necessarily a mental illness. Poe - Ok so Poe doesn't feel well in company of others and he is a little psychotic when he gets too into his self-assigned role but 1) introverts are not mentally ill and 2) it's completely natural to get carried away when we witness the person we believe wronged us getting some karma back.

The one group that appeared for such a short time, yet everyone seems to love them, the Rats Fyodor - The most obvious god complex, clearly. He's not sane but he's stable so there's that. Nobody says he's ok, he's clearly not. But he's composed and smart enough to not let his issues control him. Ivan - Part of his brain is literally gone. He's not ok. he can't be. And unless part of your brain is missing too, you physically can't relate to him. Pushkin - Actually a stable, understandable character. Weak men are known through all of history to be the causes of major drama simply because their complexes over being weak lead to them finding joy in torturing the strong. It's not a mental illness, it's just bad character. Oguri - Clearly, Ogugu has issues. Call it survivor's guilt or PTSD or whatever you want, he has issues. Nobody is denying that. Still, he's doing fairly well when not desperatelly trying to seem evil.

I do not feel like doing the Hunting Dogs for the sole reason of me not liking them enough to focus on their mental states but they are pretty much lab rats, artificially enhanced humans and that alone should be enough to explain why I don’t believe in applying normal psychology to them. As for the Decay of Angels, there’s still much more to learn about them so I won’t get into that just yet. And when it comes to the governmental agents, I haven’t read the novels so I only know a bit about Ango and I honestly don’t see how anyone could think Ango has a mental illness.

I repeat again, these are my opinions, based on my experiences and what I’ve studied about mental illnesses (because believe it or not, I study about these things quite a lot). It doesn’t fit except for Tumblr romanticised versions of them and even those are iffy. You’re free to agree and disagree with all of this or with just certain parts but please don’t feel required to share your thoughts, I frankly don’t much care.

With that I bid you goodbye, at least until another thing prompts me to make a long-ass analysis almost nobody will read, nor care for.

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carat82 · 5 years

Text

To my readers I ask a question- “What is the most important aspect you look for in a historical era heroine?”

Her wit? “Why should I be embarrassed I was fully clothed?”

Tenacious spirit? “My courage always rises with every attempt to intimidate me.”

Intelligence? “It is not what we think or feel that makes us who we are. It is what we do...or fail to do.”

Her ability to stand up for herself? “I have as much soul as you-and full as much heart!”

Hair?

Clothes?

“Wait what?!”

“I though we were discussing aspects of the heroines endearing qualities? Her hair? Isn’t that kinda superficial?” Yes,yes it is. Yet even in our day and age despite the need for us to see strong independent women portrayed on screen, some tend to nit pick the appearance of our heroine more then anything else. People have become experts about an era they never lived in or rely solely on what they have seen in portraits of that time period or perhaps read. Let’s face it we all have done this to a certain extent. But when such things as hair styles or perhaps even some costume choices in film or TV adaptations are different from what have been taught are indictative of that era, is this a valid enough reason to insist the story is no longer worthy to watch or to discourage or disparage others from entertaining themselves with that series or movie? To some the answer to that question is an unequivocal yes. To others the answer is a resounding no. The purpose of this latest blog is to broaden our horizons as to why certain choices are made in regards to the outward appearance of our heroines - at perhaps the expense of “historical accuracy”. For those who stand by their views of 💯 accurate, this is in no way meant to offend or upset you. Just a different perspective.

So without further adui let’s begin shall we?

(*note- when I use the term “many” this does not imply that there there are not those who completely diagree with my assessment. I know the examples I’m using have some or perhaps many who do not regard such as good adaptions and even have issues with the acting. Again just using these examples as a whole)

Many adaptations of the Regency era have been done on film and TV over the past 80 years. One of the first was Pride and Prejudice with Greer Garson and Laurence Olivier

This is regarded by many as a fine and worthy adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. But let’s face it anything with Sir Olivier is perfect in my book🥰. Both these actors do a fine job portraying these classic characters. But look closer....what is she wearing?? Wait is that dress from the 1830-1840’s. Yes it is. Isn’t this is supposed to be 1813? Yes, yes it is. So what happened? Well movie studios, back in the golden age, were known to reuse costumes in an attempt to save on the bottom line. Since MGM had produced several movies set in the middle to late 1800’s up to that point and had plenty of costumes to therefore reuse, we have Elizabeth Bennet wearing a full style dress that would come into fashion years from when the book was set. However, this in no way takes away from the performance of the actors and the movie as a whole. Even the most strict historical accurate fans still watch and enjoy this film for what it is. Yet, when other adaptations of novels come along and choices in costuming and hair are made that are more “modern” and deviate somewhat from that time period, those films and shows are chided for not following the rules. Why? How is what the studios did back in the in 40’s to Pride and Prejudice different from what is done now? Why the double standard? Let’s skip forward to the 80’s and 90’s. We saw costume dramas stick very closely to the correct rules of dress and grooming. Several adaptations were delivered to our TV and movie screens that are now considered the gold standard- Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensability, Emma,etc. Majority of us still enjoy and praise these adaptations 20-30 years later. But I must admit that when I rewatch these now, there is a dated feel about them. Now don’t get me wrong, they are still wonderful but it is quite obvious that they were produced 20-30 years ago. The musical score, if it had one, was fairly basic. Nothing that really stayed with you. The costumes were fine and the hair was... OK. Again most of these things stayed the same from one adaptation to the next . What stood out in these movies and series was the acting! Regardless of what they wore or how their hair was styled, we loved these adaptations because of how the actor embraced these roles and delivered to us the audience a memorable version of a beloved character.

So as we entered the 2000’s, filmmakers, who love these stories as much as we do, decided that it was time to “update” the look and feel of a period piece. They wanted to reach a younger more modern audience that perhaps had never watched a classic period piece before. And there was nothing wrong with that! These directors wanted others to enjoy the classics as much as they did. But they were wise and realized that a fresh take was needed to entice and draw a new audience in. This could not be a costume drama that their mothers and grandmothers watched. No, they needed to appeal to a younger audience. Which is what ALL filmmakers do, regardless of the genre. It’s how the big and small screen survive. So out went the hair and wigs with the historically accurate styles. The costumes had a few more modern cuts to them but all in all stayed relatively the same. Some of the dialog had a few updates so that an audience with not much experience in 1800’s literature ( which let’s face it is majority of us) could understand. Musical scores were updated so as to play on our emotions and draw us deeper in the story. And the result- some very fine and worthy adaptations- Joe Wright’s 2005 Pride and Prejudice. Andrew Davies 2008 Sense and Sensabilty. Jim Hanlon’s 2009 Emma. Let’s just focus on one of these adaptations- 2005’s Pride and Prejudice.

Kiera Knighly delivers to us the audience a fine portrayal of Elizabeth Bennett. But notice her hair. It’s down in some scenes.

We had not seen this before in other adaptations yet here we have Lizzy approaching Netherfield with long flowing hair. Why? We as the audience need to connect with Elizabeth. Again remember- new audience, younger demographic. This tells us that she really doesn’t care what the opinions are of a certain Mr. Darcy and the Bingleys. She is being herself-walking to the house alone and not caring about the state of her tresses. Does this detract from the story and Kiera’s acting? No. It gave me the audience a new fresh way to appreciate her character. Joe Wright wasn’t trying to mimic adaptations of years past. Why should he? His Pride and Prejudice was a much needed change from that we had seen before. And guess what? It paid off. A younger audience who had never seen Pride and Prejudice came to love this movie and 15 years later this is still their go to PP. After all isn’t that what we all want? For more people to experience Jane Austen’s stories? Who says that they have to be portrayed the same way each and every time. Isn’t that kinda... boring? Predictable?

Now let’s skip ahead to 2019. If you have read my other two blogs you know where this is going. So if you don’t want to hear about my defense of Sanditon I suggest you turn back now.

Andrew Davies introduces to us a character of Jane Austen that has never been portrayed on the screen before-Charlotte Heywood.

And as such we do not know who or what her character is like. We find out that at 22 she had never left home, having grown up on a farm with 12 siblings. That alone tells us that her appearance is going to be what some call “modern” and out of place but what I call practical and normal. Her father,while respectable and gentleman, is a farmer. She more and likely had chores like anyone else. Do you really think she had the time to care if her hair is pinned up. Uhh...nope. The first scene we see her in she is shooting rabbits! This tells us she is not Elizabeth Bennet or Marianne Dashwood or Anne Elliot. And Miss Austen wasn’t trying to write her as such. She is her own person. And as such will have things that set her apart from other Austen characters. As the series progresses we come to to learn she is practical, intelligent, sweet, but naive and inexperienced. Davies also decided to make a choice that would serve as her hallmark- her shoulder length hair that she wears down most of the time. Again, filmmakers have to appeal to their current audience. And again, like Joe Wright, he was hoping to get a younger more modern audience to tune in and enjoy a period piece or perhaps a Jane Austen adaptation for the first time. Frankly, this was a clever move on his part. He needed to show throughout the series that this adventure to Sanditon is truly unlike anything she has ever experienced. Charlotte is full of youthful exuberance with those doe-like eyes that are longing to experience life outside sleepy Willingdon. But remember, that while we love her, she has a lot to learn and is truly out of her depth at first around some of the situations and people she encounters. However, despite that she is true to herself- which is also a hallmark of all Jane Austen heroines. So as such there is no reason Charlotte needs to change her hairstyle when she comes to Sanditon. She is accepted as who she is by those around her. She is our Charlotte Heywood- using her ingenuity to help with the growth of Sanditon, trying to be a good friend, and exploring her new surroundings. Her hair is the least of anyone’s worries. And as an audience we find that Charlotte’s unpinned tresses make her approachable.Unpretentious. Human. More like us. Is there anything wrong with that? No. Being historically accurate is all and well, but when that is placed above all else in a series or movie it runs the risk of being just another adaptation. And that does not draw in a new, younger, more modern audience. Regardless of whether you agree with that statement or not, that is how the entertainment business is run today. So please if any readers are on the fence to watch this series because of some more modern uses in hair and grooming I ask that you to accept why the production crew made these choices and give it a try. As us fans wait on baited breath to see if another network will pick up our beloved Sanditon and continue with a second season-just remember you may get your heroine wearing her hair up. After all, Jane Austen characters usually go through a metamorphosis of some kind due to the need to adapt, grow, and perhaps even survive. Our Charlotte may find herself more grown up and guarded after a summer spent in Sanditon and this could well show in her appearance next time we see her... or not. I guess we will have to wait and see.

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jonghostation · 5 years

Text

BadBoy! Jongho AU

For the one and only @gothicmingi , that’s right 👌 Gucci Gang anon was me EHEK😝. Its been so fun talking to you, I never thought you’d reply in the same energy, but you really a dope one for replying to me. I appreciate you so much. Alright nuff mushy stuff, lets get to it. Sorry it took so long!!

The Brooding Type

Most people wouldn’t dare go near him, they’re treading on eggshells just breathing the same air as him

Because they’re afraid of getting on his bad side

Anyone stupid enough to pick a fight with him would be sent to the ER right after, while he walks away unscathed

He almost got arrested for that several times, but he always manages to get out of it

This is why he’s seriously the scariest dude to mess with, which is generally agreed with peers and authorities alike

However, despite his reputation, he’s actually quite intelligent

He can definitely hold on his own academically, if he still has respect for the teachers

And Jongho’s got a pretty disciplined routine too, it’s just that no one ever really sees that part

Since he’s also introverted, Jongho has only one group of friends that he legitimately trusts

And that includes your older brother, Hongjoong

Which is coincidentally how you got to know Jongho in the first place

Even though you had a lot of classes with him, you both never really acknowledged each other until Hongjoong invited the gang over to your house

As his “beloved” sibling, you’d be asked to bring them drinks and snacks when they hang out

Sometimes, Hongjoong would even ask you to join them in the living room because “You need to get out of your room more” or whatever he said

And sadly, you had to oblige because he’s your older brother and Mom said to always listen to him if she’s gone bla bla bla

It was safe to say that you were one of the many people who were intimidated by Jongho, maybe even a little terrified

So it would be fair to say that you are the least close to him than the other guys?

But there had been a silent agreement, if you will, between the two of you to just acknowledge each others’ existence and everything would be cool

However, after a while, you started to notice the little things he does that’d seem really mundane at first but then you just like to remember it somehow

Like how cute he looks sometimes with his leather jacket, or that his favorite artist is Bruno Mars, or the fact that he can perform really well, and that he has a habit of tapping things lightly with his large, calloused hands..

Shit.

That’s right; you developed a crush on the brooding bad boy

Of course, like one does, you freaked out when you realised

Your feelings were too cliché and you were embarrassed about it

So you couldn’t tell anyone about it, not your friends, not your brother and especially not Jongho himself

Which consequently led you to act weird around him in the following week

Whenever the boys would come hang out, you’d find any way to avoid Jongho as subtly as possible

But you weren’t doing a good job, and he isn’t an idiot so he’d notice fairly quickly

One day, the boys were just playing some Monopoly (yes, they do play it, its a rough and ruthless game)

And you were playing as the bank because the players maxed out

As the game goes on, you did your role and hand out bills as well as the tiny tiny properties to each person

With every other person, you'd make a little jab at how bad they're playing or hype them up as they receieve more cash

But whenever Jongho gets it, you just kept quiet and awkwardly hand it over

Jongho progressively got more pissed at your attitude than at the game itself, but you couldn’t help but feel so weird around him

When the game finished, everyone was doing your own thing, while you went to the kitchen to get more drinks

Looking in front of you, you see Jongho leaning against the counter with a darkened expression

Not saying anything, you shuffled your way to the fridge when you hear his voice call you out in a moderately loud voice,

“ Really, Y/N? What’s up with you?” It was apparent that there was more hurt than anger in his voice.

You turned to face him,“W-what?” You stammered. Shit, your knees just had to go weak right now

The boy teetered off the countered as he walks towards your direction

Because of your knees that suddenly lost all strength and energy, you stood there frozen in place with only your head moving back as he approaches

"I get that we've never been best of friends, but even then you'd never go this far in avoiding me."

You pursed your lips and looked away. Of course, you felt guilty that you didn't treat Jongho the same like the others but you couldn't tell him the reason why

And then, Jongho searched for eye contact as he asked

"Do I scare you?"

You blinked. The softness in volume, the care and concern in his tone, his intentful eyes

Is he...worried about you being scared of him?

The thought itself gave you enough adrenaline to finally look at him in the eye and whispered the first words you've spoken to him in a week

"No, that's not it, Jongho."

Jongho was surprised that you answered him, even more so when the answer is something different than he expected

You gulped when you realised what you had just done, but you couldn't back down now

Taking in a sigh, you decided to do it. You're going to tell him

" I'm just scared, okay? I'm scared that I know you like football, I'm scared that I know you like to sing," Your voice quivered with every secret you blurt out. But even so, you continued

"I'm even more scared that I know that you have a beautiful voice when you do..."

Jongho progressively widened his eyes with every word. You couldn't tell if that was a good reaction or bad, but still you kept going, up until your ending point

"All I'm trying to say is Jongho, I'm just scared that I actually REALLY like you, okay?" You gave Jongho a look seems pleading, desperate almost.

It took the latter a few seconds before he suddenly started chuckling, causing you to furrow your eyebrows in confusion

" For fuck sakes, you could have just told me, you adorable little idiot."

He closed the distance between you two and pulled you into an embrace.

As the shock electrocuted you with his warmth, a wave of relief washed over your body

Suddenly curious, you asked, "Wait a minute, does that mean you-"

"Yes I do, but don't say it. I'm actually getting red in the face, that's why you can't see me right now."

You giggled in elation at his bashful words, shaking your head

With newfound playful confidence, you teased,"Can I look at you now?"

"You are so annoying, Y/N" He responded almost immediately, making you laugh again

It was safe to say, he accepted your confession and you couldn’t wait to start a new chapter with this “brooding, yet dorky strong ass bad boy.”

“Ha Ha, very funny Y/N” Jongho rolled his eyes at the nickname you gave him but as you pointed your cheek in request for forgiveness, the boy couldn’t help but oblige.

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mortuarybees · 5 years

Note

most esteemed mr mortuarybees- having followed the few posts pertaining to the interaction b/w yourself and your mother, i applaud you for your calm nature and amicable reaction to the situation at hand. could a fellow ask you for advice on how to achieve that level of composure? i find that my dearest mother is also of the belief that i dress myself the way i do precisely to spite her (which is untrue, ofcourse, i do so to relieve my poor self of whatever amount of dysphoria i can) and (1/?)

unlike yourself, i find myself easily encouraged to rash behaviour, oftentimes accompanied by many tears. i am of a singularly excitable nature, and it seems as if my emotions have a way of getting the better of me. i am aware that this is a strain in my relationship with my dearest mother, and thus i ask you, nay, beg you to share some advice with this poor soul- how do i remain calm in similar situations? i so wish a reality in which my darling mother would just accept his son the way he is, and we could work on building a stronger, more precious mother-son relationship, but as is, our bond is strained by sentiments of betrayal and misunderstanding. anywho, thank you kindly for your time and i do hope i have not put myself forward too boldly in asking for advice- and if i so have, please feel free to tell me to back off, as it were, and a word from you shall silence me on this matter indefinitely. and thank you, my good sir, for the delightful content you put here.

Dearest Anon,

You will find my response below, both due to the personal nature of my reply, and its length.

