#emotions are exhausting

[starsofang]

genuinely just want to write angst with no happy ending so i can get all of my bottled up emotions out because this shit is hard

[sadlycrabby]

Midnight :DD

My silly night/star themed pony who is constantly tired.

Her speciality is astrology based magic, changing the stars for a unique sky and for secret messages. Although she mostly uses it to create images or love letters for her girlfriend, Aethel.

She can also use the light of the moon and the stars in the sky for spells.

Despite being tired she is a very observant pony, she tries her best to know all the details of the city due to the dangers outside that could spell disaster for her home.

[zelphafrost]

One year and four days...one year and seven months...six months. I hate these times when I reprimand myself and reiterate what a very silly old woman I am for even hoping someone will find something about me attractive again. The inner constrictions squeezing the vital organs til I'm nearly doubled. Working through this will be no menial task.

[bioniclechronicles]

I'm so fucking exhausted today. I'm doing DID therapy and focusing on part work today and God I'm worn down by it. I've learned some important things tho but I need to curl up and sleep for a hundred years now. There are 25 documented alters including myself and it's boggling seeing them all listed like alright. I knew u were there but knowing and being truly aware are two seperate things. Like now I'm Aware of everyone at once and it's startling and minorly distressing that the collective me is so... *waves my hands around vaguely*

[lesenbyan]

/tired quiet jazz hands

[callmethirtysomething-blog]

13 years ago I joined Tumblr because I was searching for happiness. 13 years ago this blog was "Justkok" and "Call Me Thirty" was my username; A call back to the days of yore when TRL, AOL Instant Messenger, and Xanga took up the most real estate in my mind. Laughable now. You should know why this fact tickles me so: I can see it now; a little fuzzy around the edges but the sounds are clear. Listening to Lady Gaga, twisting open a bottle of "wine" in a dimly lit Chicago apartment, and the slice of scissors cutting too close to my ears. The fact is I can barely drink wine, I am a born-again Swiftie, live in Portland, Oregon, and resist any urge to get bangs. To put it plainly getting bangs is a cry for help.

Besides the above changes, there are age-related developments afoot. For example last week my heel randomly started hurting when I got up off the couch; yesterday my back started to spasm while wiping my ass; and a few months ago I found my first gray hair. Let's see, what else? Call Me Thirty has evolved into Call Me Thirty Something. Isn't that a scream? Yes, these past few years have been oozing along; the face of time is wincing from relentless winds of change. As we age one comes to expect that, thankfully.

Does change excite you? I've always wondered about you people, if so. While doing a stint in the wonderfully horrifying world of Human Resources this question came up often during interviews. In this vein I must reveal to you a shocking revelation: everyone most people lie in these scenarios. No one Most people don't love change—particularly when it occurs in the workplace. Even the most positive changes require periods of adjustment and leaders equipped with emotional intelligence, a penchant for organized chaos, and a sense of humor.

I have met a few people whom I believed when they said change is exhilarating. Characteristically speaking these people weren't necessarily pie-in-the-sky folks. Rather, their ability to emotionally detach provided security and flexibility in the chaos: their routines don't have feelings so you can't hurt them. As I explore this thought I have come to a riveting realization in real time: I don't have routines, I have feelings. Please pause while I telepath my therapist with this bombshell. I would tell her through traditional channels but I just stopped going last month. Later: more on that. Maybe. ADHD and all that.

Is the expectation of change the same as anticipating it? I guess I had an idea of what change meant. But anticipating the changes? No one prepares you for coincidentally meeting your life partner, unexpected deaths, or sudden job offers that take you 2,000 miles away from the place you were born.

