#without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?

[lunarharp]

lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters

[karlnapity]

(tws: manipulation, emotional abuse, panic attacks, agoraphobia)

Even after this long, there are still people Eret needs to reconcile with, and people they likely won’t ever, and they’ve made peace with that.

Tommy is one of those people.

It’s not that they don’t want to. It’s been a combination of things, from continuous wars, to exiles, to Tommy’s complete and utter stubbornness, to a hell of a lot of avoidance.

So they’re a bit taken aback when Puffy suggests it, but she seems set on the idea.

“I think he’s probably the one whose experiences are most similar to yours,” she says, in that therapy voice she uses when she’s trying really hard to convince you of something.

They almost want to laugh at that. Tommy’s been through hell, more than they can even imagine, and it’s laughable to think their experiences are at all on the same level.

But, all the same, it’s an excuse to try again to amend their wrongs, and they’ve been trying to get better at confronting their issues.

So, they shoot him a whisper, and wait in the throne room with anxiety they haven’t felt since the prison gained a guest.

It’s hard to break free of habits they gained. It’s hard for them to relax, even when they’re on their own, because who knows if they really are. Who knows if they’re being watched, who knows if this is just a test.

They shake their head, let themselves relax a bit into the throne, let their robes crinkle around them.

And that’s when Tommy enters. They quickly reassemble themselves, garner their royal expression, make themselves look as dignified as possible because that’s what he demands.

They’ve got to stop doing that, but it’s so much easier to fall into old habits.

“So?” Tommy asks, as demanding as always, and Eret holds back a chuckle.

“Here, let’s go somewhere more comfortable,” they say, and sweep off the throne, lead him down a few hallways to the garden. There are a few benches, and they occupy one, Tommy taking the other.

This was the closest thing they had to the outside for months, and they say as much, try to get Tommy comfortable. He makes a sound.

“What do you mean?”

They sigh. “Puffy wanted us to talk. She thinks our experiences with him are similar.”

It’s not like they need to say his name. They’re not sure they can.

“Ok? And?” Tommy asks, huffing, but they don’t miss the way he tenses, just a bit, the same way they do when they’re trying to hide anxiety.

“He stopped me from leaving the castle for months. Told me I could only go out when he said I could. This was the closest thing I had.”

Tommy’s staring at them. They can tell he’s trying to find the safest thing to say, that he’s trying to decide whether to share anything of his own.

“Oh,” he settles on. “I get that.”

They nod, and sigh. “I don’t think my experiences compare to yours. You had it a lot worse. But I wanted to have a chance to explain everything.

I know you don’t forgive me. I don’t blame you, believe me. But trust me: you know what he’s like. He had me from the beginning. And it’s still hard not to let myself be influenced by him. So I thought… if we could commiserate, or something. That it might help.”

They don’t look at him, but he lets out a sigh of his own.

“Ok, then.” And he huffs a laugh. “Then stop talking to me like a king, alright?”

Their head snaps up, and Tommy is smiling, a rueful little thing that forces a small smile onto their own face.

“Ok.”

He grows a bit more serious. “Then why did you betray us?”

They shrug. “I guess, in the beginning, I did want more power. I thought being king might help us become more powerful. I should’ve known he wouldn’t have let that happen, but… I was hopeful.”

They clear their throat. “I was manipulated.”

It’s still hard to say, they still feel like it’s dramatic, but Puffy’s been encouraging them to tell the truth. Tommy nods.

“We both were.” He looks like he wants to make a joke, but he doesn’t. “When I was in exile, he told me I was the only person he could trust. All that fucking shit.”

Guilt floods them, heavy and painful. They push through it. “I should’ve done something. I’m sorry.”

He pulls a face. “Then I shoulda done something! Back when it was fucking Manberg, or whatever.”

They sigh, shake their head. “It’s not the same… but thank you.”

He shrugs. He stands, looks around the garden. Eret can tell he’s just trying to keep moving.

“He just… he just fucking convinces you you can’t rely on anyone else. That he’s the only one who can help you, or hurt you, or anything. That no one else cares. Did that happen to you?”

They think of nights where he’d pull off their crown gently, where he’d treat them like a person and give them gifts and nice food, and even nights where he’d let them roam outside the castle alongside him, where he’d lay new, soft robes on their shoulders, where he’d hand them speeches he’d prepared so they didn’t have to stress, where he’d tell them they looked like a king, where he’d say he made the right choice in choosing them.

“It did,” they say, quietly.

“That’s what makes it so fucking hard!” Tommy exclaims, throws his hands up in the air. He looks like he wants to punch something.

“It makes it so hard for it just to be hatred,” they say, nodding. “When you’re wearing his clothes and living in a place he helped build, and when you’re eating the food he provided.”

He throws himself down on the bench next to them, looks them in the eye with a sad grin. “I’m so glad you get it.”