You have not been too bold at all, sir, nor have you offended me; to the contrary, I’m very honored that you have sought my advice. Unfortunately, I fear the advice I do have will not be terribly useful. The relationship between my mother and I is fraught, and one I am often hesitant to speak on in detail in a public forum, but will describe, for your sake. At a young age, my family endured a rather difficult schism involving my siblings, which I believe was not handled well, and for much of my adolescence, my mother suffered from a very deep depression, and still does, though now she communicates more openly with me on the subject. I, too, have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, and encountered some difficulties not long after the aforementioned schism which my mother is still not aware of to this day, nor, I think, will she ever be. All of this resulted in a rather distant relationship despite our co-residence, sometimes speaking only once in a day, and very briefly. Usually, these interactions were quite negative; often even now, with our relationship much improved, any kind words are certain to be passive aggressive, or what one might call a backhanded compliment. Though I love my mother dearly, and do not wish to give any impression to the contrary, I have some unfortunate resentment towards her for this emotional absence, and general suspicion of her intentions.

I made my journey with my sexuality and gender quite alone but for a very dear friend, as many lgbt+ people do, with my mother a very distant thought. She is not horrifically homophobic or transphobic, nor has she ever been, aside from occasional careless comments common to a southern conservative, and in this I am very lucky; however, she is afflicted with the suburban curse: a steadfast belief that if we do not discuss it, it is not real. I have not, truly, made a concerted effort to remain closeted, and I am fairly certain she knows, or suspects, that I am trans, and chooses not to remark upon it, aside from occasional outbursts or snide commentary on the masculinity of my presentation. These are the comments that truly distress me, and continue to do so. However, more often she simply makes comments on the absurdity or formality of my sartorial sensibilities, and these I find amusing, or in some sense validating, both given my lingering childish resentment, and because she is quite the parody of a suburban heterosexual, and so her disapproval is in some ways a compliment to me. If she did express appreciation for an outfit or article of clothing, I would feel it necessary to change, as clearly I am not dressing in such a way that Wilde or Welch would approve.

My advice is quite unfortunate: if your mother is not willing to change, the surest path to your own happiness and an improved relationship is to endeavor towards some emotional detachment from her and her approval. Do not mistake me, I do not advise disowning her, or necessarily even reducing contact with her, unless you wish to or the latter proves necessary for this aim. Taking a metaphorical step back from your relationship in your own heart and mind and surrounding yourself with others who validate and appreciate you and your wonderful gender expression will ease some of the pain of her rejection. In my case, the emotional distance due to other factors helped to keep her disapproval from ever overwhelming me too terribly much when I was younger. Now, as an adult who was separated physically from her for two years while living in my university’s dormitories, and as an overly introspective and analytical person (read: I overthink everything, and stew until I’ve worked something out), I find it easier to view her unclouded by my own hurt feelings, and see our relationship more for what it is: I love her dearly, and she loves me, I do not doubt, but it is very likely that we would not get along if we were not mother and son. When I realized that she did not especially like me as a person, it was admittedly very hurtful–especially because she has, drunkenly, essentially admitted to this–but as time went on, I realized that were she not my mother, it’s likely that I would not like her as a person, either.

In short (or, as short as I ever am), I accepted that we would never have an extremely close relationship–she will not accompany me to receive my first testosterone shot, nor will she be the person who cares for me after top surgery; she will attend my wedding, but she will not be overly involved in its planning; though I often call her when I am down and lonely because I love her and her voice and conversation cheer me, and I know she will pick up, she is not the person I will call if I need to talk about whatever it is that troubles me; if I am in danger, or legal or financial trouble, I will call her, and I know she will do her best to help, but if I am upset, if something has happened in my personal life, I’m panicking or depressed, I know I should not call her to discuss it, because she will not understand, and may be annoyed, and will likely unintentionally make me feel worse–and that has allowed our relationship to greatly improve.

It’s a very difficult thing, to accept that for our own sake, our parents should not be as important to us as they are, that they will not give us the approval and connection we long for and, being only human, require, but it has helped me a great deal emotionally, and it has helped our relationship. Being a step removed, I am able to brush off her disdain in a way I could not when I was fifteen and more desperate for her approval. Understand that though she is your beloved mother, she is also a flawed person, and her disapproval does not reflect on you, but rather on her own views and sensibilities. There are other people in the world who will give you the unconditional acceptance you wish for and deserve–and never doubt that. You do deserve it, and you will receive it. There are important aspects of your experience that she does not and will never understand, and that does not mean she doesn’t love you, or that you shouldn’t have a relationship with her, but for your own sake, I advise that you put some emotional distance between you. Of course, if you feel this advise is not especially useful to you, or not the way you wish to go about it, you are perfectly free to disregard it, as I can only speak from my own experiences.

With my fondest wishes,

Henry 🐝

#do NOT reblog i swear to god #henry speaks #god this was a lot #here's my emotional baggage everyone #delete later #Anonymous

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cabinofimagines · 6 years

Text

Second Choice

Summary:

You’ve been bestfriends with Percy Jackson for as long as you can remember. But when your former friend Annabeth gains feelings for him, it affects your relationship with each of them greatly.

Part 2

Second choice isn't something you want the most, but will be happy with if the first doesn't work out. That's all you've ever been your entire life, second choice.

In fact, there hasn't been a time where you've been anything more than that. You were never first pick to go on a quest, you were a backup just in case another camper couldn't follow it through. Even your own godly parent thought of you as second best, falling right after your perfect sibling who did everything right. You never came first in games, or competitions, or even first place on participation awards.

You've always been second choice in life so it wasn't a huge surprise when your best friend Percy started hanging out with the daughter of Athena more than you. Annabeth was nice, pretty, smart, everything you felt you lacked in. I mean, you had to lack something in order for you not to be equal to her in Percy's eyes... Right? It irritated you how she could just steal him away from you just like that, how he just started tossing you aside for a girl he barely knew at all.

You felt bitter about the whole situation, how many times had you been placed in second? How many times have you been put on hold for someone else? It was time for those times to cease. You knew that it was time to change your attitude towards the world and then maybe, just maybe they'll see how wrong they've treated you.

So the next day you woke up and ran your fingers through your slightly knotted morning hair, deciding not to put too much effort in today as a part of your new attitude. You pulled on some shorts and your CHB t-shirt to endure the hot weather and pulled on your classic black Converses to match. You didn't feel like trying today, which is also apart of your new found attitude. Why try for people who will never try for you?

You strut out of your cabin without shutting the door behind you which earned an irritated groan and a few shouts from your cabinmates. You started the new day by finishing your chores first thing so you would have to worry about it later on.

Arriving at the stables you sighed and searched round for the shovel to clean the horse stalls out. It wasn't where it usually hung on the wall, ready to be taken down and used. It wasn't on any of the stalls either, so where could it be?

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," you whispered to yourself in disbelief, "Of all people why her?" Sauntering up to the stables was none other than Annabeth Chase, shovel in hand and a bored look on her tan face. You didn't hate the girl, it was more of an envy feeling. Why did she have to be the first choice? What was so great about Annabeth Chase that made her better than you? She seemed to be returning the shovel when she noticed you standing there with an impatient look on your face, hands rested on your hips as you approach, "I'll take that." She raised her brow, unsure why you were so willing to take up a chore that was supposed to be here that day, "It's my duty today, L/n. Go back to bed or something." You glared at her for the remark she gave you, holding your hand out expectantly for the shovel which you were looking for. She chuckled and tossed it to you while throwing her hands up in mock defeat, "If you're so eager to shovel Pegasus shit then be my guest."

You huffed and marched away from her, clearly not in the mood for her attitude today. You entered one of the Pegasus stalls and began cleaning up the mess made by the beloved animals. A few neighing happily at you as if they were thanking you. You paused, thinking of how much fun it was when Percy helped you converse with the winged animals as one of you were on stable duty that day. You had to admit that you missed hanging out with the sea green eyed boy, his melodious laugh echoing through the air and warming your heart on the coldest of days. You’ll admit, you missed being with him, you missed his teasing and how he made a fool of himself to see you smile.

A strange sensation similar to a lurch came about it your stomach, maybe you were hungry? Yeah that's it. Hopefully your sudden appetite stays intact after dealing with all of this shit, literally shit.

It was close to sundown by the time your chore was finished, maybe a few hours before Apollo will streak across the sky and set the sun on Camp Half-Blood, a few hours since lunch had passed. Now you were really hungry. So you set on your way to the bathrooms to wash your hands for dinner, far too hungry to take a shower and wait yet another few minutes to satisfy your hunger.

No more than a few steps into the girls bathroom you spot Piper doing the same task you set out to do, drying her hands when she spots you. She grins, walking forwards to give you a hug before you hold out your hands in defense, “Don't,” you say taking a step back into one of the sinks, “I've been in the stables all day and I doubt you'd want to smell before eating.” She nods in agreement and takes a step back with her hands now in front of her, “You're right, I'll wait until I see you tomorrow.”

You crack a toothy grin, turning around and turning on the faucet and spreading the non scented soap across your hands. While scrubbing away you glance back at the kaleidoscope eyed girl only to find the same eyes glinting with mischief, perfect lips upturned in a smirk.

You knew that smirk. Pipes always got cocky when she knew something you didn't, it was rare moment and boy did she milk the glory.

“You're in love,”

Those words caught you off guard, your hands jerking back to you, flinging water in the process. You sputtered and scramble to gather your thoughts well enough to side step the claim but damn, it was hard to outsmart Piper on this subject. You shook your head dismissively, strands of hair coming out of their places and planting themselves onto your forehead. You turned the water off with slightly soapy hands, forgetting all about cleaning the soap on your hands.

She let out an excited laugh, her smile warming the room despite your unease of the question at hand. She hops onto one of the other sinks and rests her elbow on her dirt and ripped shorts, “As much as I despise the idea of being the daughter of the love expert, I can see it in your eyes, Y/n. I have an idea of who the lucky someone is but, we’ll see about that.”

Your wits came running back to you all at once, slamming you into action immediately, “There isn't anyone. No one wants my psycho ass,” you said with a laugh. You reached out for the towels only to find them gone, sighing you wiped your suddsey hands on your shorts. Piper snorted and rolled her eyes leaning forward with hands clasped together, “your psycho ass wants them though!”

You rolled your eyes and started to drift towards the exit, wiggling your fingers in a ‘goodbye’ manner as you left her there.

Was she right though? Were you actually in love? You liked someone that was fairly obvious but to love? You barely know what love is, you know the definition and that people tend to say it a lot but what is it really?

Questions swirled in your mind as you walked quickly to mess hall, the sweet aroma of food slowly drawing you in like a trap. And a trap it was.

Next to the golden plates you wished to grab stood a tall boy with messy ebony hair and sea green eyes to match. In his hand he held one of those golden plates, a goblet which probably held some blue coke in his other hand. Strangely enough there was an obvious lack of food on his plate. He stood there, back against the wall and brows furrowed into a pinch as he took occasional sips from his goblet. He looked good today, his sun kissed skin looked a tad darker than usual, his concentrated expression looked adorable as always, and he wore a classic white shirt that was slightly baggy on him with blue jeans and black Converses. He looked so dam good.

You didn't realize how close you were to dropping until he broke concentration and called out to you with a joyful smile. You clamped your mouth shut, sporting a close-lipped smile as you practically skipped over there like a child with a balloon. You stopped next to him and pointed to his empty plate with a raised brow, “Aren't you going to eat?” Percy chuckled and handed it to you, picking up another plate right after. He cocked his head to the side while looking at you, “Aren't you?” You let out a short laugh, taking the plate from him without breaking eye contact, it's hard to when he's actually paying attention to you.

You thought up a meal, something simple but still something you enjoyed all the same. Percy, who was still trying to conjure an idea of what he wanted, gaped in awe, “How'd you know what you wanted so quickly?” You broke out into giggles at his face. He looked like a confused baby seal and oh your heart feels like it's going to burst. You teased him by sticking out your tongue, “Because I'm smarter than you.” He gasped and picked up a large portion of your food and pointing it towards you in a threatening way, “Don't make me sacrifice this whole thing to (g/p). You know they have a fondness for me.”

You whined and grabbed his hand, bringing the large portion back down to your plate. Your hands lingered, mind lulling to a halt as you basked in the feeling of his hand touching yours. You gazed up at him quickly, glancing at his expression before you tried to move your hand. He was grinning softly, sea green eyes kind and mischievous grazing over your face, and for a second you wanted to believe they drifted over your lips for far too long.

He surprised you by gripping your hand in his, your free hand placing your filled plate behind him on the bar to prevent a mishap. Your eyes shot to his tan hand wrapped around your own (s/c) one, a perfect contrast. As to why he suddenly took interest in your hand was unknown to you, but you weren't about to object, not when you liked it so much.

Percy’s expression changed quickly. His eyes were steady yet unsure, the confidence he usually upheld was suddenly being questioned. His dark brows furrowed into a pinch as he stared at you, concentrated on something you were unaware of. But this expression left as quick as it came, his goofy smile spread across his slightly pink lips, eyes filling with the usual confidence he carried.

“Are you not hungry?” He questioned, head nodding toward your abandoned plate.

Yes, starving actually

“A little, but you should eat too. We can go somewhere else and eat after making sacrifices.” He nodded and handed you a plate, his own in his other hand, full with blueberry pie.

You snorted at his choice of food, “That's desert, are you not going to eat a meal?” He shook his head and scooped up decent portion with his spoon and chunking it into the fire. He sent a silent prayer to his father before gripping your hand once more as it hung by your side.

Your stomach leaped with butterflies but you refused to give into the giddy feeling that overwhelmed you. You wiggled your hand free and gripped your own spoon to flick some part of your meal into the fire, sacrificing your part to your parent. You let your hand fall once more only for Percy to grip it again. Part of you felt elated that your best friend was showing you affection like he used to… and the other part knew that it was much more than platonic feelings. Piper's words lingered in your mind, “You're in love.”

Percy and yourself strolled through and out of Mess Hall, looking for a place to settle down away from others. Chatting idly like the best friends you both were yet holding hands not so platonically, his thumb swept over your hand absentmindedly, fingers intertwined. He believed you couldn't see him when he did look down at your hands and smile but you did, oh and the sight warmed your heart.

You finally took refuge on the roof of cabin 3. Percy had climbed his way up the side and taken the plates you handed up to him and placed them on a sort of flat area before munching away in a comfortable silence. You two sat there, watching the buzz of the camp die down into a calm lull. Leaving just the distant sound of the Apollo kids singing campfire songs, the faint sounds of crickets and cicadas humming, and Percy's voice rumbling through the quiet next to you.

“I've missed seeing you”

Your head turned slowly, heart fluttering at his words but your head screaming at you to tell him off.

You listened to your heart.

” I missed you too.”

He smiled and scooted close enough to slip in behind you and rest both of his legs on either side of you. His hands going up to play with your hair, twisting and threading his tan hands through the locks.

“Why haven't you been talking to me then?” He questioned innocently, still entertained by your hair. You sighed and casted your eyes downward, fingers fumbling with the hem of your shorts.

“You’ve been too busy with her.” There was a slight bite to your tone, you were even surprised to hear it.

Percy backtracked, his hands stopping only to wrap around your waist and pull your back flush to his chest. With his head resting on your shoulder and a genuinely confused look he looked up at you with baby seal eyes.

You looked down with brows furrowed and your eyes between a hardened and soft look, “You know who I’m talking about, spare me the confusion.”

He toyed with the hem of your shirt, a moment of silence passed before he finally produced an answer.

“Annabeth?”

You winced at the name, hearing the name flow out of his mouth almost physically hurt you as much as seeing them together did. Nevertheless you nodded, your spike of anger now boiling down to hurt.

He sighed, blowing hot air across your neck which sent a chill down your spine,”N/n I’m not replacing you if that's what you think. Are you… jealous?” His voice held a strange mix of hopefulness and the usual teasing. The two oddly enough going together well hand in hand. You huffed, mumbling an answer underneath your breath.

“Maybe a little bit”

Percy felt his heart flutter and drop at the same time, he could’ve sworn his heart was on a trampoline. He let out a breath of air through his nose, a small smile slipping across his lips before he pressed a lingering peck to the nape of your neck.

You let a small gasp escape when he did so, leaning your neck to the side unconsciously to give more access.

Then he pulled back and craned his head to gauge your reaction, his fingers fluttering over the bare skin of your arms distractedly. He was pleased with what he saw, a flustered expression and a small unsure smile. A cocky smile graced his lips,”I mean I'd be jealous too if I were you, I always look like a snack-”

You interrupted with a laugh, head laying backwards onto his shoulder before you looked upwards to his face with a teasing grin,”You're a full course meal, my guy.”

He snorted and shoved you playfully, his sea green eyes sparkling with amusement as they stared at the sky which was decorated with various shades of orange, pink, and blue. Moments like this are what you craved the most, times where you were the only source of entertainment the other needed, making inside jokes and poking fun at the other.

You can't seem to recall the last time you both had a moment like this.

Was it when you both made sloppy joes together and you ended up making a mess of the dish, most of it being on your faces rather than on the buns. Chiron was so upset to see the mess you both had made but you could tell he was slightly amused by the sloppy joe dripping from your cheeks. He still made you both clean the kitchen and prepare the cake for a new campers birthday.

Or it could be that time in capture the flag Travis Stoll had planted a net trap on the ground and you tried to save your oblivious best friend from getting captured. He was too busy showing off, flinging the flag around him as you tried to push him away from the trap. You both hung there for half an hour before Hazel found you both and helped you down.. not so gently. But she tried that's all that matters.

Either way, you decided to savour this moment and keep the memory close to the reality of it for later purposes.

