#dr harvey or nothing

[fae-sdv]

WIP WIP WIP

Thinkin bout my anxious boy bein anxious and I think it’s fun to save his glasses for very last

[luvvyouforever]

harvey (sdv) - nsfw alphabet <3

-> there is not nearly enough harvey content on tumblr for my liking. SO two harvey posts in a row, yes i do believe. and i do love reading an sfw/nsfw alphabet so of course i have to provide for our favorite nerdy doctor <3 i also want you to know that as i write this, i imagine harvey as a taller, bigger man. so like he's got some chub on him and he's got broad shoulders. idk idk it's my headcanon.

-> this is nsfw and dirty! like i really tried to get over my reservations about using descriptive language. with that being said, NSFW 18+ MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI MDNI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

harvey is the sweetest, most gentlemanly partner after sex. he makes sure that you get cleaned up, that you protect yourself against any UTIs or other gross things, makes you some coffee or tea, and cuddles with you endlessly. harvey would need some extra reassurance that what he did was good, that you enjoyed it, or that you didn't get hurt. he'd get anxious and worry about it for the rest of the night if you didn't offer him some kind of honest discussion.

b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

i think he appreciates his arms and hands! he knows that he has some strength and likes when you can grip on to his biceps in the heat of the moment. knows how to work his hands i mean, come on. he can do minor surgical interventions. if you hold onto his arm while you're walking in town, he'd get all blushy.

as for you, he truthfully loves every part of you. if you ever asked him "what part of me is your favorite?" he would actually stress over it and couldn't answer. however, if you really really wanted him to say, he would choose your eyes. there's nothing better to him than looking at them when he's giving you pleasure. sends him reeling, actually.

c = cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

i don't think harvey is particularly keen on making a mess, especially of the bed or another surface. he'd try to keep his cum inside of you, or at least contained to an easily wipeable surface (like your face). on the down low though, i truthfully think he'd surprisingly enjoy cumming on your face, mainly around your lips. messy oral? he's done for.

d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

meeting dr. harvey in his office for a confidential check-up? hmm. definitely not when you first start dating, but give him some time and you may just find yourself on his desk (never in the actual, sterile field) receiving a little extra attention wink wink nudge nudge

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

he has plenty of knowledge about anatomy, trust me. he never struggles with finding your best spots. however, he struggles with foreplay and building intimacy and dirty talk, etc. he's a nerd! what can i say? tell him what you like, guide him, and help him and he'd be confident in no time. he's a quick learner.

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

so, i think there are two sides to harvey. he is either incredible slow, passionate, and earnest. this lends itself to something simple like missionary where he can stare into your eyes, kiss you, tell you sweet things, etc. his other side comes out later, when he's gotten more comfortable with you and with himself, and he can get a little rougher or faster or intense. he likes to be able to grip on to you so something like doggy, maybe riding?

g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

harvey can't help but be clumsy sometimes. he learns to be able to giggle at himself when his hand misses the bed and he falls. he also can't help but giggle when hair gets caught in your mouth or some other silly thing. however, he likes to keep things intimate and prefers to have a serious moment with you in bed.

h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

i don't think he fully shaves, he just doesn't strike me as that kinda guy with his mustache. but i do think he trims it, kinda manscapes it a little bit to tame everything down but he likes to have a little hair down there.

i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

loves making sex romantic. he doesn't do it often, but on special days like your anniversary or birthday, he will harvest some flowers from the farm and throw the petals around the room, open up some freshly made wine, and showers you in affection. as for every day sex, he still likes to make it special for you and never backs down on his pure, teeth-hurting sweetness.

j = jack off (masturbation headcanon)

i think that he is the kinda guy that starts feeling guilty for masturbating after he gets into a relationship. prefers to just wait for you. however, before your relationship, he would masturbate every once in a while when he was stressed or horny. if he ever watched porn, which i feel like would be very rare for him, he wouldn't watch highly produced, fake porn. it would have to be something amateur. (harvey has a secret twitter account)

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

okay so...i think harvey starts out vanilla. when you're getting to know him and for the first few times you have sex, he keeps it simple. mainly out of nervousness. however, i think he's kinkier than we might assume. i think he really enjoys being praised and praising you. i think, too, he likes feeling big and strong in that he gives in to his possessiveness sometimes, and he likes being able to manhandle you a little bit. also, i propose this everyone....bondage? nothing super strong! just with his tie or belt. and your hands. to the headboard.

l = location (favorite places to do the do)

your bedroom, mostly! he has a reputation that he needs to uphold so anything in public is nerve wracking. but with some convincing, like i said, his fancy office is not totally off limits.

m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

seeing you do anything! especially if you're really determined to get something done and you're working hard at it! like, you've been working so damn hard on renovating and cleaning the farm and you come back proud of everything you've done, he will look at you with a glow in his face. kisses on the neck, too!

n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

i don't think he'd ever hurt you. it's just not something he could ever see himself doing. he doesn't mind seeing like fingertip marks on you the day after but anything like choking, spanking, etc is out of the question. he also would find rudeness a turn off in a person. like he would hate to see anyone be rude to another person and it would take away from someone's attractiveness immediately! (that's not to say that he doesn't enjoy some town gossip here and there)

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

my first headcanon here is that harvey LOVES giving oral and on the days when he hasn't cleanly shaved his face, his stubble leaves marks around your thighs. okay, now that that's out of the way: harvey is such a pleaser and he'd do anything to make sure you feel good. he likes when you guide his head, mouth, or hands and he likes being told if you want more, or faster, or less. as for him receiving, i think he enjoys it but he gets so in his head that he can't really cum from it. it takes some extra praise and reassurance to get him to fully open up.

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

like every other answer here, it depends on his mood! he can get really fast when he's feeling extra needy or kinky. however, when he's trying to be romantic, he will take his sweet time and go nice and slow with his thrusts, movements, touches. however, i think he could also use slowness to his advantage and tease you.

q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

prefers to take his time but sometimes he likes to catch you before you wake up and start working on the farm and before he has to go to work. he enjoys these more than he will admit to himself though and he thinks it can be fun!!

r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

he's down to try new things, don't get me wrong! if you wanna try something new, he'll let you to an extent but he won't do anything that comes with a dangerous outcome or health risk! like, sure, he might be down to try some new rope positions but he won't dare put chocolate sauce around his genitals. do you know the bacteria risks that can come with that??

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

i don't think he has very high stamina. it's not that he gets really sleepy after, but he can't go for multiple rounds. maybe two if it's been a long time since he's seen you. he can last a while though, i think. he won't cum the minute he engages in anything and with his anxiety, it may even take him a while to get to that point.

t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

he doesn't mind bringing out a vibrator because he knows how good it could make you feel. he doesn't like them on himself though! he doesn't mind taking a trip out to zuzu and hitting up a sex shop to buy some new bondage-y toys. they will be thoroughly cleaned though. why would nipple clamps be any less clean than forceps?

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

he doesn't do it with malice in his heart, trust me. he just likes seeing you on edge, waiting for him of all people, begging for more pleasure. he experiments to see how long you can go for, or how far he can drag out oral. he definitely enjoys it more than he'd let on. oh, and, i leave you with this, imagine harvey offering fake pity and cooing at you:

"my poor flower...you must want it so bad!"

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

keeps quiet, mostly. some interjections of grunts and groans, especially when he cums. he uses his voice more for sweet talk! he loves hearing your noises, though, and it gives him more encouragement than anything.

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

the first time you called him dr. harvey in a joking, yet somewhat flirtatious manner, he blushed and got incredibly flustered. then, you did it again, and it had the same effect. and then...oh lord. your hands were roaming his body and you, just testing the waters, called him dr. harvey and he could have finished right there.

x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

he's big guys, i'm sorry. nerdy white men are always packing. i headcanon him as a big boy and it's only fitting that he's proportionate. more thickness than length. he was a little ashamed the first time you had sex but he realized just how good it feels and it makes him proud. big dick energy if you will.

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

i think he has a fluctuating sex drive. during flu and cold season, he is so stressed and likes to come back and make dinner, cuddle, and go to bed. however, during the summer, when everyone is healthy and only needs some aloe vera gel for sunburns, he could go day after day with you. it just all depends on his mood and the time of the year.

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he enjoys cuddling and talking after sex but give him an hour and the man is CONKED. he's the older bachelor so of course he's a sleepy man. cuddle up to his chest, open up the window to let fresh air or the sounds of rain float in, and he'll be like a baby.

[snailmail444]

Can I get a headcanon of the bachelors and how they'd be sexy with you when you're down? Like, if they're trying to cheer you up and be a little goofy with it but also tryna HIT. THAT. 🤣🤣🤣

Thanks Snail, ILU.

