#i hate everything so much and my day is ruined

[silens-oro]

Well Enough Alone: Part VII

Not all fics have adult content, but this blog is 18+. Andrew "Pope" Cody x f!Reader (nicknamed Hawk) Prologue Cut the Loss (companion piece) Part I Part II Chicken Hawk (companion piece) Part III Part IV Trespassing (companion piece) Part V Part VI Slowly We Unfurl (companion piece) Hold on to the Thread (companion piece) But I'll Always Remember (pre-WEA companion piece)

Masterlist Pope Cody Playlist

General Synopsis: Pope and Hawk's night out gets hijacked by Smurf. Word Count: 4.8k Content Warning: violence, blood, injuries, typical animal kingdom warnings AN: My most heartfelt gratitude to everyone who gave this fic a shot and is still rolling on with me in my delusions about this man. I've enjoyed all of the comments and messages I've gotten so far! This is the most engagement I've ever received on anything I've ever written, so thank you!!!! please comment & reblog :)

“I’m sorry,” Pope breathes out as he glances over to Hawk in the passenger seat of his truck. 

“It’s fine, Pope. I’m sure if she’s calling you, then she really needs you.” Hawk tried to not show how much this bothered her. The boys had been effectively boycotting Smurf up until this point, running their own jobs and doing things their way -that’s what Pope told Hawk anyway. Regardless of who was running the jobs, it still twisted Hawk’s stomach something fierce whenever Pope mentioned they were running a job in passing. 

They were on their way to the Oceanside Sunset Market to have a relaxed early night out after Hawk had the wedding from hell that she delivered for earlier in the day. Pope had just put the truck in park when his phone rang. Hawk watched him contemplate answering it for a moment before he swiped his finger over the screen, and she knew in that moment that their night was effectively ruined.

It wasn’t missing the sunset market that bugged her, it was the fact that she and Pope had a quiet night out with just the two of them for the first time in a really long time and it was almost like Smurf could sniff that out. It wasn’t Pope’s fault, she had to tell herself. That loyalty, as hard as he tried to sever it, was still hanging on by a thread. 

“You can just drop me off at Smurf’s since we’re already heading that way and I’ll hang out there until you get back.” Hawk knew Pope wouldn’t cancel their night out if it wasn’t important. She knew that, but it still irked her. 

“You sure? It might be a while before we get back.” She nodded, smiling reassuringly at him. He reached a hand over and she placed hers in it. He brought the back of her hand to his lips, holding it there for a few seconds before bringing it down to rest on his thigh. “I can drop you off at home. It’s not a long trip back, Hawk.” She shook her head, squeezing his hand. 

“It wouldn’t be my first time sleeping at Smurf’s. I think I’ll live,” She said with a playful roll of her eyes. “I can hang with J if he’s there.” 

The sun had set over the horizon when Pope dropped Hawk off at the gate to the driveway of Smurf’s. She leaned over the middle console, pulling him to her by his shirt and gave him a kiss to let him know that she was mad -not at him, anyway. 

“Stay safe, please?” Pope nodded, giving her another peck before she let him go and he pressed the button in his truck to open the gate. She sent him another wave as she opened the front door and Pope didn’t leave until the gate was completely closed. 

“Haven’t heard from you in a while, kid. Everything alright? School going okay?” There was still a palpable tension between Hawk and J as they sat across from each other on the sofas in the den. They hashed everything out after the blow out they had, but there was a new distance placed between them that Hawk absolutely hated. 

“Been busy,” Hawk frowned. “Schools…fine.” J’s eyes shifted away from hers and he started picking at one of his fingers. Hawk immediately caught his tell that told her he was lying. “And you?” He changed the subject. 

“Things are good. I miss you,” She extended the olive branch and J’s mouth lifted in the corner. His shoulders dropped, the tension leaving them. 

“I miss you so much, Hawk.” J admitted, sadness flooding his eyes. “This place is a freakshow.” Hawk cackled. 

“Don’t gotta tell me. They treating you alright?” J shrugged. 

“Yeah,” He breathed out, his brows furrowing. “Pope’s been weirder than usual. He’s uh…he’s nicer to me, I guess. It’s more awkward than anything.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Pope’s making an effort for her sake. 

“I don’t know what it is, Hawk. I want to say that I get it, but I genuinely don’t. He’s a felon, at the barest minimum. He’s dangerous, to a degree I don’t think you get.”

“I know who Pope is, J.”

“So why are you doing this?” It felt like an accusation coming from J, and if Hawk was being honest, it didn’t feel good to be questioned by a seventeen year old. 

“Because I deserve to be happy, J.” It was the simplest way Hawk could put it. Pope got her in ways no one else ever had, and she got him. As much as she would like to deny that she overlooks the things he’s done and will do, she does overlook it. It was normalized in her sphere, though she was separated from it to a degree, but that didn’t matter. They were a crime family and she was associated with them.  

