#but I never come to people under their posts (unless they themselves wish to hear my opinion) and say xyz

[gilgil-machine]

Some people just can't accept Gilkidu, huh....

[skippygiraffee]

Now I wanna hear more of your thoughts about Raihan and Leon and their insecurities wrt each other, and how they might solve them please.

absolutely, thank you for asking <3!! as per usual with me, I'm unsure how long this will be, so I'll put my thoughts under a read more for the sake of people's dashes/the tag. BUT I do think about these two a lot, especially this side of them, so I have a lot of thoughts floating around in the mind palace that I will try and materialize >:3c

I have a hard time picking a place to start with these two because the aforementioned mind palace is more like brain soup, and I'm trying to pick out the tasty bits from the broth with this one (meaning I think about it a lot, a lot) and it's hard to put pen to paper so to speak. but essentially, I doubt either of them started their careers with high self esteem to start with, and then I have in my own personal headcanon that Rose specifically pitted them against each other for the sake of numbers and marketing. it would be good for his bottom line, and Leon's brand as a champion, if he had a really strong and flashy rival, and Raihan was right there begging for the spotlight for various reasons.

when it comes down to each other specifically, however, here's a breakdown of some of those insecurities:

Leon is infinitely jealous of Raihan's freedom and that he has control over anything in his life

Raihan resents the effortless way in which maintains his popularity

Leon's body issues manifest in being spiteful towards Raihan's assumed ease with posting on social media

Raihan feels like Leon never has time for anything or anyone outside of Rose's elite circle of people

both think the other has social skills that they themselves seem to lack (for Leon it's interpersonal relationships and close friendships and for Raihan it's the way Leon is seemingly comfortable around and with powerful people), and they feel equally small when the other is in those settings

there's a lot of unresolved anger and tension from the years and years of being sold as rivals that has done immense damage to their relationship, and neither thinks they can overcome it

Raihan in convinced that Leon will always be, forever and always, out of reach in every possible way

Leon thinks he'll never be good enough for Raihan unless he remains at the top, the best, the undefeated Champion

to break some of them down a little more, Leon just doesn't have time for anything or anyone that isn't Rose or the League once he's Champion, and of course to anyone he's close with that's going to sting. and I think Raihan has a habit of questioning his place in people's lives, to the point that any shift in energy or attention can feel like the end of the world. so for Leon to just be busy with shit out of his control would definitely fester and build inside him, to the point where I think a lot of that boisterous energy on the field in battle is Raihan trying to let out that building anger towards Leon, when he logically knows it's not Leon's fault. however, logic and emotion don't always meet at the same junction, so Raihan and Leon have definitely had fights that spilled over into their shared friendgroup over how Leon will just ghost everyone for months on end.

I also think both want what the other has, in that childish way that kids always want what their friend is eating, but also in the very adult way of wishing their lives had turned out differently. Leon so desperately wishes that he wasn't caged up in Wyndon, forced to perform, forced to be Rose's left hand (because Oleana is his right, and Leon isn't even good enough to be there). he loves battling, loves his Pokemon, loves everything about what he does except being Champion. so he wants to be Raihan.

and Raihan is sick and tired of always being one step from the top, constantly reminded that he isn't good enough to be Champion. so painfully aware of the sacrifices that come with it, but he'd be fine with it for a taste of the adoration that Leon has. he wants to feel what it's like to wear the crown, be loved and cheered for, rather than hearing someone else's name being yelled from the stands the moment he enters the field anywhere but Hammerlocke. he wants to be Leon so bad it hurts, makes him privately bitter, and publicly aloof to avoid dealing with it.

Raihan has spent so long looking up, and Leon has spent so long feeling trapped I truly think it's a genuine shock to the system when the whole thing just stops. Leon wakes up in the morning Champion, and goes to bed dethroned. and it wasn't even Raihan who took his crown.

dealing with that is a whole other beast, you know? because they defined a good chunk of their relationship on the rivalry dynamic. do they scrap it, do they keep it, what do they do with that? how do they look at and deal with all the emotions being thrown right on the floor after Leon is defeated, because Leon is also dealing with the after effects of the whole Darkest Day event, which is at best just a natural disaster narrowly avoided, and at worst an extreme upheaval in the lives of so many people thanks to Rose being in prison and his company being left without leadership and Leon being left with lifelong ailments thanks to it.

honestly, once Leon is ready for the conversation, I think a lot of anger on both their parts comes out first. tears, yelling, the works. where they just start listing off all the built up anger and resentment from the years. it's not healthy, by any means, but they aren't sure how else to really lay it all out. and once it's out there they have to figure out how to deal with it, like unpacking an old closet and finding long forgetting items, and figuring out whether to toss or keep them. for Leon, he's just sorry, because he wishes he had been better for Raihan, for everyone, and he carries all the guilt in the world for the past decade or so of being Champion. he let everything fall to wayside, and now he has to figure both himself out and how he fits back into people's lives. for Raihan, he has to really really confront where his anger is coming from, and he hates that it's been staring at him in the mirror for a long time, being displaced onto Leon.

the legitimate things wrong with their relationship, like the foundation it was built on and how they talk to each other and treat each other, they work it out by slowly rebuilding everything. not from the ground up, because they can't erase what happened, and don't want to, but their rivalry is different. they battle together, but they'll be damned if the other outdoes them in making curry (Leon can't, but that's because both Hop and Raihan aren't sure what the fuck is up with his tastebuds). a lot of it is just them mellowing out, getting calmer about things, and doing their passions in different ways.

I dunno, I just like thinking of them as middle aged guys who still think their older mons can still duke it out like they're spry, and of course will for them, but Leon and Raihan laughing and having fun. and the local kids are wondering how these two were once these fierce rivals that their parents still talk about, when they're just sitting back and having a relaxed match. where the baggage of the past still comes up every now and then, but they get to sit down, have the time to talk about it, and come back better. I think more than anything they work it out with time and openness, honesty and compassion, more than anything. and it's what they deserve really.

[lolita-lollipop]

Royal siren erasermic family? They like adopt you after you hatch from an egg bc they found you or something idk and take you back to the castle and make you their little princess or something cute and fluffy like that.

YANDERE SIREN ERASERMIC FAMILY X BABY PRINCESS READER

Shinso was just out and about, swimming through some forbidden areas he wasn’t supposed to be in, avoiding sharks, when he found an iridescent little ball under some rubble of a shipwreck, it made his gills tingle at the sweet aura that it emmited, he knew, that this creature, was something to protect. It was up until he saw something moving inside that he thought it was just some ancient treasure that would’ve died with this ship, he examined it closer, squinting his eyes, that’s when he realized, it was a Siren. A baby one at that, usually they hatched out of boring white eggs, the royal family’s were gold, but a shiny color changing white that combated the finest of jewels? Never, this little pip was special, he could feel it.

So he brought it back home, through his “balcony window”, debating wether or not he should tell his parents. As you know, he was somewhere where he was not supposed to be, and they would throw a fit. Then again, whatever this thing was, he couldn’t just keep it to himself, something was living inside it, and he wouldn’t know if something was wrong, so he has too. When he did, it came as a suprise that his parents weren’t mad, they jsut kindof stared at the orb, inhaling the addictive scent it gave off, the three huddled around it, aizawa carefully picking the Small thing up, it was only about the size of a pumpkin, extremely easy to pick up, yet he could still feel the heartbeat of a creature inside, it just had to be one of the sirenfolk , there isn’t any other explanation. He stared at it in confusion, noticing the small cracks staring to form.

Then a little hand popped through, and scared the shit out of all of them.

———

As it turned out, you were in fact a siren, a rare subtype of them, thought to have gone extinct long, long ago. The opal-looking scales that littered your arms and tail showed proof of it, this species were intensely more fragile, and weaker, that’s why they went extinct, as they couldn’t hear, and a small crabs pinch could cause major bone breaks, they were just too weak, yet so beautiful. That’s why they were coveted among the royal family. It only helped their growing obsession taht you were so cute.

It might’ve been an act of I’mpulse, but they just needed to have you as their own, of course, their word is law, so they could’ve just kept you, but they felt the need to make it official, they’d already had two pips, you’re just their third! It was simple, of course, you specific species could be born into sirenfolk families, it was just so rare that it had only happened once. You were just so cute, so fragile, just something so breakable, they just

H a d

To protect this tiny lil thing, it was instinctual to feel a protective pull over their little pups, and boy were they feeling that right now, you were special, not just any baby, but you were theirs. Their special little pup, nothing would ever lay a hand on you, ever. It had only be a few days, and word spreads through the underwater kingdom like a wave, from the servant maid who showed them how to take care of you, to the head maid, to a citizen, to the fisher, and eventually, by the end of the week, the whole kingdom was eagerly waiting to get a glimpse of their new princess.

And boy were they shocked to find out it was an opalite, the most rare of rare sirens in the world. Immediately after they had shown you to the world, sitting in a large clam as it was pulled by sharks, the citizens fell in love with you, maybe it was the fact that you were related to their beloved royals, maybe because the royal family would intensely glare at anyone who made negative comments, maybe it was the fact that a few of those people went missing, but who knows right?

You still hadn’t been able to open your eyes yet, and you won’t be able to hear them for a very long time, your hands were about the size of aizawas eye, and you looked closer to a fish than a human, as you hadn’t even developed your face yet, another plus to being the endangered species, note the sarcasm. And guess what? They found it so adorable, just their cute little baby, their little pup who can’t even protect themselves from the water around them. They just loved every part of your little body, from your tails, to your tiny little hands, to your shiny gills. It was all just so perfect- you were so perfect, and you were theirs, they were gonna protect you at all costs.

So of course they did, you were just so tiny right now, they knows practically anything could hurt you, so they opted to be around you all the time, only leaving to hunt for humans that would suffice for their tastes, drawling them in, determined because of that little smile of yours. You motivated them to do it, they were doing this for you. It have them all a sense of pride to have you feel safe with them, to rite them you. On their own terms.

Eri was constantly around you, being that she was a young one just like you, and you were her little sister! So she wanted to always be around while you made those echoing gurgling noises, or flapped your hands around in the water, she didn’t have responsibility in the kingdom yet, unless being cute is a job, so she can be with you jsut as much as she wants. Always sitting with you while you played with the floating pearls that they had arranged over your play area, watching you feel new things, holding you while you dozed off with adorable little bubbles, she always was with you.

Like now, she’s been with you all day, giving you little snacks, glaring at the guards at the door who always had their eyes on you… creeps. The sun was almost setting, and when you’re low down in the ocean it goes pitch black after a little while, and that’s when the jellyfish come out, tonight was one of the most special days out of the year in the northern oceans, the jellyfish festival, the one night a year when the rare white jellyfish would come out to say hi, leaving trails of shimmering sparkle behind them, painting the upper levels of the ocean a shiny silver. It just so happened that it occurred on your first birthday, a very small increment to sirens, as they live almost a billion years, but still a big accomplishment in their eyes. Look! Their little baby girl is turning one! How amazing!

“Do you see them hon? Look, they’re just starting to appear” Aizawa asked both you and eri calmly, swishing his hand through the salty water to pint at the new appearance of white and purple blobs, slowly flouncing their way overhead. Eri smiled up at it, her pointed teeth displayed in full view, her eyes shined at the view, not only of the huge jellyfish, but also at you, who was placed delicately in mics lap, sat up against his chest. Little bubbles escaped your mouth as you blew raspberries into the water, just making the family laugh.

“Mm-hmmm! Look! Look! How pretty! I wanna touch em! Can I touch em!” She yelled at her parents, excitedly pointing towards the jelly’s floating towards the surface, her hair floated behind her as she swished around, shinsho just chuckled, knowing that she eventually would try to touch them, and get zapped, again, like last year, and the year before, and the year before.

“No hon. Don’t do that to us again, you wanna wish your sister a happy birthday? She’s probably really exited!” Mic cheered, distracting his daughter from touching the jellyfish, yet again, meanwhile, you were happily bouncing up and down on his lap, enjoying the freedom of your arms, swishing them all over the place, grabbing the beads around your neck, jsut anything.

“But dad! Why not! It’s not like it’s hurt me or anything I’ll be fi-“ she begged, throwing her hands up in a small tempter tantrum, clearly forgetting her previous events of pain, and idiocy.

“No- nope no no, we aren’t doing this again, please honey, just please, remember last time, we had to clean up your wounds OUTSIDE-of water, you hate going to the surface remember? “

“Yeah but-“ she started speaking, but was soon cut off with a loud giggle, resonating through your lips, kindof rare for you, you hadn’t been very vocal outside of a few gurgles here and there, so it had each and every ones heads turning. That’s when they saw it, your beautiful eyes, shin sing in reflection to the jellyfish. Those beautiful little eyes of yours mesmerized all of them, a pitch black (for protection from the salt), with a shiny silver-like pupal, immediately after they opened, a burst of color filled your vision. You giggled and clapped your hands together with a small toothless smile, watching as the floaty creates went overhead, glittering with the light.

The absolutely gorgeous splash above was admired by the family form their own viewing post, the blues and whites combined to make a heavenly display. You could feel the cool sprinkles of light they emmited hitting your skin, smiling at the feeling, you splayed your hands out and flailed them against the water.

“Ohhhhhh- oh wow. Honey! Honey look! Her eyes opened! Look at taht! Aren’t you just so magical! Look at you, my little pup.” Mic smacked Aizawa over the chest multiple times, pointing at your clearly opened eyes, you just remained oblivious, staring up at all the new things around you, like.. everything! He turned you around to face him, letting you actually see his face for the first time, taking in the long yellow hair, the (also) black eyes, the ethereal face dotted with shiny yellow gills, him, you could see him!

“She’s developing smoothly, I’m glad. Awww, that’s pretty cute.” Aizawa replied to him, holding in his emotions, as soon as he met those new eyes of yours it’s like everything else disappeared, like the world itself didn’t exist, outside of him, and his fmaily. You took his breath away, or what you could call breath, so cute and innocent, such a small thing, that brings so much joy. Your little tail swished back and forth as you stared up at them happily, taking in the features of the people you’d learned to recognize by touch. Blowing raspberries out of your lips with a stream of bubbles.

“Awwwww! I’m gonna cry, she’s growing so fast! Soon she’ll be swimming in her own! In like 200 years! Too soon, way too soon. Comers baby- mm hmmm” mic spoke, knowing full well that even if he did cry, his tears would get sucked in by the ocean. He pulled you close, moving your head I’ve this shoulde is it would rest in the crook of his neck while he hugged you, eventually, the others joined in, eri practically flopping ontop (with careful regard for you of course).

They all stared at you, while you stared up at the “sky”, oblivious to their stares, to the ways they would growl at anyone who came close, to how they kept you from seeing anyone other than what they personally approve. After all, you are jsut their little pup, of course you wouldn’t notice! Their little pup… feels right to say that, it isn’t like you have any family waiting, they aren’t ever gonna come here.

And if they ever did?

Then, well, a few mermaids are going missing

———————————————————————————————————

Thanks for requesting, this was fun to write!

Have a great day today! Goodbye.

[minor-solemnity]

hi omg i love you so much!!!! every time i see you post i get so excited!!!!! if requests are still open can you please write over protective tom! i'm a simp for tom x reader when he is super protective over her! thank you😘😘

Eee, thank you! You’re the sweetest omg <3 I really hope you enjoy this! (We all simp for super protective Tom, don’t we? I definitely do)

Tag List: @naps-and-lemons @jinxqsu @riddles-wifey @cakesarecute @mostlynonsense

The Dark Forest

“Stand up for me, and stay close now.” You follow his instructions, the basket and the flowers lying forgotten at your feet. There is something about the way Tom’s holding himself, his back is a straight line of tension, his shoulders are taught, the grip on his wand rigid. He looks like he’s ready for a fight.

The Forbidden Forest is a strange and remarkable place. From afar, it looks like a solid wall of black that fades into hazy mist regardless of the time of day. You’ve always held a certain fascination with the forest, spending a lot of your free time edging the perimeter and peering in through the thicket, trying to get a glimpse of what lies within. You’d given up Care of Magical Creatures as an elective when you had learnt that Professor Kettleburn had made it quite clear to you that he had no plan to ever lead students inside. It had been one of your favourite things to complain about in fourth year, and your secret hope that you’d one day find an excuse to venture beyond the borders.

You suppose the phrase be careful what you wish for was penned for situations such as the one you find yourself in now.

You trudge along the narrow path, one hand gripping your wand and the other holding onto the wicker basket that Professor Kettleburn had given you to collect the stella syriaca flowers before sending you and Tom off into the forest. The only light source you have is the lumos you’ve cast to guide you through the forest and the pale, white-blue light your wand emits turns the forest into a strange imitation of nature. In this light, at this moment, you can almost convince yourself that the trees and the undergrowth are abstractions of nature, an impressionist’s depiction of what a forest might look like.

This in itself isn’t a problem - you’re not so easily scared that the dark and unfamiliar are frightening in themselves. The problem is that you’re fairly certain that you’re being followed. Not that you’re going to mention this particular concern to Tom. He’s already been dragged out to the Forbidden Forest unnecessarily because of you, you don’t want to annoy him with your paranoid imagination. “Tom, do you have any idea where we are?” You ask, trying to keep your voice and calm. You don’t want him thinking that you’re scared, not when it’s your fault that you’re both in this mess.

“If the directions that Kettleburn gave us are to be trusted, we should be nearly at the clearing,” He responds, and unlike you, he doesn’t sound like he’s pretended not to be scared. He just sounds unbothered by the situation, like this is as normal as a trip to the library or a walk around the lake. He glances down at you and frowns slightly as he takes in your clenched fists and tight expression. In the light of the lumos, his concerned expression turns sinister, strange shadows forming under his eyes and distort his usually beautiful features into something otherworldly and dangerous. When he talks though, his voice is soothing and calm, “Are you alright? I would have thought that you, of all people, would enjoy this particular punishment.” You hum in response, unwilling to voice your current thoughts but unwilling to lie either. Lying never works well with Tom anyway - his talent for spotting lies is as good as his talent for the art itself.

“I’m just sorry that I dragged you into this mess,” You murmur, which isn’t a lie. You are sorry that he’s had to give up his evening to escort you into the forest. “You shouldn’t have to do this just because I was being an idiot.” And the fact that this is essentially all your fault rankles you immensely. The issue is… Well, the issue is that you don’t really have anyone other than yourself to blame. No. No, that’s not entirely true. You can definitely blame the school for your current situation; it’s insane that they would send students out into the Forbidden Forest at night unaided and alone as a punishment. Professor Seprenta’s petty desire to take out her frustrations on her students by sending them into potentially perilous places is nothing to do with you. But the circumstances leading up to your detention?

Well, that’s all you.

You wish you could pass the blame but frustratingly you can’t. You decided all by yourself that it would be a good idea to sneak out after curfew to practise summoning circles. It’s also your fault that you’d (stupidly) chosen an empty classroom that just so happened to be next to Seprenta’s office and had forgotten to cast a silencing charm. She’d found you, chalk dust up to your elbows, scattering bay leaves, lavender, and mandrake roots in the four corners of the room.

Needless to say, she hadn’t been impressed, and you’re still not entirely sure if it’s because she caught you out after curfew or if it’s because Seprenta has a weird grudge against any magic that doesn’t involve the direct use of a wand. Either way, it hardly matters now. What matters is that you had been landed in detention and Tom is the one who volunteered to watch over you, ostensibly to make sure that you didn’t skive off, but in reality, you know that it’s because he doesn’t like the idea of you venturing off into the forest alone and without protection.

Next to you, Tom stills and grabs your shoulder, using his leverage to turn you in place until you’re face to face. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t take responsibility for my own actions, it’s terribly narcissistic of you.” He says and despite the insulting nature of his words, you find yourself reassured. Tom is… not the best at kind words and sweet nothings, not unless he’s employing them to get what he wants that is. When he’s being honest, he has a tendency towards bluntness that borders on rude. It says a lot about his feelings towards you that he is rarely charming and sycophantic. “If I hadn’t wanted to come with you, I wouldn’t have, so please, save your guilt for when you need it.”

With a small, weak laugh you nod, “I’ll keep that in mind… Thank you.” Even in the alien lighting, the small smile that lifts Tom’s lips is pleased and soft and maybe a little surprised. The fact that he so rarely hears honest thanks is more than a little heartbreaking. The pair of you continue forwards, Tom leading the way and you following close behind, ever conscious of the… thing watching from the shadows.