And then he pulls a face, waves his hands. “Not like that! I’m just… it’s hard to explain to people who haven’t gone through it.”

They let out a rich laugh, something that’s so rare these days. He told them it was undignified for a king, but they push down the shame that bubbles in their stomach. “I get it, I get it.”

“I’m glad too.”

>

Gardening’s been a strangely soothing activity. It keeps their hands busy, keeps their mind off things they don’t want to ignore, keeps them feeling accomplished. Sometimes, on the good, good days, they can even plant outside the castle, on the sprawling lawn, but it’s rare.

Today it’s just the garden within the castle. Their hands are coated as they kneel in the dirt, fancier robes exchanged for more casual clothes, almost humming to themselves in contentment, when they hear the voice behind them.

“King Eret?” The voice is quiet but unmistakable. They jump, turn around. They stand, brushing their hands of dirt, and offer a small curtsy, skirt blowing a bit in the wind.

“George,” they welcome. They’re not close with the ex-king, though there’s less bad blood than might be expected.

They have more in common than first assumed.

George looks out of his element, standing awkwardly in the archway. They wave him to the benches.

“What brings you here?” They ask, settling their skirt around them. Royal etiquette dies hard, and they suppose even after all this time the poise hasn’t leaked out of them.

“I wanted to talk,” he says. He fidgets with his goggles. “And I wanted to apologize.”

They tilt their head, expression pinching. “For what?”

“For…” He gestures around, vaguely. “All of this. Kingship shouldn’t have been pushed on you. I shouldn’t have tried to usurp it. I should’ve stepped in, I should’ve stopped him-”

Eret can recognize mounting anxiety, from experience as much as anything. They lean forward, lay a hand on his knee. “It’s ok, take a breath.”

He reigns in his breathing after a moment, lays hands over his face. “I’m sorry.”

They sigh, smile gently. “Don’t worry about it. I think… we probably share experiences, after all. I don’t blame you at all.”

He shakes his head, looking down at his lap. His hands twist. “Do you think he ever intended to actually make me king?”

“No.” It’s an easy answer, but there’s no point hiding the truth.

“I didn’t think so.” There’s a deep sigh. “I just feel like… I should have realized, earlier.”

They lean back, peer at the clear sky above them. The sun feels soft on their skin. “When he was around, controlling me… I knew he was horrible. I knew he was the source of my problems, my fear, everyone else’s pain, everything. But all the same… I wanted to follow him. It wasn’t just out of fear of what he’d do to me, or anyone else. It was easier. It was easier to do what he wanted, because then I didn’t have to think. I didn’t have to be scared.”

They look to George, who’s nodding.

“I guess it’s sorta like that. It was just easier to follow orders, I suppose.” He purses his lips. “All the same, though, I’m sorry.”

As much as they want to rebuke his apology, insist it really isn’t his fault, they don’t. They’ve learned that sometimes it’s easier to apologize, even if the other person doesn’t need it.

“I forgive you.”

>

On very, very hard days, it’s hard to leave their room.

He wouldn’t let them leave it first thing without first checking them over, making sure they were presentable, making sure everything was in order. And, even now, it’s hard to leave without that first assurance.

They still feel like he’s going to pop out of the shadows, like he’s going to yell at them for getting breakfast without his go-ahead first, like he’s still there critiquing his every move.

In a way, it was assuring. It was simple, having everything decided for them. They were like a doll, positioned every way he wanted them to be. They needed to think over everything and nothing.

On the worst days, they felt inhuman. Their mind went on autopilot, doing everything he requested without even thinking, simply moving through the course of the day without even processing.

He especially approved of them, those days, always saying how he appreciated it when they didn’t speak, didn’t make noise, just stood and acted and followed him around exactly how he wanted them to.

The gaps in their memory disturb them, but all the same some part of them misses it, wants to avoid having to think about it all.

They really are a coward.

They curl deeper in their blankets. Today is one of those days where they don’t move from sun-up to sundown, just wallow in the memories and the self-pity. It feels pathetic, but all the same they can’t bring themselves to move.

There’s a knock on their door. Their entire being screams to stand, to pull on robes as quickly as they can, to make themselves presentable before he sees them, before he yells at them, but they still can’t even roll over to face the door.

“Eret?” It’s Puffy. They want to tell her to come in, or to go away, they’re not sure, but their tongue feels like lead.

The door creaks open, and she comes in.

“Having a rough time?” she asks. There’s a dip in the mattress where she sits beside them.

Puffy is perhaps the only person they can entirely relax around, and even then sometimes it’s a struggle.

She doesn’t judge them. She tells them their feelings are justified, helps them figure out everything. They’re not sure what they did to deserve someone like her.

She rests a hand on their shoulder. “If you want to talk, let me know. If not, I can stay here.”

They put a hand over hers. Stay.

