#documenting love

[pygmalionsmarble]

Jimchi

My grandmother passed away, maybe 8 years ago. Has it been a long time? Or do I just not care enough to remember the exact time that has passed since her passing? I think more likely than not, I have been avoiding it.

My grandmother lived estranged from me. My parents moved to America to make a better life for themselves, leaving their old lives, including my grandma, in a country nearly 7,000 miles away. After my birth in America, every 4 years I traveled to my motherland and was forced to meet my grandmother again. And every time, even though I grew in ways that made me irrevocably different from when she last saw me, she still recognized me. She gave me the widest, creasiest grin, which I remember thinking made her uglier. She would clasp my hands, which much bigger and ganglier than mine, and I took note with a hint of disgust of how her hands felt more weathered than the last time I held them. She stuffed me food that I didn’t like: “pass him the jimchi— he’s growing so he needs to eat a lot”. I inwardly sneered at the way she pronounced kimchi. I thought that it made her sound so uneducated and uncouth.

I remember the last time I saw my grandmother. She was in the hospital, with seemingly millions of tubes protruding from her arms, her torso, her mouth. I remember before she was fully admitted to the hospital, our family had a final meal with her—her favorite food, since she wouldn’t be able to eat real food anymore. And even though I can’t remember what we ate, I remember wishing that she had chosen something a little more appealing to my taste. It felt like she was always feeding me food that I didn’t like.

When my grandmother passed away, I saw my dad with tears silently staining his red eyes. My dad was a figure of power, the immutable and unstaggering rock of my family. Seeing the person that I believed to be the strongest existence in the world look so feeble shook me to my core. I loudly shed tears. Not because I was sad, but because I believed that was what was expected of me. I remember feeling a pit in my stomach as I wailed, from guilt, from shame, from fear of being “found out”.

This guilt lived on with me for many years. I often questioned how it was that I could cry so fervently about people in movies that didn’t exist in real life, but how I couldn’t grieve my own grandmother. This guilt became a part of me, time trudged forward, and the details of my grandmother and her passing subconsciously was pushed further and further into the back of my mind.

Tonight, at dinner, my dad asked me to pass the “jimchi”. The word was uttered in a fleeting moment in the tumbling flow of his request to pass him food. Most people would have missed it. But to me, hearing that j instead of the k made me think of my grandmother. My grandmother with her rough hands from countless hours of farm work to care for her children and buy her grandson some snacks. My grandmother with her wrinkled grin, her mouth lines creased with age and happiness from seeing me. My grandmother who, at her last meal, sat next to me and made sure I ate all my food because it was healthy. Did she choose her last meal for herself, or was she thinking about me till the end?

As I write this, I am shedding the tears that young me felt like I should have shed all those years ago when she first passed. But more than sadness from her passing, or regret that I could only see her surface-level ugliness in my immaturity, I feel a deep love. My grandmother’s love lives on in the speech of my father, her habit of saying “jimchi” being something that he picked up from her feeding him the same way she fed me. Jimchi being a word that will always remind me of my grandmother, her sacrifices, and her love.

[pebbleaf]

Little vampire aventurine and werewolf ratio doodle from @havanillas au !!

Did this instead of paying attention to my lecture oops

[no1deahow]

A day at Baltigo

[womanman]

"I've been thinking recently about the first ever trans space I was ever actually a part of, Bigender.net. My experience was primarily with these forums in ~2009, but I came back to peek in later years, and am trying to regain access now. There's a lot of bigender cultural things there that would probably never be known about or archived somewhere easily accessible unless someone talked about what they saw there, and I wanted to share some things.

+ A Lot of people used two or more names that they switch up, use in different contexts, and that often align with specific genders. Names are essentially changed like pronouns are for many people.

+ Most bigender people seemed to experience some kind of fluidity or flux of gender, and it was rarer for people to feel like 100% both at all times. This seems to be more often where people label themselves androgynes.

+ The language of "en femme" and "en homme" was used to describe both how one was presenting (similar to the modern boymoding/girlmoding) and to how one felt their gender on a specific day, which is what makes it different from girlmode/boymode. It wasn't just about presentation regardless of gender, but presentation as related to gender.

+ Plurality became so common over the years as a framework of bigender expression that a whole subforum for plurality emerged on these forums. Lots of plural bigender folks would experience having a "girl side" and a "boy side" in a dual system.