You’d first noticed the thing about twenty or so minutes into your exploration of the forest - a silent shadow, no bigger than a bulldog, that flickered in and out of existence in your peripheral vision. You’d not paid it much attention, to begin with, there were plenty of strange things that lived in the forest, after all, and you’d been confident in your assessment that the professors wouldn’t actually put you in the way of any real harm. That confidence has diminished the further in you’ve gone, even with Tom by your side. Now, when you catch a glimpse of it, the shadow looks bigger - maybe the size of a large sheep and a lot more defined. It melts into the darkness whenever you try to get a better look, but you’re fairly sure that it’s more solid than it had been when you’d first seen it.

You tell yourself you’re being paranoid, that the stories the ghosts like to tell you about what goes on in the forest at night have finally gotten to you, but the longer you walk, the more certain you are that there is something in the shadows. “…Tom? Tom, I think something’s following us.”

“I’d be surprised if there wasn’t, darling. You know as well as I do that these woods are alive with more than just birds and trees.” His words are not at all comforting and you find yourself growing annoyed with his flippancy. What you might lack in foresight, you make up for in common sense and your senses are telling you to pay closer attention to the shadows that encroach and creep and linger all around you.

“Tom, I’m being serious. Something is watching us.” He must pick up on the vaguely panicked edge to your words because he stops again and flicks his wand in a complicated motion and a vibrant flame erupts from the tip, floating just above your heads. You give yourself a moment to marvel at his ability before the matter at hand takes precedence and you cast around to try and catch sight of whatever it is that you’ve been seeing. “It was… It was right behind us,” You say, scanning the trees for any sight of the thing. Whatever it is, it’s nowhere to be found. “I swear it was here.”

He hums in response, and when you look at him, you can tell that he’s sceptical. Still, he sends the ball of flame in the direction that you’re pointing and the light seems to reverberate around the dark forest, revealing leaves and branches and thick patches of undergrowth but no moving shadow. Satisfied, he flics his wand again the flame extinguishes. “Keep an eye out - if you think you see something again, tell me.” You nod and bite your lip, pressing a little closer to his side as you continue your trek. You feel like a small child, huddled under your blankets to hide yourself from the darkest shadows in your bedroom. Fear is a funny thing, it’s an almost tangible emotion, prickling the back of your neck and sticking to you like sand on wet skin. Still, you’re almost at the clearing and then all you need to do is pick the flowers and get out.

The stella syriaca flowers only bloom at night, the tiny flowers growing in spherical clusters. Under the glow of your wand, they blossom pearlescent and delicate, like miniature moons rising from the forest floor. You set the basket down and begin to pick the flowers, careful not to crush the petals as Tom watches over you. “You don’t fancy helping?” You call over your shoulder and somewhere above you, Tom breathes out a huff of laughter.

“I hardly see why I should - this is your punishment, is it not?” He counters, wry humour coating his words and you roll your eyes but laugh nonetheless. Now that you’re in the clearing, you don’t feel so afraid, the knowledge that you’ll soon be out of the forest bolstering your confidence. Silence falls upon you and you get lost in the monotony of plucking the flowers, the repetitive actions lulling you into a daze so much so that you don’t immediately notice the rustling in the trees towards the edge of the clearing or the way that Tom’s posture tenses and his eyes turn to slits.

You startle when his hands brush the top of your head, and you look up at from where you’re kneeling on the ground to see what the problem is. Tom looks… He doesn't look scared, which you think is probably a good thing, but he does look agitated. His expression is shuttered window, no light or levity flickers behind the darks of his eyes, no ironic smile curling his lips. You only ever see this side of him when someone displeases him in a particularly grievous manner and he’s never looked at you with that cold blankness that reminds you of ice storms and black tar. You spare a thought for his enemies because you imagine you’d probably drop down dead in an instant if he were to ever turn this particular expression on you.

When he talks, his voice is tight, “What did you think you saw earlier?”

“A… I don’t really know—” Tom makes a low, irritated sound in the back of his throat and the hand that’s resting on your head tightens slightly. “—It was like a moving shadow out of the corner of my eye. It disappeared whenever I tried to look at it, but I think it was getting bigger the deeper we went.” You can’t keep the nervousness out of your voice as you scan the perimeters of the clearing, trying to get a glimpse of whatever it is that’s got Tom on edge. The darkness of the forest seems to loom and though you can’t see anything, you can feel it watching you, can feel the way it sizes you up the same way your cat sizes up mice in the courtyard before she pounces. You’ve always thought it was cute - the way her eyes would grow large and black and her lithe body would scrunch up before she attacked. You don’t find it cute now, though. Not when you’re the mouse.

Tom hums in response and he almost sounds relieved, though you can’t think of a single reason why. “Stand up for me, and stay close now.” You follow his instructions, the basket and the flowers lying forgotten at your feet. There is something about the way Tom’s holding himself, his back is a straight line of tension, his shoulders are taught, the grip on his wand is rigid. He looks like he’s ready for a fight. “Stop the lumos, darling.” At your noise of protest, he shoots you a quick smile which you think is supposed to be reassuring but in reality, looks vaguely foreboding. “Trust me.”

“Nox. Happy now?”

“Ecstatic.”

“Oh, yeah, you sound really— Merlin, what the fuck?” The shadows in front of you shift, and something big and black and not really there seems to collect in the near pitch black. Vapours in the air that pool and swirl until they coalesce into a shadowy thing the size of a shire horse. For a moment, it just hangs there, waiting and watching and anticipating.

And then it lunges.

In the grand scheme of things, your life is relatively unimportant. You’re not so narcissistic that you believe that the world will be irrevocably changed or diminished if you were to meet an untimely end - sure, your family and friends would be sad for a while, your cat would wonder why you’re no longer around to give them treats and ear scratches, but nothing would fundamentally change if you were to die. You know all of this and still, you’re staring down the proverbial barrel of a gun and the only thing that’s running through your mind is, Dear Gods, why me?

You realise in this instant that you are not made for combat. This shouldn’t be a surprise to you - you’re pretty good at Defence, but you’ve never enjoyed duelling. In contrast to your frozen reaction, Tom responds immediately. The rigidity of his posture melts into something fluid and instinctive, and he’s stepping in front of you in one smooth motion and slashing his wand through the air in the next. Violet light arches through the darkness and the thing rears back, as though wounded before it pushes forward. You scramble backwards, staring in horror at the thing. In the spell-light, you can see now that its body is made up almost entirely of shadows - living, sentient shadows that join and divide around a curling skeleton. The only thing standing between you and the shadows is Tom, who is in his element, a whirl of controlled energy and deft wand movements. You’ve seen him duel before, but only in the relative safety of Defence Against the Dark Arts, and watching him now, in an environment where he doesn’t need to hold himself back, where every ounce of his focus and skill is directed at a real-life foe inspires awe and wonder and fear inside you.

The thing slinks around the two of you and tendrils of shadow and darkness curl out and whip at Tom’s feet. You think it must realise that of the two you, Tom is the more immediate threat. Tom leaps out of the way and advances, seemingly without fear for care for his own safety and you’re dimly aware that you’re yelling for him to get back and away. He either doesn’t hear you over the sound of his own casting or he doesn’t care - he just keeps moving, ducking neatly out of the way of another tendril as he sends a jet of golden light that splinters and pierces the monster’s shadows. You keep a tight grip on your wand, trying to think of any spell that might do something against an incorporeal monster.

The monster lets out a shriek and you’re not sure if it’s in pain or just angry but Tom is already moving again. He reaches for you blindly, not taking his eyes off the thing that is currently writhing on the forest floor. Before it can get a chance to recover, Tom raises his wand a final time and the bright white light of a lumos encompasses the shadow being burning and blinding until all that remains is a charred husk a skeleton that matches no anatomy of any creature you’re familiar with.

“Are you alright? Are you hurt?” In contrast to the surety with which he duels, his voice is wrecked, a kind of frantic worry lacing his words. When his hands find yours, his grip is tight to the point of it being painful, as though he’s half-convinced that if he lets go you’ll fade into the shadows along with the monster.

A feeling of warmth and affection surges inside of you, far stronger than the fear that courses through your veins and you grip his hand back, clinging just as tightly to him as he is to you. “I’m fine— Tom, are you okay? I’m sorry for dragging you out here with me,” You say, anger at having gotten him into this mess and anger that the school would harbour some kind of shadow demon in the forest forging your voice into something sharp and hard.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” He says and you’d be insulted by the way he brushes you off if it weren’t for the way that his thumb brushes your knuckles as he pulls you closer to his side. You know him well enough to hear the unspoken worry in his words. “This is exactly why I came with you.” You know he’s telling the truth. Since you’ve known him, Tom has always had an uncanny ability to know when you’ll need him, has always been there to help and protect you. Usually, that involves editing your essays and handing out detentions to people who trouble you, but you shouldn’t be surprised that he’s taken his chosen role to heart and would gladly put himself in harm's way if it meant you didn’t have to.

Nestled against him like this, you feel the fear that’s been with you since you first entered the forest fade, leaving behind a tired sort of fondness and relief. He’s still glaring at the place where the thing used to be, still tense and stiff as though he’s waiting for it to rise up and start attacking you both again. Tentatively, you reach up and brush your fingers against his jaw, willing him to turn and look at you, so that you can see for yourself that he’s okay, that he’s still here, with you. After a pause, he grants you your wish and your heart quickens at the ferocity lingering in his eyes. “Thank you,” You breathe and just like that, something shifts in the air around you and the tension leaches out of him.

He leans down and brushes a kiss against your forehead and you wind your arms around his back, one hand splayed firmly against his shoulder blades, the other running through the short dark curls at the nape of his neck. “I’m okay, I promise. Thank you for being here.” And you’re not just thanking him for tonight, though are you grateful, you’re thanking him for every instance he’s stepped in to look after and protect you.

“I’d never let anything happen to you, you must realise that by now.” He murmurs, and in the hushed silence of the forest, you can hear the unspoken promise clear as you can feel the warmth of his hand in yours.

[king-paimon]

HnK Chapter 95 Thoughts: The cruelest chapter of all times

AKA: The chapter everyone hated

AKA: No happy ending in sight

AKA: Haruko Ichikawa is a monster

AKA: I called it again (and I wish I was wrong)

AKA: Talk about kicking someone while they’re down

Ms. Haruko Ichikawa. You’ve truly done it. You truly are a cruel, sadistic, trolling monster. You leave us with this chapter? This chapter that truly shows us that despite every hardship they faced, Phos gets nothing. This chapter shows that Phos was destined to be in constant misery, and to rub that in with literally everyone else is free and happy? And to add more salt to the wound, you’re leaving us on an hiatus for who knows how long??

This is without a doubt the cruelest chapter to leave us on and this is probably one of the cruelest things a mangaka can ever do for a series as intense as this. I wish the previous chapter was the last one for the end of this year because at least with that one, it would have given us some sense of something.

Man. I’m both horrified and amazed by you, Ms. Ichikawa. I’m not even being sarcastic, I’m truly in awe.

Ugh.

As you can see, I have several things I have to say about this and... Just wow. This chapter. In these posts, I try my best to try and write my thoughts with the most rational mindset but... I don’t know how well I’ll be able to do that with this chapter. What a way to end this horrible year. 

But with this chapter’s ending and the implication for what is yet to come... this marks as the story’s descend to it’s bitter end, and I now wish I didn’t make that prediction last month.

I know I said in another post that I was going to write this in a few days, but I changed my mind. I’m getting this out now while my thoughts are still fresh in my mind. Please don’t mind the writing errors, I’m very tired, I’m writing this at 3 in the morning and I need to sleep. I promise I will come back to this and tidy it up later.

Anyways, here we go:

Haruko Ichikawa: Manipulator of emotions

Ms. Ichikawa really toyed with us with this chapter. So many things happened in such a short amount of time and I’m trying to process it. Also, doesn’t feel like too much happened in this chapter? Especially in comparison to the previous chapters, where everything was stretched out, to then have this chapter have so many things happen all at once. This chapter, in many ways, feels very rushed... and this style of story telling has me very worried about what’ll happen from here on out. I’ll talk more about what I mean by this later, but for now, let’s focus on the story of this chapter:

So... Antarctictite is back now. Adamant is back, too. So are most of destroyed gems, both the ones we knew and the ones we never got meet. And they are all now Lunarians... Hm.

I don’t like this or anything in this chapter for many reasons. In fact, I’ll go as far to say that I don’t like where the whole story is headed for these same reasons: 

The first reason: The emotional turmoil from the previous chapters

For the past 10 or so chapters, I’d been anticipating the destruction of the gems and Adamant. I was one of the people who didn’t like the idea of it happening, though I knew they kind of deserve it. And I remember how sad I was seeing Adamant turn to nothing but dust and seeing how everything was affecting Phos after the bloodlust ceased.

But it all led up to...this. In the very next chapter, after watching those heart wrenching scenes of the gems being broken down and Adamant’s last moments with Phos...we see him and the other gems being brought back like it was nothing.  And on top of that, they are totally happy Lunarians now. Yeah. Okay.

So it feels like the emotional tole that I felt for these characters I didn’t want to see get destroyed...meant nothing. Not going to lie: I kind of wish you all stayed destroyed.

And you know what? It’s kind of funny. In my Chapter 94 post, I said I was sad that we didn’t get to see Adamant and Aechmea interact and I didn’t think there would be a way now that Adamant is dust. Well. I was wrong. It happened. I got the interaction that wanted. Wasn’t worth it. 

So to sum up this first reason: The emotional turmoil that I personally experienced watching the characters I like get destroyed... meant nothing in the end.

Now I don’t know how to feel about these characters. It sucks. I even had a post that I was starting write about on a certain controversial character that I couldn’t bring myself to hate, despite everything, but I’m now debating whether or not I should still write it. I think I will, but there will be a lot of edits.

The second reason: Negation of personal growth

One of the things that has been brought up many times by fans is about how the gems dealt with problems. Instead of trying to address the problem and talk to try to fix it, they chose to ignore it and sweep it under the rug, no matter how upsetting it is to the characters involved. All of the gems, both Earth and Moon, constantly choose to not confront the issue and stay blissfully ignorant.

And now that they’re accepting to be Lunarians, it feels like they’re just running away again. Instead of confronting the Lunarians or having the gems properly talking with each other about how things got to the point where they had to once fight each other, they are like: Oh, we can be Lunarians so we don’t have to fight with them anymore? Awesome. Let’s do it.

Everyone is once again going with the flow, just sweeping the glaring issues that they all carried for so long, and are just accepting the new reality that they are in with no problems whatsoever. No addressing of anything means no character growth for all of them. No one grew from this experience. No one learned that ignoring the problems doesn’t solve them. They aren’t solving their previous issues, they are masking it under the belief that becoming Lunarian automatically solves all of their problems. 

No talking between Diamond or Bort. No talking with Yellow about their traumas or any of the other gems in the same boat. And no talking about how everything that happened lead to Phos doing what they did. It’s even more disappointing how Antarcticite was the only one who showed any concern about Phos or even thought to bring them up in the first place.

Edit: Also to add, the other problem here is how the are conscious choosing to remove your identity. They are not only choosing to loose their identity as gems, but they are fine loosing their memories as well. Not to mention how Cairngorm is once again being given a new identity to go by, from Aechmea, and is totally fine with it. That scene was small but once again, the fact that they are fine pretty much erasing what made them who they are is...unnerving. 

So pretty much to sum up this: Once again, everything meant nothing in the end. 

Speaking of Phos...

The third reason: Phos’s miserable fate

Phos, once again, got the short end of the stick. After everything that they’ve done, from trying to save everyone but themselves, to doing what was once seen as cruel for the sake of everyone to finally do something for themselves to go back to wanting to save the others after the bloodlust was gone... to get this ending for themselves.

But wow, what a cruel twist: Phos’s old goal was fulfilled. Thanks to them, the gems don’t have to live in fear of being destroyed or taken or anything. Thanks to Phos, everyone is free. Everyone now is going to be happy for the rest of their existance...at the cost of Phos’s expense.  

Phos lost everything. 

Their body. 

Their sanity. 

Their identity. 

Everything.

What do they get in return?

10,000 years of nothing but their own miserable existence and dark, depressing thoughts.

In the end, everything that Phos experienced not only sent them crashing down to rock bottom: it sent him to the chore of the earth, back out the other side, then back into the earth, in an endless cycle of just constant misery. 

That’s a theme in buddhism, if that’s what I’m recalling right from @rinboz​‘s posts: a cycle of continuous misery. That is clearly embodied here through Phos and Phos will continue to suffer the pain of existing while everyone else got what they wanted in the end, especially Aechmea. 

Speaking of which, I also genuinely want to know if there’s still fans out there who view Aechmea as a good guy for ‘liberating’ Phos, because as far as I see, thanks to him, Phos is now stuck in an even more miserable form of existence. At least before everything, everyone was miserable together with Phos. Sort of. Still better than what we got with this chapter, in my opinion. (Please do share your thoughts, if you do. I promise, this is not an attack. I’m just interested to hear your thoughts, if you’re willing to share)

But now, there’s no there for Phos. And unlike those other instances where Phos was in a situation and someone somewhat saves them like Adamant and Padparadscha once did before, there’s no one there. So unless there’s some Admirabilis hiding around there or if the Gem/lunarians decide to come to them, which I doubt will happen, there’s no one for Phos. No one is coming to help/save them.

Phos will have to suffer all alone. For 10,000 years. Phos is the last existing gem being now...even though technically, they aren’t really a gem anymore. 

Once again, to sum up why I don’t like this chapter nor how the story has progressed: Phos’s suffering meant nothing to them in the end. That’s the other theme I’m trying to hammer in in this post: Everything meant nothing in the end.

I’ve already seen a few fans react to the chapter and I saw one state that if the Lunarians, including the gems, were to come to Phos to pray for them, the poster hopes Phos tells them to “F* off” And you know what, I hope so too. But this revelation has me fearing for what’s going to happen the series, or more specifically, how and when it’ll officially end.

No true happy ending in sight and not exactly for the reasons you think

As always, it’s hard to predict how Ms. Ichikawa is going to end this series. Us fans made many predictions and a good number of them came true, but it’s the ending that eludes us. Some hope for a happy ending for Phos, while many, including myself, predict that it’ll be anything but happy. And now, with this chapter...I think it’s set in stone now.

Last month, in response to someone asking me how I think the series might end, I made a few small predictions. Some for a good ending, a bittersweet ending, and a bad ending.... 

...and it looks like that first sad ending is where the series is heading after all:

Everyone is gone/moved on and Phos stays behind as a lonely, immortal being.

Even though this small prediction was correct, how it’s all playing out was not exactly how I’d envisioned. It’s worse. And what’s making me even more worried is that based off of where the story is headed, my gut feelings are saying that the series ending is near. And it won’t be to anyone’s satisfaction.

Whenever I get invested in a series, other than worrying about how the creators will handle their characters and story, one of my biggest worries is about how the creators handle their ending. I’m truly afraid about what Ms. Ichikawa is planning for this series because I can’t help but fear it’s not going to end well. It’s not the worry that the series will have a sad/bittersweet ending, even though that concern is still there though I’ve accepted the likelihood, but rather I’m worried that the next chapter or so will be the abrupt end to this series. This concern is because of how rushed this chapter felt and I can’t help but worry that Ms. Ichikawa is now rushing to the end of the story. And to be honest, the addition fact that Ms. Ichikawa is going on hiatus is not helping these uneasy feelings. 

I hate being the pessimistic one but what if this happens? What if Ms. Ichikawa decides to end the series here or in the next chapter? What if the next chapter is literally another time skip, with all of the characters that I once cared about just NOT progressing, and Phos continuously being stuck in this immortal and we’re expected to accept this as the ending. Because other than Phos, everyone’s story, from what it looks like, is at their end now. I really hope that doesn’t happen. I’ve seen great series end so terribly too often and I’ve loved this story for so long that I hope that doesn’t happen with this series too. I love this series a lot and it’s characters, even the ones who I don’t think I like as much as I did after this chapter. I hope the series will end nicely... but I don’t think it will.

Back to predictions on how the story will progress: I made a post a few days ago about how I hope the forgotten plot elements will come into play and the fact that Aechmea isn’t omnipresent. More than ever, part of me hopes those elements will come back and have a positive impact for Phos’s story, especially the omnipresent part. But again, I don’t think I’ll hope too much for it because looking at Ms. Ichikawa’s past works... I don’t think they will, at least not in the way I’m hoping for.