Bachelors Goofing Their way Into Your Pants

18+ 🌱 MDNI 🌱 NSFW (-ish)

This one was a tough ask Libby but I’ll do nothing if not stand and deliver 🫡 Honestly might be my favorite head cannon list for the bachelors I’ve ever done so THANK YOU for this prompt icon. NSFW? -ish under the cut (lewd?? Idk lol)

Harvey-

💚 Perhaps the goofiest about this

💚 He would not try to come onto you when you’re down unless he KNOWS it’s going to pick you up

💚 So once he’s confident let’s start there

💚 It’s a song and dance

💚 Dissappears, and when he’s back he’s got his med kit

💚 He gets out the stethoscope and all. The whole nine yards.

💚 That’s right folks. We’re paging Dr. Love

💚 Will NOT let you stop this routine. Dr. Love WILL be completing the full assessment. Listening to your heart rate, checking your throat and ears, somehow always having to complete a chest exam

💚 (M or F he will be groping your tits for this one)

💚 The diagnosis is in

💚 There’s Only One Cure for What Ails You

💚 You guessed it! You need a little lovin’ (Dr. Love’s catchphrase)

💚 Important note: Dr. Love is not a licensed medical practitioner

💚 This works a little too well perhaps. He’s so confident for no reason at all LMAO

💚 Lowkey want to write a Dr. Love oneshot now because this is really fun and cute

Elliott-

❤️ If you’re feeling down man will preform the absolute worst ad lib poetry

❤️ Silliest lymrics you’ve ever heard

❤️ Dumb dumb dummmmmb

❤️ Very dirty and stupid bad poems about you

❤️ Specifically about his favorite parts of your body

❤️ Or his favorite things you do during sex

❤️ The worse it is, the better as far as he is concerned

❤️ Raunchy dirty filthy

❤️ But like. In the most grade school mother goose style he can manage

❤️ No flowery language here

❤️ Takes off your clothes to expose the parts of you the he’s referring to

❤️ When you do x thing (then tries to make you do x thing)

❤️ Will be proving his point. Period!!!

Alex-

🤎 Physical touch legend

🤎 Wrestles

🤎 Winner gets whatever they want from the loser

🤎 Has a wrestling name and all

🤎 Does the John Cena theme

🤎 His hands end up in all sorts of places that they don’t need to be

🤎 Most wrestlers aren’t grabbing ass 🤨

🤎 Gets you in some really tight, close pins, but somehow you end up winning anyway

🤎 No I didn’t let you win don’t be ridiculous I respect the sport too much to ever—

🤎 He let you win

🤎 You can take your prize now 😌 Whatever you want 😌

🤎 And if his hard on is pressing against you? Well. Maybe he has some ideas about what your prize should be

Shane-

�� Gets you through the hard stuff first, so once you’re on the mend he’s goofing to the max

💙 KING FLEXER!

💙 Aw babe come on? How can you be so sad when you have these guns to look at?

💙 Runs through a series of absurd poses to show off his muscly farm boy arms

💙 Lays it on really thick about being a stud

💙 “No matter what at the end of the day you have a trophy husband” (even if he’s not married to you. ESPECIALLY if he’s not married to you)

💙 STRIP! TEASE!!

💙 Showing off everything you’re so lucky to have with a big goofy grin on his face

💙 Throwing his clothes across the room and everything

💙 Making the music sounds with his mouth

💙 You HAVE to whistle or hoot at him or clap or something

💙 He demands applause from his audience if he’s not getting some singles at least

Sam-

🩷 Another song and dancer

🩷 This man was born for the stage I fear

🩷 Genuinely and truly putting on a SHOW about it all

🩷 The drama of it. Uh oh, he’s compromised!

🩷 Will end up ‘stuck’ under the couch or table or anywhere else

🩷 Uh oh! I hope nobody takes advantage of me 👀 When I’m so exposed 👀👀 and vulnerable 👀👀👀

🩷 The worst stage acting you’ve ever seen in your life

🩷 Starts stripping in the middle of the living room because he “didn’t see you there!”

🩷 Pretends to be scandalized when you finally succumb to his advances

🩷 What are you doing?! Huh? What do you MEAN I was coming on to you? I always take off all my clothes in the kitchen, that’s ritual

🩷 insists he’s been objectified and taken advantage of

🩷 That kind of turns him on though let’s be so fucking real

Sebastian-

🖤 Okay so we’re going blunt king here

🖤 Two possible options

🖤 Uses it as a way to hard reset the system mid breakdown

🖤 Full crying, upset, whatever, he’s been holding you and trying to calm you down but it’s not working

🖤 “Wanna have sex?”

🖤 DEADPANNNNNN delivery

🖤 It never fails. Tried and true

🖤 Option two?

🖤 This is ONLY if mans is super comfortable in your dynamic

🖤 A classic

🖤 Whips it out

🖤 Thinking about that one tweet of the boyfriend who was in the mood and just put his dick on her shoulder while she was watching tv

🖤 Like that but buried under sixteen levels of irony

🖤 “I know what’ll help” and then he pulls his dick out

🖤 Probably the least likely to actually hit with these methods

🖤 However, he’s maybe the most likely to help improve your mood substantially

🖤 Through sheer presentation if nothing else. Man can deliver, and knows when to hit with the absurd to make it the most impactful

[guinea-pig16]

House Call

Harvey x Farmer!Reader

Fic is below the cut! Please enjoy!

Summary: Harvey gets calls from people in Pelican Town who are concerned for the new farmer's health. Harvey goes and pays the new farmer a visit.

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Word Count: 2100+

Warnings: Wounds, bruises, burns

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Harvey walked past the bus stop, medical bag in hand, enjoying the warm breeze. It was late spring, the days getting warmer and longer as summer attempted to take over. He was on his way to the old farm that had been taken over by a newcomer a couple months ago. The new farmer, named Y/N, had already gained the reputation of being incredibly friendly. They would come into town frequently to get tasks from the help board, buy supplies, donate items to the museum, or just to chat with the townsfolk. Harvey personally didn’t talk to them much, not that he avoided them of course, he just tended to stay inside his clinic, oftentimes missing their visits into town. 

He was on his way to the farm because he had gotten a series of calls from his fellow townspeople concerned for Y/N’s health. Apparently, they had gone to the saloon late last night appearing battered and bruised after an adventure to the mines. Harvey was fairly certain that they were fine as he’d heard they frequented the mines quite often, but being a doctor, he couldn’t say they’d be fine if he didn’t at least check on them. 

Harvey entered the farm and looked around in slight awe. The last time he saw the old farm it was overgrown with gnarled trees, weeds, and stones. Now it was nothing but a clear field (with the occasional large stones and logs) with plots of crops growing happily in the soil. Something was off though as he stepped closer. He was no farmer by any means, but the plots didn’t appear to be watered yet. He looked to his left. The mailbox still had its flag up, meaning the mail hadn’t been checked. He furrowed his brow and checked his watch. It was about 15 minutes past 9.

Odd… I thought they were usually up and about by this time. He thought as he climbed the steps to the porch. Their house was quite small, looking more like a cabin than a house. It seemed as though they had attempted to repair some of the cracks and holes on the outside themself. He knocked on the door. 

From inside he heard shuffling and a quiet groan, then a muffled coming. As he heard footsteps approaching the door, he quickly gave himself a once over, smoothing his coat and readjusting his collar. The door swung open and a tired (slightly annoyed) Y/N clad in pajamas greeted him. They stared at him blearily before recognition flashed in their eyes. They quickly straightened and cleared their throat.

“Uh, Dr. Harvey. What a surprise, I didn’t expect to see you.” They said, fixing him with a slightly strained polite smile. Harvey quickly glanced them over, trying to see any injuries. They were wearing a loose long-sleeve shirt and baggy pajama pants with slippers. He didn’t notice any physical ailments.

“Please, just call me Harvey. I came today because I’ve received several phone calls from people in town concerned about your well being.” He said. He watched as their face flushed slightly. They brought a hand to the back of their neck and glanced at the floor, shuffling slightly.

“...Ah, I see… Well, I’m doing fine, just a lil’ worn out from last night. Nothing some rest can’t fix, y’know?” They said sheepishly. Harvey raised a brow at them, causing them to shrink slightly.

“I was told you looked like you had gotten into a fight with a bear last night.” 

“...Oh… well… yeah…” They stared at their feet.

“Have you treated your wounds at least?” He asked.

“Um… yeah…?” They said, sounding unsure.

“May I check?” Harvey asked. He saw them hesitate to answer. “It won’t take long, I just want to make sure your wounds don’t get infected.” He clarified, giving them a small smile. He watched them consider his offer. After a moment, they sighed and stepped to the side.

“Alright, you make a good point. Come in, I’ll make some coffee.” With that, they walked inside letting Harvey follow. He closed the door behind him and looked around. It was fairly small, but cozy. Their bed was pressed into a corner, the sheets a mess. There was a fireplace against the far wall and a box tv sitting next to it with a pillow in front of it to act as a chair. Against the right wall was a small kitchenette, a table with two chairs, and a door which he assumed led to the bathroom. 