His head rested on your shoulder, eyelashes brushing his cheeks, lips parted slightly as gentle puffs of air were released. Your hand found its way up into his hair, carding through the ebony strands like you used to when you were 12 year olds. Before Annabeth came along and formed a wedge between two childhood friends. Unknowingly of course, but that didn't make the sting of tension less painful.

Time had stopped in this moment and you wouldn't have it any other way.

"Annabeth kissed me today.”

You froze, your hand stopping it's movements in shock. She… kissed him? Did this happen when you were cleaning the stables? You should've let her do it instead, maybe then she'd be out of the way and she would've never kissed him. Him out of all people, she could have anyone and she chooses your Percy.

“Oh,” that was all you could muster. Your heart was slowly breaking into tiny pieces, falling apart slowly at the thought of this moment never happening again. At least not with you, he'd be on the roof of his cabin, eating dinner and leaning on her shoulder. Not yours.

You gently pry yourself away from his touch, his head begrudgingly lifting off your shoulder and the gentle tracing of his finger faded from your arms. You scooted further from him, standing up and wrapping your arms around your abdomen. Your body still yearned for his touch but you knew that he didn't mean it, not in the way you meant it.

He sat there with a dumbfounded look upon his tanned face, looking up at your insecure form curiously, his mouth sat agape like a fish. He didn't understand why you had such a strong reaction to a kiss, one that didn't even mean much to him. One he didn't even want.

He wasn't sure why Annabeth had done what she'd done but he wasn't okay with her doing it without his consent. She didn't even go slow to gauge his reaction, she was upfront and quick about the sudden display of affection. Typical Wise girl.

Percy had been training some new campers, showing them how to strike the practice dummies swiftly and efficiently while also teaching them how to perry and divert the blow. Annabeth was supposed to be cleaning stables but something had come up he had guessed because she found her way into the battling grounds not too long after the chore was supposed to begin. He didn't pay too much attention to her at first, focusing purely on not getting hit by a stray strike or blow performed by someone barely trained.

“Seaweed brain!” She shouted with a bored edge to her voice.

His head turned slightly, glancing over at her in acknowledgement before returning his focus on the campers. Just his luck that he only narrowly misses a sword strike near his right ear. The sound of the sword colliding with the dirt below followed by a strong of apologies make their way to his ears.

He didn't care honestly, he's just glad they missed him. He’s rather fond of his ears.

“P-Percy I'm so sorry! I didn't- I meant to-” The young brown haired demigod stuttered out in a panic. Their hands were shaking, eyes wide with anticipation of what their new trainer would do to them. But thankfully, Percy was the teacher and he understands that there are mistakes, even in battle. Especially in training.

He smiled and patted the kid on the shoulder, twisting his hand around riptide and transforming it back into the familiar ballpoint pen he was given at 12 years old. His friendliness he'd shown to the young demigod calmed their nerves slightly and they even managed to crack a small smile.

“Don't worry about it kid, when I was your age I was blowing up school buses with canons at a history site. I'm sure you'll be okay with some training.”

He turned to face Annabeth who waited on the break bench next Percy's bottled water. He approached, a slight drag in his step due to the effects of training and heat. He snagged his water, gulping down the cool beverage greedily before pulling away to cap it and wipe his mouth. He looked amazing, you'd mistake him for a son of Aphrodite if he wasn't so well known. The tips of his hair sat slightly drenched with the sweat he accumulated during his sessions, his forehead mirroring the same. His CHS tee shirt had become damp enough to stick to his toned chest and his eyes crinkled in the cutest way when wore that half smile of his.

Annabeth inwardly sighed at the sight, praying to the gods that her plan works out the way she wants. She mustered the nerves to stand up and face the taller boy, bringing her hands up to his collar and not giving him the chance to reject her as she pulled him in. His lips tasted salty and sweet, the blue waffles he’d eaten earlier that morning still lingered somewhere amidst that saltiness. Her grip softened a little, letting go of his collar and instead roaming over his arms which still hung at his sides. She could get used to this she thought, imagining all the training dates they could have, all of these kisses exchanged during much needed breaks.

But it ends.

Percy pulls back with force, he leaves her wanting more as he takes in what the Hades just happened to him. Annabeth, one of the people he considers his closest friend just kissed him out of nowhere. He stumbles a bit, the shock overwhelming him to the point where he became speechless. His mind began racing just like his heart was, both trying to understand hers and his own feelings about the situation.

His eyes came up to meet hers, those stormy gray eyes that used to scare his 12 year old self no longer looked intimidating. They looked nervous, unsure of what she'd done. Her body stayed defensive, arms crossed nonchalantly over her fading 'UNIVERSITY OF NYC’ shirt. He couldn't stay, not there. His instincts were roaring at him to run for cover, figure out your plan of action before moving in. So he did.

He dropped his head, letting out a frustrated groan, and took off towards mess hall where maybe a good meal would clear his head. If he can think up one that is. Upon entering the hall he heard a few of his friends say hello, younger campers who thought of Percy as a role model also saying hello albeit with a little more enthusiasm than his friends had. All the same he waved, over rather he threw his hand up and offered a forced smile in their general direction. He sat in the corner near where the golden plates had been stacked in a pile, grabbing one and beginning to wonder up a meal to eat. He took a goblet from the table beside him and immediately thought of one of his favorite drinks, blue coke. Around that time is when Y/n stumbled in, looking tired and done with today. He may have been figuring out things with Annabeth but, you were more important. You weren't happy and it's his job to make sure you always are.

He fumbled with his words, struggling to set them out in a comprehensive way. Reaching out his hand to grasp your own but you stood too far off. He stood slowly, bracing himself with his now retracted arm. He took one large step toward you, running his hands down your arms until he reached your hands, holding your hands loosely. You kept your head turned off to the side so obtaining eye contact wasn't really an option at the moment.

“Hey, does it bother you that much?” He softly questioned, still trying to meet your eyes. Your eyes were your biggest giveaway, if he could just look at you straight on maybe he could get an insight on what to say.

You sighed, a small smile of disbelief coming into play. Piper could see straight through your act, why couldn't he? Granted Piper is a child of the love goddess herself so like it or not she's able to see strong feelings with or without consent. So you look at him, tears threatening to show how hurt you were, how inferior Annabeth made you feel, how much frustration you felt towards his obliviousness, and the realization of how much you actually love this boy.

“No Percy of course it doesn't bother me. Nothing ever bothers me, right?” You lock your jaw, glaring into his beautiful sea green you loved so much. Dammit why did you fall so hard?

“Did you ever stop to think about how I feel when you talk about Annabeth and how pretty she is or how much you admire her skills? Why don't you ever praise me? I'm tired of you forgetting me.”

His mouth lay agape at your words, opening and closing like a fish out of water. You were right, he had been talking about Annabeth more than usual, he can't remember the last time he complimented you on your skills or on how you looked. You're his best friend, it wasn't fair to you for him to be like this.

“Y-Y/n I never meant to- I didn't want you to feel like that. You should never feel like that-”

“But I do, Percy. You're the one causing it and I can't take it anymore.” Tears streamed down your cheeks, your bottom lip quivered as you tried in vain to keep it together. You loved Percy, you've loved him for so long. But you will not beg him to love you, you may tear up but will not beg for love.

“I love you, I love you so much, but I'm not a pity case. Choose me or lose me, I'm not a backup plan, and definitely not a second choice.”

***So wow guys I have been working on this for a while and I'm sorry I've been absent. Most have you have probably forgotten me or lost that connection with me and I really hate that. I want to be more active but times are hard, my schedule is pretty packed for the next few weeks. Good news is that I graduate on June 1st (EST) which is also my birthday! I'll have more time then I believe so hopefully I'll regain my skills in writing over the summer. Love you guys so much**

-Day

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inhalareexhalare · 6 years

Photo

I made a Cheez-It snail. I suppose they were right to close campus today.

It's so darned cold outside. The rain is moderate in volume.

I suppose the long break starts today, then. Office opens next on Monday.

2018-10-30 13:00 Philippines Tuesday

These are the two kids, the nephews of Moira~ I got them hooked to Skullgirls HAHAHA

They like Beowulf now.

The chatty younger one's biting on the Milo sachet while the athletic older one is quietly studying his moves.

They've been using the same tactics, but they're now managing to claim some wins, compared to continuous losses at the beginning. The difference is growing confidence.

I guess psychology also plays a part in games.

To Small Group:

Parang ang dami pala nating pinagdadaanan ah =v= prayer requests, guys?? XD [It seems we're going through a lot of things =v=]

(As for me I'm being anxious about trivial things lately, a side effect from being too engrossed aka hyperanxious with work huhu)

It looks like we won't be able to go to Bulacan this long break :( Karu said the weather doesn't seem to be on our side and he made arrangements with friends.

So sad. On the other hand, I would travel a storm to be on a geographical adventure right now.

I desperately need it. But I can make do with home for now...

2018-10-30 15:00 Philippines Tuesday

OMYGOSH

SLEEPING ALL DAY THROUGH THE BEAT OF THE RAIN

WITH KARU PLAYING GAMES ALL DEIII (He's the gamer. I'm just a film junkie who's curious about anything and everything.)

That's my laptop (I have Windows and he has Mac so we adjust to whichever game or use is more appropriate. We share all our stuff.) and his leg and hand covered parts of it.

It kind of looks like a boat with its sail.

I feel so comfy in this kind of darkness.

I remember countless nights of Ma drinking beer in the dead of the night, watching T.V. with almost zero volume.

She's thoughtful of her sleeping children.

It's the nights when she's most sad and cannot sleep. She goes to our room and does this thing. (There were only two bedrooms: one for the parents and another for the siblings.)

It's the nights when Pa was most likely playing with another girl.

We don't hate Pa as a person though. It seems he has a different understanding of relationships. He has pretty low emotional intelligence to make up for his superb logic. He really does love Ma. The I-want-to-marry-you kind. He even vowed not to marry anyone else. Even after Ma died, he wouldn't marry anyone else.

Despite being terribly emotional, he doesn't understand emotions well. But I think he gets it better now.

I am so happy that everyone is learning everyday. I feel an indescribable sense of pride and joy every time I see Pa interact with my siblings in a more human and emotionally understanding way. (Only with my siblings, because Pa imposed a deal between us not to interact for a whole two years after I left home for independence. He's mighty stubborn, like me. I think it's a test of perseverance and will haha My friends don't get it though and think that he's doing this out of spite. We're a weird species.

Karu thinks it's partly for recovery time. It was a very painful time for Pa when I left, being his secret favorite child.)

I still send him letters and pictures as gifts and he accepts them! :) I told him I understand the deal is still on and so I don't feel offended when he doesn't respond, and he didn't. My beloved stubborn old man.

I heard from my sister about something Pa's girlfriend saw (don't worry, she's awesome. She's sort of psychic, and that's unknown territory to my knowledge, and she's also funny and witty and the very image of a young mom. She retained the personality haha. She has only one daughter, from her divorced husband.)

She found Pa alone in his room on several occasions reading the favorite book I left when I improvised my escape from home. It's the poetry book.

It must have piqued his interest as I barely talked about writing and poetry around him. That's the mistake we all made together.

We never spoke about our inner thoughts and feelings. Everyone in our home is awkward as hell. So introverted. But it ends up that we all can get along after all. :)

It was just came as a shock when big decisions came and we're just finding out what the other person's actual beliefs and philosophy are. The conflict with expected beliefs we thought the other shared with us then created chaos and panic within each of our minds, looking for ways to "fix" the other's "mistakes" to put everything "back to normal".

This is my personal analysis of my family, but I think this is a fairly popular occurrence.

It's important to aim to understand. It's important to never forget we are only human.

2018-10-30 18:23 Philippines Tuesday

So I've been thinking. Kids have a need for love and attention, right?

Even I do.

But there are times that I want to be left alone. What then of the child?

It's important for them to understand that they can't always get they want and some people need alone time, but I don't want them to feel neglected.

But then I suppose this is nighttime anxiety issue all over again. Ma probably felt the same, and that's why she was always there when I cried at night and couldn't sleep. She always carried me to their room and let me snuggle up with her.

A bad cause for a bad separation anxiety to develop.

Maybe there needs to be a balance, between loving and giving space. Love is freedom after all. There cannot be love without space. Like two pillars. A pillar is hardly good foundation for a wide roof.

But how do I strike that balance?

That's what I'm gonna find out.

2018-10-30 20:07 Philippines Tuesday

THOR AND JOB ALSO GOT HOOKED TO SKULLGIRLS HAHAHA

I get a bit more than sad that Karu doesn't have late nights out with them anymore though.

So I have a new plot idea. I might start doodling some yonkoma thingy.

A ghost girl who dates a vampire who has vampire friends. These blood-hungry folks come out to play at night. But what does a vampire do when his ghost wife gets uncontrollably sad at night? (Maybe that's why there are stories of weeping invisible entities in the darkness lol)

A comic about a ghost who struggles with clumsy anxiety and paranoia nightly. Hm.

She didn't think her anxiety would survive after death.

2018-10-30 22:30 Philippines Tuesday

#plot #idea #yonkoma #family issues #rain #skullgirls #anxiety #alone time #chrono2

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geminicblue · 6 years

Text

20 Galaxies: Legend in the Sky Ch 3

I’m not going to be keeping a daily posting schedule, but I just want to repost the first four chapters real quick. Chapter 4 will be up tomorrow, and then I’m not sure when the next one will be. Guess it depends how easily I get 22 done

Traffic picked up as Ru made her way home. She weaved into drainage ditches to avoid passing cars, ignoring the cool rainwater that trickled through her sneakers and socks. Sparrows chirped, a lawnmower sputtered and roared in a yard across the street, and yet they all seemed miles away. She was lost in the onslaught of questions her mind asked, dreading the answers. She didn't notice how close she was to home until a shout sent her thoughts scattering.

"Hey Ruster!"

Ru glared down Plover Road. The Hadley house was second on the street, a two-story tucked away inside a miniature forest of maples, crabapple trees, and blue spruces. Its walls and roof were a dark brown that reminded her of topsoil, with splintering window frames and faded brick accents. A walk made of uneven stones led to a concrete porch. There was a thin petunia garden that followed the edge of the walk and porch. One of Ru's after-school chores was to water the flowers, but she wasn't going anywhere near them with Jayson and Randy sitting on the porch, grinning in the shadows. Her brother she could deal with, but the sight of Randy Fresnel made her want to go back to the park and keep wallowing.

"Don't call me Ruster!" she shouted at them.

"Geez, OK. Sorry, Prudence," Jayson shouted back.

The mention of her full name made Ru as prickly as the spruces. She stormed up the driveway and loomed over the two snickering boys. Her looming, as usual, had no effect. Only Jayson's sly grin could be seen under his beloved White Sox cap, the only thing he ever wore that showed a hint of age. He was wearing a new baseball jersey and dark blue jeans without a speck of dirt on them. Randy was the opposite, his clothes riddled with holes and grass stains. He had more bandages crisscrossing his limbs than he had fingers. His hair was vivid red, despite the filth that streaked each short cowlick.

"Don't call me that either," Ru snapped.

"Can we call you Rude?" Randy asked eagerly.

"No."

"Dense?"

"No!"

Randy swept away from Ru, his ever-present rollerblades clattering across the front walk stones. "Ruster it is then!"

Ru huffed and stomped into the house as the two boys started singing. They knew far too many songs about roosters as far as she was concerned. "Go home, Randy!" she hollered at him before slamming the door.

"Jayson?" her mother called from upstairs.

"No, he's outside with Randy!"

Ru set her bloated backpack on the kitchen counter and glanced at the clock. As she'd predicted, visiting hours for Breckenridge were over. At least phone calls were accepted until nine. Her mother came down the stairs, wearing far more jewelry than usual and a frilly blouse that reminded Ru of orange pulp. "There you are," she said, giving Ru a quick hug. "I've got an interview tonight, so I won't be back until late. Kelly's coming by in a little while.

Ru frowned, less than the scowl she'd given her brother, but an intentionally weary look that made her feelings plain. "I'm twelve, Mom, we don't need a sitter."

"She's just coming by to clean." Her mother gestured to the living room and set an envelope on the counter. "This is for her. Tell Jayson to come inside when she gets here. I told her she could bring pizza."

Kelly wasn't really that bad, especially when she showed up with some of her ultra-cheesy homemade pizzas to share. She was a college freshman Jayson described as "stuck in the 80s," citing her neon accessories and huge curly hairstyle. The problem was she was always coming by to "clean," but ended up staying long after the house had been deemed spotless, until whenever Ru's mother just happened to come home.

The garage door hummed shut, and Ru picked up the phone. Breckenridge's end had barely begun to ring before it was scooped up and there was a breathless, "Hello?"

"Hi, is Colleen there?" Ru asked.

An impatient sigh, puffed into the phone. "She can't talk right now." A muffled "It's not him," followed, just barely audible.

"Well, is one of the house mothers there?" Ru persisted. "I have to give Colleen her homework."

"No. She's in the hospital." Someone snickered in the background, and Ru gritted her teeth as she recognized who was speaking. "They're not sure if she's going to make it, so I don't think she's worried about homework right now."

"Shut up and put her on the phone, Ronnie," Ru growled.

There was a click and a dial tone. Ru slammed the phone in its cradle and pressed redial. After four tries, she did manage to give her message to a very irritated house mother, who confirmed that Colleen was actually sick but was in no danger.

That done, Ru lugged her backpack to the living room. Once her eyes adjusted to the dimness, they nearly bulged out of her head. The shorter of the two couches was overturned, its blue, flower-specked cushions in a pile by the fireplace. Paper and mounds of baseball cards blanketed the carpet, and a faint aroma of cooked salami hung in the air next to a pair of saucers slick with brown grease. Most mothers Ru knew would be furious about a mess like this, but a shuffle through some of the papers revealed half of this was Ms. Hadley's own doing. The story about Kelly cleaning was more plausible now.