Maybe I’m too used to Western (American/European) stories, where the protagonist somehow beats the odds and wins in the end. This isn’t always the case for Eastern stories, especially stories from Japan. They usually end bittersweet and I don’t think Houseki no Kuni will be the exception. I know I’ve said this saying many times before and with each passing chapter, these words become more and more true:

Phos’s suffering is never going to end. 

And unless someone does something to change the course of the story, which I don’t think will ever happen now, Phos is never going to have a happy ending. 

If I could wish for anything, it’d be that this story ends on a satisfying note. I know, I know. It’s foolish to still hope for that it’ll happen, given everything I’ve seen from Ms. Ichikawa before...But still. I don’t want to lose all of the hope that I have left for this series. Even though that hope is nearly diminished, it’s still there.

So please, Ms. Ichikawa. Please give us a satisfying ending for Phos. Please let them go.  If anyone deserves a dignifying conclusion to their story, it’s them.  Let them rest. End their suffering. Please give them the ending they deserve after everything they went through.

You’ll likely won’t though.  

Because this is Phos.

And to be Phos is to constantly suffer.

Well, regardless, I truly hope you’re hiatus goes well, Ms. Ichikawa. Even though you are a cruel troll, your work is still amazing and I applaud you for your story telling and your love to mess with us. I hope you enjoy your time away and when you return, I hope that you’ll continue to give us amazing content and eventually give Phos the ending they deserve. Please. That’s all I want.

I hope you all a nice holiday season, too, or at least try to.

Happy Holidays. 

Can’t wait for 2020 to end.

[things-happens]

In Memory

Levi Ackerman x gn! Reader

Armin Arlert x gn! Reader

Erwin Smith x gn! Reader

Mikasa Ackerman x gn! Reader

hola 😎 i have a request for ya! which i do hope you like cause I literally spent hALF aN hoUR thinking of how it should go... anyWAYS, i’m gonna request it rn cause why not? .. anyways—maybe a hc for Levi, Armin, Erwin, Mikasa, and Pieck; their S/O’s favorite memories with them are playing in their mind. They wished it happened again. people thought they (they = pieck, levi, armin - yk)—people thought they went crazy. out of their mind insane. They do often smile, when they hear their S/O’s laugh. They cry when they hear their S/O’s screams. They couldn’t save them in time. they were now dead. // now do keep in mind, that this all happened weeks after their S/O’s death. they felt so useless at the fact that they couldn’t save them in time. the one they loved the most...

Note: I DELETED THIS AND HAD TO MADE THE POST so... please like and share thank you. Also I'm not caught up on season 4 but I know what has happened so I don't know Pieck's personality, I didn't want to get her wrong.

Prompt List

Mastlister

Summary: their s/o passed, they blame themselves and other and sadly cannot cope.

Warnings: Death, Blood, Feels and Fluff Words: a lot just a lot

Levi Ackerman (Sadderdaze)

Somethings never change for Levi losing the ones he loves left and right but why did he think that would change with y/n.

During the Battle of Shiganshina, Y/n was by Levi’s side the whole time.

They always was anyways, the lone survivor of Levi’s Squad after the 57th Expansion. Years ago, they vowed the loyalty for him then again 3 years later, till death did them part.

They both lead the group of soldiers to eliminate the Beast Titan.

As the Beast began to throw rocks everyone took covered in an abandoned town, after the first-round y/n and Levi resurfaced on the roofs.

They both noticed the beast was readying for another throw, yelling for the other to go bad into cover.

“GO BACK!” Y/N yelled into their cupped hands; they still couldn’t hear them.

Levi started to run to help them, only to be held back, y/n telling him there isn’t enough time.

Levi protested only for Y/n starting to push him back down to between the houses.

Suddenly, Y/n gave him a hard push on his back making him lad down on the ground. Looking back up to his love, their leg of in a now, missing part of the roof.

Levi quickly shot back up to help them out, grabbing their hands pulling as hard as he could.

“Levi… LEVI! Please take cover, you’ll die.”

“I’m not leaving you behind… not again.”

Levi had left Y/n in charge of his squad as he joined Erwin in the 57th Expansion. Nearly dying because of the Female Titan and protecting Eren.

Y/n pulled their arm away from him, giving him one final hard push in the chest right before the rock came pass them.

“I love you” they whispered.

As Levi flew back to the ground, he held eye contact with them all of his memories going through his head, knowing that this was the last time he would see of them, forever.

As for y/n, all their memories flew through them.

Late nights with Hanjie, mornings drinking tea with Erwin and Levi.

Levi… the night of their wedding, cake, slow dancing together, then stargazing. Oh, what they’d give to do that one more time with him.

Then they were gone.

Days later, everyone was concerned about the Captain. They could hear his cries and sobs when they’d pass his room. If you’d knocked, his cries would stop, and he’d stay silent till he watched your feet leave.

Every time Hanjie would open his door to bring breakfast or dinner, they could see the hopefulness in his eyes only for them to fall. Not like he ate till he was starving and knew he had too.

Years later, as Levi slept at night, he could still hear the whisper and cries of his love. That’s all he could hear ever, yet now he hid it well.

The nights he couldn’t sleep he’d walk through the halls of the fallen soldiers. In the middle of all the paintings, was Erwin. A gold frame shining in the moon light. Next to him was y/n.

They also had a golden frame and at the top were their favorite floor in their favorite color. Whomever painted it, Levi thought they did an amazing job.

The captured the brightness of their eyes, their gloss on their hair and the perfection on their hands.

Levi sat on his knees, lightly placing his hand on theirs. Wishing he could feel them just one more time.

BONUS:

“I bet you’re not popular with the ladies…” Zeke sighed.

Levi looked down thinking about y/n for the first time since the battle. “I was popular enough…”

Armin Arlert (When Will I See You Again)

Most people admired Y/n relationship with Armin, never put a title on side thing but the two and others knew they loved each other.

And when y/n died… well it was hard on everyone.

Since Armin inherited the Colossal Titian he saw and heard y/n die with his own eyes or really with Bertholdt eyes.

They stood by Armin till the very end or what they thought was the end.

The two stood in front of the giant titan, directing him. The plan… they knew they were going to die but it was with Armin and that’s all y/n would ever want.

Bertholdt let out the burning steam, burning them alive. y/n’s eyes looked at Armin, they screamed and cried till nothing… black.

Armin on the other head was giving the Titan Serum, eating Bertholdt and becoming the monsters he hated.

From the second he woke from the shift, all he could thing of was Y/n.

Where are they?

Are they okay?

Then and dare he say naturally, the memories caved in.

Seeing through his predecessor’s eyes, he remembered his love burn to death. Hearing their caries and he saw them always looking at him.

He cried and blamed himself for their death, y/n thought they were dying together but Eren couldn’t let him live in peace.

“they died thinking they were with me.” He whispered.

He always tired to keep his resentment in around Eren and Mikasa, but everyone could here him scream in pain in the forest next to the HQ.

He used Bertholdt’s memories to see them together all the time, Sasha and Mikasa would become worried he wasn’t grieving well but soon like screams every night stop.

Instead, it was quite crying at night, which wasn’t any better for anyone.

Then they left to find the Sea, one thing that could make Armin come to peace with himself.

Reaching the ocean everyone would play and have fun their but looking down in the water, Armin could’ve sworn he saw his love looking back at him but alas he lost the sight as fast as he saw it.

He knew Y/n would and still is by his side everyday till death brought them back to each other.

Erwin Smith (My Kind of Woman)

Everyone knew Erwin as a very stoic man, a calm gentle giant but with a heart and will of Iron.

And that was true, but that was after someone not one would talk about.

Their name is Y/n, Erwin Smith’s great love.

In 845, the Survey Corps returned from an expiation, but most do not know what happened.

“Four abnormals on the right wing!” some one shouted

Erwin looked at y/n who was smiling but still looking out for themselves and others. They looked over at Erwin and smiled even wilder.

Ever since training, Y/n saw bright side of things. It was their idea to recruit the Underground rebels.

In all most a flash of lighting, rain pored down soldiers dying all around.

10 abnormals flailing around, killing and eating people.

Erwin stared behind him, watching his comrades die under his orders. Then he locked eyes with y/n as they jumped off their horse as a Titan waved its arm at her.

“Erwin!”

Y/n yelled hoping he would turn and help them, and he did, yet despite the connection they had…

It was too late, they were harshly picked and swished, screams reaching everyone’s ears. Held above the Titan’s mouth their blood poured into then as the life quickly left their eyes they were dropped into its mouth.

If it wasn’t for Levi, Erwin would’ve been died too.

Ever second since then he blamed himself, knowing if he was just a little faster.

He paid someone to make a painting of her for his office, they were his right-hand person, but others knew it was more than that.

He would cry as quite as he could for years till it was small smiles or few tears while in his office or drinking tea with Levi or Hanji.

They both learned not to question it as it was a normal thing for the man after five years.

The new recruits would ask about the painting of a random person in his office, he would say someone special.

Yet it’s been years he would still become choked up that night.

Mikasa Ackerman (i wanna be your girlfriend)

Mikasa and Y/n met in training, two people how just sat not needing to say anything to enjoy each other’s company.

Eating dinner, they’d just sit and watch everyone else bicker and talk, nothing needed to be said. Despite being Sasha’s sibling, the older one seem to get all the personality then again there was nothing wrong with the way they were.

Although being close to death of a many of times, they lived and slightly loved Mikasa and watched her grow into a beautiful women she was.

Over the years, y/n become more vocal not wanting to miss out on the moments they had left with everyone. They and Jean would bicker and laugh about dumb things, Connie and they would just sitting and reminisce on old times.

Then Sasha met Nicolo and well y/n had never more vocal about anything before.

“Oooooh the cook, he’s perfect for you.”

y/n would tease Sasha along with Jean and Connie, although Nicolo didn’t seem to mind, Sasha would turn redder than a beet!

Then the war came, Y/n didn’t leave Mikasa side unless it was to save their ether extremely brave or stupid sister.

As y/n and Mikasa run to Eren’s ad after killing the War Hammer Titan, Mikasa yells at Eren.

Y/n watches the two argue, as the War Hammer Titan stands tall and definitely not dead.

Y/n watches as it starts to shoot a crystal goop at them, Y/n wipps around slamming themselves into Mikasa, holding onto her and they both flay away from the now hardened crystal.

“thank you, y/n.”

Y/n only nodded, looking back at the crystal. Again, they themselves in danger for Mikasa but they knew if it came down to it, they would die for their family.

After the battle, everyone was on the air ship, Mikasa had left y/n with Jean, Connie and Sasha. They talked happy to see each other alive.

“You guys are really special to me.”

Next thing anyone knew, both Jean and Y/n heard rumbling from the entrance. Turning around they saw a little girl with a rifle.

y/n quickly realized she was aiming for everyone of the ship, mainly their sister. Running in front of the fire, trying to do the same thing they once saw Hanjie do years ago still the girl shot.

The bullet went straight threw y/n’s stomach; push through the pain they grabbed the gun from the girl. They butted it into the little girl’s head, knocking her out.

The adrenaline wore off, y/n put their hand on their stomach. Their hand covered in blood, they turned around to see their sister on the floor surrounded by their friends.

“Guys…” they dropped the rifle on the floor.

The word came out their mouth, everyone with tears in their eyes slowly turned to look at them.

Jean watched as the blood dripped from their suit on to the light brown flooring.

Y/n began to walk to them, waddling side to side.

Mikasa entered the room watching Y/n fall over into what was now a pool of blood. She quickly ran over, flipping them over sobbing.

Jean quickly applied pressure into the wound, but it was too late. Y/n looked up at Mikasa, their bloodied hand lightly touching her face.

Mikasa sat head on her knees, in between both Blouse graves. She could still here the raspy breaths, the yells of Jean telling them to stay awake and the laugh Eren let out seeing the dead bodies.

She’d cry at nights realizing she loved them more than a friend, she felt like a piece of her was now gone.

During dinners Mikasa would push her food around till she couldn’t sit and not laugh or sob. Armin had become worried of her, but he knew she just needed time.

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

Romanced!companions react to their precious fem!sole survivor getting slapped or strikes by an npc right in front of them? Can we categorize this; who would be the violent/threatening/just angry group? >:^0

omg, i’m pretty sure none of them would be remotely calm if that happened... but damn imagine the outcome of that poor npc. they lived a good life. this was a short request while i work on like 7 other ones, LOL.

thank you for requesting and please enjoy!

the next request i’m posting is gonna be a react that turned out a little longer than i expected so buckle up. 🤠

-

Danse:

violent/threatening

danse would for sure fall under the violent criteria of this situation. he already has one foot in the door once someone dares to go too close to sole, but hit her? that’s a totally different story for another day. that person better be praying to some god out there to give them mercy cause danse knows he won’t. the minute he hears that slap on soles face, it will trigger him to attack without a word. and to answer the question; does danse need a gun to do the job? absolutely not. those muscles are not just for show after all. no matter how many people hold him back, he will always fight his way through the crowd of people and beat the living fuck out of the person, even if they’re begging for him to stop. he won’t even realize the damage he’s done until after and won’t regret it either way, knowing that it was well deserved on their case. now if it was a situation where it was shoving or showing signs of starting a fight with his beloved, he’d step right in front of them and stare them down angrily with the biggest scowl ever. in some cases, that’s more than enough to scare most people off towards the other direction but in a few, he’s forced to threaten them. “i advise you step away unless you desire for this situation to escalate into something that involves solely you and i.” no one will ever be a threat to sole on his watch and he will make sure that nothing will stop him from protecting her.

Deacon:

threatening mixed with violence (depending the intensity of the situation)

deacons nice. he’s really laid back in most situations and is more than willing to let things go if he feels like it’s not worth the trouble. following that, deacons nice to a certain point and if you cross that point? consider yourself on his hitlist for the rest of your life. the intensity of the situation will determine how he’ll react towards it. if the person were to do as simple as shove sole, he’d keep an eye on them and say something within the lines of, “woah, woah, take it easy.” now if it was something like a slap or a punch, he wouldn’t even let it happen, not while he’s around. deacon would have fast enough reflexes to catch their wrist and he’d grip it enough to leave a mark, a displeased expression on his face. he’d even go as far as making jokes with an evil smile, such as, “oops my hand slipped,” or “oh you dropped this,” and proceed to deck the person as hard as he can with his free hand, not caring whether or not he knocks them unconscious. after that incident, he’d constantly terrorize the poor individual, often pulling pranks on them without any breaks. sometimes, he’d even go near them and speak in a happy tone while patting their back in a manner where it seemed a little too friendly.

Maccready:

threatening

mac is aware he’s not muscular nor is he made for fighting, which is why he sticks with guns during most situations. hes a lanky man and gets intimidated a little easier than most people, knowing that many of them could take him down with something as simple as a punch. it’s easier to say he’s more confident with a gun in his hand in these instances. despite his weaknesses, he would not hesitate to step up, knowing that hes unable to control his anger. he’d immediately point the gun at the persons temple and cock it just for intimidation purposes, but knows that he’s more than willing to pull the trigger if he needs to. it benefits him and the commonwealth more than damages it, seeing that this world needs one less asshole living it in, so who is he to care if this person dies or not? he’d slowly press it harder against the persons head, angrily speaking, “back away now.” if the person does so, he’ll gladly let them walk away without an injury and instead tend to sole. he wouldn’t let them go without some snarky comment like, “yeah keep walking and please let the door hit you on the way out.” if they refuse to move away from sole though, he’d gladly take the butt of his gun and smack it against their temple within seconds, completely ignoring the persons body knocked out on the floor. mac would get sole up and out of there as soon as he can, complaining under his breath about how much of that guy was an asshole and how he shouldve shot him.

Hancock:

violent group

consider one thing; that this person who fucked over his lover is beyond dead in his eyes. no one touches his sunshine, and if they dared to? theyll be wishing they hadn’t. hancock can quickly become someone’s friend, but the same can be said if it were an enemy. if he’s willing to stab someone for getting even a little too chummy and touchy with sole, imagine what he’d do if they dared to inflict pain on them. depending on where they are, like a bar for instance, he’d grab a glass bottle and crack it on the guys head, pushing him down on the floor without another word. using his shotgun, he’d make sure he’d put a few bullets through his body before he decides he’s completely satisfied with the new makeover he’s given them. now if he was in a more violent mood and was definitely not having it, he’d want to have their blood on his hands and wouldn’t care if it stained his clothes or not. he wants to send the message to everyone watching that if anyone dares to fucking cross his line, they’re gonna learn it the hard way and he will make it very known how the outcome of the situation will be. for example, he has a knife and what better way to use it than to stab the fuck out of someone for pissing him off? in some cases (depending on the severity of the situation), he’ll shank them in a place where he knows it’ll hurt the most and leave them there to suffer so they’ll get the idea that if they fuck with the people he treasures, they have another thing coming.

Nick Valentine:

mix of threatening and just angry.

honestly, nick is very civil about most cases and he won’t get violent unless absolutely necessary. he will definitely be beyond angry and give the person so much fucking shit for their actions. nick almost never yells but in this case, he’d yell so loud, it would fill up the silence of the room. nick also uses a lot of profanities when doing so, unable to maintain his professional attitude and his usual cool. “now what the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” he’d even go as far as shoving them back, keeping a distance between sole and the person who deemed themselves as a threat to her presence. he’d try to minimize the possibility of violence arising, knowing that both him and sole are not as replaceable as they seem. he’d sneer at the person who striked sole, talking in the most irritated tone possible, “if i wasn’t here controlling her anger, you would’ve been dead on the pavement just a few minutes back, pal. consider yourself lucky that you were spared.” regardless if the person continued talking or not, nick would casually take soles hand and pull her away from the scene as he let out a remark loud enough for them to hear; “we don’t have time for the likes of you anyway, so take your trouble elsewhere.” nick has like zero shame when it comes to back talking or insulting someone he’s not fond of, so you best believe he won’t shut up until you both are out of sight.

Preston:

honestly, just angry.

preston will avoid violence at all costs, considering he doesn’t favor the idea and as much as he hates seeing sole get hurt, he doesn’t want to risk starting another issue. sole has a reputation amongst the commonwealth and the last thing he wants is to taint it or fuck it up, so he lets sole decide whether or not violence should be pursued. also considering that she has more than enough on her plate, he doesn’t want to add on to the list of problems she already has. so unless this guy is literally on the verge of gravely injuring his other half, he won’t do much besides step in front of sole to protect her from any further hits. he’d rather take the hits than to let someone as important as her take them firsthand. he wouldn’t forgive himself if such a thing happened. even if sole did most of the work in the end, he’d still send them the dirtiest look he’s ever given anyone and his hand would already be on the trigger of his laser musket, ready to fire at the guy anytime just in case. before officially leaving the person to do their own thing and bidding them goodbye, he’d get a little up close and personal, talking in the most threatening tone possible (even if he’s not the greatest at it); “once you mess with the general, you mess with the minutemen. i’d suggest you choose your battles a little better next time around.”

Sturges:

just angry

we all know by now sturges is a huge pacifist and will refuse to resort to violence unless he has no absolute choice but to do so. sturges is a very kind man and just like deacon, he’s willing to let most cases go but he respects sole too much to let violent situations like this slide. even if he’s very afraid to get into a violent situation head on, he’ll try to keep it as calm as possible, not wanting to escalate the situation more. being the considerate lover he is, he will ask sole to stay back and keep away from the person as much as possible as he tries to handle the situation himself. even if sturges doesn’t show it, he does get very angry in these instances and will not allow it to happen regardless of the reason. he’ll probably talk to the person with a firm tone and an irate expression but do nothing further than that unless the individual wants blood spilled, which in this case, sole is brought back into the situation. knowing sturges, he’d probably tell the person something like, “hey buddy, i really don’t appreciate what ya just did to my girl. ya need to quit it cause it ain’t right.” or, “if we got a problem, you can always just come to me instead of strikin’ that beautiful lady of mine. i’m willin’ to fix it with ya and if not, then i’m willin’ to take the hit.. though i’m sure my girl wouldn’ appreciate such a motive.” he knew she really wouldn’t. sole would shoot them down before he could let out a soft, “told ya so.”