Y/N gestured towards the table. “Go ahead and have a seat, make yourself at home.” Harvey walked to the table and set his bag down. He sat and observed them as they rummaged around to find coffee grounds. A slight frown settled on his face as he noticed their movements. If they moved too fast, they’d wince and slow down. There was the slightest limp to their steps as they went to the sink to fill the coffee machine. They sat down in the other chair, moving slowly as if going faster would hurt too much.

They watched Harvey as he shrugged off his coat and opened his bag, pulling out a thermometer. He turned to them. 

“Alright, to start I’m going to take your temperature.” He leans close and places the thermometer against their forehead. “Have you been experiencing any headaches, tiredness, or nausea?” He asks. He doesn’t notice how Y/N begins to flush. 

“Um… no, not that I know of…? I’m just kinda… sore.” They say, letting out a breath as Harvey leans back and checks the thermometer. Their temperatures normal. That’s good, it doesn't seem as though they have an infection. He glances at them. I’d better still check where they’ve been injured though. He places the thermometer back in his bag and rolls up his sleeves.

“Your temperature is normal. Where have you been feeling sore?” He asks. They rest their head in their hand, drumming their fingers, appearing uncomfortable. 

“Um, mostly my back and legs. My arms are pretty sore too.” Harvey nods.

“So, what exactly happened last night?” He asks.

They look at the table, appearing embarrassed. “Well… I went mining and uh, might’ve gotten a bit in over my head… There were a lot more monsters than last time and… I think you can guess the rest…” They traced patterns in the wood of the table. Harvey grimaced. He knew the mines were full of dangerous creatures. Slimes, bats, rock crabs, huge flies, shadow people and more.

“May I see?” They stare at him for a moment.

“...See what?”

“...Your injuries…?” He says, raising a brow. Y/N flushed, eyes widening.

“Um, they’re not that bad! Don’t worry about them, I’m fine! Probably just need some pain pills to be honest…” They say quickly, tugging on their sleeve. Harvey had a feeling that they didn’t want him to see their wounds. Either because they were embarrassed, or they were that bad.

“I just want to make sure you’ve properly dressed them.” They looked down at the table. “I’ll leave as soon as I see you’re okay. That’s the only reason I’m here.” Harvey said. They nervously tapped their fingers on the table and then let out a sigh.

“...Alright…” With that, they began to lift their shirt off. He sees them wince slightly as they raise the shirt off their torso. He grimaces as he sees black and yellow bruises adorning their sides and stomach. They had shoddily wrapped a bandage around their middle and upper right arm, dried blood having bloomed to the surface. 

“May I remove the bandage?” He asked. Y/N nodded slightly, looking to the side, embarrassed. Harvey stood and gently began to remove the bandage from their arm. He stopped when they winced, and then proceeded even slower. 

Harvey winced himself when he fully removed the bandage. There was a large burn on their upper arm, it appeared to be an acid burn. Y/N glanced at him and cleared their throat, looking sheepish.

“Yeah… A slime got me when I wasn’t paying attention. Could’ve been worse, my shirt took most of the hit… Bastard ruined a good shirt…” They trailed off. 

“...I see. And you know how to treat burns like this?” He asked, opening his bag. He pulled out a fresh bandage and some petroleum jelly and a sterile cloth. They tapped their fingers nervously on the table.

“...Wrap it…?” Harvey smiled slightly and went to the sink and ran water over the cloth. 

“Yes, but you’re supposed to rinse off the burn first with water to clear any harmful residue. Then you wrap it loosely. You wrapped yours too tight. Wrapping it too tightly could cause it to swell.” He sat back down and began to gently wipe the burn. He frowned, the burn had already begun to swell slightly. 

“...Oh…” Y/N’s face was flushed as they stared at the floor. The two of them sat in silence for a few minutes as Harvey treated the burn, wiping it down and then spreading petroleum jelly on it.

“...You didn’t think to call me?” He asked quietly, wrapping the burn loosely with the fresh bandage. He waited for a response, not fully expecting one.

“...I didn’t want to bother you…” They said softly. Harvey halted at that. He looked at them incredulously.

“You didn’t want to bother me, a doctor, who’s whole job is to treat people?” Their face blazed red.

“I don’t know! It was late, the clinic was already closed! And I… I thought I could deal with it myself…” They trailed off, brows furrowed.

Harvey sighed and finished wrapping the bandage. He began to unwrap the bandage around their middle, taking care to go slow. 

“Y/N, I am your doctor. Even when the clinic is closed, you can always call me and I’ll take care of you. It’s my job, and I’m happy to do it.” He finished unwrapping the bandage and assessed the wound. It was a decently sized gash. He retrieved some rubbing alcohol from his bag and began cleaning it. Y/N was silent.

“...I know I don’t know you very well, but you can come to me for anything. Doesn’t matter if it’s because you’re sick, or if you’re just in need of some company, I’m here for you, alright? My door’s always open.” He paused. “Well, at least til’ 3, then you’ll need to call me so I can let you in.” Y/N chuckled at that, making him smile. He finished cleaning the gash and put some petroleum jelly on it as well, then wrapped it in new bandages. 

“There, good as new!” He said, leaning back. “Your cut on your side was shallow enough to not need stitches. Your burn should heal in a couple weeks, as well as the cut.” He pulled out some pain medicine from his bag and handed the bottle to Y/N. “Take this once every 4 hours for your soreness. It should help.” 

“...Thanks, Harvey. For checking on me and everything.” They said, a soft smile on their face. Harvey returned the smile.

“Of course. What kind of doctor would I be if I let a member of the town go without treatment?” At that, the coffee machine beeped, making the two of them turn their heads.

“Oh, coffee’s done.” Y/N stood and put their shirt back on. They grabbed two mugs from the cabinet. “Are you able to stay for a cup? I know you still have to run the clinic and everything, but it wouldn’t be long if you’d like to stay.” They asked. Harvey mulled it over in his head. He probably should be getting back by now… But Maru was working today, and he left a note behind explaining where he was. Besides, one cup wouldn’t hurt, right?

He smiled. “That sounds lovely.” Y/N returned his smile and poured him and them a cup as he packed away his supplies and set his bag on the ground. They set his mug in front of him and sat down. He picked it up and took a sip, savoring the warmth and roast.

“So…” He said, catching Y/N’s attention. “What’s it like in the mines?” A grin spread across their face, their eyes lighting up.

“Well, it’s pretty awesome! The caves are beautiful! And there’s tons of ores and minerals, oh! And if you like fighting, that’s the place to go!” They kept talking, Harvey listening, taking occasional sips of his coffee.

One mug, turned into two, then three. And eventually the pot was empty, but they both kept sitting there, talking about any and everything. Eventually, Harvey had to bid them goodbye and head back to the clinic. 

As he walked past the bus stop, enjoying the breeze, he thought back to their smile and laughter as they told him about their adventures to the mines. He smiled to himself. He couldn’t wait to see them again.

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Hello hello hellooooo !!! it's been awhile since I last wrote a fic huh?? This is my first time writing a Stardew fic too !! Hope yall liked it !! Ciao !!!

xoxoxoxo

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tagged people:

@dokoni-mo @minnieplier-blog @takashi747 @justsomedirt @kieropal @marvelluvv @0bs1d1ankn1ght @punkghost141

[petermorwood]

Potato Crisps / Chips on Tasting History

So we've just watched Max's latest...

...and I was grinning a bit because I posted about Dr Kitchiner's 1817 (non-US, definitely non-Saratoga) crisps / chips recipe a month ago.

That image was from an American edition of his book; I've found a pic from the original - NB that these slices are floured before frying.

For reference, here's a two-penny piece from about 1797; the coin would still be current 20 years later:

...and here's how thick the potatoes should be sliced. That's 4mm, which is 2mm less than "a quarter of an inch" (6.25mm).

The slices will get even thinner as their moisture evaporates during frying, and, given the nature of recipes, potatoes cooked this way are probably even older than 1817 and Kitchiner's is just the first appearance found so far in print.

*****

The first recipe for "Game Chips" (an accompaniment to grouse, pheasant etc.) appeared, per the Wikipedia link, in a 1903 book published by famous chef Auguste Escoffier (1846-1935):

"Chip potatoes - these are potatoes cut into thin slices; this is usually done with a special plane. (A mandoline.) They are put in cold water for 10 minutes; then drained, dried in a cloth and fried until very crunchy. They are served hot or cold and generally accompany game roasted in the English style."

However, per Escoffier's Wikipedia page, much of his work was based on that of Anton Carême (1783-1833), whose dates are squarely coincident with Dr Kitchiner's Potato Slices.

Given the amount of cookery to-and-fro between England and France after the Napoleonic wars were over, it's impossible to say who first came up with the idea of potato crisps.