Ru righted the short couch, then lay back with her head and ankles propped on the armrests and her nose buried in her new textbook. Golden sunlight trickled in through the kitchen patio blinds, illuminating the pages. The myth for the weekly essay was about the Aurora Pools. Before she knew it, she had read through the Legend of the Cameraman, the Angel of Leaves, the Midnight Sun, and the Storm Owl. Her eyes strained for more as the room grew dimmer and dimmer.

A silhouette appeared in the corner of her eye.

It seized her shoulders. Its nails dug through her shirt as it shook her, howling, an unearthly wavering shriek. Ru shrieked back and wrenched away. She scrambled over the armrest and backed up against the wall before recognizing Jayson. His eyes were wide with amusement, gleaming in the deep shadows formed by the brim of his hat. "You didn't even hear me walk in."

Ru threw her book at him. "What is your problem?"

Jayson ducked away from the book. "You want the last can of ravioli?"

"Kelly's bringing food."

"It's seven-thirty already," Jayson pointed out.

With a shock, Ru glanced at the clock on the VCR, then went to the patio door and nudged the shades aside. A pair of stars winked at her from a darkening indigo sky. Her stomach growled loudly, as if it too was just realizing the time.

She stumbled as a head rush momentarily blotted out her vision. The answering machine on the kitchen counter read 0, and Ru could not remember the phone ringing, though to be fair, she really hadn't noticed Jayson walk in either. "She's usually here by five."

Jayson shrugged. "She got stuck in traffic or something. You want the ravioli or not?"

Ru shook her head and went hunting in the cabinets for her own dinner. "Where'd Randy go?"

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw frustration spread across Jayson's face. "Grounded. Joe Ackerman was messing with him at recess and Randy gave him a black eye."

"He's going to get kicked out of school if he keeps getting into fights." Ru didn't feel all that bad about the prospect.

Exasperation broke through in Jayson's voice. When he was upset, he had a very brisk way of speaking, just like their mother. It made Ru feel like she was the younger sibling. "I know. I keep telling him that, but he doesn't believe me."

"Joe probably deserved it," Ru said. "He'll get kicked out before Randy does."

"Joe was going to prank the new girl in your class."

Although Quarterhill Middle School was a fairly large, Ru was not surprised Jayson knew who Kenna was. He had friends in all grades. He looked disgusted as he tried to work the manual can opener. "You can tell a new kid anything about the park and they believe it."

"Not Kenna." Ru waffled between a can of macaroni and cheese and a small box of cereal. "She asked all the tough questions."

Jayson snorted. "They're only tough for people who believe those stories."

Ru didn't respond. This was not one of the times she found Jayson's cynicism comforting. His words stung as they repeated in her mind. It was so easy for him to brush the legends off as a marketing ploy, and it was so easy for others to believe every word of the stories was real. Ru felt caught between the two, a lonely place.

Her father had been right along with her. She hadn't realized it until later on. He was looking for proof. She only remembered him in flashes, his smiling face peeking over the top of her stroller on a warm summer night. Her mother had a photograph of the two of them in what Ru was certain was the same moment. He looked like an older version of Jayson, but then again, not. Same inky black hair, same White Sox cap, same pointed chin and small, round nose. On the other hand, his face was full of stubble, his clothes wrinkled and grin uneven. He was a lot more relaxed than her mother, who stood behind the stroller with a dignified smile.

Something flashed.

Ru's heart jumped. There had been a light in the darkest corner of the cabinet, small but too bright to be a simple reflection, almost bright enough to sting her eyes. Static shock? It hadn't touched her, if that was the case.

Another head rush came on, worse than before. She groaned and eased herself away from the counter. Jayson eyed her, but she barely noticed. The shadows over his eyes stood out more, the sharp, curled shadows in the dark rooms around the kitchen. They formed shapes in Ru's spinning head. Her stomach tied in knots. Static cleared from her vision, but the tingling in her head remained, grew stronger. She swallowed hard and tried to get a grip on herself with pure logic. She was probably hungry, or maybe sick. If Colleen was sick, she could have caught something from the same place. She should go lie down. The thought became more and more appealing each second. Not resting or eating, but leaving the room.

Now.

"Jayson." Her voice quivered, distant.

Jayson opened his mouth upon seeing her expression, but whatever he had to say disappeared in the buzz that filled the room. The sound came from somewhere overhead, focused on the kitchen light. A violin, with crooked strings and a bow full of thorns. The louder the sound became, the more pressure Ru felt on the top of her head. Her knees trembled with the effort of standing.

Don't stand. Run.

Jayson stared up at the light. The dull disc of a lamp seemed ready to burst under the pressure. Ru couldn't tell if he was looking at it because her eyes were already on it, or if he could hear the noise as well. It was hard to tell by his face, eyes wide but not quite alarmed.

A chill streaked up her spine.

Run, her mind screamed. Now!

First Chapter || Previous Chapter || Next Chapter

#20 galaxies #original fiction #original characters #fantasy #magical girl

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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Do you think we'll see Dean and Jody discuss Cas? Does Jody even know Cas exists? They told her s8 angels exits and she was claire but still i thibk textually they never mentioned his name around her? Im guessing they are gonna discuss Deans feeling about Mary since Jody knew her but Cas?

I don’t know, which I know I say to like basically all questions about speculation but this one is something I don’t really have a clue about and I’m not even sitting on my thumbs pretending not to have an opinion because I’d rather not say anything on the record until I know I’m right or not… I really, genuinely, to the best of my ability to sound it all out and guess from the available information, don’t know :P

It depends how they handle Cas being gone overall, whether Dean’s openly, loudly mourning him all the time every episode constantly, which is a detail where I’d only be able to offer you a confident speculation on the eve of this episode anyway after seeing the first 2. If Dean goes stoic and jaw-twitchy but quiet about it then probably not but that’s just like… super obvious and short term.

In the mean time, please assume the tin foil hat position you’d take to listen to a conversation that sounds like this:

There’s quite a lot to pack in with meeting Patience, and getting our guys some good face to face time with Jody for any emotional support they need to sponge off her. Sam doesn’t seem to be around so he may be off with Jack, but if he wasn’t, he’d probably want to learn how to be a mom to him from Jody, for all we know :P Thematically it might sort of be that way anyhow - if Patience doesn’t come in direct contact with Sam it seems ridiculously unlikely she’s not going to be thematically connected to him and therefore Jack through an extremely easy join the dots between 13x03 and 1x09. (Sam already kinda went one round with this sort of thing in 12x04 so in a way he’s got his booster shot of dealing with it directly so it can just be storytelling mirrors for him :P)

Certainly Jody is more connected to Mary symbolically and in general the Wayward Sisters stuff has been more about parenting and those dynamics recently, with 11x12 looking at how Jody copes and teasing us with hindsight for Mary’s return with Dean talking to her about wishing his mom had been around, and in 12x06 and 12x22 she and Mary sort of bounce off each other as moms directly in a continuation of that - in 12x16 she’s not around except on the other end of phonecalls but Dean’s carrying on parenting Claire as a hunter a lil bit.

Of all of those, 11x12 was the only one to make a nod to Cas with Claire holding grumpy cat in one of her scenes, but the show has decided to treat him a lot as just the inciting incident to get her onto the road hunting by dragging her into the life, while Dean does the thing he does around feisty wayward teenagers, and probably was mostly responsible for switching Claire’s amateur detective attempt onto a hunting thing in 10x20. I don’t want to make Claire cringe but I think she thought he was actually kinda cool and inspired her or something, because she had not had any interest in the supernatural side of things before that episode…

Despite all her connections to Cas I think Dean sort of birthed hunter!Claire, so the story sort of wanders that direction and leaves Cas behind because he’s more like Azazel in Claire’s story than anything, even if a very sad soft squishy Azazel who gave her a stuffed toy for her birthday :P Still they played it like her forgiving and hugging Cas was about the same as Dean finally getting to shoot Azazel, in both case freeing them to go do their job with the angsty backstory resolved…

In any case, I think Cas is probably an emergency contact Jody has for Claire-related stuff, although whether they told her to or not, she’d probably always call Sam and Dean first because she knows and understands them (and has met them), and I think the story is asking us to believe that with this symbolism of Claire getting past what Cas did to her family, she’s in a new stage of life he’s not a part of in the same way even if she does cling onto grumpy cat, and Cas is still family to people who consider Jody as family, who she considers family. Sort of shunting him from awkward dad no. 3 of 4 as per 10x20′s recap and symbolism to a weird uncle or something. (Although if Jody has mom symbolism to both Claire and Dean, that makes them siblings and Cas her brother in law… this found family stuff is really difficult :P)

So there’s all that shaping my expectations - Claire’s not in the episode and she’s our connection between Cas and Jody. Previous episodes have made it clear that Sam and Dean really hate calling even beloved friends with their shit and don’t tell Jody alarmingly huge things like that Mary came back from death. She’s been offering a shoulder to Dean personally while he’s been going through all his stuff, and in 9x08 I think Sam did open up to Jody more than Dean even when they were all in the same room, never mind in that and 7x12 they got split up from Dean and actually bonded (And I think this is also a quote from Kim Rhodes but also just something fairly obvious, that because Sam was the one connected to her more in her intro episode and ended up shooting her zombie son for her, they’ve always had a closer emotional bond via shared trauma).

I don’t think it’s showing that Sam and Jody aren’t as close now to have her switch focus to Dean but that Jody is determined to get Dean to open up to her *too*. In 12x06 they have really different attitudes about her when Sam makes the comment about Dean’s “animated Japanese erotica” which show how they’ve grown in different directions with Jody. So I think Sam’s closeness to her is fairly accepted fact and now Dean’s the tough nut to crack for her :P Anyway she’s made the offer two or three times now that she’s there to talk if Dean in particular needs her (definitely 10x08 and 12x06… Can’t remember if she said as much in 11x12 although they did also have an actual personal conversation in that episode, so one point to Jody there). I think 12x06 made it clear there’s still an owed conversation of greater than that opening up and spilling the beans on what’s making him emo right now, so there’s that.

And Cas and Mary have been connected all through season 12, in their arcs, in the subtext, in basically everything, and Dean textually named that in 12x22 that in the start of the season he’d “got Cas back, got Mom back” and in 12x23 of course he loses both, again, in a highly inter-connected way, and so again they’re going to be parallel lines to him, though again I think showing how he feels differently about one and the other and hopefully we get to unpack what those individual losses mean by the way of having both at once (and Crowley, who often in these cases is included to put a finger on the scale :P).

One of the things confusing me right now is of last night’s behind the scenes set peeking which revealed a Turducken Slammer relaunch from the ever-hopeful Biggerson’s, which is not letting frequent murder and mayhem and dodgy meat recalls on its premises stop it from trying. Even if it’s as overall irrelevant to the story in the sense of being mentioned or actually explored as the Mystery Spot sign in 12x01, it’s still telling us something and making connections. I mean yeah it can just be worldbuilding continuity but it’s always picked for a reason and they know what all these signs mean and how to connect them, which is why we have the beer language for example.

And Jody is pretty deeply connected to season 7 and Dean’s arc. And this connection was obliquely referenced in 12x06 in that moment I already mentioned, where Sam outs Dean’s porn habits to Jody. It was a nod from Yockey that he’d watched past Jody episodes because in every way it was a season 12 style rehash of Sam’s “strictly into Dick” comment, which was from a Jody episode. And… look, maybe this is the best way to explain how I felt the season 12 references were kind of out of this world in their scope and intelligence :P

For starters, that comment was not just a run of the mill Dick joke, that was a Robbie level Dick joke, which collected up a hilarious character thing for Sam (his fucked up moment when he should have made the barb, his determination to hang onto the Best Zinger Of His Life until Dean next gave him an opportunity and bless Sam’s cotton socks he delivered it like a pro :P) and Dean’s spiralling obsession with Dick as a Dick or Anime thing. Dean’s anime-watching was from 7x01, when he was waiting for Godstiel to blow up the planet in despair, and was at just about the lowest point we’ve ever seen him. In 7x02 Bobby gives him the “You just lost your best friend” pep talk, which is a role of comforting parental figure Dean then went and lost that season when Bobby died. And in the end of 7x02 Dean reveals how Not Fine he is to Bobby’s answerphone, which is important that it’s never commented on again but I think affects how Bobby treats him and in the subtext of 7x09 you have to know all that happened.

In 7x09 Bobby’s on his farewell tour of comforting advice to his adopted sons, in the last great set of retconning episodes to embed him permanently into their backstory as having always been there for them, to make it hurt juuust that much more than it already does. Towards the end of the episode he has another talk with Dean that mirrors advice Dean will get from Frank and Ness in 7x11 and 7x12, and *that* is opened up by Dean getting drugged by the turducken slammer and going on about how he doesn’t care about how he doesn’t care, and that he feels great for the first time since Cas and the black goo. Like, wow, his depression and hurt and betrayal didn’t go anywhere just because he said he was fine, who knew :P

And that’s the backstory to Dean’s obsession over killing Dick, who has taken everything from him by this point in season 7, told through the medium of anime and sandwiches and somehow always ending up about Cas and Dean’s feelings for him. The anime was an attempt to not care and not think about it that the slammer actually inflicted on Dean, and was used to get Dean to tell us how he really felt. By 7x12 it’s a joke for Sam to make implying Dean’s into lowercase dick, with one of those false binaries the show loves making. And like in season 13 Dean’s lost a love interest and a parental figure, and now things are really blurry about which one hurts more in this short run of episodes before they both reappear in the narrative and make it confusing. 7x11 makes the hurt most about Bobby. 7x12 subtextually tells us rather a lot about Cas, especially by making a Bobby figure to contrast in the background with the lady in the shop who literally calls Dean an idjit at some point, I think, or some other Bobby-ism, to make it clear that Ness is definitely not standing in for that and all those Cas parallels are probably where it’s at while Dean fangirls over him :P

And nope I’m not even done unpacking the Yockey Robbie Edlund turducken because of course JODY is all tied up in this completely. She’s incidentally in 7x02 as a useful local beloved character who can get menaced by Dr Sexy and let them know there’s leviathan nearby, and so she’s pretty embedded in the early Leviathan worldbuilding. Of course Edlund being Edlund, while the lil girl leviathan is channel surfing for ideas, there’s a Biggerson’s advert, I think the same one that plays in 7x03 or 7x22 about their pie salad bar (it’s like a salad bar, but pie!) and in the end she lands on wanting to be a Dr Sexy when she grows up.

(Stop me when you think this might somehow subtextually be about Dean :P)

The Dr Sexy leviathan has an amusingly childlike view on being a surgeon as a result of forming its opinions on that job while being a little girl, and apparently not listening to the memories of the poor guy it ate except to get a frightening knowledge of anatomy. It very much acts the part of being a doctor on TV who can just wheel patients off to perform unnecessary surgery, as per the malpractice of our favourite sexy doctor on TV - and there’s a thing to contemplate about “I’m not a doctor, I just play one one TV” but that’s digressing :P But it goes and menaces Jody and Bobby goes and saves her, and Robbie brings her back 2 more times in season 7, once in 7x06 to thank Bobby for saving her, and to link them romantically so she can even more handily take over the parental role by being romantically linked to their adopted father, which is just a sort of easy association to help. And in 7x12 of course she’s just there and helping and mourning Bobby a lil bit with Sam (since Dean was the one in the focus for mourning Bobby in 7x11), drinking his dubiously won scotch from 11x16 (… Rufus didn’t have to let him have that one, Bobby WAS insisting it was a ghost :P I think he just wanted Bobby to have a win after seeing how down he was.) But that IS a Jody episode so it would have been on Yockey’s list for homework for 12x06 and it contained the anime/Dick thing.

And, if he’d watched the deleted scene, at the end of the episode Dean makes it clear that he’s not sitting alone in the dark watching anime, he is strictly into Dick, and goes and reads an article on Dick “erecting” a tower.

(I hope it is clear how much I love the Dick references in season 7 by now and I’m not sorry, they started it :P)

So yeah. Jody is already intrinsically linked into a ridiculous chunk of the Dean/Cas subtext from season 7, the absolute wild nonsense that Edlund and Robbie were messing around with with pie and turducken and Dr Sexy and anime and Dick, to create the absolutely most ridiculous, like… no one part of it on its own in isolation doesn’t make you cry laughing, bit of storytelling (that, of course, added up into a full picture, just makes you cry a lot in earnest for poor Dean right then).

To me this is the picture of Dean mourning Cas in season 7, and the unique elements to season 7 are the anime (already referenced in season 12 just as an aside and I don’t think as anything more than a witty reference to past canon except that Dean was “kinda bummed” about Cas being gone (and don’t worry, I’m getting to Berens :P)) and the turducken, and Jody as one of the key characters wandering through all this picking up the emotional baton from Bobby, which she has been attempting to use on them ever since season 9, when they got back in contact with her after neglecting her all of season 8.

