#do i even know what that feels like?
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3:06 AM
I am bleeding out of my heart constantly constantly and I am staining everything and everyone
And I keep bleeding and keep wondering why everyone is always greeting me with a wince, angling themselves to avoid the worst of my mess, and leaving pulling wet and ruined shirts away from their bodies
and I keep wondering why I always feel a little empty on the inside
And I have to keep reminding myself it’s because you’re bleeding yoire bleeding you’re bleeding and there’s a special place where it all goes which is down the drain when they wash the red from their hands and you cant forget that you are just too much. You’re bleeding out of your heart all the time and you’re ruining everyone’s clothes
And I’m trying I swear. I’m trying to pull away from hugs faster and make only the lightest touches. Im trying to stay inside in my room where the only things I can ruin are my own sheets, and certainly no one cares if I stain those. I’m still marred by my own impermanence and unimportance and I just get desperate sometimes and you're always cold when your insides keep seeping out of your like they also just can't wait to get away
I guess nothing was meant to stay by my side
n.
#no beta we die like men#a cutie from the notes app 2nite#idk#i just feel like i am not fit for any person and all i ever do is make things worse with an overwhelming and unwelcome presence#sigh#maybe im just tired#maybe im just insane#maybe maybe#lololol#if i clawed at the wrists of every person who tried to leave me and made them bleed as deeply as i do#do you think theyd stay then?#wow ok why do i think evil things sometimes girl wtf#that was psycho and you know it#UGH#and you know what#i think shit like this as if im not a dirty rotten coward#who leaves bloody footprints in her wake as she runs away so she doesn't have to see herself in the reflection of anyones eyes#like bruh#can i like colleen ballinger apology song myself back into feeling loved#do i even know what that feels like?#do i want to know?#what if it goes away#what if im never loved again#UGHHHHH ok tags over I have CLEARLY been awake too long and have too many regrets for a 140 character limit
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was talking with a friend about how some of dunmeshi fаndom misunderstands kabru's initial feelings towards laios.
to sum up kabru's situation via a self-contained modernized metaphor:
kabru is like a guy who lost his entire family in a highly traumatic car accident. years later he joins a discord server and takes note of laios, another server member who seems interesting, so they start chatting. then laios reveals his special interest and favorite movie of all time is David Cronenberg's Crash (1996), and invites kabru to go watch a demolition derby with him
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#kabru#kabru already added laios as a discord friend. everyone else in the server can see laios excitedly asking kabru to go with him#what would You even Do in this situation. how would YOU feel?#basically: kabru isnt a laios-hater! hes just in shock bc Thats His Trauma. the key part is kabru still says yes#bc he wants to get to know laios. to understand why laios would be so fascinated by something horrific to him#and ALSO bc even while in shock kabru can still tell laios has unique expertise + knowledge that Could be used for Good#even if kabru doesnt fully trust laios yet (bc kabru just started talking to the guy 2 hours ago. they barely know each other)#kabru also understands that getting to know ppl (esp laios) means having to get to know their passions. even if it triggers his trauma here#but thats too much to fit in this metaphor/analogy. this is NOT an AU! its not supposed to cover everything abt kabru or laios' character!#its a self-contained metaphor written Specifically to be more easily relatable+thus easy to understand for general ppl online#(ie. assumed discord users. hence why i said (a non-specific) 'discord server' and not something specific like 'car repair subreddit')#its for ppl who mightve not fully grasped kabru's character+intentions and think hes being mean/'chaotic'/murderous.#to place ppl in kabru's shoes in an emotionally similar situation thats more possible/grounded in irl experiences and contexts.#and also for the movie punchline#mynn.txt#dm text#crossposting my tweets onto here since my friends suggested so
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Yeah, Kris is definitely NOT alright.