They’re not sure how long they sit like that, but eventually they’re able to pull themselves together enough to eat breakfast she brought. She makes easy conversation even as they can’t, and they rest their head gently on their shoulder as she talks.

At the end of the day, they’re able to say one thing.

“Thank you.”

>

Leaving the castle is a constant struggle, one that most days they can’t bear. Most people have learned, at this point, to come to them if they want to talk.

Somehow, Niki seems to have forgotten, they think as they stare at the letter.

It tells them to meet her at her base, that she wants to spend time with them but can’t miss a day of work.

She’s been working hard, lately, to rebuild, to rediscover her life much the same as they have.

Their hands tremble. Her base is close to the furthest they’ve ventured, and even then that was on one of their best days, and even then they had a panic attack on the way there.

They could just miss it. They could just pretend they didn’t get the letter. They could just pretend they were busy.

No. They want to see her, desperately.

They crinkle the paper in their hands as they start to pace. They already feel the mounting panic at even the thought of venturing that far.

They’d need someone to go with them. They’d need someone to watch them, make sure they didn’t just have a meltdown, but Puffy’s busy and they don’t want to bother anyone else, and they’re likely too embarrassed to ask anyways.

No, they’ve got to do this. Puffy told them to push themselves. This counts, right?

They dress in some of their nicest robes. If they’re going to have a panic attack, they’re at least going to look good doing it, and there’s some comfort in looking as kingly and dignified as possible, even at this juncture.

And they make it to the gates before their confidence starts to waver.

It’s not uncommon for them to stand here, to people watch, but they barely make it past the door most of the time.

Ghostbur passes by within the ten minutes they’re standing there. He catches their eye, and he waves ecstatically before heading to stand next to them.

“Hello, Eret!” he exclaims.

It’s still odd to hear Wilbur’s voice, so similar and yet so different. Eret’s not sure they talked to him again before November sixteenth, and even then he only ever commanded them as a group.

“Hello, Ghostbur,” they return with a smile. “Where are you off to?”

“I wanted to see Niki,” he says, and Eret feels like they could collapse with relief.

“What a coincidence. I do too,” they say, and before their anxiety can get the better of them, they continue. “What do you say we head there together?”

Ghostbur nods happily, extending a hand, and Eret takes it.

They get about ten feet from the door before the anxiety kicks in.

They feel a bit bad for Ghostbur, considering how sweaty their palms are already getting. Their heartbeat’s loud in their ears.

It’s as frustrating as it is terrifying. He’s in prison. He’s not here, and there’s no way he could be here. Sapnap and George stopped reporting to him months ago, and the both of them apologized directly, so there’s no way they’d tell him even if they saw them.

So why are they so fucking scared?

“Are you ok, Eret?” He asks as they walk. They wave him off, but breath is already coming hard for them.

They can remember the first time he caught them. It’d been months into their sentence, as it were, in the castle, and they’d snuck away in the dead of night to see Fundy.

He caught them only a few feet from the door, but he’d been furious. It had taken hours of him teasing, threatening to hurt Fundy, hours of them begging on their knees for him not to do anything, and in the end they’ve never been sure whether he did. They can’t bring themselves to ask.

He’d hardly ever threatened them. If he wanted to hurt them, he did. He always threatened to hurt their friends.

And it was so much worse. What would he do if he caught them now?

They can’t breathe. They let go of Ghostbur’s hand, crumble to their knees. They knew this would happen. They shouldn't have even tried.

Ghostbur’s calling their name, they’re pretty sure, but it’s too much, because if he calls their name too much he might hear where they went, he might be able to find them, and he can’t find them because what is he going to do to their friends, they were trying to find Niki so what would he do to her if he found out, he might hurt her, they were an idiot for even trying to leave and they should have just stayed where it was safe for everyone-

And they’re being hauled to their feet, someone is leading them somewhere. They don't fight back, because it's probably him, and if they fight back it'll only make it so much worse for everyone. They just let themselves be led.

It always takes them a long time to come back from a panic attack. The first thing they become aware of is someone humming, The second is how bright it is. No matter how much they seem to add to their castle, it’s always dim no matter what.

They open their eyes. They’re sitting on a bed, Ghostbur to their right. And Niki’s bustling around on the other end of the room, back turned.

They whisper her name, and she whips around, face softening before she pulls them into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, and they hold onto her, tightly. “I’m ok.”

They ask everyone to say that they're ok, after they panic. It was embarrassing, initially, but it really, really helps.

She pulls back a bit, and they grip her arms. She brushes hair out of their eyes. “I’m so sorry, Eret, I should have known not to ask that of you, I wasn’t thinking.”

They shake their head. “No, I wanted to. It’s- I wanted to challenge myself.”

She nods. “I’m glad you got Ghostbur to come with, so he could let me know and I could come get you. I support you pushing yourself, but be careful, ok?”