The French loved dainties - "un petit quelquechose", a little something - which the English pronounced and dismissed as "kickshaws", something over-fussy yet insubstantial. Yet those same English also loved roasting things with their appropriate accompaniments.

(I'm writing this just over a week after Christmas, and have been well reminded that the phrase "Roast (turkey / goose / beef) With All The Trimmings" is still in common 21st-century use.)

If those roasted things were game birds, only those above a certain level in society would be eating them, so it's not unreasonable to assume a rich-person game bird would attract fussy, time-consuming rich-person trimmings like, okay, Game Chips.

One thing's for sure, Potato Crisps - and Game Chips too, so hard luck, Escoffier - are almost certainly older than even Tasting History could prove.

*****

BTW, they also existed at a time when "English Food Was Bland" is more fake history.

Sauces put out on the table in fancy bottles had fancy labels ("bottle tickets") showing what was in them, and the contents were often far from bland.

Quin sauce was anchovy-based, hot and pungent.

Harvey's was a spicy sauce similar to Worcestershire, ketchup was probably mushroom and also spicy; the other two need no elaboration.

AFAIK the two crescent-shaped ones in the next pics are deliberate imitations of an officer's rank-gorget.

Finally a generic Not-Bland label that would go on any number of modern bottles (antique silver, yours for £250)...

*****

And after all of the above, I could do Very Bad Things to a packet of Tayto Cheese 'n' Onion. A packet?

Why stop at a packet when A Pack takes less time to say?

After all, It Is Written that:

"Reading One Book Is Like Eating One Potato Crisp Chip."

And also that Nothing Exceeds Like Excess...

[fadingplaidlibrary]

harvey headcanons

dr. harvard gregory mcclintock. what a man

our sweet boy was raised in a small town just east of stardew valley. his parents lived with his maternal grandmother, and regularly hosted a revolving door of cousins and extended family. he grew up in a very full house

he’s the third of four children. his older twin sisters, charlotte and eleanor, both live in zuzu city. charlotte is an executive chef and eleanor is a personal trainer. his younger brother robbie is a skydiving instructor who travels for work

he’s not really allergic to salmonberry or spice berry, he just grew up foraging and picking so many fresh berries in the summers as a kid that one day he got sick of them

he is mildly allergic to joja cola though, which he didn’t find out until he mentioned to a friend in college that he doesn’t like the spicy aftertaste of the drink (that beverage is… not supposed to be spicy)

he was a quiet kid growing up. he wore big green glasses, he had a lisp, and he was kinda gangly. he liked running and swimming, but was never particularly well-coordinated when it came to sports or dancing

he got his first growth spurts pretty early, but he was a late bloomer when it came to dating. he went on his first date in college, and he didn’t even realize it was a date until his lady friend kissed him on the lips when they got to her door

despite being a doctor, he’s entirely too squeamish to do any procedures on himself. no drawing blood, no sutures, not even finger pricks. he got a splinter in his foot once while he was down at the docks, and he had to look away while elliott removed it for him

he’s really good at skipping stones across the lake but he can’t do it if he knows anyone is watching him

besides his established fear of heights, he’s also scared of spiders, snakes, clowns, public speaking, and venus fly trap plants

speaking of plants, he’s killed every plant he ever had except one - a snake plant his sisters sent him to cheer him up while he was in med school. he nicknamed the plant bertha and it’s been with him ever since

he’s very careful about his grooming. nothing too elaborate, but he does wear sunscreen every day, flosses daily, gives himself regular manicures and pedicures, and irons his work clothes like his grandma taught him. and of course, he keeps his signature mustache neatly trimmed

he sleeps in whatever old sweats or gym shorts he can find in his drawers, but that man sleeps with a satin pillowcase to protect his curls and you cannot convince me otherwise. also, his grandma gifted him a heated blanket for the holidays one year and it’s his prized possession

he’s really close with his dad. his dad is a retired commercial pilot, and even though harvey couldn’t follow in his footsteps, they share other interests and hobbies. his dad is a real cheerleader for all four of his kids, but especially his little harvey-bear

sometimes when he has insomnia, he walks to the park next to the community center and lays on a bench to stargaze. one time, linus and gil even found him fast asleep there when they did their pre-dawn patrol sweep

[acapelladitty]

happy coincidence

Summary: Awaking to find your body fully restrained to a chair with the Scarecrow looming over your defenceless frame, it will take more than luck to see you survive with your wits intact.

Fic Masterlist ☆ Link To AO3

Awaking with a startled gasp, your eyes fly open only to quickly slam shut once more as you are assaulted by a burst of bright light which shines down on you from the bare fluorescent lamp which hangs overhead. White spots dance across your vision as you recover from the violent reawakening and you blink away the sensation as you try to adjust. Something tight sits across your face, making the majority of your skin feel encased, and, as you thrash your head from side to side, you realise that you are restrained in place and unable to move.

You glance down at your seated body and a sliver of relief pulses through you as you recognise the familiarity of your uniform, the nurses’ scrubs all still in place after your shift despite looking slightly dishevelled. Straining your memory, you recall leaving the asylum and catching a cab to the block away from your apartment so you could pick up some stuff for the fridge.

Then nothing.

Thick padded restraints are wrapped tightly around your wrists and ankles, keeping your limbs firm against the arms and legs of the reinforced wooded chair which sits harsh against your back. The pressure on your face is a leather mask, and you can vaguely make out the dark material as you drop your eyes to your nose and inhale the traitorous scent of it. The room around you is barren, from what you can see of it, but your vision is limited by the grey sheets which hang around like makeshift walls and surround the chair which you are restrained to. The only area which is not closed off from sight is the brick wall which sits a few meters before you, the dusty bricks looking cracked and heavily worn in places.

So disorientated, it is impressive how far your neck is able to flinch as a cold voice interrupts your panicked observations.

"Finally awake. I was beginning to grow concerned over the dosage I had injected."

Fear freezing your spine, the voice is masculine but modulated in some way - having an almost robotic edge to it - but the strangeness of it is easy to ignore as the weight of the words settles harshly into your thoughts.

Drugged.

Taken.

"Where-where am I?" You ask, voice shrill and absolutely reeking of anxiety as your head darts around the space. "What am I doing here?"

"Useless questions, a more pertinent ask would involve something about your chances of leaving here rather than getting here," the same voice continued.

Stepping into frame, your abductor revealed himself and the world came crashing in on itself as you stare up, wide-eyed, at the horrifying vision of Dr. Jonathan Crane, the Scarecrow.

A million thoughts smash through your mind in an instant, immediately sparking a dizzying pressure in your head. As a nurse within the asylum, you had met Crane numerous times as part of your role. From processing, where you were responsible for taking bloods and general health checks, to more in-house incidents, such as when Harvey Dent broke his nose in two places for a misplaced comment, Crane had been an ideal patient in both his attitude and compliance with the medical assistance.

As such, your opinion of him wasn't as harsh as many of the others who worked alongside you. Not that you were unaware of his crimes and monstrosities, but as long as he was willing to remain civil then you would do your job and do it well.

A choice that seems to have been a mistake.

In full costume, Crane is genuinely terrifying and your breath stutters and heaves as you push back into your chair as harshly as possible. The straw hat and elongated gas mask which obscure his face leave him little more than a statue, inhumane and unflinching as he stands tall before you. The flowing, almost robe-like costume hangs off his frame and your heart freezes for a moment as you take in the lurid green tubes which filter his toxin to the razor-sharp gauntlet which covers his left hand.

His right hand, surprisingly, was ungloved and fully exposed - thin fingers curling against the air as he manipulated the digits with a cool collectedness. His slender legs are encased in an almost latex-like legging material and thin pieces of rope are wound around the limbs, the tops of which disappear beneath the hem of the cloth-like robe.

"Scare- Scarecrow," you stutter out as your fingers scramble against the wood of the chair. "I can't…can't thi- why?"

"Why were you chosen?" Crane expands your question, his hands splaying like a tiger flexing its claws. "Serendipity, I suppose. Wrong place, wrong time. But I was surprised to recognise a familiar face as I scooped you up from that alleyway."

Wide eyed and chest heaving in panic, you're too lost in your fear to really consider if being a victim of a random attack is better or worse than being specifically targeted.

"Please let me go, Dr. Crane."

Attempting to appeal to the man beneath the mask is a choice which you don't really think about, instinct taking over your trembling words as the suffocating mask which encases your face feels tighter than ever. His head tilts at the request, the gas mask shining in the low light as he surveys you for a moment, expression unseen.

"No."

"Please? Please don't do this. I have a fami-"

"You are wasting time, dear. You will not escape this encounter without being tested."

"Dr. Crane- Scarecrow, please?"

Crane clears his throat roughly, the sound coming through his mask with a deliberate harshness, and you shrink back from him once more as he bends at the waste to bring himself to your eye level.

