#dont change for anyone grief.

[julijbee]

i kind of miss when he had genuine beef with a 12 year old and wanted him dead.

[ganondoodle]

actively fighting a full blown panic attack born out of sadness and anger after having to drive by yet another victim on the side of the road

it makes me livid how accepted it is to just let cats suffer and die disgustingly horrid deaths and live awful short lives just so what, for what?? so you dont have to play with them for an hour a day??? when i was little it was just kinda normal that they disappeared at some point, i didnt understand what it actually meant until our outdoor cat i loved dearly was found in the bushes near our house in a condition so horrible my dad has never told me and i have never dared to ask, she only made it to 6 and had horrible scars and infections before that i allowed my family to convince me to let my first own cat outside, we only had her for a year, she died at only 2 years old, i am still suffering from the guilt, it has never let me go, she went missing for a week and i walked the entire vilage up and down every day, yelling her name, wandering into the forest alone, talking to every stranger i met until one morning my mom told me that our neighbour who works for the city asked if we had a white cat with a very specific collar she had- he found her on a busy road crossing in the next bigger city, i never even got to bury her, its haunting me, the thought of her wandering lost and scared in the city for a week until meeting an awful end gives me headaches, the fact that i was the last one to see her alive, that i put her outside bc we were late for school and had to leave quickly, that she had come home with oil in her fur from crawling through maschines and cars before, that i was worried but still didnt act, that it is my fault, any time i am up to late its coming back, it will never let me go, if i had stood my ground and not allow her outside unless on a leash or similar shed still be alive today, any time i read a description at our local shelter it comes back, they still advocate for outside cats, all of them, even if they have only been an indoor one before, its madness my older sister had a cat, i dont even know how old he got but it wasnt long either, he got hit by a car in front of their house, she has two now again and the only reason she hasnt let them outside is because they havent shown much interest in it, i tried to warn her before and she didnt listen and shes still resistent, even after losing one too

i have seen so many on the side of the road, anywhere i drive i see them, i cannot forget a single one, we are surrounded by farm land and all its giant maschinery, its still common to poison rodents, why do people value them so little, you wouldnt let your dog just live outside in the woods and streets for half the day or more, you wouldnt just throw your guniea pigs on the road and tell them have fun, you wouldnt just let your bird roam outside, there probably assholes that do that too but you cannot tell me its as common as outside cats

i dont understand it, i dont, i wont, i never will, i will never forgive myself this poor little animal that was my responsibility having to pay the price of my ignorance, or my own weakness letting my family convince me despite the awful way we lost one before, it makes me want to explode it hurts my brain in grief and anger i can barely contain

cats deserve to live a safe and long life, i get only having them inside may feel like you are locking them up, but do you think that not doing so is worth having them die a painful death? being poisonend? on purpose even by disgusting people that hate them? abused and chased by other animals and dogs? hurt and lost? cutting their lifespan in half? if they even make it that far? the amount of wildlife that they kill unnecessarily so when all of that is already in a steep decline everywhere? and if they eat what they hunt get infected with diseases or again, poison? die somewhere in agony? if cared for they dont care about going outside, plenty can be leash trained or given a secure way to roam like those cat proof aviary like things, if you dont want to put effort into caring for a cat DONT GET ONE, ALL pets require adequate care, and if you think cats are the easiest bc you only have to feed them every now and then IF they come home? you suck, you are an asshole, i hate you and you do not care about them, if you just want to occasionalyl feed and pet an animal go to the petting zoo

(this is about pet cats of people who can absolutely afford to keep them healthily inside, i know feral cats and those in poor neighbourhoods are a thing, even if not here where i live, and thats a whole other but still similar problem and not the point of this post)

[ping-ski]

pahinga ka na, JJ (CW: VENT POST)

i finally found the courage to write to you, i'm sorry it took so long.

(feel free to ignore the note under the cut)

We weren't perfect, I know that.

I was and still am your crybaby older sibling.  Your “Ate”.

You'd be 18 by now. Isn't that terrible?

Every so often, I dream that you came home that day and that nothing had changed.

I still wish I thanked you for every time you protected or stood up for me, even if it was in vain. We both know that woman never cared.

Honestly, I was angry at first. Angry, you left me behind to survive alone. Angry, that you got an “easy out” and I was stuck with her cruelty. My anger fizzled out pretty quick and for so long I was numb or believed it was my fault for not being able to do the impossible. I couldn't come to an answer that wasn't my fault for not being able to miraculously save you. I don't blame myself much anymore though. I'm meant to be here, even if I don't know the reason.

You'd probably tell me to let it go, but I wish we had played one last game together like you wanted instead of arguing the night before.