They smile, nod, and push themselves off the bed. They’re still a bit shaky on their feet, but they look around all the same. “This is gorgeous, Niki.”

As she and Ghostbur show them around her new base, the anxiety doesn’t fade. It might not ever, when they’re outside, and it might not ever even if they follow the rules.

They can’t undo what Dream has done to them, but that doesn’t mean they can’t do the best they can to work past it. They have people, friends who are willing to work with them, and people who care, and even when they’re in their castle it seems so much brighter than before.

And when Niki drops them back off, they don’t worry whether she’ll be ok. They know they both will.

[sorenskyhigh]

What Would They Be Like as Your Roommates?

👮‍♂️ Daichi Sawamura 👮‍♂️

You needed help paying the bills to your apartment

Daichi needed a place to stay and had a great resume, as well as great tribute towards the contract and rules

Very early riser

Has an alarm that goes of at like 4-4:30 in the morning

I feel like Daichi would have a very simply but strict morning schedule that he keeps

He would wake up, do some sit-ups and push-ups along with some stretches and then goes for a jog

He would wear really baggy sweats and muscle shirt or long sleeved (no matter the weather)

I feel like Daichi would have such a strict morning schedule that he would stop by the same coffee shop every morning and order the same drink and breakfast sandwich

He'd eat his breakfast, shower, and then start his day when he gets back

Daichi is a very considerate person so I also feel like, when he could afford it, he would buy you your favorite drink and breakfast food from that coffee shop

He'd say it was a peace treaty for being such a good sport and putting up with his early morning routine

Daichi would 100% HARP ON YOU to work on having a healthier diet and sleep schedule

I also feel like whenever he goes for an extra jog he would always without fail, ask you if you ant to join him even if you always politely decline

Daichi probably wouldn't have time to cook very often so when you do he would be SO SO SO thankful and happy that you thought of doing something for him

Daichi has a metal baseball bat right beside his bed just in case someone breaks, change my mind

I feel like Daichi's side of the room would be SUPER organized and very well put together, just like him 😉

Daichi has an album in his photos for each team member as well as one that's just labeled 'Nekoma' and is mostly pictures of him, Suga, Asahi, Kuroo, Yaku, Bokuto, and Akaashi

Daichi talks all the time about his memories with his friends and is always showing you pictures that go along with the story or to remind you who he's talking about

Daichi would, I feel, repeat stories a lot bc he's just so proud of what they did or missed them so much ya know

Daichi has scared off a creepy teacher that has threatened to fail you if you didn't sleep with them

Daichi will 100% drop everything and come to excort you to your guys' apartment if you don't feel safe

If Daichi were to work with a K9, he would definitely show off all the things his dog can do with the proudest dad smile ever!!!

You also notice that when you two go out grocery shopping during the day if it's a week day and around lunch, he'll buy some food and take it to a silver haired friend of his from highschool

Daichi did manage to get you to take a jog with him (later in the day, not his morning one) and he smoked you

He did come back and said very up beat "Why don't we end it here for today, huh?"

You and Daichi watch really terrible horror movies and talk shit about them

When Diachi is working out at home bc it's raining or something he listens to heavy metal or R&B, you can't tell me otherwise 😤

👩‍🏫 🏫 Sugawara Koushi 🏫 👩‍🏫

Moved into the dorm first

The whole 'are-you-sure-you're-okay-we-can-totally-switch-sides' conversation

I feel like Suga wouldn't have a super organized side but its not a mess either

Just a stack of papers here, some books there and maybe clothes over there but he keeps it relatively clean

Suga has a small cactus that he named either Isako (the sand child) or Yoshino (respectful, good)

Or he named it Tsukki after Tsukishima Kei bc it's prickly but just misunderstood, and if so, he also has a marimo he named Yamaguchi to Tsukki wouldn't be lonely

Suga probably wouldn't study inside your guys' room but instead would make a couple friends and have a study group bc he misses the noise of the team 😥

But he also wants to learn how to help people with varying personalities since he's going to be a teacher

When you all study you either study in a library or outside under a tree in a circle

During winter he always has either hot chocolate or coffee for everyone just the way you each like it bc he remembers those things

Suga also knows your birthday, anyone in your family that you're really close to's birthdays, and he probably knows your parents/guardians anniversaries

Disney 👏 movie 👏 marathons 👏 with 👏 blankets 👏 and 👏 snacks 👏

Suga only shares the plethora of snacks he hides in your room or he steals from the cafeteria with you when you two are hanging out in your room, sometime Daichi and his housemate join

Suga would help you choose and outfit for a date or interview and would be aggressively hyping you up the entire time

Suga definitely helps you with any family or relationship issues you have (he may go out and threaten/kill your exes)

Suga always walks everyone back to their rooms after a long study session if they live ilon campus. If they don't he asks them to text him when they get home so he knows their safe