What could J say to that? That Hawk didn’t deserve to be happy if that happiness came in the form of his deranged uncle? He saw the men that came in and out of his mom’s life, violent men that were users and abusers, and while he didn’t think Hawk would stay with an abuser, her decision to jump into a relationship with Pope of all people made his head spin. 

“Hawk! Hey!” Nicky’s face held surprise as she walked into the den where Hawk and J were in the middle of their conversation.

“Hey, Nicky. What are you doing here?” Hawk blinked up at the teen girl who seemed to appear out of thin air. 

“Smurf’s letting me stay here for a while.” She explained with a shrug, not realizing she stepped in the middle of a serious conversation. 

“Oh?” Hawk glanced at J, who looked more interested in what was happening anywhere else in the room than the conversation that was happening in front of him. 

“Yeah, my dad has a thing going on in Guam and I didn’t want to go because who the hell goes to Guam, so Smurf’s letting me crash here until I can figure out what I’m doing. She’s been really cool about it, ya know? She said you lived here for a while when you were my age.” Nicky stepped further into the den, sitting on one of the arm chairs. 

“Did she?” Hawk’s brows went up to her hairline. “I’m sure only good things were said about it.” Sarcasm flooded Hawk’s voice and Nicky knew she shouldn’t have said anything. 

“Sorry,” She mumbled, but Hawk waved her off. 

“Didn’t you say you had some chem homework you needed to finish?” J questioned, trying to ungracefully get Nicky out of the room. Nicky blinked at him, looking between J and Hawk, before nodding dejectedly. 

“Give me a few minutes with J and then we can order a pizza and throw a movie on or something, alright?” Hawk softened J’s blow, shooting a glare at him. He at least had the wherewithal to look away sheepishly. This perked Nicky up and she nodded before giving the duo some space. Once Nicky was out of the room, and out of earshot, she leaned towards J.

“Alright, spill it. What the hell is going on between you two?” 

“We broke up.” J said, shrugging as he sat back on the sofa across from Hawk. 

“And she’s living here?” Hawk asked, confused. 

“She’s screwing Craig.” Hawk’s jaw dropped at J’s point-blank delivery, her wide eyes blinking at him as she processed what he said.

“She’s what?”

“Yup.” 

“Who knows about this?” J looked at Hawk like she had six heads.

“Everyone? It’s really fucking weird.”

“Weird? J, it’s illegal!” Hawk was baffled, her mind racing a million miles a minute as she tried to put Craig’s age together in her head. “He’s at least thirty!” It felt like deja vu having this same conversation twice with the same kid regarding an inappropriate relationship. 

“It was initially in retaliation for breaking up with her and the whole Alexa thing, and then it just…didn’t end.” Hawk ran her hands down her face. 

“Oh my god!” She shouted into her palms, the sound muffled. “Does Pope know?” Hawk leveled her eyes on J and he nodded, an uncomfortable expression blanketing his face. Hawk lowered her voice to an exasperated whisper so the girl on the other side of the house didn’t hear their conversation. “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m the only one who didn’t know? And they just, what? Accept that it’s happening? That a thirty year old coke addict isn’t grooming a seventeen year old?!”

“Well, when you put it that way…” 

“This isn’t funny, J. This is so not funny.” Hawk pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“If you saw the way they interacted with each other, you’d think it was. It’s so fucking weird, Hawk.” He repeated, “It used to get to me, but now I think Craig knows it’s weird too because he looks like he wants to crawl out of his skin every time she comes into the room when we’re around.” 

“He’s not going to have skin to crawl out of the next time I see him.” 

The trio ordered some pizza and instead of throwing on a movie, Hawk gave the teens privacy to work out whatever was happening between them. 

Hawk felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket.

“I’m gonna head outside for a bit, alright? Can you put the pizza in the fridge, J?” He nodded and Hawk swiped the phone, putting it up to her phone as she stepped outside, sliding the door closed behind her. 

“Hey,” Hawk greeted Pope. 

“We’re on our way back. Everything alright?” Pope asked as Hawk walked around the pool absentmindedly. She sat on one of the pool loungers, kicking off her sandals so she could stretch her legs out comfortably on the chair. 

“Were you ever going to tell me that Craig is fucking a teenager?” Pope sighed on the other line. “Other than that, yeah everything’s fine here.”

“Didn’t know how to approach that one.” Pope mumbled.

“Yeah, the next time I see Craig, I’m taking a nine iron to his kneecaps -just so you know. That shit is so gross, Andy, I swear to god.” She heard him sigh again, and she knew he didn’t want to have this conversation with Smurf in the truck with him so she let it go for the time being. “Everything okay with Smurf?”