Gage:

the ceo of violent

even if the raider life consists of injuries, blood, dirty work, and violence, he will never allow sole to get hurt under his watch. even if he tells her to toughen up and get used to it, he truly wants to protect her from the world and anything that could run as a potential hazard. that being said, he doesn’t care who the fuck strikes sole- it could be a man, woman, the highest and most royal person in the planet and it’d still have the same result in the end. gage wouldn’t even give them a chance to explain themselves and would simply let out a small, “oh fuck no, you ain’t.” and shoot them down himself before sole could give him an order. he would take the situation into his own hands with or without soles persmission, knowing that they crossed gages line of comfort. if he’s not satisfied with that or feels as if that’s too much of an easy way out, he’ll shoot their leg and come closer to them to step on their chest to block any chance of escaping. “wanna act tough, huh? show me how tough ya are, why dontcha? be my guest and apologize to the overboss. i’ll let her decide if it’s good enough to let ya go.” if sole were to deny every apology, he’d continue to shoot them limb by limb until he decides to put them down completely. now if sole decides their apology is more than enough, he’ll willfully let them go but let her decide their fate on whether they should be put down or not. in the end, if he had his way with that bastard, they wouldn’t be seeing the light for a long while.

[dreamofmysoul-tsc]

Elias Carstairs, Matthew Fairchild, and the Disease of Alcoholism

I’m very nervous about posting this but I think it’s important. 

Now before you guys scroll past this post, I’m gonna ask that whoever may read this take some time to hear from my perspective. I would like to preface this by saying that I do not know, nor am I claiming to know, what it’s like to face racism and prejudice everyday, nor do I know what it was like to be queer in a time that was less than accepting and terribly cruel to LGBTQIA+ folks. I will not be speaking about either of those things here, as it is not my place to. However, I do know what it’s like to live with an alcoholic. I do know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent and I have seen what addiction does to a person and their family firsthand. 

Final disclaimer, I am in no way trying to attack or target anybody. All I am doing is providing my own perspective when it comes to the discourse surrounding Elias Carstairs and the differing opinions I have seen in regards to Matthew. I would also like to state that my experiences are my own, and are in no way reflective of every addicts’ experience or the experiences of their children/loved ones. Addiction affects everybody differently. 

I am also not a psychologist or a doctor; everything stated below are my personal experiences as a child of an alcoholic. 

Now let’s get started. 

CW for alcoholism, substance abuse, abuse in general, and death

Elias

When I first started Chain of Gold I didn’t anticipate how much I was going to relate to Alastair. Honestly, I didn’t have strong opinions about him either way; I didn’t hate him, but I didn’t love him either. That was until it was revealed why Elias was sick all the time, and what really happened during his mission. I have never seen alcoholism portrayed in a novel ever. I’m sure there are novels which talk about it out there, but I have never come across one. And for the first time in my life, I felt like somebody understood. There are countless characters in The Shadowhunter Chronicles who have touched my heart, but I will forever be grateful to Alastair and Cassandra Clare for making me feel like I didn’t have to hide anymore, that I was allowed to talk about my father’s alcoholism. Because for 18 years, it had been my secret. For my mother, it had been even longer. 

My father has been an alcoholic for my entire life. I’m sure this is common sense for most people, but an alcoholic cannot be a 100% good and supportive parent. Those two things do not mix. Most alcoholics are alcoholics because of shame, pain, or other mental health problems that they have not sought therapy for. I would also like to say that alcoholism is a disease. It physically alters the brain to make the addict believe that they need to drink just as much as they need to eat or sleep. When you are constantly drunk, it can increase stress or anxiety in everyday life and leaves the addict at risk of developing depression if it was not already there. Many alcoholics suffer with depression, general low self esteem, or various other mental health problems before abusing alcohol; these problems are then exacerbated with daily alcohol consumption. 

My father never abused us, mentally, physically, etc, and he never has. He carries a lot of mental pain and shame with him, which he has continually refused to seek help for. He drinks because he does not like himself; he feels that he isn’t deserving of help. He feels like he messes everything up. And as a child, I used to make excuses for him. “Well, he never hurts us, so what’s the problem?” “It doesn’t affect his work, so what’s the problem?” I was naive then. No matter how “functioning” they may seem, an alcoholic cannot live a completely healthy, happy, and fulfilling life if they drink everyday, even if it seemingly doesn’t affect their work lives. Alcoholics are very good at hiding their addiction. I cried when Cordelia described finding bottles in odd places, or when Alastair described how he tried everything in his power to hide it from his sister and their community. I used to find beer cans stashed under the kitchen sink. Sometimes I’d find them in the spice cabinet. I don’t like inviting friends to my house because I can never be sure if my dad will be 100% sober. I didn’t want people to see him that way. I don’t want to see him that way. 

I have seen a decent amount of posts on various platforms of people wishing Elias dead or wanting him to be completely x-ed out of Alastair and Cordelia’s lives. And while I totally understand the protectiveness many people feel toward Alastair and Cordelia whenever their father is involved (I love them to pieces, too), as somebody who is a child of an alcoholic, I do not and would never wish my father dead. The thought of it makes me sick. Thus far, we know very little about Elias and his personality. We don’t know if he has ever physically harmed Alastair or Sona. This is not to invalidate mental or emotional abuse either, which are just as terrible. And while he does seem to be biased towards Cordelia, which in and of itself isn’t fair, there has been little evidence to show that Elias is violent or abusive. Of course Chain of Iron could prove me wrong, but as of now, I don’t want to immediately assume that Elias is abusive. Alcoholism does not equal abuse, although alcohol can be an expedient to violence. I do not want to invalidate the Carstairs’ experience if that is the case, but I do not want to jump to conclusions either. Of course you can call me lucky because my father has never harmed us in any way. But personally, I find that insulting. When a parent is an addict, regardless of whether or not they harm their children or how involved they are in their child’s life, they will end up leaving their child with mental scars whether it was intentional or not. My father’s addiction and the addictions of countless others cannot be measured on a scale. Addiction hurts everybody it touches, no matter how normal the addict may seem to the rest of the world. 

I know this Elias section is already so long, but I have a bit more to say before I move on to Matthew. Alcoholics make choices, many of them poor choices. They decide whether or not to seek help. They decide to drink another beer. They decide to drive drunk, even if their child is in the car with them. It is a disease which completely takes over every single part of their life. And while it negatively affects their lives and the lives of their loved ones, that does not mean that they are undeserving of help. Any addict, whether they’re addicted to alcohol or heroin or cigarettes, anything at all, needs help. And they most definitely should not be mocked or attacked for their addiction or their attempts to get help for it. Regardless of whether or not they are in recovery or in the thick of their addiction, there is absolutely no reason to mock them. There is no reason to tell them to “just quit drinking.” There is no reason to call them a “junkie” or a “drunk,” no matter what stage of their addiction or recovery process they are in. 

I am in no way excusing Elias’ behavior just as I in no way excuse my father’s behavior. He [Elias] needs to be punished for showing up to a mission drunk and consequently being unable to keep those four Shadowhunters from dying. He needs to apologize to his children. He needs to apologize to his wife. And he needs to recover. Addiction is an ugly, ugly thing. It never just affects the addict. It leaves their loved ones with scars, whether they’re mental of physical. Personally, I can’t stand the sound of metal beer or soda cans being cracked open anymore. I’m terrified of getting married. I can never feel 100% comfortable or safe around drunk people. I refuse to drink. I don’t like thinking about how the only time my dad has been 100% sober was when we visited my grandparents for a week and he had no opportunity to slip away to buy alcohol. I don’t like thinking about how my mother has had to deal with this for decades. I want my mother to be happier. But I also want my dad to recover. Living with an alcoholic isn’t black and white; I don’t hate my dad. I hate his addiction. I love him. He’s my dad. I don’t like seeing him that way. I know Alastair doesn’t like seeing his father that way either. But no matter how much you scream or cry or fight with somebody, people will not change unless they themselves want to. 

Matthew

This section will be much more brief because many of my thoughts surrounding Matthew are similar to my thoughts surrounding Elias. I would like to touch on two things, however.

I have seen people talking about Matthew, or more specifically Matthew’s friends, saying that they don’t understand why they [The Merry Thieves and Co] seem to be ignoring Matthew’s alcoholism or aren’t doing anything about it even if they do realize he has problems with alcohol. Part of it is because of historical context; alcoholism wasn’t considered a disease until very recently, and the beliefs that alcoholics can either a) stop drinking whenever they want or b) are abusive, useless members of society still persist to this day. But the other, bigger part of it is relatively simple: people won’t change unless they believe they can change. Addicts need to want to change in order to begin the recovery process. You can’t force them to. If their heart isn’t in it, they’ll attend therapy or AA meetings a couple times to appease you, and then they will start drinking/using again. Or they’ll lie to you even more, telling you that they did attend a meeting or a therapy session when in reality they bought another pack of beer. Matthew will not seek help unless he believes wholeheartedly that he can change. He needs to believe that he is worthy of change and he needs to truly want to get better in order to begin to make significant improvements in his life. Of course relapses will happen, but the point is that he wants to improve his life. He wants to recover. No matter how much James or Thomas or Cordelia or Lucie tell him to change, no matter how much they want him to get better, he simply will not unless he wants to. It hurts. It really does. I’m not going to sugarcoat it. You can love somebody so, so much, but your love is not going to make them better. Your love will not magically make their addiction go away. To reiterate what I said about Elias earlier, you can scream and cry and fight and give them all of the love until you’re blue in the face, but if they don’t want help, they will not seek it out. Matthew needs help, but more importantly, he needs to come to the realization that he is deserving of that help. He is deserving of a successful recovery. Every addict is.

Lastly, there is something about Matthew and Cordelia’s relationship that has never sat right with me. Children of alcoholics are statistically more likely to get into a relationship or marry an alcoholic because it’s what feels “normal” to us. And while I have always wanted Matthew and Cordelia to become friends, part of this is the reason why I don’t want them to have a romantic relationship. I don’t want Cordelia to have to continue that cycle, never able to escape the effects of addiction. I want Matthew to focus on himself. I want him to recover. I want his friends to support him. I want both Matthew and Elias to have a successful recovery, because the amount of addicts who die from their disease every year is staggering and upsetting. Of course Matthew is deserving of love, but he needs to focus on recovering, both from his addiction and his trauma, before he puts all of his energy into a romantic relationship.

----------

Overall, I want Alastair to have time to be himself, to not have to carry the weight of his father’s addiction on his shoulders. I want Elias to recover and to apologize for how he has hurt his family, whether it was intentional or not. I want Matthew to forgive himself and to realize that he deserves to take up space in this world just as we all do. And I ask that you, whoever may be reading this, to try to feel a little more compassion for these characters and addicts you may know or meet in your life. Or to put yourself in their shoes and the shoes of their loved ones. We should not be mocking them, or hurting them, and we certainly should not be wishing death upon them. There are far, far too many addicts who have died because of their disease and their mental pain. When dealing with addicts or the loved ones of addicts, I ask that you try to support them and encourage them to seek help, whether it’s therapy or AA or any number of support groups. The effects of alcoholism and drug addiction will stick with the addict in recovery and their loved ones for the rest of their lives. Some days will be harder than others. But the important part is that, when those hard days come, they have a support system of therapists, family, friends, even people online to remind them why they are in recovery and to encourage them and their progress, no matter how small. An addict in recovery, no matter how slow or fast their progress may seem, is better than an addict who has died because they never sought out the help they desperately needed.

If you read through this entire thing, thank you! I really appreciate you taking the time to read through my personal experience. This topic is very important to me, and while I’m relatively new to tumblr, I still felt the need and the obligation to share my perspective. I’m not trying to sway your opinion of Matthew or Elias, just to maybe make some people think about this complex issue. If you aren’t a fan of either of them, that’s totally fine. If anything, what I would like you to take away from this is to be more aware of alcoholism and its effects. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. I will be providing resources below if you or a loved one needs addiction counseling or help, or if you simply would like to learn more about this. If you have anything to add to this, would like to share your opinion, or have a question for me, feel free to reblog or message me in my ask box. Please be respectful, y’all! This is a sensitive topic and it affects everybody differently; I want this to be a civil discussion, not a witch hunt.

Thank you very much for reading and considering my point of view. 

Resources:

What is Alcohol Use Disorder?

SAMHSA (a helpline)

Alcohol Rehab Guide (this website also includes educational resources and a helpline)

Substance Abuse Helplines and Treatment Programs

How Parental Alcoholism Affects Children

[barnesandco]

Eat the Rich: Chapter 2

Eat the Rich Masterlist

The Avengers are tasked with tracking down an elusive thief, and retrieving the grand amounts of money she has stolen. Even after capture, she turns out to be impossible to break, save for a mystifying interest in Bucky.

Written for @mermaidxatxheart​ ‘s #jamiesmadwritingbash, under the Robin Hood AU prompt.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: mentions of Bucky’s Hydra days, and a short mention of dissociation. Disaster Avengers having breakfast.

A/N: I really really really love that people are saying they like the reader bc that’s the character people envision themselves as when they insert themselves into this kind of fanfic. I hope you enjoy what more we get to see of the reader here. So enjoy, and please continue to reblog and comment -- it makes this so much fun!

I’m not doing taglists, but you can follow and turn on notifications for @ayeshaupdates​​ to be notified when I post.

Divider by the fantastically talented @whimsicalrogers​​!

The dispute that had ensued after Bucky had voiced his wish to Steve had turned to resigned acceptance by the time the first slivers of dawn had started to creep across pristine floors, and Bucky found himself victorious. It's a grim glory that accompanies him down the hall and into the cell you had been moved into for the night. There's no mode of observation for this room, save for the presently closed viewing panel in the door. It's really early, and even though he doubts that you're asleep, given the stressful circumstances, his hand pauses where it's about to knock on the door.

With Steve having left for his run with Sam, and the others asleep or inactive in some way, shape or form, he's alone in the silver hallways of this portion of the Compound. Hand still in the air, tight fist, white knuckles and lip bitten red, and then he composes himself. Stepping away, he sits down on the floor, back against the wall and knees pulled up. 

While he waits, he listens, even if all he can hear is his own heartbeat and the faint, collective chorus of the birds chirping. The sturdy walls and doors between your bed and his floor prevent any speculation on your activities, since the only monitoring permitted is that of vital signs so an alert can be raised if there is danger. He could open the panel, but that might wake you and he doesn't want that. Whether this disruption, and how it is sure to initiate the crucial dialogue he’s here for, is undesired for his sake or yours is unclear. 

His head meets the metal behind him, and the cold stings at his scalp, but Bucky stays that way. Likes the cold bite of it, on occasions such as these, when he needs the ice-crystal clarity of mind, and he knows it'll warm up soon, under his touch. Likes knowing that Hydra doesn't control him all the time, that he can feel the prickle of freezing skin without having a debilitating flashback to cryostasis is indicative of how far he's come. He's no longer the man Steve flew to New Zealand for a month after he had a hellish dissociative episode courtesy of New York's first snowfall.

The metal thaws behind him, sunlight through the thin sliver of window at the top of the wall slides higher on the door. Opalescent solar glare on silver steel, half a rainbow in his exhausted eyes, and the weight of evaporating dew in the air is what precedes a conversation that has his stomach in knots and crosses.

The digital, holographic clock strikes nine above the cell door. 

Rising to his feet, Bucky can feel every single one of his 103 years in his back, the avoirdupois of a century's lamentable events on his weary shoulders. So he does a breathing exercise before he tries the door again.

Allowing his lungs to expand to their full capacity, and then holding that breath there until his alveoli scream, before exhaling in a rush of sweet-cereal scented breath, makes him feel less stone-like. More muscle than metal, soft and pliable and open. Steve would argue that that's perilous, here, in front of a woman who's so touch-and-go, all breakneck smiles, but he's not an Avenger when he enters that room -- he's Bucky Barnes, looking for more pieces of himself, pieces that he'll never find if his eyes are shut tight against the impact.

You answer upon the second knock. "Come in." Your voice lilts to a light taunt, but it’s effect is minimized by the drowsy scratch of your voice. Opening the door after letting it recognize his irises, Bucky thinks that the same can be said about the Christmas-just-came-early spark in your eyes, when they're underlined by dark bags. You're still wearing the green hoodie.

" 'Morning," he says softly, pausing in the doorway. The cell contains a metal chair of the same style as those in the interrogation rooms, and the cot you're sitting up in, back against the wall behind you. There's a small door in one corner that he knows leads to a toilet cubicle.

"To what do I owe this extraordinary pleasure, Mr. Barnes?"

"Bucky," he blurts unthinkingly, and your eyes widen in surprise and amusement. His guard is down, and he needs to be cautious. "And you can thank yourself for being so goddamn persistent and getting on everybody’s nerves."

The smirk brought to your face is aimed at your hands, bound loosely in front of you. A more tender expression than most seen before. The long, fretful night seems to be taking its toll on you. Perhaps you’re slipping. Or perhaps you’re pretending to, his instincts warn. He sighs, clenches his hands into fists, lets his nails dig into his palm. Metal whirs, purrs, and he releases when you move both bound hands towards the chair in front of you. 

Bucky sits down, rubs his palms back and forth over his thighs, lets the grainy feel of the denim under scratch at his hands. "You know me,” he begins.

"Not nearly as well as I'd like,” you say with a grin, looking up from your hands. He glowers. 

"I'm serious."

Your smile widens. "So am I. Come a little closer. I don't bite,” you tease, and he decides to take you up on it. Gets up and sits on the cot a couple of feet away from you, folding one leg up so his foot is under his thigh and keeping the other on the floor. You’re unfazed at having your bluff called. "...Unless you want me to,” you finish, and he ignores it. 

"You kept asking for me while you were being questioned.”

“You were watching? Did you like what you see?”

The temptation to roll his eyes is strong, but he manages to hold it in check, and fixes a strong focus on you. This is important. It’s about his life. “You wanted to talk to me, so here I am. Now let’s talk.”

“Where would you like to start?”

“How about your name?”

“Oh, you’ll have to get to know me a little better if you want me to give up that secret. Try again," you urge, and he huffs. Like drawing blood from a rock. 

Every question he could ask, every query he needs an answer to is being whirled around in the chaotic storm in his head, and it's so difficult to pick out just one. “Have we met?” He decides upon, momentarily forgoing the alternatives: Who are you? Why do I feel like I know you? Why do I feel like you're important? What part of me do you hold in those bound hands of yours?

Head tilted upwards, you consider the ceiling while searching for an answer. “Briefly.” And then you pause. Bite your lip, look down, make a so-so motion with your head. “Well, I wouldn’t say met, exactly. I wreaked some havoc and you watched.” That tells me jack-shit, sweetheart.

“When?”

“February of 2013," you respond instantaneously. Good memory. That's useful. 

“So I was with Hydra," he assumes, instantly going down all the roads he might know you by. A mission, a murder, more violence, another apology. Were you partners in crime, or his target? Or were you just in the way?

“I don’t agree with that phrasing, but yes, I suppose so."

“Did we work together?” He dares to question. 

There's a change: a tangible shift in the atmosphere, like the scent of ozone in the air before a thunderstorm. The stiffening of your posture, how you sit up straighter but hunch your shoulders against some invisible attack tells him he's touching a nerve, nearing cyclone waters. It takes a moment for the mask to fall back into place over your face, before you're able to answer, with venom, repulsed. “God, no. I would never work for them.” It's the most sincere emotion he's heard from you, this disgust. It eases him to know how strongly you feel about Hydra, but he’s wary of your raw response to it.

So, he treads more kindly. Softly. On eggshells sharp and off-white, feeling his way around the balance of your temper. “Then how did we meet?”

“I was on a heist,” you say, matter-of-factly. In your tone of voice, now even and professional, it sounds like the most natural thing in the world. As though stealing from megalomaniac neo-Nazis is just another day at work.

“What kind of heist? Who sent you?” Bucky observes the way you're pulling the edges of your sleeves over your hands as much as you can with your restraints. At this question, your smile returns, and he relaxes. Can now feel his leg falling asleep under him now that he's not so tense.

“Nobody sent me. I’m a free agent. I work for myself,” you announce, chin up. 

“What were you going to steal from Hydra?” He asks, and your head turns slowly towards him, firework sparkle meeting level, cool, sky-blue, a hurricane simmering behind his irises.

“You.”

“We did not sign up for this,” Barton grumbles from his second cup of coffee -- addicts, the lot of them -- adjusting his hearing aid with a frown on his face at the turn of events. 

Sam clears his throat, setting down a half-empty glass of orange juice next to Natasha’s espresso on the table and speaks next, “That’s messed up, man, that’s really, really messed up.” This is said with a shake of his head, and Bucky, having no response to either Barton or Sam, addresses Steve.

“There’s something she’s not telling me, Rogers.” He uses the last name to revert to the days of talking shop in green tents with the gravity of impending shelling in the air. Life or death, and though the circumstances aren’t quite so acute right now, this is a grave matter, too. Steve's standing hunched over the kitchen island, arms outstretched and hands flat on the granite surface, studying the pattern like it holds all the answers. 