Group 👏 Lunches 👏

You all always eat together and Suga goes with you to get everyone's food orders

Suga has a small chest of flash drives that are F.U.L.L. of pictures of his old teammates all the way back to his first year in highschool. He also has some videos stored in there and is always taking pictures

Suga wants to remember EVERYTHING

He's the reason why Daichi has so many photos bc he sends them to him

When Suga starts interning he always come home with the biggest grin

He loves spending time with the kids and will tell you stories about them all the time

You went to visit him during his break and all the kids were on him like white on rice

The kids loved him but he definitely wasn't a pushover

Those kids were well behaved because of him 👌

Whenever you'd visit him on his break, Daichi is always there already and brought him lunch

The kids have picked up on the energy that those two are dropping and LOVE Daichi, they think he's so cool 😎

I want to continue this with more characters and I plan on doing a 'They help you build gingerbread houses.'

So if you want me to continue this and act on the other idea let me know 😁

@popcorntime-doodles @multifandombrainrot

@vaniatslover

[rudderless-in-an-ocean-of-stars]

blood and wine, chapter one

Here it is, the first chapter of my first-ever OC fanfiction. I hope you’ll give it a chance, even if it’s not what you would normally consider reading. If you admire me at all as an author, please give it a shot, as this story is very close to my heart. :)

Find it here on Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14677440/chapters/33910176

Summary:

“It’s a scream that pulls her back to reality, one that is quickly muffled and cut off- but not before she’s able to pinpoint the source of the sound. She shouldn’t interfere, but she can’t quite bring her limbs to keep moving, to keep herself walking forward and far away from the sounds of a struggle. The man who shoves past her suddenly stiff body with a mumbled expletive doesn’t share her qualms, hurrying away even as her stare burns twin holes between his retreating shoulders.

Coward.

Then she’s alone beneath the flickering lights of the row of the half-broken lamps lining the street, and she’s moving towards the alley at a near-run. Her need to keep a low profile be damned, Maia is all-too familiar with the memory of what it feels like to be a girl whose screams are ignored.”

//

She’s an ex-assassin turned reluctant vigilante living in New York City. What could possibly go wrong?

A/N: I know that most people avoid OC fanfiction, but I’m hoping that you’re here because my reputation as a somewhat decent writer has convinced you to give this a chance. :)

Now onto the important story stuff:

This will take begin by taking place roughly six months before Civil War, in late 2015, which is when it was canonically established that Peter Parker also began his vigilantism. For now, this story will be told from the OC’s POV, but that may be subject to change in later chapters. OC was born a year earlier than Peter, in 2000, making her a year older, and as of this chapter, 15.

Enjoy!

Chapter One: the price of salvation 

By the time Maia starts heading back to her apartment, a combination of the encroaching darkness and the biting cold seems to have been enough to have effectively chased most people back into the comfort of their homes. It’s only November, but the chill of the approaching winter has arrived early. She doesn’t mind the cold- she’s been in far worse situations to care about such a minor discomfort- and if the benefit of it is that the streets will be emptier, it’s an annoyance she’s more than willing to endure.

She lets her thoughts drift as she walks, imagines herself as one of the masses. Imagines returning to a brightly lit home with the scent of cooking food hanging heavy in the air and the sound of laughter to greet her ears as soon as she steps through the door, warm and genuine and purely inviting. It’s a silly, childish fantasy for her to indulge in, but it keeps her mind occupied for several blocks, so she allows it to drag on.

It’s a scream that pulls her back to reality, one that is quickly muffled and cut off- but not before she’s able to pinpoint the source of the sound. She shouldn’t interfere, but she can’t quite bring her limbs to keep moving, to keep herself walking forward and far away from the sounds of a struggle. The man who shoves past her suddenly stiff body with a mumbled expletive doesn’t share her qualms, hurrying away even as her stare burns twin holes between his retreating shoulders.

Coward.

Then she’s alone beneath the flickering lights of the row of the half-broken lamps lining the street, and she’s moving towards the alley at a near-run. Her need to keep a low profile be damned, Maia is all-too familiar with the memory of what it feels like to be a girl whose screams are ignored.

It takes less than a minute for her to beat the would-be rapist into unconsciousness. She feels like she’s cheated somehow, in trading a single minute of her time to save a woman now gasping out breathless strings of thanks in her direction. She’s spent so much of her life inflicting this same kind of violence, but never before for the benefit of people like the woman in front of her now, never in defense of the innocent.

Having the scales tip in a different direction is such a foreign feeling to her that it almost makes her dizzy. Even with Yasha on their hunts for the men who used to hold the whips, fighting never felt like this. It was still something dirty and brutal she had been wielding against the dirty and brutal men she used to serve.

Now, it feels like something else.

Now, it feels like salvation.