"Quiet now."

Frightened by his proximity, you silence yourself in an instant and the tremble of your lower lip refuses to stop as you stare into the darkness of his mask. Flashes of his previous victims, some who have ended up permanent residents of the asylum, careen through your mind and the horror of your situation ignites fresh tears in your eyes – your restrained hands making it impossible to do anything but allow them to fall free, unhindered.

“Tears are a natural fear response, dear. Don’t be ashamed. Your anxiety is warranted, after all.”

Quietly sobbing, you can’t muster up the strength to say anything in response aside from some weak please to be let go; requests which he pointedly ignores.

“Now, my initial intention for today’s testing was to be focused on a new strain of toxin which is in its early stages. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, I think a more muted examination of a more basic fear response is necessary.”

Dropping his straw hat neatly on the ground, his ungloved hand comes to pull his mask gently free of his head and, as much as fear is still openly clawing at your chest, the sight of another human face brings a little relief to your shaking limbs.

His red hair is a mess from the mask, the strands wild and falling around his head messily. Features as pointed as ever, his forehead is visibly damp with sweat and he takes a moment to wipe it away with the cuff of his costume. His wide nose flares as he inhales deeply and your attention drops to your own body once more, pulling and straining at the restraints as he approaches you slowly.

Cold fingers, the ones not currently hooked up to the horrific gauntlet which encases his other hand, press against your neck and you freeze in position at the soft assault on your most vulnerable flesh.

"Heartbeat is erratic, pulsing almost like a hummingbird. Such fear from so little and yet-"

His face drops to level with your own and you are too afraid to meet his eye, instead lowering your focus to the wild smattering of freckles which are dashed across his nose and cheeks. He’s clearly unhappy with that and his fingers snap forward to grip your chin with a firm pinch – forcing you to look at him as your tear-soaked gaze meets the darkness of his own.

“You fear your restraints, the lack of freedom I have afforded you as you remain pinned to the will of an infamous madman,” he assesses and his unblinking eyes are certain in their claims. “You fear the unknown. This situation could end in a number of scenarios, each more horrific and sadistic than the last, and your anxiety is allowing your imagination to run riot over each of these potentials.”

Nodding with a pathetic jerk of your head, he takes the agreement in stride as his head angles with a predatory tilt.

“You have witnessed, first hand, the results of my experiments and your terror at ending up in such a predicament has stripped your psyche of everything but its most primal instincts.”

The hand on your chin disappears and your relief is minimal as it instantly makes itself known against another part of your face, his open palm covering both your nose and mouth to halt your breathing in an instant.

Horror, the intensity of it made worse by the panic which your stolen breathing ignites, rolls across your frame as every inch of your body thrashes in a feral attempt to free yourself. Eyes slammed open, your vision picks up very little as you pull your head in every direction to escape his sadistic hand. However, just as soon as it started, it ends as his fingers pull away in a simple, smooth motion.

With your nose and mouth now unblocked, the sound of your breathing only grows more erratic - every pulled breath a struggle as you splutter and heave. Fire burns in your lungs and your legs ache from the effort of the constant clenching of the muscles there.

Crane hums as you recover, appearing to speak more to himself than anything else.

“Much potential…dosed could be administer as minimal…further session.”

Now openly sobbing, you flinch as Crane’s hand comes to rest behind your head. The scent of damp is harsh against your nose but surrounding it is a lightly acrid and almost chemical smell which you know must be from Crane and his close proximity. His hands fumble with the zip to the mask which you wear and you exhale with a shaky, stuttering moan as he pulls the leather hood free of your head.

Your head feels warm and wet, accumulated sweat and heat from the mask dissipating quickly in the chill of the room but you’re thankful for the removal of the hood as it allows you to breathe a little more easily.

"You have served the purpose I intended for you.” Crane announces, speaking the words with a finality which sparks disorientation in your chest. “Take your anxieties of this encounter, your fear of the very worst, and know that you endured. Grow from it."

"Why are you doing this to me?"

"Your actions within the asylum, as a caregiver to myself and others, was borne of a kindness that no others possessed. For that, you will survive this encounter with only a mild lesson."

Survive.

The word clings to your mind like a prayer and despite everything, your body begins to tremble once more as hope, wicked in its intention, alights across your frayed nerves. It’s a hope which makes you close your eyes, a choice which makes Crane’s next actions come as a genuine shock.

The feel of his lips, rough and chapped beyond belief, snaps you into focus as his head snaps forward to your own to steal a short kiss. Not expecting it, your body goes ramrod straight and your eyes fly open, now confronted with his shock of red hair as he just as quickly pulls away.

Confusion and fear reign clear on your expression as something almost like guilt taps at his features before being smoothed away to a familiar stoniness.

"You are very beautiful in your fear, sweetheart.”

“I don’t understand-”

“Understand that you will soon awaken near your apartment and that you have the mercy of the Scarecrow to thank for that.”

Praying that he is not lying or trying to lull you into a false sense of security, you attempt to manage a shaky, thankful smile which doesn’t quite meet the fear which you know is still pouring from your eyes.

“Thank you, Dr. Crane.”

At the mention of his name, the strands of his red hair drop to the side as he once again tilts his head at you – something unreadable in his expression – and you are so distracted by his attention that you don’t see the syringe in his hand until the string in your neck draws a soft whimper from your lips and the world around you quickly dissolves into nothing.

[arjudy224]

Gamedays in Gotham City

Gotham City would absolutely go WILD during Gamedays. Harley Quinn, Jonathan Crane, Poison Ivy, Bruce Wayne, and Harvey Dent are all notable alumni of the school.

The Gotham Nighthawks vs the Metropolis Bulldogs homecoming game is the EVENT OF THE SEASON. Every year, the sold-out stadium erupts in chaos no matter who wins. There is nothing that can get a group of villains to team up faster than Gotham losing to Metropolis.

Bruce Wayne is a massive supporter of the Nighthawks. The stadium reserves a special pressbox for him and his guests. Every homecoming, Bruce Wayne invites Clark Kent, a Daily Planet Reporter, to join him and his family in the press box. Bruce Wayne and Lex Luthor donate to their respective college bands, so they have a free advertisement in said halftime show. For one night, both Harvey and Two-Face enjoy themselves.

Due to the massive popularity of this game, many villains have tried to interrupt it. For example, the Joker tried interrupting halftime while the Pride of Gotham City performed. However, he completely underestimated how the band members would react to his sudden appearance. Before the Clown Prince of Crime could react, the poor thing was getting beaten into the turf by an array of wooden rifles.

Edward Nygma tried interrupting halftime a few years prior by requiring the band to answer a riddle in exchange for the bombs being deactivated in their equipment. In a surprising twist, Oswald Copplepot knocked the living daylights out of the curious man with his umbrella while his son, a trumpet in the Pride, cheered thirty feet away.

If you are a student at Gotham U, be prepared for unexpected visits from previous Professors such as Dr. Crane and Dr. Isley. If you are a band member, don't be surprised if someone puts a bomb on your instrument. It is not uncommon for Superman to catch a rogue Colorguard flag or rifle that has been tampered with. One second, you are throwing 6 rotations on a rifle. The next, you are covering your head to avoid the explosion. Supes gives a bashful grin before quickly exiting the stadium.

Would y'all be interested in a fic about Gamedays and college life in Gotham city? Let me know ;)

Tag list: @jjsmeowthie, nosyrobin, luna-zendra-star,

[muridae3]

Call Sign | Harvey x Reader

Harvey has a surprise for the farmer involving his favorite hobby.

“What are you doing?” you asked, watching Harvey tinker with his pilot radio. He was still in his pajamas—an odd sight, to be sure.

“GAH!” He jumped in front of the radio, throwing his arms out to shield it from view. “Nothing! Go do your chores, honey. I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Is your radio broken? I can order some more parts; you don’t have to fix it yourself—” You began to cross over to him.

“No, no, it’s in tip-top shape.” Harvey smiled awkwardly.

“Then why are you being... weird?”

“I’m not being weird. If anything, you’re being weird.” He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you in for a hug. “Go do your chores, dear. I’ll make breakfast, and we can eat together when you get back.”

“Alright...” You kissed his cheek. “I love you, you dork. Don’t electrocute yourself.”

“I love you too. Go, go!” He flicked a wrist at you, as if to say ‘shoo’.

Rolling your eyes, you went outside to tend to your crops and animals. The morning sun warmed your back as you worked, but your thoughts kept drifting back to Harvey’s odd behavior. You wondered what he could be hiding.

An hour later, everything was finally done, and you stepped back into the house.

As promised, breakfast was waiting for you on the table, but your beloved husband was not.

“Harvey? I’m back!” You called down the hallway towards your bedroom.

“Coming!” He responded, before hurrying down the hallway, still tying his tie. “I’m sorry, honey, I thought I had more time.”