Bucky watches him think, but Stark, in Spider-Man PJs and the bed-head of the century, strolls into the kitchen at a leisurely pace and interrupts. “There are a lot of things she’s not telling you. Who she is, where the money is, wh--”

“She’s not telling me why," Bucky interrupts a tirade that he knows could continue forever, given the chance. “People don’t go around stealing super soldier assassins for the hell of it.”

“Maybe she’s working for someone who wanted you to work for them instead of Hydra," Peter suggests over a ridiculously large bowl of ridiculously colorful cereal at the breakfast nook.

“She doesn’t work for anyone. Says she’s a free agent."

“And you believe her?” Sam wonders. It's a genuine question, curious but not dismissive or doubtful. 

“Barnes has quite the built-in lie detector," Nat tells Sam from next to him, her yoga-pant clad legs splayed across another chair. Yeah, he’s good at telling when people are being dishonest, but there’s also the fact this woman is way too fearless, fucking crazy to be made to do anyone's bidding. No chance in Hell does she takes orders. 

Tony slumps in an orange loveseat. “Must be a Russian thing," he quips, and then breaks out into a yawn.

Bucky puts his hands on his hips and glares at all of them, by turn, sharply. "Would you let me finish?" He demands. "She couldn't tell me why she was going to steal me from Hydra, but she said she'd show me." One could hear a pin drop in this room, now, the bustle of Avengers replaced by the obviously preposterous proposition Bucky's relaying. "Just me," he adds.

"Me?" He asks, voice rising in pitch and volume, and he fights to control both, rising to his feet. "Why would you steal me?"

"Have you seen you?" You ask back, eyes scintillating, glowing with mirth. "Gorgeous hair, those eyes, and hands that I'm sure know how to treat a girl right.”

Bucky looks daggers at you, and you look back. "I'm serious."

"I thought you were Bucky,” you say innocently, and he thinks he could scream in frustration, but he drops down, kneels just beside where you sit, and holds onto the edge of the cot like it’s the end of the world he’s falling off of.

"I don't think you understand how important this is to me. You know something about me you won't say. I've been trying to put together my past so I can understand myself better and you have a piece of my history. I need to know,” he enunciates each word as if it’s his last. Needs to convey the severity of the situation, how he has been trying to rebuild himself into a new life from the scraps of the old ones. He’s aware that he’s complete as he is but he also makes choices for himself now, and he chooses to know.

You look down, and although it’s your hands that are bound, you offer a golden prayer. "Let me show you." A lifeline, something he doesn’t want to believe and doesn’t know if he can trust. Hence, the question:

"What?"

A sad shrug of your shoulders is the first answer, and it all starts to unravel from there. "I can't tell you, I really can't. It's complicated and a really long story--"

Bucky elevates himself on his knees, his fingers dig in a little tighter, and the metal of the bed begins to creak ever so slightly. "The way I see it, we have all the time in the world, darlin'," he says in a thick voice, emotion simmering at the corners of his lips.

"Darlin'?" You can’t help but ask, without any flirt this time, any teasing, just a question in a tone as surprised as he is at the slip of tongue.

Bucky decides to ignore the interruption. "So let's start at the beginning.”

Fervently, you shake your head. "I can't." At his wide-eyed disbelief, "I mean it, I can't."

"No, you can, you just won't,” he insists.

"We could have a grammar lesson if you want, or I could show you why I was going to steal the Winter Soldier."

"What do you mean show me?" Bucky asks, moving to sit on the chair again. Leaning forward, he places his hands on his thighs, looks into your eyes to pull forth the words you won’t give him.

You blink, unbudgingly. "I have to take you somewhere. It's the only way to explain."

A sharp bark of a laugh escapes him, and he shakes his head as it recedes into chuckles. Your face is now blank and expressionless, gauging how to handle this, and he gives you the first response that comes to mind. "You're full of shit."

"What happened to darlin' ?"

Meeting your eyes, he says, “You want me to let you out so you can escape. A five-year-old could see through that.” Then, Bucky leans back in his chair, crosses one ankle over the other as well his arms. His hooded gaze is at a stalemate with yours, and it’s a hopeless tug of war. So this is how it ends. A night spent sleepless in vain, a few battle bruises and the tug of disappointment in his belly.

A dismal, and last-ditch sigh ripples through the air, from lips dark and worried bloody. Your eyes look overcast and you open and close your mouth repeatedly to say something, but do not voice your thoughts. Giving you the time to formulate whatever perfect sentence you’re trying to utter is torturous, but he waits. Until you stop, speechless, and he gets to his feet. Turns to the door, and then you speak from behind him, while his hand hovers over the handle.

"Let me take you, and only you, to the place you need to see, and I'll cooperate. I'll give you what I have left of the money, and I'll plead guilty in court and serve my time.” Bucky freezes. "Just come with me,” and you’re the one making requests, making pleas now. It’s inexplicable, he knows he should be looking this particular gift horse in the mouth, and he convinces himself that he will, in time, but right now, he accepts.

"Was that an innuendo?" He asks, still facing away, the question indicating a truce.

"If you want it to be," you say, and he turns around to look at you. "What do you say, Barnes, are we going on a road trip?

Hope swells somewhere in him he thought had been long abandoned for darker days and arduous nights. The same intuition that taught him to ask for this piece of himself tells him something is coming. Something that’s going to make a difference.

"Bucky. It's Bucky. And yeah, I guess we are.”

[colorfulandblack]

So did you notice how every single song in JATP is dedicated to different character? I'm going to skip all the Dirty Candy cos obviously, and same goes to Caleb's HGC numbers. Bit for the rest:

Now or Never - this is the ultimate and only Sunset Curve song. It's THEM. But also have you read the lyrics?

"Clocks move forward but we don't get older, no" and "When all the days felt black and white those were the best shades of my life" it can be read two way. It's both about 1995 and 2020 and their life and afterlife. It's almost prophetic but you don't know it unless you keep watching the show. Also "we're the revolution that's been singing in the rain" watch out for the rain but cos it's echoed in another song.

Wake Up - so at first this seems to be Julie's song but hear me out. It's not. It was written by Rose, Julie's mom. The lyrics: "And you use your pain, cause it makes you you though I wish I could hold you through it. I know it's not the same you got living to do and I just want you to do it". Rose knew she was going to die and she wanted Julie to keep living. To keep playing music. It's her guidance from beyond the grave. It's precisely why this is the first song Julie sings in a YEAR. Because it's the LAST message her mom left for her. It's Rose's song for Julie.

Bright - this is Alex's song and you can fight me on it. Mind it was written back in the 90s - Luke gives it to Julie because it was one of the songs that Bobby hasn't stolen which means that they either played it before, live when they were alive (which seems sort of unlikely because it has more of a pop sound to it than say Now or Never) or because it was never played to the public before. Because it was private. Now again it wasn't something that was kept a secret either because the band joined Julie on stage and executed the song perfectly and they haven't reversed it before, couldn't have because at this point the boys didn't know they could be seen when playing. They sort of joined last minute. They were standing by and watching Julie to the almost last second. And now the lyrics:

"Sometimes I think I'm falling down I wanna cry, I'm crying out for one more try to feel alive. And when I'm lost and alone I know that I can make it home fight through the dark and find the spark" and "In times like that I doubted myself I felt like I needed some help stuck in my head with nothing left. I feel something around me now so unclear, lifting me out I found the ground I'm marching on" this is Alex, anxious, worrisome Alex who came out to his parents who weren't accepting. And his band was there for him. "I can make it home", home being the garage, his band, his friends. They helped him find his 'ground that he's marching on'. Also, I ain't saying that Alex and Luke dated back in the 90s but they definately dated. Just look at this:

"Life is a risk, but we can take it close my eyes and jump. Together, I think that we can make it, c'mon let's run" and "And rise through the night, you and I, we will fight to shine together, bright forever" WE WILL FIGHT TO SHINE TOGETHER, BRIGHT FOREVER. Shine as in unapologetly being themselves. As being happy and accepted and themselves.

Sure when Julie sings it it's about her incredible talent and trying to get back into the music program but again this song was written back in the 90s. It's Alex's song.

The Band is Back - Reggie's Jam. This is pretty self explanatory and the song might be simplistic and upbeat and very beach, summer like but is not without dept. The boys don't know where they stand with the band. They know they are dead and can be heard when singing and seen when playing with Julie but they are still dead. Now remember this song plays right after the boys leave the studio when Ray talks about his happy times with a wife that died. This hits close to home because well they are also dead. But also the way Ray talks about Rose. So much love and admiration. And now Reggie's parents who were "one fight away from divorce". And on top of that his house is gone so there is no way of him (at this point at least and without Julie's help) to find his family or even to learn if they are alive. This song, Luke says that he knows how to cheer Reggie up. But notice this. It's not something that Luke or Alex sing. No. Reggie is. I'm not going to mention that it is kind of weird that they had a song in the ready that's called "the band is back" as if they had a fallout before or something like that. But this aside, this is a song to remind Reggie that they are still friends and that they are family. The only family they are going to need. And they are going to stick together, life or afterlife.

"Can you, can you hear me?" "Loud and clear!" Is such a simple thing that is used on so many concerts to get the audience's attention. But here is different. Becaus eits reaffirming that Reggie is valid. That his voice is being heard and that he's safe. And by having Reggie sing the song - it's like saying "hey Reg we know this is terrible and it sucks but if you'd like we'll be your family and will me always stick around". By making REGGIE sing it, by making him announce that the back is back together is like giving him a choice. A choice to have Luke and Alex as his family. If Luke sang it it was as if he said: "we're your family" but the way it is it's more like a question: "we will be your family if you'll have us" and of course Reggie would that's why the band is back.

Flying Solo - Flynn's song. One of my personal favourites actually. Nothing much to add really. The lyrics are from Julie's dream box because the boys were looking for the kitchen again and are very personal. Flynn is a constant in Julie's life and by having her sing a song about her best friend, SING (a big change that has happened recently in Julie's life) is letting her in once again, having her in her life when the change happens. Letting her on the secret about the ghost band. And it's also an apology and giving her thanks. Because Julie is so thankful to have Flynn there. "My life would be real zero, flying solo without you"

And one more thing, notice how the boys sing nothing but chorus. On every other song the boys get a line or two to sing on their own, except Luke who is not ready to give up his front man position (which is quite fair since he writes the songs too). This song is entirely BY Julie and sang by Julie but is still a Flynn's song.

Finally Free - this is JULIE'S song. This is her first song playing PUBLIC (yes I know it was Bright but it was different. There was no band then yet.) It's her metamorphosis. The song reflects the change in Julie every time she sings:

"I'm awakened, no more faking so we push all our fears away. Don't know if I'll make it cause I'm failing under, close my eyes, and feel my chest beating like thunder. I wanna fly. Come alive. Watch me shine. " it starts off with noting Julie's life without music and then its restoration of it back in her life. Here is this word again, SHINE. It refers to the same thing just different situation. Sine as being themselves. Being true to themselves and singing their heart out.

"Hands up if you believe, been so long, and now I'm finally free. We're all bright now. What a sight now. Coming out like we're fireworks. Marching on proud. Turn it up loud cause now we know what we're worth" Now this can be applied to the entire band. They are visible again, they can be heard and seen. They are feeling as if they are alive again. But more importantly- remember how Julie couldn't sing in her class? How she choked back tears as she run away and Carrie's bitchy comment (it's not that I hate her but y'know if they used to be friends she must have known that Rose died so low blow). "COS NOW WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE WORHT" She proved to everyone that she can sing. She proved to her friends and family that she is getting better with her mother passing. And most of all that she feels closer to her when she sings. She is free. Free of pretending to be fine so her dad wouldn't worry. Free of bottling up all the fear of singing before Flynn and the inevitable disappointment because her friend knew Julie can sing but didn't to say with her in the music program. She is done proving things to people. She is shining bright and she is free.

Edge of Great - ultimate Juke song or a BAND song. Now let me explain, I love the ship I really do but-there is a but,however, I'm not going to go in about my slight concerns regarding Juke as it is canon so let me just jump into the analysis.

Of course it can be read as a Juke song but also as an Julie and Luke's song separately. "Running from the past. Tripping on the now. What is lost can be found, its obvious. And like a rubber ball we come bouncing back. We've all got a second act inside of us" essentially it's about how they all had their past, their demons to battle but they come together united in music. "This is an interesting little relationship you and I have" Luke said. And he was right. Because their relationship is not physical. Its a bond forged by similar life experience and the pain they draw from joined in music.

Now this bit, this 100% Juke right there: "I believe that were just one dream away from who we're meant to be. That were standing on the edge of- something big, something crazy our best days are yet unknown. That this moment is ours to own cause were standing on the edge of great" this gives me some serious throwback vibes to HSM. Also note how this is possibly the only song where Reggie and Luke don't share the mike. They stand next to each other but just watch Julie instead. Also, I think mentioned in other lengthy post about how Reggie and Alex intentionally poofed out giving Luke and Julie that last harmony moment by the piano.

Now this bit: "We all make mistakes but they're just stepping stones. To take us where we wanna go it's never straight, no. Sometimes we gotta lean. Lean on someone else to get a little help until we find our way." Now listen I mentioned the band. See I know this is the almost acoustic chilling chemistry packed moment when Luke and Julie sing. It's obvious they mean so much to each other. By the lyrics itself. It applies to the entire band. They were there to pick each other up and to provide a shoulder to rest their head on.

But as I said untimalte Juke song.

Unsaid Emily - now this, this is LUKE'S song. Obviously. But it's not only because it's dedicated to his mother. It's like Wake Up. It's the second song that is sang acoustically but just one person throughout. And it gives up such a great insight into Luke as a character.

"First things first, we start the scene from reverse, all of the lines rehearsed" THIS is how much his family means to him. He was going over this moment over and over and over in his head. Thinking what he would say. We saw in the show that he approached his house few times checking on his parents. Possibly hoping to come back but never doing it.

"I should have turned around but I had too much pride" he KNEW his parents were only looking out for him. But he was Luke. His music was EVERYTHING to him. Luke has a very single way of thinking of things. He didn't care, doesn't mean he didn't know, how hard it would be to make it. All that mattered it was his music. And it must have hurt. Because he says that his parents regretted buying him his first guitar. It's obvious that he was close with his parents with his mom so they must have not completely condone him being in the band. They just wanted him to have an option if the band won't work out. But Luke didn't see it like that. Because every time his parents tried to convince him to think about it for a moment to think about his future they were looking out for him but to him it felt like betrayal. Because to Luke it sounded like they had no faith in him, on his talent in his band and their chance or making it big. And it hurts SO FUCKING MUCH BECAUSE HE KNOWS IT. He knows it but as he sings he was too prideful to admit it. To come back.

"No times for goodbyes. Didn't get to applogise" and " conversations in my head and that's just where they're gonna stay forever" it's goddamn HEARTBREAKING because this song was written when he was still alive. He still stalked his house and his parents but THIS indicate that he thought things were beyond repair. Like he wanted to come back and apologise but thought it was too late. Like he would never get a chance to say he was sorry and ultimately he never did. Not until Julie.

"If I could take us back, if I could just do that. And write in every empty space the words I love you in replace and everytime would not erase me if you could only know I never let you go and the words I most regret and the ones I never meant to leave" everything he said was in the heat of the moment. He was hurt. But god, at this point I'm crying don't mind me, he thinks that he apologise would mean nothing. He says that if he could replace EVERY SINGLE WORD with I Love You he would but he think it would be erased. It would never be received. Thay it would dissapear. And ultimately it was. Because he died. He died and never got to say how sorry he was.

This song shows us the other side of Luke. Not only the side that only the band has seen before because I think that noone really saw Luke break down like thay when he was singing Unsaid Emily. He was bottling all of it inside and wouldn't let his friends to help him out. Because I refuse to believe that the boys wouldn't try to comfort him knowing that he was hunting around his parents both when he was alive and after.

And this song makes me ugly sob in every form, written, sang, seen in the show so thanks Kenny for it.

Stand Tall - this is the JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS song. The first one of many. And it's almost as heartbreaking as Unsaid Emily. First of all let's lay out the situation. Julie decides to sing ALONE and UNCERTAIN whether the boys would show up or not. Even if she still believes thay they are still there lingering, fighting to play the Orpheum with her and complete their unfinished business she would still lose them. When they cross over they are gone. And if they don't they will cease the exist in the afterlife. So no matter what Julie does she says goodbye to her family. And she STILL DECIDES TO SING.

"Whatever happens even if I'm the last standing I'ma stand tall." THIS FUCKING MOMENT. This is when the boys are supposed to come in. BUT THEY DON'T. They are still trapped in the HGC so JULIE LITERALLY IS THE LAST ONE STANDING. Because she thinks it's too late. She thinks they boys are dead.

I shit you not I scream everytime the boys appear and Luke flickering gives me a heart attach every single time but it's so powerful in terms of showing how much they mean for each other. When Alex and Reggie break free they are so happy to see Julie but when Luke can't get there quite yet the tension is palpable and I will never forgive Charlie for being the little shit when Luke finally appears exactly on his cue with a shit eating grin like he didn't almost die.

"Right now, I'm loving every minute. Hands down, can't let myself forget it, no cause everything is rushing in fast. Keep holding on never look back. And it's one, two, three, four times that I'll try for one more night. Light a fire in my eyes." This is so bittersweet because she is playing with the band. THEY MADE IT! But also she knows it's the last performance. And it's so powerful because she knows it and she will still keep trying. Keep playing music. Keep creating.

This is the ULTIMATE JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS, BAND UNITED AND TOGETHER SONG

But I want to note the literal chills I get everytime Alex and Reggie get their separate "whatever happens even if I'm the last standing I'ma stand tall" because it speaks VOLUMES. For Alex standing tall is being who he is. Unashamed and happy and loved. For Reggie is being with his family. Doing everything for his found family.

This is incredible performance and on top of that the boys disappear barely finishing their bow. If you listen closely. The second Julie stops singing all the music dies down except for the last line guitar strum, Luke's guitar strum and everything is quiet. You can hear Julie's voice, alone, still echo but that's it. The boys are gone.

+1

House is Where my Horse Is - ok, I know it was a joke cos they are in the rock back and this is country song. But you ever listened to a country music? And I'm not talking about modern stuff but a good old fashioned country ballad. I had a moment of little musical crisis in my life and listened to some songs and honestly they are so bittersweet and full of longing and melancholy. 90% of them are about loss, whether that be of a parent (almost always father and almost always cancer) or love and hardships of life and struggle. And I think it's really interesting to give Reggie, a person who is nothing but optimistic and cheerful this characteristic. Because if anything it only underlines what we have seen before that he is not the sharpest tool in the shed but he's smart. He sees things, and he might get lost in the conversation but he sees everything else. And it's not the fist country song he has written either. Luke says "stop putting your country songs in my journal". It's an occurring thing. I just think it sheds a light a bit on Reggie's character as someone else than the goofball.

[crystalrose555]

Don’t make me slap you pt 31

“We’re under attack! Help, send out the royal guard!” No. 2 screamed as he burst into the garden where Diavolo and Barbatos resided with afternoon tea.

However, before he could manage to explain, Little D No. 2 was gripped tightly by an out-of-breath Mammon. As his brothers made their appearance in a gruff and hurried fashion, he squished down the little demon.

“Shut up before people start thinkin’ we’re tryin’ to take over the place!” He growled.

“Once usurpers, always usurpers, Pa-”

Little D No. 2 didn’t even have a chance to finish his taunt as Mammon threw him as hard as he could into the distance. Everyone stared at him as he heaved for breath and dusted off his hands.

“What!? The little jerk can fly and we have more important stuff, remember!?”

“For once, Mammon’s right. Lord Diavolo, do you care to explain?”

Diavolo smiled while placing his cup down on the saucer.

“Explain what, may I ask?”

Levi pushed his way to the front of his brothers as he pulled out his phone and showed its content with a fierce blush on his face.

“Don’t cast Confusion, what is with this!?”

“Ah yes, that is the Devilgram post that Marley sent to tell you all that she was alright.” He answered.

“Yeah, but what’s with that picture!?”

“Oh, Marley believed a picture would be best to announce her recovery since you weren’t answering your D.D.D.s.”

“Then why did she take it while sitting on your lap like that!?” Levi screamed while pointing at the familiar red cloth in the background of Marley who posed provocatively with a seductive cheekiness.