Concealing her face is nothing new to her, but by the time a fight usually begins she’s already ditched her wigs and false prostheses because people don’t usually get to walk away from her alive. Neither last very long once in-combat, anyways, and she doesn’t have the time or patience to apply them on a nightly basis. Nano masks are expensive and won’t withstand any real hits, and she’s really not in the mood to mimic common criminals by running around the city wearing what looks like a sock with cutouts for her eyes and mouth over her face. There’s the face-guard she’d worn on several missions that didn’t require a stealth infiltration, only straightforward assassination, but it works and feels like a muzzle, and she knows the design had been intentional.

Weapons didn’t need to talk. Weapons had mission objectives and targets to kill and no room for independent thought. And she may still be a weapon but that’s not all that she is anymore so she tucks the face-guard back into the bag she keeps in the corner of her closet where her old tactical suit and gear remains, having done nothing but gather dust for the past year. She’s outgrown what she used to be in the time since Yasha had set her free from the control of the Ouroboros in more ways than one.

The old bodysuit now feels tight and constrictive when she tries to slip into it again, and she remembers what it was like when her skin had clung close enough to her bones that it had been easy to count her ribs, one by one. They had liked to keep their weapon hungry, honed to a perpetually razor-sharp edge by discomfort and desperation. There had been times they wouldn’t let her sleep or eat for days just to test the limits of her body, her mind, her commitment to the task at hand, no matter how inane.

Now she understands what it’s like to be well-fed, to have enough flesh between skin and bone to dull the sharpness of her ribs and her collarbones. Her body is still sleek and muscled but no longer unhealthily slender, no longer bordering on breakable. Sometimes, in the dead of night when she can’t force herself to sleep, she likes to visit the 24-hour stores just to stare at the aisles full of food she can eat without waiting for a command, choices she can make without the heavy drum beat of a directive banging against the inside of her skull.

A month ago, she’d finally indulged herself and bought a fridge to furnish her apartment and had fought hard to keep from succumbing to the urge to self-punish for such a selfish, unnecessary act. She’d succeeded, then. A day later, Maia had ended up kneeling beside the bathtub and holding her head underwater until she’d almost passed out for treating herself to a hot cup of chai from a street vendor with kind eyes. She’d ended up on her back on the floor of the bathroom, vision blacking out at the edges as she struggled to breathe, hating herself for her failure to resist the voice inside her mind reminding her that she was an asset, and assets consumed sustenance for survival, not pleasure, and she deserved to hurt for the luxury of a single cup of chai. It was a battle she lost as often as she won, fighting to beat the vestiges of her programming back into the smallest, darkest corner of her mind.

In the end, she chooses a fitted black cloth neckpiece that she can keep around her throat until she needs to use it. It works well when she pulls it up to cover the lower half of her face, effectively concealing all of her features below her eyes. The lower end of it tucks neatly into the collar of the new custom black tactical suit that she’d used the man hired to act as her guardian to acquire. He was an accommodating man who didn’t mind taking orders from a girl less than half of his age, so long as she kept him on her payroll. The mask won’t provide much in the way of protection, but it‘ll keep her face concealed while still allowing her to speak, and that’s all she really needs.

None of the petty criminals and street thugs she confronts pose any real threat to her, but there’s still something exhilarating about the prospect of winning fights where she’s no longer on the wrong side. It’s new, different, and it doesn’t make her limbs feel heavy with regret when she lashes out with every intention of drawing blood.

The one rule she imposes upon herself is simple- no killing.

It takes longer to subdue her opponents sometimes, when she’s fighting a group and has to remind herself not to snap someone’s neck or crush anyone’s skull against the cement, but she leaves them all alive, albeit unconscious, and that’s a victory in and of itself for a girl who was raised to kill without a second thought. It costs her, leaving her with injuries she wouldn’t normally sustain if she didn’t care about leaving her opponents with a pulse, but every cut and bruise feels like a prize. She relishes the pain that she carries home with her after a night out on the streets, each and every single one of her aches serving as a reminder that she had left those people alive and with every reason not to step out of line again.

She’s been on the streets for nearly two weeks when she finally comes across another vigilante. The city turns out to have more of them than she expects, once she started paying attention. She’s seen blurry images of him on the news enough to already know who he is, but it still doesn’t stop a flicker of excitement from bursting to life in her veins when she finally meets the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen.

He moves in a way that has her wondering who trained him, aware of every single thing around him even without turning to look. She’s been trained similarly to be aware of her surroundings, but his spatial awareness is so obviously superior that she’s almost envious.

Maia watches him fight, patiently waiting at the opening of the alley where he’s currently beating the crap out of a couple of muggers. The would-be victim had already run past Maia and back out into the streets, clutching her bag and probably hurrying to retreat to the relative safety of her home. She hadn’t even spared the masked girl a second glance in her rush to flee.

When he’s finished- which she notes with a mild sense of disappointment because it would’ve been a genuine pleasure to continue to watch him fight- he turns to her and tilts his head in query.