“Yeah. We’re about an hour and a half out.” Hawk looked through the windows to the kitchen and saw J getting very close with Nicky. Interesting, she thought with furrowed brows. Whatever was happening in this house was, unsurprisingly, fucked up and Hawk didn’t know if she even wanted to step her foot into the mess so she stayed outside on the lounger.

“Drive safe.” He grunted affirmatively and the call disconnected. Hawk leaned her head back, looking up at the darkening sky above her. The sky was clear and stars twinkled above, setting a serene atmosphere to relax in. She closed her eyes, letting herself sink further into the chair to get some sleep before Pope got back. 

It felt like Hawk had only just closed her eyes when she was gently woken up to something pressing into her cheek. She cracked an eye open, ready to threaten whoever decided to rudely awaken her, but she was met with a man she didn’t know pushing the barrel of a gun into her face. 

“Don’t scream.” The man said instructed. Hawk’s eye twitched as she nodded, staring down at the barrel. “Who else is here?” Hawks mind raced to J and Nicky. 

“No one.” Hawk whispered, shaking. His gun pressed further into her cheek in a silent threat and she winced, her breathing increased as she internally panicked. He tilted his head to the three other guys Hawk had just noticed, and motioned for them to sweep the house. He brought his mouth to her ear. “For your sake, you better not be lying.” The butt of his pistol whipped Hawk across her face, cracking the bridge of her nose and splitting her top lip, splattering blood across Smurf’s cushions. 

Hawk screamed out of shock and pain, flailing off the lounge chair, but the man grabbed Hawk by her arm roughly and threw her to the hard cement at the pool’s edge. 

He rolled her into her stomach with his knee on her back, her hands restrained tightly behind her as she kicked and screamed. Blood pooled on the concrete below her face as it streamed steadily from her nose. The man wrapped a cord around Hawk’s wrists just as J was physically kicked through his bedroom door that led to the backyard and onto the ground outside. They kept kicking and kicking and the man holding Hawk down chuckled. 

“You lied.” The man sneered down to her. “Now you’re gonna see what happens to people who lie to me. Bring him over here.”

“No!” Hawk begged through tears. All she got was a well landed punch to the side of her head to silence her. More blood pooled out of her mouth when she dropped her head. “Dont fucking touch him!” She threatened weakly. 

“Hawk!” J shouted when he saw the state she was in, struggling to get to her. He was just as bloody as Hawk was and it took two guys to subdue him enough to get him fully on the ground next to her. The man turned back to Hawk.

“Hawk. Chickenhawk if I remember right.” Hawk could only stare blankly at the man who recognized her, but she couldn’t place. “I don’t expect you to remember me,” the man admonished, his forehead resting against her temple. “But I remember you.” Hawk looked to J, her eyes pleading with him not to do anything stupid for her sake. “I’ll give you one more chance, J. Who else is in that house?” He knew who was inside. He had his guys casing the place all day. J looked at Hawk and she gave the tiniest of a shake of her head to not out Nicky. 

“It’s just us, Javi.” J groaned out. The name was there, somewhere in Hawk’s mind, but she couldn’t place his face to it. Clearly he knew her or of her, but Hawk’s head felt like a bell was ringing inside of it, obstructing her from trying to recall much of anything. 

“I’m not going to ask you if he’s telling the truth because we’ve already found out that you,” He tapped the end of his gun on Hawk’s broken nose, “are a proven liar.” She recoiled in pain as Javi looked around the yard, then up at the door J was pulled out of. 

“Go check the bedroom.” Javi ordered one of his guys while the other tied J’s wrists like they tied Hawk’s. J and Hawk were facing each other and J felt completely helpless as he watched Hawk’s tears mix with the blood that was still flowing out of her broken nose and mouth. He could feel the fear radiating off of her and J never hated his family more than he did in that second for whatever bullshit brought this monster to their doorstep -to Hawk. 

“Smurf isn’t here?” Javi asked J. 

“She went to —she went to meet you.” J ground out, eyes following the man that got closer and closer to the door. 

“She didn’t show.” Javi weighed J’s response before nodding and ordering his guys to pick both of them up. Hawk’s head was pounding behind her eyes and she didn’t know which way was up as her limp body was dragged across the patio. The next thing she knew, she was thrown into the shallow end of the pool with J held beside her. Javi squatted at the edge, gun held as a sign that he would use it if they didn’t play their cards right, as he took Hawk and J in. 

“Where does Smurf keep her money, J?” He sounded almost bored.

“I don’t know, man!” 

“He’s full of shit.” The man holding Hawk said and before she knew what was happening, she was pushed under the surface. A hand held her down by the back of her neck as she thrashed her legs and exhaled in a panic. Hawk felt the skin around her wrist rip and tear as she tried to free herself from her bindings. Her lungs screamed and burned as she tried to fight the impenetrable grip he had on her and just as black dots were starting to take over her vision, she was pulled up. 