+ There were just as many bigender folks who experienced a neutral/other/middle gender experience besides just being male/female. It really wasn't limited to 2 genders, even if at the time it was very male/female bigender focused."

Aster, Bigender Culture

[bacchuschucklefuck]

they tried to rebrand as The Criminals but riz is literally the city council's treasurer and also turns out people in their late 20s don't really name their friend groups. so now they're The Intrepid Heroes

[lizardkingeliot]

i will always cherish every frame of lestat utterly surrendering and collapsing against louis after being stabbed and allowing himself to be taken in any way louis wants and louis latching onto the side of lestat's neck that we only just barely get a glimpse of through that filthy window 😌

[mipmoth]

The pokemon museums always dealing with some ancient curse or other.

HE KEPT THE JOB!

[ringof-fire]

okay I have to write this down before I forget

let's do some math here

ARCANE AGES

What we know at the beginning of the series:

Jinx: Approximately 11 or 12 years old

Vi: Around 14-16 years old

Ekko: Stated to be around 12-13 years old

Cait: When she's introduced she's about 15/16

Mel: 26 during Act I

Jayce: Stated on the Wiki that he is 24

Vik: The in-between (25 lol)

Act II of Season 1: 7 years has gone by

Jinx: 11/12 plus 7, this makes her around 18/19

Vi: 14-16 plus 7, about 21-23

Ekko: 12/13 plus 7, he would be 19/20

Cait: 15/16 plus 7, she's 22/23 (I like the idea of Cait being older than Vi)

Mel: Would be 33 if I can do basic math

Jayce: 31 (more basic math)

Vik: 32 (these three are the easiest to math)

Their ages remain the same throughout Act III and Act I of Season 2. The time skip between Act I and Act II of Season 2 is months. So, if we were to assume people had birthdays, we would simply age them by 1.

Jinx: 19/20

Vi: 22-24

Ekko: 20/21

Cait: 23/24

Mel: 34

Jayce: 32 (more like 55 💀)

Vik: 33

Additional character ages (as of Act II Season 2, or at time of death)

Isha: We don't have an exact age, but judging by her appearance, we can assume she is between 8 and 11.

Sevika: Between 39-41 as of Season 2

Vander: Between 41 and 46, however I'm not entirely sure if Warwick ages the same

Silco: 43-46 at time of death

Sky: ~31 at time of death

Singed: Over the age of 70 according to the Wiki

Ambessa: 60ish years of age

Heimerdinger: As of Act II Season 2, he's roughly 315

Let me know if you want me to add more characters or somethin, I'm a junkie who loves research 😼

Feel free to ask about other fandoms too, any that I've reposted about, probably 😽

[cosmicdreamgrl]

𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘫𝘬 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴: (105/?)

[sunnymainecoon]

I know damn well I misunderstood the assignment but we roll, I'll understand it some day

It's killer and dust btw. If you couldn't tell. Which you probably couldn't.. forgor to say but shhh 🤫 Killers having a convo with himself..

..I kinda wanna change my url but idk to what

[worfsbarmitzvah]

there’s such an attitude among ex-christian atheists that religions just spring up out of the void with no cultural context behind them. like ive heard people say shit like “those (((zionists))) think they own a piece of land bc their book of fairy tales told them so!!!” and they refuse to understand that no, we don’t belong there because of the torah, it’s in the torah because we belong there. because we’re from there. the torah (from a reform perspective) was written by ancient jews in and about the land that they were actively living on at the time. the torah contains instructions for agriculture because the people who lived in the land needed a way to teach their children how to care for it. it contains laws of jurisprudence because those are pretty important to have when you’re trying to run a society. same for the parts that talk about city planning. it contains our national origin story for the same reason that american schools teach kids about the boston tea party. it’s an extremely complex and fascinating text that is the furthest thing from just a “book of fairy tales”

[owlyjules]

Since I am getting ready for Artfight, I decided to make some quick character sheets! Both of them are in the same Universe! Feedo (Cursed human and ex-hound of the Horned King wild Hunt.) is an advisor and occasional bodyguard of the Changeling King and important member of his court.