You wouldn't know, but that morning I really was working on my apology. I was finding the courage to tell you that I was wrong. And I was. I'm so sorry.

Running away wasn't anything like we imagined as kids. I didn't have a cool plan drawn in crayon. It wasn't even a good one. I had to leave everything behind and never look back.

I'm not sure if you'd recognize me now. I've grown to be more patient and more empathetic. I think holding your cold hands humbled me. Though, you'd be more proud to know I finally have a sense of humor or maybe I stole it from you? Who knows.

I'm trying to live for the both of us, even if it took me 7 years to decide that. I hope you know I still miss you and always will. I hope you miss me too.

[hiswrlds]

random hcs abt Longclaw while im still thinking abt this:

A Giant Owl, 7 ft tall, not a mobian as these creatures are way more anthromorphic, meanwhile the Giant Owls look just like normal owls do, just big & armored & armed .

Not the last of her clan, though they've diminished a lot . There are several others still left & they're equally ( if not more ) dangerous & equipped with advanced knowledge & technology, the Giant Owls are an interdimensional race with quite the long lifespan, and Longclaw herself is a dimensional hopper & already hundreds of years old .

Giant Owls found out about Angel Island's mural & the prophecy surrounding Sonic & the Chaos Emeralds, their extreme nature & their tendency to take matters into their own claws led to taking tiny baby blue hedgehog from hedgehogs family in order to ensure his "powers" would not fall into the wrong hands .

Longclaw felt terribly guilty & empathetic towards the super fast little baby & took him & escaped, protecting him & raising him as her own . She already had her issues with how her fellow owls ran things, Sonic was kind of the last straw .

Currently still a dimensional hopper, she parted ways with Sonic after training him & ensuring he was ready to face the world, leaving him was "setting him free" , she believed. Claiming she was just as bad as the rest of the owls & didn't deserve to be seen as his mother, but Sonic doesn't know that, all he knows is that she had to leave . She had a lot of loose ends to tie with the rest of her clan & other interdimensional threats, her sense of duty having never wavered . Being a mama bird was only a short break .

[vyvansecrashing]

can russia and north korea just nuke us already this is hopeless

[orcelito]

God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.

[saisons-en-enfer]

Always an ephemeral presence, only noticed when I'm there

and even when I'm there, I'm really not

[lostandbackagain]

it only lasted like 5 pages but I really prefer dustfinger's scars being disfiguring rather than "drawn on with a pencil"

[subconsciousmysteries]

boomers n X'ers are mad that millennials Gen Z have woken up to all the child abusive norms in our society and we no longer give our parents respect just because they're our parents and teh bibble says so.

We also woke up to the fact that their politically passive and materialistic youth, where they took out a bunch of cheap usury loans and did nothing to stand up against central banking, has destroyed the economy for future generations. they have the audacity to call us lazy conspiracy theorists and essentially gaslight us for noticing such things.

A friend once told me she thinks that boomers and gen X are competing with their kids in this weird gross game to prove they're more successful and better, and I have to agree. They show no empathy for their own children's suffering, it's a generation full of casual and normalized narcissistic personality. I think this is a direct consequence of their culture which didn't encourage them to question their parents and see the humiliation and abuse they faced as children for what it is, unlike our culture today does. They actually believed that parents had kids out of virtue and selflessness and that the kids were obligated to repay the parents, not the other way around.

I notice a lack of individuation from the parents in most of Boomer and Gen X individuals. a "children must obey their parents" mentality. or... replace "obey" with "please" or "impress". Anyone with this mentality is primed for the narcissism demon. They will feel the constant need to prove themselves to the parents, to prove that they're successful and more worthy of praise, because in their eyes the parents can do no wrong and it is always their fault if the parent is abusing them or neglecting them. Then they project this gross mentality onto their children.

[sillywebz]

…

[theskyexists]

I've messed up my day and night and tomorrow and the rest of the week and i hate work because I can't keep up because I hate work and it's not even that bad it's just there's no perspective. No perspective for a happier life

[chitcharlie]

It's the thought that nothing will ever be as it used to is the scariest in this

[thetrueressii]

ive been cooking up an rw anthro(?) au and i decided to work on arti first since she is a favorite of mine and i have her general storyline and stuff below the cut if you wanna read it lol

i have plans for the others soon

the general gist of this au is that slugcats and scavengers have small settlements, typically just called colonies or villages, that have loose connections

both slugcats and scavengers typically live in multigenerational homes, containing many different families in one shelter

major colonies or cities are usually settled on top of or around iterators, with those colonies taking up the ancients' housing

the timelines also are a lot more compressed with all the base game and downpour slugcats co-existing within close time frame, but still follows spearmaster > arti > hunter > gourmand > etc...