“One more time, where’s Smurf’s money? Huh?” Hawk gasped for breath, coughing out pool water mixed with blood and saliva. She barely wheezed a real breath in before she was pushed back under again when J didn’t answer quick enough. Hawk’s panic increased when she saw J fighting for his life underwater next to her. Both of them were pulled up again, Hawk sobbing as she gasped for air in her waterlogged lungs. 

“Where is it?!” Javi shouted. 

“I told you! I don’t know!” J coughed out, water and blood spraying from his mouth. Hawk went down again. She could feel the fight leaving her with each second that passed as that hand held her under. She did little more than sputter when the hand pulled her back up. 

“Please,” She wheezed, mouthfuls of water heaved out as her body rejected it. Hawk was only afloat because of the assailant holding her up. If he let her go, she’d sink straight to the bottom. 

“Where is it?!” Javi yelled again, still not getting an answer from J. 

“She doesn’t have enough here!” J yelled out. He was pushed under again and again as Hawk’s watched on disoriented, flitting in and out of consciousness as she continued to choke up water. They pulled J up once more, holding his head up to look directly at Javi.

“You have one more chance to tell me where the fucking money is or the next time she goes under, she’s not coming back up.” Javi threatened, voice as cold as ice. 

“Behind the dryer!” J relented, head hanging when the hand released it. “Smurf keeps shoe boxes in her closet. That’s all that’s here that I know about!” He pleaded, praying they’d take the cash and leave before Hawk was killed or Nicky was found out. Javi finally stood, gun ready in his hand. 

“Get 'em out.” He ordered his men and they dragged a semi-conscious Hawk and mostly coherent J out of the pool and were dragged next to each other flat on the ground. “Check the dryer.” Javi ordered one, “Check her bedroom.” then rounded back on J while the fourth man watched over Hawk, who just groaned and tried to roll onto her side so she didn’t choke to death. He kicked her in the ribs and she felt something snap. Hawk stayed still out of instinctual self preservation, legs curling in as she wheezed and gasped for breath.

“Don’t,” J begged weakly. “Hawk doesn't know anything.” The man smacked J roughly on the chest and he groaned out in pain. “She doesn’t know anything.” He repeated weakly. 

“Aquaman, you better not be lying to me. You lying to me? Huh?” He punched J square in the face and J took it because it's all he could do. 

Screaming suddenly echoed through the house along with glass shattering and Hawk started to squirm once more before getting kicked in the ribs again as Nicky was dragged out of the kitchen slider by her hair. Hawk tried to scream, to cry, but the pain was too intense to do anything other than exhale in a silent, wheezing, horrific wail. 

“No one else here, huh? No one else here?!” Javi punched J over and over again, relentlessly taking his frustration out on the seventeen year old. 

“Stop!” Hawk tried to speak, the right side of her face immediately swelling after the man holding her down punched her directly on the mouth to silence her. Hawk felt her teeth slice the inside of her cheek as her vision wavered in and out and her ears started ringing. “Please, please…” Her voice slurred as the back of her head hit the concrete as she fought to stay awake. 

Hawk could hear J screaming in agony and Nicky crying behind a gag, but she couldn’t physically move on her own, much less open her eyes. Her entire body felt like it was weighed down by a slab of cement and she focused on trying not to choke on the blood that filled her mouth. 

“Toss her in.” Javi ordered, then Hawk was lifted and tossed unceremoniously into the deep end. The feeling of the water jolted her and she gasped, inhaling a mouthful of water as she sank to the bottom. She kicked, trying to right herself, but with her hands tied behind her back, she could only spin around. Her bare toes scraped against the bottom, trying to find grip so she could push herself towards the stairs in the shallow end. 

The water around her head was tinged red, blinding her vision. She could vaguely see the steps a deceivingly long distance from where she was, and her vision was starting to black out at the edges and her lungs tried to simultaneously expel the water and inhale. 

The irony of dying in the house she desperately tried to escape in her youth was not lost in Hawk. Her legs started to lose their energy and the pushes she tried to do off the bottom of the pool were becoming less and less stable with every step. Her lungs burned and screamed for a gulp of air from a surface that was so close and so far from her grasp. 

Just as the last bits of consciousness were letting go, she felt a push from behind, then nothing. 

Over on the other side of the yard, Hawk’s phone buzzed on the chair she had fallen asleep on earlier in the night. Pope’s name scrolled across it as it buzzed incessantly until it fell off the cushion and onto the bloody pavement below. 

J got Hawk to the stairs and got her head above water, but he couldn’t hear or see her breathing and her lips were losing color. He knew time was of the essence, but his hands were tied behind him and he couldn't get her out of the pool, much less do CPR. 