“I’m not here to fight,” she says, mindful of the way he’s already tensed in preparation for an attack.

“Then what are you here for?” He growls back, something dark and dangerous lining the edges of his tone, a threat so visceral that she can almost feel it permeating the space between them.

Maia steps deeper into the alley, and the shadows embrace her form like an old friend.

“Well, it seems we’re in the same business, so I thought I should introduce myself.”

“You seem a little young to be in this business.”

She doesn’t allow herself to stiffen, even as her heart skips a beat at his words. Whoever the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen is, he’s more perceptive than almost anyone else she’s ever come across. What gave it away? Maia’s trained her whole life to become a ghost, yet within a minute of introducing herself to this man in an alley, he can already tell that she’s still a teen?

“I took down those guys at the docks last week,” she tosses back, forcing herself to sound flippant and cold, “I think my age is the last thing you should be concerned about.”

It’s not quite a laugh that she manages to get of out him, but it’s close.

“I guess you’re right about that.” He nods, relaxing his stance and lowering his billy clubs to his sides. “What should I call you?”

Maia hums for a second, a little thrown by the question. She hadn’t quite considered creating a name for her nighttime alter ego yet. This new hobby of hers doesn’t feel so much as dressing up as it does dressing down, stripping away the costume of normalcy and returning to the truth at the core of her being, the part of her that has violence etched deep into the very marrow of her bones.

“Dealer’s choice,” she replies, and the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen really laughs this time. It’s a rich, warm sound that echoes brightly in the quiet stillness of the alley.

“Alright. How about ‘Jane’?”

“As in, Jane Doe?” She doesn’t bother stopping the smirk that stretches across her lips, hidden beneath the fabric obscuring her face from view.

He shrugs, and the gesture makes the tiny horns of his mask catch some of the faint moonlight that trickles down from high above.

“Why not?”

She frowns, considering it. Something stirs in the recesses of her mind, and she tugs the memory loose with practiced caution. She thinks she was a Jane, once, in Europe. One of her earliest missions. But the memory holds no trace of blood, so she agrees with a shrug of her shoulders and the barest tilt of her head.

“I don’t suppose you’d like to be called ‘John,’ then.”

“You can call me Mike.” He smiles, then, almost wickedly, and she’s sure there’s a joke in there somewhere that she’s most definitely not in on.

But even beneath the mask, she finds herself smiling too, and just like that, Maia somehow ends up befriending the Devil.

to be continued...

[tenpercentsugar]

1-100 gibby

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?uhhh yuh

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?uhhhh nah

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be?mind reading easily i would love to know what everyone thinks but i’d only like to be able to read minds when i want to, not like constantly

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years?nope bc i dont have a plan for that

5. Tell us some funny drunk story.one time me and dani left a get together in white pigeon early to get drunk very fast before they all came from the get together to the house and i got super wasted, wall twerked, then threw up and died as soon as everyone got there

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?if i had one i could give an answer

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? quickly, in my sleep, when i’m very old

8. What are your current goals?get a job in a mental health facility, fall in love w a dude w a good job, have a cute ass baby

9. Do you like someone?no i aint got tiiiiiiiime

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?next question!!

11. Do you like your body?no bitch fuck i look like

12. Can you keep a diet?i have never tried to have a healthy diet but if you mean can i keep a diet of tbell constantly then hell yeah

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say?BE NICE!!!

14. Do you work?every weekday

15. If you could choose only one food to eat to the rest of your life, what would it be?mac and cheese dude

16. Would you get a tattoo?i already have and i would totally get more

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on?gas for my car cuz i loooove to drive

18. Can you drive?yeah!!

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful?yesterday but it was family so 🙄

20. What was the last thing you cried for?i have no idea what even triggered it i just had a huuuuuge panic attack ive never felt so crazy

21. Do you keep a journal?no i wish :-(

22. Is life fun?it can be!! is really up to you

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?yeah sure but theres still some fucks out there who would keep in relevant. i might be one of those fucks lowkey

24. What’s your dream car?a nissan cuz i love how touchy their brakes are

25. Are grades in school important?yeah bro the system is fucked up and teaches you nothing but grades get you into college if thats your goal

26. Describe your crush.WHO

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?guardians of the galaxy vol. 2

28. What was your last lie?i cant tell ya!

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? i can’t remember at all bro i used to lie all the time so it could be a multitude of things

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing?yes i hate doing it i prevent it as much as possible

31. Something you did and you are proud of?got clean

32. What’s your favourite cocktail?i have never drank a cocktail i just mostly drink beer hahaha

33. Something you are good at?editing papers hmu if you want me to proofread yo shit!

34. Do you like small kids?i work w them 5/7 days so i kinda have to but also yes

35. How are you feeling right now?nervous bc i need to use the bathroom but i don’t want jake hallman to see me look this crazy but he also could not even be here anymore and i just have no clue