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
#undertale#deltarune#utdr#crossover#crossover comic#undertale fanart#deltarune fanart#twin runes#twin runes comic#twin runes au#kris dreemurr#frisk#and we arrived at the breaking point#i know the last pages have been very depresso but i swear once this arc is over we'll get right back on track with the funnies#but first we have to deal with some DRAMA#imagine what it would be like if some otherworldly entity took over your body#and suddenly you start making friends and patching up old friendships#Something even your mother is proud of you for#even though it's not YOU doing that#you'd feel like people don't like YOU but only that parasite in your body#because without it you're just that creepy kid next door#you'd feel like the world would be better without you#at least that's what Kris must be feeling right now#i DO wonder what's up with this cave though#it clearly is NOT the exit#and what's with those markings outside and inside the cave?#hmmmmm
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sometimes while i think about that while a lot of adults did not treat me very well as a kid i also get a lot of 'in hindsight this person was so good to me and i didnt even realize it until now' as an adult. today i was thinking about how the first anime convention i ever went to was when i was 10 and i asked the man working the manga cafe what manga was/what a good place to start was (because the con was very overstimulating for me and i had gotten lost) and he asked how old i was before recommending yotsuba and asking if i wanted any water or something to eat. its really simple but theres a lot of bad things that couldve happened or he could've been careless in his recommendation, but instead yotsuba has remained one of my favorite manga for years, and probably a large portion of why i continue to read manga as an adult... i think adults who try to involve kids in the world safely/kindly even in little ways make so much more of a difference than they ever really know.
#and i know that sounds silly like YES. it was just a bookr ecommendation#but i feel like a lot of people either dont really care about whats a good starting point for younger kids in their shared fan spaces#or dont really take the care to recognize different peoples ages would effect what they would both enjoy or#be capable of engaging with#not to mention theres a lot of manga that would NOT have been appropriate for a 10 year old to read#so the fact that he askedd and even asked what sort of thing i liked at the time#was very sweet. i think about him a lot and i hope hes doing well#txt#scratchpost
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bitches will be like "oh yeah your heart beats really hard and you breathe faster, and you get, like, butterflies in your stomach" when you ask them what a crush is like no fam that is a panic attack
#aromantic#aromantism#arospec#let me tell you I got so confused when people described it to me#Like what do butterflies in your stomach even feel like#How do you know how to describe it like that#aroace#aro problems#I would like to preface that I do not genuinely think crushes are panic attacks#aro pride#aromanticism#queer pride#lgbtqia#lgbt pride
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makes me a little sad when star trek ignores IDIC. like. vulcans are logical. that is true. But 'logical', for vulcans, does not amount to 'without compassion,' and it definitely doesn't amount to 'racial superiority.' Belief in 'infinite diversity in infinite combinations' should NOT result in the weird racist/speciest stuff we're getting in some of the newer treks. It does make sense that some vulcans are discriminatory. They're still flawed. But that should not be common or expected, like it seems to be in SNW. If it is, then it's a race of hypocrites, which. doesn't seem very true to Star Trek's message.
I think TOS Spock does a pretty good job of embodying this. Not always, it was the 60s, after all, but mostly. He was often trying to find non-violent routes, and get by without killing - even if they were in danger or had already been attacked. (See: the mugato, and the horta (until Kirk was the one in danger, lmao. t'hy'la > IDIC), the Gorn ship). Kirk, in his eulogy, calls him the most human soul he's ever known, and I've always read that as Kirk calling out Spock's overwhelming compassion.
It's just so much more interesting when Vulcans get to be radically compassionate. I want them to believe that everything and everyone has value. I want them to respect all ways of being. I want them to find ways for even very non-humanoid aliens to exist unfettered in society. I want them to see hybrids and think that it's amazing. Also, like, disability rep. I want Vulcans to have The Most Accessible Planet and available resources because they want everyone to feel accepted and valued. It makes for better characters and more interesting stories.
#tbh feels like some weird racist/misogynistic enlightenment-era philosophy coming through when they do that. y'know?#like 'oooh if you're fully logical you're BETTER than those who have EMOTIONS like WOMEN do'.#and the paramount execs are eating it up like 'yesss logic means being an ASS to people LESS LOGICAL than you!'.#like really guys. c'mon#like it makes sense in TAS that spock would get bullied by some kids. kids bully. that's common. makes sense that even vulcan kids bully#but if ADULTS are OFTEN doubting spock because he's half-human? that just kinda sucks. if i may it's even illogical#IDIC for me but not for thee type thing.#i think that being discriminatory should be a source of shame on a vulcan's house.#i think vulcans should adore learning about other cultures#star trek#vulcan#star trek vulcan#vulcans#vulcan culture#spock#star trek tos#tos#star trek the original series#sorry for my lack of mention of other major vulcan characters. I am so so behind in my star trek watching.#from what i've heard tuvok is also a good example. i know next to nothing about t'pol so couldn't say for her.