From my first post on Tumblr where I talked about happiness and change, here is a response to my younger self:

You will start to cultivate a sense of happiness from doing more fun stuff, especially after your Dad passes away. The first person to die other than a grandparent is truly awful. As a result you will make the transition to relying less on the promise of "bigger and better" things because there is nothing bigger or better than life and death. Once you realize you don't belong in an office you'll boycott all things timestamps and cubicles; you'll start asking people what they do for fun instead of what makes them happy. As a Thirty-Something you'll still struggle adjusting to most changes but you'll put on a better face; a more hopeful one content with watching the paint dry while life settles from the most recent dust up. Pausing will become second nature and asking questions will come from a place of curiosity. You'll feel shame over your discomfort with change but will no longer feel obligated to defend that which you are working on.

And please, for the love of God, stretch! You have the time and the means to do so. Most days you work in your pajamas. The last thing you want is to die from a back spasm while wiping your butt, in your pajamas, at 3pm.

[cheesecakeislazy]

TW: Cussing, Vent(?), Mentions of Love, Mentions of Religion

As a person who’s on the AroAce spectrum, believes in soulmates, and has had multiple partners yet only loved one of them- feelings are complicated..

Like this isn’t a vent just more so.. words that I feel like need to be said?

I’ve only ever loved one of my partners- and unfortunately we’re exes now. Oh well. The thing that sucks is that I feel comfortable being on the aromantic spectrum, yet I’m worried that I’m not actually aromantic in any way. I hate to admit the fact that despite dating over a year ago, the thought of him still makes my stomach flip and explode with butterflies, makes my heart beat with life and joy, makes my face flush like a giant red tomato.

And it’s confusing. Am I on the AroAce spectrum? Or am I just so hung up on this one person that I can’t bring myself to love other people? It doesn’t help I am personally religious either, some times I ask for a sign. To see if he’s even worth it, and every time I ask- I have a dream about my ex. A dream about us being happy together, loving each other again, being that cute couple we used to be.

Psychologically? It’s probably just my brain trying to conjure up reasons for me to still crush and be in love with this guy- we talked recently, it made me feel so happy to have him joke with me. Let alone flirt with me. But now he’s ignoring me, again. And honestly? It’s fucking bullshit.

Mentally ill? I’m aware. He’s depressed. He’s got a lot of other issues. So do I. So is it his D.I.D. Fucking with him? Or is he just an asshole! I constantly defend him, I constantly praise him whenever we talk. The things I tell him are true to me, but sometimes I worry I’m manipulative.. I compliment him and tell him he’s amazing, as if that’ll help me win him over.

It’s even worse when you’re obsessively in love with them. Love is complicated. It can be beautiful, it can be messy, it can be painful, and it can be freeing. I know this isn’t something I should be posting on the internet- but hey! Maybe someone needs to hear this. Hear that you shouldn’t constantly defend someone who might just view you as a toy rather than a person. Don’t defend someone until you have all the information, that’s the moral of today I guess.

If you’re still reading this? Thanks. Just remember that you are a good person. That you are valid. That you are amazing. That the world doesn’t deserve someone as great as you, but you deserve the world. You are good. You are beautiful. You are good enough. You don’t need to be perfect, because imperfections make your perfections stand out more.

[pr0cyon-lotor]

Chat. We got a little silly with this one 🤭

Sometimes I think about how many people don't like me because of autistic traits I have

These people that actively hate me irl because I seem really apathetic or I don't fluctuate my tone when speaking... They're the same people that claim that they want autistic friends or that they care so much for autism awareness or claim to have autism themselves

I try and try but I'm still seen as rude. I try to accommodate at the sacrifice of my own comfort and it's not enough. I try to sweeten my tone and I'm called fake. I try to take up interests of others and they drop it because they don't like me

I'm tired. But I hate being rude. I'm not a people pleaser, I just want the people close to my friends to like me. I'm scared my friends will leave me if enough people complain about my "bad attitude" or how rude I was because I didn't pick up a social cue

I get overwhelmed easily but I don't want to have a meltdown because people are willing to jump on it and call it a tantrum.

I know people don't like me. I hear them talking about me to their other friends. And I know some try to convince my friends to leave me. It's unfair of me to get upset and whine to my friends that I don't want them near me because they're their friends.