[ghastigiggles]

get yoinked idiot

[astrowarr]

i feel like there's this really common misconception that since 3rd life, scar has repeatedly been some helpless victim to grian as he yearns for him but is disregarded at every turn. but honestly, watching and analyzing both their povs especially from LL and DL, this is really untrue

you know, last life DOES have the whole "grian stealing scar's life" thing, but after scar takes yellow snow it's marked as water under the bridge for him. for GRIAN though...

there's this whole conversation early in the series where scar, unprompted, Immediately starts denouncing sand, talking about how annoying and disgusting it is. if i were grian, i would absolutely take that as him denouncing their past together, and everything they stood for in the desert. there's so much vitriol in his voice that it's actually jarring. there's more, too, like scar going back on the soul crystal deal.

throughout the rest of the season, the two of them keep gravitating around each other. it's especially grian though, where you blink and suddenly he's at scar's side. there's this strange scene from scar's pov where they're at the top of magical mountain, and the southerners are on their way out after enchanting as red joel comes in. as joel talks to scar, grian lurks threateningly and protectively in the doorway, sword and crossbow in hand and trained on joel. he wasn't told to. his team has left him as he stands there dutifully. he watches from the background and helps in the subtle ways he feels comfortable, because he's so hurt by scar's casual cruelty and disdain toward 3rd life.

even if you don't think grian particularly cared about scar in last life though, something to consider is that grian is a character highly motivated by guilt. it overwhelms him. it is his tragic flaw in so many scenarios. a character this prone to guilt hearing scar's hatred for what represented the two of them would absolutely take that as "he hates me for what i did to him; he can't forgive me for killing him."

now double life is a BEAST to tackle because there's so much. but the most important stuff happens in episode one, because— and genuinely no one acknowledges this— scar spends the entire thing declaring his hatred for soulmates. all he does is proclaim his unwillingness to participate in it all, to the point where he's not planning to find his soulmate at all, and says, and I quote, "i don't care about my soulmate."

he doesn't just do this when he's by himself, but he says it directly to grian. several times. he even says, after grian's reveal, "do we need to base together?" and ignores grian's heartfelt, sentimental plea of "We don't have to but… i-it might be nice. If I can… look out for you…” to instead run away and take damage on purpose.

he continues throughout the season to be much more devoted to the jellies than anything else. scar is the one who invents soulmate torture! and he thinks this up before grian is even considering the secret soulmate thing, and when he starts doing it, it's when grian is entirely innocent of any wrongdoing. he starts it when grian says the jellies can't stay inside the base, but conveniently in his first episode, he cut out the part where grian outright says "no" to letting them stay. scar brings them anyway, and then villainizes grian for holding firm on the boundary he already blatantly set earlier... he even tells pearl she's lucky she doesn't have to deal with having a soulmate?

idk there's so much to their relationship especially in double life that i didn't cover here that shows that, as much as grian verbally played the role of "unwilling partner" in double life, from the jump he was devoted and loving. you can never go by what grian says, you can only go by his actions!! and his actions said over and over that he loved scar and wanted to be with him even if he was afraid, but scar (albeit unknowingly) denounced their bond at every turn. and his mind didn't change on soulmates, even after he found out his was grian.

this is something i can talk about for a million years and i have so much textual evidence but yeah ANYWAY scarian is mutually so toxic and weird and in love and im obsessed with them

[happyheidi]

𝟪𝟪 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋-𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝖬𝗂𝗌𝖺𝗈 𝖿𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗈𝖽𝖽-𝖾𝗒𝖾𝖽 𝗄𝗂𝗍𝗍𝗒, 𝖥𝗎𝗄𝗎𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗎, 𝖺𝖻𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗈𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝗌𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗃𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖺 𝗄𝗂𝗍𝗍𝖾𝗇. 𝖳𝗁𝖾 𝗍𝗐𝗈 𝗊𝗎𝗂𝖼𝗄𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗆𝖾 𝗂𝗇𝗌𝖾𝗉𝖺𝗋𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗂𝗋 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗉 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝖽𝗈𝖼𝗎𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝖻𝗒 𝖬𝗂��𝖺𝗈’𝖺 𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗇𝖽𝖽𝖺𝗎𝗀𝗁𝗍𝖾𝗋 𝖬𝗂𝗒𝗈𝗄𝗈 𝖨𝗁𝖺𝗋𝖺, 𝖺 𝗉𝗁𝗈𝗍𝗈𝗀𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗁𝖾𝗋. (x)

‘𝑀𝑖𝑠𝑎𝑜 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝑖𝑔 𝑀𝑎𝑚𝑎 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐹𝑢𝑘𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐶𝑎𝑡’ (2011)

[bog-mob]

Starting off the month strong let's see how long that lasts 🗣️‼️/silly

Was inspired by the way light sometimes shines thru windows in the Parable (⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)