“J?” He heard Smurf’s voice from inside the house “Pope get out here!” J felt relief flood his body when he saw Smurf and Pope rush through the broken slider. 

“She’s not breathing!” He gasped out, still trying to push Hawk up with his shoulder. “Get her out!” J slipped, his face submerged for a moment before he got his footing again. Without a second thought, Pope stepped down into the water and grabbed Hawk, dragging her to lay on her side while he cut through her bindings. 

“How long has she been out, J?” Pope asked methodically. He needed a time frame to know how long Hawk had been without air.

“Couple of minutes.” J’s voice shook. “Where were you?” He asked Smurf, anger pushing through. Smurf tried to help J up onto the steps so he could painfully wiggle his way onto his stomach, gasping for breaths as he watched Pope start compressions and mouth to mouth. “Javi was looking for you and found her first.” The rage in J’s voice was unmistakable as Smurf untied him. He scrambled over to Hawk once he was able to, ignoring the pain that radiated through his entire body. 

“Come on,” Pope grunted, starting another set of compressions. Water started bubbling out of Hawks mouth, then it shot out of her as her lungs hacked out the intrusion. Pope rolled Hawk onto her side as she coughed mouthful after mouthful of water out of her body, gasping for air when it was finally expelled. Pope rubbed between her shoulder blades. “Get it out, come on.” He begged. Pope was shaken when he pulled Hawk’s lifeless body out of the pool, but he went immediately into survival mode. Now, that adrenaline was winding down, all of that fear built mountains inside of him. 

“Andy,” Hawk’s voice was so small, like she couldn’t believe she was seeing him. Pope’s hands instantly grasped her face, careful of the cuts and bruises that littered it. She coughed and sputtered, her body trying to regulate itself, but she couldn’t stop the onslaught of tears that kept pouring. Pope carefully pulled her face to his chest, her hands gripping his t-shirt

Smurf threw a towel to Pope as she passed by so she could wrap J up. 

Hawk’s arms shook as she tried to lift her weight on them, then they collapsed altogether, but Pope was there to catch her. 

“You’re alright,” His hand came up to her bruised and beaten face, cradling it as she sobbed in pain. “Stay down.” 

“Where’s J?” Her voice was strangled and rough, as she tried to find him. “Help him. Help him,” She choked out, hyperventilating. Pope kept a firm grasp on her to keep her still as she fought against him weakly. 

“I’m here,” J reassured her, his hand reaching for her to feel. This seemed to relax Hawk just the tiniest bit before her wide, wild eyes met Pope’s. 

“Where’s Nicky?” 

“You need a hospital.” Pope kept his voice low, trying not to upset Hawk any more than she already was. 

“And tell them what? I fell down the stairs?” Pope leveled her with a look that said he found zero humor in this, but Hawk wasn’t trying to be funny. What would she say happened to her when she got to the emergency room? She’d love to get a dose of dilaudid, but even she knew that the cops would be on her like flies on shit and she was a horrible liar at best. “The last thing I want right now is anyone else touching me other than you.”

Hawk was sitting naked on Craig’s bed, fresh out of the shower and wrapped in a clean towel, and it took everything in her to not think about what she could possibly be sitting on. Hawk had bigger things to worry about. 

The door to the bathroom that was shared with J’s room was closed and Hawk could hear the shower running. Pope kneeled down on the floor, checking every inch of her out, but J was just on the other side so they made sure to keep their voices down. 

Pope had seen the damage when he helped Hawk shower, but it still didn’t stop his sharp inhale when he saw the bruises growing even larger. Hawk’s abdomen and back were swollen and her skin was mottled with heavy bruising where there were very obviously fractured ribs. Pope was more than familiar with the injury and the longer he looked at it, the angrier he got -with himself and with Smurf. Mostly with Smurf.

“Looks like at least three are broken,” He said softly as he prodded around. Hawk hissed every time he touched one of the fractured ribs and his fingers immediately flinched away. Pope carefully picked Hawk’s hands up, twisting them in his palms as gently as he could so he could see the damage on her wrists. The cord bit through the skin when she struggled and the deep frown on Pope’s face only got deeper. 

It was the damage done to Hawk’s face that hit him the hardest. Whoever hit her didn’t hold back, not in the slightest. The right side of her face, at the highest part of her cheek, was swollen and bruised, and the bruise extended up to her eye socket. Pope took a butterfly bandage from the first aid kit he had laid out next to Hawk, and placed the strip over the area above her upper lip, bringing the split together. 

To her credit, Hawk tried to put a brave face on through Pope’s examination, but she felt herself fracturing like a sheet of glass every time she saw the way he looked at her -like she was damaged. She hadn’t seen what she looked like yet. The mirrors in the bathroom were covered in steam, and even then she was too incoherent to pay attention to her reflection. 