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Edwin after the confession is a menace
Bonus Charles being normal about it:
#payneland#edwin x charles#dead boy detectives#dbda#give a man a warning Edwin smh#what is he doing anyway? is it on purpose? he just can't help himself now thta he accepted his feelings? he just likes saying it?#not even he know methinks#honestly charles should hear how loved he is often#i think edwin would agree#also I think it would be funny if they had to deal with a specific kind of creature at least once a year#i picked the church grim because there truly are a lot of stories about them#and it felt fitting
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YOU MANIFESTED THE TWEEL CARDS CONGRATS
YOU'RE WELCOME EVERYBODY!
seriously though I was probably like. 60-80% thinking we'd get at least one tweel for chapter 10. but I was NOT expecting it so soon! both of 'em! in August! a shame we're not getting a Coral Sea event after all...but I guess I can be resigned to that and ALSO excited for getting shiny sparkly glowing(!!!!) mertwins along with Azul fighting his inner demons and going right for the eyes! AHHHH I CAN'T WAIT
(also heeeey I recognize that rowboat... 👀)
#art#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 10 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 10 spoilers#omg they're real#hey twst as long as you're pandering directly to me#che'nya card for riddle's chapter??????#it's not going to happen. but. WHAT IF#anyway i suppose they could get this one out a bit faster since the tweel sprites already exist#let's hope for a non-ob octozul cameo too! 🤞#as much as i want to see him though i do think it would be extremely funny if his dream were just#everything's the same in the coral sea except he's in human form the entire time#no real reason he just feels like it#chapter 10 though! the hype!#floyd is one of the characters i can't even begin to imagine what his dream might be#(the other one is ace) (i got a couple theories for him but floyd i just have NO idea)#i know it might just be for the diptych but i am VERY intrigued by the implication that the twins might be having the same dream#they're both dreaming about the time they teamed up to ruin some couple's cute rowboat date#and you know what. i believe it.
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class swap design masterpost for convenience (from top to bottom: bard!riz, cleric!gorgug, sorcerer!kristen, barbarian!fig, artificer!adaine, and rogue!fabian)
#dimension 20#fantasy high#fhfy#fhsy#fhjy#riz gukgak#gorgug thistlespring#kristen applebees#figueroth faeth#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#my class swap stuff! oh yeah I think I got a tag for that I'll call that#fh class quangle#gna slowly go back and get that tag on relevant posts too. for organization's sake#even tho I didnt really intend this blog to be that kinda blog lmao. we were all just gonna be out here dealin with that at our own pace#anyways uh! they! u know all the lore for the designs already I put em in tags. but otherwise this also collects like the#color keys kind of for these. mostly the things that change between designs#doing this did make me realise half of these are a Lot more consistent in color keys than the other half lol#like kristen's palette stays pretty much the same. and fabian's. the hit's mostly in the construction#a lot of this is overall like an exercise in remembering what high schoolers would actually wear and how to work in Costume pieces#on this point at least I straight up have No relevant recollection lmao all the basic education establishments I went to have uniforms#and outside of school I was. well kind of a shorts and tee guy. so#on that topic I feel like fabian's is the furthest stretch lmao. like if a guy in high school wears the same bright yellow raincoat#to school every day that's like. people would Not like that guy. fabian really is saved by being cute and a rogue#he will still have stans when he's deep in his fishing arc in junior year he's the manic pixie dream bf#anyways uh. things to do! stuff to get done. sleep first tho. have a good night lads#I have not caught new nsbu yet! seems I mostly catch them like two to three days late nowadays.#so please uhh. don't reply on my posts with nsbu spoilers? we are all excited and having fun but that's rude#ok thank u. signing off for the day have a good night#!!