basically arti's story is that after the deaths of her pups, she goes mad from grief and vows to kill anyone who she deems responsible for taking away her pups (and those who get in her way)

she makes her way to five pebbles and eventually metropolis where she has her long-awaited confrontation with the scavenger king, expecting closure that never came

once it was done, she was left with nothing but misery and uncontrollable rage, and unwilling to leave, she became the next chieftain, of whatever was left of the scavengers in metropolis, making them do her bidding

tho over time her anger became mere embers, leaving her tired and miserable and five pebbles increasingly impatient with her

she is forced out of metropolis and leaves five pebbles facility grounds after hunter fights her on behalf of five pebbles along his journey to help moon, where shes going and for what reason is left up for debate (like literally i don't know where shes going and/or for what reason)

dont mind my horrid writing lol i barely write anything, still ironing out what i want and what i don't want so a lot of this is still up for change, but i think honestly this is a good writing and drawing exercise for me

[mackandcheezy]

Don't Blame Me (Coriolanus Snow x Reader)

​​A/N: I have yet to see ABAOSAS so simply this is for the vibes, major plot changes from the book/ movie so dont mind that, simply I saw a hot morally grey man and decided I can fix him so this is for all the girlies with a toolbelt ;) 

His eyes had been glued to the screen for what felt like hours. The little specs of graininess following his vision everytime he blinked. Coriolanus Snow did not falter for anyone-- that was until he met you. Something about your blind optimism reminded him of a child, and god how he hated children, but somehow on you it was like a drug he couldn’t get enough of. It made something warm start in his chest, and little fires erupt in every nerve. It was nothing like he had ever felt before, he hated it, and yet he couldn’t get enough. And now he was going to watch the only thing that made him feel that way slip between his fingers like nothing more than a single snowflake. At some point the snow had to melt and here he was watching it live. 

He kept replaying that last conversation over and over. “I’m going to survive, there is no if,” he remembered how you brushed your fingers across his cheek through the rusty bars of the zoo. If he closed his eyes and thought about it hard enough he could feel the warmth of your fingers against his face again. He refused to remember the single tear and question that had prompted that response. This could not be a one time thing. He just got you and there was no letting you go now. Love is a drug and he was nothing but an addict. 

Coryo was jolted to reality when he noticed another tribute sneaking up behind you. He couldn’t remember his name. There was no point, the only one that mattered was the victor and that was you. It had to be you. 

Staring into the depths of your form he begged you to wake. The bile was already crawling up his throat burning a trail in its wake. Stomach clenched he closed his eyes as he heard what could only be described as a battle cry leave the murderer’s mouth. 

Three seconds. He was allowing himself three seconds of grief before he had to move on. To survive. Snow falls on top and he faltered for you but now it was over and he had to go on. 

That was until he opened his eyes to your form. You were standing over the tribute, eyes wide as the saucers that Grandma’am used to take tea in. A bloody knife dripped blood down your pale dress leaving you in a haunting shade of wet red down your right side. He didn’t remember you having that, deciding you must have fought the tribute for it, you always were good at getting what you wanted, especially from him. You took his every waking thought like it was nothing so what was a knife? 

“I killed him. He’s dead. I killed him..” Coryo could do nothing but watch as you spiraled within the tunnel. He wanted nothing more than to hold you and tell you that this was nothing more than a bad dream. Though part of him knew that in a way the person who brushed his cheek was gone. 

He quickly fixed the look of concern dawning his face, remembering how you had told him once that his “human was showing.” That single thought gracing the smallest of smiles on his lips. 

In a twisted way seeing you covered in a thick sheet of red brought him comfort. A small part of him knew that was wrong. Knew that his comfort came at the cost of a human life. But none of them deserved to live as much as you did. Now he knew you could do it, knew you had what it took to win, with the added bonus of having a weapon. He had not felt so much joy since hearing of the opportunity to go to University. You were the key to his new life, and it started now. 

He remembered thinking you were weak when he offered you the posion and you declined citing that “cheaters never win.” Coriolanus felt the entire essence of his personality crumble when those words left your perfectly pink lips. It set something inside of him aflame. You made him almost want to be a good person, almost, because if anything happened to you he would do whatever it took no matter the cost. He was ready to put his own future at risk for the assurance of knowing that you would live to see tomorrow's sunrise. Because you deserved a tomorrow more than he ever did. 

The games were coming to a close. Only a few tributes left and he watched intently as you moved around the arena. Even caked in blood, dirt, and who knows what else, he had never seen a figure more beautiful. 