Pope moved on to her nose, the tips of his fingers touching the tender skin around the bridge of it ever so slightly. It was obviously fractured as well, but it wasn’t out of place, so that was one saving grace in Hawk’s corner. Hawk’s bottom lip started to wobble when their eyes met and Pope felt something inside of him shatter. 

“I want to go home.” Hawk’s broken voice sucked the air out of the room. She groaned in pain as she leaned forward to rest her forehead against his. “I want to go home, Pope.” 

please comment and reblog :)

[dramarising-replacement]

I just celebrated my first anniversary in this game and I adore it to bits but MAN I hate the price of everything SO much. Every time I make a suggestion on the forums to make obtaining the cosmetics you want just the teensiest bit easier (like a single-color scatterscroll, dragon flight change/colored contacts eye apparel, or gods forbid decreasing the value of anything or increasing the fairgrounds treasure cap) it always gets shot down by others because "muhhh that's too easy it'll ruin the economyyy".

(Dis)respectfully, I came here to breed/dress up pretty dragons and play fun minigames, not engage in PNG Wall Street Simulator right down to being a fairgrounds wage slave who rarely ever has enough currency to do what I want. Different strokes for different folks I guess, I just don't see the appeal in spending days grinding for enough money for a gene or two.

[idrawweirdstuffnominors]

O.M.G… i frigging absolutely love how you write these josh fics. You are feeding the JOSH LOVERS out there!!! I saw your bill x needy!gf one and i was thinking that maybe you could do a josh version? He needs all the love he can get 💔 I LOVE YOUR WRITING BTW 👅

( Lol why thank you<3 I get to write a egocentric man with a needy partner OH you’re getting wrecked, babe — and so is Josh.

Title: “Problems are better solved in bed”

Josh x Needy!GF | Reader POV | Degradation + Praise | Filthy, Emotional, Unstable

His voice is already raised before the door even shuts behind you.

“Oh, so now you come crawling back, huh?”

You sigh, drop your bag, and give him that look that always sets him off. The one that says you’re not impressed.

“I texted you an hour ago.”

“And I waited. And waited. Like a goddamn idiot.” Josh stalks closer, arms crossed, mouth twisted in that superior snarl that only comes out when he’s spiraling. “What, did you get off ignoring me? Thought I’d beg?”

You blink at him, calm, knowing exactly how this game ends.

“No, Josh. I thought you’d act like a grown-up for once.”

That does it. He lunges, grabbing your face, your jaw, your waist — whatever he can take — and crushes his mouth against yours like he’s starving. Like he’s been dying every minute you weren’t touching him.

You let him take you. For a minute.

But then you whimper.

Just once.

His entire body shudders.

He pulls back, lips swollen, breath heaving. “Don’t do that.”

You blink, lips parted, innocent. “Do what?”

“Whimper. Like that. I—fuck—”

You whimper again. On purpose this time. Softer. Needier. Hands clutching at his stupid sci-fi tee.

He breaks.

---

You're on the bed now, thighs open, begging for it, and he’s acting like this is your fault. Like he has to fuck you stupid because you’re a "manipulative brat" who’s “always playing games” and “don’t know how dangerous it is to get me like this.”

But then he’s moaning your name.

Then he’s calling you perfect.

Then he’s burying his face in your neck like he’ll fall apart without you.

“You want it so bad, don’t you?” he growls against your skin, thrusting deep, ragged, unsteady. “Fucking pathetic. Needy little slut. Bet you couldn’t go one day without me ruining you.”

You gasp, cling to his back. “No—can’t, Josh, I can’t—”

That does it. He slams into you. Again. Again.

“Fucking love you.” he snarls like it’s a sin. “Always so warm for me. So good. God, you’re so good.”

You bite his shoulder. He yelps.

Then he whimpers.

---

His pace stutters. He’s sweating, trembling. You cup his face — and he flinches like it hurts to be loved.

“Josh,” you whisper, pulling him in. “I love it when you ruin me.”

He gasps.

“No. No, you can’t—don’t say that.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll fucking break.”

And he does.

He folds over you, shaking, hips still stuttering weakly as he spills inside you, moaning like a man possessed. Like he hates how much he loves this. Loves you.

When it’s over, he won’t meet your eyes.

He just mutters:

“…You’re the only person who ever made me feel like I wasn’t a freak.”

You kiss his forehead. “You’re my freak.”

He scoffs.

But he doesn't let go.

Prologue – “You Forgot Me”

It started with something small.

A canceled lunch.

You were supposed to meet him at the comic shop he was trying to apply for—just something dumb, something he pretended not to care about. But he’d combed his wavy hair, changed his shirt twice, even shoved that wrinkled copy of Dune Messiah in his bag to impress you if the topic came up.