(And, oh gosh, I stared out the window to try and collect my thoughts for the next paragraph and washed up on thinking about Sam going and crashing out on Jody over the Dean in Purgatory period instead of hitting a dog and ending up with Amelia, like Dean with Lisa except by the time Dean gets back Sam’s probably been whipped into shape and is wandering around Sioux Falls in a deputy uniform…)

Anyway yeah, to go back to 13x03 finally… If the Turducken sign isn’t portentous of anything, I’m still seeing the Gas n Sip sign, in the maroon colours rather than blue one, but still, in a Berens episode. And if you can’t get mourning Cas in season 7 via Jody and a turducken related things to stick, you can totally shortcut through the fairly simple steps of Berens + Gas n Sip = 9x06 and assume whatever personal feelings stuff Dean and Jody talk about, this is a great way to cram Cas into the background via the enormous glowing yellow sun that has come to represent him. (And, of course, it was Berens who had the “morning, Sunshine” line for us in 12x03.)

So I think the set stuff and character stuff all have some fairly good slap to the back of the head things for Dean to maybe open up to Jody or at the very least for whatever he says to her to be heavily subtextually about Cas even if Jody asks about Mary. Because Dean’s wearing weirdly Cas-coded clothes, and Jody is wearing the family unity red n blue plaid colours. The maroon Gas n Sip seems to be more about family and even Wayward Sisters, since it was prominently used behind Claire in 12x16 and maroon has been a lot about family because of the infamous red hoodie that Kevin, Charlie and Cas all wore, and that Mary was put in maroon within an episode of getting back (and Chuck tried to cash in on it in 11x21 to make himself look harmless and cute and relatable in the same hoodie). But even in 12x16 having the Gas n Sip sun looking over Claire, with her connections to Cas, made it seem like he was watching over her too. The colours change the meaning in some ways but the overall message is the same. I think in 13x03 we have to remember it’s also going to be about the Wayward Sisters so whether Jody and Dean are having a personal conversation or not, the sun might be about Cas but the overall thing might be a more neutral family building thing for the main arc stuff. If it was a blue Gas n Sip I’d immediately think it was all about Cas and oozing tragic subtext *everywhere* and completely unavoidably.

(it might also just be that they’re maroon because Biggerson’s are and maybe there’s some sort of corporate alliance of Gas n Sips connected to Biggerson’s, because, after all, Dick Roman ended up owning both franchises and by 7x23 you can see that both are involved in his masterplan, which is part of why I love so much Cas is then intimately connected to both later while still in a gloomy penance mood about the whole thing and everything he’s ever done since…)

… So to actually answer your question, I can see some really really convoluted reasons in the history of the show that if Dean and Jody have their big important “seriously how are you” talk in this exact location while hanging out and hugging in front of all these signs, that they might either not mention Cas at all because he’s not a part of the openly stated story going on between Dean and Jody and all this family stuff and Wayward Sisters and everything absorbed into the entire chunk of the show about parental relationships, of which Jody has been a part since 7x06 thanks to Robbie. Or it’s a part of the emotional backstory to Dean losing Cas which Edlund kicked into high gear in 7x02 while dibsing all the important Dean and Bobby conversations which shine a light on Dean’s loss and Cas, also dragging Jody into a ridiculous web of Dr Sexy and stuff that Robbie and then much much later Yockey were playing around with.

Either way,

#Asks #13x03 #season 13 spoilers #season 13 speculation #Destiel #Wayward Sisters

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ganymedesclock · 7 years

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Character Analysis: Pidge

[ Shiro ] [ Lance ] [ Hunk ] [ Keith ] [ Allura ] [ Coran ]

Third member of the Garrison Trio: the young, the scrappy, the adorable... Let’s talk about Pidge.

Pidge’s life story is fairly known to us- we actually know both of her parents by name and that she has an older brother (and a dog). Overwhelmingly, it would seem that the Holts are a very smart family, and at least Matt and Sam are confirmed to be connected to the Garrison, with a clear expectation that Pidge is going to follow in those footsteps. An expectation Pidge takes to happily.

The image we have of the Holts is very comfortable and domestic- them eating dinner together. This would suggest they are a quite close family, especially on the eve of half of the family leaving for probably close to a month- if it takes “weeks” for human ships in this setting to reach Kerberos as Lance says in s1e1. Not only do they care, but that relationship is enduring enough that they trust each other, and maintain those links- when the others are venturing very far afield.

Considering how groundbreaking the mission is, this would suggest that they were looking for the best of the best- Shiro the decorated pilot, and the Holts. Shiro says unabashedly that Commander Holt is one of the smartest people he’s ever met, and Pidge finds the advice Shiro quotes as incredibly comforting and reassuring. Again, this is a loving family.

That Matt wears a cadet uniform, suggesting this is very likely his first mission ever (further reinforced by how a picture was taken to seemingly commemorate Matt specifically setting off, of him and Pidge together) would further suggest that the Holt siblings are both viewed as brilliant and full of promise, by the Garrison and by their family. And this expectation seems to be fairly comfortable.

At age fourteen, Pidge is the youngest member of the team, putting her roughly 2-3 years younger than Lance, Hunk, and Keith. This is significant, as she met Lance and Hunk in their same class at the Garrison- thus suggesting that Pidge either falsified her age to infiltrate the Garrison, or that Pidge, as a prodigy, is two grades ahead of where she “should” be.

I suspect the latter, personally- as it ties to what I just mentioned. But as comfortable as our view of the Holts and how they interrelate is, it would seem that Pidge’s life hasn’t been all sunshine.

Putting out brambles

In contrast to how small, soft-featured and, let’s face it, cute Pidge is compared to the rest of the team, she has a very sharp temper and a tendency to put out a “I’m not here to make friends, I’m on a mission.” In fact, the first impression she ever leaves on Lance is how snappy she is. She doesn’t want you touching her equipment, she doesn’t think you’re going to believe her, and if you impede her personal mission in any way, she will fight you with everything she has.

I really doubt Pidge developed this temperament dealing with her family. Again- from what we see, her family is very close-knit and supportive. But if Pidge has spent most of her life being several grades ahead, that would mean that she’s been placed in something of a double bind- she has a very different context from most people her age, but her immediate peer group is all older than her. It’s also unfortunately likely people would challenge her right to be here.

Pidge has a chip on her shoulder and a defensive streak, and I would bet this is something that has been with her personality for a long time. However, it would certainly be exacerbated by the Garrison hiding information from her- as mentioned, the Holts are a Garrison family. The Garrison is where Pidge has always more or less been expected to end up working. She would have had a pretty strong tie to these people, her father’s coworkers and possibly her mother’s as well- and so her anger and resolve flare up because in her eyes, this isn’t obstructive bureaucracy- this is tacit betrayal from her own people.

It is important to emphasize that Pidge’s temper and attitude is profoundly defensive in nature. She’s either reacting to an existing negative response, or one that she anticipates or is trying to head off. In the absence of an obvious enemy to fight or prove wrong, we see that Pidge is often much more tentative- even anxious- as she is on the Green Lion’s planet in s1e1. Official interviews have also described the Green Lion as “not a destructive creature” at its core, which reflects onto Pidge.

When Pidge feels safe around people- as can be seen readily in her interactions with the team, or just when she’s caught up in excitement about something new- she is actually a very sweet person. Her sincere- even somewhat bubbly side- is just something that she tries to protect from potential threats, and a fast way to her heart is through her sense of curiosity.

In general, the main fixture this defensiveness leaves on Pidge’s personality is that in most contexts, she’s very stubborn. I don’t think many people would continue to struggle with the Altean language program after barely making it past the first word and then realizing what the second one is- but if Pidge sets herself to something, she has the expectation that people will second-guess her capacity to handle it and she wants to prove them wrong.

(Even if, in fact, there is an absence of actual people second-guessing her)

Intelligence, pride, and vulnerability

Pidge is a brilliant technical mind, and as I commented somewhat on Hunk’s analysis, Pidge operates very differently from Hunk. Compared to Hunk’s very accessible and hands-on, practical understandings, Pidge delves heavily into technicalities and history. It’s difficult for her to explain things without running heavily into jargon or providing way more context than is necessary, which I think reflects that her social life has been very limited.

She’s used to speaking mostly to her family, who are probably very close to her same level and manner of operating. Unlike Hunk, who is probably used to explaining things to people who don’t have astronaut-caliber comprehensive science education, Pidge wants to explain things in the way that makes the most sense to her and successfully grasps the nuances of everything.

There’s a few threads of elitism to Pidge, as one would expect of a child prodigy. And this is another thing that feeds her stubbornness regarding things like the Altean language program, and most likely why she sought it out in the first place- Pidge has her pride on the line when it comes to understanding things. She’s the whiz kid, if she can’t get it, then all those people who think she’s just a punk brat with an ego are practically right, and she can’t stand that.

If Pidge runs into a problem- if she tries something and it hits a major setback, or she’s faced with trying something new that seems daunting (an example of each- when the satellite seems to fail in s2e1, and again in s1e1 when she starts panicking at the prospect of piloting the Green Lion) we can actually see a fear of failure that creeps in. Because faced with the contrasting influences of her family’s warm rapport and other people who question or resent her right to be there- it’s a very scary prospect to prove her naysayers were right, but it’s even scarier to potentially let down everyone who believes in her.

And I think a lot of Pidge’s warm feelings towards her supportive, safe family are things that she comes rapidly to project onto Team Voltron and her relationship with them. Even though Shiro would seem to be a relative unknown- she doesn’t expect him to recognize her, and has no hesitation introducing herself like they haven’t met- she takes to him very quickly.

But with that warmness- there’s also a side of loneliness to Pidge. As mentioned, her relationship with her family seems to be very good, but we don’t see much evidence of a strong social group before the team outside of that. When she does connect with the team, she projects familial sentiments onto them- the team is another family to her. This would suggest that, for support and belonging, Pidge has been basically reliant on the other Holts.

This is the hurt at the core of Pidge’s furious determination to find them again. Because her beloved core of support was just ripped apart with no warning, and then, in her determination to fix this, fight it (she’s the smart one, she’s here to solve problems, her dad always said she’d do something great and what could be more important than this) she left behind her mom. I’ve seen a lot of people talk about how Colleen Holt is now alone, but surprisingly few people talk about what that separation also is probably doing to Pidge.

Because in s2e1, despite claiming she’s going to have some “me-time” and enjoy it- Pidge is the one who ends up stranded alone while Hunk, Lance, Keith and Shiro each land with one other person- and this is rapidly deeply uncomfortable. When her satellite doesn’t seem to work, Pidge actually has a breakdown.

Pidge is a fourteen-year-old who finds herself partially alone in what is turning out to be a very large and scary universe, and as determined as she is to not let anyone know she’s struggling- that’s a very precarious situation.

Uncertainty of Identity

Each of the Lions is connected to an element. Each Lion also fits itself to the paladin as a function of personality. Basically, Shiro is a sky personality, Hunk is an earth personality, Keith is a fire personality.

Pidge’s element is wood- nature and growth. And while we see other paladins more or less thriving in their environment (Keith takes easily to the heat of the desert, Lance’s beloved home is an island, Hunk really operates better with a firm footing, Shiro was an astronaut) Pidge in s2e4 specifically expresses active disdain for her element. She would much rather see Olkarion’s metal city than she would its lush, verdant forest.

Pidge has to grow to enjoy her element. She has to learn, and realize, how this actually is an aspect of her, and is something she can relate to and understand- her love of patterns and systems, “mathematical elegance”.

And I think this reflects a bit of Pidge’s relative inexperience compared to the rest of the team. Sure, none of the other Garrison cadets are soldiers, and even Shiro, Allura, and Coran, the more experienced members, were abundantly not ready for what was thrown at them- but for Pidge in particular, there’s an element of inexperience with who she is, at her core.

Part of this might also be another connection to Pidge’s relationship with her family. She’s another brilliant mind, another person headed straight for the Garrison- all basically taken for granted. She’s a Holt, isn’t she? It’s not something she’s really thought through in a lot of detail. And because of this, we see Pidge often describing herself in a way that really contradicts who she actually is shown to be.

“No one to annoy me,” says the person who only likes being alone on her own terms, who despite incredible risks opens up to people very quickly if they just consistently and in a nonthreatening manner try to connect with her. “I don’t need friends” she tells herself, when as soon as she’s put on her own and it doesn’t seem like she can be with her friends, all of her vulnerability comes to the surface.

We can also see this in interplay with some of the virtues that she has- for example, her determination to chase a goal no matter what almost led her to fork from the team before she realized that she was aiming it in the wrong direction and basically letting it destroy the support network that she had. Pidge is in the process of realizing her own assets and how to utilize them- and that’s something of a case of trial and error.

Curiosity

As inquisitiveness is one of Pidge’s stated paladin virtues, I feel a little obligated to bring it up- and I think it’s one of Pidge’s most charming qualities. Pidge wants to know how things work. Probably the most out of the team, she’s driven by a profound sense of satisfaction at knowing how things work. If she sees something exciting, or interesting, she’s charmed by it- she wants to understand it, and, to a degree, she wants to connect with it.

As Pidge’s relations with people have been kind of hit-or-miss, it seems, it’s not surprising that when it comes to machines, something Pidge considers familiar, intuitive, and trustworthy, that’s when we see Pidge as really gregarious. She has been introduced to the galra empire with their absolute worst foot forwards but with Rover and the galra drone afterwards, the way she talks to and about them suggests an immediate rapport.

I would not be surprised at all if Pidge is someone who, despite her relative disdain for the great outdoors, has gotten along very well with animals. She opens up to the space caterpillars in a very similar manner and probably has a good relationship with the Holt family dog.

Tenacity

I touched a bit that I think Pidge is driven to succeed and afraid of failure, a kind of “prodigy pressure” that I think has some similarities with Shiro- but on a whole other level, even a little unsure of herself as she is, Pidge is a force of will. She’s very self-driven and motivated, and as much as she struggles emotionally without the support and validation of other people, there’s an element of self-sufficiency to Pidge that cannot be understated.

This is likely because, at very least, Sam Holt has probably been disappearing for long stretches for a fair amount of her life. Always predictable, he always came back- but nonetheless, that’s time where Dad can’t be there. And with her pride in particular, it’s quite possible Pidge has a long track record of trying to tackle problems herself rather than going to even her loving and supportive family. She wants to make them proud. She’s smart- she’ll figure something out.

I’ve mentioned that out of the paladins, Pidge has something of a rogue’s build- I don’t think any of the other paladins could do nearly so well overwhelmingly without backup the way Pidge did on the Castle against Sendak, Haxus, and the drones. During Ulaz’s more or less one-sided rush through the paladins, Pidge refuses to let go of the tether, and uses it to slow Ulaz down at a critical point so Keith can get his strike in.

With Pidge’s intelligence and her determination, she will often cling to a seemingly hopeless situation and keep looking for points to break in- to tamper with the pattern. This philosophy of infiltrate and exploit over brute force is reflected perfectly in the vine cannon used by the Green Lion- it’s the philosophy of plant sprouts progressively forcing their way through concrete.

Because arguably, the whole message behind plants, something that has to grow from a seed initially- is potential. The potential to become something like a massive sequoia or a cactus that can survive under blistering desert heat- but for that potential to ever pay off, there has to be that tenacity.

Pidge is, as I mentioned, still growing into her element. It’s hard for her to deal with sowing a field and having it turn up barren- watching a lead go dead. But under adversity, we see the person she’s growing into- you can lay a road across her forest, but the very next day there’s cracks, and those cracks have sprouts.

Awkwardness

At the same time, it’s worth noting that as formidable and talented as Pidge is, she is also, seemingly, someone who has not made a lot of friends before now. And she’s kind of awkward. This is someone who, when asked to tell about herself, leads with “I like peanut butter, but I hate peanuts. Also I sweat a lot.” And the kind of person who, when attempting to convince others that she is a very serious researcher who is in fact picking up alien radio chatter, shows them a roughly scribbled drawing of a giant robot and fire.

As mentioned earlier, unlike Hunk, Pidge is not really used to talking to people who can’t understand things in complex terminology- she’s not very good at pitching her thoughts to an audience or persuasive speaking. Whether this is her tendency to mention awkward or potentially embarrassing details (“My pasty skin and allergies don’t match up well with outdoor living,”) or just her tendency to fumble conversationally when nervous (“I mean I can man up because that’s just an expression I don’t have to be a guy to man up”) it’s worth noting that Pidge can sometimes have the social graces of a rollerblading giraffe.

In Summary

Pidge is a young prodigy, and this has left her proud and incredibly tenacious in her search for solutions, patterns, and ways to exploit them, but she is also not entirely good at talking to people, and is uniquely vulnerable in several ways, especially for emotional support. She can come across very sharp, but this is defensive in nature and when she doesn’t feel threatened, can be an absolute sweetheart.

#Voltron legendary defender #vld #Pidge #Voltron character study #readmore #*to the tune of Bill Nye* Pidge! Pidge! Pidge! Pidge! Pidge!#repetition in tags /

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runesrule · 7 years

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"Girls kick ass; says so on a t-shirt”: Feminism in James Cameron’s ‘Dark Angel’

Author’s note: goes without saying the following meta contains some spoilers, and language warning coz it’s me writing it. Now, read on.

Recently, I have dived into a re-watch of James Cameron’s cyberpunk/biopunk scifi Dark Angel. The first time I watched Dark Angel was sometime around 2009-2010 mark, and a few things about it made a serious impact on my budding ideas of feminism. The series, which ran for two seasons from 2000-2002, is the story of Max, a genetically-engineered super-soldier (or ‘transgenic’) who escapes the top-secret government facility known as Manticore as a child. She, along with twelve of her ‘siblings’ split up in order to disappear into a ‘pseudo-post-apocalyptic police state’ AKA a United States of America where an Electromagnetic Pulse has wiped out most of the technology pre-2009. She eventually becomes entangled with Eyes Only, an idealistic hacker battling police corruption and the oppressive regime which controls Seattle, where most of the action in the series happens. Eyes Only AKA Logan Cale, is a cyberjournalist played by Michael Weatherby.