He couldn’t help but allow himself to think of you adorned in the luxuries of the capitol. An egregious dress adorning your shoulders and your hair in some unnatural twist. Somehow it never looked as good as you did right now. Raw and natural, locks framing your face in small clumps. You were going to get out of this and he was going to get you out of those crummy districts. You deserved more than any of those pathetic traitors, and he was going to get you that. One way or another. 

[valtsv]

if you dont mind sharing, can you talk more about your experience being haunted?

well it was definitely influenced by my paranoid delusions, but after i watched the chernobyl hbo miniseries back when it came out i developed this fixation on the idea that i was being haunted by the judgemental spectres of the real people who'd died in that disaster. it was so real to me that i couldn't even take a shower without feeling like they were in there with me somehow, just silently watching. i started showering in my clothes and barely slept at night because i was certain that there were eyes on me as i lay there, crowded around me. i hardly left the house because i couldn't bear to bring this congregation of ghosts i'd gathered anywhere and try to pretend that nothing was wrong.

i was terrified and visibly unwell but i didn't feel like i could tell anyone or it'd be a betrayal somehow. i didn't think the ghosts would harm me if i did, i wasn't scared that they had any ill intentions towards me at all, but i felt so unbearably guilty at the idea of exposing them to anyone and forcing them to be a spectacle. i think that might have been what induced the delusion in the first place; my guilt at participating in that spectacle (ironic considering i'm obsessed with the terror now, and historical rpf is an ethical minefield but hardly the root of all evil). that and a combination of extreme stress and isolation convincing me that my entire flat was haunted because i would hear noises at night with no discernable source coming from the other rooms - voices and music and activity, despite all my roommates being on holiday and denying anything when i asked them.

i didn't know what they wanted from me, but i eventually started to try to accept that it was irrational to feel so much guilt for an event that happened before i was even born and had no possible way of preventing or changing the outcome of, and the haunted feeling stopped bothering me so much. that's why i think that ghosts are psychological manifestations of emotion, especially guilt and grief. you can be haunted without it necessarily being supernatural in nature. and to me, those ghosts were real and very much present. they were never visible, but their presence was overwhelming. it feels like an insult to myself to deny that they had a real effect on me, even if they were just a delusion, and that's what a ghost is to me.

[wiltkingart]

as another fruity tguy i really REALLY love the way u draw men so so much i see your work and i feel warm from head to toe cause you make trans men so beautiful. i can feel in every work that you love transmascs and being a tmasc and it comes thru in every paintstroke to me.

sorry to hijack with a big paragraph but last anon rly spoke to me and i wanted to share my experience if its ok

to last anon-- my journey is perhaps different from others but for me when i started T i also felt like it was the most important, life or death thing, but after spending time on T i found that even if the results werent as Manly as i was hoping for originally, i suddenly found myself in love with the simple fact that i had changed and my body had changed in a way that was on MY terms, even if it wasnt """perfectly passing"". since then ive found that not having T or having to lower my dosage was no longer painful or frightening.. im not sure how else to explain it other than At First, it felt like the testosterone was trying to fight Against the woman that Was my body, to sort of Transform it completely into this Man, but one day i just suddenly realized "oh. im not fighting anymore. and im actually pretty happy" and even tho i wasnt Perfectly masc by a long shot there was suddenly.. peace. i fell in love with my patchy body hair and my funny voice and my weird dick and then to my own suprise i found myself falling in love with the things i used to hate and wanted to get rid of. i suddenly loved my boobs (i wanted top surgery for YEARS before t) i loved my eyelashes, i loved the way my body looked in womens clothes, and i still loved being a man. im still a man and happier with that than ive ever been, but im more feminine now than i really ever have been! and its because suddenly being a man and having this mans body was something that belonged to ME, not to anyone else. this happiness and this body were on MY terms!!! so anon, i hope that you can try hormones and you get to explore the changes that bring you joy and that you find even more joy in the things you never expected before. but if you dont get hrt? youre still one of us always. i hope you will still find the love in your heart for yourself and the man you are regardless. peace and love and trangenderism ❤️

just want to add on that i relate heavily to your part about "falling in love with the things i used to hate and wanted to get rid of" because my chest was one of my biggest source of grief pre-T and could not imagine a life for myself without top surgery, and even injured myself from binding too much. but something about being on hrt and finally seeing and experiencing myself with more masc features (and living my life as a guy, in my own way) gradually flipped a switch in my brain and i started to love my boobs. and then when i stopped T i was worried and scared i would lose that love, but now i actually love them more than ever (if my art wasnt indication enough hehe). there's so many ways to be trans, and be a man, and i'm so grateful i gave myself the patience and space to explore that, and that i can continue to explore and experience joy with it. peace and love and transgenderism forever 💙