#disability love

[alex2xander]

Shout out to all the tumblr users dealing with daily fatigue and severe depression.

Respect to those who have medium and high support needs who need assistance with bodily functions.

Love to those who cannot safely leave their bedrooms or home due to the pandemic and lack of societal support.

Care to those who spend the majority of their life online because this is the only way they can socialize with the outside world

There are so many of us trying to make it day to day. I love you and you're not alone in this.

I love you people who have to be carried, lifted, or escorted in mobility aids to do daily living tasks

I love you people who depend entirely on your cariers and personal aids for every function

I love you people who haven't been able to shower in over a week and therefore have tangled or matted hair and body odour

I love you people who have been wearing the same clothes for over a week

I love you people who dont have the energy to get out of bed to use the bathroom and need to use diapers or a bed pan

I love you people who havent been able to cook their own meal in months

I love you people who have piles of dirty clothes and trash scattered around their room

I love you people who uncontrollably drool on yourself and your property

I love you people who have slowly lost mobility and function over time and are adjusting to their new life

[thedisablednaturalist]

Kinda fucked up that we all coo and sympathize with "former gifted kids" but never talk about the students who had to stay late after school or over the summer for remedial classes/clubs, who struggled to get above a C, who were given up on or punished. Who tried so hard to understand or just couldn't. Who were grouped with the "stupid kids" (a classmate called us that in remedial math btw)

Autistic kids and adhders who can't relate to their gifted peers and are constantly alienated by them. Kids who struggled in school due to dealing with a chronic or mental illness or physical/learning/developmental disability. Those of us who have had to drop out of highschool or college. Kids who worked so hard and wanted to be seen as smart, but never were. Who watched as their peers seem to fly by them in school, while they were left behind. Who were bullied and put down by those in the gifted and honors classes. Whose confidence was absolutely destroyed by education.

I love you all and I'm so sorry the school system failed you. I'm sorry you weren't properly accommodated and given the education you deserved. I'm sorry people put you down for something that they never had to fight for.

[post-grammatic-stress]

If you've ever told a person who's had to be bedbound for a period of time that you wish you could "just stay in bed", DO IT.

Stay in bed. For days. But don't get up if someone needs you to, or you get bored, or you get antsy. Don't do anything other than rest. Just lie in your bed, whether you need to get stuff done around the house or socialize or anything else "productive". You'll have to cancel on people, you'll disappoint them, they won't understand.

And if you're thinking, "well, i CAN'T just be in bed. There's stuff that has to be done - I have plans", maybe ask yourself why you assumed a disabled person doesn't have plans or things to do or desires.

[canonkiller]

but you can't keep holding on like this.

[leyllethecreator]

Random Questions with Your OCs

Question #2: How often are you supposed to shower and change your clothes?

***

Leia: Like once a day. When you get home from school you shower and put on clean clothes. If you go anywhere else after that or get nasty you should shower again before putting on your pajamas, definitely.

Riley: I shower like three times a day. Once in the morning before school, once after my workouts and again right before I go to bed.

Alicia: Like two or three times a w- (sees Kattar glowering at her) day? okay nobody in their right mind showers three times in one day. And if you don't get sweaty it's just a waste of resources to change your clothes too often.

Kattar: I will tolerate you wearing the same pair of jeans for two, MAYBE even three days in a row if I have to. But showers should be twice DAILY. Bed linen should be changed every two days. The house should be vacuumed and bathrooms should be cleaned every two days, minimum.

Alicia: nobody asked about the linen…

Kattar: laundry should be washed three times a week. And yes, you're supposed to fold things before you put them in the hamper.

Dominic: I shower twice a day, once before work, and once when I get home from work and change into my lounge wear. I don't tend to go back out in the evenings most nights of the week, but on nights I have book club or go out with friends, I'll change into something nicer than what I wear to work at the store, so when I come home, I usually don't shower a third time, but I do wash my feet. I'll often rewear the same work clothes twice in a row, and then new clothes. Since I only go out for leisure once or twice a week, I usually don't rewear those clothes, no matter how comparatively clean they were when I took them off because I don't like putting back on clothes I've had laying around for more than two days.

Essence: I shower twice a day. In the morning before work and again before bed. I change my clothes everyday, but I usually only wear one outfit a day. Working as an editor doesn't dirty my clothes, so there's no need.