“No worries, Harv, it’s just breakfast.”

You couldn’t help but notice the excited glint in his eyes as you sat down to your meal. He asked you about how the farm was doing, and though he seemed genuinely interested in your responses, you could tell he was suppressing a grin.

As soon as you had scraped the last bit of egg from your plate, Harvey swept it off the table.

“You cooked, hon, I can do the dishes...” You started as he ran the water in the sink.

“No, no. You go freshen up. I have a surprise for you.” He couldn’t stop the grin from lighting up his features, making you smile right alongside him.

“Okay... how long do I have?”

“Half an hour should be plenty of time for me to get it finished.” He said confidently. “Go, before I use all the hot water on these dishes!”

“I’ll see you in half an hour, then.” You sighed, smiling to yourself as you grabbed a fresh set of clothes and disappeared into the bathroom, pondering what on earth he could possibly be doing.

When you emerged, feeling much better, he was waiting in the bedroom.

“It’s ready!” He motioned for you to follow him into his hobby room.

A new set of headphones rested on a new chair, right next to his.

“Harvey...” You were speechless.

“Surprise!” He said triumphantly, sweeping his hand with a flourish. “I ordered these weeks ago, but they just came in this morning. I thought we could listen for planes together!”

“Harvey.” You took his hands and looked into eyes. “I would love nothing more.”

He grinned at that, leading you to your new chair. “First, we have to come up with a call sign for you. Mine is Dr. H, but it really just has to be three syllables or less.”

“Hm...” You touched a finger to your chin, thinking. “I think it should be a play on Farmer, since that’s what everyone calls me.”

“Hmm...” Harvey adjusted his glasses. “MacDonald? Bo Peep? Mother Duck?”

“Those are good, but... I’ve got it! Farmer Brown!”

His eyes lit up. “That’s perfect, sweetheart! Dr. H and Farmer Brown. I like it!”

You smiled, reveling in his happiness. “I know it’s early, but do you think there is any air traffic?”

“Only one way to find out!” He grinned. “Allow me.” He ceremoniously slipped the headphones on your head, and you marveled at how well they fit. He flicked a few switches, and the machine whirred to life.

“Okay...” He mumbled as he settled his headphones onto his head. “This is Dr. H and Farmer Brown at... 52 North, 43.5 east, seeking aerial response. Anyone out there?”

The static buzzed in your ears before a voice came through. “Copy... Dr. H and Farmer Brown on the ground. This is Sparrow Eighty Eight, anything to report?”

Harvey squeezed your hand, the excitement in his eyes only adding to your own. He tilted his head towards you, signaling you to go ahead. You had heard him give ground reports enough to piece one together on the spot from his equipment. “Standard Ground report: Wind is at two clicks, 36 degrees south of west. Ground temperature is 43 kraggs. Humidity is 34 percent.”

“Thanks, Dr. H and Farmer Brown. Sparrow Eighty Eight Out!”

“Dr. H and Farmer Brown out!” Harvey responded before jumping out of his seat. “Let’s go see if we can see the plane!”

You barely had time to remove your headphones before he dragged you to the porch, earnestly looking into the sky.

Sure enough, a plane passed overhead, and Harvey could only stare at it in awe.

“That was amazing!” He said, grinning from ear to ear. “A real TR-Starbird! You did so good, honey. I’m so proud!”

Before you could react, he scooped you into a hug. You closed your eyes, savoring the moment. “We should really make a habit out of plane spotting together!”

“I would love nothing more, my dear.” He said as he kissed the top of your head.

[incorrectbatfam]

Have the Gooners had any direct or indirect encounters with any supervillains?

Interviewer: Tell me why you want to intern at LexCorp.

Booker: LexCorp? The ad said something else.

Interviewer: LexCorp is our parent company.

Booker: I see.

[later that day]

Booker: *finds an ad for criminals wanting an intern*

Booker: Well, it's either this or LexCorp.

Booker: *applies*

———————

Riddler: Behold, my ultimate puzzle!

Riddler: *clicks a remote*

Riddler: Why isn't the screen working?

Henchman: It's the new software update. I'm calling tech support.

Henchman: *calls*

Mac, on the other end: Best Buy Geek Squad, how may I assist you?

———————

[a year ago]

Gene's coworker: Hey Gene, can you do me a favor?

Gene: I would, but I'm totally swamped with this one guy's tax returns.

Gene's coworker: Which one?

Gene: Someone named Harvey Dent. There are so many discrepancies, it's like he's living two lives.

———————

Milo: *driving*

Milo: *sees a pedestrian*

Milo: *slams the brakes and honks*

Harley: Hey, I'm walkin' here!

———————

Otto: Morning, Basil. The usual wash?

Clayface: *nods*

Otto: Sounds good. I'll get your car clay-free in half an hour.

———————

[two years ago]

Cobblepot: Bartender, another drink!

Molly: Sir, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cut you off.

Cobblepot: Who owns this lounge? Who's paying your salary?

Molly: Fine, what'll it be?

Cobblepot: Our finest red wine, of course.

Molly: Good choice.

Molly: *slips a sedative when he's not looking*

Molly: Here you go. Have a good night.

Cobblepot: What?

Molly: Nothing.

———————

[three years ago]

Talia: For this drill, I want to focus on distance. Team A, take the turrets. Team B, you're on the ground with arrows.

Kellin: *grabs a bow*

Talia: And... fire!

Kellin: *fires an arrow*

*arrow hits an oil lamp*

*lamp falls next to Ra's*

*cape catches fire*

———————

Blaise: *googles how to make his weed plants grow faster*

Blaise: *clicks on a video*

The video: Good afternoon, gardeners and plant lovers. I'm Dr. Pamela Isley and today I'll be showing you how to...

———————

[three years ago]

Scarecrow's assistant: Sir, one of your employees wants to see you.

Scarecrow: Send him in.

Rob: Dr. Crane, I'm Rob Steeler. I'm one of the people who intercepted that shipment containing the last ingredient you need for your new fear gas.

Scarecrow: And what do you need?

Rob: Can these other guys step out of the room? It's kind of personal.

Scarecrow: *waves them out*

Rob: *points a gun at Scarecrow*

Scarecrow: Somebody's feeling fearless.

Rob: Your new formula cost me the love of my life. I can see you reaching under your desk for some fear gas and I'm telling you right now, it won't work because the thing I'm most afraid of already came true.

Scarecrow: So you seek revenge.

Rob: Tempting, but no. I want an out—from you, your organization, and your operations. I don't want you or any of your big-shot Rogue connections to come anywhere near me or my family.

Scarecrow: And if I refuse?

Rob: *shoots the wall behind Scarecrow*

Scarecrow: Very well, have it your way. Best of luck finding any semblance of success. You and I both know you will live and die a common thief.

Rob: We'll revisit that when we meet in hell.

[glazedsnail]

Gus Invests in a Karaoke Machine

I woke up this morning and thought this very normal thought:

What song would the bachelor.ette.s sing at karaoke?

Not what they like to listen to, not what they'd want to sing in any normal state.

What they would belt out with a buzzed heart.

So here we go:

Harvey -

And he's absolutely CRUSHING it, everyone in the saloon is floored by how Harvey chanel his best Tim Curry. They're stuck to his lips for every notes with antici... ...pation.

He even shakes his hips, straighten his leg, put on the greatest show. Walk over the patrons, flick their chins, he's not much of a man by the light of day, but by night... Oh yeah. Even grabs Shane's pint in the process, sits on the counter to drink off it. How 'bout that?

Unfortunately he doesn't remember much the next day and wonders why people started calling him Dr Frank-N-Furter for a while.

Elliott -

Starts with a whisper from the heart, making the townspeople think aww he so shy, but then he just FLIES and SWINGS from the chandelier. He IS the bird, he IS free, and he clearly doesnt care if he sings off key.

Beating to the sound of his own untuned drum.

There's a lot of hair flip, and the scream inside that he was hiding FLIES OUT.

His throat hurts the next morning, but he sings for love ♥

Shane -

He wasn't going to partake, but when he heard the few notes from the song coming on as Gus put the machine on Shuffle he simply HAS to grab the mic and DESTROYS it with all his heart.

Oh so you think you got him figured out? THE SEASON'S CHANGING BITCH. Don't you try to save him. He's your HELL he's your DREAM.

The saloon is stunned. He doesn't sing well (like, at all) but damn his heart and soul ARE in it, and it shows. When he's done they're all a bit lost but damn the applauses come soon enough.

He forgets all about it each time.

We wouldn't want him any other way.

Sam -

He tries to pull Seb in, he wants to get Seb to sing with him. He wants to sing Kiki Dee's part solely but he ends up singing both, weirdly harmonizing with himself?? Like it's almost spooky how good he switches from one voice to the other.