You didn’t show.

Texted an hour late. Something came up.

And in Josh’s mind, that meant everything.

She forgot me.

Not just the plans. Me.

The rage was stupid. He knew that. But it festered. Spread. Until everything you said after sounded like betrayal. Until every touch felt like a tease. Until you walked through that door and he was already trembling from how much he wanted to punish you.

But now?

Now he’s curled into you like a kicked dog, breath still shaky, hair sticking to his forehead, and you’re petting him like he’s worth something.

He hates it—how he slipped.

He loves it—how you understand.

Aftercare –

Josh is silent for a long time.

His cheek is against your chest, your fingers in his hair. He won’t look up.

“…I was such a dick,” he finally mutters. “I’m—I was…”

“Mean?” you offer gently.

He winces.

“…You didn’t deserve it,” he says, almost inaudible. “You’re the only person I—fuck. I just wanted you so bad. I thought you didn’t want me.”

You tighten your arms around him.

“I always want you.”

He shudders.

You tilt his face up. His cheeks are flushed. He looks wrecked. Ashamed. Beautiful.

“Tell me what you need,” you whisper.

“…This,” he says, voice cracking. “Just… you. Being nice to me. Like I’m not some—some freak who can’t shut up unless he’s inside you.”

You press a kiss to his temple.

“You’re not a freak.”

He looks like he might cry.

So you cradle him, murmuring softly. Stroking his back. Letting him bury himself in your warmth like he’s never had it before.

Eventually he mumbles, against your collarbone:

“…You make me want to be better."

You laugh, kiss the top of his head.

“I know. I love you too.”

He groans like that physically hurt him.

But he doesn’t let go. Josh felt horrible he doesn't like getting upset with you only somedays...his bpd slips up and when it does—he feels so deeply.

[ganondoodle]

actively fighting a full blown panic attack born out of sadness and anger after having to drive by yet another victim on the side of the road

it makes me livid how accepted it is to just let cats suffer and die disgustingly horrid deaths and live awful short lives just so what, for what?? so you dont have to play with them for an hour a day??? when i was little it was just kinda normal that they disappeared at some point, i didnt understand what it actually meant until our outdoor cat i loved dearly was found in the bushes near our house in a condition so horrible my dad has never told me and i have never dared to ask, she only made it to 6 and had horrible scars and infections before that i allowed my family to convince me to let my first own cat outside, we only had her for a year, she died at only 2 years old, i am still suffering from the guilt, it has never let me go, she went missing for a week and i walked the entire vilage up and down every day, yelling her name, wandering into the forest alone, talking to every stranger i met until one morning my mom told me that our neighbour who works for the city asked if we had a white cat with a very specific collar she had- he found her on a busy road crossing in the next bigger city, i never even got to bury her, its haunting me, the thought of her wandering lost and scared in the city for a week until meeting an awful end gives me headaches, the fact that i was the last one to see her alive, that i put her outside bc we were late for school and had to leave quickly, that she had come home with oil in her fur from crawling through maschines and cars before, that i was worried but still didnt act, that it is my fault, any time i am up to late its coming back, it will never let me go, if i had stood my ground and not allow her outside unless on a leash or similar shed still be alive today, any time i read a description at our local shelter it comes back, they still advocate for outside cats, all of them, even if they have only been an indoor one before, its madness my older sister had a cat, i dont even know how old he got but it wasnt long either, he got hit by a car in front of their house, she has two now again and the only reason she hasnt let them outside is because they havent shown much interest in it, i tried to warn her before and she didnt listen and shes still resistent, even after losing one too

i have seen so many on the side of the road, anywhere i drive i see them, i cannot forget a single one, we are surrounded by farm land and all its giant maschinery, its still common to poison rodents, why do people value them so little, you wouldnt let your dog just live outside in the woods and streets for half the day or more, you wouldnt just throw your guniea pigs on the road and tell them have fun, you wouldnt just let your bird roam outside, there probably assholes that do that too but you cannot tell me its as common as outside cats

i dont understand it, i dont, i wont, i never will, i will never forgive myself this poor little animal that was my responsibility having to pay the price of my ignorance, or my own weakness letting my family convince me despite the awful way we lost one before, it makes me want to explode it hurts my brain in grief and anger i can barely contain

cats deserve to live a safe and long life, i get only having them inside may feel like you are locking them up, but do you think that not doing so is worth having them die a painful death? being poisonend? on purpose even by disgusting people that hate them? abused and chased by other animals and dogs? hurt and lost? cutting their lifespan in half? if they even make it that far? the amount of wildlife that they kill unnecessarily so when all of that is already in a steep decline everywhere? and if they eat what they hunt get infected with diseases or again, poison? die somewhere in agony? if cared for they dont care about going outside, plenty can be leash trained or given a secure way to roam like those cat proof aviary like things, if you dont want to put effort into caring for a cat DONT GET ONE, ALL pets require adequate care, and if you think cats are the easiest bc you only have to feed them every now and then IF they come home? you suck, you are an asshole, i hate you and you do not care about them, if you just want to occasionalyl feed and pet an animal go to the petting zoo