James Cameron has said that Max is medium of bringing back the ‘tough, female warrior’ to our TV screens, and for most part, he succeeded. The character, played by Jessica Alba, poses an interesting question in regards to feminism. On one hand, Max AKA X5-452, is undoubtedly a warrior; a bad-ass, ass-kicker with a banging bod, who oozes female sexuality and doesn’t back down from a fight. However, it really isn’t Max’s downright lethal fighting skills, or her sharp, scalding wit that make her memorable to me. It’s her relationships throughout the series with other women that always attracted me to the series, and to the character herself. In the first season is Max’s roommate, the perky, blonde Kendra as well as the wonderful series regular, Original Cindy, a black, gay woman who is Max’s best friend, as well as Asha, the idealistic crusader against government corruption. Asha’s one of those characters who gets dismissed as the unwanted third point on the inevitable love triangle. She’s introduced as a further complication in Max and Logan’s heart-wrenching love story in the second season (Uh, geez, Cliffnotes version: Max gets injected with a virus that’s targeted directly for Logan’s DNA sequence, when Manticore discovers his secret identity as Eyes Only). The thing is, Asha is so much damn more than simply a love interest. She’s a fighter for the S1W, a group of activists working with Eyes Only to fight the good fight, a great friend to Logan, and a genuinely decent human being. Ultimately, despite her position as the ‘other woman’ in the narrative, she and Max not only find common ground, but on more than one occasion, the two of them actively display mutual respect for one another. As rare and uncommon as that is in the love triangle trope, it’s the fact that despite initial hostilities between them—to be fair, Max is basically hostile to everyone she doesn’t know and love—they manage to move beyond the romantic entanglements. It’s a refreshing example of women supporting women, despite the narrative having every opportunity to pit them against one another in a bikini-wearing, wet t-shirt catfight to the death. It might be my lifetime membership to the SHARON CARTER IS NOT HERE TO BE STEVE ROGERS’ GODDAMN LOVE INTEREST club, but I really, really adore Asha and Max’s relationship. Next up to the discussion booth is the one, the only, the incredible Cynthia McEachin AKA ‘Original Cindy’. Hit me up: how many black, gay women who wear their natural hair, are nurturing and kind as well as sassy and unafraid to throw a few punches are actually represented in today’s media? Right?? Anyway, Original Cindy is Max’s best friend. She’s sex-positive as hell and multi-faceted. She’s also a normal-sized human, which is a nice element to have when Jessica Alba is running around being lithe and tiny and fit as hell. I am one thousand percent here for more Original Cindy’s in popular culture. Firstly, she has an understandable what the actual fuck reaction to finding out that her best friend is a genetically engineered super-soldier on the run from shady Men In Black types who will kill and maim whoever they have to in order to get their hands on her. Then, when she’s processed, she stands by Max, unhesitatingly. At one point, she literally puts herself between Max and a sniper’s rifle while pretending to be Max’s hostage. (However, she’s also biphobic as hell, uses some fairly transphobic language at one point in Season One and the one time Cindy gets a grounded, well-rounded love interest, Diamond gets stuck in the ‘bury your gays’ plot. Horrifically.) Of course, no discussion of feminism is complete without addressing our transwomen. I guess the fact that there is actually something to discuss gives the show props? I’m cisgender, so I’m not qualified to write from any platform of authority. The facts are this: Louise is a transwoman (who, by the way, is played by a transwoman Jessica Crockett) and lesbian who dates our heroine’s hard-to-like boss Normal before realising she’s gay. I would love to hear from any transwomen who might have watched Dark Angel, and what they think of Louise. As I said, a lot of the language surrounding Louise’s split second feature in a S1 filler ep is problematic and dated. She’s kind of outed against her will when Original Cindy rifles through her purse in order to find out what kind of woman would go out with Normal at all. The thing that always stuck in my mind is that Normal doesn’t give a shit that she’s trans, and it’s only the fact that she likes women that stops him from pursuing her romantically. To continue on the ‘Your favs are problematic’ roll I’ve got going now, let’s talk about Annie. Annie is introduced in Season 2 as a love interest for Joshua, a Manticore experiment who has ‘dog in his cocktail’ resulting in some altered facial features and super senses, as well as truly abominable table manners. She’s a black, blind woman who receives a grand total of three episodes before being unceremoniously murdered by Season 2’s antagonist Ames White. Her death facilitates Joshua moving to Terminal City, where the grand finale of the series goes down. Phew, boy. It’s telling that I completely forgot about Annie’s existence until this recent re-watch. The thing that drives me completely mad is that narratively there were ways around this. Sure, there always is, but sometimes character deaths are the most straight-forward, least convulated way to move a plot forward. I’m a writer, I get that. Sometimes it sucks, but you gotta do what you gotta do. Annie’s death did not have to happen. Sure, her murder by White shocks the audience into realising that Ames is indeed a monster (There were some episodes preceeding this one where his attitude towards his Murder All The Non-Humans deal seems to be softening slightly), and forces Joshua to move to Terminal City, where they find the rest of the Manticore transgenics and stage a last stand. But… Annie’s murder takes place during a chase to find Joshua in the labryth-like setting of the sewers under the city. Another series regular, Max’s workmate and friend the dorky, lovable Sketchy, is also in the sewers, chasing the story for his beloved gossip rag. He emerges, unscathed from the battle, while Annie is left behind to die at Ames’ hands. Now, Sketchy has had a heap of close calls: he’s been kidnapped by the government goons chasing Max and released on the assumption that he’s a bumbling idiot (Spoiler alert: he’s actually not) He’s also been knocked out by Max on more than one occasion and nearly beaten to death by a bunch of ‘steel-heads’: cybernetically enhanced punks. Sketchy is comic relief. He’s the jester of the court; you want to wound our heroes and shock the audience? Take him out. This is a character we’ve been rolling our eyes and laughing at for two straight seasons, and he would have died before we saw his redemption from hating the transgenics to realising that he’s best friends with two of them in Alec and Max. How is that not just as tragic as Annie’s death? I suppose because Sketchy is a loud, skinny white boy not a gentle, helpless blind woman whom Joshua loves, because as always Man Pain™ must win out. (I mean no disrespect to Joshua; Joshua is a golden retriever human and must be protected at all costs) See, Sketchy dies in the sewers, our heroes are collectively enraged and heart-broken, and Joshua still moves to Terminal City because it could have been Annie who died, I must protect her, whine-whine, howl at the moon, love sucks. See? We get to keep Annie and her guide dog Billie alive, and the plot continues in the exact same way, Man Pain™ included.

So I don’t mean to try and make out that ‘Dark Angel’ is a bad show. It may fall victim a little to the our strong female lead is strong because she can kill twenty grown men with her little finger while wearing booty shorts and a bikini top type of thinking, but it is genuinely a really cool, female-led scifi with a unique idea and really cool, edgy world-building.

Max is one of those heroes that sticks around in your head, and despite the unsatisfactory finale, ‘Dark Angel’ is a show seriously worth the watch.

#Chevy speaks #dark angel #max guevara #feminism #transgender #transwomen #representation matters #glbtq #black girl magic #jessica alba #jensen ackles #scifi #meta #james cameron #sharon carter

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abundanceofsoph · 6 years

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Something I wrote 2 years ago for Dons Downunder about AFC Wimbledon and leaving London

GROWING up in country Victoria I was raised on a steady diet of AFL and no one in my town had any time for Soccer. Every month or so my dad would pick me and my siblings up from school on a Friday afternoon and we would drive down to Melbourne, I’d sit amongst the crowd at the MCG and I would cheer on my beloved, if often useless Richmond Tigers and I thought that’s all there was to football. You watch a game; you learn all the players’ names and you wear the colours. I didn’t know there was any other way to be a part of a team until I moved to England and became a Womble.

My journey to Kingsmeadow began in 2013 when I was introduced to a YouTube channel called Vlogbrothers and the two men behind it, John and Hank Green. I watched their videos, listened to Hank’s music, read John’s books and was enraptured by everything they produced and as the months rolled by I found myself watching John play FIFA, while he talked about how to have a happy marriage and climate change and everything in- between. I came to the videos to hear John’s views on the world but I stayed for the fictional team he built. Every player had a story and a life that he created. I didn’t understand the sport, but I enjoyed the tale that he wove and grew to love these fictional men running around on a field chasing after a ball.

The community surrounding John and Hank call themselves Nerdfighters and while it’s not easy telling your friends and family that you’re a Nerdfighter, it’s even harder to explain what it is without sounding a little insane, but I’ll try. We aren’t simply fans of Hank and John, we are collaborators with them. We are the people who align ourselves with the same core beliefs as the Green brothers and this allows us as a collective to achieve incredible things. Despite often being embarrassed of our name, we are all proud of our community. Over the years we’ve raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for charities around the world, we’ve created safe spaces for those in desperate need of them and we have in some small way made it cool to be un-ironically enthusiastic about anything and everything. In 2014 I made the bold and possibly crazy decision to move to London on my own. I didn’t know anyone there, so I quickly sought out the local Nerdfighter group on Facebook and through them I met almost every friend I have in England. Ever since I’d decided on moving to London I’d wanted to attend an AFC Wimbledon match, so on November 30, 2014 I went to Kingsmeadow for the first time with a fellow Nerdfighter and we saw the Dons take on Cambridge and lose 1-2. At no point during that 90 minutes did I have an idea what was happening but I remember having so much fun. At one point another fan standing behind us explained the lyrics to a chant so that we could join in and I was shocked that he had spoken to us, I had after all been told that the English did not talk to strangers in public, but what I’ve come to realise is that I wasn’t a stranger to him, I was a Womble and that meant something. In the two years since that game, I’ve learnt the rules and the songs and the players’ names, but more than importantly I’ve found the connection that brings every AFCW fan together in a waythatAFLneverhasorwill. If you pass a stranger in the street wearing your AFL colours, you smile as you pass by or you might even say hello, but if you see someone in Wimbledon gear you’ll have a conversation, I’ve even been invited to join a group of people at their table in a bar for a drink, simply because I was wearing my Dons scarf.

The thing is when I attended that game against Cambridge, I had planned to go, take some photos and maybe get a retweet from John and never return. Like I said I was an AFL girl, no child of my fathers was going to be a soccer fan. But I fell in love and I’ve never looked back. Within three games I bought a season ticket in the Your Golf terrace for the second half of the season and went to every game even though I would stand on my own and feel very much like the foreigner watching from the outside. It wasn’t until the beginning of the 2015/16 season that I really found my place in the club. I made the decision to purchase a season ticket in the John Green stand and have an allocated seat for the year. It was a decision made more out of self-preservation than any other reason as the standing terraces really aren’t designed for someone who is 5 feet tall. The first game of the season I sat in my seat and didn’t speak to anyone around me, still feeling slightly the outsider but by the second game of the season the guys around me were introducing themselves and within moments of hearing my accent they were intrigued as to what had brought an Australian in her early 20s to be supporting a League two club in south London. With much embarrassment, I admitted to being a Nerdfighter and after explaining what it was and being given a good ribbing, I was welcomed into their group with open arms and have come to consider all of them as close friends.

In February this year I was approached by Ivor Heller to join him in hosting an event at the club for the Nerdfighters as way of thanking us for our support of the club and over a few months we put together a conference that was held at Kingsmeadow in July which brought more than 50 Nerdfighters together and raised over £650 for the Nerdfighter charity, ‘The Foundation to Decrease Worldsuck’.

While the conference was an incredible success and is one of the greatest memories I have of my time in England, it can’t compare to the incredible month of May. As my first and only experience of the play-offs I feel I have been incredibly spoilt. I attended both games against Accrington Stanley with the away match being one of the most anxious nights of life. I’m fairly certain I stopped breathing during the last 5 minutes. But Wembley was by far the greatest day of my 2 years in London. Words can’t truly express what it meant to stand in that crowd and be a part of that moment. We made history that day and sometimes it still feels like it must have been a dream. As a Richmond Tigers supporter, I’ve never seen my team reach a Grand Final but I don’t imagine even a premiership could feel as good as that promotion did.

I spent the day wearing a cape that simply read, ‘Womble Till I Die’ and even with half the world separating me from my team I know that it’s the truth. I will be there when we play our first game at New Plough Lane and I will be there when we reach the Premier League, because AFC Wimbledon is not just a sports team, it’s a family and my blood runs yellow and blue.

The last 2 years have been such an amazing adventure that life in Australia feels a little boring now, but I’m looking forward to the next great adventure. When I graduated high school 5 years ago I had a fair idea of where my life was heading. I went straight from high school to university in Geelong, where I worked hard at obtaining my journalism degree and I never could have foreseen I would be where I am now. 5 years later I’m now looking at going back to university, this time in Melbourne, to now get a degree in teaching and once I graduate I will be heading back to London for good. My family may live here but my football family and my Nerdfighters are in London, so that’s where I call home now.

#afc wimbledon #wimbledon #wimbly womblys #john green #nerdfighters #league two #league one #football #dons

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mapstudiodesign-blog · 6 years

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The world's 50 most powerful blogs

From Prince Harry in Afghanistan to Tom Cruise ranting about Scientology and footage from the Burmese uprising, blogging has never been bigger. It can help elect presidents and take down attorney generals while simultaneously celebrating the minutiae of our everyday obsessions. Here are the 50 best reasons to log on.

The following apology was published in the Observer's For the record column, Sunday March 16 2008 The article below said 'Psychodwarf' was Beppe Grillo's nickname for 'Mario Mastella, leader of the Popular-UDEUR centre-right party', but it's actually his nickname for Silvio Berlusconi. Mastella's first name is Clemente and Popular-UDEUR was part of Romano Prodi's centre-left coalition. And Peter Rojas, not Ryan Block, founded Engadget and co-founded Gizmodo. Apologies.

1. The Huffington Post

The history of political blogging might usefully be divided into the periods pre- and post-Huffington. Before the millionaire socialite Arianna Huffington decided to get in on the act, bloggers operated in a spirit of underdog solidarity. They hated the mainstream media - and the feeling was mutual. Bloggers saw themselves as gadflies, pricking the arrogance of established elites from their home computers, in their pyjamas, late into the night. So when, in 2005, Huffington decided to mobilise her fortune and media connections to create, from scratch, a flagship liberal blog she was roundly derided. Who, spluttered the original bloggerati, did she think she was? But the pyjama purists were confounded. Arianna's money talked just as loudly online as off, and the Huffington Post quickly became one of the most influential and popular journals on the web. It recruited professional columnists and celebrity bloggers. It hoovered up traffic. Its launch was a landmark moment in the evolution of the web because it showed that many of the old rules still applied to the new medium: a bit of marketing savvy and deep pockets could go just as far as geek credibility, and get there faster.

Read more To borrow the gold-rush simile beloved of web pioneers, Huffington's success made the first generation of bloggers look like two-bit prospectors panning for nuggets in shallow creeks before the big mining operations moved in. In the era pre-Huffington, big media companies ignored the web, or feared it; post-Huffington they started to treat it as just another marketplace, open to exploitation. Three years on, Rupert Murdoch owns MySpace, while newbie amateur bloggers have to gather traffic crumbs from under the table of the big-time publishers. Least likely to post 'I'm so over this story - check out the New York Times' huffingtonpost.com

2. Boing Boing

Lego reconstructions of pop videos and cakes baked in the shape of iPods are not generally considered relevant to serious political debate. But even the most earnest bloggers will often take time out of their busy schedule to pass on some titbit of mildly entertaining geek ephemera. No one has done more to promote pointless, yet strangely cool, time-wasting stuff on the net than the editors of Boing Boing (subtitle: A Directory of Wonderful Things). It launched in January 2000 and has had an immeasurable influence on the style and idiom of blogging. But hidden among the pictures of steam-powered CD players and Darth Vader tea towels there is a steely, ultra-liberal political agenda: championing the web as a global medium free of state and corporate control. Boing Boing chronicles cases where despotic regimes have silenced or imprisoned bloggers. It helped channel blogger scorn on to Yahoo and Google when they kowtowed to China's censors in order to win investment opportunities. It was instrumental in exposing the creeping erosion of civil liberties in the US under post-9/11 'Homeland Security' legislation. And it routinely ridicules attempts by the music and film industries to persecute small-time file sharers and bedroom pirates instead of getting their own web strategies in order. It does it all with gentle, irreverent charm, polluted only occasionally with gratuitous smut. Their dominance of the terrain where technology meets politics makes the Boing Boing crew geek aristocracy. Least likely to post 'Has anyone got a stamp?' boingboing.net

3. Techcrunch

Techcrunch began in 2005 as a blog about dotcom start-ups in Silicon Valley, but has quickly become one of the most influential news websites across the entire technology industry. Founder Michael Arrington had lived through the internet goldrush as a lawyer and entrepreneur before deciding that writing about new companies was more of an opportunity than starting them himself. His site is now ranked the third-most popular blog in the world by search engine Technorati, spawning a mini-empire of websites and conferences as a result. Business Week named Arrington one of the 25 most influential people on the web, and Techcrunch has even scored interviews with Barack Obama and John McCain. With a horde of hungry geeks and big money investors online, Techcrunch is the largest of a wave of technology-focused blog publishers to tap into the market - GigaOm, PaidContent and Mashable among them - but often proves more contentious than its rivals, thanks to Arrington's aggressive relationships with traditional media and his conflicts of interest as an investor himself. Least likely to post 'YouTube? It'll never catch on' techcrunch.com