[salt-baby]

yes, doctors suck, but also "the medical ethics and patient interaction training doctors receive reinforces ableism" and "the hyper competitive medical school application process roots out the poor, the disabled, and those who would diversify the field" and "anti-establishment sentiment gets applications rejected and promotions requests denied, weeding out the doctors on our side" and "the gruesome nature of the job and the complete lack of mental health support for medical practitioners breeds apathy towards patients" and "insurance companies often define treatment solely on a cost-analysis basis" and "doctors take on such overwhelming student loan debt they have no choice but to pursue high paying jobs at the expense of their morals" are all also true

none of this absolves doctors of the truly horrendous things they say and do to patients, but it's important to acknowledge that rather than every doctor being coincidentally a bad person, there is something specific about this field and career path that gives rise to such high prevalence of ableist attitudes

and I WILL elaborate happily

[whatcha-thinkin]

Tell your stories in the tags, if you want to share!

[stiffyck]

Good luck during pride month to all the aroaces who are gonna be blasted with "love is love" everywhere

Edit:

This post includes aplatonic people, loveless aros and any other people who fall anywhere on the aro and ace spectrum.

Stop saying "but theres platonic love and familial love-"

[miseria-fortes-viros]

best trope is the one where the character’s godlike power is also killing them btw. they don’t even lift a hand to kill the monster but now they’re delirious with fever. they save a friend’s life and said friend immediately finds them emergency medical care. they raze the enemy to nothing and it takes far too long to find their pulse with all the bruising. their friends just constantly having to patch them up and worrying over which feat will be their last. et cetera

[desultory-suggestions]

Sending love to everyone who has health issues or chronic pain in parts of your body that aren’t usually socially acceptable to talk about. It’s frustrating to feel like you can never explain your pain to someone because it’s TMI and to feel like you have to hide it. Your pain is nothing to be ashamed of. I see you, and I’m sending you support and strength.

[bisexualseraphim]

You know what, fuck it. Let’s show some love for the “unpleasant” autistics.

For the autistics who are always accused of being angry or moody when all they’re doing is sitting there.

For the autistics who take everything literally and respond sincerely.

For the autistics who come across as “blunt” or “rude” for being honest.

For the autistics who are called “control freaks” for needing a sense of order and routine.

For the autistics who get told to shut up for infodumping about uncomfortable topics.

For the autistics who find it too exhausting to mask and pretend to be sunny and friendly.

“Unpleasant” autistics, I love you.

[houstonxbreed]

Me and who??

[vizthedatum]

An apparently unpopular opinion: disabled people can have and do their hobbies. They deserve to have fun. They deserve to live their lives.

Their inability to do some things (like work, for example) does not mean they should be judged for… idk hanging out with their friends or to going outside. After all, having interests outside of work is often essential to our mental and physical health OUTSIDE of our disability.

And also *you might want to sit down for this* disabled people know what’s disabling for them (unless they people-please or push through due to necessity or survival of some sort). Disabilities don’t have to be visible or persistent to be disabling.

So yeah - my declaration: if an activity you want to do feels good and you’re able to do it, then do it. REGARDLESS OF YOUR DISABILITY WITH OTHER THINGS.

[clementimetodie]

recently saw someone's "advice for your 30s" which included something like "never get on the floor without having an escape plan for getting back up" and um. if you are otherwise able bodied and having trouble getting up from the floor in your 30s. you are very unhealthy. yes, even, if not especially, for that age.

[leyllethecreator]

White Hot Sugar

“Can we try those chocolates now?” He asks abruptly, pushing his hair back, “I haven’t had anything but cafeteria food in ages and I’m dying for something that doesn’t taste like boxed pudding and gelatine.”

I hurry to get the box out of my bag and undo the ribbon. Something, maybe a slight movement, maybe a change in his breathing makes me hesitate for a second. I don’t look up, but I become aware that he’s watching me, feel his dark eyes tracing my motions as I remove the velveteen lid with some effort.

At the edge of my peripheral, I can see his expression - too, intent - I try to pretend I don’t, making a show of selecting a bonbon with two fingers, unreasonably embarrassed. My face flashes red and white like a siren.

I’ve taken one bite when Kattar scares me half to death - saying suddenly - “Wait! Is that the goober nougat?! I want that one!”

“I already took a bite out of it,” I stammer, somewhere between annoyed and disconcerted.

“Don’t care.”

I surrender the half-eaten bonbon but feel the need to add, as a last, exasperated complaint “It’s just a glorified peanut butter cup.”

Kattar smiles impishly, self-satisfied, a brilliant flush blooming in his cheeks as he pops the bonbon into his mouth, watching my face the whole time.

I shake my head and select another, rolling it over at my fingertips. I lock eyes with him. That same expression. I try to meet his gaze - ask nonchalantly, jokingly:

“Am I allowed to eat this one?

He smiles his roguish grin, and any attempt at maintaining my heart rate evaporates.

His eyes flash, taunting me,

“We’ll see.”

(Read "Damsel in the Red Dress" on Tapas)

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.