(this is about pet cats of people who can absolutely afford to keep them healthily inside, i know feral cats and those in poor neighbourhoods are a thing, even if not here where i live, and thats a whole other but still similar problem and not the point of this post)

[coquelicoq]

i have this unfortunate thing where i love cats and know several people with cats who ask me to catsit for them on the other side of town but if i am away from home for more than a few days i get so homesick that i start crying and can't stop. and then i feel incredibly stupid about the fact that i'm a grown adult - and still in my own city even! - but here i am not being able to handle being away from home for less than a week. i think it is indicative of some larger problem that i am not engaging with but man i just wanna go home. i want to be in my own space with my own bed and all my books and where i know how to work the tv and can change my clothes if i want to without being stressed that i'm going to run out. i want to be at home which i have tailored to my own sensory preferences and where i can walk around without stepping on cat litter and sit down without having to check every other minute to make sure i'm not covered in ants. i probably would not feel like such a baby about it because those all sound like really nice normal things to want and value but i feel like everyone i know loves travel and i just don't get it, i just want to go home. i like it there. i like stability. i would like to stop crying about it though.

[puhpandas]

thinking abt the ggy easter eggs rn

[skitskatdacat63]

And here is the bull himself >:)

+ lore notes

I was like, ah I should make the shadow something interesting, and then I'm like GIVE HIM BULL HORNS???? OKAY SURE !!!!! I'm glad such thoughts can strike at 7 in the morning....thanks brain. But hehehe I'm glad bcs now this matches up super well with the Nando one!

New ship dynamic: who's the bull and who's the matador :)

I think, in this AU, Fernando is generally pretty fond of Seb when he first meets him. Like "ah yes my very own protégé, very nice, I shall mold him in my image." But then Seb starts veering off that course. Bullfighting is all about being dramatic, but Seb maybe has a bit too much(🤏) flair for the dramatic. This escalation starts while he's still Fernando's assistant but he keeps it generally at bay. But god when he becomes a matador himself, he's just off the rails insane.

Bullfighting, to me, is a sport about reckless endangerment of one's self in the pursuit of drama and performance(its literally described as a tragedy in three acts.) But Fernando thinks Seb endangers himself *too* much, not because he cares or anything, but he's making a mockery of the sport!! Especially when Seb starts doing that bull hand symbol(seen above), Fernando just keeps become more enraged with him, not anything to do with the fact that Seb is threatening his records and threatening his own wellbeing, nah of course not.

Seb's gesture is making a mockery of the sport, he's disrespecting the culture, the very nature of it, blah blah blah. Jenson once asks Fernando, after noticing him seething while watching Seb do his gesture, "Which bull are you really trying to defeat?" One could also describe Fernando and Seb's relationship as a "tragedy with three acts."

Anyways Fernando gets very tied up with this rivalry. Even after suffering a severe injury(I have yet to decide, but y'know mchonda electrocution core), he quickly returns to the sport, loath to let Seb get any more headway. And then Seb gets injured, poor little sweet Seb, and neither of them can handle it. Though I already covered this in my prev lore post 🤭 and I think I put it pretty viscerally there so!! I digress.

They're both matadors, but the bull itself is not the only bull Fernando wants to conquer. Conquer as in death? Hm.

[pennyserenade]

everyone talks about how people being mean to them about their appearance in middle school or high school — or whatever time in their young adult lives — negatively influences the way they act when they’re hit on or develop crushes is so real, except the person who was mean to me was my mother so i’m fighting so many beasts at once and i’m so scared girls

[gilgil-machine]

Some people just can't accept Gilkidu, huh....

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

the problem of coming from the high octane shipwar hell of ff7twt to being a ride or die for two white, straight people that i insist are in a metaphorically gayer relationship than a mixed-race married straight couple is that i'm so shipwarbrained that the only basis i consume media through is how much emotional torment can i go through by choosing the less-liked romantic pairing and talking about how stupid it is that they're less liked because the story clearly likes them more and it's just the dipshit fans who have a problem with it. also no one cares about what i'm saying so it makes me feel very stupid for saying it but i can't help that the only media i like is either about people whose lives suck so much they end up killing themselves or about two people loving each other through the worst experiences of their lives collectively. like what's even the point of life if i can't romanticize it.

[lunarharp]

lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters

[gnaga37]

it always comes back to the curse like even when it's not about the curse it's always about the curse

[zoppzoop]

GAAHAHHHHH