Diavolo scratched his face with his finger and looked away with a small chuckle.

“Ah yes, she claimed it would be a better angle and insisted on taking it that way, something about an interesting background and composition.”

“Aww, she remembered my posting lessons~”

“Asmo, you're the reason behind such a lewd picture!?”

“Yeah, I taught her some secrets of breaking into the top posts on Devilgram but I never dreamed that she would get the top rank ahead of yours truly. That cheeky little minx used Lord Diavolo’s account to promote her selfie. I’m mostly upset because I never thought about taking a picture on Lord Diavolo’s lap. Actually, Lord Diavolo, can I-”

Asmo, however, didn’t get to finish his request as the piercing gaze of his elder brothers burned holes in the back of his head. Surprisingly, the most intense stares were coming from Lucifer whose face had run cold with his full disdain for the overall situation. Diavolo, on the other hand, looked on in confusion.

“I thought you all would be happy to learn that Marley’s alive and well.”

“We were until we saw what was happening in Devilgram. The entire app has crashed three times from the sudden flux of viewers and comments on your account. Not to mention the entire rumor mill from RAD has blown up in multitudes and hasn’t decreased since the picture was posted.” Satan answered.

“The mere thought about the amount of work ahead is giving me a headache that could rival the pain of the fall.” Lucifer coldly added.

Diavolo’s eyes widened at the sudden comment.

“Wait, you still wish to follow me, Lucifer? After everything?”

Lucifer sighed heavily.

“Of course, you saved Lilith and I swore my loyalty to you for it. My oath remains just as it did before, though the burden has shifted in a way that I’ve never planned for.”

Diavolo blinked and turned his attention to the other brothers who showed a range of feelings upon their faces.

“I mean, yeah, y’all lied to all of us but all that don’t matter since Lilith got the chance to live how she wanted.” Mammon added.

“...With the human she loved. And we couldn’t be by her side but her happiness is all that counts at this point.”

“Not to mention their love brought us Mochi in the end and I’ll never regret that~” 

“Y-Yeah, it’s a little cliche but I got a best friend from all of this. A Henry that doesn’t think I’m a worthless otaku and who cares about what I care about.”

“Not to mention she made hangin’ out with y’all more tolerable.”

“You’re only saying that because she had all that gold, you money-grubber.”

“Oi, at least I wasn’t squishin’ her face whenever I saw here, ya blond little geek.”

The brothers’ unity turned to discord as they argue amongst themselves, accusing and ratting out one another’s secrets. Lucifer just held his temples as he felt a dull pain radiating throughout his head. Seeing this, Diavolo’s shoulders slumped as the tension left them upon seeing the brothers whom he took into his kingdom were now freely losing face in front of him. They were still supportive of him despite his hand in the secrets they suffered. However, he couldn’t fully relax as his eyes laid upon the reclusive twins who remained in the background.

“And you two? You both should have the most to say about all of this after everything.” Diavolo asked, directing the conversation.

Beel stood firm while Belphie avoided the prince’s gaze, clinging to his brother’s sleeve. Feeling the tightening grasp, Beel placed his large hand over his twin’s pale one.

“Marley would always snack with me and when she was with me, it didn’t feel like I was alone as much. And I will always be grateful to her for bringing Belphie back to us and letting us know the truth about our sister. Right, Belphie?”

Everyone’s gaze slowly shifted to Belphie who shrunk behind Beel further. Diavolo remained silent before asking the brothers to join him at his table as he did before, with a smile across his face.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“...As long as she’s alright, I don’t care...”

A drawn-out groan came out of some brothers while the other half held their faces. Beel, however, just placed his hand firmly on Belphie’s head while stuffing his face with cake.

“What Belphie meant to say was he wanted to thank her and apologize properly.”

“Yeah, we older brothers have to make sure the baby apologizes when he messes up.” Mammon teased as he pulled on Belphie’s cheek.

“Knock it off, Mammon or-”

“Or what? You gonna push me down the stairs and set me on fire too?”

Nearly all of his brothers gave Mammon a look of disgust and disapproval.

“Oi, I was the one who had to keep everyone’s head above water, so I get a pass!”

“Alright then, when Marley forgives Belphie we can string Mammon up and hit him until he returns all the things he owes us since we’re in a gracious mood for his steady support.” Lucifer coldly suggested.

“How is that thankin’ me!? Where’s Marley anyway, she’ll back me up on this!” Mammon demanded.

“Yes, she’s the reason we all came here, Lord Diavolo. So where is she?”

Diavolo paced his fork down next to his cake.

“Oh, she’s already back home. I sent her back after she took the pictures upon her request.”

Nearly all of the brothers frowned upon hearing the news except for Lucifer and Levi who froze in mid-drink and bite respectively.

“Aww, she went back after all of this, that’s a shame. I wanted to go shopping with her.” Asmo paused.

“And I wanted to talk about the books she left me.” 

“...Diavolo...”

“Yes, Lucifer?”

“You said pictures just now...” He strained out as his teacup trembled slightly in his grasp.

Diavolo blinked obliviously as he nodded with a smile while Levi roughly dropped his fork to the plate with a clang.

“Meaning more than one?”

“Yes, she took multiple pictures to use with my D.D.D.”

Satan, Mammon, and Asmo joined their brothers in astonished horror while Belphie and Beel remained as if nothing was wrong. Barbatos continued to serve with a smile on his face.

“So, the pictures, Lord Diavolo, are they still on your D.D.D.?”

“Oh no, Marley placed them in a thing called a queue.” He answered with a wonderful smile.

“...the queue for Devilgram?” 

“Yes, she then programmed it to release a post every so often so her message wouldn’t get buried.”

The only sound that was heard at the tea-table was Lucifer shattering his teacup in his hand while Levi ripped the table cloth with his own iron grip. The second, fourth, and fifth brother bit their laughing tongues to avoid becoming victim to the impending wave of rage.

“Lucifer, you shattered your teacup.”

“My apologies, my nerves are just reaching their limit. Sir, please hand your D.D.D. over to Leviathan, will you?”

With a disappointed pout, Diavolo followed Lucifer’s request as Levi snatched the device away and frantically tried to purge the possible scandalous pictures of his precious Henry.

“And do you dare save any of those pictures, Leviathan.” Lucifer coldly threatened.

“Yeah unless you’re going to share them with the rest of us~”

“DARMARE!!!*”

*Shut the fuck up! In Japanese

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Marley sighed happily as her weary bones were soaked in her own tub. Taking deep breaths, she took in the residue of sea air from her open bathroom window. However, she suddenly felt her skin itching as if someone was poking her with a dull pencil, causing her to leave the bathroom with a sigh. Wrapping herself in her bathrobe, Marley made her way to the ground level of her home where the younglings continued to poke at her resting pelt. 

“Can you all knock it off, I’m trying to relax!”

“Sorry, but it’s so weird. What happened to your pelt?”  

“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”

“True but you’ve never been gone that long before.”

“And your pelt is all fancy now. Did you trade in your old one? I wanna new skin.”

Marley chuckled as she took her pelt in hand and sat on the couch while inviting her young interrogators to join her. She then leaned back and closed her eyes.

“So where’s Nixie?”

“They went to get takeout and don’t change the subject. You left for a long time, you didn’t bring any treasure back and your pelt is completely different, so you better start talking, Marley.”

Marley sighed again as she stroke her black and white fur. She opened her eyes only to be greeted by curious eyes.

“Fine, geez, you guys are worse than seagulls. But, I’ll tell you the story when Nixie gets back with the food. For now, I’ll just give you the title.”

“And that is?”

Marley smirked happily.

“Mochi in the realm of Geeks.”

[the-girl-in-the-box]

Not Today XIII

A/N:  This is the first of... FOUR chapters I am writing this week. I'm still posting one on Wednesdays, and one on Saturdays, but I needed to get a little bit ahead because I'll be out of town next week and didn't want to not have updates! So, look for the next chapter Saturday, and I hope you all enjoy this one! Skål!

Summary:  When Ivar takes the throne of Kattegat, Lagertha flees to Wessex along with Björn, Ubbe, Torvi, and the Bishop Heahmund. There, they seek the aid of King Alfred. This aid comes in the form of his sister, Aethelind, who agrees to travel to Kattegat and try to reason Ivar, who she spent some time with during their youth, when her grandfather King Ecbert hosted Ragnar Lothbrok in their castle. Now, she is the only hope for Lagertha and her supporters to retake Kattegat from Ivar the Boneless.

Masterlist

--

Aethelind found herself training harder in the following weeks. She spent most of her days out in the training fields, fitted in trousers, fighting anyone who was willing to take her on. There was a surprising number of people who would, and with each fight she felt like she was improving. She learned something new, at least, with every person she fought. Some of the men, she would defeat, some of the women too, and then some she wouldn’t.

However, there was hardly any warrior or shieldmaiden who didn’t want a chance to fight the Warrior Princess of Wessex. So, she wasn’t exactly at risk of having no one to train with. If Hvitserk came down, he would take precedence to them all, however. The Son of Ragnar was Aethelind’s favorite to train against, just because of his sheer talent for fighting, and the fact that, while he wasn’t the best at teaching her to speak in his tongue- well, he wasn’t quite as good as Freydis, even if better than Ivar- he was an excellent teacher when it came to the battlefield.

Under him, she was thriving. She was winning more training fights every day than she had the last, and it was about decided that she would be able to hold her own in any fight. Hvitserk wanted to start having her fight more people at once, preparing her for a battle. There was an unspoken arrangement, that that’s what he was training her for. After all, Hvitserk- like Ivar- knew the truth about just who was in Wessex, now. But he’d had… a bit of a different thought about it.

He knew it was likely only a matter of time before his brothers and Lagertha returned for Kattegat. And… he couldn’t say yet which side he would fight for. He loved Ubbe, he loved Björn, but he also loved Ivar. The only thing was…

Ivar was crazy. He thought he was a god. Yes, they’d grown up hearing how their father, Ragnar Lothbrok, was descended from Odin, but that didn’t mean they, themselves, were gods! How Ivar had gotten that in his head, Hvitserk wasn’t sure, but he had an idea. All he did know, was he was having doubts about his support of the King of Kattegat. And if he chose to turn on him, he wanted to be sure he’d prepared Aethelind the best he could for whatever came of that.

For one thing, when he wasn’t with Thora, he was with Aethelind. His betrayal might automatically turn suspicion onto her. If she got caught in the fallout, he wanted her ready to defend herself. He couldn’t betray anyone unless he knew he’d mitigated as much of the damage as he possibly could. Once Aethelind could hold her own in battle, he’d know he’d done it.

The ringing of swords clashing together rang out through the air, as Aethelind and Hvitserk battled once more. They often came so close to one outcome, only for the other to suddenly pull it off, and it seemed that was about to happen again. Hvitserk had had her on the ropes, just a few minutes ago, but she’d ducked and slid right between his legs, popping back up on the other side and using her foot to kick him away, and he’d stumbled and fallen to the ground.

Now, he was trying to keep defending himself until he could get back up, but her sword was coming hard, fast, and relentless, making him have to focus so much on not missing, and being struck, to focus on getting up onto his feet. She feigned a thrust to the right, and when he went to block, she brought her sword back to the left, and caught his blade. This action sent it flying out of his hand, and when he reached for it, she pinned his arm down by stepping- lightly, so as not to actually hurt him- on his wrist.

There was a flash of something, something that caught Aethelind off guard entirely, and she stepped back. Just as soon as it had come, the sight of Hvitserk suddenly pale, looking up at her with bloodshot eyes, stringy hair barely pulled out of his face, clearly incredibly unwell, was gone. But it had still startled her well enough, and made her shake her head and drop to her knees beside him.

Her brows creased with a deep concern, and her hands reached out to take his face between her hands, her sword long abandoned behind her now. Hvitserk looked confused at the confusion written across Aethelind’s face, but he couldn’t deny the concern was rather endearing. If not… still concerning.

She couldn’t think of how to explain just what she had just seen, had just witnessed, but Hvitserk looked perfectly healthy, perfectly happy now. His skin was the same color it always was, his hair was clean, his eyes clear. So what had she seen? Why had he suddenly looked so sick and so miserable?

Eventually, Hvitserk decided he was concerned enough to try and find out just what exactly was bothering her so badly, and so he asked, “Is something the matter, Princess?”

She blinked a few times, and her eyes finally met his. A slight reddish tint crossed her cheeks and she chuckled shyly, releasing him. “You fell pretty hard, it seemed,” she lied easily. “I just… needed to be sure you were alright.”

Hvitserk’s smile turned more gentle then, and he sat up, taking her hand in his. “I am well, Aethelind,” he said softly. “Perhaps we should be done for the day. We can go and take some rest, after a meal. How does that sound, hm?”

Aethelind nodded, and then gave her head a light shake. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t- I don’t know what came over me.”

Hvitserk put an arm around her and pulled her close, pressing a soft kiss to her head as he felt her head resting against his shoulder. “I do,” he answered her. “And I understand. Come, let’s have some food and drink.”

She nodded and sat up again, smiling at him slightly, before watching him get to his feet and offer her a hand up. Accepting it, she too stood, and they started off.

The pair walked up to the Great Hall, his arm still slung around her shoulders. Hvitserk opened the door when they arrived to let Aethelind pass through. He followed her inside, got them both hot meals and warm drinks, before suggesting they return to her chambers to eat.

Normally, she’d have insisted she was fine to sit in the hall and eat, but today… Whatever had happened with Hvitserk had her still quite shaken, and though Hvitserk read this as a reaction to something entirely different, it was still enough for him to recognize that today was rather not the day to eat in the hall.

So, they took their food and drinks to her chambers, and sat at her desk. He’d pulled a chair up beside hers, and they settled in there. Most of the eating was done in silence, Hvitserk’s eyes studying the rather disturbed look on her face. He waited until she was finished eating to finally ask.

“How are you feeling?”

Without any explanation, Aethelind understood the exact meaning of his words. She took a deep breath, and her eyes fell to her hands, which moved to rest in her lap. “I miss him,” she confessed, her voice quiet. “We got close, in the years Alfred was gone to the Holy City. I never imagined he would just… go like that.” Her eyes watered a little as she recalled the news she’d received just a few weeks ago, and Hvitserk nodded slowly. “Alfred was always the one prone to falling ill, not Aethelred. I don’t think anyone could have seen it coming. And the fact he passed while Alfred was sick…” She gave another sigh, and shook her head. “Forgive me, I’ve spoken about this at length with you, Hvitserk. You’ve been good to humor me so long, but you really don’t need to. I know I’ve likely exhausted the subject.”

That sounded so like her Hvitserk had to bite back a chuckle. Aethelind was always so considerate, and even after the death of her own brother, after which she’d thrown herself head first into her training, she didn’t want to inconvenience anyone. This caused Hvitserk to shake his head, and reach for her hand. “Your theory makes sense,” he said. “If someone wanted to take the throne, it would make sense to do so while you were away, and the King himself was sick. If your brother was as healthy a man as you say he was, then I have no doubt he must have been poisoned. But Alfred, he is well, is he not?” Aethelind nodded slightly, and so Hvitserk smiled. “Then there is hope for your people,” he said. “I am just glad we managed to keep you from running home.”

She sighed, and cracked a small smile. “Yes,” she agreed. “You were all right about that. As much as I wished to be with my family… Aethelred was gone days before I heard, and by the time I returned, would have been long buried. I may have just been putting myself in danger to go.”

Hvitserk nodded. “Exactly. And you were sent here for safety, as well as for peace, hm? Ivar swore to protect you, and letting you run into what may have been a trap would have broken that oath.”

He didn’t miss the way her smile grew as she considered that, before answering, “You’re right, and I’m glad he upheld his oath. Though, I’m sure he was also reluctant to let go of the extra pair of hands when it comes to his new baby.”

Freydis seemed prepared to give birth any day now, in Aethelind’s opinion. And she had already offered to do anything she could to help with the baby, including during the arrival, and after. Both Ivar and Freydis had been more than pleased with this offer, and had readily accepted it.

Hvitserk chuckled softly at her insinuation, even as he shook his head. “Ivar wants you safe,” he told her. “One of… very few things the two of us agree on, these days. But we do. You are more than help for Freydis and him with the new baby.”

“I know,” she replied, chuckling softly as well. “He’s… struggling, right now. I can see as much. But I think he’s still a good man.”

And thus, she had summed up exactly what Hvitserk was struggling with himself. “Sometimes, I wonder how much of my little brother still exists, and how much is replaced by this… ‘Ivar the God’,” he confessed to her. She sighed softly and shook her head.

“He must know he’s not a god,” she replied. “Mustn’t he? I know your people disagree with mine on just who exactly is a god, or is God, but I think… neither of us would be correct in saying it was Ivar.”

Hvitserk nodded in response to her words. “He won’t hear it,” he said. “I’ve tried to tell him, but he thinks I’m the one who is crazy. Not him.”

“I wouldn’t say he’s crazy, exactly,” Aethelind said with a grimace, ever the optimist. “I think he’s just… buried beneath years of anger, and pain, and hatred.” Ubbe had said those exact words to her, many months ago, she recalled. “Perhaps a bit of heartbreak, too. We just need to reach him.”

“If it can be done,” Hvitserk allowed, but ultimately sighed. “If it is not too late.”

There came a knock at the door, and both Hvitserk and Aethelind looked up to it. They shared a look that said neither of them knew who it was, and so she called, “Enter!”

The door opened and Ivar himself stepped inside, causing both their hearts to jolt in their chests. They hoped desperately he hadn’t overheard them.

“Brother,” he greeted, not at all caught off guard by finding them together. “I need a moment with the Princess.”

Hvitserk’s heart jumped in a rather unpleasant way. Ever since he learned who had pushed King Harald back, he had been trying to stay with Aethelind. He didn’t know the full extent of what Ivar was thinking about it, but he knew he wanted to shield Aethelind from any horrible reaction Ivar could have. But… in Kattegat, what Ivar wants, he will have. And just then, he wanted time to speak with her alone. There was nothing for Hvitserk to do against that. So, he simply nodded, patted Aethelind on the shoulder and kissed her head.

“I’ll find you soon,” she told him with a warm smile, and he returned the smile to her, nodding. There was a tense moment as he started out of the room, and he and Ivar looked at each other. Hvitserk cracked a small, knowing, tight-lipped grin, and left.

Once he was gone, and the door was shut, Ivar turned back to Aethelind. She offered him a warm smile, and gestured toward the chair Hvitserk had just occupied. He waved a hand in a way so as to decline the offer to sit.

It was just one moment of him being stubborn, refusing to do something that would be a great help to him. But, she’d just been with Hvitserk, who he had seen fighting with her, training her, and walking at her side. Not that Ivar couldn’t walk, obviously he could, with his crutch and the braces he wore on his legs, but she wouldn’t have to slow down for Hvitserk.

There was no reason for him to want to prove himself to Aethelind, of course. And yet still, something drove him to try and do so, to be just as much of a man as Hvitserk was, when he was with her. It couldn’t be that he wanted to impress her. There was no need for that. He was married already anyway, and he loved Freydis more than anything. No, it was just that he- again- was struggling to live up to his brother. Wasn’t it always that?

Aethelind, of course, saw right through it. She gave him a somewhat pointed look, the sort he had come to recognize in her that said she saw through whatever it was he was attempting. He’d learned how similarly they thought since she arrived, and that meant it was incredibly difficult to pull something over on her.

Ivar often found himself trying not to think too hard on why he found that entertaining, as opposed to frustrating. It created a very interesting banter between the two of them, and he found her challenging him in ways that strengthened him. Perhaps that was why he found his time with the Princess to be entertaining, and not frustrating. Their thought processes complemented each other, as opposed to rubbing against each other.

You will be pulled like the tides, at the command of the moon.

The words nearly sent a chill down his spine. He’d heard them at the same time he was told, by the Seer, that a snake had settled in his skull- whatever that meant. He wasn’t sure what these other words meant, either, but they’d been part of his final prophecy. Ivar had killed him right after that, but no one else knew.

He questioned if Aethelind could have figured it out. It was probably better she’d arrived after the Seer’s death. Hvitserk was close enough to the truth, he didn’t need someone else learning what had happened.

Which, brought him back to why he wanted to speak with her. It was no secret to him that she must have known Lagertha, Björn, Ubbe, and Torvi were in Wessex, along with Bishop Heahmund, but he was hanging onto that. He was never one to play his cards the moment he had them. So, this card was one he was hanging onto, until such a time as it would truly help him to play it.