4. Kottke

One of the early wave of blogging pioneers, web designer Jason Kottke started keeping track of interesting things on the internet as far back as 1998. The site took off, boosted partly through close links to popular blog-building website Blogger (he later married one of the founders). And as the phenomenon grew quickly, Kottke became a well-known filter for surfers on the lookout for interesting reading. Kottke remains one of the purest old-skool bloggers on the block - it's a selection of links to websites and articles rather than a repository for detailed personal opinion - and although it remains fairly esoteric, his favourite topics include film, science, graphic design and sport. He often picks up trends and happenings before friends start forwarding them to your inbox. Kottke's decision to consciously avoid politics could be part of his appeal (he declares himself 'not a fan'), particularly since the blog's voice is literate, sober and inquiring, unlike much of the red-faced ranting found elsewhere online. A couple of key moments boosted Kottke's fame: first, being threatened with legal action by Sony for breaking news about a TV show, but most notably quitting his web-design job and going solo three years ago. A host of 'micropatrons' and readers donated cash to cover his salary, but these days he gets enough advertising to pay the bills. He continues to plug away at the site as it enters its 10th year. Least likely to post 'Look at this well wicked vid of a dog on a skateboard' kottke.org

5. Dooce

One of the best-known personal bloggers (those who provide more of a diary than a soapbox or reporting service), Heather Armstrong has been writing online since 2001. Though there were personal websites that came before hers, certain elements conspired to make Dooce one of the biggest public diaries since Samuel Pepys's (whose diary is itself available, transcribed in blog form, at Pepysdiary.com). Primarily, Armstrong became one of the first high-profile cases of somebody being fired for writing about her job. After describing events that her employer - a dotcom start-up - thought reflected badly on them, Armstrong was sacked. The incident caused such fierce debate that Dooce found itself turned into a verb that is used in popular parlance (often without users realising its evolution): 'dooced - to be fired from one's job as a direct result of one's personal website'. Behind Dooce stands an army of personal bloggers perhaps not directly influenced by, or even aware of, her work - she represents the hundreds of thousands who decide to share part of their life with strangers. Armstrong's honesty has added to her popularity, and she has written about work, family life, postnatal depression, motherhood, puppies and her Mormon upbringing with the same candid and engaging voice. Readers feel that they have been brought into her life, and reward her with their loyalty. Since 2005 the advertising revenue on her blog alone has been enough to support her family. Least likely to post 'I like babies but I couldn't eat a whole one' dooce.com

6. Perezhilton

Once dubbed 'Hollywood's most hated website', Perezhilton (authored by Mario Lavandeira since 2005) is the gossip site celebrities fear most. Mario, 29, is famous for scrawling rude things (typically doodles about drug use) over pap photos and outing closeted stars. On the day of Lindsay Lohan's arrest for drink-driving, he posted 60 updates, and 8m readers logged on. He's a shameless publicity whore, too. His reality show premiered on VH1 last year, and his blogsite is peppered with snaps of him cuddling Paris Hilton at premieres. Fergie from Black Eyed Peas alluded to him in a song, and Avril Lavigne phoned, asking him to stop writing about her after he repeatedly blogged about her lack of talent and her 'freakishly long arm'. Least likely to post 'Log on tomorrow for Kofi Annan's live webchat' perezhilton.com

7. Talking points memo

At some point during the disputed US election of 2000 - when Al Gore was famously defeated by a few hanging chads - Joshua Micah Marshall lost patience. Despite working as a magazine editor, Marshall chose to vent on the web. Eight years later Talking Points Memo and its three siblings draw in more than 400,000 viewers a day from their base in New York. Marshall has forged a reputation, and now makes enough money to run a small team of reporters who have made an impact by sniffing out political scandal and conspiracy. 'I think in many cases the reporting we do is more honest, more straight than a lot of things you see even on the front pages of great papers like the New York Times and the Washington Post,' he said in an interview last year. 'But I think both kinds of journalism should exist, should co-exist.' Although his unabashed partisan approach is admonished by many old-fashioned American reporters, Marshall's skills at pulling together the threads of a story have paid dividends. Last year he helped set the agenda after George Bush covertly fired a string of US attorneys deemed disloyal to the White House. While respected mainstream media figures accused Marshall of seeing conspiracy, he kept digging: the result was the resignation of attorney general Alberto Gonzales, and a prestigious George Polk journalism award for Marshall, the first ever for a blogger. Least likely to post 'Barack is so, like, gnarly to the max' talkingpointsmemo.com

8. Icanhascheezburger

Amused by a photo of a smiling cat, idiosyncratically captioned with the query 'I Can Has A Cheezburger?', which he found on the internet while between jobs in early 2007, Eric Nakagawa of Hawaii emailed a copy of it to a friend (known now only as Tofuburger). Then, on a whim, they began a website, first comprising only that one captioned photo but which has since grown into one of the most popular blogs in the world. Millions of visitors visit Icanhascheezburger.com to see, create, submit and vote on Lolcats (captioned photos of characterful cats in different settings). The 'language' used in the captions, which this blog has helped to spread globally, is known as Lolspeak, aka Kitty Pidgin. In Lolspeak, human becomes 'hooman', Sunday 'bunday', exactly 'xackly' and asthma 'azma'. There is now an effort to develop a LOLCode computer-programming language and another to translate the Bible into Lolspeak. Least likely to post 'Actually, dogs are much more interesting..." icanhascheezburger.com

9. Beppe Grillo

Among the most visited blogs in the world is that of Beppe Grillo, a popular Italian comedian and political commentator, long persona non grata on state TV, who is infuriated daily - especially by corruption and financial scandal in his country. A typical blog by Grillo calls, satirically or otherwise, for the people of Naples and Campania to declare independence, requests that Germany declare war on Italy to help its people ('We will throw violets and mimosa to your Franz and Gunther as they march through') or reports on Grillo's ongoing campaign to introduce a Bill of Popular Initiative to remove from office all members of the Italian parliament who've ever had a criminal conviction. Grillo's name for Mario Mastella, leader of the Popular-UDEUR centre-right party, is Psychodwarf. 'In another country, he would have been the dishwasher in a pizzeria,' says Grillo. Through his blog, he rallied many marchers in 280 Italian towns and cities for his 'Fuck You' Day last September. Least likely to post 'Sign up to our campaign to grant Silvo Berlusconi immunity' beppegrillo.it

10. Gawker

A New York blog of 'snarky' gossip and commentary about the media industry, Gawker was founded in 2002 by journalist Nick Denton, who had previously helped set up a networking site called First Tuesday for web and media entrepreneurs. Gawker's earliest fascination was gossip about Vogue editor Anna Wintour, garnered from underlings at Conde Nast. This set the tone for amassing a readership of movers and shakers on the Upper East Side, as well as 'the angry creative underclass' wishing either to be, or not be, like them, or both ('the charmingly incompetent X... the wildly successful blowhard'). Within a year Gawker's readers were making 500,000 page views per month. Nowadays the figure is 11m, recovering from a recent dip to 8m thanks to the showing of a Tom Cruise 'Indoctrination Video' which Scientologists had legally persuaded YouTube to take down. Gawker remains the flagship of Gawker Media, which now comprises 14 blogs, although gossiping by ex-Gawker insiders, a fixation on clicks (which its bloggers are now paid on the basis of) and fresh anxiety over defining itself have led some to claim Gawker has become more 'tabloidy' and celeb- and It-girl-orientated, and less New York-centric. But its core value - 'media criticism' - appears to be intact. Least likely to post 'We can only wish Rupert Murdoch well with his new venture' gawker.com

11. The Drudge Report

The Report started life as an email gossip sheet, and then became a trashy webzine with negligible traffic. But thanks to the decision in 1998 to run a scurrilous rumour – untouched by mainstream media – about Bill Clinton and a White House intern named Monica Lewinsky, it became a national phenomenon. Recent scoops include Barack Obama dressed in tribal garb and the fact Prince Harry was serving in Afghanistan. Drudge is scorned by journalists and serious bloggers for his tabloid sensibilities, but his place in the media history books is guaranteed. And much though they hate him, the hacks all still check his front page – just in case he gets another president-nobbling scoop. Least likely to post 'Oops, one sec – just got to check the facts…' drudgereport.com

12. Xu Jinglei

Jinglei is a popular actress (and director of Letter From An Unknown Woman) in China, who in 2005 began a blog ('I got the joy of expressing myself') which within a few months had garnered 11.5m visits and spurred thousands of other Chinese to blog. In 2006 statisticians at Technorati, having previously not factored China into their calculations, realised Jinglei's blog was the most popular in the world. In it she reports on her day-to-day moods, reflections, travels, social life and cats ('Finally the first kitten's been born!!! Just waiting for the second, in the middle of the third one now!!!!!!!! It's midnight, she gave birth to another one!!!!!!'). She blogs in an uncontroversial but quite reflective manner, aiming to show a 'real person' behind the celebrity. Each posting, usually ending with 'I have to be up early' or a promise to report tomorrow on a DVD she is watching, is followed by many hundreds of comments from readers – affirming their love, offering advice, insisting she take care. Last year her blog passed the 1bn clicks mark. Least likely to post 'Forget the kittens – get a Kalashnikov!!!!!!!' blog.sina.com.cn/xujinglei

13. Treehugger

Treehugger is a green consumer blog with a mission to bring a sustainable lifestyle to the masses. Its ethos, that a green lifestyle does not have to mean sacrifice, and its positive, upbeat feel have attracted over 1.8m unique users a month. Consistently ranked among the top 20 blogs on Technorati, Treehugger has 10 staff but also boasts 40 writers from a wide variety of backgrounds in more than 10 countries around the world, who generate more than 30 new posts a day across eight categories, ranging from fashion and beauty, travel and nature, to science and technology. Treehugger began as an MBA class project four years ago and says it now generates enough revenue from sponsorship and advertising to pay all its staffers and writers. It has developed a highly engaged community and has added popular services like TreeHugger.tv, and a user-generated blog, Hugg. It was bought by the Discovery Channel last year for a rumoured $10m. Least likely to post 'Why Plastic Bags rock' treehugger.com

14. Microsiervos

Microsiervos, which began in 2001, took its name from Douglas Coupland's novel Microserfs, a diary entry-style novel about internet pioneers. It is run by Alvy, Nacho and Wicho, three friends in Madrid, who blog in Spanish. The second most popular blog in Europe and the 13th most popular in the world (according to eBizMBA), Microsiervos concerns itself with science, curiosities, strange reality, chance, games, puzzles, quotations, conspiracies, computers, hacking, graffiti and design. It is informal, friendly and humorous, moving from news of an eccentric new letter font to reflections on the discovery of the Milky Way having double the thickness it was previously thought to have. Least likely to post 'The internet is, like, so over' microsiervos.com

15. TMZ

You want relentless celebrity gossip on tap? TMZ will provide it, and when we say relentless, we mean relentless. The US site is dripping with 'breaking news' stories, pictures and videos, and deems celeb activity as mundane as stars walking to their cars worthy of a video post. TMZ was launched in 2005 by AOL and reportedly employs around 20 writers to keep the celeb juice flowing. It pulls in 1.6m readers a month and is endlessly cited as the source for red-top celeb stories. It was the first to break Alec Baldwin's now infamous 'rude little pig' voicemail last April, for instance. TMZ prides itself on being close to the action, so close, in fact, a TMZ photographer had his foot run over by Britney Spears mid-meltdown. They auctioned the tyre-tracked sock on eBay in aid of US charity the Children's Defense Fund last autumn. Least likely to post 'Paris is a metaphor for Third World debt' TMZ.com

16. Engadget

Engadget provides breaking news, rumours and commentary on, for instance, a camera able to track a head automatically, the very latest HD screen or 'visual pollution' concerns prompted by hand-held pico laser-projectors. The world's most popular blog on gadgets and consumer electronics, Engadget was founded by Peter Rojas in 2004 and won the Web Blogs Awards that year and each year since. Now part of Weblogs Inc (owned by AOL), it is offered on many other sites (including GoogleMail) as a default RSS feed, and is published in English, Spanish, Japanese and Chinese. Last year, a mistake confirmed Engadget's power - upon reporting a supposed email (which turned out to be a hoax) from Apple, informing Apple employees of a delay in the launch of iPhone, Apple's share price fell by 3 per cent within minutes. Rojas also co-founded rival gadget blog Gizmodo. Least likely to post 'An iWhat?' engadget.com

17. Marbury

No matter what happens between now and 4 November, you can be certain the US presidential election of 2008 will be among the most historically important and dramatic of any fought. Having an informed opinion will be a must, but if you are as yet unable to tell your Iowa Caucus from your Feiler Faster Thesis, Marbury – a British blog on American politics – is the place to start. The site's creator, Ian Leslie, is an ex-expat who fell for American politics during a four-year stint living in New York. The site signposts important events and interesting analyses, gives context and witty commentary on everything from the most serious speeches to the silliest election-themed YouTube clips. And West Wing fans will be pleased to note that the blog's name is a reference to the show's British ambassador to the United States, Lord John Marbury, who, appropriately enough, provided an eccentrically British but reliably insightful appraisal of American politics. Least likely to post 'Is it just me or is Romney getting cuter?' marbury.typepad.com

18. Chez Pim

Attracting around 10,000 people from all over the globe to her site every week, Pim Techamuanvivit has tried and tested an awful lot of food. From Michelin-starred restaurants to street food and diners, she samples it all, and posts her thoughts and pictures to share with other foodie fans. She advises her readers on what cooking equipment to go for, posts recipe suggestions for them to try, and gives them a nudge in the direction of which food shows are worth a watch. She's not just famous on the net, she's attracted global coverage in the media with her writing, recipes and interviews appearing in such diverse publications as the New York Times, Le Monde and the Sydney Morning Herald. Least likely to post 'Chocolate's my favourite flavour of Pop Tart' chezpim.typepad.com

19. Basic thinking

Recently rated the 18th most influential blog in the world by Wikio, Basic Thinking, which has the tag line 'Mein Haus, Mein Himmel, Mein Blog', is run by Robert Basic of Usingen, Germany, who aims 'to boldly blog what no one has blogged before', and recently posted his 10,000th entry. Basic Thinking reports on technology and odds and ends, encouraging readers to rummage through an 1851 edition of the New York Times one minute and to contemplate the differences between mooses and elks the next. Least likely to post 'Mein heim, mein gott – I need to get a life' basicthinking.de/blog

20. The Sartorialist

As ideas go, this one is pretty simple. Man wanders around Manhattan with a camera. Spots someone whose outfit he likes. Asks if he can take a picture. Goes home and posts it on his blog. But the man in question is Scott Schuman, who had 15 years' experience working at the high-fashion end of the clothing industry before starting The Sartorialist. He's got a sharp eye for a good look, a gift for grabbing an on-the-hoof pic and an unwavering enthusiasm for people going the extra mile in the name of style. Minimalist it might be, but his site – a basic scroll of full-length street portraits, occasionally annotated with a brief note – is mesmeric and oddly beautiful. The site attracts more than 70,000 readers a day and has been named one of Time's Top 100 Design Influences. So if you're out and about and a guy called Scott asks to take your picture, just smile. You're about to become a style icon. Least likely to post 'Sometimes you need to chill in a shellsuit' thesartorialist.blogspot.com

21. Students for a free Tibet

Taking the protest online, Students for a Free Tibet (SFT) is a global, grassroots network of students campaigning to free Tibet, which has been occupied by China since 1950. Students in Tibet face arrest for posting on the site, but many escape to blog about their experiences in exile. With a history of direct action, the group is now uniting worldwide members through the web, blogging to spread word of news and protests, and using sites like Facebook to raise funds. The organisation, which was founded in 1994 in New York, spans more than 35 countries and gets up to 100,000 hits a month. In 2006, SFT used a satellite link at Mount Everest base camp to stream live footage on to YouTube of a demonstration against Chinese Olympic athletes practising carrying the torch there. Later this year the web will be a critical tool in organising and reporting protests during the games. 'SFT plans to stage protests in Beijing during the games and post blogs as events unfold,' says Iain Thom, the SFT UK national co-ordinator. 'But for security reasons we can't reveal details of how or where yet.' Similarly, a massive protest in London on 10 March will be the subject of intense cyber comment. In response, the site has fallen victim to increasingly sophisticated cyber attacks. Investigations have traced the sources back to China, leading to speculation that the Chinese authorities are trying to sabotage the site to stop online critics. Least likely to post 'Hey guyz, any hotties in the Nepal region?!' studentsforafreetibet.org

22. Jezebel

Last year Gawker Media launched Jezebel – a blog which aimed to become a brilliant version of a women's magazine. It succeeded quickly, in part by acknowledging the five big lies perpetuated by the women's media: The Cover Lie (female forgeries of computer-aided artistry); The Celebrity-Profile Lie (flattery, more nakedly consumerist and less imaginative than the movies they're shilling for); The Must-Have Lie (magazine editors are buried in free shit); The Affirmation Crap Lie (you are insecure about things you didn't know it was possible to be insecure about); and The Big Meta Lie (we're devastatingly affected by the celebrity media). Their regular 'Crap Email From a Dude' feature is especially fantastic, as is their coverage of current stories (opinionated and consistently hilarious) and politics. It offers the best lady-aimed writing on the web, along with lots of nice pictures of Amy Winehouse getting out of cars. Least likely to post 'How To Look Skinny While Pleasing Your Man!' jezebel.com