A lot of ooh-hoo ooh-hoo but damn this man has a built-in pitch checker, each notes is hit with the precision of an opera singer. He puts the light in your life.

The song ends but he continues with an endless loop of:

Don't go breaking my / Don't go breaking my / Don't go breaking my / Don't go breaking my (please someone take the mic from him)/ Don't go breaking my/ Don't go breaking my...

Sebastian is almost sad he didn't get to sing with him after all but they make it a point to sing it every Karaoke night from now on (and they're perfect, everyone comes in just cause they know this will happen.)

Seb -

Are you a man? Cause I'm a biitcchhhhhhhhh.

Everyone is taken aback, flummoxed, even. How does Sebastian move that way? Who taught him? How flexible is this man? With all due respect, everyone's in heat?? I mean look at him. Rev his engine til you make it purr??

Robin and Demetrius are a bit....puzzled but, man, look at the way he moves. Don't try to give him shit he earned the right to be like this...

Get in loser for the...JOYRIDE micdrop

Immediately acts like absolutely nothing happened. Everybody else follows.

Alex -

Lots of pouting and squinting, finger pointing and shuffling. Each time poiting to a different person, making their heart flutter for a bit.

TELL ME WHY - and everyone else joins in.

He's the bad boy of the backstreet, he is your fire, your one desire. His hands on his body, a lot, A LOT. Is he singing to himself?! That's a lot of body touching...Alex calm down. Pull your shirt down.

His shirt is on the floor by the end of the song, and grabs it to wipes himself with it like he's James Brown. He's having fun and is that not what karaoke's about?

🎶🧑‍🎤🎶🧑‍🎤🎶🧑‍🎤🎶🧑‍🎤🎶🧑‍🎤🎶🧑‍🎤🎶🧑‍🎤🎶🧑‍🎤🎶

I'll do bachelorettes next.

[mysticmikalla]

Stardew Valley Last Name Headcanons

Bachelors

Sebastian Hara - listen I think he’s half Japanese on his dad’s side and kept his dad’s last name (for convince reasons)

Sam Calder bc I think it suits Jodi, Vincent and Kent as well

Shane Miller?????? I have no idea nothing suits him dude

Elliot Calloway has a certain musicality to it that just works for me

Alex Fletcher because I knew an Alex in middle school with that last name

Harvey Prescott cause Dr Prescott sounds so fine dude

Bachelorettes

Haley+Emily Evans???? Williams?? Maybe Williams because I feel like Haley would’ve hated the Paramore references in high school lol

Abigail Hayes? just works for me

Maru Davis - Demetrius and Robin also share this last name

Penny Walsh because ? it suits Pam as well ?

Leah Fitzpatrick cause you can’t tell me she doesn’t have some Irish in her

[luvvyouforever]

my girlfriend (wife) is a witch - sdv harvey x reader

-> in which our beloved small town doctor falls in love with the new resident who just so happens to own a black cat, offer tarot readings in her farmhouse, and loves nothing more than a full moon.

-> not an accurate depiction of witches, just something fun, short, and sweet, harvey's a cutie patootie!

"so, this card seems to be say that your business is gonna take off, which is strange considering your only available pool of patients is about thirty people who all already have yearly appointments booked."

harvey let out a deep chuckle, one that came from the pit of his stomach and traveled up through his chest. to the left of him was a stack of tarot card decks, with crystals stacked on top of those. to his right was an steadily flowing stick of incense that surrounded the backyard patio in a soft haze of lavender.

"maybe the citizens of zuzu will start making their way out here just to see lil' ole me," he said. his fingers toyed with the edge of one of the cards displayed on the table.

you shrugged your shoulders and began to shuffle your deck again, searching for another card. "you never know! the cards once said that lewis and marnie were secretly together and look what happened there! you can't doubt 'em."

harvey chuckled again then, remembering the moment you had bursted into the farmhouse, screaming about finding lewis's purple shorts in marnie's bedroom, all but confirming your suspicions that had been growing for seasons.

he was never much of a believer in anything but the real, practical world. as a doctor, he never allowed himself to indulge in the supernatural or superstitious. going under a ladder is bad luck? not for dr. harvey. however, the moment he fell in love with you, he let himself get absorbed into the world of daily tarot pulls, of drying flowers, of black cats, of full moons, of everything you loved.

snap! snap! "hellooo, earth to harv, please!" your voice snapped him out of his reverie and he noticed two new cards on the table.

"what do those say, dear?" he asked sweetly.

"well, this one says you should give in to spontaneity sometime today and this one is telling me that we should consider forgiving someone's faults," you said, admiring the foil art of the card.

"hmm...maybe i can spontaneously forgive george for verbally accosting me when i recommended that he lower his sodium intake," harvey suggested with a fake thoughtful fist on his chin.

"i think he'd be more open to drinking the elixirs and syrups i make in the basement before eating a salad, hon," you said with a laugh.

after the last pull, you slowly collected every card into a neat pile and tucked them back into their original packaging. harvey admired your handiwork as you placed your crystals back into a wooden box gifted to you by robin. with a smile, you looked up at your husband, only to find him staring at you with love-filled eyes.

you asked, "what are you looking at, huh?"

harvey shrugged his shoulders but made no move to turn his gaze away. "can i not look at my sweet, hard-working wife?"

with a playful roll to your eyes, you stood from the chair and planted a kiss on harvey's head. "speaking of hardworking, i have some strawberries that need harvesting! would you like to come help, my sweet, caring husband?"

harvey gladly stood and followed you through the backyard, into the house full of plants and charms hanging from the ceiling and walls, and out to the porch. at his heels was your black cat, meowing relentlessly for attention. on the porch, he slid on his gardening gloves and sun hat (sun protection is very important, he'd always say, and he always forced you into a straw hat at least).

perhaps his form of spontaneous forgiveness was forgiving himself for not admitting to his feelings earlier, for stressing so hard about finding someone to love, for not knowing sooner that this was always where he was meant to be, tarot cards and black cats and all.

[maniacwatchestheworld]

Just out of curiosity, if you were to be a goon for a Batman villain, who would you want to hench for!???

Because like... Just because one Rogue or another is your favorite, that does NOT mean that you'd want to work for them! Like Two-Face may be my favorite Batman Rogue, but I would NOT want to hench for him! There would just be too high of a probability of getting murdered! If I manage to piss Harvey and Two-Face off, I have abouts a 50/50 chance of them killing me. I would pretty much only be willing to hench for 40's Two-Face... You really have to balance how much you like the rogue with the survivability of being their goon, with employment opportunities. And since I'm not a twin, I don't like my odds of surviving being one of Harvey's goons!

For me personally.... I think that I'd like to hench for ManBat! Kirk seems like a decent guy, I don't think he'd kill me, nor would he be particularly interested in putting me in danger, and hey! Sometimes he actually does hero work instead of villainous work! But mostly I'd like to hench for him because... Hey! Free horrific body modifications! :D The more changes I experience on T, the more I want to be just an absolute freak of nature! And not only would Dr. Langstrom have someone to experiment on if I henched for him, but I'm getting PAID to become an utter freak of nature!??? HELL YEAH!!! This us nothing but a win for both if us! And I'm more than happy to get Kirk some of that sweet, sweet, wholesale fruit! :D

So who would YOU like to hench for out of Batman's rogues!???

[riddle-me-ri]

I love your penguin fics so much I would like to request a fic of btas penguin introducing his s/o to his dear friend Eddie, but gets jealous when they get along so well (the riddler can be rather charming after all)

a/n: this gives me flashbacks to when I did a scenario of eddie stealing reader away after oz turned them away, but thankfully that won't be the case here lol. This story sorta took on a life of it's own so the length maybe crazy and I tried ending this in like three different ways..so sorry if it’s kind of a mess lol BUT I hope y'all enjoy!

Word Count: 1.1k

Content Warning: envious emotions, brief mention of violence, nothing too crazy mosty fluff here folks!

BTAS Penguin x Reader - Green With Envy

You were riding in the backseat of a limousine with your date for the night.

You held his hand as you giddily waited to arrive at your destination. His hand always felt right in yours. 

Even with his webbed digits, you couldn't imagine any other hand extremities entwined with your own. 

“It's a pleasure to see you so eager, dove.” Oswald gave your hand a loving squeeze. 

“I'm always eager to spend time with you, Ozzie.” You squeezed back. “…I am also curious to meet these colleagues of yours, and I’m touched that you feel comfortable enough to introduce me to them.” 

Oswald had kept his more criminally inclined affairs far from you, so that you can never be accused or anything or caught up in any of it. 

However, he figured it was high time you meet a few of his fellow rogues, just for the sake of not having you worry as much or if you were somehow ever in a jam, he knew you would have someone perhaps like Harley to look out for you.

Oswald couldn't deny that soft enlightened look on your face when he offered the idea. 

This strong gesture of trust that the both of you felt without saying a word.  