Ivar ignored the fact he rather hoped she’d tell him one day. It was a foolish thing to hope for. As much as he wanted to believe she trusted him, there was no doubt in his mind that Björn and Ubbe would have turned her against him. It was why he couldn’t trust her, not fully. There were things he trusted about her, things he trusted she would be consistent in, but if he were to trust her… He’d be a fool.

So perhaps he had brought something of a test for her. It was clear to him now that Hvitserk was beginning to turn against him, and while he intended to test Hvitserk, he figured this could play as a test of Aethelind’s loyalties in Kattegat. If they resided with Hvitserk, then there was a good chance they resided too with Björn and Ubbe.

He wouldn’t be sure what to make of it if they resided more with himself than with Hvitserk.

A deep breath, inhaled and exhaled, signaled to Aethelind he was about to begin, and so she sat up straighter in her seat, giving him all her attention.

"I had something I wished to speak with you about, before it is done,” he confessed, and she nodded with a small smile.

“Of course,” she said. “I’d be happy to discuss it with you. What’s on your mind, Ivar?”

And there was that perfect disposition, once again. Always so gentle, so good to him. She was always ready to drop everything to help with anything. Perhaps that was part of why he didn’t trust her fully, too. Everyone he’d ever known had had a dark side. Where was hers?

Ivar sighed, and chuckled. “I have made a decision, but I think you should know before I enact it,” he said. She watched how he shifted his weight, leaning more heavily onto his crutch. His legs must have been bothering him, Aethelind realized. She wished he’d sit.

"Sit and tell me?” she suggested.

He almost rolled his eyes. What was it with her and wanting him to sit? He was just fine standing. Perhaps his legs were aching, but-

“Ivar, Hvitserk was sitting. Would you just sit down and get out of your head for once?”

Ivar blinked a few times, his eyes widening and brows lifting as he looked to her. Shocked, he held up a hand in surrender, and finally went to sit across from her. This seemed to satisfy Aethelind, as she smiled and nodded, silently permitting him to continue.

“I… have found an ally,” he said. He still seemed a bit stunned, which earned a giggle from Aethelind. “What is it?”

“You look like a startled duck,” she said, laughing again and leaning against her desk.

This only seemed to further confuse him. “A startled duck?” he questioned. “How do I look like a startled duck, hm?” She sort of mimicked the expression he’d just had, and he chuckled. “I did not look like that,” he argued.

“You did,” she insisted. “Don’t worry, it was sweet, and I won’t tell anyone. I don’t imagine the King of Kattegat would want his reputation ruined by his people learning that some foreign Princess could reduce him to a startled duck.”

Ivar rolled his eyes at her- really, he rolled his whole head- before pinning them back on her, and trying to get on with business. “I want to send Hvitserk to speak with him on my behalf,” he said. “I have come to you about this because I see how often you are with my brother, and I wanted to warn you before I sent him away.”

“When are you sending him?” she questioned. He noted the frown, the way her brows creased, and knew she wasn’t fond of this decision. But, he supposed he’d not be happy if he found out a close friend of his was being sent away.

Not that he’d ever had many close friends, but the point remained.

He answered her, “He will leave in a few days. I don’t want it mentioned to him until I have spoken with him, though. The reason I told you is so you would not be surprised by it.”

Aethelind nodded a little. “Well, thank you for letting me know,” she said, and her small smile returned. “Hopefully, we’ll finish my training before then.”

“If not, we will find a way to finish it without Hvitserk,” Ivar offered. He smiled at the way she lit up. If only his brothers and Lagertha weren’t in Wessex, hadn’t probably gotten to Aethelind before she had come to Kattegat. He could have taken more joy in those smiles of hers then.

“You could always train me,” she pointed out then, and that ‘startled duck’ look returned to his face. “And before you say no, I know you’re the most feared man in the world. You’ve earned that some way, haven’t you? I imagine you fight better than anyone would guess.”

Ivar shrugged slightly. “That may be so,” he said. “But how can I know you won’t use it against me some day, hm?”

“Me? Turn against you?” Aethelind asked, and laughed softly. “Kattegat will have fallen, and Wessex as well, the day I make the decision to do that.”

“Is that true? You would not turn against me?” he questioned. He leaned back in his seat, his eyes watching her closely. “What if it was your brother who asked it of you?”

Aethelind wasn’t quite sure what had brought this on, and so she returned his look with a very similar one, and answered, “I can’t see why he would, but were he to… I’d warn against breaking his word, and stand by mine.”

“And do I have your word that you will not turn against me?”

She smiled at him genuinely, and gave a short nod.

“You do.”

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[aikoeisbon]

Haunting

Levi x Reader

TW: Self Harm

Therapeutic drabble. May be triggering to some, but it's how I help myself.

The sweltering heat of a midsummer's day had convinced a large amount of the survey corps to remain inside, and as a result, the stables were void of all people. You, on the other hand, had been scheduled to care for the horses on this particular day. You had discarded your jacket, opting to wear your undershirt as you worked to muck out stalls and feed the horses. As hot as it was, you figured your steed would appreciate a nice, cool bath, so you slipped her halter on and lead her down the long pathway of the stable towards it's rear, where the buckets and water were. You rolled up your sleeves as you began to fill the buckets, throwing sponges in there and allowing them to soak prior to lathering your horse with a bit of blandly-scented soap.

"Oi." A voice startled you as you snapped your head up towards the source of the noise. Levi was approaching your mare, hand outstretched for her nose while his eyes flickered down towards you. You heaved, carrying two buckets of water to beside your horse before shifting to return for the third, only to find Levi carrying it over with ease.

"Thanks. What brings you here?"

"I was looking for you. Hanji said you were on stall duty." Levi replied as you poured water onto the mare's back. He grimaced as she shook her coat, flinging specks of water onto his face.

"Did you need something?" You inquired as he wiped the droplets off his face with his forearm.

"Erwin wanted to speak with you." He stated in answer, watching as you began to scrub the mare with a sponge.

"The Commander?... Must be important then. I'll be finished in a bit. And here I was thinking you missed me." You raised your gaze up to meet his grey orbs and shot his a humorous smirk as you hunched over a bucket, rinsing the sponge and returning back to washing the animal. She dropped her damp head down, pushing Levi with it as she raised it against him, using him as a scratching post.

"Tch, cut that shit out." His brows furrowed, irritated with his now somewhat wet uniform with pieces of black fur here and there. He pushed her head away from him, in which she had responded with a low nicker. Levi moved beside you, reaching for a sponge to help out. As he went to stand straight again, his eyes picked up a bit of color from your arms. He trained his gaze on your flesh as you scrubbed away, his expression becoming flat as he identified the dull red stripes. The more closely he paid attention, the more lines he discovered- though these were white. Living in the underground, he was not blind to the fact people did this to themselves. Though as hard as things were for them, he still somewhat struggled to understand why. He understood being angry with yourself- even to the point of hating yourself or your situation so much you were suicidal. But to worsen your pain by making it physical? He could not wrap his head around that. From what he saw in the underground, whatever you were feeling or going through must have been as dismal and extreme as it would be in the underground. It caused him great concern, but his unenthused face did not reflect that. He simply narrowed his eyes, and shot his hand out for your arm.

"What?" You said almost defensively, startled by his sudden movement. It hadn't clicked what he was doing until you followed his line of sight, only then realizing your scars were in plain sight. You furrowed your brow, attempting to pull your arm back to your chest only to find it was secure in Levi's grip.

"Why?" He muttered, snatching your other arm in his iron grip as well. His chest tightened when he saw the same type of marks on that arm as well.

"Let go." You commanded, your voice quiet and low. His grip was unrelenting, his stare stern and serious. "Levi, let go!!!" You raised your voice, throwing your hands down in another attempt to free yourself from his grasp. He released you just as quickly as he grabbed you again, this time by your upper arm rather than your forearms. "Stop it!" You complained angrily as he led you to sit down. He noticed you wince as he grabbed you, and could only imagine why.

"Tch." He frowned. "Don't move." He ordered as he left you at a bench a near distance away. You watched him quickly finish bathing your horse, the fury in his eyes not at all wavering. The pit in your stomach was creeping up your throat. Would he find you disgusting now? Would he think you were too much to handle? Crazy? A risk? A liability? The anxiety you felt over those thoughts did nothing but intensify the longer this dragged on, until finally Levi walked past with your horse in tow. "Come on." He commanded, his voice still cold. You knew him better than anyone, you've seen what love looked like in his eyes, as well as malice, but this expression in his steel blue hues... You couldn't identify it. Maybe that is what scared you the most: The fear of the unknown. Perhaps Levi shared this fear too, which is why he felt this tense uneasiness. How long had you been doing this? How could he have missed this? Was there more you were doing he did not know about? Why wouldn't you come to him? Was it something... he did to cause this? As Levi locked the horse in the stall in front of him, you felt as though you were shrinking behind his back.

"Those could get infected." Is all he said before you grabbed your jacket and followed him back to headquarters, beelining for the infirmary. Levi was relieved to see it was empty, as he had plenty of things to ask you about. "Sit." He directed, pointing at a chair.

"Please don't tell the others about this." You pleaded quietly. His eyes and their ice-cold glare finally met yours.

"I'm more concerned with why you didn't tell me." He stated flatly as you removed your jacket once more, offering your arms out to him. His eyes traced over the red lines. Most were old, having healed completely and left nothing but white lined scars. Some seemed fresher, the scars still red- almost purple- and rather thick. The ones he was most worried with, were the dark red, thick lines that seemed days old. At the very least, none were still bleeding...

"It's embarrassing. It's none of your business, anyways..." You responded meekly as Levi cleaned your arms with antiseptic. They were closed enough to where you felt very mild pain, at worst.

"If someone punched you, it'd be my business. If you went missing, it'd be my business. If you got sick? My business. What makes you think this is any different?" Levi spat, leaving you in silence. He sighed. "I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong. Do you know what these say to me?" He questioned earnestly, his eyes flickering up to yours. You raised your brows in subtle inquisition. "They tell me you don't trust me enough to tell me what's on your mind. That I won't or can't help you, so instead you take it out on yourself. Thing is, you won't know if I can help you or not unless you give me a shot."

"I'm sorry..." Your words shook, tears welling in your eyes.

"...Am I doing something wrong?" Levi's question earned your attention, and for the first time, you saw the man you loved with a truly broken countenance plastered on his face, his pain pooling in his eyes. You reached out to him.

"No, no, no... Levi." You quaked, pulling him against you as you came to your knees out of the chair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The guilt of doing this is half the reason why I do it. I feel so pathetic, like even if I spoke out, nobody would believe me. I didn't want anyone to think less of me, like I was crazy, or did this for attention, I-"

"You are crazy, brat." Levi muttered, raising an arm to run his fingers through your hair and keep you pressed against him as he supported himself with his other arm. You could hear in his voice he said that with a smirk. You chuckled under your breath.

"Crazy about you," you laughed. "but that's besides the point. I... wanted people to continue thinking I'm strong. Not some weirdo that succumbs to her problems like... this." You backed away from him, looking downcast at your own body. "There's so many things I wish were different about me." Levi listened intently.

"Doing this doesn't mean you aren't strong. Everyone has their own ways of coping, some are healthier than others. That doesn't mean I'm going to let you keep doing this." He watched you swallow, seemingly nervous beneath his intense gaze. "I don't know what's right or wrong when it comes to coping. I never have. But there's no way I'll stand by and watch the woman I love tear herself apart." You remained quiet, hanging to each of his words. He moved closer towards your face, sure he was making eye contact. "This is our problem now. If you feel like hurting yourself, we'll go spar. If that doesn't take your mind off it, I'll show you hurt. You need to focus when training anyways." You couldn't help but grin internally at Levi's tough-love methods of helping. "But you're done doing this. I can't believe I'm only noticing now."

"Well, there's a reason why I'll only sleep with you when the lights are out."

"...Erwin needs to see you. Remember this talk." Levi muttered as he picked himself off the floor, offering a hand out to you.

"Wouldn't forget it if I tried."

[senacal]

Love Letter

Request: Not a request

Pairing: Jean Grey x Reader

Prompt: Reader and Jean Grey both attend Charles Xavier’s school for gifted Youngsters and a little romance blooms between the two in the form of love letters.

Warnings: fluff, misunderstandings, angst but not too much, cursing

Author’s Note: I wanted to write at least one thing for each character I write for and my number generator said it is Ms. Jean Grey’s turn ^.^ Should I post these to archive of our own too?

Requests are open! 

(Gif not mine)

Jean Grey and (Y/N) were the best of friends; they did everything together. Whenever (Y/N) wanted to binge a movie or tv show, they went to Jean. When Jean wanted to talk to someone about a really interesting book she had just read, she went to (Y/N). They were each other’s, go-to person. When Scott Summers had arrived at the X-mansion, (Y/N) felt a bit jealous. Jean and Scott had grown closer since his arrival and (Y/N) felt as though they were left behind. Sure, Jean still talked to them and occasionally hung out with them, but suddenly Jean’s go-to person was Scott. It was pretty upsetting to (Y/N), but instead of approaching Jean with their concerns, they decided to bury them deep down and pretended like everything was okay.

Jean finally made a friend that wasn’t (Y/N), they should be happy for her, right? Everyone had been so afraid of Jean before, but now people were talking to her like the past few years had never happened. Suddenly Jean had friends in every corner. But (Y/N) was still as antisocial as before. (Y/N) kept to themselves unless there was a training session in the danger room. Teamwork was the most important there and (Y/N) wouldn’t let their team fail a mission just because they weren’t quite friends. (Y/N) supposed that was a great attitude to have, Professor Xavier would often praise (Y/N) for the teamwork they displayed in the danger room, so they had to be doing something right. Now if only they didn’t feel so hurt whenever they were left alone after their mission.

(Y/N) supposed they could try to make friends now that Jean had her own, but no one could come close to the proximity they shared with Jean. (Y/N) had always had feelings for Jean but they were too afraid to tell Jean because they didn’t want to ruin their friendship. Jean was so special to them and they couldn’t picture their life without her. Life had other plans because, in the end, Jean had left (Y/N) for better friends. So now (Y/N) sat by themselves in the gardens instead of with Jean. (Y/N) took up writing in a journal ever since Professor Xavier noticed how closed off they became. He promised not to read their mind, but he made them promise not to keep their emotions bottled up. So as a compromise, (Y/N) agreed to write in a journal and it seemed to appease Charles.

(Y/N) often found themselves writing in the gardens. It would be little things like, ‘Just another day in the gardens.’ or ‘Jean and I hung out for the first time in a week, she seems happier.’ Because Jean was happy, (Y/N) from mentioning their unhappiness. Why would they drag Jean back into their secluded world when she was so much happier now? For a while, (Y/N) was left to their own devices, it got to the point where Jean would ask (Y/N) to hang out but (Y/N) would lie and say they had plans. So they were avoiding Jean now, so what? (Y/N) couldn’t stand being an afterthought so they thought it was best to let Jean go. That’s when the letters started.

I love the way you smile. <3

When they received that first letter in their room, they thought someone had possibly slipped it under the wrong door. That they could recall, they couldn’t remember anyone taking notice of them. So as anyone would, they threw the letter away. And then another one appeared.

Your eyes are very beautiful, but in the sunlight, they’re bewitching.

Did someone not know this was (Y/N)’s room? Or did they intend to give these letters to them? Something had to be out of place. When (Y/N) had asked those around them if someone was missing any notes, no one knew what they were talking about.

Every time we talk, I get butterflies.

That one stumped (Y/N). They didn’t talk to very many people. Scott on occasion, only when he was around when Jean was. Jean, but she was obviously in love with Scott. Ororo, but she and (Y/N) hardly spoke to each other. Kurt? He was always shy around (Y/N)... and everyone else for that matter. 

The few moments we spend together feel like an eternity and not enough at the same time. I wish you would see me the way I see you.

(Y/N) kept these letters from anyone else after finding out that no one had any idea about any lost love letters. They guiltily kept them to themselves because for a moment they could pretend someone wanted them. The only question was who? Who was sending these letters? And why? In the beginning, (Y/N) felt as though they weren’t for them. Who would send these to them? Now (Y/N) believed they were directed to them. They eagerly woke up each morning in hopes of a new letter. They were the only things keeping them grounded. Even their professors noticed their sudden change.

“(Y/N)!” Jean called out from down the hall.

(Y/N) was lost in thoughts about the new note, I miss the sound of your laughter. What could it mean? Sure (Y/N) hasn’t laughed as often as they used to. Part of that had to do with Jean. When Jean was around every moment was the best moment of (Y/N)’s life. Of course, they would find joy in that. If this person, whoever was writing these letters, if they truly cared, why were they hiding who they were? Maybe they knew what they felt for- “Jean?” (Y/N)’s thoughts were interrupted when Jean tugged on their wrist.

“Sorry, I tried getting your attention before, but I guess you didn’t hear me?” She shrugged, “I didn’t want to invade your mind either.”

Thank god for that, “Sorry, I was wrapped up in my thoughts,” (Y/N) shrugged. 

“Oh, it’s fine,” Jean brushed off, “I was wondering if you’d like to join me for a movie night? Mischief is airing on tv. I know how much you adore that movie. And then we can just talk afterward?” Jean looked so hopeful, it was almost enough to get (Y/N) to agree.

“I-”

“It’ll just be us. Like the old days,” Jean pleaded.

“Okay… uh, sure, but you can invite your friends if you’d like, or Scott. I won’t mind,” (Y/N) plastered on a fake smile. They would mind only because they felt extraneous around Jean’s friends. 

“It’ll just be us,” She shrugged.

(Y/N) felt themselves smile for the first time in a while, “Okay, I’ll see you tonight then.”

The rest of the school day left (Y/N) feeling anxious for their movie night with Jean. It was a simple little date amongst friends, so why were they so nervous? They went about their day like normal, they went to the garden and wrote a bit in their journal. Well, doodled. Okay, they pretty much scribbled in their journal the whole time because they were too preoccupied with thoughts of Jean and the notes they’ve been receiving. Should they mention them to Jean tonight? Jean was their best friend and who better to talk to about this? Jean had Scott so maybe she’d have some advice. But there was the fact that (Y/N) was kind of in love with Jean. Fuck, unrequited love sucked ass.

Now (Y/N) was stood outside of Jean’s door, convincing themselves to keep their word and hang out with Jean. It’s been… wow, it’s been four months since it was just the two of them, and two since (Y/N) has been avoiding her. What happened to them? With that thought in mind, (Y/N) knocked on Jean’s door.

Jean opened her bedroom door with a bright smile, “You came!”

“Yeah, you know how much I love Mischief,” (Y/N) shrugged.

“How could I forget,” Jean laughed. She stepped aside to let (Y/N) in, “So I’ve got all your favorite snacks and drinks. And the bed is set up so we can watch the movie comfortably.” Jean motioned to her queen-sized mattress.

Without any other words, (Y/N) climbed on the bed and got comfortable. Once the movie had started, both were enraptured with the film. Well, (Y/N) was. Jean was too busy trying to read them. Not their mind, of course, Jean wouldn’t invade their privacy like that. Jean wanted to know what (Y/N) was thinking, but the only way she could think of was by reading their mind, which was out of the question… unless. No, no, Jean wouldn’t do that.

“I can feel you staring,” (Y/N) mumbled around a mouthful of (Favorite snack).

“Sorry, I just… I missed you,” Jean sighed.

(Y/N) stoped mid-chew, feeling nervous once again. They quickly finished their bite of food and swallowed, “I uh, I missed you too.”

“I don’t know what I did to push you away, but I’m sorry, (Y/N). I am. I wish we could go back to how things used to be-”

“That won’t happen though. Jean, you’ve got more friends now. Great friends even, Scott, Ororo, Kurt, they’re wonderful people. Ever since you’ve become their friend, I, well What use am I? You stopped hanging out with me, remember?” (Y/N) fidgeted. They really didn’t want to have this conversation.

“We need to have this conversation, (Y/N).” Jean pressed.

“Don’t read my mind. You know I hate when you-”

“I know, I’m sorry. I just… We were best friends. I went to you for everything, and you’re right. I stopped hanging out with you first, but you never liked being around my new friends. What was I supposed to do?”

“Oh I don’t know, still be my friend? Hang out with me every once in a while? I know I’m not the only person in your life, but you are the only person in my life. After you ditched me, I had no one. I don’t make friends very easily. People may not be afraid of you anymore, but they still think I’m a freak. I’m the freak of freaks,” (Y/N) ranted. It was about time they opened up about everything to an actual person. Fuck, Professor Xavier knew what he was doing when he suggested the fucking journal. He was paving the way for (Y/N) to burst about their feelings. That clever motherfucker.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N). I am. You’re right, I should have been a better friend to you. Fuck, I’ve fucked things up so bad between us,” Jean ran her hand through her hair, “I never meant for this to happen. You have to know that.”