36. What would you name your daughter/son?i have plenty of girl names in mind but boy names are super fuckin hard bc every boy name is a common boy name and the unique ones are too weird

37. What do you need to be happy?my mom and hella money

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?not right now, im not in the mood

39. What was the last gift you received?25 dollars cash for my bday

40. What was the last gift you gave?its been a while since i gave a gift

41. What was the last concert you went to?warped tour but today im going to a concert actually

42. Favourite place to shop at?i don’t even shop anymore but i guess for groceries, meijer. clothes, old navy.

43. Who inspires you?the gurls on my fb who lost hella weight after hs

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?16

45. How old were you when you first got high?17

46. How old were you when you first had sex?prolly around 30

47. When was your first kiss?never had one

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year?stay clean and thats really it

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done?oh definitely pretty much all of 2016

50. Post a selfie.http://deathchamp.tumblr.com/tagged/me

51. Who are you most comfortable around?taylor and ash for sure. theyre my OGs, theyve seen me in the weirdest phases of my life, ive got nothing to lose now

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.dying too early, not living enough of a life

53. What kind of books do you read?true crime, jodi picoult, and some young adult when i wanna read something without thinking too hard

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self?none of these people matter, their opinions don’t matter, get better friends, quit worrying about boys you don’t even want to date them!!

55. What is your favourite flower?hydrangea

56. Any bad habits you have?i smoke cigs still! cuz i’m really fuckin dumb!

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?i dont even know anymore!! i dont know my type!!

58. What was the last thing you cried for?okay since i already kinda answered this, another time i cried recently was when i watched hella adoption surprise videos

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgust you?you mean…every food damn near?

60. Are you in love?not w anything right now

61. Something you find romantic?any kind of surprise honestly like flowers sent to your work without warning type shit. not from like anybody tho hahaha like it gotta be from your SO

62. How long was your longest relationship? when

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?i don’t really wanna make blanket statements so this gurl on twit’s been annoying me bc she’s judgmental, claims it is childish to handle beef in private, AND she’s preachy

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex? again, no blanket statements bih but this other dude on twit who i have muted af irritates me bc he’s holier than thou and has all of life’s answers, has the worst kind of sarcasm where its like laced w bitterness all the time, and he types properly like…all the time which i think he does to assert his intelligence. annoying

65. What are you saving money for?uhhh rent hahaha

66. How would you describe your bad side?i dont really have a good side i just have a little clout

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?yeah like at my core i think i’m a good person but like literally everyone else i’m capable of mean shit

68. What are you living for?my mom and thas really about it

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?yeah like everyday but nothin on like a felony scale

70. Do you like your body?no tf

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?yeah but it was an argument in which they were also trying to make me feel bad

72. Ever sent nudes?hellll noooo

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?nah bro how would that even be possible

74. Favourite candy?take 5, all day everyday

75. Is there a blog you visit every day, or almost every day? Tag it!i don’t check blogs anymore

76. Do you play any computer games? What is your favourite game?no i used to when i was a kid tho!

77. Favourite TV series?bob’s burgers, that 70s show, one tree hill, law and order: svu, grounded for life

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?i am not religious so i have no clue. hes never come to me

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?i can’t even remember. that annoys me so bad i wanna read again

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism?i support it! i would be terrified to do it bc i am SUCH a picky eater i would have to eat like only potatoes to survive

81. How long have you been on Tumblr?five long years

82. Do you like Chineese food?i havent tried most of it but from what i have, no

83. McDonalds or Subway?subway i damn near never wanna go to mcdonalds ever again

84. Vodka or whiskey?neither just this question made me wanna throw up

85. Alcohol or drugs?drugs

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country?i’ve only ever been out of state but i’d love to go out of country

87. Meaning behind your blog name?i was listening to cherry bomb heavy and i loved deathcamp so i thought this was a cool play on words taha

88. What are you scared of?everything, next question

89. Last time you were insulted?can’t even remember. i told you i have a little clout

90. Most traumatic experience ?losing christian. fucked me up really bad

91. Perfect date idea?amusement park/water park. thats my ideal and i will not rest until it happens

92. Favourite app on your phone?twitter and finstagram all the time, tumblr and reddit when i’m high

93. What colour are the walls in your room?beige

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?i do! i love youtube! sarah baska and ashlynn tapp are who i look for when i get on

95. Share your favourite quote.keep calm and carry on, duh

96. What is the meaning of life?to improve. your life, the lives around you, your community, and especially the greater good of the world. basically if you’re not trying to grow you might as well be dead

97. Do you like horror movies?uhhhh no bye

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?all throughout my life. what happened was i bait the fuck out of her constantly

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way?no i have no reason to do that

100. Can you keep a secret?yeah i’m not a monster