#its never about this the only thing that took grief seriously was del toros pinocchio but it was about what came after the twelve years
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I've messed up my day and night and tomorrow and the rest of the week and i hate work because I can't keep up because I hate work and it's not even that bad it's just there's no perspective. No perspective for a happier life
#'its not even that bad' not work but life. i cant even express this to anyone not family not friennds not even a professional if i still saw#one. my life is immeasurably bad unfathomably bad if i could change this one thing i would trade this whole life for my mum being alive#id be out id be gone no more existence#even though id want to see her#i cant express to anyone: my life is still torment for me and i will never ever recover and i dont know what to do because people#dont like that#who am i gonna say that to? who? id tell my mother#its never about this the only thing that took grief seriously was del toros pinocchio but it was about what came after the twelve years#because grief is death and death is the absence of life and thus narrative#personal#my stuff#its so late#i dont even really understand how i exist at all#in this world and in this life and often i dont really#but if i cant express it then who can i ask for comfort and no i cannot ask and who offers. no one anymore#i just dont want to anymore its a farce but theres nothing else is there#every day i become a less interesting person. every day i more resemble a pit and a flat nothing that is care for by no one#and cares for nothing
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