(Y/N) sighed, “I know, I do. I just can’t help but feel like you’ve abandoned me. The only reason I haven’t gone completely crazy was because of these letters I’ve been getting.”

“You-you got those?” Jean’s cheeks suddenly flushed.

“How do you… did someone tell you? I thought no one knew- who told you?” (Y/N) suddenly felt defensive. For a school full of people who didn’t give a shit about (Y/N) they sure loved to gossip about them. 

“No one told me…” Jean looked away from (Y/N)’s eyes. “I might have written them,” She shrugged.

“You- oh. I thought someone else did,” (Y/N) felt slightly disappointed. They had really thought someone was in love with them, but who were they kidding?

“I uh, I wasn’t aware you liked anyone else,” Jean’s voice sounded… disappointed? Why?

(Y/N) looked up at Jean. Jean’s eyes were glossy, full of unshed tears, “What’s wrong? Jean?”

“It-It’s nothing,” Jean’s voice choked out on a sob, “God I feel so stupid.” She furiously wiped at her eyes. “I should have never listened to Scott,” She mumbled. She stood up from her bed.

“Jean, what are you talking about? What did Scott do?” If Scott hurt Jean, (Y/N) would unleash all their might on him. School rules be damned. 

“Nothing. Scott didn’t do anything,” Jean raked her fingers through her hair angrily, the items in Jean’s room began to shake.

“Jean, calm down,” (Y/N) stood up and took ahold of Jean’s left hand, “Tell me what’s the matter.”

Jean looked into (Y/N)’s eyes, “I love you, but you don’t love me.”

“You love me?” (Y/N) asked softly. They were confused because, “What about Scott?”

“What about Scott?” Now Jean was confused.

“You’re with Scott, why would you lead him on if-”

“I am not with Scott,” Jean protested, “I think I would know if I were with Scott so believe me, we are not together.”

“So you, you love me?” (Y/N) asked in a daze. Jean loved them. Jean wrote those letters, “I am so fucking stupid,” (Y/N) smiled despite their words.

“What?” Jean asked still feeling confused.

“I love you too. This whole time I thought that you were with Scott and I was jealous and stupid. Jean, I love you.”

Jean’s chest felt like it was about to explode from sheer joy. She stepped forward and cupped (Y/N)’s cheeks, “You love me?”

(Y/N) nodded with a broad smile, “I love you.”

Jean looked from (Y/N)’s eyes  to their lips, “I’m going to kiss you now.”

“Please do,” (Y/N) murmured.

Jean leaned in so their lips would graze each other. (Y/N) the impatient person that they were, sealed their lips in a passionate kiss. They were so stupid this whole time because Jean Grey loved them, they were just too oblivious to see.

[gaylorlyrics]

Folklore Songs - what are they about??

This is a developing thread, but I’ve been listening all day so I’m taking a stab at it.

1."The 1"  

Common consensus is that this is about Dianna Agron and what they could have been. Telling lyrics are the general idea that the relationship wasn’t truly given a chance (”it would've been sweet, If it could've been me”) and “Roaring Twenties”, referring to the below circus themed party pics with Diana dressed like a flapper

tbh im not totally sold on this - most because it seems more recent with lyrics like, “In my defense, I have none for never leaving well enough alone” sounds like a reference to ME! and “Roaring twenties” sounds like a reference to something that happened this year (2020). Also “throwing pennies in the pool” could be a reference to throwing Penni (Karlie’s agent) in the pool. Finally, Route 1 is the road along California’s coast, where Tay & Karlie drove on their legendary road trip...this makes my lil Kaylor heart worry. 

2. Cardigan

This is the first installment in the Teenage Trio, which also includes August and Betty, and is told from the perspective of Betty. It’s about feeling so loved by someone but then being betrayed by them (”Chase two girls [Betty + August’s narrator] lose one”). The line ”And you'd be standin' in my front porch light” foreshadows to James professing love in “Betty”. Potentially Taylor is Betty - but I’m still thinking about that theory.

3."The Last Great American Dynasty"  

We <3 a Rhode Island throwback. Here Taylor tells the story of her house in Rhode Island that Rebekah “Betty” (??!?!??!! more on that later) Harkness used to live in. Rebekah married an heir to Standard Oil which made her one of the wealthiest women in the USA at the time. She was also known for making a scene (”She had a marvelous time ruining everything”). Additionally, she founded the Harkness Ballet (”And blew through the money on the boys and the ballet”). After Rebekah’s death Taylor purchased the house and it is now best known as the place of many epic 4th of July parties.

4. Exile

Such a sad song! This is a duet between Taylor and Bon Iver, telling the story of a failed relationship that they have tried to mend many many times. Interestingly, this is also about a love triangle (like the teenage trio) -  "I can see you starin' honey/Like he's just your understudy." This line specifically feels like it could be about bearding, and seeing someone else with the person you love, but feeling like - or knowing - it’s fake. “You were my town Now I'm in exile seein' you out” references and end to the relationship Taylor discussed in False God “Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town I'm New York City”. To me this indicates that it is about Karlie and them breaking up or going through a rough patch - continually trying to fix things - and eventually being unsure that it could ever be repaired.

5."My Tears Ricochet"

This is pretty clearly about Scott & Scooter - “And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed” and “You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same” seem to be a reference to them trying to exploit her work and how her leaving Big Machine really ruined the business - plus there’s some LWYMMD imagery. “You wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me” also seems to be a clear reference for trying to use Taylor’s own work against her, taking the profits, and pushing her out of the deal. As if we needed more evidence “You hear my stolen lullabies” clearly references her stolen masters.

6."Mirrorball"  

Big 80s prom vibes from this song. Mirrorball is about being famous and all of her work - her most personal thoughts and dreams - just becoming different ways for other people to see themselves once she releases her music into the world. Part of being an artist is knowing that your work will reflect more of who the viewer is than who you are yourself. Here she uses the metaphor of a disco ball to explore that idea, and worries that she is losing her own identity through it “I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me”. She also alludes to her fears that she will age out of relevancy “I know they said the end is near”, something she discussed in her documentary Miss Americana. Obviously this is internalized misogyny because we love Taylor and will listen to her music always and do not subscribe to the belief that women need to be young to be relevant because if they were a man then they'd be the man, and tay’s the man <3 

7. “Seven”

Personally, this is one of my favorite songs on the album. It’s so sweet and pure and lovely. This is about young love, with imagery of summer, toys, and child’s dreams to runaway together. Many people have speculated that it is about the same girl that the two unreleased Taylor songs “Sweet Tea and Gods Graces” and “Me & Britney” are about. 

[Side note: initially I wondered if Me & Britney was about Britany Maack, Taylor’s long time friend who recently got married, but the names are spelled differently. Also the line in Seven “I can’t recall your face” indicates that this is about someone who Taylor is not currently in touch with.] 

Both M&B and STAAG seem to be about the Seven relationship because there are general parallels with outdoor scenery, childlike wonder, and ( in the case of STAGG) sweet tea. Also all three songs indicate a gay relationship: STAGG - “And you can love like a sinner and lose like a winner”, M&B - “That boy she went ran off with, well, I thought he was crazy. Maybe I was just jealous that he'd come between me and Britney”, and Seven - “You won't have to cry or hide in the closet And just like a folk song our love will be passed on”.

8. “August”

This is the second installment in the Teenage Trio, told from the perspective of the “other woman” who James meets while on summer vacation. The other woman (she doesn’t seem to have a name...unless it is August...which it could be? idk) is in love, but realizes that James isn’t in love with her - “Will you call when you're back at school? I remember thinkin' I had you”. The line “Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car" references the same incident which is retold in Betty, but this time with James telling Betty it was just a summer fling that didn’t mean anything.

9. This Is Me Trying

Here we have a break up song, about Taylor trying to win her lover back and feeling completely lost without them, unable to concentrate or be around people, and turning to self sabotage. It’s about the general loneliness that one feels when they’ve lost someone they truly love, and the miscommunication that can happen in a relationship when you’re not understanding each other or receiving love in the same way (hence the song’s title). I think this could be about Karlie, it seems clear that their relationship has not been smooth and that they have had many on-and-off times. It could also be serving a purpose of building the Joe break up narrative, but only time will tell for that.

10. “Illicit Affairs”

Taylor loves her secret love - this song reads like a sad version of “I Know Places”. It seems clear that this is about Karlie Kloss. “Tell your friends you're out for a run” is one of my favorite lines because Karlie started Klossy run club, where you commit to running a certain distance in a month - and she posts about it on instagram CONSTANTLY. But overall, the song details a relationship of a woman being with someone she doesn’t love (kushnerd) and sneaking around to meet up with the person she does love (tay!). The line “Tell yourself you can always stop” is so sad to me, the idea that Karlie got into this and keeps telling herself that it will only be a little longer and she can leave when she wants, but staying in her fake marriage anyway.

11. Invisible String

This is pretty much the only pure love song on the album - about feeling connected to someone throughout your whole life, knowing that that somebody is out there, and then finally finding them. Taylor talks about being in Centennial Park in Nashville as a teen, and then eventually showing her lover around. The song is really self referential, with lots of easter eggs for her past work, including Bad Blood and Delicate. She also references Joe Jonas with the line “Cold was the steel of my axe to grind For the boys who broke my heart Now I send their babies presents”.

Some people have pointed out that there is a similar idea presented in Jane Eyre - when the protagonist says to her love interest “I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you."

12."Mad Woman"  

Another Scooter one - “It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together”. “The master of spin” is word play referencing the masters records scandal. “Watching you climb over people like me” points out that agents and labels are making money off the performers they find and pushing them around. There’s also a reference to Scooter’s wife Yael and how he cheats all the time, but she doesn’t do anything likely because of her own internalized misogyny - “has a couple side flings. Good wives always know. She should be mad, should be scathing like me”.

13. “Epiphany”

The first verse of this touching ballad is about Taylor’s grandfather in WW2, storming the beaches at Normandy - “Crawling up the beaches now "Sir, I think he's bleeding out"”. The second verse is about a nurse helping patients with Covid-19 - “Holds your hand through plastic now "Doc, I think she's crashing out"”. The bridge here talks about wishing there was some great epiphany, some magical solution for the suffering in the world. The chorus refers to experiencing trauma with others and staying loyal even in the hardest times, even if it means literally dying. Although this seems like a departure from the themes of rest of the album, the whole album examines loyalty and considering what you would do for the people you love - so I really don’t think it’s a departure at all.

14. “Betty”

Obviously this is the gayest song on the album and an early fan favorite. It is the final song in the teenage trio, told from the point of view of James, going to win Betty back after betraying her and sleeping with someone else (August!?) over the summer. The line "Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends?”, a line that is very clearly about wanting to kiss a woman, is especially striking (& gay!) when sung by Taylor. The clearest version of this plot is someone begging for forgiveness after betraying the person they love.

There is also a bit of a nod to a line in “Picture to Burn”, a break up song off Taylor’s first album. In PTB Taylor says “So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy that's fine, I’ll tell mine you’re gay”. This lyric has since been changed in versions available online, but on the original album that's what it was. This is interesting because she’s calling attention to knowing that someone is gay and hasn’t told their friends...which you would definitely know if you had dated them.

The names “James” and “Inez” are both mentioned in the song, which are the names of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynold’s daughters. James was already featured on a Taylor Swift album, as the lil baby voice at the beginning of “Gorgeous”. Worth noting that “James” is traditional a male name, but that this character is named after a female.

ALSO I have this theory I’m working on that Taylor is Betty and this whole album is in the same world with the same people, but WILL POST MORE ON THIS LATER.

15."Peace"  

Ok - this is Archer 2.0 for me, about how she is worried about how no one will ever love her or stay with her because its too much work - “the rain is always gonna come if you're standin' with me” and “No, I could never give you peace” are pretty telling lines about her concerns that people will think it is not worth it to be friends with or in a relationship with her due to all of the baggage that comes with it. 

The opening lines - “Our coming-of-age has come and gone Suddenly this summer, it's clear” feed into my emerging theory that all of these songs exist in the same universe and are about the same three characters...but I’m still figuring that one out. The line “And you know that I'd swing with you for the fences Sit with you in the trenches” reference Seven and Epiphany, respectively - further supporting that all of these songs are in the same world.

16. “Hoax”

Out of all of the songs that make my little Kaylor heart ache - this is the most heartbreaking. Specifically the line “My eclipsed sun” refers to Karlie, who Taylor has called “sunshine” on multiple occasions, and her light being covered up by her contract with Kushnerd and Scooter. The line “Don't want no other shade of blue But you” makes it clear that this song is in reference to the muse for the album “Lover” - aka Karlie. 

However, this is a song about betrayal and completely trusting someone, only to find that they stabbed you in the back, as is clear by the line ”Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in”.

Additionally, the line“You knew it still hurts underneath my scars” seems to again feed into the idea that all of the songs on the album involve the same characters. This one is a bit more clear, it seems that - if this theory is correct - Betty is the narrator of this song, as she referenced her scars before “Drew stars around my scars” in Cardigan.

OK- I'm going to go deep into song by song later, but I just wanted to get something out there!!! Also def interested in hearing what everyone else thinks!

EDIT: I just found some lyrics from The Lakes in an article from Billboard. I wanted to add them in even though we don’t have the full song because I felt like we really ended on a sad note with hoax and then when I saw these I was like there is hope!!

SO the lyric Billboard included in their review was “A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground / With no one around to tweet it” which is a continuation from the line from “Hoax” - “ This has frozen my ground”. What I’m taking from this is that in the final song Taylor finds hope <3

[travllingbunny]

Tribes of Europa, season 1 - thoughts

I finished season 1 of German post-apocalyptic Netflix drama Tribes of Europa a couple of days ago, and I have... lots of thoughts and mixed feelings.

It's a standard post-apocalyptic show with all the usual tropes, but mostly well done, and has potential. I ended up liking it better than I expected, mostly because one of the storylines (Kiano’s) turned out to be pretty good/interesting.

The main problem of the show is that most characters, so far, don't have a lot of depth. An exception is a female villain who has proven to be quite complex and interesting. On the other hand, while  I loved seeing Oliver Masucci, in a role completely different from Ulrich Nielsen, and he's great and charismatic, I feel like I've seen the exact same lovable rogue-turned-mentor character a dozen times in various shows and movies. The main trio of young protagonists have the potential for interesting character development, but it remains to be seen what saason 2 does with it.

At least there's one thing that makes the show different than most post-apocalyptic shows I'm aware of - I can't think of any others that take place on the European continent? Usually it's North America, Australia, or UK. So, that's interesting... But then, after I finished it, I started thinking a bit more about some of the elements of the worldbuilding, which are a bit... questionable? I'm reserving judgment till these things are explained.

Spoilers under the cut.

In the first episode, the show did the GoT thing of introducing us to a likable family and then having siblings separated by fate and trying to get back together, while having different storylines. But they should've spent a bit more time with them together and explaining their history.

The show also does that thing where the siblings look nothing like each other and are played by actors of different ethnic origins, so I was waiting to hear they were half-siblings or some other explanation, but there was none. Well, OK then.

One thing I wasn't crazy about is that Kiano had a girlfriend we saw for about 20 seconds and then she apparently got killed for no particular reason. I can't say it's even fridging, since he never even mentions her afterwards and he has a lot of other reasons to hate the Crows.

But Kiano's storyline turned out to be the most interesting , and most disturbing, the kind that can make or break the show, depending on how it deals with issues like slavery, rape, trauma. So far, the show has dealt with it well, which made me like the show more than I thought. (It definitely beats The 100 - a show it was the 100 in the Netflix promo campaign - in that respect. I was already scared it would do something similar to The 100, which really dropped the ball when it touched on such issues in a really clumsy way in season 3.)

Lord Varvara has turned out to be the most interesting and compelling character, and excellently played by Melika Foroutan. (I wish I could say the same about the Crows’ big boss, Yvar - but whether it is mostly due to the OTT costume and makeup or the similarly OTT acting, I had a hard time taking this guy seriously.) She is not exactly morally grey - she is definitely a villain, slaver rapist and murderer, but her role as a former slave - a victim of abuse turned abuser, and someone who upholds the ideas of Social Darwinism - makes her role very interesting and ambiguous. I think that (especially based on some hints) that she used to be a sex slave, too, and if she was also made to be a Crow by her former slave master, that would probably mean Yvar used to be her master. That could lead to some interesting tension and conflicts, as she probably hates this guy deep inside, but still has to vie for his approval, even now that she has “made it”.  And she sees to see something in Kiano that makes her think they are similar, that he is 'strong' like she thinks she is (on the other hand, she despised her other slave who had a huge Stockholm Syndrome for her).

I'm curious how they deal with Kiano's character development next season, and how far into moral greyness or darkness it will be willing to go with him. Varvara is a blueprint of what he could become.  He didn't exactly show much concern for the lives of other slaves, except his father.  

Liv's storyline was also pretty interesting. with her navigating the political issues of the Crimsons. I liked that the Crimsons as a whole turned out to be more morally grey than I initially expected - with their strict military discipline to the point of authorianism and lack of tolerance for dissent. 

I don't know if the show expected me to side with the general (aka "Father") or think his views were right, as Liv did? I did not.. "Let's make peace and unity with slavers"? No, dude. But I’ll go with the idea that we are not necessarily supposed to side with him rather than David just because Liv did; or that a third option may be found (such as causing a rebellion among the Crows themselves, which would be my preferred direction of that storyline). 

(I also rolled my eyes whenever he started going on about "old European dream" or whatever he called it. No, my dude, you need to brush up on your history. Your plan is nothing like the EU, unless your plan is to go and deliver a bunch of demands to the Crows:  "Unless you guys: abolish slavery; ensure human rights for everyone; install a viable non-slavery based economy etc.. - we're not letting you into our new unified Europe!" He also may needed to be reminded EU was formed after Axis powers were defeated.)

I've heard that a lot of people didn't like Elja's storyline because they found it the least interesting, and sure, it wasn't very emotional and didn't have much character development, but I'm very curious about the mystery of the Black December, the Atlantians etc. so I liked it.  And I liked the fact that Elja wasn't a naive kid and could deceive people and keep secrets when he needed to.

But there are certain problems I have with the show’s world-building... which, at its worse, may end up being just as problematic as The 100′s was.

While I like the idea of a post-apocalyptic show set in continental Europe, and with languages other than English - almost all of the characters are only speaking German or English (the latter, I guess, for the same reason it's widespread today - people speak it as a second language and use it to communicate). We should really see more people who speak other languages. So far, that’s only happened sporadically - but my problem is more with the fact that the most villainous tribe, Crows (murderous, slave-owning Eurotrash-like villains with very Social Darwinist views) -  even though they speak German or English 99% of the time - very notably use certain words from Slavic languages - and only for specific terms like "lubovnik" ('lover' - actually sex slave), "boi" (fight/battle), "svobodnik" (free man?). These were very recognizable. I have no idea what "Bozie" means, but I read somewhere it comes from Russian. What's supposed to be the backtory behind that? Sure, I am for more language diversity, but did a German show have to give the kind of barbaric-version-of-fascist villains these questionable Slavic references?  That would be uncomfortable in so many ways.... It's not just Slavs, because another notable Crow character, Grieta at some point used Romanian (and the actress is Romanian), but I hope they're not going with the Evil Barbaric Eastern Europeans here. To be fair, many Crows were clearly slaves at the beginning, which complicates things... but Varvara says her real name - slave name - was Sophia, which could be anything - while her Crow names is Varvara - which definitely sounds Russian or Bulgarian (or, I guess, it could be Greek).

On the other side, opposed to the Crows, we have the more “civilized” tribe/army of former Eurocorps, whose members have so far only been heard speaking English, German and, at one point, Dutch - curiously called Red Crimson Army (!), I have so many questions...

Another questionable thing, pointed by the host of the Culture Cave YouTube podcast, who did an overall favorable review of the show, howeverpointed out that the Crows - the villains - are the only ones who don't conform to gender roles? And the males who are the most 'effeminate' looking are baddies. I didn’t even think of that initially, but thinking about it... yes, it has been like that so far, hasn’t it?

I’m reserving judgment till next season, but I only used to give The 100 the benefit of doubt with its questionable world-building, and we know how that turned out.