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fake dating au where shuro ends up pretending to go out with laios in order to secure his inheritance.... but is it really what he wants? a journey of romance and self discovery that ill never ever write
#i imagine some political intrigue too but frankly i dont know enough#not pictured: marcille and co losing their fucking minds becos laios what were u THINKING#shuro#nakamoto toshiro#laios touden#laishuro#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#art#maizuru#i imagine shuro also doesnt want to win his succession with something so. underhanded and untrue lmao.#and then when it DOES become true... well does he even want it really 😭#i feel like hed still end up doing it but at least hes actually examined his own wants etc#delicious in dungeon
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i wouldn't have met you
#guess whats stuck in my head now#i actually havent caught onto any shows or series for several years and to follow up this one i think has been really pleasant#and painful#its been really nice to see closure for simon hes such an old man skrunkle#i dont even watch a lot of AT in the past but i do know enough to feel that pain like Man i almost forgot shows can be Worth it#fionna the human#fionna campbell#cake the cat#simon petrikov#and a tiny dash of#winter king#qiiarts#fionna and cake#adventure time
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Lan Wangji goes to Lotus Pier (No relation to the AU of the same name)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#wei wuxian#Another split type comic because I decided to be ambitious.#This flashback is currently beating my ass. There are so many timeskips within the flashback! My flow and pacing are wheezing!#I loved how this scene starts with the crowd's point of view. The observations and gossip add a lot.#And it helps reposition us to what the external perspective is on these two. Namely that 'they don't get along.'#Tensions are known! Even here in Nouveau Lotus Pier.#Ah...Lan Wangji never got a chance to see the Lotus Pier of Wei Wuxian's childhood and adolescence...did he?#It's not the same. He's not the same. Call them by the same name and people will know what you mean...#...but the first version - the one with the fond memories - is gone for good.#It's sort of interesting isn't it? How names can hold so much power and still be hollow?#We often get stuck over past versions of things. Be it ourselves or other people or places.#Change is scary but the truth is nothing ever stays the same. It's always moving. You're always moving.#It's okay to mourn the past. Maybe it's people you lost or the person you hoped to be. Let yourself feel the grief.#And then? Then you grow around that pain and keep on going. If you feel like you can't - remember you don't have to do it alone.#A side note: Listening to the tossing flowers extra is so essential for this scene. It's cute and gives us more of [redacted]#What's [redacted]? You'll see in the next comic!
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on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as 'masturbatory' because even though it's an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it's impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance
#it's such an ugly word but like. self-pleasure is good‚ actually#it's good to know yourself and what you like and lovingly treat yourself to it!#like similarly 'meretricious' is extremely tempting if you ignore the underlying metaphor#but. hard to.#language#and quite frankly i think people who whip out 'masturbatory' in this sneering sort of way#are leveraging‚ if we're honest with ourselves‚ a particular framing of it as a gross thing that boys do#because like. when have you ever heard a *woman's* self-indulgent art described as masturbatory#like don't get me wrong we absolutely still dismiss it! but we dismiss it in other ways#that are usually about how embarrassing her *yearning* is#and so even our sneering is reinforcing an idea that men Act whereas women Feel#anyway this was prompted by some things but i shoved it in the queue so now i forget what lol#so here you are getting some contextless thoughts on the use of 'masturbatory' as sneering dismissive assessment!#just what you were hoping for i'm sure :)
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i'm in one of those phases where i really wish i believed in manifesting and spellcasting and things like that bc you know when you want something so bad you're literally praying for the universe to let it happen
#ramble#this is not me judging by the way i think it's cool as fuck i just don't do it personally#context: a lot of my 'dream jobs' are now just 'ways to make money that i might not absolutely hate'#but i have one (1) legit dream job and it's literally FINGERTIPS away from me right now#i feel like most people who know me can guess what it is and know how badly i want it#i'm not even letting myself daydream about it or talk about it too much because i'm so afraid of not getting it and being disappointed#and also i don't want to like. jinx it#i've tried so many times before but this is the closest i've ever been and i feel SICK i want to bite something
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look i really don't think confessions is going to be canon queer eddie but i don't think it needs to be because well. just for a moment. imagine eddie looking at buck for the first time after letting shannon go for good. imagine ryan guzman as eddie diaz looking at oliver stark as evan buckley for the first time after letting his wife rest finally. imagine it.
#sami rambles#it's literally going to change me as a person i can feel it#like even if it's not A Moment i know ryan's making A Choice with it#it's going to fucking ruin me#what do you mean eddie's going to work through the one thing that's haunted him ever since he's known buck what do you mean#911 show#eddie diaz#evan buckley#buck x eddie#buddie#911 spec
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would love to see any drawings/ur design on jeremy fizgerald (if u have any)!! /nf
Been working on a design, can tell me what yall think!
#ask reply#I want to draw Jeremy so bad you guys don’t even know#I’ve been sorta iffy cause I feel like both in the games and maybe the movie of fnaf#we’re about to get a clear idea of what Jeremy actually looks like#so I’ve been semi hesitant to do any design cause it might change literally next week or month#but this is what I have down for him so far#nothing concrete but wanted him to carry the silly vibe most peeps give him#I feel like he needs to be more 80s BAHA#jeremy fitzgerald
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