Oz picked up your hand that was clasped in his and gave a peck to the back of it. 

The car slowly stopped in front of the Iceberg Lounge. 

“Ah, we’re finally here. Well, are you ready, darling?” He asked one more time before the driver opened his door. 

“Ready as I’ll ever be!” You smiled widely, tightening your grip on his hand as you let him lead you into the club. 

Oswald smiled warmly at you at your excitement. 

A smile that quickly faded as the hours passed. 

You had met a handful of the Rogues Gallery. You made quick friends with Harley and Pam. 

Harvey was cordial enough, despite some incredulous comments about your true relationship with Oswald here and there. 

You couldn’t help but feel relief when Joker got rather bored of you after you didn’t laugh at his distasteful violent jokes. 

Then there was Mr. Nygma…or Edward as he preferred you to call him. He seemed surprised by you at first, somewhat in awe. Once you introduced yourself, he loosened up. 

Most of them seemed decent enough. Mr. Tetch and Dr. Crane somewhat kept to themselves, but not impolite.

Killer Croc seemed harmless enough…at least in your presence. 

All the Rogues were interesting, but Edward’s bouts of knowledge that he shared with you were nothing short of fascinating. 

It didn’t take long for Oz to feel third wheeled to your conversation. 

He always did consider Ed to be a close acquaintance, perhaps even a friend who shared common cultured interest. 

Albeit at that moment, he wanted nothing more than to shove his umbrella down the green suited man’s throat. 

Oswald could feel the dense bile of envy boiling in the pit of his stomach. To avoid saying or doing something rash, he decided to get both of your drinks refilled. 

You thanked Oswald as he waddled over to the bar. You turned back to Edward when you heard him softly chuckle. 

“It’s such a shame that Ozzie took so long to introduce us. I couldn’t imagine keeping you cooped away for so long.” 

“Well, there’s no time like the present as they say..besides Ozzie was just looking out for my safety.” You looked over your shoulder to Oswald, longingly and lovingly. 

Yet you couldn’t help but notice he had somewhat of a grimace on his face. 

“Ah, that is true. Better late than never... how long exactly have you been with the old bird anyway?” 

You began rattling about the story of how you and Oz met, with your mind so deep in thought you didn’t even notice Edward getting closer to you. 

Unfortunately, Oswald walked up to the sight. 

You recalled something that made you giggle.

A giggle so infectious Ed began to chuckle with you. 

His hands tightened around the newly refilled glasses. How he longed for his hands to be around Ed’s neck instead.

Friend or not, he was getting awfully close to his lover. 

Ed followed your gaze and his eyebrows rose up in concern. 

You looked up when you noticed Oz coming into your peripheral vision.

You also noticed the strong grimace on his face. The drinkware in his hands shook from the intensity of his grip. 

“Ozzie���is everything all right?” You slowly approached him and gently took one of the glasses out of his hand and replaced it with your own. 

Your lips upturned slightly as your lover's shoulders slowly drooped and he took a strained sigh. 

“Just…peachy..” He grumbled. 

“Why don't we have a moment to ourselves outside on the balcony?” You suggested. 

Oswald didn't answer but silently followed your lead. 

Once you two were fully alone with the confirmation of a closed screen door, you put your hand on his shoulder as you walked up behind him. 

“Want to tell me what happened there, Ozzie? D-Did I do something wrong?” 

Oswald quickly turned to face you, as upset as he was…he knew it wasn't your fault. 

“No, absolutely not darling! You've been doing so well taking in all my colleagues’ well…eccentricities…”

You nodded, slowly trying to come up with another reason. 

“And with Edward?” 

Oswald’s face tightened with a grimace. 

Bingo. 

You wrapped your hands around the contours of Oswald's round and loveable face and made him look you in the eyes. 

“Ozzie…”

“Y-Yes…my dove?” His eyebrows perked up at the contact. 

“You know I love you right?” 

“Y-Yes I do…”

“And of all the…exquisite people I've met tonight…they all pale in comparison to you.”

A bashful smile spread across Oswald's face as a soft hue of red hinted at his cheeks. 

“You'll always have me, no matter what…no one is going to steal me away that easily.” You giggled as you leaned the tip of your nose to the tip of his own nose. 

Oswald seemed to finally take a sigh of relief. “I…I know, dove…I-It was rather foolish of me to…get as upset as I got…”

You shook your head. “It’s how you felt, I'm just glad I noticed before you got back to the table…you looked like you wanted to bite Ed's head  off.”

Oz grumbled. “Well…maybe…”

You playfully smacked him on his shoulder. “Ozzie!”

He flailed his arms up in defeat. “I jest, my love! I jest!” 

“Do you feel better now?” 

There was a brief pause of reflection before Oswald nodded with a content smile on his face. 

“Indeed…thank you, dove.” 

You grabbed the glasses you set off to the side on a glass outside table and handed one of them back to Oz. 

You lifted your glass in front of him. “A toast to us?” 

Oz chuckled warmly as he clinked his glass against yours before taking a hearty swig. 

“To us, my darling dove.”

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

*harvey bullock's voice* : batman an' that scarecrow guy are in cahoots! i'm tellin' ya! the vigilante an' that fruitcake totally have somethin' nasty goin' on!

bullock ships it know whats up. meanwhile, gordon is like 🤷‍♂️ 'idk, they look like sworn enemies to me'. so what if batman apprehends him very weirdly.

...

(one of very lovely an’ endearing btas crane’s features for me, always gonna be how he’s a complete twerp compared to his comic counterparts. he’s not only hella scrawny, but he’s also pretty short too.

comic crane build like a pencil compared to bruce, but btas jon is this, but a small version. a real gremlin, where in the comics, he's a goblin.

him being smaller have it's +. for one, he's easier to throw around an’ manhandle. or in this case, i kinda just thought ‘hey, bruce will have no problem to just place him in his laps’. jonathan is cuddly sized for the bat. gotta abuse this advantage to the max. he can catch him this way, or can hold him too… 

an’ look at that, it might lead to one of those few *rare, very rare* times, when jon will attempt to be comforting. he sucks at this, but he does show a shine of sympathy, if he's in the mood for that. but yeah, he would only do it, when batman is all sad an’ down. if he was scared, it’s another story. 

depressed bat makes crane feel some sort of way he hates. he won’t dare to call it anything, but he would rather them do smth less…..this. being held is nice tho. so he tolerates it, telling himself that it's fine just this one time. but then, casually tolerates *basks in* it every damn time from that point on, while using the same excuse… 

he can be regal like that lol.  

an’ speaking of regal…….

i always loved, when the bat tried to catch the scarecrow for a second time in ‘nothing to fear’, an’ jon talks to him in an odd manner. almost like a teacher would speak with a student. bruce’s slightly shameful an’ vulnerable expression is everything in that scene, esp when jon stands on the upper row of stairs looking at him. the tides shift later on, naturally. but even as a kid, it was fun to see batman being kinda humbled by some short, weird guy in a potato sack. 

like, jon is so funnily rude an’ ‘argh’ through the whole ep, it’s hard not to cherish, that batman had to put up with it. the way jonathan abused his henchmen is also smth else. he literally re-broke the dude's nose, while calling him names lol. i just wish, that besides ‘lock up’, we had managed to see other sides of him, which clearly existed. love him being a rude ass almost all the time too tho, bc it suits him. an’ it’s a fun difference compared to comic crane, whose spitefulness is usually more emotionally loaded an’ childish. btas crane feels like a proper antisocial sociopath, than anythin’. but like any good sociopath, he has that one person, who he fancy *even if in a strange fashion*. so, batman has a chance to see it all, once he gets past the cold shoulder phase. 

in their case *btas universe*, i picture that jon’s wary ‘get out of my way’ fashion in which he deals with bruce, would essentially build up into proper obsession, where terrifying him is less of a curious experiment an’ method of eliminating him, but also like….he legit wanna know what batman fears. what he sees. how jon affects him an' if it affects his every-day life. fights with him getting more personal an' more crucial.

from that bit, i was wondering what jonathan might have thought about times, when batman hung out with justice league. an’ if there was a villain, who he would feel envious of. an’ idk, doctor destiny came to mind. he’s not like fear-themed villain even per say, but he can control dreams, which is scary in itself. so jon *naturally for him* assuming that dr. destiny went after batman’s fears an’ gave him nightmares. which would instantly make him possessive an’ jealous lol. it’s his an’ bat’s thing! it fully escapes crane, that batman…doesn't ever prefer whatever villain he's fighting. not in way, where he thinks that he bonds with them over being tormented lol. i mean, he kinda does it with jonathan to a degree, but he'd rather they did it in more normal way.

regardless, bruce will have to tell him, that nope, like dr. destiny totally sucks compared to the scarecrow. mostly bc if he won’t, jon might make so, that dr. destiny won’t breathe air ever again lol.)