23. Gigazine

Created by Satoshi Yamasaki and Mazaki Keito of Osaka, Gigazine is the most popular blog in Japan, covering the latest in junk foods and beverages, games, toys and other ingredients of colourful pop product culture. Visitors first witness 'eye candy' such as David Beckham condoms (from China), 75 turtles in a fridge, the packaging for Mega Frankfurters or a life-size Ferrari knitted from wool, learn of a second X-Files movie moving into pre-pre-production, watch a vacuum-cleaning robot being tested and compare taste reports of Kentucky Fried Chicken's new Shrimp Tsuisuta Chilli. Least likely to post 'Anyone seen these charming croquet mallets?' gigazine.net

24. Girl with a one-track mind

Following in the footsteps of Belle de Jour – the anonymous blogger claiming to be a sex worker – the girl with a one track mind started writing in open, explicit terms about her lively sex life in 2004. By 2006, the blog was bookified and published by Ebury, and spent much time on bestseller lists, beach towels and hidden behind the newspapers of serious-looking commuters. Though she was keen to retain her anonymity and continue her career in the film industry, author 'Abby Lee' was soon outed as north Londoner Zoe Margolis by a Sunday newspaper. Least likely to post 'I've got a headache' girlwithaonetrackmind.blogspot.com

25. Mashable

Founded by Peter Cashmore in 2005, Mashable is a social-networking news blog, reporting on and reviewing the latest developments, applications and features available in or for MySpace, Facebook, Bebo and countless lesser-known social-networking sites and services, with a special emphasis on functionality. The blog's name Mashable is derived from Mashup, a term for the fusing of multiple web services. Readers range from top web 2.0 developers to savvy 13-year-olds wishing for the latest plug-ins to pimp up their MySpace pages. Least likely to post 'But why don't you just phone them up?' mashable.com

26. Greek tragedy

Stephanie Klein's blog allows her to 'create an online scrapbook of my life, complete with drawings, photos and my daily musings' or, rather, tell tawdry tales of dating nightmares, sexual encounters and bodily dysfunctions. Thousands of women tune in for daily accounts of her narcissistic husband and nightmarish mother-in-law and leave equally self-revealing comments transforming the pages into something of a group confessional. The blog has been so successful that Klein has penned a book, Straight Up and Dirty, and has featured in countless magazine and newspaper articles around the globe. Not bad for what Klein describes as 'angst online'. Least likely to post 'Enough about me – what's your news?' stephanieklein.blogs.com

27. Holy Moly

If a weekly flick through Heat just isn't enough, then a daily intake of Holy Moly will certainly top up those celeb gossip levels. The UK blog attracts 750,000 visitors a month and 240,000 celeb-obsessees subscribe to the accompanying weekly mail-out. It's an established resource for newspaper columnists – both tabloid and broadsheet – and there's a daily 'News from the Molehill' slot in the free London paper The Metro. Last month Holy Moly created headlines in its own right by announcing a rethink on publishing paparazzi shots. The blog will no longer publish pics obtained when 'pursuing people in cars and on bikes', as well as 'celebrities with their kids', 'people in distress at being photographed' and off-duty celebs. But don't think that means the omnipresent celeb blog that sends shivers round offices up and down the country on 'mail-out day' is slowing down – there has been talk of Holy Moly expanding into TV. Least likely to post 'What do you think of the new Hanif Kureishi?' holymoly.co.uk

28. Michelle Malkin

Most surveys of web use show a fairly even gender balance online, but political blogging is dominated by men. One exception is Michelle Malkin, a conservative newspaper columnist and author with one of the most widely read conservative blogs in the US. That makes her one of the most influential women online. Her main theme is how liberals betray America by being soft on terrorism, peddling lies about global warming and generally lacking patriotism and moral fibre. Least likely to post 'That Obama's got a lovely smile, hasn't he?' www.michellemalkin.com

29. Cranky flier

There's nowhere to hide for airlines these days. Not with self-confessed 'airline dork' Brett Snyder, aka Cranky Flier, keeping tabs on their progress. He's moved on from spending his childhood birthdays in airport hotels, face pressed against the window watching the planes come in, and turned his attention to reporting on the state of airlines. His CV is crammed with various US airline jobs, which gives him the insider knowledge to cast his expert eye over everything from the recent 777 emergency landing at Heathrow to spiralling baggage handling costs and the distribution of air miles to 'virtual assistants'. Least likely to post 'There's nothing wrong with a well-conducted cavity search' crankyflier.com

30. Go fug yourself

It's a neat word, fug – just a simple contraction of 'ugly' and its preceding expletive – but from those three letters an entire fugging industry has grown. At Go Fug Yourself, celebrity offenders against style, elegance and the basic concept of making sure you're covering your reproductive organs with some form of clothing before you leave the house are 'fugged' by the site's writers, Jessica Morgan and Heather Cocks. In their hands, the simple pleasure of yelping 'Does she even OWN a mirror?' at a paparazzi shot of some B-list headcase in fuchsia becomes an epic battle against dull Oscar gowns, ill-fitting formalwear and Lindsay Lohan's leggings. The site stays on the right side of gratuitous nastiness by dishing out generous praise when due (the coveted 'Well Played'), being genuinely thoughtful on questions of taste and funnier on the subject of random starlets in sequined sweatpants than you could possibly even imagine. Least likely to post 'Oprah looked great in those stretch jeans' gofugyourself.typepad.com

31. Gaping void

In the middle of a career as an adman in New York, Hugh MacLeod found himself doodling acerbic and almost surreal cartoons on the back of people's business cards to pass the time in bars. Everyone seemed to like the idea, so he kept going. Things started going gangbusters when he pimped his cartoons on the internet, and as he built an audience through his blog, he started writing about his other passion – the new world of understanding how to adapt marketing to the new world of the net. Remember when everybody was madly printing off vouchers from the web that saved you 40 per cent? That was one of his: aimed at helping shift more bottles from Stormhoek, the South African vintner he works with. Least likely to post 'This product really sells itself' gapingvoid.com

32. Dirtydirty dancing

If someone stole your camera, took it out for the night to parties you yourself aren't cool enough to go to and returned it in the morning, you would probably find it loaded up with pictures like those posted on DirtyDirtyDancing. The site seems pretty lo-fi – just entries called things like 'Robin's birthday' and 'FEB16' featuring pages of images of hip young things getting their party on. And that's it. The original delight was in logging on to see if you'd made it on to the site – your chances increase exponentially if you're beautiful, avant-garde and hang out at clubs and parties in the edgier parts of London – but now the site can get up to 900,000 hits a month from all over the world. Least likely to post 'Revellers at the Earl of Strathdore's hunt ball' dirtydirtydancing.com

33. Crooked timber

With a title pulled from Immanuel Kant's famous statement that 'out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing was ever made', it's an amalgam of academic and political writing that has muscled its way into the epicentre of intelligent discussion since its conception in 2003. Formed as an internet supergroup, pulling several popular intellectual blogs together, Crooked Timber now has 16 members – largely academics – across the US, Europe, Australia and Asia. The site has built itself a reputation as something of an intellectual powerhouse; a sort of global philosophical thinktank conducted via blog. Least likely to post 'Did anyone see Casualty last night?' crookedtimber.org

34. Beansprouts

Combining diary, opinion and green lifestyle tips, Beansprouts is a blog that covers one family's 'search for the good life'. Melanie Rimmer and her family of five live in a 'small ex-council house' with a garden on the edge of farmland in Poynton, Cheshire. They grow food on an allotment nearby, keep chickens and bees and 'try to be green, whatever that means'. Rimmer set up the blog nearly two years ago when she first got the allotment and says she felt it was something worth writing about. With one post a day, often more, topics for discussion can range from top 10 uses for apples to making scrap quilts. Least likely to post 'Make mine a Happy Meal' bean-sprouts.blogspot.com

35. The offside

Launched by 'Bob' after the success of his WorldCupBlog in 2006, Offside is a UK-based blog covering football leagues globally, gathering news and visuals on all of it, inviting countless match reports and promoting discussion on all things soccer, from the attack by a colony of red ants on a player in the Sao Paulo state championship third division, to the particular qualities of every one of Cristiano Ronaldo's goals so far this season. Considered by many to be the best 'serious' blog in the game, it nevertheless promises irreverently, 'If there is a sex scandal in England, we'll be stuck in the middle of it. If a player is traded for 1,000lb of beef in Romania, we'll cook the steak. And if something interesting happens in Major League Soccer, we'll be just as surprised as you.' Least likely to post 'Check out Ronaldo's bubble butt' theoffside.com

36. Peteite Anglaise

The tagline of a new book hitting British shelves reads 'In Paris, in love, in trouble', but if it were telling the whole story, perhaps it should read 'In public' too. Bored at work one day in 2004, expat secretary Catherine Sanderson happened upon the concept of blogging. With a few clicks and an impulse she created her own blog, and quickly gathered fans who followed her life in Paris, the strained relationship with her partner and adventures with her toddler. And there was plenty of drama to watch: within a year her relationship had broken up, and she'd met a new man who wooed her online. Readers were mesmerised by her unflinching dedication to telling the whole story, no matter how she would be judged. Soon afterwards, however, Sanderson's employers found out about the blog and promptly fired her. Defeat turned into victory, however, with the press attention she gathered from the dismissal not only securing victory in an industrial tribunal, but also helping her score a lucrative two-book deal with Penguin. Least likely to post 'J'ai assez parle de moi, qu'est-ce que vous pensez?' petiteanglaise.com

37. Crooks and liars

Founded in 2004 by John Amato (a professional saxophonist and flautist), Crooks and Liars is a progressive/liberal-leaning political blog, with over 200m visitors to date, which is illustrated by video and audio clips of politicians and commentators on podiums, radio and TV. Readers post a variety of comments on political talking points of the day, although 9/11 conspiracy theories are often deleted, and there is a daily round-up of notable stories on other political blogs. Least likely to post 'So just what is a caucus?' crooksandliars.com

38. Chocolate and Zucchini

For Clothilde Dusoulier, a young woman working in computing and living in the Paris district of Montmartre, starting a blog was a way of venting her boundless enthusiasm for food without worrying she might be boring her friends with it. Five years later Chocolate and Zucchini, one of the most popular cooking blogs, has moved from being a hobby to a full-time career. The mixture of an insider's view on gastronomic Paris, conversational, bilingual writing and the sheer irresistibility of her recipes pull in thousands of readers every day. This, in turn, has led to multiple books and the ability to forge a dream career as a food writer.The name of the blog is, she says, a good metaphor for her cooking style: 'The zucchini illustrates my focus on healthy and natural eating... and the chocolate represents my decidedly marked taste for anything sweet.' Least likely to post 'Just add instant mash' chocolateandzucchini.com

39. Samizdata

Samizdata is one of Britain's oldest blogs. Written by a bunch of anarcho-libertarians, tax rebels, Eurosceptics and Wildean individualists, it has a special niche in the political blogosphere: like a dive bar, on the rational side of the border between fringe opinion and foam-flecked paranoid ranting. Samizdata serves its opinions up strong and neat, but still recognisable as politics. On the other side of the border, in the wilderness, the real nutters start. Least likely to post 'I'd say it's six of one, half a dozen of the other' samizdata.net

40. The daily dish

Andrew Sullivan is an expat Brit, blogging pioneer and defier-in-chief of American political stereotypes. He is an economic conservative (anti-tax), a social liberal (soft on drugs) and a foreign policy hawk (pro-war). He endorsed George Bush in 2000 and John Kerry in 2004. Barack Obama is his preferred Democrat candidate in 2008. So he is either confused, a hypocrite or a champion of honest non-partisanship – depending on your point of view. He is also gay, a practising Roman Catholic and HIV-positive, a set of credentials he routinely deploys in arguments to confuse atheist liberals and evangelical conservatives. Least likely to post 'Sorry, I can't think of anything to say' andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com

41. The F word

Founded in 2001, the UK's first feminist webzine is responsible for reviving debates around feminism in Britain. Edited by Jess McCabe, the site, which receives around 3,000 hits a day, is dedicated to providing a forum for contemporary feminist voices, with a daily news blog, features on stereotypes and censorship, podcasts on pornography and regular feminist film reviews. Least likely to post 'What's the difference between a woman and a condom?' thefword.org.uk

42. Jonny B's private secret diary

Growing in popularity since its debut in 2003, Jonny B's diary – which is clearly neither private nor terribly secret – catalogues the rock and bowls lifestyle of one man in the depths of rural Norfolk. With the mocking self-awareness of a modern Diary of a Nobody, the author tells tales of wild nights at the village pub and the fortunes of the local bowls team. As a slow, gentle satire on modern village life, it is often held up as an example of blog as sitcom, and has not only attracted a loyal band of readers, but a dedicated fan club on Facebook desperate to work out the real identity of the wit behind the site. Previous guesses have included Chris Evans and Johnny Vaughan, though both have been strenuously denied. Least likely to post 'OMG, I saw Jessica Simpson in Lidl and she signed my bum!' privatesecretdiary.com

43. Popjustice

When Smash Hits! died, Popjustice became the new home of pop music. Founded in 2000 by Peter Robinson, it combines fandom with music news and raw critique, all hilarious, and all blindingly correct. Recent features include a review of Eurovision failure Daz Sampson's new single 'Do A Little Dance' ('The listener is invited to muse on the sad inevitability of their own death') and a furious debate about the future of Girls Aloud. Least likely to post 'I prefer Pierre Boulez's interpretation of Mahler's third' popjustice.com

44. Waiter rant

Rant isn't quite the right word for this collection of carefully crafted stories from the sharp end of the service industry in a busy New York restaurant. 'The Waiter', as the author is known, has been blogging his experiences with fussy customers and bad tippers since 2004, winning a gong at blogging's biggest awards, the Bloggies, in 2007. It's representative – but by no means the first – of the so-called 'job-blogs', with people from all walks of life, from ambulance drivers (randomactsofreality.net) and policemen (coppersblog.blogspot.com) to the greatly loved but now defunct Call Centre Confidential. Between them they chronicle life in their trade, and usually from behind a veil of anonymity. Something about the everyday nature of The Waiter – a person we like to pretend is invisible or treat with servile disdain – deconstructing the event later with a subtle, erudite typestroke, has captured the public imagination and (hopefully) made some people behave better in restaurants than they otherwise might. Least likely to post 'The customer is always right' waiterrant.net

45. Hecklerspray

The internet's not exactly short of gossip websites providing scurrilous rumours of who did what to whom, but some stand out from the rest. Sharply written and often laugh-out-loud funny, Hecklerspray has been called the British alternative to Perez Hilton, but it's different in important ways: the emphasis here is on style and wit, with a stated aim to 'chronicle the ups and downs of all that is populist and niche within the murky world of entertainment'. Basically, it's gossip for grown-ups. Least likely to post 'If you can't say anything nice…' hecklerspray.com

46. WoWinsider

WoWinsider is a blog about the World of Warcraft, which is the most popular online role-playing game in the world, one for which over 10m pay subscriptions each month in order to control an avatar (a character, chosen from 10 races) and have it explore landscapes, perform quests, build skills, fight monsters to the death and interact with others' avatars. WoWinsider reports on what's happening within WoW ('Sun's Reach Harbor has been captured'). It also reports on outside developments and rumours ('A future patch will bring a new feature: threat meters'). Supporters of US presidential candidate Ron Paul promoted on WoWInsider their recent virtual mass march through the WoW. And the blog recently reported that America's Homeland Security are – seriously – looking for a terrorist operating within WoW. Least likely to post 'Who fancies a game of space invaders?' WoWinsider.com

47. Angry black bitch

Angry Black Bitch, which has the tagline, 'Practising the Fine Art of Bitchitude', is the four-year-old blog of Shark Fu of St Louis, Missouri. She has never posted a photo of herself and this 'anonymity' has led recently to her having to fend off claims she's really a white man, even a drag queen. But taken as read, Shark Fu is a much-discussed, 35-year-old black woman, tired of the 'brutal weight' of her 'invisibility'. Least likely to post 'I'm off to anger-management' angryblackbitch.blogspot.com

48. Stylebubble

Fashion blogger Susie Lau says Stylebubble is just a diary of what she wears and why. But few diaries are read by 10,000 people a day. Lau, 23, admits to spending up to 60 per cent of her pay from her day job in advertising on clothes, but now she's viewed as a fashion opinion former, she's being paid in kind. Her influence is such that fashion editors namecheck her blog, Chanel invites her to product launches and advertisers have come calling. Least likely to post 'I even wear my Ugg boots in bed' stylebubble.typepad.com

49. AfterEllen

Afterellen takes an irreverent look at how the lesbian community is represented in the media. Started by lesbian pop-culture guru Sarah Warn in 2002, the name of the site gives a nod to the groundbreaking moment Ellen DeGeneres came out on her hit TV show, Ellen, in 1997. Since then, lesbian and bisexual women have moved from the margins on to primetime TV, and this blog analyses the good, the bad and the ugly of how they're portrayed. It's now the biggest website for LGBT women, with half a million hits a month. Least likely to post 'George Clooney – I wouldn't kick him out of bed' afterellen.com

50. Copyblogger

It's dry, real, and deafeningly practical, but for an online writing-for-the-internet blog, Copyblogger, founded in 2006, is remarkably interesting. Swelling with advice on online writing, it's an essential tool for anyone trying to make themselves heard online, whether commenting on a discussion board or putting together a corporate website. Least likely to post 'Social networking – it's just a phase' copyblogger.com · Join the Debate: If you would like to comment about our choice of blogs, go to blogs.theguardian.com/digitalcontent · This article was amended on Friday March 14 2008. In the article above we wrongly said that Ryan Block founded Engadget and co-founded gadget blog Gizmodo. They were actually founded and co-founded by Peter Rojas. This has been corrected. Read the full article

#Fashionblogger #politicalblogging #post #Thehistory #WoWinsider

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