I don't want my friends to leave me. I don't want them to turn their backs on me. I don't know how to make new friends. It's so hard. And I love my online friends but I don't want to be stuck on a screen all day. I hate sitting still. I love talking face to face with people

I just don't know what to do. Some of the people that hate me are close friends of my friends or family. I don't want to be controlling and give them an ultimatum. I hate ultimatums. I don't want to be that guy.

I just want them away from me. I just to have time with only my friends alone and then they can spend time with everyone else. But I feel selfish wanting that. Their friends are allowed to be around, I don't know why I'm so whiny

Maybe my mom was right when she called me needy and clingy. I don't want to be whiny and clingy. But I don't want to let go. What if my friends leave because they think I'm ignoring them?

I don't want to ignore them. But I don't want to be overbearing. I'm so confused and I don't know what to do about it. I feel so stupid for venting. I want to tell them but I'm scared of pressuring them into anything.

My friends knew these people longer than me. They grew up with them. I only started talking to them in middle school. They knew all these people since they were in diapers. And I'm just someone they met not too long ago. I'm not that important.

And that's why I'm here. Venting to anonymous online people instead of telling my friends of my insecurities. I hate that my household taught me emotions are weak. It's so hard to break that train of thought.

What if I'm annoying because I cry? I don't want to be annoying. I don't want to take up too much space. I don't want to become a burden. They already have so much to deal with. They don't have to deal with my emotional state.

But I know this isn't healthy. I want to tell them. But I don't know how.

Maybe I'll send them this stupid vent. I can't run away forever. Mildly dissociating to avoid confronting my emotions isn't healthy. But I want to run away so bad, but I'm so stubborn.

Maybe I'll just send them this and turn off my phone. At least I'm not running that far. I can read what they say in the morning or they can tell me when they see me.

I just want to hide for a while

[conscious-naivete]

i was so tired and frustrated and ticked off earlier i came home and snapped at my family and just went sorry i need to lie down. and i napped for a bit and woke up for dinner still feeling all out of sorts but in a cold, post-nap kinda way. and then i went w my dad to buy lottery tickets and talked over my day and had some warm tea and a bunch of chocolate and i feel much better. i still ought to go to bed early but yeah

[persephonewraith]

[hinamie]

9 / 266

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

7 Autistic Things Which Are Difficult for Non-Autistic People to Understand

Neurodivergent_lou

[dangans-ur-ronpas]

happy pride month

[thebibliosphere]

I'm a fecking edjit.

I keep complaining about this never-ending EDS flare, but I forgot that a mast cell reaction can not only be triggered by pain but also ignite the pain neural pathways and basically become a fecking ouroboros of self-devouring misery.

Pain triggers mast cell degranlation. Mast cell degranulation causes pain.

I'm not just having an EDS flare. I'm still degranulating from last week's migraine episode. I stopped medicating too soon.

Christ on toast.

I hate this disease.

[ayyy-imma-ninja]

soooo today's ep, huh QwQ

[that-ineffable-devil]

I've praised George Rextrew a lot for the emotion he put behind various actions, and I stand by that.

But I also want to take a moment to appreciate Jayden Revri's ability to handle Charles' more explosive emotions.

In the Devlin house, you watch his anguish and anger build in equal measure. Unlike the characters, we get to see the build-up to the outburst that leads to him getting stuck in the loop. The first time he sees that man murder his family he wants to look away, he tries to look away. You can see how much it hurts him, but he turns back and watches anyway--and the horror turns to rage.

When the Night Nurse comes, he fights her off--very aggressively yes, but they didn't see what he did when she took him into his memories--and everyone looks at him like...like he's a bomb that may go off again? Like they've never seen him before?

The boy's just been through some of his most traumatic memories and committed an act of violence that probably only made that experience worse, and he sees his friends looking at him the way he'd always feared they would--like he's a bad guy. And Jayden portrays that grief and pain so beautifully.

And when he gives that little "no" while he's crying and jerks away from Edwin's outstretched hand?

My heart feels like it's been squashed and wrung out.